Phone Tap: Cougar Meets Mommy

In your Phone Tap, we got a request from a college student who’s going home for a family reunion to prank his mom. So Brooke's calling as his new, mature, cougar-iffic girlfriend to introduce herself!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
We got a request in from a nineteen year old
college sophomore named Brandon. He's got a big family reunion
coming up, and he's planning on bringing his new girlfriend there.
Oh but before that happens, he wants his mom to
meet her over the phone first. And all that mom
knows right now is the girlfriend's name is Helen. What

(00:20):
she doesn't know is that Helen is actually a full grown,
very eager, forty six year old woman, our own Brook
Fox doing a horrible accent that sounds like a long
Island Boston, Minnesota old Jewish mom jumping.

Speaker 2 (00:41):
My family comes from lots of different places. I love it.
Same is what you're gonna hear.

Speaker 1 (00:49):
We're gonna see how this woman reacts in your phone.

Speaker 3 (00:52):
Tap right now.

Speaker 2 (00:59):
Hello, Oh Hi, is this Brandon's mom?

Speaker 3 (01:03):
Yes, Jesus, Oh.

Speaker 2 (01:05):
My god, Hi, it is so nice to finally meet you.
Oh it's Helen.

Speaker 3 (01:12):
Helen, Helen, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:15):
Your son's new gal.

Speaker 3 (01:17):
Wait, excuse me, you're Helen?

Speaker 2 (01:20):
Oh yeah, did Brandon not mention? I was gonna call
because he just told me so much about you, and
I wanted to meet the woman who made the man.

Speaker 4 (01:30):
I I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude. But
how old are you?

Speaker 2 (01:33):
Oh? Me, yeah, I'm forty six years young, forty six,
but Brandon makes me feel like i'm twenty again.

Speaker 3 (01:43):
So you're dating my nineteen year old son. You're forty six?

Speaker 2 (01:46):
Ish. I hate that word dating. I mean, it's such
an archaic ter. Maybe I prefer like banging on the rag,
you know.

Speaker 4 (01:54):
Excuse me?

Speaker 3 (01:55):
Do you not talk to me about my son that way?
This is like totally inappropriate. I I am so sorry.

Speaker 2 (02:01):
I really apologized. I just I called because I wanted
to talk about the family reunion next weekend. We wait, wait,
Brandon in siss that I'm there to meet all his
aunties and owns.

Speaker 3 (02:12):
No, no, no, that's not happening at all. Excuse me?

Speaker 2 (02:16):
Excuse me? Mom? Can I call you mom? Mom?

Speaker 3 (02:21):
Don't call me mom.

Speaker 4 (02:22):
I don't know you.

Speaker 2 (02:23):
I med sis, I meant sish because I know we're
about the same age.

Speaker 3 (02:28):
Don't call me mom. Don't call me sis. And one
more thing, I don't want you talking to Brandon anymore.
He's nineteen.

Speaker 2 (02:34):
Are you acting like this because of my age?

Speaker 3 (02:37):
You think?

Speaker 4 (02:38):
I mean, come on, you're forty six.

Speaker 3 (02:41):
I send a teenager for God's sake.

Speaker 2 (02:43):
Honestly, I would have never saw myself with a younger
man until I met Brandon working at that diner, and
I was like, oh my.

Speaker 4 (02:52):
So what are you You think you're some kind of
like older cougar who goes and picks up young boys
while they're at work.

Speaker 2 (02:58):
It wasn't like that at all. He was so sweet.
I dropped my multi vitamins and fish oil pills for
my pillbox and Brandon got down on the floor and
he helped me gather up every single one.

Speaker 3 (03:10):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (03:11):
It was the sweetest meet cute, even better than how
I met my second husband.

Speaker 4 (03:16):
Your second husband. So now you're looking for number three?

Speaker 2 (03:19):
Oh no, No, Brandon and I are just feeling things out,
you know, emphasis on the feeling. I mean, that's when
all my friends at Bridge Club I told them all
about Brandon, and you know what, they said, You need.

Speaker 3 (03:29):
To stop talking women. I have to hear this though.

Speaker 2 (03:32):
You've got to hear they said, you've already been through menopause.
Life is short.

Speaker 3 (03:37):
Why not much information?

Speaker 2 (03:40):
Start right? Your goodness? You know, men age like fied wine.
Women age like geese. So you gotta get it while
you can.

Speaker 3 (03:49):
Am I right this is out of line.

Speaker 4 (03:51):
I need to speak with Brandon.

Speaker 3 (03:52):
I need to speak with his father and find out
exactly what I can do about this now.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
Samantha, Samantha, I it where you're coming from. I have
three kids of my own, and I worry about them sometimes.

Speaker 4 (04:05):
Have you lost your mind? How can I think this is?

Speaker 3 (04:08):
Okay? Do you realize what you're doing?

Speaker 2 (04:09):
I just think we need to have a woman to
woman talk. Okay, you just stop on my house and
we can have some camrameal tea and we can just
work this whole thing out. I do have this amazing
tiger bomb that helps heal all my joint pain. You
should really try, you know, I'll bring it. I'll bring
it by.

Speaker 4 (04:28):
I don't want to talk to you about menopause or
your tiger bomb.

Speaker 3 (04:31):
Are you okay?

Speaker 2 (04:31):
Okay? Would you rather me talk about the phone tap
that we're doing on you right now?

Speaker 3 (04:36):
Wait what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 (04:38):
I'm not dating your son. This is actually broke from
the radio show Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning. We're
doing a phone tap on you.

Speaker 4 (04:48):
I believe that that is like, oh wow, oh.

Speaker 2 (04:51):
Wow, we're not banging on the rag, you know, reg
Maybe is that what the kids say. But now you're
gonna love all of his new girlfriends by comparison.

Speaker 4 (05:03):
Right, yeah, oh god, I opened a new one.

Speaker 2 (05:08):
No, I think she's only forty two.

Speaker 4 (05:10):
Oh please please.

Speaker 3 (05:15):
Wake up.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
Every morning was phone taps weekday mornings on the twenties
Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning