August 20, 2025 • 31 mins
Hey hey! We're back with another OG bombing episode with Eric and comedy friend Sydnee Washington (LOL! Live on Hulu) talk about bombing in Detroit in the middle of a rainstorm, homophobic remarks made in the crowd, and white women professing their love for her jeans, which didn't help the situation. The two also discuss how disappointing Black people during a comedy performance is like letting down your own family. She opens up about anxiety and sobriety, along with making it rain at a funeral and recent breakups. Lastly, Sydnee talks about accidentally setting her childhood home on fire.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up, everybody?
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Welcome to another edition of Bombing with Eric Andre, the
podcast where I talk with friends, comedians, musicians, and other
creative people about their worst moments on stage, at life,
really anywhere in this dimension. Today we have a good friend,
comedian Sydney Washington on the podcast, who sat down with
us to talk about how she started to fire at
her childhood home and how to survive a breakup akaa relationship.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Bomb. Let's get into it.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Bombing with Eric Andre.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
So you know the premise, Yeah, you have some stories
lined up.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
Oh yeah, of course, and a recent too recent bombs.
When I got the email, I was like, bombit. I
don't know nothing about that, And then I was like.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Actually, can you tell us what happened.
Speaker 4 (00:44):
I'll start with the one that was like maybe three
months ago. I was in Detroit. I was in House
of Comedy.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
You're touring or just one off went off.
Speaker 4 (00:53):
I've been hitting up spots, but I haven't like, actually
put you know, do the the graphic. We're on tour.
You know, I didn't do anyth of that. So I'm
in Detroit House of Comedy. Meanwhile, it's it's the home
of where my ex lives. She is in Detroit.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
She moves in the audience.
Speaker 4 (01:11):
No, No, she was actually gonna come see a show. Think
she moved back to Detroit, she bought a house. She is,
we're lesbians. Of course, we're still friends. We're still in
the group, chat together with her family, and she has
a new girlfriend and we're all BFFs. It's fine. We're
(01:32):
living great. So I'm there in Detroit, I'm feeling I'm
feeling good. I was like, this is gonna be a
great weekend. No, Jill Scott is performing across the streets
from House of Comedy, and it is sold out. And
then two doors down, I think Mike Epps, people from
(01:52):
Wilding Out, Nick Cannon.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Are So the audience was spread spread out.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
The whole strip was of important people that was way
more important than me. So when I tell you the
sales were low.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
I don't like to hear you say that. Why of
equal importance?
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Of equal importance. Yes, But when I tell you, when
I walked into the room, it was not. It showed
me that. I was like, oh, wow, are people here?
Speaker 1 (02:17):
So so it was empty.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
It was not empty, but it also was not it
was it was it was It was probably like twenty
people and it was a it's a big, pretty big room.
So the first show was because I did four shows.
So the first show was decent, you know, a small crowd,
but they you know, they fuck with me, so it
(02:39):
was great. The next show, it started pouring raining, pouring raining,
and it took us a while to get people in,
and they were like, we might have to call it
and I said, if we call it, God's plan, but
they didn't. A group of fifteen older black people come
in and I said, yes, that's who. That's smart people.
(03:00):
He was so good. I was like, family's here. But
then I was like, I actually hate my family. Why
this is a bad time. So I start talking about
I'm gay. They immediately they were like absolutely not. So
then I'm like I'm literally ten minutes in and I'm like,
oh shit, I got a whole hour. These people really
(03:22):
not fucking with me. So they're not laughing with me,
they're laughing at me. And now they're yelling at me.
They're like, you just haven't had the right dick yet,
that type of that type of homophobia. They were like,
God will take care of you like that yelling at me,
and it's like not it's a small room, so echoing,
you're bouncing off and there's like men, women, cousins, all this,
(03:47):
and so I stopped. I said, wait a minute, why
are y'all here? And they always like one of the women,
our cousin told us to come here, and so I
was like, so it's your fault. So then they all
start laughing because I was like, so it's your fault
because that everybody hates them because you didn't tell them
that I'm gay. And I was like, so you know
what that means, you're gay, because they're trying to figure
(04:09):
out why the fuck you want to come see me.
So then they said any and every homophobic thing that
you could possibly say, and the club no security. They
could have rushed, they could have did a hate rhyme. Yeah,
Stacey Adams shoe at me. It could have happened to me.
(04:33):
Nobody stopped them. It was so bad that the young
white girls were like, we like your jeans. I said, Susan,
you're not saying it's not a helpful thing.
Speaker 5 (04:50):
Were they like hostile, like like were they like middle
school kids?
Speaker 4 (04:56):
Oh? No, no, no, they were hatred in their Yes, yeah,
there was one that I had asked him a question.
He's like, I'm not listening to you, and then they
all laughed. It felt like cafeteria, right, but for people
who are almost in a nursing home. So it was
I had never and and then again I'm waiting. I
(05:17):
was like, this would be a perfect time for my
ex to just roll up, roll up with her girlfriend
to come see this and be like, yes, I'm in
a better place. This is why we broke up, you
know what I mean, and the whole and they would
interact with me. They would laugh when I speak to
them because they thought that was funny. But they would
not leave. They would not leave, and I needed money,
(05:39):
so I'll tell I'll take the homophobia for the check.
I was like, well, I'm not going to back out.
I did a whole hour. I did the whole hour.
I tried to I try to buy some of them shots.
They didn't want my gay shots. They didn't want nothing.
The women I try to like. At the end, I
was like, thank you so much for staying. They want
(06:00):
no parts of me. They thought I was. There was
one guy that was like talking to me, but he
was thinking, like, you're not really gay, and it's like sir,
my strap is in my person the research, I'm definitely
a homosexual. Yeah, but it was it was scary because
(06:22):
I was like, anything can happen. But also it was
like disappointing black people is a different type of disapplinance.
You feel like you let down your ancestors. You're like,
Sojourner Truth is rolling over in her grave. Harriet Tubman
did not free slaves for this, for this, for me
(06:43):
to bomb in Detroit at the House of Comedy. And
so that was the first night. So then the next
day I tell my agent, I'm like, I'm in turmoil.
I'm just like i gotta leave. I gotta get on
the next flight out of here. And she's like, okay,
I'm gonna talk to them. You don't have to do tonight.
And I said, oh no, I'm gonna need that money.
(07:04):
I'm gonna need to go in to back. I said,
I'm gonna go back. I needed the back. And it
wasn't even a back, it wasn't even a bad And
they were like, this is so funny. Because the girl,
the girl who was here last week, it was a snowstorm,
so we had to cancel one of her shows. And
then The next day, like fifteen people showed up. It
(07:25):
was Embetazine. I said, so, y'all hate women. I was
a house of comedy hates women. So it's not just me.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
This house of comedy a big Detroit.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Yeah, No show I did on my tour in North
America was Detroit.
Speaker 4 (07:38):
Oh, I believe it.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Toughest audience. Oh, Philly and Detroit were tough.
Speaker 5 (07:43):
No.
Speaker 4 (07:43):
I love Philly, Philly love me down, but.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
It was Philly was tough. I might have just been off,
but Detroit was tough.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
They don't want to when I tell you, they did
not leave. It was like you hate me. Leave. They
were said no, no, I pay my money. I'm gonna make
you uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
And I looked in their eyes and they were like, no,
we're staying until you dropped the mic. I think they
wanted to bully me into stopping. And I said, oh,
I'm doing my whole hour. I'm talking to you, we're
doing and they were like one woman walked out and
she's like, I'm gonna pray for you. I really am,
I really am gonna pray. And I said, man, all right.
(08:19):
But the next day I did two shows and they
were great. I talked to the people on the top.
I said, no, we're not doing what we did last night.
I don't know if you were here last night. I'm
sure you weren't. But I am gay. We're starting up top.
I am gay. If you do not like gays or
blacks or women, get the fuck out. And they all
clapped and they were happy.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Horses.
Speaker 4 (08:40):
Yeah, I'm not doing this for y'all. And I said,
I'm putting my phone on live, so anything happened, I'm
going viral. I'm going viral, and you're seeing your face
and you won't be able to go to your post
office after this. I will ruin your supermarket experience if
you fuck with me. And they got it together and
they were happy.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Should do that all the time time.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
I didn't want to do that. I was like, you
don't want.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
To have to do that. Yeah, why do you have
to do that?
Speaker 4 (09:06):
You paid to have a good time?
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Why?
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (09:08):
AnyWho? So that bomb it shook me to my core.
I said, oh, I need to go work at the
d m B. This is not for me. I'm not
I'm not a comedian. I'm back.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
I'm bad. That's isolated.
Speaker 4 (09:22):
And someone messaged me and they were like, you handled
it so well, and even if you were not doing well,
I was going to stay the whole show. I said,
all right, Sis, that didn't help. That didn't help me.
You're letting me know. So it was bad, but you
handled it quite well. Grace I had grace. So yeah,
(09:44):
that one I was like, I don't think I'll ever
be back to Detroit. I think I'm good on Detroit.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Might have been a fluke. I did live in Detroit
one time and there was like a fight, a fist
fight on that.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
It feels like Eric and yeah, no fine, actually pay Yeah,
someone throwing them bows with Eric Andre in the background
that I would love to see the graphic for that.
Did you videotape it?
Speaker 1 (10:08):
No, this is early tour. It was fucking It was crazy. Yeah,
it was crazy. It was crazy, like escalated quickly.
Speaker 4 (10:16):
I mean, it happens because you just you just don't
expect such foolishness.
Speaker 5 (10:20):
It was a white kid on stage that said something
to a black guy in the audience and like it
wasn't The guy didn't. The white kid didn't say anything racist,
but I think he was trying to be like ironic
and like be funny.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Too, and the guy was like are you talking about me?
Speaker 5 (10:35):
Thank you and jumped on stage destroying it in the
middle of an interview.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
And Byron is the funniest to for that to happen
because his facial expressions and he might even egg some.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Shit on yeah oh yeah, yeah. He didn't help.
Speaker 4 (10:53):
Yeah, no, no, he was like, no, I love this. He
lives for this. Yet He's like, why would we stop?
This is good? Yeah? So yeah, that that one. You
need a good bomb to shake you and then make
you be like, I gotta go back to the drawing board,
I gotta write again. I gotta, you know, delete my
ex's number. Stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
With Ari Codre.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
With are cod Prey, what is the worst bomb You've
ever seen? And what's the most wasted You've been on stage?
Speaker 4 (11:33):
The most wasted I've gotten. I was doing a show
with my best friend Maray Foston. She's so funny, she's
the best. It was called the warm Up and it
was at Carme Lounge, which is hookah bar, and it
was like our first show and I'm about like faux
five patron shots in and it's packed. There's smoke, hot
(11:55):
people that people are in the Christian Nubertans and it's
a good time. The show is our headliner or important person.
She wan incredible. This is when Shangway had short hair.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Yah. Early, he was just so cool.
Speaker 4 (12:10):
He's so cool.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
I'd even recognize him the second time I saw him.
Speaker 4 (12:13):
Yeah, so cool me when I tell you, it was
the worst intro I've ever could have possibly given anybody
in IL. I was like, and he's Asian. Slur yeah,
slur stop Asian. Hang It was there was literally no
(12:33):
reason and I had just started. I was like new
to comedy anyway. And so he gets up and he's like, okay,
like he handled it well. And then we passed the
tip bucket and we I mean they was throwing tons
of money in the bucket. We pay him one hundred dollars.
He was not expecting to get no money from this
(12:55):
bum ass show. And he was like, yeah, help me back.
He would take a He'll take a little foolish intro.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
So he was cool.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
Yeah, I liked. I like message him and I said,
I'm so sorry this is fucked up, but.
Speaker 5 (13:13):
Awful in the room was like when comedians went all right,
next guys, we got a lady coming in the stage
and the audience is like, I wouldn't feel weird about that,
but now I do, so now she has to dig
herself out of a hole.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
I have a booger.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
I see, I see, I see the booger. It's coming out.
It's like I would like to be a special.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
Guest that looks like a pink guy.
Speaker 4 (13:37):
Yeah, you're it's coming. It's coming.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Well.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
You have nice hands, and you have good nail beds.
Me hitting on Eric andre in. The people know me
for my nailail beds.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Nails, ladies.
Speaker 4 (13:56):
You guys don't know what a lot of things are,
and you love it.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
I don't know if I love it.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
So sick of the anxiety.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
It's it's hard.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
I can't take it anymore.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
I think it actually is the reason why I'm not
further along in my career. The anxiety, anxiety and self
sabotage and the like. It's just too much going on.
It's like when you I.
Speaker 5 (14:15):
Think, I think every single comedian has anxiety and depression.
Name one comedian that doesn't have Name one successful comedian
that isn't riddled with anxiety or depression.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Any writer, Name a single writer.
Speaker 4 (14:29):
It's crazy. I was just on a floor Michelle Buteau.
I feel like.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Michelle has horrendous anxiety.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
Even if she does, I can't tell.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
I say that as one of her best friends. I
can't tell because we learned how to mask.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
She's always loving light and like every show I've been
on with her and even just hanging out, I'm like,
she's just incredible.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
She's she's pretty bad anxiety.
Speaker 4 (14:54):
Damn.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Yeah, I mean, it's part of your brain. It's fine.
It's like every living creature has anxiety.
Speaker 4 (15:00):
Being on the prescription fucking help tremendously. But I didn't
have anxiety until I got sober. Didn't know that. I
was probably masking it because.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
You haven't when you were a little kid.
Speaker 4 (15:11):
No, but I also was pretty odd as a little kid.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (15:16):
I didn't have no.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Witness.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
I was not Jehovah's witness. Stop it. I was not
knocking on door.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
I didn't have any birthday parties.
Speaker 4 (15:25):
I had a few, but they weren't big on that.
That wasn't there to think.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Really, that's a Baptist Methodist thing.
Speaker 4 (15:31):
I don't know. It was just like old school, like
we've been through it all. We don't need all of this,
Like all you need is like shelter, clothes on your back,
food in your mouth, what do.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
You see, salt of the earth, what do you need?
Disney World and Uncle saying this, Yeah, I got to
meet them.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
They're gone, They're in a better place.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
I'm sorry, so long ago, so long.
Speaker 4 (15:53):
They actually they passed away while I was when I
was waitressing.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
And.
Speaker 4 (16:02):
I think like twenty eight twenty nine. My uncle, my
great uncle, my uncle Papa, he passed. He passed right
after college. So I was like, I don't know, like
twenty twenty two, twenty one or something like that. But
I got my job as a as a waitress or whatever,
and I was making a lot of money, and me
and my mom had like had a big falling out
(16:23):
because I didn't finish college. So I go to his
funeral and my mother is trying to embarrass me at
his funeral, and I owed her like eight hundred dollars
because of a singular remember singular.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Young, what's the difference.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
No, she had me when she was like in her thirties,
like thirty. Yeah, but she was trying to embarrass me
at the funeral, and so I pulled out eight hundred
dollars like I made it rain at the funeral, and
I was like, here's your money, and honestly, it was
highlight of my life. But then we almost fought at
(16:59):
hometown buffet, so yeah, it was. It was very detroit
of us. Your mom's intents, well, she's also in a
better place now.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
But oh my god, I'm it's striking out. I'm sorry.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
No, it's okay. I'm a morbid person. So this is
another This is no, no, no, this is good. I love it.
The kid asked me about another problem. All my exes did. Yeah,
but yeah, we didn't have like birthday parties or whatever.
So like now, growing up, it's a bigger thing to
(17:30):
like celebrate a birthday because we can. I think they
also didn't. They couldn't spend too much money on birthdays,
so it wasn't a big deal for them. But now
it's like as an adult, it's like, yeah, let's get
the cake. That's like two hundred dollars, let's go.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Did you think you're ever gonna settle down and have
kids and stuff?
Speaker 4 (17:46):
Not having kids? I don't do it.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
You don't want to do it.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
No, I think and correct me if I'm wrong. Too
many fucked up people are having kids that.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Is correct, but I don't think.
Speaker 4 (17:58):
I think you're not a fucked up person genetically.
Speaker 5 (18:02):
You don't want to pass it down. I think about that.
I don't want to give this to anything.
Speaker 4 (18:07):
Yeah, no, I don't care. And a lot of people
be like, I want to say, I want to make
a little me, because yeah, you might look the part,
but inside you are absolute staten island garbage. You should
not you should be nowhere near sperm and eggs to
make anything.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
But doesn't it deepen your experience on this earth?
Speaker 4 (18:31):
What?
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Having kids? Raising kids? Aren't you supposed to do it.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
The more and more I get older, the more and
more I'm like, yo, there's so many lost souls out
here because somebody was like, I think I should have
a family, and I got a legacy. You can't even
read out loud, what is your legacy? No, no, no, no, no,
no no no, I don't I think the people who
and I have friends who have kids, and I'm like,
(18:56):
oh my god, yes you were opposed to have. And
then there's other people that I'm like, absolutely not, no way.
You should be far away. Your dick should be away
from no, take it off. You shouldn't be using it.
You should your sperm, suck it out, get a second
me take it? No, no good. You know who's really
(19:17):
good with that? Like I see him with his Linkston
Lynston Kerman. When I see it him and his wife,
I'm like, yes, you guy, Michelle Bijoe with her kids
and her husband, I'm like yes, And it's it's some
of it is just like you know, just access people preparing,
(19:37):
like not just having babies on a whimb or whatever.
But and then I meet people who I'm like, they
are good people, but they jeans, So I shook up. Yeah,
they put somebody did the eight ball and just.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
You could adopt. You can adopt.
Speaker 4 (19:53):
Nah, if I'm adopting, they gotta be twenty five. I'm
adopting a friend. That's all I'm doing. I want somebody grown.
Were going out, You're paying for your food. You already
on the way to being successful. And then I could
just clip on it. But like this is my baby,
Like I don't know.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
With a recondre. With a recondre, I was a demon child.
I was a demon me too.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
I've burned my I burn my house down. What what
do you mean by accident like that?
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I just like I just like Ninja Turtle Cereal. It
was hyper Wow. Tell us what let's go out on this.
This is the grand finale everything. I'm not going to
use the rest of the podcast. No, no, I have
my gym burned.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
Your house out of my accident.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
I'm not saying it's a burbs but you are an arsonist.
Speaker 4 (20:58):
I'm gonna say exactly.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
What happened.
Speaker 4 (21:03):
The thing is, is that right? Like, that's what I'm
talking about when you when you have kids and you're
not like my aunt and uncles did the best that
they could, right, But.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Candle or something I wish you was that What were
you doing? You're playing with gasoline in the house.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
No, I like lit like a cigar, plastic cigar and plastics.
I don't know if people know, but when you when
plastic is on fire, it melts. I did not know
that as a kid. So it it went into a
like a bag of newspapers because they were hoarders. There
was just like like papers from the from the Reagan era,
(21:40):
like like the jet magazines everywhere, like old heirlooms like
chot Sky stuff that.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
A fire waiting to happen.
Speaker 4 (21:48):
Yeah, yeah, I did great in sixth grade.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
Today.
Speaker 4 (21:52):
Yes, yep, that's what happened, and I was so it
was most half of it.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Half of it that it was a massive fire.
Speaker 4 (22:03):
It was pretty bad. Where were the news king?
Speaker 1 (22:06):
Oh fuck, are you serious? So your first credit.
Speaker 4 (22:12):
To the stage, Yeah, truly, truly it was comedian arsonists.
I'm gonna put that in my bio now. Somebody could
have died for sure, and they didn't.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Where were they?
Speaker 4 (22:25):
They were in the.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Back of this wild a wild life.
Speaker 4 (22:30):
I mean the fact that I and this is a
problem I have normal I was before wait until its
tale that bitch learned from me. Okay, it is trash.
I started.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
You have a fucking wild life?
Speaker 4 (22:47):
Yeah, it was wild. It's crazy that I divulged all
this for free.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
Do you talk about all this on stage?
Speaker 4 (22:53):
I have a solo show called how to Start a Fire,
and it's all these childhood stories and then the fire.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
The wild life.
Speaker 4 (23:01):
I do, I do. I admit that, But I think,
like it's cool. Yeah, I think this is cool to
talk about. Do I think I need to have a kid. No,
I have experience for a book, for a show, for
a show. I stand in solidarity sag yeah yeah forever.
(23:24):
But but I do have like entertainment purposes, but within
you're like, damn, bitch, you've been through some ship.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Like you you've lived a thousand lives.
Speaker 4 (23:34):
So many Do you have your own show? Do I
have my own show?
Speaker 1 (23:37):
What you mean you need a TV show?
Speaker 4 (23:38):
Presents? Eric Andre?
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Sure, whatever, He'll be the wacky next door anytime. I'll
be the super in the building.
Speaker 4 (23:46):
Honestly, there's something for you. There's so many things that
you can be in.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
I'll be one of the guys that you burned the
house down of.
Speaker 4 (23:54):
No, no, how's your sleep? That's the last question, you know,
I think right now?
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Yeah, hours a night, we're talking.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
Right now, I am. I'm also going through a breakup.
So oh no, it's okay, Sorry, it's fine.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
The woman I met is a woman I met the
other night at the slipper room.
Speaker 4 (24:14):
No, that was get the funk out of here, that's crazy.
She is my intern because she's a big.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Fan of you were dating her.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
You that you're aird.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
When you walked up. Yeah, you were all mad awkward
when you walked up. So I was like, oh, she's
on a date.
Speaker 4 (24:28):
That young girl, that young beige woman.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Yes, I was. I was surprised, but not surprised, and
you were being awkward. So I was like, Eric, I
was like, there's something. I was like, she's on a
date and she goes worried about it because I crushed.
I stung it up.
Speaker 4 (24:42):
She was a fan and so I, oh, you were.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Being weird, and I was like, she's that's a first
date or something.
Speaker 4 (24:46):
She like loves you and I I wanted to and
I went, this is what I want to.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Oh, that's her type.
Speaker 4 (24:51):
I love my good sister, Molly. You know I'm here
for you, But that is that young girl.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
I don't see you. I don't see age. That's how
progressive I am.
Speaker 4 (24:59):
No, that's how a straight man you are. What is age?
What is age? It's all about energy, No, ma'am no, sir, No,
thank you. Not my type, honey.
Speaker 5 (25:11):
I thought that was your girlfriend or you guys were
starting to date, because you're usually very like, hey, how
are you?
Speaker 1 (25:16):
But you were being like awkward.
Speaker 4 (25:18):
You were like a bag.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
You think I would you were, you were being here,
there's something in the air.
Speaker 4 (25:23):
I give toe bag energy.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
Something in the air that night she had awkward. You
were being awkward.
Speaker 4 (25:29):
I'm not dating nobody.
Speaker 5 (25:30):
Then you crushed so but I thought that it was
there was something going on. But now and then you
said break up. I was like, Oh, they were breaking up.
That's what that energy was.
Speaker 4 (25:40):
I can't wait to tell her. I can't wait.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
She hasn't she saw what I saw. That's all I
got to say.
Speaker 4 (25:46):
That she has a she had. I have to show
you the picture that she has. She has, she had
on her wall of you. It was like that.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
She didn't even act like she knew. She was like, hey,
what's up?
Speaker 4 (25:54):
Because I've already schooled her like, hey, when you see
somebody you don't know, you're not pressed.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
Oh she could have.
Speaker 4 (26:02):
That's fine, that's what you say. And then the kids
get real comfortable, and then and your DMS like, hey,
what's up. I'll no, no, no, no, no no. We're very professional,
very professional. Thank you, Molly. Okay, not my type. My
girl will kind of forever.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Okay, well, there's no judges. I didn't know I would.
Speaker 5 (26:22):
There was also Jewish okay, like just an Asian.
Speaker 4 (26:32):
Wow, Eric, I didn't know I was going to have
this much fun. This is crazy.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Thank you so much. I can't thank you enough. And
I'm sorry you're going through some heartaches deaths. Yeah, breakups,
but I have a faith.
Speaker 4 (26:44):
I don't memoir when it's time to get back to
the drawing board. F X Depths and Breakups by Sydney Washington.
Speaker 5 (26:53):
No, you're remember I should be like, so this guy
is Asian.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
In the corner.
Speaker 4 (27:00):
Oh my god, love Shang.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Thank you very much, Thank you with aericdre.
Speaker 5 (27:08):
Hey, before you go, I want to let you know
I got a new book out that I wrote with
my friend Dan Curry. It is called Dumb Ideas Behind
the Scenes Expose I'm making pranks and other stupid creative
endeavors and how.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
You can also too.
Speaker 5 (27:20):
It's out now and you can get it anywhere you
buy books or audio books. Now, here's a special clip
from the audio book, just for you. Years ago and
Eric andre Fan came up to me on a Brooklyn street.
I was getting ready to film a prank at an
auto repair place. For this specific bit, I was dressed normcore,
just a T shirt and jeans versus being a giant
human potato. For example, Hitting camera filmmaking means you have
a hitting crew. So when I'm about to go in
(27:41):
the kill zone and perform a prank, my crew is
completely invisible, So to this fan, I just looked like
I was lurking by my car on a beautiful Tuesday afternoon.
Little did he know, I was waiting for my cameras
to get set and for my first ad to secretly
and covertly cue my entrance. My first AD walked up
with a secret nod. I said bye to the fan,
hopped in my shitty car, rolled up to the mechanics,
(28:01):
started chatting him up, then started bashing the shit out
of my car with a hammer, all while asking how
much is it to fix this boom? How much is
it to fix this smash? What about this bang? The
marks were shocked at what I was doing to my
mediocre automobile mid prank. On my third hammer swing, I
accidentally thrust in my hand through the car window and
(28:22):
sliced it to shreds. I was bleeding everywhere. I knew
I needed stitches, but the adrenaline kept me going the
whole time this prank was going down. The fan was
in the deep background, jaw dropped shitting bricks to him.
It just looked like I was doing this crazy, anarctic
violence in my private life, talking to him like a
mild man or civilian one second, then going into a
psychotic rage at an auto repair shop a minute later.
(28:44):
This guy got to live the show in real time.
To him, I was really that loco year round, Like
I fucking lived it man, I walked the walk. Little
does he know that I am a total suburban pussy.
I meditate journal, drink cammeal Ta and go to bed
at nine thirty pm. I'm definitely let down when fans
(29:04):
made me. I remember living in Toronto for a few
months filming Man Seeking Woman. I was getting lunch waiting online,
about to order a bond Me sandwich. This kid behind
me recognized me, Holy shit, your airic andre ten decimals
too loud and it was eleven thirty am. So I
was like waw, not fully with it yet craving delicious
Vietnamese meats. The fan couldn't process while I was so
(29:25):
boring and doing such a mundane pedestrian task like buying
a sandwich on my Tuesday lunch break. He looked at me, confused, perplexed,
nonplus a furral brow splashed across his forehead. Then he
just started hitting me like his TV broke bat bat
bat hit me in the arm and the back, ah,
I fucking hurt. Then he screamed wow wow, an attempt
(29:47):
to get me to warm up. His real life Eric
Andrey Dahl was running out of batteries and needed to
start breaking something in this restaurant quick. I stood there
nervously giggling. The confused Vietnamese women behind the counter were
just like, please pay his twelve bucks. Then my fan
walked away with a frown. As I was writing this
very book you're reading, I just left a coffee shop
in Manhattan as a fan walked by and started hovering
(30:08):
near me, trying to get my attention. As soon as
I looked up, he forced himself to vomit all near
my new blue shoes. I closed my laptop and ran
into an uber. He continued vomiting and said, Eric, I
love you, barf. I've created quite a nice little version
of hell for myself. Back to the Brooklyn guy, he
left before we finished the prank, so you didn't even
see us reveal the cameras or beg for release forms.
(30:30):
I just remember him laughing and rubbing his temples as
he walked away.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
Random dude, if.
Speaker 5 (30:34):
You're still out there, keep on believing I'm cuckoo, because
The truth is, I'm way more boring than you could
ever imagine. Dance machine, Get a friend with a prosthetic
leg to join a dance competition, Fill his prosthetic leg
with blood, have him dance like a fool, and have
the leg fly off and blood pour out. Then he
should say, shit, I dance too hard.
Speaker 3 (30:56):
I'll with are all right?
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Listen up, we got some supposi for you.
Speaker 5 (31:01):
Got a burning story that you're itching to tell about
when you bombed or absolutely failed in life.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Now's your chance to tell me all about it. Wabo.
Speaker 5 (31:09):
I want to hear your worst, most cringe worthy what
the fuck was I thinking?
Speaker 1 (31:14):
What just happened? Moment? So pick up your phone and
dial seven one six bombing.
Speaker 5 (31:19):
That's seven one six two six six twenty four sixty
four and leave me a voicemail and we might just.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
Play it on a future episode.
Speaker 5 (31:27):
Bombing with Eric Andre is brought to you by Will
Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts. Our executive
producer is Olivia Aguilar, Our producer is Bei Wang, Our
research assistant is David Carliner. Our editor and sound designers
Andy Harris, and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg. Go
rate US five stars and drop a review on your
podcast app.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
A choice
What's up, everybody?
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Welcome to another edition of Bombing with Eric Andre, the
podcast where I talk with friends, comedians, musicians, and other
creative people about their worst moments on stage, at life,
really anywhere in this dimension. Today we have a good friend,
comedian Sydney Washington on the podcast, who sat down with
us to talk about how she started to fire at
her childhood home and how to survive a breakup akaa relationship.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Bomb. Let's get into it.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Bombing with Eric Andre.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
So you know the premise, Yeah, you have some stories
lined up.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
Oh yeah, of course, and a recent too recent bombs.
When I got the email, I was like, bombit. I
don't know nothing about that, And then I was like.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Actually, can you tell us what happened.
Speaker 4 (00:44):
I'll start with the one that was like maybe three
months ago. I was in Detroit. I was in House
of Comedy.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
You're touring or just one off went off.
Speaker 4 (00:53):
I've been hitting up spots, but I haven't like, actually
put you know, do the the graphic. We're on tour.
You know, I didn't do anyth of that. So I'm
in Detroit House of Comedy. Meanwhile, it's it's the home
of where my ex lives. She is in Detroit.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
She moves in the audience.
Speaker 4 (01:11):
No, No, she was actually gonna come see a show. Think
she moved back to Detroit, she bought a house. She is,
we're lesbians. Of course, we're still friends. We're still in
the group, chat together with her family, and she has
a new girlfriend and we're all BFFs. It's fine. We're
(01:32):
living great. So I'm there in Detroit, I'm feeling I'm
feeling good. I was like, this is gonna be a
great weekend. No, Jill Scott is performing across the streets
from House of Comedy, and it is sold out. And
then two doors down, I think Mike Epps, people from
(01:52):
Wilding Out, Nick Cannon.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Are So the audience was spread spread out.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
The whole strip was of important people that was way
more important than me. So when I tell you the
sales were low.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
I don't like to hear you say that. Why of
equal importance?
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Of equal importance. Yes, But when I tell you, when
I walked into the room, it was not. It showed
me that. I was like, oh, wow, are people here?
Speaker 1 (02:17):
So so it was empty.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
It was not empty, but it also was not it
was it was it was It was probably like twenty
people and it was a it's a big, pretty big room.
So the first show was because I did four shows.
So the first show was decent, you know, a small crowd,
but they you know, they fuck with me, so it
(02:39):
was great. The next show, it started pouring raining, pouring raining,
and it took us a while to get people in,
and they were like, we might have to call it
and I said, if we call it, God's plan, but
they didn't. A group of fifteen older black people come
in and I said, yes, that's who. That's smart people.
(03:00):
He was so good. I was like, family's here. But
then I was like, I actually hate my family. Why
this is a bad time. So I start talking about
I'm gay. They immediately they were like absolutely not. So
then I'm like I'm literally ten minutes in and I'm like,
oh shit, I got a whole hour. These people really
(03:22):
not fucking with me. So they're not laughing with me,
they're laughing at me. And now they're yelling at me.
They're like, you just haven't had the right dick yet,
that type of that type of homophobia. They were like,
God will take care of you like that yelling at me,
and it's like not it's a small room, so echoing,
you're bouncing off and there's like men, women, cousins, all this,
(03:47):
and so I stopped. I said, wait a minute, why
are y'all here? And they always like one of the women,
our cousin told us to come here, and so I
was like, so it's your fault. So then they all
start laughing because I was like, so it's your fault
because that everybody hates them because you didn't tell them
that I'm gay. And I was like, so you know
what that means, you're gay, because they're trying to figure
(04:09):
out why the fuck you want to come see me.
So then they said any and every homophobic thing that
you could possibly say, and the club no security. They
could have rushed, they could have did a hate rhyme. Yeah,
Stacey Adams shoe at me. It could have happened to me.
(04:33):
Nobody stopped them. It was so bad that the young
white girls were like, we like your jeans. I said, Susan,
you're not saying it's not a helpful thing.
Speaker 5 (04:50):
Were they like hostile, like like were they like middle
school kids?
Speaker 4 (04:56):
Oh? No, no, no, they were hatred in their Yes, yeah,
there was one that I had asked him a question.
He's like, I'm not listening to you, and then they
all laughed. It felt like cafeteria, right, but for people
who are almost in a nursing home. So it was
I had never and and then again I'm waiting. I
(05:17):
was like, this would be a perfect time for my
ex to just roll up, roll up with her girlfriend
to come see this and be like, yes, I'm in
a better place. This is why we broke up, you
know what I mean, and the whole and they would
interact with me. They would laugh when I speak to
them because they thought that was funny. But they would
not leave. They would not leave, and I needed money,
(05:39):
so I'll tell I'll take the homophobia for the check.
I was like, well, I'm not going to back out.
I did a whole hour. I did the whole hour.
I tried to I try to buy some of them shots.
They didn't want my gay shots. They didn't want nothing.
The women I try to like. At the end, I
was like, thank you so much for staying. They want
(06:00):
no parts of me. They thought I was. There was
one guy that was like talking to me, but he
was thinking, like, you're not really gay, and it's like sir,
my strap is in my person the research, I'm definitely
a homosexual. Yeah, but it was it was scary because
(06:22):
I was like, anything can happen. But also it was
like disappointing black people is a different type of disapplinance.
You feel like you let down your ancestors. You're like,
Sojourner Truth is rolling over in her grave. Harriet Tubman
did not free slaves for this, for this, for me
(06:43):
to bomb in Detroit at the House of Comedy. And
so that was the first night. So then the next
day I tell my agent, I'm like, I'm in turmoil.
I'm just like i gotta leave. I gotta get on
the next flight out of here. And she's like, okay,
I'm gonna talk to them. You don't have to do tonight.
And I said, oh no, I'm gonna need that money.
(07:04):
I'm gonna need to go in to back. I said,
I'm gonna go back. I needed the back. And it
wasn't even a back, it wasn't even a bad And
they were like, this is so funny. Because the girl,
the girl who was here last week, it was a snowstorm,
so we had to cancel one of her shows. And
then The next day, like fifteen people showed up. It
(07:25):
was Embetazine. I said, so, y'all hate women. I was
a house of comedy hates women. So it's not just me.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
This house of comedy a big Detroit.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Yeah, No show I did on my tour in North
America was Detroit.
Speaker 4 (07:38):
Oh, I believe it.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Toughest audience. Oh, Philly and Detroit were tough.
Speaker 5 (07:43):
No.
Speaker 4 (07:43):
I love Philly, Philly love me down, but.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
It was Philly was tough. I might have just been off,
but Detroit was tough.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
They don't want to when I tell you, they did
not leave. It was like you hate me. Leave. They
were said no, no, I pay my money. I'm gonna make
you uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
And I looked in their eyes and they were like, no,
we're staying until you dropped the mic. I think they
wanted to bully me into stopping. And I said, oh,
I'm doing my whole hour. I'm talking to you, we're
doing and they were like one woman walked out and
she's like, I'm gonna pray for you. I really am,
I really am gonna pray. And I said, man, all right.
(08:19):
But the next day I did two shows and they
were great. I talked to the people on the top.
I said, no, we're not doing what we did last night.
I don't know if you were here last night. I'm
sure you weren't. But I am gay. We're starting up top.
I am gay. If you do not like gays or
blacks or women, get the fuck out. And they all
clapped and they were happy.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Horses.
Speaker 4 (08:40):
Yeah, I'm not doing this for y'all. And I said,
I'm putting my phone on live, so anything happened, I'm
going viral. I'm going viral, and you're seeing your face
and you won't be able to go to your post
office after this. I will ruin your supermarket experience if
you fuck with me. And they got it together and
they were happy.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Should do that all the time time.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
I didn't want to do that. I was like, you
don't want.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
To have to do that. Yeah, why do you have
to do that?
Speaker 4 (09:06):
You paid to have a good time?
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Why?
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (09:08):
AnyWho? So that bomb it shook me to my core.
I said, oh, I need to go work at the
d m B. This is not for me. I'm not
I'm not a comedian. I'm back.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
I'm bad. That's isolated.
Speaker 4 (09:22):
And someone messaged me and they were like, you handled
it so well, and even if you were not doing well,
I was going to stay the whole show. I said,
all right, Sis, that didn't help. That didn't help me.
You're letting me know. So it was bad, but you
handled it quite well. Grace I had grace. So yeah,
(09:44):
that one I was like, I don't think I'll ever
be back to Detroit. I think I'm good on Detroit.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Might have been a fluke. I did live in Detroit
one time and there was like a fight, a fist
fight on that.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
It feels like Eric and yeah, no fine, actually pay Yeah,
someone throwing them bows with Eric Andre in the background
that I would love to see the graphic for that.
Did you videotape it?
Speaker 1 (10:08):
No, this is early tour. It was fucking It was crazy. Yeah,
it was crazy. It was crazy, like escalated quickly.
Speaker 4 (10:16):
I mean, it happens because you just you just don't
expect such foolishness.
Speaker 5 (10:20):
It was a white kid on stage that said something
to a black guy in the audience and like it
wasn't The guy didn't. The white kid didn't say anything racist,
but I think he was trying to be like ironic
and like be funny.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Too, and the guy was like are you talking about me?
Speaker 5 (10:35):
Thank you and jumped on stage destroying it in the
middle of an interview.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
And Byron is the funniest to for that to happen
because his facial expressions and he might even egg some.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Shit on yeah oh yeah, yeah. He didn't help.
Speaker 4 (10:53):
Yeah, no, no, he was like, no, I love this. He
lives for this. Yet He's like, why would we stop?
This is good? Yeah? So yeah, that that one. You
need a good bomb to shake you and then make
you be like, I gotta go back to the drawing board,
I gotta write again. I gotta, you know, delete my
ex's number. Stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
With Ari Codre.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
With are cod Prey, what is the worst bomb You've
ever seen? And what's the most wasted You've been on stage?
Speaker 4 (11:33):
The most wasted I've gotten. I was doing a show
with my best friend Maray Foston. She's so funny, she's
the best. It was called the warm Up and it
was at Carme Lounge, which is hookah bar, and it
was like our first show and I'm about like faux
five patron shots in and it's packed. There's smoke, hot
(11:55):
people that people are in the Christian Nubertans and it's
a good time. The show is our headliner or important person.
She wan incredible. This is when Shangway had short hair.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Yah. Early, he was just so cool.
Speaker 4 (12:10):
He's so cool.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
I'd even recognize him the second time I saw him.
Speaker 4 (12:13):
Yeah, so cool me when I tell you, it was
the worst intro I've ever could have possibly given anybody
in IL. I was like, and he's Asian. Slur yeah,
slur stop Asian. Hang It was there was literally no
(12:33):
reason and I had just started. I was like new
to comedy anyway. And so he gets up and he's like, okay,
like he handled it well. And then we passed the
tip bucket and we I mean they was throwing tons
of money in the bucket. We pay him one hundred dollars.
He was not expecting to get no money from this
(12:55):
bum ass show. And he was like, yeah, help me back.
He would take a He'll take a little foolish intro.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
So he was cool.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
Yeah, I liked. I like message him and I said,
I'm so sorry this is fucked up, but.
Speaker 5 (13:13):
Awful in the room was like when comedians went all right,
next guys, we got a lady coming in the stage
and the audience is like, I wouldn't feel weird about that,
but now I do, so now she has to dig
herself out of a hole.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
I have a booger.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
I see, I see, I see the booger. It's coming out.
It's like I would like to be a special.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
Guest that looks like a pink guy.
Speaker 4 (13:37):
Yeah, you're it's coming. It's coming.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Well.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
You have nice hands, and you have good nail beds.
Me hitting on Eric andre in. The people know me
for my nailail beds.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Nails, ladies.
Speaker 4 (13:56):
You guys don't know what a lot of things are,
and you love it.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
I don't know if I love it.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
So sick of the anxiety.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
It's it's hard.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
I can't take it anymore.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
I think it actually is the reason why I'm not
further along in my career. The anxiety, anxiety and self
sabotage and the like. It's just too much going on.
It's like when you I.
Speaker 5 (14:15):
Think, I think every single comedian has anxiety and depression.
Name one comedian that doesn't have Name one successful comedian
that isn't riddled with anxiety or depression.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Any writer, Name a single writer.
Speaker 4 (14:29):
It's crazy. I was just on a floor Michelle Buteau.
I feel like.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Michelle has horrendous anxiety.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
Even if she does, I can't tell.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
I say that as one of her best friends. I
can't tell because we learned how to mask.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
She's always loving light and like every show I've been
on with her and even just hanging out, I'm like,
she's just incredible.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
She's she's pretty bad anxiety.
Speaker 4 (14:54):
Damn.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Yeah, I mean, it's part of your brain. It's fine.
It's like every living creature has anxiety.
Speaker 4 (15:00):
Being on the prescription fucking help tremendously. But I didn't
have anxiety until I got sober. Didn't know that. I
was probably masking it because.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
You haven't when you were a little kid.
Speaker 4 (15:11):
No, but I also was pretty odd as a little kid.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (15:16):
I didn't have no.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Witness.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
I was not Jehovah's witness. Stop it. I was not
knocking on door.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
I didn't have any birthday parties.
Speaker 4 (15:25):
I had a few, but they weren't big on that.
That wasn't there to think.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Really, that's a Baptist Methodist thing.
Speaker 4 (15:31):
I don't know. It was just like old school, like
we've been through it all. We don't need all of this,
Like all you need is like shelter, clothes on your back,
food in your mouth, what do.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
You see, salt of the earth, what do you need?
Disney World and Uncle saying this, Yeah, I got to
meet them.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
They're gone, They're in a better place.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
I'm sorry, so long ago, so long.
Speaker 4 (15:53):
They actually they passed away while I was when I
was waitressing.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
And.
Speaker 4 (16:02):
I think like twenty eight twenty nine. My uncle, my
great uncle, my uncle Papa, he passed. He passed right
after college. So I was like, I don't know, like
twenty twenty two, twenty one or something like that. But
I got my job as a as a waitress or whatever,
and I was making a lot of money, and me
and my mom had like had a big falling out
(16:23):
because I didn't finish college. So I go to his
funeral and my mother is trying to embarrass me at
his funeral, and I owed her like eight hundred dollars
because of a singular remember singular.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Young, what's the difference.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
No, she had me when she was like in her thirties,
like thirty. Yeah, but she was trying to embarrass me
at the funeral, and so I pulled out eight hundred
dollars like I made it rain at the funeral, and
I was like, here's your money, and honestly, it was
highlight of my life. But then we almost fought at
(16:59):
hometown buffet, so yeah, it was. It was very detroit
of us. Your mom's intents, well, she's also in a
better place now.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
But oh my god, I'm it's striking out. I'm sorry.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
No, it's okay. I'm a morbid person. So this is
another This is no, no, no, this is good. I love it.
The kid asked me about another problem. All my exes did. Yeah,
but yeah, we didn't have like birthday parties or whatever.
So like now, growing up, it's a bigger thing to
(17:30):
like celebrate a birthday because we can. I think they
also didn't. They couldn't spend too much money on birthdays,
so it wasn't a big deal for them. But now
it's like as an adult, it's like, yeah, let's get
the cake. That's like two hundred dollars, let's go.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Did you think you're ever gonna settle down and have
kids and stuff?
Speaker 4 (17:46):
Not having kids? I don't do it.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
You don't want to do it.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
No, I think and correct me if I'm wrong. Too
many fucked up people are having kids that.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Is correct, but I don't think.
Speaker 4 (17:58):
I think you're not a fucked up person genetically.
Speaker 5 (18:02):
You don't want to pass it down. I think about that.
I don't want to give this to anything.
Speaker 4 (18:07):
Yeah, no, I don't care. And a lot of people
be like, I want to say, I want to make
a little me, because yeah, you might look the part,
but inside you are absolute staten island garbage. You should
not you should be nowhere near sperm and eggs to
make anything.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
But doesn't it deepen your experience on this earth?
Speaker 4 (18:31):
What?
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Having kids? Raising kids? Aren't you supposed to do it.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
The more and more I get older, the more and
more I'm like, yo, there's so many lost souls out
here because somebody was like, I think I should have
a family, and I got a legacy. You can't even
read out loud, what is your legacy? No, no, no, no, no,
no no no, I don't I think the people who
and I have friends who have kids, and I'm like,
(18:56):
oh my god, yes you were opposed to have. And
then there's other people that I'm like, absolutely not, no way.
You should be far away. Your dick should be away
from no, take it off. You shouldn't be using it.
You should your sperm, suck it out, get a second
me take it? No, no good. You know who's really
(19:17):
good with that? Like I see him with his Linkston
Lynston Kerman. When I see it him and his wife,
I'm like, yes, you guy, Michelle Bijoe with her kids
and her husband, I'm like yes, And it's it's some
of it is just like you know, just access people preparing,
(19:37):
like not just having babies on a whimb or whatever.
But and then I meet people who I'm like, they
are good people, but they jeans, So I shook up. Yeah,
they put somebody did the eight ball and just.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
You could adopt. You can adopt.
Speaker 4 (19:53):
Nah, if I'm adopting, they gotta be twenty five. I'm
adopting a friend. That's all I'm doing. I want somebody grown.
Were going out, You're paying for your food. You already
on the way to being successful. And then I could
just clip on it. But like this is my baby,
Like I don't know.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
With a recondre. With a recondre, I was a demon child.
I was a demon me too.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
I've burned my I burn my house down. What what
do you mean by accident like that?
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I just like I just like Ninja Turtle Cereal. It
was hyper Wow. Tell us what let's go out on this.
This is the grand finale everything. I'm not going to
use the rest of the podcast. No, no, I have
my gym burned.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
Your house out of my accident.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
I'm not saying it's a burbs but you are an arsonist.
Speaker 4 (20:58):
I'm gonna say exactly.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
What happened.
Speaker 4 (21:03):
The thing is, is that right? Like, that's what I'm
talking about when you when you have kids and you're
not like my aunt and uncles did the best that
they could, right, But.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Candle or something I wish you was that What were
you doing? You're playing with gasoline in the house.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
No, I like lit like a cigar, plastic cigar and plastics.
I don't know if people know, but when you when
plastic is on fire, it melts. I did not know
that as a kid. So it it went into a
like a bag of newspapers because they were hoarders. There
was just like like papers from the from the Reagan era,
(21:40):
like like the jet magazines everywhere, like old heirlooms like
chot Sky stuff that.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
A fire waiting to happen.
Speaker 4 (21:48):
Yeah, yeah, I did great in sixth grade.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
Today.
Speaker 4 (21:52):
Yes, yep, that's what happened, and I was so it
was most half of it.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Half of it that it was a massive fire.
Speaker 4 (22:03):
It was pretty bad. Where were the news king?
Speaker 1 (22:06):
Oh fuck, are you serious? So your first credit.
Speaker 4 (22:12):
To the stage, Yeah, truly, truly it was comedian arsonists.
I'm gonna put that in my bio now. Somebody could
have died for sure, and they didn't.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Where were they?
Speaker 4 (22:25):
They were in the.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Back of this wild a wild life.
Speaker 4 (22:30):
I mean the fact that I and this is a
problem I have normal I was before wait until its
tale that bitch learned from me. Okay, it is trash.
I started.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
You have a fucking wild life?
Speaker 4 (22:47):
Yeah, it was wild. It's crazy that I divulged all
this for free.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
Do you talk about all this on stage?
Speaker 4 (22:53):
I have a solo show called how to Start a Fire,
and it's all these childhood stories and then the fire.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
The wild life.
Speaker 4 (23:01):
I do, I do. I admit that, But I think,
like it's cool. Yeah, I think this is cool to
talk about. Do I think I need to have a kid. No,
I have experience for a book, for a show, for
a show. I stand in solidarity sag yeah yeah forever.
(23:24):
But but I do have like entertainment purposes, but within
you're like, damn, bitch, you've been through some ship.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Like you you've lived a thousand lives.
Speaker 4 (23:34):
So many Do you have your own show? Do I
have my own show?
Speaker 1 (23:37):
What you mean you need a TV show?
Speaker 4 (23:38):
Presents? Eric Andre?
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Sure, whatever, He'll be the wacky next door anytime. I'll
be the super in the building.
Speaker 4 (23:46):
Honestly, there's something for you. There's so many things that
you can be in.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
I'll be one of the guys that you burned the
house down of.
Speaker 4 (23:54):
No, no, how's your sleep? That's the last question, you know,
I think right now?
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Yeah, hours a night, we're talking.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
Right now, I am. I'm also going through a breakup.
So oh no, it's okay, Sorry, it's fine.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
The woman I met is a woman I met the
other night at the slipper room.
Speaker 4 (24:14):
No, that was get the funk out of here, that's crazy.
She is my intern because she's a big.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Fan of you were dating her.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
You that you're aird.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
When you walked up. Yeah, you were all mad awkward
when you walked up. So I was like, oh, she's
on a date.
Speaker 4 (24:28):
That young girl, that young beige woman.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Yes, I was. I was surprised, but not surprised, and
you were being awkward. So I was like, Eric, I
was like, there's something. I was like, she's on a
date and she goes worried about it because I crushed.
I stung it up.
Speaker 4 (24:42):
She was a fan and so I, oh, you were.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Being weird, and I was like, she's that's a first
date or something.
Speaker 4 (24:46):
She like loves you and I I wanted to and
I went, this is what I want to.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Oh, that's her type.
Speaker 4 (24:51):
I love my good sister, Molly. You know I'm here
for you, But that is that young girl.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
I don't see you. I don't see age. That's how
progressive I am.
Speaker 4 (24:59):
No, that's how a straight man you are. What is age?
What is age? It's all about energy, No, ma'am no, sir, No,
thank you. Not my type, honey.
Speaker 5 (25:11):
I thought that was your girlfriend or you guys were
starting to date, because you're usually very like, hey, how
are you?
Speaker 1 (25:16):
But you were being like awkward.
Speaker 4 (25:18):
You were like a bag.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
You think I would you were, you were being here,
there's something in the air.
Speaker 4 (25:23):
I give toe bag energy.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
Something in the air that night she had awkward. You
were being awkward.
Speaker 4 (25:29):
I'm not dating nobody.
Speaker 5 (25:30):
Then you crushed so but I thought that it was
there was something going on. But now and then you
said break up. I was like, Oh, they were breaking up.
That's what that energy was.
Speaker 4 (25:40):
I can't wait to tell her. I can't wait.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
She hasn't she saw what I saw. That's all I
got to say.
Speaker 4 (25:46):
That she has a she had. I have to show
you the picture that she has. She has, she had
on her wall of you. It was like that.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
She didn't even act like she knew. She was like, hey,
what's up?
Speaker 4 (25:54):
Because I've already schooled her like, hey, when you see
somebody you don't know, you're not pressed.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
Oh she could have.
Speaker 4 (26:02):
That's fine, that's what you say. And then the kids
get real comfortable, and then and your DMS like, hey,
what's up. I'll no, no, no, no, no no. We're very professional,
very professional. Thank you, Molly. Okay, not my type. My
girl will kind of forever.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Okay, well, there's no judges. I didn't know I would.
Speaker 5 (26:22):
There was also Jewish okay, like just an Asian.
Speaker 4 (26:32):
Wow, Eric, I didn't know I was going to have
this much fun. This is crazy.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Thank you so much. I can't thank you enough. And
I'm sorry you're going through some heartaches deaths. Yeah, breakups,
but I have a faith.
Speaker 4 (26:44):
I don't memoir when it's time to get back to
the drawing board. F X Depths and Breakups by Sydney Washington.
Speaker 5 (26:53):
No, you're remember I should be like, so this guy
is Asian.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
In the corner.
Speaker 4 (27:00):
Oh my god, love Shang.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Thank you very much, Thank you with aericdre.
Speaker 5 (27:08):
Hey, before you go, I want to let you know
I got a new book out that I wrote with
my friend Dan Curry. It is called Dumb Ideas Behind
the Scenes Expose I'm making pranks and other stupid creative
endeavors and how.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
You can also too.
Speaker 5 (27:20):
It's out now and you can get it anywhere you
buy books or audio books. Now, here's a special clip
from the audio book, just for you. Years ago and
Eric andre Fan came up to me on a Brooklyn street.
I was getting ready to film a prank at an
auto repair place. For this specific bit, I was dressed normcore,
just a T shirt and jeans versus being a giant
human potato. For example, Hitting camera filmmaking means you have
a hitting crew. So when I'm about to go in
(27:41):
the kill zone and perform a prank, my crew is
completely invisible, So to this fan, I just looked like
I was lurking by my car on a beautiful Tuesday afternoon.
Little did he know, I was waiting for my cameras
to get set and for my first ad to secretly
and covertly cue my entrance. My first AD walked up
with a secret nod. I said bye to the fan,
hopped in my shitty car, rolled up to the mechanics,
(28:01):
started chatting him up, then started bashing the shit out
of my car with a hammer, all while asking how
much is it to fix this boom? How much is
it to fix this smash? What about this bang? The
marks were shocked at what I was doing to my
mediocre automobile mid prank. On my third hammer swing, I
accidentally thrust in my hand through the car window and
(28:22):
sliced it to shreds. I was bleeding everywhere. I knew
I needed stitches, but the adrenaline kept me going the
whole time this prank was going down. The fan was
in the deep background, jaw dropped shitting bricks to him.
It just looked like I was doing this crazy, anarctic
violence in my private life, talking to him like a
mild man or civilian one second, then going into a
psychotic rage at an auto repair shop a minute later.
(28:44):
This guy got to live the show in real time.
To him, I was really that loco year round, Like
I fucking lived it man, I walked the walk. Little
does he know that I am a total suburban pussy.
I meditate journal, drink cammeal Ta and go to bed
at nine thirty pm. I'm definitely let down when fans
(29:04):
made me. I remember living in Toronto for a few
months filming Man Seeking Woman. I was getting lunch waiting online,
about to order a bond Me sandwich. This kid behind
me recognized me, Holy shit, your airic andre ten decimals
too loud and it was eleven thirty am. So I
was like waw, not fully with it yet craving delicious
Vietnamese meats. The fan couldn't process while I was so
(29:25):
boring and doing such a mundane pedestrian task like buying
a sandwich on my Tuesday lunch break. He looked at me, confused, perplexed,
nonplus a furral brow splashed across his forehead. Then he
just started hitting me like his TV broke bat bat
bat hit me in the arm and the back, ah,
I fucking hurt. Then he screamed wow wow, an attempt
(29:47):
to get me to warm up. His real life Eric
Andrey Dahl was running out of batteries and needed to
start breaking something in this restaurant quick. I stood there
nervously giggling. The confused Vietnamese women behind the counter were
just like, please pay his twelve bucks. Then my fan
walked away with a frown. As I was writing this
very book you're reading, I just left a coffee shop
in Manhattan as a fan walked by and started hovering
(30:08):
near me, trying to get my attention. As soon as
I looked up, he forced himself to vomit all near
my new blue shoes. I closed my laptop and ran
into an uber. He continued vomiting and said, Eric, I
love you, barf. I've created quite a nice little version
of hell for myself. Back to the Brooklyn guy, he
left before we finished the prank, so you didn't even
see us reveal the cameras or beg for release forms.
(30:30):
I just remember him laughing and rubbing his temples as
he walked away.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
Random dude, if.
Speaker 5 (30:34):
You're still out there, keep on believing I'm cuckoo, because
The truth is, I'm way more boring than you could
ever imagine. Dance machine, Get a friend with a prosthetic
leg to join a dance competition, Fill his prosthetic leg
with blood, have him dance like a fool, and have
the leg fly off and blood pour out. Then he
should say, shit, I dance too hard.
Speaker 3 (30:56):
I'll with are all right?
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Listen up, we got some supposi for you.
Speaker 5 (31:01):
Got a burning story that you're itching to tell about
when you bombed or absolutely failed in life.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Now's your chance to tell me all about it. Wabo.
Speaker 5 (31:09):
I want to hear your worst, most cringe worthy what
the fuck was I thinking?
Speaker 1 (31:14):
What just happened? Moment? So pick up your phone and
dial seven one six bombing.
Speaker 5 (31:19):
That's seven one six two six six twenty four sixty
four and leave me a voicemail and we might just.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
Play it on a future episode.
Speaker 5 (31:27):
Bombing with Eric Andre is brought to you by Will
Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts. Our executive
producer is Olivia Aguilar, Our producer is Bei Wang, Our
research assistant is David Carliner. Our editor and sound designers
Andy Harris, and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg. Go
rate US five stars and drop a review on your
podcast app.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
A choice
Host
Eric Andre
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