October 20, 2021 • 48 mins
Yeah, this episode's title is out of control, but basically - a dude throws himself into a volcano to make a point, and a missionary missions too hard.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
School of Humans. Hello, Welcome to another episode of Cadaver Gaws.
The show or we talk about all the ways people
have died throughout history to cope with our own mortality,
and we're coping and we're so strong, yes, thick skinned
and not sad. Okay, I'm Gabby along with Nika Hi
(00:31):
and Taylor Hello, and today we're gonna hear some fun
stories that both of them involve religion. So we have,
you know, a dude who thinks about volcanoes a little bit,
and then we have a dude who you know, tries
to convert people and it goes, oh a little wrong.
So that's what we're gonna talk about today. So some
trigger warnings are religion, sex, murder, colonization, and your body
(01:00):
bursting into flames. So this is Cadaver Gals and que
the musick the Goal. We're gonna start off today's show
(01:21):
with Taylor taking us way back in time, you know,
like we are often prone to do. Just go on
way the fuck back. So Taylor, you know, paint us
a picture. Where are we going? What's going on? I
will We're going to talk about this fella named Empedocles,
and Pedocles and he was hanging out in fifth century
(01:44):
BC and Greece. Okay, that's such a long time ago. Yeah,
you're right. I bet their beaches were like even nicer
because they already have really nice beaches because they have
like the clear water and stuff. So I bet it
was even clearer back in the day. I was thinking
about that recently, and yes, whereas I feel like, you know, oh,
(02:07):
the air was probably cleaner, this, that and the other.
The water was probably cleaner, but they don't have the
like filtration systems that we have, and they were just
like poop and wherever. Yeah, but that was their cities.
Think of the beach. The beach was untouched, okay, anyway,
Also think of the food yum or at least the
poops were well placed started like spaced out on the beach. Okay,
(02:29):
we don't need to use that mixed with the rocks
because they don't have sand. Yeah, okay, So anyway, and Pedocles,
he was a man of the arts and science, oh
first and foremost. He was categorized as a philosopher, but
he was also a poet, religious teacher, and a statesman.
As any good multifaceted man. He would write his philosophy
(02:51):
and poems, merging his gifts into one so great. Wow,
love a well rounded man. Yes, I think we need
more poets in you know, the Senate, right, I think
all of our the Senate and the Congress, or we
should have the poet president. But yeah, So he grew
up wealthy. His dad was an Olympian, which was cool.
(03:14):
So his parents were apparently over involved in overthrowing the Rasidius,
the tyrant of Agrigentum. Oh that guy. So he grew
up with the idea of making change. So at one
point he took after his parents and overthrew a politician
for being arrogant towards foreign visitors, which good for him
(03:35):
because that's more than we can say today as Americans. Well,
I guess they're just all overthrown all the time, so
maybe it was just easier to overthrow them. Like. Also,
people were smaller back then, so you could literally just
flick them and they would fall over. Right, I'm pretty
sure that they're small. He just like, I guess you're
small too, So my theory isn't holding up. I'm sorry anyway,
(03:59):
So Empedocles was the one who came up with the
theory of roots, which was that all matter. It was
composed of four things, which is earth, wind, faya, and air. Okay,
well he was wrong because, as we learned from when
I talked about mirror universes, matter has atoms and atoms
(04:23):
have electronics. This was before we knew about this is
before they knew about Adams. He was just like, hey,
there's these basic things earth wind, fire and air, and like,
I just wanted to share that. I knew that. And
so they're all just like the Benders, like app this
is like a very like Avatar centric listen. That's the
world I want to live in personally. And yeah. So
on top of that, he believed in two active principles
(04:47):
of love and strife. Oh oh well that's good. It's
like yin and yang, you know. Yeah, so at this time,
Lady and Donnie Darko, she's like, there's fear and love.
Those are the only two emotions. I watch that again.
It's been a minute. I really love the philosophers back
(05:07):
then could just walk around thinking all day and that
was their actual job. Okay, you'd be like, actually, we're
made up of sparkles and glitter and magic, and everyone'd
be like, write that down no, but exactly so in
Pedocles he was like this, you know, he was a politician,
he was a poet, he was a philosopher. But like
at this time, like there was only so much that
(05:27):
was already known to be in existence, so you could
literally just like master something. This is my projection. You
could master something and then like you could just like
literally think and invent something else given that could be
arguably today, there's still a lot to be discovered and
invented and all that stuff. But anyway, but there's more
knowledge that you have to like know before then you
can like base something new off of all that knowledge
(05:49):
that's there exactly So anyway, so at this time, religion
was life, and Pedocles would move kind of between religion
and science. Okay, so the idea here is that the
Greek gods who possessed these four elements plus love are
gods for example, Zeus the gleaming hera who gives life,
(06:12):
and Aodonius and Nestus, who would moisten with their tears
to the mortal fountain. Nika, do you love that? I
kind of really thought you would. I really love the drama. Yes,
I love it. So these bodies were obviously the good gods,
and then if they were if they if the gods
embodied the principle of strife, they were demons of how
(06:35):
I e hades. But all of these things had to
have this like equal balance. Love brings brings all of
these elements together, and without strife, the elements will all
lump together as one and there'd be no change or growth.
And then if strife takes over, all of the elements
would just like rip apart to their bare bones. So
you need all of these things in balance. Ob Yeah,
(06:56):
So most of his work exists just in like small fragments.
Aristotle wrote about him, and some of his poems made
it out. But according to these writings, he seemed to
be very observant and appeared to have knowledge of medical
conditions and nature, which gave him the ability to like
heal and apparently air quotes control nature. But really I
(07:18):
think he just like understood clouds or something like he
was the first meteorologists or something. I don't know, same
thing back then. Yeah, but people are like, oh my gosh,
that's magical and so well, it's like he saw a
cloud getting gray and he was like, it's going to
rain soon. And then it did. So of course they
thought he was magical, and they thought he was like
(07:38):
controlling absolutely, yeah, controlling precipitation. Is he a wizard or
is he a meteorologist? It's exactly okay. So we also
saved the people of Selina's who said there. They were like, oh,
our town is kind of stinky and it's making us
all get sick and die. So im pedically it is
like I got you. I'm merge these two rivers and
(08:00):
they're gonna make it like this sweet little mixture and
heal the land, which it did, and these folks like,
oh my gosh, thank you so much. You're so smart.
You must be a god. And he's like, you know what, yeah,
when will I emerged rivers? Like did he like build
a damn or something or like where'd they just like
us what didn't go into specifics, but you know, well
(08:22):
maybe he dug a hole, like dug dug enough until
there was water to connect. Yeah I got big enough. Yeah,
you know, he just redirected the rivers. That's easy, peasy, women, squeezy,
especially if you're a god. I didn't know if you're
gonna say he invented like in this smelly town. He
invented the first scented candle or something and just made
(08:43):
a mega No, he just created a new river with
sweet smells. That, um, what kills me is that he said, Oh,
maybe I am a god. That's called girl bossing. Too
close to the sun, you know, yeah, yeah it is.
He was like, yeah, you're right, than let it get
to your head. He's like, thank you so much for
acknowledging that. And so that's how he began to look
(09:05):
his life. So to paint you a little picture. And
Pedocles was probably bearded. Wasn't noted, but in lots of
the pictures he like had this kind of curly beard.
But most notably, he was a fashionista. He wore bronze
sandals and a wreath on his head, not unlike how
(09:26):
Greek gods are depicted. Oh wow. He once wrote, this
is so good you guys. I, in your eyes, a
deathless god, no longer mortal, go among all honored. Just
as I seem wreathed with ribbons and festive garlands. As
soon as I arrive in flourishing cities, I am revered
(09:47):
by all men and women, and they follow at once
in their ten thousands asking where is the path to
gain Some in need of divinations, other in all sorts
of disease sought to hear a healing oracle. Was he
a Leoh? He was feeling himself. He thought he was
(10:10):
like the coolest. He was like, yeah, I'm a god. Yeah,
it's fine. So this kind of got to his head.
Though it's not at the age of sixty, mind you,
that's pretty old for fifth century BC. But he's like, hey, everyone,
I'm a god here on earth, right, and they're like
everybody's like, yeah, that checks out, but others were like no,
not so much. So he's like, fine, I'll prove it
(10:33):
to you. I'll prove to you that I'm an immortal
god and I cannot die. He's like, I'm gonna hike
to this volcano, Mount Etna, jump in, come right back out,
and prove to y'all like, hey, I can't. Sounds like
he's going to die. So now he's still alive. Yeah,
I like today. So he marches off and he's like
(10:53):
does a little swan dive, and you guessed it. He didn't.
He did not come back out. But everybody was like, oh, so,
so he's not a god. And rumor has it, which
I'm sure this is fact, the volcano spit out one
of his bronze sandals out of spite. Out of spite,
that is so, how dare you say you are a god?
(11:17):
It's true, it's true, you are not I'm gonna just
prove to everyone and spit out your bronze sandal. So, yeah,
he didn't come back out, and that is how Empedocles expired.
I mean, I think that pains you know. That's a
good lesson for us, all. Yeah, don't get too here again. Yeah,
(11:39):
or if you're like a god, just like keep it
on the d L and you don't have to throw
yourself into a volcano yourself. You should just believe in yourself.
You don't need to like prove it to the haters
that you're a god. Just like be a god. I think, Yeah,
I think I don't think a god would ever Well,
never mind, I'm just not gonna get into a god
wouldn't need to prove themselves, That's all I'm saying. So
(12:02):
you guys just make large claims about how you're a
god and just like that's all you need to do.
So I feel like he started out doing so well though,
you know, and then it just like once people were like,
oh my god, you're so smart. He was like, yeah,
I must be a god. That is a you know,
timeless tale. Wow. Yeah, he is reincardinated in Kanye West.
(12:27):
All right, all right, well we're gonna take a little
break and we'll be right Byack. Welcome back to Cadaver.
Gal's your ultimate news source for news, big news, old news,
and new news. All right, the news that we're hearing
(12:50):
about today is what's his face? Empedocles. Yeah, you know,
he tossed himself into a volcano. So obviously we have
to ask the question, what the heck happens when you
tossed yourself into a volcano. It bangs the questions your
sandals back out. Yeah, that's the thing. Well, the bronze
sandal thing might make sense. I don't know what Bronze's
(13:11):
melting point is, so we might have We're going to
have to do some deep dive investigation into that, which
means Google search right now, somebody, we'll figure it. We'll
figure it out by the end of this. But so,
falling into a volcano seems like not a good idea
based on some fun videos tuting though, right, Like you
(13:32):
look at the lava, you look at the volcano bubbling,
you want to take a bath, you know, you want
to bite the lava. It makes sense. I want the
magma in my mouth. Oh yeah, I googled. I googled bronze.
What's the melting point one thousand, six hundred and seventy
five degrees fahrenheit Depending on the volcano, it would melt
(13:55):
because some volcanoes, there's like some there's multiple there's like
three main types of volcanoes, and one of them, you know,
it's the weakest one, which is you know, it's only
gets up to like nine hundred degrees fahrenheit. That's weak.
That is weak. That is weak. But then like the
hotter ones can get up to like twenty four hundred
degrees fahrenheit, you know, so those and those are the
most common ones, and the hot ones are the most common.
(14:17):
So the thing though, is that it seems, first of all,
it'd be very difficult to even get to a volcano
that's kind of like bubbling up, you know, like a
good candidate to like toss yourself into a volcano would
just be hard to get there because it like emanates
so much like noxious gas that you would just probably
end up like asphyxiating before you could even get to
the volcano, which that also begs the question, then how
(14:40):
did people get all those virgins to the top of
the volcanoes and throw them in? You know, maybe they
had little rags to cover their faces, rags and rags.
Here's a question. If you were a virgin to be sacrificed,
wouldn't you just like go and bang somebody so you
couldn't be sacrificed anymore? But then you would face this
honor and also death probably. Oh that's a good point.
(15:03):
It's a real lose lose being a ver gin. Yeah,
but rather go out with an orgasm than not, you know,
that's a good That is a great point, Nika, thank you. Anyway,
So if you were even to like get to the
top of the volcano without like suffocating a little bit,
just being choked on the inside, you know what would
then happen is then if you hurled yourself into the volcano,
you would be exposed to even more gas, which would
(15:27):
basically like char your lungs. That's sexy, you know, just
like a nice long barbecue. That sounds awful. Yeah, it
would hurt, you know, yeah, it would be a bad
bad news bears. I would think, so wow, It's like,
I guess last year when I went to Los Angeles
when when there was i mean one of the many
(15:48):
times that they were nearby forest fires just going outside
and like breathing in the smoke from like miles and
miles away, I was like, outch So I can't even imagine. Yeah,
and You're like, I'm not okay, this is terrible. Yeah.
I was like, wow, wow, Wow, you were not a god, Gabby,
despite your god complex. It's true. I mean, no, it's
(16:10):
not true. I am. That's I'm not godly, that my
lungs are not part of my godliness. I'm a god
in a mortal's body. Wow, okay, which maybe empedically is
that was kind of like maybe that was his point,
you know, maybe his immortal soul than you know, maybe
he's up with the gods now wearing their little hats
and robes and stuff. You know, bronze sandals, bronze sandals,
(16:32):
and you're bronze sandal, I don't know, like bronze sand.
That seems like a heavy shoe. I was just thinking
that actually it really does seem heavy and hard to
walk around, you know, if you're a god. I mean,
I guess. So, yeah, maybe he had like really good
like legs strength though, because he was always like wearing
like weighted sandals. So then he probably had like his
(16:54):
legs probably looked really good, you know, like his YouTube
workouts every morning. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, you're falling in
a volcano, right, and like it's already going to be
like super hot even before you reach the magma at
the bottom. And so we can also let's all remember
that the mag it's called magma. When it's inside the volcano,
it's like the pre ejaculate of lava, Like lava is
(17:16):
like when it gets out, you know, when it goes
and then it's yeah, that's when it's lava. Okay, but
this is just magma. Okay, So it's I'm just saying.
I'm just explaining in a godlike manner anyways, to think
lava and magma was sexy. And I think you change
that quickly for me. Um, You're welcome. Now, I won't
(17:39):
throw myself into a vulga. That's great. I mean, you
don't qualify for the virgin sacrifice. Your wow, Okay, continue
please calling you out? Okay, Um, that's right. Are all
virgin podcast anyway? Boy? Okay, So you're falling and it's
(18:01):
really hot, so you might along with your lungs kind
of getting charred, you might yourself just go ahead and
burst into flame, because that's just what happens when it's
really hot, you just burst into flame. Okay, So you're
probably dead, like even before you reach the bottom of
the volcano, I would hope. So, yeah, that would because
what happens next is magma is a lot more dense
(18:23):
than like water, and it is so like basically when
you would fall and hit it, you would just like
hit it like it was concrete, you know. So it's
just kind of like your body. It is unlikely that
your body's actually gonna sink into the maga's like quicksand yeah,
it's kind of like quicksand but then you're never gonna
be you know, ejected out of it or whatever. But
(18:44):
so yeah, basically you're just gonna be like floating on
it like a little boat, you know, on top of
the magma. So kind of like you know, depictions of
lava and like historical sources like Lord of the Rings
Return of the King, you know, where Gollum he sinks
into the magma. That's very unrealistic, you know, it's unrealistic
that you'd have the one ring and then you would
(19:05):
just fall straight into the magma of Mount Doom. Okay,
So basically you just be kind of floating on the
surface and when you would hit it though, you know,
you would probably break all of your bones in your body.
So at that point you would probably be like pretty dead,
you know, or you just help you get like concussed
and have a little bit of a headache, you know,
at the bottom of if you weren't dead, you know,
(19:25):
you'd feel a little bad. And then again, since you're
at the surface of the magma, it's like that's where
it's like the super hottest, right if you hadn't already
burst into flames, then you would burst into flames. Um
is it wouldn't it be hot ter under the surface
of the magma or or no. That's a good point.
It's probably even hotter as you go further to the
(19:46):
center of the Earth. That's a great point, Nika. But
they're compared in the volcano that is kind of you know,
when you're still in the air. It is like a
pretty it's pretty freak and hot. You know you're gonna
be like a piece of burnt toast basically, So you're
telling me that like in all the video games, Like
I'm thinking of a very specific scene in Kingdom Hearts
where you play on top of lava and you can't
(20:08):
like touch the lava. That's unrealistic, Like Mickey Mouse would burn.
You would not be able to escape that. While Mickey Mouse,
I don't know, if Mickey Mouse was, for example, made
of titanium, you would probably be okay because a guy
or Mickey Mouse is a god. It just really depends
on your conception of Mickey Mouse and kind of what
(20:30):
he does. Okay. So that's the thing is like if you,
for example, if you were wearing a full titanium suit,
which is there that melting point is like three thousand degrees,
Like maybe you would be okay, but you'd also need
sort of like a breathing device. Also, you'd still probably
get like cooked inside of the titanium. So also titanium suits,
I imagine they're pretty expensive and not very comfortable to
(20:52):
move around them and heavy. Yeah, so be unrealistic in
your titanium suit to get to the top of the
volcano to then fall into it. Okay, but so and
then if anyone tries to recover your body, I mean,
they'll probably die too. But um, if someone was able
to recover your body, all that would be left would
be ash. Hey, you know that's a good point. Both
(21:13):
of our stories are actually not taylors. But Gabby, you
and my story have no body recovery mine in a
very different context. But spoiler alert, Wow, well it's actually
just called creating connections, you know. Yeah, that's good. I
love this synergy of this episode so far. But I
(21:33):
don't mean to brag, but if I fell to the
bottom of volcano, I do have those titanium screws in
my hips, So y'all could maybe recover those and wear
them as earrings in my memory. Oh how big are
those screws. They're probably gonna gonna hurt your ears. Yeah,
they're pretty bad. Just to commemorate you, Okay, I understand,
(21:53):
I would wear your screws, thank you. You could wear
them out like you gauge your ears, and just like
stick them right just in my memory. That's actually what
I insist upon. Well, okay, I'll do that, you know,
make a necklace. Well, it would actually be really beautiful
that whence Gabby passes, whoever loves Gabby the most sets
the titanium screws up like a sculpture, you know, and
(22:19):
oh yeah, we could have a tournament to see who
likes me the most and then no one participates. No,
my god, I would participate. But okay, this is just
here's something from our many episodes about death, obviously, because
that's what the show is about. I do want to
be canonized, obviously, but through the human cannon metaphor. So
when I die, I want you to put my corpse
(22:41):
inside a human cannon and then launch it. And then
I want you to take my body and cremate it.
And then now I want you guys to take my
titanium screws and wear them. So I have a much
more complex, you know, burial ritual. Now Gabby will live
on for a very long time. Yeah, because I didn't. Yeah, honestly, Wow,
(23:02):
I'm going to haunt the screws. No. Wow, Well I'm
glad you have a plan, Gabby. That's really good to know. Yeah. Anyway,
so falling into a volcano would not recommend there have
been a couple of people who have survived falling into
a volcano, but that's because they fell into the like
the weak ass ones, you know that were only like
(23:22):
nine hundred degrees yet still pretty burnt. Yeah, they got
little Chris, they're a little bacon babies now. But um oh,
you know they got what they got a little crispy
they did. You are being super aggressive today, but I
love it. Okay, thank you. Um but yeah, no, so
(23:44):
they they had a once in a lifetime experience hopefully
of falling into a volcano surviving. So oh yeah, okay, Well,
now that we know that falling into volcano seems I
mean it seems you would die like pretty quick, so
maybe it'd be okay, But if you really survived the
whole process of the volcano, wouldn't recommend Um, Banika, Nika
(24:06):
is gonna, now, you know, take us on a synergy
journey of also not recovering a body. Um so, Nika,
we're going, We're going further in history. You know, we're
doing a modern story. We are Actually I want to
apologize form my like slight slowness. I am on a
new birth control and I think it's making me a
little nauseous um because said no, as Gabby said, I
(24:31):
do be having sex. Okay, wait, you can be on
birth control and a virgin. Let's that is true. That
is true. Let's say there are lots of reasons why
one would be on birth control. That is not to
prevent tiny demons. Oh my gosh, Taylor, but yeah, it's true.
Is that what you referred to as babies? Yes, tiny
(24:52):
little demon especially our baby. Can you with them? Gabby? Taylor?
I want to save to have a baby together. Okay, yeah,
let's somehow let's do the science. That would be such
a hellion. Yeah, wow, okay, it'll be It'll have a horsehead,
just like a movie. Sorry to bother you. How is
that cute? Taylor? How is that cute? That is not cute?
(25:13):
I said, Oh that's okay, Taylor, But like you wouldn't
you wouldn't fuck a horseman, no, a centaur or like
a horsehead with a man's body, or like a man
with a horse But I'm not, like, why don't you
marry would? Spoiler alert they're also not real? Oh well
(25:38):
you guys, my niece is going to be a unicorn
and we were well, have you told her that those
aren't real, because well, yeah you should, so we were.
My sister was like, oh, I can't find like a
white leotard, and I was like, it doesn't matter, They're
not real. It can be whatever. Call you such a
bad aunt. Okay, Well I'm also going to be not
something not real for Halloween. Gonna be Jesus, Oh my God,
(26:04):
urging Mary Gabby this year I'm Jesus. Well, speaking of Jesus,
this is a good tangent actually, because we're going to
get into Christianity today. We're visiting the year of twenty eighteen,
so pretty recent COVID had not happened. God's Plan by
Drake was the number one song that year, which is
(26:25):
a little ironic. And John alan Chow decides to finally
go on a mission trip he has been planning for
a very long time. You know. John was twenty six
year old Christian missionary and he was born in Alabama
and grew up in the Pacific Northwest, which gave him
ample opportunity to explore the outdoors and develop a love
(26:45):
for adventure like all the tender people, and this eventual
love for adventure would lead to his demise. Well, those
plus other things which we will talk about. He attended
a small Christian high school in Vancouver and was very
passionate about his religion about Jesus, as Gabby just mentioned.
Gabby mentioned Jesus. Gabby did, Yeah, I did. His family
(27:09):
attended a Pentecostal church and he was a part of
this group called the Royal Rangers throughout high school, which
is a Pentecostal scouting organization similar to like Boy Scouts,
but has like a ministry kind of edge to it,
I guess. According to their website, they quote provide men
with the tools to model christ Like manhood as they
(27:29):
mentor boys on a Bible based, Christ centered, spirit empowered
journey to maturity in the faith. That sounds us. It's
so oh my gosh. I was reading the website. It's
so gendered. It's hilarious. It's like guy friendly Bible teaching boys,
time for boys, Bible for boys, the babes, Like what
(27:50):
does that even mean? Like, I don't understand. That's always
the problem with the Bible though, It sins I need
a dude only version, you know, I just hate how
many women are in the Bible already, you know, yeah,
you well, Gabby needs a Bible for girls. Gabbie needs
a girl Bible any yeah, yeah, yeah, pink. There's lots
of illustrations because reading is very hard for girls, especially
(28:14):
for girls. It would cost a lot more too. Yeah
yeah with the tampon tact on the girl Bible. We
say this, but I literally think I did have a
Pink for girls Bible and growing up. So okay, wow
wow okay. So he Yeah, he quickly got plugged into
the mission trip high school pipeline situation, which basically combined
(28:36):
his love for the outdoors and his belief system, so
it made sense that he would go down this treacherous journey.
Eventually he became this adventure bro. He documented all of
his travels on Instagram and a blog that he updated
fairly often. Apparently during high school he read about this
indigenous tribe called the Sentinels who live on North Sentinel
(28:57):
Island in the northeastern Indian Ocean, like near Myanmar basically,
and it's estimated that they're about fifty to two hundred
tribe members on the five mile long and four mile
wide island, very very small, very isolated. It's estimated fifty
to two hundred, but no one really knows because you
don't really see them. There is one extremely famous picture
(29:19):
that a National Geographic photographer took of a Sentineli's man
holding like a bow and arrow up at a at
a helicopter. So they do not want to be visited.
They don't want to be They don't want to hang out.
They don't want to know about cars. They don't want
to know about Cardi B. Like they just don't not
Cardi B. I mean that of modern times. They don't
(29:41):
want to be poisoned by Instagram and to talk about
Jeff Bezos. They don't want to know, which honestly big
good for them vibes. So yeah, very small, very isolated.
They like to keep it that way. They are, as
I said, hostile to outsiders and they are accustomed to
shooting arrows at helicopters or anyone who approaches the island
via boat or any via anything. In general, they have
(30:04):
killed outsiders before. So the Indian government had to make
the island a tribal reserve and they prohibited travel within
three nautical miles of the island. Their hunter gatherers, they're
usually naked most of the time. They live in like
temporary huts, have their own language, which we know absolutely
nothing about, and so they're just here, they're hanging out,
and John finds out that this tribe exists, and he
(30:25):
can't get them out of his head. He found out,
it seems like, he found out about the tribe through
this website that basically tries to take the Bible to
remote parts of the world, and the Sentinel's was probably
either one of the most or the most remote isolated
on contacted place that you could go to take Christianity too, essentially,
(30:49):
and he just became fixated on these people. He ends
up going to Oral Roberts, which is this private evangelical
university in Oklahoma. So so you know, this is kind
of scary to me already because this kid had a
very Christian upbringing, gets really really into it, and then
he's taught about this kind of missionary I said in
(31:10):
quotes missionary lifestyle and calling also in quotes because I
think that is just modern that's neo colonialism anyway, And
he's taught this idea that converting everyone in Christianity is
what he is meant to do on this earth, which,
by the way, again is the excuse many violent colonizers
have used for centuries. Love that. Yeah, and then he
(31:32):
goes to this intensely conservative evangelical university. I mean they
are like extremely like no smoking, no drinking, no partying, abstinence,
like everyone is there for this higher calling. It's a
very intense and very closed environment. You say, like smoking
or drinking, no partying, like that's the only like it's
(31:53):
more intense than that. Oh, I know, those are just
like the base rules. Okay. So while in college he
went on summer mission trips. He spent time in South
Africa and Kurdistan in Israel, he graduated in twenty route
and then he was offered a full time job, but
decided to focus even more on his missionary work and
he started preparing to meet the sentineles. Okay, so preparing
(32:17):
for something like this is very intense. He took courses
at the National Outdoor Leadership School. He remained single to
focus on God and his calling. He worked as a
ranger in the summers and like stay of this isolated
cabin and check care of the woods and did what
rangers do. He trained to be an EMT and then
also coach soccer for refugee kids. So he was just
(32:38):
like doing all of this stuff. And then in twenty
fifteen and twenty sixteen he went to the Endeman Islands,
which is where North Sentinel Island is, but he did
not attempt to see or like try to connect with
the Sentinelies. Yet he basically just went there to scopings
out to engage with a Christian community of the islands,
and he actually went back four times in twenty sixteen.
(33:00):
The people in his life knew about his plans and
supported him for the most part, though it seems like
him and dad did not see eye to eye on
the whole missionary thing. And his dad actually is quoted
saying religion is the opium of the masses and that
John is gone today because of quote extreme Christianity, which fair.
(33:23):
In twenty seventeen, John attended a three week missionary boot
camp with this organization called All Nations, and I was like,
either website and it's it is so cult like, it's insane.
All Nations says that Christians have to have a wartime
mentality when it comes to converting people. During those boot
camps is so cringey. There was even a mock village
(33:44):
part of the boot camp where basically employees would dress
up as indigenous tribes people and act hostile. I just
I just picture that, and I'm so embarrassed to be
a person living in society. Why can I not be
a bear or something like that hanging out? Not think
(34:06):
bears are great. According to the organization's leader, John was
one of the best trainees they ever had, and he
shared his mission with all nations. He kind of told
them was on his heart, and though they told him
it was risky, they were very, very supportive. So everyone
knew kind of what he was up to, and a
lot of friends of his are quoted saying like nothing
(34:27):
was going to change his mind, Like to him, this
was a calling from God. So in October of twenty eighteen,
he was ready and he went to Port Blair in
the Endemic Islands, which is the capital, and he stayed
in what he called a safe house. He had gotten
thirteen immunizations to try and avoid getting the tribes people sick,
but he also quarantined in the safe house, so he didn't,
(34:50):
you know, bring the flu to an almost extinct group
of people. As I'm like rolling my eyes because there's
I don't think there's any amount of preparedness to make
sure that you will not get this. These people sick
when they literally have not had contact with people for
a decade anyways, kind of ironic as well, But yeah,
he was a massive admirer of Jim Elliott, who was
(35:11):
a missionary killed by tribespeople in Aqualud, and Bruce Olsen,
who is another missionary who converted a tribe in the
border of Columbia Venezuela. So John kept a very detailed
journal inspired by these people. He wrote kind of how
his heroes did, with intense details because he very much
knew how dangerous his plan was, and I think he
was writing for like, for people to know what would
(35:34):
end up happening to him. So he wrote like a
thirteen page journal which is available and I did read
some of it, and it is harrowing. It's really haunting
that most because of the context of John's story, and
it's also really sad because it's kind of crazy. He
very clearly believed that he was doing the right thing,
and he would write things like, God, if you want
me to get shot, so be it. I think I
(35:55):
am more useful alive. But to you God, I give
glory to whatever happens. And he also wrote like, you
guys might think I'm crazy for all of this, but
I think it's worth it to declare Jesus to these people,
people who do not know English. He doesn't even understand
their language. There's I just there's so many things that
are not clicking in my brain as to this plan
(36:16):
that I'm just like okay, especially as it's also just
like literally illegal to go to that island. It was
actively illegal. It is a protected island, like you cannot God. Yeah,
So on the fourteenth of November, John and two fishermen
set out to North Sentinel Island. They had to go
on darkness because coast guards would have stopped them. John
(36:37):
paid the fisherman three hundred and fifty dollars to get there,
and he tried first contact on the fifteenth of November,
stripping toes underwear, kayaking to shore and bringing gifts of
fish for the tribe. They yelled at him in their
language and started stringing their bows, so he kind of
through the fish at them. He said, I am John
and Jesus loves you, and then paddled away away very quickly.
(37:01):
So that was the first contact that ever happened. He
made her note after this saying he was disappointed they
didn't accept him immediately, I know. So he tried again
that same day, and this time he was able to
walk on the shore. He tried to mimic the tribes
people's sounds and started singing worships songs to them in English.
(37:23):
And then he said things were going well, and then
a little boy came up to him and shot him
with an arrow in a lie. They took his kayak,
so he had to swim with the arrow wound to
the boat, which was a mile away. Yeah, that evening,
he wrote in his journal that he was convinced this
island was Satan's last stronghold and that he missed his
(37:45):
family and he was heartbroken. Then he was shot at
and confused. If someone comes into your house and you
do not want them into your house, and you have
them leave, and then they come back again, so you
hurt them so they will not come back again, how
has that person confused as to like what you want?
You clearly do not want that person to be in
your house anyway. He decided to try contact once more
(38:09):
the next day, and this time he asked the fishing
boat to leave for the entire day so he could
approach without the boat nearby at all, and he was
never seen again, so we can oh, well, we don't
need to assume, because fishermen confirmed seeing the tribe bury
a body in a shallow grave a few days after,
(38:30):
and there were a couple of attempts claiming the body
by the Indian government, but they were met with hostility
again from the tribes people, and eventually they decided it
was not worth it. Many strong evangelicals, like the Leader
of All Nations who had said he was a great
recruit or whatever, said that he was a martyr and
praised his actions and were inspired by him. And then
(38:53):
one of his friends actually said my ancestors literally quoted saying,
my ancestors were savages, and I'm glad that missionaries taught
them Christianity and civility, because I wouldn't want to live
the way they were living back there. There was obviously
a lot of international talk about this and what what
does this mean, modernday, colonization, blah blah, whether he was
(39:14):
dumb or really called from God or whatever. But the
point is it's really a sad story, and his family
work did not approve of his actions. They do not
condone what he did at all, and extreme religion is
truly the opium of the masses. As his dad said,
while we Nika, that was a lot. Yeah, a lot
(39:38):
of things happened. I needed like a mental break after
researching that because it's just like so bad, it's just
so bad. Yeah. Well, um, we're gonna take another little
break and then I'll talk about something why wildly inappropriate
based off of that story. So we'll be right back. Hello,
(40:01):
cadaver Pals. We have one last little bit to get
through for this episode, and it's gonna be based on
the seriousness of Nika's story that she told. This is
gonna be, you know, just very inappropriate and silly. But
you know what, that's what happens on Cadaver Gals. So
I'm gonna be talking some We were talking about missionaries.
(40:22):
I'm going to talk about the missionary position. Okay, I
was so scared you were going to go there, Gabby,
what the heck of all things? Of all tangents. Well,
I think it does sort of coal play into the
history of you know, missionaries and colonization and stuff a
(40:46):
little bit. So the thing is the missionary position that
that actual term for it didn't come up until like
I think, it wasn't found to be like actually written
down until like the nineteen sixties. And what people kind
of think is that Alfred Kenzie, you know, who is
like the premier sex scientists, Like he kind of like
hit off the whole study of sexuality. It's like, oh,
(41:07):
maybe we should actually think about this a little bit more.
He is thought to be the first person to ever
actually use missionary position as a term to talk about
you know, like face to face intercourse with the penis
on the top going into the whatever vagina, you know,
whatever hole, the whatever hole. That is what missionary is.
(41:29):
So like hole on the bottom, penis on the top. Yeah,
it is the male or the penis dominant position basically.
And what people be thinking, like, there's this guy named
Robert Priest who's a he's a scholar, a scholar. He
(41:50):
wrote this essay in like two thousand and one just
kind of like talking about like the missionary position and
kind of like where it came from. And then then
he went into some sort of like you know, larger
argument about like postmodern religion and kind of looking at
it in that context. Anyway, we're not going to do
that as much, but he was kind of trying to
figure out why it was called missionary position. And what
(42:11):
he's thinking is that Kinzie, he basically like kind of
created the term based on either like a mistranslation or
like a misquote of a bunch of other people because
they had all these legends and stories about like missionaries
going to like indigenous populations and trying to convert them,
and this was like the position that they were saying
(42:32):
was the one that had the least amount of sin
attached to it. So there was like one story that
people would quote where it was like like a tribe
and like the South Pacific, and like there's this story
where like missionaries went there and they were totally shocked.
But you know, all not only that they weren't using
missionary position, like they were more likely to like have
(42:53):
like the penis behind the vaginas, so kind of doing
like a doggy style type thing, and they were shocked
by that, but they were also like super shocked by
the fact that they would use multiple positions Heaven forbid
their sexuality. So then they were like, hey, the missionary
position is like this is the only one that God
allows because it's like the male dominant position, you know,
(43:14):
so but all positions at this point where you know,
any sex was like considered you know, sentful and shit.
You know, like if you go back to like medieval Christianity,
it's like even if you fucking, like if even if
you like fucked your wife too much, that was considered
being adultery, you know, which is just like funny. It's
like it's you, it's you, it's your fucking wife. You
(43:35):
can't even fuck your wife, basically, oh gosh. But then
there's like this other story that um people would attribute
to this anthropologist Malanowski. He was like a big deal,
and so he would kind of like go around to
different like you know, smaller populations throughout the world and
kind of like try to learn their customs and stuff.
And so there's this one group of people called the Trobrianders,
(43:59):
and basically they think Malanowski people said that he wrote
this a like document out and when he was talking
about how these people would like make fun of missionaries
by like doing the like a missionary type position, and
like they would gather around like they can't fire and
just like do what the missionaries like had promoted for
them to do. And but like doing it in like
(44:21):
a farcical sort of way, being like these like stupid
missionaries want us to like do it in this in
this way. That's hilarious. Yeah, But then the people said
this source existed, but when you would actually go to
the source, that story didn't actually exist. So it's kind
of like there's all these stories about kind of like
people like missionaries like trying to teach this position, but
then like there's no actual evidence of like that actually happening.
(44:43):
I don't doubt that happened though, because in the journal
John did write about how the tribes people made fun
of him by like mimicking him or like laughing at
what he looked like and stuff, and it it like
it was recorded that at least these tribes people wouldn't
constantly make fun of any people who tried to like
(45:04):
get on their land. So I feel like I feel
like making fun of the people who are violently colonizing
you as probably a probably expected yeah, yeah, because I
mean it is pretty silly. You're like you're coming into
my house and you're trying to tell me what to do.
I'm going to make fun of this. You're trying to
suck me to try to tell me how to sex
(45:24):
you still a use like we already have like all
these other things we do and they're better. But yeah,
so there's all these stories about this, but no one
had ever used the term missionary position. And what they're
thinking is that Kinsey like had misread this document where
instead of talking about the missionary position, it was this
thing called missionary fashion, which is like, along with like
(45:45):
ways to have sex, missionaries were also trying to teach
people like methods of courtship, basically taking people like on
dates or like standing close to people, or there was
just like this one tribe who they would just like
have the man and the woman would like lean against
a tree and chat closely. Like that was like a
missionary fashion of like courtship that they had hot So
(46:06):
people think that Kinsey was like he took missionary fashion
and then he just said missionary position, and so that's
how that term came about, and then it got really
more popular in the late eighties, nineteen eighties, in the
nineteen nineties. And one fun fact about missionary position that
technically in Florida, it is the only legal sex position Florida.
(46:28):
In Florida in Florida where we throw gators and use
gators as weapons. Yeah, it's like one of those laws
where it's kind of like they accidentally made everything illegal
except missionary position. Not to say that Floridians only do
sex position, but you're probably not going to get a
ticket if you're like, I mean, if you're having sex
in public and someone's like giving you like public sex,
(46:50):
it's you know, that makes you get public indecency. But
then also you're not using missionaries, so ticket number two.
So yeah, if you're gonna be caught to having sex
in Florida, make sure it's in the missionary position. If
you're having public sex and that way it's not a
double ticket, then it won't be a ticket. Oh my gosh,
only in Florida. We save you money. Yeah. So basically,
(47:14):
my long convoluted thing about the missionary position is like, sure,
maybe it was came from missionaries trying to be like
this is the godliest position or whatever, but then the
term was like an accident made by a kinsey. So wow,
now we all know so much about this disrespectful history
nugget that I brought up after Nika's story. Anyway, Thanks Gabby,
(47:37):
Thank you. You're welcome, You're so welcome anyway. I feel like,
as always, we learned a lot about you know, random
information on today's episode. Could ever guse um and we'll
we'll talk at you next week. Bye. These Gals is
(48:06):
a production of School of Humans in iHeartRadio. It is
produced and written and all that jazz by Nika Duarte,
Taylor Church and me Gabby Watts. And you can catch
us on the Internet, on the Twitter and on the
Instagram at Cadaver Gals. That's gals as in gals, not
as in girls where gals get it straight. Okay, Bye,
School of Humans. Hello, Welcome to another episode of Cadaver Gaws.
The show or we talk about all the ways people
have died throughout history to cope with our own mortality,
and we're coping and we're so strong, yes, thick skinned
and not sad. Okay, I'm Gabby along with Nika Hi
(00:31):
and Taylor Hello, and today we're gonna hear some fun
stories that both of them involve religion. So we have,
you know, a dude who thinks about volcanoes a little bit,
and then we have a dude who you know, tries
to convert people and it goes, oh a little wrong.
So that's what we're gonna talk about today. So some
trigger warnings are religion, sex, murder, colonization, and your body
(01:00):
bursting into flames. So this is Cadaver Gals and que
the musick the Goal. We're gonna start off today's show
(01:21):
with Taylor taking us way back in time, you know,
like we are often prone to do. Just go on
way the fuck back. So Taylor, you know, paint us
a picture. Where are we going? What's going on? I
will We're going to talk about this fella named Empedocles,
and Pedocles and he was hanging out in fifth century
(01:44):
BC and Greece. Okay, that's such a long time ago. Yeah,
you're right. I bet their beaches were like even nicer
because they already have really nice beaches because they have
like the clear water and stuff. So I bet it
was even clearer back in the day. I was thinking
about that recently, and yes, whereas I feel like, you know, oh,
(02:07):
the air was probably cleaner, this, that and the other.
The water was probably cleaner, but they don't have the
like filtration systems that we have, and they were just
like poop and wherever. Yeah, but that was their cities.
Think of the beach. The beach was untouched, okay, anyway,
Also think of the food yum or at least the
poops were well placed started like spaced out on the beach. Okay,
(02:29):
we don't need to use that mixed with the rocks
because they don't have sand. Yeah, okay, So anyway, and Pedocles,
he was a man of the arts and science, oh
first and foremost. He was categorized as a philosopher, but
he was also a poet, religious teacher, and a statesman.
As any good multifaceted man. He would write his philosophy
(02:51):
and poems, merging his gifts into one so great. Wow,
love a well rounded man. Yes, I think we need
more poets in you know, the Senate, right, I think
all of our the Senate and the Congress, or we
should have the poet president. But yeah, So he grew
up wealthy. His dad was an Olympian, which was cool.
(03:14):
So his parents were apparently over involved in overthrowing the Rasidius,
the tyrant of Agrigentum. Oh that guy. So he grew
up with the idea of making change. So at one
point he took after his parents and overthrew a politician
for being arrogant towards foreign visitors, which good for him
(03:35):
because that's more than we can say today as Americans. Well,
I guess they're just all overthrown all the time, so
maybe it was just easier to overthrow them. Like. Also,
people were smaller back then, so you could literally just
flick them and they would fall over. Right, I'm pretty
sure that they're small. He just like, I guess you're
small too, So my theory isn't holding up. I'm sorry anyway,
(03:59):
So Empedocles was the one who came up with the
theory of roots, which was that all matter. It was
composed of four things, which is earth, wind, faya, and air. Okay,
well he was wrong because, as we learned from when
I talked about mirror universes, matter has atoms and atoms
(04:23):
have electronics. This was before we knew about this is
before they knew about Adams. He was just like, hey,
there's these basic things earth wind, fire and air, and like,
I just wanted to share that. I knew that. And
so they're all just like the Benders, like app this
is like a very like Avatar centric listen. That's the
world I want to live in personally. And yeah. So
on top of that, he believed in two active principles
(04:47):
of love and strife. Oh oh well that's good. It's
like yin and yang, you know. Yeah, so at this time,
Lady and Donnie Darko, she's like, there's fear and love.
Those are the only two emotions. I watch that again.
It's been a minute. I really love the philosophers back
(05:07):
then could just walk around thinking all day and that
was their actual job. Okay, you'd be like, actually, we're
made up of sparkles and glitter and magic, and everyone'd
be like, write that down no, but exactly so in
Pedocles he was like this, you know, he was a politician,
he was a poet, he was a philosopher. But like
at this time, like there was only so much that
(05:27):
was already known to be in existence, so you could
literally just like master something. This is my projection. You
could master something and then like you could just like
literally think and invent something else given that could be
arguably today, there's still a lot to be discovered and
invented and all that stuff. But anyway, but there's more
knowledge that you have to like know before then you
can like base something new off of all that knowledge
(05:49):
that's there exactly So anyway, so at this time, religion
was life, and Pedocles would move kind of between religion
and science. Okay, so the idea here is that the
Greek gods who possessed these four elements plus love are
gods for example, Zeus the gleaming hera who gives life,
(06:12):
and Aodonius and Nestus, who would moisten with their tears
to the mortal fountain. Nika, do you love that? I
kind of really thought you would. I really love the drama. Yes,
I love it. So these bodies were obviously the good gods,
and then if they were if they if the gods
embodied the principle of strife, they were demons of how
(06:35):
I e hades. But all of these things had to
have this like equal balance. Love brings brings all of
these elements together, and without strife, the elements will all
lump together as one and there'd be no change or growth.
And then if strife takes over, all of the elements
would just like rip apart to their bare bones. So
you need all of these things in balance. Ob Yeah,
(06:56):
So most of his work exists just in like small fragments.
Aristotle wrote about him, and some of his poems made
it out. But according to these writings, he seemed to
be very observant and appeared to have knowledge of medical
conditions and nature, which gave him the ability to like
heal and apparently air quotes control nature. But really I
(07:18):
think he just like understood clouds or something like he
was the first meteorologists or something. I don't know, same
thing back then. Yeah, but people are like, oh my gosh,
that's magical and so well, it's like he saw a
cloud getting gray and he was like, it's going to
rain soon. And then it did. So of course they
thought he was magical, and they thought he was like
(07:38):
controlling absolutely, yeah, controlling precipitation. Is he a wizard or
is he a meteorologist? It's exactly okay. So we also
saved the people of Selina's who said there. They were like, oh,
our town is kind of stinky and it's making us
all get sick and die. So im pedically it is
like I got you. I'm merge these two rivers and
(08:00):
they're gonna make it like this sweet little mixture and
heal the land, which it did, and these folks like,
oh my gosh, thank you so much. You're so smart.
You must be a god. And he's like, you know what, yeah,
when will I emerged rivers? Like did he like build
a damn or something or like where'd they just like
us what didn't go into specifics, but you know, well
(08:22):
maybe he dug a hole, like dug dug enough until
there was water to connect. Yeah I got big enough. Yeah,
you know, he just redirected the rivers. That's easy, peasy, women, squeezy,
especially if you're a god. I didn't know if you're
gonna say he invented like in this smelly town. He
invented the first scented candle or something and just made
(08:43):
a mega No, he just created a new river with
sweet smells. That, um, what kills me is that he said, Oh,
maybe I am a god. That's called girl bossing. Too
close to the sun, you know, yeah, yeah it is.
He was like, yeah, you're right, than let it get
to your head. He's like, thank you so much for
acknowledging that. And so that's how he began to look
(09:05):
his life. So to paint you a little picture. And
Pedocles was probably bearded. Wasn't noted, but in lots of
the pictures he like had this kind of curly beard.
But most notably, he was a fashionista. He wore bronze
sandals and a wreath on his head, not unlike how
(09:26):
Greek gods are depicted. Oh wow. He once wrote, this
is so good you guys. I, in your eyes, a
deathless god, no longer mortal, go among all honored. Just
as I seem wreathed with ribbons and festive garlands. As
soon as I arrive in flourishing cities, I am revered
(09:47):
by all men and women, and they follow at once
in their ten thousands asking where is the path to
gain Some in need of divinations, other in all sorts
of disease sought to hear a healing oracle. Was he
a Leoh? He was feeling himself. He thought he was
(10:10):
like the coolest. He was like, yeah, I'm a god. Yeah,
it's fine. So this kind of got to his head.
Though it's not at the age of sixty, mind you,
that's pretty old for fifth century BC. But he's like, hey, everyone,
I'm a god here on earth, right, and they're like
everybody's like, yeah, that checks out, but others were like no,
not so much. So he's like, fine, I'll prove it
(10:33):
to you. I'll prove to you that I'm an immortal
god and I cannot die. He's like, I'm gonna hike
to this volcano, Mount Etna, jump in, come right back out,
and prove to y'all like, hey, I can't. Sounds like
he's going to die. So now he's still alive. Yeah,
I like today. So he marches off and he's like
(10:53):
does a little swan dive, and you guessed it. He didn't.
He did not come back out. But everybody was like, oh, so,
so he's not a god. And rumor has it, which
I'm sure this is fact, the volcano spit out one
of his bronze sandals out of spite. Out of spite,
that is so, how dare you say you are a god?
(11:17):
It's true, it's true, you are not I'm gonna just
prove to everyone and spit out your bronze sandal. So, yeah,
he didn't come back out, and that is how Empedocles expired.
I mean, I think that pains you know. That's a
good lesson for us, all. Yeah, don't get too here again. Yeah,
(11:39):
or if you're like a god, just like keep it
on the d L and you don't have to throw
yourself into a volcano yourself. You should just believe in yourself.
You don't need to like prove it to the haters
that you're a god. Just like be a god. I think, Yeah,
I think I don't think a god would ever Well,
never mind, I'm just not gonna get into a god
wouldn't need to prove themselves, That's all I'm saying. So
(12:02):
you guys just make large claims about how you're a
god and just like that's all you need to do.
So I feel like he started out doing so well though,
you know, and then it just like once people were like,
oh my god, you're so smart. He was like, yeah,
I must be a god. That is a you know,
timeless tale. Wow. Yeah, he is reincardinated in Kanye West.
(12:27):
All right, all right, well we're gonna take a little
break and we'll be right Byack. Welcome back to Cadaver.
Gal's your ultimate news source for news, big news, old news,
and new news. All right, the news that we're hearing
(12:50):
about today is what's his face? Empedocles. Yeah, you know,
he tossed himself into a volcano. So obviously we have
to ask the question, what the heck happens when you
tossed yourself into a volcano. It bangs the questions your
sandals back out. Yeah, that's the thing. Well, the bronze
sandal thing might make sense. I don't know what Bronze's
(13:11):
melting point is, so we might have We're going to
have to do some deep dive investigation into that, which
means Google search right now, somebody, we'll figure it. We'll
figure it out by the end of this. But so,
falling into a volcano seems like not a good idea
based on some fun videos tuting though, right, Like you
(13:32):
look at the lava, you look at the volcano bubbling,
you want to take a bath, you know, you want
to bite the lava. It makes sense. I want the
magma in my mouth. Oh yeah, I googled. I googled bronze.
What's the melting point one thousand, six hundred and seventy
five degrees fahrenheit Depending on the volcano, it would melt
(13:55):
because some volcanoes, there's like some there's multiple there's like
three main types of volcanoes, and one of them, you know,
it's the weakest one, which is you know, it's only
gets up to like nine hundred degrees fahrenheit. That's weak.
That is weak. That is weak. But then like the
hotter ones can get up to like twenty four hundred
degrees fahrenheit, you know, so those and those are the
most common ones, and the hot ones are the most common.
(14:17):
So the thing though, is that it seems, first of all,
it'd be very difficult to even get to a volcano
that's kind of like bubbling up, you know, like a
good candidate to like toss yourself into a volcano would
just be hard to get there because it like emanates
so much like noxious gas that you would just probably
end up like asphyxiating before you could even get to
the volcano, which that also begs the question, then how
(14:40):
did people get all those virgins to the top of
the volcanoes and throw them in? You know, maybe they
had little rags to cover their faces, rags and rags.
Here's a question. If you were a virgin to be sacrificed,
wouldn't you just like go and bang somebody so you
couldn't be sacrificed anymore? But then you would face this
honor and also death probably. Oh that's a good point.
(15:03):
It's a real lose lose being a ver gin. Yeah,
but rather go out with an orgasm than not, you know,
that's a good That is a great point, Nika, thank you. Anyway,
So if you were even to like get to the
top of the volcano without like suffocating a little bit,
just being choked on the inside, you know what would
then happen is then if you hurled yourself into the volcano,
you would be exposed to even more gas, which would
(15:27):
basically like char your lungs. That's sexy, you know, just
like a nice long barbecue. That sounds awful. Yeah, it
would hurt, you know, yeah, it would be a bad
bad news bears. I would think, so wow, It's like,
I guess last year when I went to Los Angeles
when when there was i mean one of the many
(15:48):
times that they were nearby forest fires just going outside
and like breathing in the smoke from like miles and
miles away, I was like, outch So I can't even imagine. Yeah,
and You're like, I'm not okay, this is terrible. Yeah.
I was like, wow, wow, Wow, you were not a god, Gabby,
despite your god complex. It's true. I mean, no, it's
(16:10):
not true. I am. That's I'm not godly, that my
lungs are not part of my godliness. I'm a god
in a mortal's body. Wow, okay, which maybe empedically is
that was kind of like maybe that was his point,
you know, maybe his immortal soul than you know, maybe
he's up with the gods now wearing their little hats
and robes and stuff. You know, bronze sandals, bronze sandals,
(16:32):
and you're bronze sandal, I don't know, like bronze sand.
That seems like a heavy shoe. I was just thinking
that actually it really does seem heavy and hard to
walk around, you know, if you're a god. I mean,
I guess. So, yeah, maybe he had like really good
like legs strength though, because he was always like wearing
like weighted sandals. So then he probably had like his
(16:54):
legs probably looked really good, you know, like his YouTube
workouts every morning. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, you're falling in
a volcano, right, and like it's already going to be
like super hot even before you reach the magma at
the bottom. And so we can also let's all remember
that the mag it's called magma. When it's inside the volcano,
it's like the pre ejaculate of lava, Like lava is
(17:16):
like when it gets out, you know, when it goes
and then it's yeah, that's when it's lava. Okay, but
this is just magma. Okay, So it's I'm just saying.
I'm just explaining in a godlike manner anyways, to think
lava and magma was sexy. And I think you change
that quickly for me. Um, You're welcome. Now, I won't
(17:39):
throw myself into a vulga. That's great. I mean, you
don't qualify for the virgin sacrifice. Your wow, Okay, continue
please calling you out? Okay, Um, that's right. Are all
virgin podcast anyway? Boy? Okay, So you're falling and it's
(18:01):
really hot, so you might along with your lungs kind
of getting charred, you might yourself just go ahead and
burst into flame, because that's just what happens when it's
really hot, you just burst into flame. Okay, So you're
probably dead, like even before you reach the bottom of
the volcano, I would hope. So, yeah, that would because
what happens next is magma is a lot more dense
(18:23):
than like water, and it is so like basically when
you would fall and hit it, you would just like
hit it like it was concrete, you know. So it's
just kind of like your body. It is unlikely that
your body's actually gonna sink into the maga's like quicksand yeah,
it's kind of like quicksand but then you're never gonna
be you know, ejected out of it or whatever. But
(18:44):
so yeah, basically you're just gonna be like floating on
it like a little boat, you know, on top of
the magma. So kind of like you know, depictions of
lava and like historical sources like Lord of the Rings
Return of the King, you know, where Gollum he sinks
into the magma. That's very unrealistic, you know, it's unrealistic
that you'd have the one ring and then you would
(19:05):
just fall straight into the magma of Mount Doom. Okay,
So basically you just be kind of floating on the
surface and when you would hit it though, you know,
you would probably break all of your bones in your body.
So at that point you would probably be like pretty dead,
you know, or you just help you get like concussed
and have a little bit of a headache, you know,
at the bottom of if you weren't dead, you know,
(19:25):
you'd feel a little bad. And then again, since you're
at the surface of the magma, it's like that's where
it's like the super hottest, right if you hadn't already
burst into flames, then you would burst into flames. Um
is it wouldn't it be hot ter under the surface
of the magma or or no. That's a good point.
It's probably even hotter as you go further to the
(19:46):
center of the Earth. That's a great point, Nika. But
they're compared in the volcano that is kind of you know,
when you're still in the air. It is like a
pretty it's pretty freak and hot. You know you're gonna
be like a piece of burnt toast basically, So you're
telling me that like in all the video games, Like
I'm thinking of a very specific scene in Kingdom Hearts
where you play on top of lava and you can't
(20:08):
like touch the lava. That's unrealistic, Like Mickey Mouse would burn.
You would not be able to escape that. While Mickey Mouse,
I don't know, if Mickey Mouse was, for example, made
of titanium, you would probably be okay because a guy
or Mickey Mouse is a god. It just really depends
on your conception of Mickey Mouse and kind of what
(20:30):
he does. Okay. So that's the thing is like if you,
for example, if you were wearing a full titanium suit,
which is there that melting point is like three thousand degrees,
Like maybe you would be okay, but you'd also need
sort of like a breathing device. Also, you'd still probably
get like cooked inside of the titanium. So also titanium suits,
I imagine they're pretty expensive and not very comfortable to
(20:52):
move around them and heavy. Yeah, so be unrealistic in
your titanium suit to get to the top of the
volcano to then fall into it. Okay, but so and
then if anyone tries to recover your body, I mean,
they'll probably die too. But um, if someone was able
to recover your body, all that would be left would
be ash. Hey, you know that's a good point. Both
(21:13):
of our stories are actually not taylors. But Gabby, you
and my story have no body recovery mine in a
very different context. But spoiler alert, Wow, well it's actually
just called creating connections, you know. Yeah, that's good. I
love this synergy of this episode so far. But I
(21:33):
don't mean to brag, but if I fell to the
bottom of volcano, I do have those titanium screws in
my hips, So y'all could maybe recover those and wear
them as earrings in my memory. Oh how big are
those screws. They're probably gonna gonna hurt your ears. Yeah,
they're pretty bad. Just to commemorate you, Okay, I understand,
(21:53):
I would wear your screws, thank you. You could wear
them out like you gauge your ears, and just like
stick them right just in my memory. That's actually what
I insist upon. Well, okay, I'll do that, you know,
make a necklace. Well, it would actually be really beautiful
that whence Gabby passes, whoever loves Gabby the most sets
the titanium screws up like a sculpture, you know, and
(22:19):
oh yeah, we could have a tournament to see who
likes me the most and then no one participates. No,
my god, I would participate. But okay, this is just
here's something from our many episodes about death, obviously, because
that's what the show is about. I do want to
be canonized, obviously, but through the human cannon metaphor. So
when I die, I want you to put my corpse
(22:41):
inside a human cannon and then launch it. And then
I want you to take my body and cremate it.
And then now I want you guys to take my
titanium screws and wear them. So I have a much
more complex, you know, burial ritual. Now Gabby will live
on for a very long time. Yeah, because I didn't. Yeah, honestly, Wow,
(23:02):
I'm going to haunt the screws. No. Wow, Well I'm
glad you have a plan, Gabby. That's really good to know. Yeah. Anyway,
so falling into a volcano would not recommend there have
been a couple of people who have survived falling into
a volcano, but that's because they fell into the like
the weak ass ones, you know that were only like
(23:22):
nine hundred degrees yet still pretty burnt. Yeah, they got
little Chris, they're a little bacon babies now. But um oh,
you know they got what they got a little crispy
they did. You are being super aggressive today, but I
love it. Okay, thank you. Um but yeah, no, so
(23:44):
they they had a once in a lifetime experience hopefully
of falling into a volcano surviving. So oh yeah, okay, Well,
now that we know that falling into volcano seems I
mean it seems you would die like pretty quick, so
maybe it'd be okay, But if you really survived the
whole process of the volcano, wouldn't recommend Um, Banika, Nika
(24:06):
is gonna, now, you know, take us on a synergy
journey of also not recovering a body. Um so, Nika,
we're going, We're going further in history. You know, we're
doing a modern story. We are Actually I want to
apologize form my like slight slowness. I am on a
new birth control and I think it's making me a
little nauseous um because said no, as Gabby said, I
(24:31):
do be having sex. Okay, wait, you can be on
birth control and a virgin. Let's that is true. That
is true. Let's say there are lots of reasons why
one would be on birth control. That is not to
prevent tiny demons. Oh my gosh, Taylor, but yeah, it's true.
Is that what you referred to as babies? Yes, tiny
(24:52):
little demon especially our baby. Can you with them? Gabby? Taylor?
I want to save to have a baby together. Okay, yeah,
let's somehow let's do the science. That would be such
a hellion. Yeah, wow, okay, it'll be It'll have a horsehead,
just like a movie. Sorry to bother you. How is
that cute? Taylor? How is that cute? That is not cute?
(25:13):
I said, Oh that's okay, Taylor, But like you wouldn't
you wouldn't fuck a horseman, no, a centaur or like
a horsehead with a man's body, or like a man
with a horse But I'm not, like, why don't you
marry would? Spoiler alert they're also not real? Oh well
(25:38):
you guys, my niece is going to be a unicorn
and we were well, have you told her that those
aren't real, because well, yeah you should, so we were.
My sister was like, oh, I can't find like a
white leotard, and I was like, it doesn't matter, They're
not real. It can be whatever. Call you such a
bad aunt. Okay, Well I'm also going to be not
something not real for Halloween. Gonna be Jesus, Oh my God,
(26:04):
urging Mary Gabby this year I'm Jesus. Well, speaking of Jesus,
this is a good tangent actually, because we're going to
get into Christianity today. We're visiting the year of twenty eighteen,
so pretty recent COVID had not happened. God's Plan by
Drake was the number one song that year, which is
(26:25):
a little ironic. And John alan Chow decides to finally
go on a mission trip he has been planning for
a very long time. You know. John was twenty six
year old Christian missionary and he was born in Alabama
and grew up in the Pacific Northwest, which gave him
ample opportunity to explore the outdoors and develop a love
(26:45):
for adventure like all the tender people, and this eventual
love for adventure would lead to his demise. Well, those
plus other things which we will talk about. He attended
a small Christian high school in Vancouver and was very
passionate about his religion about Jesus, as Gabby just mentioned.
Gabby mentioned Jesus. Gabby did, Yeah, I did. His family
(27:09):
attended a Pentecostal church and he was a part of
this group called the Royal Rangers throughout high school, which
is a Pentecostal scouting organization similar to like Boy Scouts,
but has like a ministry kind of edge to it,
I guess. According to their website, they quote provide men
with the tools to model christ Like manhood as they
(27:29):
mentor boys on a Bible based, Christ centered, spirit empowered
journey to maturity in the faith. That sounds us. It's
so oh my gosh. I was reading the website. It's
so gendered. It's hilarious. It's like guy friendly Bible teaching boys,
time for boys, Bible for boys, the babes, Like what
(27:50):
does that even mean? Like, I don't understand. That's always
the problem with the Bible though, It sins I need
a dude only version, you know, I just hate how
many women are in the Bible already, you know, yeah,
you well, Gabby needs a Bible for girls. Gabbie needs
a girl Bible any yeah, yeah, yeah, pink. There's lots
of illustrations because reading is very hard for girls, especially
(28:14):
for girls. It would cost a lot more too. Yeah
yeah with the tampon tact on the girl Bible. We
say this, but I literally think I did have a
Pink for girls Bible and growing up. So okay, wow
wow okay. So he Yeah, he quickly got plugged into
the mission trip high school pipeline situation, which basically combined
(28:36):
his love for the outdoors and his belief system, so
it made sense that he would go down this treacherous journey.
Eventually he became this adventure bro. He documented all of
his travels on Instagram and a blog that he updated
fairly often. Apparently during high school he read about this
indigenous tribe called the Sentinels who live on North Sentinel
(28:57):
Island in the northeastern Indian Ocean, like near Myanmar basically,
and it's estimated that they're about fifty to two hundred
tribe members on the five mile long and four mile
wide island, very very small, very isolated. It's estimated fifty
to two hundred, but no one really knows because you
don't really see them. There is one extremely famous picture
(29:19):
that a National Geographic photographer took of a Sentineli's man
holding like a bow and arrow up at a at
a helicopter. So they do not want to be visited.
They don't want to be They don't want to hang out.
They don't want to know about cars. They don't want
to know about Cardi B. Like they just don't not
Cardi B. I mean that of modern times. They don't
(29:41):
want to be poisoned by Instagram and to talk about
Jeff Bezos. They don't want to know, which honestly big
good for them vibes. So yeah, very small, very isolated.
They like to keep it that way. They are, as
I said, hostile to outsiders and they are accustomed to
shooting arrows at helicopters or anyone who approaches the island
via boat or any via anything. In general, they have
(30:04):
killed outsiders before. So the Indian government had to make
the island a tribal reserve and they prohibited travel within
three nautical miles of the island. Their hunter gatherers, they're
usually naked most of the time. They live in like
temporary huts, have their own language, which we know absolutely
nothing about, and so they're just here, they're hanging out,
and John finds out that this tribe exists, and he
(30:25):
can't get them out of his head. He found out,
it seems like, he found out about the tribe through
this website that basically tries to take the Bible to
remote parts of the world, and the Sentinel's was probably
either one of the most or the most remote isolated
on contacted place that you could go to take Christianity too, essentially,
(30:49):
and he just became fixated on these people. He ends
up going to Oral Roberts, which is this private evangelical
university in Oklahoma. So so you know, this is kind
of scary to me already because this kid had a
very Christian upbringing, gets really really into it, and then
he's taught about this kind of missionary I said in
(31:10):
quotes missionary lifestyle and calling also in quotes because I
think that is just modern that's neo colonialism anyway, And
he's taught this idea that converting everyone in Christianity is
what he is meant to do on this earth, which,
by the way, again is the excuse many violent colonizers
have used for centuries. Love that. Yeah, and then he
(31:32):
goes to this intensely conservative evangelical university. I mean they
are like extremely like no smoking, no drinking, no partying, abstinence,
like everyone is there for this higher calling. It's a
very intense and very closed environment. You say, like smoking
or drinking, no partying, like that's the only like it's
(31:53):
more intense than that. Oh, I know, those are just
like the base rules. Okay. So while in college he
went on summer mission trips. He spent time in South
Africa and Kurdistan in Israel, he graduated in twenty route
and then he was offered a full time job, but
decided to focus even more on his missionary work and
he started preparing to meet the sentineles. Okay, so preparing
(32:17):
for something like this is very intense. He took courses
at the National Outdoor Leadership School. He remained single to
focus on God and his calling. He worked as a
ranger in the summers and like stay of this isolated
cabin and check care of the woods and did what
rangers do. He trained to be an EMT and then
also coach soccer for refugee kids. So he was just
(32:38):
like doing all of this stuff. And then in twenty
fifteen and twenty sixteen he went to the Endeman Islands,
which is where North Sentinel Island is, but he did
not attempt to see or like try to connect with
the Sentinelies. Yet he basically just went there to scopings
out to engage with a Christian community of the islands,
and he actually went back four times in twenty sixteen.
(33:00):
The people in his life knew about his plans and
supported him for the most part, though it seems like
him and dad did not see eye to eye on
the whole missionary thing. And his dad actually is quoted
saying religion is the opium of the masses and that
John is gone today because of quote extreme Christianity, which fair.
(33:23):
In twenty seventeen, John attended a three week missionary boot
camp with this organization called All Nations, and I was like,
either website and it's it is so cult like, it's insane.
All Nations says that Christians have to have a wartime
mentality when it comes to converting people. During those boot
camps is so cringey. There was even a mock village
(33:44):
part of the boot camp where basically employees would dress
up as indigenous tribes people and act hostile. I just
I just picture that, and I'm so embarrassed to be
a person living in society. Why can I not be
a bear or something like that hanging out? Not think
(34:06):
bears are great. According to the organization's leader, John was
one of the best trainees they ever had, and he
shared his mission with all nations. He kind of told
them was on his heart, and though they told him
it was risky, they were very, very supportive. So everyone
knew kind of what he was up to, and a
lot of friends of his are quoted saying like nothing
(34:27):
was going to change his mind, Like to him, this
was a calling from God. So in October of twenty eighteen,
he was ready and he went to Port Blair in
the Endemic Islands, which is the capital, and he stayed
in what he called a safe house. He had gotten
thirteen immunizations to try and avoid getting the tribes people sick,
but he also quarantined in the safe house, so he didn't,
(34:50):
you know, bring the flu to an almost extinct group
of people. As I'm like rolling my eyes because there's
I don't think there's any amount of preparedness to make
sure that you will not get this. These people sick
when they literally have not had contact with people for
a decade anyways, kind of ironic as well, But yeah,
he was a massive admirer of Jim Elliott, who was
(35:11):
a missionary killed by tribespeople in Aqualud, and Bruce Olsen,
who is another missionary who converted a tribe in the
border of Columbia Venezuela. So John kept a very detailed
journal inspired by these people. He wrote kind of how
his heroes did, with intense details because he very much
knew how dangerous his plan was, and I think he
was writing for like, for people to know what would
(35:34):
end up happening to him. So he wrote like a
thirteen page journal which is available and I did read
some of it, and it is harrowing. It's really haunting
that most because of the context of John's story, and
it's also really sad because it's kind of crazy. He
very clearly believed that he was doing the right thing,
and he would write things like, God, if you want
me to get shot, so be it. I think I
(35:55):
am more useful alive. But to you God, I give
glory to whatever happens. And he also wrote like, you
guys might think I'm crazy for all of this, but
I think it's worth it to declare Jesus to these people,
people who do not know English. He doesn't even understand
their language. There's I just there's so many things that
are not clicking in my brain as to this plan
(36:16):
that I'm just like okay, especially as it's also just
like literally illegal to go to that island. It was
actively illegal. It is a protected island, like you cannot God. Yeah,
So on the fourteenth of November, John and two fishermen
set out to North Sentinel Island. They had to go
on darkness because coast guards would have stopped them. John
(36:37):
paid the fisherman three hundred and fifty dollars to get there,
and he tried first contact on the fifteenth of November,
stripping toes underwear, kayaking to shore and bringing gifts of
fish for the tribe. They yelled at him in their
language and started stringing their bows, so he kind of
through the fish at them. He said, I am John
and Jesus loves you, and then paddled away away very quickly.
(37:01):
So that was the first contact that ever happened. He
made her note after this saying he was disappointed they
didn't accept him immediately, I know. So he tried again
that same day, and this time he was able to
walk on the shore. He tried to mimic the tribes
people's sounds and started singing worships songs to them in English.
(37:23):
And then he said things were going well, and then
a little boy came up to him and shot him
with an arrow in a lie. They took his kayak,
so he had to swim with the arrow wound to
the boat, which was a mile away. Yeah, that evening,
he wrote in his journal that he was convinced this
island was Satan's last stronghold and that he missed his
(37:45):
family and he was heartbroken. Then he was shot at
and confused. If someone comes into your house and you
do not want them into your house, and you have
them leave, and then they come back again, so you
hurt them so they will not come back again, how
has that person confused as to like what you want?
You clearly do not want that person to be in
your house anyway. He decided to try contact once more
(38:09):
the next day, and this time he asked the fishing
boat to leave for the entire day so he could
approach without the boat nearby at all, and he was
never seen again, so we can oh, well, we don't
need to assume, because fishermen confirmed seeing the tribe bury
a body in a shallow grave a few days after,
(38:30):
and there were a couple of attempts claiming the body
by the Indian government, but they were met with hostility
again from the tribes people, and eventually they decided it
was not worth it. Many strong evangelicals, like the Leader
of All Nations who had said he was a great
recruit or whatever, said that he was a martyr and
praised his actions and were inspired by him. And then
(38:53):
one of his friends actually said my ancestors literally quoted saying,
my ancestors were savages, and I'm glad that missionaries taught
them Christianity and civility, because I wouldn't want to live
the way they were living back there. There was obviously
a lot of international talk about this and what what
does this mean, modernday, colonization, blah blah, whether he was
(39:14):
dumb or really called from God or whatever. But the
point is it's really a sad story, and his family
work did not approve of his actions. They do not
condone what he did at all, and extreme religion is
truly the opium of the masses. As his dad said,
while we Nika, that was a lot. Yeah, a lot
(39:38):
of things happened. I needed like a mental break after
researching that because it's just like so bad, it's just
so bad. Yeah. Well, um, we're gonna take another little
break and then I'll talk about something why wildly inappropriate
based off of that story. So we'll be right back. Hello,
(40:01):
cadaver Pals. We have one last little bit to get
through for this episode, and it's gonna be based on
the seriousness of Nika's story that she told. This is
gonna be, you know, just very inappropriate and silly. But
you know what, that's what happens on Cadaver Gals. So
I'm gonna be talking some We were talking about missionaries.
(40:22):
I'm going to talk about the missionary position. Okay, I
was so scared you were going to go there, Gabby,
what the heck of all things? Of all tangents. Well,
I think it does sort of coal play into the
history of you know, missionaries and colonization and stuff a
(40:46):
little bit. So the thing is the missionary position that
that actual term for it didn't come up until like
I think, it wasn't found to be like actually written
down until like the nineteen sixties. And what people kind
of think is that Alfred Kenzie, you know, who is
like the premier sex scientists, Like he kind of like
hit off the whole study of sexuality. It's like, oh,
(41:07):
maybe we should actually think about this a little bit more.
He is thought to be the first person to ever
actually use missionary position as a term to talk about
you know, like face to face intercourse with the penis
on the top going into the whatever vagina, you know,
whatever hole, the whatever hole. That is what missionary is.
(41:29):
So like hole on the bottom, penis on the top. Yeah,
it is the male or the penis dominant position basically.
And what people be thinking, like, there's this guy named
Robert Priest who's a he's a scholar, a scholar. He
(41:50):
wrote this essay in like two thousand and one just
kind of like talking about like the missionary position and
kind of like where it came from. And then then
he went into some sort of like you know, larger
argument about like postmodern religion and kind of looking at
it in that context. Anyway, we're not going to do
that as much, but he was kind of trying to
figure out why it was called missionary position. And what
(42:11):
he's thinking is that Kinzie, he basically like kind of
created the term based on either like a mistranslation or
like a misquote of a bunch of other people because
they had all these legends and stories about like missionaries
going to like indigenous populations and trying to convert them,
and this was like the position that they were saying
(42:32):
was the one that had the least amount of sin
attached to it. So there was like one story that
people would quote where it was like like a tribe
and like the South Pacific, and like there's this story
where like missionaries went there and they were totally shocked.
But you know, all not only that they weren't using
missionary position, like they were more likely to like have
(42:53):
like the penis behind the vaginas, so kind of doing
like a doggy style type thing, and they were shocked
by that, but they were also like super shocked by
the fact that they would use multiple positions Heaven forbid
their sexuality. So then they were like, hey, the missionary
position is like this is the only one that God
allows because it's like the male dominant position, you know,
(43:14):
so but all positions at this point where you know,
any sex was like considered you know, sentful and shit.
You know, like if you go back to like medieval Christianity,
it's like even if you fucking, like if even if
you like fucked your wife too much, that was considered
being adultery, you know, which is just like funny. It's
like it's you, it's you, it's your fucking wife. You
(43:35):
can't even fuck your wife, basically, oh gosh. But then
there's like this other story that um people would attribute
to this anthropologist Malanowski. He was like a big deal,
and so he would kind of like go around to
different like you know, smaller populations throughout the world and
kind of like try to learn their customs and stuff.
And so there's this one group of people called the Trobrianders,
(43:59):
and basically they think Malanowski people said that he wrote
this a like document out and when he was talking
about how these people would like make fun of missionaries
by like doing the like a missionary type position, and
like they would gather around like they can't fire and
just like do what the missionaries like had promoted for
them to do. And but like doing it in like
(44:21):
a farcical sort of way, being like these like stupid
missionaries want us to like do it in this in
this way. That's hilarious. Yeah, But then the people said
this source existed, but when you would actually go to
the source, that story didn't actually exist. So it's kind
of like there's all these stories about kind of like
people like missionaries like trying to teach this position, but
then like there's no actual evidence of like that actually happening.
(44:43):
I don't doubt that happened though, because in the journal
John did write about how the tribes people made fun
of him by like mimicking him or like laughing at
what he looked like and stuff, and it it like
it was recorded that at least these tribes people wouldn't
constantly make fun of any people who tried to like
(45:04):
get on their land. So I feel like I feel
like making fun of the people who are violently colonizing
you as probably a probably expected yeah, yeah, because I
mean it is pretty silly. You're like you're coming into
my house and you're trying to tell me what to do.
I'm going to make fun of this. You're trying to
suck me to try to tell me how to sex
(45:24):
you still a use like we already have like all
these other things we do and they're better. But yeah,
so there's all these stories about this, but no one
had ever used the term missionary position. And what they're
thinking is that Kinsey like had misread this document where
instead of talking about the missionary position, it was this
thing called missionary fashion, which is like, along with like
(45:45):
ways to have sex, missionaries were also trying to teach
people like methods of courtship, basically taking people like on
dates or like standing close to people, or there was
just like this one tribe who they would just like
have the man and the woman would like lean against
a tree and chat closely. Like that was like a
missionary fashion of like courtship that they had hot So
(46:06):
people think that Kinsey was like he took missionary fashion
and then he just said missionary position, and so that's
how that term came about, and then it got really
more popular in the late eighties, nineteen eighties, in the
nineteen nineties. And one fun fact about missionary position that
technically in Florida, it is the only legal sex position Florida.
(46:28):
In Florida in Florida where we throw gators and use
gators as weapons. Yeah, it's like one of those laws
where it's kind of like they accidentally made everything illegal
except missionary position. Not to say that Floridians only do
sex position, but you're probably not going to get a
ticket if you're like, I mean, if you're having sex
in public and someone's like giving you like public sex,
(46:50):
it's you know, that makes you get public indecency. But
then also you're not using missionaries, so ticket number two.
So yeah, if you're gonna be caught to having sex
in Florida, make sure it's in the missionary position. If
you're having public sex and that way it's not a
double ticket, then it won't be a ticket. Oh my gosh,
only in Florida. We save you money. Yeah. So basically,
(47:14):
my long convoluted thing about the missionary position is like, sure,
maybe it was came from missionaries trying to be like
this is the godliest position or whatever, but then the
term was like an accident made by a kinsey. So wow,
now we all know so much about this disrespectful history
nugget that I brought up after Nika's story. Anyway, Thanks Gabby,
(47:37):
Thank you. You're welcome, You're so welcome anyway. I feel like,
as always, we learned a lot about you know, random
information on today's episode. Could ever guse um and we'll
we'll talk at you next week. Bye. These Gals is
(48:06):
a production of School of Humans in iHeartRadio. It is
produced and written and all that jazz by Nika Duarte,
Taylor Church and me Gabby Watts. And you can catch
us on the Internet, on the Twitter and on the
Instagram at Cadaver Gals. That's gals as in gals, not
as in girls where gals get it straight. Okay, Bye,
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