Laser Stories (7/9/25)

Weird news stories from around the world… with a healthy dose of lasers added in. Does it make sense? No not really, but it doesn’t HAVE TO… it’s Laser Stories!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
It's the radio segment that just submitted a new sport
to the Olympic Committee, dodge golf, combining golf and dodgeball
into one exciting, painful, bone breaking event.

Speaker 2 (00:18):
Start sprinting. It's a par three full Laser Stories. This
segment where we read weird news stories around the.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
Globe, just like everyone else does, except we've got a laser.
Those other threewood thruckers just don't. This first laser stories
out of the leader in lasers across the globe. Florida,
a man named Gip Nelson got caught.

Speaker 2 (00:39):
Speeding last week.

Speaker 3 (00:41):
Get over here, Ghip.

Speaker 1 (00:42):
The timing could not have been worse because it was
right after a new super speeder law went into effect.

Speaker 4 (00:51):
There's still laws in Florida.

Speaker 1 (00:53):
Yeah, if you didn't know, Florida just added a law
that hands down tougher penalties if you're caught driving over
one hundred mile an hour.

Speaker 3 (01:00):
Whoa yo, you know what. There's so many like lambeos
in Miami alone. I could see that that makes sense.

Speaker 1 (01:05):
And well, the law went into effect at twelve oh
one am last Tuesday. Gip got caught doing one oh
four and a seventy just two minutes later.

Speaker 3 (01:16):
Maybe that would be alexis lunch.

Speaker 4 (01:19):
Do you think the cop was counting down on his
watch and five four.

Speaker 2 (01:23):
Here they come.

Speaker 1 (01:24):
Officials confirmed he was the first person to get ticketed
under the new law.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
Yeah, so what's gonna happen to the old gipper?

Speaker 1 (01:33):
Now, first time offenders can get thirty days in jail,
a five hundred dollars fine or both.

Speaker 4 (01:41):
Wow, gip.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
Before that there was no jail time.

Speaker 1 (01:44):
So now it's not really clear if they're gonna let
him off with just the fine, but there is footage of.

Speaker 2 (01:49):
Him getting handcuffed, so maybe not.

Speaker 3 (01:52):
Geez.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
Either way, get better.

Speaker 1 (01:54):
Not get caught super speeding again because repeat offenders can
and will get up to ninety days in jail.

Speaker 4 (02:01):
Whoa, and I lived in Montana State when there was
no speed limit.

Speaker 5 (02:06):
Yeah, just said, hi, well yeah, yeah, there was.

Speaker 4 (02:12):
A nighttime speed limit, which was like what I think
sixty five?

Speaker 2 (02:16):
Yeah, okay, that's reasonable.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
This next lazer story is out of the Swiss miss
Alps Hot Chocolate. A thirty seven year old man named
Gabriel Brucker was exploring a glacier in southern Switzerland.

Speaker 2 (02:30):
When the unthinkable happened.

Speaker 1 (02:32):
He broke through a snowbridge and plummeted twenty six feet.

Speaker 3 (02:36):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
He managed to survive the fall, but was in a narrow,
hard to find crevice.

Speaker 3 (02:43):
Yikes.

Speaker 1 (02:44):
Luckily, he had a walkie talkie with him and radio
for help and the search was on.

Speaker 2 (02:48):
His rescuers scoured the mountain.

Speaker 1 (02:50):
After thirty minutes of looking, they are beginning to get
extremely worried. Yeah, that's until the barks of a tiny
Chihuahua caught their.

Speaker 2 (02:58):
Eyes in the Swiss Mountains.

Speaker 5 (03:05):
They send a little chiaha, just wild chiuahuas up in
the Swiss house the snow No Gabriel had fallen in,
but his dog, named mister Whittles, was so light that
he managed to remain on top of the snow.

Speaker 1 (03:21):
So tedy.

Speaker 4 (03:22):
He's one of those long haired cha Yeah, he's really you.

Speaker 1 (03:27):
The four legged hero was pacing back and forth right
at the opening of the deep crevasse, and because of
that the crew was able to save him. Gabriel and
Mister Whittles were flown to the hospital and they're expected to.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
Make a full recovery.

Speaker 1 (03:43):
The rescue team later told the press that there's no
way they would have located Gabe if it hadn't been
for the heroic act of his pet pooch. Yay, let's
go to your next laser story. Out of food News,
General Mills has a new breakfast option. Does it Sound
Good or gross? O? Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Whrmel partnered

(04:07):
up for a new bacon flavored cereal chili.

Speaker 4 (04:15):
Blake labeled Bacon with Cinnamon Toast Crunch Jeffrey.

Speaker 1 (04:20):
According to General Mills, it has that same cinnamon taste.
They just added the bacon flavor on top of it,
so it's savory and sweet tasty.

Speaker 3 (04:28):
Mean, sugar bacon is really good.

Speaker 4 (04:31):
I mean maybe it's like that mesquite flavor.

Speaker 3 (04:33):
Yeah, the saltiness.

Speaker 1 (04:35):
To be fair, The two brands partnered last year for
cinnamon flavored bacon.

Speaker 3 (04:41):
Another just flipping it crystallize or caramelizes bacon.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
They claimed. Fans loved that.

Speaker 4 (04:47):
Yeah, it might be delicious in like trail mix with milk,
you know.

Speaker 3 (04:52):
But not to come out with bacon loop.

Speaker 2 (04:54):
There's the cinnamon flavored bacon.

Speaker 4 (04:56):
Full is silent because she doesn't like bacon, and every
and she brings it up, she gets.

Speaker 3 (05:01):
Yeah, yeah, I have not much to access, but I
like cinnamon toast Crunch.

Speaker 4 (05:05):
There you go, may this is your gateway to bacon exactly.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
So, after the success of the cinnamon flavored bacon, they
decided bacon flavored cereal was the next logical move. There's
no actual bacon in it. By the way, bacon bits
would have probably been fun, but.

Speaker 3 (05:20):
This milk and bacon floating.

Speaker 2 (05:23):
Could be okay.

Speaker 1 (05:24):
Still, they say it's made with artificial bacon flavor.

Speaker 2 (05:30):
The guy who.

Speaker 1 (05:30):
Tests out new foods on TikTok got his hands on
it early and described the taste as not terrible. Hey,
it's not exactly a ringing endorsement, but you can get
it at Walmart starting today. And if you're wondering, this
isn't the first collab for cinnamon toast Crunch. They also
did one with Totino's Pizza Rolls earlier this year.

Speaker 4 (05:52):
Now we're talking, how did we miss this?

Speaker 2 (05:55):
With that one? You had to win a box.

Speaker 4 (05:56):
You couldn't buy cinnamon toast Crunch pizza flavor wild.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
I mean maybe the cross of cinnamon cross on a pizza.

Speaker 4 (06:04):
I bet there's no cinnamon. I think it's all cheese
and pepperoni flavors.

Speaker 2 (06:08):
The world may never know.

Speaker 1 (06:10):
Next Slazer stories out of celeb corner, who's the highest
grossing lead actor in Hollywood history? And when I asked,
When I asked that question, I don't mean how much
the actor makes per film. I mean which star can
you put into your movies to guarantee a film's success.

Speaker 2 (06:28):
I don't want you to guess.

Speaker 1 (06:29):
I'm just gonna tell you, because thanks to the fantastic
opening of Jurassic World's Rebirth, we have a brand new
number one, and that person is none other than Scarlet Johansson.

Speaker 2 (06:42):
I love her.

Speaker 3 (06:42):
Scarlet is great.

Speaker 1 (06:44):
Movies in which Scarlett played the lead or was part
of an ensemble have made a total of fourteen point
eight billion dollars.

Speaker 3 (06:52):
And the thing, she's not just beautiful, she's a really
good actors.

Speaker 4 (06:55):
And she's incredibly smart. Yeah, I mean, gosh, give her
a raise.

Speaker 2 (06:59):
She doesn't I go to the movies to watch how
smart people are?

Speaker 1 (07:03):
Yeah, he just goes a good will hunting, loving And
she surpassed two of her formal Marvel Co stars on
her way to the top.

Speaker 2 (07:11):
Samuel L.

Speaker 1 (07:12):
Jackson was number one, but he falls to second place
with fourteen point six billion dollars, while Robert Downey Junior
is now in third with a measly fourteen point three.

Speaker 3 (07:23):
I can see anything.

Speaker 4 (07:25):
They're in only fourteen point three.

Speaker 2 (07:27):
How embarrassed four he should retire.

Speaker 1 (07:30):
And of course, to make this achievement even more impressive,
Scarlett achieved the feat it with just thirty six movies,
compared to seventy one for Jackson and forty five for Downey.

Speaker 3 (07:40):
Oh mah.

Speaker 4 (07:41):
Good for her excep where she probably goes and looks
at her salary and realizes it's half of those two men.

Speaker 1 (07:46):
It makes you wonder when this guy will be getting
the call to star in his own Hollywood blockbuster.

Speaker 4 (07:51):
I can't believe it had that happened already, Joe, I.

Speaker 2 (07:53):
Know, possibly fifty shades of green. Oh, I could definitely
see it. Yeah, I'd even hold the camera for it.

Speaker 1 (08:00):
When that Salmon's days of shorts has come to an
end for the day, we'll do it again the same
time on Wednesday

Speaker 2 (08:06):
Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning