August 27, 2025 • 31 mins
Hey everyone! We're bringing you another episode from the vault. Eric and David talk about bombing in Las Vegas during Christmas. Everyone knows why they are there. They discuss the difficulties of opening for a celebrity headliner and David witnesses a elderly threesome at a La Quinta hot tub.
Tell us your most cringeworthy bombs! Call 716-BOMBING (716-266-2464) and leave a voicemail.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to another episode of Bombing with Eric Andre,
where I talk with friends, comedians, musicians, and other creative
people about their worst moments on stage and being destroyed
by a live audience. This time I was blessed by
Sierra Leones. Funny man David Bori. He's written on my
projects and he's just the coolest.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Guy in the world. Where Pod Brothers.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
He co hosts the podcast My Mama Told Me, also
on the Big Money Players Network, where each week he
and Langston Kerman dive into a new black conspiracy theory.
You can listen to my episode called it Could Be
a Crackhead about the infamous Crichton Leprechan viral video. But
on this episode of Bombing, we talked about stories from
the Motherland and how insane it is to be in
the road on Christmas, especially in Las Vegas.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Let's get out to it.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Bombing with Eric.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Andre David Bori in the house.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Man, I miss you. How are you doing all right?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
So I got a podcast. You have a podcast, It's
called Bombing. Bombing we are year with one of my
favorite comedians. We toured together. He's written for the Eric
Andre Show, the voice of Comedy Central, the sex symbol.
He's the body of an Adonis and the ass of
(01:16):
mccullay cocaine. Yeah, yeah, David Borie, everybody. He first of all,
your name is spelled g b oh r, I E.
Did I get it right? But the G is silent?
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Is silent?
Speaker 2 (01:37):
How bad have people fucked up and mispronounced your name?
Give me like a little what do you? What do
you get?
Speaker 3 (01:42):
My high school football coach, he said orgy, which is
like you can't read. Yeah, he was like orange. It
was the first day of weightlifting and he was like
the Borgy orgy, and it's like you can't read, Like
that's the problem, not my orgy.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
It is crazy, especially when.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
You're a virgin. You can't live up to that. Thank god.
I went to a different school next year. I remember
even I think I'd seen a boob and then you
call me orgy. I can't live like that.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
All right, what is the worst you've ever bombed on stage?
Speaker 3 (02:18):
This is so funny that you because I was telling Olivia,
your producer, also the producer from my Mama told me, Oh,
I was telling her. I just got off of my
worst bombing weekend of my entire career. Christmas weekend in
Las Vegas. It was it was what happened, Dog, It's
just like it just got so much worse, Like it
(02:38):
started Christmas eve eve.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
So what was the venue?
Speaker 4 (02:41):
What was it? What was it?
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Give us some context was this I don't want to
say the venue, Okay, give us like the type of venue.
Were you playing a casino? Are you playing a theater?
Was it a room?
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Was it it was like off of a strip mall
next to the casino.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
It was a theater?
Speaker 4 (02:53):
Or what was it?
Speaker 2 (02:54):
A comedy club?
Speaker 3 (02:54):
It was a it was a comedy club, high high ceilings.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Comedy club, crowd far.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
Far away, and it was the type of people who
were in Las Vegas on Christmas.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, that's a tough crowd.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
And I bomb, Like so I start on Thursday night
and I bomb consecutively worse.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Oh, every show, every single fucking show.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
And I tried to go.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
So like two at night, three at night, a night. Everyone,
Oh my god, that's a night. That's purgatory. That's a
black marror episode, dog.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
And then I had to go to sleep, wake up,
go to Gordon Ramsey's restaurant and face that shit again
and again.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
God, what was the talent. What was like the producer
or whatever the booker saying to you.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
They don't even give a ship because it's Vegas. They
just these people are gonna be here anyways. It's not
about putting on a good show. It's just having them
go somewhere for an hour and a half so they
don't gamble.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Were you with any other comedian that you could commiserate
with and be like, oh, this is horrible.
Speaker 4 (03:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
I was with Steve Aj, Stephen AJ, my fellow brother.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
This is Steve ag No, no, no, this is this
is Stephen Aj.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Yeah, and he also was bombed.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
So were you guys just like halfway through it like
this is hell on Earth?
Speaker 4 (04:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (04:09):
It was, because it was like every night you bomb
and then they let you loose on Las Vegas to
like think about it. Yeah, but it's also Christmas Eve. Yeah,
so now it's like Christmas Eve in Vegas. You're in
a piano bar and Harah's just like thinking about everything
you've ever done wrong.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
It's like the saddest Christmas all the time. Christmas it's
so much work. As piano's bombed. In February, you want
to give a ship?
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Yeah, no, but Christmas Eve. I'm just like trying to
do the math of like what time can I call
my mom and have her not worry that I'm doing
as bad as I am right now?
Speaker 2 (04:45):
It was so, did you have to do an hour?
Speaker 3 (04:47):
I had to do forty five? Yeah, forty five forty five?
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Sorry? Described the crowd to us? What's the crowd like,
give us a paint us a picture?
Speaker 3 (04:54):
Couples where one of them had kids in one didn't,
and those kids were out of state.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
I don't even know how to respond to that.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
What does that mean?
Speaker 3 (05:05):
It's people who would go to Las Vegas for Christmas talk?
Speaker 2 (05:07):
So is that like like Jimmy Buffett parent head white people,
or is it like.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
No, It's like it's like it's like people who are
they troubled? They were happier than I was to be there,
which is odd. But I haven't even told you the
worst of two parts of it.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Okay, God go ahead, Okay.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
The worst part was like one night I ran into
the arms of a sex worker. That was the only
way I thought it could get better. It did not
get better. So then I wake up on Christmas.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
You ran into the arms of the sex breaker. It's
such a beautiful poetic way of saying I bought a
hooker for that.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
No, because dude, it gets so much deeper because we
didn't actually have sex. It was very complicated.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Well that's conceptual, is it.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
It sounds sad. So then I wake up on Christmas.
Christmas is our last show. We only have to do
one show on Christmas, and I'm like, all right, just
one show and then I'm free. Lord, I was going
to Hawaii the next day. I was like, I'm free.
We're gonna be okay, I'll be okay, right, I wake up,
I'm doing my thing. The club owner calls me on
(06:13):
Christmas Day. He's like, hey, Lunell missed her flight. And
I was like, I don't know what that has to
do with me. Oh no, he wanted you to do more.
Lunell does the late show every Sunday night at this show,
and it's on Christmas and she missed her flight and
he's like, you want to just do it? I was like,
And then he talks about the pay, and.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
I'm like, okay, the pay was good.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
The whole reason I was even there was because the
pay was incredible.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Yeah, yeah, right. Money changes the conversation.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
Which is no, but this is what it locked into me,
is like now I'm like, I'm never doing this ever again.
I'm never doing comedy just for money. This is the worst.
So it's Lunell's crowd on Christmas. They don't tell anybody
that she's not gonna make it until people start showing
up for the show. No, in between shows, the club
(07:04):
owner comes up and he's like, people are fucking freaking
out downstairs. Have to figure out they want their money back.
So people who stayed are people who are so pissed,
but they refuse to get a refund. And they wanted
Lunell and it's me. They wanted Lunell on Christmas and
(07:25):
it's me. It's me, you hear me, It's me. I
got no Hunell. And then the club owner starts getting crazy,
like kind of racist, like he takes me and Steve aside.
He's like, listen, just so you guys know, it's an
urban show.
Speaker 4 (07:38):
So just you know.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
My brother.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
Yeah, she never holds back, just just just letting go.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Baby, somebody who has never done comedy once and.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Then so and then yeah, her opener made it so
her opener was there, and then I had to headline
Munell's show on Christmas for a bunch of old black
aunties who were pissed.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Oh my god. I wasn't how'd you do well?
Speaker 3 (08:10):
Thank god a guy was wearing a wife beater, cause
I got to be like, are you wearing a wife beater?
And his wife was like yeah, oh, and then I
got twenty five minutes out of that.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
That was just saving grace.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
Yeah. I made him stand up and spin around.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
And you're just grabbing at straws the whole weekend. It
was never We're just doing crowd work at one point
where you're like my jokes, they don't want my jokes.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
Yeah. I never got any traction ever. They never liked me,
they were never into it. I never understood what they
were doing there. They never understood what I was doing there.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Did you just feel like you wanted to quit doing
stand up comedy at the end of it, Yeah, where
you're like, I'm going to paint houses the rest of
my life.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
Yeah. I went to Hawaii like the day afterwards, and
I was like I might just not come back. I
was like trying to figure it out in my head.
I was like, you know, you got other things you do,
you can you can make money other way, like you
don't have to.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
The thing is, we have no we have no comics
of no other life skill.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
No, bro, I can't build anything.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
I'm useless. I'm fucking like a useless skill set. If
this ends, there's nothing, What am I gonna do? There's nothing.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
I haven't had a real job in fifteen years.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
There's nothing entry level. I would have to I would
have to deliver pizzas.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
I would have to do y.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Yeah, yeah, I'd be temping living pizzas, going up to
a construction site with a hammer, Like, hey, I could
fucking hammer some nails in be fucking that. I would
get fired from that.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
I couldn't even do that. I'd have to like go
get their lunches.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
I would just like break both my legs and collect
disability or something. I would just have somebody's steamroll over
my foot.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Yeah, what are you gonna do tomorrow? This ends tomorrow?
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Chop off a couple of toes, be like, yeah, I
got diabetes, just collect disability.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Did you ever have a job you were good at
besides this?
Speaker 4 (09:54):
Never?
Speaker 2 (09:54):
I was the worst employee. I was so fucking incompetent, lazy,
had no I I was useless. I was useless every
job I ever had. Yeah, like I fired all the time, lectured, Yeah,
I got fired alive. I waited table. I lied when
I first moved to New York. And I told the
(10:14):
guy I was twenty one years old and I told
the guy that I waited table since I was fourteen.
Total lie. And he's like, all right, well start waiting tables.
And I was like, oh, how do you do that?
I was dropping plates, I was burning myself. I was
eating food off the customer's thing when like they would
like beat in the bathroom and the other waiters like
you can't do that, man. I was like, I'm so hungry, bro,
(10:36):
I'm fucking starving. I was horrible. And then the guy
that the boss came in a few days later, he goes, all,
my waiter said, you look pretty nervous out there, and
you wanted to just start as a busboy, and I
had some weird ego about it. I was like, fuck, no, man,
I'm a waiter till I d I e and then
I quit and I was like so broken, hungry, and
I was like why did I just say that? And
(10:56):
I'm like, I'm not a waiter. I'm a liar. Yeah, no,
I should have just bus tables, like I'm a fucking idiot.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
The only job I ever had, I was good at
working at the gas station.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
You worked at a gas station.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
But I also let all my friends steal.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Really I worked at like four.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Different gas stations in like two different states.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Yeah, you see any crazy shit? You see any brawls
at a gas station or anything? Or was a mellow, not.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
Really brawls, But like, I did work overnight, so I
just see a lot of weird people getting out. There
was a bar next door called Finoogis, and you would
just see weird people getting out of the bar late
at night, clearly driving like drunk. This is rural Colorado. Correct,
this is like Aurora. It's not that rural like the suburbs.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I interviewed the Beastie Boys one time and I asked them,
I think it was an ad rock deep respond I go,
what's the craziest thing you guys grew up in New
York City. What's the craziest thing you ever saw on
the subway? And he said he saw two hasidic dudes
French kissing deep French kissing on the on the subway.
Middle of the day. I was like, that's a mind
blowing just two rabbis going out at it.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
It's like a poster in your art school girlfriend's apartment.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
It was like, it's kind of like an Eric Andre
show bit. Can I borrow that from this.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
In some type of blasphemy? Like if you do that,
they won't let you get buried somewhere? I'm sure?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Yeah, worth it? So any other bombing stories, any other
things that you like.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
So there was this one. There was this one open
mic that I was at in San Francisco at this
place called the Brainwash that isn't there anymore. It was
like a laundry mat slash open mic.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Oh, it sounds like a great venue.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Oh that's where I started.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
Maybe.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
It was like there was this guy and he was
like bugging the host to get up, bugging the host
to get up, and the host was like, fuck you man,
I'm not putting you up, and the guy just kept
bugging him, kept bugging him, and finally the host puts
him up, and the guy just starts eating ship And
it's only five minutes, right, yeah, but he's just eating
a bag of Dixie's so terrible he decides to turn
on the host and start making fun of the host.
(12:58):
The host grabs a knife and try us to stab it.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
What.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Yeah, that was pretty great. And then everybody like grabbed
the host and like carry him outside.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
The host had a knife and was ready to commit
on the side.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
No, he didn't have a knife. He like grabbed it.
It was like we're those silk They were walked because
it was like laundry mat slash bar slash. They served
food to.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
A laundry mat that served food and beer and like booze.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
Yeah, and they had pitball.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
What kind of magical laundry mat is this?
Speaker 3 (13:28):
Ah? So if anybody here.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
You could wash your clothes and do and and.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
Drink and watch my comedy. It was really great.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
So he grabbed a knife from the kitchen, well.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Like from the counter like they had the uh you
know they have the thing where they keep all the
silver were in like I think they had just got done.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
He grabbed like a butter knife. He grabbed a.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
He grabbed a butter knife, and it was like trying to
go and then everybody like carried him outside.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
That's like a Michelle Gondry music video.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
Yeah, it was great.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
I was in a laundry mat doing my clothes, but
I was also doing stand up, but I was also
There was also a restaurant and a bar, and then
people were fighting with butter knives.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
It was really great. I missed those old days of
stand up when it was scary.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Yeah, they're fucking rap. They were hell, but they were
like they made us men.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
Yeah that's just sad.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Yeah, that's kind of like, Yeah, it's not as you
can always go back to those shows. Those shows still exist, Yeah,
but you it's.
Speaker 3 (14:22):
Like, I don't even move the way that I used to.
I was like back then, I was supposed to be
in that room. Now it's like a weird.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
It's a weird feeling going back to those it's a
weird sadness going back to those room. You feel like
something is terribly wrong.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
I don't sleep on a couch anymore. I'm not excited
about the potential of what's gonna happen anymore and scared.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
I went to Columbus, Ohio one time to do a gig.
It was it was at a small venue. It felt
like almost like a sports bar, but they had a stage.
It had a proper stage and a mic, and they
did book me like they flew me out. They paid
me like a decent check, and I don't know. I
think this is like right before the air Gunders show started.
(15:04):
But I'm on stage and I'm doing well. I wasn't bombing.
I was on stage just all college kids. The place
is packed. Maybe it was like season one of the
air Gun Show. Not sure place is packed. I'm doing well.
There's this super drunk white girl in the front of
and like front row, texting the whole time, talking oblivious
(15:24):
to me on stage, oblivious of the gesus part of
a show. And I'm like trying to like roast her plightly,
to be like, hey, I'm in the middle of work
right now, sweetie, can you shut the fuck up? Like
doing like little things like that, like playfully, like trying
to get her to shut the fuck up. But she won't,
and she's being belligerent and texting, and I go, give
me your phone, and she's like okay, okay, And then
(15:45):
I grabbed her phone. I looked up mom in her
contacts and I texted. I texted her mom mom dot
I've always had a thing for dad. And the crowd
erupts like oh shit, and I'm like, and I was like,
I'm gonna hold your phone up here until you're starts responding.
Her mom starts responding crazy, shit, I'm running back shit.
And then I give her phone back, thinking like that
(16:05):
you've been reprimanded. Now you can you can do damage
control with your mom. You can say that, you know,
that's her opportunity to be like, oh comedian and grab
my phone and he's fucking with you. And then she
was so drunk, I don't think she processed anything that happened.
And she just kept blabbing away and kept being fucking annoying.
So it's like, goddamn it, sorry, I can give me
your phone, and I go, hey, everybody, I'm gonna pass
this phone around. Let's pass it around the whole audience
(16:28):
and just text any text her mom, text her dad,
texts anybody in her phone, anything you want, and like
hundreds of kids got access to her phone and text that.
God knows what. I have no idea what the kids did.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Amazing.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Then the phone, the phone got back to her and
she's kind of like in and out and then she's
like grabs her phone. She starts looking at it, and
I see her turn like bugs bunny thermometer red with anger,
with like drunken anger, and like just like inhaling all
the fucking foul texts these college kids are sending to
like every one of her friends and family and anyone
(17:03):
in her phone ex boyfriends, old bosses, people she currently
works with, who knows, who knows what? Jima, yeah, gimon
pop pop, Like yeah, I'll just like just the fucking
heinous debris that these people, these vitriol that whatever. I
have no idea, I'm not responsible entirely for what they said,
but like just heinous cribes against humanity. So I see
(17:28):
her just reacting to all these incoming ship on her phone,
and then she just and then I just go back
and I'm like kind of clocking it out of the
corner of my eye, and I just go back to
my set, like hey, what's up with the due Blibbity
blue or whatever. Then she just jumps on stage and
swings like a big haymaker at me, and I like whoa,
and like matrix tight sheet out of the way. She
(17:50):
almost punched me right in the face. And then I'm
like looking at security like help help me. And then
like some college kids just kind of like dragged her
as real security.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
Yeah, it was. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
I was like the security didn't mean to help. They
were like cracking up in the background. They're like this
guy's crazy.
Speaker 4 (18:06):
Man.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
I was like, no, help me out right now, and
I had some like eighteen year old kids like help
me out. So like the kids like kind of like
dragged her out. And then finally security came in dragged
her out, and I was like, what the fuck? And
but like the crowd is eruptive at this point. It
was actually a really good set and the crowd's erupted
and I kind of ended early after that. I was like,
there's not really any jokes I can do after this.
(18:28):
I can't go back to like be like did you
see Game of Thrones or whatever the fuck?
Speaker 4 (18:31):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Yeah, I was like, the set's gonna be short, but whatever,
I'm going out on a high. And then as I'm
leaving the venue, she's outside in the hallway and I'm like,
oh fuck, and she looks at me like none of
that ever even happened, and she was like, what, so,
can I get a sound failing you? And I was
like really, it's like her brain just control all deleted everything.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
And she was like, what's up.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
She's like, I had a great time to do and
like no anger. She was just like, whoa, that was fun,
Like comedy, That's what a comedy show is. Like, I
was like, didn't I just like destroy your life fifteen ways?
Speaker 3 (19:11):
Everybody said that you were trying to blow your brother
And now she's just like, hey, yeah, she's just.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Like that was fun. Comedy shows are crazy.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
With Aeric Codre, with Aeric Condrey.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Well, what's the worst you've ever seen?
Speaker 4 (19:34):
Somebody?
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Mom, oh I have that. I wrote this one down too.
This was this was in Denver years ago. We were
at this bar called the Lions. Theyre yeah, and this guy.
You know how when you first start comedy, there's these
guys who were like, you were technically a comic, but
mostly you're just like trying to stay out of jail,
you know what I mean. Yeah, don't like these guys
on that. I mean, everybody you start.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
With is a total psychopath.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Yeah, one hundred percent. Like in the beginning, it's like
all crazy people.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
In the beginning, you're surrounded by loonatics.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
Yeah. So this was one of those guys and we
were at the Lions.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Like where's the Lions Layer.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
It's off a Colfax in Denver, like the old Colfax
if you remember, it was pretty pretty wild.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Is it like a comedy club?
Speaker 4 (20:17):
What is it?
Speaker 3 (20:18):
No, it's just a bar. It's just a a shitty bar,
a dive. But it's classic. But we were the Lions.
Like this guy comes in with this girl and he's
like one of those guys he's just known for being
nuts or whatever. And he goes on stage and he
does this whole bombing, does this whole bit about how
much he loves this girl named Allison, who was the
girl he brought, and he's saying crazy. He's like, oh
(20:41):
my god, he's like declaring his love for He says it.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
How is she reacting?
Speaker 4 (20:46):
Bro?
Speaker 3 (20:46):
He says. At one point he's like, he's like, I
love you Allison. She is like if some guy came
in here and he had AIDS and he pulled out
his dirty AIDS ridden dick and he said I would
have to suck that dick to save your life, I
would do it to say you Allison. Right, So he's
saying all this crazy shit bombing. The girl puts her
(21:07):
head in her hands like she's crying right the bar
center of this guy Tony. He thinks that she's laughing
because he thinks it's funny because he's a degenerate. So
she's crying with the head in their hands. Tony comes
up and slaps her on the back. It's like like
I know, right, And she's crying and Tony's like ha,
(21:31):
And then the comic asks her to marry him. He's like,
and Alison, just in front of here, in front of
all these people, I just want to ask, will you
marry me? And she goes, you already know the answer,
and she runs out and he ran out. Oh my lord,
it was really amazing. Why did that guy do this?
(21:52):
Because he's crazy, man, because he's crazy.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
In like a shitty dive bar, dude, like not a
romantic setting.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
And she's crying into her hands and the bartenders just
got his hand on her back like three times. This
is great. Yeah, it was.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
It was sucking aide, dick to save you. It's like,
no one asked you to say that's a crazy scenario.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
It was a crazy scenario.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
And it's not stand up. So it's just he's just
bombing and he's like stinking.
Speaker 4 (22:22):
Up the room.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
Everybody, and you know we're all up there just waiting
to go, like.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Just waiting to tell Joe j alright, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
I'm just joking about the bus. I was gonna tell
And now you're gonna fucking talk about sucking aids. Dick.
Everybody eld me in the room is into this dude.
And then she ran out and he followed her. It
is great.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Oh shit, that's fucking crazy.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
Yeah, it was really good, really really good.
Speaker 4 (22:53):
With a andre with a recdre.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
What's the craziest ship you've ever seen in your life
before your very very eyes. And it doesn't have to
be anything dark, oh like, but just like fucking Tony
taking a big dump on the subway kind of wild.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
I don't know the craziest thing I've ever seen in
my wife. That's a hard one.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
It's a hard one I've seen. Yeah, it's hard.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
It's hard.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
I saw three dudes banging it a hot and al
kinta hot tub one.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Time, just three boys having a good old time.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
Yeah, well I think I think it was two old
dudes and then the younger one was a sex worker
because he was like way too hot for them.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Oh, it was like a lemon party.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
I was opening for Stevo with the Bray Improv and
I don't have a car. You know, I don't drive,
so I had to get a spot at the Lakinta
because I couldn't go back and forth to LA the
whole weekend.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Ah, dude, I fucking tub I'll give you a radulqude.
I'm fucking these two guys.
Speaker 3 (24:02):
Later he didn't. He didn't, which sucks. So then I
was just like I had like a couple of tall kids,
and I was like, but from what I saw around
the corner, it looked like it was like a train, Like.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
It was a dude the human centipede.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
Yeah, that's what it looked like. But like I got there,
they split up.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
You were you were a bit of a party Boober. Yeah,
you're a cock blocker. Which it was weird because I
wanted to be like, hey, they do it like I don't.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
He got school, dude, whatever. It like, it's cool, it's
reddit else I'm gonna go to be sad, like you're
having a better night. I bomb in front of Steven
did you bomb? I didn't do great. They just watched
(24:50):
Steve bo you know what I mean. So it's like
anything else.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Is not opening up for a celebrity is a tough
fucking nugget.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
It's I haven't really done it a lot.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
That's the hardest I ever bomb opening up for Chris Rock.
I really, that's the hardest I bombed in like recent life.
CLOSEI recent life. I mean like the first like ten
years of doing stand up is bombing. But like in
recent life, that was a fucking harsh.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
Was it like a bill? Was it like a big venue, huge.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Theater in New Orleans, huge beautiful theater, And I like
I never did great opening up for his audience. I
would just like hold my ground, you know. I would
just do like short enough and well enough where they
like would to completely turn on me. But I was
never lighting up the night sky right, but they let
(25:41):
you do it. But this night I was struggling so hard.
My girlfriend came to the show the first three nights,
so I was like really trying to fucking bring my
egg and then she left a day early. And then
the day she left and I didn't have the pressure
of impressing her. I like kind of was phoning it
in and not realizing it. And I was like halfway
(26:02):
through my set and then the crickets are getting louder,
and I wasn't really paying attention. Then I just hear
this guy in the back go next, and I was like,
well and instead of instead of like just getting the
fuck out of there or trying to like roll into comedy,
I was like, I was like, I turned into fucking
what's that Patrick Swazy movie Roadhouse? I turned into a
(26:23):
guy from Roadhouse. I get up here, motherfucker and say
that to my face. WHOA Because I was like gonna
try to like, yeah, I don't know. I turned into
like the bad guy from fucking Karate Kids. And I
was like because I was like, I was like, in
my mind, I'll get him up here and I'll roast
him and then like and like he's like, I'm not moving,
I'm not going up to you kidding me. I'm like
getting like an expensive seat. I'm just chilling in the
(26:44):
back and making fun of you. And then I tried
to like and then after that, I tried to like
roll into another joke. I was like, Oh, anyway, Side
Belts a crazy show or whatever the fun and then
uh boy did I bomb? And then I just remember this,
It's like Puerto Rican, dude, in the front row looked
up and he goes, come on, Eric, you can do
(27:04):
better than this.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Oh no, because he loves like he.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Kind of liked me, and I was like, shit, man,
I can't. I can't, dude, I can't. I'm like, I
just try to do I like try to end on
my most universal joke with that Cuban sign and like
kind of got like a that, but I already like
fucking Cobra Kai dojo the fucking comper motherfuffer, Like like
(27:33):
I got off stage in Hannibal was there. He's like,
this isn't a bar show. You can't be like come
on up here, like just I'm like drunk at like
a bar. This is like thousands of people man like
they're not gonna go leave their seat to like what
fistfight you on stage? Like that's crazy? What do you
think's going on here? And uh, I just remember being
dead devastated. But Chris and his tour managers were so
(27:55):
sweet about it. They were like, oh yeah. Chris was like, oh,
give me a big hug, and he was like, ask
me what happened when Prince opened up for the Rolling Stones.
I go, what happened? And he goes people were like boo,
like throwing bottles at prints, like get off the fucking stage.
Would rolling stones?
Speaker 4 (28:09):
That makes me feel better.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
That made me feel a little bit better. And then
his tour managers like old school dude who like tour
managed James Brown and Ship and he was like, ask
me what happened when Chris played London? I go, what happened?
He goes, he bomb so fucking bad and it was
our first show of the tour and I was like,
oh yeah, and he goes and then he was so frustrated.
He like went back to the club like as they
(28:31):
were closing at eleven pm, and he's like, just get
me back on stage, and he like proceeded to have
like the best set of his life. He's like, bombing
makes you stronger, man, it doesn't make you weaker. He
was like an old like beat neck. Yeah he's really nice.
So that made me feel better.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
But I mean, do you like bombing? Are you one
of those guys who like some.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Common that's like nor McDonald said he had like bombing,
And Kevin Barnett used to tell me yeah, Kevin, yeah, yeah,
He's like I like that. The audience like paid all
his money they they thought me, and they're like pissed
about it, But I don't know. To me, I'm too sensitive. Man,
I don't mind if if there's like a bunch of
comics on the show and they're all bombing, then I'm okay.
(29:10):
But it was just me bombing. It was like this
was the lineup for the show. By the way, it
was like Jeff Ross who crushed, then me who bombed,
then like Hannibal, then Dave Chappelle, then Chris Rock and
they all like destroyed one. I was the one week link.
It was a nightmare scenario. And I'm like up against
(29:30):
like like the Mount Rushmore stand up comedy, you.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
Know what I mean, that's the worst. I remember one
time I opened for the Waynes Brothers and they wouldn't
even let me meet them, and then I ate a
bag of dicks and then they for real like I
didn't just like go home like on the Bart, like,
oh dude.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
It's a long Bart ride.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
It's like Tommy T's. It was like pleasant and it
was like the last stop from the scene was like, man, yeah,
I don't like bombing either. I mean, it happens sometimes
I do get the only time I kind of like
bombing is. Sometimes I'll get in my head where I'll
be like, for whatever reason, I'll decide that I don't
like them, yeah, and then and then I'll go up
and I have it in my head that I don't
(30:17):
like them. So if I don't, if I don't do well,
I kind of feel.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Okay about it, all right, David. They said it couldn't
be done, and we done this.
Speaker 3 (30:23):
I said it couldn't be stopped.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
I said it couldn't be started. We did it, all right, buddy,
It was great talking to you. If you come to
New York, hit me ask I will, I will Denver,
I'll hit you up. Hell yeah, man, always a pleasure
with Are all right? Listen up? We got something special
(30:49):
for you.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
Got a burning story that you're itching to tell about
when you bombed or absolutely failed in life.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
Now's your chance to tell me all about it way.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
I want to hear your worst, most cringe worthy What
the fuck was I thinking?
Speaker 2 (31:02):
What just happened?
Speaker 4 (31:03):
Moment?
Speaker 1 (31:03):
So pick up your phone and dial seven one six bombing.
That's seven one six two six six twenty four sixty
four and leave me a voicemail and we might just
play it on a future episode Bombing with Eric Andre
is brought to you by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players
Network and iHeart Podcasts. Our executive producer is Olivia Aguilar.
Our producer is Bei Wang, Our research assistant is David Carliner,
(31:25):
Our editor in sound designers Andy Harris, and our art
is by Dylan Vanderberg. Go rate us five stars and
drop a review on your podcast app a choice
Welcome back to another episode of Bombing with Eric Andre,
where I talk with friends, comedians, musicians, and other creative
people about their worst moments on stage and being destroyed
by a live audience. This time I was blessed by
Sierra Leones. Funny man David Bori. He's written on my
projects and he's just the coolest.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Guy in the world. Where Pod Brothers.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
He co hosts the podcast My Mama Told Me, also
on the Big Money Players Network, where each week he
and Langston Kerman dive into a new black conspiracy theory.
You can listen to my episode called it Could Be
a Crackhead about the infamous Crichton Leprechan viral video. But
on this episode of Bombing, we talked about stories from
the Motherland and how insane it is to be in
the road on Christmas, especially in Las Vegas.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Let's get out to it.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Bombing with Eric.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Andre David Bori in the house.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Man, I miss you. How are you doing all right?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
So I got a podcast. You have a podcast, It's
called Bombing. Bombing we are year with one of my
favorite comedians. We toured together. He's written for the Eric
Andre Show, the voice of Comedy Central, the sex symbol.
He's the body of an Adonis and the ass of
(01:16):
mccullay cocaine. Yeah, yeah, David Borie, everybody. He first of all,
your name is spelled g b oh r, I E.
Did I get it right? But the G is silent?
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Is silent?
Speaker 2 (01:37):
How bad have people fucked up and mispronounced your name?
Give me like a little what do you? What do
you get?
Speaker 3 (01:42):
My high school football coach, he said orgy, which is
like you can't read. Yeah, he was like orange. It
was the first day of weightlifting and he was like
the Borgy orgy, and it's like you can't read, Like
that's the problem, not my orgy.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
It is crazy, especially when.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
You're a virgin. You can't live up to that. Thank god.
I went to a different school next year. I remember
even I think I'd seen a boob and then you
call me orgy. I can't live like that.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
All right, what is the worst you've ever bombed on stage?
Speaker 3 (02:18):
This is so funny that you because I was telling Olivia,
your producer, also the producer from my Mama told me, Oh,
I was telling her. I just got off of my
worst bombing weekend of my entire career. Christmas weekend in
Las Vegas. It was it was what happened, Dog, It's
just like it just got so much worse, Like it
(02:38):
started Christmas eve eve.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
So what was the venue?
Speaker 4 (02:41):
What was it? What was it?
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Give us some context was this I don't want to
say the venue, Okay, give us like the type of venue.
Were you playing a casino? Are you playing a theater?
Was it a room?
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Was it it was like off of a strip mall
next to the casino.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
It was a theater?
Speaker 4 (02:53):
Or what was it?
Speaker 2 (02:54):
A comedy club?
Speaker 3 (02:54):
It was a it was a comedy club, high high ceilings.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Comedy club, crowd far.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
Far away, and it was the type of people who
were in Las Vegas on Christmas.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, that's a tough crowd.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
And I bomb, Like so I start on Thursday night
and I bomb consecutively worse.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Oh, every show, every single fucking show.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
And I tried to go.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
So like two at night, three at night, a night. Everyone,
Oh my god, that's a night. That's purgatory. That's a
black marror episode, dog.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
And then I had to go to sleep, wake up,
go to Gordon Ramsey's restaurant and face that shit again
and again.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
God, what was the talent. What was like the producer
or whatever the booker saying to you.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
They don't even give a ship because it's Vegas. They
just these people are gonna be here anyways. It's not
about putting on a good show. It's just having them
go somewhere for an hour and a half so they
don't gamble.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Were you with any other comedian that you could commiserate
with and be like, oh, this is horrible.
Speaker 4 (03:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
I was with Steve Aj, Stephen AJ, my fellow brother.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
This is Steve ag No, no, no, this is this
is Stephen Aj.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Yeah, and he also was bombed.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
So were you guys just like halfway through it like
this is hell on Earth?
Speaker 4 (04:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (04:09):
It was, because it was like every night you bomb
and then they let you loose on Las Vegas to
like think about it. Yeah, but it's also Christmas Eve. Yeah,
so now it's like Christmas Eve in Vegas. You're in
a piano bar and Harah's just like thinking about everything
you've ever done wrong.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
It's like the saddest Christmas all the time. Christmas it's
so much work. As piano's bombed. In February, you want
to give a ship?
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Yeah, no, but Christmas Eve. I'm just like trying to
do the math of like what time can I call
my mom and have her not worry that I'm doing
as bad as I am right now?
Speaker 2 (04:45):
It was so, did you have to do an hour?
Speaker 3 (04:47):
I had to do forty five? Yeah, forty five forty five?
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Sorry? Described the crowd to us? What's the crowd like,
give us a paint us a picture?
Speaker 3 (04:54):
Couples where one of them had kids in one didn't,
and those kids were out of state.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
I don't even know how to respond to that.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
What does that mean?
Speaker 3 (05:05):
It's people who would go to Las Vegas for Christmas talk?
Speaker 2 (05:07):
So is that like like Jimmy Buffett parent head white people,
or is it like.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
No, It's like it's like it's like people who are
they troubled? They were happier than I was to be there,
which is odd. But I haven't even told you the
worst of two parts of it.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Okay, God go ahead, Okay.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
The worst part was like one night I ran into
the arms of a sex worker. That was the only
way I thought it could get better. It did not
get better. So then I wake up on Christmas.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
You ran into the arms of the sex breaker. It's
such a beautiful poetic way of saying I bought a
hooker for that.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
No, because dude, it gets so much deeper because we
didn't actually have sex. It was very complicated.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Well that's conceptual, is it.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
It sounds sad. So then I wake up on Christmas.
Christmas is our last show. We only have to do
one show on Christmas, and I'm like, all right, just
one show and then I'm free. Lord, I was going
to Hawaii the next day. I was like, I'm free.
We're gonna be okay, I'll be okay, right, I wake up,
I'm doing my thing. The club owner calls me on
(06:13):
Christmas Day. He's like, hey, Lunell missed her flight. And
I was like, I don't know what that has to
do with me. Oh no, he wanted you to do more.
Lunell does the late show every Sunday night at this show,
and it's on Christmas and she missed her flight and
he's like, you want to just do it? I was like,
And then he talks about the pay, and.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
I'm like, okay, the pay was good.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
The whole reason I was even there was because the
pay was incredible.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Yeah, yeah, right. Money changes the conversation.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
Which is no, but this is what it locked into me,
is like now I'm like, I'm never doing this ever again.
I'm never doing comedy just for money. This is the worst.
So it's Lunell's crowd on Christmas. They don't tell anybody
that she's not gonna make it until people start showing
up for the show. No, in between shows, the club
(07:04):
owner comes up and he's like, people are fucking freaking
out downstairs. Have to figure out they want their money back.
So people who stayed are people who are so pissed,
but they refuse to get a refund. And they wanted
Lunell and it's me. They wanted Lunell on Christmas and
(07:25):
it's me. It's me, you hear me, It's me. I
got no Hunell. And then the club owner starts getting crazy,
like kind of racist, like he takes me and Steve aside.
He's like, listen, just so you guys know, it's an
urban show.
Speaker 4 (07:38):
So just you know.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
My brother.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
Yeah, she never holds back, just just just letting go.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Baby, somebody who has never done comedy once and.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Then so and then yeah, her opener made it so
her opener was there, and then I had to headline
Munell's show on Christmas for a bunch of old black
aunties who were pissed.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Oh my god. I wasn't how'd you do well?
Speaker 3 (08:10):
Thank god a guy was wearing a wife beater, cause
I got to be like, are you wearing a wife beater?
And his wife was like yeah, oh, and then I
got twenty five minutes out of that.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
That was just saving grace.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
Yeah. I made him stand up and spin around.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
And you're just grabbing at straws the whole weekend. It
was never We're just doing crowd work at one point
where you're like my jokes, they don't want my jokes.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
Yeah. I never got any traction ever. They never liked me,
they were never into it. I never understood what they
were doing there. They never understood what I was doing there.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Did you just feel like you wanted to quit doing
stand up comedy at the end of it, Yeah, where
you're like, I'm going to paint houses the rest of
my life.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
Yeah. I went to Hawaii like the day afterwards, and
I was like I might just not come back. I
was like trying to figure it out in my head.
I was like, you know, you got other things you do,
you can you can make money other way, like you
don't have to.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
The thing is, we have no we have no comics
of no other life skill.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
No, bro, I can't build anything.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
I'm useless. I'm fucking like a useless skill set. If
this ends, there's nothing, What am I gonna do? There's nothing.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
I haven't had a real job in fifteen years.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
There's nothing entry level. I would have to I would
have to deliver pizzas.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
I would have to do y.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Yeah, yeah, I'd be temping living pizzas, going up to
a construction site with a hammer, Like, hey, I could
fucking hammer some nails in be fucking that. I would
get fired from that.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
I couldn't even do that. I'd have to like go
get their lunches.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
I would just like break both my legs and collect
disability or something. I would just have somebody's steamroll over
my foot.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Yeah, what are you gonna do tomorrow? This ends tomorrow?
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Chop off a couple of toes, be like, yeah, I
got diabetes, just collect disability.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Did you ever have a job you were good at
besides this?
Speaker 4 (09:54):
Never?
Speaker 2 (09:54):
I was the worst employee. I was so fucking incompetent, lazy,
had no I I was useless. I was useless every
job I ever had. Yeah, like I fired all the time, lectured, Yeah,
I got fired alive. I waited table. I lied when
I first moved to New York. And I told the
(10:14):
guy I was twenty one years old and I told
the guy that I waited table since I was fourteen.
Total lie. And he's like, all right, well start waiting tables.
And I was like, oh, how do you do that?
I was dropping plates, I was burning myself. I was
eating food off the customer's thing when like they would
like beat in the bathroom and the other waiters like
you can't do that, man. I was like, I'm so hungry, bro,
(10:36):
I'm fucking starving. I was horrible. And then the guy
that the boss came in a few days later, he goes, all,
my waiter said, you look pretty nervous out there, and
you wanted to just start as a busboy, and I
had some weird ego about it. I was like, fuck, no, man,
I'm a waiter till I d I e and then
I quit and I was like so broken, hungry, and
I was like why did I just say that? And
(10:56):
I'm like, I'm not a waiter. I'm a liar. Yeah, no,
I should have just bus tables, like I'm a fucking idiot.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
The only job I ever had, I was good at
working at the gas station.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
You worked at a gas station.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
But I also let all my friends steal.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Really I worked at like four.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Different gas stations in like two different states.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Yeah, you see any crazy shit? You see any brawls
at a gas station or anything? Or was a mellow, not.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
Really brawls, But like, I did work overnight, so I
just see a lot of weird people getting out. There
was a bar next door called Finoogis, and you would
just see weird people getting out of the bar late
at night, clearly driving like drunk. This is rural Colorado. Correct,
this is like Aurora. It's not that rural like the suburbs.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I interviewed the Beastie Boys one time and I asked them,
I think it was an ad rock deep respond I go,
what's the craziest thing you guys grew up in New
York City. What's the craziest thing you ever saw on
the subway? And he said he saw two hasidic dudes
French kissing deep French kissing on the on the subway.
Middle of the day. I was like, that's a mind
blowing just two rabbis going out at it.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
It's like a poster in your art school girlfriend's apartment.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
It was like, it's kind of like an Eric Andre
show bit. Can I borrow that from this.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
In some type of blasphemy? Like if you do that,
they won't let you get buried somewhere? I'm sure?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Yeah, worth it? So any other bombing stories, any other
things that you like.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
So there was this one. There was this one open
mic that I was at in San Francisco at this
place called the Brainwash that isn't there anymore. It was
like a laundry mat slash open mic.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Oh, it sounds like a great venue.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Oh that's where I started.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
Maybe.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
It was like there was this guy and he was
like bugging the host to get up, bugging the host
to get up, and the host was like, fuck you man,
I'm not putting you up, and the guy just kept
bugging him, kept bugging him, and finally the host puts
him up, and the guy just starts eating ship And
it's only five minutes, right, yeah, but he's just eating
a bag of Dixie's so terrible he decides to turn
on the host and start making fun of the host.
(12:58):
The host grabs a knife and try us to stab it.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
What.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Yeah, that was pretty great. And then everybody like grabbed
the host and like carry him outside.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
The host had a knife and was ready to commit
on the side.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
No, he didn't have a knife. He like grabbed it.
It was like we're those silk They were walked because
it was like laundry mat slash bar slash. They served
food to.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
A laundry mat that served food and beer and like booze.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
Yeah, and they had pitball.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
What kind of magical laundry mat is this?
Speaker 3 (13:28):
Ah? So if anybody here.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
You could wash your clothes and do and and.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
Drink and watch my comedy. It was really great.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
So he grabbed a knife from the kitchen, well.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Like from the counter like they had the uh you
know they have the thing where they keep all the
silver were in like I think they had just got done.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
He grabbed like a butter knife. He grabbed a.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
He grabbed a butter knife, and it was like trying to
go and then everybody like carried him outside.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
That's like a Michelle Gondry music video.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
Yeah, it was great.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
I was in a laundry mat doing my clothes, but
I was also doing stand up, but I was also
There was also a restaurant and a bar, and then
people were fighting with butter knives.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
It was really great. I missed those old days of
stand up when it was scary.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Yeah, they're fucking rap. They were hell, but they were
like they made us men.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
Yeah that's just sad.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Yeah, that's kind of like, Yeah, it's not as you
can always go back to those shows. Those shows still exist, Yeah,
but you it's.
Speaker 3 (14:22):
Like, I don't even move the way that I used to.
I was like back then, I was supposed to be
in that room. Now it's like a weird.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
It's a weird feeling going back to those it's a
weird sadness going back to those room. You feel like
something is terribly wrong.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
I don't sleep on a couch anymore. I'm not excited
about the potential of what's gonna happen anymore and scared.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
I went to Columbus, Ohio one time to do a gig.
It was it was at a small venue. It felt
like almost like a sports bar, but they had a stage.
It had a proper stage and a mic, and they
did book me like they flew me out. They paid
me like a decent check, and I don't know. I
think this is like right before the air Gunders show started.
(15:04):
But I'm on stage and I'm doing well. I wasn't bombing.
I was on stage just all college kids. The place
is packed. Maybe it was like season one of the
air Gun Show. Not sure place is packed. I'm doing well.
There's this super drunk white girl in the front of
and like front row, texting the whole time, talking oblivious
(15:24):
to me on stage, oblivious of the gesus part of
a show. And I'm like trying to like roast her plightly,
to be like, hey, I'm in the middle of work
right now, sweetie, can you shut the fuck up? Like
doing like little things like that, like playfully, like trying
to get her to shut the fuck up. But she won't,
and she's being belligerent and texting, and I go, give
me your phone, and she's like okay, okay, And then
(15:45):
I grabbed her phone. I looked up mom in her
contacts and I texted. I texted her mom mom dot
I've always had a thing for dad. And the crowd
erupts like oh shit, and I'm like, and I was like,
I'm gonna hold your phone up here until you're starts responding.
Her mom starts responding crazy, shit, I'm running back shit.
And then I give her phone back, thinking like that
(16:05):
you've been reprimanded. Now you can you can do damage
control with your mom. You can say that, you know,
that's her opportunity to be like, oh comedian and grab
my phone and he's fucking with you. And then she
was so drunk, I don't think she processed anything that happened.
And she just kept blabbing away and kept being fucking annoying.
So it's like, goddamn it, sorry, I can give me
your phone, and I go, hey, everybody, I'm gonna pass
this phone around. Let's pass it around the whole audience
(16:28):
and just text any text her mom, text her dad,
texts anybody in her phone, anything you want, and like
hundreds of kids got access to her phone and text that.
God knows what. I have no idea what the kids did.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Amazing.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Then the phone, the phone got back to her and
she's kind of like in and out and then she's
like grabs her phone. She starts looking at it, and
I see her turn like bugs bunny thermometer red with anger,
with like drunken anger, and like just like inhaling all
the fucking foul texts these college kids are sending to
like every one of her friends and family and anyone
(17:03):
in her phone ex boyfriends, old bosses, people she currently
works with, who knows, who knows what? Jima, yeah, gimon
pop pop, Like yeah, I'll just like just the fucking
heinous debris that these people, these vitriol that whatever. I
have no idea, I'm not responsible entirely for what they said,
but like just heinous cribes against humanity. So I see
(17:28):
her just reacting to all these incoming ship on her phone,
and then she just and then I just go back
and I'm like kind of clocking it out of the
corner of my eye, and I just go back to
my set, like hey, what's up with the due Blibbity
blue or whatever. Then she just jumps on stage and
swings like a big haymaker at me, and I like whoa,
and like matrix tight sheet out of the way. She
(17:50):
almost punched me right in the face. And then I'm
like looking at security like help help me. And then
like some college kids just kind of like dragged her
as real security.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
Yeah, it was. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
I was like the security didn't mean to help. They
were like cracking up in the background. They're like this
guy's crazy.
Speaker 4 (18:06):
Man.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
I was like, no, help me out right now, and
I had some like eighteen year old kids like help
me out. So like the kids like kind of like
dragged her out. And then finally security came in dragged
her out, and I was like, what the fuck? And
but like the crowd is eruptive at this point. It
was actually a really good set and the crowd's erupted
and I kind of ended early after that. I was like,
there's not really any jokes I can do after this.
(18:28):
I can't go back to like be like did you
see Game of Thrones or whatever the fuck?
Speaker 4 (18:31):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Yeah, I was like, the set's gonna be short, but whatever,
I'm going out on a high. And then as I'm
leaving the venue, she's outside in the hallway and I'm like,
oh fuck, and she looks at me like none of
that ever even happened, and she was like, what, so,
can I get a sound failing you? And I was
like really, it's like her brain just control all deleted everything.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
And she was like, what's up.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
She's like, I had a great time to do and
like no anger. She was just like, whoa, that was fun,
Like comedy, That's what a comedy show is. Like, I
was like, didn't I just like destroy your life fifteen ways?
Speaker 3 (19:11):
Everybody said that you were trying to blow your brother
And now she's just like, hey, yeah, she's just.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Like that was fun. Comedy shows are crazy.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
With Aeric Codre, with Aeric Condrey.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Well, what's the worst you've ever seen?
Speaker 4 (19:34):
Somebody?
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Mom, oh I have that. I wrote this one down too.
This was this was in Denver years ago. We were
at this bar called the Lions. Theyre yeah, and this guy.
You know how when you first start comedy, there's these
guys who were like, you were technically a comic, but
mostly you're just like trying to stay out of jail,
you know what I mean. Yeah, don't like these guys
on that. I mean, everybody you start.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
With is a total psychopath.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Yeah, one hundred percent. Like in the beginning, it's like
all crazy people.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
In the beginning, you're surrounded by loonatics.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
Yeah. So this was one of those guys and we
were at the Lions.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Like where's the Lions Layer.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
It's off a Colfax in Denver, like the old Colfax
if you remember, it was pretty pretty wild.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Is it like a comedy club?
Speaker 4 (20:17):
What is it?
Speaker 3 (20:18):
No, it's just a bar. It's just a a shitty bar,
a dive. But it's classic. But we were the Lions.
Like this guy comes in with this girl and he's
like one of those guys he's just known for being
nuts or whatever. And he goes on stage and he
does this whole bombing, does this whole bit about how
much he loves this girl named Allison, who was the
girl he brought, and he's saying crazy. He's like, oh
(20:41):
my god, he's like declaring his love for He says it.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
How is she reacting?
Speaker 4 (20:46):
Bro?
Speaker 3 (20:46):
He says. At one point he's like, he's like, I
love you Allison. She is like if some guy came
in here and he had AIDS and he pulled out
his dirty AIDS ridden dick and he said I would
have to suck that dick to save your life, I
would do it to say you Allison. Right, So he's
saying all this crazy shit bombing. The girl puts her
(21:07):
head in her hands like she's crying right the bar
center of this guy Tony. He thinks that she's laughing
because he thinks it's funny because he's a degenerate. So
she's crying with the head in their hands. Tony comes
up and slaps her on the back. It's like like
I know, right, And she's crying and Tony's like ha,
(21:31):
And then the comic asks her to marry him. He's like,
and Alison, just in front of here, in front of
all these people, I just want to ask, will you
marry me? And she goes, you already know the answer,
and she runs out and he ran out. Oh my lord,
it was really amazing. Why did that guy do this?
(21:52):
Because he's crazy, man, because he's crazy.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
In like a shitty dive bar, dude, like not a
romantic setting.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
And she's crying into her hands and the bartenders just
got his hand on her back like three times. This
is great. Yeah, it was.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
It was sucking aide, dick to save you. It's like,
no one asked you to say that's a crazy scenario.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
It was a crazy scenario.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
And it's not stand up. So it's just he's just
bombing and he's like stinking.
Speaker 4 (22:22):
Up the room.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
Everybody, and you know we're all up there just waiting
to go, like.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Just waiting to tell Joe j alright, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
I'm just joking about the bus. I was gonna tell
And now you're gonna fucking talk about sucking aids. Dick.
Everybody eld me in the room is into this dude.
And then she ran out and he followed her. It
is great.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Oh shit, that's fucking crazy.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
Yeah, it was really good, really really good.
Speaker 4 (22:53):
With a andre with a recdre.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
What's the craziest ship you've ever seen in your life
before your very very eyes. And it doesn't have to
be anything dark, oh like, but just like fucking Tony
taking a big dump on the subway kind of wild.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
I don't know the craziest thing I've ever seen in
my wife. That's a hard one.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
It's a hard one I've seen. Yeah, it's hard.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
It's hard.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
I saw three dudes banging it a hot and al
kinta hot tub one.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Time, just three boys having a good old time.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
Yeah, well I think I think it was two old
dudes and then the younger one was a sex worker
because he was like way too hot for them.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Oh, it was like a lemon party.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
I was opening for Stevo with the Bray Improv and
I don't have a car. You know, I don't drive,
so I had to get a spot at the Lakinta
because I couldn't go back and forth to LA the
whole weekend.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Ah, dude, I fucking tub I'll give you a radulqude.
I'm fucking these two guys.
Speaker 3 (24:02):
Later he didn't. He didn't, which sucks. So then I
was just like I had like a couple of tall kids,
and I was like, but from what I saw around
the corner, it looked like it was like a train, Like.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
It was a dude the human centipede.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
Yeah, that's what it looked like. But like I got there,
they split up.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
You were you were a bit of a party Boober. Yeah,
you're a cock blocker. Which it was weird because I
wanted to be like, hey, they do it like I don't.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
He got school, dude, whatever. It like, it's cool, it's
reddit else I'm gonna go to be sad, like you're
having a better night. I bomb in front of Steven
did you bomb? I didn't do great. They just watched
(24:50):
Steve bo you know what I mean. So it's like
anything else.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Is not opening up for a celebrity is a tough
fucking nugget.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
It's I haven't really done it a lot.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
That's the hardest I ever bomb opening up for Chris Rock.
I really, that's the hardest I bombed in like recent life.
CLOSEI recent life. I mean like the first like ten
years of doing stand up is bombing. But like in
recent life, that was a fucking harsh.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
Was it like a bill? Was it like a big venue, huge.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Theater in New Orleans, huge beautiful theater, And I like
I never did great opening up for his audience. I
would just like hold my ground, you know. I would
just do like short enough and well enough where they
like would to completely turn on me. But I was
never lighting up the night sky right, but they let
(25:41):
you do it. But this night I was struggling so hard.
My girlfriend came to the show the first three nights,
so I was like really trying to fucking bring my
egg and then she left a day early. And then
the day she left and I didn't have the pressure
of impressing her. I like kind of was phoning it
in and not realizing it. And I was like halfway
(26:02):
through my set and then the crickets are getting louder,
and I wasn't really paying attention. Then I just hear
this guy in the back go next, and I was like,
well and instead of instead of like just getting the
fuck out of there or trying to like roll into comedy,
I was like, I was like, I turned into fucking
what's that Patrick Swazy movie Roadhouse? I turned into a
(26:23):
guy from Roadhouse. I get up here, motherfucker and say
that to my face. WHOA Because I was like gonna
try to like, yeah, I don't know. I turned into
like the bad guy from fucking Karate Kids. And I
was like because I was like, I was like, in
my mind, I'll get him up here and I'll roast
him and then like and like he's like, I'm not moving,
I'm not going up to you kidding me. I'm like
getting like an expensive seat. I'm just chilling in the
(26:44):
back and making fun of you. And then I tried
to like and then after that, I tried to like
roll into another joke. I was like, Oh, anyway, Side
Belts a crazy show or whatever the fun and then
uh boy did I bomb? And then I just remember this,
It's like Puerto Rican, dude, in the front row looked
up and he goes, come on, Eric, you can do
(27:04):
better than this.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Oh no, because he loves like he.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Kind of liked me, and I was like, shit, man,
I can't. I can't, dude, I can't. I'm like, I
just try to do I like try to end on
my most universal joke with that Cuban sign and like
kind of got like a that, but I already like
fucking Cobra Kai dojo the fucking comper motherfuffer, Like like
(27:33):
I got off stage in Hannibal was there. He's like,
this isn't a bar show. You can't be like come
on up here, like just I'm like drunk at like
a bar. This is like thousands of people man like
they're not gonna go leave their seat to like what
fistfight you on stage? Like that's crazy? What do you
think's going on here? And uh, I just remember being
dead devastated. But Chris and his tour managers were so
(27:55):
sweet about it. They were like, oh yeah. Chris was like, oh,
give me a big hug, and he was like, ask
me what happened when Prince opened up for the Rolling Stones.
I go, what happened? And he goes people were like boo,
like throwing bottles at prints, like get off the fucking stage.
Would rolling stones?
Speaker 4 (28:09):
That makes me feel better.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
That made me feel a little bit better. And then
his tour managers like old school dude who like tour
managed James Brown and Ship and he was like, ask
me what happened when Chris played London? I go, what happened?
He goes, he bomb so fucking bad and it was
our first show of the tour and I was like,
oh yeah, and he goes and then he was so frustrated.
He like went back to the club like as they
(28:31):
were closing at eleven pm, and he's like, just get
me back on stage, and he like proceeded to have
like the best set of his life. He's like, bombing
makes you stronger, man, it doesn't make you weaker. He
was like an old like beat neck. Yeah he's really nice.
So that made me feel better.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
But I mean, do you like bombing? Are you one
of those guys who like some.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Common that's like nor McDonald said he had like bombing,
And Kevin Barnett used to tell me yeah, Kevin, yeah, yeah,
He's like I like that. The audience like paid all
his money they they thought me, and they're like pissed
about it, But I don't know. To me, I'm too sensitive. Man,
I don't mind if if there's like a bunch of
comics on the show and they're all bombing, then I'm okay.
(29:10):
But it was just me bombing. It was like this
was the lineup for the show. By the way, it
was like Jeff Ross who crushed, then me who bombed,
then like Hannibal, then Dave Chappelle, then Chris Rock and
they all like destroyed one. I was the one week link.
It was a nightmare scenario. And I'm like up against
(29:30):
like like the Mount Rushmore stand up comedy, you.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
Know what I mean, that's the worst. I remember one
time I opened for the Waynes Brothers and they wouldn't
even let me meet them, and then I ate a
bag of dicks and then they for real like I
didn't just like go home like on the Bart, like,
oh dude.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
It's a long Bart ride.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
It's like Tommy T's. It was like pleasant and it
was like the last stop from the scene was like, man, yeah,
I don't like bombing either. I mean, it happens sometimes
I do get the only time I kind of like
bombing is. Sometimes I'll get in my head where I'll
be like, for whatever reason, I'll decide that I don't
like them, yeah, and then and then I'll go up
and I have it in my head that I don't
(30:17):
like them. So if I don't, if I don't do well,
I kind of feel.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Okay about it, all right, David. They said it couldn't
be done, and we done this.
Speaker 3 (30:23):
I said it couldn't be stopped.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
I said it couldn't be started. We did it, all right, buddy,
It was great talking to you. If you come to
New York, hit me ask I will, I will Denver,
I'll hit you up. Hell yeah, man, always a pleasure
with Are all right? Listen up? We got something special
(30:49):
for you.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
Got a burning story that you're itching to tell about
when you bombed or absolutely failed in life.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
Now's your chance to tell me all about it way.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
I want to hear your worst, most cringe worthy What
the fuck was I thinking?
Speaker 2 (31:02):
What just happened?
Speaker 4 (31:03):
Moment?
Speaker 1 (31:03):
So pick up your phone and dial seven one six bombing.
That's seven one six two six six twenty four sixty
four and leave me a voicemail and we might just
play it on a future episode Bombing with Eric Andre
is brought to you by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players
Network and iHeart Podcasts. Our executive producer is Olivia Aguilar.
Our producer is Bei Wang, Our research assistant is David Carliner,
(31:25):
Our editor in sound designers Andy Harris, and our art
is by Dylan Vanderberg. Go rate us five stars and
drop a review on your podcast app a choice
Host
Eric Andre
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