Phone Tap: Gram Gram's New Toy

In your Phone Tap, we’re having what has to be the most UNCOMFORTABLE conversation you could ever have with a guy about his elderly mother.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Is there anything better than a brother's sister prank war
that continues even once you both become adults.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
My sister wouldn't dare she know?

Speaker 1 (00:09):
I'd phone tap her in her whole office.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
And that's what happens today.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
When a woman named Anne asked me to get her
brother's personal for you, she gave me one hundred percent
full authority to do whatever I want to mess with. Oh,
you know that's dangerous. Yeah, so I went with the
topic guaranteed to make any man feel extremely uncomfortable. You're
gonna find out what that is in your phone tap

(00:35):
right now.

Speaker 3 (00:39):
Twenty Hello.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
Hi Sebastian.

Speaker 3 (00:45):
Speaking.

Speaker 1 (00:46):
This is Nathan jeriatrica from assisted living. Your mother seems
to be doing very well living here.

Speaker 3 (00:52):
Oh well, that's good to hear. Is everything okay, Yeah,
everything's great.

Speaker 1 (00:58):
I'm just calling because we do have a small issue
that i'd like to discuss with you about your mother.

Speaker 3 (01:05):
Okay, is it anything serious?

Speaker 2 (01:07):
No?

Speaker 1 (01:07):
No, no, nothing serious. Maybe a bit sensitive though, Okay, yeah,
so your mom she she purchased a device recently. Okay,
it's uh, it's what Oh god, okay, I thought I
thought this is going to be easier to say.

Speaker 3 (01:28):
Well, just say it.

Speaker 2 (01:29):
What are you talking to she has? I guess. I
guess the old school term would be a marital aid.

Speaker 3 (01:39):
My seventy seven year old mother purchased a marital aid.

Speaker 2 (01:44):
Yes, yes, that's correct.

Speaker 3 (01:46):
Are you saying she has a.

Speaker 2 (01:50):
Yes, that is what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (01:52):
And why would I want to know this? More importantly,
how do you know?

Speaker 1 (01:56):
Okay, well, sorry, I hear you're getting upset, and normally
I wouldn't know that, but we've had a few noise
complaints from some of the other residents.

Speaker 3 (02:03):
That's ridiculous.

Speaker 1 (02:05):
You know, it makes a certain kind of noise, and
we're getting a lot of residents complaining, saying it's waking
them up in the middle.

Speaker 3 (02:12):
Of the night. I can tell you right now, I
can't believe we're even having this conversation.

Speaker 2 (02:16):
It's about trust me.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
I don't want to have this conversation either, But please,
I'm just saying, relax, we investigated this and.

Speaker 3 (02:24):
Wait, wait, you investigated the vibe. What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 (02:28):
It's for some reason the model that she has. I
guess it's like a dustbuster, but with afterburners attached to it.

Speaker 2 (02:35):
But I don't really know how to describe it.

Speaker 3 (02:37):
That is so inappropriate you're calling me to talk to
me about.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
I'm just I'm just trying to handle the complaints that
we're getting about it. A lot of people are saying
it sounds like a large malfunctioning ac unit.

Speaker 2 (02:51):
Okay, it's very lot like.

Speaker 3 (02:59):
Okay telling me these things. Look, are you kidding me?

Speaker 2 (03:02):
I'm trying to find a solution here.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
One of our residents, Gerald said he couldn't hear the
answers in Jeopardy because of all the noise coming from
your mom's room.

Speaker 3 (03:10):
Do you know what's running through my mind right now?
The pictures you just created for me. Thanks a lot.
I'll never being able to get that out of my head.

Speaker 2 (03:17):
What are you sir?

Speaker 1 (03:19):
I apologize, I apologize, But maybe maybe you could have
a conversation with your mom about replacing the device.

Speaker 3 (03:25):
Oh I'm not I'm not having a conversation.

Speaker 2 (03:29):
Look with your mother, Please calm down.

Speaker 1 (03:31):
I'm just saying maybe you could tell her to try
something a little bit more discreet.

Speaker 3 (03:36):
I'm supposed to tell my seventy seven year old mother
that her is too loud and it's waking up all
the other patients in the nursing homes that with.

Speaker 1 (03:46):
The du I know, I understand it sounds very embarrassing
on the surface, but many of our seniors live a
very active sexual life.

Speaker 3 (03:55):
No, I don't want to know this.

Speaker 1 (03:56):
I'm just saying, your mom really knows how to make
the wall shaped.

Speaker 3 (04:00):
You're enjoying this.

Speaker 2 (04:02):
No, I am not, sir.

Speaker 3 (04:03):
Oh no, you're not. Huh.

Speaker 2 (04:05):
I'm taking this very very seriously.

Speaker 1 (04:08):
I want you to know three different members of our
staff have addressed it directly with your mom, and each
time they were met with hostility. She seems seemed to
be very, very fond of her device.

Speaker 3 (04:19):
First office, your job to handle this, not to call me.

Speaker 1 (04:22):
That crosses a boundary with our residence. We can't go there.

Speaker 3 (04:25):
Oh you don't think it costs the boundary? Me, Why
don't you just frank into a room and take it
while she's a lunch or something.

Speaker 1 (04:32):
We can't do that. We don't want to take away
her pleasure. I'm just saying she took some time in
knitting class to make a koozy for it.

Speaker 2 (04:41):
She cares very very much about this device.

Speaker 3 (04:43):
This is the most disgusting.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
Just deal with it.

Speaker 3 (04:46):
I don't want to know.

Speaker 1 (04:47):
All right, Well, look if you don't want to handle this,
Maybe your sister Anne could have a conversation with her.

Speaker 3 (04:52):
Don't you dare call my sister and tell her anything
about this? Okay, he would not understand.

Speaker 2 (04:57):
I don't look, I didn't even have to do that.

Speaker 1 (05:00):
Ann is the one who called me because she wanted
to set you up for this prank phone call. She
did what, she sets you up for this prank because
my name's actually jeff from the radio show Brook and
Jeffrey in the Morning, and we're doing a phone tap
on you, Sebastian, I'm serious, man, and set you up
for this.

Speaker 3 (05:18):
My god.

Speaker 2 (05:20):
Yeah, dude, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
I got you so worked up there, but you were
really freaking out.

Speaker 3 (05:25):
It was kind of funny, funny funny for you when
you're talking about my mom.

Speaker 1 (05:30):
Are you saying that you don't want your mother to
have pleasure?

Speaker 3 (05:35):
Let's talk about your mom and oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:38):
No, I bought hers for her.

Speaker 3 (05:40):
Oh god, don't even start the week up. Every morning
was phone tap weekday mornings on the twenties, brooking Jeffrey
in the Morning