October 1, 2025 • 33 mins
Here's an all-time favorite! Eric and Michelle talk about their early stand-up days, not knowing how to handle piss, an audience turning on you in Jamaica, and day drinking with Dutch friends. Hold on to your tooth!
Tell us your most cringeworthy bombs! Call 716-BOMBING (716-266-2464) and leave a voicemail.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, what's up, y'all.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
This is Eric Andre and welcome to my new podcast Bombing,
where I talk with friends, comedians, musicians, and other creative
people about their worst moments on stage and being annihilated
by a live audience. Today, I have my good friend,
the incredibly talented Michelle Buteau.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
You may know her stand up and you've seen her
all over TV and movies.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
We go way back years and years and we talk
about our stand up touring days together and get into
crazy stories she's encountered overseas and in the great Plains.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Of the US of A. Let's get into it.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Excuse me, sorry, Bombing Balming with Eric Andre.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
We are here with the wickedly talented one and only
into my yang. Dare I say, oh my god, the
tomato to my tomato, probably my oldest friend in comedy,
my sister from another mister hell, Michelle Beteau.
Speaker 5 (01:06):
I thought you're going to say, oh my god. We've
known each other.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
A long time, twenty years more, I think twenty years. Well,
this podcast is about bombing, So I'm going to ask you.
I'll just give you a little set up. I'm going
to ask you, like, what's the worst bomb that you
ever experienced, what's the worst bomb that you've ever seen
that you were just like there to witness, And like,
what's the most waste you've ever been on stage? Those
are kind of like the three questions, Oh my God,
before we get into that week, into any decade, let's
(01:35):
start with like.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
In time, we're playing at college.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Played this college, and they put you. They don't put
you in the auditorium when you're like unknown, they put
you in the cafeteria, in the middle of the cafeteria
where the kids are ordering chicken wings and shit. And
Michelle and I had to do this show, so it
was a scarcely packed show in a campus cafeteria.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
People are literally.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Ordering chicken nuggets next to us as we're trying to
tell jokes. There's no context for us. Me and Michelle.
I haven't been on television at this point. We're like
what early mid twenties something like that, and it's scarcely packed.
I'm doing horrible. I mean, like the odds are stacked
against me, but I'm not doing well, and these girls
are making fun of me in the in the audience,
(02:25):
and I end my set by looking at like the
nine people peppered throughout this cafeteria.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
That we're not paying attention. I went, you guys are
the worst fucking audience.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
I have ever performed in in my entire life.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
And I threw the mic down. I was an angry Yeah,
it was before I went to therapy. I just was
so frustrated. Threw the microphone down.
Speaker 6 (02:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Then I completely forgot I had to bring Michelle up
next and stuff. I picked the microphone back up off
the ground and I was like, you've.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Seen her on VH one and County said, please get it.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Oh my god, I remember you coming on stage and
looking at me like this and You're.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Like, do you need a hug? And I was like, no,
back off me and I went backstage so wide. I
kicked the garbage over coffee flu.
Speaker 5 (03:14):
Everything so wild, so like, not only is it like
you bombing, then like I have to live in that bomber. Yeah,
I'm a powerful sir. I'm like the Ukraine in this
situation where I'm just like, why am I getting bombed?
Like it was too soon? I'm so sorry, thought some prisers.
But I was like, this is wild. You are not
Chris Rock. We are in somewhere in Pennsylvania. Was it Pittsburgh?
Speaker 1 (03:37):
It was always like possom fuck Arkansas, or like.
Speaker 5 (03:39):
It was seven things.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
But I should seven flights to get there.
Speaker 5 (03:44):
Yes, I should also, And then like we had to
like dry.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
I think they lost my luggage on the way there,
and I started crying dur that.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Yeah, they lost my little carry on. It was they
lost my carry on. Comple hoodie.
Speaker 5 (03:59):
I know I have seen you cry and.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
You owed me like thirty bucks or something. I was like,
I thirty dollars.
Speaker 5 (04:07):
Hit my god, you hit me up in the middle
of a breakfast sandwich at the airport, at a dusty
airport like in Arizona. And you're like, I don't mean
to bring this up, but you haven't paid me back.
I'm like, I haven't gotten paid back. I'm like, so
I'll write you a check. I didn't realize how broke
you were. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
I'm so sorry that thirty bucks would have been like breakfast, lunch,
and dinner.
Speaker 5 (04:27):
Oh my god, Okay, I have the thirty bucks. I
will pay you back.
Speaker 6 (04:29):
Thank you.
Speaker 5 (04:30):
I think it's also important to tell the people we
met in New York we did stand up and then
we did a diversity showcase for NBC. Right, showcases are
just a show where like a bunch of agents and
managers go and then you just sort of tap dance
and be like, look, we have a black one, we
have a light skinned one, we have Agian one, we
have a gay one, and like, because there was like
no diversity in Hollywood, like even I like the needle
(04:54):
has moved like tremendously just in the last five years.
So like you know, when we started twenty years ago,
there was no non binary royalty. There was none of
this was in the vocabulary. There was no conversation. It
was literally like I checked two boxes because I am
black and female. And so when we were friends and
(05:15):
we did the showcase and people were like, they're cute.
We don't want to pay full price for one. Let's
just put them in a little package deal together. So
we were a package deal and everyone thought we were
brother and sister. But there was no guitar, there was
no singing. We never said we were brother and sister.
We just all happened to be half Haitian. And they're like,
(05:36):
they're related. They're light skinned enough to like send to
the Midwest and the South. I mean, I remember we
went to some place in Louisiana. It wasn't New Orleans,
it was another place street Port, I think. And you
have this really epic hurricane joke. This was after Hurricane
(05:56):
Katrina and they just got the hurricanes. Yeah, and you
did the joke and you're like, what the fuck people.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
That's a great shot and the like.
Speaker 5 (06:07):
It sook like I had to go on stage and
do the thing and then we had a conversation. But
it's like those learning lessons, that's an education you could
never get at a fucking school.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
I will say, there's a code to the end of
that that story where I kicked the garbage can over
in that cafeteria. Those girls that were making fun of
me the most flirted with me after the yeah, fucking thing.
I was like, you're flirting with me. You were, you
were talking about me the whole time, and they're like,
where'd you go?
Speaker 5 (06:31):
It's like they were pulling your hair on at the.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Playground, playground flirting.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Yeahs later, that woman is still my wife, the love
of my life.
Speaker 5 (06:41):
And I remember that night too because we had headshots
that we were signing. Because I was like, someone went
to Kinko's with a budget and you drew a mustache
on my face, and I was you didn't like that?
I was so offended.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Yeah, you didn't like that.
Speaker 5 (06:52):
I hated that.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
You really all the things that you'd be offended by.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
That broke the camel Tooeg we say foul shipped.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
To each other all day and that was like cartoon mustas.
It's like a fifth grader from the eighties.
Speaker 5 (07:09):
With like well, like I think I had like like
I reached my max with like being with you on
that trip because you were it was a testing time.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
That was a pre therapy with therapy. I was pre therapized. Yeah,
those were hard.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
No, you take like air tran middle seat, three flights
to fucking yeah, Coyote Bladder, Mississippi.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Yes, the shows were always miserable. The pay was miserable.
Speaker 5 (07:39):
Yeah, you're like, why am I doing to survive?
Speaker 1 (07:41):
You're like, so why am I doing this?
Speaker 5 (07:43):
Most going to work to travel. We couldn't even afford
to go to I think Idaho. We had to borrow
money from our college agent to go because we couldn't
afford to go.
Speaker 6 (07:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
So and like when you're starting out, nothing's guaranteed. You
don't know you're if you're gonna have a career at all,
you think, you know. So it's a it's a it's
a grind the first decade of comedy.
Speaker 6 (08:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (08:03):
When people ask me how do I make money? How
do I do this? How do I get on that,
I'm like, just keep your head down and stay funny,
be funny. You know. I feel like there is a
generation of comedians where it's cool not to be funny,
like not to have jokes. And I'm like, that's kind
of your job, Boo boo. Take some really difficult ship
(08:24):
and make it funny, you know, to make me think
about it. It's a lot of medicine. I need some
motheruck sugar.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
I feel you. So there's another time me and Michelle
we were like super late to this gig in Virginia.
Speaker 5 (08:38):
Oh my god, God, this is disgusting. I need to
shower right away. Do you have a wet white producer?
God show relate to the show. Because you had an
audition for Joe Cooy Sketch Show for Comedy Central's right,
(08:59):
because you're lost auditioned too, You're already like starting to
do things like you.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
I bought that audition because I kept being like I'm
so high right now as a joke, and I think
they thought I was actually high.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
So we're in this car. We're driving from New York
to Virginia. We are hauling ass.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
We get stuck in horrible traffic, and like Michelle's driving,
she's like every second count.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
I was like, I gotta peece so bad. She's like,
no way, we can't. We're gonna miss the show.
Speaker 5 (09:25):
There is no worse a feeling than knowing that you're
gonna be late for a show and people are waiting
for you. It's like missing your prompt. I don't know
how to describe it. Yeah, so I was anxious as fun.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
So I'm looking at the big gulp in the console
next to Michelle and I'm like, that's my toilet right there.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
I was like, Michelle, I'm gonna pee in this thing.
Can I pee any If you're not gonna let me pee,
I gotta, I gotta. I'm gonna explode. And You're like, yeah,
all right, all right. And then so I dumped the
soda that was in it.
Speaker 5 (09:51):
I like, like, you got in the backseat, you are
in the passenger seat. Let's just let's be here. He
goes on the seat. Want any part of this? Okay?
We were stuck in so much traffic. I was like,
you can get out, go pee on a bush, and
come back in and find the car because there was
so much you know, like every movie that has like
an apocalyptic like oh no, we gotta get out of
(10:13):
this town. Yeah, with like the the track, like that's
what that traffic was like. We were moving, so I was.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Like, get out the car and You're like no, you're
getting like retriggered about. So really, we've been.
Speaker 5 (10:28):
Through so much fucking mess. By the time I met
my husband, I had been like like almost best friend,
like best friend, like brothers sister with Eric and try
on the road before therapy, the marriage is nothing.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
This is crazy.
Speaker 5 (10:44):
Are you fucking kidding me? They're like, wow, you guys
really like it. I'm like, yeah, because he peece before
the fucking house. Do you mean you really set me
up for success?
Speaker 6 (10:54):
Bro?
Speaker 5 (10:55):
Shit?
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Okay, So I'm in the backseat apparently with a big
gulf cup and I'm.
Speaker 6 (10:59):
Filling it out.
Speaker 5 (11:00):
Be no, no, what, let don't let's back it up.
Speaker 7 (11:03):
Erry.
Speaker 5 (11:04):
He surprised himself by what was coming out of his body,
and as it's a big gulp as it's the peas
overflow overflow, you start freaking out.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
I can't stop the stream.
Speaker 5 (11:20):
I don't have a penis, I don't cups. I'm back,
and I was just like, we're gonna to old Tiper.
I don't know, you know, like I bleied once some
mo my uteruses on the floor and I still show
up on side of a smile. You're fucking intake, bro,
it wasn't.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
You're like, what do I do?
Speaker 6 (11:39):
What do I do?
Speaker 5 (11:40):
The beeeze coming? Also is your own be.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Like it was, I'm filling up a big hold with
pe The peas like pea flicks are like slashing out.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Then I cut the stream off and I like dumped
them out and I keep going and I'm.
Speaker 6 (11:58):
Like and then I and.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
So I'm like and then I just instead of dubbing
it out, I just have like a full big gulp
of my own urine. Next to Michelle in the little
middle console why she's she's driving, and I just break
into casual conversation as if none of that just happened.
I was like, hey, so what are you going to
open your set with? And Michelle's like white knuckling it.
She's like, my set, I don't really know what I
(12:21):
want to and I'm like, what is going on with you?
You're like, it's just your pee is a cup and
it's like three inches from my yellow and I'm driving
and I don't want to smell your pee. I don't
want to see your pee. I don't want to feel your.
Speaker 5 (12:33):
Pe Everyone's peace smells and that should be disgusting.
Speaker 8 (12:36):
Disgusting, disgusting. And I was like, oh, you're upset about
the pe is. You're like, You're like, what else would
I be upset about? Idea you're hearing right there around with.
Speaker 5 (12:48):
Every scientists with organs and jars.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
And then I was like, well, you want me to
dump it out the window? And you were like, I
don't know, just I don't know. Don't you swallow involuntarily,
like having a panic act. And I'm like, I'm gonnadumb
it out the window. You're like, don't get it on
the car. I just don't let anybody see you, you know.
Speaker 5 (13:09):
And then I was just like splashed so gross, honestly,
because I couldn't breathe. Because I could, I could feel
it in my nose and if I open my mouth
then I taste it, and I don't want any part
of that, and I really want to be like, did
you have asparagus? Because all of it was so fucking yeah.
Speaker 6 (13:24):
I grope.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
It was like yellow ropes.
Speaker 5 (13:26):
It was so young. You know, when you have guy friends,
you think you're gonna go use your bathroom and see
a skid mark, you know what I mean? Or like
a dirty condom. No, not with Eric. Now, it's way
more intimate.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
A dank piss, dank yellow, dark yellow piss.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
I want to tell one story. Oh my god, Okay, wait,
we're not done with the peepe story. So I dumped
the p out.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
We get to the gig and then Michelle goes, I
got this new joke. It's a fucking banger dog. And
then she gets on stage and she goes, yo, y'all
ever be running and you just run in? And then
she forgets a joke.
Speaker 5 (13:59):
A joke, I forgot the joke. Listen, you don't you
don't understand. Okay, there's so much that happens before you
get on stage, and the only thing you want to
do is show up and be cute like Beyonce. You
already mean a Coachella, but like we didn't even know
Beyonce went through all that until she made a documentary.
There is so much shit you have to do, and
when you're sitting next to your friends his there are
(14:22):
levels of emotions. You know what I mean, it's a whole,
it's it's it's an onion. That was a crazy gig,
because I do think that brought us closer. We had
to leave very early. The next through the mist We
joke through the night.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
I had to do a commercial.
Speaker 5 (14:38):
Yeah, you were starting to blow up. No, like people.
You had an audition, a show in Virginia and then
like a commercial the next day for a newbie comedian.
That's like a really big deal. So I was like, bet,
let's go like talk about rider Die. I was like, yeah,
let's just go sleep for an hour or two.
Speaker 6 (14:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Then we drove back through the misty misty fog.
Speaker 5 (15:03):
Yeah. But what you don't know, which I don't think
I told you. I took the biggest dump when I
got to the hotel. I was holding in so many things.
Oh my god, it was.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
It was it.
Speaker 5 (15:23):
Was like every season of The Amazing Race came out
in that toilet and I was like, what the fuck?
And I clogged the toilet up and then it started overflowing,
and I just like closed the door and left it
and like slept because I was like, I don't even
know what to do with this day anymore. I don't
even know what this day is. It was one of
(15:44):
those days like am I worthy? Am I doing the
right thing? It was a curse day. And then we
got back in the car while it was still dark
to make it back and let me take something. The
way Eric was driving, you, if you're an atheist, you
would have been.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Religious because a lot of driving crazy.
Speaker 5 (16:04):
You were driving crazy and fun.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
And then we came up on like a nightmare twenty
car pileup accidents where there's.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
Definitely like fatalities one hundred, and you.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Were like and you were like half asleep, and I
was like, it's okay, it's okay, go back to sleep.
You're like, just the car, It's okay, it's okay. And
hills you're bad at anytime you drove by a hill.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
You drive by a hill.
Speaker 5 (16:29):
Yeah, I have I have anxietyophobia and I also have
panic attacks and with hills, and I I have vertico.
I'm real fun, guys, And when I go up and
down a hill. I have like this tunnel vision where
I don't know if I'm going up or down. I
don't know if I go slower, go fast ship.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
I feel bad roasty, you know.
Speaker 5 (16:46):
Yeah, you should bitch.
Speaker 6 (16:49):
Shit.
Speaker 5 (16:49):
I'm trying to hold together like I'm safty abrams bitch
on January seventh. Motherfucker, I'm trying, bitch. Okay, you really
do what? Motherfucker? Like, what are we doing with my peepe?
Speaker 6 (17:02):
Do you know what I'm going through?
Speaker 5 (17:06):
I can't remember my fucking jokes.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
I'm just like this is solet.
Speaker 5 (17:12):
I'm like, I got this great joke. I don't remember it.
It was it was wild.
Speaker 6 (17:20):
With a recodre with Adre.
Speaker 5 (17:31):
We're gonna get to the bombing story. But this was
like a really crazy story that not a lot of
comedians either go through or talk about. There was this
festival named the Aspen Comedy Festival. It takes place in Espin.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
And talking about one we almost died on that airy.
Speaker 6 (17:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (17:46):
So when you go to Aspen, you gotta fly into
Denver and then take a little small plane a la
la bomba, Yeah, like.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
A Fisher Price propeller plane.
Speaker 5 (17:54):
Yes, And we get on the plane there's some weather
like it was already delayed. We're very excited and tired
to just fucking go.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Kyle Kanane's on the plane as well.
Speaker 5 (18:04):
Kyle Kanane is next to me and hilarious comedian. The
turbulence is so bad that there was a moment where
I thought we were gonna die. And I'm like, this
is how it goes. And I know that you're an atheist.
I look back at you. You're making the sign of
the Cross.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
I became religious. I was religious for however long that
plane ride us.
Speaker 5 (18:23):
Yeah, and it was we were in a dryer. We
were like in a tumble dryer, because what happens is
it's a valley and there's crosswinds and it's impossible to
land because the plane is going left and right and
can't fucking find its way. And you always look to
the flight attendant to see if you know, if they
but they look like they were like they look stressed.
(18:44):
They did, and then like it was like bumpy, and
Kyle Kanane took my hand and he goes, we're gonna
be okay, and I took his hand with both my
hands and I'm like, I really hope, so wow, and
we couldn't land the plane, so they had to get it,
get us out of it.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
Yeah, it was it was all for It was all
for nothing. It was like flying and they were trying
to fly into this blizzard. They tried once too turbulent,
tried twice too turbulent, tried three times. So we had
to go through that hell three times and then they
just gave up. It was like all for nothing, and
they just took us back to Denver and me, you
and Eric Charles Nielson had to take a bus with
all the other comics through icy, sleety snow and that's
(19:25):
dangerous too.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
We were running a band.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Who's whose tour bus crashed on those mountains and the yeah,
because it was so icy and ship.
Speaker 5 (19:32):
Yeah, I don't know why we gotta call it black ice,
but it is what it is comic view. But Moniqu's
gonna be so mad. I took our joke.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Why they the white ice? So what is the worst
you have ever bombed?
Speaker 5 (19:49):
I mean there's been a few bombs, right, there's just
been a few. You're working out materials. The crowd doesn't
get you. I want to say the worst for me.
It was a comedy show, but it wasn't a comedy club.
It's the first and last time I ever did stand
up in Jamaica. Oh wow, yeah, I thought I was like,
I thought I had enough. You know, it's like the
five year old that's had two lessons and they could swim.
(20:10):
I was like, I've been doing comedy for eight years.
Will sil Vince was hosting. Also really hilarious comedian that
does a lot on the Caribbean as well as a
comedy seller.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Check him out and was he doing Okay?
Speaker 5 (20:23):
He was killing because he like he's got that on lock. Yeah,
and so they were so warm and so like ready
to laugh.
Speaker 6 (20:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
I got a text Will, I got him, yeahs Will.
Speaker 5 (20:35):
He's great. Will, He's the best, the best. And he
started boxing and it's just like yeah, all like ripped
and stuff. Like every time I see him, there's always
an excuse for him to lift his shirt, like why
wear a shirt to be topless?
Speaker 1 (20:50):
So he's on stage, he's doing well.
Speaker 5 (20:52):
He's on stage, he's like murdering shit, like murdering like
this is his this is his bag. He's in his zone.
And you know, my mom is Jamaican. I've been to
Jamaica every year since I was three weeks old. So
I feel like, you know, I'm family. Yeah, I'm born
and raised in Jersey. Good hell, But you feel more
(21:15):
Jamaican in Jersey than you do in Jamaica.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Did he have Jamaican jo because he's Haitian? Was he
doing Haitian jokes or was he doing Haitian jokes and Jamain?
Speaker 5 (21:23):
He can do Caribbean accents.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
So he's doing Jamaica. Yes, very specific.
Speaker 5 (21:29):
Yes, And like I pride myself on being able to
do my material anywhere for anyone, because comedy should be universal.
Speaker 6 (21:36):
It's not.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
It's like the least universal thing.
Speaker 5 (21:42):
Pictures Showtime at the Apollo, but with machetes and guns
outside with like you know, the jerk chicken is you know,
jerkin women look like dancehall queens. Just picture.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
I love my Jamaican people, but they can be emotional,
emotionally emotional.
Speaker 5 (22:02):
That's one way of putting it.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
The h.
Speaker 5 (22:07):
And there's just a lot of like absolutes in Jamaica. Well,
I get on stage and I haven't had the shaky
hands in a while. Oh, you were nervous, So I
was nervous. I was like, oh, I'm in over my
head and it felt like, like, what do you do
when you know you're gonna bomb? You just lean into it? Right?
Speaker 6 (22:28):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (22:29):
And then it's just like, if anything, I'm going to
deliver these lines with like the confidence of Steve Harvey.
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (22:36):
What else can you do?
Speaker 5 (22:37):
You like, I can't leave. They've flown me down there
and put me up and now this is like my
mom feels like I've made it. So now I'm doing
comedy and her mother land.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
What town was this?
Speaker 5 (22:48):
This was Kingston, Kingston. I've invited some friends that I knew.
They're so happy for me because working out. Also, my
uncle's the arch bishop of Jamaica.
Speaker 6 (23:01):
Whoa.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
So it's been in like glure, a lot of pressure
in this Jamaica show.
Speaker 5 (23:05):
I was like, I'm not hosting the Golden Globes. I'm
just doing a set in Kingston.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
It's a lot of pressure on the show. You get
up there, you get the shaky hands.
Speaker 5 (23:13):
I get the shaky hands. I also realize like people
are dressed up like I dressed up, but like a
Caribbean dress up is just different. Like people have gone
shopping for an.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
Hour shopping, They got a babysitter. They like that production
went into this. Yeah, for them, for the audience and
not me. It paid their money and to drink minimum.
Speaker 5 (23:31):
I don't even remember all my material. There was a
joke about sex where I'm just like, ladies, if a
guy's not going down on you, you don't go down
on him, because you can't have the six without the nine.
And that's when I heard the booze, and then the
booze didn't stop, and then I heard a gun shot
and I was like, thank you so much, dot Com.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
And you're playing with fire.
Speaker 5 (23:57):
Yeah I was, I was, but I was like, this
is what I say, this is what I want to say. Yeah,
and even if it helps one person, at this point,
it is what it is. And so my mom got
phone calls, my uncle got phone calls. Who there was
like articles about it in Jamaica. Oh yeah. It followed
(24:19):
me and to this day people are like, do you
want to come to a Ruba and do comedy? I'm
like no, no, no, do you want to come to
Puerto Rico for this thing to do? I was like no,
I just want my titties out and I want some
spicy chicken. That's it.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Oh yeah, I'll go to Ruba.
Speaker 5 (24:34):
Yeah, but not to do comedy one hundred.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
I'll drink rum out of a coconut.
Speaker 5 (24:39):
Ooh okay.
Speaker 6 (24:44):
With Ariadre.
Speaker 5 (24:54):
With Adre, there's been bombing situations where people have thrown
a glass at me. Really, yeah, Carolines, it was Wendy Williams.
Wendy Williams experience.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
Was Wendy Williams experience. Yeah, who threw a bottle at you?
Speaker 5 (25:08):
There was the Wendy Williams experience at Caroline's. And this
the comic before me, don't remember who that was, was
making fun of this girl and it was a guy's
girlfriend and he was like in on it too, and
she felt really bad and I saw it in her face.
So I got up there and I'm just like, you
were so lucky that somebody wants to sit and spin
on your tiny little dick. Why the fuck would you
(25:29):
do that? And why are you with someone that does
that to you? Yeah? I turned into like a fucking
disgruntled Ricky Lake audience member, because you cannot see something
and not say something, especially if you're gonna ultimately be
a truth tailer on stage. And I'm just like, sometimes
it just takes a fucking stranger to see something that
you're living in because you're just in the cloud of smoke.
And I'm like, you might be in the eye of
the storm, but get the fuck out drop that zero,
(25:50):
get yourself a hero. I'm telling you. It's very Jenny Jones.
And he's just like he did the whole fuck you fat,
nobody wants to fuck you. Don't worry about don't worry
about my fat, don't worry about who wants to fuck me? Okay,
ship Yeah, And so we got into a yelling argument,
and you can tell when someone's going through abuse, and
so I was just like, you don't need him. I
(26:11):
don't know if anyone else is going to tell you
what you don't. Other sisters were clapping. He threw a
glass at me, he smashed on the table in front
of me, and I'm like, okay, here's one joke. I
told the joke and I left. It was like, ever
find a little piece of toilet paper. I left, and
then they had to escort me out the back because
he was like waiting for me. Yes, yeah, dude, so comedy. Yeah.
(26:35):
People when it goes well, people are like, you're so brave. No,
that's not the brave part. That's not the brave part.
I'll tell you what got me to the Yeah yeah, yeah.
So what's the worst bomb you ever like just saw
like like a night besides you.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
I mean, was there any just.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Been like any fights you've seen on stage or any
like crazy someone got naked or like drunk guy got
kicked out or oh well there was this.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
You can think about it too. We can circle back
to No, I know what it is, Okay, Michael Chay,
really it was.
Speaker 5 (27:10):
But Michael definitely did not think he bombed. He thinks
that he like saved the integrity of comedy. Okay, Michael kind.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Of likes bobbing a little bit. He's like Norm McDonald
or Kevin Burtnett. I feel like those guys. I kind
of liked Michael.
Speaker 5 (27:27):
Michael, Sherry Shepherd and I did a gig for like
Proctical and Gamba and yeah, I don't even remember, and
like we had to write all these jokes that they
like just combed over right. It was like they just
took the air out of comedy. And my big closer
was just like boy bands are like deodorant, like one
(27:49):
has you one slips, I don't even or I like
my men like I like my deodorant, like strong white
and reliable, whatever the fuck hackety hacket, like my mortgage
that that night with that show, make that money. Sherry
was into it too. We all follow the rules, right,
Michael gets up there, he's a rule breaker.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Ah ah ah ah.
Speaker 5 (28:12):
And no one's a Karen, but they're definitely Karen adjacent,
like they got the Karens in the family. But I
was like, oh, he told a story about how he
went to Arizona and the lady in the front called
him a nigga, no way, and he probably said nigga
like twenty seven times.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Corporate at this corporate event, I mean.
Speaker 5 (28:30):
The ties were loosening. I can see like holes just
popping in people's pantyhops, like their thighs were bouldering. The
shoulder pads were just deflating.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
So no, no, no, no, is he just one of
those comics. If you tell him not to do it,
that's all they want to do? Yeah, yeah, I love him.
Speaker 5 (28:48):
Yeah, which I love him, and I appreciate it too
because I'm just like, okay, okay, and I don't think
I've done a corporate gig since because I'm like, no,
I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that.
I'm gonna live my truth.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
What's the most wasted you've ever been on stage?
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Oh my god?
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Have you ever been really drunk on stage.
Speaker 6 (29:06):
Or high or like what?
Speaker 5 (29:07):
Yeah? I started day drinking this one Saturday with some
Dutch friends.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
Know you show later, Yeah, but you were just like fighting.
Speaker 5 (29:14):
It was just supposed to be like an afternoon hang
which she's crackers and wine, and then we took it
to the bar across the way and then there was
like pizza and like cocktails.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Sounds like a good day to me.
Speaker 5 (29:26):
And Heist was like, please don't go to the show,
call and cancel. Heice is her husband, and I'm like, no, babe,
I'm such a workhorse. I'm such like I'm like no,
I'm gonna do it.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Drunk, You're like I gotta do it.
Speaker 5 (29:37):
And our friend Case is just like she should do
it because he loves to stir the pot. And I'm like, no,
I'm going to do it. I'm gonna do You can't
tell me what to do because I'm drunk, and he's like, babe,
please just call. It's just a fifteen minute spot for
like a nine o'clock show. Or some shit, please don't go,
and I'm like, fine, I won't go. Wink wink. So
Kis goes to the bathroom. You sneak out, and like Cases,
(30:00):
I'll call this a car. Let's go to the show,
and I'm like, let's go. We're in the backseat of
the taxi. I am like Denzel Washington in like the
pilot was that flight, and like Cases, like John Goodman,
he gives me a bump. I'm like, I'm ready to go.
Let's do it. Like I am slurring my words, not
(30:21):
even realizing I am a mess. We take the taxi
to the city. People get to the comedy club. They're
holding me up and they're like, I'm I don't even
know what I'm saying any subtitles. I'm just like moving
my mouth and I just remember the booker saying, is
she okay? Can she do this? And then I go,
I can don't tell me what I can't do, and
(30:41):
so salty the host brings me up and then it's
like autopilote, you know what I mean. I was like
Tony Bennett on his ninety six birthday. I don't know.
I think so I did some crowd work. I think
and I walked, I walked up the stage. I didn't fall.
(31:03):
I had to call the comedy club two days later
and apologize. Tell him. I told him I got new
medication and I really had to figure it out. Hi
he in case and I still talk about that story
because Caise is like, how fucking dare you? How fun?
Try to tell you see me the most drunk?
Speaker 2 (31:20):
I remember one time you were at the Village of
Lantern and you're you're on stage and one of your
teeth flew out of your mouth.
Speaker 5 (31:26):
Yeah, there's been a journey. So I have a book
called Survival the Ficket plus sized essays in a Small
minded World Now, and there is a wholess chapter about
my tooth, and it's called Tooth Be Told. There's a
chapter about my tooth. It's you know, growing up in America,
you know, health insurance is a luxury, so you don't
always take care of your ship and or the doctor's
going to take advantage of you.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
So but it's not like you didn't brush your teeth, No,
I just it's you had a genetic gum.
Speaker 5 (31:51):
Most of that stuff is DNA, yes, and so had
I had a flipper?
Speaker 1 (31:56):
Well, I mean it was just funny that I was
on stage and when your teeth went fly.
Speaker 5 (32:00):
Here's the thing. I was like, this is how much
I love comedy. I have like a flipper. My gum
is resting from like a surgery A has had, but
I'm still gonna go out and do stand up And
then I'm doing a joke and my tooth flies out.
And who's at the back of the show, fucking Eric.
And you know what you have a You have a
memory for shady shit like an elephant. And every time
something bad happens, this mother he won't remember the good
(32:22):
remember the good ship. He remembered that one time you
slipped on the banana peel and remind you and then
introduce you. That's your intro. Oh my god, meet my
friend Michelle. She wants her tooth on stage one time. Anyways,
that's it, Yes, that's.
Speaker 7 (32:36):
It, Michelle bete Let, Thank you very much, Eric Gonzalez, Gonzalez, Kacheetah,
Samuel Johnson, Andre.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Nice with ericdre All right, listen up, we got something.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
You got a burning story that you're itching to tell
about when you bombed or absolutely failed in life.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Now's your chance to tell me all about it.
Speaker 6 (33:03):
Babo.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
I want to hear your worst, most cringe worthy what
the fuck was I thinking?
Speaker 6 (33:09):
What just happened moment?
Speaker 1 (33:10):
So pick up your phone and dial seven one six Bombing.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
That's seven one six two six six twenty four sixty
four and leave me a voice.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Bail and we might just play it on a future episode.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Bombing with Eric Andre is brought to you by Will
Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcast.
Speaker 1 (33:26):
Our executive producer is Olivia Aguilar. Our producer is Bei Wang.
Our research assistant is David Carliner.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Our editor in sound designers Andy Harris, and our art
is by Dylan Vanderberg.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
Co Rate us five stars and drop a review on
your podcast app a choice
Hey, what's up, y'all.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
This is Eric Andre and welcome to my new podcast Bombing,
where I talk with friends, comedians, musicians, and other creative
people about their worst moments on stage and being annihilated
by a live audience. Today, I have my good friend,
the incredibly talented Michelle Buteau.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
You may know her stand up and you've seen her
all over TV and movies.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
We go way back years and years and we talk
about our stand up touring days together and get into
crazy stories she's encountered overseas and in the great Plains.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Of the US of A. Let's get into it.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Excuse me, sorry, Bombing Balming with Eric Andre.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
We are here with the wickedly talented one and only
into my yang. Dare I say, oh my god, the
tomato to my tomato, probably my oldest friend in comedy,
my sister from another mister hell, Michelle Beteau.
Speaker 5 (01:06):
I thought you're going to say, oh my god. We've
known each other.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
A long time, twenty years more, I think twenty years. Well,
this podcast is about bombing, So I'm going to ask you.
I'll just give you a little set up. I'm going
to ask you, like, what's the worst bomb that you
ever experienced, what's the worst bomb that you've ever seen
that you were just like there to witness, And like,
what's the most waste you've ever been on stage? Those
are kind of like the three questions, Oh my God,
before we get into that week, into any decade, let's
(01:35):
start with like.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
In time, we're playing at college.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Played this college, and they put you. They don't put
you in the auditorium when you're like unknown, they put
you in the cafeteria, in the middle of the cafeteria
where the kids are ordering chicken wings and shit. And
Michelle and I had to do this show, so it
was a scarcely packed show in a campus cafeteria.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
People are literally.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Ordering chicken nuggets next to us as we're trying to
tell jokes. There's no context for us. Me and Michelle.
I haven't been on television at this point. We're like
what early mid twenties something like that, and it's scarcely packed.
I'm doing horrible. I mean, like the odds are stacked
against me, but I'm not doing well, and these girls
are making fun of me in the in the audience,
(02:25):
and I end my set by looking at like the
nine people peppered throughout this cafeteria.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
That we're not paying attention. I went, you guys are
the worst fucking audience.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
I have ever performed in in my entire life.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
And I threw the mic down. I was an angry Yeah,
it was before I went to therapy. I just was
so frustrated. Threw the microphone down.
Speaker 6 (02:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Then I completely forgot I had to bring Michelle up
next and stuff. I picked the microphone back up off
the ground and I was like, you've.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Seen her on VH one and County said, please get it.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Oh my god, I remember you coming on stage and
looking at me like this and You're.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Like, do you need a hug? And I was like, no,
back off me and I went backstage so wide. I
kicked the garbage over coffee flu.
Speaker 5 (03:14):
Everything so wild, so like, not only is it like
you bombing, then like I have to live in that bomber. Yeah,
I'm a powerful sir. I'm like the Ukraine in this
situation where I'm just like, why am I getting bombed?
Like it was too soon? I'm so sorry, thought some prisers.
But I was like, this is wild. You are not
Chris Rock. We are in somewhere in Pennsylvania. Was it Pittsburgh?
Speaker 1 (03:37):
It was always like possom fuck Arkansas, or like.
Speaker 5 (03:39):
It was seven things.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
But I should seven flights to get there.
Speaker 5 (03:44):
Yes, I should also, And then like we had to
like dry.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
I think they lost my luggage on the way there,
and I started crying dur that.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Yeah, they lost my little carry on. It was they
lost my carry on. Comple hoodie.
Speaker 5 (03:59):
I know I have seen you cry and.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
You owed me like thirty bucks or something. I was like,
I thirty dollars.
Speaker 5 (04:07):
Hit my god, you hit me up in the middle
of a breakfast sandwich at the airport, at a dusty
airport like in Arizona. And you're like, I don't mean
to bring this up, but you haven't paid me back.
I'm like, I haven't gotten paid back. I'm like, so
I'll write you a check. I didn't realize how broke
you were. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
I'm so sorry that thirty bucks would have been like breakfast, lunch,
and dinner.
Speaker 5 (04:27):
Oh my god, Okay, I have the thirty bucks. I
will pay you back.
Speaker 6 (04:29):
Thank you.
Speaker 5 (04:30):
I think it's also important to tell the people we
met in New York we did stand up and then
we did a diversity showcase for NBC. Right, showcases are
just a show where like a bunch of agents and
managers go and then you just sort of tap dance
and be like, look, we have a black one, we
have a light skinned one, we have Agian one, we
have a gay one, and like, because there was like
no diversity in Hollywood, like even I like the needle
(04:54):
has moved like tremendously just in the last five years.
So like you know, when we started twenty years ago,
there was no non binary royalty. There was none of
this was in the vocabulary. There was no conversation. It
was literally like I checked two boxes because I am
black and female. And so when we were friends and
(05:15):
we did the showcase and people were like, they're cute.
We don't want to pay full price for one. Let's
just put them in a little package deal together. So
we were a package deal and everyone thought we were
brother and sister. But there was no guitar, there was
no singing. We never said we were brother and sister.
We just all happened to be half Haitian. And they're like,
(05:36):
they're related. They're light skinned enough to like send to
the Midwest and the South. I mean, I remember we
went to some place in Louisiana. It wasn't New Orleans,
it was another place street Port, I think. And you
have this really epic hurricane joke. This was after Hurricane
(05:56):
Katrina and they just got the hurricanes. Yeah, and you
did the joke and you're like, what the fuck people.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
That's a great shot and the like.
Speaker 5 (06:07):
It sook like I had to go on stage and
do the thing and then we had a conversation. But
it's like those learning lessons, that's an education you could
never get at a fucking school.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
I will say, there's a code to the end of
that that story where I kicked the garbage can over
in that cafeteria. Those girls that were making fun of
me the most flirted with me after the yeah, fucking thing.
I was like, you're flirting with me. You were, you
were talking about me the whole time, and they're like,
where'd you go?
Speaker 5 (06:31):
It's like they were pulling your hair on at the.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Playground, playground flirting.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Yeahs later, that woman is still my wife, the love
of my life.
Speaker 5 (06:41):
And I remember that night too because we had headshots
that we were signing. Because I was like, someone went
to Kinko's with a budget and you drew a mustache
on my face, and I was you didn't like that?
I was so offended.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Yeah, you didn't like that.
Speaker 5 (06:52):
I hated that.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
You really all the things that you'd be offended by.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
That broke the camel Tooeg we say foul shipped.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
To each other all day and that was like cartoon mustas.
It's like a fifth grader from the eighties.
Speaker 5 (07:09):
With like well, like I think I had like like
I reached my max with like being with you on
that trip because you were it was a testing time.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
That was a pre therapy with therapy. I was pre therapized. Yeah,
those were hard.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
No, you take like air tran middle seat, three flights
to fucking yeah, Coyote Bladder, Mississippi.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Yes, the shows were always miserable. The pay was miserable.
Speaker 5 (07:39):
Yeah, you're like, why am I doing to survive?
Speaker 1 (07:41):
You're like, so why am I doing this?
Speaker 5 (07:43):
Most going to work to travel. We couldn't even afford
to go to I think Idaho. We had to borrow
money from our college agent to go because we couldn't
afford to go.
Speaker 6 (07:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
So and like when you're starting out, nothing's guaranteed. You
don't know you're if you're gonna have a career at all,
you think, you know. So it's a it's a it's
a grind the first decade of comedy.
Speaker 6 (08:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (08:03):
When people ask me how do I make money? How
do I do this? How do I get on that,
I'm like, just keep your head down and stay funny,
be funny. You know. I feel like there is a
generation of comedians where it's cool not to be funny,
like not to have jokes. And I'm like, that's kind
of your job, Boo boo. Take some really difficult ship
(08:24):
and make it funny, you know, to make me think
about it. It's a lot of medicine. I need some
motheruck sugar.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
I feel you. So there's another time me and Michelle
we were like super late to this gig in Virginia.
Speaker 5 (08:38):
Oh my god, God, this is disgusting. I need to
shower right away. Do you have a wet white producer?
God show relate to the show. Because you had an
audition for Joe Cooy Sketch Show for Comedy Central's right,
(08:59):
because you're lost auditioned too, You're already like starting to
do things like you.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
I bought that audition because I kept being like I'm
so high right now as a joke, and I think
they thought I was actually high.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
So we're in this car. We're driving from New York
to Virginia. We are hauling ass.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
We get stuck in horrible traffic, and like Michelle's driving,
she's like every second count.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
I was like, I gotta peece so bad. She's like,
no way, we can't. We're gonna miss the show.
Speaker 5 (09:25):
There is no worse a feeling than knowing that you're
gonna be late for a show and people are waiting
for you. It's like missing your prompt. I don't know
how to describe it. Yeah, so I was anxious as fun.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
So I'm looking at the big gulp in the console
next to Michelle and I'm like, that's my toilet right there.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
I was like, Michelle, I'm gonna pee in this thing.
Can I pee any If you're not gonna let me pee,
I gotta, I gotta. I'm gonna explode. And You're like, yeah,
all right, all right. And then so I dumped the
soda that was in it.
Speaker 5 (09:51):
I like, like, you got in the backseat, you are
in the passenger seat. Let's just let's be here. He
goes on the seat. Want any part of this? Okay?
We were stuck in so much traffic. I was like,
you can get out, go pee on a bush, and
come back in and find the car because there was
so much you know, like every movie that has like
an apocalyptic like oh no, we gotta get out of
(10:13):
this town. Yeah, with like the the track, like that's
what that traffic was like. We were moving, so I was.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Like, get out the car and You're like no, you're
getting like retriggered about. So really, we've been.
Speaker 5 (10:28):
Through so much fucking mess. By the time I met
my husband, I had been like like almost best friend,
like best friend, like brothers sister with Eric and try
on the road before therapy, the marriage is nothing.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
This is crazy.
Speaker 5 (10:44):
Are you fucking kidding me? They're like, wow, you guys
really like it. I'm like, yeah, because he peece before
the fucking house. Do you mean you really set me
up for success?
Speaker 6 (10:54):
Bro?
Speaker 5 (10:55):
Shit?
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Okay, So I'm in the backseat apparently with a big
gulf cup and I'm.
Speaker 6 (10:59):
Filling it out.
Speaker 5 (11:00):
Be no, no, what, let don't let's back it up.
Speaker 7 (11:03):
Erry.
Speaker 5 (11:04):
He surprised himself by what was coming out of his body,
and as it's a big gulp as it's the peas
overflow overflow, you start freaking out.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
I can't stop the stream.
Speaker 5 (11:20):
I don't have a penis, I don't cups. I'm back,
and I was just like, we're gonna to old Tiper.
I don't know, you know, like I bleied once some
mo my uteruses on the floor and I still show
up on side of a smile. You're fucking intake, bro,
it wasn't.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
You're like, what do I do?
Speaker 6 (11:39):
What do I do?
Speaker 5 (11:40):
The beeeze coming? Also is your own be.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Like it was, I'm filling up a big hold with
pe The peas like pea flicks are like slashing out.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Then I cut the stream off and I like dumped
them out and I keep going and I'm.
Speaker 6 (11:58):
Like and then I and.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
So I'm like and then I just instead of dubbing
it out, I just have like a full big gulp
of my own urine. Next to Michelle in the little
middle console why she's she's driving, and I just break
into casual conversation as if none of that just happened.
I was like, hey, so what are you going to
open your set with? And Michelle's like white knuckling it.
She's like, my set, I don't really know what I
(12:21):
want to and I'm like, what is going on with you?
You're like, it's just your pee is a cup and
it's like three inches from my yellow and I'm driving
and I don't want to smell your pee. I don't
want to see your pee. I don't want to feel your.
Speaker 5 (12:33):
Pe Everyone's peace smells and that should be disgusting.
Speaker 8 (12:36):
Disgusting, disgusting. And I was like, oh, you're upset about
the pe is. You're like, You're like, what else would
I be upset about? Idea you're hearing right there around with.
Speaker 5 (12:48):
Every scientists with organs and jars.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
And then I was like, well, you want me to
dump it out the window? And you were like, I
don't know, just I don't know. Don't you swallow involuntarily,
like having a panic act. And I'm like, I'm gonnadumb
it out the window. You're like, don't get it on
the car. I just don't let anybody see you, you know.
Speaker 5 (13:09):
And then I was just like splashed so gross, honestly,
because I couldn't breathe. Because I could, I could feel
it in my nose and if I open my mouth
then I taste it, and I don't want any part
of that, and I really want to be like, did
you have asparagus? Because all of it was so fucking yeah.
Speaker 6 (13:24):
I grope.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
It was like yellow ropes.
Speaker 5 (13:26):
It was so young. You know, when you have guy friends,
you think you're gonna go use your bathroom and see
a skid mark, you know what I mean? Or like
a dirty condom. No, not with Eric. Now, it's way
more intimate.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
A dank piss, dank yellow, dark yellow piss.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
I want to tell one story. Oh my god, Okay, wait,
we're not done with the peepe story. So I dumped
the p out.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
We get to the gig and then Michelle goes, I
got this new joke. It's a fucking banger dog. And
then she gets on stage and she goes, yo, y'all
ever be running and you just run in? And then
she forgets a joke.
Speaker 5 (13:59):
A joke, I forgot the joke. Listen, you don't you
don't understand. Okay, there's so much that happens before you
get on stage, and the only thing you want to
do is show up and be cute like Beyonce. You
already mean a Coachella, but like we didn't even know
Beyonce went through all that until she made a documentary.
There is so much shit you have to do, and
when you're sitting next to your friends his there are
(14:22):
levels of emotions. You know what I mean, it's a whole,
it's it's it's an onion. That was a crazy gig,
because I do think that brought us closer. We had
to leave very early. The next through the mist We
joke through the night.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
I had to do a commercial.
Speaker 5 (14:38):
Yeah, you were starting to blow up. No, like people.
You had an audition, a show in Virginia and then
like a commercial the next day for a newbie comedian.
That's like a really big deal. So I was like, bet,
let's go like talk about rider Die. I was like, yeah,
let's just go sleep for an hour or two.
Speaker 6 (14:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Then we drove back through the misty misty fog.
Speaker 5 (15:03):
Yeah. But what you don't know, which I don't think
I told you. I took the biggest dump when I
got to the hotel. I was holding in so many things.
Oh my god, it was.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
It was it.
Speaker 5 (15:23):
Was like every season of The Amazing Race came out
in that toilet and I was like, what the fuck?
And I clogged the toilet up and then it started overflowing,
and I just like closed the door and left it
and like slept because I was like, I don't even
know what to do with this day anymore. I don't
even know what this day is. It was one of
(15:44):
those days like am I worthy? Am I doing the
right thing? It was a curse day. And then we
got back in the car while it was still dark
to make it back and let me take something. The
way Eric was driving, you, if you're an atheist, you
would have been.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Religious because a lot of driving crazy.
Speaker 5 (16:04):
You were driving crazy and fun.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
And then we came up on like a nightmare twenty
car pileup accidents where there's.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
Definitely like fatalities one hundred, and you.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Were like and you were like half asleep, and I
was like, it's okay, it's okay, go back to sleep.
You're like, just the car, It's okay, it's okay. And
hills you're bad at anytime you drove by a hill.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
You drive by a hill.
Speaker 5 (16:29):
Yeah, I have I have anxietyophobia and I also have
panic attacks and with hills, and I I have vertico.
I'm real fun, guys, And when I go up and
down a hill. I have like this tunnel vision where
I don't know if I'm going up or down. I
don't know if I go slower, go fast ship.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
I feel bad roasty, you know.
Speaker 5 (16:46):
Yeah, you should bitch.
Speaker 6 (16:49):
Shit.
Speaker 5 (16:49):
I'm trying to hold together like I'm safty abrams bitch
on January seventh. Motherfucker, I'm trying, bitch. Okay, you really
do what? Motherfucker? Like, what are we doing with my peepe?
Speaker 6 (17:02):
Do you know what I'm going through?
Speaker 5 (17:06):
I can't remember my fucking jokes.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
I'm just like this is solet.
Speaker 5 (17:12):
I'm like, I got this great joke. I don't remember it.
It was it was wild.
Speaker 6 (17:20):
With a recodre with Adre.
Speaker 5 (17:31):
We're gonna get to the bombing story. But this was
like a really crazy story that not a lot of
comedians either go through or talk about. There was this
festival named the Aspen Comedy Festival. It takes place in Espin.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
And talking about one we almost died on that airy.
Speaker 6 (17:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (17:46):
So when you go to Aspen, you gotta fly into
Denver and then take a little small plane a la
la bomba, Yeah, like.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
A Fisher Price propeller plane.
Speaker 5 (17:54):
Yes, And we get on the plane there's some weather
like it was already delayed. We're very excited and tired
to just fucking go.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Kyle Kanane's on the plane as well.
Speaker 5 (18:04):
Kyle Kanane is next to me and hilarious comedian. The
turbulence is so bad that there was a moment where
I thought we were gonna die. And I'm like, this
is how it goes. And I know that you're an atheist.
I look back at you. You're making the sign of
the Cross.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
I became religious. I was religious for however long that
plane ride us.
Speaker 5 (18:23):
Yeah, and it was we were in a dryer. We
were like in a tumble dryer, because what happens is
it's a valley and there's crosswinds and it's impossible to
land because the plane is going left and right and
can't fucking find its way. And you always look to
the flight attendant to see if you know, if they
but they look like they were like they look stressed.
(18:44):
They did, and then like it was like bumpy, and
Kyle Kanane took my hand and he goes, we're gonna
be okay, and I took his hand with both my
hands and I'm like, I really hope, so wow, and
we couldn't land the plane, so they had to get it,
get us out of it.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
Yeah, it was it was all for It was all
for nothing. It was like flying and they were trying
to fly into this blizzard. They tried once too turbulent,
tried twice too turbulent, tried three times. So we had
to go through that hell three times and then they
just gave up. It was like all for nothing, and
they just took us back to Denver and me, you
and Eric Charles Nielson had to take a bus with
all the other comics through icy, sleety snow and that's
(19:25):
dangerous too.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
We were running a band.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Who's whose tour bus crashed on those mountains and the yeah,
because it was so icy and ship.
Speaker 5 (19:32):
Yeah, I don't know why we gotta call it black ice,
but it is what it is comic view. But Moniqu's
gonna be so mad. I took our joke.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Why they the white ice? So what is the worst
you have ever bombed?
Speaker 5 (19:49):
I mean there's been a few bombs, right, there's just
been a few. You're working out materials. The crowd doesn't
get you. I want to say the worst for me.
It was a comedy show, but it wasn't a comedy club.
It's the first and last time I ever did stand
up in Jamaica. Oh wow, yeah, I thought I was like,
I thought I had enough. You know, it's like the
five year old that's had two lessons and they could swim.
(20:10):
I was like, I've been doing comedy for eight years.
Will sil Vince was hosting. Also really hilarious comedian that
does a lot on the Caribbean as well as a
comedy seller.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Check him out and was he doing Okay?
Speaker 5 (20:23):
He was killing because he like he's got that on lock. Yeah,
and so they were so warm and so like ready
to laugh.
Speaker 6 (20:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
I got a text Will, I got him, yeahs Will.
Speaker 5 (20:35):
He's great. Will, He's the best, the best. And he
started boxing and it's just like yeah, all like ripped
and stuff. Like every time I see him, there's always
an excuse for him to lift his shirt, like why
wear a shirt to be topless?
Speaker 1 (20:50):
So he's on stage, he's doing well.
Speaker 5 (20:52):
He's on stage, he's like murdering shit, like murdering like
this is his this is his bag. He's in his zone.
And you know, my mom is Jamaican. I've been to
Jamaica every year since I was three weeks old. So
I feel like, you know, I'm family. Yeah, I'm born
and raised in Jersey. Good hell, But you feel more
(21:15):
Jamaican in Jersey than you do in Jamaica.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Did he have Jamaican jo because he's Haitian? Was he
doing Haitian jokes or was he doing Haitian jokes and Jamain?
Speaker 5 (21:23):
He can do Caribbean accents.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
So he's doing Jamaica. Yes, very specific.
Speaker 5 (21:29):
Yes, And like I pride myself on being able to
do my material anywhere for anyone, because comedy should be universal.
Speaker 6 (21:36):
It's not.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
It's like the least universal thing.
Speaker 5 (21:42):
Pictures Showtime at the Apollo, but with machetes and guns
outside with like you know, the jerk chicken is you know,
jerkin women look like dancehall queens. Just picture.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
I love my Jamaican people, but they can be emotional,
emotionally emotional.
Speaker 5 (22:02):
That's one way of putting it.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
The h.
Speaker 5 (22:07):
And there's just a lot of like absolutes in Jamaica. Well,
I get on stage and I haven't had the shaky
hands in a while. Oh, you were nervous, So I
was nervous. I was like, oh, I'm in over my
head and it felt like, like, what do you do
when you know you're gonna bomb? You just lean into it? Right?
Speaker 6 (22:28):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (22:29):
And then it's just like, if anything, I'm going to
deliver these lines with like the confidence of Steve Harvey.
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (22:36):
What else can you do?
Speaker 5 (22:37):
You like, I can't leave. They've flown me down there
and put me up and now this is like my
mom feels like I've made it. So now I'm doing
comedy and her mother land.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
What town was this?
Speaker 5 (22:48):
This was Kingston, Kingston. I've invited some friends that I knew.
They're so happy for me because working out. Also, my
uncle's the arch bishop of Jamaica.
Speaker 6 (23:01):
Whoa.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
So it's been in like glure, a lot of pressure
in this Jamaica show.
Speaker 5 (23:05):
I was like, I'm not hosting the Golden Globes. I'm
just doing a set in Kingston.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
It's a lot of pressure on the show. You get
up there, you get the shaky hands.
Speaker 5 (23:13):
I get the shaky hands. I also realize like people
are dressed up like I dressed up, but like a
Caribbean dress up is just different. Like people have gone
shopping for an.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
Hour shopping, They got a babysitter. They like that production
went into this. Yeah, for them, for the audience and
not me. It paid their money and to drink minimum.
Speaker 5 (23:31):
I don't even remember all my material. There was a
joke about sex where I'm just like, ladies, if a
guy's not going down on you, you don't go down
on him, because you can't have the six without the nine.
And that's when I heard the booze, and then the
booze didn't stop, and then I heard a gun shot
and I was like, thank you so much, dot Com.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
And you're playing with fire.
Speaker 5 (23:57):
Yeah I was, I was, but I was like, this
is what I say, this is what I want to say. Yeah,
and even if it helps one person, at this point,
it is what it is. And so my mom got
phone calls, my uncle got phone calls. Who there was
like articles about it in Jamaica. Oh yeah. It followed
(24:19):
me and to this day people are like, do you
want to come to a Ruba and do comedy? I'm
like no, no, no, do you want to come to
Puerto Rico for this thing to do? I was like no,
I just want my titties out and I want some
spicy chicken. That's it.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Oh yeah, I'll go to Ruba.
Speaker 5 (24:34):
Yeah, but not to do comedy one hundred.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
I'll drink rum out of a coconut.
Speaker 5 (24:39):
Ooh okay.
Speaker 6 (24:44):
With Ariadre.
Speaker 5 (24:54):
With Adre, there's been bombing situations where people have thrown
a glass at me. Really, yeah, Carolines, it was Wendy Williams.
Wendy Williams experience.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
Was Wendy Williams experience. Yeah, who threw a bottle at you?
Speaker 5 (25:08):
There was the Wendy Williams experience at Caroline's. And this
the comic before me, don't remember who that was, was
making fun of this girl and it was a guy's
girlfriend and he was like in on it too, and
she felt really bad and I saw it in her face.
So I got up there and I'm just like, you
were so lucky that somebody wants to sit and spin
on your tiny little dick. Why the fuck would you
(25:29):
do that? And why are you with someone that does
that to you? Yeah? I turned into like a fucking
disgruntled Ricky Lake audience member, because you cannot see something
and not say something, especially if you're gonna ultimately be
a truth tailer on stage. And I'm just like, sometimes
it just takes a fucking stranger to see something that
you're living in because you're just in the cloud of smoke.
And I'm like, you might be in the eye of
the storm, but get the fuck out drop that zero,
(25:50):
get yourself a hero. I'm telling you. It's very Jenny Jones.
And he's just like he did the whole fuck you fat,
nobody wants to fuck you. Don't worry about don't worry
about my fat, don't worry about who wants to fuck me? Okay,
ship Yeah, And so we got into a yelling argument,
and you can tell when someone's going through abuse, and
so I was just like, you don't need him. I
(26:11):
don't know if anyone else is going to tell you
what you don't. Other sisters were clapping. He threw a
glass at me, he smashed on the table in front
of me, and I'm like, okay, here's one joke. I
told the joke and I left. It was like, ever
find a little piece of toilet paper. I left, and
then they had to escort me out the back because
he was like waiting for me. Yes, yeah, dude, so comedy. Yeah.
(26:35):
People when it goes well, people are like, you're so brave. No,
that's not the brave part. That's not the brave part.
I'll tell you what got me to the Yeah yeah, yeah.
So what's the worst bomb you ever like just saw
like like a night besides you.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
I mean, was there any just.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Been like any fights you've seen on stage or any
like crazy someone got naked or like drunk guy got
kicked out or oh well there was this.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
You can think about it too. We can circle back
to No, I know what it is, Okay, Michael Chay,
really it was.
Speaker 5 (27:10):
But Michael definitely did not think he bombed. He thinks
that he like saved the integrity of comedy. Okay, Michael kind.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Of likes bobbing a little bit. He's like Norm McDonald
or Kevin Burtnett. I feel like those guys. I kind
of liked Michael.
Speaker 5 (27:27):
Michael, Sherry Shepherd and I did a gig for like
Proctical and Gamba and yeah, I don't even remember, and
like we had to write all these jokes that they
like just combed over right. It was like they just
took the air out of comedy. And my big closer
was just like boy bands are like deodorant, like one
(27:49):
has you one slips, I don't even or I like
my men like I like my deodorant, like strong white
and reliable, whatever the fuck hackety hacket, like my mortgage
that that night with that show, make that money. Sherry
was into it too. We all follow the rules, right,
Michael gets up there, he's a rule breaker.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Ah ah ah ah.
Speaker 5 (28:12):
And no one's a Karen, but they're definitely Karen adjacent,
like they got the Karens in the family. But I
was like, oh, he told a story about how he
went to Arizona and the lady in the front called
him a nigga, no way, and he probably said nigga
like twenty seven times.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Corporate at this corporate event, I mean.
Speaker 5 (28:30):
The ties were loosening. I can see like holes just
popping in people's pantyhops, like their thighs were bouldering. The
shoulder pads were just deflating.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
So no, no, no, no, is he just one of
those comics. If you tell him not to do it,
that's all they want to do? Yeah, yeah, I love him.
Speaker 5 (28:48):
Yeah, which I love him, and I appreciate it too
because I'm just like, okay, okay, and I don't think
I've done a corporate gig since because I'm like, no,
I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that.
I'm gonna live my truth.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
What's the most wasted you've ever been on stage?
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Oh my god?
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Have you ever been really drunk on stage.
Speaker 6 (29:06):
Or high or like what?
Speaker 5 (29:07):
Yeah? I started day drinking this one Saturday with some
Dutch friends.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
Know you show later, Yeah, but you were just like fighting.
Speaker 5 (29:14):
It was just supposed to be like an afternoon hang
which she's crackers and wine, and then we took it
to the bar across the way and then there was
like pizza and like cocktails.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Sounds like a good day to me.
Speaker 5 (29:26):
And Heist was like, please don't go to the show,
call and cancel. Heice is her husband, and I'm like, no, babe,
I'm such a workhorse. I'm such like I'm like no,
I'm gonna do it.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Drunk, You're like I gotta do it.
Speaker 5 (29:37):
And our friend Case is just like she should do
it because he loves to stir the pot. And I'm like, no,
I'm going to do it. I'm gonna do You can't
tell me what to do because I'm drunk, and he's like, babe,
please just call. It's just a fifteen minute spot for
like a nine o'clock show. Or some shit, please don't go,
and I'm like, fine, I won't go. Wink wink. So
Kis goes to the bathroom. You sneak out, and like Cases,
(30:00):
I'll call this a car. Let's go to the show,
and I'm like, let's go. We're in the backseat of
the taxi. I am like Denzel Washington in like the
pilot was that flight, and like Cases, like John Goodman,
he gives me a bump. I'm like, I'm ready to go.
Let's do it. Like I am slurring my words, not
(30:21):
even realizing I am a mess. We take the taxi
to the city. People get to the comedy club. They're
holding me up and they're like, I'm I don't even
know what I'm saying any subtitles. I'm just like moving
my mouth and I just remember the booker saying, is
she okay? Can she do this? And then I go,
I can don't tell me what I can't do, and
(30:41):
so salty the host brings me up and then it's
like autopilote, you know what I mean. I was like
Tony Bennett on his ninety six birthday. I don't know.
I think so I did some crowd work. I think
and I walked, I walked up the stage. I didn't fall.
(31:03):
I had to call the comedy club two days later
and apologize. Tell him. I told him I got new
medication and I really had to figure it out. Hi
he in case and I still talk about that story
because Caise is like, how fucking dare you? How fun?
Try to tell you see me the most drunk?
Speaker 2 (31:20):
I remember one time you were at the Village of
Lantern and you're you're on stage and one of your
teeth flew out of your mouth.
Speaker 5 (31:26):
Yeah, there's been a journey. So I have a book
called Survival the Ficket plus sized essays in a Small
minded World Now, and there is a wholess chapter about
my tooth, and it's called Tooth Be Told. There's a
chapter about my tooth. It's you know, growing up in America,
you know, health insurance is a luxury, so you don't
always take care of your ship and or the doctor's
going to take advantage of you.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
So but it's not like you didn't brush your teeth, No,
I just it's you had a genetic gum.
Speaker 5 (31:51):
Most of that stuff is DNA, yes, and so had
I had a flipper?
Speaker 1 (31:56):
Well, I mean it was just funny that I was
on stage and when your teeth went fly.
Speaker 5 (32:00):
Here's the thing. I was like, this is how much
I love comedy. I have like a flipper. My gum
is resting from like a surgery A has had, but
I'm still gonna go out and do stand up And
then I'm doing a joke and my tooth flies out.
And who's at the back of the show, fucking Eric.
And you know what you have a You have a
memory for shady shit like an elephant. And every time
something bad happens, this mother he won't remember the good
(32:22):
remember the good ship. He remembered that one time you
slipped on the banana peel and remind you and then
introduce you. That's your intro. Oh my god, meet my
friend Michelle. She wants her tooth on stage one time. Anyways,
that's it, Yes, that's.
Speaker 7 (32:36):
It, Michelle bete Let, Thank you very much, Eric Gonzalez, Gonzalez, Kacheetah,
Samuel Johnson, Andre.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Nice with ericdre All right, listen up, we got something.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
You got a burning story that you're itching to tell
about when you bombed or absolutely failed in life.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Now's your chance to tell me all about it.
Speaker 6 (33:03):
Babo.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
I want to hear your worst, most cringe worthy what
the fuck was I thinking?
Speaker 6 (33:09):
What just happened moment?
Speaker 1 (33:10):
So pick up your phone and dial seven one six Bombing.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
That's seven one six two six six twenty four sixty
four and leave me a voice.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Bail and we might just play it on a future episode.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Bombing with Eric Andre is brought to you by Will
Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcast.
Speaker 1 (33:26):
Our executive producer is Olivia Aguilar. Our producer is Bei Wang.
Our research assistant is David Carliner.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Our editor in sound designers Andy Harris, and our art
is by Dylan Vanderberg.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
Co Rate us five stars and drop a review on
your podcast app a choice
Host
Eric Andre
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