October 22, 2025 • 53 mins
Hey guys! This week we have another favorite from this season. Eric is joined by friend of 20+ years, Ardie Fuqua. Ardie is someone who has been through all types of bombs: being boo'ed off at the Apollo Theatre, almost dying in a bus and truck collision, and being chased by a Russian ex-girlfriend. An advice gem Ardie shares with Eric: always play rock music whenever a cop pulls you over. How can we forget the time Ardie getting so high that he thought he saw the audience members as puppets. These stories are just the tip of the iceberg with Mr. Fuqua!
Tell us your most cringeworthy bombs! Call 716-BOMBING (716-266-2464) and leave a voicemail.
For all things Eric Andre and Bombing follow @ericfuckingandre (Instagram) and @ericandre (TikTok).
Rate and review Bombing with Eric Andre here!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up you all.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
It's Eric Andre and this is Bombing, the podcast where
I talk to comedians, artists and other interesting people about
the worst bombs of their careers. On today's episode, we
have Artie Fouquah, a real comedians comedian who I've known forever.
Artie has some great stories from his life, getting booed
off stage at the Apollo, having to call the cops
out a Russian girlfriend, and coming back to life after
dying in.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
A car accident. Literally. We also talk about.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Bombing at colleges, winning back audience you've just offended and
more enjoyed.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Bomby Lobby with Eric Andre.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Okay, we are on the show called Bombing.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
What's the premise of the show.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
It's where I.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Break my comedian friends in that I've known for many
months and they tell me there were stories of being
on stage and bombing.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
But really you can talk about it. Whatever the fuck
he was, no matter.
Speaker 5 (00:52):
Nobody's listening to this, you know from Comedy Central, BT, MTV, Netflix, Yes,
a friend of mine for let me say, twenty years
already for us up and.
Speaker 6 (01:03):
We're in the building. Son, they all day. We don't stop.
Hell yeah, baby, we keep moving we don't ever stop moving.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
You know the funny about it. Some of my worst
stories about bombing have been set up, Like I've had
tricks played on me by other comedians.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Like it was a prank, Like a prank. This what happened.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
There's a comedian named Eddie. If I love that guy.
He's the king of the pranks. He's the king of
the pranks.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Shut you up.
Speaker 4 (01:31):
So we're at it. We're out of college, right and
I'm on stage. I get there a litt late. He
has to go before me, so I walk in. I
go on stage. The audience is really cool and I'm
just talking, having fun. And then I think I said
the N word a couple of times or loose black
dude a baby and g G a baby. So I
(01:56):
said that word and then they all got up and
just walked out.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Wait, they all got up and walked out.
Speaker 4 (02:01):
They all got walked out, moms.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Yeah, it was audience.
Speaker 4 (02:05):
No, it was a mixed audience, but it was basically
black whoa.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
It was.
Speaker 4 (02:10):
It was a very college audience. Everybody in the crowd.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
But Eddie told them to do that.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
Yeah, but I didn't know that. So it was packed.
It was a theater. The entire theater got up and
walked out, and I'm standing there and there's a kid
and he goes, you're struggling, man, And I said, I
said I'm struggling. He said, yeah, man, you said the
N word. I said, I only said it twice. He
(02:37):
said that was one too many. And then the person
who put the show together, the booker, the cous booker,
walks up to the find and goes.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Sorry, man, this is it. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (02:45):
If I don't know, we can pay you. I go, okay,
that's right. So I walked outside. The entire audience is
outside on along with Eddie f They go, we got
oh man, you guys, that was such.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
A good that's.
Speaker 4 (02:59):
What for the books?
Speaker 1 (03:00):
That's that's the record.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Yeah, I'm talking about an actual bomb, right, But I
haven't moved off stage.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Ship thrown at you. You ever been to jail?
Speaker 4 (03:07):
Yeah, man, I'm black. Yeah. I mean, I know you're mixed,
like you're half in jail twice, but you've been half jailed.
They had you in the holding room.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Eric. I went to the big jail once. At the
Big jail that sucked. How long did you stay? One night?
Just one night? That was overnight over.
Speaker 4 (03:25):
So your black sided dude. One night the white side said,
let me out.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Web side is Jewish.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
Hey, do you know my father is black?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
He's black. You know my mother is you.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
Know my MoMA is she's Jewish.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
She's a lawyer, public school. Did you get back there?
Speaker 4 (03:43):
The thing about jail is when you're a comedian and
you're in jail, it's hell.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Because really I crushed. I like had a good set.
I actually did a set so accidentally and like the
cell erupted.
Speaker 4 (03:57):
But you don't get to sleep because all night long
and you media, you'll make some jokes. Oh yeah, and
then I was in the tombs. When you go to
jail in New York City, you're in a place called
the tombs where you go from sell to sell to
sell until you go to court.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
They called the tombs. And oh so you were how
many how many days? Was like this overnight? So in
New York shoveling you around. But so in New York City,
may I ask what you were in there for? That
suspended license? That's it.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
Yeah, in New York City, if you're suspended licenses, you
get arrested.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
That was the Walmart truck.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
No no, no, no, no, that was not.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
The You got hit by the Walmart truck and they suspended.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
How he did his license?
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Man injury?
Speaker 4 (04:40):
I mean, we know we almost killed you. But your
license is revoked.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Bru Wait wait so suspended license? Jail? This isls This.
Speaker 4 (04:50):
Is in the in the two thousands and mid two thousands,
like Juliani era. Yeah, the Giuliani era. My license was revoked.
I didn't have a license.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Seven three black people in jail, no problem.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
So I drove around with a boat license because I
needed identification, but I couldn't get I couldn't get a
driver's license because it was suspended.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
So you drive a boat.
Speaker 4 (05:10):
No, but the only form of identification that they had
at that time would be a boat license. And every
time a cop would stop me, they all made the
same joke. Hey, they stopped their feet, we're on laying,
this isn't water, get your ass out of the car,
and they take me in.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
That sucks. Why do you drive so much in New York?
I don't understand. That's a pain in the ass. It's
a status thing.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
No, it's not a status thing. It's getting from point
A to point B real quick.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Take a taxi take it over. You don't worry about parking.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
Well, luckily for me, now, I'm just that one club
in the city and they have a lot of different
locations in one spot, and I only do certain shows.
So I get there and I just go from point
A to point B. Where do you live Jersey City?
Are you living Jersey City?
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:55):
You got a house, Yeah, a couple. Look at you
real estate and you got that's a Jewish part of me.
You got me.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
I'm into real estate. I have a lot of houses, houses, apartment.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
And you're your grandfather with my grandfather blows my mind.
How old are you when you had your first kid?
You're like seven?
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Right?
Speaker 4 (06:13):
My first child I had when I was twenty one.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
That was my son. He died in accident. I remember that.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
But my daughter right now is twenty nine and she
has two children. She has a six year old son.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
The youngest looking grandpa and the coolest grandpa.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
And the three year old granddaughter named Marley. But I
will tell you it is black people are grandparents in our forties.
I was a grandparent at forty five.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
That's insane. Well you look good.
Speaker 4 (06:37):
Black people with grandparents and our forties crowds like, yep,
I got a couple, I got Panda.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
You'd be surprised, I get Uh, do you know who
the baby mama is of your daughter?
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (06:47):
I know her mother. Yeah, yeah, I'm in friends with
her mother for years. I'm still friends of her.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Really, of course, so you guys get along. You have to,
there's no other option.
Speaker 4 (06:55):
Well, she's well, she got married after she had my daughter,
and she had a couple more.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
She had along with the the guy.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
I can don't worry aybody, really, of course.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
There's not a lot of I have never been in
a fight. I try not to. But when you were
in high school.
Speaker 4 (07:07):
Well, in high school, I don't think I really had
to fight. I played sports, but it was when I
got into college when I had all the fights. But
when I was in high school, how would you play?
I played basketball and I ran track, ran track. Yeah,
I played football, but I sucked. How did you get
into comedy? I guess you're not. You're not angry enough
(07:27):
for football. Well, football was fun. I got enjoyed it,
but I couldn't catch the ball. Like they would make
fun of me. I was part of them, and I
and I would cracked so many jokes on the defense
that they couldn't wait to get me out on the
field and they would just hit me for no reason.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Yeah, you're a wide receiver.
Speaker 4 (07:45):
Yeah, they called the split in back then.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
So where'd you go to college? I went to Rutgers.
How did you get into comedy?
Speaker 4 (07:51):
So my cousin was worked at the Apollo. Showtime at
the Apollo, and I wanted to go see Damon Wayiams.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
She was special. And then ninety one, ninety one, ninety two,
and that's during your Living Color or what years?
Speaker 4 (08:07):
Yeah, ninety two Living Color just came out. Yeah, so
I went to see it and Sean Wayne's was the opener,
and Sean Wayne's we had the same haircut, we had
the exact same Paisley shirt with the slash, the exact
same shoes. I was like, Hey, I want to do
stand up. So my cousin told me go to the
Uptown Comedy Club. It's right around the corner from the
(08:29):
follow Yeah, from the Apollo's one hundred history. So at
this point I'm eighteen, I'm trying to get to the Apollo.
But every week I got there late because that was
the time when they would say, all right, well it's
about you got to go through the Holland Tunnel. Then
you gotta go all the way uptown. Then you got
all the way through Manhattan. The you gotta find parking,
and I'll say, okay, that'll take ten minutes. That was
(08:50):
my thinking back then. Yeah, I thought I could do
everything in a half.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Hour, right right, I st don't take that way.
Speaker 4 (08:55):
Yeah, so you know, time doesn't work like that, and
I would always be late. So the first time I
went there, I was too late to get in. The
second time I went there, I was late to get in.
The Third time I went there, it was too late
to get in. And I said, I'm a comedian. I
thought that would help. They said, well, come to this
comedy workshop that we do every Wednesday. So I went
to the comedy workshop and that's where I met Will Silvans.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
No, you've known Will for that long.
Speaker 4 (09:19):
I've known Will for that long. I gave Will a
ride home our first time meeting. I gave him a
ride home.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
Feel like you still do when Will has that.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
Beard.
Speaker 4 (09:33):
Yeah, he loves that beard.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
I always say, you look like the dudes in Washington
Square Park that like hustle.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
You at like chess games.
Speaker 4 (09:40):
So you b what's that three card monty with that
with the heel that all right, wash my hand?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Which one is the ball on the which one is this?
Which one is the ball in there?
Speaker 4 (09:48):
Which one? And they always had that guy that that
works with them, that sets it up, and he will
guesses and he guesses right, and the guy gives him
money and he has a lot of money. And then
you go, oh, I can get a water of money too,
But you don't know that they are working together. And
then you go and then you lose. They take all
your money, and then you lose, and you there all
(10:09):
day and they take all your money, and then you
realize at the end of it that these guys are
best friends.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Yeah, they set you up. Will has that look or
like al Qaeda kind of look.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
He's got a nine to eleven, that's what Will is
one of the health Santa. He's one of the homeless
Papa Smurve, one of the healthy. Gregory Young Young did Gregory.
He's one of the healthiest people I know. That guy
wakes up every morning that's crazy eight am and goes
to the gym.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
No, I've been to the gym with him. He's not
He's like a warrior, dude, there's some training for like
World War three.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
Because he lives. He lives in one of my houses
and he uses my garage. And when I'm coming home,
here's my driver. And when I come home, I'm going out.
He's when I'm coming in, he's going out.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (10:54):
And I had just saw him a few hours ago
at the club.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I'm like, damn, Bruce Lee Roy. Yeah. So he told
me he was celibate years ago. I was like, that
can't be sustainable.
Speaker 4 (11:05):
Well, you know, I never know another person in sex life.
I never asked, but no, he volunteered. He was like,
he's c He says he doesn't. He says he doesn't indulge,
And I just say, okay.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Now you would go nuts. Impossible. Some people are like that.
You never know.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
Some people are like that.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
You know, I'm Cravit said he had of that sex
for nine years. I was like, get the fuck out
of it.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
But I don't believe that. No, Fay, he's surrounded by
women him for nine years. Get the fuck out.
Speaker 4 (11:32):
But I guess that's what he wants you to leave.
But also, Lenny Kravitz at his age, you see the shames.
You see how in shapes.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
That fucking it's a miracle. So makes me feel like shit.
But from that mad when I see him.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
For guys that work out like that, that's their adrenaline rush.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
Oh they don't, they don't come, they don't gigz.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
Well, they're so busy working out. That's the rush. I
will tell you. So I don't have any stories about bombing,
but I have stories.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
I don't believe it. No comedians associate battle. They say that,
but I'll tell you never bombed. I'll tell you it's
not possible. But I'll tell you this, it's not possible.
You and I have a gift of crowd work. You
and I have a gift. But still I need something,
and you can turn.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
It around every single bomb. You've turned around.
Speaker 4 (12:17):
Every You can always start off, and some people start
off slow, purposely so they can see if they need
joke works. That's like a process that a lot of
people have. But a lot of times I just like
the joke right itself.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
So you people down or you played shoulders in the Bronx.
Oh yeah, I'm talking like.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
I'm talking about like back in the nineties, oh rooms, hood.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Rooms where it would just be five dudes that look.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Like they were in Wu tang Oh, yeah, watching football,
and they would turn off the TV when they come
in to the stage already fuqua coming to the stage, no
pomp or circumstance.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Yeah, but I go, I go up there and.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Get those five guys that are now angry that the
game is off and a random person is talking to
a microphon.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
You would win those guys over.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
Yeah, because it all saw us with what man look
at his nigga shoes, and you saw I make your
fun of him. Oh booke, all coming here, your dirty
ass hat, and then all of a sudden, they're all laughing.
Now everybody's laughing. Everybody's on your side. Now they're cracking
back at you. You're cracking on them. Everybody's having a
blast since day one. Yeah, because see I grew up
in bad neighborhood.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
When you were eighteen years old, you could do that
on stage.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
Well, I didn't start when I was eighteen. I started
when I was nineteen because by the time I got
on stage, it was December and I celebrated my birthday
then I got on stage. I got on stage right
after my nineteenth birthday.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
My larger point is at that young yeah, first show
you ever did.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
I was a monster with the stammer crushing. I was
a beast with the snaps. I wasn't crushing on stage,
but like I said, if the material isn't working, something's
going to work. Because I grew up in bad neighborhoods.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
So you cut your teeth like in middle school. But basically, yeah.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
I was always that kid that was making fun of people.
When I was in college, I was shut down to campus.
People be afraid to walk past me because I'd be
cracking everybody.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
You were always class clowns day one.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
I was always that guy, and I love being that guy,
and I love cracking.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
This to be a bomb on audition or something. You
never bombed in an audition.
Speaker 4 (14:12):
Everybody bombs auditions, but give me, give me a lot
of times when you bomb audition, they actually well, I
like the way I like the stage for you get
the job. They have How many times if you crushed
an audition and never hurt anything back?
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Oh, auditions are the most like you never know it
was yeah thing.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
You'll think you'll do horrible, then you book the gig
or you think you crushed it and you'll hear back.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
There are times. No, there are times when I've walked
out and said, man, I just bombed so hard, and
then my agent will call me and go.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Hey, how is it, man, It's terrible?
Speaker 4 (14:44):
How bad?
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Man? They were just staring at me. Wow, yeah, real bad.
Speaker 4 (14:49):
Yeah, well you booked the job.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Yeah yeah, oh well, oh shit, Benjaman.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
I walked out of an audition for a pilot and
I was like, that was so bad. I did so bad,
I should quit. I went home and I almost threw
up and then my called me. There they loved you,
they won you on the show.
Speaker 4 (15:05):
Yeah, I would say I was.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
I was hard on myself in my twenties.
Speaker 4 (15:09):
I was, well, you know, as a performer, you're going
to be hard on yourself. Yeah, But when I was
when I was twenty, I went to showtime at the Apollo.
Everybody was telling me not to do it, but my
confidence was high. They said they're gonna they want you.
They want comedians to just go up here and have fun.
And I bombed, Like I bombed so hard. Yeah, but
(15:33):
it was so funny because I was going back with
the crowd and I was still cracking jokes that they
aired it. Yeah, and all my fifteen man came out. Yeah,
and all my fiftieth birthday. I was celebrating my fiftieth
birthday and everything was funny. I made it. I went
through all this. I got hit by a truck and
(15:55):
I survived. I turned and fifty and Dean Edwards said,
well what about this? And he folks didn't getting booed
at the Apollo and it went viral.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
It was old footage of you.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
Yeah, I was like, I was like, I was like
twenty years old and I did Godfrey's podcast. Gofrey shout
out to Goffrey. I did Godfrey's podcast and they played
it on the podcast and everybody's making fun of me.
So that's the bomb for the ages. That's a bomb
for the agents. But that's also a bomb when you're
like doing comedy for like a few months. It's your
arrogance that puts you in that position.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Oh I'm so funny, I'm the funniest guy in the room.
Speaker 4 (16:31):
I'm going to go on National TV and rock and
I bombed so bad and everybody made fun of me
for years, Like I couldn't.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Get why did you bomb? What was the jokes?
Speaker 4 (16:43):
It was a terrible joke. They just they just come
out to boo at the Apollo. They just come out
to boom. But I couldn't live that down because no
matter how good I did, people always bring it up. Yo, man, congratulations,
you're doing so good man. I'm so happy for you
because I remember when you got boot off the Apollo.
Even as I got followed Made Sports and I was
(17:05):
doing really well, i'd see your girl.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
Oh you so cute.
Speaker 4 (17:08):
We can hang out sometime, okay, because I remember when
you got boot off and I was like, I don't
know why they booing him. He cute, cute, he getting booed.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
But hey, cute haunts you. That's my baby daddy.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
But he get boo, he gett boomed ay cute.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
I bombed opening up for Chris Rock one time. And
there's so many celebrities in the audience, and should I
still hear stories throughout?
Speaker 4 (17:28):
Yeah? Did you get into a fight with a guy audience?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Oh yeah, kind of yeah, yeah kind of. Security told
me no, not not a fight. But I was like,
come down, come down there, and.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Animals go animals on the side of sage like no, no, no,
this ain't a bar show, bro, come.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Down my face.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
What are you doing? Yeah? Security told me that.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Bombat he told me he came.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
Everything was but Eric just kept going at the go
and the guy was cool. A guy lives alone and
every gonna say fuck you to him again and did
all the Eric just kept going at him and going
at him and going and we like Eric, we alone.
The situation is handled. Situations handled. Everything's goods. Eric fun
you what you want to do now, I'm like, oh
my god, Yeah that.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Was well opening up for Chris. But that was that
was the pretty bad.
Speaker 4 (18:15):
The thing about bombing is that the Bill's character it does.
It makes you so much better because you learn not
to do.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
It's the greatest teacher. It's the greatest teachers.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
You you Yes, he wakes you up.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (18:28):
I had this guy.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Come on stage like two weeks ago.
Speaker 4 (18:31):
I'm hosting the show, and you know, I bring people
when I host the show. If it's a small crowd, I.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Just bring people on stage to talk.
Speaker 4 (18:38):
So makes the interactive cracks into it. So that's the
best way to create a joke because the joke comes
from the situation.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
It's always different.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
So there's a guy says, there's a guy yelling out,
let's go, let's go. He keeps yelling out let's go.
And I'm not really paying any attention, but he's.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Saying that to you, like get off the stage.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
He's yelling let's go, like you know when you're on crowd,
there's the audience like yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Let's go, Yeah, yeah, let's go. Yeah yeah.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
But he wasn't doing it in like a very macho.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (19:11):
He was like, let's gow, let which is fine. The
audience loved him. I said, my man, come in here.
So I bring him on stage and I said are
you single?
Speaker 1 (19:21):
And he says yes. So I said, all the.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
Single ladies in the house go ah. Nobody said anything.
It was quiet. So then I said, okay, come back
next week. Let's see what we can do. And then
he goes, well, I have a couple of children. I said, okay,
well I have a couple of grand children. He said
do you know what a couple of means? I said, yeah,
it means too. He goes oh. And then I said, sir,
I don't want it to come off wrong.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Is this in New York City?
Speaker 4 (19:48):
So I have to ask what is your preference? Do
you like men or do you like women? A girl
in the back yells out he likes men. And the
entire the room just fell out laughing, and he looks
at me and he goes, I came to a comedy club
for the comedian and make me laugh, not being made
fun of.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
And he walked up from me and.
Speaker 4 (20:09):
The crowd started booing him sitting.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
I'm like, oh, no, no.
Speaker 4 (20:13):
No, they were not doing that, sir, don't do that.
I'm gonna buy your dre Everything's fine, Yah, don't do that.
But turns out that he was with the guy. He
was trying to impress a guy, a love guy. So
at the end of the show, a comedian did a
joke about nurses and where I was standing, there were
a group of nurses. They were trauma unit nurses. I said, oh,
(20:33):
I was in the er. I was in the trauma unit.
I died in theemonia. They brought me back. I'm forever grateful,
was the nurses. I'll give you guys some when I
go on stage. I'll give you guys. You died of pneumonia.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Yeah, I knew you were in a coma, but.
Speaker 4 (20:46):
I was not for a month and a half and
I died a pneumonia and they brought me back.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
What Yeah, how long were you dead?
Speaker 4 (20:51):
For I don't know, not seven minutes, because I'm.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Here, it's seven minutes the max. I think that's when
the oxygen Yeah, oh fuck.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
But it was bad.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
But did you have a worse than Tracy? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (21:02):
I was much worse than Tracy. I was the worse
of the survivors.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Oh fuck? Really? Yeah? So because how long was Tracy's
I don't.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
Know, you'd have to ask him, But I think when
I got out of when I was when they brought
me to the brain toomer unit, he was leaving. It's
like as they were when I woke up. I was
in a I was in a coma for a month.
I was in medically induced coma for a month. When
I was in Robert Johnson when they brought me to
uh JFK hospital?
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Is it in Edison?
Speaker 4 (21:33):
When they brought me to that hospital, I think I
I think I was barely awake, and I hear Tracy's
voice and I i'm I walk out and Tracy is
in the hallway. He was in the room right next
to mine. He goes, I'm leaving. He said, I came here,
Now I'm leaving. I said, okay, cool. So uh everything
was foggy and then A woman came and told me
(21:55):
what happened.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
A nurse came and told me everything that happened.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
But oh, you didn't really know what the fuck was
going on. It was just like lights out one day. Yeah,
like I didn't then like time went by.
Speaker 4 (22:04):
Like I didn't know my leg was broken. I didn't know.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
I couldn't walk.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
I got up to go to the bathroom and fell
on the floor and then I peed all over myself.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Came in the night.
Speaker 4 (22:14):
Nurse came in and say, hey, man, you broke your
legs all around, So what was the injury?
Speaker 1 (22:18):
Is brain injury and a leg injury break, but no
spine stuff?
Speaker 3 (22:22):
Right?
Speaker 4 (22:22):
No, no, no, My right femur bone was broken, and thank god,
your spined in five places. My right flotbone is titanium
and my ankle is titanium.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
And I had a trick. You could see her here.
Speaker 4 (22:33):
Yeah, I had a trick and you can't see it.
But I had seven brain surgeries.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Jesus, So what what happened? It hit hit the Do
you feel comfortable talking about this? Yeah? So did the
truck hit the top of your head? What exactly what?
Speaker 4 (22:47):
I don't know what happened. Nobody else I don't have
any memory of the entire.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
The bus just got crunched.
Speaker 4 (22:52):
He's got hit. Harrison Harris Stanton remembers what happened. He
told me I was sitting in the back next to
James McNair. They got killed on impact.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
He said.
Speaker 4 (23:01):
Tracy called me that you already come here, and I
got up and he said when you got up and
we were laughing, we were joking. He said, as soon
as you sat down next to Tracy, everybody that we
got hit.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
He said, so you missed getting.
Speaker 4 (23:16):
Crushed us by five minutes, at least five minutes. And
then and then I and then to die of pneumonia
and come back. Every night I have a dream of
God saying, hey, one more, one more, one more baby,
that's two. Final destination, the Black version, Final destination, the
BT version.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
How did the brain recover? Like, what do you do
for brain recovery? Little magnets on your brain should know
well from what.
Speaker 4 (23:43):
I was told by the neurologists, the fact that comedians
think so much that we have to use our brains constantly,
like every time on stage or in the moment UH
analyzing the crowd, talking to people, that our brains are
so well rounded that when parts of your brain go down,
the other parts just pick up the slack. So basically
(24:05):
when you're in a vegetative state is because one part
of your brain shuts down, but the other parts of
their brain.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
I'm not strong enough to pick up the slack.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
But comedians are so well rounded in word repetition and
what we say and repeating jokes and meeting people every
night and remembering names and faces and locations and what's
happening and what's going on. Like, we are very well
rounded people, Like we know songs, we feel everything.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
And you can feel all your toes and all your
fingers and everything.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Yeah, gosh, man, it could have been so much fucking work,
so much worse.
Speaker 4 (24:35):
I thank god that I'm here. That's so, I tell people,
I have no reason to be angry at all. I
have no reason to be angry at all because I
look at my grandchildren, I look at my mother, I
look at the floor, I look at the sky. I'm alive.
I have no reason to be angry. Everybody's doing well.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Shit, that's wild. Grand kids are happy, mom is happy.
That's all I came about it. And thank god Walmart
hit you and.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
It was, Oh yeah, Papa Johns.
Speaker 4 (25:02):
Papa got money. That much money you had to give him.
Somebody worse you've had? They guy, it was Walmart and
not the Dominican moving company. Be happy.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
It was that somebody didn't have no insurance, no insurance, no.
Speaker 4 (25:16):
Poppy they got it. Wasn't somebody that you know, ain't
had no carriage.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
With a recdre.
Speaker 4 (25:38):
Withdre like I said, when it comes to life, I've
bombed so much in life like I had. Okay, So
I used to date this Russian girl, six feet tall,
beautiful woman.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
She hit me. I called the cops. She slapped you,
she bunched you. Yeah, she had hands. Wow, she had
the hands. What led up to that moment?
Speaker 4 (25:56):
It's a young beautiful Russian ship and get mad?
Speaker 1 (25:59):
What did you do to her?
Speaker 4 (26:00):
She was always mad and she hit me. So I
learned you don't put your hands on a woman. If
a woman hits you, I called the cops. So I
called the cops, right, and the cops come to the house.
The cop goes, we've been here before. I said, no
you haven't. He said, no, no, you a woman hit
It pulls out a log woman beat up boyfriend. Yeah,
(26:23):
this is the house, and it was a male cop
and a female cop, and a female cop.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Goes, damn, this dude ain't got no shame. Damn.
Speaker 4 (26:31):
Like she said, she's like, damn a man, the sucker.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Damn.
Speaker 4 (26:35):
So then so then so then he said, what happened?
I said, she parked me in the face. So I
called the cops, and the female cops started laughing, damn,
just capture like that. So then he said, well was
she driving? I said, she's driving oversized, a truck that's
lifted with oversized tires with LA plates. And he goes,
(26:57):
like the one that's coming up the block. Now, the
female cop goes, damn if she come back to finish
the job. She comes back to finish the job.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
She beat someone before you, No, no.
Speaker 4 (27:05):
No, I always her boyfriend for a long period of time.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
But you called her. I called the cops on her
earlier too. Yeah, well multiple times. Every time she hit me,
I would just OK, this was one wasn't on one time,
and so no, okay.
Speaker 4 (27:17):
Okay, But I have so many stories about women doing
that to me. And I know if a man puts
his hands on a woman, he is going to jail.
But if a woman puts her hands on the man.
Everybody's laughing. I have one of those stories too. So
she comes back. The cops are laughing. Two more cop
cars come and now they're all to standing there. So
(27:38):
she gets out of the truck. She's six feet tall,
She's dressed exquisitely. It's a bunch of cops. Theyre going,
damn you find as hell? Damn what you doing?
Speaker 3 (27:50):
Yo?
Speaker 1 (27:51):
You find cop because the negros yoe.
Speaker 4 (27:53):
You don't want to you don't want to arrest her.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Man, let her go, man, let's work it out.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
I go okay. So she gets her stuff. She says
to me in front of the cops, fuck you, And
the female cop says, why don't you guys have dinner
and work it out.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
She's a beautiful woman, and she just drives off.
Speaker 4 (28:09):
And then the cop says to me, yeah, man, my
girlfriend is Latvian.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
And she beats the shit out of me too.
Speaker 4 (28:16):
So I'm bonding with the police officer over our Eastern
European girlfriends kicking as. This is years ago. This is
this is years ago. The other story that I have,
I was dating a girl. I'm out in the club,
a Spanish woman. I'm out in the club with Godfrey.
Shout out to Godfred once again shout a bunch of
other comedians with dancing and having fun. I'm dancing with
(28:38):
this this Australian girl, but she was Taie. She was
Tie from Australia, so she's Asian with an Australian accent. Weird,
but that's why I found her attractive. This is also
back in the day, so with dancing, with having fun.
And they hear somebody saying, is that your girlfriend? And
I turn around and it's the Spanish girl that I
(28:59):
was date.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
And she just starts.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
Beating, catching me like violent women, and everybody start women.
And as she's punching me, I'm looking at all my
friends laughing, laughing, planing.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
She beats his As she beat it.
Speaker 4 (29:16):
Security came and grabs her. The security guard grabs her.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
But he just picked her up.
Speaker 4 (29:23):
He didn't pull her back, he didn't take these steps back.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
He just picked her up.
Speaker 4 (29:27):
Now she has better leverage me cut me now, she's
told willing. Everybody just laughing, and I saw a security
guard was laughing too, so he took it. I was
lumped up.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
Security took out the club.
Speaker 4 (29:47):
The club manager comes to me and goes, hey, man,
she's outside, she's making noise. We don't want our neighbors
to call the cops to call a scene, so can
you leave. I was like, wait, I just got my ask. Girl,
you're throwing me out the club and he goes, okay,
Let's do it this way. When a cab comes, we'll
(30:07):
stand outside. I'll stand outside wait for a cab to come.
When the cab comes, i'll hail the cab for you.
Security will step in front of her, and then you
hop into the cab. We'll create a barricade, a barrier.
She gets to the cab. Okay, So cab comes, he
goes out, He hails the cab, I go out. Security
steps in front, but the cab was off duty. The
(30:30):
cab kept going. Now I'm standing outside and everybody's looking
at me, like who She goes, yeah, mother, and so
it's chasing me. I start running. So did the tie.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Australian girl like take all of this in and she's like,
what the fuck?
Speaker 4 (30:46):
She would She wouldn't talk to me after that.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
I didn't know you had a girlfriend.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Oh no, everybody there, everybody, oh there.
Speaker 4 (30:55):
But here's the thing with this chick. She was wearing
flip flops.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
So I'm running.
Speaker 4 (31:00):
Yeah, as I'm running, all you heard was.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
Ever the street.
Speaker 4 (31:06):
You think I would get away from a woman wearing
flip flops, right, she got a grown man six or
two running wear sneakers. Nope, flip flops right behind us.
I'm gonna kill you, motherfucker.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
I'm gonna kill you, motherfucker. She catch up?
Speaker 4 (31:19):
You know, she never caught up. I ran all the way.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Still married to this day. No, no, no, same beautiful angel. No,
I'm still friends with her.
Speaker 4 (31:26):
Really, this is actually this is in the nineties though,
when that would happen or what, Yeah, it was in
the nineties back then. All of my bad stories with
women are years back. I haven't had any recent ones.
I mean, I'm an older man now now. The people
that I surround myself with a little bit more level
headed and more mature, a lot more mature. Yeah older,
I'm not in their twenties, you know, thinking there the ship.
(31:50):
You know, as we're older, we get smarter, we grow,
we get more mature, we learn how to adapt, to
learn how to handle people, which brings back to coming
on stage when a set is going doing bad. If
I'm not having a good time. But I find that
a conversation with an audience member always saves today, It
always saves the day.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
Well, you just act like you're like just getting to
know you know, like, hey, where are you from?
Speaker 1 (32:13):
All let's shit or what?
Speaker 4 (32:14):
Well, I'll just something what they're wearing or what they're doing.
You know, did you enjoy the show? Do you have
a good time where you're from? When you're a well
traveled person, you've been there. Yeah, And then you can
find a way for everybody to come together. Also, guys
like Gus, we could use we use physical comedy or
a favorite song. Yeah, everybody has a favorite song. I
(32:36):
can go into a joke. It always works. A joke
that has a song in it always gets the crowded,
the sillier song, the better making my way downtown and
then all of a sudden, all the crowd that Haiti
is going not on your side again if you're doing
(32:56):
something that they can relate to.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
You had a bit about listening to Billy Joel and
the Car or something.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
Yeah, I feel like I listened to white music in
the car when black people are are a better attention
if you switch it.
Speaker 4 (33:08):
Oh yes, but I said that I use I play
I play rock music. When a cop pulls me over,
I put I put white peoples music on, like a
cop will pull me over. I'll see him then and
I'll throw on a Billy Idole CD. In the minute
olt she cries more more more about The cop gets
in my window, hears the song. He goes, hey, what
(33:31):
the hell? Yeah, get out of here, nigger.
Speaker 7 (33:36):
I love that black guy, he's so cool. Friday night
I crashed your party. Saturday said, I'm sorry. Sunday games,
you trashed me out again.
Speaker 4 (33:48):
Cock comes in the window.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
I was on having fun.
Speaker 4 (33:52):
Was it hurting anyone? Yeah, get out of here, nigger.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Billy Joel, that's a deep cut. Maybe it's not. Maybe
he may be right, may be crazy. You know that song.
Speaker 4 (34:08):
At your birthday party. You're doing a lot of songs.
You put me up on a lot of songs.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
I gotta do it again, just for my own brain.
I don't remember anything. Got blurry very quick.
Speaker 4 (34:20):
But your crowd loves that.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
Dude. It were wild, insane. That was a wild time.
Speaker 4 (34:26):
That's a great time.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
That was a great time.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
On half of it, I couldn't even I was trying
to catch all of it.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
There's like fire breathers, Santa Claus wrestling.
Speaker 4 (34:34):
I don't know if you noticed, but the crowd went
wherever you went like you should I should have been
lating the room to room, and they followed you from room.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
There was there's a crowd that like broke into my
This kid broke into my green room and took the ship.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
Get out of here.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
You gotta go.
Speaker 4 (34:54):
You gotta go. Yeah, ship, sometimes you can't hold it.
You gotta take ship, matter what do you want in
the place, but you gotta get to close the one.
You're gonna purposely went down and dinner, you ain't gonna
make it to the next one. And that is stealing
all my ship, my ship, my green roof.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
You were stealing that turn is knocking, knocking all heavens.
Doing you ever show your pants? Never? Never? I've never
shipped my pants. Well, when you were a baby, you
ship your pants. You ever shoot your pants? I shipped
my pants recently? You ever shoot your pants on stage?
Speaker 2 (35:25):
I never shipped my pants on stage. I almost threw
up in Germany because I was doing too much drugs
night before I thought I was I told my opener
and I go, I'm gonna throw up on stage and
it's gonna not be funny.
Speaker 4 (35:36):
What drugs are you doing?
Speaker 1 (35:37):
I did ecstasy, ecstasy, a lot of it, and I
drank a lot. Oh wow, and I was up all that.
I was like, yeah, maybe I still got it. And
the next day I felt like I was gonna die.
Speaker 4 (35:48):
I did ecstasy once and I got so paranoid. I
never did it again.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
Paranoid. I got paranoid. Yeah, bad ecstasy. Then you gotta
take God, drag him.
Speaker 4 (35:58):
It saved me.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
That will light up your brain. Like the fourth of July.
Speaker 4 (36:01):
I haven't smolled weed in thirty years because the last
time I stilled weed, I was in a club with
all my friends and I stood in the corner facing
the wall until eight am.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
Drugs.
Speaker 4 (36:12):
There's a guy mop and say, hey, man, we're clothes.
You gotta get out of here. Oh you were fucked up.
I was the most fucked you've been on stage. I
was never been on stage drunk or anything. Yeah, drunk,
coked up high.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Back in the day, you would drink on stage. I
would see you drink on stage. I think, remember you
had a drink in hand. Maybe it's just a soda.
Speaker 4 (36:29):
Soda because with my surprise.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
You don't really drink at all?
Speaker 4 (36:33):
Right now, well I'm ten years ober now, but really yeah,
ten years at this point. But the thing, right, I've
been twenty five years. I only got ten.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Years for twenty five and then ten of them were
you for sober? Yeah? So you years alean fall off?
Speaker 4 (36:48):
Five yous clean fall off?
Speaker 1 (36:50):
What's your following off? Alcohol or cocaine?
Speaker 4 (36:52):
Both?
Speaker 3 (36:52):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (36:52):
Your cocaine.
Speaker 4 (36:53):
Oh yeah. I would always say, you know, and here's
the thing about it, and I had to come to that.
I would say, Hey, I don't drink. I don't drink,
I don't touch alcohol. Let me get hit that though. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You don't drink alcohol. When you sniffed coked, you ain't sober.
You're a drug addict. I said, this is different. See,
(37:15):
I haven't had any alcohol though, so I'm sober.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
So twenty five years ago. What were you doing in
the nineties? Were you doing cocaine everything?
Speaker 1 (37:24):
That's what it was.
Speaker 4 (37:25):
Heroin wasn't any good because heroin you do.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
Like were you doing acid and mushrooms and stuff? No?
Speaker 4 (37:31):
I didn't.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
Psychedelics, I didn't. You never had a psychedelic experience.
Speaker 4 (37:35):
I did mushrooms and I got paranoid, and I did
with a psychedelic experience. I would get paranoid and never.
Speaker 3 (37:42):
Do that again.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Really, yeah, it just wasn't for you. It just wasn't mushrooms.
Speaker 4 (37:46):
I went on stage on mushrooms once.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
That was horrible.
Speaker 4 (37:50):
I thought the audience with puppets, oh you were high.
That it wasn't a little bit like it was at
the event. Dollars I think, I think, I think at
this point little Penny was good with Chris playing little Penny,
and they all like little Penny. They all like that
little puppet the entire Yeah. When uh, Chris Rock was
(38:16):
doing Penny hardaway puppet, he was a little Penny.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
I don't know he was. He was a voice. Chris
Rock was a voice. I didn't know that.
Speaker 4 (38:22):
But in my mind, the audience whatever, they look like
they have puppets. To me, I was tripping and there
was a comedian named Maya de Giorgio, and she said
all herself, voice going arties high, and all the comedians laughing,
Oh no, making it way worse. I thought I was
(38:43):
being funny. I thought I was being funny, but they
all disliked puppets. I mean it's it's a you know
you have a bomber. You don't know you bombed a bomb.
I think you killed And people are like, I don't.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
Know if I thought I was, but I've definitely come
on sage, realize how bad it was until like the
way the comics looked at me after the show, you
know what I mean, You get like the like avoiding,
like look away.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
You're like, oh shit, I did that bad.
Speaker 4 (39:12):
They look you up and down, or you know you
had a bad show. When you're standing in Mexico comedian
that had a good set and they come to go
you are funny, you are so funny, and look at
you and go.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
Yeah you good. Yeah yeah, if.
Speaker 4 (39:29):
You were good that oh my god. But the person
saying next to you, oh you were so funny you
were and they push you out the way. Oh you
are party bro bro bro yo.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
You anyway, you so funny?
Speaker 4 (39:46):
They stare you the whole time. Somebody need to write
some jokes. I ain't gonna say it is with somebody
need to get they act together?
Speaker 3 (39:52):
What is that?
Speaker 2 (39:53):
What is why comedy? It forces the audience to be
brutally honest. Like you can go to a music show
that's not that good, right, But you're not going to
criticize the musician afterwards.
Speaker 1 (40:02):
You're just gonna go on and not really think about it.
Speaker 2 (40:04):
Because what about comedy forces polarization where you either love
the comic or it just didn't do it for you.
Speaker 4 (40:12):
Because everybody wants to be a comedian, and when people
go to a comedy show, you notice when the comedian
isn't doing well. You notice every mistake. When you go
to a music show, you're not a musician. You don't
know if the band missed the beat, or you don't
know if the singing is often off miss and then
the band goes and you say to the band, that
was a great show. Oh no, I missed the entire
(40:33):
riff and fucking Keith.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Was off the key and blah blah blah, and.
Speaker 4 (40:36):
They're arguing about you got to come in quicker on that.
We don't see that. But when you're a comedian and
it's just you under the spotlight.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
You see every every lyricure.
Speaker 4 (40:45):
Thing you do, the audience will just bag on it
and they think they're better than you. Howbout the funny
I could have did that?
Speaker 1 (40:53):
Yeah, I say my money?
Speaker 2 (40:55):
Have you ever done this. I brought this woman was
heckling me and my friend. We were co hosting, and
it was not a good venue for comedy. It was
this restaurant. It's kind of by here, I want to
say fifty fourth Street or something. It was like a
whatever Italian restaurant. I doubt it's still there. It's horrible.
The room was horrible. It wasn't conducive for comedy. Everybody
(41:16):
was always in bed. But the audiences were tough there
because I don't know, it was just was like a
curse rim. So I go up there with my friend.
We're trying to make people laugh. We're trying to like
crack jokes and do crowd work, and some of the
audience on board, some of the audience fifty to fifty,
and this woman starts hackling us, hackling us, and she's like,
(41:39):
she said something like I can do better than that.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
And we were like, all right, you said the magic words.
What's your name? But she's like Samantha, whatever name was.
I was like, come on up and never welcome Samantha.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
And she got on stage and she bombed so miserably
in the crowd turned her whole fucking satus back she
heard opening joke was like.
Speaker 1 (41:58):
I don't need a drug? Oh how about these two guys?
Speaker 2 (42:01):
And everyone's like what And then I was like boot
and I sat in the audience and booters fucking doors.
Speaker 3 (42:07):
Great.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
The only time I've been able to do that, And
it was it's quite satisfying.
Speaker 4 (42:12):
Your You ever have a bad situation and you make
it worse and then you don't know, you make it
worse with you somehow magically come out of it.
Speaker 1 (42:20):
Okay, So I'm met.
Speaker 4 (42:21):
I'm at Dangerfields before they changed the name. There was
a group of kids there and they were laughing and
they told me they were doing a show for some
kids and come to the show. Wait I did the shower.
Kids were laughing, laughing at everything else, saying they were
having so much fun. And I said, what do you
guys all here for? And they said we're on break
(42:43):
and I go. But it it's like it was like
October November something.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
It was.
Speaker 4 (42:47):
It was not break time. It was not summertime. It
wasn't when you're supposed to have a break. And I said,
you guys are want to break? How are you guys
on break? You're a break? You must be excuse me.
Speaker 1 (42:58):
I don't know if you can say this, but you.
Speaker 4 (42:59):
Must be the retarded class.
Speaker 3 (43:02):
Was it?
Speaker 4 (43:02):
And nobody laughed. The room shut down. Oh my god,
aren ae guy? The guy this guy in the back
walks up to the front goes, these are the special.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
No, no, no, And I said, oh.
Speaker 4 (43:19):
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't see your
helmets under your chairs. And they just erupted again.
Speaker 3 (43:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
He dug Beefer to get out. He dug all the
way to China. This is special.
Speaker 4 (43:38):
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
I didn't know.
Speaker 4 (43:40):
They didn't tell me that. I didn't see your helmets
under the chairs. I didn't see a yellow bus outside.
Now they're going that was the comeback. Now they got
crazy and chairing is stopping their feet.
Speaker 1 (43:50):
Whoa, that's a lie.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
I always hear stories like that, like I was making
fun of a guy in a wheelchair, and it turns
out of the guy in the second row was in
a wheelchair. I was making in front of a guy
with no arms. It turns out in the second round
there's a guy with no arms.
Speaker 1 (44:03):
I always hear stories like I'm like, what is the
fucking I did that?
Speaker 4 (44:07):
I did see that happened the comedian named Rich Voss
is on stage. I know Rich, and he's ripping on
a guy in the front row.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
Yeah, and he's you know Rich, he's brutal. Yeah yeah,
Riich is.
Speaker 4 (44:16):
Killing a guy and people are okay, it's now Leadham alone,
living alone, and a guy gets mang goes, I'm out
of here, and he backs up from the table and
he's in a wheelchair. Rich goes, oh my god, I'm sorry.
I didn't know you were in the wheelchair. I'm so sorry, sir.
Come back. I'll build you a ramp. And the place
goes a ship.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
Yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
Sometimes if you go deeper, commit harder, it's so intense
the ground has.
Speaker 4 (44:45):
To because that's messed up. But that's funny. That's much
worse than what you're saying. But the fact that you
said that makes me feel less about laughing at a
bad situation. So now I'm cool with that.
Speaker 3 (44:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
Yeah, there's a kid in a wheelchair and the front road.
There's like little independent New Orleans comedy show at this
little cloud. There's barely anyone in the audience. My friend
John was on stage and he was kind of like
bombing whatever. He was like having the best out of
his life and he's like, I'm sorry you're not laughing
about these jokes.
Speaker 1 (45:16):
But I thought I could make that young boy walk
with my comedy. Everybody got silent. The kid in the
wheelchair dying laughing loves it, like.
Speaker 3 (45:29):
With Aridrell, with Arickdre.
Speaker 4 (45:40):
You know, to think about comedy, it's the people that
we reach. Like I was in Montana and I was
doing a school and I'm on stage and there's these
kids came in and they were in the back and
they were cheering, and the lady who was running the
show comes to the front goes, those kids are under
(46:01):
age and not supposed to be here. This is a
show for people who go to the college. And these
kids are like fifteen, sixteen years old. They just so
we have to get them out. Why were they there,
I don't know. It was Montana. It was a school
and it was like an open thing. You know, you
do college and sometimes it's like an open thing. But
the kids are laughing and having fun. They had them leave.
I said, Okay, you guys are cool. Sorry you guys
(46:21):
have to go, but you guys are cool. As they
walk out to say I shake their hands, they broke
the window in the back and came back in.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
What the fuck?
Speaker 4 (46:28):
They tried to sneak back in and broke the window.
Speaker 1 (46:31):
They really needed that comedy.
Speaker 4 (46:33):
Yeah, like I don't know kind of whatever. But they
broke the window sneaking back in, and the audience was
cool with them. You know, there's a bunch of kids,
a bunch of kids coming in. So now I'm just
laughing and joking. I just spent my time laughing and
joking with them. Yeah, and the school apologized to me,
We're so sorry that to happen. I'm like, no, dude,
you have no idea that it was a great story.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
Yeah, that is a great I got fired for my
college agent one time. I had to play a Catholic
college and like Montana. Yeah, and I didn't really think
still they still like college kids to me, so I
thought I could be as dirty and dilty.
Speaker 1 (47:04):
I was like twenty three. I didn't do any better.
And my opening joke I was like I'm black and Jewish.
I go, I'm black and Jewish, just like Jesus.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
And they were like they didn't like that, and all
I was like off to a road start, and then
I just dug deeper deeper and all my material back then,
I was so crass and only these like three snowboarders
in the back, just because their classmates were pissed off.
They were They didn't think the jokes were funny. They
were just thrilled that I was everybody. My agent fired me.
She's like, I help like this, I don't need You're fired.
Speaker 1 (47:35):
I'm through with you.
Speaker 4 (47:36):
Yeah, I had. I had a situation where the college
asked me to They said, well, you know, have fun, dude,
you do so a lot of black people came to
the show, so I'm thinking I got it.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
Have some fun.
Speaker 4 (47:48):
So it was a great show, crowding, crazy, killed. I
actually did a lot takeing me like an hour and
a half average an hour and have they actually stopped
doing so much time because you getting away for the show.
We could send you back to Dimn's show. So much fun, crazy,
everybody having fund applause, people stand up and cheering. In
college paid me and then they wrote me a letter.
The people who are paying you asked you to stick
(48:10):
to a certain format, and you chose to disregard us.
We know you have to put on a good show,
but we are the ones who are paying you. And
I was like, okay, they still paid me and they
invited me back, and I was just as little cleaner.
Speaker 2 (48:24):
Yeah, yeah, not as fun as you think they're going
to be. They're uptight. Well you know, they're real rigid
and uptight.
Speaker 4 (48:31):
Well, you know the thing about comedy on stage when
you make your life a part of your act and
then you think that this is going to bomb because
it's happened to me and it's really hurt and annoydience
is laughing at your pain. Like I have a joke
where I say, you know what I say, I'm ugly.
I don't think i'm only but if I say it
on stage, it makes people comfortable with me.
Speaker 1 (48:52):
People start laughing.
Speaker 4 (48:53):
If I come on say and say I'm good looking,
you ain't no guy, damn because he looked like Frozone.
Look at that man because we got his super suit.
But if I come out and if I said that ugly,
it was like, oh, he's near enough. It makes me
a little bit easier to get along that right, right, right,
that's good for a comedy, but it's not good for
real life.
Speaker 1 (49:13):
It's not good for your esteem.
Speaker 4 (49:14):
Yeah, it's that. It's not good for real life because
I walked from to a woman and I said, I know,
a girl as beautiful as you would never talk to
a man as ugly as me. And she looked me
up and down and said, at least you understand.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
That's cold. That's cold to the bone.
Speaker 4 (49:29):
Yeah, cold to the bone.
Speaker 1 (49:31):
So we chugged a lack of confidence.
Speaker 4 (49:33):
We take the hardest parts of our life and we
put it out there to the public. And the thing
about it, if it's something that's really insecure or painful
to you, that's you who was going to make him laugh, right.
Speaker 1 (49:45):
Because you're vulnerable, vulnerable, You're showing vulnerability.
Speaker 4 (49:48):
Vulnerability.
Speaker 1 (49:48):
It's what they open up to. The open up because
they here very interesting.
Speaker 4 (49:53):
I think, I'm he's not that.
Speaker 1 (49:55):
Yeah, I feel better, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. It's altruistic.
Speaker 2 (49:58):
You're you're sacrific if I sing your own personal well
being so that strangers laugh at you.
Speaker 1 (50:04):
It was a bit strange what we chose to do.
We had to do something. I had a shitty job
after shitty job after shitty job.
Speaker 3 (50:10):
I had to do something.
Speaker 1 (50:11):
I never had a job. You never had a job.
Speaker 4 (50:13):
I had one job when I got out of college.
I was an undercover security guard.
Speaker 1 (50:19):
You were Paul Blart Mall Coop. Yeah? Really, but you
know in every undercover playing clothes undercover. Wow, in every
store they have people.
Speaker 4 (50:28):
Who pretend to be to be shoppers, but they're not shoppers.
They're actually security and they catch people steal.
Speaker 1 (50:34):
Did I catch anybody you were a narc?
Speaker 4 (50:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (50:36):
So I basically you're working for the man.
Speaker 4 (50:38):
Basically I did it at Urban Outfitters because I'm just
so thinking's fake. Yeah, you catch people. You caught some
people what you do because you drabed risks and handcuffed.
I let so many people go like I knew I
wasn't good at it, that people be stealing. I'd be like,
get to get to but I get to.
Speaker 2 (50:55):
I worked at a record service. Guy in front of me,
he goes, I'm going to steal the CD. I go,
what do you to do about it?
Speaker 1 (51:01):
Alarm not.
Speaker 3 (51:04):
Enjoy it.
Speaker 4 (51:05):
I remember. So when I was at Urban Outfitters in
the city, we caught a lot of people. They'd bring
them into a room, they take their picture and they're
like being from the store. So then I started working
at UH. I think before Sears went out of business.
This is in the nineties. I was undercover security guard there,
and every time I caught somebody, they would give me
the sad story of a feel badroom. I catch somebody
(51:25):
stealing power tools the outside and graderate, Hey, undercover security,
we coach your stealing power.
Speaker 1 (51:30):
Yeah, my mind, and you can make some money.
Speaker 4 (51:32):
My mom and it and the head boss like, why
are you always letting people go? So you got fired obviously,
I mean good at it, I am terrible at it.
So you got fired pretty much, and then you just
started making money doing comedy.
Speaker 1 (51:47):
Yeah, that was it.
Speaker 2 (51:48):
You never had a real You never struggled, You never bombed,
and you never struggled well except for dying.
Speaker 4 (51:54):
Basically, when your life is.
Speaker 1 (51:57):
You know, Comato's dying when you when.
Speaker 4 (51:59):
Your life is the struggle, you don't know it's the
struggle because you're so busy trying to get out of it.
Speaker 1 (52:03):
Yeah, Lartie, thanks for coming on.
Speaker 4 (52:05):
Hey, Eric, thank you for having me on the show. Yeah,
thank you for the entire staff in here, thank you.
I hope I didn't offend anybody.
Speaker 1 (52:11):
Dead insight thinking of god less they stop paying attention
right when you walked in.
Speaker 4 (52:14):
Okay, I haven't run a plugs, Eric, If anyone get
your Eric Andre. The guy's a beast. The guy's a
fucking beast. The guy is a fucking beast.
Speaker 3 (52:24):
I'll be with Eric Andre all right.
Speaker 1 (52:27):
Listen up, we got some disposure for you.
Speaker 2 (52:29):
Got a burning story that you're itching to tell about
when you bombed or absolutely failed in life.
Speaker 1 (52:34):
Now's your chance to tell me all about it.
Speaker 2 (52:37):
Wamm, I want to hear your worst, most cringe worthy
what the fuck was I thinking?
Speaker 1 (52:42):
What just happened?
Speaker 3 (52:43):
Moment?
Speaker 2 (52:44):
So pick up your phone and dial seven one six
Bombing at seven one six two six six twenty four sixty.
Speaker 1 (52:51):
Four and leave me a voicemail and we might just
play it on a future episode.
Speaker 2 (52:55):
Bombing with Eric Andres brought to you by Will Ferrell's
Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.
Speaker 1 (52:59):
Are producer is Bei Wang, our.
Speaker 2 (53:01):
Research assistant is David Carliner, our editor and sound designers
Andy Harris, and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg.
Speaker 1 (53:07):
Go rate us five stars and drop a review on
your podcast app a choice
What's up you all.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
It's Eric Andre and this is Bombing, the podcast where
I talk to comedians, artists and other interesting people about
the worst bombs of their careers. On today's episode, we
have Artie Fouquah, a real comedians comedian who I've known forever.
Artie has some great stories from his life, getting booed
off stage at the Apollo, having to call the cops
out a Russian girlfriend, and coming back to life after
dying in.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
A car accident. Literally. We also talk about.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Bombing at colleges, winning back audience you've just offended and
more enjoyed.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Bomby Lobby with Eric Andre.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Okay, we are on the show called Bombing.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
What's the premise of the show.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
It's where I.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Break my comedian friends in that I've known for many
months and they tell me there were stories of being
on stage and bombing.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
But really you can talk about it. Whatever the fuck
he was, no matter.
Speaker 5 (00:52):
Nobody's listening to this, you know from Comedy Central, BT, MTV, Netflix, Yes,
a friend of mine for let me say, twenty years
already for us up and.
Speaker 6 (01:03):
We're in the building. Son, they all day. We don't stop.
Hell yeah, baby, we keep moving we don't ever stop moving.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
You know the funny about it. Some of my worst
stories about bombing have been set up, Like I've had
tricks played on me by other comedians.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Like it was a prank, Like a prank. This what happened.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
There's a comedian named Eddie. If I love that guy.
He's the king of the pranks. He's the king of
the pranks.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Shut you up.
Speaker 4 (01:31):
So we're at it. We're out of college, right and
I'm on stage. I get there a litt late. He
has to go before me, so I walk in. I
go on stage. The audience is really cool and I'm
just talking, having fun. And then I think I said
the N word a couple of times or loose black
dude a baby and g G a baby. So I
(01:56):
said that word and then they all got up and
just walked out.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Wait, they all got up and walked out.
Speaker 4 (02:01):
They all got walked out, moms.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Yeah, it was audience.
Speaker 4 (02:05):
No, it was a mixed audience, but it was basically
black whoa.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
It was.
Speaker 4 (02:10):
It was a very college audience. Everybody in the crowd.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
But Eddie told them to do that.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
Yeah, but I didn't know that. So it was packed.
It was a theater. The entire theater got up and
walked out, and I'm standing there and there's a kid
and he goes, you're struggling, man, And I said, I
said I'm struggling. He said, yeah, man, you said the
N word. I said, I only said it twice. He
(02:37):
said that was one too many. And then the person
who put the show together, the booker, the cous booker,
walks up to the find and goes.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Sorry, man, this is it. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (02:45):
If I don't know, we can pay you. I go, okay,
that's right. So I walked outside. The entire audience is
outside on along with Eddie f They go, we got
oh man, you guys, that was such.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
A good that's.
Speaker 4 (02:59):
What for the books?
Speaker 1 (03:00):
That's that's the record.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Yeah, I'm talking about an actual bomb, right, But I
haven't moved off stage.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Ship thrown at you. You ever been to jail?
Speaker 4 (03:07):
Yeah, man, I'm black. Yeah. I mean, I know you're mixed,
like you're half in jail twice, but you've been half jailed.
They had you in the holding room.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Eric. I went to the big jail once. At the
Big jail that sucked. How long did you stay? One night?
Just one night? That was overnight over.
Speaker 4 (03:25):
So your black sided dude. One night the white side said,
let me out.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Web side is Jewish.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
Hey, do you know my father is black?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
He's black. You know my mother is you.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
Know my MoMA is she's Jewish.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
She's a lawyer, public school. Did you get back there?
Speaker 4 (03:43):
The thing about jail is when you're a comedian and
you're in jail, it's hell.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Because really I crushed. I like had a good set.
I actually did a set so accidentally and like the
cell erupted.
Speaker 4 (03:57):
But you don't get to sleep because all night long
and you media, you'll make some jokes. Oh yeah, and
then I was in the tombs. When you go to
jail in New York City, you're in a place called
the tombs where you go from sell to sell to
sell until you go to court.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
They called the tombs. And oh so you were how
many how many days? Was like this overnight? So in
New York shoveling you around. But so in New York City,
may I ask what you were in there for? That
suspended license? That's it.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
Yeah, in New York City, if you're suspended licenses, you
get arrested.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
That was the Walmart truck.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
No no, no, no, no, that was not.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
The You got hit by the Walmart truck and they suspended.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
How he did his license?
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Man injury?
Speaker 4 (04:40):
I mean, we know we almost killed you. But your
license is revoked.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Bru Wait wait so suspended license? Jail? This isls This.
Speaker 4 (04:50):
Is in the in the two thousands and mid two thousands,
like Juliani era. Yeah, the Giuliani era. My license was revoked.
I didn't have a license.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Seven three black people in jail, no problem.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
So I drove around with a boat license because I
needed identification, but I couldn't get I couldn't get a
driver's license because it was suspended.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
So you drive a boat.
Speaker 4 (05:10):
No, but the only form of identification that they had
at that time would be a boat license. And every
time a cop would stop me, they all made the
same joke. Hey, they stopped their feet, we're on laying,
this isn't water, get your ass out of the car,
and they take me in.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
That sucks. Why do you drive so much in New York?
I don't understand. That's a pain in the ass. It's
a status thing.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
No, it's not a status thing. It's getting from point
A to point B real quick.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Take a taxi take it over. You don't worry about parking.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
Well, luckily for me, now, I'm just that one club
in the city and they have a lot of different
locations in one spot, and I only do certain shows.
So I get there and I just go from point
A to point B. Where do you live Jersey City?
Are you living Jersey City?
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:55):
You got a house, Yeah, a couple. Look at you
real estate and you got that's a Jewish part of me.
You got me.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
I'm into real estate. I have a lot of houses, houses, apartment.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
And you're your grandfather with my grandfather blows my mind.
How old are you when you had your first kid?
You're like seven?
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Right?
Speaker 4 (06:13):
My first child I had when I was twenty one.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
That was my son. He died in accident. I remember that.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
But my daughter right now is twenty nine and she
has two children. She has a six year old son.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
The youngest looking grandpa and the coolest grandpa.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
And the three year old granddaughter named Marley. But I
will tell you it is black people are grandparents in our forties.
I was a grandparent at forty five.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
That's insane. Well you look good.
Speaker 4 (06:37):
Black people with grandparents and our forties crowds like, yep,
I got a couple, I got Panda.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
You'd be surprised, I get Uh, do you know who
the baby mama is of your daughter?
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (06:47):
I know her mother. Yeah, yeah, I'm in friends with
her mother for years. I'm still friends of her.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Really, of course, so you guys get along. You have to,
there's no other option.
Speaker 4 (06:55):
Well, she's well, she got married after she had my daughter,
and she had a couple more.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
She had along with the the guy.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
I can don't worry aybody, really, of course.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
There's not a lot of I have never been in
a fight. I try not to. But when you were
in high school.
Speaker 4 (07:07):
Well, in high school, I don't think I really had
to fight. I played sports, but it was when I
got into college when I had all the fights. But
when I was in high school, how would you play?
I played basketball and I ran track, ran track. Yeah,
I played football, but I sucked. How did you get
into comedy? I guess you're not. You're not angry enough
(07:27):
for football. Well, football was fun. I got enjoyed it,
but I couldn't catch the ball. Like they would make
fun of me. I was part of them, and I
and I would cracked so many jokes on the defense
that they couldn't wait to get me out on the
field and they would just hit me for no reason.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Yeah, you're a wide receiver.
Speaker 4 (07:45):
Yeah, they called the split in back then.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
So where'd you go to college? I went to Rutgers.
How did you get into comedy?
Speaker 4 (07:51):
So my cousin was worked at the Apollo. Showtime at
the Apollo, and I wanted to go see Damon Wayiams.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
She was special. And then ninety one, ninety one, ninety two,
and that's during your Living Color or what years?
Speaker 4 (08:07):
Yeah, ninety two Living Color just came out. Yeah, so
I went to see it and Sean Wayne's was the opener,
and Sean Wayne's we had the same haircut, we had
the exact same Paisley shirt with the slash, the exact
same shoes. I was like, Hey, I want to do
stand up. So my cousin told me go to the
Uptown Comedy Club. It's right around the corner from the
(08:29):
follow Yeah, from the Apollo's one hundred history. So at
this point I'm eighteen, I'm trying to get to the Apollo.
But every week I got there late because that was
the time when they would say, all right, well it's
about you got to go through the Holland Tunnel. Then
you gotta go all the way uptown. Then you got
all the way through Manhattan. The you gotta find parking,
and I'll say, okay, that'll take ten minutes. That was
(08:50):
my thinking back then. Yeah, I thought I could do
everything in a half.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Hour, right right, I st don't take that way.
Speaker 4 (08:55):
Yeah, so you know, time doesn't work like that, and
I would always be late. So the first time I
went there, I was too late to get in. The
second time I went there, I was late to get in.
The Third time I went there, it was too late
to get in. And I said, I'm a comedian. I
thought that would help. They said, well, come to this
comedy workshop that we do every Wednesday. So I went
to the comedy workshop and that's where I met Will Silvans.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
No, you've known Will for that long.
Speaker 4 (09:19):
I've known Will for that long. I gave Will a
ride home our first time meeting. I gave him a
ride home.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
Feel like you still do when Will has that.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
Beard.
Speaker 4 (09:33):
Yeah, he loves that beard.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
I always say, you look like the dudes in Washington
Square Park that like hustle.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
You at like chess games.
Speaker 4 (09:40):
So you b what's that three card monty with that
with the heel that all right, wash my hand?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Which one is the ball on the which one is this?
Which one is the ball in there?
Speaker 4 (09:48):
Which one? And they always had that guy that that
works with them, that sets it up, and he will
guesses and he guesses right, and the guy gives him
money and he has a lot of money. And then
you go, oh, I can get a water of money too,
But you don't know that they are working together. And
then you go and then you lose. They take all
your money, and then you lose, and you there all
(10:09):
day and they take all your money, and then you
realize at the end of it that these guys are
best friends.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Yeah, they set you up. Will has that look or
like al Qaeda kind of look.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
He's got a nine to eleven, that's what Will is
one of the health Santa. He's one of the homeless
Papa Smurve, one of the healthy. Gregory Young Young did Gregory.
He's one of the healthiest people I know. That guy
wakes up every morning that's crazy eight am and goes
to the gym.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
No, I've been to the gym with him. He's not
He's like a warrior, dude, there's some training for like
World War three.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
Because he lives. He lives in one of my houses
and he uses my garage. And when I'm coming home,
here's my driver. And when I come home, I'm going out.
He's when I'm coming in, he's going out.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (10:54):
And I had just saw him a few hours ago
at the club.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I'm like, damn, Bruce Lee Roy. Yeah. So he told
me he was celibate years ago. I was like, that
can't be sustainable.
Speaker 4 (11:05):
Well, you know, I never know another person in sex life.
I never asked, but no, he volunteered. He was like,
he's c He says he doesn't. He says he doesn't indulge,
And I just say, okay.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Now you would go nuts. Impossible. Some people are like that.
You never know.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
Some people are like that.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
You know, I'm Cravit said he had of that sex
for nine years. I was like, get the fuck out
of it.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
But I don't believe that. No, Fay, he's surrounded by
women him for nine years. Get the fuck out.
Speaker 4 (11:32):
But I guess that's what he wants you to leave.
But also, Lenny Kravitz at his age, you see the shames.
You see how in shapes.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
That fucking it's a miracle. So makes me feel like shit.
But from that mad when I see him.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
For guys that work out like that, that's their adrenaline rush.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
Oh they don't, they don't come, they don't gigz.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
Well, they're so busy working out. That's the rush. I
will tell you. So I don't have any stories about bombing,
but I have stories.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
I don't believe it. No comedians associate battle. They say that,
but I'll tell you never bombed. I'll tell you it's
not possible. But I'll tell you this, it's not possible.
You and I have a gift of crowd work. You
and I have a gift. But still I need something,
and you can turn.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
It around every single bomb. You've turned around.
Speaker 4 (12:17):
Every You can always start off, and some people start
off slow, purposely so they can see if they need
joke works. That's like a process that a lot of
people have. But a lot of times I just like
the joke right itself.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
So you people down or you played shoulders in the Bronx.
Oh yeah, I'm talking like.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
I'm talking about like back in the nineties, oh rooms, hood.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Rooms where it would just be five dudes that look.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Like they were in Wu tang Oh, yeah, watching football,
and they would turn off the TV when they come
in to the stage already fuqua coming to the stage, no
pomp or circumstance.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Yeah, but I go, I go up there and.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Get those five guys that are now angry that the
game is off and a random person is talking to
a microphon.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
You would win those guys over.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
Yeah, because it all saw us with what man look
at his nigga shoes, and you saw I make your
fun of him. Oh booke, all coming here, your dirty
ass hat, and then all of a sudden, they're all laughing.
Now everybody's laughing. Everybody's on your side. Now they're cracking
back at you. You're cracking on them. Everybody's having a
blast since day one. Yeah, because see I grew up
in bad neighborhood.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
When you were eighteen years old, you could do that
on stage.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
Well, I didn't start when I was eighteen. I started
when I was nineteen because by the time I got
on stage, it was December and I celebrated my birthday
then I got on stage. I got on stage right
after my nineteenth birthday.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
My larger point is at that young yeah, first show
you ever did.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
I was a monster with the stammer crushing. I was
a beast with the snaps. I wasn't crushing on stage,
but like I said, if the material isn't working, something's
going to work. Because I grew up in bad neighborhoods.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
So you cut your teeth like in middle school. But basically, yeah.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
I was always that kid that was making fun of people.
When I was in college, I was shut down to campus.
People be afraid to walk past me because I'd be
cracking everybody.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
You were always class clowns day one.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
I was always that guy, and I love being that guy,
and I love cracking.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
This to be a bomb on audition or something. You
never bombed in an audition.
Speaker 4 (14:12):
Everybody bombs auditions, but give me, give me a lot
of times when you bomb audition, they actually well, I
like the way I like the stage for you get
the job. They have How many times if you crushed
an audition and never hurt anything back?
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Oh, auditions are the most like you never know it
was yeah thing.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
You'll think you'll do horrible, then you book the gig
or you think you crushed it and you'll hear back.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
There are times. No, there are times when I've walked
out and said, man, I just bombed so hard, and
then my agent will call me and go.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Hey, how is it, man, It's terrible?
Speaker 4 (14:44):
How bad?
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Man? They were just staring at me. Wow, yeah, real bad.
Speaker 4 (14:49):
Yeah, well you booked the job.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Yeah yeah, oh well, oh shit, Benjaman.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
I walked out of an audition for a pilot and
I was like, that was so bad. I did so bad,
I should quit. I went home and I almost threw
up and then my called me. There they loved you,
they won you on the show.
Speaker 4 (15:05):
Yeah, I would say I was.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
I was hard on myself in my twenties.
Speaker 4 (15:09):
I was, well, you know, as a performer, you're going
to be hard on yourself. Yeah, But when I was
when I was twenty, I went to showtime at the Apollo.
Everybody was telling me not to do it, but my
confidence was high. They said they're gonna they want you.
They want comedians to just go up here and have fun.
And I bombed, Like I bombed so hard. Yeah, but
(15:33):
it was so funny because I was going back with
the crowd and I was still cracking jokes that they
aired it. Yeah, and all my fifteen man came out. Yeah,
and all my fiftieth birthday. I was celebrating my fiftieth
birthday and everything was funny. I made it. I went
through all this. I got hit by a truck and
(15:55):
I survived. I turned and fifty and Dean Edwards said,
well what about this? And he folks didn't getting booed
at the Apollo and it went viral.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
It was old footage of you.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
Yeah, I was like, I was like, I was like
twenty years old and I did Godfrey's podcast. Gofrey shout
out to Goffrey. I did Godfrey's podcast and they played
it on the podcast and everybody's making fun of me.
So that's the bomb for the ages. That's a bomb
for the agents. But that's also a bomb when you're
like doing comedy for like a few months. It's your
arrogance that puts you in that position.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Oh I'm so funny, I'm the funniest guy in the room.
Speaker 4 (16:31):
I'm going to go on National TV and rock and
I bombed so bad and everybody made fun of me
for years, Like I couldn't.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Get why did you bomb? What was the jokes?
Speaker 4 (16:43):
It was a terrible joke. They just they just come
out to boo at the Apollo. They just come out
to boom. But I couldn't live that down because no
matter how good I did, people always bring it up. Yo, man, congratulations,
you're doing so good man. I'm so happy for you
because I remember when you got boot off the Apollo.
Even as I got followed Made Sports and I was
(17:05):
doing really well, i'd see your girl.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
Oh you so cute.
Speaker 4 (17:08):
We can hang out sometime, okay, because I remember when
you got boot off and I was like, I don't
know why they booing him. He cute, cute, he getting booed.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
But hey, cute haunts you. That's my baby daddy.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
But he get boo, he gett boomed ay cute.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
I bombed opening up for Chris Rock one time. And
there's so many celebrities in the audience, and should I
still hear stories throughout?
Speaker 4 (17:28):
Yeah? Did you get into a fight with a guy audience?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Oh yeah, kind of yeah, yeah kind of. Security told
me no, not not a fight. But I was like,
come down, come down there, and.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Animals go animals on the side of sage like no, no, no,
this ain't a bar show, bro, come.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Down my face.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
What are you doing? Yeah? Security told me that.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Bombat he told me he came.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
Everything was but Eric just kept going at the go
and the guy was cool. A guy lives alone and
every gonna say fuck you to him again and did
all the Eric just kept going at him and going
at him and going and we like Eric, we alone.
The situation is handled. Situations handled. Everything's goods. Eric fun
you what you want to do now, I'm like, oh
my god, Yeah that.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Was well opening up for Chris. But that was that
was the pretty bad.
Speaker 4 (18:15):
The thing about bombing is that the Bill's character it does.
It makes you so much better because you learn not
to do.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
It's the greatest teacher. It's the greatest teachers.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
You you Yes, he wakes you up.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (18:28):
I had this guy.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Come on stage like two weeks ago.
Speaker 4 (18:31):
I'm hosting the show, and you know, I bring people
when I host the show. If it's a small crowd, I.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Just bring people on stage to talk.
Speaker 4 (18:38):
So makes the interactive cracks into it. So that's the
best way to create a joke because the joke comes
from the situation.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
It's always different.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
So there's a guy says, there's a guy yelling out,
let's go, let's go. He keeps yelling out let's go.
And I'm not really paying any attention, but he's.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Saying that to you, like get off the stage.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
He's yelling let's go, like you know when you're on crowd,
there's the audience like yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Let's go, Yeah, yeah, let's go. Yeah yeah.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
But he wasn't doing it in like a very macho.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (19:11):
He was like, let's gow, let which is fine. The
audience loved him. I said, my man, come in here.
So I bring him on stage and I said are
you single?
Speaker 1 (19:21):
And he says yes. So I said, all the.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
Single ladies in the house go ah. Nobody said anything.
It was quiet. So then I said, okay, come back
next week. Let's see what we can do. And then
he goes, well, I have a couple of children. I said, okay,
well I have a couple of grand children. He said
do you know what a couple of means? I said, yeah,
it means too. He goes oh. And then I said, sir,
I don't want it to come off wrong.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Is this in New York City?
Speaker 4 (19:48):
So I have to ask what is your preference? Do
you like men or do you like women? A girl
in the back yells out he likes men. And the
entire the room just fell out laughing, and he looks
at me and he goes, I came to a comedy club
for the comedian and make me laugh, not being made
fun of.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
And he walked up from me and.
Speaker 4 (20:09):
The crowd started booing him sitting.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
I'm like, oh, no, no.
Speaker 4 (20:13):
No, they were not doing that, sir, don't do that.
I'm gonna buy your dre Everything's fine, Yah, don't do that.
But turns out that he was with the guy. He
was trying to impress a guy, a love guy. So
at the end of the show, a comedian did a
joke about nurses and where I was standing, there were
a group of nurses. They were trauma unit nurses. I said, oh,
(20:33):
I was in the er. I was in the trauma unit.
I died in theemonia. They brought me back. I'm forever grateful,
was the nurses. I'll give you guys some when I
go on stage. I'll give you guys. You died of pneumonia.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Yeah, I knew you were in a coma, but.
Speaker 4 (20:46):
I was not for a month and a half and
I died a pneumonia and they brought me back.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
What Yeah, how long were you dead?
Speaker 4 (20:51):
For I don't know, not seven minutes, because I'm.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Here, it's seven minutes the max. I think that's when
the oxygen Yeah, oh fuck.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
But it was bad.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
But did you have a worse than Tracy? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (21:02):
I was much worse than Tracy. I was the worse
of the survivors.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Oh fuck? Really? Yeah? So because how long was Tracy's
I don't.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
Know, you'd have to ask him, But I think when
I got out of when I was when they brought
me to the brain toomer unit, he was leaving. It's
like as they were when I woke up. I was
in a I was in a coma for a month.
I was in medically induced coma for a month. When
I was in Robert Johnson when they brought me to
uh JFK hospital?
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Is it in Edison?
Speaker 4 (21:33):
When they brought me to that hospital, I think I
I think I was barely awake, and I hear Tracy's
voice and I i'm I walk out and Tracy is
in the hallway. He was in the room right next
to mine. He goes, I'm leaving. He said, I came here,
Now I'm leaving. I said, okay, cool. So uh everything
was foggy and then A woman came and told me
(21:55):
what happened.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
A nurse came and told me everything that happened.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
But oh, you didn't really know what the fuck was
going on. It was just like lights out one day. Yeah,
like I didn't then like time went by.
Speaker 4 (22:04):
Like I didn't know my leg was broken. I didn't know.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
I couldn't walk.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
I got up to go to the bathroom and fell
on the floor and then I peed all over myself.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Came in the night.
Speaker 4 (22:14):
Nurse came in and say, hey, man, you broke your
legs all around, So what was the injury?
Speaker 1 (22:18):
Is brain injury and a leg injury break, but no
spine stuff?
Speaker 3 (22:22):
Right?
Speaker 4 (22:22):
No, no, no, My right femur bone was broken, and thank god,
your spined in five places. My right flotbone is titanium
and my ankle is titanium.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
And I had a trick. You could see her here.
Speaker 4 (22:33):
Yeah, I had a trick and you can't see it.
But I had seven brain surgeries.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Jesus, So what what happened? It hit hit the Do
you feel comfortable talking about this? Yeah? So did the
truck hit the top of your head? What exactly what?
Speaker 4 (22:47):
I don't know what happened. Nobody else I don't have
any memory of the entire.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
The bus just got crunched.
Speaker 4 (22:52):
He's got hit. Harrison Harris Stanton remembers what happened. He
told me I was sitting in the back next to
James McNair. They got killed on impact.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
He said.
Speaker 4 (23:01):
Tracy called me that you already come here, and I
got up and he said when you got up and
we were laughing, we were joking. He said, as soon
as you sat down next to Tracy, everybody that we
got hit.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
He said, so you missed getting.
Speaker 4 (23:16):
Crushed us by five minutes, at least five minutes. And
then and then I and then to die of pneumonia
and come back. Every night I have a dream of
God saying, hey, one more, one more, one more baby,
that's two. Final destination, the Black version, Final destination, the
BT version.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
How did the brain recover? Like, what do you do
for brain recovery? Little magnets on your brain should know
well from what.
Speaker 4 (23:43):
I was told by the neurologists, the fact that comedians
think so much that we have to use our brains constantly,
like every time on stage or in the moment UH
analyzing the crowd, talking to people, that our brains are
so well rounded that when parts of your brain go down,
the other parts just pick up the slack. So basically
(24:05):
when you're in a vegetative state is because one part
of your brain shuts down, but the other parts of
their brain.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
I'm not strong enough to pick up the slack.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
But comedians are so well rounded in word repetition and
what we say and repeating jokes and meeting people every
night and remembering names and faces and locations and what's
happening and what's going on. Like, we are very well
rounded people, Like we know songs, we feel everything.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
And you can feel all your toes and all your
fingers and everything.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Yeah, gosh, man, it could have been so much fucking work,
so much worse.
Speaker 4 (24:35):
I thank god that I'm here. That's so, I tell people,
I have no reason to be angry at all. I
have no reason to be angry at all because I
look at my grandchildren, I look at my mother, I
look at the floor, I look at the sky. I'm alive.
I have no reason to be angry. Everybody's doing well.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Shit, that's wild. Grand kids are happy, mom is happy.
That's all I came about it. And thank god Walmart
hit you and.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
It was, Oh yeah, Papa Johns.
Speaker 4 (25:02):
Papa got money. That much money you had to give him.
Somebody worse you've had? They guy, it was Walmart and
not the Dominican moving company. Be happy.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
It was that somebody didn't have no insurance, no insurance, no.
Speaker 4 (25:16):
Poppy they got it. Wasn't somebody that you know, ain't
had no carriage.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
With a recdre.
Speaker 4 (25:38):
Withdre like I said, when it comes to life, I've
bombed so much in life like I had. Okay, So
I used to date this Russian girl, six feet tall,
beautiful woman.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
She hit me. I called the cops. She slapped you,
she bunched you. Yeah, she had hands. Wow, she had
the hands. What led up to that moment?
Speaker 4 (25:56):
It's a young beautiful Russian ship and get mad?
Speaker 1 (25:59):
What did you do to her?
Speaker 4 (26:00):
She was always mad and she hit me. So I
learned you don't put your hands on a woman. If
a woman hits you, I called the cops. So I
called the cops, right, and the cops come to the house.
The cop goes, we've been here before. I said, no
you haven't. He said, no, no, you a woman hit
It pulls out a log woman beat up boyfriend. Yeah,
(26:23):
this is the house, and it was a male cop
and a female cop, and a female cop.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Goes, damn, this dude ain't got no shame. Damn.
Speaker 4 (26:31):
Like she said, she's like, damn a man, the sucker.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Damn.
Speaker 4 (26:35):
So then so then so then he said, what happened?
I said, she parked me in the face. So I
called the cops, and the female cops started laughing, damn,
just capture like that. So then he said, well was
she driving? I said, she's driving oversized, a truck that's
lifted with oversized tires with LA plates. And he goes,
(26:57):
like the one that's coming up the block. Now, the
female cop goes, damn if she come back to finish
the job. She comes back to finish the job.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
She beat someone before you, No, no.
Speaker 4 (27:05):
No, I always her boyfriend for a long period of time.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
But you called her. I called the cops on her
earlier too. Yeah, well multiple times. Every time she hit me,
I would just OK, this was one wasn't on one time,
and so no, okay.
Speaker 4 (27:17):
Okay, But I have so many stories about women doing
that to me. And I know if a man puts
his hands on a woman, he is going to jail.
But if a woman puts her hands on the man.
Everybody's laughing. I have one of those stories too. So
she comes back. The cops are laughing. Two more cop
cars come and now they're all to standing there. So
(27:38):
she gets out of the truck. She's six feet tall,
She's dressed exquisitely. It's a bunch of cops. Theyre going,
damn you find as hell? Damn what you doing?
Speaker 3 (27:50):
Yo?
Speaker 1 (27:51):
You find cop because the negros yoe.
Speaker 4 (27:53):
You don't want to you don't want to arrest her.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Man, let her go, man, let's work it out.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
I go okay. So she gets her stuff. She says
to me in front of the cops, fuck you, And
the female cop says, why don't you guys have dinner
and work it out.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
She's a beautiful woman, and she just drives off.
Speaker 4 (28:09):
And then the cop says to me, yeah, man, my
girlfriend is Latvian.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
And she beats the shit out of me too.
Speaker 4 (28:16):
So I'm bonding with the police officer over our Eastern
European girlfriends kicking as. This is years ago. This is
this is years ago. The other story that I have,
I was dating a girl. I'm out in the club,
a Spanish woman. I'm out in the club with Godfrey.
Shout out to Godfred once again shout a bunch of
other comedians with dancing and having fun. I'm dancing with
(28:38):
this this Australian girl, but she was Taie. She was
Tie from Australia, so she's Asian with an Australian accent. Weird,
but that's why I found her attractive. This is also
back in the day, so with dancing, with having fun.
And they hear somebody saying, is that your girlfriend? And
I turn around and it's the Spanish girl that I
(28:59):
was date.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
And she just starts.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
Beating, catching me like violent women, and everybody start women.
And as she's punching me, I'm looking at all my
friends laughing, laughing, planing.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
She beats his As she beat it.
Speaker 4 (29:16):
Security came and grabs her. The security guard grabs her.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
But he just picked her up.
Speaker 4 (29:23):
He didn't pull her back, he didn't take these steps back.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
He just picked her up.
Speaker 4 (29:27):
Now she has better leverage me cut me now, she's
told willing. Everybody just laughing, and I saw a security
guard was laughing too, so he took it. I was
lumped up.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
Security took out the club.
Speaker 4 (29:47):
The club manager comes to me and goes, hey, man,
she's outside, she's making noise. We don't want our neighbors
to call the cops to call a scene, so can
you leave. I was like, wait, I just got my ask. Girl,
you're throwing me out the club and he goes, okay,
Let's do it this way. When a cab comes, we'll
(30:07):
stand outside. I'll stand outside wait for a cab to come.
When the cab comes, i'll hail the cab for you.
Security will step in front of her, and then you
hop into the cab. We'll create a barricade, a barrier.
She gets to the cab. Okay, So cab comes, he
goes out, He hails the cab, I go out. Security
steps in front, but the cab was off duty. The
(30:30):
cab kept going. Now I'm standing outside and everybody's looking
at me, like who She goes, yeah, mother, and so
it's chasing me. I start running. So did the tie.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Australian girl like take all of this in and she's like,
what the fuck?
Speaker 4 (30:46):
She would She wouldn't talk to me after that.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
I didn't know you had a girlfriend.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Oh no, everybody there, everybody, oh there.
Speaker 4 (30:55):
But here's the thing with this chick. She was wearing
flip flops.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
So I'm running.
Speaker 4 (31:00):
Yeah, as I'm running, all you heard was.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
Ever the street.
Speaker 4 (31:06):
You think I would get away from a woman wearing
flip flops, right, she got a grown man six or
two running wear sneakers. Nope, flip flops right behind us.
I'm gonna kill you, motherfucker.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
I'm gonna kill you, motherfucker. She catch up?
Speaker 4 (31:19):
You know, she never caught up. I ran all the way.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Still married to this day. No, no, no, same beautiful angel. No,
I'm still friends with her.
Speaker 4 (31:26):
Really, this is actually this is in the nineties though,
when that would happen or what, Yeah, it was in
the nineties back then. All of my bad stories with
women are years back. I haven't had any recent ones.
I mean, I'm an older man now now. The people
that I surround myself with a little bit more level
headed and more mature, a lot more mature. Yeah older,
I'm not in their twenties, you know, thinking there the ship.
(31:50):
You know, as we're older, we get smarter, we grow,
we get more mature, we learn how to adapt, to
learn how to handle people, which brings back to coming
on stage when a set is going doing bad. If
I'm not having a good time. But I find that
a conversation with an audience member always saves today, It
always saves the day.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
Well, you just act like you're like just getting to
know you know, like, hey, where are you from?
Speaker 1 (32:13):
All let's shit or what?
Speaker 4 (32:14):
Well, I'll just something what they're wearing or what they're doing.
You know, did you enjoy the show? Do you have
a good time where you're from? When you're a well
traveled person, you've been there. Yeah, And then you can
find a way for everybody to come together. Also, guys
like Gus, we could use we use physical comedy or
a favorite song. Yeah, everybody has a favorite song. I
(32:36):
can go into a joke. It always works. A joke
that has a song in it always gets the crowded,
the sillier song, the better making my way downtown and
then all of a sudden, all the crowd that Haiti
is going not on your side again if you're doing
(32:56):
something that they can relate to.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
You had a bit about listening to Billy Joel and
the Car or something.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
Yeah, I feel like I listened to white music in
the car when black people are are a better attention
if you switch it.
Speaker 4 (33:08):
Oh yes, but I said that I use I play
I play rock music. When a cop pulls me over,
I put I put white peoples music on, like a
cop will pull me over. I'll see him then and
I'll throw on a Billy Idole CD. In the minute
olt she cries more more more about The cop gets
in my window, hears the song. He goes, hey, what
(33:31):
the hell? Yeah, get out of here, nigger.
Speaker 7 (33:36):
I love that black guy, he's so cool. Friday night
I crashed your party. Saturday said, I'm sorry. Sunday games,
you trashed me out again.
Speaker 4 (33:48):
Cock comes in the window.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
I was on having fun.
Speaker 4 (33:52):
Was it hurting anyone? Yeah, get out of here, nigger.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Billy Joel, that's a deep cut. Maybe it's not. Maybe
he may be right, may be crazy. You know that song.
Speaker 4 (34:08):
At your birthday party. You're doing a lot of songs.
You put me up on a lot of songs.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
I gotta do it again, just for my own brain.
I don't remember anything. Got blurry very quick.
Speaker 4 (34:20):
But your crowd loves that.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
Dude. It were wild, insane. That was a wild time.
Speaker 4 (34:26):
That's a great time.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
That was a great time.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
On half of it, I couldn't even I was trying
to catch all of it.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
There's like fire breathers, Santa Claus wrestling.
Speaker 4 (34:34):
I don't know if you noticed, but the crowd went
wherever you went like you should I should have been
lating the room to room, and they followed you from room.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
There was there's a crowd that like broke into my
This kid broke into my green room and took the ship.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
Get out of here.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
You gotta go.
Speaker 4 (34:54):
You gotta go. Yeah, ship, sometimes you can't hold it.
You gotta take ship, matter what do you want in
the place, but you gotta get to close the one.
You're gonna purposely went down and dinner, you ain't gonna
make it to the next one. And that is stealing
all my ship, my ship, my green roof.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
You were stealing that turn is knocking, knocking all heavens.
Doing you ever show your pants? Never? Never? I've never
shipped my pants. Well, when you were a baby, you
ship your pants. You ever shoot your pants? I shipped
my pants recently? You ever shoot your pants on stage?
Speaker 2 (35:25):
I never shipped my pants on stage. I almost threw
up in Germany because I was doing too much drugs
night before I thought I was I told my opener
and I go, I'm gonna throw up on stage and
it's gonna not be funny.
Speaker 4 (35:36):
What drugs are you doing?
Speaker 1 (35:37):
I did ecstasy, ecstasy, a lot of it, and I
drank a lot. Oh wow, and I was up all that.
I was like, yeah, maybe I still got it. And
the next day I felt like I was gonna die.
Speaker 4 (35:48):
I did ecstasy once and I got so paranoid. I
never did it again.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
Paranoid. I got paranoid. Yeah, bad ecstasy. Then you gotta
take God, drag him.
Speaker 4 (35:58):
It saved me.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
That will light up your brain. Like the fourth of July.
Speaker 4 (36:01):
I haven't smolled weed in thirty years because the last
time I stilled weed, I was in a club with
all my friends and I stood in the corner facing
the wall until eight am.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
Drugs.
Speaker 4 (36:12):
There's a guy mop and say, hey, man, we're clothes.
You gotta get out of here. Oh you were fucked up.
I was the most fucked you've been on stage. I
was never been on stage drunk or anything. Yeah, drunk,
coked up high.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Back in the day, you would drink on stage. I
would see you drink on stage. I think, remember you
had a drink in hand. Maybe it's just a soda.
Speaker 4 (36:29):
Soda because with my surprise.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
You don't really drink at all?
Speaker 4 (36:33):
Right now, well I'm ten years ober now, but really yeah,
ten years at this point. But the thing, right, I've
been twenty five years. I only got ten.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Years for twenty five and then ten of them were
you for sober? Yeah? So you years alean fall off?
Speaker 4 (36:48):
Five yous clean fall off?
Speaker 1 (36:50):
What's your following off? Alcohol or cocaine?
Speaker 4 (36:52):
Both?
Speaker 3 (36:52):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (36:52):
Your cocaine.
Speaker 4 (36:53):
Oh yeah. I would always say, you know, and here's
the thing about it, and I had to come to that.
I would say, Hey, I don't drink. I don't drink,
I don't touch alcohol. Let me get hit that though. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You don't drink alcohol. When you sniffed coked, you ain't sober.
You're a drug addict. I said, this is different. See,
(37:15):
I haven't had any alcohol though, so I'm sober.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
So twenty five years ago. What were you doing in
the nineties? Were you doing cocaine everything?
Speaker 1 (37:24):
That's what it was.
Speaker 4 (37:25):
Heroin wasn't any good because heroin you do.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
Like were you doing acid and mushrooms and stuff? No?
Speaker 4 (37:31):
I didn't.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
Psychedelics, I didn't. You never had a psychedelic experience.
Speaker 4 (37:35):
I did mushrooms and I got paranoid, and I did
with a psychedelic experience. I would get paranoid and never.
Speaker 3 (37:42):
Do that again.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Really, yeah, it just wasn't for you. It just wasn't mushrooms.
Speaker 4 (37:46):
I went on stage on mushrooms once.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
That was horrible.
Speaker 4 (37:50):
I thought the audience with puppets, oh you were high.
That it wasn't a little bit like it was at
the event. Dollars I think, I think, I think at
this point little Penny was good with Chris playing little Penny,
and they all like little Penny. They all like that
little puppet the entire Yeah. When uh, Chris Rock was
(38:16):
doing Penny hardaway puppet, he was a little Penny.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
I don't know he was. He was a voice. Chris
Rock was a voice. I didn't know that.
Speaker 4 (38:22):
But in my mind, the audience whatever, they look like
they have puppets. To me, I was tripping and there
was a comedian named Maya de Giorgio, and she said
all herself, voice going arties high, and all the comedians laughing,
Oh no, making it way worse. I thought I was
(38:43):
being funny. I thought I was being funny, but they
all disliked puppets. I mean it's it's a you know
you have a bomber. You don't know you bombed a bomb.
I think you killed And people are like, I don't.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
Know if I thought I was, but I've definitely come
on sage, realize how bad it was until like the
way the comics looked at me after the show, you
know what I mean, You get like the like avoiding,
like look away.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
You're like, oh shit, I did that bad.
Speaker 4 (39:12):
They look you up and down, or you know you
had a bad show. When you're standing in Mexico comedian
that had a good set and they come to go
you are funny, you are so funny, and look at
you and go.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
Yeah you good. Yeah yeah, if.
Speaker 4 (39:29):
You were good that oh my god. But the person
saying next to you, oh you were so funny you
were and they push you out the way. Oh you
are party bro bro bro yo.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
You anyway, you so funny?
Speaker 4 (39:46):
They stare you the whole time. Somebody need to write
some jokes. I ain't gonna say it is with somebody
need to get they act together?
Speaker 3 (39:52):
What is that?
Speaker 2 (39:53):
What is why comedy? It forces the audience to be
brutally honest. Like you can go to a music show
that's not that good, right, But you're not going to
criticize the musician afterwards.
Speaker 1 (40:02):
You're just gonna go on and not really think about it.
Speaker 2 (40:04):
Because what about comedy forces polarization where you either love
the comic or it just didn't do it for you.
Speaker 4 (40:12):
Because everybody wants to be a comedian, and when people
go to a comedy show, you notice when the comedian
isn't doing well. You notice every mistake. When you go
to a music show, you're not a musician. You don't
know if the band missed the beat, or you don't
know if the singing is often off miss and then
the band goes and you say to the band, that
was a great show. Oh no, I missed the entire
(40:33):
riff and fucking Keith.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Was off the key and blah blah blah, and.
Speaker 4 (40:36):
They're arguing about you got to come in quicker on that.
We don't see that. But when you're a comedian and
it's just you under the spotlight.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
You see every every lyricure.
Speaker 4 (40:45):
Thing you do, the audience will just bag on it
and they think they're better than you. Howbout the funny
I could have did that?
Speaker 1 (40:53):
Yeah, I say my money?
Speaker 2 (40:55):
Have you ever done this. I brought this woman was
heckling me and my friend. We were co hosting, and
it was not a good venue for comedy. It was
this restaurant. It's kind of by here, I want to
say fifty fourth Street or something. It was like a
whatever Italian restaurant. I doubt it's still there. It's horrible.
The room was horrible. It wasn't conducive for comedy. Everybody
(41:16):
was always in bed. But the audiences were tough there
because I don't know, it was just was like a
curse rim. So I go up there with my friend.
We're trying to make people laugh. We're trying to like
crack jokes and do crowd work, and some of the
audience on board, some of the audience fifty to fifty,
and this woman starts hackling us, hackling us, and she's like,
(41:39):
she said something like I can do better than that.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
And we were like, all right, you said the magic words.
What's your name? But she's like Samantha, whatever name was.
I was like, come on up and never welcome Samantha.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
And she got on stage and she bombed so miserably
in the crowd turned her whole fucking satus back she
heard opening joke was like.
Speaker 1 (41:58):
I don't need a drug? Oh how about these two guys?
Speaker 2 (42:01):
And everyone's like what And then I was like boot
and I sat in the audience and booters fucking doors.
Speaker 3 (42:07):
Great.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
The only time I've been able to do that, And
it was it's quite satisfying.
Speaker 4 (42:12):
Your You ever have a bad situation and you make
it worse and then you don't know, you make it
worse with you somehow magically come out of it.
Speaker 1 (42:20):
Okay, So I'm met.
Speaker 4 (42:21):
I'm at Dangerfields before they changed the name. There was
a group of kids there and they were laughing and
they told me they were doing a show for some
kids and come to the show. Wait I did the shower.
Kids were laughing, laughing at everything else, saying they were
having so much fun. And I said, what do you
guys all here for? And they said we're on break
(42:43):
and I go. But it it's like it was like
October November something.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
It was.
Speaker 4 (42:47):
It was not break time. It was not summertime. It
wasn't when you're supposed to have a break. And I said,
you guys are want to break? How are you guys
on break? You're a break? You must be excuse me.
Speaker 1 (42:58):
I don't know if you can say this, but you.
Speaker 4 (42:59):
Must be the retarded class.
Speaker 3 (43:02):
Was it?
Speaker 4 (43:02):
And nobody laughed. The room shut down. Oh my god,
aren ae guy? The guy this guy in the back
walks up to the front goes, these are the special.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
No, no, no, And I said, oh.
Speaker 4 (43:19):
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't see your
helmets under your chairs. And they just erupted again.
Speaker 3 (43:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
He dug Beefer to get out. He dug all the
way to China. This is special.
Speaker 4 (43:38):
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
I didn't know.
Speaker 4 (43:40):
They didn't tell me that. I didn't see your helmets
under the chairs. I didn't see a yellow bus outside.
Now they're going that was the comeback. Now they got
crazy and chairing is stopping their feet.
Speaker 1 (43:50):
Whoa, that's a lie.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
I always hear stories like that, like I was making
fun of a guy in a wheelchair, and it turns
out of the guy in the second row was in
a wheelchair. I was making in front of a guy
with no arms. It turns out in the second round
there's a guy with no arms.
Speaker 1 (44:03):
I always hear stories like I'm like, what is the
fucking I did that?
Speaker 4 (44:07):
I did see that happened the comedian named Rich Voss
is on stage. I know Rich, and he's ripping on
a guy in the front row.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
Yeah, and he's you know Rich, he's brutal. Yeah yeah,
Riich is.
Speaker 4 (44:16):
Killing a guy and people are okay, it's now Leadham alone,
living alone, and a guy gets mang goes, I'm out
of here, and he backs up from the table and
he's in a wheelchair. Rich goes, oh my god, I'm sorry.
I didn't know you were in the wheelchair. I'm so sorry, sir.
Come back. I'll build you a ramp. And the place
goes a ship.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
Yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
Sometimes if you go deeper, commit harder, it's so intense
the ground has.
Speaker 4 (44:45):
To because that's messed up. But that's funny. That's much
worse than what you're saying. But the fact that you
said that makes me feel less about laughing at a
bad situation. So now I'm cool with that.
Speaker 3 (44:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
Yeah, there's a kid in a wheelchair and the front road.
There's like little independent New Orleans comedy show at this
little cloud. There's barely anyone in the audience. My friend
John was on stage and he was kind of like
bombing whatever. He was like having the best out of
his life and he's like, I'm sorry you're not laughing
about these jokes.
Speaker 1 (45:16):
But I thought I could make that young boy walk
with my comedy. Everybody got silent. The kid in the
wheelchair dying laughing loves it, like.
Speaker 3 (45:29):
With Aridrell, with Arickdre.
Speaker 4 (45:40):
You know, to think about comedy, it's the people that
we reach. Like I was in Montana and I was
doing a school and I'm on stage and there's these
kids came in and they were in the back and
they were cheering, and the lady who was running the
show comes to the front goes, those kids are under
(46:01):
age and not supposed to be here. This is a
show for people who go to the college. And these
kids are like fifteen, sixteen years old. They just so
we have to get them out. Why were they there,
I don't know. It was Montana. It was a school
and it was like an open thing. You know, you
do college and sometimes it's like an open thing. But
the kids are laughing and having fun. They had them leave.
I said, Okay, you guys are cool. Sorry you guys
(46:21):
have to go, but you guys are cool. As they
walk out to say I shake their hands, they broke
the window in the back and came back in.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
What the fuck?
Speaker 4 (46:28):
They tried to sneak back in and broke the window.
Speaker 1 (46:31):
They really needed that comedy.
Speaker 4 (46:33):
Yeah, like I don't know kind of whatever. But they
broke the window sneaking back in, and the audience was
cool with them. You know, there's a bunch of kids,
a bunch of kids coming in. So now I'm just
laughing and joking. I just spent my time laughing and
joking with them. Yeah, and the school apologized to me,
We're so sorry that to happen. I'm like, no, dude,
you have no idea that it was a great story.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
Yeah, that is a great I got fired for my
college agent one time. I had to play a Catholic
college and like Montana. Yeah, and I didn't really think
still they still like college kids to me, so I
thought I could be as dirty and dilty.
Speaker 1 (47:04):
I was like twenty three. I didn't do any better.
And my opening joke I was like I'm black and Jewish.
I go, I'm black and Jewish, just like Jesus.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
And they were like they didn't like that, and all
I was like off to a road start, and then
I just dug deeper deeper and all my material back then,
I was so crass and only these like three snowboarders
in the back, just because their classmates were pissed off.
They were They didn't think the jokes were funny. They
were just thrilled that I was everybody. My agent fired me.
She's like, I help like this, I don't need You're fired.
Speaker 1 (47:35):
I'm through with you.
Speaker 4 (47:36):
Yeah, I had. I had a situation where the college
asked me to They said, well, you know, have fun, dude,
you do so a lot of black people came to
the show, so I'm thinking I got it.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
Have some fun.
Speaker 4 (47:48):
So it was a great show, crowding, crazy, killed. I
actually did a lot takeing me like an hour and
a half average an hour and have they actually stopped
doing so much time because you getting away for the show.
We could send you back to Dimn's show. So much fun, crazy,
everybody having fund applause, people stand up and cheering. In
college paid me and then they wrote me a letter.
The people who are paying you asked you to stick
(48:10):
to a certain format, and you chose to disregard us.
We know you have to put on a good show,
but we are the ones who are paying you. And
I was like, okay, they still paid me and they
invited me back, and I was just as little cleaner.
Speaker 2 (48:24):
Yeah, yeah, not as fun as you think they're going
to be. They're uptight. Well you know, they're real rigid
and uptight.
Speaker 4 (48:31):
Well, you know the thing about comedy on stage when
you make your life a part of your act and
then you think that this is going to bomb because
it's happened to me and it's really hurt and annoydience
is laughing at your pain. Like I have a joke
where I say, you know what I say, I'm ugly.
I don't think i'm only but if I say it
on stage, it makes people comfortable with me.
Speaker 1 (48:52):
People start laughing.
Speaker 4 (48:53):
If I come on say and say I'm good looking,
you ain't no guy, damn because he looked like Frozone.
Look at that man because we got his super suit.
But if I come out and if I said that ugly,
it was like, oh, he's near enough. It makes me
a little bit easier to get along that right, right, right,
that's good for a comedy, but it's not good for
real life.
Speaker 1 (49:13):
It's not good for your esteem.
Speaker 4 (49:14):
Yeah, it's that. It's not good for real life because
I walked from to a woman and I said, I know,
a girl as beautiful as you would never talk to
a man as ugly as me. And she looked me
up and down and said, at least you understand.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
That's cold. That's cold to the bone.
Speaker 4 (49:29):
Yeah, cold to the bone.
Speaker 1 (49:31):
So we chugged a lack of confidence.
Speaker 4 (49:33):
We take the hardest parts of our life and we
put it out there to the public. And the thing
about it, if it's something that's really insecure or painful
to you, that's you who was going to make him laugh, right.
Speaker 1 (49:45):
Because you're vulnerable, vulnerable, You're showing vulnerability.
Speaker 4 (49:48):
Vulnerability.
Speaker 1 (49:48):
It's what they open up to. The open up because
they here very interesting.
Speaker 4 (49:53):
I think, I'm he's not that.
Speaker 1 (49:55):
Yeah, I feel better, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. It's altruistic.
Speaker 2 (49:58):
You're you're sacrific if I sing your own personal well
being so that strangers laugh at you.
Speaker 1 (50:04):
It was a bit strange what we chose to do.
We had to do something. I had a shitty job
after shitty job after shitty job.
Speaker 3 (50:10):
I had to do something.
Speaker 1 (50:11):
I never had a job. You never had a job.
Speaker 4 (50:13):
I had one job when I got out of college.
I was an undercover security guard.
Speaker 1 (50:19):
You were Paul Blart Mall Coop. Yeah? Really, but you
know in every undercover playing clothes undercover. Wow, in every
store they have people.
Speaker 4 (50:28):
Who pretend to be to be shoppers, but they're not shoppers.
They're actually security and they catch people steal.
Speaker 1 (50:34):
Did I catch anybody you were a narc?
Speaker 4 (50:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (50:36):
So I basically you're working for the man.
Speaker 4 (50:38):
Basically I did it at Urban Outfitters because I'm just
so thinking's fake. Yeah, you catch people. You caught some
people what you do because you drabed risks and handcuffed.
I let so many people go like I knew I
wasn't good at it, that people be stealing. I'd be like,
get to get to but I get to.
Speaker 2 (50:55):
I worked at a record service. Guy in front of me,
he goes, I'm going to steal the CD. I go,
what do you to do about it?
Speaker 1 (51:01):
Alarm not.
Speaker 3 (51:04):
Enjoy it.
Speaker 4 (51:05):
I remember. So when I was at Urban Outfitters in
the city, we caught a lot of people. They'd bring
them into a room, they take their picture and they're
like being from the store. So then I started working
at UH. I think before Sears went out of business.
This is in the nineties. I was undercover security guard there,
and every time I caught somebody, they would give me
the sad story of a feel badroom. I catch somebody
(51:25):
stealing power tools the outside and graderate, Hey, undercover security,
we coach your stealing power.
Speaker 1 (51:30):
Yeah, my mind, and you can make some money.
Speaker 4 (51:32):
My mom and it and the head boss like, why
are you always letting people go? So you got fired obviously,
I mean good at it, I am terrible at it.
So you got fired pretty much, and then you just
started making money doing comedy.
Speaker 1 (51:47):
Yeah, that was it.
Speaker 2 (51:48):
You never had a real You never struggled, You never bombed,
and you never struggled well except for dying.
Speaker 4 (51:54):
Basically, when your life is.
Speaker 1 (51:57):
You know, Comato's dying when you when.
Speaker 4 (51:59):
Your life is the struggle, you don't know it's the
struggle because you're so busy trying to get out of it.
Speaker 1 (52:03):
Yeah, Lartie, thanks for coming on.
Speaker 4 (52:05):
Hey, Eric, thank you for having me on the show. Yeah,
thank you for the entire staff in here, thank you.
I hope I didn't offend anybody.
Speaker 1 (52:11):
Dead insight thinking of god less they stop paying attention
right when you walked in.
Speaker 4 (52:14):
Okay, I haven't run a plugs, Eric, If anyone get
your Eric Andre. The guy's a beast. The guy's a
fucking beast. The guy is a fucking beast.
Speaker 3 (52:24):
I'll be with Eric Andre all right.
Speaker 1 (52:27):
Listen up, we got some disposure for you.
Speaker 2 (52:29):
Got a burning story that you're itching to tell about
when you bombed or absolutely failed in life.
Speaker 1 (52:34):
Now's your chance to tell me all about it.
Speaker 2 (52:37):
Wamm, I want to hear your worst, most cringe worthy
what the fuck was I thinking?
Speaker 1 (52:42):
What just happened?
Speaker 3 (52:43):
Moment?
Speaker 2 (52:44):
So pick up your phone and dial seven one six
Bombing at seven one six two six six twenty four sixty.
Speaker 1 (52:51):
Four and leave me a voicemail and we might just
play it on a future episode.
Speaker 2 (52:55):
Bombing with Eric Andres brought to you by Will Ferrell's
Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.
Speaker 1 (52:59):
Are producer is Bei Wang, our.
Speaker 2 (53:01):
Research assistant is David Carliner, our editor and sound designers
Andy Harris, and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg.
Speaker 1 (53:07):
Go rate us five stars and drop a review on
your podcast app a choice
Host
Eric Andre
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