November 19, 2025 • 55 mins
Here's another from this season. Eric is joined by co-host Jay Jurden with comedian Liza Treyger for a wildly unfiltered ride. From getting arrested at a White Sox game to her undying devotion to Law & Order: SVU, and a healthy appreciation for weed. Liza spills on rewatching the same porn since 2012 and a four-some sexcapade at a DoubleTree hotel. One time she even bombed so hard at a Netflix comedy festival, she scored a $500 sushi dinner in West Hollywood.
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For all things Eric Andre and Bombing follow @ericfuckingandre (Instagram) and @ericandre (TikTok).
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What Up Materia Andre and This is Bombing, the podcast
where I talk to comedians, artists, and other interesting people
about the worst bombs of their career, total epic failures
in front of the public. And tonight I talk to
superstar comedian Lisa Trigger about being arrested at a baseball game,
her love for Law and Order, SVU and the Backstreet Boys,
(00:22):
plus embarrassing moments at movie Premiere's. Check out Lisa's stand
up special Night Owl on Netflix. Co hosting is Jay Jorden.
Enjoy Bombing with Aery Andre. Ladies, don't aman Lisa Tragger,
everybody porn, porn enthusiasts, Russian apologists.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
No, no, I cannot be a tacked on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
I'm not Oh are they coming out to you?
Speaker 2 (00:53):
You're really mad at me? Are Ukrainians don't want to
speak Russian? Which I get, but I moved here before
the collapse. My parents speak Russian. What do you want
from me?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
You were born in the US s.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
R us SR, but it's modern day Ukraine, so it's
like it says born in ukrainie my podcast, and they're like,
you're not actually Ukrainian. I'm actually a Jew. And you
hate me because of that, they'll be like, every time
you see you are condoning the war. I go, yeah, tea, yeah,
that's all.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
I believe.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
They're all Bobby.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Those are the only ones that get me upset, like
people are mean. Those are the only ones that kind
of bother me because I feel like I don't have
an identity.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
No, you have a very strong idea. I'm an American,
You're red blooded America. You're a patriot.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
Patriot, we're actually going to this. This is an overcreer.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I would die for the the human rights of our nation.
I don't want to escape.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
I want to fight, not me house vote in Spain.
Speaker 4 (01:49):
You've been looking, oh yeah, yeah, oh yeah, where are
you going to go?
Speaker 2 (01:53):
But I think black people should leave.
Speaker 4 (01:54):
It's not on you, guys, don't Okay, but don't don't
say that by itself, because we heard it. Black people
should leave.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Oh don't say that sentence by it Yeah, we're gonna
nip it out all over the interview.
Speaker 4 (02:13):
People should people should leave.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
I think black people should.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Leave, and I always have I think black people should leave.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
I think black people should leave.
Speaker 4 (02:22):
That's the intro. That's anything on the paper.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
No, I like I like being like reading off the
paper really stilted. So you're at the co host of
That's Messed Up, an s VU podcast, Cara Clink, you
want to tell us anything about this?
Speaker 2 (02:38):
I would love to. We recap an episode of One
Orders for you. We do a deep dive on the
true crime it's based on, and then we interview an
actor from the episode.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
And then soon after you were arrested three times.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
That was before I get arrested somebody drunk on bit
what do you mean in Chicago, two times in Iowa,
and one time in a White Sox game.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
What happened? What happened the first time.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Was drinking and driving. I wanted burger king. Humiliating, of course.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
And they prosecute that crime in Island.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
They sure did, but it's called like d w I.
You know, they like to switch up the letters.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Mississippi. Yeah, they're they're drink driving is mandatory.
Speaker 4 (03:22):
That was every now and then they'll though, well you
see me doing fun here. That's what happens in college
towns in Mississippi. They go you're drinking, You go a
little bit. They go, me too.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
The second arrest was like me and my friend were
like we got to be sober. We were both struggling,
and I got arrested for this, and then we chugged
Parrot Bay and we were supposed to go to the
gymnastics meet, but instead she punched through the fire extinguisher glass.
So I thought she wanted it. I thought she was
taking her own life because she was depressed. So I
started screaming the cops and then I'm blacked out, so
(03:54):
I forget. So when the cops come, I fight them. No,
what are like nineteen twenties?
Speaker 4 (04:03):
Wait a second, did you punch the cop?
Speaker 2 (04:05):
No? I shoved him. I closed the door. And then
when they arrested me, I went limps that had dragged
me to the car.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
A little kid doesn't want to go to the dead, actually,
But then.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
She got arrested at the hospital, she went insane. So
then I wake up in jail and she's in jail too,
And then so I dropped out of Io, was stay,
went home to Chicago, went to college there, and then
I went to a White Sox game and blacked out.
So I'm not sure what, but they do still drink
like that? No, then I found stand up comedy.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
You stop drinking.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
I party once in a while I like to have
a good time, but it's just not an issue for me.
I'm more of a stoner.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
But I have I already played drink.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Yeah, like me and my friend we would drive to
the Redline Howard station and we would have a fifth
of flavored smear and off and we'd play Circle of
Death and then whatever we didn't finish, we'd pour in
a diet coke or she had right wicked. You just
keep passing and shugging until you're done.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
How many people usually play?
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Usually it's a group.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
Yeah, if it's just two people that that's not a circle.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Weaving a line of death and then we'd get on
the right line like a flavored enough disgusting discust.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
I'm gonna say it, and it's gonna give me canceled.
Eastern Europeans they drink, They drank drink and.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
She was Cuban. My my big because my friend at
the time also kept getting arrested.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
I don't know, I room, I don't know. I it's
a Cuban room.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
No, it's something I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Skilled in the bathroom at Kroger's.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
But we'd get on the train in the suburbs, so
by the time we got to Comisky, I got kicked,
I got arrested. Third inning home open.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
This is you had a lot of legal.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
And that was well. The worst is I had to
take a greyhound back to iwa Is served two more days.
So that's what was upsetting.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
I feel like the Jewish MIRTHI Steward.
Speaker 4 (06:06):
Yeah, but you had all these legal troubles and that
made you want to start the SVU podcast or you
just love SVU.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
No, I love SVU and I love research and I
like finding I guess injustices and our criminal justice system.
Speaker 4 (06:22):
My husband watches the SVU. He watches the SVU every day.
I've seen the Billy Porter episode at least four times.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Yes, that's a twist, that's a that's a rare, a
rare twist.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
What are you gonna do about living in the US? A,
you're gonna leave? You have EU citizenship?
Speaker 2 (06:39):
No?
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Do you have any other citizenship?
Speaker 4 (06:41):
No?
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Because we left on religious asylum and US star doesn't exist.
I'm hoping well.
Speaker 4 (06:45):
No, I mean it's going to again.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Working on it, leaving the country this weekend, and I'm
nervous because it says born and praying on my on
my passport, so see if they let me in or not.
I am going to London, yeah, I hope so. And
then I'm going to New Zealand and Australia and Funeral
this weekend unfortunately, and then July will be New Zealand
(07:09):
and Australia touring a lot I do. I'm on their own.
I mean, I'm audestioning. If someone put me in something,
I would take a break. I'm having a good time.
You know, it's final, your bestie, you know, I love
this ship. You guys did on your TV show that
the Bag.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
As we were a little cave in Harlem. She thought
we were just driving to a studio to shoot a sketch,
and then we talking about like all right, if the
cops come, we got to just say this and that
and popcorn means the cops are over on this street,
and and the word goose bumps mean the cops are
And she goes, why do you guys keep talking about cops?
And We're like, oh, this isn't a sketch, this is
(07:57):
like a prank for shooting. This is gonna be for real,
and she's like her face went white. She started sweating.
She's like she was really nervous, but then she rose
to the occasion. She killed the out of that ship.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
Yeah that I mean that particular prank slash sketch lives
on the internet and pops up every couple of months.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Let's put it up. Can we put it up? Can
we put things up on the screen?
Speaker 5 (08:25):
Tell you mother, you thought I wasn't gonna find out.
I wasn't gonna find you know what?
Speaker 2 (08:38):
This is the bag of my face.
Speaker 4 (08:41):
For you?
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Are you good at design? So you have like a
hoarder house.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
I have a corner of boxes. It's overwhelming, and then
by by art. I'm an armpire. I support the art.
I have great art. I have beautiful art, and I
have I collect toys, but they're all in my little fireplace.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
It's so nice.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
So it's almost it's the clothes. It's the traveling. It's
that I can't wear.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
It's one of those organizers like a Marie condo.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Oh no, my best friend does this at least for me,
like four or five times a year. And I have
a cleaner that comes twice a month, and it does not.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Is what I imagine your house is shoe boxes everywhere, empty
Vaca bottles, cigarette butts. That is what I'm imagining. Joints
everywhere I have probably like.
Speaker 4 (09:33):
She has a roach infestation, but roach yea yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Yeah yeah, tons of roaches, so a joint.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
And then I always have my friend. When she cleaned
out my apartment, I had to leave for pandet whatever.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
You feel like you have a laptop with a lot
of issues that you keep meaning to get fixed.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
I canceled my genius bar appointments today.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Oh my god, Eric, Yeah, you guys don't watch movies
or TV on a television or production. You just have
the lap. It has so many bugs, and.
Speaker 4 (10:02):
Your computer get super hot. You go actually to hot boiling.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
It's giving you the spinning wheel of death. And you're like, oh,
I gotta fix it, but you always push off fixing it.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
Do you have what do you have a caress top?
Or do you have some just random images too, like
just random.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Files full littered?
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Yeah, but we're right. Are we're not right? Or were
we right?
Speaker 2 (10:24):
No? I had an I would I canceled my five
thirty genius bar appointments today.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
And you drink diet coke, you're and I have little
my friend when she remember she goes there's water bottles
with one sip left everywhere.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Yeah, And so I have empty coffee things with one
sip left everywhere.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
I can't throw out the movie signs. I can't.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
No, you got a problem. You're like wan to one
of those women, like they got the TV shows on TLC.
Like I'm addicted to huffing blade fucking air spray. You
have a little bit of that, not all the way.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
If someone come in and move the water bottle, you
get mad.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I thank them.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
Okay, I would like that, but that's like some some
people would be like, don't touch it. But that's good,
that's actually.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
About but the boxes. Really, people keep sending me stuff
and I'm like, I gotta do videos with my new
things that are being sent, but I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
I like, you have like lights and microphones and a
light like stand up like like stands and ship set
up wired. There's a lot of wires. The wires are
all tangled.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
I never thought i'd have so many wires.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
It's a dirty rug, no rug.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
I'm anti rug. I have no rugs.
Speaker 4 (11:33):
Do my room now, Eric, do my room? I don't
know your dumb no dumbbells. We don't Garrison.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Never can I see a picture or video of your
husband and then I'll be able to do it all right? Okay, okay,
because I can't.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Just do you think I'm hopeless? No help for me?
Speaker 1 (11:49):
No, No, I did say that. I did say that. Okay, Wow,
very handsome. Okay, what's his vibe? Give me? Give me
some more?
Speaker 4 (11:54):
Works in works in tech slash fintech slash crypto.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Oh there you say, fashion?
Speaker 4 (12:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Where's he from?
Speaker 4 (12:03):
From? From Mississippi? Like me doing.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Impression of them, doing impression of them?
Speaker 4 (12:07):
Oh, this is my impression of him? Jay put that down.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Oh so he's a little bit fucking sassy.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
I have a thing now where I really am trying
to be better around the house because he curates a space.
He loves to design.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
I have to hang out with him for five minutes,
like I know her, but like I have to hang
out with them for at least five before I could.
Speaker 4 (12:28):
He's a little too if that he's country, he's a
little country.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Yeah, he's from They watch reality TV.
Speaker 4 (12:36):
Loves Reality Housewives okay, a little bit of merit to medicine,
but loves how he's watching Atlanta right now. Loves SVU.
Upset with ken, you thought, can you took it too far?
Speaker 1 (12:48):
What about naked attraction?
Speaker 4 (12:50):
Naked attraction? I've watched negad attraction. We you know, we
can just watch porn. Yeah, we're also gay guys, so
all of our friend we've seen all our friends dick too,
So like, do you do I do orgies? There hasn't
been an origin of very long. The last true orgy
Fire Island twenty nineteen. It was eight people in a room.
(13:11):
That's the last.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Was it fun?
Speaker 4 (13:13):
It was fun? Ah, it was the kids.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Do you come a lot or do you save it
for the end?
Speaker 4 (13:19):
No, you gotta come at least twice. That's the thing.
If you're there. Yeah, biagra, no excitement and weed. It's
an orgy, so you're like, you actually kind of can
game plan. You can take a break and it's a
lot of people doing stuff.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
You can cut cut back, you can make a martini.
Speaker 4 (13:35):
Anyone who is jackhammering the whole time in the orgy.
Everyone at the orgy who's like kind of there and
like around at least like a fun fun to get breakop.
They'll be like, what are you doing?
Speaker 3 (13:47):
What's going on?
Speaker 4 (13:49):
Relax?
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Oh, if you're jack hammering, what about you. You did done
an orgy before?
Speaker 2 (13:53):
No, tell this, Yeah, I just have one four.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Some that's I think it's more than it's three Simmons
an orgy.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
I would do more some The name still work, I
think at six easily an orgy.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Six doesn't work. Seven doesn't work.
Speaker 4 (14:11):
Four and five for because four to me, we actually
just qualify as a couple swap. But if they weren't couples,
then yeah, tell us about.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
His wife was coming the next day, so long ago,
it's like that is actually really hot.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
His wife was coming back the next day.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Well, no to with everyone else. They came to fuck
I met them. They were carolines, no carolines. But this
was a long time ago. This is like probably over
a decade ago.
Speaker 4 (14:38):
We're telling you.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
I thought about I thought this guy was really hot.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
He might be a little awkward.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
So I'm doing crowd work with this hot guy. And
so then I was like, well, I'll wait for him
and they'll lobby of carolines. So he comes out downstairs, downstairs,
and then that the three of them gone, And so
then we go to lilies that like Victorian looking bar Wait.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Wait wait, so it's one guy and two goals.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
No, two guys and a girl.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
And one of them is hot, and then you're like
a way for him and then ask for a drink.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Yeah, And so we all went out and after a
while they were like, listen, we actually have we're here
to fuck. We have a hotel room, we have molly,
we have coke. You want to come to the Double
Tree or whatever? And I go, yeah and so and
so so I went and it was it was really fun.
But then the I had to go babysit the next morning,
like on York. So I went like straight from and
(15:32):
I didn't think I was going to be a wild night.
I didn't bring a phone charger, I didn't bring MAKEU
and didn't bring like It wasn't like I planned to
do this. It was like an early.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
Time.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
They had collars, they had like leashes, they were ready,
they were ready.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
They just watch and then the wife was coming the next.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Day to join them. So it wasn't like he was.
They were like freaks hot.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
So every bodies just fucking.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
But it's I'm with Jay. There were breaks, we would
chit shot, we would hang out to people. Yeah, I
got a couple you know how their dison workers of
the drugs.
Speaker 4 (16:13):
Also the with with gay people. And this is the
p s A viagra plus poppers, your heart will stop.
You can only.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Poppers, okay, popper? Ye see how this is a safer.
It's less harsh than than the bagger. However, if you're
on Molly and you're shooting pool with a rope and
you want to fucking make your gummy worm back to
it's old fighting self, you popped that viagra on that Molly.
It works fucking.
Speaker 4 (16:40):
People there. I've known some people who like when they've
been either like, oh, Molly are like kind of high
and VIAGRAA they'll be like, I didn't even know my
dick was capable of that. Yeah, it's I've never seen
my penis like that.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Ever, winning combo winning comb And I'm more of a
nitous that guy over poppers.
Speaker 4 (17:00):
I got it.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
I've only done that once and it was with.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
You, thousands and thousands.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
It was a great night. There was a brain scientist
there that night, and she kept going in the orgy,
know what this whipp is is? Oh, but she said
that those cells that are killed can regrow. But she
could have been lying, but she goes, it's not permanent.
Brain damage. All of it can regrow.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Yeah, it was.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
Over twenty five, so my brain's done. Yeah, stop growing.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
And I'm on my phone eight hours a day, so
it's not like I'm.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Doing good things for your brain.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
One beer kills millions of brain cells. Nitros Oxide not
that bad. Nitrous oxide is naturally occurring in the atmosphere too,
as long as you don't exphyxiate over and over or
huff it.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
I say, new new drug awareness campaign, just say no,
you know nitious oxide and.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
So smart it's insane.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
He's so smart, smartest, like a doctorate. And now I
have a have a master and a.
Speaker 4 (18:01):
B F A N A b A and three degrees.
I'm about getting you one more, but I chose not to.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Very doctor.
Speaker 4 (18:10):
He's the g y Cornell. Let me do my, Let
me do my Cornell. Uh oh, brother Eric Brother, Eric Brother.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
With Aridre with Aridre.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
All right, what's the worst show you've ever done in
your life? Where's bomb ever?
Speaker 2 (18:39):
And I bombed last night? Just to show now, I
made a list. I can't believe it's one.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Listen check it twice.
Speaker 4 (18:47):
Is funny because of the location you told.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Me I did a show at Costairian.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
What is that.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
It's like a Soho house for olive arcs.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
No, I know it is. Yeah, yeah, it's like Leonardo Dicabrio,
Jeff Bezos. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
So they have their little private room and I just
kind of like, I hate them because they think they're cool,
but I'm like, you're void of humanity, so you're not
gonna be able to laugh. And I open with a
great joke. They didn't laugh at all, so I go,
I'm not going to do another joke. I have respect
for myself. I'm not doing this. And so then I
fucked around, but my charm never wore. It just never
really went anywhere. And then the worst they did the
(19:22):
just you got it, and I'm like, I'm gonna jump
out the window.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
But it's okay.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
I go, I came here for the shrimp cocktail.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
I like nice in there, just like rich people have no.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
But it's like below deck, so like the wood is shiny,
you know, the handsop, the soap is nice. It's like
nice below deck, but you know about it, Yeah, the
person is like people just look very wealthy in a
way that makes me not like them. So then I
don't want to I don't want them to have a
good time to be like, go fund yourself.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
Not a bomb. But I this past Thursday, I did
walk a father and son. I was in my I
was in my dick sucking material. I was in the
dick sucking chunk. There was a father and son at
the folder. The table had to be tweeny. Maybe he's
laughing a little bit dad Stone face. They get up
(20:27):
and then I go. As they leave, I go. They
probably went out there like it's a game they could
talk about and be like, we know we booked. And
then the one of the waits that I tried to
come and clean off the table and I said, no,
leave it as a memory. I need to know this
that the stare like having the boot for the rest
(20:47):
of the night.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
In West Niac, where was it the comedy capital of
the world.
Speaker 4 (20:53):
That's where you go when you make it big.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Well, you know, the chef was really good there, and then.
Speaker 4 (20:59):
I get to do with if you play cards right, The.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Chef got fired for being a pedophile nowhere and West
and I remember the food used to be really good.
He ended up being a pedophile. Got to get rid
of him. I didn't this isn't the worst bomb because
you mentioned father's son. I was in a city in Texas.
I don't know, Houston. Let's say I don't know. But
this guy in the front row gets us ficial, he leaves.
When he comes back, I go, where'd you go? And
(21:24):
he goes. I've been sober for twenty seven years until today.
I'm an alcoholic. What is that?
Speaker 4 (21:32):
You gotta put that on the website? So good? I
ruined the man's life.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
It's right now.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
I'll do that.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
I tell us all the bombs. Tell us your worst
writing gig, your worst television gig, your worst.
Speaker 4 (21:46):
I mean, I'm not gonna because we do. I do
want you to tell this story. Maybe don't say the movie,
but you weren't allowed to one of your own movie
for me.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Beat up a cop at a white Sox. That's I'm in.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Nope, I get kicked by the horse. I don't know
if you know this part, but in the beginning, they're
on the dan peel. I'm the woman that gets kicked
by the horse on the side.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Okay. I started watching it on an airplane and then
the plane landed and I never finished it.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Okay, So I'm in the beginning, you know never, and
then the next scene, you know, Daniel Khluia is on
the set with the horse and I get kicked. So
it's a small part, but I'm excited. I get invited
to the premiere. But they go one ticket, no plus one.
I go, that's fine, it's fine, and they go and
you're not going to the party. I go, okay, I
won't go to the party. So I get to the premiere,
(22:33):
my name is nowhere to be found. I had to
be like, I promise, I'm in this. Like I have
an email from my agent. He's like, I want to
go to this Chinese theater. I've been looking at this
theater since I was a kid, like this premiere. So
they reiterate again, They're like, here's the ticket. You can't
go to the party. So then at the time I
see Bobby Lee, I see Calila. Calila is like, I
don't need to go to the party. Here's the ticket.
(22:54):
So Bobby Lee takes me to the party, ditches me immediately,
and then I was just alone circling this party without
a friend in sight, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
But I wasn't gonna and Daniel I want to.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Talk to me I knew Little Ral, so I went
up and then I actually got bullied by someone. So
someone I know friends of Littlerel comes up. Do you
know this?
Speaker 4 (23:19):
To me? I don't want to name it.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
She comes over and can you Yeah, but you're a
part of the story.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Woman comes up to me please, and I go, hey,
I'm Lisa. You know I'm a comic from Chicago. Starting
she goes, oh, yeah, I've seen you before. I go yeah,
I think we met at Eric's house one night and
she goes, no, I've seen you perform four times and
you have a lot of growing to do. And I
just went it's an honor. And then I went walking alone.
(23:50):
I couldn't find a friend.
Speaker 4 (23:53):
Part of the night was.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
And I kept going afters I met on set, being like,
what's up? Been there? Like we're with her wives like
we don't want to talk, And I say this, Eric,
you got to think about this.
Speaker 4 (24:06):
What you got even a movie? I'm gonna movie. What happened?
I got kicked by a horse? Good by, come to
the come to the movie from here? Actually, no, okay,
come to the party. Actually no, by the way, me
at the party. By the way, you got a lot
of work four different.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Why is that necessary to say to somebody.
Speaker 4 (24:26):
You know this, I'm always saying this, be nicer to
comedians online. I'm always saying, be.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Nicer to comedians.
Speaker 4 (24:32):
What Jay's been popping off on the I behaved myself.
I'm such am gonna.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Jay's been the talk of the town.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
What's going on online?
Speaker 4 (24:39):
I'm not beefing with anyone particular. I do beef with
the idea that people are like, can you believe we're crazy?
I'm like, comics have always been crazy, comics. Whatever someone says,
we can finally like talk ship, we can finally like
say crazy stuff. In my head, I do go, haven't
we always.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
Been saying crazy?
Speaker 4 (24:57):
There was no line? I don't know.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Yeah, I'm like, what are you talking about? Who are
you talking about? Who is this like boogeyman in the sky.
That's like, now you can't.
Speaker 4 (25:07):
Who was stopping people from telling cum jokes, from telling
race jokes.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
From telling ooze from some crowds but not really.
Speaker 4 (25:16):
But but those Pejordians have even lost their spice because
everyone doubled down too much. So now I'll say, if
you say faggot and you're not gay on the show,
guess what you're probably the fourth straight gotta say faggot
that night, and now the crowd's like, you're gonna to
do something else? Man, you might actually have Gail King
on the on the yeah, Gail King said, Gail Okay.
(25:40):
So Gail King was enterawing Matteo in part for the
book and the special coming out. Gail King said to
Matteo Lane, you have this joke I love and this
is CBS Morning. By the way, she said, can I
say it? She said, when you said, what in the
fagot tree is going on? Gail King said it on.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
C hosts are like what And then Mateo just cracks up.
You can't even believe.
Speaker 4 (26:01):
That you can't say what in the factory? And then
she went to space to try to escape it.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Her getting on that space ship I watched ten thousand times.
She seemed so stressed by the way. That's me just
getting on jet belief, like I hate turbulent so much.
But I could see her going, why did these white
people talk me into this super hip? I don't need
to see space? What is this? And do they go
to space? They go to like the top of the sky.
(26:27):
They don't go into like I want you going to
Space Land on fucking Mars. Then you went to Space
that starts.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
They didn't even pass the atmosphere, Like I want to
look at the Earth from.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
Yes, exactly, I don't want I want to be on
another planet. I want to be on the Moon looking
at her.
Speaker 4 (26:43):
Then you went to Space Fires more training because Lance
Bass wanted to do it and being like an actual
astronomy very long time.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Well, Lance Bask got nothing but time he did.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
Lance got nothing but Marines podcast. And I'm a big
box but I like boy bands, like pop culture, and
so I was in Trolls three with I've watched them all.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Are you familiar with Justin Timberlake.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Yeah, I mean, you know, so art and surprises. So
I go to do her podcast, Lance Bass pops out
of a bush surprise, and I act like whatever, and
then and then he goes, are you upset? I'm not
Nick Carter, And I go, Lance Baster.
Speaker 4 (27:23):
Oh that's funny, that's actually very funny.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
But I went to Christina Aguilar Justin Timberlake. But I
sat down for Justin because as a teen, because I
was so team Backstreet boys, like I didn't want to
enjoy myself.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
So you big weird loyalties.
Speaker 4 (27:42):
Who is your Who is your boy? Were Kevin Nick
Carter and then a j oh wait a second nick
a j I was, I was in sync, but I
did appreciate Kevin as the backy boy. I was like tall,
quiet a man those people.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
It was also what I'm imagining in your house, your
medicine cabinet full of every single prescription.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
I would, yeah, it's they're in the kitchen.
Speaker 4 (28:10):
You're giving her a lot of credit with the medicine cabinet.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
The medicine cabinet is random, like a tweet like it's
it's more.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
I want to look in your fridge to god, it's
very New York.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
It's very New York. There's like a little chili oil.
There's me drinks sent by Wild. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
There's no one here.
Speaker 4 (28:37):
Film I got Actually, I actually have to go. If
this is Eric, I have to leave.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
The Wild is amazing. So I'm performing in Portland Valentine's
a weekend. There's a beautiful couple in the front. I'm
having a good time. He is the creator and CEO
of Wild. And it's like edibles, they're really delicious, or
the white little contained. Oh you don't like weed and so.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
People will be surprised by But so I'm.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Like, did you bring me some? Like I can't believe
you're obviously a millionaire. So whatever, we have a good time.
After the show, he goes, you know, we've seen you
before at the cellar, and you looked at me and
said that I didn't deserve love. The fuck was I thinking?
Like why would I say?
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Ah?
Speaker 2 (29:19):
And so he brought her to stunt on me and
he goes and this is my fiance and we're getting
married in Italy and I go, you found up? Yeah,
And then he's been sending me uh like weed stuff. God,
that's so fucking BEAUTI sat in the front road to
(29:40):
be like yeah.
Speaker 4 (29:41):
And fucking that's universal karma, but ends up being funny.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
That's good, yeah, way of cell bag Like he was
treating her nice to.
Speaker 4 (29:48):
You live a life, people, you live a life. You
live a life.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
But I also get to preston, don't leave my port man.
You probably caught that too. Get into on see I'm
watching the same porn from twenty twelve. Some of these
videos are dated twenty ten. I went to dot com
all the time, and I have what is it kink dot.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
Com that's why is kin dot com. You're you're It's
what I enjoy BDSM.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Yeah, I like the public disgrace.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Public humiliation, humiliation like.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
A girl getting sucked at a poolhole in.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Front of people, and there's humiliation, you know, dancing.
Speaker 4 (30:29):
Very fire island.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
I thought you were going to be into.
Speaker 4 (30:32):
That's very gay, man.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
I thought you were going to do like oil massage
or something like that.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Oil massage.
Speaker 4 (30:37):
It's creepy.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
Really, yeah, it's too Girls always watched the oil massages
because sensual anytime I want anytime.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Il Women watch gang bangs than men. Women really, because
for men it's too many dicks.
Speaker 4 (30:52):
Women watch also, women watch like fucking if the people
who think women watch the sensual stuff are incorrect. Women
watch well like I don't know, I'm.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Talking about your.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
Husband died, and like you haven't you've.
Speaker 4 (31:05):
Never a picture.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
You're a catholic, you've never really gotten out there. That's
an oil massage. Yeah, that's where you start.
Speaker 4 (31:12):
Slow caress will do it for them. Yeah yeah, yeah,
but Lisa said, get the digs in here.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
It hurts when the girls like I don't even know
who's fucking me right now?
Speaker 4 (31:27):
Wait, have you been keeping up with the Bonnie Blue
one hundred men one thousand men situation. Okay, there's a
there's the only fans creator who was like trying to
kind of do her own.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Yeah, it was one thousand men in ten hours.
Speaker 4 (31:40):
I think it was twenty four. I was given her
twenty four hours to get a thousand.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
That I don't. Yeah, the book Hockey's and all that
where it's all of them.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Oh, I thought you're into that stuff.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Of course I'll watch it once in a while, but
I like, I'm I'm I'm loyal to kink.
Speaker 4 (31:55):
You go, I thought you were stuff And Lisa goes,
of course I watch it every now. It's just it's
not gonna turn it off if it's on.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
I feel.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
Well. There's someone on a reality show, Summerhouse, and they
just revealed that their favorite porn was tan line porn,
and that really kind of upset the rest of the roommates.
Speaker 4 (32:15):
Can I say, I get, I get? Okay, if you millennial,
there was a certain time when a lot of porn
they had tan lines, and you were like, oh, that's
how we know this is like actually real, because you well, no,
because you'd be like, no, the porn performers. They tan naked,
(32:36):
but like these regular people, they'd have tan lines. You'd
be like, oh, this is like actually it was the amateur. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
When you see a little razor burn.
Speaker 4 (32:45):
Yeah, god, oh when you see the dog in the room.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
Get One of my favorite porn stars did die tragically,
and so it is kind of like unethical. But I
watched her old stuff sometimes.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Why is that another it's weird.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
It's sad because it's like, I.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Don't know, you didn't watch your death footage? Yeah, that'd
be Yeah, that's a different website. You can borrow water.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
I don't like that. They like do with some suffocation
water stuff and.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
No it's too much. Yeah, I saw a couple of.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Website I only with a couple of the channels. Oh, well,
there's a porn podcast. I like, you gotta go on it.
Ryan he's got Yeah, I really. I'm his favorite comedian
and I love I like him so much. But he
had a porn star on it. Her kink was waterboarding
and he got waterboarded on the pot and he was like,
(33:45):
you're a sick.
Speaker 4 (33:45):
And he's America safer because of it.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
It's a good question too, I guess. And there hasn't
been another nine to eleven since that happened.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
That podcasting doesn't sound that bad.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
No, it sounds bad, but it was bad. You're drowning yourself.
You're you're putting water and the only places you can
breathe it's drowning. It's horrible.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
You're sick. But he did it for the cause. But
like his friend had stage four cancer and he had
his that guy's two favorite porn stars come on and
fuck him.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Whoa, this is like fucking.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
With a recadre, with a recadre.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Any other bombs?
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Oh yeah, we should do the bombs. So actually, so
Netflix Fest last year, I'm having the time of my life,
Like I like a festival, I kind of and a
festival friends, and I get asked last minute to do
the Fluffy show.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
That's the that's the already no Fluffy, oh Fluffy, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
No, it's Palladium. It's at the Palladium. They were doing
like sprit, like Michelle Buteau did one like yeah, and
then like four or five comics went on, keep me work,
and I walk out and they stop clapping, and I
still have probably fifteen more steps to the microphone. Nobody
is clapping why And then I grabbed the micut of
(35:18):
the music still playing, and I was like, well, you
can cut the music. They're clearly done clapping, and I
thought that would get something. Nothing. Then it's silent, and
his audience is like family is a lot of Mexican people.
So I was like, I'll do my immigrant material, do
family stuff. I'll do that's you know, PG whatever. They
don't like any of it. They grow up, they are not.
So then I'm trying to switch things I'm trying to do.
(35:40):
I'm trying all the bags of tricks I can, and
I'm just bombing all the Netflix exacts. Everyone's there, right,
It's like I'm just bombing, and and I'm following a
comic I don't respect. So it's even it's.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
Hurt killed, yeah, it's murdering.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (36:02):
And he found out what everyone does for living. We
found out who everyone was dating.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
So I'm bombing and then sit down and someone else
yells leave, no, no, And so I'm standing there being like,
you think I want to be here, you think I
don't want to get I'm like I'm looking at the clock, TikTok,
like I don't want to be here either. I'm like
how dare you? And so then it's like them all
screen and then other people going you got this and
(36:28):
like so then it's a battle between the crowds that
are like you can do it and people going please leaves,
like screaming, and no one is left anything.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Yeah, I'm like red.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
At this point, I was so hot and so I
read right now and Jimmy Carr is right there and
Josh who booked me, and Josh just goes, I'm sorry.
And then Jimmy car was trying to make me feel better,
and I go, stop talking to me. I'm going upstairs.
So I go to the green room. I get tequila,
and I'm just sitting there alone, drinking, like trying to
(37:01):
allow people to get attention. So then all my friends
at Netflix are messaging me and Sophia Saladar, you know
for Live Nation, like all these are texting me, and
I go, I'm in the Friends and Family room. That's
the name of the green room. They thought I had
friends and family with me. I'm alone. So then when
they enter the room, they go where is everyone? I go,
I'm alone here drinking. So then but I bombed so bad,
(37:23):
and me and Sofia were talking about going to a
sushi park that like celebrity sushi spot that the head
of Live Nation Comedy touring goes, Sophia use the company
card take her. I ended up bombing so bad that
I got a five hundred dollars comedy meal and we
have like a great time.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
Nice god.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
But I was like, audience they want I'm sure some
of the other people might have done. I didn't look
at anything like Fluffy's nice though, and well Fluffy Fluffy didn't.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
No one looked at me after the show. No he did.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
He said, Hi, Yeah, I barely interacted. Its Fluffy. I
don't know. I don't. I was happy to be there
at the Palladia.
Speaker 4 (38:05):
People saying leave and people saying no, stay and them fighting.
That's funny. I would have been dying if I'm laughing loudly.
If someone goes get out of here, they go fuck you.
Let her, She'll get funny Like that's like you.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
Guys stopped clapping. Well, one time I was This was
years ago. I was at Turner Hall and I was
opening for Rob's a Lady Jesus. And as I'm walking out,
the whole venue is chanting Rob Rob and then they
see me and they all start booing. No, oh you guys,
let me full boo being booed by like what seven
(38:43):
hundred people?
Speaker 1 (38:44):
Okay, what's what else? What's what? Give me some other words?
I love? Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
Basically it was me and Kennedy to Forest dressed and
when we like weren't getting paid and we went to
he got paid. I didn't. I don't know. We went
to the stur because he brought me to be like,
I'm doing this nursing home and I was like, please
bring me, I gotta do it. No, I'm a young comic, right,
And so I'm bombing. He's bombing. We're bombing. Not a chirp,
but not a laugh, nothing. And then a woman comes
(39:12):
up to.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
You little nursing home like elderly is here, literal nursing
people are flatlining all around you.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
Woman comes up to me and goes, do you need jokes?
I can give you some jokes.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
I want to take her up on I did.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
I said, tell me some jokes.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
To take it her up.
Speaker 4 (39:29):
Jewish Ukrainian walked into a nursing home. Oh yeahms their
ass off or whatever. All of our jokes are hella
ras continue hard r.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
N word jokes.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
She starts giving you continue because I've been thinking about it.
I'm like, I was young. You just kept on you
have you My mic got caught at jokes and notes once.
It's like it was the Black club in the South
Side of Chicago and mid mid joke cut the mic.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
I'd be like, thank you, get me out of here?
Can you get me an uber too.
Speaker 4 (40:04):
Is my favorite thing whenever you go, especially as a
black comet, when you do mainstream a lot and then
you get the request to do a black show and
you go, I gotta do a black show and you
get in there and they're being they're being ruthless to
like the first two comedians. You go, I could have
said no. I could have said no, but you know what,
let me power through. They were fine with me. They
were they got the meanness out of their system, first
(40:25):
three comedians. But you go there mean what what?
Speaker 2 (40:30):
No, they just let it be.
Speaker 4 (40:33):
It's just Lisa, follow up what you said black people
should leave the country.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
I think black people should live.
Speaker 4 (40:38):
And now say you're not doing well.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
Yeah, it's like, well, they paid their money for the
babysitter in their suits and they're they're they're like, there
weren't results.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
But I would say that one of the best sets
of my whole life was only like all black audience
at the Lave Factory in Chicagos.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
You can shake the room.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
She goes, hold on, we gotta keep laughing. I go,
I mean, it was like one of the best moments
in life. Like I still think about it.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
So he told me, Jamie Foxx is this thing where
he does He'll do a mainstream room. Then he'll do
a black room and try to do his whitest jokes
and see what of his like whitest jokes or whatever
he gets his mainstream if that's where you at the
black room, then he'll keep it in his set, and
then he'll go to the mainstream room with his blackest jokes,
(41:28):
and whatever ones don't work he cuts, and whatever ones
do he keeps. And then he like merges those sets
in the backroom.
Speaker 4 (41:36):
He's doing all the Katie Holmes stuff.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
Yeah, I guess, so, I guess so. I kind of
like that because our Afghan comic friend, Oh thank you sorry. Yes,
he told me he tries to never just wallow at
alt rooms. He goes, I want to do my alt
stuff at the comedy seller or a studio or store
(42:00):
so that I can see kind of like the Jamie
Fox thing, Like if the alt joke can work at
the mainstream comedy club, then there's sparito.
Speaker 4 (42:09):
That's how you move the needle comedically. I know you
do this, and I do this too, all this stuff
I do at Unia Hall in the Bellhouse in Littlefield.
I do have the seller. I have to because if
you don't, then you're not taking your queerness. So you're
a weird shit to the people.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
Yeah. Yeah, Also you're gonna get too comfortable.
Speaker 2 (42:26):
Because I'll have weekends where it's people that like me
and are aligned like on stuff, they like us, sweet whatever,
and so it's easier to kill. And then when I'm
back to the cellar on like that week is when
you realize what's actually like what needs to be beefed
up for, Like people that don't know you.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
What are you guys going to invite me to a show?
I got to get out of my house.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
Well, I'm also doing Show and Tell on May Day.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
Invite bring me on any show. May twentieth, I go
to an Indian wedding. May twenty, the twenty eighth. I'm
not here, but every other day I can do wowwe
or where he is in southern eastern India? Are they
Christian or they are not Christian?
Speaker 2 (43:06):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (43:08):
Have you ever met an Indian person before Christian Christians?
Speaker 2 (43:15):
J H Josh Chicago, Jocelyn Vargis, what's up, Junior?
Speaker 3 (43:22):
And not?
Speaker 2 (43:23):
Wait? Let me do one more bombings?
Speaker 1 (43:25):
Bombing?
Speaker 2 (43:25):
Yeah, okay, so I have to, Okay, I get out.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
It's all podcast is filler.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
In Jamestown, New York. And I used to do a
joke and it's in my Degenerate set on Netflix. But
it's like a Q and A and so the answers
and I know how people are going to answer, and
then it helps me. And then at the whole point
is like men aren't making women come and you guys
don't care, and it's like a fun joke. But a
guy went to both the shows and knew the answer,
so he ruined the and then stared at me and
(43:57):
then went you suck boo. And I ended up actually
crying after that set. I was in the back and
I was like, God, why do they hate me so much?
Speaker 3 (44:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (44:07):
What are they fuck up?
Speaker 2 (44:09):
And I cried because I couldn't get back from it.
I was really defeated, and once he ruined that, it
was like, yeah, I guess I do so like fuck
you ye oh. But then I've performed it again in
the in Jamestown, New York, and there was a moment
where these women were talking. They were being really annoying,
and I go, girls, just please stop talking. I'm good
hearing like it's not You're not being bad like, but
it's distracting. And this woman got offended, she got pissed.
(44:31):
She's yelling, and on her way out she yelled, it's
a small town. She yells, I make more money than you.
And then from the back I hear I'm her ex husband.
No she doesn't nice, it's like really fun.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
That was really that's nice. You had to like take
a thirty second break on that one.
Speaker 4 (44:50):
Thank you, Sarah. The crowd's gonna go crazy. There's you
get to be like, you know you should then ex husband,
you want your dick suck come up here.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
But this is okay, So this is like my old
school fucking. This isn't my old school favorite story. It
was a club in glen View, Illinois, might have been
a drug front called the Laughing Cameleon.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
Okay, how far from Chicago's San Bergh.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
It's North Shory, but like maybe forty minute. Yeah, it's
not close to the city, but it's like I would say,
maybe or or whatever. The first show is packed. It's
a showcase show. I'm doing a bunch of im. I'm
having such a good set on my young comic. The
dean from my high school who used to give me
all these detentions is in the audience, so I'm killing
Like I get to be like, wow, yeah, so I'm
(45:46):
on the cloud night. The second show of the night,
only three couples are there. Jesus, these people are on
coke for sure. They're Polish, they're on cocaine. And then
two other couples they're behaving, they're being normal. This couple
just doesn't give a fuck. They don't want to be there.
They're talking, we get into it. It gets very like
more of your family should have died in there. They immediately, well,
(46:07):
they finish it. The war, is what I said to them.
But beforehand, she was like just before even was hooking
up with women. But they were like you you're a lesbian,
you cheap jew. Like they were saying, fucked up ship
to me. So it's like cheap jew lesbian. I remember
this was so long ago, and the other couples are there.
There's only six people, so then we start fighting. The
(46:27):
wars now brought up, you know, it's like shit's getting
fucked up. And then he stands up, takes one hundred
dollar bills out of his wallet. He goes, I will
pay anyone to get this bitch off the stage. And
then Aaron Foster, this comic, grabs the cash and gets
on stage throws me a hundred and I had to
be walked to my car.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
And then wow, this guy in like Minneapolis was like,
I have a gun and I'm going to kill you
after this set, like while she was bombing, and they
had to walk her from the stage to the parking lot,
and he was out there like rifling through his car
and looking for a murder weapon because he hated or
(47:09):
joked so much he was getting the comedy. I mean,
it's truly share it's crazy.
Speaker 2 (47:16):
It seems full on protection. It's like, well, I'm also
a fool once because in Minnesota I was gonna go
smoke weed with people I didn't know in the garage
and the manager of the club and to be like,
we can't let you leave with those people. They were
touching your lower back. I was like, all right, guts
of the mall.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
I had my fortieth birthday party at the Knockdown Center
and queens and a bunch of fans broke into my
green room, took ships in my bathroom, and then a
bunch of rappers I invited on the show stole all
my son chips and all my whippets did steal. There
was just like son chips, like those are my snacks,
(47:58):
my great room, I'm stone man, come on, and there's
like kids like Eric Andre show merch like where they.
Speaker 4 (48:08):
Get out it way wait, that's so sweet that they
just pooped in the toilet.
Speaker 1 (48:13):
At least they That's good. It could have been you know,
it could have been all over. They're being respectful. They're respectful.
Speaker 2 (48:19):
They could have Yeah, what a star she isn't.
Speaker 1 (48:25):
There's one where we dressed in a horse costume and
I'm in the back eating her out on her period.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
That one on the train, Yeah yeah, yeah, no. I
watched every Well, my favorite part I got, you know,
I got to I got to be in Eric's rider's
room for two days.
Speaker 4 (48:40):
God damn.
Speaker 2 (48:40):
And I remember someone asking you being like, wait, how
did you do that thing where you like, you drink
piss out of the cup And he goes, I pissed
in the cup and I.
Speaker 1 (48:50):
Drank Yeah, yeah, yeah, I paid in the cup and
I drank my piss. That's how I did.
Speaker 2 (48:54):
They were like, what's the secret the secarette?
Speaker 1 (48:56):
Well, where's the movie in the cup?
Speaker 3 (48:58):
Wow?
Speaker 4 (48:59):
If you're gonna.
Speaker 2 (49:02):
All right.
Speaker 6 (49:03):
So one of my biggest life failures is uh shitting
in a TJ Max changing room into one of the
genes that they sell there. So what happened was it
was a Sunday morning, like in any other I was
going out with my boyfriend at the time, and I
(49:23):
had a nice eggy breakfast right before, so you already
know what's about to happen. We go shopping in the
TJ Max and I try on a few things and yeah,
one thing led to another and I ship in one
of the genes that I was trying on. And the
worst part about it, I uh, I had to put
(49:44):
the jeans right back on the shelf. No, you didn't
have to do that, clean myself off with the jeans.
I turned it inside out so that way I was
able to clean myself and then flip the right back out,
hung it right back out, and then yeah, left the
TJ Max today is still one of my greatest shames.
(50:04):
And I thought I was gonna take it with me
to the grave, but yeah, I guess that's didn't work out.
So there's one of my fails.
Speaker 4 (50:12):
She just confessed to being a bad person.
Speaker 1 (50:15):
Yeah, she didn't need to put it back. Yeah what
I mean, like, wait, she had uncontrollable poops.
Speaker 2 (50:19):
Hide it in the corner, in the corner, throw in
the garbage.
Speaker 1 (50:22):
Yeah, you don't got to hang it back on the show.
Speaker 2 (50:25):
That's crazy, because we've all I've actually I've I did
a bad shitting thing once.
Speaker 1 (50:31):
Tell us even more.
Speaker 2 (50:33):
I was walking home from the mall with my friend Julie.
This must have been junior high, and all of a
sudden I knew I had to have diarrhea. There's a
mattress giant. I go, we gotta get in there. So
she sits on the mattress. I go to the bathroom
and honestly, to this day, I like really can't believe it,
like the toilets, but the ship was like I was
really shitting. I don't know what was happening. But it
(50:54):
was like every reason I didn't sit on it. It
was going, what.
Speaker 1 (51:00):
Is this ship?
Speaker 2 (51:01):
Was ever? The toilets like nothing has ever happened close
to that ever again? And I just looked at it
and I was like, I need to get the fuck out.
Speaker 4 (51:08):
Of here, like jet propelled off of the toilet.
Speaker 1 (51:10):
Oh glit for you.
Speaker 2 (51:15):
And I run and I go, Julie, get moving and
she's just sitting on a mattress. What I go, start running?
So we're like running and then the women, of course
run out of a mattress, giant going like come back
and clean it up, running it so I'm about you know,
I should have probably cleaned up, but I was twelve.
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (51:36):
It was like two weeks ago Junior high high ipeded
in a cab in Mexico into a water bottle because
we had terrible Mexican traffic and we would come back
from like event this is recent, this is my friend's
bachelerette party. I said, as long as the driver don
went back here, I'll be fine. But then I'm I'm
not in the club by myself.
Speaker 2 (51:55):
It's a you're overflowing the bottles.
Speaker 4 (51:57):
Was never looking up the bottle. It was not big enough,
and it was coming out fast. You go, oh, I'm
a piaso fast. You can't piece slow. You go, oh shit,
oh shit. So and then I had to throw it
out the window. But it is spilt a little bit.
Speaker 3 (52:09):
In the car.
Speaker 4 (52:10):
Sorry.
Speaker 1 (52:11):
Five Stars one of my buddies, and they said this
on Howard Stern. That works on Howard Stern. He went
to the gathering the Juggalos, the Insane clown Posse event,
and he opened the pot of porta potty door, excuse me,
and there was a pile of feces that went above
the bowl like a pyramid, and at the top of
the pile of ship it was just two butt cheek.
(52:35):
Someone sat into it and continued adding to it. Oh no,
sat down into the ship. I own ship.
Speaker 3 (52:43):
More ship into it.
Speaker 1 (52:45):
That is every disease my dog has right now.
Speaker 2 (52:50):
Oh I'm gonna ruin. Okay, this is a porn star thing.
Speaker 1 (52:53):
Then I really have to go, only because I have
the piece.
Speaker 2 (52:56):
Her name's Aiden Saw. But she was doing an interview
on Asa Kira's old pie cast, and she said, as
a dominatrix, when she ships on these dudes, she'd rather
them eat it. Because then it doesn't smell because she goes.
If they leave it in the room, then it smells.
Speaker 1 (53:08):
And it made you ruined the sanctity of this podcast.
Speaker 2 (53:13):
I know, I know.
Speaker 1 (53:14):
And now there will never be another pope.
Speaker 4 (53:17):
No, people are really upset smoking. The Vatican is gonna
be brown.
Speaker 1 (53:23):
Who do you want to be the j Van he's
the only one eligible. Yeah, no, I don't know. That's
a nonsense thing. Make you fucking Ronald McDonald's. It gives
a ship. I have to pee so bad and we're
like half an hour overtime. It's a jug of moonshine, a.
Speaker 2 (53:40):
Netflix special called night Owl. It's out, It's just out.
And then my podcast is that's messed up and has
to be podcasts. And I'm on the road all the time,
so visit me at at glitter Cheese and I have
a link tree with all the dates.
Speaker 1 (53:51):
Why glitter Cheese. You gotta update that. That's too goofball.
That's like your AOL handle from when you're tell.
Speaker 2 (53:57):
You why Lisa Traeger is spelled so many different ways
that Glitter Cheese people just remember.
Speaker 4 (54:04):
That's there's a lot of surprise.
Speaker 1 (54:06):
Is it a l I s?
Speaker 2 (54:11):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (54:11):
Yeah, yeah, git and they go, what's that I'm standing down?
They go, I love that I'm standing down. You did
your research the fagotory of that. Okay, everybody.
Speaker 4 (54:26):
To listen watch my tato, specially it's coming out to Hulu,
I think sometimes in May.
Speaker 1 (54:31):
Yeah, but you're plugging somebody's ship that isn't here.
Speaker 4 (54:35):
Yeah, he made Gail King say faggot and on that.
Speaker 1 (54:40):
No, good night, ladies and gentleman, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you, guys, appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (54:49):
With the recond.
Speaker 1 (54:50):
All right, listen up, we got something special for you.
Got a burning story that you're itching to tell about
when you bombed or absolutely failed in life. Now's your
chance to tell me all the it babe. I want
to hear your worst, most cringe worthy what the fuck
was I thinking? What just happened moment? So pick up
your phone and dial seven one six Bombing. That's seven
(55:11):
one six two six six twenty four sixty four and
leave me a voicemail and we might just play it
on a future episode. Bombing with Eric Andre is brought
to you by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and
iHeart Podcast. Our producer is Bei Wang. Our research assistant
is David Carliner, Our editor in sound designers Andy Harris,
and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg. Go rate US
five stars and drop a review on your podcast app
(55:33):
A choice
What Up Materia Andre and This is Bombing, the podcast
where I talk to comedians, artists, and other interesting people
about the worst bombs of their career, total epic failures
in front of the public. And tonight I talk to
superstar comedian Lisa Trigger about being arrested at a baseball game,
her love for Law and Order, SVU and the Backstreet Boys,
(00:22):
plus embarrassing moments at movie Premiere's. Check out Lisa's stand
up special Night Owl on Netflix. Co hosting is Jay Jorden.
Enjoy Bombing with Aery Andre. Ladies, don't aman Lisa Tragger,
everybody porn, porn enthusiasts, Russian apologists.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
No, no, I cannot be a tacked on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
I'm not Oh are they coming out to you?
Speaker 2 (00:53):
You're really mad at me? Are Ukrainians don't want to
speak Russian? Which I get, but I moved here before
the collapse. My parents speak Russian. What do you want
from me?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
You were born in the US s.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
R us SR, but it's modern day Ukraine, so it's
like it says born in ukrainie my podcast, and they're like,
you're not actually Ukrainian. I'm actually a Jew. And you
hate me because of that, they'll be like, every time
you see you are condoning the war. I go, yeah, tea, yeah,
that's all.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
I believe.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
They're all Bobby.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Those are the only ones that get me upset, like
people are mean. Those are the only ones that kind
of bother me because I feel like I don't have
an identity.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
No, you have a very strong idea. I'm an American,
You're red blooded America. You're a patriot.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
Patriot, we're actually going to this. This is an overcreer.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I would die for the the human rights of our nation.
I don't want to escape.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
I want to fight, not me house vote in Spain.
Speaker 4 (01:49):
You've been looking, oh yeah, yeah, oh yeah, where are
you going to go?
Speaker 2 (01:53):
But I think black people should leave.
Speaker 4 (01:54):
It's not on you, guys, don't Okay, but don't don't
say that by itself, because we heard it. Black people
should leave.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Oh don't say that sentence by it Yeah, we're gonna
nip it out all over the interview.
Speaker 4 (02:13):
People should people should leave.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
I think black people should.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Leave, and I always have I think black people should leave.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
I think black people should leave.
Speaker 4 (02:22):
That's the intro. That's anything on the paper.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
No, I like I like being like reading off the
paper really stilted. So you're at the co host of
That's Messed Up, an s VU podcast, Cara Clink, you
want to tell us anything about this?
Speaker 2 (02:38):
I would love to. We recap an episode of One
Orders for you. We do a deep dive on the
true crime it's based on, and then we interview an
actor from the episode.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
And then soon after you were arrested three times.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
That was before I get arrested somebody drunk on bit
what do you mean in Chicago, two times in Iowa,
and one time in a White Sox game.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
What happened? What happened the first time.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Was drinking and driving. I wanted burger king. Humiliating, of course.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
And they prosecute that crime in Island.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
They sure did, but it's called like d w I.
You know, they like to switch up the letters.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Mississippi. Yeah, they're they're drink driving is mandatory.
Speaker 4 (03:22):
That was every now and then they'll though, well you
see me doing fun here. That's what happens in college
towns in Mississippi. They go you're drinking, You go a
little bit. They go, me too.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
The second arrest was like me and my friend were
like we got to be sober. We were both struggling,
and I got arrested for this, and then we chugged
Parrot Bay and we were supposed to go to the
gymnastics meet, but instead she punched through the fire extinguisher glass.
So I thought she wanted it. I thought she was
taking her own life because she was depressed. So I
started screaming the cops and then I'm blacked out, so
(03:54):
I forget. So when the cops come, I fight them. No,
what are like nineteen twenties?
Speaker 4 (04:03):
Wait a second, did you punch the cop?
Speaker 2 (04:05):
No? I shoved him. I closed the door. And then
when they arrested me, I went limps that had dragged
me to the car.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
A little kid doesn't want to go to the dead, actually,
But then.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
She got arrested at the hospital, she went insane. So
then I wake up in jail and she's in jail too,
And then so I dropped out of Io, was stay,
went home to Chicago, went to college there, and then
I went to a White Sox game and blacked out.
So I'm not sure what, but they do still drink
like that? No, then I found stand up comedy.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
You stop drinking.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
I party once in a while I like to have
a good time, but it's just not an issue for me.
I'm more of a stoner.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
But I have I already played drink.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Yeah, like me and my friend we would drive to
the Redline Howard station and we would have a fifth
of flavored smear and off and we'd play Circle of
Death and then whatever we didn't finish, we'd pour in
a diet coke or she had right wicked. You just
keep passing and shugging until you're done.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
How many people usually play?
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Usually it's a group.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
Yeah, if it's just two people that that's not a circle.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Weaving a line of death and then we'd get on
the right line like a flavored enough disgusting discust.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
I'm gonna say it, and it's gonna give me canceled.
Eastern Europeans they drink, They drank drink and.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
She was Cuban. My my big because my friend at
the time also kept getting arrested.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
I don't know, I room, I don't know. I it's
a Cuban room.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
No, it's something I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Skilled in the bathroom at Kroger's.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
But we'd get on the train in the suburbs, so
by the time we got to Comisky, I got kicked,
I got arrested. Third inning home open.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
This is you had a lot of legal.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
And that was well. The worst is I had to
take a greyhound back to iwa Is served two more days.
So that's what was upsetting.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
I feel like the Jewish MIRTHI Steward.
Speaker 4 (06:06):
Yeah, but you had all these legal troubles and that
made you want to start the SVU podcast or you
just love SVU.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
No, I love SVU and I love research and I
like finding I guess injustices and our criminal justice system.
Speaker 4 (06:22):
My husband watches the SVU. He watches the SVU every day.
I've seen the Billy Porter episode at least four times.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Yes, that's a twist, that's a that's a rare, a
rare twist.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
What are you gonna do about living in the US? A,
you're gonna leave? You have EU citizenship?
Speaker 2 (06:39):
No?
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Do you have any other citizenship?
Speaker 4 (06:41):
No?
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Because we left on religious asylum and US star doesn't exist.
I'm hoping well.
Speaker 4 (06:45):
No, I mean it's going to again.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Working on it, leaving the country this weekend, and I'm
nervous because it says born and praying on my on
my passport, so see if they let me in or not.
I am going to London, yeah, I hope so. And
then I'm going to New Zealand and Australia and Funeral
this weekend unfortunately, and then July will be New Zealand
(07:09):
and Australia touring a lot I do. I'm on their own.
I mean, I'm audestioning. If someone put me in something,
I would take a break. I'm having a good time.
You know, it's final, your bestie, you know, I love
this ship. You guys did on your TV show that
the Bag.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
As we were a little cave in Harlem. She thought
we were just driving to a studio to shoot a sketch,
and then we talking about like all right, if the
cops come, we got to just say this and that
and popcorn means the cops are over on this street,
and and the word goose bumps mean the cops are
And she goes, why do you guys keep talking about cops?
And We're like, oh, this isn't a sketch, this is
(07:57):
like a prank for shooting. This is gonna be for real,
and she's like her face went white. She started sweating.
She's like she was really nervous, but then she rose
to the occasion. She killed the out of that ship.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
Yeah that I mean that particular prank slash sketch lives
on the internet and pops up every couple of months.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Let's put it up. Can we put it up? Can
we put things up on the screen?
Speaker 5 (08:25):
Tell you mother, you thought I wasn't gonna find out.
I wasn't gonna find you know what?
Speaker 2 (08:38):
This is the bag of my face.
Speaker 4 (08:41):
For you?
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Are you good at design? So you have like a
hoarder house.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
I have a corner of boxes. It's overwhelming, and then
by by art. I'm an armpire. I support the art.
I have great art. I have beautiful art, and I
have I collect toys, but they're all in my little fireplace.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
It's so nice.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
So it's almost it's the clothes. It's the traveling. It's
that I can't wear.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
It's one of those organizers like a Marie condo.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Oh no, my best friend does this at least for me,
like four or five times a year. And I have
a cleaner that comes twice a month, and it does not.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Is what I imagine your house is shoe boxes everywhere, empty
Vaca bottles, cigarette butts. That is what I'm imagining. Joints
everywhere I have probably like.
Speaker 4 (09:33):
She has a roach infestation, but roach yea yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Yeah yeah, tons of roaches, so a joint.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
And then I always have my friend. When she cleaned
out my apartment, I had to leave for pandet whatever.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
You feel like you have a laptop with a lot
of issues that you keep meaning to get fixed.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
I canceled my genius bar appointments today.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Oh my god, Eric, Yeah, you guys don't watch movies
or TV on a television or production. You just have
the lap. It has so many bugs, and.
Speaker 4 (10:02):
Your computer get super hot. You go actually to hot boiling.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
It's giving you the spinning wheel of death. And you're like, oh,
I gotta fix it, but you always push off fixing it.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
Do you have what do you have a caress top?
Or do you have some just random images too, like
just random.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Files full littered?
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Yeah, but we're right. Are we're not right? Or were
we right?
Speaker 2 (10:24):
No? I had an I would I canceled my five
thirty genius bar appointments today.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
And you drink diet coke, you're and I have little
my friend when she remember she goes there's water bottles
with one sip left everywhere.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Yeah, And so I have empty coffee things with one
sip left everywhere.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
I can't throw out the movie signs. I can't.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
No, you got a problem. You're like wan to one
of those women, like they got the TV shows on TLC.
Like I'm addicted to huffing blade fucking air spray. You
have a little bit of that, not all the way.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
If someone come in and move the water bottle, you
get mad.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I thank them.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
Okay, I would like that, but that's like some some
people would be like, don't touch it. But that's good,
that's actually.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
About but the boxes. Really, people keep sending me stuff
and I'm like, I gotta do videos with my new
things that are being sent, but I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
I like, you have like lights and microphones and a
light like stand up like like stands and ship set
up wired. There's a lot of wires. The wires are
all tangled.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
I never thought i'd have so many wires.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
It's a dirty rug, no rug.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
I'm anti rug. I have no rugs.
Speaker 4 (11:33):
Do my room now, Eric, do my room? I don't
know your dumb no dumbbells. We don't Garrison.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Never can I see a picture or video of your
husband and then I'll be able to do it all right? Okay, okay,
because I can't.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Just do you think I'm hopeless? No help for me?
Speaker 1 (11:49):
No, No, I did say that. I did say that. Okay, Wow,
very handsome. Okay, what's his vibe? Give me? Give me
some more?
Speaker 4 (11:54):
Works in works in tech slash fintech slash crypto.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Oh there you say, fashion?
Speaker 4 (12:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Where's he from?
Speaker 4 (12:03):
From? From Mississippi? Like me doing.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Impression of them, doing impression of them?
Speaker 4 (12:07):
Oh, this is my impression of him? Jay put that down.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Oh so he's a little bit fucking sassy.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
I have a thing now where I really am trying
to be better around the house because he curates a space.
He loves to design.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
I have to hang out with him for five minutes,
like I know her, but like I have to hang
out with them for at least five before I could.
Speaker 4 (12:28):
He's a little too if that he's country, he's a
little country.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Yeah, he's from They watch reality TV.
Speaker 4 (12:36):
Loves Reality Housewives okay, a little bit of merit to medicine,
but loves how he's watching Atlanta right now. Loves SVU.
Upset with ken, you thought, can you took it too far?
Speaker 1 (12:48):
What about naked attraction?
Speaker 4 (12:50):
Naked attraction? I've watched negad attraction. We you know, we
can just watch porn. Yeah, we're also gay guys, so
all of our friend we've seen all our friends dick too,
So like, do you do I do orgies? There hasn't
been an origin of very long. The last true orgy
Fire Island twenty nineteen. It was eight people in a room.
(13:11):
That's the last.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Was it fun?
Speaker 4 (13:13):
It was fun? Ah, it was the kids.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Do you come a lot or do you save it
for the end?
Speaker 4 (13:19):
No, you gotta come at least twice. That's the thing.
If you're there. Yeah, biagra, no excitement and weed. It's
an orgy, so you're like, you actually kind of can
game plan. You can take a break and it's a
lot of people doing stuff.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
You can cut cut back, you can make a martini.
Speaker 4 (13:35):
Anyone who is jackhammering the whole time in the orgy.
Everyone at the orgy who's like kind of there and
like around at least like a fun fun to get breakop.
They'll be like, what are you doing?
Speaker 3 (13:47):
What's going on?
Speaker 4 (13:49):
Relax?
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Oh, if you're jack hammering, what about you. You did done
an orgy before?
Speaker 2 (13:53):
No, tell this, Yeah, I just have one four.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Some that's I think it's more than it's three Simmons
an orgy.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
I would do more some The name still work, I
think at six easily an orgy.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Six doesn't work. Seven doesn't work.
Speaker 4 (14:11):
Four and five for because four to me, we actually
just qualify as a couple swap. But if they weren't couples,
then yeah, tell us about.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
His wife was coming the next day, so long ago,
it's like that is actually really hot.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
His wife was coming back the next day.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Well, no to with everyone else. They came to fuck
I met them. They were carolines, no carolines. But this
was a long time ago. This is like probably over
a decade ago.
Speaker 4 (14:38):
We're telling you.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
I thought about I thought this guy was really hot.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
He might be a little awkward.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
So I'm doing crowd work with this hot guy. And
so then I was like, well, I'll wait for him
and they'll lobby of carolines. So he comes out downstairs, downstairs,
and then that the three of them gone, And so
then we go to lilies that like Victorian looking bar Wait.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Wait wait, so it's one guy and two goals.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
No, two guys and a girl.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
And one of them is hot, and then you're like
a way for him and then ask for a drink.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Yeah, And so we all went out and after a
while they were like, listen, we actually have we're here
to fuck. We have a hotel room, we have molly,
we have coke. You want to come to the Double
Tree or whatever? And I go, yeah and so and
so so I went and it was it was really fun.
But then the I had to go babysit the next morning,
like on York. So I went like straight from and
(15:32):
I didn't think I was going to be a wild night.
I didn't bring a phone charger, I didn't bring MAKEU
and didn't bring like It wasn't like I planned to
do this. It was like an early.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
Time.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
They had collars, they had like leashes, they were ready,
they were ready.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
They just watch and then the wife was coming the next.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Day to join them. So it wasn't like he was.
They were like freaks hot.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
So every bodies just fucking.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
But it's I'm with Jay. There were breaks, we would
chit shot, we would hang out to people. Yeah, I
got a couple you know how their dison workers of
the drugs.
Speaker 4 (16:13):
Also the with with gay people. And this is the
p s A viagra plus poppers, your heart will stop.
You can only.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Poppers, okay, popper? Ye see how this is a safer.
It's less harsh than than the bagger. However, if you're
on Molly and you're shooting pool with a rope and
you want to fucking make your gummy worm back to
it's old fighting self, you popped that viagra on that Molly.
It works fucking.
Speaker 4 (16:40):
People there. I've known some people who like when they've
been either like, oh, Molly are like kind of high
and VIAGRAA they'll be like, I didn't even know my
dick was capable of that. Yeah, it's I've never seen
my penis like that.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Ever, winning combo winning comb And I'm more of a
nitous that guy over poppers.
Speaker 4 (17:00):
I got it.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
I've only done that once and it was with.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
You, thousands and thousands.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
It was a great night. There was a brain scientist
there that night, and she kept going in the orgy,
know what this whipp is is? Oh, but she said
that those cells that are killed can regrow. But she
could have been lying, but she goes, it's not permanent.
Brain damage. All of it can regrow.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Yeah, it was.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
Over twenty five, so my brain's done. Yeah, stop growing.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
And I'm on my phone eight hours a day, so
it's not like I'm.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Doing good things for your brain.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
One beer kills millions of brain cells. Nitros Oxide not
that bad. Nitrous oxide is naturally occurring in the atmosphere too,
as long as you don't exphyxiate over and over or
huff it.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
I say, new new drug awareness campaign, just say no,
you know nitious oxide and.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
So smart it's insane.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
He's so smart, smartest, like a doctorate. And now I
have a have a master and a.
Speaker 4 (18:01):
B F A N A b A and three degrees.
I'm about getting you one more, but I chose not to.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Very doctor.
Speaker 4 (18:10):
He's the g y Cornell. Let me do my, Let
me do my Cornell. Uh oh, brother Eric Brother, Eric Brother.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
With Aridre with Aridre.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
All right, what's the worst show you've ever done in
your life? Where's bomb ever?
Speaker 2 (18:39):
And I bombed last night? Just to show now, I
made a list. I can't believe it's one.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Listen check it twice.
Speaker 4 (18:47):
Is funny because of the location you told.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Me I did a show at Costairian.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
What is that.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
It's like a Soho house for olive arcs.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
No, I know it is. Yeah, yeah, it's like Leonardo Dicabrio,
Jeff Bezos. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
So they have their little private room and I just
kind of like, I hate them because they think they're cool,
but I'm like, you're void of humanity, so you're not
gonna be able to laugh. And I open with a
great joke. They didn't laugh at all, so I go,
I'm not going to do another joke. I have respect
for myself. I'm not doing this. And so then I
fucked around, but my charm never wore. It just never
really went anywhere. And then the worst they did the
(19:22):
just you got it, and I'm like, I'm gonna jump
out the window.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
But it's okay.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
I go, I came here for the shrimp cocktail.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
I like nice in there, just like rich people have no.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
But it's like below deck, so like the wood is shiny,
you know, the handsop, the soap is nice. It's like
nice below deck, but you know about it, Yeah, the
person is like people just look very wealthy in a
way that makes me not like them. So then I
don't want to I don't want them to have a
good time to be like, go fund yourself.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
Not a bomb. But I this past Thursday, I did
walk a father and son. I was in my I
was in my dick sucking material. I was in the
dick sucking chunk. There was a father and son at
the folder. The table had to be tweeny. Maybe he's
laughing a little bit dad Stone face. They get up
(20:27):
and then I go. As they leave, I go. They
probably went out there like it's a game they could
talk about and be like, we know we booked. And
then the one of the waits that I tried to
come and clean off the table and I said, no,
leave it as a memory. I need to know this
that the stare like having the boot for the rest
(20:47):
of the night.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
In West Niac, where was it the comedy capital of
the world.
Speaker 4 (20:53):
That's where you go when you make it big.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Well, you know, the chef was really good there, and then.
Speaker 4 (20:59):
I get to do with if you play cards right, The.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Chef got fired for being a pedophile nowhere and West
and I remember the food used to be really good.
He ended up being a pedophile. Got to get rid
of him. I didn't this isn't the worst bomb because
you mentioned father's son. I was in a city in Texas.
I don't know, Houston. Let's say I don't know. But
this guy in the front row gets us ficial, he leaves.
When he comes back, I go, where'd you go? And
(21:24):
he goes. I've been sober for twenty seven years until today.
I'm an alcoholic. What is that?
Speaker 4 (21:32):
You gotta put that on the website? So good? I
ruined the man's life.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
It's right now.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
I'll do that.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
I tell us all the bombs. Tell us your worst
writing gig, your worst television gig, your worst.
Speaker 4 (21:46):
I mean, I'm not gonna because we do. I do
want you to tell this story. Maybe don't say the movie,
but you weren't allowed to one of your own movie
for me.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Beat up a cop at a white Sox. That's I'm in.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Nope, I get kicked by the horse. I don't know
if you know this part, but in the beginning, they're
on the dan peel. I'm the woman that gets kicked
by the horse on the side.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Okay. I started watching it on an airplane and then
the plane landed and I never finished it.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Okay, So I'm in the beginning, you know never, and
then the next scene, you know, Daniel Khluia is on
the set with the horse and I get kicked. So
it's a small part, but I'm excited. I get invited
to the premiere. But they go one ticket, no plus one.
I go, that's fine, it's fine, and they go and
you're not going to the party. I go, okay, I
won't go to the party. So I get to the premiere,
(22:33):
my name is nowhere to be found. I had to
be like, I promise, I'm in this. Like I have
an email from my agent. He's like, I want to
go to this Chinese theater. I've been looking at this
theater since I was a kid, like this premiere. So
they reiterate again, They're like, here's the ticket. You can't
go to the party. So then at the time I
see Bobby Lee, I see Calila. Calila is like, I
don't need to go to the party. Here's the ticket.
(22:54):
So Bobby Lee takes me to the party, ditches me immediately,
and then I was just alone circling this party without
a friend in sight, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
But I wasn't gonna and Daniel I want to.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Talk to me I knew Little Ral, so I went
up and then I actually got bullied by someone. So
someone I know friends of Littlerel comes up. Do you
know this?
Speaker 4 (23:19):
To me? I don't want to name it.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
She comes over and can you Yeah, but you're a
part of the story.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Woman comes up to me please, and I go, hey,
I'm Lisa. You know I'm a comic from Chicago. Starting
she goes, oh, yeah, I've seen you before. I go yeah,
I think we met at Eric's house one night and
she goes, no, I've seen you perform four times and
you have a lot of growing to do. And I
just went it's an honor. And then I went walking alone.
(23:50):
I couldn't find a friend.
Speaker 4 (23:53):
Part of the night was.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
And I kept going afters I met on set, being like,
what's up? Been there? Like we're with her wives like
we don't want to talk, And I say this, Eric,
you got to think about this.
Speaker 4 (24:06):
What you got even a movie? I'm gonna movie. What happened?
I got kicked by a horse? Good by, come to
the come to the movie from here? Actually, no, okay,
come to the party. Actually no, by the way, me
at the party. By the way, you got a lot
of work four different.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Why is that necessary to say to somebody.
Speaker 4 (24:26):
You know this, I'm always saying this, be nicer to
comedians online. I'm always saying, be.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Nicer to comedians.
Speaker 4 (24:32):
What Jay's been popping off on the I behaved myself.
I'm such am gonna.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Jay's been the talk of the town.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
What's going on online?
Speaker 4 (24:39):
I'm not beefing with anyone particular. I do beef with
the idea that people are like, can you believe we're crazy?
I'm like, comics have always been crazy, comics. Whatever someone says,
we can finally like talk ship, we can finally like
say crazy stuff. In my head, I do go, haven't
we always.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
Been saying crazy?
Speaker 4 (24:57):
There was no line? I don't know.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Yeah, I'm like, what are you talking about? Who are
you talking about? Who is this like boogeyman in the sky.
That's like, now you can't.
Speaker 4 (25:07):
Who was stopping people from telling cum jokes, from telling
race jokes.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
From telling ooze from some crowds but not really.
Speaker 4 (25:16):
But but those Pejordians have even lost their spice because
everyone doubled down too much. So now I'll say, if
you say faggot and you're not gay on the show,
guess what you're probably the fourth straight gotta say faggot
that night, and now the crowd's like, you're gonna to
do something else? Man, you might actually have Gail King
on the on the yeah, Gail King said, Gail Okay.
(25:40):
So Gail King was enterawing Matteo in part for the
book and the special coming out. Gail King said to
Matteo Lane, you have this joke I love and this
is CBS Morning. By the way, she said, can I
say it? She said, when you said, what in the
fagot tree is going on? Gail King said it on.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
C hosts are like what And then Mateo just cracks up.
You can't even believe.
Speaker 4 (26:01):
That you can't say what in the factory? And then
she went to space to try to escape it.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Her getting on that space ship I watched ten thousand times.
She seemed so stressed by the way. That's me just
getting on jet belief, like I hate turbulent so much.
But I could see her going, why did these white
people talk me into this super hip? I don't need
to see space? What is this? And do they go
to space? They go to like the top of the sky.
(26:27):
They don't go into like I want you going to
Space Land on fucking Mars. Then you went to Space
that starts.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
They didn't even pass the atmosphere, Like I want to
look at the Earth from.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
Yes, exactly, I don't want I want to be on
another planet. I want to be on the Moon looking
at her.
Speaker 4 (26:43):
Then you went to Space Fires more training because Lance
Bass wanted to do it and being like an actual
astronomy very long time.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Well, Lance Bask got nothing but time he did.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
Lance got nothing but Marines podcast. And I'm a big
box but I like boy bands, like pop culture, and
so I was in Trolls three with I've watched them all.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Are you familiar with Justin Timberlake.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Yeah, I mean, you know, so art and surprises. So
I go to do her podcast, Lance Bass pops out
of a bush surprise, and I act like whatever, and
then and then he goes, are you upset? I'm not
Nick Carter, And I go, Lance Baster.
Speaker 4 (27:23):
Oh that's funny, that's actually very funny.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
But I went to Christina Aguilar Justin Timberlake. But I
sat down for Justin because as a teen, because I
was so team Backstreet boys, like I didn't want to
enjoy myself.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
So you big weird loyalties.
Speaker 4 (27:42):
Who is your Who is your boy? Were Kevin Nick
Carter and then a j oh wait a second nick
a j I was, I was in sync, but I
did appreciate Kevin as the backy boy. I was like tall,
quiet a man those people.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
It was also what I'm imagining in your house, your
medicine cabinet full of every single prescription.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
I would, yeah, it's they're in the kitchen.
Speaker 4 (28:10):
You're giving her a lot of credit with the medicine cabinet.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
The medicine cabinet is random, like a tweet like it's
it's more.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
I want to look in your fridge to god, it's
very New York.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
It's very New York. There's like a little chili oil.
There's me drinks sent by Wild. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
There's no one here.
Speaker 4 (28:37):
Film I got Actually, I actually have to go. If
this is Eric, I have to leave.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
The Wild is amazing. So I'm performing in Portland Valentine's
a weekend. There's a beautiful couple in the front. I'm
having a good time. He is the creator and CEO
of Wild. And it's like edibles, they're really delicious, or
the white little contained. Oh you don't like weed and so.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
People will be surprised by But so I'm.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Like, did you bring me some? Like I can't believe
you're obviously a millionaire. So whatever, we have a good time.
After the show, he goes, you know, we've seen you
before at the cellar, and you looked at me and
said that I didn't deserve love. The fuck was I thinking?
Like why would I say?
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Ah?
Speaker 2 (29:19):
And so he brought her to stunt on me and
he goes and this is my fiance and we're getting
married in Italy and I go, you found up? Yeah,
And then he's been sending me uh like weed stuff. God,
that's so fucking BEAUTI sat in the front road to
(29:40):
be like yeah.
Speaker 4 (29:41):
And fucking that's universal karma, but ends up being funny.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
That's good, yeah, way of cell bag Like he was
treating her nice to.
Speaker 4 (29:48):
You live a life, people, you live a life. You
live a life.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
But I also get to preston, don't leave my port man.
You probably caught that too. Get into on see I'm
watching the same porn from twenty twelve. Some of these
videos are dated twenty ten. I went to dot com
all the time, and I have what is it kink dot.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
Com that's why is kin dot com. You're you're It's
what I enjoy BDSM.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Yeah, I like the public disgrace.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Public humiliation, humiliation like.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
A girl getting sucked at a poolhole in.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Front of people, and there's humiliation, you know, dancing.
Speaker 4 (30:29):
Very fire island.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
I thought you were going to be into.
Speaker 4 (30:32):
That's very gay, man.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
I thought you were going to do like oil massage
or something like that.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Oil massage.
Speaker 4 (30:37):
It's creepy.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
Really, yeah, it's too Girls always watched the oil massages
because sensual anytime I want anytime.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Il Women watch gang bangs than men. Women really, because
for men it's too many dicks.
Speaker 4 (30:52):
Women watch also, women watch like fucking if the people
who think women watch the sensual stuff are incorrect. Women
watch well like I don't know, I'm.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Talking about your.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
Husband died, and like you haven't you've.
Speaker 4 (31:05):
Never a picture.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
You're a catholic, you've never really gotten out there. That's
an oil massage. Yeah, that's where you start.
Speaker 4 (31:12):
Slow caress will do it for them. Yeah yeah, yeah,
but Lisa said, get the digs in here.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
It hurts when the girls like I don't even know
who's fucking me right now?
Speaker 4 (31:27):
Wait, have you been keeping up with the Bonnie Blue
one hundred men one thousand men situation. Okay, there's a
there's the only fans creator who was like trying to
kind of do her own.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Yeah, it was one thousand men in ten hours.
Speaker 4 (31:40):
I think it was twenty four. I was given her
twenty four hours to get a thousand.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
That I don't. Yeah, the book Hockey's and all that
where it's all of them.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Oh, I thought you're into that stuff.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Of course I'll watch it once in a while, but
I like, I'm I'm I'm loyal to kink.
Speaker 4 (31:55):
You go, I thought you were stuff And Lisa goes,
of course I watch it every now. It's just it's
not gonna turn it off if it's on.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
I feel.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
Well. There's someone on a reality show, Summerhouse, and they
just revealed that their favorite porn was tan line porn,
and that really kind of upset the rest of the roommates.
Speaker 4 (32:15):
Can I say, I get, I get? Okay, if you millennial,
there was a certain time when a lot of porn
they had tan lines, and you were like, oh, that's
how we know this is like actually real, because you well, no,
because you'd be like, no, the porn performers. They tan naked,
(32:36):
but like these regular people, they'd have tan lines. You'd
be like, oh, this is like actually it was the amateur. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
When you see a little razor burn.
Speaker 4 (32:45):
Yeah, god, oh when you see the dog in the room.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
Get One of my favorite porn stars did die tragically,
and so it is kind of like unethical. But I
watched her old stuff sometimes.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Why is that another it's weird.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
It's sad because it's like, I.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Don't know, you didn't watch your death footage? Yeah, that'd
be Yeah, that's a different website. You can borrow water.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
I don't like that. They like do with some suffocation
water stuff and.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
No it's too much. Yeah, I saw a couple of.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Website I only with a couple of the channels. Oh, well,
there's a porn podcast. I like, you gotta go on it.
Ryan he's got Yeah, I really. I'm his favorite comedian
and I love I like him so much. But he
had a porn star on it. Her kink was waterboarding
and he got waterboarded on the pot and he was like,
(33:45):
you're a sick.
Speaker 4 (33:45):
And he's America safer because of it.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
It's a good question too, I guess. And there hasn't
been another nine to eleven since that happened.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
That podcasting doesn't sound that bad.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
No, it sounds bad, but it was bad. You're drowning yourself.
You're you're putting water and the only places you can
breathe it's drowning. It's horrible.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
You're sick. But he did it for the cause. But
like his friend had stage four cancer and he had
his that guy's two favorite porn stars come on and
fuck him.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Whoa, this is like fucking.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
With a recadre, with a recadre.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Any other bombs?
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Oh yeah, we should do the bombs. So actually, so
Netflix Fest last year, I'm having the time of my life,
Like I like a festival, I kind of and a
festival friends, and I get asked last minute to do
the Fluffy show.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
That's the that's the already no Fluffy, oh Fluffy, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
No, it's Palladium. It's at the Palladium. They were doing
like sprit, like Michelle Buteau did one like yeah, and
then like four or five comics went on, keep me work,
and I walk out and they stop clapping, and I
still have probably fifteen more steps to the microphone. Nobody
is clapping why And then I grabbed the micut of
(35:18):
the music still playing, and I was like, well, you
can cut the music. They're clearly done clapping, and I
thought that would get something. Nothing. Then it's silent, and
his audience is like family is a lot of Mexican people.
So I was like, I'll do my immigrant material, do
family stuff. I'll do that's you know, PG whatever. They
don't like any of it. They grow up, they are not.
So then I'm trying to switch things I'm trying to do.
(35:40):
I'm trying all the bags of tricks I can, and
I'm just bombing all the Netflix exacts. Everyone's there, right,
It's like I'm just bombing, and and I'm following a
comic I don't respect. So it's even it's.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
Hurt killed, yeah, it's murdering.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (36:02):
And he found out what everyone does for living. We
found out who everyone was dating.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
So I'm bombing and then sit down and someone else
yells leave, no, no, And so I'm standing there being like,
you think I want to be here, you think I
don't want to get I'm like I'm looking at the clock, TikTok,
like I don't want to be here either. I'm like
how dare you? And so then it's like them all
screen and then other people going you got this and
(36:28):
like so then it's a battle between the crowds that
are like you can do it and people going please leaves,
like screaming, and no one is left anything.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Yeah, I'm like red.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
At this point, I was so hot and so I
read right now and Jimmy Carr is right there and
Josh who booked me, and Josh just goes, I'm sorry.
And then Jimmy car was trying to make me feel better,
and I go, stop talking to me. I'm going upstairs.
So I go to the green room. I get tequila,
and I'm just sitting there alone, drinking, like trying to
(37:01):
allow people to get attention. So then all my friends
at Netflix are messaging me and Sophia Saladar, you know
for Live Nation, like all these are texting me, and
I go, I'm in the Friends and Family room. That's
the name of the green room. They thought I had
friends and family with me. I'm alone. So then when
they enter the room, they go where is everyone? I go,
I'm alone here drinking. So then but I bombed so bad,
(37:23):
and me and Sofia were talking about going to a
sushi park that like celebrity sushi spot that the head
of Live Nation Comedy touring goes, Sophia use the company
card take her. I ended up bombing so bad that
I got a five hundred dollars comedy meal and we
have like a great time.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
Nice god.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
But I was like, audience they want I'm sure some
of the other people might have done. I didn't look
at anything like Fluffy's nice though, and well Fluffy Fluffy didn't.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
No one looked at me after the show. No he did.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
He said, Hi, Yeah, I barely interacted. Its Fluffy. I
don't know. I don't. I was happy to be there
at the Palladia.
Speaker 4 (38:05):
People saying leave and people saying no, stay and them fighting.
That's funny. I would have been dying if I'm laughing loudly.
If someone goes get out of here, they go fuck you.
Let her, She'll get funny Like that's like you.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
Guys stopped clapping. Well, one time I was This was
years ago. I was at Turner Hall and I was
opening for Rob's a Lady Jesus. And as I'm walking out,
the whole venue is chanting Rob Rob and then they
see me and they all start booing. No, oh you guys,
let me full boo being booed by like what seven
(38:43):
hundred people?
Speaker 1 (38:44):
Okay, what's what else? What's what? Give me some other words?
I love? Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
Basically it was me and Kennedy to Forest dressed and
when we like weren't getting paid and we went to
he got paid. I didn't. I don't know. We went
to the stur because he brought me to be like,
I'm doing this nursing home and I was like, please
bring me, I gotta do it. No, I'm a young comic, right,
And so I'm bombing. He's bombing. We're bombing. Not a chirp,
but not a laugh, nothing. And then a woman comes
(39:12):
up to.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
You little nursing home like elderly is here, literal nursing
people are flatlining all around you.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
Woman comes up to me and goes, do you need jokes?
I can give you some jokes.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
I want to take her up on I did.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
I said, tell me some jokes.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
To take it her up.
Speaker 4 (39:29):
Jewish Ukrainian walked into a nursing home. Oh yeahms their
ass off or whatever. All of our jokes are hella
ras continue hard r.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
N word jokes.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
She starts giving you continue because I've been thinking about it.
I'm like, I was young. You just kept on you
have you My mic got caught at jokes and notes once.
It's like it was the Black club in the South
Side of Chicago and mid mid joke cut the mic.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
I'd be like, thank you, get me out of here?
Can you get me an uber too.
Speaker 4 (40:04):
Is my favorite thing whenever you go, especially as a
black comet, when you do mainstream a lot and then
you get the request to do a black show and
you go, I gotta do a black show and you
get in there and they're being they're being ruthless to
like the first two comedians. You go, I could have
said no. I could have said no, but you know what,
let me power through. They were fine with me. They
were they got the meanness out of their system, first
(40:25):
three comedians. But you go there mean what what?
Speaker 2 (40:30):
No, they just let it be.
Speaker 4 (40:33):
It's just Lisa, follow up what you said black people
should leave the country.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
I think black people should live.
Speaker 4 (40:38):
And now say you're not doing well.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
Yeah, it's like, well, they paid their money for the
babysitter in their suits and they're they're they're like, there
weren't results.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
But I would say that one of the best sets
of my whole life was only like all black audience
at the Lave Factory in Chicagos.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
You can shake the room.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
She goes, hold on, we gotta keep laughing. I go,
I mean, it was like one of the best moments
in life. Like I still think about it.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
So he told me, Jamie Foxx is this thing where
he does He'll do a mainstream room. Then he'll do
a black room and try to do his whitest jokes
and see what of his like whitest jokes or whatever
he gets his mainstream if that's where you at the
black room, then he'll keep it in his set, and
then he'll go to the mainstream room with his blackest jokes,
(41:28):
and whatever ones don't work he cuts, and whatever ones
do he keeps. And then he like merges those sets
in the backroom.
Speaker 4 (41:36):
He's doing all the Katie Holmes stuff.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
Yeah, I guess, so, I guess so. I kind of
like that because our Afghan comic friend, Oh thank you sorry. Yes,
he told me he tries to never just wallow at
alt rooms. He goes, I want to do my alt
stuff at the comedy seller or a studio or store
(42:00):
so that I can see kind of like the Jamie
Fox thing, Like if the alt joke can work at
the mainstream comedy club, then there's sparito.
Speaker 4 (42:09):
That's how you move the needle comedically. I know you
do this, and I do this too, all this stuff
I do at Unia Hall in the Bellhouse in Littlefield.
I do have the seller. I have to because if
you don't, then you're not taking your queerness. So you're
a weird shit to the people.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
Yeah. Yeah, Also you're gonna get too comfortable.
Speaker 2 (42:26):
Because I'll have weekends where it's people that like me
and are aligned like on stuff, they like us, sweet whatever,
and so it's easier to kill. And then when I'm
back to the cellar on like that week is when
you realize what's actually like what needs to be beefed
up for, Like people that don't know you.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
What are you guys going to invite me to a show?
I got to get out of my house.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
Well, I'm also doing Show and Tell on May Day.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
Invite bring me on any show. May twentieth, I go
to an Indian wedding. May twenty, the twenty eighth. I'm
not here, but every other day I can do wowwe
or where he is in southern eastern India? Are they
Christian or they are not Christian?
Speaker 2 (43:06):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (43:08):
Have you ever met an Indian person before Christian Christians?
Speaker 2 (43:15):
J H Josh Chicago, Jocelyn Vargis, what's up, Junior?
Speaker 3 (43:22):
And not?
Speaker 2 (43:23):
Wait? Let me do one more bombings?
Speaker 1 (43:25):
Bombing?
Speaker 2 (43:25):
Yeah, okay, so I have to, Okay, I get out.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
It's all podcast is filler.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
In Jamestown, New York. And I used to do a
joke and it's in my Degenerate set on Netflix. But
it's like a Q and A and so the answers
and I know how people are going to answer, and
then it helps me. And then at the whole point
is like men aren't making women come and you guys
don't care, and it's like a fun joke. But a
guy went to both the shows and knew the answer,
so he ruined the and then stared at me and
(43:57):
then went you suck boo. And I ended up actually
crying after that set. I was in the back and
I was like, God, why do they hate me so much?
Speaker 3 (44:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (44:07):
What are they fuck up?
Speaker 2 (44:09):
And I cried because I couldn't get back from it.
I was really defeated, and once he ruined that, it
was like, yeah, I guess I do so like fuck
you ye oh. But then I've performed it again in
the in Jamestown, New York, and there was a moment
where these women were talking. They were being really annoying,
and I go, girls, just please stop talking. I'm good
hearing like it's not You're not being bad like, but
it's distracting. And this woman got offended, she got pissed.
(44:31):
She's yelling, and on her way out she yelled, it's
a small town. She yells, I make more money than you.
And then from the back I hear I'm her ex husband.
No she doesn't nice, it's like really fun.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
That was really that's nice. You had to like take
a thirty second break on that one.
Speaker 4 (44:50):
Thank you, Sarah. The crowd's gonna go crazy. There's you
get to be like, you know you should then ex husband,
you want your dick suck come up here.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
But this is okay, So this is like my old
school fucking. This isn't my old school favorite story. It
was a club in glen View, Illinois, might have been
a drug front called the Laughing Cameleon.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
Okay, how far from Chicago's San Bergh.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
It's North Shory, but like maybe forty minute. Yeah, it's
not close to the city, but it's like I would say,
maybe or or whatever. The first show is packed. It's
a showcase show. I'm doing a bunch of im. I'm
having such a good set on my young comic. The
dean from my high school who used to give me
all these detentions is in the audience, so I'm killing
Like I get to be like, wow, yeah, so I'm
(45:46):
on the cloud night. The second show of the night,
only three couples are there. Jesus, these people are on
coke for sure. They're Polish, they're on cocaine. And then
two other couples they're behaving, they're being normal. This couple
just doesn't give a fuck. They don't want to be there.
They're talking, we get into it. It gets very like
more of your family should have died in there. They immediately, well,
(46:07):
they finish it. The war, is what I said to them.
But beforehand, she was like just before even was hooking
up with women. But they were like you you're a lesbian,
you cheap jew. Like they were saying, fucked up ship
to me. So it's like cheap jew lesbian. I remember
this was so long ago, and the other couples are there.
There's only six people, so then we start fighting. The
(46:27):
wars now brought up, you know, it's like shit's getting
fucked up. And then he stands up, takes one hundred
dollar bills out of his wallet. He goes, I will
pay anyone to get this bitch off the stage. And
then Aaron Foster, this comic, grabs the cash and gets
on stage throws me a hundred and I had to
be walked to my car.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
And then wow, this guy in like Minneapolis was like,
I have a gun and I'm going to kill you
after this set, like while she was bombing, and they
had to walk her from the stage to the parking lot,
and he was out there like rifling through his car
and looking for a murder weapon because he hated or
(47:09):
joked so much he was getting the comedy. I mean,
it's truly share it's crazy.
Speaker 2 (47:16):
It seems full on protection. It's like, well, I'm also
a fool once because in Minnesota I was gonna go
smoke weed with people I didn't know in the garage
and the manager of the club and to be like,
we can't let you leave with those people. They were
touching your lower back. I was like, all right, guts
of the mall.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
I had my fortieth birthday party at the Knockdown Center
and queens and a bunch of fans broke into my
green room, took ships in my bathroom, and then a
bunch of rappers I invited on the show stole all
my son chips and all my whippets did steal. There
was just like son chips, like those are my snacks,
(47:58):
my great room, I'm stone man, come on, and there's
like kids like Eric Andre show merch like where they.
Speaker 4 (48:08):
Get out it way wait, that's so sweet that they
just pooped in the toilet.
Speaker 1 (48:13):
At least they That's good. It could have been you know,
it could have been all over. They're being respectful. They're respectful.
Speaker 2 (48:19):
They could have Yeah, what a star she isn't.
Speaker 1 (48:25):
There's one where we dressed in a horse costume and
I'm in the back eating her out on her period.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
That one on the train, Yeah yeah, yeah, no. I
watched every Well, my favorite part I got, you know,
I got to I got to be in Eric's rider's
room for two days.
Speaker 4 (48:40):
God damn.
Speaker 2 (48:40):
And I remember someone asking you being like, wait, how
did you do that thing where you like, you drink
piss out of the cup And he goes, I pissed
in the cup and I.
Speaker 1 (48:50):
Drank Yeah, yeah, yeah, I paid in the cup and
I drank my piss. That's how I did.
Speaker 2 (48:54):
They were like, what's the secret the secarette?
Speaker 1 (48:56):
Well, where's the movie in the cup?
Speaker 3 (48:58):
Wow?
Speaker 4 (48:59):
If you're gonna.
Speaker 2 (49:02):
All right.
Speaker 6 (49:03):
So one of my biggest life failures is uh shitting
in a TJ Max changing room into one of the
genes that they sell there. So what happened was it
was a Sunday morning, like in any other I was
going out with my boyfriend at the time, and I
(49:23):
had a nice eggy breakfast right before, so you already
know what's about to happen. We go shopping in the
TJ Max and I try on a few things and yeah,
one thing led to another and I ship in one
of the genes that I was trying on. And the
worst part about it, I uh, I had to put
(49:44):
the jeans right back on the shelf. No, you didn't
have to do that, clean myself off with the jeans.
I turned it inside out so that way I was
able to clean myself and then flip the right back out,
hung it right back out, and then yeah, left the
TJ Max today is still one of my greatest shames.
(50:04):
And I thought I was gonna take it with me
to the grave, but yeah, I guess that's didn't work out.
So there's one of my fails.
Speaker 4 (50:12):
She just confessed to being a bad person.
Speaker 1 (50:15):
Yeah, she didn't need to put it back. Yeah what
I mean, like, wait, she had uncontrollable poops.
Speaker 2 (50:19):
Hide it in the corner, in the corner, throw in
the garbage.
Speaker 1 (50:22):
Yeah, you don't got to hang it back on the show.
Speaker 2 (50:25):
That's crazy, because we've all I've actually I've I did
a bad shitting thing once.
Speaker 1 (50:31):
Tell us even more.
Speaker 2 (50:33):
I was walking home from the mall with my friend Julie.
This must have been junior high, and all of a
sudden I knew I had to have diarrhea. There's a
mattress giant. I go, we gotta get in there. So
she sits on the mattress. I go to the bathroom
and honestly, to this day, I like really can't believe it,
like the toilets, but the ship was like I was
really shitting. I don't know what was happening. But it
(50:54):
was like every reason I didn't sit on it. It
was going, what.
Speaker 1 (51:00):
Is this ship?
Speaker 2 (51:01):
Was ever? The toilets like nothing has ever happened close
to that ever again? And I just looked at it
and I was like, I need to get the fuck out.
Speaker 4 (51:08):
Of here, like jet propelled off of the toilet.
Speaker 1 (51:10):
Oh glit for you.
Speaker 2 (51:15):
And I run and I go, Julie, get moving and
she's just sitting on a mattress. What I go, start running?
So we're like running and then the women, of course
run out of a mattress, giant going like come back
and clean it up, running it so I'm about you know,
I should have probably cleaned up, but I was twelve.
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (51:36):
It was like two weeks ago Junior high high ipeded
in a cab in Mexico into a water bottle because
we had terrible Mexican traffic and we would come back
from like event this is recent, this is my friend's
bachelerette party. I said, as long as the driver don
went back here, I'll be fine. But then I'm I'm
not in the club by myself.
Speaker 2 (51:55):
It's a you're overflowing the bottles.
Speaker 4 (51:57):
Was never looking up the bottle. It was not big enough,
and it was coming out fast. You go, oh, I'm
a piaso fast. You can't piece slow. You go, oh shit,
oh shit. So and then I had to throw it
out the window. But it is spilt a little bit.
Speaker 3 (52:09):
In the car.
Speaker 4 (52:10):
Sorry.
Speaker 1 (52:11):
Five Stars one of my buddies, and they said this
on Howard Stern. That works on Howard Stern. He went
to the gathering the Juggalos, the Insane clown Posse event,
and he opened the pot of porta potty door, excuse me,
and there was a pile of feces that went above
the bowl like a pyramid, and at the top of
the pile of ship it was just two butt cheek.
(52:35):
Someone sat into it and continued adding to it. Oh no,
sat down into the ship. I own ship.
Speaker 3 (52:43):
More ship into it.
Speaker 1 (52:45):
That is every disease my dog has right now.
Speaker 2 (52:50):
Oh I'm gonna ruin. Okay, this is a porn star thing.
Speaker 1 (52:53):
Then I really have to go, only because I have
the piece.
Speaker 2 (52:56):
Her name's Aiden Saw. But she was doing an interview
on Asa Kira's old pie cast, and she said, as
a dominatrix, when she ships on these dudes, she'd rather
them eat it. Because then it doesn't smell because she goes.
If they leave it in the room, then it smells.
Speaker 1 (53:08):
And it made you ruined the sanctity of this podcast.
Speaker 2 (53:13):
I know, I know.
Speaker 1 (53:14):
And now there will never be another pope.
Speaker 4 (53:17):
No, people are really upset smoking. The Vatican is gonna
be brown.
Speaker 1 (53:23):
Who do you want to be the j Van he's
the only one eligible. Yeah, no, I don't know. That's
a nonsense thing. Make you fucking Ronald McDonald's. It gives
a ship. I have to pee so bad and we're
like half an hour overtime. It's a jug of moonshine, a.
Speaker 2 (53:40):
Netflix special called night Owl. It's out, It's just out.
And then my podcast is that's messed up and has
to be podcasts. And I'm on the road all the time,
so visit me at at glitter Cheese and I have
a link tree with all the dates.
Speaker 1 (53:51):
Why glitter Cheese. You gotta update that. That's too goofball.
That's like your AOL handle from when you're tell.
Speaker 2 (53:57):
You why Lisa Traeger is spelled so many different ways
that Glitter Cheese people just remember.
Speaker 4 (54:04):
That's there's a lot of surprise.
Speaker 1 (54:06):
Is it a l I s?
Speaker 2 (54:11):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (54:11):
Yeah, yeah, git and they go, what's that I'm standing down?
They go, I love that I'm standing down. You did
your research the fagotory of that. Okay, everybody.
Speaker 4 (54:26):
To listen watch my tato, specially it's coming out to Hulu,
I think sometimes in May.
Speaker 1 (54:31):
Yeah, but you're plugging somebody's ship that isn't here.
Speaker 4 (54:35):
Yeah, he made Gail King say faggot and on that.
Speaker 1 (54:40):
No, good night, ladies and gentleman, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you, guys, appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (54:49):
With the recond.
Speaker 1 (54:50):
All right, listen up, we got something special for you.
Got a burning story that you're itching to tell about
when you bombed or absolutely failed in life. Now's your
chance to tell me all the it babe. I want
to hear your worst, most cringe worthy what the fuck
was I thinking? What just happened moment? So pick up
your phone and dial seven one six Bombing. That's seven
(55:11):
one six two six six twenty four sixty four and
leave me a voicemail and we might just play it
on a future episode. Bombing with Eric Andre is brought
to you by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and
iHeart Podcast. Our producer is Bei Wang. Our research assistant
is David Carliner, Our editor in sound designers Andy Harris,
and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg. Go rate US
five stars and drop a review on your podcast app
(55:33):
A choice
Host
Eric Andre
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