September 3, 2025 • 35 mins
We're back this week with another one from the vault! Eric and his travel buds Nick Rutherford, Karl Hess, and Cornell Reid (also his friends in comedy) talk about their funny escapades together. Cornell talks about an awkward comedy spot he did in college, Nick talks about a crazy encounter with a married woman in Texas, and Karl witnessed too much cocaine in an empty attic. This is for sure the wildest episode of the season and you will not want to miss listening to it!
Tell us your most cringeworthy bombs! Call 716-BOMBING (716-266-2464) and leave a voicemail.
For all things Eric Andre and Bombing follow @ericfuckingandre (Instagram) and @ericandre (TikTok).
Rate and review Bombing with Eric Andre here!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome back to Bombing with Eric Andre, the podcast where
I talk with comedians, musicians, friends, chefs.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
And known murderers convicted murderers. Actually, we have a lot
of them on the show. This episode, we featured three
of my best drinking buddies, Nick Rutherford, Carl has and
Cornell read some of my favorite standup comics.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
They're my vacation and adventure buddies. We've all gone to
the worst.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Open mics in the world together for the past twenty years,
and collectively we've had the most absurd, raunchiest nights.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Let's get into it oo Bombing.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
With Eric Andre.
Speaker 5 (00:43):
We'll start with our worst bombing stories and then we'll
take turn saying the N word. Okay, I heard you
had a fuck. Do you want to kick it off
or do you want to Nick? Sure, I can hear
you have story?
Speaker 6 (01:00):
Boom?
Speaker 4 (01:01):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm of.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
The century story. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:05):
Should I start now?
Speaker 3 (01:06):
We're recording?
Speaker 7 (01:07):
Oh yeah, yeah, were recording all right. So this was
right when I started doing stand up comedy. I was
still in college and my ra, who was I was
kindly friendly with, she comes up, She's like, hey, knocks
on my dorm room, open the doors, Hey, I got
you a set some fifteen minutes.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
Come follow me. And I was like, okay, so I
walk with her. I follow her. We go to like
the how people get booked from comedy shows all the time.
Speaker 7 (01:35):
Most of them start doing comedy, and I was just like, wow,
I'm a new comic. This sounds like an opportunity to shine,
you know. And I started walking to the little like
center they have. And as we start walking to this
little event center, I see signs.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
All over for Soul Night, Like, surely this can't.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Be like a neo soul like an Eric or what.
Speaker 4 (02:10):
Uh No, it was just black in general especial. Yes, yes, yes,
Soul Night.
Speaker 7 (02:20):
I walk inside, following my ra, who wasn't black either.
I don't know how she got this booking this.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
She's like, I got a guy, I got it. I
got the perfect guy for you.
Speaker 7 (02:33):
My brother, well, my name's Cornell too, so they probably
didn't even bad.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
And I like that sounds great. I walk in and
it's full. It's packed. There's like three hundred people there
in the seats and.
Speaker 7 (02:51):
On stage is spoken word poetry No Yeah, poetry slam
CSU Northward poetry Slam going Down and they're loving it.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
After that gospel choir comes.
Speaker 7 (03:10):
Off and you're like perfect, yeah, yeah, you know it's
so naive. Back then, I was just like, well, I'm
gonna get up there and kill all. This is gonna
be great. Comedy fits in line with this programming. So
gospel choir finishes, and then all these days like up
(03:33):
next for some comedy. Here's Cornell read and I walk
on stage immediately silent records. Yes, absolutely, I start telling
my first joke. Nothing, absolutely nothing.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Remember the joke.
Speaker 7 (03:51):
I don't remember the joke, but I do remember. It was,
what's the deal with black people.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
Too many?
Speaker 4 (04:05):
Cornell?
Speaker 7 (04:08):
Hey, I'm glad you guys are here because no one's
out robbing my car right now.
Speaker 8 (04:14):
She just started doing Bernie Max sat from Jeff Comedy Jam.
Speaker 4 (04:18):
Yeah, but I was very scared.
Speaker 7 (04:20):
I was.
Speaker 6 (04:21):
I am scared, very scared.
Speaker 7 (04:26):
So I started doing jokes and then they just start
they're talking, they're not paying attention. They start heckling me
like before I would I would start setting up a joke,
they would go like ha, before I even got to
the punchline, and they're heckling like me like that. I was,
you know, and I was like two years into it.
Speaker 5 (04:46):
It doesn't sound like a heckle Well, that sounds like
they were having fun.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
What's your problem with black people?
Speaker 6 (04:54):
That could kill?
Speaker 5 (04:54):
Hell?
Speaker 3 (04:55):
He was doing really well.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
My favorite comedian.
Speaker 6 (04:57):
It's really mad at for some reason.
Speaker 7 (04:59):
Though they know, they're like trying to uh shut me up,
like like uh off mocking me. And you know, I'm
so early on into comedy. I'm doing like, what's the
deal with transformers? I mean, but that one robot transforms
into a tape player? What tap player? In the future
(05:20):
at least be a CD player?
Speaker 4 (05:22):
You know that for sure? My a material for.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
He's updated a little bit.
Speaker 7 (05:34):
So I'm doing these jokes and I'm still going even
though no one's giving me anything.
Speaker 4 (05:41):
I'm powering through.
Speaker 7 (05:42):
These people are legitimately trying to interfere with my set.
And I bring up one joke and this guy goes
like the haha before I get anywhere, and I look
at him and he had one sleeve rolled up on
his T shirt and and for some reason it sparked
(06:02):
a memory in me. I got the feeling to riff,
to finally win this audience on my side. Yeah, yeah,
And he had one sleeve rolled up and It reminded
me of the movie Sunset Park. I don't know if
you've remember that movie, but it's like Ray Pearlman coaches
an inner city basketball team.
Speaker 4 (06:24):
That movie. Yeah, it was not a hit, but it
was in the late nineties that movies around.
Speaker 7 (06:31):
And one of the guys on the basketball team had
one of his sleeves cut off of his shirt underneath
his jersey. I remember that because I thought it looked cool,
and I did it when I played basketball in seventh
grade for a little while.
Speaker 4 (06:42):
It's kind of early days of like the Kobe sleeve.
Speaker 7 (06:44):
You know, yeah right right, Well, people were doing like
sleeveless shirts.
Speaker 4 (06:48):
This is the first guy I saw it doing one.
Speaker 6 (06:50):
I don't think I've ever seen that. It's kind of cool.
Speaker 7 (06:52):
Nobody has no Yeah, so I that guy heckles me.
He has one shirt sleeve rolled up. So I pointed,
I'm gonna go, oh, Sunset Park over there like that joke.
Speaker 4 (07:03):
And I didn't.
Speaker 7 (07:04):
No one made the connection that one kidd in Stark
looks like an inner city basketball player.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
That came off. And that was finally the whole crowd
just goes okay. Now they had something to sink their teeth.
Speaker 7 (07:23):
Into right, and I distinctly remember having some hearing a
woman in the front row say verbatim.
Speaker 4 (07:32):
That white motherfucker is going to get his ass.
Speaker 7 (07:39):
And the lady comes up literally takes the microphone out
of my hands and walk off stage and just went
straight back to my dorm room and just like hid
in my bed.
Speaker 4 (07:55):
And that that Ora is still your manager.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Really good.
Speaker 4 (08:01):
She's gotten better at Cornell's gotten better.
Speaker 6 (08:04):
They're growing. He did tour later with that gospel band,
but you know they ended.
Speaker 9 (08:09):
I have I have a similar like they just stopped.
Speaker 4 (08:13):
They just stopped me from doing comedy. That's the worst
when the stop there, you don't even finish your time.
What have I was in Uh?
Speaker 9 (08:23):
I went up to I went up to Alaska with
Brooks for for Brits Wheelians like thirtieth birthday. We camped
to like Denali and our way back down to the airport,
we stayed one night in this little town called Talketna,
which is like this little mountain town is really cute.
It's like a real quirky little mountain town. Like there's
a bar that like the manager is a cat, you know,
(08:45):
it's like one.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
Of these people.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
Yeah, like thet.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Bar.
Speaker 4 (08:53):
I guess the cat doesn't like cursing and something.
Speaker 9 (08:56):
When we went to that bar, they were like, oh,
you know if you if you curse all, you're kicked
out immediately, and we're like, are you fucking serious?
Speaker 4 (09:03):
And then they kick us out.
Speaker 9 (09:03):
Like so it was a really quirky little town and
we go to this one bar and they had an
open mic and it was just you know, like poetry,
like singer songwriters. It's a super little local open mic
and Brooks.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Can do something stand up. Yeah, We're like from.
Speaker 4 (09:21):
La, let's shake this town up. Yeah, like a small
town Alaskan town loves more than.
Speaker 6 (09:32):
Slam boat a singer songwriter.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
Yeah, the cat came out and did a trick.
Speaker 9 (09:38):
He's like hard working, like blue collar, like lumberjacks are like,
what's this guy think about airlines? So we signed up
for the open mic and it was a pretty rowdy
crowd and I go up and I was doing this
bit at the time that was about ants eating my Like, giz.
Speaker 6 (09:55):
You're still doing I haven't done it.
Speaker 4 (10:00):
I was doing it for a while.
Speaker 6 (10:05):
It's pretty funny.
Speaker 9 (10:06):
Yeah, it's about Yeah, it was like back when I
lived with like like three guys like I like.
Speaker 7 (10:14):
That, it's not important, but similar time in a lot
of ways, drinking a.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
Lot of.
Speaker 6 (10:22):
Happier.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
Yeah, you're trying to keep your roommates happy.
Speaker 9 (10:25):
And I just remember, apparently, but I just remember like
like just ants going after my little like jerk off
tels like in the in the track. Yeah, I know
it's gross, it's a gross bit, but it's about these ants,
like me meeting like a nick ant hybrid doesn't matter.
Speaker 5 (10:43):
It's a gross bit, like the ants eat your come
and then they have a little baby.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Yeah yeah, Like there's like a call me his father
like that.
Speaker 9 (10:53):
Okay about this great act out Okay, and so I
jump into my aunt seating my to come stuff and
the crowd just turns like people are like like what
the hell? It was just people were disgusted.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
And this is in the no cursing bar. No, No,
this was not. I had no rule, but they had
one rule.
Speaker 9 (11:24):
And took the bartender like screams out like you're done,
and then cuts the power to the microphone. And then
the horse came up and like grabbed them and I
was like okay, cool. And then and then Brooks went
up and crushed really no, I don't remember what he did,
but we we hung out at the bar for like
(11:45):
the rest of the night.
Speaker 6 (11:46):
That's that's brave.
Speaker 4 (11:47):
Yeah, you just dragged through.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
Why didn't you?
Speaker 4 (11:50):
It was a fun.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
We couldn't go back to the cat bar.
Speaker 6 (11:54):
It was too there was only two bars in town.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
I wanted to learn my lesson.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Because they had a bell.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
They had a bell and if you rang the.
Speaker 9 (12:03):
Bell, if somebody rang the bell, that person had to
buy everybody in the bar a drink. So like there'd
be like Brooks and I felt like we were like
locals at this point, so like there'd.
Speaker 6 (12:12):
Be like, you know, disgusted by everyone.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
Hey, I'm keeping a knit, not everyone.
Speaker 9 (12:24):
Because the night ended up with like Brooks and I
sitting at the bar and this kind of buxome like mountain,
like a much older mountain woman had really taken a
shining to me.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
She really liked me.
Speaker 6 (12:37):
She's like, I like that coum talk. I don't care
what anybody.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
I want to be one of those.
Speaker 9 (12:45):
And so she was very aggressive and we were like
sitting at the bar and she was on the other
side of Brooks and we were like he was like
holding my hand behind Brooks and then I was just
trying to like kind of be nice and like.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
You know, be like, I'm not really interested. I'm good.
And somebody you're sitting in a seat there and.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
Holds a on your date.
Speaker 9 (13:08):
Yeah, exactly, because I was trying to be away from her.
But she would like sneaker try, Yeah she would. Well,
she has a big, strong, Lumberg lumber Jane hand. She
got this callous lumber Jane hand. So she she does
what she wants it. And so I think she went
to the bathroom and I was like talking to somebody
(13:30):
else and I was like, I just I don't I
don't know what to do about this. And the guy
was like, seems like Dave's wife really likes she.
Speaker 4 (13:39):
Oh, yeah, Dave's wife.
Speaker 9 (13:41):
And never got her name is Dave's wife. And she
kept saying, I just really wish you would walk me home,
Like I'm only five minutes away.
Speaker 4 (13:48):
If you walk me home, I'd really make it worth
your while.
Speaker 9 (13:51):
God, I don't want to know, Dave. I know, No, no,
nothing happened. We just like you know, I went home.
We fucked for days. Uh no, nothing happened. We just
Dame comes out at the end of the story, I
never saw tell me the son of a bitch, you
got my wife.
Speaker 7 (14:12):
Dave's listening to this podcast right now, jumping up and
down on his cowboy hat.
Speaker 4 (14:19):
Dave's wife, you call that dud.
Speaker 9 (14:24):
It felt like that's just kind of a thing she does.
And she, you know, she she seduces all the l
A comedians that come through that tell people nobody. Nobody
was like, beware, that's Dave's wife. They're like, oh yeah,
Dave's wife. Like she she lives right down the road,
walk her home. It felt like that was just how
it works. They wanted to have you kill it because
because it comes back the way. I love that you
(14:44):
told the income story. And then they were like, fuck
you get out here, I will say.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
For four more hours.
Speaker 4 (14:53):
To the bar.
Speaker 9 (14:53):
And you were like, who's married here?
Speaker 4 (15:00):
Do you know if she said, Brooks stand right here?
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Brother?
Speaker 6 (15:06):
Did you see your set?
Speaker 9 (15:08):
Do you know if Day's wife was there for I
imagine she was there wasn't a lot like this guy.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
Yeah. I think she liked the gall you know.
Speaker 6 (15:15):
Yeah, I feel like my story is nowhere near as
bad as these do.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
But okay, here we go.
Speaker 7 (15:20):
Oh wow, I've never I'm actually never I don't know
why I'm here.
Speaker 6 (15:25):
I've never done that ever. It was it was early on.
Speaker 8 (15:29):
I probablynew in comedy like two years, and I somehow
got a gig.
Speaker 6 (15:34):
I forget the town name.
Speaker 8 (15:35):
I really tried to look it up on Google Maps,
but I couldn't find it. Somewhere in central California, just
like a tiny town. And they were like, you can
do forty five minutes, right.
Speaker 6 (15:44):
I was like, your goddamn right, it's.
Speaker 4 (15:50):
For three weeks.
Speaker 8 (15:51):
I probably had like fifteen minutes maybe.
Speaker 4 (15:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 8 (15:56):
It was like it was like one local comic and
then like just me, and it was like there wasn't
even like a host and the place is like packed
because it's one of those small towns where there's like
not a lot going on. It wasn't as charming as Telkena.
It was just like pretty bleak and like it was
like a place where like you you would see like
a guy.
Speaker 6 (16:16):
It was like a place where there'd be like a
fight at the thing and you would take like break
a pool queue was it was like a roadhouse. It
was like a rough bars.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
Like a bunch of Punisher logo.
Speaker 8 (16:28):
I mean, there was definitely like biker dudes and it
was like a very met vibe and it was just
like I drove up specifically for this show. I booked
it through like another comic. They're like, oh yeah, there's
like this show. You can do a long and I
was just like I wanted to do a long. It
was north. It might have been Toulari. It wasn't that
are stocked. It wasn't even that big. It was tiny.
(16:50):
It might have been Toulaire, and I just right off
the bat, I'm just like eating ship.
Speaker 6 (16:55):
It's like, yeah no, it's like nothing's working.
Speaker 8 (16:58):
And like the guy before, I think it was a
local comic, like ate it so bad that I was terrified.
Speaker 6 (17:03):
I was like, I was like, why are these people
even here? Like that?
Speaker 3 (17:06):
Do you want to be here?
Speaker 8 (17:08):
Like the entire town seem like it was there. And
like one of my early bits was like a five
minute chunk about Hitler and I was just like this
is like I just go into it and it is
just like not doing well.
Speaker 6 (17:28):
It was like one of them.
Speaker 8 (17:29):
There's multiple parts, but one part is about like the
Hitler family name was originally Chickel Gruber and Hitler changed
it. It might have actually been his dad who changed it.
And I was like the joke had something to do
with how like it would have been way funnier if
like he didn't change it, because like chickel Groover is
such a fun name.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
Yeah, Hitler is like his stage name.
Speaker 8 (17:49):
Well it was like chickle Groverer was like a family
name that they then changed to Hitler. But I was
like it would have been he would have been more
deadly because no one would have taken him seriously. You know,
you hear like, oh, Hitler's invaded poland you're like, oh
my god, we gotta do something. You hear like chicle
Gruber has just invaded Pulled, and you're like, that fucking
sounds hilarious. He's up to his old tricks clowning friends.
(18:11):
As you can see, very solid joke, And I had
like a bunch more shop I don't even remember, but
it was like a huge chunk and it was just
not doing This is the only time someone's actually done this,
because I feel like this only happens in movies when
someone's getting heckled. But like someone was literally like you suck,
Like that never happens. Usually players are like too drunk
(18:34):
and they're just talking loud. But like I got like
a full on you suck.
Speaker 4 (18:38):
Like a perfectly and it was just like a dagger
to the heart.
Speaker 8 (18:43):
And then I was like, I was like, you know,
I'm floundering. I'm like, I'm just gonna go into crowd work.
So I start talking to these guys and like somehow
we started talking about meth because I think there was like.
Speaker 6 (18:53):
A it was like a meth type of vibe.
Speaker 8 (18:55):
Yeah, and I like kind of I kind of got
a few laughs, like making fun of the town on
the road.
Speaker 6 (19:00):
I was like, what are you doing a small town?
Speaker 8 (19:01):
On the next small town, I bet that town fucking
smokes way more math, you know.
Speaker 6 (19:07):
But and then someone was like, we actually smoked more math.
Were proud of man.
Speaker 8 (19:16):
I was like, oh, I mean, you guys, this is
the meth town.
Speaker 6 (19:20):
Springfield Town's trying their hardest coming from you fucking sweating.
Speaker 8 (19:27):
I remember at one point there was like a stuffed
bear and I like went into a riff about how
like the bear was the mayor of the town and
like they did not love that. And then I think
I just started getting more drunk on stage and I
just like did crowd work for the rest of the time,
but like it was bad there was definitely like biker dudes.
I was like, these guys are gonna like beat the
(19:49):
ship out of me. I'm like making fun of their town.
But you know, they all kind of came together over
the med stuff. So you know, at least I had
that silver lining.
Speaker 9 (19:57):
You got them with a Recdrey.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
With Adrey.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
Okay, so we got our bombing stories. What were the
other two parts of my podcast?
Speaker 6 (20:19):
Quick?
Speaker 3 (20:20):
Oh, the worst bob you've ever witnessed in public?
Speaker 5 (20:23):
Like people getting bottles thrown at them on stage or
meltdown on stage.
Speaker 6 (20:27):
They just get segue into Nick's other stories.
Speaker 9 (20:30):
While oh, yeah, I don't, well, let's transition into that later.
Speaker 4 (20:38):
I have later a quick podcast to get out of here. Tomorrow, Well,
I have, well.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
What is this humbled story?
Speaker 9 (20:50):
So Cornell runs a festival up and Humble at Savage
Henry Comedy Cub. It's great, it's every year. It's super fun,
super chill. It was one of the first times I
had gone up there, maybe the second time i'd gone
up there for the festival, and it was the final
show of the weekend. It was the big like headliner show,
right the huge, beautiful venue, beautiful like theater and so
(21:12):
they decided to like book like thirty comics on the show.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
The guy I don't run it. I don't know because.
Speaker 9 (21:25):
Now the story, Yeah you don't run it, but you're
a big part of the scene up there.
Speaker 7 (21:29):
And yeah with the comics, you deal the drugs qu
else from Humble to our listener, but you know the guys,
the guys who run it. It was like the first
time putting any of this ship together. I didn't really understand.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
You always say thirty comics or nothing.
Speaker 4 (21:50):
Yeah, gets funny at the three hour mark, warming up
the crowd. Literally every show was at least two and
a half hour. It was it was like buy a
bracelet for the whole weekend. They go to one show like.
Speaker 6 (22:05):
Comedy.
Speaker 7 (22:06):
I never want to see comedy again. It's like all
your favorite comics from Tilarry yea.
Speaker 6 (22:15):
And check it out.
Speaker 4 (22:16):
Dave's wife is in the lobby, do not walk her home.
Speaker 9 (22:22):
So we so it was like all of our comedy
buddies and we all had we all were like, on
this show is the last like blowout night of the festival.
Speaker 7 (22:30):
Yeah, it's an old movie theater too, really cool on
stage in front of the big screen.
Speaker 9 (22:34):
With like like there's one are those things called like
where they shot Lincoln. There's like yeah, like it was
just really cool. It's a really beautiful venue.
Speaker 6 (22:45):
Lincoln Murder vibes.
Speaker 9 (22:46):
Yeah, and uh, somebody had cocaine, and so we're like,
let's do a little bit of cocaine before our set.
We'll go up there like Richard pryor, you know, we'll
just have a good time on stage. But the show
was like three and a half hours long, and when
you do a little bit of cocaine, you want to
do a little more.
Speaker 4 (23:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (23:05):
That other is my hometown. My mom's in the stepped,
my grandma, grandma, grandma's there, everybody's there. It's a big day.
We're in this like attic space. Yeah yeah, because we
go behind the screen and everyone's like kind of hanging
out back there as a green room. But then Nick,
(23:25):
Carl and I find this ladder up to a mystery attic.
Speaker 9 (23:28):
Just like they had the Blair Witch Project like attic
that was like dusty and chalky, and so we're like
that's where we're go do our drugs, and we go
and we just keep doing cocaine and we're like go
down and check them with the host like, am I
up next?
Speaker 4 (23:43):
And like yeah, nine more comments, Okay, great.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
I guess I'll go.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
Yeah, And I remember I think I was last.
Speaker 6 (23:50):
I don't.
Speaker 4 (23:50):
I might have been headline and I don't think it.
I don't.
Speaker 9 (23:59):
I don't know what we were doing, but I was
like so like numb mouthed, like I put something like
clenching my teeth and I'm trying to get through this
like already miserable show, like a full mental breakdown on stage.
I definitely I've really never seen anything.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
Wait what happened?
Speaker 9 (24:14):
I mean, I just was like the place was packed,
but of course people trickled out because it was going
on way too long.
Speaker 4 (24:18):
So there's nobody.
Speaker 7 (24:19):
There, and people there are exhaust exactly the other Comedia
hate comedy.
Speaker 4 (24:26):
At this point, it's doing.
Speaker 6 (24:28):
The cum joking from Cornell's grandmother.
Speaker 4 (24:30):
Yeah, I'm screaming about my jiz and how you get
on stage.
Speaker 9 (24:33):
I came on stage and I'm like I can't even speak, man,
like I was so like cracked down.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
Tell them you were coked up, thou.
Speaker 4 (24:40):
I want to say that was my I think.
Speaker 7 (24:44):
My cover there. I think my mom was like, oh,
that's why Corner was acting so usually bulge that much.
Speaker 9 (24:54):
He was a byeah, I'm gripping the mic and it
shattered my hand.
Speaker 6 (25:03):
So you did.
Speaker 8 (25:03):
You could have done like like ten fifteen and just
gotten out of there like a mercy, but you you
did like forty.
Speaker 4 (25:13):
Time.
Speaker 9 (25:15):
Also, if you remember an hour four oh you brought
him over into tomorrow. I remember like Andre Hyland performed
in that show too, and he had this like video
of like this was like a bomb.
Speaker 6 (25:26):
I would love to watch this, she said on video.
Speaker 4 (25:28):
This video was like it's just like different horse a
c g I horse horse. Have you seen it?
Speaker 8 (25:34):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (25:34):
It was also did not go over well, so he
said set the tone and.
Speaker 9 (25:39):
I was like, I need some chemical influence to get
these guys back.
Speaker 6 (25:42):
I love horses and I love come. That's a good
idea for a joke.
Speaker 4 (25:46):
God, it was a nightmare.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
So were you just like.
Speaker 4 (25:48):
It's just like you couldn't even like talk. I did
some cocaine in the back three hours.
Speaker 6 (25:56):
I was like, I've been in the attic doing.
Speaker 9 (25:58):
Code for hours. People like just NY nine one one
and hovering the finger over sand.
Speaker 3 (26:12):
You learned, is that the most wasted you've ever been
on stage?
Speaker 9 (26:20):
Would you say, oh yeah, definitely, definitely, for surely, I'm
sure I've been my drunker on stage because I was crystal.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
Clear with aer Condre.
Speaker 9 (26:48):
With a Condre my worst like other people bombing story
was the very very first time I did any open
mic and I went to the Haha Cafe in North Hollyway.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
Oh yeah, I got some nightmares. Store.
Speaker 9 (27:03):
I had my my really good friend Brandy was the
only one who came to support me, which was fine.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
Singer or the singer no.
Speaker 9 (27:11):
The beverage, and so I was, you know, I was
like fortieth in the fucking lineup or whatever, and it
started packed and then it just kind of get in
like people left and people left, and I was like
very very late in the show, and right before I
go up, it was probably like half full at this point.
(27:32):
Right before I go up, this guy comes on stage
and brings up like a real dog and takes out
like a gun. There was a toy gun, but brought
out a gun and holds it to the dog's head
and says, if you guys don't laugh at my jokes,
I'll shoot this. It's a fucking hack lampoon bit.
Speaker 6 (27:48):
And lastic national lampoon thing. If you don't come to
this movie. We'll kill this.
Speaker 9 (27:53):
But it was an awful bit and they walked the
entire crowd.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
The entire crowd left.
Speaker 9 (27:58):
He did shitty four minutes a comedy, and then it
was just me my friend Brandy, and like the next
comic was in the room, and I went on stage
did my three minutes, and she laughed loud and hard
enough that I was like, I'm going to do this
for the rest.
Speaker 3 (28:09):
Of Thanks, Brandy, better than you're my favorite singer. Dude.
Speaker 5 (28:20):
Julie Ashton, who's a casting director, very lovely casting. It
was always very sweet to me early on when I
didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I asked
her one time, what was the worst, what's the worst audition.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
You've ever experienced?
Speaker 5 (28:36):
You've seen like a billion actors come through your your
casting studio, Like, what's the worst, what's the worst you've
ever experienced? She goes, a guy pulled out a gun
during an audition, a real gun, a loaded gun, because
there was a gun in the scene. He was like
a villain in the you know, some drama.
Speaker 4 (28:53):
To bring a gun.
Speaker 5 (28:53):
Tod pulled out a gun and aimed it at her
and like did the scene and she was like, okay, thanks.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
In La.
Speaker 7 (29:11):
There was this comic who did open mics back in
the day, and he would always bomb, but I thought
he was the funniest man in the world. He went
by the name gay Lord Dingler.
Speaker 6 (29:24):
I'm on board already.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
That was Hitler's original.
Speaker 4 (29:30):
Friend of the show, kay Lord Dingler.
Speaker 7 (29:35):
And he would always he'd just be sitting out in
front of an open mic, just sitting on the ground,
drinking of forty of mickeys before the started, and he
would go up and he had the same act every
single time. You know those crazy guys who just do
open mics and they'd never change a fucking word verbatim.
Speaker 4 (29:55):
He's one of those guys.
Speaker 7 (29:56):
And every time he would just bomb at these crazy,
weird open mics, and I would be dying laughing. The
only joke of his I really remember it was he
had remember two jokes. One joke he go, he go, uh,
you know, I open up the newspaper and I see
all these these ads for garage sales.
Speaker 4 (30:19):
Garage sales.
Speaker 7 (30:19):
Yeah, but uh, you know, I've been driving around with
my dog and he hasn't seen one garage for sale.
Speaker 4 (30:26):
They always involved his dog for some reason.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
I don't know.
Speaker 7 (30:31):
That. The other joke, yeah, he goes, this was this
was my favorite one. He goes, Yeah, this woman was
working at a gym. She lost thirty pounds in one day.
Speaker 4 (30:44):
Yeah. Can you believe it? Thirty pounds in one day. Yeah.
A machine ripped her leg off.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
The best machine ripped.
Speaker 9 (31:05):
That gun shooting guy, the gun and dog guy. I
saw him like months later at the Aha Cafe and I.
Speaker 6 (31:12):
Was like, where's your dog?
Speaker 9 (31:14):
He goes, He's like I did nobody and he had
he now had complete like huge fake veneers, like the masks,
and they weren't like Poppins. They were like dentally like
a dentist installed them. And he was wearing a suit
(31:34):
and he was like, I'm working on my new bit
and I was like, oh, cool man, what is it?
And then he pants himself and he had sewn out
of like nylon and like flesh colored threads, a photorealistic
stuffed penis. This was like outside of the comedy club.
He was like, you got to check my I'm going
on the later show, you got to check my bit out.
(31:55):
I was like, what is it? And then he just
exposed himself. But it's not exposing if it's not real,
but it is kind of exposing if you can't tell
it's not really. So his bit was having crazy mask
teeth and just showing his dick to the crowd.
Speaker 6 (32:09):
Artist better than a dog.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
Yeah, I mean it is a step up.
Speaker 4 (32:13):
Everybody's got their journey.
Speaker 8 (32:14):
I used to work at this bar in Venice and
I was like just starting stand up. So we found
out there was gonna be a stand It was like
a music though there was never any stand up there.
We found that there's gonna be a stand up night,
and it was like Howard Stern guys, but not like
the A tier. It was like sal the stockbrokers, like
Jim Florentine. I forget who it was. But one guy
(32:36):
closed his set by bringing a woman on stage and
pouring ranch dressing into her ass crack and then licking
it out.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
Of her whole boy.
Speaker 6 (32:44):
He had multiple women who wanted.
Speaker 8 (32:46):
To get on stage. WHOA And I was like, that's
a ranch pioneer right there.
Speaker 6 (32:53):
I was literally like people were like, big me, bick me.
Speaker 8 (32:56):
It was like, I guess this is like a thing,
but wow, I was like, that's a.
Speaker 5 (33:00):
Any other any other fucking things. This is a great
This is phenomenal, fantastic. Yeah, I'm surprised that you're wasted.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
Stories weren't that.
Speaker 4 (33:10):
I got to think crazy.
Speaker 5 (33:11):
I got the three of you. I think you guys
have been so often wasted on stage. It's kind of
like normally you're like, yeah, whatever, it's called Thursday. My man,
you're hear be like I dropped ten hits of acid
in my eye and and.
Speaker 4 (33:26):
On stage. The stage is precious, man, that's a precious space,
is a temple. Yeah, you don't, you don't.
Speaker 7 (33:33):
And it's not so funny of a story of it
was like I've been getting drunk on stage for fifteen
years and it's probably going to be successful.
Speaker 6 (33:38):
It's not really a story so much.
Speaker 4 (33:41):
As I've wasted my life.
Speaker 9 (33:44):
I can't face the audience unless I myself my life.
Speaker 4 (33:52):
I'm days away from giving it all up. But it
is interesting.
Speaker 9 (33:56):
That's like why you put it on the podcast, Like
he's fucking dare I have once I shit myself and
suck my own tick.
Speaker 8 (34:06):
That was my closer for most of the early two thousands.
Speaker 6 (34:11):
All Right, thank you, gentlemen.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
I'll probably see you guys like in a few hours.
Speaker 4 (34:15):
Yeah, like best vishile or something like that.
Speaker 5 (34:17):
Yeah, best fishing bie guys, Thank you bye, I'll be.
Speaker 4 (34:24):
With a recondre.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
All right, listen up, we got something special for you.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
Got a burning story that you're itching to tell about
when you bombed or absolutely failed in life. Now's your
chance to tell me all about it, Mabel. I want
to hear your worst, most cringe worthy what the fuck
was I thinking? What just happened moment? So pick up
your phone and dial seven one six Bombing. That's seven
one six two six six twenty four sixty four and
(34:50):
leave me a voicemail and we.
Speaker 3 (34:52):
Might just play it on a future episode.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Bombing with Eric Andre is brought to you by Will
Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcast. Our executive
producer is Olivia Aguilar. Our producer is Bei Wang, Our
research assistant is David Carliner. Our editor and sound designers
Andy Harris, and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg. Go
rate us five stars and drop a review on your
podcast app a choice
Welcome back to Bombing with Eric Andre, the podcast where
I talk with comedians, musicians, friends, chefs.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
And known murderers convicted murderers. Actually, we have a lot
of them on the show. This episode, we featured three
of my best drinking buddies, Nick Rutherford, Carl has and
Cornell read some of my favorite standup comics.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
They're my vacation and adventure buddies. We've all gone to
the worst.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Open mics in the world together for the past twenty years,
and collectively we've had the most absurd, raunchiest nights.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Let's get into it oo Bombing.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
With Eric Andre.
Speaker 5 (00:43):
We'll start with our worst bombing stories and then we'll
take turn saying the N word. Okay, I heard you
had a fuck. Do you want to kick it off
or do you want to Nick? Sure, I can hear
you have story?
Speaker 6 (01:00):
Boom?
Speaker 4 (01:01):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm of.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
The century story. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:05):
Should I start now?
Speaker 3 (01:06):
We're recording?
Speaker 7 (01:07):
Oh yeah, yeah, were recording all right. So this was
right when I started doing stand up comedy. I was
still in college and my ra, who was I was
kindly friendly with, she comes up, She's like, hey, knocks
on my dorm room, open the doors, Hey, I got
you a set some fifteen minutes.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
Come follow me. And I was like, okay, so I
walk with her. I follow her. We go to like
the how people get booked from comedy shows all the time.
Speaker 7 (01:35):
Most of them start doing comedy, and I was just like, wow,
I'm a new comic. This sounds like an opportunity to shine,
you know. And I started walking to the little like
center they have. And as we start walking to this
little event center, I see signs.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
All over for Soul Night, Like, surely this can't.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Be like a neo soul like an Eric or what.
Speaker 4 (02:10):
Uh No, it was just black in general especial. Yes, yes, yes,
Soul Night.
Speaker 7 (02:20):
I walk inside, following my ra, who wasn't black either.
I don't know how she got this booking this.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
She's like, I got a guy, I got it. I
got the perfect guy for you.
Speaker 7 (02:33):
My brother, well, my name's Cornell too, so they probably
didn't even bad.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
And I like that sounds great. I walk in and
it's full. It's packed. There's like three hundred people there
in the seats and.
Speaker 7 (02:51):
On stage is spoken word poetry No Yeah, poetry slam
CSU Northward poetry Slam going Down and they're loving it.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
After that gospel choir comes.
Speaker 7 (03:10):
Off and you're like perfect, yeah, yeah, you know it's
so naive. Back then, I was just like, well, I'm
gonna get up there and kill all. This is gonna
be great. Comedy fits in line with this programming. So
gospel choir finishes, and then all these days like up
(03:33):
next for some comedy. Here's Cornell read and I walk
on stage immediately silent records. Yes, absolutely, I start telling
my first joke. Nothing, absolutely nothing.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Remember the joke.
Speaker 7 (03:51):
I don't remember the joke, but I do remember. It was,
what's the deal with black people.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
Too many?
Speaker 4 (04:05):
Cornell?
Speaker 7 (04:08):
Hey, I'm glad you guys are here because no one's
out robbing my car right now.
Speaker 8 (04:14):
She just started doing Bernie Max sat from Jeff Comedy Jam.
Speaker 4 (04:18):
Yeah, but I was very scared.
Speaker 7 (04:20):
I was.
Speaker 6 (04:21):
I am scared, very scared.
Speaker 7 (04:26):
So I started doing jokes and then they just start
they're talking, they're not paying attention. They start heckling me
like before I would I would start setting up a joke,
they would go like ha, before I even got to
the punchline, and they're heckling like me like that. I was,
you know, and I was like two years into it.
Speaker 5 (04:46):
It doesn't sound like a heckle Well, that sounds like
they were having fun.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
What's your problem with black people?
Speaker 6 (04:54):
That could kill?
Speaker 5 (04:54):
Hell?
Speaker 3 (04:55):
He was doing really well.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
My favorite comedian.
Speaker 6 (04:57):
It's really mad at for some reason.
Speaker 7 (04:59):
Though they know, they're like trying to uh shut me up,
like like uh off mocking me. And you know, I'm
so early on into comedy. I'm doing like, what's the
deal with transformers? I mean, but that one robot transforms
into a tape player? What tap player? In the future
(05:20):
at least be a CD player?
Speaker 4 (05:22):
You know that for sure? My a material for.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
He's updated a little bit.
Speaker 7 (05:34):
So I'm doing these jokes and I'm still going even
though no one's giving me anything.
Speaker 4 (05:41):
I'm powering through.
Speaker 7 (05:42):
These people are legitimately trying to interfere with my set.
And I bring up one joke and this guy goes
like the haha before I get anywhere, and I look
at him and he had one sleeve rolled up on
his T shirt and and for some reason it sparked
(06:02):
a memory in me. I got the feeling to riff,
to finally win this audience on my side. Yeah, yeah,
And he had one sleeve rolled up and It reminded
me of the movie Sunset Park. I don't know if
you've remember that movie, but it's like Ray Pearlman coaches
an inner city basketball team.
Speaker 4 (06:24):
That movie. Yeah, it was not a hit, but it
was in the late nineties that movies around.
Speaker 7 (06:31):
And one of the guys on the basketball team had
one of his sleeves cut off of his shirt underneath
his jersey. I remember that because I thought it looked cool,
and I did it when I played basketball in seventh
grade for a little while.
Speaker 4 (06:42):
It's kind of early days of like the Kobe sleeve.
Speaker 7 (06:44):
You know, yeah right right, Well, people were doing like
sleeveless shirts.
Speaker 4 (06:48):
This is the first guy I saw it doing one.
Speaker 6 (06:50):
I don't think I've ever seen that. It's kind of cool.
Speaker 7 (06:52):
Nobody has no Yeah, so I that guy heckles me.
He has one shirt sleeve rolled up. So I pointed,
I'm gonna go, oh, Sunset Park over there like that joke.
Speaker 4 (07:03):
And I didn't.
Speaker 7 (07:04):
No one made the connection that one kidd in Stark
looks like an inner city basketball player.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
That came off. And that was finally the whole crowd
just goes okay. Now they had something to sink their teeth.
Speaker 7 (07:23):
Into right, and I distinctly remember having some hearing a
woman in the front row say verbatim.
Speaker 4 (07:32):
That white motherfucker is going to get his ass.
Speaker 7 (07:39):
And the lady comes up literally takes the microphone out
of my hands and walk off stage and just went
straight back to my dorm room and just like hid
in my bed.
Speaker 4 (07:55):
And that that Ora is still your manager.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Really good.
Speaker 4 (08:01):
She's gotten better at Cornell's gotten better.
Speaker 6 (08:04):
They're growing. He did tour later with that gospel band,
but you know they ended.
Speaker 9 (08:09):
I have I have a similar like they just stopped.
Speaker 4 (08:13):
They just stopped me from doing comedy. That's the worst
when the stop there, you don't even finish your time.
What have I was in Uh?
Speaker 9 (08:23):
I went up to I went up to Alaska with
Brooks for for Brits Wheelians like thirtieth birthday. We camped
to like Denali and our way back down to the airport,
we stayed one night in this little town called Talketna,
which is like this little mountain town is really cute.
It's like a real quirky little mountain town. Like there's
a bar that like the manager is a cat, you know,
(08:45):
it's like one.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
Of these people.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
Yeah, like thet.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Bar.
Speaker 4 (08:53):
I guess the cat doesn't like cursing and something.
Speaker 9 (08:56):
When we went to that bar, they were like, oh,
you know if you if you curse all, you're kicked
out immediately, and we're like, are you fucking serious?
Speaker 4 (09:03):
And then they kick us out.
Speaker 9 (09:03):
Like so it was a really quirky little town and
we go to this one bar and they had an
open mic and it was just you know, like poetry,
like singer songwriters. It's a super little local open mic
and Brooks.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Can do something stand up. Yeah, We're like from.
Speaker 4 (09:21):
La, let's shake this town up. Yeah, like a small
town Alaskan town loves more than.
Speaker 6 (09:32):
Slam boat a singer songwriter.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
Yeah, the cat came out and did a trick.
Speaker 9 (09:38):
He's like hard working, like blue collar, like lumberjacks are like,
what's this guy think about airlines? So we signed up
for the open mic and it was a pretty rowdy
crowd and I go up and I was doing this
bit at the time that was about ants eating my Like, giz.
Speaker 6 (09:55):
You're still doing I haven't done it.
Speaker 4 (10:00):
I was doing it for a while.
Speaker 6 (10:05):
It's pretty funny.
Speaker 9 (10:06):
Yeah, it's about Yeah, it was like back when I
lived with like like three guys like I like.
Speaker 7 (10:14):
That, it's not important, but similar time in a lot
of ways, drinking a.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
Lot of.
Speaker 6 (10:22):
Happier.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
Yeah, you're trying to keep your roommates happy.
Speaker 9 (10:25):
And I just remember, apparently, but I just remember like
like just ants going after my little like jerk off
tels like in the in the track. Yeah, I know
it's gross, it's a gross bit, but it's about these ants,
like me meeting like a nick ant hybrid doesn't matter.
Speaker 5 (10:43):
It's a gross bit, like the ants eat your come
and then they have a little baby.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Yeah yeah, Like there's like a call me his father
like that.
Speaker 9 (10:53):
Okay about this great act out Okay, and so I
jump into my aunt seating my to come stuff and
the crowd just turns like people are like like what
the hell? It was just people were disgusted.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
And this is in the no cursing bar. No, No,
this was not. I had no rule, but they had
one rule.
Speaker 9 (11:24):
And took the bartender like screams out like you're done,
and then cuts the power to the microphone. And then
the horse came up and like grabbed them and I
was like okay, cool. And then and then Brooks went
up and crushed really no, I don't remember what he did,
but we we hung out at the bar for like
(11:45):
the rest of the night.
Speaker 6 (11:46):
That's that's brave.
Speaker 4 (11:47):
Yeah, you just dragged through.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
Why didn't you?
Speaker 4 (11:50):
It was a fun.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
We couldn't go back to the cat bar.
Speaker 6 (11:54):
It was too there was only two bars in town.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
I wanted to learn my lesson.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Because they had a bell.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
They had a bell and if you rang the.
Speaker 9 (12:03):
Bell, if somebody rang the bell, that person had to
buy everybody in the bar a drink. So like there'd
be like Brooks and I felt like we were like
locals at this point, so like there'd.
Speaker 6 (12:12):
Be like, you know, disgusted by everyone.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
Hey, I'm keeping a knit, not everyone.
Speaker 9 (12:24):
Because the night ended up with like Brooks and I
sitting at the bar and this kind of buxome like mountain,
like a much older mountain woman had really taken a
shining to me.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
She really liked me.
Speaker 6 (12:37):
She's like, I like that coum talk. I don't care
what anybody.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
I want to be one of those.
Speaker 9 (12:45):
And so she was very aggressive and we were like
sitting at the bar and she was on the other
side of Brooks and we were like he was like
holding my hand behind Brooks and then I was just
trying to like kind of be nice and like.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
You know, be like, I'm not really interested. I'm good.
And somebody you're sitting in a seat there and.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
Holds a on your date.
Speaker 9 (13:08):
Yeah, exactly, because I was trying to be away from her.
But she would like sneaker try, Yeah she would. Well,
she has a big, strong, Lumberg lumber Jane hand. She
got this callous lumber Jane hand. So she she does
what she wants it. And so I think she went
to the bathroom and I was like talking to somebody
(13:30):
else and I was like, I just I don't I
don't know what to do about this. And the guy
was like, seems like Dave's wife really likes she.
Speaker 4 (13:39):
Oh, yeah, Dave's wife.
Speaker 9 (13:41):
And never got her name is Dave's wife. And she
kept saying, I just really wish you would walk me home,
Like I'm only five minutes away.
Speaker 4 (13:48):
If you walk me home, I'd really make it worth
your while.
Speaker 9 (13:51):
God, I don't want to know, Dave. I know, No, no,
nothing happened. We just like you know, I went home.
We fucked for days. Uh no, nothing happened. We just
Dame comes out at the end of the story, I
never saw tell me the son of a bitch, you
got my wife.
Speaker 7 (14:12):
Dave's listening to this podcast right now, jumping up and
down on his cowboy hat.
Speaker 4 (14:19):
Dave's wife, you call that dud.
Speaker 9 (14:24):
It felt like that's just kind of a thing she does.
And she, you know, she she seduces all the l
A comedians that come through that tell people nobody. Nobody
was like, beware, that's Dave's wife. They're like, oh yeah,
Dave's wife. Like she she lives right down the road,
walk her home. It felt like that was just how
it works. They wanted to have you kill it because
because it comes back the way. I love that you
(14:44):
told the income story. And then they were like, fuck
you get out here, I will say.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
For four more hours.
Speaker 4 (14:53):
To the bar.
Speaker 9 (14:53):
And you were like, who's married here?
Speaker 4 (15:00):
Do you know if she said, Brooks stand right here?
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Brother?
Speaker 6 (15:06):
Did you see your set?
Speaker 9 (15:08):
Do you know if Day's wife was there for I
imagine she was there wasn't a lot like this guy.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
Yeah. I think she liked the gall you know.
Speaker 6 (15:15):
Yeah, I feel like my story is nowhere near as
bad as these do.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
But okay, here we go.
Speaker 7 (15:20):
Oh wow, I've never I'm actually never I don't know
why I'm here.
Speaker 6 (15:25):
I've never done that ever. It was it was early on.
Speaker 8 (15:29):
I probablynew in comedy like two years, and I somehow
got a gig.
Speaker 6 (15:34):
I forget the town name.
Speaker 8 (15:35):
I really tried to look it up on Google Maps,
but I couldn't find it. Somewhere in central California, just
like a tiny town. And they were like, you can
do forty five minutes, right.
Speaker 6 (15:44):
I was like, your goddamn right, it's.
Speaker 4 (15:50):
For three weeks.
Speaker 8 (15:51):
I probably had like fifteen minutes maybe.
Speaker 4 (15:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 8 (15:56):
It was like it was like one local comic and
then like just me, and it was like there wasn't
even like a host and the place is like packed
because it's one of those small towns where there's like
not a lot going on. It wasn't as charming as Telkena.
It was just like pretty bleak and like it was
like a place where like you you would see like
a guy.
Speaker 6 (16:16):
It was like a place where there'd be like a
fight at the thing and you would take like break
a pool queue was it was like a roadhouse. It
was like a rough bars.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
Like a bunch of Punisher logo.
Speaker 8 (16:28):
I mean, there was definitely like biker dudes and it
was like a very met vibe and it was just
like I drove up specifically for this show. I booked
it through like another comic. They're like, oh yeah, there's
like this show. You can do a long and I
was just like I wanted to do a long. It
was north. It might have been Toulari. It wasn't that
are stocked. It wasn't even that big. It was tiny.
(16:50):
It might have been Toulaire, and I just right off
the bat, I'm just like eating ship.
Speaker 6 (16:55):
It's like, yeah no, it's like nothing's working.
Speaker 8 (16:58):
And like the guy before, I think it was a
local comic, like ate it so bad that I was terrified.
Speaker 6 (17:03):
I was like, I was like, why are these people
even here? Like that?
Speaker 3 (17:06):
Do you want to be here?
Speaker 8 (17:08):
Like the entire town seem like it was there. And
like one of my early bits was like a five
minute chunk about Hitler and I was just like this
is like I just go into it and it is
just like not doing well.
Speaker 6 (17:28):
It was like one of them.
Speaker 8 (17:29):
There's multiple parts, but one part is about like the
Hitler family name was originally Chickel Gruber and Hitler changed
it. It might have actually been his dad who changed it.
And I was like the joke had something to do
with how like it would have been way funnier if
like he didn't change it, because like chickel Groover is
such a fun name.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
Yeah, Hitler is like his stage name.
Speaker 8 (17:49):
Well it was like chickle Groverer was like a family
name that they then changed to Hitler. But I was
like it would have been he would have been more
deadly because no one would have taken him seriously. You know,
you hear like, oh, Hitler's invaded poland you're like, oh
my god, we gotta do something. You hear like chicle
Gruber has just invaded Pulled, and you're like, that fucking
sounds hilarious. He's up to his old tricks clowning friends.
(18:11):
As you can see, very solid joke, And I had
like a bunch more shop I don't even remember, but
it was like a huge chunk and it was just
not doing This is the only time someone's actually done this,
because I feel like this only happens in movies when
someone's getting heckled. But like someone was literally like you suck,
Like that never happens. Usually players are like too drunk
(18:34):
and they're just talking loud. But like I got like
a full on you suck.
Speaker 4 (18:38):
Like a perfectly and it was just like a dagger
to the heart.
Speaker 8 (18:43):
And then I was like, I was like, you know,
I'm floundering. I'm like, I'm just gonna go into crowd work.
So I start talking to these guys and like somehow
we started talking about meth because I think there was like.
Speaker 6 (18:53):
A it was like a meth type of vibe.
Speaker 8 (18:55):
Yeah, and I like kind of I kind of got
a few laughs, like making fun of the town on
the road.
Speaker 6 (19:00):
I was like, what are you doing a small town?
Speaker 8 (19:01):
On the next small town, I bet that town fucking
smokes way more math, you know.
Speaker 6 (19:07):
But and then someone was like, we actually smoked more math.
Were proud of man.
Speaker 8 (19:16):
I was like, oh, I mean, you guys, this is
the meth town.
Speaker 6 (19:20):
Springfield Town's trying their hardest coming from you fucking sweating.
Speaker 8 (19:27):
I remember at one point there was like a stuffed
bear and I like went into a riff about how
like the bear was the mayor of the town and
like they did not love that. And then I think
I just started getting more drunk on stage and I
just like did crowd work for the rest of the time,
but like it was bad there was definitely like biker dudes.
I was like, these guys are gonna like beat the
(19:49):
ship out of me. I'm like making fun of their town.
But you know, they all kind of came together over
the med stuff. So you know, at least I had
that silver lining.
Speaker 9 (19:57):
You got them with a Recdrey.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
With Adrey.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
Okay, so we got our bombing stories. What were the
other two parts of my podcast?
Speaker 6 (20:19):
Quick?
Speaker 3 (20:20):
Oh, the worst bob you've ever witnessed in public?
Speaker 5 (20:23):
Like people getting bottles thrown at them on stage or
meltdown on stage.
Speaker 6 (20:27):
They just get segue into Nick's other stories.
Speaker 9 (20:30):
While oh, yeah, I don't, well, let's transition into that later.
Speaker 4 (20:38):
I have later a quick podcast to get out of here. Tomorrow, Well,
I have, well.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
What is this humbled story?
Speaker 9 (20:50):
So Cornell runs a festival up and Humble at Savage
Henry Comedy Cub. It's great, it's every year. It's super fun,
super chill. It was one of the first times I
had gone up there, maybe the second time i'd gone
up there for the festival, and it was the final
show of the weekend. It was the big like headliner show,
right the huge, beautiful venue, beautiful like theater and so
(21:12):
they decided to like book like thirty comics on the show.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
The guy I don't run it. I don't know because.
Speaker 9 (21:25):
Now the story, Yeah you don't run it, but you're
a big part of the scene up there.
Speaker 7 (21:29):
And yeah with the comics, you deal the drugs qu
else from Humble to our listener, but you know the guys,
the guys who run it. It was like the first
time putting any of this ship together. I didn't really understand.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
You always say thirty comics or nothing.
Speaker 4 (21:50):
Yeah, gets funny at the three hour mark, warming up
the crowd. Literally every show was at least two and
a half hour. It was it was like buy a
bracelet for the whole weekend. They go to one show like.
Speaker 6 (22:05):
Comedy.
Speaker 7 (22:06):
I never want to see comedy again. It's like all
your favorite comics from Tilarry yea.
Speaker 6 (22:15):
And check it out.
Speaker 4 (22:16):
Dave's wife is in the lobby, do not walk her home.
Speaker 9 (22:22):
So we so it was like all of our comedy
buddies and we all had we all were like, on
this show is the last like blowout night of the festival.
Speaker 7 (22:30):
Yeah, it's an old movie theater too, really cool on
stage in front of the big screen.
Speaker 9 (22:34):
With like like there's one are those things called like
where they shot Lincoln. There's like yeah, like it was
just really cool. It's a really beautiful venue.
Speaker 6 (22:45):
Lincoln Murder vibes.
Speaker 9 (22:46):
Yeah, and uh, somebody had cocaine, and so we're like,
let's do a little bit of cocaine before our set.
We'll go up there like Richard pryor, you know, we'll
just have a good time on stage. But the show
was like three and a half hours long, and when
you do a little bit of cocaine, you want to
do a little more.
Speaker 4 (23:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (23:05):
That other is my hometown. My mom's in the stepped,
my grandma, grandma, grandma's there, everybody's there. It's a big day.
We're in this like attic space. Yeah yeah, because we
go behind the screen and everyone's like kind of hanging
out back there as a green room. But then Nick,
(23:25):
Carl and I find this ladder up to a mystery attic.
Speaker 9 (23:28):
Just like they had the Blair Witch Project like attic
that was like dusty and chalky, and so we're like
that's where we're go do our drugs, and we go
and we just keep doing cocaine and we're like go
down and check them with the host like, am I
up next?
Speaker 4 (23:43):
And like yeah, nine more comments, Okay, great.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
I guess I'll go.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
Yeah, And I remember I think I was last.
Speaker 6 (23:50):
I don't.
Speaker 4 (23:50):
I might have been headline and I don't think it.
I don't.
Speaker 9 (23:59):
I don't know what we were doing, but I was
like so like numb mouthed, like I put something like
clenching my teeth and I'm trying to get through this
like already miserable show, like a full mental breakdown on stage.
I definitely I've really never seen anything.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
Wait what happened?
Speaker 9 (24:14):
I mean, I just was like the place was packed,
but of course people trickled out because it was going
on way too long.
Speaker 4 (24:18):
So there's nobody.
Speaker 7 (24:19):
There, and people there are exhaust exactly the other Comedia
hate comedy.
Speaker 4 (24:26):
At this point, it's doing.
Speaker 6 (24:28):
The cum joking from Cornell's grandmother.
Speaker 4 (24:30):
Yeah, I'm screaming about my jiz and how you get
on stage.
Speaker 9 (24:33):
I came on stage and I'm like I can't even speak, man,
like I was so like cracked down.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
Tell them you were coked up, thou.
Speaker 4 (24:40):
I want to say that was my I think.
Speaker 7 (24:44):
My cover there. I think my mom was like, oh,
that's why Corner was acting so usually bulge that much.
Speaker 9 (24:54):
He was a byeah, I'm gripping the mic and it
shattered my hand.
Speaker 6 (25:03):
So you did.
Speaker 8 (25:03):
You could have done like like ten fifteen and just
gotten out of there like a mercy, but you you
did like forty.
Speaker 4 (25:13):
Time.
Speaker 9 (25:15):
Also, if you remember an hour four oh you brought
him over into tomorrow. I remember like Andre Hyland performed
in that show too, and he had this like video
of like this was like a bomb.
Speaker 6 (25:26):
I would love to watch this, she said on video.
Speaker 4 (25:28):
This video was like it's just like different horse a
c g I horse horse. Have you seen it?
Speaker 8 (25:34):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (25:34):
It was also did not go over well, so he
said set the tone and.
Speaker 9 (25:39):
I was like, I need some chemical influence to get
these guys back.
Speaker 6 (25:42):
I love horses and I love come. That's a good
idea for a joke.
Speaker 4 (25:46):
God, it was a nightmare.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
So were you just like.
Speaker 4 (25:48):
It's just like you couldn't even like talk. I did
some cocaine in the back three hours.
Speaker 6 (25:56):
I was like, I've been in the attic doing.
Speaker 9 (25:58):
Code for hours. People like just NY nine one one
and hovering the finger over sand.
Speaker 3 (26:12):
You learned, is that the most wasted you've ever been
on stage?
Speaker 9 (26:20):
Would you say, oh yeah, definitely, definitely, for surely, I'm
sure I've been my drunker on stage because I was crystal.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
Clear with aer Condre.
Speaker 9 (26:48):
With a Condre my worst like other people bombing story
was the very very first time I did any open
mic and I went to the Haha Cafe in North Hollyway.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
Oh yeah, I got some nightmares. Store.
Speaker 9 (27:03):
I had my my really good friend Brandy was the
only one who came to support me, which was fine.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
Singer or the singer no.
Speaker 9 (27:11):
The beverage, and so I was, you know, I was
like fortieth in the fucking lineup or whatever, and it
started packed and then it just kind of get in
like people left and people left, and I was like
very very late in the show, and right before I
go up, it was probably like half full at this point.
(27:32):
Right before I go up, this guy comes on stage
and brings up like a real dog and takes out
like a gun. There was a toy gun, but brought
out a gun and holds it to the dog's head
and says, if you guys don't laugh at my jokes,
I'll shoot this. It's a fucking hack lampoon bit.
Speaker 6 (27:48):
And lastic national lampoon thing. If you don't come to
this movie. We'll kill this.
Speaker 9 (27:53):
But it was an awful bit and they walked the
entire crowd.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
The entire crowd left.
Speaker 9 (27:58):
He did shitty four minutes a comedy, and then it
was just me my friend Brandy, and like the next
comic was in the room, and I went on stage
did my three minutes, and she laughed loud and hard
enough that I was like, I'm going to do this
for the rest.
Speaker 3 (28:09):
Of Thanks, Brandy, better than you're my favorite singer. Dude.
Speaker 5 (28:20):
Julie Ashton, who's a casting director, very lovely casting. It
was always very sweet to me early on when I
didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I asked
her one time, what was the worst, what's the worst audition.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
You've ever experienced?
Speaker 5 (28:36):
You've seen like a billion actors come through your your
casting studio, Like, what's the worst, what's the worst you've
ever experienced? She goes, a guy pulled out a gun
during an audition, a real gun, a loaded gun, because
there was a gun in the scene. He was like
a villain in the you know, some drama.
Speaker 4 (28:53):
To bring a gun.
Speaker 5 (28:53):
Tod pulled out a gun and aimed it at her
and like did the scene and she was like, okay, thanks.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
In La.
Speaker 7 (29:11):
There was this comic who did open mics back in
the day, and he would always bomb, but I thought
he was the funniest man in the world. He went
by the name gay Lord Dingler.
Speaker 6 (29:24):
I'm on board already.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
That was Hitler's original.
Speaker 4 (29:30):
Friend of the show, kay Lord Dingler.
Speaker 7 (29:35):
And he would always he'd just be sitting out in
front of an open mic, just sitting on the ground,
drinking of forty of mickeys before the started, and he
would go up and he had the same act every
single time. You know those crazy guys who just do
open mics and they'd never change a fucking word verbatim.
Speaker 4 (29:55):
He's one of those guys.
Speaker 7 (29:56):
And every time he would just bomb at these crazy,
weird open mics, and I would be dying laughing. The
only joke of his I really remember it was he
had remember two jokes. One joke he go, he go, uh,
you know, I open up the newspaper and I see
all these these ads for garage sales.
Speaker 4 (30:19):
Garage sales.
Speaker 7 (30:19):
Yeah, but uh, you know, I've been driving around with
my dog and he hasn't seen one garage for sale.
Speaker 4 (30:26):
They always involved his dog for some reason.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
I don't know.
Speaker 7 (30:31):
That. The other joke, yeah, he goes, this was this
was my favorite one. He goes, Yeah, this woman was
working at a gym. She lost thirty pounds in one day.
Speaker 4 (30:44):
Yeah. Can you believe it? Thirty pounds in one day. Yeah.
A machine ripped her leg off.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
The best machine ripped.
Speaker 9 (31:05):
That gun shooting guy, the gun and dog guy. I
saw him like months later at the Aha Cafe and I.
Speaker 6 (31:12):
Was like, where's your dog?
Speaker 9 (31:14):
He goes, He's like I did nobody and he had
he now had complete like huge fake veneers, like the masks,
and they weren't like Poppins. They were like dentally like
a dentist installed them. And he was wearing a suit
(31:34):
and he was like, I'm working on my new bit
and I was like, oh, cool man, what is it?
And then he pants himself and he had sewn out
of like nylon and like flesh colored threads, a photorealistic
stuffed penis. This was like outside of the comedy club.
He was like, you got to check my I'm going
on the later show, you got to check my bit out.
(31:55):
I was like, what is it? And then he just
exposed himself. But it's not exposing if it's not real,
but it is kind of exposing if you can't tell
it's not really. So his bit was having crazy mask
teeth and just showing his dick to the crowd.
Speaker 6 (32:09):
Artist better than a dog.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
Yeah, I mean it is a step up.
Speaker 4 (32:13):
Everybody's got their journey.
Speaker 8 (32:14):
I used to work at this bar in Venice and
I was like just starting stand up. So we found
out there was gonna be a stand It was like
a music though there was never any stand up there.
We found that there's gonna be a stand up night,
and it was like Howard Stern guys, but not like
the A tier. It was like sal the stockbrokers, like
Jim Florentine. I forget who it was. But one guy
(32:36):
closed his set by bringing a woman on stage and
pouring ranch dressing into her ass crack and then licking
it out.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
Of her whole boy.
Speaker 6 (32:44):
He had multiple women who wanted.
Speaker 8 (32:46):
To get on stage. WHOA And I was like, that's
a ranch pioneer right there.
Speaker 6 (32:53):
I was literally like people were like, big me, bick me.
Speaker 8 (32:56):
It was like, I guess this is like a thing,
but wow, I was like, that's a.
Speaker 5 (33:00):
Any other any other fucking things. This is a great
This is phenomenal, fantastic. Yeah, I'm surprised that you're wasted.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
Stories weren't that.
Speaker 4 (33:10):
I got to think crazy.
Speaker 5 (33:11):
I got the three of you. I think you guys
have been so often wasted on stage. It's kind of
like normally you're like, yeah, whatever, it's called Thursday. My man,
you're hear be like I dropped ten hits of acid
in my eye and and.
Speaker 4 (33:26):
On stage. The stage is precious, man, that's a precious space,
is a temple. Yeah, you don't, you don't.
Speaker 7 (33:33):
And it's not so funny of a story of it
was like I've been getting drunk on stage for fifteen
years and it's probably going to be successful.
Speaker 6 (33:38):
It's not really a story so much.
Speaker 4 (33:41):
As I've wasted my life.
Speaker 9 (33:44):
I can't face the audience unless I myself my life.
Speaker 4 (33:52):
I'm days away from giving it all up. But it
is interesting.
Speaker 9 (33:56):
That's like why you put it on the podcast, Like
he's fucking dare I have once I shit myself and
suck my own tick.
Speaker 8 (34:06):
That was my closer for most of the early two thousands.
Speaker 6 (34:11):
All Right, thank you, gentlemen.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
I'll probably see you guys like in a few hours.
Speaker 4 (34:15):
Yeah, like best vishile or something like that.
Speaker 5 (34:17):
Yeah, best fishing bie guys, Thank you bye, I'll be.
Speaker 4 (34:24):
With a recondre.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
All right, listen up, we got something special for you.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
Got a burning story that you're itching to tell about
when you bombed or absolutely failed in life. Now's your
chance to tell me all about it, Mabel. I want
to hear your worst, most cringe worthy what the fuck
was I thinking? What just happened moment? So pick up
your phone and dial seven one six Bombing. That's seven
one six two six six twenty four sixty four and
(34:50):
leave me a voicemail and we.
Speaker 3 (34:52):
Might just play it on a future episode.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Bombing with Eric Andre is brought to you by Will
Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcast. Our executive
producer is Olivia Aguilar. Our producer is Bei Wang, Our
research assistant is David Carliner. Our editor and sound designers
Andy Harris, and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg. Go
rate us five stars and drop a review on your
podcast app a choice
Host
Eric Andre
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show. Clay Travis and Buck Sexton tackle the biggest stories in news, politics and current events with intelligence and humor. From the border crisis, to the madness of cancel culture and far-left missteps, Clay and Buck guide listeners through the latest headlines and hot topics with fun and entertaining conversations and opinions.