Get Burke at It

Let’s try a little life coaching.Cherie Healy is working with Cheryl to help her discover anything is possible!

Question:What should Cheryl try next to keep moving forward and discovering new possibilities???

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
This is Burke in the Game and I heard radio podcast,
Hey guys, welcome back to Burke in the Game. I
UM definitely loved everyone's comments about my post when I
was basically reflecting and knowing I was gonna interview Jaya
that I hadn't been active when it comes to sex since.

(00:25):
And UM, it's interesting because you know, I can always say,
I tell my story, so I don't feel like I'm alone.
But when you guys respond and when you are engaged
with um any questions I may have, it's a real thing.
And I do take the time to read everyone's comments,
and it feels so good knowing that I'm not alone,
that some of you guys have gone literally years right

(00:47):
without it, and because ultimately, all everyone is saying is
because there just hasn't been the right one yet. And
I think that in society today we kind of judge
the fact that, you know, wait, we have to have
sex every week just to feel like we're enough. And
I actually don't agree. I think that, you know, I
used to have to want that, and I think that

(01:07):
was because I didn't think I was enough, And UM,
I validated myself through engaging in physical activity like that.
But another thing that I wanted to confess, and this
is about um, my experience. And I've always said I'm
an open book with you guys, and I kind of
I feel a little shame that I was biting my
tongue during my interview with Jaya because she talked a

(01:29):
lot about like, you know, sex and having an orgasm
and she I forgot the word, but she said a
word that I asked her what that meant, and she said,
it's when you reach that peak of like or like
that orgasm. And I was going to ask, and then
I was like, don't do it, child, don't do it.
But what I was going to ask was, you know,
I never, really, I guess, had an orgasm before when
it comes to intercourse. Um, And this has nothing or

(01:53):
this doesn't reflect on any partner I've been with. It
only reflects on me. Right, So I'm not saying this
to us. The reason why I didn't want to say
it because I didn't want to hurt anybody. But again,
that has nothing to do with the person, right. It
has everything to do with me and my my shame
and my child abuse and my vulnerability. And I guess that, um,
I meant my trust in myself and just letting letting go.

(02:16):
And I wish Jaia was doing a two parter because
I do. I think that could be a podcast on
its own. But anyway, I just wanted to say that
because it just didn't feel good inside that I felt
like I was hiding something from you guys. Anyway, moving forward,
if we're gonna we're gonna bring in our guests. Sharie Healy, Hi, Hey, Hi,

(02:43):
It's so good to meet you. So good to meet you.
I love your energy. I've been stalking to you on
all the podcasts that interviews you've ever done. Oh my god.
But then we're done here, you know exactly we're done basically,
I know, how are you? Thank you for doing this?
From joining us in work in the game and getting
me fit and ready to be back in the game

(03:03):
and start dating hopefully soon. Oh woman, this is an
exciting time you're in. It is. It's scary, but also yes,
very exciting. Like I'm all about, you know, trying not
to blame myself right and trying to learn more from
the you know that chapter of my life, I guess,
and trying to change the the way my brain works

(03:26):
from like tending to always blame myself instead of the
word blame. It's kind of like, okay, well, what did
you learn from from the past that you can maybe
do better in the future. Yeah, you know, there's a
trick I have, Like I think you can blame yourself
the traditional way, like make yourself feel really bad, but
if you want to be good at blaming, you blame

(03:46):
yourself for choosing this person who was such a good
teacher and using it as a lesson, Like I blame
myself for all the reasons, and you can blame this
person too, for all the reasons it made you grow
and evolve and like thank you. Like I had to
do that with my dad at some point, you know,
And I called him up one day and I was like,
I've got some things to tell you, sir, And he

(04:07):
was like, oh boy, here, I'm sure that was really healing.
Though it was amazing. I was like, I blame you
for making me the woman I was here to be.
I blame you for pointing me in the direction of
my purposely, So now I hear you just blame yourself better, exactly.
And it's more about that little girl inside of me
that is still you know, wanting to be mothered um

(04:28):
and wanting to I guess, uh throw temper tantrums and
you know, I don't know if you know anything about
my my story, but I come from child abuse and
there's been lots of trauma in my life and I
as hard as it is to I guess say. And
it made like come around come across as like wait,
why is she thinking or why is she grateful for

(04:50):
that time? Like I'm not grateful for the act of
But I truly believe I wouldn't be here today if
it wasn't for that right, Like I wouldn't be able
to tell a story. I wouldn't be as open as
I am. Um. I I've been in therapy since as
a little girl, and it's like it has helped me.
I guess, just handle life, Like I know I'm resilient.
I know that I can get through this and I

(05:11):
know I'm gonna be okay. Yeah, I think I reckon
with I've been through my fair share too. You might
have heard along the way, you know, all the relationships
like I've been where you are, and I think at
some point you have to just look around and go
everybody's had drama. Yeah, must be a part of like

(05:33):
the human design, it must be a part of the point.
So I'm sorry you had to go through what you
went through, and I would never wish it on anyone.
But I'm a mom now and I'm watching, you know,
my kids go through their their own struggles. And I'm
sure I've done things that I will have to pay
for therapy forore, you know, but it's part of being

(05:54):
here on Earth school, and I think you're doing a
great job of being aware of it and talking about it.
Thank you, and maybe tell a little bit um about
your story. And you call yourself, I don't know that
starts with a P, but you call yourself this new
word that I just want to know more about, a possibilitarian.
There you go, Yes, a possibilitarian. That is amazing. Tell

(06:17):
me more. Well, it's like perfect for you to just
even consider your own inner possibilitarian at this moment, because
it's better. I just I'm here because I feel like
we all have a shared purpose in the world as
human beings to experience love and joy, and as a
kid that I just thought, man, this this looks really

(06:38):
rough and a lot of people are struggling here, and
I think it's part of my work two bring back
the possibilities in our life. Like if you're in a
position where you felt like your relationship ended and that
was that you failed, they failed. You know, it's a

(06:58):
big mess. There's no possibility of that versus Wait a minute,
what now is coming? You know what is possible now?
I mean, I just feel like we're way more powerful
than we know. Yeah, and it's hard to sometimes when
you're so stuck in the negativity of it all, it's
hard to see that other perspective. But there's always a

(07:20):
different perspective right to however you feel. Yeah, And I'm
not like shamelessly like positive girl, you know, like I
can take it wrong and say there's this toxic positivity
you know that we hear about, or that you know
you spiritually bypass everything and just be looking at the light.
I practice a tradition called the tantra, which as we

(07:41):
are here for the light and the dark all the
So what is that? What is that? Sorry? What is that? Um?
I guess what is that? Entail? When you say that
to a yoga practice or its rooted Yeah, in the
ancient stages practice of how to do life in the West.
Here we learned a lot that Tantra mains sex, but
that's just a tiny partment. It's more of a I mean,

(08:02):
I wouldn't know I had sex sence, God knows what.
We're just taking a little bit of a time out.
But I don't even have any feeling down there, so
it doesn't matter. We can bring that back online when
you are ready. Okay, but you know what, let's not
even say, let's not even wait. I mean, I think
that's the essence of what you're asking is. I think

(08:24):
the Contra and the way that I see the world
is is infused in the work. It's like their universal truths,
and the Contra says yes to everything, like yeah, I
had trauma, Yeah it's been tough. Yes there's darkness. There's
darkness everywhere right now in the world. You know. But
if we are practicing this sort of non dual approach

(08:45):
of knowing that it's all here to serve, I think
it's all here to help us grow. Then the goal
is to, as the Tontra teachers say, is to lick
honey from the razor's edge, to do the bow, you know,
but that you don't fall into one side or the other,
that you don't get to judge se with the dark,

(09:06):
the doom scrolling you know that people do, and the
just watching the news. And and then for you, like
if you were just immersed in all the negativity and blaming,
that would be falling over and not walking that razor's edge.
You want to taste both of life and that's where
you walk this beautiful balanced path of seeing it all.
And I know that intellectually, and so what is hard?

(09:29):
And I think for the listeners as well, it's like,
but how right? So it's like how when you know
we as human beings we are reactive, maybe we need
to be better at responding um. But like for me,
I can only speak for myself. This is really something
I've been working on for years. Right, UM is not
being reactive and is to uh sit in it. And

(09:52):
I have chosen, through this process of my divorce to
sit in it and for the first time feel my
feelings be because I am person who likes to numb.
I can numb through anything. I can numb through productivity.
I used to drink. I'm now sober for the last
three and a half years, but like I I was
numbing through you know, using an alcohol and Um, it's

(10:15):
a lot of now is not just the divorce, it's
like trauma from my past and not dealing with my
dad's death and not dealing with you know, the abusive
relationships I was in. Like it sometimes can be overwhelming.
So I guess my question to you is how do
you deal or how do you even start to feel
your feelings? Because it's just been it's so cliche in
a way at this point because everyone is so into
mental health, which is amazing, But there's a lot of

(10:37):
phrases and sayings that you know, but what how you
know what I mean? Well, there's so there's a number
of things we could talk about at the straight ages,
but I think we'll start with this one. You mentioned
the little girl on you and there's work to be
done there huns and you don't have to do an
tons therapy, but I mean, yeah you can. And there's

(10:58):
there's gateways, there's I'm a big fan of having a village.
You know, there's all kinds of ways that you could
come at this through energy work, through coaching, through therapy,
through you know a lot of great things. Would have
the skills to lift some of the trauma, help you
understand it in a way that doesn't take you so
long and isn't so sweaty, right, well, sweaty in a way.

(11:19):
I mean I'm a dancer, so like the somatic I
just started somatic therapy and that was it has been
really amazing. I've been in talk therapy since i was
four and I'm thirty eight now. Um, and I've seen
this therapist here UM in Los Angeles, Dr and Wexler
for the last decade and sometimes talking um it's good, right,
like it's great, but like when it comes to naming

(11:41):
or calling your feelings out, there's only so much that
for me at least, my vocabulary is not very um,
it's limited. And sometimes as a as a dancer, and
because when I was a little girl, I didn't talk
at all. My mom actually thought I was deaf because
it was just PTSD, you know, I didn't I was
never really taught to talk about my feelings. Yeah, yeah,

(12:02):
so there is different You're right, there are different forms
of therapy. I also do transligental meditation, and I love
the Buddhist religion. I'm not saying I'm Buddhist. I was
raised Catholic, but like still like I love the practices
that they offer. You know, yeah, yeah, there's so many ways,
but I think starting with the parts is really important.
There's parts theory or internal family systems, you know, but

(12:25):
to be technical, but that's recognizing that the little girl
needs love, she does need mothering, like you said, and
and doing that for her yourself is an amazing thing
when you can start to identify with who is the
true Sherilyn there? Now do you see yourself as high
and wise being? You know, as a perfect soul. We

(12:47):
all are the same at the end of the day inside.
I believe that just great beings. And if you don't
identify with that part of you, you can be walking
around in life unconsciously letting the little girl will run
your show. You know, she's choosing the partners, she's making
the decisions, she's one of the reacts because she wants

(13:08):
to keep you safe. She wants you to be safe
at the end of the day. And there's a way
of really working through that and saying, I know, I'm
more than just that little girl. I'm a queen, I'm
a lover, I'm a boss lady. I have all these
different parts and getting to know those at the heart
of your being and when you recognize I think this

(13:29):
was huge for me after coming through many, many relationships
that were unhealthy, that I was coming from my wound
and not my worth. I man sisters spills, right. It's like,
if your come from is I'm hurt and I want
to be healed, or I want to be mothered or fathered,
or I want this person to do these things for me,

(13:51):
You're gonna get all of that anyway. If you come
from the worth, it's just a very different come from.
It's a different perspective. It just changes your vocabulary automatically. Yeah,
because you know who would co opt me when I
was in these relationships if I go too long without
feeling my feelings, you're talking about what I was experiencing
with this person. And then I'd wait and I'd wait

(14:13):
and i'd wait, and I'd try to be so chill
and so cool, and then I burst. You know, you
just explode, like you Probably all listeners can remember moments
when they just ranted at their partner, which never works
to create connection. And I'd call that part of myself
the maiden, like this teenagery piste off, black boot wearing

(14:34):
part of me that was just like you are doing
it all wrong. You know, instead of having the emotional
range and the knowledge of myself, I do a lot
of work around self awareness. You know, you can just
really accept that you have a wound and you have
a shadow, and there's ways that I love you doing

(14:54):
the somatic work because you can get at these things
through the body, so you can bypass all the thinking
and every think. It's much more efficient I think and
get at these parts, and then I can finally say
at fifty two, I love myself. Yeah, when you can
love yourself right and all the parts and all the
flaws and all the things, because I grew up trying

(15:16):
to cope with all my own traumas being perfect and
nobody wants that that perfectionism there is. It's it's underlying
shame though, isn't it for sure? Yeah? And so when
you say, um that before you mentioned the word perfect, Well,
but in a different way, I guess for our listeners
and for myself to how do you different differentiate the two,
Like was the difference of being a perfect like soul,

(15:38):
like you are a perfect soul versus being perfect? Yeah? Yeah,
so you do not need to be spiritual to take
this I can argue that spiritually or from a quantum
physics standpoint, so it's all good. I was also raised Catholic,
but I identify more as just a love being being,
Like I think all with things that with practice come
down to that for sure. And if I know that

(16:01):
at the core of my being, I have a heart,
you know, which if you look at it from a
scientific standpoint, we know that the heart has megawattage, it
has a mega hurts, you know, it has a frequency,
and then there's a vibration there that we can measure
and it's the most healing, loving force on the planet.
Then you can start to get a sense of wow.
I mean, if I was born right now at this

(16:21):
moment in human history, it's probably here for a big thing,
you know, because a miracle, wild moment, and it is
a miracle that the universe wanted to come through as
me a time. So there's also a gift that we
each have to give that only we can give, that
if not shared, is lost to the world forever, which
is a thing. And then people we'll freak out. They'll

(16:44):
be like, I don't know what my gift is. It's
not a big you know, but I actually wanted to
ask you that because I heard you and a lot
of your interviews. You're a lot of people, um have
said like what is my purpose? And it's like, well,
it shouldn't be anything from the outside, right, like this
us here is our purpose, and um, it doesn't have
to be necessarily labeled, don't you agree? Or one percent

(17:06):
one of my tea years back in the day would say,
you are the point the universe was trying to make
just you, just you, just you having arrived. So that's
my version of her. I know you're right. You came
here loaded up with all the skills and all the
talents and all the particular lessons and all the darling
little flaws that you're supposed to have for the whole

(17:28):
reason that you're here. And the fact that we don't
know all those reasons is I think where we get
lost is we don't know. But do you think that's
because of there's Look, I am guilty of it too.
It's easier said than done, and I am definitely preaching
at the moment, but like it's so easy to I
want to identify to like I am a dancer around
dancing stars, or I would want to be a judge

(17:50):
John dancing stars like but like why especially I guess
in the entertainment industry it is so consuming that nothing
is ever enough. Does that come from not loving yourself?
And oh, well, it comes from I think we all
have a primordial wound. You know. It's like the minute
we were born into this world to be a human,
we feel separate. Then we're not. We're not all the same,

(18:14):
we look different, we are different, and it makes us
really different in this on our own. Yeah. And to
be born into a culture that says every man for himself, Yeah,
you know, we're here to be wildly individual and that's
a beautiful thing until you feel that wound which says
I'm not enough and I won't be loved, or in

(18:35):
some cases, I'm too much and I won't be loved,
or something's wrong with me. We all have that, we
all do, and I think that's the inner work. Like, ultimately,
when you can love that wound, I know, it's the
gateway to healthy relationship. It's the gateway to feeling to
actual exactly your actual perfection. Not kind that your industry

(18:59):
wants you it us, but the actual I totally hear you.
I guess my question is is something that I've been
working on a therapy for probably over a decade at
this moment um, but consistency, consistently, sorry, I know how
to disassociate very It's like my something that I'm really
good at. And I could say and I can come

(19:20):
across like I'm okay. But when I guess my question
is out of curiosity, like I know, intellectually right, like
I'm having this conversation, it may seem like I am like, oh,
she loves herself probably, but I don't know if I do,
and I'm not sure, and I know it's in my
subconscious and I'm consciously trying to truly and organically and

(19:44):
authentically I love myself, right, But I guess I'm worried
that I am bluffing myself. Do you know what I'm saying,
that I'm like conning myself. Yeah, well you're doing your best. Actually,
I think you're really Like I'm just I'm not like
I'm a con artist. I'm not gonna self. I mean, well,

(20:04):
maybe self sapotage has a little bit to do with it,
but like I don't think so, Like I'm I truly
am curious. I'm a curious being and I will always
be because I feel like that was the for me.
That was my growth spurt was during the pandemic when
I just became so curious as to how our intelligence
works and I've been so hungry for information. And yeah,

(20:26):
that's one of the human needs is growth, and it's
a great one to focus on. But I used to
be all about growth and learning, and then I realized
there was a really shady side of it. I was
bested with it because I felt like I wasn't good
enough yet, I don't needed to know all the things.
But I think that's where I am right now. I
think so too. And I think for you, if you

(20:47):
just shifted slightly into something more around, like if I
were to prioritize anything over grow growth, would it be
love or would it maybe just be faith celebrating, you know,
would it be just giving, you know, just showing and
giving people my presence. I think it's trusting. I have

(21:09):
a hard time trusting myself. M Yeah, And I realized
that because of that, I need validity constantly. Because of that,
I'm not okay with just like okay, I know, I know,
and I can feel the answer whatever the question is,
right should I do this versus this? It's like, I know,

(21:30):
I don't need to ask everyone in my team of people,
you know, and then get um then get all foggy
in the head like I do know. But there's something
with the or when I, let's say, in previous relationships
when I was an abusive both physically and mentally um
relationships in the past, UM, I would question like is
that a brew like that he didn't really hit me?

(21:50):
Like he didn't actually hit me. So it was like
I there was this many years of being not trusting myself,
and I think it is and it is a about
self respect first, I think before self love, because how
can you love yourself if you don't respect yourself? Well, beauty,
you're right, you're living this life that I think is
very um tempting and and common for all of us,

(22:13):
which is from the outside d you live more in
the external world than we do in the internal. And
I love that you've taken this break because it does
it does make it easier. I mean, we have to
be able to do this in relationship, but coming out
of another rough one is it's easier to be alone
and focus more on the internal world. And I think

(22:34):
if we looked at human needs psychology, which you might
have heard of him the therapy, there are six human
needs that drive everything for us, all of our decisions,
all of our days and behaviors and actions. We're always
trying to get them met. And you you've been prioritizing
growth is one of them. I almost feel like what
you're doing now when you say trust of self is

(22:56):
you're prioritizing this fourth human need, which is just love
and connection. And in the past it's been love and
connection outside of you, pleasing pleasing, pleasing, and like the
likes and and the guys or whoever you're partnered with.
You know, it's all all of this external stuff where
if you flip it just for this chapter that you're
in right now, and you make this moment about love

(23:19):
and connection with Cheryl here first, in this deep acceptance
of every single thing that you do, and say, let's
say you have another moment where you've gone external and
you're like looking for validation, then you can just go, God,
I am nailing being human right now. Like yeah, so
instead of that horrible self talk, because like I'm known

(23:40):
on Dancing and Stars as being this taskmaster, imagine I
always say to my partners, imagine the way I talk
to myself if you think I mean to you, you know,
And it's like, that's the thing. It's like I have
to be I have to step back and observe more
than I have been, which means, like, first of all,
I just wish I knew this when I was younger,
that we were not our thoughts and that like that.
I wish I just knew what I know now. But

(24:02):
that's okay, and I'm learning to accept it. And I
guess too. Something else I wanted to ask you because
I remember in one of your interviews you talk about
like lots of like retreats and stuff. I have social
a phobia, right, So that is a diagnosis from my therapist.
And I think that I used alcohol and to be

(24:22):
able to think that I was more social, but I
was very shy growing up. Um, And I guess I
tend to be like a hermit and live in this home.
And this is a lot of the reason why I
haven't maybe not a lot of reasons. I just don't
think I'm ready dating. But this is going to be
the hardest thing for me to do, is get out
of this house, you know, and I guess what is

(24:44):
that because of the self love. I wonder if you know,
and I think about what you said about how you
speak to yourself, and you speak to yourself so unkindly
and believe I like a panel of judges that have
lived in my brain. I've been judged my whole life. Yeah, yeah,
So think about then when you go out into the world.

(25:07):
There's a lot of noise out there. There's a lot
of characters with a whole lot of things to say,
and it's scary because there's the potential for them to
not like you, also be mean to you, not approve you.
Make it even harder. And you've got a lot of
noise going on inside already, so it can be overwhelming
to the nervous system, you know. And I think when
you choose partners who are also mean to you as

(25:30):
you have, it's so familiar. That's going home. Yeah, yeah,
it's going home. But you know, Liz Gilbert said something
recently when she was on a podcast, and I was like, oh,
this is it. This is like the moment that self
love kicks in when she was in a relationship after
Raya and she said she and her heart said please

(25:54):
get us out of here? What you do? She didn't go, Oh,
I don't know if I can trust a voice. She
didn't even think. She just said, I will get you
out of here. And I don't do better than that.
I will never put us in a situation like this again.
See how do you get? But how do you bust
the steps? There? I mean like one time? I mean
obviously she definitely was raised. Maybe I don't know how

(26:17):
she was raised right, But like I think, you know,
with not having a real father figure and all that, Like,
I guess, how do you even? How do you get there?
Like I would love to get there. I want to
just say that you and I are having to start
today and you're gonna we're getting there. I'm just gonna
do it once. I'm just gonna find myself in the
next situation. You're so so madic. Which is a beautiful

(26:38):
leg up that you have on other people is you
probably can notice the sensation in your body always since
I was a little girl. You override it. You don't
attention to gain. What are you talking about the fact though,
is this is just irrefutable. The body doesn't lie, No,
it keeps more literally can't. Yeah, and you know this

(26:59):
from all your trauma works. So you hear something in
the body like tension, tightness, any contraction, any heat. You know,
you know all the signs. You just one time go hmm,
I think we're gonna go, or I think I'm gonna
listen to this in my body and I'm gonna do
what it says. Like I tune in. I'm talking to

(27:21):
myself all day long, so you can go to the
gym and work out. I work out my thoughts. I'm
constantly exercising my thoughts. And I go that thought could
cause a chain reaction of events, and I stopped and
I listened, And then I think this part's work is
really important, because let's say the thought came from the
little girl. I can see her in her ponytails, and

(27:44):
I can be like, baby, we're safe, or what do
you need or if it's like the angry part of me,
like this fiery part of me come up, I'm like,
all right, what do we need to do? And she's like,
you need to use your voice right now. And I
swear to god, it takes that one time and then
all of a sudden everything goes well, or people's sort

(28:05):
around you, or you feel better and you know, maybe
I can do it again. Yeah, and just get into
the habit of it and it feels so good, and
then trying not to because my thing is like, yeah,
I can feel it, but then right away I judge it.
It's like trying not to judge the thought right, Like
it's hard sometimes and then I don't trust myself. Then
I'm like, oh, is that my intellectual brain or that

(28:26):
my body? Like then I get so up in my mind.
But this is part of the somatic work, Like I'm
really trying to, you know, really just before I can overthink,
because I'm an overthinker, before I overthink things, to just
feel or just talk to the judge. I had a
judge that I mean, I had a panel of judges,
let's but then like a few years ago, I got
down to one and she was a jailer, like she

(28:48):
hasn't ring the keys. She's a badass, you know. She
was keeping me behind and back in every way, judging
my every move in a way that I mean my trauma.
And I think this is for people to know. I
feel like trauma points you in the position of your purpose,
points you in the direction. And I grew up feeling
like I couldn't be of value, that I was something

(29:11):
was wrong with me, and I was diseempowered to do anything.
I had to change, shapeshift to be perfect, all those
things that you know all too well. And and then
what did I do? I devoted my career to making
sure that everybody felt absolutely right on as they are.
Bring it, don't hold back, do what you're here to do.
Empower the world. You know, that's where my trauma brought me.

(29:33):
So it's a beautiful thing. But I have to still
work on that, and it's a lifelong Yeah, we're all
works in progress, right, Yeah, but just this separation, Like,
because you're good at disassociating, you could also do this.
You could use that as a superpower and say, hang on,
who just said that? That was the judge in me.
Close your eyes, see the judge who just said what?

(29:56):
Who just judged you? I'm so good at disassociating. That part. Well,
I'm saying, because you can separate from Yeah, I want
you to separate even more in a good way, right
and healthy. So take me through it. Take me. I'm
gonna take you through it. Okay, give me a specific
example of the last time you said something horrible to
yourself girl, like a minute ago, probably as you're talking, like, oh,

(30:20):
you're so dub Like why would you like interrupt people?
Like why that's my thing that I've been working on too.
It's like, stop interrupting your guest, you know. So then
I get really, I probably say ship that I don't
want to repeat right now out loud, but it's pretty
pretty mean. Well let's start with that, and you probably
say it in a really mean voice to yourself. A
swear word, every every word a swear. Yeah, well, swearing

(30:42):
is a sign of genius, so is it that? Then? Yeah, hell,
it's all good because I also know the Indigo girls
or Indigo girls, Oh it is. Indigo children have been
shown to swear more than an the other and so
maybe you are one. I don't know what an indico,

(31:04):
but we'll look into that. They're super sensitive beings who
are here to do good things on the planet. So
I'm definitely usually have propensities prediction all kinds of things,
or to be alive. It really is, so maybe you're that,
but is let's go with this voice so you can
close your eyes if you want, and anybody on the

(31:25):
call can think about a time when that judge showed up,
and I want you to see where that judge lives
in your body. You hear from it all the time,
so you know, just try to see where it centers. Okay,

(31:54):
got it? Where is it? Like right in my gut?
So it's like right right here where if boy sizzles
a lot, which says there, we'll find out in just
a minute. So so ask ask this. Does this part
of you want to be called the judge? It's called
like the yeah or the taskmaster or the boss, bitch

(32:16):
lady Okay, okay, yeah, but the judge is fine, Okay judge,
I mean whatever. Let's just say whenever you do this,
you find a man that actually the tiger mom is
going to be the tiger mom. We're going to a
tiger mom. Let's go tiger mom, Okay, because it'll make
you laugh. You'd be like, tiger momh God, you again.
We've got to love this part because there's always a

(32:37):
good reason. So I'm going to ask, and you can
just pull up a chair in your mind and just
tell me whatever comes tiger Mom. What do you want
for Cheryl? There's a really good thing that you're going
for for her, what is it perfectionism? And if she's perfect,
what will she have everything that she wants her future?

(32:58):
What feeling with that brain? If she had everything she wants,
sense of accomplishment and if she's accomplished, what would that
give her a sense of ease and peace? Mm hmm. Okay,
So this tiger mom is here to bring you peace,
ease and peace. This is a beautiful thing. Oh okay,

(33:19):
So for it's for real. This part of you is
judging you constantly because it wants you to have ease
and peace. So just take a minute and be whoa
thank you. That's huge that there's a part of you
that is on double duty every single minute after you
because it ultimately wants you to have ease, but through hard,

(33:42):
impossible perfectionism. This is the tough questions. Close your eyes
again and see this tiger mom and maybe even tell
me what does it look like like? Describe to us
what the mother? Oh boy, okay, sorry, mom, I love
you just like I wouldn't say my mom. Actually, probably
my old babysitter who was Filipina that passed away when

(34:02):
I was thirteen. Okay, okay, so she's writing you super
hard so keep that vision, keep that visual because it's helpful.
Because Cheryl, this isn't you, it's a part of you.
This is the tiger mom part of you, and she
wants for you to have ease and peace. To Let's
ask her directly, Tiger Mama, are you successful at getting

(34:23):
Cheryl ease and peace? Are you causing that for her? No,
it's the opposite, right, because all you know is just
be rating her. Right. How long have you been on
the job doing this for Cheryl since she was born? Oh?
Are you tired? Exhausted? Tiger moms exhausted because you know what,

(34:45):
she will never be it will never happen. It's like
it's never good enough, nothing good enough. No. And so
we have these parts in us that are like software apps,
Like she's a super Like when were you born that
old apps sitting in your We have to update these things.
It's like, yeah, it's like your cell phone. You have
to update the software. Yes, yeah, so today, let's do that.

(35:08):
Let's update her. So just I get the sense she's willing, right,
she wants better to rules, to be able to support
you in pursuit of ease and peace. Okay, So then
Cheryl call for your highest self. This you maybe have
never even seen her, the school of you, the heart
of you, like this queen goddess. I don't know how

(35:29):
you want to refer to her, your true and true nature,
that woman, Like see her in your mind's eye. She's
probably a knockout just like you, and she's your true self.
One of my clients says, for true self is a
three pounds Italian grandma. She's an athlete that for some

(35:52):
reason I hear like I hear or I see like
someone with like really long long walks, like really long
hair past. But yeah, that's beautiful son, white and airy
and smoky. I'm just adding, all right, So today, just
make a little commitment right now, I'm gonna hang out
with you more than I am Tiger Mom moving forward, Okay,

(36:15):
this is much better company. We become the the average
of the five people we hang out with the most.
Oh my god, I totally believe that you're doing right now.
It's my dog. So there we go. Okay, it's just
me and my totally loving right. So you want to
hang out with a good company on the inside, and

(36:35):
so you let her. We'll just be quiet for a second.
Everybody can do this too. Bring your high self in
front of in your mind's eye, in front of tiger Mom,
and let the true Cheryl do something to her, either
like bring her up, maybe she becomes older, she shaped
shifts into a new role, or have her tell tiger Mom,

(36:58):
I'm giving a promotion today. I want you to serve
Cheryl ultimately in pursuit of ease and peace, and you'll
do it in this new way. Let her download some
new way that will actually give you ease and peace.
Mm hmm. And when you got it, let us know. Okay,

(37:25):
what's the new plan? Just to be just let it be.
It's all gonna work out. Everything's gonna be okay, Okay,
So she's here to remind you. Then, oh my god, Cheryl,
you just interrupted your guest. It's gonna be great. Like
her job is to say, why did you just do that?
I believe there's always a good reason. Right, you're so

(37:47):
excited you were here. You want to learn all the things.
We only have an hour. Of course you're gonna interrupt, right.
Let her be the source of your eas and p
s Now where she's gonna calm you. She's going to
be the source of a calm and soothed nervous system.
She's gonna say sweet things to you. Now, Okay, like

(38:07):
that was so cute of your Cheryl to interrupt, and
you can just say, like, say the thing. I have
this horrible habit of interrupting because I got so excited
and I'm sorry in a dance. So calling out and
calling it out helps, right, say it, say it too.
I cannot tell you I was blown away. I did
like a million speaker trainings because in my growth perfection journey,

(38:29):
I felt like if I was ever going to be
able to be of service to someone like you, I
had to do it perfectly and know all the things.
And so I went on to a stage and I
went to give a talk and my awesome teacher was
staying there and I just launched into the thing and
she goes, heyy hang on, back it up. And I
was like, oh, man, I've already failed, you know, And
she goes, no, you didn't ask us for what you need.

(38:52):
And that was a whole another podcast. I definitely I
don't even know how to do that. No, but you're
gonna because I say, the more you want to give,
the more you need. And you have a platform, you
have a podcast, you have something that you're here to give,
and it's at a high level, so that means you
get to ask. You get to say, bear with me,
I'm having an off day, or I'm tired, or I

(39:14):
asked this audience. I don't know, maybe just like go
with me, like to be kind to me. I don't know.
I can't remember what I asked, but it was revolutionarything
that I could finish your story though I interrupted you again. Sorry,
I'm just excited. You're perfect. Oh good. I think it's
also all right that I think women do that. We

(39:36):
do totally. We talk all over each other, for sure,
trying to get a word and trying to get a word.
I know, I know, but it's just it's saying the thing,
saying what you need, you know, because you want to
do great and for you, a child of trauma, you
need more support in the nervous system realm than I

(39:58):
mean everybody does. But to learn how to regulate yourself
and then be around people who can co regulate you know,
it's everything. It's a gift. Thank you, Cherie, And I
now know why like Janna and everyone's so obsessed with you.
I'm now obsessed with you, and I want to be
your best friend. UM, but where can everyone find you?

(40:19):
And you said you do talks? And do you do
you hold retreats and stuff? I would love to possibly
sign up for one. UM do private retreats? No, I'm kidding,
I do? I do? Okay, all these great groups, you
know in small group, I think right now we need
anything is community. And I find that I can take
somebody so far, but then I put them in a

(40:40):
circle of like minded souls and they just magic happens.
So that and I work with organizations, you know, these
great leaders who are out there in a really weird
work world right now that we live in. Help them
do work that feels like piece and theese enjoy, you know.
So I think that's the only way we're going to
save this planet. Get too many times it's together, so

(41:05):
hey dot com or on Instagram, Sharly, it's easy. You're
the best. Thank you so much, so so nice, so great,
thank you all right. Well wow, that was really a

(41:28):
lot to us swallow. But also that exercise I did
with her really helped. So thanks to Sharie Heally UM.
For more information, checker out on her website and UM yeah,
just this conversation was definitely needed and um, alright, so
moving on, we did a poll and we got a
lot of responses from the listeners and it was from

(41:50):
episode five question of the week, last episode with Jai
and the Sex Therapist, which was how many times a
week should you have sex with your partner? And this
is what we gathered. Okay, hold onto your seat belts.
Of you said one to two times a week. Of
you said three to four times a week, Jesus of

(42:10):
you said five to six times a week. Nine percent
of you said seven or more times a week. Okay,
So basically, you guys want weekly sex. Okay, great, good
to know, um, but you know, at the end of
the day, it is just there is no rules, right,
but like whatever tickles your pickle, right, So um, anyway,

(42:31):
let's move on. Thank you guys for really helping me
through this though. It really helps to hear your guys
um advice. And I love when you guys email us
or d m U s because I do read everything
and I really do take everything to heart. So thank
you for helping me through this journey of um getting
me back into the game. All right, So at the

(42:52):
end of every episode, we need to ask the listeners
basically what what the question is of the week? Right,
So today's question is why is it easier to be
mean to ourselves rather than nice? So we want to
hear from you as always, please email us at Burken
the Game at iHeart radio dot com or d m
u s on Instagram at burke in the Game. Let
me repeat the question, why is it easier to be

(43:14):
mean to ourselves rather than nice? All right? Thanks again
you guys for everything and for all your advice and
your comments. Keep it coming and I'll see you next week. Bye.
Thanks for listening and coming along this journey with me.
If you like what you hear, then feel free to
give this podcast five stars. You can also follow along
with my journey on Instagram at burke in the Game
and if you have any advice or want to write in,

(43:35):
then email me at Burke in the Game at i
heeart radio dot com