August 5, 2024 • 8 mins
Weird news stories from around the world… with a healthy dose of lasers added in. Does it make sense? No not really, but it doesn’t HAVE TO… it’s Laser Stories!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
It's the radio segment that's collabing with Yoda on a
new breakfast spread product.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
The working title is butter It's not ash.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Shemeer that on a bagel while you listen to Laser Stories,
the segment where we read weird news stories around the globe,
just like everyone else does, except we've got a laser
those other sith since just done. This first laser story
is out of Mobile, Alabama. All right, you think your
Monday sucked? Jared Cooper works for a window washing company
called Squeegee Squad, and last Monday afternoon, he was stuck
(00:38):
dangling from the side of a building four hundred and
fifty feet up.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
No, Oh my god. I always worry so much because
we have window cleaners. We're on like the seventh floor
of this building.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
That's an actual nightmare, though people have this nightmare waking
up and you're suspended.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Off a building.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
His equipment malfunction where he was cleaning the windows of
Alabama's tallest building, thirty five stories high. Oh my god.
He was just below the thirty third floor when a
piece of equipment called a descender locked up so he
couldn't go up or down, and the whole thing started
to tip.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Oh wait a minute, No, no, you're spider man. Yeah,
what did they do? Well?
Speaker 1 (01:18):
His first thought was to just run to the other
side to try and balance it out and then call
his mom. Yeah, I know, I think I would call
like the manager to have them get the like they.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Had to have some sort of safety stuff, right. Jared
told his mom what was going on, and wouldn't you
know it? She already knew.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
How'd she know it because someone inside the building had
already taken a picture of it and posted it to
their Facebook.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Oh so helpful. The first time mom on Facebook is
actually productive.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
So a mom told him to call nine one one
and firefighters were there within minutes.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Oh good, He's like, wait mom, quick like and share
the phone.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
It took the authorities about an hour to help him,
and he is okay, thank you big God?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Did he quit? Is he done washing the windows? He
is not done?
Speaker 1 (02:08):
What As for all the attention he received, he called
it just another day of work, said he planned to
get back up there tomorrow and finish that.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Jack. God, this guy's bill different, dude, Seriously.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
This next lazer stories out of Maine, our forty one
year old man named Jason Arsenal's robbed a bank the.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Other day, like just such a missed opportunity assault. Yeah,
no bank robbing, but this one made national headlines because
he did it in such a dumb way. It all
started when instead of going to the bank, Jason tried
to rob it by using the drive through quick give
(02:46):
me all your money and jube after two, after two,
what are you even putting the gun at the bulletproof?
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Yeah. The branch that he went to did have those
vacuum suction tubes.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Yeah, so he put a note in one, and the.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Note said car bomb, no cops, no alarms, or we
all die.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
And did she just tube them back? No?
Speaker 1 (03:09):
He then asked for fifty thousand dollars all in one house.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
We know where he's going after he's done robbing the bank.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Now, apparently Jason had watched a bank robbery video on
YouTube and figured out that the smaller the bill is,
the harder it is to track.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Think of all of those ones, Jason, how many tunes
would it take to get it to you? I know
the logistics. Once the teller received his note, she was confused,
but complied anyway and began to shoved fistfuls of one
dollar bills into multiple suction tubes because he has a ball.
(03:50):
Does she just take her time one then take her
sweet does?
Speaker 1 (03:55):
After four different deliveries, Jason's car was filled with only
nine hundred dollar ones, so he decided to drive off,
but the cops used surveillance footage to track him down
and arrest him.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
He was even driving his own car.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
It was not the smartest move, bro, walk out your
license plate subfee. Not surprisingly, he confessed, and he showed
police that even though the robbery happened six days ago,
he was still finding ones under his passenger seat and
everywhere else in his car. He admitted it was poor planning,
but he's still facing up to twenty years in prison
(04:33):
and a fine of up to two hundred and fifty
thousand dollars not in one.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
By the way, he can't pay it back in one.
The judge should have forced him to do.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Yeah, though, seriously, this next laser story is out of
Home Run Headquarters. Fun Baseball has long been touted as
America's favorite pastime, and now the sport's going next level
with a brand new entertainment concept.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
In immediately, Dude, I mean honestly, like the food at
the ballparks is insane.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Right now, it's literally becoming like, let's go eat at
the ballpark, catch the game out.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
What are they doing? Well, they're saying it's Top Golf
meets baseball in a new restaurant theme called bat Box.
What are we taking this? Batting cages? That is so cool?
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Similar to Top Golf, customers can have a drink there, then
compete in teams or challenge their friends in a home
run derby or pitching contests.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Using baseball simulators.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Fine, I wonder who throws faster, Brooker Alexis.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Oh, that would be fun. I can barely thrown. Oh yeah,
it's right. I feel like it would turn into a
hot dog eating contest. More than anything else, I want
I want them to open one by us. I want
to take everybody.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
All the while you can cheer for your favorite sports
team playing on TV. And apparently this is really big
in Mexico right now, but the company's already raised funding
to put twenty five new locations in the US by
twenty thirty, including cities like Alice, Houston.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
And Boston. Awesome, this might be the next big thing
that box. I love it. You should do it just
a box, like just boxing your.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Friends simulators, your friends.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Start with the bat. This next leg of show is
out of the Summer Games. Why you say every time
I try to start the chance?
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Who is the greatest American Summer Olympian of all time?
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Michael Well? The country voted and the winner is not Sure?
That's what I'm being serious.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
The dumb people doing that poll gave that option and
thirty three percent of America went to not Sure as
the winner.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Why even fill it out? We were just talking about
the decky, how great it is? After that? You not
watching any Olympics? Like, why take the survey? Even Sean?
Why was li after that?
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Winter swimmer Michael Phelps got nineteen percent. Simone Biles finished
a close second at sixteen and nineteen thirties track star
Jesse Owens came in fir nine percent of the vote.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
I make sense. That's bringing the world together. Bryan Locke
didn't make it.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
In another poll, forty percent of Americans say they watch
both team and individual sports equally, while fourteen percent prefer
individual and ten percent like team sports. Another thirty percent
say they were sure.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Nobody got to inmphony.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Why why do we put.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
On these national polls. The posters give that option to
people I mentioned to start the poll, They go, would
you like to take a poll? And they already say
I'm not don't know, I know. At least one guy
agrees with me on this, right humper. Yeah what, Oh
my god, let me translate.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
He says he's not sure if he is. He is
kind of focused on something else right now. Though that
now means Laser Stories has done for the day. We'll
do it again the same time on Wednesday.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning
It's the radio segment that's collabing with Yoda on a
new breakfast spread product.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
The working title is butter It's not ash.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Shemeer that on a bagel while you listen to Laser Stories,
the segment where we read weird news stories around the globe,
just like everyone else does, except we've got a laser
those other sith since just done. This first laser story
is out of Mobile, Alabama. All right, you think your
Monday sucked? Jared Cooper works for a window washing company
called Squeegee Squad, and last Monday afternoon, he was stuck
(00:38):
dangling from the side of a building four hundred and
fifty feet up.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
No, Oh my god. I always worry so much because
we have window cleaners. We're on like the seventh floor
of this building.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
That's an actual nightmare, though people have this nightmare waking
up and you're suspended.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Off a building.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
His equipment malfunction where he was cleaning the windows of
Alabama's tallest building, thirty five stories high. Oh my god.
He was just below the thirty third floor when a
piece of equipment called a descender locked up so he
couldn't go up or down, and the whole thing started
to tip.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Oh wait a minute, No, no, you're spider man. Yeah,
what did they do? Well?
Speaker 1 (01:18):
His first thought was to just run to the other
side to try and balance it out and then call
his mom. Yeah, I know, I think I would call
like the manager to have them get the like they.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Had to have some sort of safety stuff, right. Jared
told his mom what was going on, and wouldn't you
know it? She already knew.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
How'd she know it because someone inside the building had
already taken a picture of it and posted it to
their Facebook.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Oh so helpful. The first time mom on Facebook is
actually productive.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
So a mom told him to call nine one one
and firefighters were there within minutes.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Oh good, He's like, wait mom, quick like and share
the phone.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
It took the authorities about an hour to help him,
and he is okay, thank you big God?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Did he quit? Is he done washing the windows? He
is not done?
Speaker 1 (02:08):
What As for all the attention he received, he called
it just another day of work, said he planned to
get back up there tomorrow and finish that.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Jack. God, this guy's bill different, dude, Seriously.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
This next lazer stories out of Maine, our forty one
year old man named Jason Arsenal's robbed a bank the.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Other day, like just such a missed opportunity assault. Yeah,
no bank robbing, but this one made national headlines because
he did it in such a dumb way. It all
started when instead of going to the bank, Jason tried
to rob it by using the drive through quick give
(02:46):
me all your money and jube after two, after two,
what are you even putting the gun at the bulletproof?
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Yeah. The branch that he went to did have those
vacuum suction tubes.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Yeah, so he put a note in one, and the.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Note said car bomb, no cops, no alarms, or we
all die.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
And did she just tube them back? No?
Speaker 1 (03:09):
He then asked for fifty thousand dollars all in one house.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
We know where he's going after he's done robbing the bank.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Now, apparently Jason had watched a bank robbery video on
YouTube and figured out that the smaller the bill is,
the harder it is to track.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Think of all of those ones, Jason, how many tunes
would it take to get it to you? I know
the logistics. Once the teller received his note, she was confused,
but complied anyway and began to shoved fistfuls of one
dollar bills into multiple suction tubes because he has a ball.
(03:50):
Does she just take her time one then take her
sweet does?
Speaker 1 (03:55):
After four different deliveries, Jason's car was filled with only
nine hundred dollar ones, so he decided to drive off,
but the cops used surveillance footage to track him down
and arrest him.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
He was even driving his own car.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
It was not the smartest move, bro, walk out your
license plate subfee. Not surprisingly, he confessed, and he showed
police that even though the robbery happened six days ago,
he was still finding ones under his passenger seat and
everywhere else in his car. He admitted it was poor planning,
but he's still facing up to twenty years in prison
(04:33):
and a fine of up to two hundred and fifty
thousand dollars not in one.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
By the way, he can't pay it back in one.
The judge should have forced him to do.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Yeah, though, seriously, this next laser story is out of
Home Run Headquarters. Fun Baseball has long been touted as
America's favorite pastime, and now the sport's going next level
with a brand new entertainment concept.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
In immediately, Dude, I mean honestly, like the food at
the ballparks is insane.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Right now, it's literally becoming like, let's go eat at
the ballpark, catch the game out.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
What are they doing? Well, they're saying it's Top Golf
meets baseball in a new restaurant theme called bat Box.
What are we taking this? Batting cages? That is so cool?
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Similar to Top Golf, customers can have a drink there, then
compete in teams or challenge their friends in a home
run derby or pitching contests.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Using baseball simulators.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Fine, I wonder who throws faster, Brooker Alexis.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Oh, that would be fun. I can barely thrown. Oh yeah,
it's right. I feel like it would turn into a
hot dog eating contest. More than anything else, I want
I want them to open one by us. I want
to take everybody.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
All the while you can cheer for your favorite sports
team playing on TV. And apparently this is really big
in Mexico right now, but the company's already raised funding
to put twenty five new locations in the US by
twenty thirty, including cities like Alice, Houston.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
And Boston. Awesome, this might be the next big thing
that box. I love it. You should do it just
a box, like just boxing your.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Friends simulators, your friends.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Start with the bat. This next leg of show is
out of the Summer Games. Why you say every time
I try to start the chance?
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Who is the greatest American Summer Olympian of all time?
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Michael Well? The country voted and the winner is not Sure?
That's what I'm being serious.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
The dumb people doing that poll gave that option and
thirty three percent of America went to not Sure as
the winner.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Why even fill it out? We were just talking about
the decky, how great it is? After that? You not
watching any Olympics? Like, why take the survey? Even Sean?
Why was li after that?
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Winter swimmer Michael Phelps got nineteen percent. Simone Biles finished
a close second at sixteen and nineteen thirties track star
Jesse Owens came in fir nine percent of the vote.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
I make sense. That's bringing the world together. Bryan Locke
didn't make it.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
In another poll, forty percent of Americans say they watch
both team and individual sports equally, while fourteen percent prefer
individual and ten percent like team sports. Another thirty percent
say they were sure.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Nobody got to inmphony.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Why why do we put.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
On these national polls. The posters give that option to
people I mentioned to start the poll, They go, would
you like to take a poll? And they already say
I'm not don't know, I know. At least one guy
agrees with me on this, right humper. Yeah what, Oh
my god, let me translate.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
He says he's not sure if he is. He is
kind of focused on something else right now. Though that
now means Laser Stories has done for the day. We'll
do it again the same time on Wednesday.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning
Hosts And Creators
Brooke Fox
Jeffrey "Young Jeffrey" Dubow
Alexis Fuller
Jose Bolanos
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