November 25, 2025 • 6 mins
Today we're talking to an infamous criminal who says they HAVEN'T BEEN CAUGHT... and even though he's retired now, he says his wife has no idea about his past...
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You don't hear me confession, I can't take back arms speak.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
I got a text to seven eight five nine two
that says played FIFA with my eight year old son.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
He beat me ten to one.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
I was so angry that for the last few weeks
I've been secretly practicing after he goes to bed, I've
just had a rematch lost fourteen to night. Look, we
understand we're all gonna have low moments in our lives,
and we don't want you to feel bad about them
all by yourself. Come on here and tell us so
(00:40):
we can all feel bad about you together. Yes, and
that's why Mac is on the phone right now. At
least that's the fake name that he's chosen for himself. Matt,
you are on the radio, So welcome to your new
lifetime low my friend.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Well, thank you for having me.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
Yeah, oh wow, you do sound love with the voice changers.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
Sounds like didn't mean to actually bring you down.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Yeah, that's like basement man, I sutructure. Yeah, Matt, we're
all here for you to hear your confession. The voice
changer is on. You are now the mass speaker. Whenever
you're ready, you can hit us with it.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Well, here goes nothing. I'm retired from my former profession.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Oh okay, yeah, it's also.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
About ten years ago. When I was a lot younger,
I used to be a professional smuggler.
Speaker 4 (01:29):
Smuggler whoa, yeah, like people mean my dad watch on
that geo.
Speaker 5 (01:34):
Oh my god, wow, really like across the border type
of smuggler, like a mule.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Yeah, kind of like a mule, except you know, I
wasn't necessarily incertanteen anything into my body.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
You're okay, what were you smuggling?
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Tons of stuff like tea, creatures.
Speaker 6 (01:52):
Like exotic animals that you're not allowed to buy in
this country. About these people all the time, they get
like caught with like eighteen special cockroaches on their bodies.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
We don't have out in your friend's circles. We don't
know about.
Speaker 5 (02:07):
I'm always like, how do you fit that many guinea
pigs in a suitcase?
Speaker 1 (02:13):
You've come to the right place if you need to.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
God, this is crazy.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Yeah. Like for example, like baby sea horses and I
put them, I'd put them in water bottles.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
They're tiny, to make sure to drink the wrong one.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Yeah this is a salty say oh no.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
But yeah, so then like other things like exotic meat.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
That's terrible though.
Speaker 5 (02:37):
Like I mean, poachers usually are behind all this stuff,
or you're bringing in like diseases.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
But it could be like fine dining steaks from Japan totally.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
I mean I had a nickname. They called me the
beef King in Vietnam.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
They called me the same thing in college. Different it
was also.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Smuggling things, but yeah, like you said, like people didn't
want lower quality meat, and there were a lot of
local meat spots struggling, and there I came in like
a hero, the high quality surloins and all the wago
and everything, and they just they loved me.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Where did you put the meat? Like are you traveling
with like a refrigerated.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
That's like a cool I mean, I would just get
really creative, like how.
Speaker 5 (03:27):
Give us an example, I mean, outside of the water
bottle of the seahorses, what are we talking?
Speaker 1 (03:32):
I would use all kinds of things, like children's toys
like mister Potato had and.
Speaker 5 (03:39):
Hope you got dry ice on that stuff or something.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
What's the weirdest item that you've ever had to smuggle before?
Speaker 1 (03:45):
I don't aside from like a pighead at one point,
oh man, because that was pretty common to me, so
I wouldn't say that's too weird. But there was one
time when they gave me huge jars of it. I'm
pretty sure they weren't animal eyeballs.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
What were they then?
Speaker 1 (04:05):
I'm pretty sure they were human eyeballs. But I don't
ask questions the border.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
No, No, this is all that. This is not you.
You sound so proud. There's a reason this stuff is illegal.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Maybe it was for like scientific research for some sort
of you know, ocular disease.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
Maybe they don't do that on the d L. Jeffrey.
Speaker 5 (04:26):
They don't.
Speaker 6 (04:26):
It's not like somebody with an eyeball suitcase like pops
up to a university, opens it up and says, which
ones do you want?
Speaker 3 (04:32):
How do you know what the research is.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
It's not a like trunk back alley type of exchange.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
I think it's one of those underfunded high schools in
a bad part of town.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (04:43):
I mean in fourth grade, we did get some deer
eyeballs from my friend's dad.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
This is terrible, Like, did you ever get caught?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
I got stopped, but I never got detained.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
Okay, so they checked you like, oh my god, was
your heart just race?
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Oh yeah? Oh yeah?
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Three human hearts in his Barbie dream house. We're racing two.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
Don't you feel bad?
Speaker 5 (05:07):
You've got to be part of some like seriously retired?
Speaker 4 (05:10):
Now you need it?
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Yeah, I met a girl. I retired. I got a
nice stash of cash.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Do you mean he smuggled the girl across the border
like you met a woman to Mary the only body.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Partsy smuggle hole.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
No. I actually met her at the grocery store of
all places. Can you believe it?
Speaker 4 (05:30):
Wow, you're boring, You're a smuggler.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
You think that's a good sale on stakes? I can
get your way better. Meet.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Yeah, but once I met my wife, that's when I
knew it was time to quit.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Wow. Does she know what you did?
Speaker 1 (05:44):
Or I just told her I was in the delivery business.
Speaker 5 (05:48):
I didn't really don't mind the trunks of cash when
the guy shows up at two am, though, honeytel, I'm
not here.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Well, it's good you got out when you did.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Funny enough, to this day, when I check my old email,
I still have offers in there from people all over
the world.
Speaker 5 (06:07):
Totally.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
I'm international. Baby.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Well, you have to shoot your email over to us
just in case we ever need something.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
Yeah, no, thank you, I do not want to be
connected to any of that.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Jeffrey, all right, exotic meats for everybody.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
I want to eat camel breass.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
We'll stay in touch math text into seven eight, five
nine two. If you have a confession you've been holding
on to, we'll hide your identity, mask your voice, and
make you the next mass speaker.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Phone taps coming up next
You don't hear me confession, I can't take back arms speak.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
I got a text to seven eight five nine two
that says played FIFA with my eight year old son.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
He beat me ten to one.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
I was so angry that for the last few weeks
I've been secretly practicing after he goes to bed, I've
just had a rematch lost fourteen to night. Look, we
understand we're all gonna have low moments in our lives,
and we don't want you to feel bad about them
all by yourself. Come on here and tell us so
(00:40):
we can all feel bad about you together. Yes, and
that's why Mac is on the phone right now. At
least that's the fake name that he's chosen for himself. Matt,
you are on the radio, So welcome to your new
lifetime low my friend.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Well, thank you for having me.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
Yeah, oh wow, you do sound love with the voice changers.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
Sounds like didn't mean to actually bring you down.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Yeah, that's like basement man, I sutructure. Yeah, Matt, we're
all here for you to hear your confession. The voice
changer is on. You are now the mass speaker. Whenever
you're ready, you can hit us with it.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Well, here goes nothing. I'm retired from my former profession.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Oh okay, yeah, it's also.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
About ten years ago. When I was a lot younger,
I used to be a professional smuggler.
Speaker 4 (01:29):
Smuggler whoa, yeah, like people mean my dad watch on
that geo.
Speaker 5 (01:34):
Oh my god, wow, really like across the border type
of smuggler, like a mule.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Yeah, kind of like a mule, except you know, I
wasn't necessarily incertanteen anything into my body.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
You're okay, what were you smuggling?
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Tons of stuff like tea, creatures.
Speaker 6 (01:52):
Like exotic animals that you're not allowed to buy in
this country. About these people all the time, they get
like caught with like eighteen special cockroaches on their bodies.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
We don't have out in your friend's circles. We don't
know about.
Speaker 5 (02:07):
I'm always like, how do you fit that many guinea
pigs in a suitcase?
Speaker 1 (02:13):
You've come to the right place if you need to.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
God, this is crazy.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Yeah. Like for example, like baby sea horses and I
put them, I'd put them in water bottles.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
They're tiny, to make sure to drink the wrong one.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Yeah this is a salty say oh no.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
But yeah, so then like other things like exotic meat.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
That's terrible though.
Speaker 5 (02:37):
Like I mean, poachers usually are behind all this stuff,
or you're bringing in like diseases.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
But it could be like fine dining steaks from Japan totally.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
I mean I had a nickname. They called me the
beef King in Vietnam.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
They called me the same thing in college. Different it
was also.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Smuggling things, but yeah, like you said, like people didn't
want lower quality meat, and there were a lot of
local meat spots struggling, and there I came in like
a hero, the high quality surloins and all the wago
and everything, and they just they loved me.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Where did you put the meat? Like are you traveling
with like a refrigerated.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
That's like a cool I mean, I would just get
really creative, like how.
Speaker 5 (03:27):
Give us an example, I mean, outside of the water
bottle of the seahorses, what are we talking?
Speaker 1 (03:32):
I would use all kinds of things, like children's toys
like mister Potato had and.
Speaker 5 (03:39):
Hope you got dry ice on that stuff or something.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
What's the weirdest item that you've ever had to smuggle before?
Speaker 1 (03:45):
I don't aside from like a pighead at one point,
oh man, because that was pretty common to me, so
I wouldn't say that's too weird. But there was one
time when they gave me huge jars of it. I'm
pretty sure they weren't animal eyeballs.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
What were they then?
Speaker 1 (04:05):
I'm pretty sure they were human eyeballs. But I don't
ask questions the border.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
No, No, this is all that. This is not you.
You sound so proud. There's a reason this stuff is illegal.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Maybe it was for like scientific research for some sort
of you know, ocular disease.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
Maybe they don't do that on the d L. Jeffrey.
Speaker 5 (04:26):
They don't.
Speaker 6 (04:26):
It's not like somebody with an eyeball suitcase like pops
up to a university, opens it up and says, which
ones do you want?
Speaker 3 (04:32):
How do you know what the research is.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
It's not a like trunk back alley type of exchange.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
I think it's one of those underfunded high schools in
a bad part of town.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (04:43):
I mean in fourth grade, we did get some deer
eyeballs from my friend's dad.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
This is terrible, Like, did you ever get caught?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
I got stopped, but I never got detained.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
Okay, so they checked you like, oh my god, was
your heart just race?
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Oh yeah? Oh yeah?
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Three human hearts in his Barbie dream house. We're racing two.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
Don't you feel bad?
Speaker 5 (05:07):
You've got to be part of some like seriously retired?
Speaker 4 (05:10):
Now you need it?
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Yeah, I met a girl. I retired. I got a
nice stash of cash.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Do you mean he smuggled the girl across the border
like you met a woman to Mary the only body.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Partsy smuggle hole.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
No. I actually met her at the grocery store of
all places. Can you believe it?
Speaker 4 (05:30):
Wow, you're boring, You're a smuggler.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
You think that's a good sale on stakes? I can
get your way better. Meet.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Yeah, but once I met my wife, that's when I
knew it was time to quit.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Wow. Does she know what you did?
Speaker 1 (05:44):
Or I just told her I was in the delivery business.
Speaker 5 (05:48):
I didn't really don't mind the trunks of cash when
the guy shows up at two am, though, honeytel, I'm
not here.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Well, it's good you got out when you did.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Funny enough, to this day, when I check my old email,
I still have offers in there from people all over
the world.
Speaker 5 (06:07):
Totally.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
I'm international. Baby.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Well, you have to shoot your email over to us
just in case we ever need something.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
Yeah, no, thank you, I do not want to be
connected to any of that.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Jeffrey, all right, exotic meats for everybody.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
I want to eat camel breass.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
We'll stay in touch math text into seven eight, five
nine two. If you have a confession you've been holding
on to, we'll hide your identity, mask your voice, and
make you the next mass speaker.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Phone taps coming up next
Hosts And Creators
Brooke Fox
Jeffrey "Young Jeffrey" Dubow
Alexis Fuller
Jose Bolanos
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