May 7, 2025 • 55 mins
Eric is joined by co-host Jay Jurden with comedian Liza Treyger for a wildly unfiltered ride. From getting arrested at a White Sox game to her undying devotion to Law & Order: SVU, and a healthy appreciation for weed. Liza spills on rewatching the same porn since 2012 and a four-some sexcapade at a DoubleTree hotel. One time she even bombed so hard at a Netflix comedy festival, she scored a $500 sushi dinner in West Hollywood.
Follow Liza Treyger at @glittercheese on Instagram. Check out her Netflix special "Night Owl" and her podcast "That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast" wherever you get your podcasts
For all things Eric Andre and Bombing follow @ericfuckingandre (Instagram) and @ericandre (TikTok).
Rate and review Bombing with Eric Andre here!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What Up matera Andre?
Speaker 2 (00:01):
And This is Bombing, the podcast where I talk to comedians,
artists and other interesting people about the worst bombs of
their career, total epic failures in front of the public.
And tonight I talk to superstar comedian Lisa Trigger about
being arrested at a baseball game, her love for Law
and Order, SVU and the Backstreet Boys, plus embarrassing moments
(00:23):
at movie Premiere's. Check out Lisa's stand up special night
Owl on Netflix, and as always, leave us a messages
at seven one to six Bombing and share your most
embarrassing moments at who knows, maybe we'll even talk about it.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Co hosting is Jay Jorden enjoy.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Bombing, baling with aeric Andre.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Ladies, gentleman Lisa Tragger, everybody, porn, porn enthusiasts, Russian apologists.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
No, no, I cannot be attacked on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I'm not Oh, are they coming out to you?
Speaker 4 (00:59):
You're really mad at me? Are Ukrainians don't want to
speak Russian? Which I get? But I moved here before
the collapse. My parents speak Russian? What do you want
from me?
Speaker 1 (01:09):
You were born in the US s.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
R us SR, but it's modern day Ukraine. So it's
like it says born in Ukrainian my podcast, and they're like,
you're not actually Ukrainian. I'm actually a Jew, and you
hate me because of that. They'll be like, every time
you see you are condoning the war. I go, yeah, yeah,
that's what I believe a body. Those are the only
ones that get me upset, like people are mean, Those
(01:32):
are the only ones that kind of bother me because
I feel like I don't have an identity.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
No, you have a very strong idea. I'm an American,
you're red blooded America. You're a patriot.
Speaker 5 (01:42):
Patriot, we're actually going to this. This is an overreer.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
I would die for the the human rights of our nation.
I don't want to escape.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I want to fight, not me house boat in Spain.
Speaker 5 (01:55):
You've been looking, yeah, yeah, oh yeah, where are you
going to go?
Speaker 4 (01:58):
But I think black people should leave if it's not
on you guys.
Speaker 6 (02:01):
Don't Okay, but don't don't say that by itself, because
we heard it, well, black people should leave.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Oh don't say that sentence by it Yeah, we're gonna
nip it out like put all over the interview.
Speaker 5 (02:17):
I love black people should I think people should leave.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
I think black people should leave.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
And I always have I think black people should leave.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
I think black people should leave.
Speaker 5 (02:28):
That's the intro. Does anything on the paper?
Speaker 4 (02:30):
No?
Speaker 1 (02:31):
I like?
Speaker 2 (02:31):
I like being like reading off the paper really stilted.
So you're at the co host of That's Messed Up
an s VU podcast. Care clink, do you want to
tell us anything about this?
Speaker 4 (02:43):
I would love to. We recap an episode of one
orders you. We do a deep dive on the true
crime it's based on, and then we interview an actor
from the episode.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
And then soon after you were arrested three times.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
That was before you get arrested somebody, dumb bitch, what
do you mean? In Chicago, two times in Iowa and
one time at a White Sox game.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
What happened? What happened the first time was.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
Drinking and driving. I wanted burger king humiliating, of course.
Speaker 5 (03:13):
And they prosecute that crime in Iowa.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
They sure did, but it's called like d w I.
Speaker 6 (03:20):
You know they like to switch up the letters Mississippi.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Yeah, they're they're drink driving is mandatory.
Speaker 6 (03:27):
That was every now and then they'll though, well you
seen me doing fine here. That's what happens in college
towns in Mississippi.
Speaker 5 (03:34):
They go, you're drinking. You go a little bit. They go,
me too.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
The second arrest was like me and my friend were like,
we got to be sober. We were both struggling, you know.
I got arrested for this, and then we chugged Parrot
Bay and we were supposed to go to the gymnastics meet,
but instead she punched through the fire extinguisher glass. So
I thought she wanted it. I thought she was taking
her own life because she was depressed. So I start
streaming the cops and then I'm black to so I forget.
(04:00):
So when the cops come, I fight them.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
No what I thought, how old are you in?
Speaker 4 (04:06):
Like nineteen twenties?
Speaker 5 (04:09):
Wait a second, did you punch the cop?
Speaker 4 (04:11):
No? I shoved him. I closed the door. And then
when they arrested me, I went limps. So that had
dragged me to the car.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Doesn't want to go to the deaths.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
Actually, But then she got arrested at the hospital, she
went insane. So then I wake up in jail and
she's in jail too, and then so I dropped out
of I was stay, went home to Chicago, went to
college there, and then I went to a White Sox
game and blacked out. So I'm not sure what but
they do still drink.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
No.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
Then I found stand up comedy.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Can you stop drinking?
Speaker 4 (04:44):
I party once in a while. I like to have
a good time, but it's just not an issue for me.
I'm more of a stoner, but I have drink. Yeah,
Like me and my friend, we would drive to the
Redline Howard station and we would have a fifth of
flavored smear off and we'd play Circle of Death and
then whatever we didn't finish would pour in a diet
coke or she.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Has right kind of wicked.
Speaker 4 (05:05):
You just keep passing and hugging until.
Speaker 5 (05:07):
You're doing how many people usually play?
Speaker 4 (05:09):
Usually it's a group.
Speaker 5 (05:11):
Yeah, if it's just two people that that's not a circle.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
A line of Death and then we'd get on the
right line like a flavored You enough disgusting discuss.
Speaker 6 (05:20):
I'm gonna say it, and it's gonna get me canceled.
Eastern Europeans they drink.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
They drank n She was Cuban, my my big because
she was my friend at the time. Also kept getting arrested.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Like rum Capital. I don't know, I know, para room,
I don't know. If it's a Cuban room.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
No, it's something I don't think Soroger.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Skilled in the bathroom at Kroger's.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
But we'd get on the train in the suburbs. So
by the time we got to Comisky, I got kicked,
I got arrested. Third inning home open.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
This is you had a lot of legal fees and ship.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
And that was well. The worst is I had to
take a Greyhound back to Iowa to served two more days.
That's what was upsetting, Like.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
The Jewish Martha Steward.
Speaker 6 (06:11):
Yeah, but you had all these legal troubles and that
made you want to start the s VU podcast, Or
you just love SVU.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
No, I love SVU and I love research and I
like finding I guess injustices and our criminal justice system.
Speaker 6 (06:28):
My husband watching the sv he watches the s VU
every day. I've seen the Billy Porter episode at least
four times.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
Yes, that's a twist, that's a that's a rare, a
rare twist.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Yeah, what are you gonna do about living in the U?
Speaker 3 (06:42):
S A?
Speaker 6 (06:42):
You're gonna leave? You have EU citizenship? No, you have
any other citizenship? No?
Speaker 4 (06:47):
Because we left on religious ASYLA and US star doesn't exist.
I'm hoping well.
Speaker 5 (06:51):
I mean it's going to again.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
They're working on it.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
I'm leaving the country this weekend and I'm nervous because
it says praying on my on my passport. So if
they let me in or not, I am going to London, yeah,
I hope so. And then I'm going to New Zealand
and Australia and funeral this weekend unfortunately, and then July
will be New Zealand and Australia touring a lot I do.
(07:20):
I'm on their own. I mean, I'm audestioning. If someone
put me in something, I would take a break. I'm
having a good time. You know, it's fine, your bestie.
You know I love this ship you guys did on
your TV show.
Speaker 5 (07:35):
The Bag of.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
As.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
We were a little cave in Harlem. She thought we
were just driving to a studio to shoot a sketch.
And then we talking about like all right, if the
cops come, we got to just say this and that
and popcorn means the cops are over on this street,
and and the word goose bumps meaning the cops are
And she goes, what do you guys keep talking about cops?
And and We're like, oh, this isn't a sketch, this
(08:03):
is like a prank for shooting.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
This is gonna be for real.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
And she's like her face went white, she started sweating.
She's like she was really nervous. But then she rose
to the occasion. She killed the fuck out of that ship.
Speaker 6 (08:17):
That I mean, that particular prank slash sketch lives on
the internet and pops up every couple of months.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Let's put it up. Can we put it up? Can
we put things up on the screen?
Speaker 7 (08:31):
Tell you, mother, you thought I wasn't gonna find out.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
I wasn't gonna find.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
You know what?
Speaker 5 (08:43):
This is the bag of my face.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
For you. Are you good at design? So you have
like a order.
Speaker 4 (08:57):
House, a corner of boxes. It's overwhelming. And then I'm
by buy art. I'm an art buyer. I support the arts.
I have great art, I have beautiful art, and I
have I collect toys, but they're all in my little
fireplace nice.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
So it's all nice.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
It's the clothes, it's the traveling. It's that I can't.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Wear one of those organizers like a Marie condo.
Speaker 4 (09:20):
Oh no, my best friend does this at least for me,
like four or five times a year, and I have
a cleaner that comes twice a month and it does
not what.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
I imagine your house is shoe boxes everywhere, empty Vaca bottles,
cigarette butts, that is what I'm imagining.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Joints everywhere.
Speaker 6 (09:36):
I have probably likes a roach infestation, but cheah.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Yeah, yeah, tons of roaches joint.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
And then I always have my friend when she cleaned
out my apartment, I had to leave for Panda whatever.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
You feel like you have a laptop with a lot
of issues that you keep meaning to get fixed.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
I canceled my genius bar appointments today.
Speaker 6 (09:57):
Oh my god, Eric, Yeah, you guys don't watch movies
or TV on a television or production.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
You just have the laptop and it has so many
bugs and.
Speaker 6 (10:07):
Your computer gets super hot. You go actually to hot boiling.
It's giving you the spinning wheel of death. And you're like, oh,
I got to fix it, but you always push off
fixing it. Do you have like do you have a
caress top or do you have some just random images too,
like just random files full littered?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Yes, yeah, but we're right. Are we're not right? Or
are we right?
Speaker 3 (10:29):
No?
Speaker 4 (10:29):
I had an I cancel my five thirty genius.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Bar pointments today and you drink diet coke, you're yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
And I have little my friend when she remember, she goes,
there's water bottles with one sip left everywhere. Yeah, and
so I have empty coffee things with one sip left everywhere.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Yeah. I can't throw the movie signs.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
I can't.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
No, you got a problem, you're like when to one
of those women, like they got the TV shows on TLC,
Like I'm addicted to huffing blade fucking air spray. You
have a little bit of that, not all the way.
Speaker 5 (11:03):
If someone come in and you move the water bottle,
would you get mad?
Speaker 6 (11:07):
I thank them, I would like, but that's like some
some people would be like, don't touch it.
Speaker 5 (11:12):
But that's good, that's actually.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
About but the boxes. Really, people keep sending me stuff,
and I'm like, I gotta do videos with my new
things that are being sent, but I don't want to.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
I feel like you have like lights and microphones and
a light like stand up like stands and.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Ship set up. Now we wired. There's a lot of wires.
The wires are all tangled.
Speaker 4 (11:33):
I never thought I'd have so many wires.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
It's a dirty rug.
Speaker 4 (11:37):
No rug I'm anti rug I have no rugs.
Speaker 6 (11:39):
Do my room now, Eric, do my room? I don't
know your dumb in the corner, No dumbells.
Speaker 5 (11:44):
We don't. Garrison would never.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Can I see a picture or video of your husband
and then I'll.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Be able to do it all right?
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Okay, okay, because I can't.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
Just do you think I'm hopeless? No help for me?
Speaker 1 (11:54):
No, No, I did say that. I didn't say that.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Wow, very handsome. Okay, what's his vibe? Give me? Give
me some more?
Speaker 6 (12:00):
Works in works in tech slash, fintech, slash, crypto.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Oh do you say fashion?
Speaker 5 (12:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Where's he from? From?
Speaker 5 (12:09):
From Mississippi?
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Like me doing impression of them, doing impression of them?
Speaker 5 (12:12):
Oh, this is my impression of him. Jay put that down.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Oh so he's a little bit fucking sassy.
Speaker 6 (12:20):
I have a thing now where I really am trying
to be better around the house because he curates a space,
he loves to design.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
I have to hang out with him for five minutes,
like I know her, but like I have to hang
out with them for at least five before I could.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
He's a little too if that he's country, he's a
little country. Yeah, he's from the watch reality TV.
Speaker 6 (12:42):
Loves Reality Housewives okay, a little bit of merit to medicine,
but loves how He's watching Atlanta right now. Loves SVU.
Upset with you thought, can you.
Speaker 5 (12:53):
Took it too far?
Speaker 1 (12:54):
What about naked attraction?
Speaker 6 (12:56):
Naked attraction? I've watched nekead attraction. We you know, we
can just watch porn. Yeah, we're also gay guys, so
all of our friend we've seen all our friends dick too.
Speaker 5 (13:05):
So like, do you do do I do orgies?
Speaker 4 (13:08):
There hasn't been an origin of very long.
Speaker 6 (13:10):
The last true orgy Fire Island twenty nineteen. It was
eight people in a room.
Speaker 5 (13:17):
That's the last.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Was it fun?
Speaker 5 (13:19):
It was fun? Ah it, Liz the kids?
Speaker 6 (13:22):
Do you come a lot or do you save it
for the end? No, you gotta come at least twice.
That's the thing. If you're there.
Speaker 5 (13:29):
Yeah, viagra, no excitement and weed. It's an orgy.
Speaker 6 (13:34):
So you're like, you actually kind of can game plan.
You can take a breaking or it's a lot of
people doing stuff.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
You can cut cut back, you can make a martini.
Speaker 6 (13:41):
Anyone who is jackhammering the whole time in an orgy.
Everyone at the orgy, who's like kind of there and
like around at least like a fun fun to get breakop.
Speaker 5 (13:51):
They'll be like, what are you doing?
Speaker 3 (13:53):
What's going on?
Speaker 4 (13:54):
Relax?
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Oh, if you're jack hammering, what about you? You did done
an orgy before?
Speaker 5 (13:59):
No, tell the three.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
I just have one foursome.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
I think it's more than a three Simmons and orgy.
Speaker 6 (14:07):
I would do more some the name still work, I
think at six easily an orgy. Six doesn't work exactly.
Seven doesn't work. Four and five for five because four,
to me, we actually just qualify as a couple swap.
But if they weren't couples, then yeah, tell us about.
Speaker 4 (14:26):
His wife was coming the next day.
Speaker 6 (14:28):
So long that it's like, actually really hot, his wife
was coming back the next day?
Speaker 4 (14:32):
Well, no to with everyone else they came to fuck.
I met the Carolines. No Carolines. But this was a
long time ago. This is probably over a decade ago.
Speaker 5 (14:43):
We're telling it.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
I thought about I thought this guy was really hot.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Here might be a little awkward.
Speaker 4 (14:50):
So I'm doing crowd work with this hot guy. And
so then I was like, well I'll wait for him
and there'll lobby of Caroline.
Speaker 5 (14:57):
So he comes out downstairs, down stairs.
Speaker 4 (15:01):
And then that the three of them, and so then
we go to a Lily's that like Victorian looking bar
and wait, wait, wait.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
So it's one guy and two goals. No, two guys
and a girl and one of them's hot. And then
you're like, I'll wait for him and then ask for
a drink.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
Yeah, And so we all went out and after a
while they were like, listen, we actually have we're here
to fuck. We have a hotel room, we have molly,
we have coke. You want to come to the Double
Tree or whatever? And I go yeah and so and
so so I went and it was it was really fun.
But then the I had to go babysit the next morning,
like on York. So I went like straight from and
(15:37):
I didn't think it was going to be a wild night.
I didn't bring a phone charger, I didn't bring make
cu and bring like. It wasn't like I planned to
do this. It was like an early Spotted line.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
This time.
Speaker 4 (15:53):
They had collars, they had like leashes. They were ready,
they were ready.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
They just watch and then.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
The wife was coming the next say to join them.
So it wasn't like he was. They were freaks that hot.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
So everybody's just fucking.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
But it's I'm with Jay that there were breaks, we
would chit chat, we would hang out two people. I
got a couple of you know how their dison workers
of the.
Speaker 6 (16:16):
Drugs, also with gay people. And this is the p
s A viagra plus poppers. Your heart will stop. You
can only okay pop. Yeah, see this is the safer.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
It's less harsh than than the bagger. However, if you're
on Molly and you're shooting pool with a rope and
you want to fucking make your gummy worm back to
it's old fighting self, you popped that viagra on that Molly.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
It works fucking people.
Speaker 6 (16:47):
I know some people who like when they've been either like, oh,
Molly are like kind of high and VIAGRAA that'll be
like I didn't even know my.
Speaker 5 (16:55):
Dick was capable of that.
Speaker 6 (16:56):
Yeah, it's I've never seen my penis like that ever,
whinning combo when and I'm more of a nitrous ox.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
That guy over.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Poppers got it.
Speaker 4 (17:06):
I've only done that once and it was with.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
You, thousands and thousands.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
It was a great night. There was a brain scientist
there that night, and she kept going in the orgy.
No what this whipp it's oh. But she said that
those cells that are killed can regrow. But she could
have been lying, but she goes, it's not permanent brain damage.
All of it can regrow.
Speaker 6 (17:33):
Yeah, over twenty five, so my brain's done. Yeah, stop growing.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
And I'm on my phone eight hours a day, so
it's not like.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
I'm doing good things for your brain.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Once beer kills millions of brain cells. Nitrous oxide not
that bad. Nitrous oxide is naturally occurring in the atmosphere too,
as long as you don't exphyxiate over and over or
huff it.
Speaker 6 (17:52):
I say a new new drug awareness campaign, just say no,
you know nitrous oxide and so smart it's insane.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
He's so smart, like a doctorate.
Speaker 6 (18:03):
And I have a have a NF A and a
b F A n A b A and three degrees.
I'm about getting one more, but I chose not to
very doctors. He's the yeah, corn let me do my.
Speaker 5 (18:20):
Let me do my cornell?
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (18:22):
Oh brother Eric brother, Eric brother.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
With aridre with a redre.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
All right, what's the worst show you've ever done in
your life? Where's bomb ever?
Speaker 4 (18:46):
And I bombed last night? Just to show Now, I
made a list.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
I can't believe it's one listen, check it twice.
Speaker 5 (18:54):
Is funny because of the location.
Speaker 4 (18:55):
You told me I did a show a Costa. What
is that. It's like Soho house for Olive Arcs.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
No, I know it is. Yeah, yeah, it's like Leonardo
Dicabrio je Bezos. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
So they have their little private room and I just
kind of like, I hate them because they think they're cool,
but I'm like, you're void of humanity, so you're not
gonna be able to laugh. And I open they with
a great joke. They didn't laugh at all, So I go,
I'm not going to do another joke. I have respect
for myself. I'm not doing this. And so then I
fucked around, but my charm never wore. It just never
really went anywhere. And then the worst they did the
(19:29):
just you got it, and I'm like, I'm gonna jump
out the window.
Speaker 5 (19:34):
But uh, it's okay.
Speaker 7 (19:39):
I go.
Speaker 4 (19:40):
I came here for the shrimp cocktail.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
I don't like nice in there, just like rich people
have no But it's like below.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
Deck, so like the wood is shiny, you know, the handsop,
the soap is nice.
Speaker 5 (19:50):
It's like nice an property below deck.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
You know about it.
Speaker 4 (19:56):
Yeah, I watched the person is like people just look
very wealthy in a way that makes me not like them.
So then I don't want to I don't want them
to have a good time. I want to be like, oh,
fuck yourself.
Speaker 5 (20:10):
Not a bomb.
Speaker 6 (20:11):
But I this past Thursday, I did walk a father
and son. I was in my I was in my
dick sucking material. I was in the dick sucking chunk.
There was a father and son at the fold. The
table had to be tweeny. Maybe he's laughing a little
bit dad stone face.
Speaker 5 (20:32):
They get up and then I go. As they leave,
I go. They probably went out there like it's a game.
They could talk about dig like we know we booked.
And then the one of the ways that I tried
to come and clean off the table and I said, no,
leave it as a memory. I need to know this.
That just stare like having the boot for the rest
(20:54):
of the night.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
In in West Niac, where was it the comedy capital
of the world.
Speaker 5 (21:00):
That's where you go when you make it big.
Speaker 4 (21:03):
Well, you know, the chef was really good there and.
Speaker 5 (21:05):
Then get to do with nat if you play cards right,
the chef.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
Got fired for being a pedophile nowhere and West, and
I remember the food used to be really good. He
ended up being a pedophile. Got to get rid of him.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
I didn't.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
This isn't the worst bomb because you mentioned father's son.
I was in a city in Texas. I don't know, Houston.
Let's say I don't know. But this guy in the
front row gets us ficial. He leaves. When he comes back,
I go, where'd you go? And he goes. I've been
sober for twenty seven years until today. I'm an alcoholic.
Speaker 5 (21:39):
Is that you gotta put that on the website?
Speaker 1 (21:41):
So good?
Speaker 5 (21:42):
I ruined the man's it's right now.
Speaker 4 (21:46):
I'll do that.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
I tell us all the bombs.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Tell us your worst writing gig, your worst television gig,
your worst.
Speaker 6 (21:52):
I mean, I'm not gonna because we do. I do
want you to tell this story. Maybe don't say the movie,
but you weren't allowed to one of your own movie.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
A cop and a White Sox.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
I'm in Nope. I get kicked by the horse. I
don't know if you know this part, but in the beginning,
they're on the Jordan pee. I'm the woman that gets
kicked by the horse on the side.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Okay, I started watching it on an airplane and then
the plane landed and I never finished it.
Speaker 4 (22:19):
Okay, so I'm in the beginning, you know, never, and
then the next scene, you know, Danielkhluia is on the
set with the horse and I get kicked. So it's
a small part, but I'm excited. I get invited to
the premiere. But they go one ticket, no plus one.
I go, that's fine, it's fine, and they go and
you're not going to the party. I go, okay, I
won't go to the party. So I get to the premiere.
(22:40):
My name is nowhere to be found. I had to
be like, I promise, I'm in this, Like I have
an email from my agent. He's like, I want to
go to this Chinese theater. I've been looking at this
theater since I was a kid. Premiere, so they reiter
it again. They're like, here's a ticket. You can't go
to the party. So then at the time I see
Bobby Lee, I see Calila. Calila is like, I don't
need to go to the party. Here's the ticket. So
(23:00):
Bobby Lee takes me to the party, ditches me immediately,
and then I was just alone circling this party without
a friend. In sight. You know what I mean. But
I wasn't.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
Daniel.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
I want to talk to me. I knew Littlerell, so
I went up to and then I actually got bullied
by someone. So someone I know friends of Littlerel comes up.
You know this to me. I don't want to name it.
She comes over and yeah, but you're a part of
the story. Woman comes up to me please, and I go, hey,
(23:40):
I'm Lisa. You know I'm a comic from Chicago. Starting
she goes, oh, yeah, i've seen you before. I go, yeah,
I think we met at Eric's house one night and
she goes, no, I've seen you perform four times and
you have a lot of growing to do. And I
just went it's an honor. And then I went walking alone.
I couldn't find a friend. Part of the night was
(24:03):
and I kept going to actors I met on set,
being like, what's up, and they're like, we're with her
wives like we don't want to talk.
Speaker 5 (24:09):
And I saw it this, Eric, you got to think
about this.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
What you got even a movie.
Speaker 6 (24:14):
I'm gonna movie what happened? I got kicked by a horse?
Good by, Come to the come to the movie from here, Actually, no, okay,
come to the party. Actually, no, by the way, me
at the party. By the way, you got a lot
of work four different?
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Is that necessary to say to somebody?
Speaker 5 (24:32):
I'm you know this, I'm always saying this. Be nicer
to comedians online. I'm always.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Be nicer to comedians.
Speaker 4 (24:39):
What Jay's been popping off on the I behave myself.
Speaker 5 (24:42):
I'm sum gonna Jay's been the.
Speaker 4 (24:44):
Talk of the town.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
I would say, what's going on online.
Speaker 6 (24:46):
I'm not beefing with anyone particular. I do beef with
the idea that people are like, can you believe we're crazy?
I'm like, comics have always been crazy, comics. Whatever someone says,
we can finally like talk ship, we can finally like
say crazy stuff.
Speaker 5 (25:00):
In my head, I do go haven't we always been
saying crazy?
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (25:04):
There was no line.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
I don't know.
Speaker 6 (25:06):
Yeah, I'm like, what are you talking about? Who are
you talking about? Who is this like boogeyman in the sky.
That's like, now you can't who.
Speaker 5 (25:14):
Was stopping people from telling coum jokes, from telling race jokes, from.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Telling ooh from some crowds but not really.
Speaker 6 (25:23):
But but those Pejordians have even lost their spice because
everyone doubled down too much. So now I'll say, if
you say faggot and you're not gay on the show,
guess what, You're probably the fourth straight gotta say faggot
that night. And now the crowd's like, you gonna to
do something else? Man, you might actually have Gail King
on the on the yeah, Gail King said.
Speaker 5 (25:46):
Gil okay.
Speaker 6 (25:46):
So Gail King was entering Matteo in part for the
book and the special coming out. Gail King said to
Matteo Lane, you have this joke I love and this
is CBS Morning by the way, she said, can I
say it? She said, when you said what and the
fagot tree is going on?
Speaker 5 (26:01):
King said that on something posts.
Speaker 4 (26:03):
Are like what and then Mateo just cracks up. He
can't he can't even believe that.
Speaker 5 (26:08):
Y King said what in the fagatory? And then she
went to space to try to escape it.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Her getting on that space ship I watched ten thousand times.
She seemed so stressed by the way. That's me just
getting on Jet Blue, like I hate turbulent so much.
But I could see her going, why did these white
people talk me into this super ship? I don't need
to see space?
Speaker 1 (26:29):
What is this?
Speaker 2 (26:30):
And do they go to space. They go to like
the top of the sky. They don't go into like
I want you going to space, land on fucking Mars.
Then you went to space.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
It starts.
Speaker 4 (26:40):
They didn't even pass the atmosphere, like I want to
look at the Earth from.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
Yes, exactly, I don't want I want to be on
another planet. I want to be on the Moon looking
at her. And then you went to space.
Speaker 6 (26:51):
It fires more training because Lance Bass wanted to do it,
and being like an actual astronomy very long time.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Well, Lance Bas got nothing but time.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
He did nothing.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
But I did Arden Marines podcast and I'm a big
backstrip boy fan.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
I like boy bands, like pop culture, and so I
was in Trolls three.
Speaker 4 (27:11):
I watched them all.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
Are you familiar with Justin Timberlake?
Speaker 4 (27:15):
Yeah, I mean you know, so art In Surprising. So
I go to do her podcast, Lance Bass pops out
of a bush was surprise, and I have to like whatever,
and then and then he goes, are you upset? I'm
not Nick Carter, and I go Lance Baster fun.
Speaker 5 (27:29):
Oh that's funny, that's actually very funny.
Speaker 4 (27:37):
But I went to Christina Aguilar Justin Timberlake, but I
sat down for justin because as a teen, because I
was so team Backstreet boys, like I didn't want to
enjoy myself.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
So you big weird loyalties.
Speaker 5 (27:49):
Who is your Who is your boy?
Speaker 6 (27:50):
Were Kevin, Nick Carter and then a j oh wait
a second nick a j I was, I was in sync,
but I did appreciate Kevin as the backstory boy.
Speaker 5 (27:58):
I was like tall, quiet a man.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Those people are also.
Speaker 6 (28:01):
It is also what I'm imagining in your house, your
medicine cabinet full of every single prescription as I would.
Speaker 4 (28:12):
Yeah, it's they're in the kitchen.
Speaker 5 (28:17):
You're giving her a lot of credit with the medicine cabinet.
Speaker 4 (28:20):
The medicine cabinet is random, like a tweet like it's
it's more.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
I want to look in your fridge to got it's.
Speaker 4 (28:28):
Very New York. Or there's like a little chili oil.
There's been drinks sent by Wild, thank you.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Sponsor. There's no one here.
Speaker 4 (28:44):
We film.
Speaker 5 (28:47):
I gotta go. Actually, I actually have to go. If
this is Eric, I have to leave.
Speaker 4 (28:53):
The Wild is amazing. So I'm performing in Portland. Valentine's
a weekend. There's a beautiful couple in the front. I'm
having a good time. He is the creator in CEO
of Wild and oh it's like edibles, they're really delicious
or the white little contained. Oh you don't like weed
and so people. But so I'm like, did you bring
me some? Like I can't believe you're obviously a millionaire.
So whatever, we have a good time. After the show,
(29:15):
he goes, you know, we've seen you before at the cellar,
and you looked at me and said that I didn't
deserve love. The fuck was I thinking? Like why would
I say? Ah? And so he brought her to stunt
on me and he goes and this is my fiance
and we're getting married in Italy and I go, you
found up?
Speaker 1 (29:34):
Yeah, And.
Speaker 4 (29:38):
Then he's been sending me uh like weed stuff.
Speaker 6 (29:41):
God, that's so fucking you sat in the front road
to be like yeah and fucking that's universal karma, but
ends up being funny.
Speaker 5 (29:52):
That's good.
Speaker 4 (29:52):
Yeah, way of cell bag Like he was treating her,
nice to you.
Speaker 5 (29:58):
You live a life. You live a life.
Speaker 4 (30:01):
But I also get to press and don't leave my
port man. You probably caught that too.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Porn What porn that you get into now?
Speaker 4 (30:06):
Honestly I'm watching the same porn from twenty twelve. Some
of these videos are dated twenty two. I went to
the week dot com all the time, and I have
what is it kink dot com?
Speaker 1 (30:14):
That's my why is kin dot com? You're you're It's
what I enjoy bds M.
Speaker 4 (30:19):
Yeah, I like the public disgrace.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
Oh, public umiliation. Humiliation like a girl.
Speaker 4 (30:24):
Getting sucked at a pool hole.
Speaker 6 (30:26):
In front of people, and there's humiliation, you know, dancing there,
very fire island.
Speaker 5 (30:36):
I thought you were going to be into that's very gay, man.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
I thought you were going to do like oil massage
or something like that.
Speaker 4 (30:43):
Oil massage. It's creepy.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Really, yeah, it's too cool.
Speaker 6 (30:47):
Girls always watched the oil massages because sensual anytime I want, anytime.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
I have a girl.
Speaker 4 (30:53):
Women watch gang bangs than men women really, because for
men it's too many dicks.
Speaker 6 (30:58):
Women watch also, women watch like fucking the people who
think women watch the sensual stuff are incorrect.
Speaker 5 (31:05):
Women watch like I don't.
Speaker 4 (31:07):
Know your husband died, and like you haven't. You've never
you're a catholic, you've never really gotten out there. That's
an oil massage. That's where you start.
Speaker 6 (31:18):
Slow caress will do it for them. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
but Lisa said get the digs in here.
Speaker 4 (31:28):
It's when the girls like, I don't even know who's
fucking me right now?
Speaker 6 (31:33):
Wait, have you been keeping up with the Bonnie Blue
one hundred men one thousand men situation? Okay, there's a
there's an only Fans creator who was like trying to
kind of do her own.
Speaker 4 (31:45):
Yeah, it was one thousand men in ten hours.
Speaker 5 (31:47):
I think it was twenty four. I was given her
twenty four hours to get through.
Speaker 4 (31:50):
A thousand that I don't Yeah, the book Hokey's and
all that where it's.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
All of them. Oh, I thought you're into that stuff.
Speaker 4 (31:57):
Of course I'll watch it once in a while, but
I like, I'm I'm I'm loyal.
Speaker 6 (32:00):
To kink you go, I thought you're that stuff and
Lisa goes, of course I watch it every now. It's
just it's not gonna turn it off if it's on.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
That's how I feel.
Speaker 4 (32:12):
Well. There's someone on a reality show, Summerhouse, and they
just revealed that their favorite porn was tan Line porn,
and that really kind of upset the rest of the roommates.
Speaker 5 (32:22):
Can I say, I get I get okay?
Speaker 6 (32:24):
If you millennial, there was a certain time when a
lot of porn they had tan lines, and you were like, oh,
that's how we know this is like actually real because
you well, no, because you'd be like, no, the porn
performers they tan naked, but like these regular people, they'd
(32:44):
have tan lines.
Speaker 5 (32:45):
You'd be like, oh, this is like actually it was
the amateur. Yeah.
Speaker 7 (32:49):
When you see a little razor burn, yeah, god, or
when you see the dog in the room.
Speaker 4 (33:01):
But one of my favorite porn stars did die tragically,
and so it is kind of like unethical. But I
watched her old stuff sometimes.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
Why is that it's weird?
Speaker 4 (33:10):
It's sad because it's like, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
You didn't watch your death footage? Yeah, that'd be Yeah,
that's a different website.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
You can borrow.
Speaker 4 (33:20):
Water. I don't like that. They like do with some
suffocation water stuff and no it's too much.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
Yeah, I saw a.
Speaker 4 (33:29):
Website I only with a couple of the channels. Oh, well,
there's a porn podcast. I like, you gotta go on it.
Ryan he's got Yeah, I really, I'm his favorite comedian
and I love I like him so much. But he
had a porn star on it. Her kink was waterboarding,
and he got waterboarded on the.
Speaker 5 (33:50):
Pot and he was like, you're a sick and is
America safer because of it?
Speaker 1 (33:54):
It's a good question too, I guess. And there hasn't
been another nine to eleven since that happened.
Speaker 4 (33:59):
That recording doesn't sound that bad.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
No, it sounds bad, but it's bad. You're drowning yourself.
You're you're putting water in the only places you can breathe.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
It's drowning. It's horrible.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
You're sick. But he did it for the cause. But
like his friend had stage four cancer and he had
his that guy's two favorite porn stars come on and
fuck him.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Whoa, this is like fucking with a recdre with a
(34:40):
recdre any other bombs?
Speaker 4 (34:43):
Oh yeah, we should do the bombs. So actually, so
Netflix Fest last year, I'm having the time of my life,
Like I like a festival, I kind of and a
festival and friends, and I get asked last minute to
do the Fluffy show.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
That's the that's the already no Fluffy, oh Fluffy, yeah.
Speaker 4 (35:04):
No, no, it's Palladium.
Speaker 5 (35:05):
It's like the Palladium.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
They were just like sorit, like Michelle Buteau did one
like yeah, and then like four or five comics went
on Pete and I walk out and they stopped clapping,
and I still have probably these fifteen more steps to
the micropon nobody is clapping why? And then I grabbed
the mic put of the music still playing, and I
(35:27):
was like, well, you can cut the music. They're clearly
done clapping, and I thought that would get something. Nothing.
Then it's silent, and his audience is like family is
a lot of Mexican people. So I was like, I'll
do my immigrant material, do family stuff. I'll do that's
you know, PG whatever. They don't like any of it,
they grow, they are not. So then I I'm trying
to switch things I'm trying to do. I'm trying all
(35:48):
the bags of tricks I can, and I'm just bombing
all the Netflix exacts. Everyone's there, right, It's like, I'm
just bombing, and and I'm following a comic I don't respect.
So it's even it's hurt killed, yeah, it's murdering.
Speaker 5 (36:08):
Yeah. And he found out what everyone does for a living.
We found out who everyone was dating.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
So I'm bombing and then sit down and someone else
yells leave, no, no, And so I'm sitting there being
like you think I want to be here. You think
I don't want to get I'm like, I'm looking at
the clock, TikTok, like I don't want to be here either.
I'm like, how dare you? And so then it's like
them all screen and then other people going you got
(36:35):
this and like so then it's a battle between the
crowds that are like you can do it and people
going please leaves like screaming, and no one is left anything. Yeah,
I'm like red at this point, I was so hot. Yeah,
And so I read right now and Jimmy Carr is
right there and Josh who booked me, and Josh just goes,
(36:57):
I'm sorry. And then Jimmy Carr is trying to make
me feel better, and I go, stop talking to me.
I'm going upstairs. So I go to the green room.
I get tequila, and I'm just sitting there alone drinking,
like trying to callow people to get attention. So then
all my friends at Netflix are messaging me and Sophia Saladar,
you know for Live Nation, like all these are texting me,
(37:17):
and I go, I'm in the Friends and Family Room.
That's the name of the green room. They thought I
had friends and family with me. I'm alone. So then
when they enter the room, they go, where is everyone?
I go, I'm alone here drinking. So then but I
bombed so bad and me and Sofia were talking about
going to a sushi park that like celebrity sushi spot
that the head of Live Nation Comedy touring goes. Sophia
use the company card take her. I ended up bombing
(37:40):
so bad that I got a five hundred dollars oh
commedy meal and we have like a great time.
Speaker 5 (37:44):
Nice god, but I was.
Speaker 4 (37:48):
Audience they want I'm sure some of the other people
might have done. I didn't look at anything.
Speaker 1 (37:56):
Like Fluffy's nice though, and well Fluffy Fluffy, and no
one looks to me.
Speaker 4 (38:00):
After the show he did, he said, yea, I barely
interacted with Fluffy. I don't know. I don't I was
happy to be there at the palladio.
Speaker 5 (38:12):
People saying leave and people saying no, stay and them fighting.
That's funny. I would have been dying if I'm laughing loudly.
If someone goes get out of here, they go, fuck you.
Speaker 4 (38:24):
Let her day. She'll get funny like that's like you
guys stopped clapping. Well one time I was this was
years ago, I was at Turner Hall and I was
opening for Rob's a Lady Jesus. And as I'm walking out,
the whole venue is chanting Rob Rob and then they
see me and they all start booing. No oh you guys,
(38:46):
let me full boo being booed by like what seven
hundred people?
Speaker 1 (38:51):
Okay, what's what else? What's what? Give me some other words?
Speaker 4 (38:54):
I love?
Speaker 1 (38:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (38:57):
Basically it was me and Kennedy to Forest dressed and
he's when we weren't getting paid, and we went to
He got paid. I didn't. I don't know. We went
to the nursing because he brought me to be like,
I'm doing this nursing home and I was like, please
bring me. I gotta do it. No, I'm a young comic, right,
And so I'm bombing. He's bombing. We're bombing. Not a chirp,
not a laugh, nothing. And then a woman comes.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
Up to the little nursing home like elderly.
Speaker 4 (39:21):
It is literal nursing.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
People are flatlining all around you.
Speaker 4 (39:26):
That woman comes up to me and goes, do you
need jokes? I can give you some jokes.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
I want to take her up on I did.
Speaker 4 (39:33):
I said, tell me some jokes.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Take it up.
Speaker 6 (39:36):
A Jewish Ukrainian walked into a nursing home. Oh yeah, moms,
their ass.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Off or whatever. All of our jokes were. Hella, ras
continue hard r N word jokes. She starts giving you.
Speaker 4 (39:48):
Continue because I've been thinking about it. I'm like I
was young. You just kept on you have you My
mic got caught at jokes and notes once. It's like
it was the black club in the South Side of
Cargo and mid mid joke cut the mic music.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
I'd be like, thank you, get me out of here.
Can you give me an uber too?
Speaker 6 (40:11):
Is my favorite thing whenever you go, especially as a
black comet, when you do mainstream a lot and then
you get the request to do a black show and
you go, I gotta do a black show and you
get in there and they're being they're being ruthless to
like the first two comedians. You go, I could have
said no. I could have said no, but you know what,
let me power through. They were fine with me. They
were they got the meanness out of their system. First
(40:32):
three comedians.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
But you go there mean what what they just let
it be.
Speaker 5 (40:40):
It's just some Lisa follow up what you said black
people should leave.
Speaker 4 (40:43):
The country I think black people should live and now say.
Speaker 5 (40:48):
You're not doing well.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Yeah, it's like, well, they paid their money for the
babysitter in their suits and they're they're they're like, there
won't results.
Speaker 4 (40:57):
But I would say one of the best sets of
my whole life was on Only like all Black audience
at the Laugh Factory in Chicagos.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
You can crush audience, you can shake the room.
Speaker 4 (41:08):
She goes, hold on, we gotta keep laughing.
Speaker 3 (41:10):
I go.
Speaker 4 (41:11):
I mean it was like one of the best moments
in life. Like I still think about it.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
Somebody told me Jamie FOXX is this thing where he
does he'll do a mainstream room, then he'll do a
black room and try to do his whitest jokes and
see what of his like whitest jokes or whatever he
gets his mainstream if that's where you at the black room,
then he'll keep it in his set and then he'll
go to the mainstream room with his blackest jokes, and
(41:35):
whatever ones don't work he cuts, and whatever ones do
he keeps, and then he like merges those sets in
the back room.
Speaker 5 (41:43):
He's doing all the Katie Holmes stuff.
Speaker 2 (41:46):
Yeah, I guess, so I guess so I kind of
like that because our Afghan comic friend, oh formirir, thank
you sorry. Yes, he told me he tries to never
just wallow out alt rooms. He goes, I want to
do my alt stuff at the comedy seller or a
studio or store so that I can see kind of
(42:10):
like the Jamie Fox thing, like if the alt joke
can work at the mainstream comedy club, then there's spirit.
Speaker 6 (42:16):
That's how you move the needle comedically. I know you
do this, and I do this too, all this stuff
I do at Unia Hall in the Bellhouse in Littlefield.
Speaker 5 (42:22):
I do have the seller.
Speaker 6 (42:23):
I have to because if you don't, then you're not
taking your queerness. So you're a weird shit to the people. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (42:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
Also you're gonna get too comfortable.
Speaker 4 (42:33):
Because I'll have weekends where it's people that like me
and are aligned like on stuff, they like us at whatever,
and so it's easier to kill. And then when I'm
back to the cellar on like that week is when
you realize what's actually like what needs to be beefed
up for, like people that don't know you.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
When are you guys going to invite me to a show.
I got to get out of my house.
Speaker 4 (42:54):
Well, I'm also doing Show and Tell.
Speaker 6 (42:57):
Invite bring me on any show twenty If I go
to an Indian wedding the twenty eighth, I'm not here,
but every other day I can do.
Speaker 4 (43:04):
Wow. They in India or where eight days.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
And it's southern eastern India. Are they Christian or they
are not Christian? Okay, Southern Have you ever met an
Indian person before?
Speaker 3 (43:17):
Dude?
Speaker 1 (43:18):
Christian?
Speaker 4 (43:19):
The Southern Indian Christians? They are Yeah, Jocelyn, Yeah, Josh Chicago,
Jocelyn Vargis, what's up, Junior?
Speaker 8 (43:29):
And high?
Speaker 4 (43:30):
Wait? Let me do one more bombings?
Speaker 1 (43:31):
Do another bombing? Yeah? Okay, so I have to Okay,
I get out getting It's all. This podcast is filler.
Speaker 4 (43:41):
In Jamestown, New York. And I used to do a
joke and it's in my degenerate set on Netflix. But
it's like a Q and A and so the answers
and I know how people are going to answer, and
then it helps me. And then at the whole point
is like men aren't making women come and you guys
don't care. And it's like a fun joke. But a
guy went to both the shows and the answers, so
he ruined the wh and then stared at me and
(44:04):
then went you suck boo. And I ended up actually crying.
After that set, I was in the back and I
was like, God, why do they hate me so much?
Speaker 3 (44:14):
Yeah? What are they? Fuck?
Speaker 4 (44:16):
And I cried because I couldn't get back from it.
I was really defeated. And once he ruined that, it
was like, yeah, I guess I do so like fuck you. Oh,
but then I've performed it again in the in Jamestown,
New York, and there was a moment where these women
were talking. They were being really annoying, and I go, girls,
just please stop talking. I'm good hearing like it's not
you're not being bad like, but it's distracting. And this
(44:37):
woman got offended. She got pissed. She's yelling, and on
her way out she yelled it's a small town. She yells,
I make more money than you, and then from the
back I hear I'm my ex husband. No, she doesn't nice.
It's like really fun.
Speaker 1 (44:51):
That was really nice. You had to like take a
thirty second break on that one.
Speaker 5 (44:57):
Thank you, Sarah.
Speaker 6 (44:58):
The crowd's gone go crazy. You get to be like,
you know you should ex husband, you want your dick suck.
Speaker 5 (45:08):
Come up here.
Speaker 1 (45:13):
But this is okay, So this is like my old
school whole fucking.
Speaker 4 (45:20):
This isn't my old school favorite story. It was a
club in glen View, Illinois. Might have been a drug
front called the Laughing Cameleon.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
Okay, how far from Chicago's sean Berg.
Speaker 4 (45:29):
Oh it's north shorey but like maybe forty minutes. Yeah,
it's not close to the city. But it's like I
would say, maybe orch or whatever. The first show is packed.
It's a showcase show. I'm doing a bunch of I'm
I'm having such a good set on my young comic.
The dean from my high school who used to give
me all these detentions is in the audience, so I'm
killing Like I get to be like wow, yeah, so
(45:52):
I'm on the cloud night. The second show of the night,
only three couples are there.
Speaker 1 (45:57):
Jesus.
Speaker 4 (45:58):
These people are on coke for sure, the Polish they're
on cocaine. And then two other couples they're behaving, they're
being normal. This couple just doesn't give a fuck. They
don't want to be there. They're talking. We get into it.
It gets very like more of your family should have
died in there. They immediately, well, they finish it the war,
(46:18):
is what I said to them. But beforehand she was
like just before I even was hooking up with women.
But they were like you you're a lesbian. You cheap jew.
Like they were saying fucked up ship to me. So
it's like cheap jew lesbian. I remember this was so
long ago, and the other couples are there. There's only
six people. So then we start fighting. The wars now
brought up, you know, it's like shit's getting fucked up.
And then he stands up, takes one hundred dollar bills
(46:41):
out of his wallet. He goes, I will pay anyone
to get this bitch off the stage. And then Aaron Foster,
this comic, grabs the cash and gets on stage throws
me a hundred and I had to be walked to
my car.
Speaker 3 (46:55):
And then wow.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
Guy and like Minneapolis was like I have a gun
and I'm going to kill you after this set, like
while she was bombing, and they had to walk her
from the stage to the parking lot, and he was
out there like rifling through his car and looking for
a murder weapon because he hated or joked so much
he was I mean, it's truly sh It's crazy.
Speaker 4 (47:23):
It seems full on protection. It's like, well, I'm also
a fool once because in Minnesota I was gonna go
smoke weed with people I didn't know in the garage
and the manager of the club to be like, we
can't let you leave with those people. They were touching
your lower back. I was like, all right, guts.
Speaker 3 (47:44):
The mall.
Speaker 2 (47:44):
I had my fortieth birthday party at the Knockdown Center
in Queens and a bunch of fans broke into my
green room, took ships in my bathroom, and then a
bunch of rappers I invited on the show stole all
my son chips and all my whippets.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
Didn't steal.
Speaker 6 (48:00):
They was just like sun chips. I was like, those
are my snacks in my great room, Like I'm stone man,
come on. And there's like kids like eric Andre show
merch like where they're like.
Speaker 1 (48:15):
Get out it way.
Speaker 5 (48:17):
That's so sweet that they just pooped in the toilet.
Speaker 1 (48:20):
At least they just poo. That's good.
Speaker 2 (48:22):
It could have been you know, it could have been
all over. They're being respectful. They're respectful.
Speaker 1 (48:28):
They could have.
Speaker 4 (48:29):
Tot Yeah, what a star she isn't there's.
Speaker 2 (48:32):
One where we dressed in a horse costume and I'm
in the back eating her out on her period.
Speaker 1 (48:37):
That one on the train.
Speaker 4 (48:38):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I watched every Well, my favorite
part I got, you know, I got to I got
to be in Eric's rider's room for two days.
Speaker 5 (48:47):
God damn.
Speaker 4 (48:47):
And I remember someone asking you being like, wait, how
did you do that thing where you like you drink
piss out of the cup And he goes, I pissed
in the cup and I drank.
Speaker 1 (48:57):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I paid in the cup and I
drank my piss. That's how I did.
Speaker 4 (49:01):
They were like, what's the secret?
Speaker 5 (49:04):
Where's the movie?
Speaker 4 (49:09):
All right?
Speaker 8 (49:10):
So one of my biggest life failures is uh shitting
in a TJ Max changing room into one of the
genes that they sell there. So what happened was it
was a Sunday morning, like in any other I was
going out with my boyfriend at the time, and I
(49:30):
had a nice eggy breakfast right before, so you already
know what's about to happen. We go shopping in the
TJ Max and I try on a few things, and yeah,
one thing led to another, and I ship in one
of the genes that I was trying on and the
worst part about it, I uh, I had to put
(49:51):
the jeans right back on the shelf.
Speaker 4 (49:52):
No, you didn't have to do that.
Speaker 8 (49:55):
Clean myself off with the jeans. I turned it inside
out so that way I was able to clean myself
and then flit their white back out, hung it white
back out, and then yeah, left the TJ Max today.
Is still one of my greatest shames. And I thought
I was gonna take it with me to the grave.
But yeah, I guess that's didn't work out. So there's
(50:17):
one of my fails.
Speaker 5 (50:19):
She just confessed to being a bad person.
Speaker 1 (50:22):
Yeah, she didn't need to put it back. Yeah, so
what I mean, like, so wait, she had uncontrollable poops.
Hide it in the corner, in the corner, throw in
the garbage. Yeah, you don't got to hang it back
on the show.
Speaker 4 (50:32):
That's crazy, because we've all I've actually I've I did
a bad shitting thing once.
Speaker 1 (50:38):
Tell us even more.
Speaker 4 (50:40):
I was walking home from the mall with my friend Julie.
This must have been junior high, and all of a
sudden I knew I had to have diarrhea. There's a
mattress giant, I go, we gotta get in there. So
she sits on the mattress. I go to the bathroom,
and honestly, to this day, I like really can't believe it.
Like the toilets, but the ship was like I was
really I don't know what was happening, but it was
(51:01):
like everything I didn't sit on it. It was going
what ship was ever? The toilets like nothing has ever
happened close to that ever again. And I just looked
at it and I was like, I need to get
the funk out.
Speaker 5 (51:15):
Of here, like jet propelled off of the toilet.
Speaker 6 (51:21):
For you.
Speaker 4 (51:22):
And I run and I go, Julie, get moving and
she's just sitting on a mattress.
Speaker 3 (51:26):
What I go?
Speaker 4 (51:26):
Start running. So we're like running and then the women
of course run out of a mattress, giant going like
come back and clean it up. Running So I'm about
you know, I should have probably cleaned up, but I
was twelve. I don't know.
Speaker 6 (51:43):
It was like two weeks ago Junior high high ipeded
in a cab in Mexico into a water bottle because
we had terrible Mexican traffic and we would come back
from my event.
Speaker 5 (51:55):
This is recent. This is my friend's bashelerette party. I said,
as long as the driver I going back here, be fine.
But then I'm I'm not in the cover by myself.
It's a you're overflowing, don't the bottles, never looking up
the bottle. It was not big enough, and it was
coming out fast. You go, oh, I'm a piso fast.
You can't be slow. You go, oh shit, oh shit.
So and then I had to throw it out the window,
(52:15):
but it did fell a little bit in the car. Sorry.
Speaker 2 (52:18):
Five stars one of my buddies, and they said this
on Howard Stern. That works on Howard Stern. He went
to the gathering the Juggalos, the insane clown Posse event,
and he opened the pot of porta potty door, excuse me,
and there was a pile of feces that went above
the bowl like a pyramid. And at the top of
the pile of ship it was just two butt cheek.
(52:42):
Someone sat into it and continued adding to it. Oh, no,
sat down into the ship, my own ship.
Speaker 1 (52:50):
More ship into it. That is every disease my dog has.
Speaker 4 (52:55):
Right now, Oh, I'm gonna ruin. Okay, this is a
port and start.
Speaker 1 (53:00):
Then I really have to go, only because I have.
Speaker 4 (53:03):
Her name's Aiden Saw. But she was doing an interview
on Asa Kira's old podcast and she said, as a dominatrix,
when she ships on these dudes, she'd rather them eat
it because then it doesn't smell, because she goes. If
they leave it in the room, then it smells and
it hour.
Speaker 1 (53:18):
You ruined the sanctity of this podcast.
Speaker 4 (53:20):
I know, I know.
Speaker 1 (53:21):
And now there will never be another pope.
Speaker 4 (53:24):
No, people are really upset.
Speaker 5 (53:26):
The smoke in the Vatican is gonna be brown.
Speaker 4 (53:30):
Who do you want to be the.
Speaker 1 (53:31):
Jd vance he's the only one eligible.
Speaker 2 (53:35):
Yeah, no, I don't know. It's a nonsense thing. Make
you fucking Ronald McDonald's. It gives a ship.
Speaker 1 (53:41):
I have to pee so bad and we're like half
an hour over time. It's a jug of moonshine.
Speaker 4 (53:47):
Netflix special called night Owl. It's out. It's just out.
And then my podcast is that's messed up and has
to be a podcast. And I'm on the road all
the time, So visit me at at Glitter Cheese and
I have a link tree with all the dates.
Speaker 1 (53:58):
Why glitter Cheese, you gotta update that. That's too goofball,
that's like your A O L. Handle from when you're night.
Speaker 4 (54:04):
Why Lisa Traeger is spelled so many different ways that
glitter cheese. People just remember that's.
Speaker 5 (54:12):
There's a lot of surprise.
Speaker 1 (54:13):
Is it a A L?
Speaker 3 (54:16):
I s.
Speaker 1 (54:18):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah glitter And they go, what's that?
I'm standing down? They go, I love that, I'm standing down.
Speaker 5 (54:26):
You did your research the fagotory of that.
Speaker 1 (54:30):
Okay, everybody.
Speaker 6 (54:33):
To say, listen, watched Potato specially its coming out to Hulu?
I think sometimes in May.
Speaker 1 (54:38):
Yeah, but you're plugging somebody's ship that isn't here.
Speaker 5 (54:42):
Yeah, he met Gail Kings say faggot and on that.
Speaker 1 (54:47):
No, good night, ladies and gentlemen, Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you. Guys, appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (54:56):
With the rec all.
Speaker 1 (54:57):
Right, listen up, we got some specially for you.
Speaker 2 (55:00):
I got a burning story that you're riching to tell
about when you bombed or absolutely failed in life. Now's
your chance to tell me about it. I want to
hear your worst, most cringe worthy What the hell was
I thinking?
Speaker 1 (55:09):
What just happened? Moments?
Speaker 2 (55:10):
So pick up your phone and dial seven one six bombing.
That's seven one six two six six twenty four sixty four.
Leave me a voicemail and we might just play it
on a future episode. Bombing with Eric Andres brought to
you by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.
Our executive producer is Olivia Aguilar. Our producer is Bei Wang,
Our research assistant is David Carliner, Our editor in sound
(55:33):
designers Andy Harris, and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg.
Speaker 1 (55:36):
Go rate us five stars and drop a review on
your podcast app a choice
What Up matera Andre?
Speaker 2 (00:01):
And This is Bombing, the podcast where I talk to comedians,
artists and other interesting people about the worst bombs of
their career, total epic failures in front of the public.
And tonight I talk to superstar comedian Lisa Trigger about
being arrested at a baseball game, her love for Law
and Order, SVU and the Backstreet Boys, plus embarrassing moments
(00:23):
at movie Premiere's. Check out Lisa's stand up special night
Owl on Netflix, and as always, leave us a messages
at seven one to six Bombing and share your most
embarrassing moments at who knows, maybe we'll even talk about it.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Co hosting is Jay Jorden enjoy.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Bombing, baling with aeric Andre.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Ladies, gentleman Lisa Tragger, everybody, porn, porn enthusiasts, Russian apologists.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
No, no, I cannot be attacked on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I'm not Oh, are they coming out to you?
Speaker 4 (00:59):
You're really mad at me? Are Ukrainians don't want to
speak Russian? Which I get? But I moved here before
the collapse. My parents speak Russian? What do you want
from me?
Speaker 1 (01:09):
You were born in the US s.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
R us SR, but it's modern day Ukraine. So it's
like it says born in Ukrainian my podcast, and they're like,
you're not actually Ukrainian. I'm actually a Jew, and you
hate me because of that. They'll be like, every time
you see you are condoning the war. I go, yeah, yeah,
that's what I believe a body. Those are the only
ones that get me upset, like people are mean, Those
(01:32):
are the only ones that kind of bother me because
I feel like I don't have an identity.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
No, you have a very strong idea. I'm an American,
you're red blooded America. You're a patriot.
Speaker 5 (01:42):
Patriot, we're actually going to this. This is an overreer.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
I would die for the the human rights of our nation.
I don't want to escape.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I want to fight, not me house boat in Spain.
Speaker 5 (01:55):
You've been looking, yeah, yeah, oh yeah, where are you
going to go?
Speaker 4 (01:58):
But I think black people should leave if it's not
on you guys.
Speaker 6 (02:01):
Don't Okay, but don't don't say that by itself, because
we heard it, well, black people should leave.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Oh don't say that sentence by it Yeah, we're gonna
nip it out like put all over the interview.
Speaker 5 (02:17):
I love black people should I think people should leave.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
I think black people should leave.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
And I always have I think black people should leave.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
I think black people should leave.
Speaker 5 (02:28):
That's the intro. Does anything on the paper?
Speaker 4 (02:30):
No?
Speaker 1 (02:31):
I like?
Speaker 2 (02:31):
I like being like reading off the paper really stilted.
So you're at the co host of That's Messed Up
an s VU podcast. Care clink, do you want to
tell us anything about this?
Speaker 4 (02:43):
I would love to. We recap an episode of one
orders you. We do a deep dive on the true
crime it's based on, and then we interview an actor
from the episode.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
And then soon after you were arrested three times.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
That was before you get arrested somebody, dumb bitch, what
do you mean? In Chicago, two times in Iowa and
one time at a White Sox game.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
What happened? What happened the first time was.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
Drinking and driving. I wanted burger king humiliating, of course.
Speaker 5 (03:13):
And they prosecute that crime in Iowa.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
They sure did, but it's called like d w I.
Speaker 6 (03:20):
You know they like to switch up the letters Mississippi.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Yeah, they're they're drink driving is mandatory.
Speaker 6 (03:27):
That was every now and then they'll though, well you
seen me doing fine here. That's what happens in college
towns in Mississippi.
Speaker 5 (03:34):
They go, you're drinking. You go a little bit. They go,
me too.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
The second arrest was like me and my friend were like,
we got to be sober. We were both struggling, you know.
I got arrested for this, and then we chugged Parrot
Bay and we were supposed to go to the gymnastics meet,
but instead she punched through the fire extinguisher glass. So
I thought she wanted it. I thought she was taking
her own life because she was depressed. So I start
streaming the cops and then I'm black to so I forget.
(04:00):
So when the cops come, I fight them.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
No what I thought, how old are you in?
Speaker 4 (04:06):
Like nineteen twenties?
Speaker 5 (04:09):
Wait a second, did you punch the cop?
Speaker 4 (04:11):
No? I shoved him. I closed the door. And then
when they arrested me, I went limps. So that had
dragged me to the car.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Doesn't want to go to the deaths.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
Actually, But then she got arrested at the hospital, she
went insane. So then I wake up in jail and
she's in jail too, and then so I dropped out
of I was stay, went home to Chicago, went to
college there, and then I went to a White Sox
game and blacked out. So I'm not sure what but
they do still drink.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
No.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
Then I found stand up comedy.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Can you stop drinking?
Speaker 4 (04:44):
I party once in a while. I like to have
a good time, but it's just not an issue for me.
I'm more of a stoner, but I have drink. Yeah,
Like me and my friend, we would drive to the
Redline Howard station and we would have a fifth of
flavored smear off and we'd play Circle of Death and
then whatever we didn't finish would pour in a diet
coke or she.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Has right kind of wicked.
Speaker 4 (05:05):
You just keep passing and hugging until.
Speaker 5 (05:07):
You're doing how many people usually play?
Speaker 4 (05:09):
Usually it's a group.
Speaker 5 (05:11):
Yeah, if it's just two people that that's not a circle.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
A line of Death and then we'd get on the
right line like a flavored You enough disgusting discuss.
Speaker 6 (05:20):
I'm gonna say it, and it's gonna get me canceled.
Eastern Europeans they drink.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
They drank n She was Cuban, my my big because
she was my friend at the time. Also kept getting arrested.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Like rum Capital. I don't know, I know, para room,
I don't know. If it's a Cuban room.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
No, it's something I don't think Soroger.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Skilled in the bathroom at Kroger's.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
But we'd get on the train in the suburbs. So
by the time we got to Comisky, I got kicked,
I got arrested. Third inning home open.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
This is you had a lot of legal fees and ship.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
And that was well. The worst is I had to
take a Greyhound back to Iowa to served two more days.
That's what was upsetting, Like.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
The Jewish Martha Steward.
Speaker 6 (06:11):
Yeah, but you had all these legal troubles and that
made you want to start the s VU podcast, Or
you just love SVU.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
No, I love SVU and I love research and I
like finding I guess injustices and our criminal justice system.
Speaker 6 (06:28):
My husband watching the sv he watches the s VU
every day. I've seen the Billy Porter episode at least
four times.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
Yes, that's a twist, that's a that's a rare, a
rare twist.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Yeah, what are you gonna do about living in the U?
Speaker 3 (06:42):
S A?
Speaker 6 (06:42):
You're gonna leave? You have EU citizenship? No, you have
any other citizenship? No?
Speaker 4 (06:47):
Because we left on religious ASYLA and US star doesn't exist.
I'm hoping well.
Speaker 5 (06:51):
I mean it's going to again.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
They're working on it.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
I'm leaving the country this weekend and I'm nervous because
it says praying on my on my passport. So if
they let me in or not, I am going to London, yeah,
I hope so. And then I'm going to New Zealand
and Australia and funeral this weekend unfortunately, and then July
will be New Zealand and Australia touring a lot I do.
(07:20):
I'm on their own. I mean, I'm audestioning. If someone
put me in something, I would take a break. I'm
having a good time. You know, it's fine, your bestie.
You know I love this ship you guys did on
your TV show.
Speaker 5 (07:35):
The Bag of.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
As.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
We were a little cave in Harlem. She thought we
were just driving to a studio to shoot a sketch.
And then we talking about like all right, if the
cops come, we got to just say this and that
and popcorn means the cops are over on this street,
and and the word goose bumps meaning the cops are
And she goes, what do you guys keep talking about cops?
And and We're like, oh, this isn't a sketch, this
(08:03):
is like a prank for shooting.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
This is gonna be for real.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
And she's like her face went white, she started sweating.
She's like she was really nervous. But then she rose
to the occasion. She killed the fuck out of that ship.
Speaker 6 (08:17):
That I mean, that particular prank slash sketch lives on
the internet and pops up every couple of months.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Let's put it up. Can we put it up? Can
we put things up on the screen?
Speaker 7 (08:31):
Tell you, mother, you thought I wasn't gonna find out.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
I wasn't gonna find.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
You know what?
Speaker 5 (08:43):
This is the bag of my face.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
For you. Are you good at design? So you have
like a order.
Speaker 4 (08:57):
House, a corner of boxes. It's overwhelming. And then I'm
by buy art. I'm an art buyer. I support the arts.
I have great art, I have beautiful art, and I
have I collect toys, but they're all in my little
fireplace nice.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
So it's all nice.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
It's the clothes, it's the traveling. It's that I can't.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Wear one of those organizers like a Marie condo.
Speaker 4 (09:20):
Oh no, my best friend does this at least for me,
like four or five times a year, and I have
a cleaner that comes twice a month and it does
not what.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
I imagine your house is shoe boxes everywhere, empty Vaca bottles,
cigarette butts, that is what I'm imagining.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Joints everywhere.
Speaker 6 (09:36):
I have probably likes a roach infestation, but cheah.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Yeah, yeah, tons of roaches joint.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
And then I always have my friend when she cleaned
out my apartment, I had to leave for Panda whatever.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
You feel like you have a laptop with a lot
of issues that you keep meaning to get fixed.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
I canceled my genius bar appointments today.
Speaker 6 (09:57):
Oh my god, Eric, Yeah, you guys don't watch movies
or TV on a television or production.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
You just have the laptop and it has so many
bugs and.
Speaker 6 (10:07):
Your computer gets super hot. You go actually to hot boiling.
It's giving you the spinning wheel of death. And you're like, oh,
I got to fix it, but you always push off
fixing it. Do you have like do you have a
caress top or do you have some just random images too,
like just random files full littered?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Yes, yeah, but we're right. Are we're not right? Or
are we right?
Speaker 3 (10:29):
No?
Speaker 4 (10:29):
I had an I cancel my five thirty genius.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Bar pointments today and you drink diet coke, you're yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
And I have little my friend when she remember, she goes,
there's water bottles with one sip left everywhere. Yeah, and
so I have empty coffee things with one sip left everywhere.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Yeah. I can't throw the movie signs.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
I can't.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
No, you got a problem, you're like when to one
of those women, like they got the TV shows on TLC,
Like I'm addicted to huffing blade fucking air spray. You
have a little bit of that, not all the way.
Speaker 5 (11:03):
If someone come in and you move the water bottle,
would you get mad?
Speaker 6 (11:07):
I thank them, I would like, but that's like some
some people would be like, don't touch it.
Speaker 5 (11:12):
But that's good, that's actually.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
About but the boxes. Really, people keep sending me stuff,
and I'm like, I gotta do videos with my new
things that are being sent, but I don't want to.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
I feel like you have like lights and microphones and
a light like stand up like stands and.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Ship set up. Now we wired. There's a lot of wires.
The wires are all tangled.
Speaker 4 (11:33):
I never thought I'd have so many wires.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
It's a dirty rug.
Speaker 4 (11:37):
No rug I'm anti rug I have no rugs.
Speaker 6 (11:39):
Do my room now, Eric, do my room? I don't
know your dumb in the corner, No dumbells.
Speaker 5 (11:44):
We don't. Garrison would never.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Can I see a picture or video of your husband
and then I'll.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Be able to do it all right?
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Okay, okay, because I can't.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
Just do you think I'm hopeless? No help for me?
Speaker 1 (11:54):
No, No, I did say that. I didn't say that.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Wow, very handsome. Okay, what's his vibe? Give me? Give
me some more?
Speaker 6 (12:00):
Works in works in tech slash, fintech, slash, crypto.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Oh do you say fashion?
Speaker 5 (12:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Where's he from? From?
Speaker 5 (12:09):
From Mississippi?
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Like me doing impression of them, doing impression of them?
Speaker 5 (12:12):
Oh, this is my impression of him. Jay put that down.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Oh so he's a little bit fucking sassy.
Speaker 6 (12:20):
I have a thing now where I really am trying
to be better around the house because he curates a space,
he loves to design.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
I have to hang out with him for five minutes,
like I know her, but like I have to hang
out with them for at least five before I could.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
He's a little too if that he's country, he's a
little country. Yeah, he's from the watch reality TV.
Speaker 6 (12:42):
Loves Reality Housewives okay, a little bit of merit to medicine,
but loves how He's watching Atlanta right now. Loves SVU.
Upset with you thought, can you.
Speaker 5 (12:53):
Took it too far?
Speaker 1 (12:54):
What about naked attraction?
Speaker 6 (12:56):
Naked attraction? I've watched nekead attraction. We you know, we
can just watch porn. Yeah, we're also gay guys, so
all of our friend we've seen all our friends dick too.
Speaker 5 (13:05):
So like, do you do do I do orgies?
Speaker 4 (13:08):
There hasn't been an origin of very long.
Speaker 6 (13:10):
The last true orgy Fire Island twenty nineteen. It was
eight people in a room.
Speaker 5 (13:17):
That's the last.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Was it fun?
Speaker 5 (13:19):
It was fun? Ah it, Liz the kids?
Speaker 6 (13:22):
Do you come a lot or do you save it
for the end? No, you gotta come at least twice.
That's the thing. If you're there.
Speaker 5 (13:29):
Yeah, viagra, no excitement and weed. It's an orgy.
Speaker 6 (13:34):
So you're like, you actually kind of can game plan.
You can take a breaking or it's a lot of
people doing stuff.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
You can cut cut back, you can make a martini.
Speaker 6 (13:41):
Anyone who is jackhammering the whole time in an orgy.
Everyone at the orgy, who's like kind of there and
like around at least like a fun fun to get breakop.
Speaker 5 (13:51):
They'll be like, what are you doing?
Speaker 3 (13:53):
What's going on?
Speaker 4 (13:54):
Relax?
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Oh, if you're jack hammering, what about you? You did done
an orgy before?
Speaker 5 (13:59):
No, tell the three.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
I just have one foursome.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
I think it's more than a three Simmons and orgy.
Speaker 6 (14:07):
I would do more some the name still work, I
think at six easily an orgy. Six doesn't work exactly.
Seven doesn't work. Four and five for five because four,
to me, we actually just qualify as a couple swap.
But if they weren't couples, then yeah, tell us about.
Speaker 4 (14:26):
His wife was coming the next day.
Speaker 6 (14:28):
So long that it's like, actually really hot, his wife
was coming back the next day?
Speaker 4 (14:32):
Well, no to with everyone else they came to fuck.
I met the Carolines. No Carolines. But this was a
long time ago. This is probably over a decade ago.
Speaker 5 (14:43):
We're telling it.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
I thought about I thought this guy was really hot.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Here might be a little awkward.
Speaker 4 (14:50):
So I'm doing crowd work with this hot guy. And
so then I was like, well I'll wait for him
and there'll lobby of Caroline.
Speaker 5 (14:57):
So he comes out downstairs, down stairs.
Speaker 4 (15:01):
And then that the three of them, and so then
we go to a Lily's that like Victorian looking bar
and wait, wait, wait.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
So it's one guy and two goals. No, two guys
and a girl and one of them's hot. And then
you're like, I'll wait for him and then ask for
a drink.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
Yeah, And so we all went out and after a
while they were like, listen, we actually have we're here
to fuck. We have a hotel room, we have molly,
we have coke. You want to come to the Double
Tree or whatever? And I go yeah and so and
so so I went and it was it was really fun.
But then the I had to go babysit the next morning,
like on York. So I went like straight from and
(15:37):
I didn't think it was going to be a wild night.
I didn't bring a phone charger, I didn't bring make
cu and bring like. It wasn't like I planned to
do this. It was like an early Spotted line.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
This time.
Speaker 4 (15:53):
They had collars, they had like leashes. They were ready,
they were ready.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
They just watch and then.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
The wife was coming the next say to join them.
So it wasn't like he was. They were freaks that hot.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
So everybody's just fucking.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
But it's I'm with Jay that there were breaks, we
would chit chat, we would hang out two people. I
got a couple of you know how their dison workers
of the.
Speaker 6 (16:16):
Drugs, also with gay people. And this is the p
s A viagra plus poppers. Your heart will stop. You
can only okay pop. Yeah, see this is the safer.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
It's less harsh than than the bagger. However, if you're
on Molly and you're shooting pool with a rope and
you want to fucking make your gummy worm back to
it's old fighting self, you popped that viagra on that Molly.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
It works fucking people.
Speaker 6 (16:47):
I know some people who like when they've been either like, oh,
Molly are like kind of high and VIAGRAA that'll be
like I didn't even know my.
Speaker 5 (16:55):
Dick was capable of that.
Speaker 6 (16:56):
Yeah, it's I've never seen my penis like that ever,
whinning combo when and I'm more of a nitrous ox.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
That guy over.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Poppers got it.
Speaker 4 (17:06):
I've only done that once and it was with.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
You, thousands and thousands.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
It was a great night. There was a brain scientist
there that night, and she kept going in the orgy.
No what this whipp it's oh. But she said that
those cells that are killed can regrow. But she could
have been lying, but she goes, it's not permanent brain damage.
All of it can regrow.
Speaker 6 (17:33):
Yeah, over twenty five, so my brain's done. Yeah, stop growing.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
And I'm on my phone eight hours a day, so
it's not like.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
I'm doing good things for your brain.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Once beer kills millions of brain cells. Nitrous oxide not
that bad. Nitrous oxide is naturally occurring in the atmosphere too,
as long as you don't exphyxiate over and over or
huff it.
Speaker 6 (17:52):
I say a new new drug awareness campaign, just say no,
you know nitrous oxide and so smart it's insane.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
He's so smart, like a doctorate.
Speaker 6 (18:03):
And I have a have a NF A and a
b F A n A b A and three degrees.
I'm about getting one more, but I chose not to
very doctors. He's the yeah, corn let me do my.
Speaker 5 (18:20):
Let me do my cornell?
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (18:22):
Oh brother Eric brother, Eric brother.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
With aridre with a redre.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
All right, what's the worst show you've ever done in
your life? Where's bomb ever?
Speaker 4 (18:46):
And I bombed last night? Just to show Now, I
made a list.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
I can't believe it's one listen, check it twice.
Speaker 5 (18:54):
Is funny because of the location.
Speaker 4 (18:55):
You told me I did a show a Costa. What
is that. It's like Soho house for Olive Arcs.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
No, I know it is. Yeah, yeah, it's like Leonardo
Dicabrio je Bezos. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
So they have their little private room and I just
kind of like, I hate them because they think they're cool,
but I'm like, you're void of humanity, so you're not
gonna be able to laugh. And I open they with
a great joke. They didn't laugh at all, So I go,
I'm not going to do another joke. I have respect
for myself. I'm not doing this. And so then I
fucked around, but my charm never wore. It just never
really went anywhere. And then the worst they did the
(19:29):
just you got it, and I'm like, I'm gonna jump
out the window.
Speaker 5 (19:34):
But uh, it's okay.
Speaker 7 (19:39):
I go.
Speaker 4 (19:40):
I came here for the shrimp cocktail.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
I don't like nice in there, just like rich people
have no But it's like below.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
Deck, so like the wood is shiny, you know, the handsop,
the soap is nice.
Speaker 5 (19:50):
It's like nice an property below deck.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
You know about it.
Speaker 4 (19:56):
Yeah, I watched the person is like people just look
very wealthy in a way that makes me not like them.
So then I don't want to I don't want them
to have a good time. I want to be like, oh,
fuck yourself.
Speaker 5 (20:10):
Not a bomb.
Speaker 6 (20:11):
But I this past Thursday, I did walk a father
and son. I was in my I was in my
dick sucking material. I was in the dick sucking chunk.
There was a father and son at the fold. The
table had to be tweeny. Maybe he's laughing a little
bit dad stone face.
Speaker 5 (20:32):
They get up and then I go. As they leave,
I go. They probably went out there like it's a game.
They could talk about dig like we know we booked.
And then the one of the ways that I tried
to come and clean off the table and I said, no,
leave it as a memory. I need to know this.
That just stare like having the boot for the rest
(20:54):
of the night.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
In in West Niac, where was it the comedy capital
of the world.
Speaker 5 (21:00):
That's where you go when you make it big.
Speaker 4 (21:03):
Well, you know, the chef was really good there and.
Speaker 5 (21:05):
Then get to do with nat if you play cards right,
the chef.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
Got fired for being a pedophile nowhere and West, and
I remember the food used to be really good. He
ended up being a pedophile. Got to get rid of him.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
I didn't.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
This isn't the worst bomb because you mentioned father's son.
I was in a city in Texas. I don't know, Houston.
Let's say I don't know. But this guy in the
front row gets us ficial. He leaves. When he comes back,
I go, where'd you go? And he goes. I've been
sober for twenty seven years until today. I'm an alcoholic.
Speaker 5 (21:39):
Is that you gotta put that on the website?
Speaker 1 (21:41):
So good?
Speaker 5 (21:42):
I ruined the man's it's right now.
Speaker 4 (21:46):
I'll do that.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
I tell us all the bombs.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Tell us your worst writing gig, your worst television gig,
your worst.
Speaker 6 (21:52):
I mean, I'm not gonna because we do. I do
want you to tell this story. Maybe don't say the movie,
but you weren't allowed to one of your own movie.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
A cop and a White Sox.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
I'm in Nope. I get kicked by the horse. I
don't know if you know this part, but in the beginning,
they're on the Jordan pee. I'm the woman that gets
kicked by the horse on the side.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Okay, I started watching it on an airplane and then
the plane landed and I never finished it.
Speaker 4 (22:19):
Okay, so I'm in the beginning, you know, never, and
then the next scene, you know, Danielkhluia is on the
set with the horse and I get kicked. So it's
a small part, but I'm excited. I get invited to
the premiere. But they go one ticket, no plus one.
I go, that's fine, it's fine, and they go and
you're not going to the party. I go, okay, I
won't go to the party. So I get to the premiere.
(22:40):
My name is nowhere to be found. I had to
be like, I promise, I'm in this, Like I have
an email from my agent. He's like, I want to
go to this Chinese theater. I've been looking at this
theater since I was a kid. Premiere, so they reiter
it again. They're like, here's a ticket. You can't go
to the party. So then at the time I see
Bobby Lee, I see Calila. Calila is like, I don't
need to go to the party. Here's the ticket. So
(23:00):
Bobby Lee takes me to the party, ditches me immediately,
and then I was just alone circling this party without
a friend. In sight. You know what I mean. But
I wasn't.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
Daniel.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
I want to talk to me. I knew Littlerell, so
I went up to and then I actually got bullied
by someone. So someone I know friends of Littlerel comes up.
You know this to me. I don't want to name it.
She comes over and yeah, but you're a part of
the story. Woman comes up to me please, and I go, hey,
(23:40):
I'm Lisa. You know I'm a comic from Chicago. Starting
she goes, oh, yeah, i've seen you before. I go, yeah,
I think we met at Eric's house one night and
she goes, no, I've seen you perform four times and
you have a lot of growing to do. And I
just went it's an honor. And then I went walking alone.
I couldn't find a friend. Part of the night was
(24:03):
and I kept going to actors I met on set,
being like, what's up, and they're like, we're with her
wives like we don't want to talk.
Speaker 5 (24:09):
And I saw it this, Eric, you got to think
about this.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
What you got even a movie.
Speaker 6 (24:14):
I'm gonna movie what happened? I got kicked by a horse?
Good by, Come to the come to the movie from here, Actually, no, okay,
come to the party. Actually, no, by the way, me
at the party. By the way, you got a lot
of work four different?
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Is that necessary to say to somebody?
Speaker 5 (24:32):
I'm you know this, I'm always saying this. Be nicer
to comedians online. I'm always.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Be nicer to comedians.
Speaker 4 (24:39):
What Jay's been popping off on the I behave myself.
Speaker 5 (24:42):
I'm sum gonna Jay's been the.
Speaker 4 (24:44):
Talk of the town.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
I would say, what's going on online.
Speaker 6 (24:46):
I'm not beefing with anyone particular. I do beef with
the idea that people are like, can you believe we're crazy?
I'm like, comics have always been crazy, comics. Whatever someone says,
we can finally like talk ship, we can finally like
say crazy stuff.
Speaker 5 (25:00):
In my head, I do go haven't we always been
saying crazy?
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (25:04):
There was no line.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
I don't know.
Speaker 6 (25:06):
Yeah, I'm like, what are you talking about? Who are
you talking about? Who is this like boogeyman in the sky.
That's like, now you can't who.
Speaker 5 (25:14):
Was stopping people from telling coum jokes, from telling race jokes, from.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Telling ooh from some crowds but not really.
Speaker 6 (25:23):
But but those Pejordians have even lost their spice because
everyone doubled down too much. So now I'll say, if
you say faggot and you're not gay on the show,
guess what, You're probably the fourth straight gotta say faggot
that night. And now the crowd's like, you gonna to
do something else? Man, you might actually have Gail King
on the on the yeah, Gail King said.
Speaker 5 (25:46):
Gil okay.
Speaker 6 (25:46):
So Gail King was entering Matteo in part for the
book and the special coming out. Gail King said to
Matteo Lane, you have this joke I love and this
is CBS Morning by the way, she said, can I
say it? She said, when you said what and the
fagot tree is going on?
Speaker 5 (26:01):
King said that on something posts.
Speaker 4 (26:03):
Are like what and then Mateo just cracks up. He
can't he can't even believe that.
Speaker 5 (26:08):
Y King said what in the fagatory? And then she
went to space to try to escape it.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Her getting on that space ship I watched ten thousand times.
She seemed so stressed by the way. That's me just
getting on Jet Blue, like I hate turbulent so much.
But I could see her going, why did these white
people talk me into this super ship? I don't need
to see space?
Speaker 1 (26:29):
What is this?
Speaker 2 (26:30):
And do they go to space. They go to like
the top of the sky. They don't go into like
I want you going to space, land on fucking Mars.
Then you went to space.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
It starts.
Speaker 4 (26:40):
They didn't even pass the atmosphere, like I want to
look at the Earth from.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
Yes, exactly, I don't want I want to be on
another planet. I want to be on the Moon looking
at her. And then you went to space.
Speaker 6 (26:51):
It fires more training because Lance Bass wanted to do it,
and being like an actual astronomy very long time.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Well, Lance Bas got nothing but time.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
He did nothing.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
But I did Arden Marines podcast and I'm a big
backstrip boy fan.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
I like boy bands, like pop culture, and so I
was in Trolls three.
Speaker 4 (27:11):
I watched them all.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
Are you familiar with Justin Timberlake?
Speaker 4 (27:15):
Yeah, I mean you know, so art In Surprising. So
I go to do her podcast, Lance Bass pops out
of a bush was surprise, and I have to like whatever,
and then and then he goes, are you upset? I'm
not Nick Carter, and I go Lance Baster fun.
Speaker 5 (27:29):
Oh that's funny, that's actually very funny.
Speaker 4 (27:37):
But I went to Christina Aguilar Justin Timberlake, but I
sat down for justin because as a teen, because I
was so team Backstreet boys, like I didn't want to
enjoy myself.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
So you big weird loyalties.
Speaker 5 (27:49):
Who is your Who is your boy?
Speaker 6 (27:50):
Were Kevin, Nick Carter and then a j oh wait
a second nick a j I was, I was in sync,
but I did appreciate Kevin as the backstory boy.
Speaker 5 (27:58):
I was like tall, quiet a man.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Those people are also.
Speaker 6 (28:01):
It is also what I'm imagining in your house, your
medicine cabinet full of every single prescription as I would.
Speaker 4 (28:12):
Yeah, it's they're in the kitchen.
Speaker 5 (28:17):
You're giving her a lot of credit with the medicine cabinet.
Speaker 4 (28:20):
The medicine cabinet is random, like a tweet like it's
it's more.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
I want to look in your fridge to got it's.
Speaker 4 (28:28):
Very New York. Or there's like a little chili oil.
There's been drinks sent by Wild, thank you.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Sponsor. There's no one here.
Speaker 4 (28:44):
We film.
Speaker 5 (28:47):
I gotta go. Actually, I actually have to go. If
this is Eric, I have to leave.
Speaker 4 (28:53):
The Wild is amazing. So I'm performing in Portland. Valentine's
a weekend. There's a beautiful couple in the front. I'm
having a good time. He is the creator in CEO
of Wild and oh it's like edibles, they're really delicious
or the white little contained. Oh you don't like weed
and so people. But so I'm like, did you bring
me some? Like I can't believe you're obviously a millionaire.
So whatever, we have a good time. After the show,
(29:15):
he goes, you know, we've seen you before at the cellar,
and you looked at me and said that I didn't
deserve love. The fuck was I thinking? Like why would
I say? Ah? And so he brought her to stunt
on me and he goes and this is my fiance
and we're getting married in Italy and I go, you
found up?
Speaker 1 (29:34):
Yeah, And.
Speaker 4 (29:38):
Then he's been sending me uh like weed stuff.
Speaker 6 (29:41):
God, that's so fucking you sat in the front road
to be like yeah and fucking that's universal karma, but
ends up being funny.
Speaker 5 (29:52):
That's good.
Speaker 4 (29:52):
Yeah, way of cell bag Like he was treating her,
nice to you.
Speaker 5 (29:58):
You live a life. You live a life.
Speaker 4 (30:01):
But I also get to press and don't leave my
port man. You probably caught that too.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Porn What porn that you get into now?
Speaker 4 (30:06):
Honestly I'm watching the same porn from twenty twelve. Some
of these videos are dated twenty two. I went to
the week dot com all the time, and I have
what is it kink dot com?
Speaker 1 (30:14):
That's my why is kin dot com? You're you're It's
what I enjoy bds M.
Speaker 4 (30:19):
Yeah, I like the public disgrace.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
Oh, public umiliation. Humiliation like a girl.
Speaker 4 (30:24):
Getting sucked at a pool hole.
Speaker 6 (30:26):
In front of people, and there's humiliation, you know, dancing there,
very fire island.
Speaker 5 (30:36):
I thought you were going to be into that's very gay, man.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
I thought you were going to do like oil massage
or something like that.
Speaker 4 (30:43):
Oil massage. It's creepy.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Really, yeah, it's too cool.
Speaker 6 (30:47):
Girls always watched the oil massages because sensual anytime I want, anytime.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
I have a girl.
Speaker 4 (30:53):
Women watch gang bangs than men women really, because for
men it's too many dicks.
Speaker 6 (30:58):
Women watch also, women watch like fucking the people who
think women watch the sensual stuff are incorrect.
Speaker 5 (31:05):
Women watch like I don't.
Speaker 4 (31:07):
Know your husband died, and like you haven't. You've never
you're a catholic, you've never really gotten out there. That's
an oil massage. That's where you start.
Speaker 6 (31:18):
Slow caress will do it for them. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
but Lisa said get the digs in here.
Speaker 4 (31:28):
It's when the girls like, I don't even know who's
fucking me right now?
Speaker 6 (31:33):
Wait, have you been keeping up with the Bonnie Blue
one hundred men one thousand men situation? Okay, there's a
there's an only Fans creator who was like trying to
kind of do her own.
Speaker 4 (31:45):
Yeah, it was one thousand men in ten hours.
Speaker 5 (31:47):
I think it was twenty four. I was given her
twenty four hours to get through.
Speaker 4 (31:50):
A thousand that I don't Yeah, the book Hokey's and
all that where it's.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
All of them. Oh, I thought you're into that stuff.
Speaker 4 (31:57):
Of course I'll watch it once in a while, but
I like, I'm I'm I'm loyal.
Speaker 6 (32:00):
To kink you go, I thought you're that stuff and
Lisa goes, of course I watch it every now. It's
just it's not gonna turn it off if it's on.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
That's how I feel.
Speaker 4 (32:12):
Well. There's someone on a reality show, Summerhouse, and they
just revealed that their favorite porn was tan Line porn,
and that really kind of upset the rest of the roommates.
Speaker 5 (32:22):
Can I say, I get I get okay?
Speaker 6 (32:24):
If you millennial, there was a certain time when a
lot of porn they had tan lines, and you were like, oh,
that's how we know this is like actually real because
you well, no, because you'd be like, no, the porn
performers they tan naked, but like these regular people, they'd
(32:44):
have tan lines.
Speaker 5 (32:45):
You'd be like, oh, this is like actually it was
the amateur. Yeah.
Speaker 7 (32:49):
When you see a little razor burn, yeah, god, or
when you see the dog in the room.
Speaker 4 (33:01):
But one of my favorite porn stars did die tragically,
and so it is kind of like unethical. But I
watched her old stuff sometimes.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
Why is that it's weird?
Speaker 4 (33:10):
It's sad because it's like, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
You didn't watch your death footage? Yeah, that'd be Yeah,
that's a different website.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
You can borrow.
Speaker 4 (33:20):
Water. I don't like that. They like do with some
suffocation water stuff and no it's too much.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
Yeah, I saw a.
Speaker 4 (33:29):
Website I only with a couple of the channels. Oh, well,
there's a porn podcast. I like, you gotta go on it.
Ryan he's got Yeah, I really, I'm his favorite comedian
and I love I like him so much. But he
had a porn star on it. Her kink was waterboarding,
and he got waterboarded on the.
Speaker 5 (33:50):
Pot and he was like, you're a sick and is
America safer because of it?
Speaker 1 (33:54):
It's a good question too, I guess. And there hasn't
been another nine to eleven since that happened.
Speaker 4 (33:59):
That recording doesn't sound that bad.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
No, it sounds bad, but it's bad. You're drowning yourself.
You're you're putting water in the only places you can breathe.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
It's drowning. It's horrible.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
You're sick. But he did it for the cause. But
like his friend had stage four cancer and he had
his that guy's two favorite porn stars come on and
fuck him.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Whoa, this is like fucking with a recdre with a
(34:40):
recdre any other bombs?
Speaker 4 (34:43):
Oh yeah, we should do the bombs. So actually, so
Netflix Fest last year, I'm having the time of my life,
Like I like a festival, I kind of and a
festival and friends, and I get asked last minute to
do the Fluffy show.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
That's the that's the already no Fluffy, oh Fluffy, yeah.
Speaker 4 (35:04):
No, no, it's Palladium.
Speaker 5 (35:05):
It's like the Palladium.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
They were just like sorit, like Michelle Buteau did one
like yeah, and then like four or five comics went
on Pete and I walk out and they stopped clapping,
and I still have probably these fifteen more steps to
the micropon nobody is clapping why? And then I grabbed
the mic put of the music still playing, and I
(35:27):
was like, well, you can cut the music. They're clearly
done clapping, and I thought that would get something. Nothing.
Then it's silent, and his audience is like family is
a lot of Mexican people. So I was like, I'll
do my immigrant material, do family stuff. I'll do that's
you know, PG whatever. They don't like any of it,
they grow, they are not. So then I I'm trying
to switch things I'm trying to do. I'm trying all
(35:48):
the bags of tricks I can, and I'm just bombing
all the Netflix exacts. Everyone's there, right, It's like, I'm
just bombing, and and I'm following a comic I don't respect.
So it's even it's hurt killed, yeah, it's murdering.
Speaker 5 (36:08):
Yeah. And he found out what everyone does for a living.
We found out who everyone was dating.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
So I'm bombing and then sit down and someone else
yells leave, no, no, And so I'm sitting there being
like you think I want to be here. You think
I don't want to get I'm like, I'm looking at
the clock, TikTok, like I don't want to be here either.
I'm like, how dare you? And so then it's like
them all screen and then other people going you got
(36:35):
this and like so then it's a battle between the
crowds that are like you can do it and people
going please leaves like screaming, and no one is left anything. Yeah,
I'm like red at this point, I was so hot. Yeah,
And so I read right now and Jimmy Carr is
right there and Josh who booked me, and Josh just goes,
(36:57):
I'm sorry. And then Jimmy Carr is trying to make
me feel better, and I go, stop talking to me.
I'm going upstairs. So I go to the green room.
I get tequila, and I'm just sitting there alone drinking,
like trying to callow people to get attention. So then
all my friends at Netflix are messaging me and Sophia Saladar,
you know for Live Nation, like all these are texting me,
(37:17):
and I go, I'm in the Friends and Family Room.
That's the name of the green room. They thought I
had friends and family with me. I'm alone. So then
when they enter the room, they go, where is everyone?
I go, I'm alone here drinking. So then but I
bombed so bad and me and Sofia were talking about
going to a sushi park that like celebrity sushi spot
that the head of Live Nation Comedy touring goes. Sophia
use the company card take her. I ended up bombing
(37:40):
so bad that I got a five hundred dollars oh
commedy meal and we have like a great time.
Speaker 5 (37:44):
Nice god, but I was.
Speaker 4 (37:48):
Audience they want I'm sure some of the other people
might have done. I didn't look at anything.
Speaker 1 (37:56):
Like Fluffy's nice though, and well Fluffy Fluffy, and no
one looks to me.
Speaker 4 (38:00):
After the show he did, he said, yea, I barely
interacted with Fluffy. I don't know. I don't I was
happy to be there at the palladio.
Speaker 5 (38:12):
People saying leave and people saying no, stay and them fighting.
That's funny. I would have been dying if I'm laughing loudly.
If someone goes get out of here, they go, fuck you.
Speaker 4 (38:24):
Let her day. She'll get funny like that's like you
guys stopped clapping. Well one time I was this was
years ago, I was at Turner Hall and I was
opening for Rob's a Lady Jesus. And as I'm walking out,
the whole venue is chanting Rob Rob and then they
see me and they all start booing. No oh you guys,
(38:46):
let me full boo being booed by like what seven
hundred people?
Speaker 1 (38:51):
Okay, what's what else? What's what? Give me some other words?
Speaker 4 (38:54):
I love?
Speaker 1 (38:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (38:57):
Basically it was me and Kennedy to Forest dressed and
he's when we weren't getting paid, and we went to
He got paid. I didn't. I don't know. We went
to the nursing because he brought me to be like,
I'm doing this nursing home and I was like, please
bring me. I gotta do it. No, I'm a young comic, right,
And so I'm bombing. He's bombing. We're bombing. Not a chirp,
not a laugh, nothing. And then a woman comes.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
Up to the little nursing home like elderly.
Speaker 4 (39:21):
It is literal nursing.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
People are flatlining all around you.
Speaker 4 (39:26):
That woman comes up to me and goes, do you
need jokes? I can give you some jokes.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
I want to take her up on I did.
Speaker 4 (39:33):
I said, tell me some jokes.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Take it up.
Speaker 6 (39:36):
A Jewish Ukrainian walked into a nursing home. Oh yeah, moms,
their ass.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Off or whatever. All of our jokes were. Hella, ras
continue hard r N word jokes. She starts giving you.
Speaker 4 (39:48):
Continue because I've been thinking about it. I'm like I
was young. You just kept on you have you My
mic got caught at jokes and notes once. It's like
it was the black club in the South Side of
Cargo and mid mid joke cut the mic music.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
I'd be like, thank you, get me out of here.
Can you give me an uber too?
Speaker 6 (40:11):
Is my favorite thing whenever you go, especially as a
black comet, when you do mainstream a lot and then
you get the request to do a black show and
you go, I gotta do a black show and you
get in there and they're being they're being ruthless to
like the first two comedians. You go, I could have
said no. I could have said no, but you know what,
let me power through. They were fine with me. They
were they got the meanness out of their system. First
(40:32):
three comedians.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
But you go there mean what what they just let
it be.
Speaker 5 (40:40):
It's just some Lisa follow up what you said black
people should leave.
Speaker 4 (40:43):
The country I think black people should live and now say.
Speaker 5 (40:48):
You're not doing well.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Yeah, it's like, well, they paid their money for the
babysitter in their suits and they're they're they're like, there
won't results.
Speaker 4 (40:57):
But I would say one of the best sets of
my whole life was on Only like all Black audience
at the Laugh Factory in Chicagos.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
You can crush audience, you can shake the room.
Speaker 4 (41:08):
She goes, hold on, we gotta keep laughing.
Speaker 3 (41:10):
I go.
Speaker 4 (41:11):
I mean it was like one of the best moments
in life. Like I still think about it.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
Somebody told me Jamie FOXX is this thing where he
does he'll do a mainstream room, then he'll do a
black room and try to do his whitest jokes and
see what of his like whitest jokes or whatever he
gets his mainstream if that's where you at the black room,
then he'll keep it in his set and then he'll
go to the mainstream room with his blackest jokes, and
(41:35):
whatever ones don't work he cuts, and whatever ones do
he keeps, and then he like merges those sets in
the back room.
Speaker 5 (41:43):
He's doing all the Katie Holmes stuff.
Speaker 2 (41:46):
Yeah, I guess, so I guess so I kind of
like that because our Afghan comic friend, oh formirir, thank
you sorry. Yes, he told me he tries to never
just wallow out alt rooms. He goes, I want to
do my alt stuff at the comedy seller or a
studio or store so that I can see kind of
(42:10):
like the Jamie Fox thing, like if the alt joke
can work at the mainstream comedy club, then there's spirit.
Speaker 6 (42:16):
That's how you move the needle comedically. I know you
do this, and I do this too, all this stuff
I do at Unia Hall in the Bellhouse in Littlefield.
Speaker 5 (42:22):
I do have the seller.
Speaker 6 (42:23):
I have to because if you don't, then you're not
taking your queerness. So you're a weird shit to the people. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (42:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
Also you're gonna get too comfortable.
Speaker 4 (42:33):
Because I'll have weekends where it's people that like me
and are aligned like on stuff, they like us at whatever,
and so it's easier to kill. And then when I'm
back to the cellar on like that week is when
you realize what's actually like what needs to be beefed
up for, like people that don't know you.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
When are you guys going to invite me to a show.
I got to get out of my house.
Speaker 4 (42:54):
Well, I'm also doing Show and Tell.
Speaker 6 (42:57):
Invite bring me on any show twenty If I go
to an Indian wedding the twenty eighth, I'm not here,
but every other day I can do.
Speaker 4 (43:04):
Wow. They in India or where eight days.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
And it's southern eastern India. Are they Christian or they
are not Christian? Okay, Southern Have you ever met an
Indian person before?
Speaker 3 (43:17):
Dude?
Speaker 1 (43:18):
Christian?
Speaker 4 (43:19):
The Southern Indian Christians? They are Yeah, Jocelyn, Yeah, Josh Chicago,
Jocelyn Vargis, what's up, Junior?
Speaker 8 (43:29):
And high?
Speaker 4 (43:30):
Wait? Let me do one more bombings?
Speaker 1 (43:31):
Do another bombing? Yeah? Okay, so I have to Okay,
I get out getting It's all. This podcast is filler.
Speaker 4 (43:41):
In Jamestown, New York. And I used to do a
joke and it's in my degenerate set on Netflix. But
it's like a Q and A and so the answers
and I know how people are going to answer, and
then it helps me. And then at the whole point
is like men aren't making women come and you guys
don't care. And it's like a fun joke. But a
guy went to both the shows and the answers, so
he ruined the wh and then stared at me and
(44:04):
then went you suck boo. And I ended up actually crying.
After that set, I was in the back and I
was like, God, why do they hate me so much?
Speaker 3 (44:14):
Yeah? What are they? Fuck?
Speaker 4 (44:16):
And I cried because I couldn't get back from it.
I was really defeated. And once he ruined that, it
was like, yeah, I guess I do so like fuck you. Oh,
but then I've performed it again in the in Jamestown,
New York, and there was a moment where these women
were talking. They were being really annoying, and I go, girls,
just please stop talking. I'm good hearing like it's not
you're not being bad like, but it's distracting. And this
(44:37):
woman got offended. She got pissed. She's yelling, and on
her way out she yelled it's a small town. She yells,
I make more money than you, and then from the
back I hear I'm my ex husband. No, she doesn't nice.
It's like really fun.
Speaker 1 (44:51):
That was really nice. You had to like take a
thirty second break on that one.
Speaker 5 (44:57):
Thank you, Sarah.
Speaker 6 (44:58):
The crowd's gone go crazy. You get to be like,
you know you should ex husband, you want your dick suck.
Speaker 5 (45:08):
Come up here.
Speaker 1 (45:13):
But this is okay, So this is like my old
school whole fucking.
Speaker 4 (45:20):
This isn't my old school favorite story. It was a
club in glen View, Illinois. Might have been a drug
front called the Laughing Cameleon.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
Okay, how far from Chicago's sean Berg.
Speaker 4 (45:29):
Oh it's north shorey but like maybe forty minutes. Yeah,
it's not close to the city. But it's like I
would say, maybe orch or whatever. The first show is packed.
It's a showcase show. I'm doing a bunch of I'm
I'm having such a good set on my young comic.
The dean from my high school who used to give
me all these detentions is in the audience, so I'm
killing Like I get to be like wow, yeah, so
(45:52):
I'm on the cloud night. The second show of the night,
only three couples are there.
Speaker 1 (45:57):
Jesus.
Speaker 4 (45:58):
These people are on coke for sure, the Polish they're
on cocaine. And then two other couples they're behaving, they're
being normal. This couple just doesn't give a fuck. They
don't want to be there. They're talking. We get into it.
It gets very like more of your family should have
died in there. They immediately, well, they finish it the war,
(46:18):
is what I said to them. But beforehand she was
like just before I even was hooking up with women.
But they were like you you're a lesbian. You cheap jew.
Like they were saying fucked up ship to me. So
it's like cheap jew lesbian. I remember this was so
long ago, and the other couples are there. There's only
six people. So then we start fighting. The wars now
brought up, you know, it's like shit's getting fucked up.
And then he stands up, takes one hundred dollar bills
(46:41):
out of his wallet. He goes, I will pay anyone
to get this bitch off the stage. And then Aaron Foster,
this comic, grabs the cash and gets on stage throws
me a hundred and I had to be walked to
my car.
Speaker 3 (46:55):
And then wow.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
Guy and like Minneapolis was like I have a gun
and I'm going to kill you after this set, like
while she was bombing, and they had to walk her
from the stage to the parking lot, and he was
out there like rifling through his car and looking for
a murder weapon because he hated or joked so much
he was I mean, it's truly sh It's crazy.
Speaker 4 (47:23):
It seems full on protection. It's like, well, I'm also
a fool once because in Minnesota I was gonna go
smoke weed with people I didn't know in the garage
and the manager of the club to be like, we
can't let you leave with those people. They were touching
your lower back. I was like, all right, guts.
Speaker 3 (47:44):
The mall.
Speaker 2 (47:44):
I had my fortieth birthday party at the Knockdown Center
in Queens and a bunch of fans broke into my
green room, took ships in my bathroom, and then a
bunch of rappers I invited on the show stole all
my son chips and all my whippets.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
Didn't steal.
Speaker 6 (48:00):
They was just like sun chips. I was like, those
are my snacks in my great room, Like I'm stone man,
come on. And there's like kids like eric Andre show
merch like where they're like.
Speaker 1 (48:15):
Get out it way.
Speaker 5 (48:17):
That's so sweet that they just pooped in the toilet.
Speaker 1 (48:20):
At least they just poo. That's good.
Speaker 2 (48:22):
It could have been you know, it could have been
all over. They're being respectful. They're respectful.
Speaker 1 (48:28):
They could have.
Speaker 4 (48:29):
Tot Yeah, what a star she isn't there's.
Speaker 2 (48:32):
One where we dressed in a horse costume and I'm
in the back eating her out on her period.
Speaker 1 (48:37):
That one on the train.
Speaker 4 (48:38):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I watched every Well, my favorite
part I got, you know, I got to I got
to be in Eric's rider's room for two days.
Speaker 5 (48:47):
God damn.
Speaker 4 (48:47):
And I remember someone asking you being like, wait, how
did you do that thing where you like you drink
piss out of the cup And he goes, I pissed
in the cup and I drank.
Speaker 1 (48:57):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I paid in the cup and I
drank my piss. That's how I did.
Speaker 4 (49:01):
They were like, what's the secret?
Speaker 5 (49:04):
Where's the movie?
Speaker 4 (49:09):
All right?
Speaker 8 (49:10):
So one of my biggest life failures is uh shitting
in a TJ Max changing room into one of the
genes that they sell there. So what happened was it
was a Sunday morning, like in any other I was
going out with my boyfriend at the time, and I
(49:30):
had a nice eggy breakfast right before, so you already
know what's about to happen. We go shopping in the
TJ Max and I try on a few things, and yeah,
one thing led to another, and I ship in one
of the genes that I was trying on and the
worst part about it, I uh, I had to put
(49:51):
the jeans right back on the shelf.
Speaker 4 (49:52):
No, you didn't have to do that.
Speaker 8 (49:55):
Clean myself off with the jeans. I turned it inside
out so that way I was able to clean myself
and then flit their white back out, hung it white
back out, and then yeah, left the TJ Max today.
Is still one of my greatest shames. And I thought
I was gonna take it with me to the grave.
But yeah, I guess that's didn't work out. So there's
(50:17):
one of my fails.
Speaker 5 (50:19):
She just confessed to being a bad person.
Speaker 1 (50:22):
Yeah, she didn't need to put it back. Yeah, so
what I mean, like, so wait, she had uncontrollable poops.
Hide it in the corner, in the corner, throw in
the garbage. Yeah, you don't got to hang it back
on the show.
Speaker 4 (50:32):
That's crazy, because we've all I've actually I've I did
a bad shitting thing once.
Speaker 1 (50:38):
Tell us even more.
Speaker 4 (50:40):
I was walking home from the mall with my friend Julie.
This must have been junior high, and all of a
sudden I knew I had to have diarrhea. There's a
mattress giant, I go, we gotta get in there. So
she sits on the mattress. I go to the bathroom,
and honestly, to this day, I like really can't believe it.
Like the toilets, but the ship was like I was
really I don't know what was happening, but it was
(51:01):
like everything I didn't sit on it. It was going
what ship was ever? The toilets like nothing has ever
happened close to that ever again. And I just looked
at it and I was like, I need to get
the funk out.
Speaker 5 (51:15):
Of here, like jet propelled off of the toilet.
Speaker 6 (51:21):
For you.
Speaker 4 (51:22):
And I run and I go, Julie, get moving and
she's just sitting on a mattress.
Speaker 3 (51:26):
What I go?
Speaker 4 (51:26):
Start running. So we're like running and then the women
of course run out of a mattress, giant going like
come back and clean it up. Running So I'm about
you know, I should have probably cleaned up, but I
was twelve. I don't know.
Speaker 6 (51:43):
It was like two weeks ago Junior high high ipeded
in a cab in Mexico into a water bottle because
we had terrible Mexican traffic and we would come back
from my event.
Speaker 5 (51:55):
This is recent. This is my friend's bashelerette party. I said,
as long as the driver I going back here, be fine.
But then I'm I'm not in the cover by myself.
It's a you're overflowing, don't the bottles, never looking up
the bottle. It was not big enough, and it was
coming out fast. You go, oh, I'm a piso fast.
You can't be slow. You go, oh shit, oh shit.
So and then I had to throw it out the window,
(52:15):
but it did fell a little bit in the car. Sorry.
Speaker 2 (52:18):
Five stars one of my buddies, and they said this
on Howard Stern. That works on Howard Stern. He went
to the gathering the Juggalos, the insane clown Posse event,
and he opened the pot of porta potty door, excuse me,
and there was a pile of feces that went above
the bowl like a pyramid. And at the top of
the pile of ship it was just two butt cheek.
(52:42):
Someone sat into it and continued adding to it. Oh, no,
sat down into the ship, my own ship.
Speaker 1 (52:50):
More ship into it. That is every disease my dog has.
Speaker 4 (52:55):
Right now, Oh, I'm gonna ruin. Okay, this is a
port and start.
Speaker 1 (53:00):
Then I really have to go, only because I have.
Speaker 4 (53:03):
Her name's Aiden Saw. But she was doing an interview
on Asa Kira's old podcast and she said, as a dominatrix,
when she ships on these dudes, she'd rather them eat
it because then it doesn't smell, because she goes. If
they leave it in the room, then it smells and
it hour.
Speaker 1 (53:18):
You ruined the sanctity of this podcast.
Speaker 4 (53:20):
I know, I know.
Speaker 1 (53:21):
And now there will never be another pope.
Speaker 4 (53:24):
No, people are really upset.
Speaker 5 (53:26):
The smoke in the Vatican is gonna be brown.
Speaker 4 (53:30):
Who do you want to be the.
Speaker 1 (53:31):
Jd vance he's the only one eligible.
Speaker 2 (53:35):
Yeah, no, I don't know. It's a nonsense thing. Make
you fucking Ronald McDonald's. It gives a ship.
Speaker 1 (53:41):
I have to pee so bad and we're like half
an hour over time. It's a jug of moonshine.
Speaker 4 (53:47):
Netflix special called night Owl. It's out. It's just out.
And then my podcast is that's messed up and has
to be a podcast. And I'm on the road all
the time, So visit me at at Glitter Cheese and
I have a link tree with all the dates.
Speaker 1 (53:58):
Why glitter Cheese, you gotta update that. That's too goofball,
that's like your A O L. Handle from when you're night.
Speaker 4 (54:04):
Why Lisa Traeger is spelled so many different ways that
glitter cheese. People just remember that's.
Speaker 5 (54:12):
There's a lot of surprise.
Speaker 1 (54:13):
Is it a A L?
Speaker 3 (54:16):
I s.
Speaker 1 (54:18):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah glitter And they go, what's that?
I'm standing down? They go, I love that, I'm standing down.
Speaker 5 (54:26):
You did your research the fagotory of that.
Speaker 1 (54:30):
Okay, everybody.
Speaker 6 (54:33):
To say, listen, watched Potato specially its coming out to Hulu?
I think sometimes in May.
Speaker 1 (54:38):
Yeah, but you're plugging somebody's ship that isn't here.
Speaker 5 (54:42):
Yeah, he met Gail Kings say faggot and on that.
Speaker 1 (54:47):
No, good night, ladies and gentlemen, Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you. Guys, appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (54:56):
With the rec all.
Speaker 1 (54:57):
Right, listen up, we got some specially for you.
Speaker 2 (55:00):
I got a burning story that you're riching to tell
about when you bombed or absolutely failed in life. Now's
your chance to tell me about it. I want to
hear your worst, most cringe worthy What the hell was
I thinking?
Speaker 1 (55:09):
What just happened? Moments?
Speaker 2 (55:10):
So pick up your phone and dial seven one six bombing.
That's seven one six two six six twenty four sixty four.
Leave me a voicemail and we might just play it
on a future episode. Bombing with Eric Andres brought to
you by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.
Our executive producer is Olivia Aguilar. Our producer is Bei Wang,
Our research assistant is David Carliner, Our editor in sound
(55:33):
designers Andy Harris, and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg.
Speaker 1 (55:36):
Go rate us five stars and drop a review on
your podcast app a choice
Host
Eric Andre
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