Battle of the Tinder Dates (11/26/25)

Tinder is fun, but the dates don’t always work out, and can sometimes be really… really bad. Two of our listeners battle HEAD-to-HEAD to see who has the most tragic dating life in our segment, Battle of the Tinder Dates!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Two hopeless theaters, one dating app, then dares you swipe right.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
The question is whose love life is more tragic.

Speaker 3 (00:11):
It's Battle of the Tinder Dates. It's a dating game
show that dresses like thingos on his profile claims he's
twenty six, but really he's three thousand years old. Okay,
you couldn't tell, though. It's Battle of the Tinder Dates. Yeah,
where two of our listeners go ahead to head to
find out whose dating life is the most tragic. Let's
explain the rules in justice. Second. First, we got to

(00:32):
meet today's contestants. In this corner, her secret to seducing
men is seductively flaring her nostrils along to the beat
of thriller. Oh, and that's why she's known as nasal Hazel. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
You're working those nostrils out, aren't you, Hazel. Yeah?

Speaker 3 (00:51):
Yeah, it's hard to do. That's talent. And in the
other corner, she'll let a guy know that she's really
into him by men rising his birthday and all sixteen
digits of his credit card. Lisa, Lisa, I bet so.

Speaker 1 (01:10):
Many mentall in love with you every day every day?

Speaker 2 (01:17):
Maybe illegal?

Speaker 3 (01:18):
Yeah, he has no credit limit though he is. How
the game works. One contestant's going to start by telling
one of their worst dating stories than the other one
try and counter with a nightmare story of their own.
We're going back and forth for three rounds until we
declare a winner. We're going to start things off with
nasal Hazel.

Speaker 2 (01:33):
Okay, So a guy came over to my place and
I made it such your couterie board.

Speaker 3 (01:38):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (01:38):
Now he's never had before, like ever in his life. Oh,
because he started seeing he couldn't stop talking about how
much he loved it. Like this went on and on.

Speaker 3 (01:48):
And that's a compliment. That's a good thing, right. He
had a thousand charcouterie boards and I still can't stop
talking about how much I love them while I'm eating them.
And Lisa appreciates all your work.

Speaker 2 (01:57):
Yeah, well this one was apparently more amazing than me,
because like I went to the restroom after that, okay,
and all of a sudden, I hear the door slam
and I look out the window. He's leaving with my
charcuterie board.

Speaker 3 (02:14):
He stole it board.

Speaker 2 (02:17):
He just took everything, the board, the cheeses, everything. Oh.

Speaker 3 (02:21):
I mean, but you find that perfect blue oh man, Yeah,
with a little fig spread we're gonna go off on
cheesus for too long. Let's move on to Lisa. Lisa go.

Speaker 1 (02:32):
A guy asked if I wanted to watch the Barbie
movie with him, you know, Green Flag Off.

Speaker 3 (02:37):
Yeah, that's great.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
I thought so too. He sent me his address to
meet him, and I go inside and he has a
puppet stand set up with Barbie's.

Speaker 3 (02:50):
He's gonna act it out. They're already doing the live
action version out.

Speaker 1 (02:54):
The whole movie.

Speaker 3 (02:58):
That's actually amazing.

Speaker 2 (02:59):
I've made it go.

Speaker 3 (03:00):
There is some talents education for me.

Speaker 1 (03:03):
It was wild. I ran I ran out. Yeah, well,
don't spoil the ending for yeah.

Speaker 3 (03:12):
All right on around to Hazel, We're back to you.

Speaker 2 (03:15):
I went to with a guy. We talked about work
on the day, especially my job. He seems super interested
in it, to the point that I thought, okay, he
has to be bored now right. Yeah. Well, a week
after our date, I get fired and get who they
hired your lacy?

Speaker 1 (03:31):
No, No, he was doing research about the job position
by Danny's hired him.

Speaker 2 (03:37):
It turns out we were in a summer field and
after our hangout, he just contacted my boss and said
I bad mouthed him and took my job.

Speaker 1 (03:45):
Oh it's so diabolical.

Speaker 3 (03:49):
It's brilliant. That is a smart man. He deserves that job. Okay, Lisa,
what do you got?

Speaker 1 (03:56):
Guy invited me to dinner at a friend's house. We
go there, there's a group of people, there's a few kids.
Don't tell me this guy showed up with a charcuterie board,
charcterie guide. But okay, but about mid dinner, one of
the kids comes running up and goes, daddy, Oh.

Speaker 3 (04:19):
You didn't realize he was a father before the day.

Speaker 1 (04:22):
No, no mention of any children. Oh god, and so sorry.
We're at my ex wife's house and these are my kids. Okay,
I mean good that they have a working relationship.

Speaker 2 (04:40):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (04:41):
On our third final round stories, ladies start with you, Hazel.

Speaker 2 (04:46):
Okay. I guy some Tinder picked me up for the date.
He asked if we could stop by a birthday party
first before we like, hey, you mind dropping by for
five minutes to see my friends just to say yeah?
I said, okay. And we get to this ten year
old nephew's house. Right, it's his ten year old nephew. Okay,
And as the family is singing, blowing out candles, my

(05:08):
gate sneaks out to the present table and I catch
him opening cards and like taking money out. He sees
me watching him, and he holds up the cash and whispers,
we got dreat money. The ten year old can't spend
it at the bar.

Speaker 3 (05:30):
But so you dated a cheese thief, then a job thief,
and then finally a money thief. Yes, all the thiefs, Lisa,
it's your last chance, all right.

Speaker 1 (05:40):
I actually went out with a guy as a plus
one to a wedding. Oh wow, yeah, it was fancy.
Loved it well. Later at the reception, he asked if
I could record him while he goes up to the bride.
I'm thinking maybe he's going to do something sweet, beautiful,
and I look the camera and no. He grabs a

(06:01):
piece of cake and smashes it in her face.

Speaker 3 (06:06):
Look into her mouth.

Speaker 1 (06:09):
On top of that, he yelled, I'm not a wedding
crash er. I'm a wedding musha.

Speaker 2 (06:18):
Funny, it is.

Speaker 3 (06:19):
Kind of funny.

Speaker 1 (06:19):
No. No, he was beaten up by a couple of
guys and they escorted me out and asked me not
to return.

Speaker 2 (06:28):
Oh and then some.

Speaker 3 (06:31):
Face bashing right after the final bells. That means we
need to go to the scoreboard, flexus, who's your voat
go to so hard?

Speaker 2 (06:38):
I'm gonna go Hazel because her charcootery board got taken.

Speaker 3 (06:41):
We got one for Hazel Brooke.

Speaker 1 (06:43):
Wedding smash Lisa, hands.

Speaker 3 (06:45):
Down, Jose, you're the final choice. I gotta go with
Hazel for felations, nasl Hazel, you got one of the
most tragic dating lives around.

Speaker 2 (06:58):
Awesome. Finally, some retributed four today.

Speaker 3 (07:03):
Yeah, that was Battle of the Tender Days. We got
your phone tap coming up next.