August 25, 2025 • 8 mins
Weird news stories from around the world… with a healthy dose of lasers added in. Does it make sense? No not really, but it doesn’t HAVE TO… it’s Laser Stories!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
It's the radio segment that's come up with a hot
new toy for your uncoordinated child, the self rotating hula hoop.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
I don't have to know how to do it anymore.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
All your kid has to do is just stand there,
push the button, and let.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
The hoop do all the work. Should be cool.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Hours and hours of motionless fun with Laser Stories, the
segment where we read weird news stories around the globe,
just like everyone else does, except we've got a laser.
Those other pelvic pansies just don't. This first laser story
is out of Stafford, Virginia. There was an open house
last Sunday for a home for sale about forty miles
south of DC. One of the people who toured the
(00:44):
home was thirty nine year old Napoleon boatche Oh.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
That is such a fency.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
He apparently talked to the seller about how much he
liked the place and thought it would be great for
him and his four kids. That's nice, and we know
he was actually serious because after the conversation he pulled
his minivan into the driveway and moved right on.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
In as you can get home too.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
He didn't make an offer or anything. He just got
his kids inside and then refused to leave.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
I'll take it. This is the squatters situation. It's like
a nightmare.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
The police got there quickly and ordered him to come out,
but he just stared at them through a window, so
they went inside and arrested. It is like thirty seconds
they can get him outain. Yet it turned out he
was on probation and had warrants out in two neighboring counties.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
There you go.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
He's facing a long list of charges, including entering a
property with intent to cause damage.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Because that's what happens when you bring children into a
house that.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Actually checks out immediately.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
I mean, yeah, guaranteed there were stains on the carpet
and they left.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
This is how it works.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
I mean, you're not allowed to own anything nice after
you have children.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
As for the kids, protective services took them in and
officials said they'd be releasing them to a responsible family member.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
That's good.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
It's next Laser stories out of the Far East.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Have you ever been watching a political debate and thought, man,
I wish they'd just get naked every time.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Oh yeah, I guess that's just you and Josey.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Do you feel the way jose and I do you
might want to move to Japan, because that's exactly what
one politician did during her televised campaign speech.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
It has to be like a protest or something.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
She's running for office.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Her name is Uchino Ari, and she was addressing the
nation ahead of Tokyo's gubernatorial election when she started undressing
during the broadcast.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
She made it a show's just so hot in here.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Unlike our country's leaders, Uchino is not an elderly man.
She is a vibrant young woman who is venturing into
politics for the very first.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
Time, ready to show the world her gifts. Can you
imagine one of our candidates trying to be roll? They
just can't even kick off.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
The song, like no, they just got belcro shoes off.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
I'm here to watch it.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
In fact, a recent viral video showed her unbuttoning her
blouse while speaking, then taking it completely off.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
Off but to many of.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
The senator's disappointment, she was wearing a nude colored tube
top under.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
So she didn't want to get arrested for it. She
just wanted to make it yeah, make it seems yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
But she's good at politics. Typical liar, right there, vote
that's right.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
So she then asked the viewers that if they think
she's sexy, they should go vote for her and also
add her on social media.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Okay, should she just run?
Speaker 1 (03:52):
In America Island, Uccino is running under the Watch my
Cute political Speech Broadcast party.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I love that party.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Many are accusing her of not taking the job seriously
and using politics as a platform just to gain social
media fame.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
They accuse her of nobody does there.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Your video has been viewed over eighteen million times, so
it's actually working. I'm going to become a Japanese citizen
just so I can vote.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Let me come over in visit.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
I want to thank you. This next laser story is
out of fashion headquarters. I know concert tickets are pretty expensive.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Gos you crazy?
Speaker 1 (04:35):
So how about paying ten times more just to pretend
that you went. I say that because the high end
fashion brand Balenciaga is selling a fake festival wristband for
the lowlo price of thirty eight hundred dollars.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
Do they accidentally put it on too tight so it
bothers you the entire festival?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Yeah, it's called the favor Used Bracelets.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Brook. How would you describe it? You're looking at the
picture of it right now.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
It looks like one of those Nylon festival bracelets, and
it has writing around it that I'm guessing says Balenciaga.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
But it looks like in a graffiti style writing.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Yeah, it's hard to read because it's made to look
worn and tattered, like you just went to an event
years ago and never took it off. It's still okay,
but it is adjustable, so you can ditch it whenever
you want.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
And pass it to somebody else so they can also.
Speaker 4 (05:34):
Get into the imaginary festival.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Balenciaga claims it requires a full day's work to make
each one.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
I bet that's why it's so expensive.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
They can stitch the company's name onto it, so that
takes a lot of time, and making it look distressed
probably factors into the price too.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
Right, I just imagine one person from that Balenciaga place
rolling around in a field with it on, like.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Well, if that's not your style.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
There's also a non distressed version that costs even more
at four thousand, nine hundred dollars.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
Oh my good, my gosh.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
It's like you got your band but never made it
to the festival.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
So if you're looking for a dumb way to blow
five grand. There you go for reference tickets to Coachella
next year start at five hundred and forty nine dollars.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
So now that sounds like a huge bargain.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Yeah, that covers your flight, your hotel. This next Lazer
Stories out of Entertainment Central. You know who wants in
on the reality TV show Resurgence. It's none other than
the TV network Hallmark.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
There's now a done that before, not.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yet, but there is a brand new reality series to
find the next Hallmark Holiday movie star.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Oh, Jeffrey.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
It's called Finding Mister Christmas. Oh, this is like finding
the Golden Bachelor. It works like this.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Ten men will compete in a series of challenges to
test their acting skills and Christmas spirit.
Speaker 4 (07:04):
So they're gonna have to like make sugar cookies and
also have bad acting on screen because there's no good acting.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Actually, sugar cookie baking eaves is one of the tests
that will be included, along with Christmas tree tossing and
something called a stranger missiletoe surprise.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
When does he have to catch a falling girl because
that always happens?
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Yeah, the Ice Road Challenge Run Down the Street. Jonathan
Bennett is going to be the host of it.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
He's been in Hallmark movies, but you probably know him
better as Aaron Samuels from the movie Mean Girls.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
From the original meeting.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
The winner will earn the title of Mister Christmas, and
the film will premiere later this year on the Hallmark Channel.
During the countdown to Christmas. I know one guy who's
interested in just threw his shell into the ring and
he already has his movie title picked out.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
It's gonna be a moist, green Christas.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
I don't mind the word, but that's so.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
I'm gonna watch.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
That's how Means Laser Stories has come to an end
for the day. We'll do it again, same time on
Wednesday
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.
It's the radio segment that's come up with a hot
new toy for your uncoordinated child, the self rotating hula hoop.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
I don't have to know how to do it anymore.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
All your kid has to do is just stand there,
push the button, and let.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
The hoop do all the work. Should be cool.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Hours and hours of motionless fun with Laser Stories, the
segment where we read weird news stories around the globe,
just like everyone else does, except we've got a laser.
Those other pelvic pansies just don't. This first laser story
is out of Stafford, Virginia. There was an open house
last Sunday for a home for sale about forty miles
south of DC. One of the people who toured the
(00:44):
home was thirty nine year old Napoleon boatche Oh.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
That is such a fency.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
He apparently talked to the seller about how much he
liked the place and thought it would be great for
him and his four kids. That's nice, and we know
he was actually serious because after the conversation he pulled
his minivan into the driveway and moved right on.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
In as you can get home too.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
He didn't make an offer or anything. He just got
his kids inside and then refused to leave.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
I'll take it. This is the squatters situation. It's like
a nightmare.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
The police got there quickly and ordered him to come out,
but he just stared at them through a window, so
they went inside and arrested. It is like thirty seconds
they can get him outain. Yet it turned out he
was on probation and had warrants out in two neighboring counties.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
There you go.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
He's facing a long list of charges, including entering a
property with intent to cause damage.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Because that's what happens when you bring children into a
house that.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Actually checks out immediately.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
I mean, yeah, guaranteed there were stains on the carpet
and they left.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
This is how it works.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
I mean, you're not allowed to own anything nice after
you have children.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
As for the kids, protective services took them in and
officials said they'd be releasing them to a responsible family member.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
That's good.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
It's next Laser stories out of the Far East.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Have you ever been watching a political debate and thought, man,
I wish they'd just get naked every time.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Oh yeah, I guess that's just you and Josey.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Do you feel the way jose and I do you
might want to move to Japan, because that's exactly what
one politician did during her televised campaign speech.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
It has to be like a protest or something.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
She's running for office.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Her name is Uchino Ari, and she was addressing the
nation ahead of Tokyo's gubernatorial election when she started undressing
during the broadcast.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
She made it a show's just so hot in here.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Unlike our country's leaders, Uchino is not an elderly man.
She is a vibrant young woman who is venturing into
politics for the very first.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
Time, ready to show the world her gifts. Can you
imagine one of our candidates trying to be roll? They
just can't even kick off.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
The song, like no, they just got belcro shoes off.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
I'm here to watch it.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
In fact, a recent viral video showed her unbuttoning her
blouse while speaking, then taking it completely off.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
Off but to many of.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
The senator's disappointment, she was wearing a nude colored tube
top under.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
So she didn't want to get arrested for it. She
just wanted to make it yeah, make it seems yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
But she's good at politics. Typical liar, right there, vote
that's right.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
So she then asked the viewers that if they think
she's sexy, they should go vote for her and also
add her on social media.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Okay, should she just run?
Speaker 1 (03:52):
In America Island, Uccino is running under the Watch my
Cute political Speech Broadcast party.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I love that party.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Many are accusing her of not taking the job seriously
and using politics as a platform just to gain social
media fame.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
They accuse her of nobody does there.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Your video has been viewed over eighteen million times, so
it's actually working. I'm going to become a Japanese citizen
just so I can vote.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Let me come over in visit.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
I want to thank you. This next laser story is
out of fashion headquarters. I know concert tickets are pretty expensive.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Gos you crazy?
Speaker 1 (04:35):
So how about paying ten times more just to pretend
that you went. I say that because the high end
fashion brand Balenciaga is selling a fake festival wristband for
the lowlo price of thirty eight hundred dollars.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
Do they accidentally put it on too tight so it
bothers you the entire festival?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Yeah, it's called the favor Used Bracelets.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Brook. How would you describe it? You're looking at the
picture of it right now.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
It looks like one of those Nylon festival bracelets, and
it has writing around it that I'm guessing says Balenciaga.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
But it looks like in a graffiti style writing.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Yeah, it's hard to read because it's made to look
worn and tattered, like you just went to an event
years ago and never took it off. It's still okay,
but it is adjustable, so you can ditch it whenever
you want.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
And pass it to somebody else so they can also.
Speaker 4 (05:34):
Get into the imaginary festival.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Balenciaga claims it requires a full day's work to make
each one.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
I bet that's why it's so expensive.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
They can stitch the company's name onto it, so that
takes a lot of time, and making it look distressed
probably factors into the price too.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
Right, I just imagine one person from that Balenciaga place
rolling around in a field with it on, like.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Well, if that's not your style.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
There's also a non distressed version that costs even more
at four thousand, nine hundred dollars.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
Oh my good, my gosh.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
It's like you got your band but never made it
to the festival.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
So if you're looking for a dumb way to blow
five grand. There you go for reference tickets to Coachella
next year start at five hundred and forty nine dollars.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
So now that sounds like a huge bargain.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Yeah, that covers your flight, your hotel. This next Lazer
Stories out of Entertainment Central. You know who wants in
on the reality TV show Resurgence. It's none other than
the TV network Hallmark.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
There's now a done that before, not.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yet, but there is a brand new reality series to
find the next Hallmark Holiday movie star.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Oh, Jeffrey.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
It's called Finding Mister Christmas. Oh, this is like finding
the Golden Bachelor. It works like this.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Ten men will compete in a series of challenges to
test their acting skills and Christmas spirit.
Speaker 4 (07:04):
So they're gonna have to like make sugar cookies and
also have bad acting on screen because there's no good acting.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Actually, sugar cookie baking eaves is one of the tests
that will be included, along with Christmas tree tossing and
something called a stranger missiletoe surprise.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
When does he have to catch a falling girl because
that always happens?
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Yeah, the Ice Road Challenge Run Down the Street. Jonathan
Bennett is going to be the host of it.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
He's been in Hallmark movies, but you probably know him
better as Aaron Samuels from the movie Mean Girls.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
From the original meeting.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
The winner will earn the title of Mister Christmas, and
the film will premiere later this year on the Hallmark Channel.
During the countdown to Christmas. I know one guy who's
interested in just threw his shell into the ring and
he already has his movie title picked out.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
It's gonna be a moist, green Christas.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
I don't mind the word, but that's so.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
I'm gonna watch.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
That's how Means Laser Stories has come to an end
for the day. We'll do it again, same time on
Wednesday
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.
Hosts And Creators
Brooke Fox
Jeffrey "Young Jeffrey" Dubow
Alexis Fuller
Jose Bolanos
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