March 17, 2025 • 8 mins
Weird news stories from around the world… with a healthy dose of lasers added in. Does it make sense? No not really, but it doesn’t HAVE TO… it’s Laser Stories!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
It's the radio segment that's already pitching Hollywood a new
script idea. It's a sequel to the blockbuster hit Wicked,
called Wicked af the re wickeding.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
What that's a terrible title.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
No, dude, I thought it was gonna be called Wicked.
You thought it was Wicked before. It's even more Wicked now.
It's coming to theater soon. Get your pre pre order
in today with Laser Stories. The pre pre order a
good idea. The segment where we read weird news stories
around the globe, just like everyone else does, except we've
got a lasers that the Glenda Gottrocks just don't. This
(00:39):
first Laser story is out of the gift that keeps
on giving, which is Florida.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
They've really been a star.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Thank you, Florida Stories. The Pink Pony Club is on fire.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
I mean it has been for like what the four
years it's.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Been out, not the Chapelone song. There's an actual strip
club with that name in Tampa, or there was. And
I say that because the other morning, around six am,
police arrested a twenty nine year old man named Arvin
Solamanpour after he freaked out because the place was shut down.
(01:17):
I thought he was like, I don't like that song.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
Yeah no, I mean when you have your favorite place,
you have your favorite place, it can be really sad
to lose it.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Brooks favorite strip club.
Speaker 4 (01:28):
My favorite candle company just shut down, and I'm really sad.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Oh yeah, candle companies and strip clubs right on the
same lever. Apparently, Arvin showed up early that day though,
because he heard they had a brunch in lap dance promotion. Okay, yeah,
getting the lap dance while eating an eggs benny at
the same time sounds amazing, it does. They didn't have that,
(01:52):
so in his rage, he instead set the place on fire.
Oh my god, brother. The police were called, and when
they got there, they saw Arvin dragging some brush into
the burning building.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
I'm because that fire.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
You know you found an arsonist when you see him
adding kindling to the believing. He was arrested, and while
in custody, Arvin complained that he was thirsty, so cops
gave him a water bottle. He drank it and returned
the favor by relieving himself in the bottle and hurling
it back at the police.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
I guess he wasn't a regular. They liked that the
pin they actually just move locations and didn't tell the
one guy.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
After that, he was hit with a slew of charges,
including arson, battery on a police officer, and more. Cops
are still investigating and have no idea why he thought
the strip club would offer brunch.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
It wasn't an actual promotion.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
No, that's not even a thing. Something. You do not
want to be the guy that's going into the strip
club at nine in the morning. That's a bad start
to your day.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Well, I'm just gonna tell you you're not in the
A team at a nine am.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
This next laser story is out of Detroit. What do
you do if you wake up one morning, go to
pour yourself a cup of coffee, and suddenly a cockroach
goes scurrying across the floor. Well, if you're fifty year
old Dale Johnson, you throw your shoe at it. And
well that might not sound crazy. We should note that
(03:25):
Dale's shoe also has a special holster with his gun
in it. He got a shoe gun. Holy crap, I
guess he must have moved up from Florida to Detroit.
Speaker 4 (03:36):
So.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Detroit shoe gun. Come on.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
See, here's the thing. The thing is Dale is in
a wheelchair and couldn't stop to crush the bug, so
he grabbed the next best thing, which was his shoe,
and threw it with the gun in it. However, he
did not plan on the firearm falling out of the
shoe mid air, hitting the ground, and shooting himself off
in the shoulder. He immediately called the cops and was
(04:07):
taken to the hospital.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
That's an embarrassing story to explain.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Good news is he's in stable condition and expected to make.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
A full recovery.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Also, police took the opportunity to remind the public that
hundreds of other things rather than a gun, are much
safer to use to kill a cockroach. And now it's
packing heat, so.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
Look out, bigger cockroach.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Rambo tables have really turned on him. This next laser
story is out of Leprechaun Lanes. Got any big Saint
Patti's Day plans? Today, a popular publication ranked the best
cities to celebrate in and yes, Boston is number one
against Chicago.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Chicago is at number one.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Yeah, I mean like the river.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Come on the river so well. They based this on
everything from beer prices to how many Saint Patrick's date
events there are.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Okay, Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Now, Chicago was second last year, but it fell four
spots to numbers.
Speaker 4 (05:11):
Second dude who did not plan the one beer crawl
that put Chicago down.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
The new number two is Reno. But I think St.
Patrick's Day. I think Reno.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
I have never thought that was You weren't even thinking
Vegas would be.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Bigger than Reno. Savannah, Georgia's three, Santa Rosa, California's four,
and Worcester, Massachusetts is five.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Montana used to be really high on that list.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
In other Saint Patti's Day news, Panera bread is getting
green this year. Literally, they're selling green bread bulls at
select locations. God, look at the photo of it. The
inside of the bread is green, like.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Be like spinach bread, you know, like I think it's cute.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Really what's in it? It's filled with mac and cheese.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Oh God, is the best I know that picture.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
The picture just looks like lumpy white things.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
They're calling it their pot of gold, so it's supposed
to be like gold inside of the thing, but it's
gold macarone. Many people online say it looks more like
a pot of mold.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
The pictures.
Speaker 4 (06:26):
I mean, they could have hired a different food stylist.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
It's sad that that's the best they could make it.
You know, they photoshop. They're also doing a pot of
Gold sweep Steaks where you can win free mac and
cheese for a year. As long as Brook doesn't win it,
then we're good. Walks in every day goes no things.
This next Lazer story is out of the Cardio Confessional.
(06:52):
There are a lot of reasons why people don't go
to the gym. I mean, it's expensive, it's not very fun,
they don't have the time, and so on and so on.
But there's one main reason to go to get six
pack abs. The new research looked into people's motivations for exercising,
and the number one reason people work out is to
improve their physical appearance.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Because if you look good, you feel good.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
You know. Roughly twenty four percent of people do it
for that reason. Nineteen percent are hoping to improve their
physical health.
Speaker 4 (07:21):
Yeah, and the older you get, the more you're like,
oh god, I don't want to die anytime soon.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
And they're all connected, you know, right, And seventeen percent
are trying to boost their mental health for sure. The
top strategies to keep your gym routine going once you
start are forming a habit. I'm pretty sure that's ok
that's what That.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Is a terrible recommendation any habit.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Setting goals for yourself, okay, and finding activities that you
enjoy doing.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Oh, jeff for all those you can go to the
gym and eat.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Well, yeah, youel like like this guy for us, he
is not losing any weight, but the cardio this guy
gets in every day is like the usine bolt of
the pond.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
Okay, good for his heart.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
I guess not where people brag about speed in his position,
but you know what, good for him. That's how means
Laser Stories has come to an end for the day.
We'll do it again at the same time on Wednesday
Speaker 4 (08:18):
Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.
It's the radio segment that's already pitching Hollywood a new
script idea. It's a sequel to the blockbuster hit Wicked,
called Wicked af the re wickeding.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
What that's a terrible title.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
No, dude, I thought it was gonna be called Wicked.
You thought it was Wicked before. It's even more Wicked now.
It's coming to theater soon. Get your pre pre order
in today with Laser Stories. The pre pre order a
good idea. The segment where we read weird news stories
around the globe, just like everyone else does, except we've
got a lasers that the Glenda Gottrocks just don't. This
(00:39):
first Laser story is out of the gift that keeps
on giving, which is Florida.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
They've really been a star.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Thank you, Florida Stories. The Pink Pony Club is on fire.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
I mean it has been for like what the four
years it's.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Been out, not the Chapelone song. There's an actual strip
club with that name in Tampa, or there was. And
I say that because the other morning, around six am,
police arrested a twenty nine year old man named Arvin
Solamanpour after he freaked out because the place was shut down.
(01:17):
I thought he was like, I don't like that song.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
Yeah no, I mean when you have your favorite place,
you have your favorite place, it can be really sad
to lose it.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Brooks favorite strip club.
Speaker 4 (01:28):
My favorite candle company just shut down, and I'm really sad.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Oh yeah, candle companies and strip clubs right on the
same lever. Apparently, Arvin showed up early that day though,
because he heard they had a brunch in lap dance promotion. Okay, yeah,
getting the lap dance while eating an eggs benny at
the same time sounds amazing, it does. They didn't have that,
(01:52):
so in his rage, he instead set the place on fire.
Oh my god, brother. The police were called, and when
they got there, they saw Arvin dragging some brush into
the burning building.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
I'm because that fire.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
You know you found an arsonist when you see him
adding kindling to the believing. He was arrested, and while
in custody, Arvin complained that he was thirsty, so cops
gave him a water bottle. He drank it and returned
the favor by relieving himself in the bottle and hurling
it back at the police.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
I guess he wasn't a regular. They liked that the
pin they actually just move locations and didn't tell the
one guy.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
After that, he was hit with a slew of charges,
including arson, battery on a police officer, and more. Cops
are still investigating and have no idea why he thought
the strip club would offer brunch.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
It wasn't an actual promotion.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
No, that's not even a thing. Something. You do not
want to be the guy that's going into the strip
club at nine in the morning. That's a bad start
to your day.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Well, I'm just gonna tell you you're not in the
A team at a nine am.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
This next laser story is out of Detroit. What do
you do if you wake up one morning, go to
pour yourself a cup of coffee, and suddenly a cockroach
goes scurrying across the floor. Well, if you're fifty year
old Dale Johnson, you throw your shoe at it. And
well that might not sound crazy. We should note that
(03:25):
Dale's shoe also has a special holster with his gun
in it. He got a shoe gun. Holy crap, I
guess he must have moved up from Florida to Detroit.
Speaker 4 (03:36):
So.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Detroit shoe gun. Come on.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
See, here's the thing. The thing is Dale is in
a wheelchair and couldn't stop to crush the bug, so
he grabbed the next best thing, which was his shoe,
and threw it with the gun in it. However, he
did not plan on the firearm falling out of the
shoe mid air, hitting the ground, and shooting himself off
in the shoulder. He immediately called the cops and was
(04:07):
taken to the hospital.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
That's an embarrassing story to explain.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Good news is he's in stable condition and expected to make.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
A full recovery.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Also, police took the opportunity to remind the public that
hundreds of other things rather than a gun, are much
safer to use to kill a cockroach. And now it's
packing heat, so.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
Look out, bigger cockroach.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Rambo tables have really turned on him. This next laser
story is out of Leprechaun Lanes. Got any big Saint
Patti's Day plans? Today, a popular publication ranked the best
cities to celebrate in and yes, Boston is number one
against Chicago.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Chicago is at number one.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Yeah, I mean like the river.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Come on the river so well. They based this on
everything from beer prices to how many Saint Patrick's date
events there are.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Okay, Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Now, Chicago was second last year, but it fell four
spots to numbers.
Speaker 4 (05:11):
Second dude who did not plan the one beer crawl
that put Chicago down.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
The new number two is Reno. But I think St.
Patrick's Day. I think Reno.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
I have never thought that was You weren't even thinking
Vegas would be.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Bigger than Reno. Savannah, Georgia's three, Santa Rosa, California's four,
and Worcester, Massachusetts is five.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Montana used to be really high on that list.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
In other Saint Patti's Day news, Panera bread is getting
green this year. Literally, they're selling green bread bulls at
select locations. God, look at the photo of it. The
inside of the bread is green, like.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Be like spinach bread, you know, like I think it's cute.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Really what's in it? It's filled with mac and cheese.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Oh God, is the best I know that picture.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
The picture just looks like lumpy white things.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
They're calling it their pot of gold, so it's supposed
to be like gold inside of the thing, but it's
gold macarone. Many people online say it looks more like
a pot of mold.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
The pictures.
Speaker 4 (06:26):
I mean, they could have hired a different food stylist.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
It's sad that that's the best they could make it.
You know, they photoshop. They're also doing a pot of
Gold sweep Steaks where you can win free mac and
cheese for a year. As long as Brook doesn't win it,
then we're good. Walks in every day goes no things.
This next Lazer story is out of the Cardio Confessional.
(06:52):
There are a lot of reasons why people don't go
to the gym. I mean, it's expensive, it's not very fun,
they don't have the time, and so on and so on.
But there's one main reason to go to get six
pack abs. The new research looked into people's motivations for exercising,
and the number one reason people work out is to
improve their physical appearance.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Because if you look good, you feel good.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
You know. Roughly twenty four percent of people do it
for that reason. Nineteen percent are hoping to improve their
physical health.
Speaker 4 (07:21):
Yeah, and the older you get, the more you're like,
oh god, I don't want to die anytime soon.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
And they're all connected, you know, right, And seventeen percent
are trying to boost their mental health for sure. The
top strategies to keep your gym routine going once you
start are forming a habit. I'm pretty sure that's ok
that's what That.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Is a terrible recommendation any habit.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Setting goals for yourself, okay, and finding activities that you
enjoy doing.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Oh, jeff for all those you can go to the
gym and eat.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Well, yeah, youel like like this guy for us, he
is not losing any weight, but the cardio this guy
gets in every day is like the usine bolt of
the pond.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
Okay, good for his heart.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
I guess not where people brag about speed in his position,
but you know what, good for him. That's how means
Laser Stories has come to an end for the day.
We'll do it again at the same time on Wednesday
Speaker 4 (08:18):
Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.
Hosts And Creators
Brooke Fox
Jeffrey "Young Jeffrey" Dubow
Alexis Fuller
Jose Bolanos
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