February 26, 2024 • 8 mins
Weird news stories from around the world… with a healthy dose of lasers added in. Does it make sense? No not really, but it doesn’t HAVE TO… it’s Laser Stories!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
It's the radio segment that just invented a brand new
board game for kids called Hey in a Needle Stack,
where blindfolded toddlers reach their hands into a pile of
three hundred sharp needles to look for that one rascally
strand of.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Hair's supposed to get around mom. Finally that doesn't hurt.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
The first kid to find it wins. It's Laser Stories,
the second where we read weird news stories around the globe,
just like everyone else does, except we've got a laser
and so the pokadopes just don't. This first laser story
is out of New York City. Forty eight year old
Mickey Burretto moved to New York from la and he
rented a room in the Towering New Yorker Hotel. And
(00:46):
that's when his boyfriend told him about a loophole that
allows occupants of single rooms in buildings constructed before nineteen
sixty nine to demand a six month lease. Oh man,
and since Mickey had paid for a night in the hotel,
he claimed that he counted as a tenant.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
It's not an apartment building.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Hold on, though, so he asked for a lease, and
the hotel promptly kicked him out.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Okay, darn nice, try squad in hotels now.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Well that's when he took his case all the way
up to the State Supreme Court. Whoa, And it just
so happened that the building's owners didn't show up for
the trial, so Mickey one by default. No, he lives there.
He got a key to his new hotel apartment and
moved in.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Shut up, what are they amazing?
Speaker 1 (01:36):
This is the crazy part. Apparently the owners were so
mad about it they never wanted to negotiate a lease
with him, and so they couldn't kick him out, so
he went on living there for a whole year free
of charge. Wow, I could think to be so mad
they'd try to take all his money. They didn't even
want to see him, so he didn't even have to
(01:56):
sign anything.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
So all you have to do to get free ret
is become the worst, the most obnoxious person in the building.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Yeah, I'm almost there, and that's hard to do in
New York. Yeah, my god, imagine But how long did
this go on? Five years later? Wow, Nickey was still there.
I'm in the New Yorker building not paying a dime. Wow,
you guys be in New York City for free. But
then he got greedy and started claiming he owned the building.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Okay, the power is gone head.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
He said that since the hotel had never been subdivided
and a judge gave him possession of the one room,
he therefore technically owned the entire thing.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
If you look up, push your luck in the guy.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
So he changed the utilities count to say that he
was the owner and demanded the hotel transfer all of
their bank accounts over to him.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Okay, Vicky, get a job.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Sadly, it all came to an end last week when
cop showed up and arrested Mickey for filing false property records.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Yeah, there it is, sorry, Mickey Malone, and he'll get
him a little close to the sun. He gets another
free stay, but this time in jail.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
I own this jail now.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
His next laser story is out of Mesa, Arizona. Multiple
people called nine one one the other day to report
alligators swimming around a lake in a city park. Who
that's the type of thing That kind of sounds like
it'd be a prank. Yeah, totally, but they still dispatch
the fire department, police, and Fish and Wildlife to the scene,
(03:30):
and after observing the two mammoth gators floating peacefully for
over thirty minutes.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
They were really there. It was real.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Apparently the city added some realistic looking foam gators for
birds and turtles to sit off. Oh my god, it
looks so real.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Yeah, the picture right now, the city, you know, like
put up a side.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Yeah, well that's fun. You'd like to see the screaming
kids running in terrorce So authorities laughed it off and laughed. Unfortunately,
the nine one one calls kept coming in.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Imagine, so good, we could fix this so easily.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Some people who like to go swim in that lake
were fully convinced that they were real.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
One woman even claimed a gator latched onto her boyfriend's
fishing line and put up a twenty minute struggle with it.
Stories Despite the confusion, doesn't sound like the city plans
to remove them anytime soon.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
It's broad.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
In fact, they actually just doubled down and added two
enormous foam hippos, which are styrofoam hippo heads that float
around the pond. But with the hippo heads, it does
look like they're lurking underneath the water about to attack
with just their heads out.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
There's an actual, real hippo in there, Jeffrey, and they
don't believe it.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
I'm willing to take my chances with that. This next
laser stories out of tech trends. It's amazing that we
have cars that can drive themselves, computers that can think
for themselves, and yet we're still dealing with the same
printer problems we always have. Seriously, how many times does
our printer breakout?
Speaker 2 (05:06):
There?
Speaker 1 (05:07):
It really has.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
We spend more time on that than any other saying it's.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
True, And somehow the office printer nightmare is only about
to get worse because HP Hewlett Packard said that their
plan is to make printing a subscription only service. So
assume companies will have only one option for Toner and
ink cartridges, and that's to subscribe to it like Netflix.
(05:31):
Oh my gosh, we play netflixund effect. Apparently HP has
been a temn idiot customers to do this for years
via their instant ink program.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Okay, if it's not working, then it's because it's not
a good idea yea. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Well, they admit that they lose money on printer sales
and rely on high profit margins from ink supplies and
paper to make up the difference. So this is what
they're going with.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
That's why the cartridges cost so much.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Yeah, yeah, that's why the bankrupt a different this model.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
I hate that.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
I wonder if that means password sharing with our radio
station printer is allowed.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Oh what do you mean, like we can like hack
into somebody else's.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
Yeah, that'll be our charity for this year. We'll just
give out our printer this next Laser stories out of
word World. Dictionary dot Com just added three hundred and
twenty seven new words and terms, including a bunch that
gen zers like to use. Here're the ones that are
catching people's attention. Number five the ick overused now though
(06:36):
I swear everything gives everyone a nick.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
As soon as I start saying it, it'll be over.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
The definition is a sudden feeling of disgust or dislike,
often in response to the actions of another. Number four
is mid Oh yeah, okay, means mediocre, unimpressive, or disappointing.
If you're any of those things, you're mid, but like
it's funny because you're saying or mediocre average, but it's
(07:01):
really an insult. Yeah, that's just super. It means you're
nothing special.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
I think even mediocre is still yeah, would love to be.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
It's not just people. You can use it to describe
movies and radio shows too. They can also be radio
right now. Number three the word bustin' That means great, wonderful,
or amazing, like the opposite of mid Number two, bubne.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Is that way you get old and your boobs finally
go down to where they.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
No, it's not describing your boobs, bro it means pimples
or a rash caused by your bra and you get boobney.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
I really didn't want them to go down that.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
And finally, one of the top gen Z slang terms
to recently make it all the way to dictionary dot com,
girl dinner. It's an oftenly attractively presented collection of snacks
that involve very little preparation.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
It's like, why can't my kids eat just bread and
cheese for dinner?
Speaker 1 (08:01):
And seriously, I know I know someone who'd be busting
all over a girl dinner with this guy.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
He didn't like that they gave you the ick. Yeah.
When Jeff tries to us he.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Loves a little collection of stacks as long as they're
not mid with boobney on them, then he gets the
get that's how It's Laser stories is over. Let's do
it again, same time On Wednesday
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Brook and Jeffrey in the morning,
It's the radio segment that just invented a brand new
board game for kids called Hey in a Needle Stack,
where blindfolded toddlers reach their hands into a pile of
three hundred sharp needles to look for that one rascally
strand of.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Hair's supposed to get around mom. Finally that doesn't hurt.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
The first kid to find it wins. It's Laser Stories,
the second where we read weird news stories around the globe,
just like everyone else does, except we've got a laser
and so the pokadopes just don't. This first laser story
is out of New York City. Forty eight year old
Mickey Burretto moved to New York from la and he
rented a room in the Towering New Yorker Hotel. And
(00:46):
that's when his boyfriend told him about a loophole that
allows occupants of single rooms in buildings constructed before nineteen
sixty nine to demand a six month lease. Oh man,
and since Mickey had paid for a night in the hotel,
he claimed that he counted as a tenant.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
It's not an apartment building.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Hold on, though, so he asked for a lease, and
the hotel promptly kicked him out.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Okay, darn nice, try squad in hotels now.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Well that's when he took his case all the way
up to the State Supreme Court. Whoa, And it just
so happened that the building's owners didn't show up for
the trial, so Mickey one by default. No, he lives there.
He got a key to his new hotel apartment and
moved in.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Shut up, what are they amazing?
Speaker 1 (01:36):
This is the crazy part. Apparently the owners were so
mad about it they never wanted to negotiate a lease
with him, and so they couldn't kick him out, so
he went on living there for a whole year free
of charge. Wow, I could think to be so mad
they'd try to take all his money. They didn't even
want to see him, so he didn't even have to
(01:56):
sign anything.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
So all you have to do to get free ret
is become the worst, the most obnoxious person in the building.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Yeah, I'm almost there, and that's hard to do in
New York. Yeah, my god, imagine But how long did
this go on? Five years later? Wow, Nickey was still there.
I'm in the New Yorker building not paying a dime. Wow,
you guys be in New York City for free. But
then he got greedy and started claiming he owned the building.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Okay, the power is gone head.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
He said that since the hotel had never been subdivided
and a judge gave him possession of the one room,
he therefore technically owned the entire thing.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
If you look up, push your luck in the guy.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
So he changed the utilities count to say that he
was the owner and demanded the hotel transfer all of
their bank accounts over to him.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Okay, Vicky, get a job.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Sadly, it all came to an end last week when
cop showed up and arrested Mickey for filing false property records.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Yeah, there it is, sorry, Mickey Malone, and he'll get
him a little close to the sun. He gets another
free stay, but this time in jail.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
I own this jail now.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
His next laser story is out of Mesa, Arizona. Multiple
people called nine one one the other day to report
alligators swimming around a lake in a city park. Who
that's the type of thing That kind of sounds like
it'd be a prank. Yeah, totally, but they still dispatch
the fire department, police, and Fish and Wildlife to the scene,
(03:30):
and after observing the two mammoth gators floating peacefully for
over thirty minutes.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
They were really there. It was real.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Apparently the city added some realistic looking foam gators for
birds and turtles to sit off. Oh my god, it
looks so real.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Yeah, the picture right now, the city, you know, like
put up a side.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Yeah, well that's fun. You'd like to see the screaming
kids running in terrorce So authorities laughed it off and laughed. Unfortunately,
the nine one one calls kept coming in.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Imagine, so good, we could fix this so easily.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Some people who like to go swim in that lake
were fully convinced that they were real.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
One woman even claimed a gator latched onto her boyfriend's
fishing line and put up a twenty minute struggle with it.
Stories Despite the confusion, doesn't sound like the city plans
to remove them anytime soon.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
It's broad.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
In fact, they actually just doubled down and added two
enormous foam hippos, which are styrofoam hippo heads that float
around the pond. But with the hippo heads, it does
look like they're lurking underneath the water about to attack
with just their heads out.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
There's an actual, real hippo in there, Jeffrey, and they
don't believe it.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
I'm willing to take my chances with that. This next
laser stories out of tech trends. It's amazing that we
have cars that can drive themselves, computers that can think
for themselves, and yet we're still dealing with the same
printer problems we always have. Seriously, how many times does
our printer breakout?
Speaker 2 (05:06):
There?
Speaker 1 (05:07):
It really has.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
We spend more time on that than any other saying it's.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
True, And somehow the office printer nightmare is only about
to get worse because HP Hewlett Packard said that their
plan is to make printing a subscription only service. So
assume companies will have only one option for Toner and
ink cartridges, and that's to subscribe to it like Netflix.
(05:31):
Oh my gosh, we play netflixund effect. Apparently HP has
been a temn idiot customers to do this for years
via their instant ink program.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Okay, if it's not working, then it's because it's not
a good idea yea. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Well, they admit that they lose money on printer sales
and rely on high profit margins from ink supplies and
paper to make up the difference. So this is what
they're going with.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
That's why the cartridges cost so much.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Yeah, yeah, that's why the bankrupt a different this model.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
I hate that.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
I wonder if that means password sharing with our radio
station printer is allowed.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Oh what do you mean, like we can like hack
into somebody else's.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
Yeah, that'll be our charity for this year. We'll just
give out our printer this next Laser stories out of
word World. Dictionary dot Com just added three hundred and
twenty seven new words and terms, including a bunch that
gen zers like to use. Here're the ones that are
catching people's attention. Number five the ick overused now though
(06:36):
I swear everything gives everyone a nick.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
As soon as I start saying it, it'll be over.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
The definition is a sudden feeling of disgust or dislike,
often in response to the actions of another. Number four
is mid Oh yeah, okay, means mediocre, unimpressive, or disappointing.
If you're any of those things, you're mid, but like
it's funny because you're saying or mediocre average, but it's
(07:01):
really an insult. Yeah, that's just super. It means you're
nothing special.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
I think even mediocre is still yeah, would love to be.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
It's not just people. You can use it to describe
movies and radio shows too. They can also be radio
right now. Number three the word bustin' That means great, wonderful,
or amazing, like the opposite of mid Number two, bubne.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Is that way you get old and your boobs finally
go down to where they.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
No, it's not describing your boobs, bro it means pimples
or a rash caused by your bra and you get boobney.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
I really didn't want them to go down that.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
And finally, one of the top gen Z slang terms
to recently make it all the way to dictionary dot com,
girl dinner. It's an oftenly attractively presented collection of snacks
that involve very little preparation.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
It's like, why can't my kids eat just bread and
cheese for dinner?
Speaker 1 (08:01):
And seriously, I know I know someone who'd be busting
all over a girl dinner with this guy.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
He didn't like that they gave you the ick. Yeah.
When Jeff tries to us he.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Loves a little collection of stacks as long as they're
not mid with boobney on them, then he gets the
get that's how It's Laser stories is over. Let's do
it again, same time On Wednesday
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Brook and Jeffrey in the morning,
Hosts And Creators
Brooke Fox
Jeffrey "Young Jeffrey" Dubow
Alexis Fuller
Jose Bolanos
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