What's Your Sex IQ? w/ Emily Morse

Podcast legend and Sex with Emily host EMILY MORSE joins Heather to discuss body counts, cyber cheating, the wonders of lubrication, AND MUCH MORE!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Let's talk with Heather. Do road starts now?

Speaker 2 (00:05):
Well?

Speaker 3 (00:06):
I met today's guest at a party at Kathy Hilton's house, obviously,
as one does, and we instantly hit it off. Emily
Morris is the host of Sex with Emily, one of
the longest running and most downloaded sex and relationship podcasts
in the world. But today we're going to go beyond
the bedroom. We're going to talk about sex through every
season of life because I'm dying to know how you
feel about old people sex. We're going to talk about

(00:26):
raising sex positive kids. My kids tell me way too much.

Speaker 1 (00:30):
By the way, the.

Speaker 3 (00:32):
Conversations we were afraid to have growing up, or our
parents didn't want to have, our kids are already having that.

Speaker 1 (00:38):
I just find it all so fascinating. It's amazing. Please
welcome Emily Morris.

Speaker 2 (00:42):
So glad to be hi.

Speaker 1 (00:44):
Hi, Heather, I love you.

Speaker 3 (00:47):
At the moment I met you at Kathy's house, I
just felt like, oh, why haven't we been friends?

Speaker 2 (00:52):
I felt the same way. I was like, this is it.
Let's just continue. Why are we talk? Why are we
doing stuff? Why are we hanging out?

Speaker 1 (00:57):
Where we are? Now?

Speaker 2 (00:57):
We are?

Speaker 3 (00:58):
We're going to do it all right? So for people
that have been living under a rock and don't know you,
I mean, you've been doing this for a long time.
I mean lifetime podcasting for ten years. You've been podcasting
for twenty plus years. I mean literally maybe the og
female podcaster. I can't even think of anyone that was
doing it before you.

Speaker 2 (01:17):
I don't know if anyone has, no, not many, no, no.

Speaker 1 (01:20):
And the taboo subject of sex. So give us kind of.

Speaker 2 (01:24):
Like, yeah, what happened?

Speaker 1 (01:26):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (01:27):
So yeah, like two, I'd say exactly exactly. These are
the top questions that I get as so two thousand
and five, starting a podcast which no one knows where
it was, water or anything water, Okay, Starting a podcast
in two thousand and five, which no one knows what
podcast is, and talking about sex which no one talks
about was a journey. Yeah, But it wasn't because I
was like, I'm gonna do something that's really out there
and crazy. It was more like, I'm I'm in my thirties.

(01:50):
Sex wasn't so great. It was great for a while,
and then it wouldn't be great, And I went looking
for information about how do you have sex that's last,
that that goes the distance in a long term relationship.
How do you even have great text? Like why is
my partner always having an orgasm? I'm not like, what
is to deal with it? When I started looking for answers,
there was nothing out there. There was like doctor Ruth,
May she Rest in Peace? And there was like what

(02:12):
Kinsey Institute and just not much. And there was love
Line but nothing. Sisters, Yeah, fantastic, but like not a lot.
So I really just thought, why don't I start doing
a documentary about podcasting, because That's where I'd worked before
I was a documentary filmmaker. I worked in peltics anyway,
and then one day I read this thing about podcasting.
I was like, oh my god, I can talk to

(02:32):
people without a camera. I don't if we wear makeup,
and I can just talk to them about deep would
now look at us?

Speaker 3 (02:37):
Now look now I am.

Speaker 2 (02:41):
I'm like, Jesus, I get it. But then I thought, well,
you can have the anonymity, and I just started talking
to people, inviting people over. I'd like I lived in
San Francisco at the time, and I just started interviewing
people about their real stories, about their sex, lives, their relationships, dating, love,
And then I went back to I was not the expert.
I was just I was just talking to people and
try to figure it out. And I realize this is

(03:02):
my life's work. I want to be better at sex.
I want other people to feel more comfortable talking about sex.
I went back to grad school, I got a doctor
in human sexuality. And now it's twenty years later and
the podcast is still going. Like it's been twenty years.
But I have a lot of other things that I
do now. I'm a membership and I my YouTube channel,
I have products and all the things. But I still
feel like I love helping people get feel less shameful

(03:23):
and have more pleasure, end a story and have my
audiences always been men, which I think is so interesting
because people are like, oh, tell y'all. Women are like no, no, no.
The guys are common to me because they don't know.
They're not like we're talking to friends at least, like right,
I was like, I don't know, I feel bad, my
penis didn't work last night.

Speaker 1 (03:37):
What do I do? What do I doing? They're not
hanging out in the locker room having those conversationshow.

Speaker 2 (03:40):
They're just hanging a lot room shaming themselves about their
penis not being big enough.

Speaker 3 (03:44):
There is there like so much pressure on you to
be great in bed though, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (03:48):
There is, that's a lot.

Speaker 2 (03:49):
Can you imagine that's the thing. People are there, guys
intimidate to date you. I'm like, what about me? I
got to bring it home every time? Like if you're
like a great chef, sometimes you want to microwave dinner, right?
Could I ever just be like I'm phony a quickie man,
exact girl, like dog, we've got six minutes. I know
what to do to get up. So yeah, but yeah,
there's there's a lot of pressure all around. But also

(04:11):
I've been doing it, so I know what to do now,
Like I know how to talk about it, and I
don't have shame about that. So I guess in many ways,
I do practice what I preach, like if I'm not
into it, or I know what I need to be
into it, or I know how to say, hey, not tonight.
But here's why, so someone doesn't get so upset about it.
I mean, sex could becomes so complicated in relationships because
we don't talk about it. I mean mostly what I

(04:33):
do is help people feel less shame about talking about it. So,
like I always say, communication is lubrication talking about it
makes it a whole lot easier.

Speaker 1 (04:42):
It's so funny.

Speaker 3 (04:43):
I have a very distinct memory of sitting at my
friend's wedding and this other girlfriend of ours. We all
went to college together, so we were I was probably
I don't know, twenty eight ish thirty, I don't remember
around that all the same, and one of the girls
at the table was saying that her mom gave her
the best advice.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
She goes, Honey, if they want sex, just do it.
It doesn't it just it.

Speaker 3 (05:08):
Takes, you know, so short a period of time. Just
do it and get it over because they'll be happy.

Speaker 1 (05:14):
And we're all like, write good advice. This is great advice.

Speaker 3 (05:18):
Fuck that are you kidding me? That was not good,
But at the time it made so much sense to me.
And I will tell you I didn't revisit that thought
until just a few years ago. And I've been with
my husband twenty eight years and a few years ago
I was thinking, huh, that was such great advice.

Speaker 2 (05:37):
So what did you do from there?

Speaker 1 (05:38):
Did you?

Speaker 2 (05:38):
How did it switch for you? We were like, oh, yeah,
I'm not just gonna take one for the team, like
I'm gonna figure out.

Speaker 3 (05:42):
I think it's been menopause, and which is one of
the things I really want to talk about with my
younger audience that listens, because no one ever talked about
menopause with us. I think you were probably the same
way taboo. And even if I asked my mother now,
she wouldn't remember.

Speaker 2 (05:57):
It's like name, my mom doesn't remember that at all,
such a thing.

Speaker 3 (06:00):
But I have found because we have luckily always had
a great relationship, great sexual relationship.

Speaker 1 (06:06):
And look, no relationship is perfect.

Speaker 3 (06:10):
You go through ebbs and flows when your kids are little,
or you just had a baby or whatever whatever it
is you know, or someone stressed. You know, you go
through all that stuff, but in general, really good. Not
a lot of complaints here. But this menopause thing has
kicked my ass and everyone's ass. And then I felt guilty, like,
you know what, it's not you. Well maybe it's you tonight,

(06:31):
but it's not right.

Speaker 1 (06:32):
You know, it's me.

Speaker 3 (06:33):
But I don't want to feel bad and be like, oh,
it's me and I'm sorry, Like that's not okay either.
But you know, Terry, I think probably partially because he's
a doctor and can really understand and evaluate these things,
and also just the kind of guy he is, you know,
completely gets it, but you still do feel guilty and
you feel shame and all the things. But what I

(06:55):
found was, and I think you kind of just touched
on this, you know, you said, what.

Speaker 1 (07:00):
Did you say is lubrication? You communication, mudication is lubrication.

Speaker 3 (07:04):
So what I found was we were going through this
kind of very thing, I mean maybe three weeks ago,
and I just was like, yeah no, even though mentally
I really wanted to do my body was like hell no. Anyway,
we started just chatting, love it in bed and just
chatting and talking and all the things, and one thing
turned another and it was like a fantastic experience. But
it would never have happened if we hadn't just started

(07:28):
talking and being open and you know all things.

Speaker 2 (07:30):
Yeah no, it's I love this.

Speaker 1 (07:32):
Well.

Speaker 2 (07:32):
First off, going back to what you said about just
take over the team, just do it, like we always say,
happy wife, happy life. But then you're like, wait, no,
the sex advice was just do it, go go down
and make it happen and then he'll be fine. But
that's totally disregarding women actually saying like what do I
actually want? Because if women enjoyed sex, more and learned
how to ask what they want, knew what felt good

(07:53):
to them, knew what times a month felt good to them,
what kind of sex they wanted to have. Everyone would
be happy. But all the simple information about female sexuality
and even male sexuality has been largely untrue, not really studied,
and we've and then now you've the young people is
watching porn, assuming that's how sex happens. So to your
point now, taking I think at any age, because even

(08:14):
after kids, women are like, you don't want to have sex,
but then you feel guilty or the doctor tells you
you're good to go in six weeks, which is never
the case for any woman. No, like how about six
months maybe, So there's always all this pressure on women.
So I think the big thing is like when when
it feels good for us, it'll feel good for everyone else.
But just saying like I'm just gonna turn around and

(08:35):
do dog stall or get it over with isn't fair
for us because sex can be really pleasurable. And so
to give you example, what I learned about sex and
what most people feel about sex is like, okay, penetration
is where the magic happens. We should just have the
quick sex. But for most women, they're not gonna have
an orgasm from anything to do with the penis at all. Like,
no matter what your age, no matter if paramount of
pause or anything, your body might not work that way.

(08:58):
You might require a mouth or to our fingers. And
so just knowing that and being like learning to say no,
I needed to go down to me for twenty minutes,
and then maybe we can talk about having sex or
just being able to advocate for where we have pleasure.
And again, our bodies change all different times. So I
think that the big thing is and then being the
partner who's willing to talk about it, because when you
can actually talk about it, because most couples are like

(09:20):
are we at this is their sex conversations, like are
we going to have sex? We're not having enough sex?
When will we have it again? There's always someone who
wants it high desire partner and a low desire partner,
and that's just going to happen every relationship. But the
media part is like, we actually feels good to us?
What are your fantasies, what are your turn ons? What
time of day does it feel good? What positions feel good?

Speaker 1 (09:40):
Like?

Speaker 2 (09:40):
We just so those are the kind of conversations start
having now no matter what your age like, no matter
where you're at, and then yeah, you go through menopause,
your hormones change, and then it feels every our bodies
feel different. Our desire what you're talking about, like, once
you start doing it, it might feel great, but then
even just getting the desires that want to want to sex,

(10:01):
So then how do you get there? And once you
start doing it, then you feel better. But you know,
just understanding that with your partner and being able to
say not tonight and here is why. That's the other thing.
A lot of times we reject our partners, but then
we don't.

Speaker 1 (10:13):
Tell me why and they just feel bad.

Speaker 2 (10:15):
Then they feel them Yes.

Speaker 3 (10:20):
The other thing is I think, you know, I always
like say things like, you know, you teach people how
to treat you. Right, So I'm talking to like my
eighteen year old daughter and We're talking about something that's
going on in her life, and I'm saying, well, you're
teaching this person that that's okay by just not saying
anything about it. So maybe you don't want to deal
with it, but you have to know that that's the

(10:40):
way this relationship is going to be from now, and
I think the same thing is with sex, so like
I think especially not I don't remember because it's been
one hundred years since I had a new partner, right,
But what I do remember is, you know, at first,
you want to be all sexy and you don't want
to be problematic, and you don't want to take too
long to orgasm. Ros why we feel bad? And so
then you fake it and then all of a sudden
you're teaching this partner that this is all okay, and

(11:04):
then you wonder why they don't want to have four play.

Speaker 1 (11:07):
For an hour or you know, just you know.

Speaker 2 (11:10):
That is exactly it has it right where I did
the same thing. That's why I woke up in my thirties.
I'm like, I'm a strong, smart woman. I have my
own business, I have my own career. You know, I'm
like for women's rights and I care about all these things.
But yeah, with sex, it's the one area of my life.
But I'm just like faking orgasms, pretending that it looks good.
I'm moving my back in all the ways that I
think you're sexy. I'm like, this just doesn't feel right.

(11:31):
It's not congruent with other parts of my life. So yeah,
we're all doing it, but it's only because we were
never told that, like, actually spend time master mating. Do
it for like your own self, your own pleasure, what
feels good to you, What do you actually like? Like
I'm telling you, I think that our male partners are
any partners we're with, they want to please us, like
they want to be good lovers to us. But since

(11:53):
we've been just kind of going along with the program,
they don't either. And then they get yes, we all
get lazy, lazy, You're right, they're like, well, this is
what you work before us.

Speaker 1 (12:01):
You think men or women are lazier in bed in general?
Is that a thing?

Speaker 2 (12:05):
I think it is a thing. But to find lazy, like,
I think we just get bored and we know what works,
or we're we're hurried and we just want to get
over with. I don't think it's either. I don't think
it's either or. But I do think men, well maybe
because men always know they're going to have an orgasm,
Like there's an orgasm gap, and that is a problem.
Men orgasm. Men will orgasm ninety nine percent of the time.
Do you know women orgasms? It's not one hundred no,

(12:27):
it's probably a hundred, but I'm giving them like a
give or take, like a one percent.

Speaker 1 (12:30):
I think it's one hundred. Yes, someone drank too much,
but I think it's a hundred.

Speaker 2 (12:34):
They know how to get there, but women aren't, and
that's part of the gap. The other part of the
gap is that men can orgasm between six and nine
minutes and women are between twenty and forty minutes. So
that's already a problem that we have to close that
chasm there. And so it's more like if I could
just and if you're a young woman listening to this,
then you just start today be like, hey, babe, if

(12:54):
you're of a relationship, I just heard I always tell
them to blame me, and I know they've been blaming
me for twenty years, and I'm totally fine with it.
I was listening to Zax with Emily and natherdbrou and
they said, that isn't that interesting? Would you be willing
to go on a journey with me and explore maybe
we don't rush right into penetration, let's start exploring other
ways to play, and like your partner's going to be
down with it. It's like women are afraid of vibrators

(13:14):
because guys are gonna be like that's going to replace me.
I just bring the vibrator into the bedroom and I'll
be like, Okay, you look at this new toy I got.
Let me show how it feels on you, like this
is how I'm gonna use it on me. And they're
like down, Like I think that your partners want you
to be want you to have pleasure as well, and
they want you to be in ecstasy, and they want
all those things. So we just have to kind of
lead them, like you know how it is with them,

(13:35):
lead them there, like show them that you didn't know
before and now you're learning. Will they come with you?
Will you figure out what feels great to you? Because
they're pretty much going to get off anyway.

Speaker 1 (13:42):
So how do you introduce things?

Speaker 3 (13:43):
Because like, I'm going to keep using Tarry because he's
a doctor.

Speaker 2 (13:48):
He's and I know he's open to anything.

Speaker 3 (13:51):
So all right, So my algorithm on Instagram it's like
my remember in the old days, we used to buy
things off the TV at three am, like all the
information infomercials. That's how Instagram is to me and TikTok shop. Okay,
I will like anything they send they sell me all
the past stiff.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
Yeah. So like, I'm really into are you into creatine? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (14:10):
Yes, I just got there. I'm so late with the
creatine good.

Speaker 1 (14:14):
Yeah. So how long have you been taking it?

Speaker 2 (14:16):
I mean like three months?

Speaker 1 (14:17):
It's the best.

Speaker 2 (14:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (14:18):
How much do you take it?

Speaker 2 (14:19):
Just to scoop?

Speaker 1 (14:20):
Like? How many miligrams? Do you have? Any maligrams?

Speaker 2 (14:21):
I don't know that, all right, we'll talk about that there.

Speaker 1 (14:23):
Okay, all right, So they say five a day, I
do two. Okay, I'm not sure.

Speaker 3 (14:28):
I think it might be based on body weight and
you're small, so just look at it.

Speaker 1 (14:32):
But if you can handle five, do the vibe? All right?
It's great anyway.

Speaker 3 (14:36):
Cognitive function, muscles, strength, it's all the things same anyway.
So I was like looking up creatine because I wanted
a vegan one and I wanted no seed oils because
my oldest son's like really crazy about us. So all
I get shown is creatine. Now all I'm shown are
sex products. Okay, because I saw one product and I

(14:59):
can't remember the name of it, I have to I'll
text it to you with a toy. Okay, No, no, no,
it was some cream and you know it's supposed to
enhance orgasms or whatever it was, and I was like, yeah,
I'm gonna get that.

Speaker 1 (15:09):
So now I'm being shown like all the.

Speaker 3 (15:12):
Things I remember years ago. I tried, what's the one
that's thc oh? Yeah, four ya fouria.

Speaker 1 (15:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (15:18):
I hope you're not represented by them because to me,
it don't work.

Speaker 1 (15:21):
Work. Yeah. I don't want my vage smelling like pot.

Speaker 2 (15:26):
Now I watch you some good lubes. So this is so.
There's a company called Playground. I don't know if you've
heard of them. They are amazing.

Speaker 1 (15:33):
You don't have your own line.

Speaker 2 (15:34):
This is a line that I helped the chief sexalogist
on it, and Christina Aguilera is a co founder as well.
And it's like a great brand because let me tell
they came to me. Here's the thing about most sex products.
Most lubricants were made by men for men, Like, hey,
what has ingredients in it? They're like, if you can't
understand the ingredients, you don't want to put it in
your vagina. But Playground is like a facial for your vagina,

(15:55):
has like Ashwaganda, black Cosh, vitamin E and then the
melts are and you like, no one really hasards it
and those are little things you put inside of you
and like suppositories, but they melt and it's higher a
lot of acid, hyerlonic hydrolotic acid. However, you say it
internally for your you know it melts overnight, so what
the building the tissues. So one just a lubricant that

(16:17):
you use during sex.

Speaker 3 (16:18):
By the way, hyaluronic acid is what they put in
fillers for your face.

Speaker 2 (16:21):
So now you put it in your vagina overnight, so
you wake up in the morning, you put it in
at night, it melts. It just feels I don't know,
just everything softer and it's great for you, like if
you put it on your face. And we've spent so
much time externally, but as we know during menopause midlife
vagina is changing too. Everything's oh, I love this, I
think you're gonna love it. And it came it just

(16:42):
it just came out. But that's not that that The
loub has been around for a bit. It's been wildly
successful because it's just like, finally we're thinking about women's
ingredients and women's it's so.

Speaker 3 (16:51):
Good because I also think for many women and when
I talk to my friends who are like I so
am not interested in having sex. But you know, once
you start, like we're talking about, you start getting you know,
you start getting into it.

Speaker 1 (17:03):
But if you're dry, forget it.

Speaker 2 (17:06):
Yeah, you need to use lube every single Like that
is like on my tombstone, Like I don't care if
it's like every Yeah, it's gonna say lube one every
night stand Like that is my dream. It is so
underrated lube. It's like I think it's because I know
it's because we've thought women felt something. If I have
to use a luba, then I'm dry, and then something's

(17:26):
wrong with me, like no matter what age. Because also
side note, you're on the birth control pill, you're on
anything that makes you dry, you're on an anahistamine. It's
going to dry you out. And with our cycles and
our periods, there's certain times a month we're wetter than others,
and so using lube is just a protect it. It's
like sunscreen on a cloudy day, like you don't know
how well you're going to be, and then when you're

(17:46):
not wet enough, that's where you get terrors and STI
so like even your daughter should be using it all
the time. That's why Iott and I've given its all
like my nieces the ages. It's like they use it
now because they get it every and so for men though,
I think that men felt like if I have to
use lube, it probably means that I didn't make her
wet enough and there was something wrong with my penis.

(18:07):
So it was like this shameful thing to bring, like
I better get the lube like in the cabinet under
the bed. But now if you just say I'm going
to use it every time I have sex, just like
a few drops, even if you're masturbating, you're giving a blowjob, hand,
whatever it is, it just helps enhance the situation. And
there was a study by the Kinsey Institute that showed
that when you add lube to any sexual situation, women

(18:28):
are eighty percent more likely to have an orgasm. Really
because it's just guaranteed slipperiness, wetness. There's more if you
think about it. The clitorists of the vulva have twelve
thousand nerve intings. The circumcised penis has four thousand nerve etings.
So we have all these nerve endings internally and externally,
and the lube just helps it become more aroused. Like
think about those nerve writings being stimulated. And when it's slipperier,

(18:50):
it's just wetter is better. So it's a guaranteed level
of slickness that no matter what your age, even post
childbirth or on the birthtoe bill, it'll just help. It's
like a it's like a safety mechanism. So that's why
it's like on my tombstone.

Speaker 3 (19:03):
It's also I mean, you know, because for women it's
so much more mental. Guys, like, you know, once they're
the thumb is up there, they're good, they're in. As
soon as you start kissing, they're they're good. But I
mean for women, this is such a mental game per uson. Look,
the wrong thing can pull you out.

Speaker 2 (19:24):
In a moment, in a second moment. Yeah, it's it's rough.
That's why I talk about this. So I wrote a
book two years ago called Smart Sex, How to Booster
Sex IQ Own Your Pleasure. And when I was writing
the book, what it became what it was about. It
was like, oh, here's my twenty years of knowledge in here,
and here's a chapter on you know, and here's a
chapter on this and that. And then I realized, like,
how do I get people with it? Sex is wellness.

(19:45):
So I came up with sexual intelligence. So these five
pillars of sex IQ and I don't I can get
into them as they're applicable here, but basically, it's like
everything we do in our life is going to impact
our sexual health. The foods we eat, the medications were
on our mental health, like if we have trauma, if
we have you know, or and one of the pillars
is so one of the pillars is health. Obviously it'll

(20:05):
look at like it is because the reason why I
develop these is because most people are like, sex is
just this random thing that I'm not really going to
think about. But I going to close my eyes and
hope for the best. I hope i'll be turned on tonight.
I hope I don't lose my arousal. But if you
look at all these ways that like self confidence, self
knowledge is one of them, and self acceptance is another.
So do I accept my body as it is now?
I know it's changed, I'm not feeling great about it.

Speaker 1 (20:28):
But if we.

Speaker 2 (20:28):
Can work on that, that's going to impact her. Maybe
if we're like I don't want to have sex because
I don't I feel like I've gained some weight, or
I don't feel good in my body. So the sex
IQ framework helps people become their own sex expert. So
it's not just this, I don't want sex. I don't
know why. So I have a quiz people can take
and they can figure out where they're at on their
SEXIQ spectrum, because maybe one of them is collaboration, Like

(20:50):
maybe I'm communicating well with my partner and maybe I
might check my medications. Nothing's impacted me, but oh yeah,
I've been feeling really bad about my body lately, So
what can I do about that? I don't have to
figure out everything out. So it just kind of helps
you become your own sex expert because it's so elusive
why we don't want sex, and if our brain is
the largest sex organ to your point, like, if my

(21:10):
brain isn't on board for it and I'm not gonna
want sex, so what can I do to like reverse engineer?
Like when you are in the mood, what's going on? Well,
I worked out that day, or I felt kecked my partner,
I knew I had a babysitter, the house was empty.
I that it's a big thing, right, Like it's all the things.
So knowing all those factors so it's not so mysterious.

(21:31):
It just it just helps you be like, oh, I
don't have to just hope that I'm going to be
in the mood. And then also hacking your arousal, like
what does turn you on? So I have all these
tools also on my website which is sex with Emily
dot com, and on my app and all these things
that people can take quizzes and be like, what what
was the most memorable time I had sex? You can
talk to your partner about it, saying like, what was
our most memorable sex? What are the three times that

(21:52):
we had sex it was great? Why what was happening
before that? Well? Did we have a glass of wine?
Did we try something new? Did we try a new
lube or a toy? So just getting like thinking about
it in a way that makes it fun. That's why
I'm saying talking about it and getting smart about our
sex lives is just important so we don't feel it's
like a mystery.

Speaker 3 (22:10):
Is there like a starter pack for people like what
should people have in the bedside drawer?

Speaker 2 (22:14):
Okay, obviously a lube, We covered that. It could be
a this is a water basically, but I gave you.
But there's always let me ask you.

Speaker 3 (22:20):
A question about the loop, okay, because I mean, we
don't use condoms. Okay, a lot of people do, but
my memory of lube and condoms is some of them
break down condoms.

Speaker 2 (22:30):
Yes, raycone isn't as great for common, but you can
still use silicon lube with condoms. Just be Silicon lube
with toys isn't great, but you can use a See
why because silicon toys and a silicon lube they could
break each other down. This is not popular. And I'm
going to say this, it's like I've had how it
would take a really long time to break your toy down.
Just make sure that you are washing your toy after

(22:50):
every use. Right, So, but I love a silicone lube
because it lasts longer. It's slipper. And there's another I
want to send this one to you too. It's called
aria air i A and it is the most luxurious,
beautiful bottle that you put on your nightstand that looks
like a perfume bottle and it is just silicone. So

(23:11):
one pump it lasts a lot longer. So those are
the two different kinds of lube you decide. I love
playground because you're actually enhancing your volva. And I like
silicon lube because it lasts a lot longer. You can
also use it with condoms. So have a lube. And
those are ones of pump ones, a flip top, and
I'm gonna send you a bottle. I'll see you right.
We're gonna get together after this, so I'm gonna bring

(23:33):
you aria and then have a toy, have a little
handheld toy. I love anything by Jesu, Olelo l E
l O or I have a toy on my site.
Also go to shop with Emily or shop sex with Emily.
There is my favorite toys on my website. We send
them all out. But it's like a silicon toy that

(23:54):
could be shaped like a like an egg or like
a skipping stone. You know, it doesn't have People often
think that toys are like this huge thing, huge thing,
it's gonna replace their part. No, like just remember our
bodies are covered in nerve ratings that feel great when stimulated.
Penis is like them too, So just like a little
handheld vibrator that vibrates at different levels. I love anything

(24:14):
by Jesu or Laylow again, They're all on my site
and have a vibrator because they're gonna help rev things up.
You use a little bit of lube and a vibrator
on your clitteris on your pubic mound, and you just
start playing with it. I know that that's always a
shirt or a magic Wand have you ever used a
magic Wand.

Speaker 1 (24:32):
No, I've used the What have you used the Womanizer? Oh? Yeah,
but not.

Speaker 3 (24:36):
There's another one that's like the Womanizer, but it's it
has a different name.

Speaker 2 (24:40):
Yeah, I like the Womanizer. I also like the So
my favorite Womanizer because now everyone knocked off the Womanizer
is the we Vibe makes it. It is called the Melt.
We Vibe and Womanizer got together. They bought each other out,
and they like made a new toy.

Speaker 1 (24:55):
They had a baby.

Speaker 2 (24:56):
The Womanizer and we Vibe two companies that I've worked
with for twenty years.

Speaker 1 (25:00):
A melt.

Speaker 2 (25:01):
It's called the Melt, and the Melt has all that
internal external suction. That's why we love the Womanizer because
it's like it's like sex and the Melt is just
like I've been telling it's probably been out for like
eight years now, and it's just that is the one
that's the game changer. It just sucks that you can
use it in the tub. You can use it it's waterproof,

(25:22):
so that one is amazing, Okay, and you can again
use it on the shaft. Like I feel like men
have been like left out of the sex toy experience.
But even though guys don't need it, they like it
low setting. They like it on their balls, on their shaft,
play around.

Speaker 3 (25:37):
So I would say I have to not to be TMI,
but I need low settings because when they go to
y like I just to me, it's.

Speaker 1 (25:43):
Like not much too much.

Speaker 2 (25:45):
Yeah, that's why you need the settings. These are the
ones I'm recommending are like body safe materials, like yes,
you could buy them off Amazon or whatever, some kinds,
but just be careful. Like when I first started Towy,
there was like there was toys that were not good,
like you didn't want to put them in you have
your vagina blow up. I've been very careful about all
the toys I recommend because you just want to make
sure that they're safe.

Speaker 1 (26:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (26:05):
Yeah, So I would say, I have a loy, have
have a have a loob, have a toy. Have some
wipes by your bed, like some like beautiful wipes that
just to wipe everything up if it gets messy. Have
some fun cards. Also this Aria loob Oh, there's another
company that's great, ar Ya another Aria. They make an
app that you and your partner. It becomes like your

(26:27):
sex coach, like a sex coach that sends you and
your partner little tips every day and you can it
sort of makes it so it's sort of like your
AI sex coach, but it's I was gonna ask you
about that freakin amazing. So you and your partner every
day you get it might seem like too much, but
even five minutes a day, you do an intake quiz,
your partner does an intake quiz. They dis any little

(26:49):
thing and they make it super easy and they're like, oh,
it sounds like you guys would be really into tying
each other up. And then the next week it sends
you a box that's custom made for your sex life
with your partner, like I'll send you a link you
and Terry can do it. And what I love about
that is that every or maybe once a month, you
get a box and it has all of these things
in it.

Speaker 1 (27:08):
It sounds like a job for doctor and missus guinea pig.
I'm just gonna say that right.

Speaker 2 (27:11):
Now now, So are you guys really is that? I will
send you stuff if Missus giddy you or no.

Speaker 1 (27:17):
Yes, that's us.

Speaker 3 (27:18):
We we wrote that was our first book we wrote
together was Doctor and Missus Guinea Pig, where we tried
out all health, wellness and beauty on ourselves. And we
have since, like we've done leech therapy, We've done like
all kinds of stuffings. So we have a little project
we're working on now where we're gonna bring some of
that back. But I think this would be this would
be perfect perfect. My kids will fucking die when I

(27:39):
tell you our TikTok right now, like my TikTok, I've
I've been doing a lot of dances and things with
Terry and they're blowing.

Speaker 1 (27:47):
Up and people love them. My kids are dying. They
think it's the cringiest thing. But we'll try it.

Speaker 2 (27:52):
I a creat I love your TikTok. I love your
your video. I've seen it your reels. You guys are hilarious.
Lean into it and your kids will be all right, It's.

Speaker 1 (28:00):
Not their business.

Speaker 3 (28:01):
They all have to watch. They have free will, they
do it. We're willing nothing dangerous, although so.

Speaker 2 (28:06):
We were except no, it's kidding.

Speaker 1 (28:09):
Which dangerous.

Speaker 2 (28:09):
I'm like, which danger You're like, we're doing nothing dangerous,
but not yet.

Speaker 3 (28:17):
So we were in Idaho this weekend and we were
at the lake and I wanted to do this one
little simple dance with him and.

Speaker 1 (28:24):
He's like, you do you tell these things to me
and you think I can learn them. I'm like, it's
literally two moves. You could do this. It's fine.

Speaker 3 (28:29):
So we did it out on lake and I had
my youngest son Ace. I'm like, can you His friend
was with them. I'm like, can you guys video this
for me? And he was like, oh my god, Mom, seriously.

Speaker 2 (28:40):
Yes, the right my house on the lake, they can
do something.

Speaker 3 (28:43):
But we did it right where the clubhouse is. So
we had him do it and then we watched it
was wrong.

Speaker 1 (28:48):
So we did it a bunch of times.

Speaker 3 (28:49):
It was so funny and they were so embarrassed and
they left because the people at the clubhouse started clapping.

Speaker 2 (28:55):
But see, I love this, but still do it. Do
it anyway. And then going back to the sex thing
that your kids would be cringe when you get this
box in the mail and you try it out in
your next guinea pig experience, all.

Speaker 1 (29:03):
Right, we have two apartments. Will send it to ours,
not theirs.

Speaker 2 (29:05):
I will no, I want to hug you. I didn't
know what to I'm like, we haven't talked about this yet,
but I always like to have a Oh, I want
to try it all. I'm going to like I literally,
I'm going to bring it all to you.

Speaker 1 (29:13):
I'll tell you that, and then I want to go
back to the drawer.

Speaker 3 (29:15):
But I would say, you know, like I said, you
have good days, bad days, good years, bad years when
you're with someone this amount of years.

Speaker 1 (29:23):
But we're very lucky and we have.

Speaker 3 (29:27):
Such a good relationship. And I hate to say those
things out loud because you know you whenever I say
something good like that, we will have a fight tonight.

Speaker 1 (29:34):
Like that is Murphy's law.

Speaker 2 (29:36):
You're not saying you're perfect, You're saying you're good solid.

Speaker 3 (29:39):
But also, you know, it's fun, like you go through
these different phases of life where you rediscover each other
in a different way. And so we've been able to
go through that over the years, which is great. But
for us, sex is so fun. I love hotel sex.

Speaker 1 (29:53):
We're going away.

Speaker 3 (29:53):
We have a lot of trips this summer, and so yeah,
like let's give you.

Speaker 2 (29:57):
All the boxes. I'll get all the boxes. And there's
stuff that's great for travel. We have like a budget.
And again, my website has a bunch of like the
best toys for travel, the best travels.

Speaker 3 (30:04):
I know because I always thought, like, how do you
travel with a vibrator?

Speaker 1 (30:07):
Is that you know? Yeah, you can do it.

Speaker 2 (30:09):
There's like there's some places that you're not supposed to
bring aber. They're like the jobby, right, but I brought
one there too. I brought one to Dubai. I brought
one to India. I didn't care. I'm like, so assume me,
like throw me in jail for bringing a vibran exactly.
And they all look like you can't tell what they
are any like it could be a stress ball, but
it actually could make China.

Speaker 1 (30:27):
All right, it's back to the dwarf. So we got lube,
we got toy.

Speaker 2 (30:30):
Yeah, we got some wipes, we got some playful things.
It depends what you're into. Like, I love what I've
found that a lot of couples people are into just
sort of some light bondage or light sensory play. I'll
say that differently sensory play meaning like a massage candle.
I love them. I have you used a massage candle?

Speaker 1 (30:48):
I don't even know what that is.

Speaker 2 (30:49):
Okay, so a massage candle dripping hot wax on ageeb
but it's don't but it's not regular wax. It's because
don't don't travel those at home with your regular candle
looks like a regular candle, but it's made out of
like warm, delicious coconut oil. So you light it for
a few minutes, ten and a half hour or whatever,
you blow it out, and then you pour it on
your partner and it's like the most warm, luxurious massage oil.

(31:11):
I love so fun because again it's sensory play. I
love leaning into these senses. You get a massage candle,
and then maybe you get some blindfold, so your partner's
blindfolded and you blew a little warm oil. Maybe you
have some ice cubes a little bit play with the sensation.
So just have stuff to play with. You can use
some feathers, you can. Again, I love a blindfold. There's

(31:33):
this bondage tape. It's so fun. It's just like looks
like regular electric duct tape, but it actually you use
it as a blindfold. You could use tie your wrists up,
and it's just not like you have to be like
the Red Room of Pain or anything. What's it called
the you know fifty Shades of Gray, that's what people
think it is. Is No, it's really about one person's leading
the other person's. One person's dominate the other person's submissive.

(31:55):
You can let go. This is a great sex stip
for couples that I think it's really hard when one
person always is in charge and the other person isn't,
and then you feel like because it is nice to
let go. So if you one night want to be
in charge, you're like, okay, Terry, I got you. You
put a little blindfold on, and it could also be
just like a scarf. I'm gonna play with you and
you just know what's coming next. You let a candle,

(32:17):
maybe you get some There's these really cool like little
nails that you can put on. They're like little metal.
They look like those those you know, those ones for
Halloween you put on over your fingers and yeah, little
witch nails. Nails, fake nails, but you scratch over your
partner's body with the oil. You tickle, you tease. They
can't when you take away one exhaust ice. But this

(32:39):
box from Ayro makes it fun because they.

Speaker 1 (32:41):
Explain it all.

Speaker 3 (32:42):
But also, let's be clear, this is not we're not
doing this every night.

Speaker 2 (32:47):
Once a quarter is fine, once a year, try to
bear it's his birthday, it's yours. Please, I'm glad you
clarified this. All you need is a lubinatory period or condoms.
That's all you really need. But when we're talking about
keeping it hot, I'm getting into the weeds here. But
at the end of the day, a vibrator can go
a long ways, like use it on your nipples, use

(33:08):
it all over your body, just talk and talk about it.
I have this thing also, it's called the Yes No
Maybe List. It's a free download on my site. It
has one hundred things on it, and you do it
with your partner. You fill it out. It's like kissing,
is that a yes? No?

Speaker 1 (33:21):
Maybe?

Speaker 2 (33:21):
Spanking yes no? Maybe? Using a toy yes, dirty talk
and then you both take it separately and you come
together and you're like, what are our yeses? I didn't
know you wanted to be spanked. I would love to
spank you, or you know. The maybees are interesting too,
like why is that a maybe? Watching porn together or so.
What I love about it It gives people a jumping
off point if they've never even explored. They're like, we've

(33:43):
done missionary and fall asleep. So I just love giving
people so many tools and they take what they like
and leave the rest. Oh.

Speaker 3 (33:50):
I think that's so good. And it's all about the communication.
That is what is key. Yeah, so let's talk about
Oh okay, so let's talk about.

Speaker 1 (33:59):
We're talking about AI. So I want to go down
that road for a second. Love it all right?

Speaker 3 (34:03):
My husband is so into AI that I'm going to
kill him. I love chat GBT.

Speaker 1 (34:08):
I think it's amazing.

Speaker 3 (34:09):
It's shocking to me how some people are not using
it because it's so crazy, crazy and helpful and advancing
so quickly.

Speaker 1 (34:18):
So it is very concerning. But I said to him,
I go, if I come.

Speaker 3 (34:21):
Home and you are writing in chalk on the wall
your manifesto, I'm going to be very worried.

Speaker 1 (34:27):
Like I'm gep getting worried. That's what's going to happen.
Because he's so into it.

Speaker 3 (34:31):
But like he thinks, you know, we're all going to
be replaced by robots in four years and we're just
goldfish and all the things.

Speaker 1 (34:38):
I'm sure you've gone down.

Speaker 3 (34:39):
This road, but let's talk about it in terms of sex,
because you know, when does it become cheating?

Speaker 1 (34:48):
So if it's AI and so you made it.

Speaker 3 (34:51):
You had a good point before about AI being like
a sex coach of sorts, which is great.

Speaker 1 (34:56):
You could both put in what you like, You could
figure things like that out. I underst stand that. I
think that's cool.

Speaker 3 (35:02):
Some people consider watching porn form of cheating. Certainly, I
think we would all agree that sexting someone outside of
your relationship is cheating and definitely being physical if someone
is cheating.

Speaker 1 (35:15):
So what about if it's cyber?

Speaker 2 (35:18):
I mean, this is this is this is the this
is the conversation that couples need to be having, like
right now. I mean they always needed to be having
these couples. I've since the beginning, Like my partner was
watching porn and I'm upset about it, Like, well, have
you guys talked about it before? Like every couple should
have these conversations decide what constitutes cheating, masturbation cheating like
obviously for most couples it would be flirting or kissing

(35:40):
someone else. But like the cyber again, same thing do
you have an AI bought girlfriend or boyfriend that you're
chatting to every day that you are sharing all these
emotional people have that they Yeah, they have, Yes, I
mean they have they have great have an a butler,
I know, same AI assistant, AI everything. But when it

(36:02):
comes to sex, yeah, the robots, I mean those already
crazy stuff where and I saw this in Amsterdam ten
years ago with the company I work with, that you
could be using like I could be using a toy
that looks like a penis, like a dildo, whatever I
could put inside of me, and my partner could be
in another country and they're feeling that same sensation because
they're using a toy that looks like a volva, and

(36:25):
it's like my body and their body. It's like, I mean,
it feels like we're having sex together, but we're in
another place, and so.

Speaker 1 (36:34):
That is safe sex.

Speaker 2 (36:35):
That is well, it's safe, yeah, especially if we're logged
into the same account and doing it together. But now
if we're getting to be so comfortable with robots, yeah,
people are gonna have AI full on robots, says their
girlfriend boyfriend. I mean that's what's happening too. I just
hope that there's still gonna be enough people left like
us on the planet, and hopefully your kids that are

(36:56):
like No, I actually want connection and human touch, and
we're going to be advanced sexually, and we're going to
talk about everything that's going to come our way. Sex
is not a one time conversation. It's like we're gonna
have once a month where we have a sexual state
of the union and we're talking about our turn ons
and what we like and what we don't like. And
I know people think that takes a lot of work
to talk about sex, but you talk about everything else,

(37:18):
like where you're going to live, where you're gonna vacation
this summer, what foods are we going to eat, how
are we going to raise the kids. But when we
put sex on the back burner, we don't actually talk
about our likes, our dislikes, our wants, our desires. And
we think we're going to get back to it after
kids or we get older or whatever. We don't get
back to it. So you have to maintain It's like
our health. You can't just Alsodden get in shape at fifty,
So talk about it now. Is AI cheating? What's happening

(37:41):
with it? Like again, if you're with a partner, we're like, hey,
I found this really cool chatboty to kind of turn
me on, let me show it to you, or like
could we use it together? That would be a much
more collaborative way than just feeling secret. So if you're
doing something right now that you feel could be cheating
or your part of it wouldn't be down with it,
probably is, talk to your partner about it and see
like get like, can we have an open relationship, like

(38:01):
you want to have someone's a growth mindset around sex. Yeah,
if you're with somebody who is shameful about or doesn't
want to talk about it, like, and you are someone
who wants to evolve sexually, look at that before you
walk down the aisle, at least before you Well.

Speaker 1 (38:14):
Isn't it so crazy?

Speaker 3 (38:15):
I mean I have a girlfriend who's a you know,
high level divorce attorney, and we always like whatever I
see or it says like, it's so crazy how people
what people talk about before they get married and what
they don't.

Speaker 2 (38:27):
Yeah, they don't talk about anything like they think.

Speaker 3 (38:29):
I never thought to ask what their credit what is
credit score was or any or do you have debt?

Speaker 2 (38:36):
It's debt it's credit score. And I've been saying this
for years. Talk about your sex life, talk about that
fantasy that you think. Yeah, especially yeah back when yeah,
you got married or when I should have gotten married,
we didn't talk about it, but I didn't want to,
but I like we we didn't then, but now like
your daughter's your kids, like, really, we think we can't
talk about it because we're going to be judge. They're

(38:57):
going to think I'm a slot. They're going to think
I'm too Like I'm telling you that talks about Yeah.

Speaker 3 (39:03):
What I hear from some of the teenagers are they
talk about body counts?

Speaker 2 (39:10):
Got the worst?

Speaker 1 (39:11):
Have you heard this? Yes?

Speaker 3 (39:12):
So for people that don't understand, body counts means how
many people have you slept with?

Speaker 2 (39:17):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (39:17):
And I think it is so disgraceful on so many levels.
And for this next generation, who I personally find so cool,
so open, so fluid, all the good things that we
would want out of our nineteen fifties parents through us
to them. It's so inspiring to see how they accept

(39:39):
loving and all of it. However, that one particular thing
I find devastating.

Speaker 2 (39:45):
Yeah, I'm so. I did an entire podcast about it.
Every weeks ago because I was like, enough with the
body count you're already making. So the body count is
how many people have you slept with? And you want
to keep that number low. You want to keep because
if you have too many, you're going to be like,
you know, you never win by having the conversation about
how many people you've slept with in a new relationship.
But people think they have to have it, like it's

(40:07):
a right obay you.

Speaker 1 (40:08):
It's bullshit.

Speaker 2 (40:09):
It's bullshit. No one ever needs to know because I'm
telling you, you are going to hear that number and
you're gonna make a judgment, Oh, he's slept with this
one people, he's been out there. I'm not gonna be
experienced enough for him. Or you're gonna judge a woman
because she's slept with too many. What you get to
say is, you know what, I'm just gonna focus on
the sex we're having. I'm just gonna focus on the present.
Or I don't I don't need to share with you,

(40:31):
or I actually don't really think that's an important thing
to talk about. Like it's also saying like BodyCount, like
you've killed all these people, you slayed all these bodies,
like it's just so negative all around. So I would
just love to end that as being something that you
don't talk about.

Speaker 1 (40:45):
I agree.

Speaker 2 (40:45):
I think it's gross. I think it is gross too.

Speaker 3 (40:48):
I think it's totally gross, and I think it's meant
to shame women only. Yeah, because I'm sorry. It just
goes back to the age oled.

Speaker 1 (40:55):
Boys who have a lot of sex or studs.

Speaker 3 (40:57):
And women are sluts, and it's grown and we were
made to feel that way. I remember in college and
twenties and all of that, women didn't have those conversations.

Speaker 1 (41:07):
You couldn't have casual sex.

Speaker 2 (41:08):
That wasn't We couldn't in college, wasn't a thing.

Speaker 3 (41:11):
If you did, there was so much shame involved it
that it wasn't even enjoyable anyway.

Speaker 1 (41:17):
And I just don't like that. I feel like, what
if you're someone that had a few, like like.

Speaker 3 (41:24):
Limited experiences with a few different partners, versus you had
one partner but you had tons of sex for years?

Speaker 1 (41:33):
Like what is the number?

Speaker 2 (41:34):
Doesn't tell you anything at all?

Speaker 1 (41:37):
And you do shame.

Speaker 2 (41:38):
It is used to same women And I remember trying
to keep it low, like I were reading my twenties
and being like, Okay, well I guess that one didn't
count because nothing I was trying to remember the gration
didn't count. It was so stupid. And then we're talking
thirty years later, it's calling up again. So let's just say,
you don't need to reveal it. Have sex freely, openly,
but have it with your pleasure in mind, and not
just giving it up for your partner, because I know

(42:00):
out of my early sex, well, it was fun. It's
always new and fun with a new partner. Again, it
wasn't the best sex because I didn't know how to
ask for it. But keep having a sextion. You don't
need tell anyone about it.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
You just don't need to tell anyone.

Speaker 2 (42:13):
No one needs to know.

Speaker 1 (42:14):
It just blured me.

Speaker 3 (42:15):
I also remember, I remember being in This was high school,
so some people might not you know, I think this
is okay, but we're seniors. And I remember a friend
of mine did not want to have sex with their boyfriend.
They'd been together for four years, all through high school.
She didn't want to have sex with them because she
wanted it to remain an innocent relationship. And our other
friend goes, there's nothing innocent.

Speaker 1 (42:35):
About oral sex. You guys have done a lot of
nasty shit.

Speaker 2 (42:38):
It's getting done.

Speaker 3 (42:39):
If you don't want penetration, that's fine, but don't pretend
like you're just holding hands.

Speaker 1 (42:44):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (42:46):
I know. Isn't it funny we brought these conditions on
it because we like don't really even understand what it
all means, because having sex is the whole. We define
sex as this act that's you know, so holy and important,
but yeah, you're doing everything else or just aintal like
in some religious communities.

Speaker 3 (43:00):
Right or the Mormon thing about shaking the bed is soaking?

Speaker 1 (43:05):
Is that true?

Speaker 2 (43:06):
Yeah? I mean it's true, it's true.

Speaker 1 (43:08):
I know.

Speaker 2 (43:08):
These things make me just like, oh, can we.

Speaker 1 (43:10):
Just have consensual us?

Speaker 2 (43:13):
Just can we just have fun with it and be
with consentual partners and not feel the shame? But the
thing that keeps me going where I'm like, Okay, well
I'll be doing this for another twenty years. Although it
might look different in different ways, it's just because, don't
you feel sometimes you could be talking even though your
kids or our kids are young. People are all evolved
and they're like with gender identity and gender fluidity, and

(43:35):
like we're much more open when you get down to
the nitty gritty of sex, an actual pleasure that women
are having and talking about it. It hasn't changed that much,
like the fact that we're talking about body count and
we were talking about it our age, like there's a
lot that still is.

Speaker 1 (43:49):
I feel like that's different. I get but I guess so.

Speaker 3 (43:51):
But I feel like that is a step backwards that
we've had.

Speaker 2 (43:56):
Yeah, but when I heard that, I was I'm very
I know I was really upset about it too. But
here's the other thing I might saying. This might not
be as popular, but I like you said, okay, and
I we went to college about the same time where
it was like you couldn't have casual sex, you didn't
sleep around, you didn't want to be judged. So then
cut to the next generation with your kids generation where

(44:16):
they're like, we're not committing and we're just having casual sex.
We're getting and a lot of the kids are just
getting wasted and having sex and they're very free about it. However,
in that scenario when the kids are just wasted and
hooking up, many of them, if you talk to them,
the women, they're it's not very good, Like they get
black out drunk, so they don't have to deal with
the motions or the feelings around.

Speaker 1 (44:37):
But I'm not terrible, so it's not.

Speaker 2 (44:39):
And I'm not. It's just I don't think it's again,
it's not that pleasurable. I'm all about pleasure, Like what
was it actually good? Just because you did it and
you walked away from it and you didn't have to
like you're you were empowered because you don't have to
commit to them and it's casual? Is it casual? But good?
And I think that sex isn't that great even for
the younger generation. Stuff, Well they.

Speaker 3 (44:57):
Still need to know, Well, you're right, because you know,
you have to get to know your body and when
you're just dating someone and you're not. But I will
say this, like I forget about my kids. I work
with a lot of young ladies in their twenties okay,
mid twenties to like early thirties that I've known for years,
and they're very open with me, and we talk about

(45:18):
these kinds of things, and I, you know, I have
to say that.

Speaker 1 (45:21):
You know, one of them said to me, and I
thought it made me giggle because it's so not like
our generation.

Speaker 3 (45:27):
We like, it made me giggle and she said something
like well, I have a few lovers.

Speaker 1 (45:31):
That's something something, And I was like, good for you,
like I would. I didn't know people talk like that.

Speaker 3 (45:37):
It's a great and I loved how adult she was
about it and it was very clear and there was
no shame in it, and you know, and it was
she's obviously enjoying herself.

Speaker 1 (45:48):
I love it.

Speaker 3 (45:48):
And it wasn't this like get black out drug. I
feel like that was more art day.

Speaker 2 (45:52):
No idea. I was thinking of talking about more of
the college Yeah, college college kids.

Speaker 1 (45:56):
That's why you have to set them up for success and.

Speaker 2 (45:58):
That have a masturbrate talk to them about all that.

Speaker 1 (46:01):
You have to talk about everything. My kids are very open,
like too open.

Speaker 3 (46:06):
Some things I don't need to know they don't.

Speaker 2 (46:10):
Yeah, right, this is what I've heard this from so
many of my friends about their kids, like don't tell me,
I don't want to know. I know, I told you
be open. Yeah, it's better than the alternative.

Speaker 1 (46:18):
No, I'm totally We're like, okay, okay, totally.

Speaker 2 (46:21):
My mom didn't talk to me about this. Let me
take a beat, but no, no, I can I a.

Speaker 1 (46:25):
Lot in my day. Yeah. No, it's very interesting and
I'm glad that they're so comfortable with me.

Speaker 3 (46:30):
But yeah, sometimes you know, you don't need pictures, like
not literal pictures, like pictures in my brain.

Speaker 1 (46:35):
Yet I get it. I get it, don't need division.
Still figuring it out.

Speaker 2 (46:38):
Sex is still complicated, but we're yeah, we're making good advancements.

Speaker 3 (46:46):
So you've been doing this work for twenty years. Yes,
and obviously, just like our bodies are changing. And I
would assume you know, as you age and you go
through different things, it gives you different perspective on all
these things.

Speaker 1 (47:00):
So what's next? Well, let me tell you.

Speaker 3 (47:03):
I just watched last night the series finale of The
Handmaid's Tale.

Speaker 1 (47:07):
Did you watch The Handmaids? Did?

Speaker 2 (47:08):
I did not get this next season? No, tell me.

Speaker 1 (47:11):
It's a lot.

Speaker 3 (47:12):
But I read the book when it came out, So
this was one hundred years ago, remember, and then they
did a TV movie Fade Done Away.

Speaker 1 (47:19):
Anyway, it's shocked.

Speaker 3 (47:21):
I mean, it's horrifying, but you could see it happening,
which is what makes it more horrify. So I would say,
the thing that concerns me with where sex is gone,
and this is why the body count thing concerns me
is that I don't get political but the state of
the world seems to be throwing us into a more
conservative definitely, and it's certainly you know, taking women's rights

(47:44):
and throwing them in the toilet.

Speaker 1 (47:45):
So I worry.

Speaker 2 (47:47):
I'm worried to Yeah, so what do you do with that?

Speaker 1 (47:50):
Where are we going?

Speaker 2 (47:51):
I mean I think I mean to get put Yeah,
I mean, I think we have to We don't have
to share everything with everybody. You don't have to post everything.
I mean, I think it's going to be well we're
talking about politically what could happen, Like I don't think
you should share everything online and be more like insular
about that. But I really hope where we're going is
I mean, god, this is so tough because let me

(48:13):
think about like abortions aren't legal different states, and all
these things that are happening. So I think that the
more we lean into women's sexuality and if you are
a parent or you are a woman, and I think
the more we understand that, like, like, here's the confusing
part that there's all these men who are like voting
against maybe women's rights, let's say that, and then they're thinking, like,

(48:34):
but you're going to be a father of a child soon,
so how would you feel if you couldn't get an abortion?
And so now women are afraid to even be having
sex in certain places in the world, So that part
is going backwards, like how could I have free sex?
How could I ask for what I want? And so
I think like using condoms is really important. Everyone hates condoms,
would definitely be using condoms using protection. Another thing that

(48:55):
is not true is that condoms make sex worse. I
think that a lot of men are like, no, feel
it's like a rain jacket. You're not using the right condoms.
Because condoms have come a long way, So use a condom,
like just be safe, Like what women have to take
the bread of all pregnancy and all responsibility when it
comes to that, so or get of a sect to me,
they can be reversible. Like I just think that so
much of the pressure of sex and obviously reproduction is

(49:19):
put on women. And I just think that the more
we the more women truly understand our power are worth
what feels good to us. We take the time to
figure out what feels good. I am telling you self,
solo sex is I like to call. People don't love
the word masturbation, So solo sex taking time to Actually,
I discovered so much about myself by actually taking the

(49:40):
time to like, what do I actually like? Because I
felt broken that when I was just doing the old
penetration it didn't feel good. I had to go on
my own journey. So I think the more women are like, oh,
this is like a requirement for me, like how we
were like we get a job and we're like, this
is what I need. I need this kind of healthcare
of this kind of pay, and this kind of With sex,
you get to have that same of advocacy, advocacy for

(50:02):
yourself as well. When you're in the bedroom. You don't
have to give in to other anything that doesn't feel
good to you. And I think once we've actually had
that experience of like what's a full body orgasm? What
feels good to me? What do I need? What don't need?
You won't be able to have performative sex and be
with partners who don't support your rights and all women's rights.

Speaker 3 (50:20):
Well, having said that, you know, we're all we talk
a lot about teaching our daughters right, teaching our daughters
how self pleasure, solo sex, to ask for what you want.

Speaker 1 (50:31):
All these things.

Speaker 3 (50:32):
But I think it's really important because I have boys
and girls. Yeah, that we have to teach our boys
about women as well, because I think that's part of
the problem too.

Speaker 2 (50:42):
Absolutely, there's no blaming here because it's literally like the
patriarchal society we've lived in or just our society just
never taught anybody. So guys are just doing what they
thought other guys were doing or what they learned imporant,
and so yeah, you have to learn that. Like and
I sit down with all my friends sons and daughters,
Like just the other night, my friends she's like, well,
you talked to my son he's fourteen. And I just

(51:02):
sit and I'm also developing curriculum, curriculum for them, but
just hard to get kids. I think it has to
be in person. I don't think that kid's gonna log
on and be like, let me learn about sex right now.
But the side, I just listen, like what are your questions?
What do you want to know? Like I literally pull
out my vulva puppet. I'm like, do you know that
when your penis goes inside? Like it's not that your
penis isn't great, but it just might not feel good.

(51:23):
They need to be warmed up. Like I teach them
the anatomy. I teach them about like how it works,
because otherwise there's nothing important that's showing them that. And
they still have This is the other thing. The kids,
even if they're the best schools, they still have like
two days of sexual health and they're never talking about
pleasure and orgasms.

Speaker 3 (51:40):
They're never talking about that. And it's funny that you
just said that. I love this for you.

Speaker 2 (51:44):
I love it.

Speaker 3 (51:44):
I remember when my oldest daughter was like about to
hit puberty, like eleven, twelve, let's call it twelve.

Speaker 1 (51:53):
There was a thing called the Birds and the Bees
and they it's a it's a yeah. Have you ever
heard of them?

Speaker 3 (51:59):
Yeah, they're an organization. They come into your house and
they teach it. And she was the woman was very funny.
I mean she literally took old fashioned maxi pads with
a belt, like you know our grandmothers used and can
you imagine it, I know, and the girls were laughing
and the whole thing, and she made it okay. And
what to do if you have a period accident in
the bathroom, how do you take the trill? I mean
like practical information and hygiene and how to clean yourself

(52:24):
and things that like you know, I don't think our parents.
We had to learn, you know, on the mean streets
of you know, the suburbs.

Speaker 1 (52:32):
But it was very interesting.

Speaker 3 (52:34):
But I think to take it to a next step,
you're the person that needs to launch this next thing,
because you're right, they didn't even teach.

Speaker 1 (52:41):
What I was just telling you. In school.

Speaker 3 (52:43):
They teach them nothing basically, and I promise you that's
going to be pulled out soon. So I think what
you're talking about also for kids off in you know,
at eighteen plus or younger even, but you know, who
knows when the parents were hard because.

Speaker 2 (52:59):
You got to get the parents the churt I do
with my friend's kids because they're kids. The parents have
all consented, of course, but it's harder. I mean, they
need it young and they that because to me, if
I really want to help everybody in this world and
make a change, and my audience has always been like
eighteen to eighty three, really, like I said, half men
and women. But it's the young people that I think

(53:19):
is so important. So how do I get that because
they yeah, I mean I think it's I don't know
what it is yet. If it's live forums, I think
it's the boys are separated from the girls, but it
has to happen soon.

Speaker 1 (53:31):
You think the boys should be separated from them.

Speaker 2 (53:33):
I think at first and then they all come together
because right now it's still awkward for them. Like it
depends on their age too, so when they're eighteen though,
like I've been doing that, I'm going to go on
this tour next year. I'm going to fraternities and I'm
going to soarties, South Love, I'm going to all these
different places. I'm taking the podcast on a tour and
I'm going to be stopping at these like in all
the states just to see. And I've always talked to sororities,

(53:54):
like my nieces have been soarties, and I go do
that just for fun. But now I'm actually doing it
on a tour because it's so interesting to hear like
what the guys are saying, what the girls are saying,
and then the young women the young men, and then
how do we develop a curriculum around that that's accessible,
how do we how do we make it part of
the talk because the parent we can't leave up with
the parents because we didn't know, right, so we didn't

(54:16):
So I just think it's like talking about it and
knowing that there's just more to more to learn and
starting as own as we can. But get I used
to the dream used to be getting into schools. But
again that's so hard to do. So how do you
make it more elective out that if they're younger, but colleges,
I can go do that easily.

Speaker 3 (54:33):
Oh, I think it's so excited and smart because it's
funny because look, I am a very you know, open
communicative parent. I have great relationship with my kids, but
I don't have those tools.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
Yeah, I can't give.

Speaker 2 (54:46):
That out that right. You don't know how would you
write barely?

Speaker 3 (54:49):
And maybe it's not for me to give anyway because
maybe you don't hear that from your mom.

Speaker 1 (54:56):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (54:57):
I mean for a boy, you know, I don't know
et epistol at your complexes. I'm just saying like, maybe
there is certain information that's better from a third party.

Speaker 2 (55:05):
Yeah, I think I found that in America that is
the best way to do it, because most people are like,
oh mom, dad, I don't want to don't want to
hear about eving sex. The only place they do this correctly,
or they do it in a way that that works
is in the Netherlands, because in the Netherlands they teach
it a very big like we're talking preverbal. They name
the parts, they say the volva, the vagina, the penis.

(55:26):
Like they start teaching kids at a very very young
age and they have sex education every year that's commensurate
with the kid's age. So the body parts consent, don't
you know, like about like don't allow anyone else to
touch you but yourself. But they talk about masturbation. They
don't shame them like in our country, in our culture,
most cultures, let's say you're like pre verbal, because here's
what happens. You're preverbal. Maybe you're a little toddler and

(55:49):
you maybe put your hand on your pants, but grandmars
co and then you're like, no, don't do that. But
because you're oh my god, the neighbors are looking and
you're like stop, that's that's wrong. So the first message
you guys touching my generals wrong and dirty and shameful.
But in places like the Netherlands, they actually encourage this
talk and making it normalizing sex top normalizing sex education.
So in the schools they do teach about menstruation and

(56:12):
ovulation and periods and but they also teach about consent
and pleasure. They talk about orgasms, so when the kids
like it's very normal around the home to talk to
your kids about it. And there's like less less unwarning pregnancies,
there's less rape, there's like just more pleasure. So I
would love to see a world where we could get there,
But it's so hard because again, most people I talk

(56:33):
to are like, I don't want to hear my parents
talk about it, and most parents know their kids.

Speaker 1 (56:37):
That's it, and that's why I do it. No, it's me,
it's you, and I love it.

Speaker 2 (56:42):
I gotta say I love talking to young people about sex.
So hit me up if you want me talk to
your kid because we're organizing it.

Speaker 1 (56:49):
Oh you're coming over to my.

Speaker 2 (56:50):
Hogh school that I love it.

Speaker 1 (56:52):
I could talk to you for hours.

Speaker 2 (56:53):
We're gonna started.

Speaker 1 (56:55):
Tell everyone how to find you, how to find the tour,
all the things.

Speaker 2 (56:58):
I think the best way if I me is sex
with Emily on all social media you know, YouTube, Instagram, TikTok,
all the places. My podcast is Sex with Emily still
released two a week. If you go to Sex with
the best way to set up for my mailing list
Sex with Emily dot com or just follow me in
any of these places. You're gonna hear about the tour.
You're gonna hear about a membership called smart s X.
You can join the membership. We have we bring in experts,

(57:20):
myself too. We answer all your questions. I've got a store,
go shopping for products. Sex with Emily I every mad
I love it.

Speaker 3 (57:27):
Thank you,