September 17, 2025 • 24 mins
Hey ya'll, here's a classic: Eric and frequent Eric Andre Show guest Felipe Esparza talk about a crazy story that involves a beer bottle being thrown at him on stage, an unruly patron, and being followed in a parking lot for a shake-down. Another story involves a personal bombing incident in Hawaii and not getting any laughs in a room of 14 people. Plus witnessing a prop comic bomb on stage.
Tell us your most cringeworthy bombs! Call 716-BOMBING (716-266-2464) and leave a voicemail.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Bombing with Eric Andre, the podcast where I
talk with friends, comedians, musicians, and other creative people about
their worst moments on stage and being blitz beyond belief.
This week's guest is Felipe A Sparza, comedian extraordinaire. He
talks about doing stand up all over the country and
a near death experience involving an unruly heckler and a
beer bottle.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Let's get into it, Oh.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Bombing Balm with Eric Andre.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Felipe is Sparza. What's up? The man, the myth, the leger,
the sex symbol?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
What's up?
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Everybody?
Speaker 4 (00:36):
Everybody confuses him for Benicio del Toro. I said, no, man,
Felipe is more handsome, has more oscars, more Emmy's more
golden globes than Benicio and Mark Anthony and.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Danny Trejo combined.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
I love it, man.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Can we say that?
Speaker 3 (00:57):
All?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Right?
Speaker 3 (00:57):
So?
Speaker 4 (00:57):
I got a new podcast, man, It's called bomb Bombing Food.
I just asked people, what the shittiest gig, the worst
they've ever bombed, ever, what that story is? It can
be the worst bomb you've ever done, the worst you've
ever seen that you weren't a part of, just the
worst bomb you've ever seen, and also the most wasted
(01:17):
you've ever been on stage, like back in the day
when you were like the movie train spotting Times New Jack.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
City, Times from New jer City.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
But okay, what's the worst bomb you think you ever
the most you've ever like fell on your face on stage?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Me ah, man, I bombed like we're hard ones in
the beginning, you know, when like when you're out there
with a bunch of comedy friends and everybody's on the show.
Everybody's getting paid, but forty dollars, I guess probably in
Sampedro at the Sheraton Hotel bar. Yeah, they had a bar.
(01:58):
It was called the Shark Tank. I know the cut
of the bar, like it's we's San Pedro. Let's California.
Oh that's not Texas, No, Sam Piedro, California. By the
other side of Long Beach. There were First of all,
there was a big ship above the stage because it's
like it's like a ship, like a pirate ship, ship
pirates ship, a ship kid just hanging and everybody bombing,
(02:20):
like the wost every comedian bomb is it packed a
big audience, Yeah, like sixty people scattered not paying attention.
They're bombing. Everybody's bombing doing hard and I'm going to
backboard man, suck the one hither right here Long Beach
early day. They're not really hit the hit the seven
(02:41):
ten north, then they're not already get on a six
or five north, then hit the five north and make
it to Hollywood. They stuck. And a lot of us
have part time jobs too. But I went up there
and I bombed too. Yeah, what was it like? I
would considered a bomb because I recovered bro good at
(03:03):
the end. Yeah, yeah, because I was honest. No, you
told me your worst bomb. That's not the story. I know. Man.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
You gotta tell me the story of the tongueing dude
that was going to kill you if I wasn't really
bombing that one, Okay, but you got to tell that
story if you don't mind talk toalked about.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Him as if my friend now, Joey Verdina, he is
a comedian. This guy's an ex boxer, a professional boxer,
ex police officer and Tucson. Now he's a film director
and he like he put me in the first film
El Matador. A man searching for his balls that's the title,
(03:42):
and Macho door oor man searching for his balls and
he put me in it. He and this guy always
had like a way to make money when he got
to a leg, you know, he had a hustle that
he made his own, his old karate delbo tape talk defence.
It sold it to people.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
Wow, incredible.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
So here's me up, Beef, But you want to make
a hundred dollars? I said, yes, I do Thursday night
at at the Roadhouse Cafe in Wilmington, California. Yeah, and
after the name of it was just called a roadhouse Cafe.
Nothing to do with the movie. It's just the cafe.
And when we get there, she's a promoter. I gether.
We knew Alreadys and this guy's like a specific islander
(04:23):
but not not samoe In or tongue In, just specific
calendar or Filipino. We worked with him before. So there's
like a big Samoan birthday party, right, and they're they're singing,
they're having a good time, they're high five in each
other and they all like linebackers two. They're the giants.
They're giant dude, and they stopped the karaoke that we're
(04:46):
doing to start the comedy show. Hey, surprise comedy show. No,
that's always bad. So the host bring me up first,
and then I'm up there, man, doing my thing and
nothing man like, they're boo, you can slowly start hearing,
and you know, man, it's like when when bombing feels
(05:08):
like man, when you set your alarm to slowly start like.
So they cut off the karaoke and the time and
you go up. Do you go up to like just
nothing or there music?
Speaker 3 (05:28):
You know?
Speaker 2 (05:28):
The host that was hoping a karaoke turn, he had
to do comedy in that for about an hour. So
you Philippe Sparsa and I'm up there and and then
the some moments you like, fuck Mexicos right away, what
the fuck? Fuck Mexicans. Fuck Mexicans. And I said, come on, bro,
(05:53):
no color lines, no color lines. Can we all just
get along? Everybody talk laughing, bro, everybody starts laughing. Then
he goes, what happened, man? I know there was karaoke here. Boo,
how about this, man, we should just bring back karaoke.
You want to sing lets? You want to sing a
(06:14):
jet song? Right, that's your people write? A jet song
is jets like the tongue in like jets is a
tongue in band, and they have a song that songs
exactly like one of Selena's songs. Yeah, I mean, I mean,
he goes, I can't confused. I can't do both of
(06:36):
them without getting confused with the other one. And then
I went on a rabbit hole once and the author
of both songs had offered both of songs at the
same time, and he just plaited it. Oh whoa, So
it was okay, so you said, I'm good fall in
love again. That's Selena song, but the other one is
(06:57):
I don't know, but similar Rich we got Listen. These
people are also moing man like saying, let's play a
Sovurdoran song to a bunch of Mexicans, bro, And they
tell you, how fuck you? Said O the you know,
with a derogatory for star Dorian. They call each other
said ot there, which means shithead. But to each other
it's cool, you know. But if a Mexican called another
(07:23):
said of sour door, said out there, like call him
the N word, I don't know how the tone changes. Okay,
so they got the equivalent of a tongue in and
some moments so I when I one, I yellow a tongue.
Let's have a Jets song. It was like, let's play
a les pay some sour dooran song. Let's bring it
(07:46):
a surd and soccer team. But they they the audience
took it at this guy has balls, you know, like
to throw that out there. So they all laughed, Yeah, yeah,
they all laugh except that guy didn't laugh.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
He was pissed.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Yeah, and then he threw a bottle at me. Oh
my god, I love that you didn't lead with this story.
He threw a bottle at me, like a Corona bottle.
And then and then now I missed me. Oh fuck.
And then I said, at least it was a Mexican
beer ray, but just take any matter. And I'm not
(08:27):
his group and laughing. But they're laughing at him, not
the joke. And now they're laughing at the whole situation
and the fuck. So they kicked the through out the show, right,
they kick him out of the show, and I don't
know where he went. The show continued, I guess, so
now bombing tension, you continued yourself. After the bottle, he
(08:47):
keep going, I had to earn one hundred dollars, so
he throws a ball at you. All this commussions that
you're just like and the whole time, Hey, did you
guys get the new iPhone? Gonna bring up the headliner.
I'm a feature, bro, imagine your head. You're supposed to
do forty five minutes after me, and I'm sucking up
(09:09):
the whole show. But the next box raise instigated ass
beat there. So uh so I said, Man, we're gonna
we're gonna keep the show going. Man, you what that?
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Yeah, yeah, Man. The last guy got kicked out. Man,
he's gonna I don't know where the hell you that,
but he's gone. But we're gonna we're gonna start passing
out lasting cups man, and everybody's gonna take it. We're
gonna take away all your bottles just case everybody wants
to do more domestic beer at me. And then so
(09:41):
Joey Medina doesn't want to go up, you know, he said,
let's get the fuck out of here. Yeah, ship that.
So we go outside and that's the moment Man and
waiting for us with a Knight in the parking lot.
Like he runs through the car where we're starting it right,
and then he has he has like one of those knives.
(10:01):
You know. He's a he's a blue he's a blue
collar man, you know, and he gus got too drunk
and I don't know what was wrong, had a bad
day at work. He was he was He had one
of those knives, had everything in there, Bro, He had
one of those Swiss army knives. So he had he
was started table was a was was the one to
open the wine bottle against He was too drunk to
(10:24):
take out the knives, so he took out the corks crew,
but it was a Swiss knife. He was too fund up,
one of those Swiss knife.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
Bro.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
He had an oar for his boat and everything. Bro,
He's just dark. He hit a Swiss army someone did
he was he in the car? But was he trying
to put his fist through the window to the window
man that he was shaking the car Bro like like
he was a chie rex Bro. Jurassic parked the right.
(10:55):
Oh my lord, he was a giant giant. Were you scared?
He was giant for a person who's six two, but
not compared to everybody. Was there six five, four hundred
and three hundred pounds of muscle. He was like in
shape agains. He didn't have that beaties, but he was man.
He was shaking the car. But it was funny was
(11:17):
that when he threw the bottle and his friends calmed
him down and they got kicked. They got kicked out
fucking the Samoan woman walks out to me, do you
do birthday parties? House parties? Sure, lady.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
With aer Condre with Arendre.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
Why bomb back to back in two shows? And I'm
Hawaii and Tacoma, Washington. Yeah, Hawaii, but people are threatening
you throwing bottles. No man with no laughs. My friend
used to be a comedian from the Comedy Act Theater
and I had a room in Montebello. His name was
(12:09):
one Dexter. I think it was like a part time substitute.
Teacher had a comedy comedian, One Dexter from Houston, Texas.
But he knew a guy that that booked a room
in Hawaii and then Tacoma, Washington, back to back. It
paid seven hundred dollars. Fly the fly you in the
(12:30):
night before Hawaii. We spent like an all day in
Hawaii hanging out an at eight o'clock, you do the
show the next day. You fly to Tacoma, and you
do the show the next day in Tacoma. So man,
they flew me out and I'm like, fucking never been
to Hawaii. I'm super excited. Man. I was staying at
the out Rigor, but I found out they were on
(12:51):
their own name out Rigor and our Rigor Hotel and
I hang out in Hawaii. Never been to Hawaii, man,
I was like, wow, very happy. Yeah, but here comes
the show man. Never been on it and I only
have that one TV credit Showtime Latino laugh beest of
a Hotel by Paradriquez on nineteen ninety six on Showtime.
(13:13):
Nobody saw it, and so they booked me based on that.
There was only fourteen people in the audience, and the
promoter was there because he heard that was funny, so
he never shows up. He shows up and the had
a broken leg and he puts his leg on top
of the table. He's there with his girlfriend. Fourteen people.
(13:35):
I had to do an hour host bomb features guy
bombed but nobody was threatening, right, but we bombed bro
Then I bomb like no laughs, fourteen one hour. Look
at the promoter man, sorry, man, sorry, what are you bad?
What do you doing?
Speaker 3 (13:55):
You bomb?
Speaker 2 (13:56):
How do you recover? I don't know how to recover.
I had an hour, mature. I don't even know I
had an hour mature. Maybe I was twenty minutes of mature,
but it went by past my mom got dry, so
you just try to get nervous. It was bombing, like
I felt like I never bombed at that before because
I felt like like I had an outer body experience
(14:16):
where my my my body was sat down. I watched
me bomb, just taking his head. So that was done.
I go back to the hotel and the guy said, Manes,
I'm gonna pay I'm gonna pay you in the morning,
your money rather than seven hundred dollars. So in the morning,
(14:37):
I'm hanging out with his boys and let the flights
are really late, like, oh, man, the flight's gonna leave
like an hour and a half. I kept trying the
promoter man, yeah, mar my boys will take you. Anyways,
it took me to the airport late, so I missed
my flight, right, So I told the guy, man, your
boy dropped me off at the airport late, I mean
(15:00):
my flight, What am I gonna do? Tell him that
you have an emergency. You need to get back to
the LA or whatever to Tacoma. So that's how they
left me with, like you figured out yourself basically, So
I just took a I took a later flight. Oh yeah,
paid me two hundred right there. I don't know, mother,
(15:21):
but I used those two hundred to get that flight.
The later flight, so you made zero. Yeah, So I
took a two hundred dollars they gave me, or they're
gonna give me the five hundred Tacoma to LA. Right.
So I waited in LA for an hour and for
like nine eight hours for the next flight to Tacoma.
I took another hundred on my TM and I paid
(15:43):
a hundred for that flight to get to Tacoma. So
when I get to Tacoma, they picked me up at
the airport. This black dude who looked like Tiger Woods.
Really nice guy, but I can't even find him. First
of all, my first time in Hawaii, I thought it
was gonna be like, you know, like the like in
a movie there lay back. Then it was just some
(16:03):
brother from Memphis. He was smoking a Newport in the airport,
bro like, he didn't give a fuck you. My man
use a comedian they call Felipe. I said, yeah, and
he's him, and I took off. Nice guy. I think
it was a pimp because he kept talking about how
that pitch maybe made me no money. That bitch copy
(16:23):
the airplane, take you a bus trip, made me no money.
He just kept saying that over and over on the
phone with somebody. Pitch made me no money. He took
me to go eat right away, immediately took me to
eat at a restaurant. And then he was like my escort,
which she would have drove me to the airport. But
so when I get to Takoma, I get picked up
(16:44):
by another handler, another guy, and he takes me to
the promoters guy's house and his mom is like the
late black lady, and he goes, hi, hi, man, I
always cook lunch for other comedians, and I'm like, I'm
gonna hood, bro the hood. And so she gives me
(17:05):
mac and cheese, and it's like and like she didn't
even mac and cheap, but like, I guess you made it.
In the morning, I go to the show and so
the whole show, bro is black people inside, some now
some white. That show was like they brought up half
(17:26):
of the town probably were not before me, Bro, So
like seventy they put up a rapper. They brought up
this woman to do a poem. Oh boy, this guy
painted I guess I don't know what he did. Then
they brought up a local comedian who won the contest
and his destroyed bro before me. All these jokes were
(17:51):
references of people down the street that he knows, and
everybody knew him too. So are y'all know Pooky?
Speaker 3 (17:57):
Right?
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Everybody?
Speaker 3 (18:00):
I know this?
Speaker 2 (18:01):
But yeah, yeah, and now you know it, motherfucker.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
And then they bring me up bro, and man, nothing
bro like crickets. Creak is bro, crick is dog. Then
they get more mad when I said that Chris Rock
was right, man, there's black people. Then there's you guys
here right, fuck you motherfucker. And then and then this
(18:30):
guy this, this is how bad it was, how bad
I'm bothering it was. I was bowing so bad. There's
somebody from the floor road took it in my pants,
Oh my god, like pulling you up the word. Then
I tried to throw, try to row somebody was a
funny roast I heard on BT and I heard that
(18:54):
she bet in my lap, and then that who went
up there to have a row battle with me on
stage one of the people on as you were as
you were bombing, Yeah, I can nothing ill Yeah, mid set, Bro,
we have a roast battle without me asking him across
(19:15):
chaotic already the audience and all my jokes are we're
now hitting the people because they're all like, I guess jokes.
That's only funny. I like they were telling each other
that I guess because I said that because I feel
wearing like those shoes with no socks, a get loafers,
like I was dressed real nice, but you need a
lot of lotion of ankles, you know. And I said,
(19:38):
damn man, when you make pizza up, but you gotta
make it with your hand, now your feet, And I said,
there's full other toxic pizza with your feet. And ship
nothing bro, nothing, just some people like I can't hear
like laughter but not enough. So then like I walked
off stage, boo, I walked off stage, and they took
(20:00):
me to start to the hotel, bro like like escort
and ship. It took me out of there, bro, like
a president about to be assassinated, Like they opened every
door in my head, like they rushed me.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
Out of there.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Brot here they were like when they show reggae bro,
like you know, like.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
With Arendre.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
With Arendre, what's the worst bomb you've ever seen Have
you ever seen anybody else?
Speaker 4 (20:36):
Have you ever seen fights on stage or anybody else
get the bottles thrown at them or anything like that.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
Bro, I saw the worst bombing this guy at at
one of the shows that I was on. He had
props first of all, and then he goes, he tells
this girl, hey, next time, if a pedus is too dirty,
wrap this around it, right? Can you throw that? I
heard it to ride in the head. And then he
said a lady goes, if you get lonely, hey, sit
(21:02):
on this. He throw the carrot at her. What Yeah,
and what happened? Nobody laughing, bro, nobody laughing, and they
what made it worse? The host went up there and
the destroyd with talking about him and his props for
like fifteen minutes. Oh, making fun of the guy. Yeah,
this he was saying, like, Hey, normally I would never
(21:26):
see a comedian. It's not funny when I host the
show and come up here because everybody's trying. But that
guy fucking saw No. I mean I got the worst
comic commentator. I mean that guy's bad, Like how does
he write these fucking jokes? What does he do with it?
But in the morning smoke a joint, open the refrigerator.
(21:50):
All right, what's funny today? Sausage hacky nah to teas.
Have you seen fights on stage? Yeah, man, yeah I
saw no. I saw this comedian who and who nor who?
I never seen kill right he was. It was in Bakersfield, California,
(22:13):
and yeah man, and we already went up on he
was like the host and we heard like a commotion
like yeah, and we were there talking to a bunch
of girls and you know, some people were smoking bud
smoking cigarettes outside, but we were Yeah, he goes and
we were the fucked that guy never kills He's killing
(22:36):
him there. Yeah, open the door. It's just like six
foot three solo choking his ass.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
Bro.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
They're like he's strangling him on stage and half of
the audience is trying to get him off. But everybody's
going yeah, yeah. People are pumped because he was so bad.
It was bad. He like his side. So we were
at the cafe. Also shout out to the Cafe and
the Big Comedy Club on Lancashire and Jack Junior and
(23:07):
Jack and big shout out. It was his wife, Terry.
Big shout out, big shout out. I turned into a
billiards club. I don't care. I turned to a billiards
club anyways. So my friend bombed at the cafe and
made a big mistake, but a date and the day
was hot as hell. That's the worst, the worst, definitely,
(23:30):
And then they can bring out her stay Yeah. And
then all the other people around him were killing She
said outside, we're smoking a joint. He said, maybe enough
for you. Oh, he was giving her ship for not
laughing his day. Told him maybe stand up isn't For years,
(23:54):
they try to stop us, and we can't be stopped.
They try, bro, They tried to build walls between us,
but we built bridges. Hell. Yeah, man, believe it. Thank
you so much, thanks for having us. Been an honor
and a pleasure. Always good seeing you.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
With aeric Andre.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
All right, listen up, we got something sposial for you.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Got a burning story that you're itching to tell about
when you bombed or absolutely failed in life.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Now's your chance to tell me all about it, Babo.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
I want to hear your worst, most cringe worthy What
the fuck was I thinking?
Speaker 2 (24:27):
What just happened? Moment?
Speaker 1 (24:28):
So pick up your phone and dial seven to one
six bombing. That's seven one six two six six twenty
four sixty four and leave me a voicemail.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
And we might just play it on a future episode.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Bombing with Eric Andre is brought to you by Will
Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcast. Our executive
producer is Olivia Aguilar. Our producer is Bei Wang, Our
research assistant is David Carliner. Our editor in sound designers
Andy Harris, and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg. Go
rate us five stars and drop a review on your
podcast app a choice
Welcome to Bombing with Eric Andre, the podcast where I
talk with friends, comedians, musicians, and other creative people about
their worst moments on stage and being blitz beyond belief.
This week's guest is Felipe A Sparza, comedian extraordinaire. He
talks about doing stand up all over the country and
a near death experience involving an unruly heckler and a
beer bottle.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Let's get into it, Oh.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Bombing Balm with Eric Andre.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Felipe is Sparza. What's up? The man, the myth, the leger,
the sex symbol?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
What's up?
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Everybody?
Speaker 4 (00:36):
Everybody confuses him for Benicio del Toro. I said, no, man,
Felipe is more handsome, has more oscars, more Emmy's more
golden globes than Benicio and Mark Anthony and.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Danny Trejo combined.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
I love it, man.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Can we say that?
Speaker 3 (00:57):
All?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Right?
Speaker 3 (00:57):
So?
Speaker 4 (00:57):
I got a new podcast, man, It's called bomb Bombing Food.
I just asked people, what the shittiest gig, the worst
they've ever bombed, ever, what that story is? It can
be the worst bomb you've ever done, the worst you've
ever seen that you weren't a part of, just the
worst bomb you've ever seen, and also the most wasted
(01:17):
you've ever been on stage, like back in the day
when you were like the movie train spotting Times New Jack.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
City, Times from New jer City.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
But okay, what's the worst bomb you think you ever
the most you've ever like fell on your face on stage?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Me ah, man, I bombed like we're hard ones in
the beginning, you know, when like when you're out there
with a bunch of comedy friends and everybody's on the show.
Everybody's getting paid, but forty dollars, I guess probably in
Sampedro at the Sheraton Hotel bar. Yeah, they had a bar.
(01:58):
It was called the Shark Tank. I know the cut
of the bar, like it's we's San Pedro. Let's California.
Oh that's not Texas, No, Sam Piedro, California. By the
other side of Long Beach. There were First of all,
there was a big ship above the stage because it's
like it's like a ship, like a pirate ship, ship
pirates ship, a ship kid just hanging and everybody bombing,
(02:20):
like the wost every comedian bomb is it packed a
big audience, Yeah, like sixty people scattered not paying attention.
They're bombing. Everybody's bombing doing hard and I'm going to
backboard man, suck the one hither right here Long Beach
early day. They're not really hit the hit the seven
(02:41):
ten north, then they're not already get on a six
or five north, then hit the five north and make
it to Hollywood. They stuck. And a lot of us
have part time jobs too. But I went up there
and I bombed too. Yeah, what was it like? I
would considered a bomb because I recovered bro good at
(03:03):
the end. Yeah, yeah, because I was honest. No, you
told me your worst bomb. That's not the story. I know. Man.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
You gotta tell me the story of the tongueing dude
that was going to kill you if I wasn't really
bombing that one, Okay, but you got to tell that
story if you don't mind talk toalked about.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Him as if my friend now, Joey Verdina, he is
a comedian. This guy's an ex boxer, a professional boxer,
ex police officer and Tucson. Now he's a film director
and he like he put me in the first film
El Matador. A man searching for his balls that's the title,
(03:42):
and Macho door oor man searching for his balls and
he put me in it. He and this guy always
had like a way to make money when he got
to a leg, you know, he had a hustle that
he made his own, his old karate delbo tape talk defence.
It sold it to people.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
Wow, incredible.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
So here's me up, Beef, But you want to make
a hundred dollars? I said, yes, I do Thursday night
at at the Roadhouse Cafe in Wilmington, California. Yeah, and
after the name of it was just called a roadhouse Cafe.
Nothing to do with the movie. It's just the cafe.
And when we get there, she's a promoter. I gether.
We knew Alreadys and this guy's like a specific islander
(04:23):
but not not samoe In or tongue In, just specific
calendar or Filipino. We worked with him before. So there's
like a big Samoan birthday party, right, and they're they're singing,
they're having a good time, they're high five in each
other and they all like linebackers two. They're the giants.
They're giant dude, and they stopped the karaoke that we're
(04:46):
doing to start the comedy show. Hey, surprise comedy show. No,
that's always bad. So the host bring me up first,
and then I'm up there, man, doing my thing and
nothing man like, they're boo, you can slowly start hearing,
and you know, man, it's like when when bombing feels
(05:08):
like man, when you set your alarm to slowly start like.
So they cut off the karaoke and the time and
you go up. Do you go up to like just
nothing or there music?
Speaker 3 (05:28):
You know?
Speaker 2 (05:28):
The host that was hoping a karaoke turn, he had
to do comedy in that for about an hour. So
you Philippe Sparsa and I'm up there and and then
the some moments you like, fuck Mexicos right away, what
the fuck? Fuck Mexicans. Fuck Mexicans. And I said, come on, bro,
(05:53):
no color lines, no color lines. Can we all just
get along? Everybody talk laughing, bro, everybody starts laughing. Then
he goes, what happened, man? I know there was karaoke here. Boo,
how about this, man, we should just bring back karaoke.
You want to sing lets? You want to sing a
(06:14):
jet song? Right, that's your people write? A jet song
is jets like the tongue in like jets is a
tongue in band, and they have a song that songs
exactly like one of Selena's songs. Yeah, I mean, I mean,
he goes, I can't confused. I can't do both of
(06:36):
them without getting confused with the other one. And then
I went on a rabbit hole once and the author
of both songs had offered both of songs at the
same time, and he just plaited it. Oh whoa, So
it was okay, so you said, I'm good fall in
love again. That's Selena song, but the other one is
(06:57):
I don't know, but similar Rich we got Listen. These
people are also moing man like saying, let's play a
Sovurdoran song to a bunch of Mexicans, bro, And they
tell you, how fuck you? Said O the you know,
with a derogatory for star Dorian. They call each other
said ot there, which means shithead. But to each other
it's cool, you know. But if a Mexican called another
(07:23):
said of sour door, said out there, like call him
the N word, I don't know how the tone changes. Okay,
so they got the equivalent of a tongue in and
some moments so I when I one, I yellow a tongue.
Let's have a Jets song. It was like, let's play
a les pay some sour dooran song. Let's bring it
(07:46):
a surd and soccer team. But they they the audience
took it at this guy has balls, you know, like
to throw that out there. So they all laughed, Yeah, yeah,
they all laugh except that guy didn't laugh.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
He was pissed.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Yeah, and then he threw a bottle at me. Oh
my god, I love that you didn't lead with this story.
He threw a bottle at me, like a Corona bottle.
And then and then now I missed me. Oh fuck.
And then I said, at least it was a Mexican
beer ray, but just take any matter. And I'm not
(08:27):
his group and laughing. But they're laughing at him, not
the joke. And now they're laughing at the whole situation
and the fuck. So they kicked the through out the show, right,
they kick him out of the show, and I don't
know where he went. The show continued, I guess, so
now bombing tension, you continued yourself. After the bottle, he
(08:47):
keep going, I had to earn one hundred dollars, so
he throws a ball at you. All this commussions that
you're just like and the whole time, Hey, did you
guys get the new iPhone? Gonna bring up the headliner.
I'm a feature, bro, imagine your head. You're supposed to
do forty five minutes after me, and I'm sucking up
(09:09):
the whole show. But the next box raise instigated ass
beat there. So uh so I said, Man, we're gonna
we're gonna keep the show going. Man, you what that?
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Yeah, yeah, Man. The last guy got kicked out. Man,
he's gonna I don't know where the hell you that,
but he's gone. But we're gonna we're gonna start passing
out lasting cups man, and everybody's gonna take it. We're
gonna take away all your bottles just case everybody wants
to do more domestic beer at me. And then so
(09:41):
Joey Medina doesn't want to go up, you know, he said,
let's get the fuck out of here. Yeah, ship that.
So we go outside and that's the moment Man and
waiting for us with a Knight in the parking lot.
Like he runs through the car where we're starting it right,
and then he has he has like one of those knives.
(10:01):
You know. He's a he's a blue he's a blue
collar man, you know, and he gus got too drunk
and I don't know what was wrong, had a bad
day at work. He was he was He had one
of those knives, had everything in there, Bro, He had
one of those Swiss army knives. So he had he
was started table was a was was the one to
open the wine bottle against He was too drunk to
(10:24):
take out the knives, so he took out the corks crew,
but it was a Swiss knife. He was too fund up,
one of those Swiss knife.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
Bro.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
He had an oar for his boat and everything. Bro,
He's just dark. He hit a Swiss army someone did
he was he in the car? But was he trying
to put his fist through the window to the window
man that he was shaking the car Bro like like
he was a chie rex Bro. Jurassic parked the right.
(10:55):
Oh my lord, he was a giant giant. Were you scared?
He was giant for a person who's six two, but
not compared to everybody. Was there six five, four hundred
and three hundred pounds of muscle. He was like in
shape agains. He didn't have that beaties, but he was man.
He was shaking the car. But it was funny was
(11:17):
that when he threw the bottle and his friends calmed
him down and they got kicked. They got kicked out
fucking the Samoan woman walks out to me, do you
do birthday parties? House parties? Sure, lady.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
With aer Condre with Arendre.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
Why bomb back to back in two shows? And I'm
Hawaii and Tacoma, Washington. Yeah, Hawaii, but people are threatening
you throwing bottles. No man with no laughs. My friend
used to be a comedian from the Comedy Act Theater
and I had a room in Montebello. His name was
(12:09):
one Dexter. I think it was like a part time substitute.
Teacher had a comedy comedian, One Dexter from Houston, Texas.
But he knew a guy that that booked a room
in Hawaii and then Tacoma, Washington, back to back. It
paid seven hundred dollars. Fly the fly you in the
(12:30):
night before Hawaii. We spent like an all day in
Hawaii hanging out an at eight o'clock, you do the
show the next day. You fly to Tacoma, and you
do the show the next day in Tacoma. So man,
they flew me out and I'm like, fucking never been
to Hawaii. I'm super excited. Man. I was staying at
the out Rigor, but I found out they were on
(12:51):
their own name out Rigor and our Rigor Hotel and
I hang out in Hawaii. Never been to Hawaii, man,
I was like, wow, very happy. Yeah, but here comes
the show man. Never been on it and I only
have that one TV credit Showtime Latino laugh beest of
a Hotel by Paradriquez on nineteen ninety six on Showtime.
(13:13):
Nobody saw it, and so they booked me based on that.
There was only fourteen people in the audience, and the
promoter was there because he heard that was funny, so
he never shows up. He shows up and the had
a broken leg and he puts his leg on top
of the table. He's there with his girlfriend. Fourteen people.
(13:35):
I had to do an hour host bomb features guy
bombed but nobody was threatening, right, but we bombed bro
Then I bomb like no laughs, fourteen one hour. Look
at the promoter man, sorry, man, sorry, what are you bad?
What do you doing?
Speaker 3 (13:55):
You bomb?
Speaker 2 (13:56):
How do you recover? I don't know how to recover.
I had an hour, mature. I don't even know I
had an hour mature. Maybe I was twenty minutes of mature,
but it went by past my mom got dry, so
you just try to get nervous. It was bombing, like
I felt like I never bombed at that before because
I felt like like I had an outer body experience
(14:16):
where my my my body was sat down. I watched
me bomb, just taking his head. So that was done.
I go back to the hotel and the guy said, Manes,
I'm gonna pay I'm gonna pay you in the morning,
your money rather than seven hundred dollars. So in the morning,
(14:37):
I'm hanging out with his boys and let the flights
are really late, like, oh, man, the flight's gonna leave
like an hour and a half. I kept trying the
promoter man, yeah, mar my boys will take you. Anyways,
it took me to the airport late, so I missed
my flight, right, So I told the guy, man, your
boy dropped me off at the airport late, I mean
(15:00):
my flight, What am I gonna do? Tell him that
you have an emergency. You need to get back to
the LA or whatever to Tacoma. So that's how they
left me with, like you figured out yourself basically, So
I just took a I took a later flight. Oh yeah,
paid me two hundred right there. I don't know, mother,
(15:21):
but I used those two hundred to get that flight.
The later flight, so you made zero. Yeah, So I
took a two hundred dollars they gave me, or they're
gonna give me the five hundred Tacoma to LA. Right.
So I waited in LA for an hour and for
like nine eight hours for the next flight to Tacoma.
I took another hundred on my TM and I paid
(15:43):
a hundred for that flight to get to Tacoma. So
when I get to Tacoma, they picked me up at
the airport. This black dude who looked like Tiger Woods.
Really nice guy, but I can't even find him. First
of all, my first time in Hawaii, I thought it
was gonna be like, you know, like the like in
a movie there lay back. Then it was just some
(16:03):
brother from Memphis. He was smoking a Newport in the airport,
bro like, he didn't give a fuck you. My man
use a comedian they call Felipe. I said, yeah, and
he's him, and I took off. Nice guy. I think
it was a pimp because he kept talking about how
that pitch maybe made me no money. That bitch copy
(16:23):
the airplane, take you a bus trip, made me no money.
He just kept saying that over and over on the
phone with somebody. Pitch made me no money. He took
me to go eat right away, immediately took me to
eat at a restaurant. And then he was like my escort,
which she would have drove me to the airport. But
so when I get to Takoma, I get picked up
(16:44):
by another handler, another guy, and he takes me to
the promoters guy's house and his mom is like the
late black lady, and he goes, hi, hi, man, I
always cook lunch for other comedians, and I'm like, I'm
gonna hood, bro the hood. And so she gives me
(17:05):
mac and cheese, and it's like and like she didn't
even mac and cheap, but like, I guess you made it.
In the morning, I go to the show and so
the whole show, bro is black people inside, some now
some white. That show was like they brought up half
(17:26):
of the town probably were not before me, Bro, So
like seventy they put up a rapper. They brought up
this woman to do a poem. Oh boy, this guy
painted I guess I don't know what he did. Then
they brought up a local comedian who won the contest
and his destroyed bro before me. All these jokes were
(17:51):
references of people down the street that he knows, and
everybody knew him too. So are y'all know Pooky?
Speaker 3 (17:57):
Right?
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Everybody?
Speaker 3 (18:00):
I know this?
Speaker 2 (18:01):
But yeah, yeah, and now you know it, motherfucker.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
And then they bring me up bro, and man, nothing
bro like crickets. Creak is bro, crick is dog. Then
they get more mad when I said that Chris Rock
was right, man, there's black people. Then there's you guys
here right, fuck you motherfucker. And then and then this
(18:30):
guy this, this is how bad it was, how bad
I'm bothering it was. I was bowing so bad. There's
somebody from the floor road took it in my pants,
Oh my god, like pulling you up the word. Then
I tried to throw, try to row somebody was a
funny roast I heard on BT and I heard that
(18:54):
she bet in my lap, and then that who went
up there to have a row battle with me on
stage one of the people on as you were as
you were bombing, Yeah, I can nothing ill Yeah, mid set, Bro,
we have a roast battle without me asking him across
(19:15):
chaotic already the audience and all my jokes are we're
now hitting the people because they're all like, I guess jokes.
That's only funny. I like they were telling each other
that I guess because I said that because I feel
wearing like those shoes with no socks, a get loafers,
like I was dressed real nice, but you need a
lot of lotion of ankles, you know. And I said,
(19:38):
damn man, when you make pizza up, but you gotta
make it with your hand, now your feet, And I said,
there's full other toxic pizza with your feet. And ship
nothing bro, nothing, just some people like I can't hear
like laughter but not enough. So then like I walked
off stage, boo, I walked off stage, and they took
(20:00):
me to start to the hotel, bro like like escort
and ship. It took me out of there, bro, like
a president about to be assassinated, Like they opened every
door in my head, like they rushed me.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
Out of there.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Brot here they were like when they show reggae bro,
like you know, like.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
With Arendre.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
With Arendre, what's the worst bomb you've ever seen Have
you ever seen anybody else?
Speaker 4 (20:36):
Have you ever seen fights on stage or anybody else
get the bottles thrown at them or anything like that.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
Bro, I saw the worst bombing this guy at at
one of the shows that I was on. He had
props first of all, and then he goes, he tells
this girl, hey, next time, if a pedus is too dirty,
wrap this around it, right? Can you throw that? I
heard it to ride in the head. And then he
said a lady goes, if you get lonely, hey, sit
(21:02):
on this. He throw the carrot at her. What Yeah,
and what happened? Nobody laughing, bro, nobody laughing, and they
what made it worse? The host went up there and
the destroyd with talking about him and his props for
like fifteen minutes. Oh, making fun of the guy. Yeah,
this he was saying, like, Hey, normally I would never
(21:26):
see a comedian. It's not funny when I host the
show and come up here because everybody's trying. But that
guy fucking saw No. I mean I got the worst
comic commentator. I mean that guy's bad, Like how does
he write these fucking jokes? What does he do with it?
But in the morning smoke a joint, open the refrigerator.
(21:50):
All right, what's funny today? Sausage hacky nah to teas.
Have you seen fights on stage? Yeah, man, yeah I
saw no. I saw this comedian who and who nor who?
I never seen kill right he was. It was in Bakersfield, California,
(22:13):
and yeah man, and we already went up on he
was like the host and we heard like a commotion
like yeah, and we were there talking to a bunch
of girls and you know, some people were smoking bud
smoking cigarettes outside, but we were Yeah, he goes and
we were the fucked that guy never kills He's killing
(22:36):
him there. Yeah, open the door. It's just like six
foot three solo choking his ass.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
Bro.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
They're like he's strangling him on stage and half of
the audience is trying to get him off. But everybody's
going yeah, yeah. People are pumped because he was so bad.
It was bad. He like his side. So we were
at the cafe. Also shout out to the Cafe and
the Big Comedy Club on Lancashire and Jack Junior and
(23:07):
Jack and big shout out. It was his wife, Terry.
Big shout out, big shout out. I turned into a
billiards club. I don't care. I turned to a billiards
club anyways. So my friend bombed at the cafe and
made a big mistake, but a date and the day
was hot as hell. That's the worst, the worst, definitely,
(23:30):
And then they can bring out her stay Yeah. And
then all the other people around him were killing She
said outside, we're smoking a joint. He said, maybe enough
for you. Oh, he was giving her ship for not
laughing his day. Told him maybe stand up isn't For years,
(23:54):
they try to stop us, and we can't be stopped.
They try, bro, They tried to build walls between us,
but we built bridges. Hell. Yeah, man, believe it. Thank
you so much, thanks for having us. Been an honor
and a pleasure. Always good seeing you.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
With aeric Andre.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
All right, listen up, we got something sposial for you.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Got a burning story that you're itching to tell about
when you bombed or absolutely failed in life.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Now's your chance to tell me all about it, Babo.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
I want to hear your worst, most cringe worthy What
the fuck was I thinking?
Speaker 2 (24:27):
What just happened? Moment?
Speaker 1 (24:28):
So pick up your phone and dial seven to one
six bombing. That's seven one six two six six twenty
four sixty four and leave me a voicemail.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
And we might just play it on a future episode.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Bombing with Eric Andre is brought to you by Will
Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcast. Our executive
producer is Olivia Aguilar. Our producer is Bei Wang, Our
research assistant is David Carliner. Our editor in sound designers
Andy Harris, and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg. Go
rate us five stars and drop a review on your
podcast app a choice
Host
Eric Andre
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