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August 6, 2025 35 mins

What's up?! We're back this week with another unhinged episode: Eric and the very hilarious Steph Tolev talk about bombing all the time, even in your later years. Even if you have a Netflix special, you still can eat sh*t. Crazy sex escapades and Steph's anecdote about getting choke slammed by a professional wrestler for the sake of comedy are told. Plus, she tells Eric about a guy who threatened her with two guns while she was performing. The take-away: life is living in a K-hole.

Tell us your most cringeworthy bombs! Call 716-BOMBING (716-266-2464‬) and leave a voicemail.

For all things Eric Andre and Bombing follow @ericfuckingandre (Instagram) and @ericandre (TikTok).

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Bombing with Eric Andre, the podcast where I
talk with friends, comedians, musicians, and other creative people about
their worst moments on stage, eating shit and feeling like shit.
I'm Eric and Andre, and this week we are graced
by the presence of one of the funniest people on
the planet, Step Tolev. We go way too deep into
step sex, life on the road, and the time she
got chased away from a comedy club by a man

(00:22):
with not one but two guns on his person. Let's
get into it.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
Bombing Balming with Aeric Anddre.

Speaker 1 (00:35):
Okay, what is the hardest you've ever bombed? What's the
worst bomb you've seen? What's the worst bomb? What's the
other question to ask? What's the most waste that you've
been on stage? You can answer these in any any order.

Speaker 3 (00:47):
I bomb all the time.

Speaker 1 (00:48):
What's like one of the words give me the rock bottoms?

Speaker 4 (00:51):
Rock?

Speaker 3 (00:51):
What are the rock bottoms?

Speaker 1 (00:52):
What happened in Tampa? Oh Tampa was shit? Oh? Rock bottom?

Speaker 4 (00:56):
I would say, I just go bas to the comedy store. Okay,
this is last year, last last New Year's Eve because
a recent bomb, oh yeah, and a last the year
for I guess it's been over year. She just got
past first main room spot.

Speaker 3 (01:07):
I ate my own ass?

Speaker 1 (01:09):
What do you mean?

Speaker 4 (01:09):
I like didn't get a single laugh in fifteen minutes,
and I was like, oh, I think I'm good enough
for the comedy store.

Speaker 1 (01:14):
Yeah I'm But what night was? Was it like a Monday?

Speaker 4 (01:17):
It was New Year's If people were writing a party,
they were ready to get drunk, and I'm up there
eating ships?

Speaker 1 (01:22):
Was the person before you good? Doing good? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:24):
Oh yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:24):
Everyone else?

Speaker 4 (01:25):
So well?

Speaker 3 (01:26):
Everyone else?

Speaker 4 (01:26):
Well, I just the fucking I bought my taping and
I just relaughed. I was bombed a one of those
stupid fucking TV tapings.

Speaker 1 (01:33):
I think you're hard on yourself. Can I put my
feet up?

Speaker 4 (01:35):
Please? With my just my I was waiting for at
least there's socks on Eve the low ankle socks too?

Speaker 2 (01:41):
Whatever?

Speaker 1 (01:42):
Why I do? I don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:43):
Whatever I ever. I got a fuck a guy and
he has angle socks.

Speaker 4 (01:45):
It makes me sick.

Speaker 3 (01:46):
I don't know what it is. It's just such a
turn off.

Speaker 1 (01:47):
But I wanted to be No, look, I don't want
I don't want you to see him. What shoes in
the shoes?

Speaker 2 (01:52):
Well?

Speaker 1 (01:52):
I got lazy. Yeah, before I had shoes on.

Speaker 4 (01:57):
Okay, do you have an animal? Do a cat?

Speaker 1 (01:59):
I have no cat, so just the random hair on
my sock. Your socks are bomber.

Speaker 4 (02:06):
Right now, your socks are eating show.

Speaker 1 (02:08):
Okay, wait, give me like some horrid bombs.

Speaker 4 (02:11):
I want to hear horrid bombs. Okay, I uh. I
did this competition in Toronto years ago. Yuck, yucks, great
Canadian comedy.

Speaker 1 (02:20):
We used to have a song where to go yet
get comedy? Cla No, I go to yea, yeah comedy.

Speaker 4 (02:26):
It was a competition. I drove two other contestants in
my car. Poor my parents car. Three hundred fifty people
sold out. I don't get one laugh.

Speaker 1 (02:36):
Well, your parents were there, No, I bored their car.

Speaker 4 (02:39):
This is in Toronto. I had bore their fucking car.
I go up eat ship so bad. The comic whose
hosting goes after me goes.

Speaker 1 (02:45):
Holy shit.

Speaker 3 (02:46):
That was fucking bad.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
And I was.

Speaker 4 (02:47):
Like, like when a comic says something you that's when
you know it's bad. I went and cried in the
parking lot because I had to drive you the two
homes first and second. They got first and second. I
had to drive home the people who got first and
see in the competition. Well, I ate ship because this
was the car I drove them bombed and had to
drive them home. You know what fuck that is? That's

(03:10):
fucked you, Carl the second and they were like, the
knew I was upset. They get in the car the
bags or my eyes are puffed out the hell and
they're in the box eat They're like and they couldn't
even get excited about it because they knew how sad
I was. It was so pathetic, it was so bad.
Well not I just this was like Newer two, so

(03:31):
it wasn't good. Taping recently, do you know those Don't
Tell tapings that are great? I love Don't Tell, but
I Don't Tell comedy They are very good because the
crowd doesn't know whatever. So it's the taping downtown l A.
And this is literally a month ago, and I'm like,
cocky sse have been the line up. I don't writ
comments like I'm gonna kill us five or six cameras.
I'm ready to go.

Speaker 1 (03:51):
What is it for?

Speaker 4 (03:52):
They put it online? They have a huge online Don't
Tell They're huge. They like produce specials, they do tape
and they have like a huge Instagram. All the people's
clip viral. It's really great for your I'm out of touch.

Speaker 1 (04:03):
I'm really out of touch. I'm like on YouTube, dot com,
dot org, you have no idea what you're looking for.

Speaker 4 (04:11):
So I go to this taping smug smug. I go
on fourth fifth, I'm like.

Speaker 3 (04:16):
The money spot.

Speaker 4 (04:17):
I walk on and I'm like, hey, and I came up.
Pretty hot girl in the front goes and I go
what I.

Speaker 3 (04:23):
Go, I'm sorry, did I scare you?

Speaker 4 (04:25):
She's like yeah, and then her and her six friends
like start pointing laughing at me, and I was like, okay.
So I'm like, all right, strange. So I'm like, immediately
be this weat. I'm like, oh, this started off.

Speaker 1 (04:39):
Shook me.

Speaker 4 (04:39):
So I'm like, let mebe do a bit of crowd
work to get loosen them up. I go, look at
the front road forehead fucking hates me. Guys got the
biggest forehead I've seen in my entire life. Like it
starts here, it goes to the back of his head.
Foreheads like this, some of the backs like boo.

Speaker 1 (04:51):
I'm like, oh my, off the jump, off the jump,
off the jump.

Speaker 4 (04:54):
I found it after the forehead guy it's his art
studio we're filming in so I'm ship on the guys.

Speaker 1 (05:01):
The master of ceremonies.

Speaker 4 (05:03):
Yes, So I had to get off stage and tell
them to delete the footage. I couldn't even get a
thirty second clip out of it.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
And this just happened.

Speaker 3 (05:09):
That's another horrible, another bad one.

Speaker 1 (05:12):
Why is the guy who's running the thing sit in
front row?

Speaker 4 (05:15):
And if you have a forehead that big covered up?
It was it's like, or get awake, I don't know
what it's.

Speaker 1 (05:20):
Telling put on the andy WARHOWI or just get don't
sit front row center, arms folded?

Speaker 4 (05:25):
Oh yeah, And it was he was much older everybody else.
So I'm like, of course I got to talk to
the guy who shouldn't be here is well, there's a
very young crowd there is what old man?

Speaker 3 (05:33):
I'm like, what's he doing here?

Speaker 4 (05:33):
Something was weird?

Speaker 1 (05:34):
Why did the girl say.

Speaker 4 (05:35):
Yeah, just terrified my presence. I walked on and she
was like disgusted by me. And then there's a couple
beside me and I was making fun of short guys
and he was.

Speaker 3 (05:42):
Like, I'm five six, what of it. I'm like, I've
already buried myself a sweat.

Speaker 1 (05:46):
Jumping down me first, then you can't, and you just like,
I can't recover.

Speaker 4 (05:49):
I can't recover.

Speaker 1 (05:50):
I can't recover. Then you're like then you're disassociating.

Speaker 4 (05:53):
And then oh yeah, and then I'm like, I'm like trying.
At this point I knew I wasn't even to use
a tape, so I was like trying. I should have
just gone completely off the rails, but I was like
so embarrassed right off, eyes welded up with tears. Also
like it I'm embarrassed in front of people I know
who've seen me do well, that's tough. I did the lab,
the improv lab, which is one of the worst rooms
in the fucking country.

Speaker 1 (06:12):
Everyone says it's so bad the laboratory. It's the lab experiments.

Speaker 3 (06:18):
And just put them up that would be more entertaining.

Speaker 1 (06:21):
There's a curse over that room. Has anyone ever crushed
ever in that room?

Speaker 4 (06:25):
I think you get like a glimpse every once in
a while, you have like one good set and you.

Speaker 1 (06:29):
Think, aparently fucked about that room. I think what it is.
I think that people are like, I'm going to a
comedy club, let me just go get a drink at
a bar first. Oh wait, there's a comedy show at
the bar before the show too, huh, And they're like
they're not mentally prepared. No, there's something that doesn't work

(06:50):
in that room and has never no.

Speaker 3 (06:52):
Because the bar is there, it's all open.

Speaker 4 (06:54):
No, it's no one has so this night specifically, I
go up when I say I eat shit so hard.
There's a guy, Nick Harris, is a manag right here
who like brings it up. He's like, that was the
funniest bomb seeing like when you see something bomb that bad,
do you remember it? Like it's a nice memory for him.
I bomb so bad ten minutes. No, well, not even
like and usually it's like you can get a laugh,
zero laughs. It's my buddy jack Fink show. I love
Jackie always throws me up. I was like, I bomb

(07:16):
so bad. At the end of my set, I but
the mic and stand. I went, I'm on fucking Netflix,
Like you know what's bad when you bring your credits out?
And I went well, and I was like, I go
off and Anthony doesn't come up behind me and he
grabs my heels that right there is a woman having
a mental breakdown. And then that didn't even get a laugh.
And I was like, Okay, this room was fucked, like

(07:36):
this guy's shitting on me, and you guys.

Speaker 1 (07:37):
Are still like curs.

Speaker 4 (07:39):
Yeah, you don't worry about that, But I take I
take bombs still to heart, like if I.

Speaker 1 (07:44):
Don't marger, why not you have to.

Speaker 4 (07:46):
You can't get better if you're fucking walking around these
comics eating shit all the time, thinking they're fucking somebody when.

Speaker 1 (07:51):
Yeah, here's the mother success. What is like a bomb
that you remember in your early days? I went like,
details has anybody ere like thrown something at you or
have you ever gotten like a standing boovation?

Speaker 2 (08:03):
No?

Speaker 1 (08:04):
I had walk out.

Speaker 4 (08:05):
Oh I had to walk out in North Carolina recently
at the Improv. It's very large improv, five hundred theater. Yeah,
I sell five hundred carry North Carolina. Okay, I'm up
for fifteen minutes. Just the front sold out and I
sold out.

Speaker 3 (08:20):
I mean spars, spars.

Speaker 4 (08:21):
We can hear an older couple ten minutes in dislikes it. Yeah,
they start packing up. When you bomb in a room
that's that big, you see them leave for a very
long time. Yeah, I'm standing there six minutes there's still
she has all her stuff out of her purse.

Speaker 3 (08:37):
Yeah, she's putting her coat over shoulders.

Speaker 1 (08:39):
Can't And I'm trying to your mom because wow, what
are you thinking about?

Speaker 4 (08:46):
Oops's that's why you're so hungry?

Speaker 1 (08:51):
You want to think.

Speaker 3 (08:52):
God, I am famished, I'm exhausted.

Speaker 1 (08:54):
From fu mom backflips, what's this? I'm so add I'm hungry.

Speaker 4 (09:03):
I'm hungry.

Speaker 1 (09:03):
Start sucking on a wire.

Speaker 4 (09:04):
I'm hungry.

Speaker 3 (09:07):
Earliest bombs my first set ever.

Speaker 4 (09:09):
I bombed.

Speaker 1 (09:09):
Have your bombed in front of your parents? Oh?

Speaker 4 (09:11):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (09:11):
Really that's the worst.

Speaker 4 (09:13):
It's because then they're like, yeah, why are you doing this?
You fucking failure.

Speaker 1 (09:15):
I rather bomb in front of a fucking soccer stadium
in Cape Town, South Africa than bomb in front of
my parents.

Speaker 4 (09:22):
Have you bombed from your parents?

Speaker 1 (09:23):
I think I've only bombed in front of my parents.
I don't think I ever did well in front of
my parents. They there's such an immense pressure. Is like
the comedy lab of Pressures or Melrose whatever it's called
improp lab. Yeah, you're maybe the health department should condemn
the improv lab.

Speaker 4 (09:38):
We should get if everyone's listening right now, the Health
department to go, they sell no food, You've got to go.

Speaker 1 (09:43):
When they were check it out.

Speaker 4 (09:46):
So the next time I go, just hide them in
my ass. Oh my ass up one bombing.

Speaker 3 (09:51):
No, they've seen me.

Speaker 4 (09:51):
I used to. There used to be every every like
the first five years I bombed, and they'd come all time.
I used. I started an improv too, so they'd come
watch me early. That's really improv I saw recently. Yeah,
I just went to an improv show last week. From
my friend.

Speaker 3 (10:05):
I was being nice, yeah, never again, I'll never go
to the pro show.

Speaker 2 (10:09):
You can't.

Speaker 4 (10:09):
And somebody recognized me and then they were like is
that Steph told and my friends was on the show.
She's like, don't look at her because she's not gonna laugh.
I was like this, pissed that I was there second
row arms cross asking for suggestions. Guys like for you,
you have something to say, and I was like, no,
I'm good. I'm not giving you guys suggestions. You're bad.

Speaker 1 (10:27):
Improv is so bad.

Speaker 4 (10:28):
Improv's way worse than somebody bombing during stand up, isn't it?

Speaker 3 (10:31):
It has to be.

Speaker 1 (10:32):
It's like insane. You feel like your brain's bleeding, like
you like overdosed on robotest and you're like, what is this.
It's like German Art House Theater. Oh yeah, what is
going on? You can't believe it.

Speaker 4 (10:45):
No, people are laughing because they bring friends. It's all
like bring her stuff.

Speaker 1 (10:48):
I've seen one with the Only ones I've seen are
just zero laugh bomb faster are horrible. I rarely have
seen like ones that are like, yeah, blowing the roof off.

Speaker 3 (10:58):
Especially like Newhere. It was like a school show and
I was horrendous.

Speaker 1 (11:03):
Crime against your man. Close it up, close up. What
about bombing on a date? I remember me and Sarah
Squirm ran into you at the airport in like fucking Sydney,
Australia or something.

Speaker 3 (11:13):
It was in Vancouver.

Speaker 1 (11:14):
Was Vancouver. It was hammerd Yeah, you were hammered and
you were like on a bender. You're like some guy
in the bushes at a wedding.

Speaker 4 (11:21):
Like Jersey guy off and eat me out on a bench.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no I was.

Speaker 3 (11:26):
I saw you guys. I bombed that wedding.

Speaker 4 (11:28):
I okay, you know that actually actually okay, So I
went off.

Speaker 3 (11:33):
It was at the end of the night and.

Speaker 4 (11:34):
Me and him were clear the other people that weren't
getting fox, so we literally did the whole.

Speaker 3 (11:38):
I guess like everybody else is gonna suck us. So
we went up to this.

Speaker 1 (11:41):
Bench where like he wasn't George Clue. He was aged
like a bad white.

Speaker 4 (11:51):
It wasn't good. So I took him out to this
bench because we didn't have a room. We were the
old romantic band, Tip of the Tip of the Hill.
So I jerked him off, meet me out. I'm not
gonna fuck him. I'm not a pig, so we go.
So the worst one was I was so drunk and
I was like, there's a little hill. I'm like, it
was gonna be funny if we rolled down the hill together.

(12:11):
And he's like what And then I rolled down the
hill and he watched disgusted.

Speaker 3 (12:14):
He's like, I say this one pussy, I rolled down.

Speaker 4 (12:16):
Covered in grass. So yeah, I was just fucking flipping
full dress.

Speaker 1 (12:25):
Glass. You rolled all the way to the airport, yeah, Sarah,
I almost should have. We go back.

Speaker 4 (12:31):
So everyone's in like the Honeymoon's wee thrill partying and
we're the only two people not there. I think he
was part of the wedding party. So we come back
in and I'm covered in grass, soaking wet, and I
was like.

Speaker 1 (12:40):
Where were you guys? I go I just jerked off
your buddy on the bitch, you.

Speaker 4 (12:44):
Know, for everybody, whole room movie is god disgusted, disgusted,
not one laugh.

Speaker 3 (12:50):
And I was like, I'm bombing.

Speaker 1 (12:52):
I'm bombing.

Speaker 4 (12:52):
And then I saw you.

Speaker 3 (12:53):
I was so drunk at the airport. Holy fuck, I
can't believe.

Speaker 1 (12:55):
On the plane, like you were like walking on Sunshine's
still drunk.

Speaker 4 (12:59):
Watch wow, I think you're like, can I remember You're
mentally I think something.

Speaker 1 (13:07):
It was like a comedy show, like in a hallway
at an airport. I was like, I was so entertaining
black turned this guy off. He ain't push the arrow.

Speaker 2 (13:15):
Down the hill.

Speaker 1 (13:17):
Now I'm here. I was like it was sea. Literally
was first sip of coffee.

Speaker 3 (13:23):
I was like, wait what, I was so mentally ill.

Speaker 1 (13:27):
No, and then me and Sarah were like you're the
fucking best you here, like this woman's sick.

Speaker 4 (13:32):
No.

Speaker 1 (13:32):
We were like we were like obsessively. We were already
we already loved your comedy, but we were like obsessed
after that. She's fucking living it, man, Oh I'm living it.

Speaker 3 (13:41):
I had sex this weekend in Tampa. I'm living it.

Speaker 1 (13:42):
I'm just do you get laid every show?

Speaker 3 (13:44):
No? I get laid on the road.

Speaker 4 (13:45):
I can't. I can't pull anything in La. I'm a
fucking inside out toad and lo I was smeared to god.
I honestly can't get laid here can ghost NonStop? I'm
bombing on. I'm bombing on the apps out here. I'll
tell you that I'm bombing. I'm bombing back.

Speaker 1 (13:58):
The apps is the mover I A.

Speaker 3 (14:00):
I try her all too nothing.

Speaker 4 (14:01):
I'm not getting ship out here, get stood up, getting
guys give me lame excuses.

Speaker 1 (14:05):
L A l A dating. It's not it's not indicative
of the rest of the world.

Speaker 4 (14:09):
No, that's why we go to Florida. I ad three
someme Miami.

Speaker 1 (14:12):
You got threesome in Miami.

Speaker 4 (14:14):
Also a bomb that too. I bombed that.

Speaker 3 (14:15):
One of the guys tapped out real soon. I was like, oh.

Speaker 1 (14:21):
Wait, it was like you guys were all making out,
and then he was like, O geez.

Speaker 3 (14:25):
It started. Yes, it started as the one guy making out.

Speaker 4 (14:27):
The other guy came in and the one guy immediately
left and the he lied on the floor.

Speaker 1 (14:31):
Well, maybe he didn't want to see another guy's peep.
He saw it.

Speaker 4 (14:34):
He didn't leave the room.

Speaker 1 (14:36):
Oh, he sat.

Speaker 4 (14:36):
It was like, but no, he barely watched. He was
lying on the on the on the ground, had a pillow.
He was getting all comfy on the ground on his phone.

Speaker 1 (14:48):
Are you are you? Are you sleeping with the homeless? Beggars?

Speaker 4 (14:53):
Aren't choosers?

Speaker 1 (14:54):
Okay, you know what.

Speaker 4 (14:55):
They cleaned their dick before. I make sure they cleaned
it before I asked them.

Speaker 1 (14:58):
I watched. I watched it for them.

Speaker 3 (15:00):
Can you imagine?

Speaker 1 (15:01):
I get that.

Speaker 4 (15:01):
That's what I'm like, Oh, fuck you, but I must
wash your penis first.

Speaker 1 (15:05):
So the road you're cleaning up, I'm cleaning up.

Speaker 2 (15:07):
On the road.

Speaker 1 (15:08):
What's your what's your town that you're like the fucking
queen of the town. It might Beago, like a Midwest Toronto.
I feel like Toronto and Chicago have like a love
I'm from Toronto. Was like, I know you're from but.

Speaker 3 (15:19):
I did not getting in Toronto either. Literally Chicago.

Speaker 4 (15:22):
I haven't fucked in Chicago.

Speaker 1 (15:24):
Florida's Florida word.

Speaker 4 (15:25):
I'm picking up these fucking weird the what's your type?
I'm I'm open, it's the whole game. Oh yeah, yeah,
we're not. We're not putting thighs on this. We got no, no, no, No,
we let letting them all in, letting too many in. No,
we're letting some disgusting pigs in there.

Speaker 1 (15:42):
But with like a giant like m M, A fighter
kind of guy.

Speaker 4 (15:47):
I want to want to.

Speaker 3 (15:49):
Be tossed around.

Speaker 1 (15:51):
He's like supple speaking of Oh my god, you are dielpping.

Speaker 4 (15:55):
Okay, So this this wrestler named Big Bill, he's me
w W. I asked him to do sketch with me
the other day in fucking in Florida as I root
through my purse for four and a half fucking hours. No, no,
I need to show you. This is me getting fucking
choke slammed. He had a fiance, because if he didn't,
I'll tell you what I would have. I would have
made some serious moves. No, I got fucking fully choke slam.

Speaker 1 (16:15):
With Wait in a sexual way?

Speaker 4 (16:17):
No, no, no, it was just weird doing a video.
Check out the airtime I get on this choke slam. Wait,
I'm what is this about?

Speaker 1 (16:24):
Can you send that to the producer? Can we wait? Yeah?
That wasn't a sexual thing.

Speaker 4 (16:29):
No, no, no, I'm doing the stupid video with him, but
I wanted to make a look sexual. But it's him
that it's just like a stupid it's just a characters thing.
It's a stupid character of Marcy. And I want to
pretend that I was trying to fuck him. That guy,
his name is Big Bill is there.

Speaker 1 (16:42):
He's a wrestler. So you were TikTok. I'm very old stupid.
Are you trying to that guy? I know he's married,
but if he wasn't married, I.

Speaker 4 (16:53):
Would have considerate consider it. I was soaking wet I
want sloped off the bed saying oh, with slippery slops
on that fucking Hamilton garden. And that's why they call
the garden. You gotta water the grass.

Speaker 1 (17:05):
It's your celebrity crush. If you could, if you could
waltz under the silver screen, John Ham.

Speaker 4 (17:11):
I want John Sam, John Sam. I want John Sam.
I want his Ham in and around my body wherever
he wants it.

Speaker 1 (17:16):
I interviewed him once, did you dere and very good
looking guy.

Speaker 4 (17:21):
Don't even watch that.

Speaker 1 (17:22):
I saw pictures of his dicking sweatpants. Yeah, he's ringing
a fucking ding dong dinner bell. He's got my man's
packing heat.

Speaker 4 (17:30):
He's got a fucking box of Kleenex pants.

Speaker 1 (17:33):
It's not big, it's you can sense he's got a
big dick, right, it's like radiating.

Speaker 4 (17:39):
He's got a horn on him.

Speaker 1 (17:40):
It would be so tragic if he took off his
pants and.

Speaker 4 (17:42):
I was like, like, i've seen that, you know funny
that is.

Speaker 1 (17:45):
Well, yeah, what have you done when you've seen a
micro guy little dick?

Speaker 3 (17:48):
I went, I sort of laughed.

Speaker 1 (17:50):
You were like the girl that laughed at your company show.

Speaker 4 (17:52):
There's this literally, this one guy. This he used to
be security guard at the Virgil. I'm dipping in very
close eyes. Anyways, he's very tall, and I assume why
thatt to be and there are no reason fairy close eyes.
He took his pants off and I went like, it
wasn't microL but like you have such a big body,
it's a small pinis.

Speaker 1 (18:09):
That's a that's a genetic crap shoes.

Speaker 4 (18:10):
That's why I announced that I have a big pussy.
I don't want anyone get to learn about you.

Speaker 3 (18:14):
Come in, you know what you're getting.

Speaker 4 (18:15):
I'm not.

Speaker 1 (18:16):
It's have you had the opposite experiencer. You took up
a guy's pants and it was like a fucking yes,
this guy read oh really, I was alarmed. Gigantic big
cock were you. Were you like yes, or were you
like oh?

Speaker 2 (18:25):
Fun night?

Speaker 4 (18:27):
I cracked my job, myself heeling chokeslam before I started
ready to go to start doing esophagus massages. Hold on
a second.

Speaker 1 (18:37):
Were you pumped or scared?

Speaker 2 (18:38):
No?

Speaker 1 (18:38):
I was. I was pumped.

Speaker 3 (18:40):
A big pussy needs a big dick. I can't be
having I gotta feel.

Speaker 4 (18:43):
Some down there.

Speaker 1 (18:44):
You just went because I have a friend. I won't
say her name, but she she told me she took
off a guy's pants one time and his phallus was
so large that she she was like you. She goes,
you gotta go home, and he goes, what do you mean?
She's like, I'm not putting that anywhere in my by.
I can't put that anywhere my Boddy. There's not a
single place top to bottom in my body that will sometime.

(19:08):
She made him go home.

Speaker 4 (19:09):
That's hilarious.

Speaker 1 (19:10):
It's grazy, right.

Speaker 4 (19:11):
Can I get Look?

Speaker 1 (19:15):
She might not have room for its I got.

Speaker 4 (19:19):
I've got a three car garage with a little upstairs attic.
I got some room, baby, baby, he's got some room
in there. I'm bulgary and it's wine set.

Speaker 2 (19:30):
With aridre with aerdre.

Speaker 1 (19:42):
What's the worst bomb? You've ever seen have you known
that that you weren't It wasn't you bombing? But was
there somebody? Have you ever seen episode?

Speaker 3 (19:49):
I made sure.

Speaker 4 (19:49):
I asked my friend if I could tell a story
because I read the email my friend Jessica Michelle, who's hilarious.
She bombed at the store a couple of weeks ago,
pretty bad, pretty pretty brutal. And she's dating this guy
and he's super nice, he's super sweet, and we're after
we're all outside and she's like, oh, that was that
was pretty rough and he's like, no, honestly, he's like, honestly, Jess,
people were laughing and like he's like going going on.

(20:12):
She's like kind of like, oh okay. He's like, honestly, Jess,
I would tell you. And I'm like, I hate to
burst your bubble.

Speaker 1 (20:18):
You ate ship?

Speaker 4 (20:20):
I go, you just bombed really fucking bad. And she's
like what And he's like staff, I'm like, I'm not
going to sit here and I'm not trying to fuck her.
You you can be a nice boyfriend, but I'm like,
you gotta tell her when she eat ship. And she
just ate ship right, like it was pretty brude. I mean,
but and she's hilarious, so it was like we all
all have her bombs and stuff, but it was just
like so cute that he was like, Oh, it wasn't
that bad.

Speaker 3 (20:39):
I'm like, not a single person laughed, and I.

Speaker 1 (20:44):
Can't. He can't.

Speaker 3 (20:45):
I think I think you can.

Speaker 4 (20:47):
I think if someone I don't know just started dating,
no it's been a year.

Speaker 1 (20:52):
I would want my girlfriend to lie to me and
just would you it's not that bad. Anybody. Everybody else
can tell me the truth, but my girlfriend I would want,
like I would want to sugarcoating.

Speaker 3 (21:00):
Okay, I get, I mean, yes, I mean I don't.

Speaker 1 (21:02):
Know what bombing is the only response you need. I
don't need. I don't need an outside person to tell me, oh,
it's okay, Oh it's not that bad. Oh it's a bomb.
It's crystal clear that it's a bomb. But then the audience,
an audience full of strangers, has let me know very
loudly that it's a bomb. I don't need to check
in with anyone else. I don't really need to. Comics.

Speaker 3 (21:24):
I think they're delusional and they like.

Speaker 1 (21:26):
Yeah, I think some comics are and they're and they're
always not good comics. Yes, well, they are they have
like laugh blindness or something, because I think they're in
like a heightened state of consciousness when they're up there,
or they're just so bad they're used to bombing, like
bombing is the norm and they think it's good. It's
never somebody who's great a comic.

Speaker 4 (21:44):
No, it's I literally it's crazy. If I anytime I
do like remotely bad, even if it's like somebody else's
comics is a great side of it wasn't delight in
my face. Don't lie to me. I know what I'm
doing up there. I can sense. I can sense the bombs.

Speaker 1 (21:57):
Yeah, I can.

Speaker 2 (21:58):
Yeah, you can totally sense.

Speaker 1 (22:00):
You're totally It's crystal clear to me. It's crystal clear
to me when it's it's not even just a bomb,
when it's like a mediocre or a medium set. I've
said in the middle of set, it's like, I know
this sets a C minus. I know this isn't my
best hurt bombing, but I know it ain't an A plus.
I know. You just know you know, And if you
don't know, you shouldn't do comedy because that's what it's like,

(22:23):
the most important part of your job is to know
where you are at. If you can't figure that out,
it's your job to be observant, and if you can't
observe yourself immediately, then you are illusional.

Speaker 2 (22:36):
A hole.

Speaker 3 (22:37):
I mean there's every then that's half the sceno here
in k hole.

Speaker 1 (22:40):
I want to know though, not just like, Hey, I
saw my friend bomb. I went like specifics, do you
have anything any details? Like I saw a bottle get
thrown at somebody. I saw a comic dropping a black
room and I.

Speaker 3 (22:54):
Gotta go to I gotta go to one.

Speaker 4 (22:55):
Okay, I don't know if I say my buddy Patrick,
I his last name case, He says, he this is
Montreal years ago, face called the Comedy Works. He comes
in from doing this this show across street a burrito
at a brito joint. He comes in, smug, He's got
a strut. He walks in, he goes, yeah, killed one show,
about to go up there kill the next one. We
want to party and he's like on one right, and

(23:16):
I'm like okay, and I'm like, he hasn't been in
this room seeing how they are whatever.

Speaker 3 (23:18):
He goes up, does this big wave. As he walks up,
people were like, who the fuck is this guy?

Speaker 4 (23:22):
Gets up starts going on about lord knows what, some
story about some girl in his house, and he goes,
this fucking dyke, this very butch lesbian in the crowd,
goes what he goes, I said, this fucking dyke says
it again, and I was like, buddy, buddy, Buddy, buddy,
read the silence.

Speaker 3 (23:43):
He keeps doing the story.

Speaker 4 (23:44):
He keeps doing the story, and I'm like, buddy, I'm
keep saying it. He's like, anyways, this bitch and I'm stop.
Cut the bombs so fucking bad. Walks off, still strutting,
don't know how he's just ready.

Speaker 3 (23:55):
Goes, I'm gonna need a shot after that one.

Speaker 4 (23:58):
You just bomb. But then he was still so smug.
And then I saw him eat a poutine in the snow.
After that, he was so drunk. He was eating a
wet poutine. I'm like, we have to leave right now.
It was I'll never forget how smug he was going on,
just like the amount of comfin and he wasn't that night.
He's a fun guy, but that was like insane. The

(24:18):
yell that I also didn't even need to be in
the story. He's like one of those stories are you
could have been like my roommate, he hadn't yelled out.
I'm like, oh, not a good word. And that was
years ago with when people were still saying that word
and it was still kind of acceptable. I don't know.
I was threatened my biggest I was threatened in Milwaukee.
A guy told he had two guns on him and
he waited for me up front of the show because
I pissed him off. He was fucking talking and he

(24:39):
wouldn't shut the fuck up. So I like kind of
start riffing with him. Yeah, and then he wouldn't stop,
and I was like, I asked, what different work. He's
like an inner city landlord. I had this clip online
because it's like kind of a viral because it and
people start booing him.

Speaker 3 (24:49):
Obviously it was a crowd. I'm an inter city landlord
and everyone's like boo.

Speaker 4 (24:52):
I'm like this hilarious.

Speaker 3 (24:53):
And then so I kind of make fun of him.

Speaker 4 (24:55):
I do a rift where I was like, I'm like,
he mentioned he has two guns, one on the hip,
one of my Glas compartment.

Speaker 3 (25:00):
I was like, why do you need a fucking a gun?

Speaker 4 (25:03):
Was the landlord.

Speaker 3 (25:03):
I'm like, I'm like, January second, you're on the guy's temple.

Speaker 1 (25:06):
Where's I'm like, that's looking crazy.

Speaker 4 (25:08):
So now I'm getting laughed and he's annoyed. So at
one point he's like, well, got the guns on me
and I'm like okay. So I'm like trying to go
too set and then he says something like he heels something.
I go what, and he goes, you better fucking watch yourself.

Speaker 1 (25:19):
And then I'm like murder. He's gonna comit a homicide.

Speaker 4 (25:22):
Yeah, and I go what, And then his girlfriend goes,
you heard him, You better fucking watch it, and I
was like, I look at the clock. I'm like, I'm
not doing a fifteen minutes. I'm getting the fuck off. Yeah,
So I like, wrap it up, I get off back.
He's freaking the funk out telling the security.

Speaker 3 (25:33):
I'm like, oh yeah, they go side.

Speaker 4 (25:35):
He's outside the front door, is pacing like what, and
I'm like, what you're gonna do to kill me?

Speaker 3 (25:40):
To kill me?

Speaker 1 (25:41):
It killed the comedian and then ruin the rest of
your own life A joke.

Speaker 3 (25:47):
This you wouldn't shut the fuck up to. It was psychotic.

Speaker 4 (25:50):
It was so scary.

Speaker 1 (25:51):
I'm glad we hand guns everybody the fuck.

Speaker 4 (25:54):
And here you go. Congratulations you go kill step total.

Speaker 1 (25:56):
With this terrifying sucks. What did you do?

Speaker 4 (25:59):
I didn't Dory then I'll tell you that I stayed
in the green room for a couple more minutes. So
I was pretty freaked out.

Speaker 1 (26:05):
How did you get back to your hotel?

Speaker 4 (26:07):
The club owner drove me.

Speaker 1 (26:08):
I would have called the police.

Speaker 4 (26:09):
No, I was pretty freaked out. That's the first time
I got that scared. They mad sure, they banned him,
so they had his credit card and everything, so he
can't go back to the club. But I was like,
it was really fucking and I was scared to post
the clipsuse I'm like, you can't see him, you can
hear him, but I was like, I don't want him
to see this and get mad at me. I was like,
so I go back to Milwaukee. I have to make
sure that guy's not there Milwaukee.

Speaker 2 (26:26):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (26:26):
I know it was bad, I don't know. I know,
eight like ten years I'm cool off, damn it. I
had a guy recently at a bar in fucking Highland Park.
I was like, I was with some friends. This wasn't
even a comedy show. But he was definitely nuts and violent,
Like he was just his energy. He was pacing around

(26:47):
and being weird to everyone. I just felt like this
guy was bad fucking news. I sat at the corner
of the bar and he's I'm on like a ninety
degree angle. He's like here and I'm here corner of
the bar, and then he was saying strange stuff to me.
I could tell he wanted to get in the conversation,
but his energy was like like twitchy and like eh.

(27:07):
And then like I went up to the girl I
was dating at the time. I was like, maybe if
I like make out with she was my girlfriend, but
we just started making out. Maybe if I make out
with my boo, he'll get a hint and like not
try to engage. So I like went over to her
and I was like being like sweetie and like gave
her a kiss, and then like he interjected and he

(27:29):
was like you're not gonna shake my hand or something,
and I was like, oh no, here we go. And
then I was like like everything went calm, you know
when like fight flight or freeze. Everything like slowed down.

Speaker 2 (27:41):
In my mind.

Speaker 1 (27:41):
I was like, this guy's fucking nuts. He could have
a knife. It was just like nothing made sense either,
Like I hadn't talked to him. I had no idea
he was. So I just like looked at the bartender.
I go, I'm gonna call the police, tell the security
this guy's about to attack me. And then like his
his brain short so and I called. I picked up
the phone and PUTT nine one one on speed do.

(28:03):
I go, hey, I'm at such and such address. This
guy's threatening to do me and my girlfriend physical harm. Uh,
And I like and then he was like short circuited.
He was like I was looking for a fight, but
this guy is using like different tactics then I'm used
to or something. And he just walked. He just like
got up and like slammed his drink and like be

(28:24):
lined out of here. And then I asked somebody, I go,
I go, was that your buddy? Said somebody. I knew
that was like he was hovering next to you earlier.
She goes, oh, no, he comes in here all the time.
That guy's is psychopath. Get rid of them. You need
to all dangerous.

Speaker 3 (28:41):
No, we can't be having dangerous people crazy.

Speaker 1 (28:43):
It's fucking crazy. But that feeling sucks. I hate that ship.
I hate that shop.

Speaker 4 (28:49):
When you're on stage because I was like, this guy
could shoot me. Right now, I'm standing here to big
purple jumpsuit like Barney in front.

Speaker 3 (28:55):
You can easily fucking get.

Speaker 2 (28:57):
Me with a record, prey with a record.

Speaker 1 (29:11):
Pray Oh, I have one for the wasted on stage.

Speaker 4 (29:15):
Okay, I had worse I got. I got worse than wasted.

Speaker 1 (29:20):
On propofolo m A, oh yeah, that's not good.

Speaker 3 (29:25):
I've been drunk on stage.

Speaker 1 (29:26):
I've done Okay, I was a blast. I didn't do well.

Speaker 4 (29:30):
I see I did not have a blast. I did
not know. Okay, I was hosting this competition again in Toronto.
Disclosure was in town Love Disclosure, Love to Take. It's
so cool.

Speaker 1 (29:44):
That such a good song.

Speaker 4 (29:45):
So they're fucking great. So I got My sister was there.
It was for a birthday. So I was like, okay,
I'm like, I'm going to host the show. At the
end of the show, I'm like, they're doing some tally
for votes.

Speaker 3 (29:53):
I host it.

Speaker 4 (29:53):
I'm like, I'll do like five minutes, we'll take the
M and then we'll leave. I don't know, but I
have to do thirty minutes for them to tell you
the votes. So I take the M right for the
last comic goes on. The guy comes up to me
guys running and goes, hey, you're ready for your thirty.
I'm like thirty, I did twenty off the top and
I'm now I'm like, oh boy. I get on stage,
it hits like you know what he did that good
mall and you're like, damn, I remember, I just like

(30:17):
sinking and it's kind of like rubbing my legs and
then just all the lights became this congealed blob.

Speaker 3 (30:23):
There's no way, I said a joke. There's no fucking way.

Speaker 4 (30:25):
And I look off stage and I just see my
sister just like licking her lips.

Speaker 3 (30:28):
Like on the side.

Speaker 4 (30:29):
I'm like, it was the strongest molle ever had my
fucking life. And we both were like melting, and I
was like any minute now the votes in me tally
and they had like they let me early and got
me off because I was like and then the guy
was so mad at me after He's like that was
so unprofessional.

Speaker 3 (30:42):
I can't believe that.

Speaker 2 (30:43):
I was like.

Speaker 4 (30:45):
Fucking half an hour.

Speaker 1 (30:46):
Who is this guy.

Speaker 4 (30:48):
This guy who's changed his name three times, He's done something.
He's one of those bookers in Toronto who had had
a one name and now something else. You're like, what
did you do?

Speaker 1 (30:54):
What does he want from you? You're tallying a fucking
thing for him?

Speaker 2 (30:58):
How much?

Speaker 1 (30:59):
Act like fifty bucks? It's stupid?

Speaker 3 (31:02):
No, but it was kiss my ass.

Speaker 4 (31:04):
It was. It was bad. It was very bad.

Speaker 1 (31:06):
I don't think that was bad. I think that was amazing.
I think they gave that that that audience will never forget.

Speaker 4 (31:11):
That they were like this.

Speaker 1 (31:11):
I saw the Sober to Molly conversion on stage.

Speaker 4 (31:16):
I did coke once before I went on That was stupid. Yeah, why,
I was just like I did man it? How did
How did Robin Williams and Richard Pryor do that all
the time?

Speaker 1 (31:24):
It's crazy, Like I did coke on stage, like right
before I went on stage once and my heart was
beating out of my Oh yeah, And I was like
this was the norm for Robin Williams and George Carlin
and Richard Pyer like free base. My mind was like
I was crazy and it was just like a tout.
It was like whoop. And I was because the stage

(31:45):
you're already on cocaine naturally.

Speaker 4 (31:46):
Yeah, because I think we both have that thing like
we go on we're fucking high energy, Like I don't
already think I'm Unclecainee every show, I was like, what
do you want?

Speaker 1 (31:53):
I'm not on psychotic adrenaline. I'm on adrenaline and nerves
and anxiety.

Speaker 4 (31:58):
And crushing and pressure, wondering if a man of Milwaukee's
a gun and he's ready here to show.

Speaker 1 (32:02):
Me so to do? Like mainline cocaine. Like those guys
did how I were nuts? They were really nuts. They
were fucking every how did they live?

Speaker 3 (32:13):
If I have three drinks that I start to slur them, there,
I go.

Speaker 1 (32:17):
It's crazy, it's off crazy.

Speaker 4 (32:19):
You don't drink free those sages.

Speaker 1 (32:21):
Never because I don't like being sloppy. I like I
like being nervous on stitch. I have a couple.

Speaker 3 (32:25):
I'm good with two two three two.

Speaker 1 (32:27):
If it's a show, I don't give a fuck about
it's I'm not doing it for pay, and I'm just
like and I'm not even working out new stuff. I'm like, Hey,
I'm visiting a friend in New Orleans, but my buddy's
got a comedy show. I'll go on. I'll do five
minutes whatever. And I've been drinking Gin and Tonics all
day whatever. If it's just for funiture, but if I'm
working on new material, and I really want to know
what's wrong with it, or I'm doing a paid gig.

(32:49):
If I'm doing like University of whatever Wisconsin or whatever,
then I want to be sharp. I want to be sharp.
I'm not. I'm not because I need to care that
the jokes work, and if I'm under the influence, I
don't care if the jokes work. Really, yeah, I need
to be I need to be nervous. I need to
be anxious and nervous about it, or I'm a fucking
on the road.

Speaker 4 (33:07):
Never. I always I like a couple two tequila sotas.
That's my nice spot, right.

Speaker 1 (33:11):
For I won't say never. I won't say never, but
for stand up especially like I I don't know, I
just want to be nervous. Yeah, I don't want to
be nervous. That's kind of nerdy. I'm like the opposite
of month.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
Like.

Speaker 1 (33:23):
Afterwards, I'm like looking for like, I'm like, what's the
airwan equivalent in this town? I need organic vegetables. And
then I like take a shower and I'm in bed
by like nine thirty.

Speaker 4 (33:34):
And I'm sucked by some weird man that was at
my show. I'm not always like that. I'm discussing. Yeah,
my specialty. No, I'm looking. I'm girls. I gotta get
tested next week. I uh the nightmare, God damn it.

Speaker 3 (33:51):
I can test it all the time. I love getting tested.

Speaker 4 (33:54):
My fair thing to do. Ah F at Hollywood Western
Free Clinic.

Speaker 1 (33:58):
Take my blood every five bucks in there.

Speaker 4 (34:00):
I'm rth.

Speaker 1 (34:01):
So I'm such a hypoconjecting the doctor every fucking every
other week.

Speaker 3 (34:05):
I think I aides every day.

Speaker 1 (34:06):
So I have to.

Speaker 4 (34:06):
I literally have to go back and I'm not drying.
I go in. I asked, That's what I asked the guy.
So we didn't use a CONDOMCA.

Speaker 3 (34:11):
I'm an idiot, but.

Speaker 1 (34:12):
I asked, what is that hypoconject?

Speaker 4 (34:15):
It doesn't make any fucking sense. I literally I ask
every guy. I'm like two aids and I go, you
know you legally at the time of the truth. I
don't know if that's real. I say it is, I
say it is. I'm like, legally you can be resident,
you know. I think it is true.

Speaker 3 (34:26):
I heard that one somewhere.

Speaker 4 (34:28):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (34:28):
Anyways, I'm gonna test it on Monday. Do you want
to go?

Speaker 1 (34:30):
Should we go together?

Speaker 4 (34:34):
Clinic?

Speaker 1 (34:34):
I love going the.

Speaker 4 (34:35):
One over there is fun, though, yeah, one woman that
takes my bloods. She's like, she's always so chipper. She
ss like, okay, time for the brick one two three.
I'm like, she tells me, I've aids. I'm not going
to be upset because she's actually like all pumped up
about it. She's so pleasant. I hope I have her
on Monday, Cecilia, I think her name is. I hope
I have her. Thanks for coming, Thanks for having me.

Speaker 1 (35:01):
All right, listen up, we got some sposial for you.
Got a burning story that you're itching to tell about
when you bombed or absolutely failed in life. Now's your
chance to tell me all about it. Babo. I want
to hear your worst, most cringe worthy what the fuck
was I thinking? What just happened moment? So pick up
your phone and dial seven one six Bombing. That's seven

(35:22):
one six two six six twenty four sixty four and
leave me a voicemail and we might just play it
on a future episode. Bombing with Eric Andre is brought
to you by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and
iHeart Podcast. Our executive producer is Olivia Aguilar. Our producer
is Bei Wang. Our research assistant is David Carliner, our
editor in sound designers Andy Harris, and our art is

(35:42):
by Dylan Vanderberg. Go rate US five stars and drop
a review on your podcast app A choice
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Host

Eric Andre

Eric Andre

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