POINT FIVE SPEED

Aisling Bea (plus 1) comes to reluctantly share her origin story as Chelsea continues to chase a Pulitzer for her intrepid journalistic instincts. Accents! Gigs! Bath calls! Psychics! In this episode Chelsea is told she has uk vibes and is queer-coded. The first Gay Test, sharing makeup, hygiene, 10-2 politics.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
So oh well, so I Here's what I'm grappling with
is that I don't usually do, you know, like in
depth interviews.

Speaker 2 (00:10):
I came here to sort of use this in public therapy.

Speaker 1 (00:14):
So but I like, I I this is all to
say that, like I guess, because you know, I started
stand up in New York, I don't know your whole
origin story.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
Yeah, what who is?

Speaker 1 (00:25):
I am going to ask you a little bit, not no, no,
just like a short version of like what is your
what was your journey to stand up?

Speaker 2 (00:33):
And like see my propamay is that because I talk
so much and I find it very hard to give
a short answer.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
Oh that's fine, Well whatever, give a long answer.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
I'm a fine. Yeah, what's my origin story?

Speaker 1 (00:42):
Yeah? What's your origin story?

Speaker 2 (00:43):
Quickly found in a river, found in a river, in
nuclear waste wrapped.

Speaker 1 (00:48):
And uh oh what would be?

Speaker 2 (00:51):
And then you know the way you get bored of
your own origin story as well? You're like I started
to U, I suppose into this world would be irish,
had no would always like kind of like messing around
as a kid, and was one of those annoying kids
who was like sure, I'll get up and sing a song. Yeah,
and when a showboat a bit of a very bit

(01:13):
of a showboat. My cousin who and my mother's side
of the family really celebrated showboats, like the favorite children
were the showboats. Encourage and and like say, my sister's
not that much of a show boat, and they remembered
she was there occasionally type of thing, so I was
encouraged for my sort of like behavior type of thing.
And my cousin, who's a drag queen who also obviously showboted,

(01:37):
found an old video of me like m Seing aged
nine my granny's eightieth, and my material hasn't got much. Basically,
long story short, went to university in Dublin, joined a
sketch group. Didn't even know what sketches were.

Speaker 1 (01:53):
College.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yes, I did a little bit of that, but we
were more kind of sketches.

Speaker 1 (01:57):
Rob better sketch seems better for college than improv.

Speaker 2 (02:01):
Thin it I think it. I didn't know what a
sketch was, truly. I didn't grow up around comedy or
with it, like knowing what it was on the TV.
The closest thing I would have known were a few
like storytellers or one or two specific Irish stand ups
who were on teley, BUTO like I didn't have access
to UK television or a lot of the references until later,
and then was in a sketch group. Then got into
drama school in the UK, came out of that, had

(02:24):
absolutely no work.

Speaker 1 (02:25):
Oh so you have a true like theater background.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
Yeah, but I didn't do a lot of theater. It
was more like I trained to do and then realized
coming out that I wouldn't be cast in many things.
But but I sort of I still feel like I
came from comedy, went to drama school for two years,
didn't have the best time in the world there. Why
I think I was a bit maybe because I'd gone

(02:50):
to university first, like we all knew why.

Speaker 1 (02:53):
We were there to get I know what I'm thinking
right now is that I have this thing with like
nice voices. I'm sure you've been told that. Have you
been told you have like your accent as nice? Or
your voices my accent?

Speaker 2 (03:05):
But it tends to be Irish men are the ones
that make people horny rather.

Speaker 1 (03:07):
Than I'm not horny. Let's slow down here, slow down.
But I do cry for me when someone's talking where
I like their quality of their voice or their accent,
like I feel like I'm like this kind of like
it almost it's like getting a massage where I just
feel very kind of.

Speaker 2 (03:26):
Like, but do you not get that a lot? Because
I find that I've learned a new word today. Timber, tambre, timber, timber, timber,
the timber of your voice, Burton timber and pink Kisha song.
I'm going down. I'm yelling timber.

Speaker 1 (03:42):
Or don't or don't.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
Thinksha wow, wait to break down another woman? Oh interesting to.

Speaker 1 (03:50):
Have an equal opportunity, I'll take down men and women.
The only difference is that when you take down a woman,
I was like, you're not a woman. I'm like, why
I'm treating them like humans?

Speaker 2 (03:59):
Treating them like bad humans of the art.

Speaker 1 (04:01):
It's like, you know with comedy, like it's like people think, oh, well,
like you know, most writers for comedy make women a
shrew or like like she's either a nag or a
sex pat and this. You know, it's like, well, it's
so much better when someone writes women with humanity. I'm like, no, actually,
for comedy, the most evolved thing you can do is
write them and she's funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, actually funny,

(04:24):
like like making them really nuanced and human is like
that should be a given.

Speaker 2 (04:29):
But I know, and like when you come across stuff
and they're like, we really wanted to make this woman human.

Speaker 1 (04:34):
And you're like, she's multi dimensional, but it's.

Speaker 2 (04:36):
No jokes when someone said when someone says like we
really wanted to make sure she was funny and well rounded, yeah,
I'm like, oh, that's I assume that. It's almost like
when someone comes in and goes, by the way, I'm
not going to touch you in appropriate. Yeah you're like,
oh yeah, yeah, I thought so. Now that you flag it,
I'm really wonder. Yeah, I do wonder why you have
to in the first place. But oh yes, So I

(04:57):
find that about your voice because I find it really
like it's like you've got that m what do they
call it?

Speaker 1 (05:02):
Oh god, it's it's called vocal fry.

Speaker 2 (05:05):
Vocal fry, which I hate that I have no.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
Reason, Chelsea. I did an episode where I try to
talk like, hey, how's everyone doing. I can't do it.
It's actually so much work. And you know, ultimately, I
think a lot of people hate vocal fry, but I I.

Speaker 2 (05:22):
Just yours doesn't feel like the origin of it is
that you are surfing too much? You know what, it's
not too much rose all day or something.

Speaker 1 (05:29):
Well that would be cooler. That's true, it's not the
origin I've been reading about sharks. Yeah, that's the origin
of my voice. But but you know it's like, yeah,
like that me learning that that, I can't understand that.
That is like a lot or no.

Speaker 2 (05:46):
Yours seems to have like an as Mr Bedrock, which
is quite like, oh, I listened to a brown noise
going to sleep at night, so it has that looks.

Speaker 1 (05:57):
Like, So the abstract version of this podcast is me like.

Speaker 2 (06:07):
If someone is doing impression, it would be like and
every ten minutes of me taking a breath from speaking.

Speaker 1 (06:13):
You hard to do. Actually, it's hard to distill what
is going on.

Speaker 2 (06:19):
Irish accents are quite hard, I think for a small
place to have. I think Leicester sort of hang on
to with them, or people tend to do some kind
of musically odd cartoon of it, which is sort of
But that's what's.

Speaker 1 (06:30):
Sort of soothing about is the subtlety. And I think
that's true of Southern accents too, Like everyone can do
a bad Southern accent, but doing that very refined, like
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (06:40):
I don't know. Yeah, you've caught Yeah, but I'm here
and you're like, oh, this is slow.

Speaker 1 (06:45):
But yeah, it's it's more poetic.

Speaker 2 (06:49):
Yeah. Can I rather than I'm so bored in myself? No,
can I tell you my origin story of my fandom
of Chelsea Peretti instead if you.

Speaker 1 (06:58):
Rush through the end of yours because I think we're
we're finally getting to it. Yeah, And then I go,
how do you start staying up? How do I start
stand up? I started stand up?

Speaker 2 (07:06):
I was I absolutely hate any version of like, I
couldn't get acting work, so I started stand up. I
feel very passionate that it's a separate craft, and I
deal with it as a specific craft and separate acting.
But that's it. I wasn't doing any acting, but I started.
I was actually doing an acting job, and this was
where my ego was at the time. I'd just gotten

(07:27):
like a job in a BBC sitcom that I thought
was going to run and run. It didn't, got canceled
after one series. But I thought I had been for
a year toying around with the ideas and bringing around
a notebook and putting down any idea that I'd like,
you know that when you start stand up as well,
like there's never a wasted moment with a friend. They
think you're having a chat and absolutely mug. And so

(07:51):
I had a whole kind of mold skin notebook of stuff,
and I thought to myself, if I don't do stand
up now, I'm about to get so big and famous
from this small part in the sitcom. Yeah, and my
life's going to change. It's going to be so hard
for me to start. Dear reader, I will tell you
that did not happen. But I started standing up, and

(08:11):
just I had a great first two gigs, bad third gig.
But I think sometimes if you feel great first two gigs,
it gives you enough like what's the word, whether it's
false confidence or real confidence, but it just doesn't It
means you're not scarred from your first experience. I suppose,
like sex or anything like that. If you have a
fine first experience, you're like, this is going to terrorize
me for life. And so and I remember my first gig.

(08:35):
I pretended to everyone that I hadn't gigged. In ages,
we say gig in the UK rather than hear you
say do a show, whereas we say gigged. But I
remember to everyone, I was like, oh, I'm a bit rusty.
To be honest, we say, do.

Speaker 1 (08:46):
You stand up gig? Yeah? Yeah, just like not exclusively.

Speaker 2 (08:50):
Some people say to me they're like, I never know
if you mean like a music gig.

Speaker 1 (08:53):
Or wow, do you do music? No? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (08:58):
Yeah, And I'm like, yeah, that's why I would have
thought you were that would help white, that is an
option and known that I meant, I'm doing ten minutes
to night down the road. But I remember for Bravado,
I didn't want to tell anyone as my first time,
and I was like, oh, I'm a bit rusty. I'm
a bit rusty. Oh I haven't done it, like, oh,
it's been ages since I've done the gig. And then
I went up and like instead of five, I did
kind of like fifteen. And I didn't know how should

(09:19):
i'd sort of your first set, yeah, And I didn't
know how much i'd People run longer in the UK though,
and here everyone does shorter, so you're more likely to
do longer than shorter in the UK. Like even like
an open mic, an open mic tends to be at
least ten minutes, yeah, whereas maybe maybe very start open
like five. But it's five to ten, whereas here like

(09:39):
fifteen is a long gig, whereas in the UK you
nearly always do twenty.

Speaker 1 (09:43):
Why is a good length? I love?

Speaker 2 (09:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
I mean I don't know about for when you're starting out,
but maybe it's nice to stretch.

Speaker 3 (09:50):
Well.

Speaker 2 (09:50):
It would also you have time for a story, whereas
with five minutes you're just trying to But but what
gigging in America taught me was to tighten those jokes.
And I'd because I'd expand lots of my stories or
not get to the point to riff a bit too
much of the audience. So when I was here, I
was like, oh, it did teach me that the two
can kind of be married a little bit. I think, yeah,

(10:11):
but yeah, starting to stand up. And then a year
after i'd started, I entered this competition that's kind of
like an old stand up competition called so you Think
You're Funny? It's an Edinburgh competition and a woman hadn't
won it in twenty years, and I didn't think too
much about doing it at all, and I won it,
and that when I was that twenty twelve and that
sort of start, but I was quite surprised how quick

(10:33):
because I've been an actor for so long, yeah, and
done the graft, and I was quite surprised at how
suddenly I was being booked in a way that never
happened with acting, and it shocked me a little bit
because I didn't feel I was ready. Yeah, So I'd
imposter syndrome for quite a long time, I think, until
I got to the point where I wasn't sort of
like being like before a gig. So then yeah, and

(10:54):
then the rest of it, I suppose is can I
please talk about you now?

Speaker 1 (10:57):
Please, Chelse Sion, please fine.

Speaker 2 (11:02):
Your honor order in court, Please be swift to the
point I Humphrey Carr, who is a brilliant comedy actor.
Humphrey Carr English, All right, yeah, can I I can
see what it's typing?

Speaker 1 (11:20):
Okay now, Humphrey Car.

Speaker 2 (11:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (11:23):
No, is Humphrey of any relation to Jimmy Carr.

Speaker 2 (11:26):
No, he spelled a K E R R. Humphrey Car
is a very tall and funny a comedian who now
manages Wrexham Football club. Ryan Reynolds R E Y N
O L d S. So if you want to just
go back over that and I'm doing, yeah, Reynolds wreck

(11:46):
someone that's with a W at the start rather than
an R. Yes, I'm very good actor. Yeah, that looks
about right lovely. He I remember when I was starting
stand up and we've known each other for years, you're
kind of university sketch and stuff like that. He said
to me, do you know Chelsea Paretti And I was
like no, and he's like, oh my god, no, she's funny.

Speaker 4 (12:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (12:07):
Well, he's like, she's like, she's my idol. She's the
funniest person. And I watched your Netflix special at the time.
I don't remember there being that manny to watch generally,
and also a stand up who felt like around my
age and vibe and an alt kind of voice as well,
and sort of felt like American accent, but maybe a
sort of UK vibe in terms of what we understood

(12:29):
of the of the circle coming up there, And yeah,
I would. I was just also a massive thing had
been hold on I'm writing this, Yeah, just UK vibe,
UK vibe. I think he's put too many letters into that,
because it's only actually six letters. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (12:44):
I spell out the letters phonetically like yo you ok
why yeah.

Speaker 2 (12:49):
Vibe Okay, But I remember and also when you at
the time when you were starting, not you when one
was starting. The Holy acts were not aeroplane food. It
was that women would talk about their period and if
you talked about it, you were being hacked. Even though
it's a massive experience and something men can totally relate to,

(13:10):
and it's it's something that men go through with their
partners and everything else. There's loads to be part of life,
part of life. Loads be mild.

Speaker 1 (13:17):
It is life itself.

Speaker 2 (13:18):
It is life itself. Without it, we have no life.
Blood is life, Chelse.

Speaker 1 (13:23):
Yeah, I've serious serious, turn it into it.

Speaker 2 (13:29):
That was my good acting. And I remember watching your
stand up special and feeling so relieved. You did a
whole funny bit on like if men had their periods,
if you stuff and saw duster socks, And I've always
remembered as one of my favorite bits because I was like,
oh my god, she's allowing me to find something. I
had it the same when I watched Dylan Moore and
do you know who Dylan Moran is?

Speaker 1 (13:49):
Hold on?

Speaker 2 (13:49):
So Dylan d y l A N M O R
A N and stop there, And that's no, you've put
too many gets on again.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
I just was saying, please google this, send it to my.

Speaker 2 (14:00):
Sister massive Irish stand up brilliant does the Largo and
all sorts regularly and lives in La No, doesn't, but
tour tours a lot. Would be a massive comedian in
the UK and Ireland and Australia, which is a love
Irish comedy. And but I remember feeling like when I
talked about being Irish on stage, like I was again
being hack. But it's something I love, it's my culture,

(14:21):
it's everything. And I watched a whole hour of him
just talking about being Irish and I never got bored.
And I realized I'd cared more about what other people thought.
And if you find something funny, the audience will find
it funny. And I remember when I watched you especially, you're.

Speaker 1 (14:34):
Being authentic to yourself.

Speaker 2 (14:36):
Yes, you shouldn't, it's exactly.

Speaker 1 (14:38):
A fine line, I guess, but it's like you shouldn't
avoid everything your passionate.

Speaker 2 (14:42):
Yes, yeah, because of what other but you felt like
it was the sort of backstage gossip or the energy
at the time was like, Oh, You're not gonna be
one of those You're like, no, no, me, no way,
I'm so different. Yeah, and now I'm not like that
at all, I talk about whatever I want, but at
the time watching you and watching how much like and
I think at the time as well, one could get
very obsessed by the male gaze, as in ZD that

(15:08):
that as in the male gaze, not the male g
A y s. You know, as in the male gaze Eddy, yeah,
z o, z yes you ever left this cabin?

Speaker 1 (15:23):
Come on, we don't say ZEI.

Speaker 2 (15:24):
Oh it's getting rough's confusing, and.

Speaker 1 (15:28):
I think that's warranted.

Speaker 2 (15:31):
So that you could you thought for some reason. I
think there was definitely a culture at the time was like,
if men found you funny, it had some in some
way like a higher weight. Two if women found you
for that, like, well, of course women I want to
find me. I got sisters and Auntie.

Speaker 1 (15:45):
One thing I always say about that, which you know,
what you're describing is definitely my experience as well. It's like,
you know, whenever anyone would go who's your favorite comedian,
there is immense pressure. Yeah yeah, really we're not my
favorite comedian. And honestly, it's taken decades for me to
even know that. Yeah myself, Like literally I loved Margaret

(16:06):
cho and I'm sitting here going uh prior yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that prior isn't good. But I'm just saying, like, there's
so much pressure to name a male if you're going
to say the all time greates to you or who
inspired you?

Speaker 2 (16:19):
Yeah, And I mean a lot of the people who
inspired me were my peers on the circuit because it's
so easy to kind of go, oh yeah, if you've
worked and had loads of money and tours and you
go to see someone at the highest level, of course
they're going to be good or at a level. But actually,
for me, what felt like an achievement or impressive was
watching someone work up ten at various clubs and see

(16:39):
it bombed, then see it go well, I'm like, now
that's something.

Speaker 1 (16:42):
I respect it bomb would you know?

Speaker 2 (16:46):
As it's more the journey from a creative point of view,
I can't answer as an audience member because I'm not
an audience member generally, I'm the so for me, my
favorite people and the ones who would be like, there's
something in that joke and they plow away with it
and then suddenly you see it come together and it's
every audience member's favorite bit. Like that's what I get
excited about when I watched someone do that. But so

(17:06):
I remember watching you in this Netflix special and also
like feeling like I was laughing despite it being not
in the medium it was intended for, you know, it's
meant for him to be live. And I hadn't seen
that many specials at that time either, because you're right,
there weren't that many specials. And after that, I just
became like, oh, dad, she's one of the top of
the all time greats.

Speaker 1 (17:25):
Wow, this is so sweet and serious.

Speaker 2 (17:27):
And I watched your movie as you know, first time
feel my director watched in the Bath Pregnant as hell,
and I was just like, oh, a love letter to silliness.
It's like an every moment. If there was a moment
to be silly, you chose it. And that was just
really needed. I just needed that. I was basting away
in my own juices in the hot water.

Speaker 1 (17:45):
Nothing like it. I was just talking to my friend
about how we're so often taking work calls from the bath,
trying to move your hands or feet in any way
because one sound of a wave of bath you're.

Speaker 2 (17:58):
Like, oh, sorry, I just flew past. My office is
near the lake.

Speaker 1 (18:03):
I am reading a script by the reservoir near the studio.

Speaker 2 (18:07):
The studio reservoir is overflowing apologies, Like.

Speaker 1 (18:11):
My mom always took baths every day, and it's like
I've never understood it as well as I do in my.

Speaker 2 (18:17):
Yes yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:18):
Like it's especially like I don't drink anymore. So it's
like for me, a bath, you know when people talk
about taking the edge off, Like for me an epsom
salt bath is that I could stay in a bath
for an hour and a half.

Speaker 2 (18:28):
How just keep asking such a privsh question about how
many salts do you put in your bath?

Speaker 1 (18:35):
I put magnesium flakes and then sometimes if I'm feeling
footloose and fancy, FREEZ will sprinkle lavender essential oil onto
those flakes.

Speaker 2 (18:46):
And then I'll run the soak them in. Yeah now,
because one of my therapists, that's right, Chelsea, I thought
that would be okay to say. In America, they're like,
you only have two Yeah, I know.

Speaker 1 (18:57):
Actually, in fairness, I have like a roving team. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (19:00):
I also have a psychic. And there it depends on
what moves your engine. I mean, is it a bath?
Is it the psychic? Is a lady talks about science,
let's work out, But I for one lady.

Speaker 1 (19:08):
Never tried a psychic. I'm good, so really, actually, I
would be so terrified to go to I think I
would be more nervous to go to a psychic than.

Speaker 2 (19:18):
To someone who might tell you, like from a Freudian
point of view, what's wrong with you?

Speaker 1 (19:22):
No, I just feel like that's the stuff of which,
like Greek legends are or scary omens, like they're gonna
be like I see a figure floating in a body
of water the rest of your life. Anywhere you go,
You're like, is this where it's gonna happen?

Speaker 2 (19:37):
Just because you're a performer in Los Angeles? And no
afraid fence to my fellow los Angeles who I adore,
but that you've managed to like that would be like
to me you saying you've never been in traffic, would yeah, exactly.
And I live in London. I can't believe you've never
gone to a psychic. But if it's a fear, But

(19:58):
in the psychic's code, because there is one, they're not allowed.
They don't tell you the worst stuff. They guide you,
so they're all trying here.

Speaker 1 (20:05):
I'd be reading their eyes. What are you hiding? What
are you hiding? I'm oh, my god, when you just
screamed like that, I thought you were having a labor
pain like you went and I was like, no, don't
do it here, not.

Speaker 2 (20:17):
Here those ratings oprect.

Speaker 1 (20:19):
Yeah, the podcast reading system.

Speaker 2 (20:21):
What sound effect would you have if I was actually
going into labor?

Speaker 4 (20:24):
Now?

Speaker 1 (20:25):
I wish I should have laughing. I should.

Speaker 2 (20:28):
I do think it'd be funny, but I've been a
lot of pain.

Speaker 1 (20:30):
Feel Oh what if that's the sound you're water breaking?

Speaker 2 (20:34):
Yeah? God, well I have had a bit of a
chill today, so maybe it'll be ice by now it
would be. Can I just see what coffee? Coffee? Coffee is?

Speaker 1 (20:43):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (20:43):
Where is that?

Speaker 1 (20:44):
This is just coffe? Don't don't over do it, gorgeous.
I've a headache, as I mentioned earlier, so.

Speaker 2 (20:55):
I won't be okay, we won't be really coffee cup is?
Are you singing on that? So you do gig musically?
So someone could be confused?

Speaker 1 (21:02):
Yeah, well I had this whole concept album about coffee.
I was off Brooklyn ninety nine and me and my
friend Kojak, who always did the music.

Speaker 2 (21:12):
When you say off, do you mean like done done
with finished?

Speaker 3 (21:16):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (21:16):
And me and him were making music. We're like, oh
we we had all these songs about coffee on my podcast,
or we had at least a couple, and we're like,
let's make a whole album, and like, here's what it
should have been. We should have made first thought songs
for like a week or two and then just released
it all. No, it turned into an eight month opus
in which like literally Anita Baker was there. At one

(21:39):
point she rightfully like pulled out of the thing. But
like we were like.

Speaker 2 (21:45):
When something's a big note, you're like, should you commit?
Like it's hard to know.

Speaker 1 (21:49):
I started going, all these songs are really annoying, Like
the songs should actually sound good, Like it's like I
don't want to hear like yeah, yeah, yeah, an album.

Speaker 2 (21:57):
Of annoying the joke would rhen I was off.

Speaker 1 (22:00):
So then I was like, oh, is it funnier if
the songs are really good but they're just all about coffee?
And so then we were just like such a deep
rabbit hole. And then right as we were starting to
release EPs, the pandemic happened and we never completed it.

Speaker 2 (22:14):
So because I would say, listen to your podcast, My
great hope is that some bits will turn into some
little songs that you do and they're always good. They're
always on rhythm. No, I always feel like it's about
to drop in a club. I'm very fond of your
bits and bobs. They feel very dance music for America
as well, which doesn't have the biggest history of dance Tam.

Speaker 1 (22:33):
I know, well, you know I studied at Royal Holloway
in Surrey.

Speaker 2 (22:39):
Did you know that your apology is welcome? That was
me just making a joke on Sorry, no, I do
women always apologize.

Speaker 1 (22:47):
But yeah, like I went to school there to do
what studied media arts. But now I can't remember why
I'm saying this. Oh, just that I think that's when
I also got into like electronic music.

Speaker 2 (22:58):
Yeah, while you were there, I would have been the
time as well.

Speaker 1 (23:01):
It was like yeah, but weirdly, I met a girl
from Philly and she was like deep into that scene
and so then me and her would go to these
raves and stuff while I was in my year abroad,
which must have I'm sure now as a parent thinking about.

Speaker 2 (23:13):
That, it's in a foreign country.

Speaker 1 (23:15):
Yeah, your kid is like doing ecstasy in Surry.

Speaker 2 (23:19):
Yeah, at a rave.

Speaker 1 (23:21):
Yeah, but.

Speaker 2 (23:23):
I find it quite because I grow Ireland loves dance music.
Like a big way, and I find it sometimes, especially
with the repetitive rhythmicness of it. You know, do you
know what whirling dervishes are?

Speaker 1 (23:36):
I definitely love the term. Yes, I think of whirling
dervishes as like crazy dancing creatures.

Speaker 2 (23:44):
In that so far it's like these I think it
might be maybe it's Turkey, and they're men who twirl
themselves with repetitive They're not creatures. Well, men are creatures.
We all creatures. Blood is life, and they twirl and
dance themselves into it with sort of repetitive dance movements

(24:04):
into a state of like spiritual abyss. And I do
feel like dance music has that because you're not listening
out for the narrative of like you're in the club,
what's going on? I found my guy, I lost him,
now I'm back in the like there's no there isn't
always a storyline.

Speaker 1 (24:19):
Well, house music, there is a lot of times a storyline.
There is one thing I loved. Yes, not to contradict you,
I want to go with you.

Speaker 2 (24:26):
No, I never want to be yes handed unless it's
for a reason, but like that you do kind of
like work your way in like for repetitive dancing into
a sort of state.

Speaker 1 (24:35):
Which sounds amazing.

Speaker 2 (24:36):
Yeah right now, yeah, like you do that now to shake.

Speaker 1 (24:39):
It out any any kind of just escape sounds.

Speaker 2 (24:42):
But when it's a bath, like.

Speaker 1 (24:44):
Just dancing yourself into an oblivion.

Speaker 2 (24:46):
Yeah. I remember one time there's this festival in the
UK called Latitude and it's kind of comedy and music,
and I was on on the Sunday. So I decided
not to drink on the Saturday night. We were camping,
and I decided not to on the Saturday night, and
but I was dancing all night long with all of
my comedy pals and everything. And the next day people
are like, oh my god, how much did you take?

(25:07):
I was like, oh no, that was my personality.

Speaker 1 (25:09):
I know. That's how I feel all the time. Like
people are you're so high in this photo, or you're
so this or that. I'm like, I'm literally not main.
I just can't believe you would go from camping to
doing stand up.

Speaker 2 (25:20):
That's oh, it was really yeah, and it was rough.
And also in the tents, I'm not sure if you've
done much stand up intent rather than intense. But that Bonnaroo,
you know, yeah, some of them are made audio audioly
audio for basic auditorily for people speaking, but most are

(25:41):
made for music, which is fine, but if you're doing
stand up in a tent, the audience laughter goes up
rather than towards you, so you panic because people you
get it you bombed. Yeah no, that.

Speaker 1 (25:54):
Was a joke that we had, Like I think it
was motion, but you'd be like, how is your gig
and you're like, oh, like the room was scared.

Speaker 2 (26:02):
Yeah, so the laps kind of like, you know, we
get it, you bomb. I totally get what you mean.
And it is and backstage everyone's trying to look after
each other and you're like, oh my god. And you
know what was hot? The way they brought me to
stage didn't even give me a chance. You know, I
wasn't I wasn't built up, and you're like it didn't
go well yeah, yeah, yeah exactly. I was wearing a

(26:25):
sweater that I know was just too glamorous and they
were like, you can't be funny, you're a glamour boss. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (26:31):
I'm very I'm actually very particular about venues, like I
really do not like a long, narrow venue.

Speaker 2 (26:37):
Oh no, no, no, no, don't like theater in the round
because people in the back don't feel connected to you
and they're hiding too much and they feel like they
can chat. Everyone needs to be a little bit, have
an investment, a performance, bring it behind me.

Speaker 1 (26:50):
I don't know. I'm not spinning. I don't want to.
You know, there's very specific I do, like, like, just
like I do think Largo is amazing. You like that
kind of a feel like where people are quiet, yes, yeah.

Speaker 2 (27:02):
But also there the chairs help them help you pay attention.
Like every time if I do a corporate or something
like that and you're like, oh, it's awful. People weren't listening.
It's like I wouldn't have listened. You're physically sat at
a table having to turn your neck like this to
listen to some woman rab it on for twenty contractual minutes.
Of course you turn back and have your wine and

(27:23):
clank on your plane or something like that. Yeah, why
how long would you do I didn't do corporate Oh okay,
because yeah, you have to turn up for around that,
but yeah, twenty minutes seems short. Sure, Oh, if you're
part of like a the one I did at Christmas. Oh,
I did this one on Christmas and actually to be fair,
the audience were very kind. But I was told Andrew

(27:44):
Lloyd Webber was going to be there because he was
receiving an award as a music award. And again everyone
is in the audience are very nice.

Speaker 1 (27:51):
The inventor of the Weber grill.

Speaker 2 (27:53):
Yes, exactly, that's what he's most famous for. You yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 (27:57):
Everywhere in almost every American household.

Speaker 2 (28:00):
Yes, the Webper grilla is here inside your house. That's
one of the famous advert was watching for it. And
so anyways, I thought it'd be really funny to dress
as a cat when I went on stage, because he
wrote the musical Cats, and I had a cat Halloween
like cat thing that I'd found in my house, and

(28:20):
I was like, this is going to kill. I drew
my face and I was twenty minutes of stand up
didn't have necessarily cat material. This did a whole cat
face and a cat this but my normal clothes because
I had to get there. And just before I went
on stage, they were like, oh, are you like doing
a character? And I was like, oh no, no, Andrew
Lloyd Webber has just got no worse. So I'm going

(28:41):
to go out and kind of maybe even riff with
him for a little bit and they're like, oh no,
he left after his award. I was like way, And
so I went on stage and had to do my
like but that deal with Christmas. It was funny like
for the first minute or two, but then I still
had to do my material that had nothing to do
with cats, and you have to commit. And they had
a big screen behind me. And when I catch my

(29:01):
face talking about like drinking at Christmas parties, you can
dressed as a cat.

Speaker 3 (29:06):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (29:07):
My assistant definitely has some pictures that she calls her
like pension fund of like a variety of me in
like awkward spaces that are not cool at all.

Speaker 3 (29:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (29:16):
I always want to do like I always wanted to
kind of be like you know, Andy Kaufman esque, Like
every time I was backstage, I'd like, see, oh, I'm
going to put this like broom on back and I'm
going to do a character like and then I like
everything I see. My mind would be like, oh, if
I was bulled, i'd do this, and then I like,

(29:37):
if I try to do something like that, I abandon
it within like twenty cents.

Speaker 2 (29:41):
Yes, you can't like like hey, old broom backs here. No,
it's not. It's just to me guys, you know.

Speaker 1 (29:46):
And then it's just I want to be that kind of.

Speaker 2 (29:49):
Yeah, but I'm just not. It's a straight hair, curly
hair sort of thing, isn't it. Like I have this
chat with a lovely comedian who m sees a lot
of the UK, and we are so kind of of
loud and talk fast and it's very obvious we would
like you to like us on stage, and when we bomb,
it's quite loud in that like the degree to which

(30:10):
I'd set up a joke like and no one lasts
like anyways, it's everyone in the room knows. And I
would love to be a dead pan comedian who's like
kind of like so anyways that sucks too, like a
bit of a Mitch Headburg type of vibe, you know,
And it's what I would be fake. I would just
be faking it.

Speaker 1 (30:29):
I mean, my thing is like if I'm bombing, I
talk faster and like there's friends that I have, like
Brendan Walsh, not that I've seen him bomb so much.

Speaker 2 (30:40):
So sorry Brendan, but when I've seen.

Speaker 1 (30:42):
Him like not get as much reaction on this is
getting worse.

Speaker 2 (30:47):
Can I just press time to say goodbye super Brendan. Sorry,
time to say.

Speaker 1 (30:53):
Good bye to this setup. But the point is slower, yes,
And I'm actually like I remember feeling envious of that
because I actually feel like if you talk normally, you
just don't seem sweaty.

Speaker 2 (31:06):
Yes, yeah, but it's hard to tell the body don't.
All you need to do is walk off stage for
two minutes you come back, but you're not allowed to
do that, right, And I think it's why more people
don't do stand up, because you're just there and there's
no out, there's no brain processing time, and you have
to process a quicker. You have to know you're about
to bomb before they do, and if they can see

(31:26):
it coming, where you see it coming at the same time.

Speaker 1 (31:28):
You know what's crazy though, I remember like having gone
from stand up to writing and like, you know, I
just didn't realize you could bomb with writing.

Speaker 2 (31:38):
Yes, that it didn't have to be perfect.

Speaker 1 (31:41):
No, you can bomb as a writer, like sitting at
a table read and it's not going well and you're
sitting there just like having to sit in it, and
I'm like, damn, Like you know, it's like it almost
felt like, oh, I thought stand ups where you feel
this awful feeling. Yeah, writing a safe bat of like.

Speaker 2 (31:58):
Do you know though as well? Like do you get
when you're doing a table read of something?

Speaker 1 (32:03):
More?

Speaker 2 (32:04):
Like I'll always try and sell a writer's work, like
at a table read, some people who maybe aren't writers,
who haven't written before, sit back and sort of find
it as they go along. Yeah, and you're like, oh, man,
give my child a chance, give my child a chance
to not bomb here, like sell it, read it beforehand,
and sell it. So I'll always try and sell it
only because I know what it's like to sit there
and have someone butcher your words and they'll find it later.

Speaker 1 (32:26):
And you're like, what's funny the other people won't say
in my recent life? Honestly, what that makes me think
about is Puns of Anarchy? Have you played this game?

Speaker 2 (32:33):
Anarchy?

Speaker 1 (32:33):
So fun? So you get like this box of cards
that are like dry erase board texture, we should take calls.
I totally always forget to do this.

Speaker 2 (32:40):
Oh well, please continue Puns of Anarchy?

Speaker 1 (32:43):
Okay, but anyway, so you write like it has movie
names on it, and then you get categories for each
person at the table, and it'll be like things you
know of this person's dating profile or like think old
people or spending time with families. So then you're changing
movie names with your dry erase pen to fit the

(33:04):
different category puns. For example, my son. I can't remember
if I said this before on the podcast, but there
was the category was the elderly. He took the young
and the restless, and he made it the not young
and the rests a six. That's so God, isn't that crazy?

(33:24):
He like blew everyone out of the water.

Speaker 2 (33:26):
But here's the thing that's annoying. You know when you
wonder have people in hair like that, like that must
be like maybe a sports couple seeing their kids patchable quickly,
Like that would be my most proudest movie.

Speaker 1 (33:37):
Crawford's daughter being.

Speaker 2 (33:39):
Among what she is. Yeah, exactly, that's that's the equivalent.
If that happens with my kid, I I will walk garden.

Speaker 1 (33:47):
It will well, I don't know your spouse or your lover, your.

Speaker 2 (33:51):
Musician, but maybe timing, but I would like, oh, may
she gathered near a pits of moss.

Speaker 1 (33:57):
Maybe he'll be like singing or he or she will
she will be singing and singing comedic songs. Yeah, like
weird out.

Speaker 2 (34:04):
Yeah, yeah, I see you. I was with him at
the weekend, So maybe she'll be like a weird dal
Yankovich story.

Speaker 1 (34:10):
He'll be pretty frowning if it was that literal.

Speaker 2 (34:12):
But that moment, what you just said about your kid,
I'm like, oh, that's the first time I've been like
maybe excited for six years time. Yeah, like that that
was It's.

Speaker 1 (34:20):
So fun and so funny and his cracked me up.
Also hilarious is that his handwriting is one hundred discernible. Yeah, like, h,
which one do I pick? The one in five inch letters?

Speaker 2 (34:34):
I wonder who wrote this?

Speaker 1 (34:36):
But or or they'll be like incoherent. When he was
a little younger, they were kind of in coherent. H
but now they're like crushing. But anyway, all this to say,
like I hate this part of the game, which is
when people go through and so everyone reads whatever everyone
else gave them in their category. Why am I doing
a full infomercial.

Speaker 2 (34:53):
For No, I'm really into it.

Speaker 1 (34:55):
But anyway, everyone reads the ones that you submitted and
they butcher your joke.

Speaker 2 (35:00):
It's why I can't. Sometimes you can't as a writer
play those games because you can't play it as a
normal person. You're like delivering.

Speaker 1 (35:06):
Trying to take me down, like you're actually trying.

Speaker 2 (35:08):
To take and then you'll seem less funny because of
how set you are by something that being sold is funny.

Speaker 1 (35:12):
And it's like this is supposed to be fun in
games Chelsea.

Speaker 2 (35:15):
You're like furious you're treating it like an audition process
for a movie.

Speaker 1 (35:19):
I'm like, can I take you aside for a second
and just walking through the line.

Speaker 2 (35:22):
So where it's coming from sort of joviality. You could
just smile and you're.

Speaker 1 (35:25):
Going to this one you're gonna kind of throw away,
and then that one you're.

Speaker 2 (35:28):
Gonna throw away, but punch the last word, and that's
the rhythm of them.

Speaker 1 (35:31):
There you go.

Speaker 2 (35:32):
Can I just just something for why I mentioned my
second therapist, which she said, when you're stressed, you need
to put like a whole half a bag, like half
a bag of those salts in not a sprinkle. You
need to put like it, I know amount, and it
magnesium soaks into your body more. And when you're stressed,
you actually lose a lot of magnesium. By the way,

(35:53):
when I just needed to, I just need to.

Speaker 1 (35:55):
Right, okay, because these magnesium flakes, they literally say pour
like a half or a whole bag in and I'm
making a big gesture for the listener.

Speaker 2 (36:05):
Oh yeah, for the listener, I'd say's by the size
of a good salmon. For a goose a goose, i'd
say top of his head to his foot, not the
length way, madam. You're looking at this goose the wrong way.

Speaker 1 (36:16):
So everyone surely has cooked a goose.

Speaker 2 (36:19):
I've cooked a goose metaphorically. I don't even know what
that means. I've chased many a goose around nightclubs for years.
Here I am finally pregnant and attached. Oh okay, well
what we call her?

Speaker 1 (36:33):
Please do a long monologue right now. I'll give you
some music.

Speaker 2 (36:36):
Yeah wait, so you were talking about though, so the puns,
game playing, the game's writers, butchering your.

Speaker 1 (36:44):
So salt. I feel like this one, this episode, people
are gonna listen. You know, we joke that people listen
to podcasts double speed. This they're going to need to
look at yeah, yeah, yeah, point five speed. Yeah. We're
both talking so fast.

Speaker 2 (36:56):
But there's because there was so much to say, right,
Life is social podcast.

Speaker 1 (37:01):
One of us could die tomorrow. Oh done, best thing
that could ever happen for this episode.

Speaker 2 (37:08):
That would be such good press.

Speaker 1 (37:10):
That would make this episode instantly legendary.

Speaker 2 (37:12):
It would definitely sell it in Ireland. Do you know
what I mean? I don't know if they wait me?

Speaker 1 (37:17):
Oh well, if I died, would anyone even?

Speaker 2 (37:20):
No, no, you do? This would be big in America.
This could make this could break me in America.

Speaker 1 (37:24):
Now, when you go to Ireland, are you stopped everywhere
you go? Are you like hometown leg I have?

Speaker 2 (37:31):
I wouldn't say hometown legend, I'd say stop it. I
think people see me as more of like their sister
or cousin whatever persona I have. People really feel like
they can tell me what they really think of my work,
And there's no I have no mystery about it. Yeah,
there's like do you know what I thought? Wasn't that good?

Speaker 1 (37:48):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (37:49):
God, sir, I'm buying an ice cream? Please tell me
because I'm open for you. I don't think I have
a particularly mysterio. It's a constant note persona. Oh yeah,
yeah yeah, and they will they will absolutely tell me.

Speaker 1 (37:59):
But back to please. When I was pregnant, I used
to sprays magnesium on my ankles. Do you do that?

Speaker 2 (38:07):
I just brokeet in a rash from it.

Speaker 3 (38:10):
Is it.

Speaker 1 (38:11):
Is it supposed to be find No, I don't think
it's supposed to be itchy, but it does it. But
it also helps you go to sleep, so it's like
itching and then you're sleep.

Speaker 2 (38:20):
Itching is one of my worst sensations because it's it's
like people making mistakes.

Speaker 1 (38:25):
That's a good question. Let's take some calls, ask people
what there were sensation? Oh yes, okay, wait, let me
post this. And also I do have in you America.
Hello Coller, what's your least favorite sensation?

Speaker 4 (38:39):
This for real?

Speaker 1 (38:40):
It is?

Speaker 2 (38:41):
Yes, you've won one million dollars. Chelsea has cridfunded today.

Speaker 1 (38:44):
Can you identify that beautiful accent?

Speaker 2 (38:47):
Probably not?

Speaker 4 (38:48):
I grew up in Montana, but.

Speaker 2 (38:52):
Know me and you said my name right as well.
Oh my god, well.

Speaker 4 (38:56):
I was just watching I was just watching this way
up last night. I'm kidding.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
Oh my god. Oh that makes me actually quite emotional.

Speaker 1 (39:07):
I found just the song for you too.

Speaker 2 (39:09):
Yeah. What's your name? You're like my Randy Jackson Powell.

Speaker 1 (39:21):
How sweet?

Speaker 2 (39:22):
What's your name? Montana lady?

Speaker 1 (39:24):
Lovely lady.

Speaker 4 (39:26):
My name is Geneva.

Speaker 2 (39:28):
Geneva from Montana, so many locations I adore. I'm going
to die soon not not to interject in this little
fan fest Montana. By the way, sensations, what's your worst
sensation Montana? Was that what we were asking?

Speaker 1 (39:48):
I want to go to Montana.

Speaker 2 (39:50):
It looks beautiful from the pictures I've seen on the
television active bear population.

Speaker 1 (39:55):
You ever run into a bear there?

Speaker 4 (39:58):
I have run to many bears. I know, bears in
my backyard.

Speaker 2 (40:02):
No, we've been looking for years for someone who's bears
in their backguard.

Speaker 1 (40:16):
I mean, have you ever been sort of swiped by one?

Speaker 4 (40:20):
Have I ever been? What?

Speaker 1 (40:20):
You know? My whole algithm is bears on Instagram? Bears
and sharks basically, and they go into cabins. It seems like.

Speaker 2 (40:30):
Since I got pregnant, my only Instagram algorithm has been
like baby comforters looking for this just for a new
mom had to breastfeed? How not a breastfeed? Why breastfeed?
And the only thing that's on my boyfriend's Instagram is
shark videos? I swear to god, it's just NonStop.

Speaker 1 (40:44):
He's invested.

Speaker 2 (40:45):
Well, I took his phone. I was expecting you a
bit of gentle poor and some of some girl I
didn't really want to see. None of that should be
worse just shark videos. I wonder, is the worse that
it's just shark videos?

Speaker 1 (40:55):
Me and him are perfectly.

Speaker 2 (40:58):
He's your version of my Geneva.

Speaker 1 (41:00):
Yeah, and seriously Geneva. Yes, is that really your name?

Speaker 2 (41:05):
It's beautiful? What what where did your family decide to
call you Geneva from? Are they from Geneva? The convention,
the famous convention?

Speaker 4 (41:13):
No, they were majorally hippies. And I was wondering the
the war, so the peace.

Speaker 1 (41:20):
Place, which wre you know which more? And can you
and like pump up your energy a little bit?

Speaker 4 (41:31):
Well, my least favorite sensation in the world is what
my part is doing right now because I'm so nervous.

Speaker 1 (41:38):
You're like actually trying to like be more laid back
and so I'm.

Speaker 4 (41:43):
Trying to be cool, but I'm fan growing so hard
right now.

Speaker 2 (41:45):
Oh my god. Also, Geneva, we were just talking about
when we're on stage and we realize we're bombing or
we're not doing well, we talk a bit faster and
we're trying to slow ourselves down. But there's very little
you can do with the body other than like go
for walk. But you're not like go for walk when
you're in a live sit situation. Yeah, you have to
stick it out. And I would love to know what
you do with affairs in your garden though, like do

(42:06):
they come up to the window or do you do
you have to close all the doors quickly or are
you scared for your life?

Speaker 4 (42:12):
Yeah, well you have to keep your doors closed. And
like my parents put an electric sense so they wouldn't
go in the backyard. Backyard. But like when you pull
up to the driveway, they'll walk up to your car,
especially the little one, like the cubs will come up
to the car in the window.

Speaker 2 (42:38):
You know when you would have been great Chelsea Paretti,
you know the old Yeah, yeah, with a name like
Chelsea Parretti as well, So.

Speaker 1 (42:45):
Honestly, I would have done so bad. It's like the
least dark time for female entertainers, the least dark time.
Like well, they were very shiny. I feel like like
you couldn't be like I'm trying to think, like I
guess I love Lucy was the fifth and that was
was that the fifties.

Speaker 2 (43:02):
It was sardonic. I feel she was very Yeah, yeah,
she was very funny and very sardonic and got away
with that. But yeah, maybe like a low key sound
person at Disney might not have been as in some
of them.

Speaker 1 (43:15):
Just so I'm in the truck. Yeah, you're like not
seeing me as on camera talent.

Speaker 2 (43:20):
Oh no, what I was seeing you?

Speaker 1 (43:21):
Yes, it's in the operational capacity, so sorry. Well what
a vision I would that I could time travel but neva.

Speaker 2 (43:33):
Yes, back to the time. I would love to see
Chelsea Baretti in the fifties. I feel like you would
have been great. I feel like I feel like a
weird boss would have kept you on for ages as
a sort of secretary, as a sassy secretary. You told
him the truth and he was like, I've never met
a woman like you.

Speaker 1 (43:48):
Already I'd be crying into my amphetamine. What you have
You ever sprayed magnesium on your ankles when you were pregnant?

Speaker 4 (44:04):
I have never been pregnant, but i've.

Speaker 2 (44:07):
That, so it's like magnesium. So not to blow everyone's
minds here and turn this into a medical podcast, but
it's sort of already been one before. We hoped on
the phone to you. But magnesium absorbs better through the
skin than the mouth.

Speaker 1 (44:20):
Tell that to you.

Speaker 2 (44:20):
Love it?

Speaker 1 (44:21):
How about the anus?

Speaker 2 (44:22):
You ever a sprit ste that's a scratchy number.

Speaker 1 (44:28):
That's not where you want that magnesium to go.

Speaker 2 (44:31):
No salty enough in there already.

Speaker 1 (44:33):
I have to hang up on Geneva's but I do
love you, Geneva.

Speaker 2 (44:37):
Thank you for watching this way.

Speaker 1 (44:38):
Up, this way up? Have you seen it? No?

Speaker 2 (44:45):
What, I don't worry, I haven't seen it.

Speaker 3 (44:51):
Kelsey, I just want to let you know that you
have been pivotal in my life and you're one of
the greatest people ever known. Any we don't even know
each other.

Speaker 1 (45:03):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (45:03):
I felt like that as well, and I tried to
tell her, and it took me ages to to let
her accept my compliments and origin story of how much
I love Chelsea Baretti.

Speaker 1 (45:12):
Should we all get dinner.

Speaker 3 (45:13):
Look, I have gone through I'm in recovery and I've
gone through some very dark times and I've put your
podcast on. I gotten me through them.

Speaker 2 (45:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (45:23):
I was just talking about how I use baths to
take the edge.

Speaker 2 (45:26):
Off some salts use what to take the edge.

Speaker 1 (45:30):
Off hot baths. Baths. Here's the thing. I can't.

Speaker 2 (45:38):
Baths, math, phone, booths are all very difficult for me.
But well done on being in recovery. By the way, lady, well,
thank you so much. That's an achievement. That's a bloody achievement.

Speaker 1 (45:50):
It is, it really is. And what a kind sentiment
that you have brought to the pod. I actually don't
quite know how to respond to these kinds of things,
you know. It's like my instinct is like, what if
I said something like really mean, we're dark or hung
up or something because I'm trying to keep things funny.
But I do very much take it to heart and
appreciate your kind.

Speaker 2 (46:11):
But sometimes isn't that the sort of person? And maybe
I'm sorry? Sorry? What was your name? Madam calling in?

Speaker 1 (46:15):
What if she's like Geneva too?

Speaker 2 (46:16):
Oh? Geneva as well? Everyone's called Geneva to two.

Speaker 1 (46:19):
Our last color was name named Geneva.

Speaker 2 (46:23):
My name is boll as in Rob, named after Rob.

Speaker 1 (46:27):
That's the coolest name. Like, how do you spell that
l O W E?

Speaker 3 (46:32):
You can just cut it in half, just the hello hello?

Speaker 1 (46:36):
Let me write that down?

Speaker 2 (46:38):
Oh yeah, okay, Chelsea, I again I feel like they're
too money. You've over you've.

Speaker 1 (46:42):
Over written that llo period.

Speaker 2 (46:45):
Yeah yeah, okay, right.

Speaker 1 (46:48):
Wow, I love that, but also low.

Speaker 2 (46:51):
What isn't it nice when someone you know, it's when
you're going through something and it's not someone totally worthy.
That's your hero. It's someone who's still a rev and
still funny, still cool, and you can be like, oh,
that person's in recovery and clearly no struggle, but doesn't
have to be like it was on the twelfth of
May when I first received the news that I was

(47:11):
a terror. And so that's why probably you connect with
someone as hilarious as Chelsea.

Speaker 3 (47:17):
I know, no, it's it's it's been really amazing because
actually I was drinking and using when I first listened
to you, and I didn't understand when you would be like,
I don't drink. I don't drink, and I was like, huh,
that's a weird thing that I'm connecting, but that I'm
connecting to her. But then you know, more was revealed.

Speaker 2 (47:39):
Do you need to be sober to keep up with
Chelsea's brain? I'd say, so, maybe you have to be like.

Speaker 1 (47:45):
I think I'm a lot of stoner fans, you know.

Speaker 3 (47:49):
But don't you have only days? Stoners call it?

Speaker 2 (47:52):
Yeah, I know, I know.

Speaker 1 (47:57):
I anyway, well, I listen rats on that.

Speaker 2 (48:01):
What are you h what are you.

Speaker 1 (48:02):
Doing in your new found sobriety?

Speaker 3 (48:05):
You know, just like a lot of gay stuff. So
I do have a gay test if you want to
take it.

Speaker 2 (48:09):
You want a gay test?

Speaker 1 (48:10):
A gay test, Okay, let's see what that entails.

Speaker 3 (48:13):
Yeah, because you're kind of like queer coded a bit.

Speaker 2 (48:16):
People say that about myself as well. I think it's
just women who do comedy, isn't it. Yeah, we basically
don't have maybe overly curler hair, but yeah without But
I'd love a gate. I do any sort I feel
out like I even like used to fill out the
scientology things when they approach me. So I'd absolutely do
the gay test. Who knows this could be the most
lo and behold the gay test?

Speaker 3 (48:36):
Flannels?

Speaker 2 (48:38):
Yeah, sorry, tool belts or soft kind of skin not
itchally like magnesium. Yeah, holds you like a like a
mother flannel? Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, correct, Okay, hold on
one second, we need to there we go.

Speaker 1 (48:57):
What's the second one? Beanies dinging beanies? Oh, beanies. I
love Beanie, I love Abanie.

Speaker 2 (49:05):
Well, here's the thing where I don't think i'd pass
the gay test is that I only wear them in
the winter. I wouldn't like wear them in the summer
with a tank top. No, I mean, but when people
in La do that, you go Oh it's summer. Everyone's
bringing out their woolbanies. Yeah. It's like, what the fuck
is the heat to escape from the top of my head.

Speaker 1 (49:21):
It's so actory, like actors in a tank top and
a beanie. It's like stop.

Speaker 2 (49:25):
Yes, So I'm not sure if this is actually the
gay test or the dramatic actor the La douchebag test.

Speaker 3 (49:31):
Yeah, incorrect. Beanies are appropriate for any type of weather.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
Oh interesting, all right, okay, lo keep them coming, keep
them coming.

Speaker 1 (49:45):
Yeah, okay.

Speaker 3 (49:47):
The next one, we got carabineers.

Speaker 1 (49:50):
Oh I love am I gay carrot? I love carabiners
people from the Caribbean, No, honey, because I was like,
of course I love people from the Carabineers are the
little clip that's thick metal and one side goes like.

Speaker 2 (50:05):
That, Oh, like like you work on a film set.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (50:09):
I have an addiction to a camping store and I
have basically covered a backpack in carabineers and it's for
anything that should arise.

Speaker 2 (50:18):
Now, did you use carabineers? So I'm still getting used
to this phrase because it feels like I'm just talking
abou people from the Caribbean. Yeah, before you had a kid,
because I can imagine. Yes, here's the thing where again
low not to totally criticize your gay test, but it's sucked.
There's such a vent diagram cover of like moms needing

(50:38):
to bring a lot of stuff. No, but this is.

Speaker 1 (50:40):
More camping outdoors than mom. You know.

Speaker 2 (50:43):
It's like you want to.

Speaker 1 (50:44):
Be able to hook your water bottle and not carry
it in your hand if you're on a hike.

Speaker 2 (50:48):
You've only got two hands. Yeah, yeah, and you don't.

Speaker 1 (50:50):
I don't like carrying anything on a hike.

Speaker 2 (50:53):
Everything's on the back. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (50:54):
And if it hooks onto this and this and this
and it's detachable, oh my god, Mom and me.

Speaker 2 (50:59):
I don't use them myself, but I do watch videos.
I get instagrammed them a lot of like you know,
like some a girl will have her Stanley cup, then
she'll caribbean the I can't say it. Then she'll caribbean
the the like her makeup to the Stanley cup. Then

(51:20):
she'll find a loop.

Speaker 1 (51:22):
For her yea. And so you don't need a purse.

Speaker 2 (51:25):
Yeah, so you have just one cup and everything's attached
to it. Like my houveling circus. Every single item in
my house is attached to another item. By a caribaner.
Oh wow.

Speaker 1 (51:35):
So it's actually like almost like a spider word. But
like if you pull one of my shoes, it starts
pulling on my cutlery, it starts pulling.

Speaker 2 (51:42):
Of inspector gadget meets circus tent. And I did see
her house on the way in and it is made
out of sort of fabric and it's of metal. Yeah, yeah, okay,
loving this.

Speaker 1 (51:52):
So Carabineers, that's cool. This is are yes? Come on?

Speaker 2 (51:58):
Yes, I'd say yes for Chelsea, I'd say a gentle
maybe a bye for me a by situation that I'm
not against them and I get advertise them a lot.

Speaker 1 (52:09):
You can tolerated.

Speaker 2 (52:10):
The algorithms know something about me that I don't know yet,
so maybe I'm one of those gals. Yes, next please lo.

Speaker 3 (52:16):
Okay, So next, we've got combat boots.

Speaker 2 (52:19):
Combat boots. So here's where I counter you with non
stop Birkenstocks. How do you feel about that? Nont so
non stop as and I pretty much only wear Birkenstocks
throughout the even in the winter when my toesies are cold.
I hate socks, but I always wear Birkenstocks.

Speaker 1 (52:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (52:38):
Yeah, let's just switch that to Birkenstocks.

Speaker 2 (52:41):
Birkin Stock, yeah, ding for me.

Speaker 1 (52:43):
I never did a Birkenstock read Chelsea. I'll tell you what.
I've unfortunately acclimated to his crocs. And once you put
a crock.

Speaker 2 (52:52):
On the only thing about CROs is I'm a little
I'm a little clay. No, it's a bit more clammy sweat,
and you're slipping in there on only in my hands
and feet, so everywhere else quite right, and that and
especially if you're what's terrible about it is if you're
squelching a bit of that and you're trying to be

(53:16):
in a fight with someone or you're making a serious
point to walk away.

Speaker 1 (53:19):
And they're like you sweaty foot yeah.

Speaker 2 (53:21):
And I'm like, oh, I think I'm sweaty. Look at
your balls, bitch.

Speaker 1 (53:26):
And it just takes Then you have to walk again,
always yeah.

Speaker 2 (53:29):
Because you've and they're like, what did you just say?
And you have to kind of step in and said,
I said, you're you're ugly, and then to walk away,
and it just takes the edge off your sort of
higher stags. And but so I would say birkenstocks, but
not the combat But what about you, Chelsea combat boot?

Speaker 1 (53:44):
I don't. Really, I'm not a combat boot girl. I
think the closest I've come I did really like but
never owned, the Doc Martins that have floral print on them.
I think those are cool wow nods all around the room.
I do own a pair of waterproof Is this collar
even still here?

Speaker 2 (54:08):
Like? Oh, guys, I was happy to take your goal,
but now it's become like a job.

Speaker 1 (54:11):
No. I suddenly feel like I walked into a trap
or something, like they've long left and I'm just talking
about combat boots revealing I'm gay or something. But but
I have a pair of Kenneth Coal waterproof lace up
boots that I bought and thought I would wear all
the time, and I really don't.

Speaker 2 (54:29):
Did you buy it during a rainy season forgetting you?
I think I was going to.

Speaker 1 (54:35):
Some like ass spinny or somewhere with snowy Yeah, and
I convinced myself, you know what, this will translate and
I'll wear it all the time. Yeah, But I don't
like a narrow, laced up high boot.

Speaker 2 (54:47):
It's a whole job. It's like we've come a long
way to get away from corsets. That's why I feel
about those exactly. Collar low is there any more? Are
they good or bad?

Speaker 1 (54:58):
First the reveal? Did we change your mind?

Speaker 3 (55:02):
So? Good on both and correct?

Speaker 2 (55:05):
No, opposite, ding incorrect.

Speaker 3 (55:09):
I got one, I've got one more. And this is
really this is the most.

Speaker 2 (55:15):
This is this is it. If this is it, then
we are.

Speaker 1 (55:18):
Okay. Let's let's do a drum roll.

Speaker 2 (55:21):
Drum roll.

Speaker 1 (55:21):
When the drum roll ends, you say your final category. Okay, okay,
very undramatic. Now we're talking. Now we're talking.

Speaker 3 (55:34):
Vagina.

Speaker 2 (55:35):
Oh that's a that's a key one, isn't it.

Speaker 1 (55:42):
I mean, this is gonna be controversial, but honestly, I
think all genitals are disgusting.

Speaker 2 (55:47):
I know what you mean. So that does that mean
she's by maybe or bye bye.

Speaker 1 (55:52):
Or a sex I don't know. No, I just think
like a genital's.

Speaker 2 (55:57):
Yeah, vagina interesting because like it's funny, so you would
know this low. But I'm seven and a half months
pregnant and I'm going my bump has got thank you,
but not an achievement.

Speaker 3 (56:07):
I feel gratulation.

Speaker 2 (56:09):
I don't totally feel it's an achievement. Yeah, it's a
bit more of one of those. It's a growler. But
speaking of growlers, I haven't seen my vagina in about
six weeks, and I thought I didn't realize that would happened,
that you would look forward and keep on looking forward
and never be able to see it. No lasered years ago.
So there's there's only that this sort of suggestion of
an adult there. Yeft, But I miss it. I miss

(56:34):
seeing it, and so I don't know if my own counts.
Is that like an egotistical Well, wouldn't you say?

Speaker 1 (56:41):
It's just like you're missing your the transformation of your
body is like a foreign feeling, and are.

Speaker 2 (56:47):
You to look down? Well, it's more like if I
want to know if anything's going on down there, or
I've a bit of chafing from walking around on my
thighs and I can't look down and see it.

Speaker 1 (56:57):
Or from springing too muchy.

Speaker 2 (56:59):
Yeah, And so I do miss seeing it, But i'd
say broadly, you know, fine, I don't know where that
leaves me in the in the quizlow, but I wouldn't
be like, but I'm also just a bit tired at
the moment of everything.

Speaker 1 (57:13):
Jinas and penis is the idea of like the emitting moisture.
Is it really is sci fi?

Speaker 2 (57:20):
Yeah? It very much is, like in both cases.

Speaker 1 (57:23):
Well, yeah, yeah, what do you think correct? Shot gas
come in time.

Speaker 2 (57:34):
I'm coming out with Chelsea. I know want I've come
in and burgersducks, anti Vagina podcast, yeah but anti anti
all the meats, the meats of us. There's just so
much meat. And you're like, if I think about you
too much, I just want to carry Thank you, no,

(57:55):
thank you?

Speaker 1 (57:58):
What a test? Interesting?

Speaker 2 (58:00):
Oh god, Low, do you know what You've used your
sobriety excellently? I would say you've turned that into something really.

Speaker 1 (58:08):
Wow, this is still sober low.

Speaker 2 (58:10):
Yeah, this is a new low for sober but a
new high for sober low.

Speaker 1 (58:18):
But you know what you made me realize. I love
Caribbeaneers and I hate vaginas.

Speaker 2 (58:22):
See some of my best friends are from the Caribbean,
so I also do you're still.

Speaker 1 (58:26):
Confused about carabiner? I do.

Speaker 2 (58:28):
My best friends from monce are.

Speaker 1 (58:29):
At Bilo, Bilo. Hello.

Speaker 4 (58:33):
Good.

Speaker 2 (58:35):
I couldn't be enjoying myself.

Speaker 1 (58:38):
Really, I'm so happy.

Speaker 2 (58:39):
Oh my god, I love this collar.

Speaker 1 (58:41):
Are you there?

Speaker 5 (58:42):
WHOA?

Speaker 2 (58:42):
Hi?

Speaker 5 (58:43):
I am?

Speaker 1 (58:44):
How are you?

Speaker 2 (58:45):
Oh?

Speaker 5 (58:46):
You know I'm driving home from work.

Speaker 2 (58:47):
Oh, you shouldn't be on your phone if you're driving
home from work. I'm going to report you to the police.
What's your full name and what's your location, sir?

Speaker 5 (58:55):
Well, here in Arizona. This is you know, not only
allowed to encouraged.

Speaker 2 (59:01):
Encouraged to drive and chat on your phone.

Speaker 5 (59:05):
Yep, Oh you're in Arizona.

Speaker 1 (59:08):
Hey. Have you ever heard of the Flying E Ranch?

Speaker 5 (59:11):
The Flying E Ranch?

Speaker 1 (59:13):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (59:15):
No, I've not.

Speaker 1 (59:15):
What's that is that an Arizona? No, I can't remember.
I went to some ranch that I've always kind of
as a kid, and I threw horseshoes and I rode
horses and they cooked ranch meals, and I've always thought
about going back the summertime Flying E Ranch.

Speaker 5 (59:31):
I don't I'm not aware of it.

Speaker 2 (59:32):
You're in your car now, could you have a look around?
Could you in your GPS and just do yeah there, Yeah,
if you could just put into your GPS Flying E Ranch.

Speaker 1 (59:42):
Yeah, come on, let's get a pull.

Speaker 2 (59:43):
You could do it live. Let's just you know, push
this as far as we can go.

Speaker 1 (59:47):
I always am trying it. That would be cool, actually
to have a genre of collar where they go on
an excursion and report like an intrepid.

Speaker 2 (59:54):
Reporter, and we just keep coming back.

Speaker 1 (59:56):
I've been chasing a pulletz er. This entire reboot of
this podcast.

Speaker 2 (01:00:00):
And you close, I can smell it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:02):
What is your name? My name is Colin, Colin Colin Podcast,
Colin Colin In, Colin Colin In calling in. How funny,
How funny?

Speaker 5 (01:00:17):
That's good, Thank.

Speaker 2 (01:00:18):
You, Colin. What's the weather like an Arizona? My knowledge
as an Irish person is like tumbleweeds, like we haven't
seen any rain around here for years? Yes, yeah, Barbara
disappeared five years ago. That's my kind of like murder, murgery, heat,
no offense, but like murder and heat. Is that would
you identify with either of those? Now?

Speaker 1 (01:00:40):
Is that true?

Speaker 5 (01:00:42):
Yes, that's very true. It's pretty accurate. It's dry, coumble, weeds, cactus.

Speaker 2 (01:00:51):
A lot of places to hide bodies, Colin. Driving around
your pickup truck.

Speaker 5 (01:00:55):
Yeah, I am in a truck.

Speaker 2 (01:00:57):
So and what definds a pickup truck? I say it
a lot, but I don't actually mean Is it just
like there's an open back and you can only fit
two people and a dog in the middle. Is that
the sort of what a pickup truck is?

Speaker 5 (01:01:12):
Yeah, that's a pickup truck.

Speaker 2 (01:01:14):
Yeah, to pick stuff up, but not really people because
it wouldn't be that safe on the back with it.

Speaker 5 (01:01:20):
No, I don't think so.

Speaker 2 (01:01:24):
No, Oh, Colin, I wish you had someone that you
might be like, Oh well, and I also wish you'd
been a flying a ranch, Colin, for the love of god,
is it even Arizona? Let me go.

Speaker 1 (01:01:34):
Ago, Yeah, check it out for me and tell me
is it?

Speaker 4 (01:01:36):
Like?

Speaker 2 (01:01:37):
What's the vibe?

Speaker 1 (01:01:37):
I feel like America is in a weird place, so
like what I might have loved as a kid might
be really different now heading out to a ranch.

Speaker 2 (01:01:44):
I would love to have the Chelsea Paretti like seven
year old experience. Yea and her just throwing these horseshoes
and eating food while in the background everyone's loading up
their guns, kind of like going around doing random stuff,
and You're just like, I just love your shoes you toss.

Speaker 1 (01:02:00):
Yeah, yeah, I just don't know what the scene would
be like on the ground these days.

Speaker 2 (01:02:05):
But do you think you left a legacy there, Chelsea?
Do you think they'd remember you?

Speaker 1 (01:02:09):
Definitely? Not.

Speaker 2 (01:02:10):
No, pretty dynamic lady, I'm sure they you are.

Speaker 1 (01:02:14):
You really are, Like this is like you're so nice.

Speaker 2 (01:02:18):
Yeah, but you are too so Colin. When I came
into the studio today. I was like, oh my god,
thank god, because so many podcasts are recorded this these days,
and it used to be just you know, you could
rock up in your sweat. I know the difference, which
I miss. And I was like, oh, look, Chelsea's really
thought of the gal. She's got a mirror, some makeup
left out for me. Just were really nice to make

(01:02:38):
sure I could check myself. And I was halfway through
using all these products and then She's like, yeah, that's
my stuff, that's but that's not sanitary. Their mine.

Speaker 1 (01:02:47):
I was like kind of like an age old thing
with me with like I've never been comfortable sharing makeup.

Speaker 2 (01:02:52):
Like I I shouldn't be miss girls do it.

Speaker 1 (01:02:56):
Yeah, And so I'm always in this weird predicament of
being like not chill about sharing me and I'm like, oh, yeah,
can I You did.

Speaker 2 (01:03:03):
Allow me to look in your mirror, though, which I
feel was hygiene and that was very brave of you.
And you did allow me some of your expensive linege
lip glass, which I feel like goes fingers into septic
and then put it on your lips.

Speaker 1 (01:03:14):
Now, figure your finger has been up the.

Speaker 2 (01:03:17):
Bumper, yeah yeah, yeah, just and then you're near your
mouth and you're eating it on my mouth. But see
this is a great way for me to get your
lip glass off you. That's the thing. Are you into hygiene, Colin? Yeah?

Speaker 5 (01:03:33):
I mean hygiene.

Speaker 2 (01:03:33):
What if I was like, no, I'll just be interested
to see your because some people are like, listen, do
you shower a day lame time?

Speaker 1 (01:03:40):
This is the thing you can't be like, are you
into hygiene? You have to actually chase that pulleitzer and
do you shower daily?

Speaker 5 (01:03:50):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:03:51):
Interesting? Would you be bogged down?

Speaker 5 (01:03:53):
But never never, I mean unless you know something's going on.
I've never you know, won at most, you know, like
I would.

Speaker 1 (01:04:01):
Never do what is something's going on? I mean like
what if I.

Speaker 5 (01:04:08):
Got all thirty for some reason, like and then I
had to, you know, wake in the morning, take a shower,
go to work, get all thirty, come back like you.

Speaker 2 (01:04:15):
Went into the desert to get rid of a body,
and you've got a little bit of buch on your hands.
There's some soil from the decay. You're like, police comes around,
I'm having a second shower.

Speaker 5 (01:04:24):
Yeah, right exactly. But I don't I know people who
like one one in the morning and then one before bed, and.

Speaker 2 (01:04:32):
And then that's too much excessive, not too much?

Speaker 1 (01:04:34):
Do you floss? I'm not doing that every night.

Speaker 5 (01:04:37):
I do not floss every night.

Speaker 4 (01:04:39):
Oh no, but I still I still close.

Speaker 5 (01:04:45):
I still think I'm into hygiene.

Speaker 2 (01:04:47):
Yes, but it doesn't sound like a calling from our
current test unfortunately, espect to a dentist ones who said
death comes through the good tees. Yeah, well more, well, yeah,
death comes through.

Speaker 1 (01:05:03):
We're going for the corrected version.

Speaker 2 (01:05:04):
Will we ever get along?

Speaker 3 (01:05:07):
Shit?

Speaker 2 (01:05:09):
Do please floss, so, Colin, because you know, old bits
of things are in there, and there could be bacteria
forming and then going into your heart.

Speaker 1 (01:05:17):
However, Colin just saw something harrowing on Instagram, as per usual,
that said that one of the popular floss companies is
being sued for plastic particulate being in their floss. You know,
those smooth live flosses.

Speaker 2 (01:05:34):
And you're doing all the time is putting tiny microplastics
into your mouth and scraping away. Oh that's interesting, So maybe,
m Colin. I hope in Arizona, bamboo floss is a
big thing, big shat so teeth flots made out of bamboo?

Speaker 1 (01:05:51):
Do you use that?

Speaker 5 (01:05:52):
Okay?

Speaker 3 (01:05:53):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:05:53):
Instead of plastic particles because Colin, I do worry about
you driving around on your phone and your pickup truck.
You know it's not the murders. Look, I'm sure you
have your reasons.

Speaker 1 (01:06:01):
You should have a love lines, Like I could see
you having a love lines.

Speaker 2 (01:06:04):
I'd get to involve Chelsea. You would want a flight to.

Speaker 1 (01:06:06):
Arizona's the way you're talking to callers, you you have
something I do not. Have very different energy with them,
which is almost familiar, like like you're saying your fans
in uh fan is that your fans treat you like
a sister or cousin And it's like, yeah, you're very.

Speaker 2 (01:06:24):
My fans are my cousins, Yeah, very much. Colin is
my cousin. I mean, Colin, you could be my cousin
if you called Colin.

Speaker 5 (01:06:30):
You know I've got I've got some Irish in me somewhere.
You Irish, And I guess I'm just assuming.

Speaker 2 (01:06:35):
Yes, No, it's it's a good assumption. You've used your
your ears correctly there. But my twenty three in me
is always giving me some kind of like a notification.
Do you know twenty three in me? I do, Yeah,
it's a it's a genealogy test. And it's always dropping
me email going, You've got a seventh cousin in Arizona
called Colin? Do you want to meet up?

Speaker 1 (01:06:52):
That's crazy? So you put your blood bit you? Why
do you do that?

Speaker 2 (01:06:57):
I find it fascinating to understand how one came to be,
So I do find the etymology of a person. The
only problem with me is it was like ninety six
percent Irish and maybe even ninety seven percent, and the
other percents are like the dawn of man on the
on the root Ireland, Like I'm not mysterious genetically at all.

Speaker 1 (01:07:18):
That's kind of cool, though.

Speaker 2 (01:07:20):
It's a little I.

Speaker 5 (01:07:23):
Keep saying this like article that I've yet to click on,
but it keeps being suggested for me about how like
with twenty three and me ancestry dot Com that the
the prevalence of incest is like, yeah, I don't know, identified.

Speaker 2 (01:07:37):
You know what it is.

Speaker 1 (01:07:38):
It's being normalized. It's your finally mad Like with our
new twenty three and me, you can finally lean in,
lean in.

Speaker 2 (01:07:49):
To cousin George.

Speaker 1 (01:07:50):
Too many Christmas and it wasn't your fault.

Speaker 2 (01:07:55):
Too many little fumbles over the eggnogs of Christmases with
your brother feeling bad at it. Not so, but but
loads of people have found out from twenty three and me,
because it tells you how distant a connection a person is.
So lots of people find out that their parents aren't
their parents, that their siblings right, their brothers, and all sorts.

Speaker 1 (01:08:13):
Of did you find you didn't have any of that?

Speaker 2 (01:08:15):
I was imagine how much stand up material you get out.

Speaker 1 (01:08:18):
You're staring at your mom like, so you really are
my mom?

Speaker 2 (01:08:22):
Okay, Helen, Yeah, this one's your win. But ultimately I'll
find something else interesting to talk about myself, right.

Speaker 1 (01:08:29):
Not just digging ever any kind of edge today. I
hate to see this, but soon I have a landscaper coming.

Speaker 2 (01:08:39):
Oh I know she means she's getting a Brazilian bikini wax.

Speaker 1 (01:08:43):
I'm trying to do a native plants. You know that's
a thing, Native plants. What are you saying you have
to go to now?

Speaker 5 (01:08:50):
I gotta I gotta get back to ten and two here,
get back to driving safely.

Speaker 1 (01:08:54):
So okay, two means just because it's legal in Arizona,
it doesn't mean you.

Speaker 2 (01:08:59):
Should be doing it, do you know what I mean?

Speaker 5 (01:09:01):
You're right, You're right.

Speaker 1 (01:09:02):
You know you know I worried about you and tend
to just just to reiterate, means take a shit in Hollywood.

Speaker 2 (01:09:09):
Oh it does so Colin. You might not know this,
but what's terrible as an actor if you're on set
and you're like, I'm just gonna go pee that someone
will go on the radio and go Ashling's ten to one.
Ten one is a pee, Like she's ten one, she's
ten one. She's just flushed, and everyone's hearing she's coming out.
Now she's walking and everyone was it's a bit fast.
So clearly she didn't take the time for her hands.

(01:09:31):
And then ten two is like, okay, I get a
tend to having a pool.

Speaker 1 (01:09:34):
You ever just tell someone, h yeah, I'm ten to
and then you just go cry in your room fifteen minutes.

Speaker 5 (01:09:44):
Do you ever ten to one? And then actually too oh.

Speaker 2 (01:09:47):
Actually too so they have to update the radio. Yeah,
well I would always tell someone I'm going ten.

Speaker 1 (01:09:53):
Actually, you know what, it's ten one. You know what, No,
it's only it's ten to a little nass sticking with ten.

Speaker 2 (01:09:59):
And then ten three, Little Colomby, is it turned out?

Speaker 1 (01:10:04):
You're like, you know what, just give me the walkie,
let me bring it in with me. Okay, we're ten
one at the moment. No, we're sticking ten one.

Speaker 2 (01:10:13):
We're still be back in ten minutes. I'll keep you updated.

Speaker 1 (01:10:16):
Colin, what a gas ironically being that you're in your car. Bye, Okay,
you're a delight dry.

Speaker 2 (01:10:25):
Your collars are so interesting? Are they fun? Yeah? Do
you know what they are? They're yes? Anders?

Speaker 1 (01:10:32):
Do you know what this is really helping the sea?
I see the glass half empty? I think, what's Colin
bringing to the He's driving around in a pickup truck
in Arizona. What's so? What's so fascinating?

Speaker 2 (01:10:45):
You know what it was? He was an Arizonian man
in a pickup truck holding space for ladies oddities, right,
and I was into that. Rather than going you girls
are crazy, he was like, I'm in whatever you have.
I will Yes. All of your callers are yes, Anders,
they're here for silly.

Speaker 1 (01:11:00):
Actually, you know, we did have an episode the Joe
Mandy Epp was actually the least Monday, the least yes
and group of callers I've ever had. In fact, I
actually found it refreshing because they were viciously attacking us,
and it put me in that kind of fight or flight.

Speaker 2 (01:11:17):
Yeah, that is.

Speaker 1 (01:11:18):
Kind of what I created this show to be in.
But actually it's turned into a bit more of just like.

Speaker 2 (01:11:24):
People like you. Yeah, it's a catch up.

Speaker 1 (01:11:26):
We're just I don't know, we're just having a chat.

Speaker 5 (01:11:29):
Now.

Speaker 2 (01:11:30):
You're a joy and my same birthday sixteenth two pisces. Yeah,
on our birthday.

Speaker 1 (01:11:35):
That's cute. Do you want to I don't ever like
have people promote things, But do you have anything you
want to promote? I feel like I should like good graciousness?

Speaker 2 (01:11:44):
But then you have one interesting thing about in when
you're brought to stage in America, everyone wants you to
lead with your credits what you've done. So an audience,
which understandably would say, for oh, this person is important
for the following reason, right, But the cultural side of
that is the total opposite the island of the UK.
It's not like, don't tell me, well, I should enjoy
this person, right, I will be the decider. I like that,

(01:12:08):
And the best thing you can say is this is
my next up is a great friend of mine. We
share a drink together. Right, But if you try and
like sell, people will like sit back.

Speaker 1 (01:12:16):
That sounds way better.

Speaker 2 (01:12:17):
Yeah, because it is embarrassing to have to sort of go.

Speaker 1 (01:12:19):
Your credits, Oh my god. And then once you have
a credit, you don't care at all about them saying
your credits. It's when you don't don't have a credit,
Like I just did a VH one panel show. You know,
it's like, yeah, it was just the sweatiest part of
like starting out, and then you have to go and
take the mic out of the stand, like the one
two punch of like shorties watching shorties and then you're like, hey,

(01:12:41):
take this joke about your nose, and then.

Speaker 2 (01:12:46):
You know my material as well, you don't have.

Speaker 1 (01:12:49):
A big nose. I hate when people who don't know
big nose try to boch with me.

Speaker 2 (01:12:53):
I'm sorry, Chelsea, but I'm going to draw us in
the side, literally only.

Speaker 1 (01:12:58):
Going to insult me for you to try to relate
to me on this level, So please stand down.

Speaker 2 (01:13:04):
Even my father apparently wanted a nose job when he's
a child. We have a big roll.

Speaker 1 (01:13:09):
Well, listen, Marilyn Monroe got a nose job. I always
remind myself of this. You're like, yes, I mean, look
at every girl in Hollywood. These girls have perfect button
noses from my pop and they get those jobs to
have even more perfect button noses?

Speaker 2 (01:13:22):
How many buttons? Because I mean my sister is a
button nose. Naturally, it's always been a cause of the
absolute dream. But then sometimes I feel like my strength
is from my nose. Yeah, I feel like that might
be the case. Yea, And if I took it off
at least some of my power.

Speaker 1 (01:13:35):
There's only one way to find out, Colin. That's movie.
We both get knows, and I have a cgi but
nose in the film the whole time.

Speaker 2 (01:13:46):
Yeah, I would actually be to seat how people would
react to us differently with tiny more delicate Do you
think that we'd be more delicate people?

Speaker 1 (01:13:56):
Then you look delicate? Right?

Speaker 2 (01:13:59):
Damn?

Speaker 1 (01:13:59):
Now I can't. I can't buy you as my big
nose sister. But what about a cousin, a sort of
medium nosed cousin. I'll think about it. Wait, are you
gonna do another show?

Speaker 2 (01:14:14):
Yes, I'm developing one at the moment. So that's just
it's just what the things at the start, it's getting everything,
you know, everything, and to get it down on paper
and type. As you know, typing is difficult and you're
a you're a typer, you know. Sorry, am I disturbing you?

Speaker 1 (01:14:27):
Any tips? For how to create a show.

Speaker 2 (01:14:30):
How to create a show? I would say, type type,
don't keep it in your head, don't handwrite, don't hand ridge.

Speaker 1 (01:14:39):
Yeah alright, alright.

Speaker 2 (01:14:42):
So you know typing, you're halfway there like that.

Speaker 1 (01:14:45):
Well, what a dream. Come back anytime, Okay, tomorrow. It
was lovely to meet you. Okay, that's me leaving.

Speaker 2 (01:14:52):
Oh Chelsea, Wow, Chelsea, you forgot your lip gloss.

Speaker 1 (01:14:57):
Chelsea.

Speaker 2 (01:14:58):
Oh here she's coming back. She's coming back. She heard
you say you forgot your lip gloss.

Speaker 1 (01:15:04):
Oh here.

Speaker 2 (01:15:05):
I cleaned the top of it. But one thing I was,
oh I'm gonna say, was oh, I'm just gone. It's
like I never even knewer.

Speaker 1 (01:15:13):
And then you walk off. What's