January 3, 2024 • 35 mins
Eric and the very hilarious Steph Tolev talk about bombing all the time, even in your later years. Even if you have a Netflix special, you still can eat sh*t. Crazy sex escapades and Steph's anecdote about getting choke slammed by a professional wrestler for the sake of comedy are told. Plus, she tells Eric about a guy who threatened her with two guns while she was performing. The take-away: life is living in a K-hole.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Bombing with Eric Andre, the podcast where I
talk with friends, comedians, musicians, and other creative people about
their worst moments on stage, eating shit and feeling like shit.
I'm Eric and Andre, and this week we are graced
by the presence of one of the funniest people on
the planet, Step Tolev We go way too deep into
step sex, life on the road, and the time she
got chased away from a comedy club by a man
(00:21):
with not one but two guns on his person. As always,
please subscribe to the podcast to get new episodes every week.
Rted five Stars and an Apple podcast. Subscribed to Big
Bunny Players Diamond to get exclusive clips plus add free
episodes weekly.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Let's get into it.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Bombing with Eric and Andre.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Okay, what is the hardest you've ever bombed? What's the
worst bomb you've seen? What's the worst bomb?
Speaker 2 (00:51):
What's the other question to ask?
Speaker 1 (00:52):
What's the most waste that you've been on stage? You
can answer these in any order.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
I bomb all the time.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
What's like one of the works, Give me the.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Rock bottom, rock one of the rock Bottom?
Speaker 4 (01:02):
What happened in Tampa, Oh Tampa was ship oh rock Bottom?
I would say I just got past to the comedy store. Okay,
this is last year, last last New Year's Eve?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
It was a recent bomb.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
Oh yeah, and the last the year for yes, it's
been over year. Just got past first main room spot.
I ate my own ass.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
What do you mean?
Speaker 4 (01:18):
I like, didn't get a single laugh in fifteen minutes,
and I was like, oh, I think I'm good enough
for the comedy store.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Yeah, I'm ship But what night was?
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Was it? Like?
Speaker 4 (01:25):
It was New Year's Ef. People were writing a party,
they were writing a drunk and I'm up there eating ships.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Was the person before you doing good? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Oh yeah?
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Everyone else? Well, everyone else? Well, I just the fucking
I bought my taping and I just relaughed. I was
bombed to one of those stupid fucking TV tapings.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
I think you're hard on yourself. Can I put my
feet up?
Speaker 4 (01:44):
Please? With my my I was waiting for at least
there's socks on a low ankle, socks too, whatever I do.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
Whatever if I get a guy and he has angle socks,
it makes me sick.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
I don't know what it is.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
It's just such a turn off.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
But I wanted to be No, Look, I don't want
I don't want you to see him. Shoes were in
the shoes. Well I got lazy, yeah before I.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Had shoes on.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
Okay, do you have an animal?
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Do a cat? I have no cats. It just there's
random hair on my sock. Your songs.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
Right now, your songs are reading shows.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Okay, wait, give me like some horrid bombs. I want
to hear horrid bombs. Okay, I uh.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
I did this competition in Toronto years ago, Yuck Yuck's Great.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Canadian Comedy Club. We used to have a song we
go yeah Yet Comedy cla you know, and I go
to Yah yeah comedy.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
It was a competition. I drove two other contestants in
my car, pour my parents car. Three hundred fift people
sold out. I don't get one laugh.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Well, your parents were there, No.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I bored their car. This in Toronto.
Speaker 4 (02:48):
I had bore their fucking car.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
I go up, eat ship so bad.
Speaker 4 (02:53):
The comic whose hosting goes after me, He goes, holy shit,
that was fucking bad. And I was like, like, when
a comic says something, that's when you know it's I
went and cried in the parking lot because I had
to drive through the two homes, the first and second
they got first and second, I had to drive home
the people who got first and second in the competition, well,
I ate ship because this was the car I drove
(03:13):
them bombed and had to drive them home.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
You know what fuck that is? That's fucked you carpooled.
Speaker 4 (03:23):
And then the winter first and second, and they were like,
the knew I was upset. They get in the car
the bags or my eyes are puffed out the hell
and they're in the backs either, like, and they couldn't
even get excited about it because they knew how sad
I was. It was so pathetic.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
It was so bad. Well not I just was like.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
Newer two, So it wasn't good.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
Bob.
Speaker 4 (03:41):
The taping recently, do you know those don't Tell tapings
that are great? I love don't Tell, but I don't
Tell comedy. They are very good because the crowd doesn't
know whatever. So it's the taping downtown l A. And
this is literally a month ago, and I'm like, cocky, see's.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Been the lineup?
Speaker 4 (03:54):
I'm don't write the comments like I'm gonna kill this
five or six cameras.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
I'm ready to go.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
What is it for?
Speaker 4 (04:01):
They put it online. They have a huge online dotells.
They're huge. They like produce specials they do and they
have like a huge Instagram. All the people's clips go viral.
It's really great for your I'm.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
I'm like on YouTube, dot com, dot org.
Speaker 4 (04:18):
You have no idea what you're looking for. So I
go to this taping smug smug. I go on fourth fifth,
I'm like the money spot. I walk on and I'm like, hey,
and I came up.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Pretty hot.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
Girl in the front goes and I go what. I go,
I'm sorry, did I scare you? She's like yeah, and
then her and her six friends like start pointing laughing
at me, and I was like, okay. So I'm like,
all right, strange. So I'm like, immediately be the sweat.
I'm like, oh this started off. So I'm like, let
mebe do a bit of crowd work to get loosen
(04:50):
them up. I go look at the front rod forehead
fucking hates me. Guys got the biggest forehead I've seen
my entire life. Like it starts here, goes to the
back of his head. Foreheads like this. So of the
back is like, I'm like, oh my off the jump,
off the jump, Off the jump. I found it after
the forehead guy. It's his art studio we're filming in.
So I'm shitting on the fucking guys.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
The master of ceremonies.
Speaker 4 (05:12):
Yes, So I had to get off stage and tell
them to delete the footage. I couldn't even get a
thirty second clip out of it.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
And this just happened.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
That's another horrible, another bad one.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Why is the guy who's running the thing sit in
front row?
Speaker 4 (05:24):
And if you have a forehead that big covered up?
It was, it's like, or get awake, I don't know,
it's put on.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
The andy warho or just get don't don't sit front
row center, arms folded.
Speaker 4 (05:34):
Oh yeah, and it was. He was much older everybody else.
So I'm like, of course I got to talk to
the guy who shouldn't be here is well, it's a
very young crowd, is what old man?
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Like?
Speaker 4 (05:42):
What's he doing here? Something was weird?
Speaker 1 (05:43):
How did the girl say?
Speaker 4 (05:44):
Yeah, just terrified my presence. I walked on and she
was like disgusted by me. And then there's a couple
beside me and I was making fun of short guys
and he was like, I'm five six, what of it.
I'm like, I've already buried myself a sweat dumping down.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Men you can't and you just like, I can't recover.
I can't recover.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
I can't recover.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Then you're like, then you're disassociating.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
And then oh yeah, and then I'm like I'm trying.
At this point I knew I wasn't even to use
a tape, so I was like trying. I should have
just gone completely off the rails, but I was like
so embarrassed, got right off, eyes welded up with tears.
Also like I'm embarrassed in front of people I know
who've seen me do well, that's tough. I did the lab,
the improv lab, which is one of the worst rooms
in the fucking country.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Everyone says it's so bad the laboratory.
Speaker 4 (06:23):
It's the lab experiments and just put them up that
would be more entertaining.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
There's a curse over that room.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Has anyone ever crushed ever in that room?
Speaker 4 (06:34):
I think you get like a glimpse every once in
a while, you have like one good set and you.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Think, apparently fucked about that room. I think what it is.
I think that people are like, I'm going to a
comedy club. Let me just go get a drink at
a bar first, Oh wait, there's a comedy show at
the bar before the show too, huh. And they're like
they're not mentally prepared. There's something that doesn't work in
(06:59):
that room and has never.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
No because the bar is there, it's all open. No,
it's no one has so this night specifically, I go
up when I say I eat shit so hard that
there's a guy, Nick Harris is a man right here
who like brings it up. He's like, that was the
funniest bot of seeing it. Like when you see something
bomb that bad, you remember it like it's a nice
memory for him. I bomb so bad ten minutes. No, well,
not even like and usually it's like you can get
a laugh, zero laughs. My buddy jack Fink show I
(07:23):
Love Jackie always throws me up. I was like, I
bomb so bad at the end of my set. I
but then I can stay and I went, I'm on
fucking Netflix, Like you know what's bad when you bring
your credits out? And I went, well, and I was like,
I go off and he doesn't come up behind me
and he grabs my heels. That right there is a
woman having a mental breakdown. And then that didn't even
(07:43):
get a laugh. And I was like, Okay, this room
was fucked, like this guy's shitting on me. And you
guys are still likery about that. But I take I
take bomb still to heart, like if.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
I don't mark, why have to?
Speaker 4 (07:55):
You can't get better if you're fucking walking around these
comics eating shit all the time, thinking they're fucking somebody.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
When you Yeah, here's the mother's success. What is like
a bomb that you remember in your early days? I
went like, details, has anybody ere like thrown something at you?
Or have you ever gotten like a standing boovation?
Speaker 4 (08:12):
No?
Speaker 1 (08:13):
I had walk out.
Speaker 4 (08:14):
Oh I had to walk out in North Carolina recently
at the improv. It's a very large improv, five theater. Yeah,
I sell five hundred carry North Carolina. Okay, I'm up
for fifteen minutes, just a front sold out. If I
sold out A mean spars, Yeah spars. We can hear
an older couple ten minutes.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
In dislikes it.
Speaker 4 (08:34):
Yeah, they start packing up when you bomb in a
room that's that big, you see them leave for a
very long time.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:42):
So I'm standing there six minutes, there's still she has
all her stuff out of her purse. Yeah, he's putting
her coat over shoulders.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
I can't not pay attention, and I'm trying to your
mom because wow, what are you thinking about?
Speaker 4 (08:55):
Oops, that's why you're so hung you walked in. Youre like, God,
I am famished, I'm I'm exhausted from.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Finally, my mom backflips. What's this? I'm so add I'm hungry.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
I'm hungry.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Start sucking on a wire.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
I'm hungry. Earliest bombs my first set ever I bombed.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Have your bombed in front of your parents?
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Really that's the worst.
Speaker 4 (09:22):
It's because then they're like, yeah, why are you doing this?
You fucking failure.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
I rather bomb in front of a fucking soccer stadium
in Cape Town, South Africa than bomb in.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
Front of my parents.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
Have you bombed your parents?
Speaker 1 (09:32):
I think I've only bombed in front of my parents.
I don't think I ever did well in front of
my parents. They mean, there's such an immense pressure. Is
like the comedy lab of Pressures or Melrose whatever, it's
called improper lab. Yeah, you're the health department should condemn
the improp we should get.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
If everyone's listening right now, the Health department to go.
They sell no food. You've got to go.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
When they were check it out.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
Next time I go, just hide them in my ass.
Oh my ass up only bombing. No, they've seen me.
I used to. There used to be every every like
the first five years I bombed, and they'd come all
time I used. I started an improv too, so they'd
come watch me. That's really improv. I saw improv recently.
Ere Yeah, I just went to an improv show last
week for my friend. I was being nice, yeah, never again,
(10:16):
I'll never go to a pro show.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
You can't.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
And somebody recognized me and then they were like is
that Steph told and my friends was on the show.
She's like, don't look at her because she's not gonna laugh.
I was like this, pissed that I was there second
row arms cross asking for suggestions, guys, like for you,
you have something to say, and I was like, no,
I'm good. I'm not giving you guys suggestions. You're bad.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Improv is so bad.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
Improv's way worse than somebody bombing during stand up, isn't it?
It has to be.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
It's like insane. You feel like your brain's bleeding, like
you like overdose on robotest and you're like, what is this?
It's like German art house theater. Oh yeah, what is
going on? And you can't believe it.
Speaker 4 (10:54):
No, people are laughing because they bring friends. It's all
like bringer stuff.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I've seen one with the only ones I've scene or
just zero laugh, bomb faster, horrible. I rarely have seen
like ones that are like, yeah, blowing the roof.
Speaker 4 (11:07):
Off, especially like knwhere was like a school show and I.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Was horrendous to crime against your manner?
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Close it up, close up. What about bombing on a date?
I remember me and Sarah Squirm ran into you at
the airport in like fucking Sydney, Australia or something.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
It was in Vancouver.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Was Vancouver. It was hammerd Yeah, you were hammered and
you were like on a bender.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
You're like fun some guy in the bushes at a.
Speaker 4 (11:29):
Wedding like you to die off and eat me out
on a bench. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no I was.
I saw you, guys. I bombed that wedding. I okay,
you know that actually actually okay, so I went off.
It was at the end of the night and me
and him were clearly the other people that weren't getting fox,
so we literally did.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
The whole I guess like everybody else is gonna suck us.
Speaker 4 (11:49):
So we went up to this bench where.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
Like he wasn't George clue.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
He was aged like a bad It wasn't good. So
I took him out to this bench because we didn't
have a room that we were romantic tip of the
tip of the hill. So I jerked him off, meet
me out. I'm not gonna fuck him. I'm not a pig,
So we go. So the worst one was I was
(12:16):
so drunk and I was like, there's a little hill.
I'm like it was gonna be funny if we rolled
down the hill together. And he's like what And then
I rolled down the hill and he watched disgusted.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
He's like, I say this one pussy.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
I rolled down covered and grass. So yeah, I was
just fucking flipping full dress, rolled all the way to
the airport. I almost should have.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
We go back.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
So everyone's in like the Honeymoon's wee throw partying and
we're the only two people not there. I think he
was part of the wedding party. So we come back
in and I'm covered in grass, soaking wet, and I
was like, where were you guys?
Speaker 1 (12:50):
I go I just jerked off your buddy on the bench, you.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
Know, for everybody, whole room movie is God disgusted, disgusted,
not one laugh. And I was like, I'm bombing. I'm bombing.
And then I saw you. I was so drunk at
the airport. Holy fuck, I can't live on a plane.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
You just bombed.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
You seem like you were like walking on sunshine.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Still drunk.
Speaker 4 (13:08):
You're like, wow, I think you're like, can I have renumber?
You're mentally like this, I think something. It was like
a comedy show, like in a hallway at an airport.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
I was like, I was so enter black. Turned this
guy off, he push the arrow down the hill. Now
I'm here.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
I was like, it was like.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Literally was first sip of coffee. I was like wait what.
Speaker 4 (13:35):
I was so mentally ill.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
No, And then me and Sarah were like, you're.
Speaker 4 (13:39):
The fucking best you here, like this woman's sick. No.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
We were like we were like Obsessedly, we were already
we already loved your comedy, but.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
We were like obsessed after that. She's fucking living it, man, Oh.
Speaker 4 (13:49):
I'm living it. I had sex this weekend in Tampa.
I'm living it.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
I'm just do you get laid every show?
Speaker 1 (13:53):
No? I get laid on the road.
Speaker 4 (13:54):
I can't. I can't pull anything in LA. I'm a
fucking inside out toad and Lo I was swearing of God.
I honestly can't get laid here go so NonStop. I'm
bombing on. I'm bombing on the apps out here. I'll
tell you that I'm bombing. I'm bombing back the apps.
Is the mover or I r L? I try r
L too.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Nothing.
Speaker 4 (14:10):
I'm not getting ship out here, get stood up getting guys.
Give me the lame excuses l A L A dating.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
It's not it's not indicative.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
Of the rest of the world.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
That's why we go to Florida.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
I had three Sony, you got threesome in Miami.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Also a bomb that too. I bombed that.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
One of the guys tapped out real soon.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
I was like, oh.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
Wait.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
It was like, you guys are all making out, and
then he was like, oh geez.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
It started. Yes, it started as the one guy making out.
The other guy came in and the one guy immediately
left and then he lied on the floor.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Well maybe he didn't want to see another guy's peep.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
He saw it.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
He didn't leave the room.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Oh, he sat.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
It was like but no, he barely watched. He was
lying on the on the on the ground, had a pillow.
He was getting all comfy on the ground on his phone.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Are you are you?
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Are you sleeping with the home.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Nowhere?
Speaker 4 (15:02):
Beggars aren't chooses.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Okay, you know what.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
They cleaned their dick before. I make sure they clean
it before I asked them.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
I watched.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
I washed it for them. I watched. Can you imagine?
I get that? That's what I'm like, Oh, fuck you,
but I must wash the penis first.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
So the road you're cleaning up, I'm cleaning up on
the what's your town?
Speaker 1 (15:17):
What's your town that you're like the fucking queen of
the town. It might be Icago, like a Midwest. I
feel like Toronto and Chicago have like a love.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
I'm from Toronto. I know you're from but I did
not getting in Toronto either. Literally, I haven't fucked in Chicago.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Florida's Florida word.
Speaker 4 (15:34):
I'm picking up these fucking weird the what's your type?
I'm I'm open, it's the whole game. Yeah, yeah, we're not.
We're not putting thighs on this. We got the no, no, no,
we let letting them all in letting too many in No,
we're letting some disgusting pigs in there.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
But with like a giant like m M, A fighter
kind of guy. I want to be tossed around.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
He's speaking of suplex Oh my god, you want to
die laughing. Okay, So this this wrestler named Big Bill,
he's me ww. I asked him to do a sketch
with me the other day in fucking in Florida as
I root through my purse for four and a half
fucking hours.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
No, no, I need to show you.
Speaker 4 (16:15):
This is me getting fucking choke slammed. He had a fiance,
because if he didn't, I'll tell you what I would
have I would have made some serious moves. No, I
got fucking fully choke slammed.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
With Wait in a sexual way?
Speaker 4 (16:27):
No, no, no, it was just weird doing a video.
Check out the airtime I get on this choke slam. Wait,
I'm what is this?
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Can you send that to the producer? Can we wait? Yeah,
that wasn't a sexual thing.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
No, no, no, I'm doing the stupid video with him. But
I wanted to make a look sexual. But it's him.
It's just like a stupid It's just a character thing.
It's a stupid character of Marcy. And I want to
pretend that I was trying to.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Fuck that guy. His name is big Bill is there.
He's a wrestler. So you were TikTok. I'm very old.
Are you trying to that guy? I will know he's married,
but if he wasn't married, I would have you consider.
Speaker 4 (17:03):
It, considerate. I was soaking wet, I want to slip
off the back. Insane. Oh, I was slippery slops on
that fucking Hailton garden. And that's why they called the garden.
You gotta water the grass.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
It was your celebrity crush if you could, if you
could waltz under the silver screen.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
John Ham, I want John Sam, John Sam. I want
John Sam. I want his Ham in and around my
body wherever he wants it.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
I interviewed him once, did you, Derek and very good
looking guy.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
Don't even watch that.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
I saw pictures of his ticking sweatpants. Yeah, he's ringing
a fucking ding dong dinner bell. He's got my man's
packing the heat.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
He's got a fucking box of Kleenex pants.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
It's not big, it's you can sense he's got a
big dick. Right, it's like radiating. He's got a horn
on him. It'd be so tragic if he took off
his pants and it was like, like, I've seen that,
you know funny that is, yeah, what have you done
when you've seen a microa.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
Guy, little dick?
Speaker 1 (17:57):
I would I sort of laughed, you were like the
girl that to your company show.
Speaker 4 (18:01):
There's this literally this one guy. This he used to
be security guard at the Virgil. I'm dipping in very
close eyes. Anyways, he's very tall, and I assume why
that detail had to be and there's no reason very
close eyes. He took his pants off and I went like,
it wasn't micro but like, you have such a big body,
it's a small pinis.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
That's a that's a genetic crap shoot.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
That's why I announced that I have a big pussy.
I don't want anyone get to learn down. You come in,
you know what you're getting. I'm not.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
It's have you had the opposite experience or you took
up a guy's pants and it was like a fucking yes.
This guy read oh really I was a large, gigantic,
big cock. Were you were you like yes? Or were
you like oh night?
Speaker 4 (18:36):
I cracked my job, myself heeling chokes lam before I
started ready to go to start doing esophagus massages. Hold
on a second.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Were you pumped or scared?
Speaker 4 (18:47):
No?
Speaker 1 (18:47):
I was. I was pumped.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
A big pussy needs a big dick. I can't be
having I gotta feel some down there.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
You just went because I have a friend. I won't
say her name, but she she told me she took
off a guy's pants one time and his phallus was
so large that she was like you, She goes, you
got to go home? And he goes, what do you mean?
She's like, I'm not putting that anywhere in my body.
I can't put that anywhere in my body. There's not
a single place top to bottom in my body that will.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
She made him go home.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
That's hilarious.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
It's gracy right.
Speaker 4 (19:20):
Can I get Look, she might not have room for it.
I got a I've got a three car garage with
a little upstairs attic. I got some room, baby, baby,
he's got some room in there. Bulgary, and it's wine set.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
With aerdre with aericdre.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
What's the worst bomb you've ever seen? Have you know
that that you weren't it wasn't you bombing? But was
there somebody?
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Have you ever seen it?
Speaker 4 (19:58):
I made sure I asked my friend. I can tell
a story because I read the email. My friend Jessica Michelle,
who's hilarious. She bombed at the store a couple of
weeks ago, pretty bad, pretty pretty brutal. And she's dating
this guy and he's super nice, he's super sweet, and
we're after all outside and she's like, oh, that was
that was pretty rough and he's like, no, honestly, He's like, honestly, jess,
(20:18):
people were laughing and like he's like going on. She's
like kind of like, oh, okay, and he's like, honestly, Jess,
I would tell you. And I'm like, I hate to
burst your bubble.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
You ate shit?
Speaker 4 (20:29):
I go, you just bombed really fucking bad. And she's
like what and he's like staff. I'm like, I'm not
going to sit here and I'm not trying to fuck her.
You you can be a nice boyfriend, but I'm like,
you gotta tell her when she eat ship.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
And she just ate ship.
Speaker 4 (20:41):
Like it was pretty brutal. I mean, but she's hilarious.
So it was like we all all have our bombs stuff.
But it was just like so cute that he was like, Oh,
it wasn't that bad. I'm like, not a single person.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Laughed and then like.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Cat, I think, I.
Speaker 4 (20:56):
Think you can. I think if someone I don't know
just started dating, no, it's been a year.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
I would want my girlfriend to lie to me and
just it's not that bad.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Anybody, everybody else can tell me the truth, but my
girlfriend I would want, like I would want some sugarcoating.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
Okay, I get, I mean, I guess.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
I mean, I don't know what bombing is the only
response you need.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
I don't need.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
I don't need an outside person to tell me, oh,
it's okay, Oh it's not that bad. Oh it's a bomb.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
It's crystal clear that it's a bomb.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
But the audience, an audience full of strangers, has let
me know very loudly that it's a bomb. I don't
need to check in with anyone else. I don't really
need to.
Speaker 4 (21:33):
Comics I think are delusional and they.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Like, yeah, I think some comics are, and they're and
they're always not good comics.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Yes, well they are.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
They have like laugh blindness or something, because I think
they're in like a heightened state of consciousness. When they're
up there, or they're just so bad they're used to bombing,
like bombing is the norm, and they think it's good.
It's never somebody who's great at comic.
Speaker 4 (21:53):
No, it's I. Literally it's crazy. If I anytime I
do like remotely bad, even if it's like some else,
those comments was a great set of like it wasn't
delight in my face.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Don't lie to me.
Speaker 4 (22:03):
I know what I'm doing up there.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
I can sense. I can sense the bombs. Yeah, I can.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Yeah, you can totally sense, you can totally. It's crystal
clear to me.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
It's crystal clear to me when it's it's not even
just a bomb, when it's like a mediocre or a
medium set. I've said in the middle of set, it's like,
I know this sets a C minus. I know this
isn't my best hurt bombing, but I know it ain't
an A plus. I know you know you know, And
if you don't know, you shouldn't do comedy because that's
what it's like, the most important part of your job
(22:34):
is to know where you are at you. If you
can't figure that out, it's your job to be observant.
And if you can't observe yourself immediately, then you are delusional.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
A k hole.
Speaker 4 (22:46):
I mean there's everyone. Then that's half the sceno here.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
In k hole. I want to know though not just
like hey, I saw my friend bomb. I went like specifics,
do you have anything any details? Like I saw a
bottle get thrown at somebody. I saw a common like dropping.
Speaker 4 (23:00):
Oh yes, m I gotta go to one. I gotta
go to one.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (23:05):
I don't know if I say my buddy Patrick, I
want to say his last name in case he hates this.
He oh, this is Montreal years ago, Face called the
Comedy Works. He comes in from doing this this show
across the street, a burrito at a brito joint. He
comes in smug, he's got a strut. He walks in,
he goes killed one show, about to go up there,
kill the next one. Want a party and he's like
on one and I'm like okay, and I'm like, he
(23:26):
hasn't been in this room seeing how they are whatever.
He goes up, does this big wave. As he walks up,
people are.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Like, who the fuck is this guy?
Speaker 4 (23:31):
Gets up, starts going on about Lord knows what, some
story about some girl in his house and he goes,
this fucking dyke, this very butch lesbian in the crowd
goes what he goes, I said, this fucking dyke says
it again, and I was like, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy.
The silence. He keeps doing the story. He keeps doing
(23:54):
the story and I'm like, buddy, I'm keeps saying it.
He's like, anyways, this bitch and I'm like, the bombs
so fucking bad, walks off, still strutting. I don't know
how he's just trudy.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
He goes, I'm gonna need a shot after that one.
You just bomb me.
Speaker 4 (24:08):
But that was still so smug. And then I saw
him eat a poutine in the snow after that.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
He was so drunk. He was eating a wet poutine.
I'm like, we have to leave right now.
Speaker 4 (24:15):
It was I'll never forget how smug he was going on,
just like the amount of confidence. And he doesn't he
wasn't that night. He's a fun guy, but that was
like insane. The yell that I also didn't even need
to be in the story. He's like one of those
stories are you could have been like my roommate. He
just hasn't yelled at I'm like, oh, not a good word.
And that was years ago with when people are still
(24:36):
saying that word and it was still kind of acceptable.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (24:39):
I was threatened, my biggest I was threatened in Milwaukee.
A guy told me he had two guns on him
and he waited for me out front of the show
because I pissed him off. He was fucking talking and
he wouldn't shut the fuck up. So I like kind
of started riffing with him. Yeah, and then he wouldn't stop,
and I was like, I asked me different work. He's
like an inner city landlord. I had this clip online
because it's like kind of viral because it and people
start booing him. Obviously it was a crowd the land
(25:00):
word and everyone's like boo. I'm like this hilarious. And
then so I gotta make fun of him. I do
a riff for I was like, I'm like, he mentioned
he has two guns on the hip one of my
glove compartment. I was like, why do you need a
fucking a gun?
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Was the landlord.
Speaker 4 (25:12):
I'm like, I'm like, January second, you're on the guy's temple,
Like where's I'm like, that's looking crazy. So now I'm
getting laughs and he's annoyed. So at one point he's like, well,
got the guns on me, and I'm like okay. So
I'm like trying to go to set and then he
says something like he yells from me. I go what,
and he goes, you better fucking watch yourself. And then
I'm like, murder.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
You gonna come in a homicide?
Speaker 3 (25:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (25:31):
And I go what, And then his girlfriend goes, you
heard him, You better fucking watch it, and I was like,
I look at the clock. I'm like, I'm not doing
other fifteen minutes. I'm getting the fuck off.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Yeah, so I like, wrap it up, I get off.
I'm back.
Speaker 4 (25:41):
He's freaking the funk out telling the security and I'm like,
oh yeah. They go outside. He's outside the front door,
is pacing like what, and I'm like.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
What you're gonna You're gonna kill men?
Speaker 3 (25:49):
Kill me?
Speaker 1 (25:50):
It killed a comedian and then ruin the rest of
your own life.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
It is making a joke.
Speaker 4 (25:56):
I guess you wouldn't shut the fuck up to It
was psychotic. It was so Harry.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
I'm glad we hand guns to everybody in this fuck.
Speaker 4 (26:03):
And here you go, congratulations, you go kill step total
of this.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
It's terrifying, sucks. What'd you do?
Speaker 4 (26:08):
I didn't do a mengry then I'll tell you that
I stayed in the green room for a couple more minutes.
So I was pretty freaked out.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
How did you get back to your hotel? The club
owner drove me. I would have called the police.
Speaker 4 (26:18):
No, I was pretty freaked out. That's the first time
I got that scared. They made sure they banned him,
so they had his credit card and everything, so he
can't go back to the club. But I was like,
it was really fucking and I was scared to post
the clip because I'm like, you can't see him, you
can hear him.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
But I was like, I don't want him to see
this and get mad at me.
Speaker 4 (26:30):
I was like, so when I go back to Alwaukie,
I have to make sure that guy's notre Milwaukee.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
I know it was bad, I don't know. I know,
like ten years I'm cool off, damn it.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
I had a guy recently at a bar in fucking
Highland Park. I was like, I was with some friends.
This wasn't even a comedy show, but he was definitely
nuts and violent, like he was just his energy. He
was pacing around and being weird to everyone. I just
felt like this guy was bad fucking news. I sat
(27:01):
at the corner of the bar and he's I'm on
like a ninety degree angle. He's like here and I'm
here corner of the bar, and then he was saying
strange stuff to me. I could tell he wanted to
get in the conversation, but his energy was like like
twitchy and like eh. And then like I went up
to the girl I was dating at the time. I
was like, maybe if I like make out with she
(27:23):
was my girlfriend, but we just started making out. Maybe
if I make out with my boo, he'll get a
hint and like not try to engage. So I like
went over to her and I was like being like
sweetie and like gave her a kiss. And then like
he interjected and he was like you're not gonna shake
my hand or something, and I was like, oh no,
here we go. And then I was like like everything
(27:45):
went calm, you know when like fight flight or freeze.
Everything like slowed down.
Speaker 3 (27:50):
In my mind.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
I was like this guy's fucking nuts.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
He could have a knife.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
It was just like nothing made sense either, Like I
hadn't talked to him. I had no idea he was,
so I just like looked at the bartender. I go,
I'm going to call the police, tell the security. This
guy's about to attack me. And then like his his
brain short circuited, and I called. I picked up the
phone and putting nine one one on speed. I go, hey,
I'm at such and such address. This guy's threatening to
(28:17):
do me and my girlfriend physical harm. Uh, And I
like and then he was like short circuited. He was
like I was looking for a fight, but this guy
is using like different tactics then I'm used to or something.
And he just walked away. He just like got up
and like slammed his drink and like be lined out
of here. And then I asked somebody, I go, I go,
was that your buddy? So somebody I knew that was
(28:40):
like he was hovering next to you earlier. She goes, oh, no,
he comes in here all the time. That guy's psychopath.
Get rid of him.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
All dangerous.
Speaker 4 (28:50):
No, we can't be having dangerous people crazy.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
It's fucking crazy.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
But that feeling sucks. I hate that ship.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
I hate that sh.
Speaker 4 (28:58):
When you're on stage because I was like, this guy
could shoot me right now. I'm standing here a big
purple jumpsuit like Barnie and Friends. But you can easily
get me.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
With a Recodrey.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
With Adre Oh, I have one for the was wasted
on stage?
Speaker 4 (29:24):
Okay, I had worse. I got. I got worse than wasted.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
On Propofilo was on M D M A. Oh yeah,
that's not good.
Speaker 4 (29:34):
I've been drunk on stage.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
I've done okay, I was. I didn't do well.
Speaker 4 (29:39):
I see I did not have a blast. I did
not know. Okay. I was hosting this competition again in Toronto.
Disclosure was in town Love Disclosure, Love to Take. It's
so cool, so such a good song. So they're sucking great.
So I got My sister was there. It was for
a birthday, so I was like, okay, I'm like, I'm
going to host the show. At the end of the show,
(30:00):
I'm like, they're doing some tally for votes. I host it.
I'm like, I'll do like five minutes, we'll take the
M and then we'll leave. I don't know, but I
have to do thirty minutes for them to tell you
the votes. So I take the M right for the
last comic goes on. The guy comes up to me
guys running and goes, hey, you're ready for your thirty.
I'm like thirty, I did twenty off the top and
I'm now I'm like little boy.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
I get on stage, it hits.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
Like you know what he did that good moll and
you're like damn, and I remember I just like sinking
and it's kind of like rubbing my legs and then
just all the lights became this congealed blob. There's no
way I said a joke. There's no fucking way. And
I look off stage and I just see my sister
just like licking her lips. Like on the side. I'm like,
it was the strongest Molley or had my fucking life.
And we both were like melting, and I was like
(30:43):
any minute now the votes in me tally and they
had like they let me early and got me off
because I was like and then the guy was so
mad at me after He's like that was so unprofessional.
I can't believe that. I was like, shit, fucking half
an hour.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
Who is this guy?
Speaker 4 (30:57):
This guy who changed his name three times, He's done something.
He's one of those book is in Toronto who had
had a one name and out something else.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
You're like, what did you do? What does he want
from you? You're tallying a thing for him.
Speaker 4 (31:09):
Like fifty bucks. It's stupid. No, but it was kiss
my ass.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
It was.
Speaker 4 (31:14):
It was bad.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
It was very bad. I don't think that was bad.
I think that was amazing. I think I gave that
that that audience will never forget that.
Speaker 4 (31:20):
They were like this.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
I saw the Sober to Molly conversion on stage.
Speaker 4 (31:25):
I did coke once before I went on That was stupid.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Yeah, why, I was just like I did man it.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
How did How did Robin Williams and Richard Pryor do
that all the time?
Speaker 1 (31:33):
It's crazy, Like I did coke on stage like right
before I went on stage once and my heart was
beating out of my Oh yeah, And I was like
this was the norm for Robin Williams and George Carlin
and Richard Pryor like free base mind was like it
was crazy and it was just like a tout.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
It was like whoop.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
And I was because the stage you're already on cocaine naturally.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
Yeah, because I think we both have that thing like
we go on we're fucking high energy, Like I don't
already things Unclecain every show I do, was like, what
do you want?
Speaker 1 (32:02):
I'm not on I'm psychotic adrenaline.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
I'm on adrenaline and nerves and anxiety.
Speaker 4 (32:07):
And crushing and prussure, wondering if a man of Milwaukee's
a gun and he's ready here.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
Show me so to do?
Speaker 1 (32:13):
Like mainline cocaine. Like those guys did how I were nuts?
They were really nuts.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
They were fucking how did they live?
Speaker 4 (32:22):
If I have three drinks and I started to slur them.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
There, I go, it's crazy, it's crazy.
Speaker 4 (32:28):
You don't drink free Those stag.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
Never because I don't like being sloppy. I like I
like being nervous on stage.
Speaker 4 (32:34):
I have a good couple. I'm good with two two three.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
If it's a show, I don't give a fuck about it.
I'm not doing it for pay, and I'm just like,
and I'm not even working out new stuff. I'm like, Hey,
I'm visiting a friend in New Orleans, but my buddy's
got a comedy show.
Speaker 3 (32:45):
I'll go on.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
I'll do five minutes whatever. And I've been drinking Gin
and Tonics all day or whatever. If it's just for funiture,
but if I'm working on new material and I really
want to know what's wrong with it, or I'm doing
a paid gig. If I'm doing like Unify of whatever,
wiscons or whatever, Yeah, then I want to be sharp.
I want to be sharp.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
I'm not.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
I'm not because I need to care that the jokes work. Yeah,
and if I'm under the influence, I don't care if
the jokes work. Really, yeah, I need to be I
need to be nervous. I need to be anxious and
nervous about it, or I'm a fucking on the road. Never.
Speaker 4 (33:16):
I always I like a couple two tequila sotas. That's
my nice spot, right.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
For I won't say never.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
I won't say never, but for stand up especially like I.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
I don't know, I just want to be nervous.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
Yeah, I want to be nervous.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
That's kind of nerdy. I'm like the opposite of it.
Like afterwards, I'm like looking for like I'm like, what's
the air one equivalent in this town? I need organic vegetables.
And then I like take a shower and I'm in
bed by like nine thirty.
Speaker 4 (33:43):
And I'm really sucked by some weird man that was
at my show. I'm not always like that. I'm discussing. Yeah,
my specialty. No, I'm looking. I'm girls. I gotta get
tested next week. I uh the nightmare, damn it. I
can test it all the time. I love getting tested
though it's my fairly to do. H F at Hollywood
(34:05):
Western Free Clinic.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
Take my blood every five I'm in there.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
I'm risking so hype. I'm such a hypochondriacting the doctor
every fuck it.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
Every other week.
Speaker 4 (34:14):
I think I have aids every day.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
So I have to.
Speaker 4 (34:15):
I literally have to go back, and I'm not drinking.
I go in. I asked. That's when I asked the guy,
so we didn't use a condomns. I'm an idiot, but I.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Ask it is that.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
You're a hypoconject. It doesn't make any fucking sense.
Speaker 4 (34:26):
I literally I ask every guy. I'm like, two aids
and I go, you know you legally at the time
of the truth, I don't know if that's real. I
say it is, I say it is. I'm like, legally
you can be resident.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
You know.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
I think it is true.
Speaker 4 (34:35):
I heard that once somewhere. I don't know. Anyways, I'm
gonna tested on Monday.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
Do you want to go?
Speaker 4 (34:39):
Should we go together? The clinic? I love going the
one over there, is fun though. Yeah, one woman that
takes my blood test. She's like, she's always so chipper.
She says, like, Okay, time for the pic one, two three.
I'm like, she tells me, I've aids, I'm not going
to be upset because she's actually like all pumped up
about it.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
She's so pleasant.
Speaker 4 (34:57):
I hope I have her on Monday, Cecilia think her
name is. I hope I have her. Thanks for coming,
Thanks for having me by, I'll be.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
With aericdre Bombing with Eric Andre is brought to you
by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
Executive produced by.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
Hans Sani and Olivia Aguilar, edited and sound designed by
Andy Harris. Our artist by Dylan Vanderberg. And if you
want to confess to your own bombing moments or give
us a shout out, go rate us five stars and
drop a review on your podcast app of choice right
about your own stories of bombing at life. If you're
on Apple Podcasts, you can also subscribe to Big Money
Players Diamond to get exclusive bonus content with every episode,
(35:38):
and listen to all my episodes ad free. Bye
Welcome to Bombing with Eric Andre, the podcast where I
talk with friends, comedians, musicians, and other creative people about
their worst moments on stage, eating shit and feeling like shit.
I'm Eric and Andre, and this week we are graced
by the presence of one of the funniest people on
the planet, Step Tolev We go way too deep into
step sex, life on the road, and the time she
got chased away from a comedy club by a man
(00:21):
with not one but two guns on his person. As always,
please subscribe to the podcast to get new episodes every week.
Rted five Stars and an Apple podcast. Subscribed to Big
Bunny Players Diamond to get exclusive clips plus add free
episodes weekly.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Let's get into it.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Bombing with Eric and Andre.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Okay, what is the hardest you've ever bombed? What's the
worst bomb you've seen? What's the worst bomb?
Speaker 2 (00:51):
What's the other question to ask?
Speaker 1 (00:52):
What's the most waste that you've been on stage? You
can answer these in any order.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
I bomb all the time.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
What's like one of the works, Give me the.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Rock bottom, rock one of the rock Bottom?
Speaker 4 (01:02):
What happened in Tampa, Oh Tampa was ship oh rock Bottom?
I would say I just got past to the comedy store. Okay,
this is last year, last last New Year's Eve?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
It was a recent bomb.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
Oh yeah, and the last the year for yes, it's
been over year. Just got past first main room spot.
I ate my own ass.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
What do you mean?
Speaker 4 (01:18):
I like, didn't get a single laugh in fifteen minutes,
and I was like, oh, I think I'm good enough
for the comedy store.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Yeah, I'm ship But what night was?
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Was it? Like?
Speaker 4 (01:25):
It was New Year's Ef. People were writing a party,
they were writing a drunk and I'm up there eating ships.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Was the person before you doing good? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Oh yeah?
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Everyone else? Well, everyone else? Well, I just the fucking
I bought my taping and I just relaughed. I was
bombed to one of those stupid fucking TV tapings.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
I think you're hard on yourself. Can I put my
feet up?
Speaker 4 (01:44):
Please? With my my I was waiting for at least
there's socks on a low ankle, socks too, whatever I do.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
Whatever if I get a guy and he has angle socks,
it makes me sick.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
I don't know what it is.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
It's just such a turn off.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
But I wanted to be No, Look, I don't want
I don't want you to see him. Shoes were in
the shoes. Well I got lazy, yeah before I.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Had shoes on.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
Okay, do you have an animal?
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Do a cat? I have no cats. It just there's
random hair on my sock. Your songs.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
Right now, your songs are reading shows.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Okay, wait, give me like some horrid bombs. I want
to hear horrid bombs. Okay, I uh.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
I did this competition in Toronto years ago, Yuck Yuck's Great.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Canadian Comedy Club. We used to have a song we
go yeah Yet Comedy cla you know, and I go
to Yah yeah comedy.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
It was a competition. I drove two other contestants in
my car, pour my parents car. Three hundred fift people
sold out. I don't get one laugh.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Well, your parents were there, No.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I bored their car. This in Toronto.
Speaker 4 (02:48):
I had bore their fucking car.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
I go up, eat ship so bad.
Speaker 4 (02:53):
The comic whose hosting goes after me, He goes, holy shit,
that was fucking bad. And I was like, like, when
a comic says something, that's when you know it's I
went and cried in the parking lot because I had
to drive through the two homes, the first and second
they got first and second, I had to drive home
the people who got first and second in the competition, well,
I ate ship because this was the car I drove
(03:13):
them bombed and had to drive them home.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
You know what fuck that is? That's fucked you carpooled.
Speaker 4 (03:23):
And then the winter first and second, and they were like,
the knew I was upset. They get in the car
the bags or my eyes are puffed out the hell
and they're in the backs either, like, and they couldn't
even get excited about it because they knew how sad
I was. It was so pathetic.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
It was so bad. Well not I just was like.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
Newer two, So it wasn't good.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
Bob.
Speaker 4 (03:41):
The taping recently, do you know those don't Tell tapings
that are great? I love don't Tell, but I don't
Tell comedy. They are very good because the crowd doesn't
know whatever. So it's the taping downtown l A. And
this is literally a month ago, and I'm like, cocky, see's.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Been the lineup?
Speaker 4 (03:54):
I'm don't write the comments like I'm gonna kill this
five or six cameras.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
I'm ready to go.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
What is it for?
Speaker 4 (04:01):
They put it online. They have a huge online dotells.
They're huge. They like produce specials they do and they
have like a huge Instagram. All the people's clips go viral.
It's really great for your I'm.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
I'm like on YouTube, dot com, dot org.
Speaker 4 (04:18):
You have no idea what you're looking for. So I
go to this taping smug smug. I go on fourth fifth,
I'm like the money spot. I walk on and I'm like, hey,
and I came up.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Pretty hot.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
Girl in the front goes and I go what. I go,
I'm sorry, did I scare you? She's like yeah, and
then her and her six friends like start pointing laughing
at me, and I was like, okay. So I'm like,
all right, strange. So I'm like, immediately be the sweat.
I'm like, oh this started off. So I'm like, let
mebe do a bit of crowd work to get loosen
(04:50):
them up. I go look at the front rod forehead
fucking hates me. Guys got the biggest forehead I've seen
my entire life. Like it starts here, goes to the
back of his head. Foreheads like this. So of the
back is like, I'm like, oh my off the jump,
off the jump, Off the jump. I found it after
the forehead guy. It's his art studio we're filming in.
So I'm shitting on the fucking guys.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
The master of ceremonies.
Speaker 4 (05:12):
Yes, So I had to get off stage and tell
them to delete the footage. I couldn't even get a
thirty second clip out of it.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
And this just happened.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
That's another horrible, another bad one.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Why is the guy who's running the thing sit in
front row?
Speaker 4 (05:24):
And if you have a forehead that big covered up?
It was, it's like, or get awake, I don't know,
it's put on.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
The andy warho or just get don't don't sit front
row center, arms folded.
Speaker 4 (05:34):
Oh yeah, and it was. He was much older everybody else.
So I'm like, of course I got to talk to
the guy who shouldn't be here is well, it's a
very young crowd, is what old man?
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Like?
Speaker 4 (05:42):
What's he doing here? Something was weird?
Speaker 1 (05:43):
How did the girl say?
Speaker 4 (05:44):
Yeah, just terrified my presence. I walked on and she
was like disgusted by me. And then there's a couple
beside me and I was making fun of short guys
and he was like, I'm five six, what of it.
I'm like, I've already buried myself a sweat dumping down.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Men you can't and you just like, I can't recover.
I can't recover.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
I can't recover.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Then you're like, then you're disassociating.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
And then oh yeah, and then I'm like I'm trying.
At this point I knew I wasn't even to use
a tape, so I was like trying. I should have
just gone completely off the rails, but I was like
so embarrassed, got right off, eyes welded up with tears.
Also like I'm embarrassed in front of people I know
who've seen me do well, that's tough. I did the lab,
the improv lab, which is one of the worst rooms
in the fucking country.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Everyone says it's so bad the laboratory.
Speaker 4 (06:23):
It's the lab experiments and just put them up that
would be more entertaining.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
There's a curse over that room.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Has anyone ever crushed ever in that room?
Speaker 4 (06:34):
I think you get like a glimpse every once in
a while, you have like one good set and you.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Think, apparently fucked about that room. I think what it is.
I think that people are like, I'm going to a
comedy club. Let me just go get a drink at
a bar first, Oh wait, there's a comedy show at
the bar before the show too, huh. And they're like
they're not mentally prepared. There's something that doesn't work in
(06:59):
that room and has never.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
No because the bar is there, it's all open. No,
it's no one has so this night specifically, I go
up when I say I eat shit so hard that
there's a guy, Nick Harris is a man right here
who like brings it up. He's like, that was the
funniest bot of seeing it. Like when you see something
bomb that bad, you remember it like it's a nice
memory for him. I bomb so bad ten minutes. No, well,
not even like and usually it's like you can get
a laugh, zero laughs. My buddy jack Fink show I
(07:23):
Love Jackie always throws me up. I was like, I
bomb so bad at the end of my set. I
but then I can stay and I went, I'm on
fucking Netflix, Like you know what's bad when you bring
your credits out? And I went, well, and I was like,
I go off and he doesn't come up behind me
and he grabs my heels. That right there is a
woman having a mental breakdown. And then that didn't even
(07:43):
get a laugh. And I was like, Okay, this room
was fucked, like this guy's shitting on me. And you
guys are still likery about that. But I take I
take bomb still to heart, like if.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
I don't mark, why have to?
Speaker 4 (07:55):
You can't get better if you're fucking walking around these
comics eating shit all the time, thinking they're fucking somebody.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
When you Yeah, here's the mother's success. What is like
a bomb that you remember in your early days? I
went like, details, has anybody ere like thrown something at you?
Or have you ever gotten like a standing boovation?
Speaker 4 (08:12):
No?
Speaker 1 (08:13):
I had walk out.
Speaker 4 (08:14):
Oh I had to walk out in North Carolina recently
at the improv. It's a very large improv, five theater. Yeah,
I sell five hundred carry North Carolina. Okay, I'm up
for fifteen minutes, just a front sold out. If I
sold out A mean spars, Yeah spars. We can hear
an older couple ten minutes.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
In dislikes it.
Speaker 4 (08:34):
Yeah, they start packing up when you bomb in a
room that's that big, you see them leave for a
very long time.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:42):
So I'm standing there six minutes, there's still she has
all her stuff out of her purse. Yeah, he's putting
her coat over shoulders.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
I can't not pay attention, and I'm trying to your
mom because wow, what are you thinking about?
Speaker 4 (08:55):
Oops, that's why you're so hung you walked in. Youre like, God,
I am famished, I'm I'm exhausted from.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Finally, my mom backflips. What's this? I'm so add I'm hungry.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
I'm hungry.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Start sucking on a wire.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
I'm hungry. Earliest bombs my first set ever I bombed.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Have your bombed in front of your parents?
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Really that's the worst.
Speaker 4 (09:22):
It's because then they're like, yeah, why are you doing this?
You fucking failure.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
I rather bomb in front of a fucking soccer stadium
in Cape Town, South Africa than bomb in.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
Front of my parents.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
Have you bombed your parents?
Speaker 1 (09:32):
I think I've only bombed in front of my parents.
I don't think I ever did well in front of
my parents. They mean, there's such an immense pressure. Is
like the comedy lab of Pressures or Melrose whatever, it's
called improper lab. Yeah, you're the health department should condemn
the improp we should get.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
If everyone's listening right now, the Health department to go.
They sell no food. You've got to go.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
When they were check it out.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
Next time I go, just hide them in my ass.
Oh my ass up only bombing. No, they've seen me.
I used to. There used to be every every like
the first five years I bombed, and they'd come all
time I used. I started an improv too, so they'd
come watch me. That's really improv. I saw improv recently.
Ere Yeah, I just went to an improv show last
week for my friend. I was being nice, yeah, never again,
(10:16):
I'll never go to a pro show.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
You can't.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
And somebody recognized me and then they were like is
that Steph told and my friends was on the show.
She's like, don't look at her because she's not gonna laugh.
I was like this, pissed that I was there second
row arms cross asking for suggestions, guys, like for you,
you have something to say, and I was like, no,
I'm good. I'm not giving you guys suggestions. You're bad.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Improv is so bad.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
Improv's way worse than somebody bombing during stand up, isn't it?
It has to be.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
It's like insane. You feel like your brain's bleeding, like
you like overdose on robotest and you're like, what is this?
It's like German art house theater. Oh yeah, what is
going on? And you can't believe it.
Speaker 4 (10:54):
No, people are laughing because they bring friends. It's all
like bringer stuff.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I've seen one with the only ones I've scene or
just zero laugh, bomb faster, horrible. I rarely have seen
like ones that are like, yeah, blowing the roof.
Speaker 4 (11:07):
Off, especially like knwhere was like a school show and I.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Was horrendous to crime against your manner?
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Close it up, close up. What about bombing on a date?
I remember me and Sarah Squirm ran into you at
the airport in like fucking Sydney, Australia or something.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
It was in Vancouver.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Was Vancouver. It was hammerd Yeah, you were hammered and
you were like on a bender.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
You're like fun some guy in the bushes at a.
Speaker 4 (11:29):
Wedding like you to die off and eat me out
on a bench. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no I was.
I saw you, guys. I bombed that wedding. I okay,
you know that actually actually okay, so I went off.
It was at the end of the night and me
and him were clearly the other people that weren't getting fox,
so we literally did.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
The whole I guess like everybody else is gonna suck us.
Speaker 4 (11:49):
So we went up to this bench where.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
Like he wasn't George clue.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
He was aged like a bad It wasn't good. So
I took him out to this bench because we didn't
have a room that we were romantic tip of the
tip of the hill. So I jerked him off, meet
me out. I'm not gonna fuck him. I'm not a pig,
So we go. So the worst one was I was
(12:16):
so drunk and I was like, there's a little hill.
I'm like it was gonna be funny if we rolled
down the hill together. And he's like what And then
I rolled down the hill and he watched disgusted.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
He's like, I say this one pussy.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
I rolled down covered and grass. So yeah, I was
just fucking flipping full dress, rolled all the way to
the airport. I almost should have.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
We go back.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
So everyone's in like the Honeymoon's wee throw partying and
we're the only two people not there. I think he
was part of the wedding party. So we come back
in and I'm covered in grass, soaking wet, and I
was like, where were you guys?
Speaker 1 (12:50):
I go I just jerked off your buddy on the bench, you.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
Know, for everybody, whole room movie is God disgusted, disgusted,
not one laugh. And I was like, I'm bombing. I'm bombing.
And then I saw you. I was so drunk at
the airport. Holy fuck, I can't live on a plane.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
You just bombed.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
You seem like you were like walking on sunshine.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Still drunk.
Speaker 4 (13:08):
You're like, wow, I think you're like, can I have renumber?
You're mentally like this, I think something. It was like
a comedy show, like in a hallway at an airport.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
I was like, I was so enter black. Turned this
guy off, he push the arrow down the hill. Now
I'm here.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
I was like, it was like.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Literally was first sip of coffee. I was like wait what.
Speaker 4 (13:35):
I was so mentally ill.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
No, And then me and Sarah were like, you're.
Speaker 4 (13:39):
The fucking best you here, like this woman's sick. No.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
We were like we were like Obsessedly, we were already
we already loved your comedy, but.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
We were like obsessed after that. She's fucking living it, man, Oh.
Speaker 4 (13:49):
I'm living it. I had sex this weekend in Tampa.
I'm living it.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
I'm just do you get laid every show?
Speaker 1 (13:53):
No? I get laid on the road.
Speaker 4 (13:54):
I can't. I can't pull anything in LA. I'm a
fucking inside out toad and Lo I was swearing of God.
I honestly can't get laid here go so NonStop. I'm
bombing on. I'm bombing on the apps out here. I'll
tell you that I'm bombing. I'm bombing back the apps.
Is the mover or I r L? I try r
L too.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Nothing.
Speaker 4 (14:10):
I'm not getting ship out here, get stood up getting guys.
Give me the lame excuses l A L A dating.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
It's not it's not indicative.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
Of the rest of the world.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
That's why we go to Florida.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
I had three Sony, you got threesome in Miami.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Also a bomb that too. I bombed that.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
One of the guys tapped out real soon.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
I was like, oh.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
Wait.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
It was like, you guys are all making out, and
then he was like, oh geez.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
It started. Yes, it started as the one guy making out.
The other guy came in and the one guy immediately
left and then he lied on the floor.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Well maybe he didn't want to see another guy's peep.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
He saw it.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
He didn't leave the room.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Oh, he sat.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
It was like but no, he barely watched. He was
lying on the on the on the ground, had a pillow.
He was getting all comfy on the ground on his phone.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Are you are you?
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Are you sleeping with the home.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Nowhere?
Speaker 4 (15:02):
Beggars aren't chooses.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Okay, you know what.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
They cleaned their dick before. I make sure they clean
it before I asked them.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
I watched.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
I washed it for them. I watched. Can you imagine?
I get that? That's what I'm like, Oh, fuck you,
but I must wash the penis first.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
So the road you're cleaning up, I'm cleaning up on
the what's your town?
Speaker 1 (15:17):
What's your town that you're like the fucking queen of
the town. It might be Icago, like a Midwest. I
feel like Toronto and Chicago have like a love.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
I'm from Toronto. I know you're from but I did
not getting in Toronto either. Literally, I haven't fucked in Chicago.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Florida's Florida word.
Speaker 4 (15:34):
I'm picking up these fucking weird the what's your type?
I'm I'm open, it's the whole game. Yeah, yeah, we're not.
We're not putting thighs on this. We got the no, no, no,
we let letting them all in letting too many in No,
we're letting some disgusting pigs in there.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
But with like a giant like m M, A fighter
kind of guy. I want to be tossed around.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
He's speaking of suplex Oh my god, you want to
die laughing. Okay, So this this wrestler named Big Bill,
he's me ww. I asked him to do a sketch
with me the other day in fucking in Florida as
I root through my purse for four and a half
fucking hours.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
No, no, I need to show you.
Speaker 4 (16:15):
This is me getting fucking choke slammed. He had a fiance,
because if he didn't, I'll tell you what I would
have I would have made some serious moves. No, I
got fucking fully choke slammed.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
With Wait in a sexual way?
Speaker 4 (16:27):
No, no, no, it was just weird doing a video.
Check out the airtime I get on this choke slam. Wait,
I'm what is this?
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Can you send that to the producer? Can we wait? Yeah,
that wasn't a sexual thing.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
No, no, no, I'm doing the stupid video with him. But
I wanted to make a look sexual. But it's him.
It's just like a stupid It's just a character thing.
It's a stupid character of Marcy. And I want to
pretend that I was trying to.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Fuck that guy. His name is big Bill is there.
He's a wrestler. So you were TikTok. I'm very old.
Are you trying to that guy? I will know he's married,
but if he wasn't married, I would have you consider.
Speaker 4 (17:03):
It, considerate. I was soaking wet, I want to slip
off the back. Insane. Oh, I was slippery slops on
that fucking Hailton garden. And that's why they called the garden.
You gotta water the grass.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
It was your celebrity crush if you could, if you
could waltz under the silver screen.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
John Ham, I want John Sam, John Sam. I want
John Sam. I want his Ham in and around my
body wherever he wants it.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
I interviewed him once, did you, Derek and very good
looking guy.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
Don't even watch that.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
I saw pictures of his ticking sweatpants. Yeah, he's ringing
a fucking ding dong dinner bell. He's got my man's
packing the heat.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
He's got a fucking box of Kleenex pants.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
It's not big, it's you can sense he's got a
big dick. Right, it's like radiating. He's got a horn
on him. It'd be so tragic if he took off
his pants and it was like, like, I've seen that,
you know funny that is, yeah, what have you done
when you've seen a microa.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
Guy, little dick?
Speaker 1 (17:57):
I would I sort of laughed, you were like the
girl that to your company show.
Speaker 4 (18:01):
There's this literally this one guy. This he used to
be security guard at the Virgil. I'm dipping in very
close eyes. Anyways, he's very tall, and I assume why
that detail had to be and there's no reason very
close eyes. He took his pants off and I went like,
it wasn't micro but like, you have such a big body,
it's a small pinis.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
That's a that's a genetic crap shoot.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
That's why I announced that I have a big pussy.
I don't want anyone get to learn down. You come in,
you know what you're getting. I'm not.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
It's have you had the opposite experience or you took
up a guy's pants and it was like a fucking yes.
This guy read oh really I was a large, gigantic,
big cock. Were you were you like yes? Or were
you like oh night?
Speaker 4 (18:36):
I cracked my job, myself heeling chokes lam before I
started ready to go to start doing esophagus massages. Hold
on a second.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Were you pumped or scared?
Speaker 4 (18:47):
No?
Speaker 1 (18:47):
I was. I was pumped.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
A big pussy needs a big dick. I can't be
having I gotta feel some down there.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
You just went because I have a friend. I won't
say her name, but she she told me she took
off a guy's pants one time and his phallus was
so large that she was like you, She goes, you
got to go home? And he goes, what do you mean?
She's like, I'm not putting that anywhere in my body.
I can't put that anywhere in my body. There's not
a single place top to bottom in my body that will.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
She made him go home.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
That's hilarious.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
It's gracy right.
Speaker 4 (19:20):
Can I get Look, she might not have room for it.
I got a I've got a three car garage with
a little upstairs attic. I got some room, baby, baby,
he's got some room in there. Bulgary, and it's wine set.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
With aerdre with aericdre.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
What's the worst bomb you've ever seen? Have you know
that that you weren't it wasn't you bombing? But was
there somebody?
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Have you ever seen it?
Speaker 4 (19:58):
I made sure I asked my friend. I can tell
a story because I read the email. My friend Jessica Michelle,
who's hilarious. She bombed at the store a couple of
weeks ago, pretty bad, pretty pretty brutal. And she's dating
this guy and he's super nice, he's super sweet, and
we're after all outside and she's like, oh, that was
that was pretty rough and he's like, no, honestly, He's like, honestly, jess,
(20:18):
people were laughing and like he's like going on. She's
like kind of like, oh, okay, and he's like, honestly, Jess,
I would tell you. And I'm like, I hate to
burst your bubble.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
You ate shit?
Speaker 4 (20:29):
I go, you just bombed really fucking bad. And she's
like what and he's like staff. I'm like, I'm not
going to sit here and I'm not trying to fuck her.
You you can be a nice boyfriend, but I'm like,
you gotta tell her when she eat ship.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
And she just ate ship.
Speaker 4 (20:41):
Like it was pretty brutal. I mean, but she's hilarious.
So it was like we all all have our bombs stuff.
But it was just like so cute that he was like, Oh,
it wasn't that bad. I'm like, not a single person.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Laughed and then like.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Cat, I think, I.
Speaker 4 (20:56):
Think you can. I think if someone I don't know
just started dating, no, it's been a year.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
I would want my girlfriend to lie to me and
just it's not that bad.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Anybody, everybody else can tell me the truth, but my
girlfriend I would want, like I would want some sugarcoating.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
Okay, I get, I mean, I guess.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
I mean, I don't know what bombing is the only
response you need.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
I don't need.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
I don't need an outside person to tell me, oh,
it's okay, Oh it's not that bad. Oh it's a bomb.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
It's crystal clear that it's a bomb.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
But the audience, an audience full of strangers, has let
me know very loudly that it's a bomb. I don't
need to check in with anyone else. I don't really
need to.
Speaker 4 (21:33):
Comics I think are delusional and they.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Like, yeah, I think some comics are, and they're and
they're always not good comics.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Yes, well they are.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
They have like laugh blindness or something, because I think
they're in like a heightened state of consciousness. When they're
up there, or they're just so bad they're used to bombing,
like bombing is the norm, and they think it's good.
It's never somebody who's great at comic.
Speaker 4 (21:53):
No, it's I. Literally it's crazy. If I anytime I
do like remotely bad, even if it's like some else,
those comments was a great set of like it wasn't
delight in my face.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Don't lie to me.
Speaker 4 (22:03):
I know what I'm doing up there.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
I can sense. I can sense the bombs. Yeah, I can.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Yeah, you can totally sense, you can totally. It's crystal
clear to me.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
It's crystal clear to me when it's it's not even
just a bomb, when it's like a mediocre or a
medium set. I've said in the middle of set, it's like,
I know this sets a C minus. I know this
isn't my best hurt bombing, but I know it ain't
an A plus. I know you know you know, And
if you don't know, you shouldn't do comedy because that's
what it's like, the most important part of your job
(22:34):
is to know where you are at you. If you
can't figure that out, it's your job to be observant.
And if you can't observe yourself immediately, then you are delusional.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
A k hole.
Speaker 4 (22:46):
I mean there's everyone. Then that's half the sceno here.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
In k hole. I want to know though not just
like hey, I saw my friend bomb. I went like specifics,
do you have anything any details? Like I saw a
bottle get thrown at somebody. I saw a common like dropping.
Speaker 4 (23:00):
Oh yes, m I gotta go to one. I gotta
go to one.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (23:05):
I don't know if I say my buddy Patrick, I
want to say his last name in case he hates this.
He oh, this is Montreal years ago, Face called the
Comedy Works. He comes in from doing this this show
across the street, a burrito at a brito joint. He
comes in smug, he's got a strut. He walks in,
he goes killed one show, about to go up there,
kill the next one. Want a party and he's like
on one and I'm like okay, and I'm like, he
(23:26):
hasn't been in this room seeing how they are whatever.
He goes up, does this big wave. As he walks up,
people are.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Like, who the fuck is this guy?
Speaker 4 (23:31):
Gets up, starts going on about Lord knows what, some
story about some girl in his house and he goes,
this fucking dyke, this very butch lesbian in the crowd
goes what he goes, I said, this fucking dyke says
it again, and I was like, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy.
The silence. He keeps doing the story. He keeps doing
(23:54):
the story and I'm like, buddy, I'm keeps saying it.
He's like, anyways, this bitch and I'm like, the bombs
so fucking bad, walks off, still strutting. I don't know
how he's just trudy.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
He goes, I'm gonna need a shot after that one.
You just bomb me.
Speaker 4 (24:08):
But that was still so smug. And then I saw
him eat a poutine in the snow after that.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
He was so drunk. He was eating a wet poutine.
I'm like, we have to leave right now.
Speaker 4 (24:15):
It was I'll never forget how smug he was going on,
just like the amount of confidence. And he doesn't he
wasn't that night. He's a fun guy, but that was
like insane. The yell that I also didn't even need
to be in the story. He's like one of those
stories are you could have been like my roommate. He
just hasn't yelled at I'm like, oh, not a good word.
And that was years ago with when people are still
(24:36):
saying that word and it was still kind of acceptable.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (24:39):
I was threatened, my biggest I was threatened in Milwaukee.
A guy told me he had two guns on him
and he waited for me out front of the show
because I pissed him off. He was fucking talking and
he wouldn't shut the fuck up. So I like kind
of started riffing with him. Yeah, and then he wouldn't stop,
and I was like, I asked me different work. He's
like an inner city landlord. I had this clip online
because it's like kind of viral because it and people
start booing him. Obviously it was a crowd the land
(25:00):
word and everyone's like boo. I'm like this hilarious. And
then so I gotta make fun of him. I do
a riff for I was like, I'm like, he mentioned
he has two guns on the hip one of my
glove compartment. I was like, why do you need a
fucking a gun?
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Was the landlord.
Speaker 4 (25:12):
I'm like, I'm like, January second, you're on the guy's temple,
Like where's I'm like, that's looking crazy. So now I'm
getting laughs and he's annoyed. So at one point he's like, well,
got the guns on me, and I'm like okay. So
I'm like trying to go to set and then he
says something like he yells from me. I go what,
and he goes, you better fucking watch yourself. And then
I'm like, murder.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
You gonna come in a homicide?
Speaker 3 (25:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (25:31):
And I go what, And then his girlfriend goes, you
heard him, You better fucking watch it, and I was like,
I look at the clock. I'm like, I'm not doing
other fifteen minutes. I'm getting the fuck off.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Yeah, so I like, wrap it up, I get off.
I'm back.
Speaker 4 (25:41):
He's freaking the funk out telling the security and I'm like,
oh yeah. They go outside. He's outside the front door,
is pacing like what, and I'm like.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
What you're gonna You're gonna kill men?
Speaker 3 (25:49):
Kill me?
Speaker 1 (25:50):
It killed a comedian and then ruin the rest of
your own life.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
It is making a joke.
Speaker 4 (25:56):
I guess you wouldn't shut the fuck up to It
was psychotic. It was so Harry.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
I'm glad we hand guns to everybody in this fuck.
Speaker 4 (26:03):
And here you go, congratulations, you go kill step total
of this.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
It's terrifying, sucks. What'd you do?
Speaker 4 (26:08):
I didn't do a mengry then I'll tell you that
I stayed in the green room for a couple more minutes.
So I was pretty freaked out.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
How did you get back to your hotel? The club
owner drove me. I would have called the police.
Speaker 4 (26:18):
No, I was pretty freaked out. That's the first time
I got that scared. They made sure they banned him,
so they had his credit card and everything, so he
can't go back to the club. But I was like,
it was really fucking and I was scared to post
the clip because I'm like, you can't see him, you
can hear him.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
But I was like, I don't want him to see
this and get mad at me.
Speaker 4 (26:30):
I was like, so when I go back to Alwaukie,
I have to make sure that guy's notre Milwaukee.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
I know it was bad, I don't know. I know,
like ten years I'm cool off, damn it.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
I had a guy recently at a bar in fucking
Highland Park. I was like, I was with some friends.
This wasn't even a comedy show, but he was definitely
nuts and violent, like he was just his energy. He
was pacing around and being weird to everyone. I just
felt like this guy was bad fucking news. I sat
(27:01):
at the corner of the bar and he's I'm on
like a ninety degree angle. He's like here and I'm
here corner of the bar, and then he was saying
strange stuff to me. I could tell he wanted to
get in the conversation, but his energy was like like
twitchy and like eh. And then like I went up
to the girl I was dating at the time. I
was like, maybe if I like make out with she
(27:23):
was my girlfriend, but we just started making out. Maybe
if I make out with my boo, he'll get a
hint and like not try to engage. So I like
went over to her and I was like being like
sweetie and like gave her a kiss. And then like
he interjected and he was like you're not gonna shake
my hand or something, and I was like, oh no,
here we go. And then I was like like everything
(27:45):
went calm, you know when like fight flight or freeze.
Everything like slowed down.
Speaker 3 (27:50):
In my mind.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
I was like this guy's fucking nuts.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
He could have a knife.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
It was just like nothing made sense either, Like I
hadn't talked to him. I had no idea he was,
so I just like looked at the bartender. I go,
I'm going to call the police, tell the security. This
guy's about to attack me. And then like his his
brain short circuited, and I called. I picked up the
phone and putting nine one one on speed. I go, hey,
I'm at such and such address. This guy's threatening to
(28:17):
do me and my girlfriend physical harm. Uh, And I
like and then he was like short circuited. He was
like I was looking for a fight, but this guy
is using like different tactics then I'm used to or something.
And he just walked away. He just like got up
and like slammed his drink and like be lined out
of here. And then I asked somebody, I go, I go,
was that your buddy? So somebody I knew that was
(28:40):
like he was hovering next to you earlier. She goes, oh, no,
he comes in here all the time. That guy's psychopath.
Get rid of him.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
All dangerous.
Speaker 4 (28:50):
No, we can't be having dangerous people crazy.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
It's fucking crazy.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
But that feeling sucks. I hate that ship.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
I hate that sh.
Speaker 4 (28:58):
When you're on stage because I was like, this guy
could shoot me right now. I'm standing here a big
purple jumpsuit like Barnie and Friends. But you can easily
get me.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
With a Recodrey.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
With Adre Oh, I have one for the was wasted
on stage?
Speaker 4 (29:24):
Okay, I had worse. I got. I got worse than wasted.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
On Propofilo was on M D M A. Oh yeah,
that's not good.
Speaker 4 (29:34):
I've been drunk on stage.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
I've done okay, I was. I didn't do well.
Speaker 4 (29:39):
I see I did not have a blast. I did
not know. Okay. I was hosting this competition again in Toronto.
Disclosure was in town Love Disclosure, Love to Take. It's
so cool, so such a good song. So they're sucking great.
So I got My sister was there. It was for
a birthday, so I was like, okay, I'm like, I'm
going to host the show. At the end of the show,
(30:00):
I'm like, they're doing some tally for votes. I host it.
I'm like, I'll do like five minutes, we'll take the
M and then we'll leave. I don't know, but I
have to do thirty minutes for them to tell you
the votes. So I take the M right for the
last comic goes on. The guy comes up to me
guys running and goes, hey, you're ready for your thirty.
I'm like thirty, I did twenty off the top and
I'm now I'm like little boy.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
I get on stage, it hits.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
Like you know what he did that good moll and
you're like damn, and I remember I just like sinking
and it's kind of like rubbing my legs and then
just all the lights became this congealed blob. There's no
way I said a joke. There's no fucking way. And
I look off stage and I just see my sister
just like licking her lips. Like on the side. I'm like,
it was the strongest Molley or had my fucking life.
And we both were like melting, and I was like
(30:43):
any minute now the votes in me tally and they
had like they let me early and got me off
because I was like and then the guy was so
mad at me after He's like that was so unprofessional.
I can't believe that. I was like, shit, fucking half
an hour.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
Who is this guy?
Speaker 4 (30:57):
This guy who changed his name three times, He's done something.
He's one of those book is in Toronto who had
had a one name and out something else.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
You're like, what did you do? What does he want
from you? You're tallying a thing for him.
Speaker 4 (31:09):
Like fifty bucks. It's stupid. No, but it was kiss
my ass.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
It was.
Speaker 4 (31:14):
It was bad.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
It was very bad. I don't think that was bad.
I think that was amazing. I think I gave that
that that audience will never forget that.
Speaker 4 (31:20):
They were like this.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
I saw the Sober to Molly conversion on stage.
Speaker 4 (31:25):
I did coke once before I went on That was stupid.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Yeah, why, I was just like I did man it.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
How did How did Robin Williams and Richard Pryor do
that all the time?
Speaker 1 (31:33):
It's crazy, Like I did coke on stage like right
before I went on stage once and my heart was
beating out of my Oh yeah, And I was like
this was the norm for Robin Williams and George Carlin
and Richard Pryor like free base mind was like it
was crazy and it was just like a tout.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
It was like whoop.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
And I was because the stage you're already on cocaine naturally.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
Yeah, because I think we both have that thing like
we go on we're fucking high energy, Like I don't
already things Unclecain every show I do, was like, what
do you want?
Speaker 1 (32:02):
I'm not on I'm psychotic adrenaline.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
I'm on adrenaline and nerves and anxiety.
Speaker 4 (32:07):
And crushing and prussure, wondering if a man of Milwaukee's
a gun and he's ready here.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
Show me so to do?
Speaker 1 (32:13):
Like mainline cocaine. Like those guys did how I were nuts?
They were really nuts.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
They were fucking how did they live?
Speaker 4 (32:22):
If I have three drinks and I started to slur them.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
There, I go, it's crazy, it's crazy.
Speaker 4 (32:28):
You don't drink free Those stag.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
Never because I don't like being sloppy. I like I
like being nervous on stage.
Speaker 4 (32:34):
I have a good couple. I'm good with two two three.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
If it's a show, I don't give a fuck about it.
I'm not doing it for pay, and I'm just like,
and I'm not even working out new stuff. I'm like, Hey,
I'm visiting a friend in New Orleans, but my buddy's
got a comedy show.
Speaker 3 (32:45):
I'll go on.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
I'll do five minutes whatever. And I've been drinking Gin
and Tonics all day or whatever. If it's just for funiture,
but if I'm working on new material and I really
want to know what's wrong with it, or I'm doing
a paid gig. If I'm doing like Unify of whatever,
wiscons or whatever, Yeah, then I want to be sharp.
I want to be sharp.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
I'm not.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
I'm not because I need to care that the jokes work. Yeah,
and if I'm under the influence, I don't care if
the jokes work. Really, yeah, I need to be I
need to be nervous. I need to be anxious and
nervous about it, or I'm a fucking on the road. Never.
Speaker 4 (33:16):
I always I like a couple two tequila sotas. That's
my nice spot, right.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
For I won't say never.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
I won't say never, but for stand up especially like I.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
I don't know, I just want to be nervous.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
Yeah, I want to be nervous.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
That's kind of nerdy. I'm like the opposite of it.
Like afterwards, I'm like looking for like I'm like, what's
the air one equivalent in this town? I need organic vegetables.
And then I like take a shower and I'm in
bed by like nine thirty.
Speaker 4 (33:43):
And I'm really sucked by some weird man that was
at my show. I'm not always like that. I'm discussing. Yeah,
my specialty. No, I'm looking. I'm girls. I gotta get
tested next week. I uh the nightmare, damn it. I
can test it all the time. I love getting tested
though it's my fairly to do. H F at Hollywood
(34:05):
Western Free Clinic.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
Take my blood every five I'm in there.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
I'm risking so hype. I'm such a hypochondriacting the doctor
every fuck it.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
Every other week.
Speaker 4 (34:14):
I think I have aids every day.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
So I have to.
Speaker 4 (34:15):
I literally have to go back, and I'm not drinking.
I go in. I asked. That's when I asked the guy,
so we didn't use a condomns. I'm an idiot, but I.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Ask it is that.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
You're a hypoconject. It doesn't make any fucking sense.
Speaker 4 (34:26):
I literally I ask every guy. I'm like, two aids
and I go, you know you legally at the time
of the truth, I don't know if that's real. I
say it is, I say it is. I'm like, legally
you can be resident.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
You know.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
I think it is true.
Speaker 4 (34:35):
I heard that once somewhere. I don't know. Anyways, I'm
gonna tested on Monday.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
Do you want to go?
Speaker 4 (34:39):
Should we go together? The clinic? I love going the
one over there, is fun though. Yeah, one woman that
takes my blood test. She's like, she's always so chipper.
She says, like, Okay, time for the pic one, two three.
I'm like, she tells me, I've aids, I'm not going
to be upset because she's actually like all pumped up
about it.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
She's so pleasant.
Speaker 4 (34:57):
I hope I have her on Monday, Cecilia think her
name is. I hope I have her. Thanks for coming,
Thanks for having me by, I'll be.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
With aericdre Bombing with Eric Andre is brought to you
by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
Executive produced by.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
Hans Sani and Olivia Aguilar, edited and sound designed by
Andy Harris. Our artist by Dylan Vanderberg. And if you
want to confess to your own bombing moments or give
us a shout out, go rate us five stars and
drop a review on your podcast app of choice right
about your own stories of bombing at life. If you're
on Apple Podcasts, you can also subscribe to Big Money
Players Diamond to get exclusive bonus content with every episode,
(35:38):
and listen to all my episodes ad free. Bye
Host
Eric Andre
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