Phone Tap: Potty Police

Today’s Phone Tap victim was set up by his coworker and now Brooke's calling to tell him she'll be monitoring all the time he spends in the bathroom at work from here on out.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 2 (00:16):
Some people are very liberal with their restroom time while
at work. I can't think of anybody on this show,
but some people, and I can definitely see why you'd
want to spend a lot of time in there because
it's it's a nice quiet place. You can play games
on your phone, FaceTime your sister while you're on the can.
It's the only safe haven where your boss can't bug

(00:38):
you to do stuff.

Speaker 3 (00:39):
Your sister still answers, that is.

Speaker 4 (00:42):
And that's not true.

Speaker 1 (00:42):
They still bug you.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
Yeah, that's right. And until now, because we call a
guy to tell him the company knows that he's been
abusing his toilet privileges and we have an interesting, yet
strange solution to fix it. In your phone, tap right
now another.

Speaker 4 (01:03):
Hello, This is Carl.

Speaker 3 (01:05):
Hi Carl, my name's Lady Gwinevere.

Speaker 4 (01:09):
Excuse me, who did you say you were?

Speaker 3 (01:11):
I know, it's just what my parents named me. I'm
from HR.

Speaker 4 (01:16):
I don't remember lady Gwinevere from human Resources.

Speaker 3 (01:21):
Oh yeah, I'm based out of Atlanta, so we haven't met.

Speaker 4 (01:25):
Okay, nice to meet you.

Speaker 3 (01:27):
Yeah, I was just seeing here. Your time card is
due today and I just wanted to know if you
wanted me to adjust it or if you were going
to because I do have the number right in front
of me.

Speaker 4 (01:38):
I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you're referring to.

Speaker 3 (01:40):
Well, I'm looking at it, and as you've put down
full hours for the week. Yes, so what come on, Carl,
we both know that's not true.

Speaker 4 (01:51):
No, it is, yeah, having this today, you're correct.

Speaker 3 (01:55):
About that, but you have been spending a lot of
time building a log cabin.

Speaker 4 (02:01):
I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 (02:02):
It's slang for using the restroom. Yeah, apparently you've been
in there a lot, and we recently set limits on that.
So you can find it in the company handbook. We
passed it out earlier this year.

Speaker 4 (02:16):
There's no way it says anything about that.

Speaker 3 (02:17):
Oh it does. Yeah, too. Many employees were taking advantage of,
you know, time and just going in there with their
phone while they were freeing the turtles.

Speaker 4 (02:27):
I didn't do that, and it's weird that you're using
these type of references.

Speaker 3 (02:31):
Listen, I have had so many conversations like this and
I just need to change it up. Okay, different words,
different slang saved me from the sporing job.

Speaker 4 (02:43):
I'm not abusing my bathroom food is, I promise you,
and I think anyone should be able to use the
bathroom whatever they need to.

Speaker 3 (02:50):
Yeah, you know, I absolutely agree with you. They should
be able to use the bathroom whenever they need to
at home. And according to your direct supervisor, you are
one of the top violince and releasing chocolate hostages.

Speaker 4 (03:02):
Oh god, can you stop doing that.

Speaker 3 (03:05):
That's what I'm asking you to do. Stop doing it.

Speaker 4 (03:08):
I cannot stop going to the bathroom. Okay, I have
to use it a few times a day. That's just
how a human body works.

Speaker 3 (03:15):
We have an idea. When you feel like it's time
to squeeze a steamer, I just what.

Speaker 4 (03:20):
What do you have? It's a soretus for pooping.

Speaker 3 (03:22):
I'm just saying I need you to go to your
supervisor and say, put a clock on me for four minutes.
I'm about to park a custard.

Speaker 4 (03:29):
Oh look, god, Oh my god. This is so gross.

Speaker 3 (03:32):
But he'll understand what you mean. He'll give you a
thumbs up and then just be back before the timer
runs out and we'll all be good.

Speaker 4 (03:39):
Oh my god, it's just so unprofessional. How am I
having a conversation with a human resources person who's using
just all this gross slang about going to the bathroom.

Speaker 3 (03:48):
I'm just trying to relate here, Okay, okay.

Speaker 4 (03:50):
And you shouldn't be telling me when I can go
to the bathroom.

Speaker 3 (03:53):
Well, then you shouldn't be spending hours in the bathroom,
and then we wouldn't be having this conversation.

Speaker 4 (03:57):
I'm spending hours in the bathroom.

Speaker 3 (03:59):
It's not what you're worker, Dylan said. Okay, he said,
you're in there at least four times a day, bacon,
some brownies.

Speaker 4 (04:04):
What does Dylan have to do with this? Why would
he do that?

Speaker 3 (04:06):
Because Dylan actually wanted me to broadcast the whole thing
over the radio. What do he asked for?

Speaker 4 (04:11):
What?

Speaker 3 (04:12):
Yeah, I'm not really an HR. My name's Broke from
the radio show Brook of Jeffrey in the morning. We're
doing a phone tap on you. Oh my god, i'd
be a terrible HR person. Your coworker, Dylan set you up,
he said. He said that you've been running late to
meetings because you're spending so much time in the bathroom.

Speaker 4 (04:30):
Man, I'm not. Oh my god, you're not.

Speaker 3 (04:34):
Come on, you can be honest with me. I'm not,
actually hr.

Speaker 4 (04:37):
Okay, maybe some, but not as much as he's saying.
I'm not baked brownies.

Speaker 3 (04:43):
Yeah, that's right. I'm just gonna advise you right now
to check with your supervisor next time you want to
give birth to a state trooper. Okay, oh, wake up.
Every morning was phone Tap weekday mornings on the twenties,
Brook and Jeffrey in the Morning.

Speaker 4 (05:00):
York