Missed Connections (12/23/24)

We scoured the back pages of Craigslist to find the best (or is it worst?) entries from their Missed Connections section! Whether you're a hopeless romantic or just plain hopeless, this might be the place for you!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, Kity Misconnections. That was me staring. It's a special
holiday edition of Craigslist Misconnections today.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
We're getting in the spirit, I see.

Speaker 1 (00:10):
And during this time of year, there's only two places
to find true love. One is on the ice skating
rink next to the hockey players beating each other with
frozen Yule logs. Yeah, I think those are logs. The
second is on the pages of craigslist dot org. We
scour that website every week and we found the best
holiday misconnections that they had to offer us, like this

(00:32):
first one titled you.

Speaker 3 (00:34):
Help me pick out the Perfect Christmas Tree?

Speaker 2 (00:38):
Oh I love his life?

Speaker 1 (00:40):
Woman for Man seventy three Behind the strip Mall Random.

Speaker 3 (00:46):
She says, I'm kind of a novice when it comes
to picking out Christmas trees. My second husband, Gerald god
Rest his Soul, used to cut them down himself by
taking them out of other people's yards.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
You sound years.

Speaker 3 (01:06):
When I was tree shopping the other night, you appeared
out of nowhere like a pine needle criss kringle, and
you told me you knew the secret to picking out
the perfect tree. You then plucked exactly three needles from
the one I was looking at and placed them on

(01:27):
the top of your tonguemore. You swished them around in
your mouth like a fine wine, and proceeded to tell
me what month and day the tree was cut down,
and what region two. Very impressive, and apparently you weren't
done for the next five minutes. You got up inside

(01:49):
my tree and ran your fingers up and down its
wooden trunk, inspecting it for imperfections and holes where small
creatures could hide.

Speaker 2 (02:01):
I think so. I don't think that's after you were done.

Speaker 3 (02:05):
I went to pay and told the cashier to give
you my number. But so far it's been quiet on
the home front. But if I'm being honest, the fires
are roaring downstairs.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
I don't think you want anything on fire down there.

Speaker 3 (02:23):
Yeah, how about a complimentary house call to water my bush?

Speaker 2 (02:27):
Oh tree? Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (02:31):
That's signed Genevieve, Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (02:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
This next misconnection is titled I Know what I wish
for this Christmas. It's you man for a woman forty
one Santa's Workshop. He says, I was in line with
my five kids looking to get some Sanna pics when
I spotted.

Speaker 2 (02:57):
You, oh man, five children, and wow, you.

Speaker 1 (03:01):
Had on red tights, a short green mini skirt, and
some curly hooker shoes.

Speaker 2 (03:07):
I think.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
That's when I realized you weren't just another floozy walking
around the mall looking for a trick.

Speaker 2 (03:16):
I don't think that that's what happens at the mall.

Speaker 1 (03:18):
You were Santa's Elf.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
For the day.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
When it was our turn, my five little felons ran
into the jolly Guy's lap. I tried a few pickup lines.
They were mostly about gingerbread hardening in the oven. You
said you didn't get it, and I said you will.
Before I knew it, my youngest Milo took off Santa's

(03:44):
boot and threw up in it. In the craziness, we
got separated and I chased my kids all the way
over to the food court for security escorted us out.

Speaker 3 (04:00):
Oh wow, but it's all right.

Speaker 1 (04:01):
I'll see you again next week when I bring my
other three kids for a picture.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
Children.

Speaker 1 (04:09):
That's signed drabberber oh Man. He made eight children, at
least that we know of Brook. You know he's a
casanova hooker.

Speaker 2 (04:21):
That is Nick Cannon's cousin.

Speaker 1 (04:23):
Let's go to your next holiday theme misconnection. This one
says you're the new girl man for woman thirty six
the office. He says, I met you at one of
the lamest company holiday.

Speaker 3 (04:33):
Parties I've ever been to.

Speaker 2 (04:35):
Ours must have been at ours.

Speaker 1 (04:38):
According to the rules, this year's party had to be
a dry event, which meant no alcohol. That's why I
know I was actually attracted to you, because I wasn't
pulling up to Slosh Island.

Speaker 2 (04:50):
Look at that little bright side to sobriety.

Speaker 1 (04:53):
You were wearing snowflake shaped earrings and a Christmas sweater
with blinking lights that said bipolaric Press.

Speaker 2 (05:02):
Funny.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
We were chatting about how boring the party was when
I offered a spice things up a little. That's when
I showed you my hidden flask and you giggled with delight.

Speaker 2 (05:12):
Oh, yeah, you have her.

Speaker 1 (05:18):
After we shared a couple swigs, you got a weird
look on your face and told me I was an
embarrassment to serious drinkers everywhere. Oh you walked away, and
I thought I was out of luck.

Speaker 2 (05:29):
Oh she was actually just disappointed.

Speaker 1 (05:31):
But five minutes later you came back and whispered in
my ear, so you really want a party. And that's
when you chugged a tiny bottle of liquid white out
and kissed me on the forehead, leaving a white lipstains.

Speaker 2 (05:45):
Oh, Mama, she's gotta have at least ulcers.

Speaker 1 (05:53):
After that, I lost track of you in the crowd,
but the last thing I saw were paramedics pulling up
to the front of the There. It is gotta be bad.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
It's like paint.

Speaker 1 (06:03):
I figured you were involved. Yeah, let me know how
things ended up, and to tell the truth, I'm not
sure I'm ready for you. But what the hell? This
year has been a disaster anyway, I signed Rob and
worse note more toxic than you.

Speaker 2 (06:23):
The white.

Speaker 1 (06:25):
Holiday themed Craigslist Miscony Holidays. We got a phone to
have coming up right after this