Phone Tap: Costco Court

Today's Phone Tap victim loves COSTCO, but after she let her friend borrow her membership card, Brooke's gonna prosecute her in BULK!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
One eight hundred d uy away now offering free remote
consultations by phone or video conference for any criminal offense.
Trust Brook, Jeffrey and Jose's friends with a free remote
consultation from Bradley Johnson Lawyers. Visit one eight hundred douy
away dot com or call.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
Eight hundred do you y away Today? We call a
woman who, like many of us, loves the wholesale superstore Costco.

Speaker 3 (00:22):
Oh yeah, he does, bring me there now.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
And recently she let her friend borrow her membership card
to get in. Now they didn't get caught, luckily, but
they're about to because her friend asked us if we
could do a prank on her. So she's about to
feel the wrath of Costco Corporate in your brand new phone.
Tap right now, it's another tap on the twenties.

Speaker 3 (00:49):
Hello, Hi, this is Shauna from Costco Membership Services. Is
this Maria Ven?

Speaker 4 (00:57):
Yes? How can I help you?

Speaker 3 (00:59):
Well, fortunately, it's my job to inform you that we
are suspending your Costco membership indefinitely.

Speaker 4 (01:08):
I'm sorry, suspending it and definitely why what?

Speaker 3 (01:11):
It's been deactivated and it's not going to be permissible
at any of our locations. Okay, I'm sorry.

Speaker 4 (01:19):
I am so confused right now. Why can you tell
me why this is happening? What's going on?

Speaker 3 (01:24):
I think you know, Maria.

Speaker 4 (01:26):
No, actually I really, I honestly don't know what I did.

Speaker 3 (01:30):
It's come to our attention that you've allowed another customer
to borrow your sacred Costco membership card.

Speaker 4 (01:37):
Yeah, I'm well no, I mean, okay, it's.

Speaker 3 (01:40):
Our decide, isn't it. When someone catches you on things
like that? You said yes, then no, then maybe?

Speaker 4 (01:47):
Well yeah, I mean okay, so I did, like just
once though I didn't think that that was right.

Speaker 3 (01:51):
Yeah, all right, I gotta say Costco does appreciate acts
of sharing and community. However, we must remind you that
Costco membership cards are like precious gemstones, only meant for
the eyes of the card holder.

Speaker 4 (02:05):
Okay, but I feel like like an indefinite sussension is
like a little drastic that you.

Speaker 3 (02:10):
Think at this point, if you want to continue to
use our services, you'll need to report to Costco Court.

Speaker 4 (02:17):
I'm sorry, Costco Court. That's that's not even a real thing.

Speaker 3 (02:21):
Oh, it's very real. Every Costco store has one a
court room. It's behind the pharmacy. What where justice is
served in bulk.

Speaker 4 (02:29):
You can't know that can be real.

Speaker 3 (02:31):
That's our catchphrase.

Speaker 4 (02:32):
I've never I was never informed about this Costco court.
I was never.

Speaker 3 (02:36):
Actually, yes, you were. It was in the fine print
when you signed up.

Speaker 4 (02:40):
What are you talking about?

Speaker 3 (02:42):
It's part of our Costco commandments.

Speaker 4 (02:44):
I just can't believe that you're telling me that I
have to go to Costo court just because I let
my let somebody use my membership one time. Like that
just doesn't seem fair to me.

Speaker 3 (02:54):
Oh yeah, I can understand that, you know, but I
promise Judge Kirklin is very fair when it comes to
Costco convicts.

Speaker 4 (03:02):
That's kirklind. Is that supposed to be like cute and
signing or something.

Speaker 3 (03:05):
Cross your fingers. He's in a good mood the day
you come in. This week he gave a college student
an eighteen month sample band.

Speaker 4 (03:13):
Now did you imagine I can't do that? Like, how
do you even enforce something like that? Do you guys
have like Costco police or something.

Speaker 3 (03:21):
Maria, We're Costco. We sell full chickens for under five dollars.
We can do anything.

Speaker 4 (03:28):
It sounds like it, clearly, But I'm not going to
Costco court like, I.

Speaker 3 (03:33):
Well, you better show up because if you don't, you're
gonna get stuck with Costco community service.

Speaker 4 (03:38):
What what exactly is Costco community service? To begin with?

Speaker 3 (03:43):
You get parking lot duty for three weeks and have
to bring all the shopping carts back.

Speaker 4 (03:48):
So all of those people in your parking lot are
doing Costco community service and they're not your employees.

Speaker 3 (03:53):
I'd ask you not to judge them just because of
their prior convictions. Okay, they're committed to Costco. This is
they working their way back into the system.

Speaker 4 (04:02):
Is there any way that I can get off with
like a warning or something like? Clearly, this is my
first time breaking any Costco commandment.

Speaker 3 (04:08):
I don't know that you want that. A Costco warning
would include no toilet paper or wipes for six months.

Speaker 4 (04:13):
That's literally why I go to Costco. That's where I
get all my toilet paper from. Like, why would you
take away the one thing that I get old?

Speaker 3 (04:20):
I mean, I could have the radio station deliver you
some of theirs, you know from Brook and Jeffrey in
the morning. What it's only one ply though?

Speaker 4 (04:27):
Wait, Russ, why are you throwing a radio station into
the mix of all this? Like what do they have
to do with anything the Costco. I don't understand.

Speaker 3 (04:35):
Well, they love Costco. I'll tell you that, and I'll
also tell you that this is Brooke from Brook and
Jeffrey in the Morning and this is actually a brank
phone call.

Speaker 4 (04:42):
Oh my god, what.

Speaker 3 (04:45):
It's all a joke.

Speaker 4 (04:48):
Thank god, I was freaking out.

Speaker 3 (04:50):
Yeah, your Fred Candace said apparently you love Costco too.
I do. And we heard you let her borrow your
card a couple of times.

Speaker 4 (05:00):
I mean, yeah, I have Maria.

Speaker 3 (05:02):
I won't even let my husband use my card. Okay,
I gotta get banned from that place.

Speaker 4 (05:07):
I'll have to keep that in mind, because this was
a good awakening for me to never let I have
no card ever again.

Speaker 3 (05:14):
You're really wondering if people are waiting outside the pharmacy
for prescriptions for hearing.

Speaker 4 (05:23):
Wake up.

Speaker 3 (05:24):
Every morning was phe Tap weekday mornings on the twenties.
Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning