July 16, 2025 • 31 mins
We're back with another classic episode this week. Eric and long-time friend Dulce Sloan talk about their time doing stand-up aka trauma bonding! She talks about a moment bombing at a sports bar and the expectation of audiences who dress up to go out. Scattered laughter makes your time on stage last an eternity, especially when no one is laughing at the right points of your joke. Think of it as a microwave running. Later they talk about Dulce's dating life and the worst bomb she witnessed. Let's just say, beer and shots deals are beautiful, but not when you say the same joke THREE. TIMES.
Tell us your most cringeworthy bombs! Call 716-BOMBING (716-266-2464) and leave a voicemail.
For all things Eric Andre and Bombing follow @ericfuckingandre (Instagram) and @ericandre (TikTok).
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome and Bombing with They're Condrey, the podcast where I
talk with friends, comedians, musicians, and other creative people about
their worst moments on stage and truly embarrassing themselves in
front of a live audience. Our guest this week is
a woman I absolutely adore.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
She takes no shit, she takes no prisoners. Seen her
all over television doing voiceover and your favorite animated shows.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
It's do Say Sloan.
Speaker 4 (00:26):
Bombing with eric Andre.
Speaker 5 (00:33):
Wait wait, wait, you're telling me, Eric Andre want instructure,
a little bit of.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Structure, a little bit of organized chaos. I just want
to like a piece of paper to fall back up. Okay, cool, cool,
Well we could just hang fuck it. It's a podcast
about bombing, so that's gonna come up naturally. All you
have to tell is a bombing story.
Speaker 5 (00:50):
I remember I was meeting some of my cousin's friends
one day. He's an artist, and I was having dinner
with all his artsy fucking friends and this motherfucker I
had just met. He was like, so tell me about
when you bombed.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
And I went, no, why because it's too traumatic.
Speaker 5 (01:08):
I said, I just met you. He's like, I'm just
saying I was just like, then, tell me about the
time that you had a traumatic event happened. No, I
just fucking met you, bro, I'm not finna see a
traumatic event. Nigga, I don't know your last name the
fuck and his friends were like, oh no, and I said,
I don't give a fuck about you or your head. No,
(01:29):
fuck this, little nigga, I'm not doing that. No, I
don't know this man. Shit was wild. Well, I just
wanted you to just share experiences. No, you want to
sit on the trauma bomb with me, bitch. I don't
know you and you too little to fuck so please relax.
Wait are we doing this?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. On the thing, man, we got
to talk about bombing. I want to hear your bombing story.
I want to hear the worst time you ever bombed,
so and I want to hear any bomb you experience,
or any cringey incident that you had in a in
a performance. It could even be like I saw Beyonce
(02:05):
at the Rose Bowl and she.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
I can say, Okay, what's it?
Speaker 2 (02:13):
And I know it's deeply personal and traumatic, but please shoo.
Speaker 5 (02:18):
I can say that the worst bomb I ever had.
I don't think people would consider a bomb, but it's
just something that had bugged me. It haunts you not anymore,
but like for a good six months. Oh yeah, really
fucked with me.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
I have a bomb from like five years ago. It
still haunts me.
Speaker 5 (02:37):
Oh so because people don't realize. It's like because and
I was and I was like still early in So
I was at this place called Barnacles. So you know,
people love a sports bar.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Okay, and what years? This paint us a picture?
Speaker 2 (02:50):
What city?
Speaker 5 (02:52):
So I'm in Atlanta. I'm still like a baby comic.
I want to say twenty ten, twenty eleven, because I
have my apartment and so I'm out of sports Bar
that's like down the street from where I grew up,
literally two miles three miles in Atlanta. So I'm on
Jimmy Carter place called Barnacles. So sports Bar is like
(03:15):
a seafood place and it's a urban show. You know. One,
black rooms are always harder because people don't realize why
black rooms are harder. It's because we.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Break down for our audience. White black rooms are black rooms.
Speaker 5 (03:26):
Are hard because, and I think it's one of my theories.
It's because so when black people go out, we get dressed.
So first of all, I got dressed, I got a babysitter.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Like there's a production.
Speaker 5 (03:45):
Went into this wasn't a casual anytime black people go out. Yeah,
we get dressed. So I bought an outfit first of all.
Then I bought tickets second of all. Then they're a
two to three ITA minimum.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Up and a baby and a babysitter going on.
Speaker 5 (04:02):
In the back, and a babysitter if they have show.
I'm saying, all black people got kids, but if you
have a babysitter, babysitter. But what happened for sure is outfit,
tickets to item minimum.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Right, So they want results the comedian steps on stage,
they want results.
Speaker 5 (04:18):
Every time you talk, they are counting money. Every word
out your mouth is dollars and cents my gas. I
might have had to pay the part, yeah, yeah, I
might have had to run through five days of traffic
to get in this fucking place. Then security might have
shook me down. So it's like there's a lot going
into coming into this show at a fucking sports bar.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Yeah, and you have the nerve to not bring the heads,
to not bring the.
Speaker 5 (04:47):
Heads and the other the thing is about when it
comes to urban rooms, because big Kenny mentored me.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
Meet Big Kenny.
Speaker 5 (04:54):
He's a great he's a great man. He's in Atlanta.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Where's Big Kenny? Get Big Kenny to the York Listen.
Speaker 5 (05:01):
He got he got kids, he got a wife.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
But bring up, let's make a special trip ice skating
at that thirty round.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
I'll take him to Mama Mia Lion King.
Speaker 5 (05:11):
We got to come through. But I mean, I make
sure I mentioned him at all times.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
So he's like the mentor.
Speaker 5 (05:16):
He's mentoring me, and so he taking me. He is.
But I also realized that, like a lot of things,
I think because I came in and everyone knew me
because I was like he was helping me and all
this other stuff, I think there's a lot of bullshit
when I first started out that I didn't have to
(05:36):
deal with because like a lot of girls talk about, like,
you know, men being a certain way with them, but
I literally like heard comments go, oh, that's that's the
girl Big Kenny is, And they didn't want to piss
off Big Kenny because they would have lost spots.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
So he protected you.
Speaker 5 (05:52):
Yeah, and even when he wasn't even there.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
You were under his wing.
Speaker 5 (05:55):
Yeah, So was it his weak tic ship? And then
but I knew all these other comics because I had
been like hanging around comedy clubs two years before I
even started. So it's a bunch of comics that I
just knew. So when I started out, they were like, oh, no,
this is leave her alone. Don't like they mean they
have no idea, but like, oh, you.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Were like Tony Soprano's daughter.
Speaker 5 (06:16):
Basically, it was like, oh you cool with something, Okay, well,
don't with some nigga once while I would say something slick.
But for the most part, there was a lot of
bullshit that I didn't put up with as a female
comics starting out in urban rooms. That because there was
Big Kenny and I knew a lot of the comics
before I started. It was a lot of oh, she good,
(06:38):
she good.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
Yeah, you know, don't anybody're almost spoiled by that. It's
not I'm spoiled, but I mean like, going into this
particular night, well you were almost like, well, I'm protected,
Big Kenny's got vouch for me and see, but this
is that scrambled a little bit because you were like,
I'm gonna be everything's gonna be just dandy.
Speaker 5 (06:57):
Well, the thing is, so at this point I was
doing both rooms that I was only doing mainstream rooms
at this point because even though I didn't put up
a bullshit from like people, yeah, I still wasn't getting
up because I was a girl, right, So I still
wasn't getting a lot of time in urban rooms. So
I started just doing more mainstream rooms. Well, people also
don't realize what big king he taught me was in
(07:18):
urban rooms, you have a laugh every thirty second.
Speaker 4 (07:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (07:22):
Think about the number of times you put to a
white show just still doing his setup, and I'm like.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Wow, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (07:28):
A two minute fucking setup.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Yeah really yeah. It's like when I watch Earthquake or
I watched j Anthony Brown, like those guys like the
setup is punchlines.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
I'm the way to the punchline.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
And that it's like every sentence it's like the machine gun.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
You're like, what the fuck? Their writing is just like unbelievable.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
And then you're like you watch those guys, You're like, oh, yeah,
you have to get a laugh every sentence. Yes, on
the way to the big Yes.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Laugh and that better big people laugh.
Speaker 5 (07:56):
But if you watch me, that's how I do my joke.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Yeah yeah, yeah, it makes you strong. I mean, urban
rooms make you you go back to the mainstream room.
You're like, I've been lifting five hundred pound weights days,
but they.
Speaker 5 (08:08):
Make you strong if you can get on stage. Yeah,
And that's the other thing. So what happened at this
particular so this particular evening at Barnacles.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Barnacles and it was like are the football games going
on the fucking flat screen and attention?
Speaker 5 (08:24):
But because of the but the host, to his credit,
made them turn the TVs off.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
Huh, but some times that brings animosity.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
At the top of the thing.
Speaker 5 (08:34):
Well, what they said was he was.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
On a stage of the guys on the floor.
Speaker 5 (08:38):
There was a slight stage, slight stages, but everything was
directed towards that stage because we were in the different room.
And he was like, yo, if you want to watch
the game, because it was almost like a big event
room because they had the chairs all turned to the
stage and they're like He was like, listen, if you
want to watch the game, you go to the baray.
We haven't shown here.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
Okay, that's fair.
Speaker 5 (08:56):
That's a good way to I was like, God, bless, Yeah,
that's a good way to do it. Number of times
I have had to tell jokes in front of a championship.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Oh I've been. I've been like they just walked me
out with no in. I've been in a sports bar.
They just magically turned off all the TVs, didn't announce shit,
and I just had to walk out amongst tables and
chairs and just start telling jokes in like a sports
bar in Florida, I called it.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
They're just like what? People are like what?
Speaker 2 (09:23):
And then they're like, is one of the waiters talking
for some reason into a microphone? And the first like
five to ten minutes are just people comprehending what's going on.
And by then it's over like you're just bombing Like
they're like, stop talking. I was just watching basketball out.
Speaker 5 (09:39):
I call that Kamakazi comedy. You are living your life trap.
You are living your life, watching the game, eating some
mediocre wings, and then all of a sudden, so uh,
you guys ever know bitch, we have it are?
Speaker 3 (09:54):
They're like, who the fuck is this guy? The bus
boy won't shut the fuck.
Speaker 5 (09:57):
Up, sir, who let you in here? Secure security?
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Come get this mad oh man? Those shows are awful. Okay,
So the host is on stage and he goes, you
guys want to watch the gamestead of the bar, watch
the show. We're here for a show.
Speaker 5 (10:12):
Because there are people that bought tickets to the show,
and then people just want to watch the game. But
there's like a pool table like way off in the
back and people are actually playing pool, but they're kind
of like paying attention. And so I probably went up
like dead in the middle, because that's the thing I
like to do. People like, oh, they want to go
up last, they want to go up first.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
No, I'll be fifth, yeah, third, fourth.
Speaker 5 (10:30):
Third, fourth, fifth, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Why Yeah, that's a sweet.
Speaker 5 (10:33):
That's how you know you've been working as a comic
where you're like, I'll go third.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (10:38):
Also, I need to whoever is listening if you are
a comic, going last does not mean you headlined.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
No, not on not on those shows. That's just like
a showcase show.
Speaker 5 (10:51):
Going last means you closed.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Yes.
Speaker 5 (10:54):
Also, yes, stop calling me and Eric Andre to come
to your show to go last. And when we say
we want to go third, yeah, well you know.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
What the audience Yeah yeah, I hate that if your.
Speaker 5 (11:08):
Audience leaves because I left.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
That's all.
Speaker 5 (11:11):
That's all.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
That's not me, that's true. I always feel guilty and
I'm like okay, all right, I'll go last. And then
I'm waiting like seven hours through a bunch of like nonsense,
and I'm like, I don't even know that. This is
just a guy that got me email from somebody that
I don't even know. Like, I'm like, well, I don't
know anybody. This guy's paying me thirteen bucks to sit
on a seven hour.
Speaker 5 (11:34):
Getting paid. You have to be respectful of people's time.
You have to be respectful of the fact that I've
been doing this for twelve thirteen years. I already did
this telling jokes in a fucking basement of a pizza
restaurant in twenty two.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
I feel guilty.
Speaker 5 (11:50):
You can't. There's no no because you didn't do anything wrong.
Somebody is wasting your time. You worked hard enough to go.
This is when I'd like to go.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Yeah, you're right.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
Third is my sweets, third or fourth.
Speaker 5 (12:03):
The third or four, fifth, and so so.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
You're there in your play. You're going up, fifth, going up?
How are the comics? How are the comics before you doing?
Speaker 5 (12:11):
The comics that do urban rooms killer, the comics that
do mainstream rooms not killing. No, the two comics in Atlanta.
I saw the bet that could Clayton English, seamless between
doing a mainstream room and an urban room.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
That's the fucking sweet spot.
Speaker 5 (12:29):
Seamless.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
That's why he's fucking amazing.
Speaker 5 (12:31):
He's a beast. Rob Hay, same thing. He's a beast
Clayton English. I'm talking about no difference, and I know
when I so, I know when I do urban room. Okay,
I have to be you know, a little bit more
more energy. You talk a little faster about it. It's
bout by by by by by bye, because a little
more that's just what it is. Clayton English. Yeah, I've
(12:53):
been watching this man because he's one of the first
comics I've been watching Clayton he was just two thousand
and seven. Because I said in one day, I was like,
do you know I've known you since I was twenty
seven years old? He said, your nigga, get away from it?
Speaker 3 (13:05):
Were you like falling in love with him?
Speaker 2 (13:06):
And I just I just.
Speaker 5 (13:08):
Talked sweet but I'm just like, you know, I have
no use since I was like twenty seven. Yeah, he
said what I said, I'm I'm thirty nine. He said,
get away from it.
Speaker 4 (13:17):
Out my face.
Speaker 5 (13:18):
He's like, I love you, but back up, he was
not trying to hear it at all. And it's weird
to think about that. I've known this niggas two thousand
and seven. But if you watched it, it was very
up and down. The audience was very up and down, okay,
and people were kind of like coming in and out
of and the room got settled a little bit before
I went up, And this is this is the thing.
(13:42):
Did I bomb bomb? No? I saw the comics on
the show eat a bag of dude, which I know
confuses people will go, why is it? Why is that
called bombing? I don't know what it's called eating dick.
I don't know what's called I don't know why bombing destroyed.
I don't, I don't. These are the terms for you.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Yeah, yeah, it's true.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
I don't know why bombing means one thing, and destroyed
me as the opposite.
Speaker 5 (14:04):
But right, and so oh that's interesting bombing and destroyed
means too. I'm destroyed, said, I bombed horribly horrific.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
So what happened?
Speaker 5 (14:13):
I feel like I'm not leaving out a key thing
that's gonna try to explain to you. If someone else
watched me, yeah, they wouldn't think that I bombed.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
What affected you that it's stuck to your ribs for
six months.
Speaker 5 (14:27):
I couldn't get everyone in the room to laugh at
the same time.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
There's little pockets.
Speaker 5 (14:33):
It was every other person, every other joke. So someone
I had just made laugh my next joke, I couldn't
get him to laugh. And then they're sitting at a
table together. This would fuck me up. I watched one table.
They would laugh at every other joke, but they didn't
(14:53):
laugh at the same time, so neither one of them
found the same thing funny at the same time.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Did this make you second logically unraveled?
Speaker 4 (15:01):
Did you?
Speaker 5 (15:01):
Because I couldn't because there was you.
Speaker 3 (15:04):
Couldn't figure out what.
Speaker 5 (15:05):
I couldn't figure out how to fix it because there
was one table that was laughing the whole time, some
tables that weren't laughing at all, and then it was
other tables that were every other joke every other person.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
So I was like, I got in your head.
Speaker 5 (15:17):
Because I couldn't figure out if I have just bomb bombed,
I can accept the bomb right. They didn't like it.
You fucking do your time, you move on.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
This was more of a mental.
Speaker 5 (15:27):
This, yes, because it's like I couldn't find the right
thing to get them all and it fuck it fucked
with me so bad because it was like, as a comic,
you're like, okay, because when you're getting to like because
this is when of the first time they started doing
like a ten minute set, were just started to do
ten minute sets, right, so that's enough time to get
(15:47):
people or lose people, or get them or lose them
and bring them back. But there's enough to in a
ten minute set, because when you first start doing ten
minute sets, it feels like a fucking.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
It's a long ten minutes ten minutes.
Speaker 5 (16:01):
People are realize, like you don't realize how long time.
Like the only time like you think about time like
this is when you're microwaving something. We're like a minute
and a half is like, oh, my children, my children,
like a minute and a half of the microwave is dead.
That's what it's like.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
We first start feeling a good point. Yes, the microwave
feels long like nothing else except stand up. If someone
told microwaving.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
And stand up are weirdly similar, yes, if you never
thought about.
Speaker 5 (16:29):
It, If someone looked at you in the face and said,
wait for a minute and a half, you.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
Go, what, Yeah, what do you mean yeah.
Speaker 5 (16:35):
A little minute, yeah, a minute and a half go.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
You're like, I don't know, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (16:40):
You fucking scratch your hasks need to be done. You're like,
this is what, Yeah, but a microwave the sands have done, yeah,
or moving and your food's still not hot. So you're like,
birds have stopped flapping.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
So wait a minute, so you get off stage.
Speaker 5 (16:57):
So this was the weird part. It's I'm on stay
and in my mind it's like, but some people are laughing,
You're fine, But there was just I just couldn't wrap
my head around what was going on because it was like, listen,
I don't do I always do great in urban rooms.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
No.
Speaker 5 (17:14):
Also, I mean it just by nature intimidating, but they
want to be intimidating because the open mic at Uptown
was literally called Boo Night, and they stopped booming and
they was just shake their keys at people like nigga,
go home.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
It's a possum amount of.
Speaker 5 (17:35):
Your dreams, bab get out of here. You see what
I'm saying. So it fucked me up because I couldn't.
I think would bug me the most is it was
every other person laughing at every other joke, which meant
that I didn't know what anybody liked because of it.
It was a bunch of people. If there was ever
(17:57):
a moment where everyone laughed at the same thing, then
I would go boom, Okay, that's what I need to do.
Speaker 4 (18:02):
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
So did this affect you because it made you psychologically
unravel about.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Your entire set.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Yes, and you were like everything I built is just
crumbled into It was like a house of cards and
it just fucking crumbled.
Speaker 5 (18:18):
It made me think more about me as a performer.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Yeah, because question you brought. It brought everything into questions.
Speaker 5 (18:25):
It made me question things because it was just like
one It's like there's urban room in the there's.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
A hood room. Oh yeah, like like people have guns
at the table, which I don't know.
Speaker 4 (18:40):
With aer Condre.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
With aer Condre, how was your love life? Put it
all out on the table. No boundaries here. That's a
new premise of the show, No boundary. I am you're
on Hinge. I got off all of those. You're on Riyah.
Speaker 5 (19:07):
Rayah is racist as ship?
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Is it?
Speaker 3 (19:08):
They don't accept black people.
Speaker 5 (19:09):
Let me tell you something. I could not.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
I'm on blast.
Speaker 5 (19:12):
I could not. I'll say this.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
I it's a white people app.
Speaker 5 (19:16):
It's a very wuch of white people app. You had
to have it first of all. It's like you have
to have iphoney use it. But the fun thing about
that app.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Is that I'm old enough to remember Black Planet.
Speaker 5 (19:25):
Do you know they're still on the internet, that's still
the website.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
I'm the fucking goddamn president a black planet.
Speaker 5 (19:30):
How do we buy a black planet?
Speaker 2 (19:32):
I don't know. I think it's called something else now,
still black black planet. I was on Black Planet and
Jay Day I.
Speaker 5 (19:38):
Was on Black Wait. I was on black Planet. I
was on me hin.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Have you ever dated a white guy? Yes, a Jewish man.
Jewish man love have you not heard?
Speaker 5 (19:46):
I have a whole bit about it.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Really, Oh, Jewish men love you.
Speaker 5 (19:49):
They I mean they love working for me. I'll say
that my manager and my.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Lawyer, and unbelievable. That's damn y.
Speaker 5 (20:04):
I can't stand you. Those men are very much happily married,
and I'm very sad, No i am.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
But they're in a polyamorous, open relationship and you're there one.
I'm just putting that out there.
Speaker 5 (20:16):
No, they're very nice, but I can't say if it
wasn't for the white means, is I would not have
had sex between twenty sixteen and twenty eighteen.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Wait, so the white guys, sir.
Speaker 5 (20:26):
It's yeah, I mean it's I also, but the first
dominating you? Well they I've never known a white man
dominate me. Uh that man? Is that man? Is Persian?
Love life non existent? How'd your love life?
Speaker 4 (20:39):
I love?
Speaker 2 (20:40):
I love LIFs good. I'm sure yours is LIFs good.
Speaker 5 (20:43):
Yeah, I'm sure you're a nice little you know, some
interesting girl.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
Hanging out with a gal?
Speaker 5 (20:48):
That makes sense?
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Hanging out with a gal?
Speaker 5 (20:50):
Did you're dropping it off in no? Uh my? Uh
my love life? Since I moved here, I've been in
a biblical.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Wait wait wait, hold on?
Speaker 2 (21:00):
When did you move here twenty seventeen? I thought you've
been here for like a decade.
Speaker 5 (21:04):
I was in La before that.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Well, we are going to find you the Dominican Persian
love of your love.
Speaker 5 (21:11):
Listen, this is what happens to be Jewish.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Did you and he's going to be giant? Why don't
you date a w c W wrestler. I'm going to
hook you up with a wrestler. I got John Cena's number.
Would you make love to John? I think he's married.
Speaker 5 (21:24):
Well, the other thing.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
What wrestler is your type, I'm going to match make
you with the wrestler. I love Jewish, so I love matchmaking.
Who's your celebrity crush and who's your ideal?
Speaker 5 (21:33):
My celebrity crush is Michael Strahan.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Michael Strahan because he's beautiful wrestler. Wise, I don't have
access to Michael Strahan. Wrestlers love me. Wrestlers and porn
people love me.
Speaker 5 (21:44):
Those USO boys are cute, the USO boys.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
So you'd be in a throuple, I would be.
Speaker 5 (21:49):
I mean one of them is married to a black girl.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
What about the other one.
Speaker 5 (21:52):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
That's your guy? You're so brothers.
Speaker 5 (21:56):
Yeah, that's so cute us oh, which I think.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Might Oh so they're big samoan dude.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
Yeah oh yeah, Okay.
Speaker 5 (22:07):
I like men being like that. I want to feel
a dancy.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Oh yes, okays, so bros.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
I I it's a whole lot of man. Yeah, twins.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
So you can get him confused, and you can fuck
the other one if you get pissed out.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
The other one.
Speaker 5 (22:19):
Ones just married and I don't fucking married man.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Okay, that's fine, that's fair.
Speaker 4 (22:22):
Fair.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
If you want to be all lamb about it. My
goal in life is do you think you've ever fucked
married man?
Speaker 4 (22:28):
And you have?
Speaker 5 (22:29):
I didn't know you're fucked up. He didn't tell me.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
How dare you ruin this sanctity?
Speaker 5 (22:34):
He never wore a ring and he didn't tell me
he was married.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
Find out when.
Speaker 5 (22:38):
I saw I saw him like a year or two later,
and he had a ring on, and I was like,
what was excuse me?
Speaker 4 (22:44):
Really?
Speaker 2 (22:44):
You confronted about it? Yeah, And I was like a
nigga for a year or two goes by, he could
have got married in that year or two.
Speaker 5 (22:50):
He had been married for And I was like, sir,
he was like, I was married the whole time? Was
it the You mean?
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Did him and his wife have understanding?
Speaker 5 (23:03):
Absolutely not, absolutely not, because I can say in his defense,
I didn't know he was married, but I knew he
was in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Uh huh.
Speaker 5 (23:12):
So listen, I'm not gonna fuck up a marriage, but
your girlfriend.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Sometimes a girlfriend doesn't count, but you can't fuck a marriage,
especially if I got kids. That It's like, they definitely
have kids. My friend put it this way, He's like,
I never want to look up with a married woman
because the anger of the husband finding out like that
specific type of anger kill. I would never want that
anger from another man. That's like primal man.
Speaker 5 (23:39):
The number of people who have died for fucking with
somebody's spouse. Like it's I mean it very much is
like old it is.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
It's old school. It's old school. It's one of the
ten commandments. Yes, this is old Your neighbors cover a
neighbor's wife, don't kill, and don't covet a neighbor's oxen
or something or mule or something like.
Speaker 4 (24:02):
No.
Speaker 5 (24:02):
I think as you.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
There's one of them that's like, don't touch your neighbor's
ox No, there is no.
Speaker 5 (24:09):
No, it's covered. It can either be covered the wife
or covered something from your name, like covered eatything from
your neighbors. So the first guy there was from a
salvador So like as a teenager, and then I.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
As a teenager, faded as Salvadorian.
Speaker 5 (24:22):
Because he lived in my neighborhood.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Oh okay, it wasn't a long distance ninety.
Speaker 5 (24:27):
His whole family lived on the other side of our
apartment complex, like grandma, aunts, uncle's fucking cousins, everybody, okay. So,
and then it's been mostly black dudes. I could say
the ones who put in the most time and broke
my heart black dudes because them is the one that
was closest to me. But yeah, like white dudes are
(24:47):
a Filipino dude for about twenty minutes, but it's been
mostly you know, black and Latin white dudes. But since
I moved here, dating here is.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
What do you mean?
Speaker 3 (24:57):
It's New York City, no city.
Speaker 5 (25:00):
No, these motherfuckers don't talk to people.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
No, bro, I'm trying how to get on black planet.
Speaker 5 (25:06):
I've been on dating apps here. The most dates I've
ever been on was right after Lockdown ended.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Oh you were crushing it.
Speaker 5 (25:12):
Bro, because the my fucker spent five months with their
hands and was like I would give a big bitch
a chance. I don't care. I don't care.
Speaker 4 (25:25):
With Aer Condrey.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
With Aer Condrey, I want to ask the words mommy
or was andy? I want to ask if you've ever
been drunk on stage? Those are my two questions, so
any order you want to do those.
Speaker 5 (25:45):
I can't be drunk. I've been tipsy on stage and
it made my brain foggy.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
And it like did it end in catastrophe or okay?
So tell me what was the thing.
Speaker 5 (25:55):
I like it.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
What did you go?
Speaker 5 (25:58):
I can say again, what did you see? Not a
not a not a bomb bomb okay, but a comic
you know? Starbar?
Speaker 2 (26:07):
Yeah, starbar in Atlanta, like little five Points.
Speaker 5 (26:09):
Yeah yeah yeah, see it on the Monday night.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
Show, I think so mic Yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 5 (26:13):
So a comic from New York could come down to
do it, okay, and he was unaware of this five
dollars special they would have where you could get a
shot of jamison and a whole beer for five bucks.
And he'd been living here for years, so five So.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
He's like, that's a bar that's like, this is the
best deal on earth.
Speaker 5 (26:36):
The deal, yeah, the deal, right, And so he goes
to close out and he's only doing thirty minutes, right,
It's like a long ass open microsproplic twelve thirteen people
to go up and then the headliner. So he's he
took like he's been drinking all night, but he was
like fucked up, and then he took like two So
(26:57):
he's in the middle of the set. I think it's
took like one or two shots on excuse me on stage,
and you see the alcohol hit.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Him while he's mid joke.
Speaker 5 (27:06):
While he's on stage to the point, so he tells
a joke and gets a laugh, and then he starts
to joke.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Again, like completely not realizing.
Speaker 5 (27:21):
It, completely realizing, and people are like laughing because they're
like okay, yeah, and then he gets to the end
of it and like the laugh of He's like, wait,
did I tell that Joe girl?
Speaker 3 (27:34):
Oh no?
Speaker 2 (27:34):
They were like yes, it's my biggest fear.
Speaker 5 (27:37):
And then he starts to joke a third No.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Bro's Jameson, Jameson and beer is not for you.
Speaker 5 (27:46):
No no, no, no, no no it's and everybody's like, hey,
the third time is rough and he but he did
it so like you it hit him and then it
fucking slammed him because when he started is Mark Norman?
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Mark, I think you're like, I can't say the yeah,
no problems, Mark normOn. But also this was like Mark
was that drunk.
Speaker 5 (28:11):
He was fucked up?
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Wow, I was hanging out anyway, what was the joke?
Speaker 5 (28:18):
I don't God, I didn't know Zen when I was
telling the stories, Zen, I didn't know.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
When you were watching it, you didn't know the joke.
Speaker 5 (28:24):
And I told the next time, third time, and then
everyone was like hey, hey, and then he got too
drunk to finish his no, so he was supposed to
do thirty. I don't think he did the full thirty.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
He liked a bargain he saw it was five dollars.
Speaker 5 (28:39):
He's been in New York for so long.
Speaker 3 (28:40):
Does he drink like that?
Speaker 5 (28:42):
I don't know if he still does. One of my
favorite things to do at like comedy festivals is that
would come up to comments ago, give me your best mark, Norman, oh, Ship, Yeah,
I have.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
To huh, Well that's fucking weird.
Speaker 5 (29:05):
Yes, you would be.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
He's like a he's like I've know him since his
early twenties and he's like a fifty five year old
like man, my question since his like twenties. He's like,
but my question is, yeah, I love him by the way.
Speaker 5 (29:21):
Oh, I love him too. He's great. He used to
come up to me and if I was sitting down,
he would have slap my thigh and grab it and go,
oh if I wasn't gay, just walk off.
Speaker 4 (29:30):
Is he gay?
Speaker 2 (29:31):
He's a gay? No, he's like married, right, yes, but.
Speaker 5 (29:36):
What's funny because I meet two Ship started to quit
doing it, and I'd be like Norman normand so now
I'd come up to him and go, I wasn't gay.
He's like, but he's one of my favorite things to do.
Is it being festival and be like, hey, comic, give
me your best pard The way that people get so
(29:56):
excited to do it.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
Oh fuck, I can see that.
Speaker 5 (29:59):
It's like a It was like a little bonding thing.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
I could see that where everyone's like.
Speaker 5 (30:03):
Well, you do your best, man. But I think it's
so wild, like Mark Norman grew up in New Orleans.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
Really yes, studies like from like Michigan or oh.
Speaker 5 (30:13):
He should sound like Sean Patton.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
Yeah, yeah, he should be like, oh lord, I.
Speaker 3 (30:20):
Those thirty one spices and herbs. O lord.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, Bill Zey Slade.
Speaker 4 (30:32):
Thank you so much with every contree.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
All right, listen up, we got something special for you.
Got a burning story that you're itching to tell about
when you bombed or absolutely failed in life.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
Now's your chance to tell me all about it.
Speaker 4 (30:48):
Mabel.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
I want to hear your worst, most cringe worthy what
the fuck was I thinking?
Speaker 3 (30:54):
What just happened?
Speaker 4 (30:55):
Moment?
Speaker 1 (30:55):
So pick up your phone and dial seven to one
six bombing. That's seven one six two six six, twenty
four sixty four and leave me a voicemail and we might.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
Just play it on a future episode.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
Bombing with Eric Andre is brought to you by Will
Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts. Our executive
producer is Olivia Aguilar. Our producer is Bei Wang, Our
research assistant is David Carliner. Our editor in sound designers
Andy Harris, and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg. Go
rate us five stars and drop a review on your
podcast app a choice
Welcome and Bombing with They're Condrey, the podcast where I
talk with friends, comedians, musicians, and other creative people about
their worst moments on stage and truly embarrassing themselves in
front of a live audience. Our guest this week is
a woman I absolutely adore.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
She takes no shit, she takes no prisoners. Seen her
all over television doing voiceover and your favorite animated shows.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
It's do Say Sloan.
Speaker 4 (00:26):
Bombing with eric Andre.
Speaker 5 (00:33):
Wait wait, wait, you're telling me, Eric Andre want instructure,
a little bit of.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Structure, a little bit of organized chaos. I just want
to like a piece of paper to fall back up. Okay, cool, cool,
Well we could just hang fuck it. It's a podcast
about bombing, so that's gonna come up naturally. All you
have to tell is a bombing story.
Speaker 5 (00:50):
I remember I was meeting some of my cousin's friends
one day. He's an artist, and I was having dinner
with all his artsy fucking friends and this motherfucker I
had just met. He was like, so tell me about
when you bombed.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
And I went, no, why because it's too traumatic.
Speaker 5 (01:08):
I said, I just met you. He's like, I'm just
saying I was just like, then, tell me about the
time that you had a traumatic event happened. No, I
just fucking met you, bro, I'm not finna see a
traumatic event. Nigga, I don't know your last name the
fuck and his friends were like, oh no, and I said,
I don't give a fuck about you or your head. No,
(01:29):
fuck this, little nigga, I'm not doing that. No, I
don't know this man. Shit was wild. Well, I just
wanted you to just share experiences. No, you want to
sit on the trauma bomb with me, bitch. I don't
know you and you too little to fuck so please relax.
Wait are we doing this?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. On the thing, man, we got
to talk about bombing. I want to hear your bombing story.
I want to hear the worst time you ever bombed,
so and I want to hear any bomb you experience,
or any cringey incident that you had in a in
a performance. It could even be like I saw Beyonce
(02:05):
at the Rose Bowl and she.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
I can say, Okay, what's it?
Speaker 2 (02:13):
And I know it's deeply personal and traumatic, but please shoo.
Speaker 5 (02:18):
I can say that the worst bomb I ever had.
I don't think people would consider a bomb, but it's
just something that had bugged me. It haunts you not anymore,
but like for a good six months. Oh yeah, really
fucked with me.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
I have a bomb from like five years ago. It
still haunts me.
Speaker 5 (02:37):
Oh so because people don't realize. It's like because and
I was and I was like still early in So
I was at this place called Barnacles. So you know,
people love a sports bar.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Okay, and what years? This paint us a picture?
Speaker 2 (02:50):
What city?
Speaker 5 (02:52):
So I'm in Atlanta. I'm still like a baby comic.
I want to say twenty ten, twenty eleven, because I
have my apartment and so I'm out of sports Bar
that's like down the street from where I grew up,
literally two miles three miles in Atlanta. So I'm on
Jimmy Carter place called Barnacles. So sports Bar is like
(03:15):
a seafood place and it's a urban show. You know. One,
black rooms are always harder because people don't realize why
black rooms are harder. It's because we.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Break down for our audience. White black rooms are black rooms.
Speaker 5 (03:26):
Are hard because, and I think it's one of my theories.
It's because so when black people go out, we get dressed.
So first of all, I got dressed, I got a babysitter.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Like there's a production.
Speaker 5 (03:45):
Went into this wasn't a casual anytime black people go out. Yeah,
we get dressed. So I bought an outfit first of all.
Then I bought tickets second of all. Then they're a
two to three ITA minimum.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Up and a baby and a babysitter going on.
Speaker 5 (04:02):
In the back, and a babysitter if they have show.
I'm saying, all black people got kids, but if you
have a babysitter, babysitter. But what happened for sure is outfit,
tickets to item minimum.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Right, So they want results the comedian steps on stage,
they want results.
Speaker 5 (04:18):
Every time you talk, they are counting money. Every word
out your mouth is dollars and cents my gas. I
might have had to pay the part, yeah, yeah, I
might have had to run through five days of traffic
to get in this fucking place. Then security might have
shook me down. So it's like there's a lot going
into coming into this show at a fucking sports bar.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Yeah, and you have the nerve to not bring the heads,
to not bring the.
Speaker 5 (04:47):
Heads and the other the thing is about when it
comes to urban rooms, because big Kenny mentored me.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
Meet Big Kenny.
Speaker 5 (04:54):
He's a great he's a great man. He's in Atlanta.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Where's Big Kenny? Get Big Kenny to the York Listen.
Speaker 5 (05:01):
He got he got kids, he got a wife.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
But bring up, let's make a special trip ice skating
at that thirty round.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
I'll take him to Mama Mia Lion King.
Speaker 5 (05:11):
We got to come through. But I mean, I make
sure I mentioned him at all times.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
So he's like the mentor.
Speaker 5 (05:16):
He's mentoring me, and so he taking me. He is.
But I also realized that, like a lot of things,
I think because I came in and everyone knew me
because I was like he was helping me and all
this other stuff, I think there's a lot of bullshit
when I first started out that I didn't have to
(05:36):
deal with because like a lot of girls talk about, like,
you know, men being a certain way with them, but
I literally like heard comments go, oh, that's that's the
girl Big Kenny is, And they didn't want to piss
off Big Kenny because they would have lost spots.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
So he protected you.
Speaker 5 (05:52):
Yeah, and even when he wasn't even there.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
You were under his wing.
Speaker 5 (05:55):
Yeah, So was it his weak tic ship? And then
but I knew all these other comics because I had
been like hanging around comedy clubs two years before I
even started. So it's a bunch of comics that I
just knew. So when I started out, they were like, oh, no,
this is leave her alone. Don't like they mean they
have no idea, but like, oh, you.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Were like Tony Soprano's daughter.
Speaker 5 (06:16):
Basically, it was like, oh you cool with something, Okay, well,
don't with some nigga once while I would say something slick.
But for the most part, there was a lot of
bullshit that I didn't put up with as a female
comics starting out in urban rooms. That because there was
Big Kenny and I knew a lot of the comics
before I started. It was a lot of oh, she good,
(06:38):
she good.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
Yeah, you know, don't anybody're almost spoiled by that. It's
not I'm spoiled, but I mean like, going into this
particular night, well you were almost like, well, I'm protected,
Big Kenny's got vouch for me and see, but this
is that scrambled a little bit because you were like,
I'm gonna be everything's gonna be just dandy.
Speaker 5 (06:57):
Well, the thing is, so at this point I was
doing both rooms that I was only doing mainstream rooms
at this point because even though I didn't put up
a bullshit from like people, yeah, I still wasn't getting
up because I was a girl, right, So I still
wasn't getting a lot of time in urban rooms. So
I started just doing more mainstream rooms. Well, people also
don't realize what big king he taught me was in
(07:18):
urban rooms, you have a laugh every thirty second.
Speaker 4 (07:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (07:22):
Think about the number of times you put to a
white show just still doing his setup, and I'm like.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Wow, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (07:28):
A two minute fucking setup.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Yeah really yeah. It's like when I watch Earthquake or
I watched j Anthony Brown, like those guys like the
setup is punchlines.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
I'm the way to the punchline.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
And that it's like every sentence it's like the machine gun.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
You're like, what the fuck? Their writing is just like unbelievable.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
And then you're like you watch those guys, You're like, oh, yeah,
you have to get a laugh every sentence. Yes, on
the way to the big Yes.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Laugh and that better big people laugh.
Speaker 5 (07:56):
But if you watch me, that's how I do my joke.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Yeah yeah, yeah, it makes you strong. I mean, urban
rooms make you you go back to the mainstream room.
You're like, I've been lifting five hundred pound weights days,
but they.
Speaker 5 (08:08):
Make you strong if you can get on stage. Yeah,
And that's the other thing. So what happened at this
particular so this particular evening at Barnacles.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Barnacles and it was like are the football games going
on the fucking flat screen and attention?
Speaker 5 (08:24):
But because of the but the host, to his credit,
made them turn the TVs off.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
Huh, but some times that brings animosity.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
At the top of the thing.
Speaker 5 (08:34):
Well, what they said was he was.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
On a stage of the guys on the floor.
Speaker 5 (08:38):
There was a slight stage, slight stages, but everything was
directed towards that stage because we were in the different room.
And he was like, yo, if you want to watch
the game, because it was almost like a big event
room because they had the chairs all turned to the
stage and they're like He was like, listen, if you
want to watch the game, you go to the baray.
We haven't shown here.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
Okay, that's fair.
Speaker 5 (08:56):
That's a good way to I was like, God, bless, Yeah,
that's a good way to do it. Number of times
I have had to tell jokes in front of a championship.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Oh I've been. I've been like they just walked me
out with no in. I've been in a sports bar.
They just magically turned off all the TVs, didn't announce shit,
and I just had to walk out amongst tables and
chairs and just start telling jokes in like a sports
bar in Florida, I called it.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
They're just like what? People are like what?
Speaker 2 (09:23):
And then they're like, is one of the waiters talking
for some reason into a microphone? And the first like
five to ten minutes are just people comprehending what's going on.
And by then it's over like you're just bombing Like
they're like, stop talking. I was just watching basketball out.
Speaker 5 (09:39):
I call that Kamakazi comedy. You are living your life trap.
You are living your life, watching the game, eating some
mediocre wings, and then all of a sudden, so uh,
you guys ever know bitch, we have it are?
Speaker 3 (09:54):
They're like, who the fuck is this guy? The bus
boy won't shut the fuck.
Speaker 5 (09:57):
Up, sir, who let you in here? Secure security?
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Come get this mad oh man? Those shows are awful. Okay,
So the host is on stage and he goes, you
guys want to watch the gamestead of the bar, watch
the show. We're here for a show.
Speaker 5 (10:12):
Because there are people that bought tickets to the show,
and then people just want to watch the game. But
there's like a pool table like way off in the
back and people are actually playing pool, but they're kind
of like paying attention. And so I probably went up
like dead in the middle, because that's the thing I
like to do. People like, oh, they want to go
up last, they want to go up first.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
No, I'll be fifth, yeah, third, fourth.
Speaker 5 (10:30):
Third, fourth, fifth, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Why Yeah, that's a sweet.
Speaker 5 (10:33):
That's how you know you've been working as a comic
where you're like, I'll go third.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (10:38):
Also, I need to whoever is listening if you are
a comic, going last does not mean you headlined.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
No, not on not on those shows. That's just like
a showcase show.
Speaker 5 (10:51):
Going last means you closed.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Yes.
Speaker 5 (10:54):
Also, yes, stop calling me and Eric Andre to come
to your show to go last. And when we say
we want to go third, yeah, well you know.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
What the audience Yeah yeah, I hate that if your.
Speaker 5 (11:08):
Audience leaves because I left.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
That's all.
Speaker 5 (11:11):
That's all.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
That's not me, that's true. I always feel guilty and
I'm like okay, all right, I'll go last. And then
I'm waiting like seven hours through a bunch of like nonsense,
and I'm like, I don't even know that. This is
just a guy that got me email from somebody that
I don't even know. Like, I'm like, well, I don't
know anybody. This guy's paying me thirteen bucks to sit
on a seven hour.
Speaker 5 (11:34):
Getting paid. You have to be respectful of people's time.
You have to be respectful of the fact that I've
been doing this for twelve thirteen years. I already did
this telling jokes in a fucking basement of a pizza
restaurant in twenty two.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
I feel guilty.
Speaker 5 (11:50):
You can't. There's no no because you didn't do anything wrong.
Somebody is wasting your time. You worked hard enough to go.
This is when I'd like to go.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Yeah, you're right.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
Third is my sweets, third or fourth.
Speaker 5 (12:03):
The third or four, fifth, and so so.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
You're there in your play. You're going up, fifth, going up?
How are the comics? How are the comics before you doing?
Speaker 5 (12:11):
The comics that do urban rooms killer, the comics that
do mainstream rooms not killing. No, the two comics in Atlanta.
I saw the bet that could Clayton English, seamless between
doing a mainstream room and an urban room.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
That's the fucking sweet spot.
Speaker 5 (12:29):
Seamless.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
That's why he's fucking amazing.
Speaker 5 (12:31):
He's a beast. Rob Hay, same thing. He's a beast
Clayton English. I'm talking about no difference, and I know
when I so, I know when I do urban room. Okay,
I have to be you know, a little bit more
more energy. You talk a little faster about it. It's
bout by by by by by bye, because a little
more that's just what it is. Clayton English. Yeah, I've
(12:53):
been watching this man because he's one of the first
comics I've been watching Clayton he was just two thousand
and seven. Because I said in one day, I was like,
do you know I've known you since I was twenty
seven years old? He said, your nigga, get away from it?
Speaker 3 (13:05):
Were you like falling in love with him?
Speaker 2 (13:06):
And I just I just.
Speaker 5 (13:08):
Talked sweet but I'm just like, you know, I have
no use since I was like twenty seven. Yeah, he
said what I said, I'm I'm thirty nine. He said,
get away from it.
Speaker 4 (13:17):
Out my face.
Speaker 5 (13:18):
He's like, I love you, but back up, he was
not trying to hear it at all. And it's weird
to think about that. I've known this niggas two thousand
and seven. But if you watched it, it was very
up and down. The audience was very up and down, okay,
and people were kind of like coming in and out
of and the room got settled a little bit before
I went up, And this is this is the thing.
(13:42):
Did I bomb bomb? No? I saw the comics on
the show eat a bag of dude, which I know
confuses people will go, why is it? Why is that
called bombing? I don't know what it's called eating dick.
I don't know what's called I don't know why bombing destroyed.
I don't, I don't. These are the terms for you.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Yeah, yeah, it's true.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
I don't know why bombing means one thing, and destroyed
me as the opposite.
Speaker 5 (14:04):
But right, and so oh that's interesting bombing and destroyed
means too. I'm destroyed, said, I bombed horribly horrific.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
So what happened?
Speaker 5 (14:13):
I feel like I'm not leaving out a key thing
that's gonna try to explain to you. If someone else
watched me, yeah, they wouldn't think that I bombed.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
What affected you that it's stuck to your ribs for
six months.
Speaker 5 (14:27):
I couldn't get everyone in the room to laugh at
the same time.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
There's little pockets.
Speaker 5 (14:33):
It was every other person, every other joke. So someone
I had just made laugh my next joke, I couldn't
get him to laugh. And then they're sitting at a
table together. This would fuck me up. I watched one table.
They would laugh at every other joke, but they didn't
(14:53):
laugh at the same time, so neither one of them
found the same thing funny at the same time.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Did this make you second logically unraveled?
Speaker 4 (15:01):
Did you?
Speaker 5 (15:01):
Because I couldn't because there was you.
Speaker 3 (15:04):
Couldn't figure out what.
Speaker 5 (15:05):
I couldn't figure out how to fix it because there
was one table that was laughing the whole time, some
tables that weren't laughing at all, and then it was
other tables that were every other joke every other person.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
So I was like, I got in your head.
Speaker 5 (15:17):
Because I couldn't figure out if I have just bomb bombed,
I can accept the bomb right. They didn't like it.
You fucking do your time, you move on.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
This was more of a mental.
Speaker 5 (15:27):
This, yes, because it's like I couldn't find the right
thing to get them all and it fuck it fucked
with me so bad because it was like, as a comic,
you're like, okay, because when you're getting to like because
this is when of the first time they started doing
like a ten minute set, were just started to do
ten minute sets, right, so that's enough time to get
(15:47):
people or lose people, or get them or lose them
and bring them back. But there's enough to in a
ten minute set, because when you first start doing ten
minute sets, it feels like a fucking.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
It's a long ten minutes ten minutes.
Speaker 5 (16:01):
People are realize, like you don't realize how long time.
Like the only time like you think about time like
this is when you're microwaving something. We're like a minute
and a half is like, oh, my children, my children,
like a minute and a half of the microwave is dead.
That's what it's like.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
We first start feeling a good point. Yes, the microwave
feels long like nothing else except stand up. If someone
told microwaving.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
And stand up are weirdly similar, yes, if you never
thought about.
Speaker 5 (16:29):
It, If someone looked at you in the face and said,
wait for a minute and a half, you.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
Go, what, Yeah, what do you mean yeah.
Speaker 5 (16:35):
A little minute, yeah, a minute and a half go.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
You're like, I don't know, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (16:40):
You fucking scratch your hasks need to be done. You're like,
this is what, Yeah, but a microwave the sands have done, yeah,
or moving and your food's still not hot. So you're like,
birds have stopped flapping.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
So wait a minute, so you get off stage.
Speaker 5 (16:57):
So this was the weird part. It's I'm on stay
and in my mind it's like, but some people are laughing,
You're fine, But there was just I just couldn't wrap
my head around what was going on because it was like, listen,
I don't do I always do great in urban rooms.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
No.
Speaker 5 (17:14):
Also, I mean it just by nature intimidating, but they
want to be intimidating because the open mic at Uptown
was literally called Boo Night, and they stopped booming and
they was just shake their keys at people like nigga,
go home.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
It's a possum amount of.
Speaker 5 (17:35):
Your dreams, bab get out of here. You see what
I'm saying. So it fucked me up because I couldn't.
I think would bug me the most is it was
every other person laughing at every other joke, which meant
that I didn't know what anybody liked because of it.
It was a bunch of people. If there was ever
(17:57):
a moment where everyone laughed at the same thing, then
I would go boom, Okay, that's what I need to do.
Speaker 4 (18:02):
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
So did this affect you because it made you psychologically
unravel about.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Your entire set.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Yes, and you were like everything I built is just
crumbled into It was like a house of cards and
it just fucking crumbled.
Speaker 5 (18:18):
It made me think more about me as a performer.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Yeah, because question you brought. It brought everything into questions.
Speaker 5 (18:25):
It made me question things because it was just like
one It's like there's urban room in the there's.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
A hood room. Oh yeah, like like people have guns
at the table, which I don't know.
Speaker 4 (18:40):
With aer Condre.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
With aer Condre, how was your love life? Put it
all out on the table. No boundaries here. That's a
new premise of the show, No boundary. I am you're
on Hinge. I got off all of those. You're on Riyah.
Speaker 5 (19:07):
Rayah is racist as ship?
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Is it?
Speaker 3 (19:08):
They don't accept black people.
Speaker 5 (19:09):
Let me tell you something. I could not.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
I'm on blast.
Speaker 5 (19:12):
I could not. I'll say this.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
I it's a white people app.
Speaker 5 (19:16):
It's a very wuch of white people app. You had
to have it first of all. It's like you have
to have iphoney use it. But the fun thing about
that app.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Is that I'm old enough to remember Black Planet.
Speaker 5 (19:25):
Do you know they're still on the internet, that's still
the website.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
I'm the fucking goddamn president a black planet.
Speaker 5 (19:30):
How do we buy a black planet?
Speaker 2 (19:32):
I don't know. I think it's called something else now,
still black black planet. I was on Black Planet and
Jay Day I.
Speaker 5 (19:38):
Was on Black Wait. I was on black Planet. I
was on me hin.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Have you ever dated a white guy? Yes, a Jewish man.
Jewish man love have you not heard?
Speaker 5 (19:46):
I have a whole bit about it.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Really, Oh, Jewish men love you.
Speaker 5 (19:49):
They I mean they love working for me. I'll say
that my manager and my.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Lawyer, and unbelievable. That's damn y.
Speaker 5 (20:04):
I can't stand you. Those men are very much happily married,
and I'm very sad, No i am.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
But they're in a polyamorous, open relationship and you're there one.
I'm just putting that out there.
Speaker 5 (20:16):
No, they're very nice, but I can't say if it
wasn't for the white means, is I would not have
had sex between twenty sixteen and twenty eighteen.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Wait, so the white guys, sir.
Speaker 5 (20:26):
It's yeah, I mean it's I also, but the first
dominating you? Well they I've never known a white man
dominate me. Uh that man? Is that man? Is Persian?
Love life non existent? How'd your love life?
Speaker 4 (20:39):
I love?
Speaker 2 (20:40):
I love LIFs good. I'm sure yours is LIFs good.
Speaker 5 (20:43):
Yeah, I'm sure you're a nice little you know, some
interesting girl.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
Hanging out with a gal?
Speaker 5 (20:48):
That makes sense?
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Hanging out with a gal?
Speaker 5 (20:50):
Did you're dropping it off in no? Uh my? Uh
my love life? Since I moved here, I've been in
a biblical.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Wait wait wait, hold on?
Speaker 2 (21:00):
When did you move here twenty seventeen? I thought you've
been here for like a decade.
Speaker 5 (21:04):
I was in La before that.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Well, we are going to find you the Dominican Persian
love of your love.
Speaker 5 (21:11):
Listen, this is what happens to be Jewish.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Did you and he's going to be giant? Why don't
you date a w c W wrestler. I'm going to
hook you up with a wrestler. I got John Cena's number.
Would you make love to John? I think he's married.
Speaker 5 (21:24):
Well, the other thing.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
What wrestler is your type, I'm going to match make
you with the wrestler. I love Jewish, so I love matchmaking.
Who's your celebrity crush and who's your ideal?
Speaker 5 (21:33):
My celebrity crush is Michael Strahan.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Michael Strahan because he's beautiful wrestler. Wise, I don't have
access to Michael Strahan. Wrestlers love me. Wrestlers and porn
people love me.
Speaker 5 (21:44):
Those USO boys are cute, the USO boys.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
So you'd be in a throuple, I would be.
Speaker 5 (21:49):
I mean one of them is married to a black girl.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
What about the other one.
Speaker 5 (21:52):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
That's your guy? You're so brothers.
Speaker 5 (21:56):
Yeah, that's so cute us oh, which I think.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Might Oh so they're big samoan dude.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
Yeah oh yeah, Okay.
Speaker 5 (22:07):
I like men being like that. I want to feel
a dancy.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Oh yes, okays, so bros.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
I I it's a whole lot of man. Yeah, twins.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
So you can get him confused, and you can fuck
the other one if you get pissed out.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
The other one.
Speaker 5 (22:19):
Ones just married and I don't fucking married man.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Okay, that's fine, that's fair.
Speaker 4 (22:22):
Fair.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
If you want to be all lamb about it. My
goal in life is do you think you've ever fucked
married man?
Speaker 4 (22:28):
And you have?
Speaker 5 (22:29):
I didn't know you're fucked up. He didn't tell me.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
How dare you ruin this sanctity?
Speaker 5 (22:34):
He never wore a ring and he didn't tell me
he was married.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
Find out when.
Speaker 5 (22:38):
I saw I saw him like a year or two later,
and he had a ring on, and I was like,
what was excuse me?
Speaker 4 (22:44):
Really?
Speaker 2 (22:44):
You confronted about it? Yeah, And I was like a
nigga for a year or two goes by, he could
have got married in that year or two.
Speaker 5 (22:50):
He had been married for And I was like, sir,
he was like, I was married the whole time? Was
it the You mean?
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Did him and his wife have understanding?
Speaker 5 (23:03):
Absolutely not, absolutely not, because I can say in his defense,
I didn't know he was married, but I knew he
was in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Uh huh.
Speaker 5 (23:12):
So listen, I'm not gonna fuck up a marriage, but
your girlfriend.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Sometimes a girlfriend doesn't count, but you can't fuck a marriage,
especially if I got kids. That It's like, they definitely
have kids. My friend put it this way, He's like,
I never want to look up with a married woman
because the anger of the husband finding out like that
specific type of anger kill. I would never want that
anger from another man. That's like primal man.
Speaker 5 (23:39):
The number of people who have died for fucking with
somebody's spouse. Like it's I mean it very much is
like old it is.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
It's old school. It's old school. It's one of the
ten commandments. Yes, this is old Your neighbors cover a
neighbor's wife, don't kill, and don't covet a neighbor's oxen
or something or mule or something like.
Speaker 4 (24:02):
No.
Speaker 5 (24:02):
I think as you.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
There's one of them that's like, don't touch your neighbor's
ox No, there is no.
Speaker 5 (24:09):
No, it's covered. It can either be covered the wife
or covered something from your name, like covered eatything from
your neighbors. So the first guy there was from a
salvador So like as a teenager, and then I.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
As a teenager, faded as Salvadorian.
Speaker 5 (24:22):
Because he lived in my neighborhood.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Oh okay, it wasn't a long distance ninety.
Speaker 5 (24:27):
His whole family lived on the other side of our
apartment complex, like grandma, aunts, uncle's fucking cousins, everybody, okay. So,
and then it's been mostly black dudes. I could say
the ones who put in the most time and broke
my heart black dudes because them is the one that
was closest to me. But yeah, like white dudes are
(24:47):
a Filipino dude for about twenty minutes, but it's been
mostly you know, black and Latin white dudes. But since
I moved here, dating here is.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
What do you mean?
Speaker 3 (24:57):
It's New York City, no city.
Speaker 5 (25:00):
No, these motherfuckers don't talk to people.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
No, bro, I'm trying how to get on black planet.
Speaker 5 (25:06):
I've been on dating apps here. The most dates I've
ever been on was right after Lockdown ended.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Oh you were crushing it.
Speaker 5 (25:12):
Bro, because the my fucker spent five months with their
hands and was like I would give a big bitch
a chance. I don't care. I don't care.
Speaker 4 (25:25):
With Aer Condrey.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
With Aer Condrey, I want to ask the words mommy
or was andy? I want to ask if you've ever
been drunk on stage? Those are my two questions, so
any order you want to do those.
Speaker 5 (25:45):
I can't be drunk. I've been tipsy on stage and
it made my brain foggy.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
And it like did it end in catastrophe or okay?
So tell me what was the thing.
Speaker 5 (25:55):
I like it.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
What did you go?
Speaker 5 (25:58):
I can say again, what did you see? Not a
not a not a bomb bomb okay, but a comic
you know? Starbar?
Speaker 2 (26:07):
Yeah, starbar in Atlanta, like little five Points.
Speaker 5 (26:09):
Yeah yeah yeah, see it on the Monday night.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
Show, I think so mic Yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 5 (26:13):
So a comic from New York could come down to
do it, okay, and he was unaware of this five
dollars special they would have where you could get a
shot of jamison and a whole beer for five bucks.
And he'd been living here for years, so five So.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
He's like, that's a bar that's like, this is the
best deal on earth.
Speaker 5 (26:36):
The deal, yeah, the deal, right, And so he goes
to close out and he's only doing thirty minutes, right,
It's like a long ass open microsproplic twelve thirteen people
to go up and then the headliner. So he's he
took like he's been drinking all night, but he was
like fucked up, and then he took like two So
(26:57):
he's in the middle of the set. I think it's
took like one or two shots on excuse me on stage,
and you see the alcohol hit.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Him while he's mid joke.
Speaker 5 (27:06):
While he's on stage to the point, so he tells
a joke and gets a laugh, and then he starts
to joke.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Again, like completely not realizing.
Speaker 5 (27:21):
It, completely realizing, and people are like laughing because they're
like okay, yeah, and then he gets to the end
of it and like the laugh of He's like, wait,
did I tell that Joe girl?
Speaker 3 (27:34):
Oh no?
Speaker 2 (27:34):
They were like yes, it's my biggest fear.
Speaker 5 (27:37):
And then he starts to joke a third No.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Bro's Jameson, Jameson and beer is not for you.
Speaker 5 (27:46):
No no, no, no, no no it's and everybody's like, hey,
the third time is rough and he but he did
it so like you it hit him and then it
fucking slammed him because when he started is Mark Norman?
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Mark, I think you're like, I can't say the yeah,
no problems, Mark normOn. But also this was like Mark
was that drunk.
Speaker 5 (28:11):
He was fucked up?
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Wow, I was hanging out anyway, what was the joke?
Speaker 5 (28:18):
I don't God, I didn't know Zen when I was
telling the stories, Zen, I didn't know.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
When you were watching it, you didn't know the joke.
Speaker 5 (28:24):
And I told the next time, third time, and then
everyone was like hey, hey, and then he got too
drunk to finish his no, so he was supposed to
do thirty. I don't think he did the full thirty.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
He liked a bargain he saw it was five dollars.
Speaker 5 (28:39):
He's been in New York for so long.
Speaker 3 (28:40):
Does he drink like that?
Speaker 5 (28:42):
I don't know if he still does. One of my
favorite things to do at like comedy festivals is that
would come up to comments ago, give me your best mark, Norman, oh, Ship, Yeah,
I have.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
To huh, Well that's fucking weird.
Speaker 5 (29:05):
Yes, you would be.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
He's like a he's like I've know him since his
early twenties and he's like a fifty five year old
like man, my question since his like twenties. He's like,
but my question is, yeah, I love him by the way.
Speaker 5 (29:21):
Oh, I love him too. He's great. He used to
come up to me and if I was sitting down,
he would have slap my thigh and grab it and go,
oh if I wasn't gay, just walk off.
Speaker 4 (29:30):
Is he gay?
Speaker 2 (29:31):
He's a gay? No, he's like married, right, yes, but.
Speaker 5 (29:36):
What's funny because I meet two Ship started to quit
doing it, and I'd be like Norman normand so now
I'd come up to him and go, I wasn't gay.
He's like, but he's one of my favorite things to do.
Is it being festival and be like, hey, comic, give
me your best pard The way that people get so
(29:56):
excited to do it.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
Oh fuck, I can see that.
Speaker 5 (29:59):
It's like a It was like a little bonding thing.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
I could see that where everyone's like.
Speaker 5 (30:03):
Well, you do your best, man. But I think it's
so wild, like Mark Norman grew up in New Orleans.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
Really yes, studies like from like Michigan or oh.
Speaker 5 (30:13):
He should sound like Sean Patton.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
Yeah, yeah, he should be like, oh lord, I.
Speaker 3 (30:20):
Those thirty one spices and herbs. O lord.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, Bill Zey Slade.
Speaker 4 (30:32):
Thank you so much with every contree.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
All right, listen up, we got something special for you.
Got a burning story that you're itching to tell about
when you bombed or absolutely failed in life.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
Now's your chance to tell me all about it.
Speaker 4 (30:48):
Mabel.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
I want to hear your worst, most cringe worthy what
the fuck was I thinking?
Speaker 3 (30:54):
What just happened?
Speaker 4 (30:55):
Moment?
Speaker 1 (30:55):
So pick up your phone and dial seven to one
six bombing. That's seven one six two six six, twenty
four sixty four and leave me a voicemail and we might.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
Just play it on a future episode.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
Bombing with Eric Andre is brought to you by Will
Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts. Our executive
producer is Olivia Aguilar. Our producer is Bei Wang, Our
research assistant is David Carliner. Our editor in sound designers
Andy Harris, and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg. Go
rate us five stars and drop a review on your
podcast app a choice
Host
Eric Andre
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