April 2, 2025 • 51 mins
Now it's time to take a drug trip down memory lane with friend of the pod and friend of The Eric Andre Show, Byron Bowers. Eric, Nick Rutherford, and Byron talk about their biggest moments of being boo'ed off stage: whether it's telling jokes about your naked mom or telling the crowd your children are ugly. Eric shares a story of when he and Byron got zoinked out on designer drugs in Texas and how it made Byron cry out for butter in a steakhouse. The conversation gets into threesomes and it turns out you may either end up with "Weird Unicorns" or someone raiding your hotel mini fridge.
Follow Byron Bowers at @byronbowers on Instagram and catch his special Spiritual N*gga! on Hulu.
For all things Eric Andre and Bombing follow @ericfuckingandre (Instagram) and @ericandre (TikTok).
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's Up is Sargondra And this is Bombing, the podcast
where I talk to comedians, artists, and other interesting people
about the worst bombs of their career. On today's episode,
we have comedian writer and actor Byron Bauers. Byron and
I talk about touring and getting laid in Japan, getting
robbed after having three ways, talking to cops on drugs,
and more.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Enjoy Bombing with Eric Andre.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
All right, so the show is called Bombing. We talk
about your worst gigs, either live, standard shows, the worst gig, acting, television, film, anything,
sexual experience, sexual experience, something on the marta shit make
them Georgia start in the in.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
The show Realm the worst bomb.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Yeah, Like, have you ever been booed off the stage?
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Yeah? When I started my prost threaten you, or in
my first time at a comedy club in life, I
got on stage because I was poor. And if you
sign up, you get to get in. So me and
my best friend Black signed up.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
And your best friend's name is black?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Did they name him after his skin? The Chinese guy
he's Asian? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:15):
And then after the Asian black yeah, the pepper heats
They like, no, no, he's black. After his skin. Every
every circle depending where you're from, got a black in it.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
And haities say like yo, bro is like gandag, which
means big black. So he'd be like, what's that big black?
So everybody's like, everybody's name is black, everybody's nickname is
big black.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Yeah, it's a version of that. So he drove a
black and nova, you know, stereotypical black.
Speaker 4 (01:42):
He leaned into it.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Yeah, or did he get was he did?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
He was?
Speaker 1 (01:44):
He born Asian and he got surgery to become black.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
No, he's straight up black, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Black? Black? Nice black, though the family oriented black Ving
Ving raims darker.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
No, he's dark. He's definitely black, but not that. No,
he's like he's like my complexion. He's beautiful, but he's
the darkest probably in this in his family. So my
default he's black.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
And he doesn't do comedy anymore.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
He never did comedy.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
I think he's signed up for the upper mic with you.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
No, it wasn't open mic, it was a it was
amateur night uptown comedy club. Okay, so it was that's
how you got in free he did. But and I
was up there probably probably a minute and a half
black crowd. That a black crowd uptown, uptown, coming the corner.
I didn't know amateur night was the night they go
(02:35):
boo people, so it's more for the audience for the anow.
There wasn't no open mic, really, and so I go
up and I didn't I never wrote a joke before.
I didn't know that was a thing.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
Still happened.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Well, I definitely think about that. But uh, wow, it's
funny how that circle that happens right twenty minutes the
other night. I know y'all was like this motherfucker get
on stage. A lot of a lot of pausing, But
I'm confident with it now, you know. I didn't have
(03:09):
no confidence then. And I remember I wrote down on
the napkin ugly kids and some I don't even know
what the second thing, I.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Like topics she wanted to.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
Yeah, I got called up and then I was like,
how many of y'all got kids? And everybody clap and
I was like, man, some of y'all got some ugly kids,
and and there was nothing and uh and I ain't
have nothing past that either, So uh, the silence happened,
and you're like, what else? I I didn't have nothing else.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
I don't even know what a napkin was, and you
didn't go to an ugly grocery store.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
You know. In the black comedy shows, they started looking.
They look at each other. First it's quiet, and then
they look at each other, and then they started looking
for the host, like somebody about to get blamed for
what I'm for. What I'm doing got to be respons yeah, yeah,
bring the hose back and the kids. And and then
(04:11):
this guy, this guy said something. He was like, he
said something I had on. I remember I had on
an Echo T shirt black with a rhino on it
because Echo is popular. And I had on some bol
shorts and some some uh some Jordan's and that's all
I had on.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
I feel like I can I think I can pick
the year? Was it two thousand and four.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
No, ninety two thousand, two thousand, two thousand. And he
was close though, and the guy, me and this guy
go back and forth, and he was talking about my clothes.
Everybody dressed up like I mean, dope ship.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
A guy in the audience, Yeah yeah, yeah, this is
a guy.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
In the audience and he's good. And he was like, man,
I paid three hundred dollars, look at your shirt and nigga,
I paid three hundred dollars. It was and some ship
which was ugly compared to what I had on, which
is it's a black.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Teacher just started talking ship like individually, you know.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
We're going back and forth, and I was like, I
was like, uh, I was like, you got ripped off,
and then people got some chuckles with that, and then
he looked and he looked down and he was like uh.
He was like, hey, I got some special socks in
my trunk if you need them, and the audience just
lost it and the lights went off.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Spear socks.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
I didn't have no socks on. I guess my ankles
were asking. And then he was just like, I mean
the lights went off, the DJ started scratching, and the
audience lost it, you know the style, and then said,
oh yeah, I got bood.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
I got booed.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
And then I was just I was stuck and you know,
resting piece of host and came on stage because by
this time I'm next to the back.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
You know, they gave it the good check.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Yeah, I'm standing next to him with the microphone and
he was like, hey, man, you as long as you're
on this stage, you protected by security and everybody. But
once you need a stage, we can't do it. Yeah,
like because it's like it's a bunch of drug that
was killers. Oh my god, is Uptown Man playing for
the mafia? And uh so uh And I was just
like I took the information. He was like, yeah, keep
coming back. He's like, I never heard of you before.
(06:08):
So they were coming out and keep coming back, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (06:10):
But go out the back door.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
And I went out the back. I went out the
side and uh black had already pulled a car around.
Speaker 4 (06:16):
He got it.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Got I got it. I was like, nigga, where you was?
And he was like, he was like, shit, I heard
him boring from down here because Uptown's on the second story.
Yeah he got that. He got out of the way.
The guy that got he like, ain't know what was
gonna go down, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
You were like the ugly kid thing didn't work. But
I'll make fun of this guy in the next shirt.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
Well he started with me.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
He came out.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Yeah, it was just blurring and just see nothing. So
I got off. I had to see who was talking.
Who said that? I was that guy who said that,
and it was bad man that right home was back
to the Decatur was long. Yeah, and these are you know.
His cousin was the one like you should you don't stay,
they gotta they got a night. I was just up
there two weeks ago. They got a night.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Your first show ever?
Speaker 3 (06:57):
That my first time in the comedy club.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
What about before that? M that was your first time
in a comedy club. Yeah, you do like open mics
at lake or whatever.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
So you were on the path.
Speaker 4 (07:06):
You weren't like on a whim, I'm going to do
stand up tonight.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
I was told to go up on the Sunday they
have uh Amilton, and I went.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
It was a comedy club, but it wasn't your first
comedy performance.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
No, that was my first time going to a spot
with a microphone and people do did you that nothing? See,
I'm just hanging out and kicking it.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
That was your first time, oh as not even just
a performer, as a human being going to a comedy Yeah, was,
and you performed there.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
I performed at the the most feared club in the nation.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Jeez, that's tild by fire yea in the nation. Yeah,
it's in kind of rough rougher neighborhood.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Would you say no, it was in It was in Buckhead,
but the comedics black because it is black comics in
the nation. Because I grew up watching Depthtown. They feared
going there. So it was a club that if you conquered,
you was a man. Right, it's around and me and
Nick you go, it's just this, it's not the same club.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
That's different about beautiful children and it's really creepy.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
But you're different now, You're a different You're a different performer.
Now this is your first time in a spot, and
I think that was my last time in the spot
like that for like a year, a year and a half.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
You just didn't do anything after that.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
No, I thought I was a failure. I didn't know
that you're supposed to like work jokes out and they
would open mics and you know, you know, even if
you go, you.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Just go right up there hate gross ugly kids.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
It's just something I thought it was funny.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Yeah, did you develop that joke and hash it out?
Speaker 2 (08:39):
No?
Speaker 3 (08:39):
I did. I did. I wrote jokes though. After that.
I wrote jokes. And it's funny because I remember the
first joke in the second joke I wrote, and it
matches my style now versus when I came to LA
and did everything your very first my very first j
got wrong, and my second jerk joke. I wrote matches
my style now as a full somebody.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Over the point of view circle twenty years, twenty.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
Five years, No, like I count o five. That's when
I really started consistently.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Yeah with your style. Now, he was a computer program
you're a computer bro.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
I want a school engineer. But I didn't do that.
I just hung out. Man. I was, yeah, I want
a school engineer. And then uh graduated from college, one
of the first graduate college in my family. And uh,
I got a Bachelor of Science.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Agree, congraduation, thank.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
You, thank you. People did not you know, I did
not like the fact because when I comedis what made
me graduate. Because I want to do I'm gonna do
stand up. And once I realized that before, I wasna
be in college for like ten fifteen years long as
I can get loans and style.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
Yeah, because it's comfortable.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Yeah, I'm not gonna work. I was really gonna work
a job.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
It's like academy. It is kind of nice.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
Yeah, you know, you get to hang out, you know
chicks there, you get you work little job class. Yeah,
I work in the computer labs, seal a bootleg CDs.
You know college, you know, Yeah, that was a hustle there,
book stealing books and selling books, flipping books and flipping music.
Then my freshman year I sold cracked. I just walked right,
walk right into day. I just walked right into things
(10:09):
and just selling crack.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Yeah, it was an opportunity.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Did you make the crack or was it pre made?
It was a pre made and it was Have you
ever made crack?
Speaker 3 (10:17):
I haven't made it. That's something I.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Would like to try.
Speaker 4 (10:22):
Great crack.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
I don't like cutting it with the thing nobody does
he does, but now I think it's probably better ways.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Did you ever smoke it? No, my father smokeing, so
you never tried it because you were ashamed of your father.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
It was no. I really I really did it for vengeance.
I really did it for.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Vengeance, vengeance against your father, against the guy.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
Who sold them drugs. But I know, I just come
walk up to a drug drug because you got to
be a drug that was a pro drug, that was
or you got to be a junk.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
And I was trying to get him some of his
marketingway you're trying to put him.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
I thought, I was going to I thought kill him.
I lized killed him. My hit my pops, get my
pops in my eye with a back knocked his eye out.
But he did for entertainment.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Yeah, oh, this guy's got bad news.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
It wasn't just a guy that well, you know, first off,
it's not the deal his fault.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Okay, So you were trying to sell you were selling
crack successfully.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
I don't think I was successful. More like I worked
under somebody so long enough. I wasn't there long enough
to get successful. They became they did.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
The guy you worked for have a cool street name?
Speaker 3 (11:29):
Yeah he did.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Can you say it or not? Really?
Speaker 2 (11:31):
No?
Speaker 4 (11:32):
Can you mouth it?
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Can you mouth it or give us like kind of
give us like a ballpark zone what it sounds like.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
No, I ain't gonna say it.
Speaker 4 (11:39):
Okay, yeah, no that's fair. Can we call him?
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Why do we get him on the phone? Can I
spell crack? And can I also try to cook crack
better than the crack he sold?
Speaker 3 (11:50):
You? Can? I think with technology.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
It's just simple resume Right, it's just coke with baking soda.
But here's the thing, you got to get the mixture right.
And I had a joke about it like this is
what the it's the.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Extra stuff you put in it too, Like what baby,
whatever you want to cook it with?
Speaker 4 (12:09):
Can you put like vanilla in there?
Speaker 3 (12:12):
You put whatever you want to do it as long
as it as long as it have a good looking
texture and made people come back.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
Okay, So how you cooking? How you cooking crack and
adjusting the recipe while also not doing it?
Speaker 3 (12:23):
No, I'm not cooking it. Like I told her, I
didn't cook.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
You were a soldier, you were in a capo.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
I was, I was, I was, I think I was more.
I don't even I won't even consider myself a soldier.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
But did you give her bomb selling crack?
Speaker 3 (12:36):
I did?
Speaker 2 (12:37):
I did.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
I didn't bomb selling. I didn't bomb. So I did
transition though, So.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
I was the worst transaction.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
When I was getting hit from that uh, that girl
in the car for some rocks. Wow, I was getting
here from this, this this lesbian crackhead. She was doing bad.
She was bombing and bombing on that dick, and I
was playing.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
We gotta get we gotta get her on the shelves.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
I looked up. I couldn't like focus because I looked
up and I saw a father and son play basketball.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
And I realized, is it her father and her son?
Speaker 2 (13:11):
No, just.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
Like in this kind were behind it.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
We find guilt.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
I feel guilt, but I really that's the moment I realized,
whoy Why am I Why I'm sitting in this car
right now? Because I didn't have that, No matter no
matter how much you know, no matter how further I
got in this game. If I if I survived, I
don't think I would have that. I couldn't get that.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
That's what I wanted, the love of your father, that.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Just that time and everything.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
Like Jesus anyway, you're listening to Bombing with Eric Andre,
the saddest podcast in the world.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
This is a bomb.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
With Eric Andre.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
With every concre Hey, what about a time that you
had it had a good time.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Hey, tell me the story about when we were on
tour and we did that drug we did.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
H moment for you.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Yeah, you cried the whole night.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
I was coming on myself like I feels like I'm
getting I've never felt that good restaurant. I was like,
I'm sorry, you can't feel as good as I feel.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Right, We played a show in San Francisco and Tyler
Bradbury had that scientist friend who gave us two C
B or two C some designer psychedelic. So then we're
driving with her on tour and we get to the
tip of western Texas. We get right before I'll pass
so and the tour bus driver goes, I don't care
(14:58):
if you guys have drugs on the bus, but get
him out of here before we hit Texas.
Speaker 3 (15:04):
Roderside, Kid, we gotta taket over.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
He goes. They Yeah, it was like within twenty four
hours we were still high. Yeah, but I was like,
go ahead with the story though. So our bus drivers like,
you gotta get either do all the drugs or get
rid of them before we hit Texas. We're all right,
I got it, and all we had left over was
that ship because we didn't know what we was.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
We was on the state side, was on the state
line between New Messico and Texas, and we was at
a hotel right there on the line.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
So we were like, all right, so we'll do this.
I don't know if it was two C B to see.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
And I'm like, what is like, Eric comment, we want
to do this thing?
Speaker 1 (15:42):
What it is like?
Speaker 3 (15:44):
It's like, uh, it's like M D M A and
acid it. I was like, and I was like, I
never done none of them.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
I don't have.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
This is one thing I just always sometimes it's go
you know what I mean, And we're gonna meditate for this.
When Air just started meditation ship and he's like, I'm
gonna meditate first in twenty minutes and we're gonna take it.
And I was like, all right, cool. So he in
the room, we got his legs, calls. He's doing all
this ship he got. You know, he had that weird
backpillow at the time.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
He was just.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
The spikes on him.
Speaker 4 (16:14):
Yeah, yeah, yeahle spike pad. He's got reader ship now.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
And I'm sitting in the check got some headphones on
the ship and we take it and then they call
us to dinner.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Everybody's in the Yeah, the whole crew. We're going to
a steakhouse on the nes He got goodness, everyone put
this all dinner. Everyone in the steakhouse, everyone, all the
customers look like machete Danny Trill.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
Hey we we go. He's like, Hey, they downstairs, we
gotta go. We gotta go to dinner. And and he's
like I'm finna, Like I'm finna get ready and he
turns his head right. Uh, and then he turns his
head again and I was like.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Okay, that's what listening. I was said, my head, you're
just moved over.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
I said something. But then I was like, I'm like,
I'm a sounding with schizophrenics.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
So I'm just like, I got it. I got to
watch it.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
I was like, what the is that chicken in? Now?
Like you had those thoughts right, you started get parent
and ship and I got into elevat I'm not going
to drop these headphones off to the room and all.
Even before then, I came back to your room, but
you was way down there, remember you called me, And
I was like, and I'm at another door and I'm like,
how you get all.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
The way down? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Yeah, we were sucked up.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
And then the elevator clothes and I saw reflection on
myself in the mirror. You don't want that with the
eyes with the uh the wild wild country eyes with
that with that, and I was like, I took a
photo of myself, and I said, so I went, I
went on Twitter and said something and then uh, I
was just he got in the van really and I
got I went and jumped on the bumper of the
(17:54):
van and I started doing this like the hop hoade.
I was like, turn the white was and they's like,
get your ass in the band, and I got it.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
The rest of the crew is just drunk.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
I don't even know I'm tripping yet. But I sat
next to Jason McDon shout out Jason McDonald.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
And he was like, Jane.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Somebody was sweating and so I had a little fun.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
No, it was Larry, the guy that played fake Me
Man the other guy that played fake Hannibal. I started
Lison JP.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
I leaned into somebody so hard. I talked. I talked
so much ship. I was like your own pick. I
like you smell like Hitler's jacket. After he went through
and did every speech, it just kept saluting the whole time.
You know what I mean, I'm talking, okay. All the
way to the restaurant, I'm like, I want going in.
I'm feeling good too. Okay.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
So but we get to the rest of buffet or whatever.
It's a big banquet kind of table because there's a
bunch of us. The one guy that played fake me, Larry,
He's going super loud. He goes Texas barbecues. Bullshit.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Man.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
You know what, I is the best barbecue. Los Angeles
were like, shut up, man, like not stand out because
Byron Balls, he's like crying and he's grabbing both people's
hands next to him.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
He's like, I'm.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
Tweeting everything, tweeting everything. I like, I just saw the Devil's.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
He coming.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Can't stop.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
We started crying. Then the waitress came by. She's like
and she looks at me and me from the this and.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
What this was triggered the cry because they got steak.
Well they didn't have uh, they didn't have uh mashed potatoes,
so with butter.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
Remember I was like because I was like, you got potatoes.
She was like no, and I and I was like,
you don't have no mess potatoes. She's like, we got
baked potatoes. And I started crying and I was like
bringing butter, bringing a lot of butter.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
First you start crying and I look again, this is
way just you go. Oh your makeup is so your
face yours?
Speaker 3 (20:09):
No, no, no, I was like, hey, hey, it is
like what. I was like, you got the most beautiful makers.
She's like, oh.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Great, okay say that to people and then she's like,
what do you want to eat?
Speaker 2 (20:22):
And was like just just.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Pret big butter. I mean, I've got butter.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
God the people and all I heard, and I was
looking around and ship and I will close my eyes
and I'll see the windows.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
Pipe screen, windows pipe. Okay, that's what we should put
up here. We can see it a trip and we
can get.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
But also it was when vine, the social media vine
was the thing. So Jean was going up to other
people at tables, like pranking people at each table.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Seven seconds next day sitting next to him and the girl.
He was only praying people on dates, like going up
to the sitting next to the girl, We're like white knuckle,
like yeah everon white nu. I'm like, I'm like, I'm
just I'm just tweeting this ship like no liquid coming out,
so I'm trying to figure out what's going on. That's
what it was. It was green and red like that,
(21:21):
and then man, the orgasm was like powerful and then
they just I would stop because I'll be like and
then I stopped, be like whoa. And then it was
just happened like something the triggered me, like the girl
make up or something, and it'll start all over again.
To it started to get like.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
I'm knowing how knowing I feel like, did you know.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
The table? Like, oh, shut up. I was like some
family praying for their food. I'm just like, oh ship
And they carry me out of the restaurant getting more butter.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
I went outside, made myself throw up, didn't do anything
we got.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
I was like, what are they like? He in his
room trying to cut his dick dick off?
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Oh yeah, Then I went back to my room. That
went back to my room.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
I thought I was bad. I thought I had a
bad man. My trip was be good now.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
I was in the bathroom, in the bathtub naked later
that night, looking at my dick like I have to
cut my dick off tonight.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
In the wrong direction.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
I wanted to apologize to the hostess for being a
room and it started sprinkling, and when the rain hit
my face, I started to light come again. And John
and somebody else lifting me up like this with my
legs up, and they carried me out and I ended
up on the tour bus locked. We supposed to go
to the strip club.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Yeah, then the cops did bulls over.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
Right, somebody shut the striper. I think I was tweeting
because I got I had picked up the most fall
like overhead of my life.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Oh yeah, yeah on this run.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
Yeah, because I don't know weiring on, but y'all need
to y'all need to pay attention to his thread. And
I think it just hit like adults swim because I
wasn't even thinking. I'm like, I'm on the corporate thing,
you know what i mean. People hitting me up, Like
I'm like, somebody call me. I'm trying to get a
(23:16):
female to call me, you know what I mean, to
talk that dirty ship in my ear, you know what
I mean, And nobody called me. This guy Mark Seah
Taylor called me, and I'm like, I was like, what
the fuck you doing? He's like, I'm just trying to
make sure. I'm like, yeah, I'm right, you know what
I mean. A bus and nuts on the back of
the tour with.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Us, and then like border patrol came on the bus.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
That's later though. We went to night We went to
a nightclub. We went to a nightclub because I remember going.
You could ask John. We had to go through security.
They like, I was like, I don't think y'all should
pat me down, and we gotta pat you down. I
was like, all right, it's at your own wrist. And
he was patting me, and I was like and we
went to the club. I remember sitting on a bench
(23:53):
and just staring out trying to like figure out, like
wait on everything to come down. And I was like, man,
they don't set us up. We're not gonna go to
the strip club. And then we got on the bus
because we had to pull out that night, and the
bus stopped. We was only two people up.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
He was in the bathroom and like ten like border patrol,
like sheriffs came on. They were like you hiding any
The guy goes you hiding any illegals on the bus
and we were like all still coming down. They're like no.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
He was like aliens and was like oh no, no, no, no,
no least drugs.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
You look at what.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
But the cops. When the cop showed up, it was
me and the bus driver, so he stopped, get first, cough,
get on and uh he looked at me. I'm talking
to him. Eric comes out.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
The best driver didn't say ship too. We had to
do all the talking.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Eric.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Eric come out of the bathroom and I'm like the
cops here. Eric tries to open the bathroom door like
it's a swinging door, but it's a sliding door. So
he's stuck and he stick outside to the.
Speaker 4 (24:53):
Sorry, what what illegal things? You're interested in? Aliens?
Speaker 3 (24:58):
Now? He was his face, He's like, oh, not at
all on here.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
I was like, well, I was like, I'm going to jail.
I didn't eat all the drugs. Not sure.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
Somebody tried to jump off that bus. Oh yeah, somebody
tried to jump off the bus.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
And then we're going eighty miles an hours. Our one tour.
One tour manager we had back in the day. It
was a drug enjoyer, uh, I don't know. And he
would sleep.
Speaker 4 (25:23):
He was just freaking out, so he like call him
and fell down all down here.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Yeah, you'd wake up in the middle of the night
and his like ass was hanging out. Also one time,
the bus driving like ninety miles an hour and he
somehow got it. He slept, walked and got the door
open and he was about to walk out on.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
The bus driving.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Grab them like this the bus drivers, dude say a word,
grabs him, turns him in the back.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
We'll be right back.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Through a floor. He built that hole on the fucking stage.
At one time, he's like, let's go over to scolactics
for this man.
Speaker 3 (25:57):
If you if you just go back in time, Man,
that ship.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Amazing. Now, remember when the doors opened.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
With every Condrey, with every Condrey.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
You've done a lot of movies. What was the most difficult.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Movies I think I had to do. I had to
deal with an HR call late in the lake.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Okay, tell us all about it.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
I was, I was leaving the comedy club and and
I pulled up the set and this guy was like,
you can't park here, and he blocked the street with
a con So I just yanked it around him and
put it put the call on the sidewalk. You know
what I mean. I can part anyway. I want to wait, wait,
wait at the studio or we're on set. We on set,
(26:51):
like live, We're in the streets Baltimore Street. It was
a night shoot it you had y'all love a comedy
club and tumonium. And then I went to I was up,
you know, the show in the club closing. So I
just was like, I go to sit.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
I was still up because they were shooting.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
Yeah, they were shooting.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Why didn't he let you park? It was security for the.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
It was just one of the security of the don't
know ship. I said, but yeah, he's one of like
the p as was like, you know.
Speaker 4 (27:18):
The probably didn't want you to, but he didn't.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
I want to filming. I wasn't filming yet. I had
a whole nother one.
Speaker 4 (27:24):
He didn't know you were in No, I didn't even
know you're in it. No, so but nothing man like
you throwing cones around and pulling here.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
He put the cones on. He put the cones on
the on the sidewalk. I just put them. I just
put the call in the street straight hood style, like
on the sidewalk, Like motherfucker. I could park anywhere I
want to in life. That's how I feel.
Speaker 4 (27:46):
This guy is like making nine dollars an hour and
he's like his way into the industry. Who is this guy?
Speaker 3 (27:51):
I don't know if he was like that, but it
definitely was. He definitely was afraid. I definitely was afraid.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Well, I don't get what he did around the cone.
He ran over the cone.
Speaker 3 (27:59):
No I drove. He put the canes in the street.
I just went around on the side. He tried to
like no, no, no, no, are you like and then
security came. Security came was a black dude. He's like, hey, man,
what He's like, what's going on. I'm like, I'm going
to set and he was like, who are you? I
was like one of the actors on the show Animal
because sold producer on the show. And he was like
(28:19):
he looked at me.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
He looked down. He looked up at me like this.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
He was like, where where your bad And I was like, oh, Ship,
I don't got a badge. I was like my bad
and he was like, man, move is my thunk card?
You know what I mean? I bad a call up.
You put around that and I got an HR call
about it.
Speaker 4 (28:35):
Oh Ship, They're like, you know where your badge is?
Speaker 3 (28:39):
No, we got a bad because I didn't have a
bad You made a great impression.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
It's a good impression. You know what people on set
love is when you show up when you're not supposed
to be there and then park over.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Yeah, yeah I will.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
I'm in the town. I will show up to sit
probably hard, okay, coming in hot. I come in hot too.
Nobody knows who, cause nobody knows who I am always
coming in hot. You don't know what the fuck going on?
You at stell on your toes. Sometimes life happened fast,
you know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (29:13):
You coming as aggressive, just like expecting all the problems.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Everybody super stressed.
Speaker 4 (29:20):
Eighty that was yelling, you don't know who I am.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
Hollywood. Ain't life Sometimes real life is like.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
So you come in, You're like Big Jagger, just cracking
open coconut waters, chuck a glass.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Real street. I'll just drive by sens. Just keep going.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
That's what you should do for fun, you know.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
Keep people on their toes. Sometimes they be on their
phone on Twitter and ship you like, look up, motherfucker.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Yeah, I think you should bring I think you should
be fully armed, armed and dangerous armed.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
Don't ever have a badge.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Come to the days you aren't shooting.
Speaker 4 (29:58):
So go to any set.
Speaker 3 (29:59):
Another In comedy wise, when I wrote those, I wrote
those first two jokes. My second joke I ever wrote
it was about well.
Speaker 4 (30:08):
Do it now, don't tell us about it, do it
right now.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
No.
Speaker 3 (30:11):
I know. It's like you haven't been caught looking through
somebody window when he's supposed to be looking through somebody
One time I went around. One time I went around
to the window.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
And.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
You know, and it was a lady in there. She
just got the shower and ship. She was trying off
a Byron bat fat titties. She had a fat ass,
you know what I mean. She's drying off and I'm
looking at her, and she turned around. She was like, boy,
what the fuck you're looking at And I was like, mom,
I left my key in the house.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
That's good.
Speaker 4 (30:49):
That's a good joke.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
I was when I did that joke.
Speaker 4 (30:52):
That's is mine.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
Oh the joke.
Speaker 4 (30:56):
I left my key.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
Town on a Sunday. And I probably as through the
premise of that joke and everybody was like.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
People was like, I didn't know a joke. I think
you still told the story.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
Transfer transition so fast you.
Speaker 4 (31:13):
Couldn't even get to the kid and really cute.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
But me me realized I'm not relatable kind of mat
made me like better.
Speaker 4 (31:23):
That's like everybody that's the balls in there. They think
it's like I'm gonna like walk down this path that
everybody's gonna throw stones at me the entire time because
they don't understand where we're going yet.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
Yeah, Kevin Hart, I think it was a time when
Kevin Hart was big. He's big, but he was like
he was here, he was and I was like, man,
I can never be that dude. And I was like
and I started like like why not. And I'm like, man,
I'm the son of an addict, and you know I
ain't that joyous. And you know, then I did that
this is not happened when I talked about getting my
dick suck and by the thing.
Speaker 4 (31:53):
And then people were writing me like that's when people
started looking.
Speaker 3 (31:56):
People started looking at like, man, I stopped hearing that's
your story or you know, my my parents also, And
I just started talking about doing bits about stuff that
made me not relatable to my friends now you know
what I mean.
Speaker 4 (32:11):
And they came when you just stopped, when you just
started being really honest.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
Yeah, brutally honest about your short short you know that.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
Yeah, but people reach out to me that Like after
I saw your said, I started doing heroin which which
season get one of each?
Speaker 3 (32:31):
I know, I know any season he gets somebody to
do some crazy ship after like inspired by you know
what I mean, like a fan out in the multi discipline.
It looks so undisciplined, but I'm like, this ship is
so disciplined that once one season he was musty. Yeah,
one season had most of one season he was fat.
(32:52):
It's like it's a level of discipline, man. A lot
of people don't got you know.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Remember when Sam j came on the show just the
co host for an episode. She's like, I thought this
was just like you're just winging a bunch of far Chucks.
It's like such a fucking it's a machine.
Speaker 4 (33:08):
Yeah, it's a machine with a lot of moving pieces.
She was, I'm not I'm not a fan.
Speaker 3 (33:16):
I couldn't do it. I was like, it's so such
a complicated thing. The first time I showed up to
work with I remember seeing Eric on a bike on
Wheelcox what you ended up staying on? I was like,
I'm doing a show in San Diego.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Remember way too long?
Speaker 3 (33:33):
No, it was fun. And he had me come to
the show with Jermaine Foul and shout out to Jermaine
fil and we went to uh it was It wasn't
Proud Boys, but it was something like that with Clan
with Clan out tea pot went to a tea party
meeting three black dudes.
Speaker 4 (33:50):
Oh that that was clan for a minute.
Speaker 3 (33:53):
Hung out Confederate flash like the police on the way
we pulled of the thing mirror and the cops was
just pulling in as we was pulling out. It was
like a bank robbery.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
Yeah, it was down in dirty this first season. I
got arrested. Oh yeah, we didn't know how to really
produce pranks.
Speaker 4 (34:13):
Yea, the show, the show start. I was in the
pilot that never aired.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
It aired in the boatrooms where you want to be
right right, my I don't even believe when I say this.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
Well they did that. I mean I don't know. I
showed up and it's like ragtag sat and you're like
you just mereiately hit me like a pint glass of
Jack Daniels and I was like, I don't know, man,
I got to be a guest on your show. And
you're like, no, you're playing Fergie and you're gonna wear
this red jumpsuit and also here's Salvia and you're on.
Speaker 3 (34:43):
Now that's what it is. Yeah, it's like you all now.
It was like what, yeah, you're on now you're actually
you have been on. Yeah. It's like, all right, we're
gonna get these Confederate flass to the tea party members,
you know what I mean, Orange Cat already it's happening
and go they come, yea yeah, and I'm like, wait,
wait what it's seventy degrees. I got on the cash
(35:06):
mill swell that the wardrobe gave.
Speaker 4 (35:08):
Me risk in your life.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
What's the sex ball? What's your sex ball?
Speaker 4 (35:13):
I never have sex bumps.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
I know you did. I was with you in Ja
parent it was a sex bomb. I know what I
was trying to do out there. I didn't go down. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
that was six ball, you.
Speaker 4 (35:23):
Know kind of.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (35:24):
It wasn't great. I mean, if that's if you want
to talk about that. I don't even think it's good.
I think it's just gruss. But uh, you know, it
was just a real fluid trip. And I was there
with my girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
Yeah, it was definitely but we was me and my
cousins are outside of our friends.
Speaker 4 (35:40):
Our friends had brought their girlfriend. Our friends, who are
a couple, had brought.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
Their girlfriend their unicorn, their unicorn.
Speaker 4 (35:48):
They brought the unicorn and she was just their girlfriend.
They was like and they would call her like their
play toy.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
They was just.
Speaker 3 (35:54):
She. Yeah, get into all that. But it was very inspiring.
It was very inspiring. And I was telling my cousins like,
that's how my nixt relationship.
Speaker 4 (36:08):
Yeah, that's I thought the same. I was like, we
could do this. And then so with my girlf at
the time, at one, like the one of the final
nights that the Unicorn girl just started like really macking
on my girlfriend and I was like, here we go,
it's our turn, it's our third, like this is the night.
And then they were just like making out on this
dance floor. And then then the girl went away and
my girlfriend came over and I was like, so here
(36:30):
we go, here we go. This is gonna be good, right,
and she's like, no, she creeps me out. Let's get
out of here.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Over there, like damn on your girlfriend's side of knowing these.
Speaker 4 (36:41):
No, I think she had the right instinct.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
The unicorn was tough.
Speaker 3 (36:45):
Instinct man, sometimes kicking out the bust of nut, you
know what I mean. And that's what he was at
the moment. Ten days in.
Speaker 4 (36:54):
It was like ten days in.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
Yeah, so you already like building building up. But I
got my relationship exactly, probably like six months after that,
and it was nothing like that.
Speaker 4 (37:05):
You got out of your relation.
Speaker 3 (37:06):
I got in the one and I was like, okay,
well that's so by out of that dream.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (37:11):
Yeah, No, I don't think it's a dream, man. Actually,
I think it's a real pain in the ass to
like just be constantly having sex with two beautiful women.
Speaker 3 (37:21):
I had sex with two. I wouldn't but they they're
they're they're different quality. They're not l A. You can't
based on l A numbers. They on the metric system,
you know. Is that uh huh no, they're gonna hear it.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
I don't.
Speaker 4 (37:42):
A lot.
Speaker 3 (37:43):
It was. It was where, Yeah, I can't say what
part of your body, oh my head, my tip of
my penis about what part of my body? Oh this
happened ship. I don't know, man, it's probably two thirds
between to thirteen or something like that. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (38:04):
Yeah, thirteen to two fifteen people.
Speaker 3 (38:09):
She was a great experience, you know what I mean
for what it was worked.
Speaker 4 (38:12):
Yeah, I never had I never never actually had a threesome.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
It's not good if you got trust issues because you're
looking at the motherfucker. Yeah, you look you like you're
just looking at the other motherfucker while you're inside the
other person, and you just like you just like this
person about to try to get my wallet out of
my pants, you know.
Speaker 4 (38:31):
So it is the type of trust issues like that
were the problem that it was like, I'm gonna get jealous.
Speaker 3 (38:39):
You would enjoy bad.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
On you finally have a three way and you're worried
about your wallet.
Speaker 3 (38:44):
Like, yeah, man, I'm from a I'm from a place
where people would get robbed during those times or meet
a girl and.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
It might be worried that you just cancel your cards.
You don't carry cash on anyway. He's venmo and cash
but that ship.
Speaker 3 (38:57):
Yeah, but I'm going to prepay. I'm going to prepay
cars if I counseling my little loose my five hundred.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
I had a three way in Canada one time and
one of the girls, uh stole all my little liquor
bottles out of my refrigerator, like the mini fridge.
Speaker 4 (39:11):
Like that, they raped the hotel fridge.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
They robbed the hotel mini fridge.
Speaker 4 (39:15):
She deserves us.
Speaker 1 (39:16):
Yeah, but each way it was very.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
Bus you know, a bus early and then like you
like keep going, like no, you keep going and your
just like, yeah, they're starting to go gummy, and you
like you're trying to get them last thrust.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
Yeah that's like around. Yeah, not without a fucking Viagara
or something. You're not turning that around. No, you just
like worms lights are out and eighteen fucking Clydesdale and.
Speaker 3 (39:45):
Then you see the disappointment in them, but you still
like as a guy, you're still thrusting like you got
you still like yeah, but you knowing like it's just
it's a little child.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
And you like that.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
You just like, mommy, what what do you read?
Speaker 4 (40:03):
You become like you're just a kid who misses.
Speaker 3 (40:06):
Some funking ump ship. This happened, and there's nobody to turn.
Speaker 4 (40:08):
You want to you want to keep around the house
and see my mother, Like, I.
Speaker 3 (40:12):
Know, I need a hood right now. This is bad,
you know what I mean? That's what you go to.
Speaker 4 (40:18):
Yeah, yeah, you're like jackal and hide.
Speaker 3 (40:22):
You know.
Speaker 4 (40:22):
It's like you're like you're mister Hyde like that, I'm
gonna rip things up. And then it's like it happens,
and then you're like, what have I done?
Speaker 2 (40:33):
I gotta get to work.
Speaker 4 (40:34):
I got to get to work.
Speaker 3 (40:35):
This is there a god?
Speaker 1 (40:37):
I don the ultimate gods.
Speaker 3 (40:38):
I'm trying to think because I'm in I'm in the
cars a lot, and I work on my car, and
I'm trying to think of a good car bomb I
put some I got this. I paid for. My first
German car was anin forty four Porstie, and I got
it for nineteen hundred dollars. I was still sleeping on
couches too, and I was going through a divorce and
I I put some tires on it. I went to
(41:02):
pit Bulls, like, give me the cheapest tire, like this
is the side the DJ Pep Boys a Pep Boy.
Yeah yeah, And I was like, I was like, let
me get these size tires and they was like, these
are the tires that should go on that car. And
I was like, no, I want this size and they
was like these, this car goes one hundred and fifty hours,
should put these on it. And I'm like, man, funk all.
Speaker 4 (41:22):
That, Like you guys do know cars.
Speaker 3 (41:24):
I'm like, I'm driving on the street. What the fuck?
I looked like, you know, I'm not doing one hundred
and fifty in this car. This is like shirt like no,
I was, no, I was on regular. I was. It
was all stocked, but one tire was like like one
seventy for one tire and the other tires was like
one seventy for all four like yeah, and they like
(41:45):
but that tire blong was on on a van and
I was like, so I put them tires on the car.
And I was on the freeway and I hit the
brakes and the car was slide. It was just sliding
to the next car, and I was screamed.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
I'll be like.
Speaker 3 (42:01):
Because I couldn't. I couldn't stop the car. And I
remember screaming and the car stopped and I was still screaming,
and I looked over and people on the expressway was
looking at me like what. And I'm literally like white
knuk on this thing, just screaming. You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (42:17):
Did you hear the car run?
Speaker 3 (42:19):
No? No, but I did.
Speaker 1 (42:21):
You got in some car accidents?
Speaker 3 (42:22):
Yeah, I had a bunch of class when I was younger,
though Kara Karma paid me back. But I had like
eleven hitting runs and like things like that. You know,
that's how you learn how to drive.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
Were you such a bad driver?
Speaker 3 (42:34):
Learn how the pressure, the pressure, the pressure, the pressure
getting away makes you sharp?
Speaker 1 (42:41):
What the the cops are the people that you want?
Like you're stealing, robbing and stealing?
Speaker 3 (42:51):
No, you got a student drive. My first accident, I
was trying to make it home before Martin re Run
showed and I ran a light and I got hit.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
So you're like a horrible driver, You're like a mess. No,
it's just like a car guy having accidents. It's pretty bad.
Speaker 3 (43:06):
It was more than I said eleven here, Why are
you constantly just like red light?
Speaker 1 (43:09):
Green light? What's the difference?
Speaker 3 (43:11):
WHOA At the time, it is like.
Speaker 4 (43:13):
You know, we recorded all this.
Speaker 3 (43:16):
Yeah, I was like, nineteen good, Okay, I paid all
my Camba debt, you know, and now I'm driving. I'm
a good driver, So I drive all nine eleven because
never forget.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
Yeah, because not forgetting.
Speaker 3 (43:28):
My special called spiritual Nigga checked that out. It's on
Hulu Disney and nine eleven. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (43:40):
We like tipped on that.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
Nine eleven is a master number in numerology.
Speaker 4 (43:47):
Are you into numerology? This is the biggest bomb. This
is about to be the biggest bomb. You're into numerology?
What's your lucky number?
Speaker 3 (43:56):
I don't know that. I can't get that far. Just
nine eleven, eleven eleven, nine eleven. I'm like, you're damn right.
Speaker 4 (44:05):
Oh yeah, okay, you have that. You look at license
plates you see nine eleven all the time.
Speaker 3 (44:08):
Ship Like at my clock, I definitely not living.
Speaker 1 (44:10):
Yeah, and in my in my uh in my driveway
broken clock right twice a day.
Speaker 4 (44:16):
And a broken country is right, two towers we gotta take.
Speaker 3 (44:26):
No, that's part of it. If I if I said
some ship, you definitely don't leave that ship in there.
Speaker 4 (44:30):
Okay, I just you know, you just sometimes you gotta.
Speaker 1 (44:32):
Just so bad at driving.
Speaker 3 (44:35):
It wasn't it's just a decision making.
Speaker 1 (44:37):
To get in an accident, you just.
Speaker 3 (44:39):
Draw, you know. And now now I tried like day
trading a little bit. You just you just sometimes take
a chance when you shouldn't be taking chances.
Speaker 4 (44:48):
You don't take chances, now do you in the car?
Speaker 1 (44:50):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (44:52):
Sometimes I don't know.
Speaker 3 (44:53):
I don't think so. I think everything is calculated.
Speaker 4 (44:55):
When you get people to care about that, right, Yeah. Yeah,
So it makes it harder to just like bop around.
Speaker 3 (45:01):
It makes you allder like, it makes you wanter like
like do certain things, but certain things, you know. I mean,
I luckily California have canyons and these places where you.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
Can go and do that. Yeah, did you get did
you fuck anybody up in these accidents?
Speaker 4 (45:16):
No, you're just looking at their car.
Speaker 3 (45:18):
No, I got in one. This would this would change,
this would change. I was I was twenty five years old.
A friend of mine owed me some money. I think
it was like thirty five forty dollars, and I was
I was at my my ex girl house and he's like,
come get the money, and it was always on the
other side of town, and I was mad. I had
this ninety two prelude, the one I drove out here,
and I'm just driving to get the money. Upset. I
(45:40):
got to go back over there. Zig zaggon call yeah yeah.
And I get to the house. I ain't got no insurance,
no none of that ship, you know what I mean,
which is common when you breaks, when when you're nineteen
twenty through twenty five, is common not to have insurance
and ship, you know what I mean. If you from
where I'm from, who gives a fuck? Uh yeah, so
(46:02):
uh uh. I get out here, like man, I gotta
go to the ATM. I get out of my car,
go to his car, come back. It's like four police
at the ride of my car and they just feeling
on the hood of the car. They's just touching the
car and we're like, what's up. And they was like,
who's been driving this car? This car is warm, but
(46:23):
it's not supposed to be driven. Tags had been expired,
like over over the year, somebody's been driving his car
and I'm like, well, it's my car. And then the
lady was like come here. She's like, you've been driving
his car and I was like, sometimes I turn it
on to keep it all literally, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (46:40):
And she's like, she's like, well, a black female, you
can get none of that ship.
Speaker 3 (46:48):
She was like, look, she's like, this is what I'm
gonna do. She's like, you see that car up there,
and it was like a little four one, all black,
clean four one up there, and I was like, yeah.
She was like, you hit his car. I was like what,
She's like, you hit his car. Come here, let me
tell you something. And I go and it's a smug
of paint for my on his car. So I was
(47:09):
when I was I nicked this car? Such a clean nick.
Yeah it was a.
Speaker 4 (47:14):
Scratch given an autograph.
Speaker 3 (47:15):
Yeah, so much because I had to cut through cars.
Speaker 4 (47:20):
He's angry, nineteen years old.
Speaker 3 (47:22):
I'm driving like I'm like two, But I couldn't say
like hit. The discratch was so little it buffed out,
you know. But she was like, I need you to
repair his car, but I'm gonna give you. I'm gonna
charge you with Phelix. Scene up accident hit him run
phase to do this phase. I had like five charges,
which is bad for a black dude in the South.
Speaker 2 (47:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (47:43):
Whatever. So she was like, if you get his car repair,
I'm gonna drop all the charges. And I was like
all right. And I my homeboy, who owned the valet company,
who deal with cars all the time, got his car
taking care of and I was like, hey, man, you
know somebody for uh you know, for the do community service.
(48:04):
He's like, yeah, my homegirl work at the Why. I
was like, set that up, but she could signed the
paperwork for me, just in case this thing ain't gonna work,
you know what I mean. And I remember going to
court the only time I thought about slapping my mama.
I went to.
Speaker 4 (48:17):
Court Other than that fas, you know what.
Speaker 3 (48:20):
I mean, But uh the uh I go. I go
to court and I remember sitting at my girl there
and my mama there, and they called they and I
look and I looked back and I felt like I
was like, man, this is how Bobby Brown feel. I
remember having that thought because I was like seeing them
(48:40):
in the back of the room. I knew where this
thing would go if I didn't get my shit together.
Speaker 4 (48:46):
When your family rallies behind you.
Speaker 1 (48:48):
It take.
Speaker 3 (48:49):
But this always happened because by by the time you
like twenty five people have been to jail, you know,
like numerous times, et cetera, murder.
Speaker 1 (48:54):
Cases, lesbian crackhead giving you a blowjob at this moment.
Speaker 3 (48:58):
No, no, no, no, no, I'm what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (49:03):
Exactly.
Speaker 4 (49:03):
That's how you learned lessons.
Speaker 3 (49:05):
I think I would have had more. I would have
been less nervous if that would have been happening, you
know what I mean, more attentive to what was going on.
But I remember, for the next time, I felt like
I was bombing in life, though I was bombing in
life at the time. Yeah, because you know, I'm at
a pivotal age. And he was like when the Bowers
party come to the front and my mom stood up
(49:26):
in the back and I'm watching her. She walked all
the way to the front and got on her knees
and start praying.
Speaker 4 (49:31):
I was like, this is that's not that's not good.
Speaker 3 (49:33):
It's not good, you know, And.
Speaker 1 (49:35):
I think said she walked to the front st roasting.
Speaker 4 (49:38):
Oh no, no, she started saying, I got socks for you.
Speaker 3 (49:42):
But I'm like, man, this this judge will come out.
This cop is here, she's gonna drop the charges. Old
white dude gonna be like, yeah, you can go. And
then this black judge came out, female and I was like, oh, oh,
that's not remind her some niggas.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
She dazing.
Speaker 3 (50:01):
So her nephew ain't doing shit with his life, and
she was stern. She sat down and uh. The cop
was like, Yanna, this guy did what he said he
was gonna do. Hed. He kept his word. I'm gonna
drop I'm gonna drop his charges. And she was like, oh,
he got a history of this. He's not dropping the charges.
(50:25):
Like you gotta do something, you gotta do some some
time or whatever. And then I was like, y'all, I'm sorry.
I can't do no time because I'm in college. And
my mom stood up and she walked up to my
face and she was like, you're not in college. And
I was like, mama, right now. I was like, man,
I a hit this mother up. I was like, Mama,
I'm in college. And then she just turned him. She
(50:47):
was like he's in college, y'all. Yah. And I was like,
can I do community service? And she was like, yeah,
you know what, I'll let you do community service. She
gave me like fifteen thousand hours or yeah, it's like mom,
I called it shut. I already had a playing beast
I called the person. I was like Sondy's uh, Sonny's papers,
and I had to get on probation and stuff, and
I took photos of the tattoos and everything like that, and
(51:09):
I was like that, I donam the caine.
Speaker 1 (51:10):
So you didn't have to do the fifteen hundred dollars. Yeah,
but I had somebody. I didn't have to physically do
it spiritually.
Speaker 3 (51:16):
Right, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (51:20):
He's a jumping one and only Byron back. Where is everybody?
Speaker 3 (51:26):
They got a dog? Wake Up.
Speaker 1 (51:31):
With Eric Condred Bombing with Eric Andres brought to you
by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.
Our executive producer is Olivia Aguilar. Our producer is Bei Wang.
Our research assistant is David Carliner. Our editor and sound
designers Andy Harris, and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg.
Co Rate us five stars and drop a review on
your podcast app a choice
What's Up is Sargondra And this is Bombing, the podcast
where I talk to comedians, artists, and other interesting people
about the worst bombs of their career. On today's episode,
we have comedian writer and actor Byron Bauers. Byron and
I talk about touring and getting laid in Japan, getting
robbed after having three ways, talking to cops on drugs,
and more.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Enjoy Bombing with Eric Andre.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
All right, so the show is called Bombing. We talk
about your worst gigs, either live, standard shows, the worst gig, acting, television, film, anything,
sexual experience, sexual experience, something on the marta shit make
them Georgia start in the in.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
The show Realm the worst bomb.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Yeah, Like, have you ever been booed off the stage?
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Yeah? When I started my prost threaten you, or in
my first time at a comedy club in life, I
got on stage because I was poor. And if you
sign up, you get to get in. So me and
my best friend Black signed up.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
And your best friend's name is black?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Did they name him after his skin? The Chinese guy
he's Asian? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:15):
And then after the Asian black yeah, the pepper heats
They like, no, no, he's black. After his skin. Every
every circle depending where you're from, got a black in it.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
And haities say like yo, bro is like gandag, which
means big black. So he'd be like, what's that big black?
So everybody's like, everybody's name is black, everybody's nickname is
big black.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Yeah, it's a version of that. So he drove a
black and nova, you know, stereotypical black.
Speaker 4 (01:42):
He leaned into it.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Yeah, or did he get was he did?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
He was?
Speaker 1 (01:44):
He born Asian and he got surgery to become black.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
No, he's straight up black, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Black? Black? Nice black, though the family oriented black Ving
Ving raims darker.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
No, he's dark. He's definitely black, but not that. No,
he's like he's like my complexion. He's beautiful, but he's
the darkest probably in this in his family. So my
default he's black.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
And he doesn't do comedy anymore.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
He never did comedy.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
I think he's signed up for the upper mic with you.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
No, it wasn't open mic, it was a it was
amateur night uptown comedy club. Okay, so it was that's
how you got in free he did. But and I
was up there probably probably a minute and a half
black crowd. That a black crowd uptown, uptown, coming the corner.
I didn't know amateur night was the night they go
(02:35):
boo people, so it's more for the audience for the anow.
There wasn't no open mic, really, and so I go
up and I didn't I never wrote a joke before.
I didn't know that was a thing.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
Still happened.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Well, I definitely think about that. But uh, wow, it's
funny how that circle that happens right twenty minutes the
other night. I know y'all was like this motherfucker get
on stage. A lot of a lot of pausing, But
I'm confident with it now, you know. I didn't have
(03:09):
no confidence then. And I remember I wrote down on
the napkin ugly kids and some I don't even know
what the second thing, I.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Like topics she wanted to.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
Yeah, I got called up and then I was like,
how many of y'all got kids? And everybody clap and
I was like, man, some of y'all got some ugly kids,
and and there was nothing and uh and I ain't
have nothing past that either, So uh, the silence happened,
and you're like, what else? I I didn't have nothing else.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
I don't even know what a napkin was, and you
didn't go to an ugly grocery store.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
You know. In the black comedy shows, they started looking.
They look at each other. First it's quiet, and then
they look at each other, and then they started looking
for the host, like somebody about to get blamed for
what I'm for. What I'm doing got to be respons yeah, yeah,
bring the hose back and the kids. And and then
(04:11):
this guy, this guy said something. He was like, he
said something I had on. I remember I had on
an Echo T shirt black with a rhino on it
because Echo is popular. And I had on some bol
shorts and some some uh some Jordan's and that's all
I had on.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
I feel like I can I think I can pick
the year? Was it two thousand and four.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
No, ninety two thousand, two thousand, two thousand. And he
was close though, and the guy, me and this guy
go back and forth, and he was talking about my clothes.
Everybody dressed up like I mean, dope ship.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
A guy in the audience, Yeah yeah, yeah, this is
a guy.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
In the audience and he's good. And he was like, man,
I paid three hundred dollars, look at your shirt and nigga,
I paid three hundred dollars. It was and some ship
which was ugly compared to what I had on, which
is it's a black.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Teacher just started talking ship like individually, you know.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
We're going back and forth, and I was like, I
was like, uh, I was like, you got ripped off,
and then people got some chuckles with that, and then
he looked and he looked down and he was like uh.
He was like, hey, I got some special socks in
my trunk if you need them, and the audience just
lost it and the lights went off.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Spear socks.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
I didn't have no socks on. I guess my ankles
were asking. And then he was just like, I mean
the lights went off, the DJ started scratching, and the
audience lost it, you know the style, and then said,
oh yeah, I got bood.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
I got booed.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
And then I was just I was stuck and you know,
resting piece of host and came on stage because by
this time I'm next to the back.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
You know, they gave it the good check.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Yeah, I'm standing next to him with the microphone and
he was like, hey, man, you as long as you're
on this stage, you protected by security and everybody. But
once you need a stage, we can't do it. Yeah,
like because it's like it's a bunch of drug that
was killers. Oh my god, is Uptown Man playing for
the mafia? And uh so uh And I was just
like I took the information. He was like, yeah, keep
coming back. He's like, I never heard of you before.
(06:08):
So they were coming out and keep coming back, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (06:10):
But go out the back door.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
And I went out the back. I went out the
side and uh black had already pulled a car around.
Speaker 4 (06:16):
He got it.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Got I got it. I was like, nigga, where you was?
And he was like, he was like, shit, I heard
him boring from down here because Uptown's on the second story.
Yeah he got that. He got out of the way.
The guy that got he like, ain't know what was
gonna go down, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
You were like the ugly kid thing didn't work. But
I'll make fun of this guy in the next shirt.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
Well he started with me.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
He came out.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Yeah, it was just blurring and just see nothing. So
I got off. I had to see who was talking.
Who said that? I was that guy who said that,
and it was bad man that right home was back
to the Decatur was long. Yeah, and these are you know.
His cousin was the one like you should you don't stay,
they gotta they got a night. I was just up
there two weeks ago. They got a night.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Your first show ever?
Speaker 3 (06:57):
That my first time in the comedy club.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
What about before that? M that was your first time
in a comedy club. Yeah, you do like open mics
at lake or whatever.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
So you were on the path.
Speaker 4 (07:06):
You weren't like on a whim, I'm going to do
stand up tonight.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
I was told to go up on the Sunday they
have uh Amilton, and I went.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
It was a comedy club, but it wasn't your first
comedy performance.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
No, that was my first time going to a spot
with a microphone and people do did you that nothing? See,
I'm just hanging out and kicking it.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
That was your first time, oh as not even just
a performer, as a human being going to a comedy Yeah, was,
and you performed there.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
I performed at the the most feared club in the nation.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Jeez, that's tild by fire yea in the nation. Yeah,
it's in kind of rough rougher neighborhood.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Would you say no, it was in It was in Buckhead,
but the comedics black because it is black comics in
the nation. Because I grew up watching Depthtown. They feared
going there. So it was a club that if you conquered,
you was a man. Right, it's around and me and
Nick you go, it's just this, it's not the same club.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
That's different about beautiful children and it's really creepy.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
But you're different now, You're a different You're a different performer.
Now this is your first time in a spot, and
I think that was my last time in the spot
like that for like a year, a year and a half.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
You just didn't do anything after that.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
No, I thought I was a failure. I didn't know
that you're supposed to like work jokes out and they
would open mics and you know, you know, even if
you go, you.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Just go right up there hate gross ugly kids.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
It's just something I thought it was funny.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Yeah, did you develop that joke and hash it out?
Speaker 2 (08:39):
No?
Speaker 3 (08:39):
I did. I did. I wrote jokes though. After that.
I wrote jokes. And it's funny because I remember the
first joke in the second joke I wrote, and it
matches my style now versus when I came to LA
and did everything your very first my very first j
got wrong, and my second jerk joke. I wrote matches
my style now as a full somebody.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Over the point of view circle twenty years, twenty.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
Five years, No, like I count o five. That's when
I really started consistently.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Yeah with your style. Now, he was a computer program
you're a computer bro.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
I want a school engineer. But I didn't do that.
I just hung out. Man. I was, yeah, I want
a school engineer. And then uh graduated from college, one
of the first graduate college in my family. And uh,
I got a Bachelor of Science.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Agree, congraduation, thank.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
You, thank you. People did not you know, I did
not like the fact because when I comedis what made
me graduate. Because I want to do I'm gonna do
stand up. And once I realized that before, I wasna
be in college for like ten fifteen years long as
I can get loans and style.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
Yeah, because it's comfortable.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Yeah, I'm not gonna work. I was really gonna work
a job.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
It's like academy. It is kind of nice.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
Yeah, you know, you get to hang out, you know
chicks there, you get you work little job class. Yeah,
I work in the computer labs, seal a bootleg CDs.
You know college, you know, Yeah, that was a hustle there,
book stealing books and selling books, flipping books and flipping music.
Then my freshman year I sold cracked. I just walked right,
walk right into day. I just walked right into things
(10:09):
and just selling crack.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Yeah, it was an opportunity.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Did you make the crack or was it pre made?
It was a pre made and it was Have you
ever made crack?
Speaker 3 (10:17):
I haven't made it. That's something I.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Would like to try.
Speaker 4 (10:22):
Great crack.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
I don't like cutting it with the thing nobody does
he does, but now I think it's probably better ways.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Did you ever smoke it? No, my father smokeing, so
you never tried it because you were ashamed of your father.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
It was no. I really I really did it for vengeance.
I really did it for.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Vengeance, vengeance against your father, against the guy.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
Who sold them drugs. But I know, I just come
walk up to a drug drug because you got to
be a drug that was a pro drug, that was
or you got to be a junk.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
And I was trying to get him some of his
marketingway you're trying to put him.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
I thought, I was going to I thought kill him.
I lized killed him. My hit my pops, get my
pops in my eye with a back knocked his eye out.
But he did for entertainment.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Yeah, oh, this guy's got bad news.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
It wasn't just a guy that well, you know, first off,
it's not the deal his fault.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Okay, So you were trying to sell you were selling
crack successfully.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
I don't think I was successful. More like I worked
under somebody so long enough. I wasn't there long enough
to get successful. They became they did.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
The guy you worked for have a cool street name?
Speaker 3 (11:29):
Yeah he did.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Can you say it or not? Really?
Speaker 2 (11:31):
No?
Speaker 4 (11:32):
Can you mouth it?
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Can you mouth it or give us like kind of
give us like a ballpark zone what it sounds like.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
No, I ain't gonna say it.
Speaker 4 (11:39):
Okay, yeah, no that's fair. Can we call him?
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Why do we get him on the phone? Can I
spell crack? And can I also try to cook crack
better than the crack he sold?
Speaker 3 (11:50):
You? Can? I think with technology.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
It's just simple resume Right, it's just coke with baking soda.
But here's the thing, you got to get the mixture right.
And I had a joke about it like this is
what the it's the.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Extra stuff you put in it too, Like what baby,
whatever you want to cook it with?
Speaker 4 (12:09):
Can you put like vanilla in there?
Speaker 3 (12:12):
You put whatever you want to do it as long
as it as long as it have a good looking
texture and made people come back.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
Okay, So how you cooking? How you cooking crack and
adjusting the recipe while also not doing it?
Speaker 3 (12:23):
No, I'm not cooking it. Like I told her, I
didn't cook.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
You were a soldier, you were in a capo.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
I was, I was, I was, I think I was more.
I don't even I won't even consider myself a soldier.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
But did you give her bomb selling crack?
Speaker 3 (12:36):
I did?
Speaker 2 (12:37):
I did.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
I didn't bomb selling. I didn't bomb. So I did
transition though, So.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
I was the worst transaction.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
When I was getting hit from that uh, that girl
in the car for some rocks. Wow, I was getting
here from this, this this lesbian crackhead. She was doing bad.
She was bombing and bombing on that dick, and I
was playing.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
We gotta get we gotta get her on the shelves.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
I looked up. I couldn't like focus because I looked
up and I saw a father and son play basketball.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
And I realized, is it her father and her son?
Speaker 2 (13:11):
No, just.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
Like in this kind were behind it.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
We find guilt.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
I feel guilt, but I really that's the moment I realized,
whoy Why am I Why I'm sitting in this car
right now? Because I didn't have that, No matter no
matter how much you know, no matter how further I
got in this game. If I if I survived, I
don't think I would have that. I couldn't get that.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
That's what I wanted, the love of your father, that.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Just that time and everything.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
Like Jesus anyway, you're listening to Bombing with Eric Andre,
the saddest podcast in the world.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
This is a bomb.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
With Eric Andre.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
With every concre Hey, what about a time that you
had it had a good time.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Hey, tell me the story about when we were on
tour and we did that drug we did.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
H moment for you.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Yeah, you cried the whole night.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
I was coming on myself like I feels like I'm
getting I've never felt that good restaurant. I was like,
I'm sorry, you can't feel as good as I feel.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Right, We played a show in San Francisco and Tyler
Bradbury had that scientist friend who gave us two C
B or two C some designer psychedelic. So then we're
driving with her on tour and we get to the
tip of western Texas. We get right before I'll pass
so and the tour bus driver goes, I don't care
(14:58):
if you guys have drugs on the bus, but get
him out of here before we hit Texas.
Speaker 3 (15:04):
Roderside, Kid, we gotta taket over.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
He goes. They Yeah, it was like within twenty four
hours we were still high. Yeah, but I was like,
go ahead with the story though. So our bus drivers like,
you gotta get either do all the drugs or get
rid of them before we hit Texas. We're all right,
I got it, and all we had left over was
that ship because we didn't know what we was.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
We was on the state side, was on the state
line between New Messico and Texas, and we was at
a hotel right there on the line.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
So we were like, all right, so we'll do this.
I don't know if it was two C B to see.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
And I'm like, what is like, Eric comment, we want
to do this thing?
Speaker 1 (15:42):
What it is like?
Speaker 3 (15:44):
It's like, uh, it's like M D M A and
acid it. I was like, and I was like, I
never done none of them.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
I don't have.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
This is one thing I just always sometimes it's go
you know what I mean, And we're gonna meditate for this.
When Air just started meditation ship and he's like, I'm
gonna meditate first in twenty minutes and we're gonna take it.
And I was like, all right, cool. So he in
the room, we got his legs, calls. He's doing all
this ship he got. You know, he had that weird
backpillow at the time.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
He was just.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
The spikes on him.
Speaker 4 (16:14):
Yeah, yeah, yeahle spike pad. He's got reader ship now.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
And I'm sitting in the check got some headphones on
the ship and we take it and then they call
us to dinner.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Everybody's in the Yeah, the whole crew. We're going to
a steakhouse on the nes He got goodness, everyone put
this all dinner. Everyone in the steakhouse, everyone, all the
customers look like machete Danny Trill.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
Hey we we go. He's like, Hey, they downstairs, we
gotta go. We gotta go to dinner. And and he's
like I'm finna, Like I'm finna get ready and he
turns his head right. Uh, and then he turns his
head again and I was like.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Okay, that's what listening. I was said, my head, you're
just moved over.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
I said something. But then I was like, I'm like,
I'm a sounding with schizophrenics.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
So I'm just like, I got it. I got to
watch it.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
I was like, what the is that chicken in? Now?
Like you had those thoughts right, you started get parent
and ship and I got into elevat I'm not going
to drop these headphones off to the room and all.
Even before then, I came back to your room, but
you was way down there, remember you called me, And
I was like, and I'm at another door and I'm like,
how you get all.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
The way down? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Yeah, we were sucked up.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
And then the elevator clothes and I saw reflection on
myself in the mirror. You don't want that with the
eyes with the uh the wild wild country eyes with
that with that, and I was like, I took a
photo of myself, and I said, so I went, I
went on Twitter and said something and then uh, I
was just he got in the van really and I
got I went and jumped on the bumper of the
(17:54):
van and I started doing this like the hop hoade.
I was like, turn the white was and they's like,
get your ass in the band, and I got it.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
The rest of the crew is just drunk.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
I don't even know I'm tripping yet. But I sat
next to Jason McDon shout out Jason McDonald.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
And he was like, Jane.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Somebody was sweating and so I had a little fun.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
No, it was Larry, the guy that played fake Me
Man the other guy that played fake Hannibal. I started
Lison JP.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
I leaned into somebody so hard. I talked. I talked
so much ship. I was like your own pick. I
like you smell like Hitler's jacket. After he went through
and did every speech, it just kept saluting the whole time.
You know what I mean, I'm talking, okay. All the
way to the restaurant, I'm like, I want going in.
I'm feeling good too. Okay.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
So but we get to the rest of buffet or whatever.
It's a big banquet kind of table because there's a
bunch of us. The one guy that played fake me, Larry,
He's going super loud. He goes Texas barbecues. Bullshit.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Man.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
You know what, I is the best barbecue. Los Angeles
were like, shut up, man, like not stand out because
Byron Balls, he's like crying and he's grabbing both people's
hands next to him.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
He's like, I'm.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
Tweeting everything, tweeting everything. I like, I just saw the Devil's.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
He coming.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Can't stop.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
We started crying. Then the waitress came by. She's like
and she looks at me and me from the this and.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
What this was triggered the cry because they got steak.
Well they didn't have uh, they didn't have uh mashed potatoes,
so with butter.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
Remember I was like because I was like, you got potatoes.
She was like no, and I and I was like,
you don't have no mess potatoes. She's like, we got
baked potatoes. And I started crying and I was like
bringing butter, bringing a lot of butter.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
First you start crying and I look again, this is
way just you go. Oh your makeup is so your
face yours?
Speaker 3 (20:09):
No, no, no, I was like, hey, hey, it is
like what. I was like, you got the most beautiful makers.
She's like, oh.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Great, okay say that to people and then she's like,
what do you want to eat?
Speaker 2 (20:22):
And was like just just.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Pret big butter. I mean, I've got butter.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
God the people and all I heard, and I was
looking around and ship and I will close my eyes
and I'll see the windows.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
Pipe screen, windows pipe. Okay, that's what we should put
up here. We can see it a trip and we
can get.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
But also it was when vine, the social media vine
was the thing. So Jean was going up to other
people at tables, like pranking people at each table.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Seven seconds next day sitting next to him and the girl.
He was only praying people on dates, like going up
to the sitting next to the girl, We're like white knuckle,
like yeah everon white nu. I'm like, I'm like, I'm
just I'm just tweeting this ship like no liquid coming out,
so I'm trying to figure out what's going on. That's
what it was. It was green and red like that,
(21:21):
and then man, the orgasm was like powerful and then
they just I would stop because I'll be like and
then I stopped, be like whoa. And then it was
just happened like something the triggered me, like the girl
make up or something, and it'll start all over again.
To it started to get like.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
I'm knowing how knowing I feel like, did you know.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
The table? Like, oh, shut up. I was like some
family praying for their food. I'm just like, oh ship
And they carry me out of the restaurant getting more butter.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
I went outside, made myself throw up, didn't do anything
we got.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
I was like, what are they like? He in his
room trying to cut his dick dick off?
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Oh yeah, Then I went back to my room. That
went back to my room.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
I thought I was bad. I thought I had a
bad man. My trip was be good now.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
I was in the bathroom, in the bathtub naked later
that night, looking at my dick like I have to
cut my dick off tonight.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
In the wrong direction.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
I wanted to apologize to the hostess for being a
room and it started sprinkling, and when the rain hit
my face, I started to light come again. And John
and somebody else lifting me up like this with my
legs up, and they carried me out and I ended
up on the tour bus locked. We supposed to go
to the strip club.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Yeah, then the cops did bulls over.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
Right, somebody shut the striper. I think I was tweeting
because I got I had picked up the most fall
like overhead of my life.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Oh yeah, yeah on this run.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
Yeah, because I don't know weiring on, but y'all need
to y'all need to pay attention to his thread. And
I think it just hit like adults swim because I
wasn't even thinking. I'm like, I'm on the corporate thing,
you know what i mean. People hitting me up, Like
I'm like, somebody call me. I'm trying to get a
(23:16):
female to call me, you know what I mean, to
talk that dirty ship in my ear, you know what
I mean, And nobody called me. This guy Mark Seah
Taylor called me, and I'm like, I was like, what
the fuck you doing? He's like, I'm just trying to
make sure. I'm like, yeah, I'm right, you know what
I mean. A bus and nuts on the back of
the tour with.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Us, and then like border patrol came on the bus.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
That's later though. We went to night We went to
a nightclub. We went to a nightclub because I remember going.
You could ask John. We had to go through security.
They like, I was like, I don't think y'all should
pat me down, and we gotta pat you down. I
was like, all right, it's at your own wrist. And
he was patting me, and I was like and we
went to the club. I remember sitting on a bench
(23:53):
and just staring out trying to like figure out, like
wait on everything to come down. And I was like, man,
they don't set us up. We're not gonna go to
the strip club. And then we got on the bus
because we had to pull out that night, and the
bus stopped. We was only two people up.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
He was in the bathroom and like ten like border patrol,
like sheriffs came on. They were like you hiding any
The guy goes you hiding any illegals on the bus
and we were like all still coming down. They're like no.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
He was like aliens and was like oh no, no, no, no,
no least drugs.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
You look at what.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
But the cops. When the cop showed up, it was
me and the bus driver, so he stopped, get first, cough,
get on and uh he looked at me. I'm talking
to him. Eric comes out.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
The best driver didn't say ship too. We had to
do all the talking.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Eric.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Eric come out of the bathroom and I'm like the
cops here. Eric tries to open the bathroom door like
it's a swinging door, but it's a sliding door. So
he's stuck and he stick outside to the.
Speaker 4 (24:53):
Sorry, what what illegal things? You're interested in? Aliens?
Speaker 3 (24:58):
Now? He was his face, He's like, oh, not at
all on here.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
I was like, well, I was like, I'm going to jail.
I didn't eat all the drugs. Not sure.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
Somebody tried to jump off that bus. Oh yeah, somebody
tried to jump off the bus.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
And then we're going eighty miles an hours. Our one tour.
One tour manager we had back in the day. It
was a drug enjoyer, uh, I don't know. And he
would sleep.
Speaker 4 (25:23):
He was just freaking out, so he like call him
and fell down all down here.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Yeah, you'd wake up in the middle of the night
and his like ass was hanging out. Also one time,
the bus driving like ninety miles an hour and he
somehow got it. He slept, walked and got the door
open and he was about to walk out on.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
The bus driving.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Grab them like this the bus drivers, dude say a word,
grabs him, turns him in the back.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
We'll be right back.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Through a floor. He built that hole on the fucking stage.
At one time, he's like, let's go over to scolactics
for this man.
Speaker 3 (25:57):
If you if you just go back in time, Man,
that ship.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Amazing. Now, remember when the doors opened.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
With every Condrey, with every Condrey.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
You've done a lot of movies. What was the most difficult.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Movies I think I had to do. I had to
deal with an HR call late in the lake.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Okay, tell us all about it.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
I was, I was leaving the comedy club and and
I pulled up the set and this guy was like,
you can't park here, and he blocked the street with
a con So I just yanked it around him and
put it put the call on the sidewalk. You know
what I mean. I can part anyway. I want to wait, wait,
wait at the studio or we're on set. We on set,
(26:51):
like live, We're in the streets Baltimore Street. It was
a night shoot it you had y'all love a comedy
club and tumonium. And then I went to I was up,
you know, the show in the club closing. So I
just was like, I go to sit.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
I was still up because they were shooting.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
Yeah, they were shooting.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Why didn't he let you park? It was security for the.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
It was just one of the security of the don't
know ship. I said, but yeah, he's one of like
the p as was like, you know.
Speaker 4 (27:18):
The probably didn't want you to, but he didn't.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
I want to filming. I wasn't filming yet. I had
a whole nother one.
Speaker 4 (27:24):
He didn't know you were in No, I didn't even
know you're in it. No, so but nothing man like
you throwing cones around and pulling here.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
He put the cones on. He put the cones on
the on the sidewalk. I just put them. I just
put the call in the street straight hood style, like
on the sidewalk, Like motherfucker. I could park anywhere I
want to in life. That's how I feel.
Speaker 4 (27:46):
This guy is like making nine dollars an hour and
he's like his way into the industry. Who is this guy?
Speaker 3 (27:51):
I don't know if he was like that, but it
definitely was. He definitely was afraid. I definitely was afraid.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Well, I don't get what he did around the cone.
He ran over the cone.
Speaker 3 (27:59):
No I drove. He put the canes in the street.
I just went around on the side. He tried to
like no, no, no, no, are you like and then
security came. Security came was a black dude. He's like, hey, man,
what He's like, what's going on. I'm like, I'm going
to set and he was like, who are you? I
was like one of the actors on the show Animal
because sold producer on the show. And he was like
(28:19):
he looked at me.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
He looked down. He looked up at me like this.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
He was like, where where your bad And I was like, oh, Ship,
I don't got a badge. I was like my bad
and he was like, man, move is my thunk card?
You know what I mean? I bad a call up.
You put around that and I got an HR call
about it.
Speaker 4 (28:35):
Oh Ship, They're like, you know where your badge is?
Speaker 3 (28:39):
No, we got a bad because I didn't have a
bad You made a great impression.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
It's a good impression. You know what people on set
love is when you show up when you're not supposed
to be there and then park over.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Yeah, yeah I will.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
I'm in the town. I will show up to sit
probably hard, okay, coming in hot. I come in hot too.
Nobody knows who, cause nobody knows who I am always
coming in hot. You don't know what the fuck going on?
You at stell on your toes. Sometimes life happened fast,
you know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (29:13):
You coming as aggressive, just like expecting all the problems.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Everybody super stressed.
Speaker 4 (29:20):
Eighty that was yelling, you don't know who I am.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
Hollywood. Ain't life Sometimes real life is like.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
So you come in, You're like Big Jagger, just cracking
open coconut waters, chuck a glass.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Real street. I'll just drive by sens. Just keep going.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
That's what you should do for fun, you know.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
Keep people on their toes. Sometimes they be on their
phone on Twitter and ship you like, look up, motherfucker.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Yeah, I think you should bring I think you should
be fully armed, armed and dangerous armed.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
Don't ever have a badge.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Come to the days you aren't shooting.
Speaker 4 (29:58):
So go to any set.
Speaker 3 (29:59):
Another In comedy wise, when I wrote those, I wrote
those first two jokes. My second joke I ever wrote
it was about well.
Speaker 4 (30:08):
Do it now, don't tell us about it, do it
right now.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
No.
Speaker 3 (30:11):
I know. It's like you haven't been caught looking through
somebody window when he's supposed to be looking through somebody
One time I went around. One time I went around
to the window.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
And.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
You know, and it was a lady in there. She
just got the shower and ship. She was trying off
a Byron bat fat titties. She had a fat ass,
you know what I mean. She's drying off and I'm
looking at her, and she turned around. She was like, boy,
what the fuck you're looking at And I was like, mom,
I left my key in the house.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
That's good.
Speaker 4 (30:49):
That's a good joke.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
I was when I did that joke.
Speaker 4 (30:52):
That's is mine.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
Oh the joke.
Speaker 4 (30:56):
I left my key.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
Town on a Sunday. And I probably as through the
premise of that joke and everybody was like.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
People was like, I didn't know a joke. I think
you still told the story.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
Transfer transition so fast you.
Speaker 4 (31:13):
Couldn't even get to the kid and really cute.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
But me me realized I'm not relatable kind of mat
made me like better.
Speaker 4 (31:23):
That's like everybody that's the balls in there. They think
it's like I'm gonna like walk down this path that
everybody's gonna throw stones at me the entire time because
they don't understand where we're going yet.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
Yeah, Kevin Hart, I think it was a time when
Kevin Hart was big. He's big, but he was like
he was here, he was and I was like, man,
I can never be that dude. And I was like
and I started like like why not. And I'm like, man,
I'm the son of an addict, and you know I
ain't that joyous. And you know, then I did that
this is not happened when I talked about getting my
dick suck and by the thing.
Speaker 4 (31:53):
And then people were writing me like that's when people
started looking.
Speaker 3 (31:56):
People started looking at like, man, I stopped hearing that's
your story or you know, my my parents also, And
I just started talking about doing bits about stuff that
made me not relatable to my friends now you know
what I mean.
Speaker 4 (32:11):
And they came when you just stopped, when you just
started being really honest.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
Yeah, brutally honest about your short short you know that.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
Yeah, but people reach out to me that Like after
I saw your said, I started doing heroin which which
season get one of each?
Speaker 3 (32:31):
I know, I know any season he gets somebody to
do some crazy ship after like inspired by you know
what I mean, like a fan out in the multi discipline.
It looks so undisciplined, but I'm like, this ship is
so disciplined that once one season he was musty. Yeah,
one season had most of one season he was fat.
(32:52):
It's like it's a level of discipline, man. A lot
of people don't got you know.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Remember when Sam j came on the show just the
co host for an episode. She's like, I thought this
was just like you're just winging a bunch of far Chucks.
It's like such a fucking it's a machine.
Speaker 4 (33:08):
Yeah, it's a machine with a lot of moving pieces.
She was, I'm not I'm not a fan.
Speaker 3 (33:16):
I couldn't do it. I was like, it's so such
a complicated thing. The first time I showed up to
work with I remember seeing Eric on a bike on
Wheelcox what you ended up staying on? I was like,
I'm doing a show in San Diego.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Remember way too long?
Speaker 3 (33:33):
No, it was fun. And he had me come to
the show with Jermaine Foul and shout out to Jermaine
fil and we went to uh it was It wasn't
Proud Boys, but it was something like that with Clan
with Clan out tea pot went to a tea party
meeting three black dudes.
Speaker 4 (33:50):
Oh that that was clan for a minute.
Speaker 3 (33:53):
Hung out Confederate flash like the police on the way
we pulled of the thing mirror and the cops was
just pulling in as we was pulling out. It was
like a bank robbery.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
Yeah, it was down in dirty this first season. I
got arrested. Oh yeah, we didn't know how to really
produce pranks.
Speaker 4 (34:13):
Yea, the show, the show start. I was in the
pilot that never aired.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
It aired in the boatrooms where you want to be
right right, my I don't even believe when I say this.
Speaker 4 (34:25):
Well they did that. I mean I don't know. I
showed up and it's like ragtag sat and you're like
you just mereiately hit me like a pint glass of
Jack Daniels and I was like, I don't know, man,
I got to be a guest on your show. And
you're like, no, you're playing Fergie and you're gonna wear
this red jumpsuit and also here's Salvia and you're on.
Speaker 3 (34:43):
Now that's what it is. Yeah, it's like you all now.
It was like what, yeah, you're on now you're actually
you have been on. Yeah. It's like, all right, we're
gonna get these Confederate flass to the tea party members,
you know what I mean, Orange Cat already it's happening
and go they come, yea yeah, and I'm like, wait,
wait what it's seventy degrees. I got on the cash
(35:06):
mill swell that the wardrobe gave.
Speaker 4 (35:08):
Me risk in your life.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
What's the sex ball? What's your sex ball?
Speaker 4 (35:13):
I never have sex bumps.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
I know you did. I was with you in Ja
parent it was a sex bomb. I know what I
was trying to do out there. I didn't go down. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
that was six ball, you.
Speaker 4 (35:23):
Know kind of.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (35:24):
It wasn't great. I mean, if that's if you want
to talk about that. I don't even think it's good.
I think it's just gruss. But uh, you know, it
was just a real fluid trip. And I was there
with my girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
Yeah, it was definitely but we was me and my
cousins are outside of our friends.
Speaker 4 (35:40):
Our friends had brought their girlfriend. Our friends, who are
a couple, had brought.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
Their girlfriend their unicorn, their unicorn.
Speaker 4 (35:48):
They brought the unicorn and she was just their girlfriend.
They was like and they would call her like their
play toy.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
They was just.
Speaker 3 (35:54):
She. Yeah, get into all that. But it was very inspiring.
It was very inspiring. And I was telling my cousins like,
that's how my nixt relationship.
Speaker 4 (36:08):
Yeah, that's I thought the same. I was like, we
could do this. And then so with my girlf at
the time, at one, like the one of the final
nights that the Unicorn girl just started like really macking
on my girlfriend and I was like, here we go,
it's our turn, it's our third, like this is the night.
And then they were just like making out on this
dance floor. And then then the girl went away and
my girlfriend came over and I was like, so here
(36:30):
we go, here we go. This is gonna be good, right,
and she's like, no, she creeps me out. Let's get
out of here.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Over there, like damn on your girlfriend's side of knowing these.
Speaker 4 (36:41):
No, I think she had the right instinct.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
The unicorn was tough.
Speaker 3 (36:45):
Instinct man, sometimes kicking out the bust of nut, you
know what I mean. And that's what he was at
the moment. Ten days in.
Speaker 4 (36:54):
It was like ten days in.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
Yeah, so you already like building building up. But I
got my relationship exactly, probably like six months after that,
and it was nothing like that.
Speaker 4 (37:05):
You got out of your relation.
Speaker 3 (37:06):
I got in the one and I was like, okay,
well that's so by out of that dream.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (37:11):
Yeah, No, I don't think it's a dream, man. Actually,
I think it's a real pain in the ass to
like just be constantly having sex with two beautiful women.
Speaker 3 (37:21):
I had sex with two. I wouldn't but they they're
they're they're different quality. They're not l A. You can't
based on l A numbers. They on the metric system,
you know. Is that uh huh no, they're gonna hear it.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
I don't.
Speaker 4 (37:42):
A lot.
Speaker 3 (37:43):
It was. It was where, Yeah, I can't say what
part of your body, oh my head, my tip of
my penis about what part of my body? Oh this
happened ship. I don't know, man, it's probably two thirds
between to thirteen or something like that. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (38:04):
Yeah, thirteen to two fifteen people.
Speaker 3 (38:09):
She was a great experience, you know what I mean
for what it was worked.
Speaker 4 (38:12):
Yeah, I never had I never never actually had a threesome.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
It's not good if you got trust issues because you're
looking at the motherfucker. Yeah, you look you like you're
just looking at the other motherfucker while you're inside the
other person, and you just like you just like this
person about to try to get my wallet out of
my pants, you know.
Speaker 4 (38:31):
So it is the type of trust issues like that
were the problem that it was like, I'm gonna get jealous.
Speaker 3 (38:39):
You would enjoy bad.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
On you finally have a three way and you're worried
about your wallet.
Speaker 3 (38:44):
Like, yeah, man, I'm from a I'm from a place
where people would get robbed during those times or meet
a girl and.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
It might be worried that you just cancel your cards.
You don't carry cash on anyway. He's venmo and cash
but that ship.
Speaker 3 (38:57):
Yeah, but I'm going to prepay. I'm going to prepay
cars if I counseling my little loose my five hundred.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
I had a three way in Canada one time and
one of the girls, uh stole all my little liquor
bottles out of my refrigerator, like the mini fridge.
Speaker 4 (39:11):
Like that, they raped the hotel fridge.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
They robbed the hotel mini fridge.
Speaker 4 (39:15):
She deserves us.
Speaker 1 (39:16):
Yeah, but each way it was very.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
Bus you know, a bus early and then like you
like keep going, like no, you keep going and your
just like, yeah, they're starting to go gummy, and you
like you're trying to get them last thrust.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
Yeah that's like around. Yeah, not without a fucking Viagara
or something. You're not turning that around. No, you just
like worms lights are out and eighteen fucking Clydesdale and.
Speaker 3 (39:45):
Then you see the disappointment in them, but you still
like as a guy, you're still thrusting like you got
you still like yeah, but you knowing like it's just
it's a little child.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
And you like that.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
You just like, mommy, what what do you read?
Speaker 4 (40:03):
You become like you're just a kid who misses.
Speaker 3 (40:06):
Some funking ump ship. This happened, and there's nobody to turn.
Speaker 4 (40:08):
You want to you want to keep around the house
and see my mother, Like, I.
Speaker 3 (40:12):
Know, I need a hood right now. This is bad,
you know what I mean? That's what you go to.
Speaker 4 (40:18):
Yeah, yeah, you're like jackal and hide.
Speaker 3 (40:22):
You know.
Speaker 4 (40:22):
It's like you're like you're mister Hyde like that, I'm
gonna rip things up. And then it's like it happens,
and then you're like, what have I done?
Speaker 2 (40:33):
I gotta get to work.
Speaker 4 (40:34):
I got to get to work.
Speaker 3 (40:35):
This is there a god?
Speaker 1 (40:37):
I don the ultimate gods.
Speaker 3 (40:38):
I'm trying to think because I'm in I'm in the
cars a lot, and I work on my car, and
I'm trying to think of a good car bomb I
put some I got this. I paid for. My first
German car was anin forty four Porstie, and I got
it for nineteen hundred dollars. I was still sleeping on
couches too, and I was going through a divorce and
I I put some tires on it. I went to
(41:02):
pit Bulls, like, give me the cheapest tire, like this
is the side the DJ Pep Boys a Pep Boy.
Yeah yeah, And I was like, I was like, let
me get these size tires and they was like, these
are the tires that should go on that car. And
I was like, no, I want this size and they
was like these, this car goes one hundred and fifty hours,
should put these on it. And I'm like, man, funk all.
Speaker 4 (41:22):
That, Like you guys do know cars.
Speaker 3 (41:24):
I'm like, I'm driving on the street. What the fuck?
I looked like, you know, I'm not doing one hundred
and fifty in this car. This is like shirt like no,
I was, no, I was on regular. I was. It
was all stocked, but one tire was like like one
seventy for one tire and the other tires was like
one seventy for all four like yeah, and they like
(41:45):
but that tire blong was on on a van and
I was like, so I put them tires on the car.
And I was on the freeway and I hit the
brakes and the car was slide. It was just sliding
to the next car, and I was screamed.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
I'll be like.
Speaker 3 (42:01):
Because I couldn't. I couldn't stop the car. And I
remember screaming and the car stopped and I was still screaming,
and I looked over and people on the expressway was
looking at me like what. And I'm literally like white
knuk on this thing, just screaming. You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (42:17):
Did you hear the car run?
Speaker 3 (42:19):
No? No, but I did.
Speaker 1 (42:21):
You got in some car accidents?
Speaker 3 (42:22):
Yeah, I had a bunch of class when I was younger,
though Kara Karma paid me back. But I had like
eleven hitting runs and like things like that. You know,
that's how you learn how to drive.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
Were you such a bad driver?
Speaker 3 (42:34):
Learn how the pressure, the pressure, the pressure, the pressure
getting away makes you sharp?
Speaker 1 (42:41):
What the the cops are the people that you want?
Like you're stealing, robbing and stealing?
Speaker 3 (42:51):
No, you got a student drive. My first accident, I
was trying to make it home before Martin re Run
showed and I ran a light and I got hit.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
So you're like a horrible driver, You're like a mess. No,
it's just like a car guy having accidents. It's pretty bad.
Speaker 3 (43:06):
It was more than I said eleven here, Why are
you constantly just like red light?
Speaker 1 (43:09):
Green light? What's the difference?
Speaker 3 (43:11):
WHOA At the time, it is like.
Speaker 4 (43:13):
You know, we recorded all this.
Speaker 3 (43:16):
Yeah, I was like, nineteen good, Okay, I paid all
my Camba debt, you know, and now I'm driving. I'm
a good driver, So I drive all nine eleven because
never forget.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
Yeah, because not forgetting.
Speaker 3 (43:28):
My special called spiritual Nigga checked that out. It's on
Hulu Disney and nine eleven. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (43:40):
We like tipped on that.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
Nine eleven is a master number in numerology.
Speaker 4 (43:47):
Are you into numerology? This is the biggest bomb. This
is about to be the biggest bomb. You're into numerology?
What's your lucky number?
Speaker 3 (43:56):
I don't know that. I can't get that far. Just
nine eleven, eleven eleven, nine eleven. I'm like, you're damn right.
Speaker 4 (44:05):
Oh yeah, okay, you have that. You look at license
plates you see nine eleven all the time.
Speaker 3 (44:08):
Ship Like at my clock, I definitely not living.
Speaker 1 (44:10):
Yeah, and in my in my uh in my driveway
broken clock right twice a day.
Speaker 4 (44:16):
And a broken country is right, two towers we gotta take.
Speaker 3 (44:26):
No, that's part of it. If I if I said
some ship, you definitely don't leave that ship in there.
Speaker 4 (44:30):
Okay, I just you know, you just sometimes you gotta.
Speaker 1 (44:32):
Just so bad at driving.
Speaker 3 (44:35):
It wasn't it's just a decision making.
Speaker 1 (44:37):
To get in an accident, you just.
Speaker 3 (44:39):
Draw, you know. And now now I tried like day
trading a little bit. You just you just sometimes take
a chance when you shouldn't be taking chances.
Speaker 4 (44:48):
You don't take chances, now do you in the car?
Speaker 1 (44:50):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (44:52):
Sometimes I don't know.
Speaker 3 (44:53):
I don't think so. I think everything is calculated.
Speaker 4 (44:55):
When you get people to care about that, right, Yeah. Yeah,
So it makes it harder to just like bop around.
Speaker 3 (45:01):
It makes you allder like, it makes you wanter like
like do certain things, but certain things, you know. I mean,
I luckily California have canyons and these places where you.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
Can go and do that. Yeah, did you get did
you fuck anybody up in these accidents?
Speaker 4 (45:16):
No, you're just looking at their car.
Speaker 3 (45:18):
No, I got in one. This would this would change,
this would change. I was I was twenty five years old.
A friend of mine owed me some money. I think
it was like thirty five forty dollars, and I was
I was at my my ex girl house and he's like,
come get the money, and it was always on the
other side of town, and I was mad. I had
this ninety two prelude, the one I drove out here,
and I'm just driving to get the money. Upset. I
(45:40):
got to go back over there. Zig zaggon call yeah yeah.
And I get to the house. I ain't got no insurance,
no none of that ship, you know what I mean,
which is common when you breaks, when when you're nineteen
twenty through twenty five, is common not to have insurance
and ship, you know what I mean. If you from
where I'm from, who gives a fuck? Uh yeah, so
(46:02):
uh uh. I get out here, like man, I gotta
go to the ATM. I get out of my car,
go to his car, come back. It's like four police
at the ride of my car and they just feeling
on the hood of the car. They's just touching the
car and we're like, what's up. And they was like,
who's been driving this car? This car is warm, but
(46:23):
it's not supposed to be driven. Tags had been expired,
like over over the year, somebody's been driving his car
and I'm like, well, it's my car. And then the
lady was like come here. She's like, you've been driving
his car and I was like, sometimes I turn it
on to keep it all literally, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (46:40):
And she's like, she's like, well, a black female, you
can get none of that ship.
Speaker 3 (46:48):
She was like, look, she's like, this is what I'm
gonna do. She's like, you see that car up there,
and it was like a little four one, all black,
clean four one up there, and I was like, yeah.
She was like, you hit his car. I was like what,
She's like, you hit his car. Come here, let me
tell you something. And I go and it's a smug
of paint for my on his car. So I was
(47:09):
when I was I nicked this car? Such a clean nick.
Yeah it was a.
Speaker 4 (47:14):
Scratch given an autograph.
Speaker 3 (47:15):
Yeah, so much because I had to cut through cars.
Speaker 4 (47:20):
He's angry, nineteen years old.
Speaker 3 (47:22):
I'm driving like I'm like two, But I couldn't say
like hit. The discratch was so little it buffed out,
you know. But she was like, I need you to
repair his car, but I'm gonna give you. I'm gonna
charge you with Phelix. Scene up accident hit him run
phase to do this phase. I had like five charges,
which is bad for a black dude in the South.
Speaker 2 (47:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (47:43):
Whatever. So she was like, if you get his car repair,
I'm gonna drop all the charges. And I was like
all right. And I my homeboy, who owned the valet company,
who deal with cars all the time, got his car
taking care of and I was like, hey, man, you
know somebody for uh you know, for the do community service.
(48:04):
He's like, yeah, my homegirl work at the Why. I
was like, set that up, but she could signed the
paperwork for me, just in case this thing ain't gonna work,
you know what I mean. And I remember going to
court the only time I thought about slapping my mama.
I went to.
Speaker 4 (48:17):
Court Other than that fas, you know what.
Speaker 3 (48:20):
I mean, But uh the uh I go. I go
to court and I remember sitting at my girl there
and my mama there, and they called they and I
look and I looked back and I felt like I
was like, man, this is how Bobby Brown feel. I
remember having that thought because I was like seeing them
(48:40):
in the back of the room. I knew where this
thing would go if I didn't get my shit together.
Speaker 4 (48:46):
When your family rallies behind you.
Speaker 1 (48:48):
It take.
Speaker 3 (48:49):
But this always happened because by by the time you
like twenty five people have been to jail, you know,
like numerous times, et cetera, murder.
Speaker 1 (48:54):
Cases, lesbian crackhead giving you a blowjob at this moment.
Speaker 3 (48:58):
No, no, no, no, no, I'm what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (49:03):
Exactly.
Speaker 4 (49:03):
That's how you learned lessons.
Speaker 3 (49:05):
I think I would have had more. I would have
been less nervous if that would have been happening, you
know what I mean, more attentive to what was going on.
But I remember, for the next time, I felt like
I was bombing in life, though I was bombing in
life at the time. Yeah, because you know, I'm at
a pivotal age. And he was like when the Bowers
party come to the front and my mom stood up
(49:26):
in the back and I'm watching her. She walked all
the way to the front and got on her knees
and start praying.
Speaker 4 (49:31):
I was like, this is that's not that's not good.
Speaker 3 (49:33):
It's not good, you know, And.
Speaker 1 (49:35):
I think said she walked to the front st roasting.
Speaker 4 (49:38):
Oh no, no, she started saying, I got socks for you.
Speaker 3 (49:42):
But I'm like, man, this this judge will come out.
This cop is here, she's gonna drop the charges. Old
white dude gonna be like, yeah, you can go. And
then this black judge came out, female and I was like, oh, oh,
that's not remind her some niggas.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
She dazing.
Speaker 3 (50:01):
So her nephew ain't doing shit with his life, and
she was stern. She sat down and uh. The cop
was like, Yanna, this guy did what he said he
was gonna do. Hed. He kept his word. I'm gonna
drop I'm gonna drop his charges. And she was like, oh,
he got a history of this. He's not dropping the charges.
(50:25):
Like you gotta do something, you gotta do some some
time or whatever. And then I was like, y'all, I'm sorry.
I can't do no time because I'm in college. And
my mom stood up and she walked up to my
face and she was like, you're not in college. And
I was like, mama, right now. I was like, man,
I a hit this mother up. I was like, Mama,
I'm in college. And then she just turned him. She
(50:47):
was like he's in college, y'all. Yah. And I was like,
can I do community service? And she was like, yeah,
you know what, I'll let you do community service. She
gave me like fifteen thousand hours or yeah, it's like mom,
I called it shut. I already had a playing beast
I called the person. I was like Sondy's uh, Sonny's papers,
and I had to get on probation and stuff, and
I took photos of the tattoos and everything like that, and
(51:09):
I was like that, I donam the caine.
Speaker 1 (51:10):
So you didn't have to do the fifteen hundred dollars. Yeah,
but I had somebody. I didn't have to physically do
it spiritually.
Speaker 3 (51:16):
Right, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (51:20):
He's a jumping one and only Byron back. Where is everybody?
Speaker 3 (51:26):
They got a dog? Wake Up.
Speaker 1 (51:31):
With Eric Condred Bombing with Eric Andres brought to you
by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.
Our executive producer is Olivia Aguilar. Our producer is Bei Wang.
Our research assistant is David Carliner. Our editor and sound
designers Andy Harris, and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg.
Co Rate us five stars and drop a review on
your podcast app a choice
Host
Eric Andre
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