STORY HOUR WITH BRENDON WALSH

Chelsea’s longtime comedy bud Brendon Walsh joins us today! Chat about bad haircuts, being muted, micro-dosing, pants-off therapy, camping, and hanging curtains turns into Moth level storytelling about Brendon’s Philly childhood of pure violence. 

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're a big energy drink head, right.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
I guess to do red Bulls in England when I
lived there.

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Oh, in England.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Yeah, I went to my semester abroad there University Royal Holloway.

Speaker 1 (00:14):
Hair Dressing Academy.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:16):
Really, and did you get certified?

Speaker 2 (00:18):
Yeah, I'm a certified COIFFU specialist.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
That's a good idea for a podcast where you cut
someone's hair and talk to.

Speaker 2 (00:25):
Them but you don't have any background in hair.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
I mean, yeah, that would be good. I always felt
like I would be good at cutting hair because I
whenever I get my haircut, the lady, Oh, it's the
last haircut I got was a disaster, and it was
because of the talking, because they were talking, like we
were talking a lot.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
But she's talking so much that she's leaning her elbow
on the top of your head.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
While she was filing her nails into my hair.

Speaker 2 (00:57):
But no, you're eating chips and they're all like crumb
are all landing in your.

Speaker 1 (01:01):
Curls, Cheeto dust in your hair.

Speaker 2 (01:03):
She wipes her Cheeto fingers on the sides of your Yeah, that's.

Speaker 1 (01:07):
The only reason she kept shampooing my hair. But I
realized it was only to wash the cheeto dust off
her hands. That was an excuse to get back over
to the sink. But no, Yeah, they they start yapping
and then you stop paying attention. You're like, well, wha,
wha wait wait, wait, wha what did you do?

Speaker 2 (01:20):
You got a mohawk?

Speaker 1 (01:21):
You like? I kind of look like it. I have
a big round head, and there's a very specific way
that I don't want my hair cut. I don't want
it to accentuate the roundness of my head, and I
don't want to look like I just got.

Speaker 2 (01:37):
Why don't you get a buzz cut up top? I
don't want that style.

Speaker 1 (01:40):
I don't want that.

Speaker 2 (01:40):
I have a nicely that would make your head more vertical.

Speaker 1 (01:43):
Like Kid in play? Yeah kid? Right? Was he the
woman the tall hair? I think it was Kid. I
already did that when I was in high school.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
I had that, been there, done that.

Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, I've been there, done that. I have a I
have a nice, thick, luxurious head of hair.

Speaker 2 (01:59):
I heard thick.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
Yeah, you know. I just I just want these people
to listen to me, and they never do. It. Looks
like I got like kind of a school a haircut
for my eighth my fourth grade picture, and they put
like they trim it real need on the sides, which
I don't want, and short on the sides, and then
they put like a hat of poodle hair on top.

Speaker 2 (02:22):
Is that what are you describing your current cut?

Speaker 1 (02:25):
Well, it's it's been like a month almost, and they.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
Just there's actually great color.

Speaker 1 (02:31):
Thanks, it takes hours. Did we take a call? Isn't that?
Isn't that what the show's about? I do like talking
to people on the phone. I do a live show
where I talk. I make phone calls on stage. Do
you know about that? You have me muted on Instagram?
Do you have me muted on Instagram? Let's see right now,
has me muted? Let's see your phone?

Speaker 2 (02:50):
Are you paranoid about that?

Speaker 1 (02:54):
I'm not paranoid. I think I just assume a lot
of people. Do I know, I'm I could be, you know,
Instagram not so much like I try, you know, like
I I really only on Instagram. I'll post clips of
the podcast which are just like one minute little thing
that I put in my stories or I promote, like
my live show that I did yesterday afternoon Afternoon Delight called.

(03:17):
It was good. It wasn't super well attended, but it
was super fun. I did. I did a new a
new gag that went over well, yeah, I try to
do it. It's at a place called the High Low
Bar in Los Feelas. It's across from Tam o' shanter,
and I like, I made like a banner for the show,
and I have these like lights and uh.

Speaker 2 (03:40):
Friendly, you know.

Speaker 1 (03:42):
I mean, I don't think kids are allowed in the bar,
but you could. I mean, I don't know, you know,
I don't really want to be aware of a child.
I don't want to, you know, be worried about saying
something off color. But it's a fun show. I have
like guests. I'll have like a guest do little like five,
you know, five or ten minutes of comedy, and then

(04:04):
they join me on stage and we make phone calls.
I opened the show with some jokes and a phone call,
and that sounds fun. It is fun. And then it
is don't I mean, don't don't do that sounds pretty fun.
Don't do like that. It is a fun show fun.
I'm actually doing it at the Io Festival in Chicago

(04:25):
on julye or July my birthday, July twenty seventh and
twenty eighth.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
Is that for debtors?

Speaker 1 (04:32):
Debtors like owe money. Yeah, my city bank is forcing
me to do these shows, and they're gonna.

Speaker 2 (04:40):
Knock on three hundred dollars.

Speaker 1 (04:42):
Yeah, they're knocking like I don't know, Yeah, fifteen hundred
dollars off my balance. But it should be fun. Yeah.
Iofest I don't know I iofest dot com maybe, but
you can get tickets and see the show live there
if you're in Chicago, or make it a destination. You
can fly there. It was like prank you know, I've
been I think prank calls. Yeah, that's an easy kind

(05:05):
of shorthand way of describing him. But I'm not calling people.
It's not like jerky boys, you know. I'm not like, Hey,
I'm gonna come down there and kick your dog in
the face, you know, Like I A lot of these
calls will last like over ten minutes, and it's just
kind of like.

Speaker 2 (05:22):
You ever cry with someone on one of them, uh,
where you're both crying.

Speaker 1 (05:26):
No, I haven't done that.

Speaker 2 (05:27):
Get that deep.

Speaker 1 (05:28):
Maybe, I don't know. I don't know if I did.
We had a guy yesterday on the last call we did.
I called this. I called a GNC, you know, the
vitamin store or whatever supplements yeah, and uh, he told
a story about how he was like a twenty four
year old guy and he used to deliver like refrigerators,
and he said that he had sex with an old

(05:51):
lady while delivering a refrigerator, like she had a walker.
She It was totally believable. I mean, I don't know,
I don't think he was making anything up. Yes that
I asked him that right off the bat, and he
said it was like she Yeah. He kind of walked
us through the whole scenario, which is pretty wild. And

(06:12):
I keep some of the because I make calls on
my podcast too, and I've uh maintained relationships with some
of these people. So it's a it's a fun don't
do that. Don't be like that. It's a fun show.
But it's it's yes, I guess technically it's crank calls.
And then I try to find a point in every

(06:33):
show to make the audience hate me, Like I will
do something highly inappropriate on the phone and they don't know,
Like I like to make people think that I'm doing
something really bad. And I did one. I got this
guy on the phone who lives in a haunted house
and it was just so random, like I just called.

Speaker 2 (06:52):
It the world record podcast. World record podcast that he's
talking about.

Speaker 1 (06:56):
Yeah, it's the funniest podcast in the world.

Speaker 2 (07:00):
Talk out the World Record.

Speaker 1 (07:01):
I didn't give it that name, Guinness did.

Speaker 2 (07:03):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (07:04):
Yeah. But this guy, So there's this guy named David
Ohman Omen who lives up the street from where the
Manson murders happened to Sharon Tate.

Speaker 2 (07:14):
Which I always get confused, is that on.

Speaker 1 (07:16):
Waver Waverley's the Labyankas. That was the night before the
Sharon Tate they killed Sharon Tate and uh Abigail folder
voy tech Frykowski right, and uh who was the hairdresser
Jay c Bring. So those those that was like Roman
Polanski's wife, you know that the Sharon Tate.

Speaker 2 (07:37):
Okay, what was the night before Sharon Tate? They killed
other people?

Speaker 1 (07:41):
Yes, they killed the Labyankas, which was a couple that
lived in on Waverley Drive right up the street.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
So then where was Sharon Tate.

Speaker 1 (07:50):
They were in Like it's kind of like Beverly Hills
adjacent Celio Drive.

Speaker 2 (07:56):
Oh, this whole time, I was thinking every time I
drive by that Waverley house, like, oh, that's where Sharon
Tate died. And I'm always like, why would someone want
to live there? Someone bought a house because California. I
think there's only two states that require you disclose if
there's been a death in a house in California is
one of them?

Speaker 1 (08:14):
Okay, up top? Anybody get a by.

Speaker 2 (08:19):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (08:20):
I want to know, has anybody been well? If somebody died,
like they just have to tell you somebody died, not
how they died.

Speaker 2 (08:26):
I don't know, but I hope how they died.

Speaker 1 (08:28):
Is probably not. I bet that's that's a realtor loophole.
I'm like, Ah, does anybody ever plan on being a
real estate agent from from the get go? Or is
that just where you wind up from.

Speaker 2 (08:42):
The grape real estate agent from the good that's.

Speaker 1 (08:45):
A good ad. Yeah, selling houses?

Speaker 2 (08:48):
Are you tired of living? Real estate agents.

Speaker 1 (08:52):
Have a spooky ghost? Show you around a two bedroom,
eight hundred square foot two point two million dollar house
in those fiela's.

Speaker 2 (09:00):
Are you bored of real people blabbing their fucking chompers
at you on a house tour?

Speaker 1 (09:09):
I feel like real estate agent is just that's kind
of the last that's like the Hail Mary pass of
of of occupations. No offense if you're.

Speaker 2 (09:19):
Feel bad because one of my friends is doing real
estate now, so when you say that, I'm like, if
he listens, I can't no offense.

Speaker 1 (09:25):
You know, hey, I'm I have I might be there too.

Speaker 2 (09:30):
Would you be a good realtor?

Speaker 1 (09:32):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (09:33):
I'm not like, look take it or leave it, lady.
Like I feel like someone be like, oh you are
these floors and you're like, listen, you like it or
you don't like?

Speaker 1 (09:41):
I mean it's I mean around it's I feel like
around here, there's so here? Yeah, right, you always stay
up late County Crows. I can't remember it's.

Speaker 2 (10:00):
Can I be sued for singing that little sound here?

Speaker 1 (10:03):
I can't. I can't. I have perfect pitch. When I
sing it, the YouTube algorithm will think that it's actually
Adam Durt's.

Speaker 2 (10:15):
I used to have a boyfriend in Philly in fact,
where you're from. Who When I would sing he would
be like like that does that mean I like it?

Speaker 1 (10:27):
See the I get it? Yeah, it's it is funny
in theory, but to always do it is kind of
like there's a certain point where it's like, oh, you're
being this isn't just like this is a joke. What's
is funny? Yeah twice mate.

Speaker 2 (10:40):
You know Harris Whittles's joke was always like if you
sing and he goes, I didn't know you couldn't sing
pretty good.

Speaker 1 (10:48):
I went and saw the band Fish on his uh
what would have been his fortieth birthday this year, the
band Fish. Yeah, I saw him at the Sphere in
Las Vegas.

Speaker 2 (10:59):
Oh wow, how is it?

Speaker 1 (11:00):
The sphere is amazing?

Speaker 2 (11:02):
Really, you really enunciate the sphere is amazing spear. I
could hear the sp spear.

Speaker 1 (11:09):
I mean that's how it's pronounced. I'm not great at
all the words, but sphere now hammering, Yes, it's it
is incredible. I suggest going to see something there, like.

Speaker 2 (11:23):
Were you sober, stone cold sober?

Speaker 1 (11:25):
Uh no drinking? There might have been a little something
to paint the corners with that. I didn't want to know.
I mean I wasn't. I was essentially sober. Uh Well,
the thing is because like I didn't, I wasn't drinking,
which is that's that's kind of the you know, that
was that. I'm not gonna say it was a problem,
but it was definitely that. That was the thing where

(11:46):
I was like, all right, I need to stop.

Speaker 2 (11:47):
Slow down on that. Yeah, and I was just NonStop psychedelics.

Speaker 1 (11:52):
Yeah. Microdosing. Everyone's really is microdose my allergy medicine, which
isn't that it doesn't work. Micro do eggs?

Speaker 2 (12:01):
You micro dose allergy medicine. You're sneezing constantly.

Speaker 1 (12:04):
It doesn't. Yeah, you got it. You've got a macro dose.
You're because you're starving, Yeah, starving. But it's still uh,
you know, it's still hip to micro dose.

Speaker 2 (12:15):
I didn't I micro dose water, which means I drink
water with a tiny cokespoon. Nice, Yeah, which is hard
in summer.

Speaker 1 (12:23):
That's a lot. That's that's you really got a micro
Because I drink out of a thimble. I drink milk,
milk out of a thimble.

Speaker 2 (12:29):
That's like macro as far as I'm con well, you're macro.

Speaker 1 (12:31):
Do you do pilates?

Speaker 2 (12:33):
Do you go to therapy? No ever?

Speaker 1 (12:37):
Did you have I've I've dabbled, and I just haven't
really found that. Uh yeah, I never. I don't know.
It's like a relationship, right, you have to find the
right person. Yeah, And if you feel like it's just
kind of a transactional relationship, I just.

Speaker 2 (12:53):
Never you resented that you're paying for help.

Speaker 1 (12:56):
No, it wasn't that I resented paying for it, but
I just didn't feel like, I feel like talking to
myself out loud about my problems is just as helpful
as saying it out because that's that's really all I
feel like I got from therapy was hearing myself say
these things out loud and then going oh, because like

(13:18):
what like the therapist never was like, well, here's it
is valuable. But if I think if you do that
in your car, it's it's I'm I'm not totally dissing
uh therapy, but you know, overall, yeah, I do think
it's kind of a scam on most for the most part. Yeah,

(13:38):
and then when COVID happened, a lot of the therapists
realize like, oh, we can do this shit over zoom.
I don't even have to take off my pants or
I don't have to put on pants.

Speaker 2 (13:47):
To maybe pick off their pants for therapy.

Speaker 1 (13:50):
That could be like you know they have those vagus.
Hold on a minute, I'm getting undressed. Okay, come in
just a minute. Do you remember those vans. There's still
one in Burbank, but there were vans parked around town
that advertised like sexy maids.

Speaker 2 (14:09):
Yeah, nude maids totally. You haven't seen that in a while.

Speaker 1 (14:12):
There's one over by a hospital in Bert, like Saint
Joseph's or something.

Speaker 2 (14:17):
I used to see those all the time when I
first moved to La. Yeah, now now you're making me
realize that they're kind of maybe the recession or something there.

Speaker 1 (14:25):
I don't know if it was shut down. I mean
it was a shape I I you know, I never
had the uh expendable cash to like see what it was.

Speaker 2 (14:32):
All.

Speaker 1 (14:32):
I assume it's prostitution, right.

Speaker 2 (14:34):
I should do it? Get a patron? Can you do?
Can you fundraise for that in some way online? And
then you just do it?

Speaker 1 (14:41):
I mean I guess you could start a GoFundMe. Right.
It doesn't have to just be funny to get us
kids eaten by sharks or whatever. Yeah, I need to
raise like it's probably only one hundred video you're.

Speaker 2 (14:51):
Like really serious with serious music. Help me get a
sexy maid. I cannot afford this with my current income.
I want to see.

Speaker 1 (14:59):
I can't justify spending one hundred and fifty dollars on
sexy maide service because I have two kids. Yeah, and
I'm on a fix thing cop, but I really want
to see what this is all about. So venmo me
two hundred because I'm gonna have to get the family
out of the house.

Speaker 2 (15:13):
So whatever the costs, I let you film them that
this is all.

Speaker 1 (15:17):
This is all what we need to know. Are we
going to use this? Okay? I don't know if you're
gonna like because I feel like this is good and bran,
but you're meat stick like a giant.

Speaker 2 (15:28):
It's from ari I. Ari I. Here's a hot tip,
great high protein snacks. What's that for backpackers?

Speaker 1 (15:37):
Arii? It's going to be like a fifteen dollars slim gym.

Speaker 2 (15:40):
It's thirteen grams of protein. But so how much does
it cost a dollar a gram?

Speaker 1 (15:46):
Thirteen bucks? I bet ari I. It's like there ain't
nothing cheap at ari I.

Speaker 2 (15:51):
I fucking love ari I.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
I don't really do you do you go camping?

Speaker 2 (15:56):
Mm hmm uh huh I do, yeah, right, I do.

Speaker 1 (16:02):
But like to describe a camping trip like how we're
on a roughing it factor of one the tent? Is
there a vehicle that you can sleep in?

Speaker 2 (16:17):
Meat?

Speaker 1 (16:21):
Does someone do you have a crew that sets up
the tent, you travel with some pas, or you just
have them doing in advance. That's actually best. You like
have people set everything up and then they disappear and
then they're not. You just get a text with exact
location of the camp site and then you show up.

(16:41):
The fire is already going to build a fire. Yeah,
there's champagne flutes and uh.

Speaker 2 (16:47):
I don't drink.

Speaker 1 (16:48):
Yeah, but you can put a site, you know whatever.
It's just about the aesthetic. You know, you still want
to feel fancy.

Speaker 2 (16:53):
You want to pour champagne.

Speaker 1 (16:55):
Gets some of that apple that's sparkling apple juice. I
don't drink any more. I stopped, Walsh, I stopped in
the car.

Speaker 2 (17:04):
You stop drinking alcohol in the car.

Speaker 1 (17:06):
I mean I left the I quit drinking like fifteen
minutes ago, and then that is huge. It's huge. I
mean until I'm gonna and I promise to stick to
it at least until I get back in the car.
I always take a road, so.

Speaker 2 (17:23):
It's a car. You're kind of your drinking spot.

Speaker 1 (17:25):
Yeah. I don't have a big house, you know me.
I need to get out, like I just kind of
a lot of people have a man cave. I just
have a Kia in the driveway where I can just
blast my music, have a few cold ones. Yeah, watch
the game on my phone, which doesn't really happen too often.

Speaker 2 (17:45):
Hello, Hey, how's it going.

Speaker 3 (17:47):
Hello, I'm here with Brendan Walsh, host World Record podcast
in the Flesh me you what are we going to
talk about?

Speaker 4 (17:57):
Go? WHOA? I was having a shitty day, so I
was wondering what you gotta do when you have shitty
days you just feel shitty or what?

Speaker 2 (18:09):
You know? What me and Brendan used to do in
our youth when we were having shitt days. Go on
walks and cigarettes? Yeah, that too. I mean cigarettes. Listen,
I hate to say it. If cigarettes didn't cause cancer,
i'd be a chainsmoker. Yeah, they're amazing.

Speaker 1 (18:28):
I don't I don't miss it too much, but I
do have like the vape replacement what so. So you're
just saying, what do you do when you have a
bad day?

Speaker 2 (18:37):
Yeah, but I would like to say that we would
go on these walks and I would feel we'd be
kind of ranting and raving at the beginning of the walk,
and then by the end of the walk I felt
much calmer and much more peaceful.

Speaker 1 (18:49):
Exercise help. Yeah, so you're kind of sad sometimes and
just go for a walk. I honestly, that's it sounds
cliched and you're not going to do it.

Speaker 4 (18:56):
But uh yeah I'm not. But that's still a good.

Speaker 2 (19:00):
Here's another one. Here's another one before I hang up
savagely in your face, take a bath, make a cup
of tea.

Speaker 1 (19:09):
That's for girls. That's girl advice.

Speaker 2 (19:11):
Yeah, those things are soothing for me.

Speaker 1 (19:12):
Guys, are you know, go for a walk?

Speaker 3 (19:15):
Oh, go cut wood, Go get an axe, chop wood shop.

Speaker 1 (19:19):
That would help, That would help you. I mean doing
something a task that takes a little bit more effort.
I find any any doing any kind of work usually
makes me feel better. Like just it's like there's okay.

Speaker 4 (19:35):
I bought something kind of like that occupied.

Speaker 1 (19:38):
Something kind of handy. You know, I don't know if
you're handy at all. I'm very handy. So like if
there's a task where it's like, okay, I bought these
like curtain rods and these curtains for like to do
this thing. Like if there's something you've been putting off
because it's going to be not just like you know,
a quick kind of clean up that.

Speaker 2 (19:55):
That that's cool that you know how to do that.
I don't think this caller, does you know how to
install a curtain rod?

Speaker 1 (20:02):
Do you have tools? No?

Speaker 4 (20:04):
I no, I knew it.

Speaker 1 (20:06):
How old are you?

Speaker 4 (20:07):
Like I am at like twenty nine, Like in an apartment,
there's like yeah, I like next shift curtains up.

Speaker 2 (20:17):
I think I'm really good at reading people's voices and
making snap judgments.

Speaker 1 (20:22):
Well most I mean anybody, most people don't know how
to do anything. Yeah, anybody under the age of forty
definitely does it not do anything.

Speaker 2 (20:31):
Yes, you are a rarity because most men now don't
know how to do anything that was once considered.

Speaker 1 (20:38):
I'm a definite, like I have all the skills to
be a grandpa. Like I mean, I you know, if
if I probably never will own a home, but if
I do, I will have like a workshop in my garage,
Like there will be a place for me to build
things and there's tools and uh and I can. I mean,
being able to fix and make things is a good skill.

Speaker 2 (21:02):
Day it is.

Speaker 1 (21:03):
I mean I was a carpenter for like ten years
before I started doing comed.

Speaker 2 (21:06):
I think that is so cool. And I had not
to get on some weird gender roles right now. But
I actually think that, you know, there was a time
where schools had wood shop. I think, are you probably
still doing and sewing and all that shit, and it
shouldn't be gendered, but it should be that everyone should
learn all these things. I was just watching this video
on Instagram where someone was fixing a hole in a

(21:27):
sweater in the most complex way and the hole just
disappeared like they did all these different stitches, pulling every
little thing in the circle inward and it was seamless.
You couldn't tell. But there's no way I could duplicate
that because it was not simple.

Speaker 1 (21:41):
I mean, well yeah, yeah, I mean there's different levels.
But also I feel like that's been demonized by you know,
like kids, like a kid at school where it's like
if they had a hole in her pants and then
it was like their mom sewed it, they'd be like, ooh,
she's poor. And it's like that was fed.

Speaker 2 (21:57):
To us by fast fashion.

Speaker 1 (21:59):
Yeah yeah, like I mean, yeah, all this all big
business where it's just like just throw your fucking TV
away and get a new one.

Speaker 2 (22:05):
I'm hanging up on that car.

Speaker 1 (22:06):
Oh shoot he was a nice guy though.

Speaker 2 (22:07):
No, sure, yeah, but hey, learn how to hang some
fucking curtains? Hello, do not how to hang curtains? Like
install a curtain rod?

Speaker 1 (22:16):
Yeah? How old are you? There you go?

Speaker 2 (22:21):
There you go, there you go.

Speaker 1 (22:23):
Anybody under forty, any man under forty doesn't know how
to do that, And they also have no knowledge and they.

Speaker 2 (22:27):
Do anything practical with actual items, And they.

Speaker 1 (22:30):
Don't really don't have much knowledge because they've been using
Google for their brain their whole lives. There's no it's
just like, well, all the information I need is right
at my fingertips, and no reason to retain Walt Whitman's birthdate.

Speaker 2 (22:43):
Oh, leaves of grass, huh, I don't know. I loved
leaves of grass in high school book.

Speaker 1 (22:49):
Leaves of weed, if you know what I mean? No
guilty of loving to get high. Geesh, you smoke dope collar.

Speaker 4 (23:00):
I you know what. I try to, I want to
all the time, but I just I can't handle the
ship with it anymore.

Speaker 1 (23:07):
Yeah, it's the dominiest drug out there. That's why they
made it legal. It's just stupid.

Speaker 2 (23:11):
You ever fuck with that? Laughy taffy?

Speaker 1 (23:16):
No? Is that code for something? Or that? The candy?

Speaker 2 (23:19):
Yeah, kind of a chewy candy.

Speaker 1 (23:22):
I don't like that.

Speaker 4 (23:22):
Yeah, oh like just yeah, well, Laffy Taffy is good.

Speaker 1 (23:27):
You're forty six.

Speaker 2 (23:28):
I thought you're forty six.

Speaker 1 (23:30):
Sorry, you're forty six.

Speaker 2 (23:32):
Forty six.

Speaker 1 (23:33):
This is for young people, this podcast. What did you
call for mechl Roy?

Speaker 4 (23:38):
Oh well, we saw the number of my wife and
I saw the number pop up. More like, okay, why not?

Speaker 1 (23:43):
So you got a wife? You got kids? Yes? What kind? Uh?

Speaker 4 (23:48):
Two boys?

Speaker 1 (23:49):
They're like.

Speaker 4 (23:52):
Eight and thirteen, Brendan.

Speaker 2 (23:55):
I was just telling my family this story and correct
me if I'm wrong. But didn't you say you one time,
like when you were little boy, like you're like, we
would just give my mom hell all the time, didn't
you cover your face in blood and run in the
house to being like, oh, I like fake blood.

Speaker 1 (24:09):
It was a big fake blood guy. And uh, but
the punchline of that story, it is like, yeah, I
was always doing stuff like fake blood and like ah
ah my hand or whatever, my mom whoa. And one
time I got the shit beat out of me by
a bunch of guys and I came home and was
literally covered in blood and my mom was sitting on

(24:30):
the love seat in the living room sold me and
said oh, get don't get any Like she was like,
knock it off and don't get any on the rug
and I was just like, no, it's real his time,
You're like yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (24:41):
That's crazy. So a bunch how old were you A
bunch of.

Speaker 1 (24:44):
I was like sixteen and yeah, a guy started a
fight like it was. I knew what was going to happen,
but I had to A guy took I was wearing
a baseball hat. There were like six guys, maybe eight guys,
hanging out in this park drinking beer, and I had
a baseball hat on and I was like, oh cool,
heck can I see it? Can I you see it?

(25:06):
And I'm like, all right, that's such. I mean, it's
just that.

Speaker 2 (25:11):
Makes my stomach going knots, just that scenario because it.

Speaker 1 (25:14):
Was only me and another we were waiting for our
friends because we were gonna get beer. It was like
a park in a playground, a beer park. I mean,
it was like where when you're sixteen and you want
to drink, you gotta go like some place, and there
were no like woods in the city. So yeah, So
this guy's like, can you see your hat? And I'm
like all right, and then he's got it. He's like, oh, noice,
you think it will hold beer? And I'm like, come on, don't,

(25:37):
there's no don't and he just like he just got
a beer and like poured it in it and like
threw it at me. Sure, And I just was like,
I mean, I had the wherewithal at sixteen to know,
like if I walk away from this, I'm never gonna
live it down. Like I was like, and if I
if I saw what if you were.

Speaker 2 (25:55):
Like, that's pretty cool. Let me see if I could
take a soup out of it. You pick it up. Yeah,
they're all high five and you that's pretty funny. Man.
Hey that's balls that you drink that beer out of
the hat.

Speaker 1 (26:07):
Yeah. They all carry me out. Yeah. Well I didn't
choose that route. I just was like, all right, asshole,
I guess come on, like I knew what like, but
I was like, I can't. I have to fucking punch
you in the face for doing that at least.

Speaker 2 (26:19):
And I don't said that to him.

Speaker 1 (26:21):
No, but I mean it was like that's where I was.
And and you know, surprisingly I wasn't a big fighter,
but the guy he might have been a little drunk,
but he came down they were sitting on these bleachers
outside next to the basketball court. And the guy like
he had to grun to come down like three bleachers
like and like came running at me and like threw
a punch and he was like off balance, and I like,

(26:42):
I kid him perfectly like in the jaw and knock
them down and just started beating the ship out of him.

Speaker 2 (26:48):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (26:49):
But then very quickly I was getting I was like,
oh I'm getting kicked. Oh fuck, that's right. Yeah, these
are going to beat the ship out of me. Now
there was no but I swear to God it like, yeah,
I didn't. I wasn't permanently damaged. No, I might have
a broken nose, but like, uh, I wouldn't change a thing.
I mean I would change not like maybe knowing karate

(27:11):
and being able to beat all them up.

Speaker 2 (27:13):
But what if you just go here? What if when
he goes, can I see your hat? You go here,
you throw it at him and sprint away.

Speaker 1 (27:20):
That's being I wouldn't be able to live it down.
And also it was like a new hat like it
was you know, I was sixteen, Yeah, and you know.

Speaker 2 (27:27):
Or what if you just go you take it off,
you go see and then you spread.

Speaker 1 (27:31):
There would have been once.

Speaker 2 (27:32):
Once you like eat my dust, asshole, and then you
sprint away, Like is there any winning in sprinting away?

Speaker 1 (27:37):
There's no because they would have caught me and there was.
It's like at the moment he asked to see my hat,
there's no getting out of there without God.

Speaker 2 (27:46):
I hate that. I hate that.

Speaker 1 (27:47):
I was talking to a friend of mine, this guy
Laser Wang. Sure sure, hey, and he recently we we
caught up on the phone. I've known him since I
was like fourteen, and we talked on the phone for
like two hours the other day and we were talking
about like, you know, just like some of the crazy
shit that like you don't realize until you move away,
Like he lived in a worse neighborhood than I did.

(28:08):
My neighborhood was like fine, it wasn't great like.

Speaker 2 (28:13):
Like Cinnamon Jersey. Yeah, ex boyfriend.

Speaker 1 (28:18):
But he described our childhood as pure violence. Yeah, And
I was just like, yeah, you know that's like because
it really was like something like that was right around there.
You had to be prepared for something like that all
the time.

Speaker 2 (28:33):
That sucks.

Speaker 1 (28:34):
It sucks. And I think that really like explains like
some of the like paranoia that I have about like,
you know, everybody hates me, there's something, there's some plot
against me. Because that extended to like he hung out
with these psychos in his neighborhood and we would go,
you know, like drinking. This was teenagers, so we would
be drinking in the park, and these guys would like

(28:55):
you didn't even know who your friends were, because they
would be they would just decide like, oh, when Ray
shows up, let's beat the ship out of it.

Speaker 2 (29:02):
Oh my god, because he's.

Speaker 1 (29:03):
Fucking he's kind of annoyed, like whatever. And so you there.

Speaker 2 (29:07):
Were like like, hey, guys, I got the beers got him.

Speaker 1 (29:10):
Yeah, I mean that's like that and that's and that
is like, you know, that's the root of like, yeah,
some of my problems where I'm like, oh, yeah, you
just never you take it for granted when you're living there,
but then when you start moving around and meeting people
from different scenarios, you're like, oh, that's like like.

Speaker 2 (29:27):
Kids who grew up in LA, like rich kids who
grew up in LA. They're like, there's softness. The energy
of softness is like just people who've never.

Speaker 1 (29:34):
There's people who've never been punched in the fucking face.

Speaker 2 (29:36):
And I've never been punched.

Speaker 1 (29:38):
I mean, it's that doesn't count for girls.

Speaker 2 (29:41):
But I mean when that guy, were your knuckles messed
up at all?

Speaker 1 (29:46):
I mean I don't remember. I was like I had
to go to the hospital. What did your mom? Like?

Speaker 2 (29:50):
What did your mom say to you? Once she realized
it wasn't a joke, Like what what does a mom
do when her kid is in a situation where there's
a She was.

Speaker 1 (30:00):
It's just like, oh, I just remember my dad. My
dad was home and he immediately was just like who
did it? Where did it happen? Let's go And he
like was like he's.

Speaker 2 (30:10):
Like feel like, surely more chaos would arise from whatever
we're going to do.

Speaker 1 (30:14):
My dad what my dad did? He grabbed a baseball bat,
told me to get in the van. He had a
van at the time because he did he was a fireman.
But he also all firemen and cops have like a
side business.

Speaker 2 (30:24):
Those kids. They see a van coming, You're hanging out
one side with blood dripping down your face. Your dad's
got a bat hanging out the other side of the van,
They're like run.

Speaker 1 (30:32):
They weren't there, And I because I did wind up
running away. It's like I finally got like I got
away a couple of times and they like grabbed me
and and then like, I don't, I guess I just
like ran and I was down the street and and
was like, okay, I got away. But then I could
hear them, like and I went into a like a

(30:57):
driveway and crawled. I got underneath someone's car and just
laid there for probably like I'd laid there for to
kind of probably a half as.

Speaker 2 (31:06):
How scary would it be if you heard footfall near
the car.

Speaker 1 (31:09):
All the feet around it? Yeah, I don't I might
have heard them. I don't remember exactly, but uh, I yeah,
I stayed under the car long enough to be like
they're probably gone and I can make it home. And
then I got home. My mom thought it was a joke.
And then yeah, I remember my dad just being like
getting the van. I don't know if he had he

(31:32):
had a baseball bat and.

Speaker 2 (31:33):
What if he had just gotten severely injured by those guys.

Speaker 1 (31:38):
They weren't there when we showed up. It's good they
weren't there because I think my dad would have like
he probably would have gone to jail because he would
have fucking maybe killed one of the guys with a
baseball bat crazy and I'm one of the guys. I mean,
they were just assholes in my neighborhood. And one of
the guys died in a car accident later, Okay, yeah,
I was just like good, I was never gonna these
were guys too that like robbed people's houses, yeah, stole cars,

(32:01):
like they weren't whatever. People can change. But like when
him and two other assholes died in a car accident,
people were like, oh, did you hear so and so
and so and so.

Speaker 2 (32:10):
I was like, well, yeah.

Speaker 1 (32:12):
Good, I guess. I mean it's I don't think they
did anything good for anybody in their whole.

Speaker 2 (32:19):
Probably abused their whole childhood.

Speaker 1 (32:21):
Oh I'm sure their dad's beat the shit out of
them on daily or if they even knew their dads.
I don't know their family. Back ye, backstory, but uh yeah, yeah,
that was uh yeah, my dad. And then I had
to go to the cops and uh because when you
get when you have to go to thet when you
go to the hospital for something like that, the cops come,
you have to fill out a police report. And I

(32:44):
told them what happened, and then they were like, okay,
come to the I did.

Speaker 2 (32:48):
Were you scared to say who it was on record?

Speaker 1 (32:51):
Or I wasn't because I was like, I'm not going
to plot some kind of you know, revenge thing. I
just I went there and they had a bunch of
photographs because all these guys had fucking records, and I
was just like him, him, him, and him.

Speaker 2 (33:06):
They were like Johnny goose Bumps, Yeah, Johnny Goosebumps, Terry Tickles.

Speaker 1 (33:12):
Uh and then uh then this led to sorry caller. Uh.
This led to a whole other thing where I got
arrested because so these guys soaked, some of them got whatever,
They got some shit from the cops, and then the
word on the street is like, oh uh, you know,
those guys are gonna kill you. They had to. They

(33:33):
got like locked up, and.

Speaker 2 (33:35):
Okay, good, good choice on their part, so go ahead
with the homicide.

Speaker 1 (33:39):
So they were just like, yeah, you're dead. When these
guys see you again, you're fucking they're gonna fucking beat
the shit out of you every time they see you
because you got them in trouble with the cops. And
I just was like, all right, well, I don't know
where to get a gun. So I went down in Philly,
down on Chestnut or Market Street. There were all these
like I guess like head shops, you know, but they

(33:59):
sold like knives and they sold weapons too, and I
was and I remember going in and was like, well,
I'm not. I was like, I'm not gonna stab somebody.
But they had brass knuckles, and I was like, I'll
get the Yeah, that will stop somebody from like, you know,
just one good punch to the face, you're gonna break
their eye socket or something and you'll get away. Well,

(34:20):
I mean, I just I was, you know, I was
smart enough to be like, if I'm not stabbing somebody,
if that's just going to open up a whole thing,
and I just don't. I don't want to be that
violent towards somebody, right, So I got the brass knuckles, and.

Speaker 2 (34:30):
Do you want to be brass knuckles level violent?

Speaker 1 (34:33):
I anything to defend myself to stop it long enough
for me to get away. And uh. Then I was
out with my friends and they were all drinking, but
I wasn't because I had to take I had to
I had to get like a physical the next day,
and there was a blood test involved. So I was
like not drinking with my friends and they all went

(34:55):
to we all went to a Roy Rogers. I mean
I was still hanging out with them.

Speaker 2 (34:58):
What's your Rogers go to order?

Speaker 1 (35:02):
Boy? It's been so long, But I mean I just
a Burger because they had all the free Fix's bar,
you know, so you could just pile it up with
as much onions and tomatoes as you want. The cheese,
I guess the cheese they did themselves. But we went
to Roy Rogers and we're.

Speaker 2 (35:18):
The colors said something.

Speaker 1 (35:19):
What did you say? Oh? Man?

Speaker 4 (35:20):
Sorry, real quick, just want to I came into the call.
I don't know where you grew up, but I'm guessing it.

Speaker 1 (35:28):
Is it New Jersey Philadelphia?

Speaker 4 (35:30):
Because Philadelphia?

Speaker 1 (35:31):
Okay close? Sorry where are you Rogers? What where are
you located? I'm in LA but the.

Speaker 4 (35:39):
But yeah, I was just trying to You were talking
about where you grew up, and I was like, oh, damn,
I don't know where that is.

Speaker 1 (35:44):
Roy Rogers is a very yeah, I believe it was.
It was this as Hearty's everywhere else, right, and that's
the same thing. Cool, But uh, Roy Rogers. I think
there's still one on the Pennsylvania or New Jersey Turnpike.
There's still that's fine. Yeah, just to this is so
long winded. But so my friends were drinking. We were

(36:05):
causing mayhem and the roy Rogers, you know, which is
because of the free fixes.

Speaker 2 (36:08):
It's like you're in a biker gang.

Speaker 1 (36:10):
I was. It was teenagers in Philadelphia that was like,
I mean, there was nothing like getting pissing off adults
and getting chased, you know, like you know, fucking like
it's like that guy will lose his mind if he
sees us in his yard. Let's all go in the yard.

Speaker 2 (36:25):
Wait, can I say one thing to that? Me and
Nick Croll one time at Pianos in New York. We
were drunk and we were pretending to throw up on
our on our dicks and jerk off with the vomit.
We're like and like doing this and cracking up, which
now I'm like, it doesn't seem funny to me now,
but for whatever headspace we were in, that was working

(36:47):
for us, and the bouncer goes, all right, guys, it
was funny for a while. Like it was, Yes, there was.

Speaker 1 (36:56):
I got kicked out of a bar one time, or
maybe they didn't full maybe we convinced them not to
but I used to do a drunk guy impression where
I would sit at the bar. I'd be sitting like this,
and I would like kind of just put my head
down and then I would have like my drink in
front of me, and I would go.

Speaker 2 (37:16):
Sliding the drink away.

Speaker 1 (37:17):
And a bartender came over and was like, okay, you're
cut off. And I was just doing it to make
my friends laugh, and I was like, no, I'm not
really that druy.

Speaker 2 (37:23):
I was just doing it like a backward see why.

Speaker 1 (37:31):
But uh, yeah, whatever, I mean, I.

Speaker 2 (37:34):
Wait, so you're acting crazy.

Speaker 1 (37:36):
We're acting crazy.

Speaker 2 (37:37):
This is the show, this show. This is going to
be the good part, I think.

Speaker 1 (37:40):
So they call Roy Rogers kicks us out. You know,
We're like, we weren't doing anything crazy, but like, you know,
probably throwing tomato.

Speaker 2 (37:47):
Can you take your burder with you?

Speaker 1 (37:49):
I don't know. I don't think that any food was ordered.
I think we just went and I don't I don't
remember that that was leading up to it. So we, uh,
we get kicked out of the Roy Rogers and then
as like almost exactly as we leave, there's two cop
cars coming up the street and it's like, oh, they
called the cops. So we all run away, we all scatter, Yeah,
and I'm running by myself down you know, like a

(38:13):
driveway alley, you know those like I don't know what
they're called, but like yeah, those like alleys that run
behind like like row homes. Yeah, it's like and there's
parking spots behind nouse. Anyway, So I'm walking through this
alley or I'm running, and then I realized, like I
don't need to, like, I'm not drunk, you know, I didn't.
I doesn't. I'm just gonna walk like whatever if the

(38:33):
cops catch me, yeah, I don't know whatever. I'm not
drunk or anything I was, you know, I didn't do anything.
So I do get a cop car comes up or
a cop van comes over, and the cop says, he's like, uh,
what are you doing tonight? I was like nothing, and
he's like, put your hands on the car, and I'm
like what do you I was like no, like why

(38:54):
what's going on? And he like put your hands on
the car and like threw me against the car, frisked me,
found the brass knuckles. It goes, what do you use
these for? And I go I said, I was like
gardening or I don't know. I said something smart to
him and uh and then and I'm like, you can't
just stop people and frisk them. I don't think you're
allowed to do that. What the fuck are you doing?

(39:16):
And he's like, put your hands behind your back, cuffs
me opens the back of the van and there's two
kids back there, and he goes, is this the guy?
And they go yeah, and he goes, did he use
the these kids? They looked like they got in a fight,
but they weren't like that beat up. And I had
met one of these guys but once before, like he

(39:37):
was like, I went to a different high school with
a friend of mine and he like introduced them to
me at a party. That was all the interaction we
ever had. And I think because of that, my face
looked familiar because they got I don't know, they got
beat up by somebody. And the cop goes, I mean
that that was my neighborhood.

Speaker 2 (39:53):
There was just.

Speaker 1 (39:56):
And so the cop goes, is this the guy? And
he goes, yeah, there's two of them. One of them's
like yeah yeah, and the other guy's like, I don't know,
and he's like, yeah, no, it was him. And then
the cop holds up the brass knuckles and he goes
did he use these? And he go, yeah, I guess
that was him. That's him. And the CoP's like, yeah,
way to go. You just got yourself a felony and
puts me in the back because it's aggravated assault if

(40:19):
you use a weapon, and I'm like, what the fuck
is is this a fucking hitting camera show? Like what
the fuck is going on? I really was in the
back of the van when they were taking me to jail. Really,
I remember processing it like this has to be a joke, right,
like this can't. Like it really was like if if

(40:40):
they pulled up in like I was like, there's no
way they're taking me to jail, Like I didn't what
the fuck is going on? And they did. They took
me to jail and a cop beat me up in jail. Really,
I was being really fucking I was really when they
put off, I was losing it. I was fuck you,
you fat fucking pig, like because they were like keep

(41:01):
it down and like shut up in there. I was like,
suck my dick, you fat fuck, and uh did they
do it? Suck fat fuck came in and like fucking
believe I pushed me around. There wasn't any punches, but
like getting thrown it like handcuffed and then thrown around
like the jail cell. And then my dad showed up. Uh,

(41:22):
I guess they called you know my mom.

Speaker 2 (41:23):
My dad was and he's a fireman, so does he cops.

Speaker 1 (41:26):
There's a relationship with them, but he didn't know them.
And like I remember, he showed up and I was
in the cell and he's like, hey, did you do it?
And I said no. He goes, well, it looks like
you got in a fight. I said yeah, because that
fat fucking there just fucking bang my face against the
fucking wall and uh. And he's like and then the
cops like all right, I'm gonna give me the cut.
My dad's like, fucking calm, He's like, get the calm down.

(41:49):
Like my dad like stopped the like the cop was
got beat me up in front of my dad again
and then uh, my Dad's like all right, And then
my dad like waited there and I had to go
to court the next morning to find out. There was
a hearing the next morning where the where they were
deciding to keep me in jail until the court date,

(42:11):
which was like three I think this happened. I think
this was around Thanksgiving when when it happened, and I
think the court date was like February something.

Speaker 2 (42:20):
Oh my god, so they.

Speaker 1 (42:21):
This initial hearing was like will we release him.

Speaker 2 (42:25):
To his Christmas?

Speaker 1 (42:28):
Will we let him Christmas? And Juvie. I mean, I
would be a whole different guy if I had to
if I was in jail for something I didn't do
like I would I would have I don't know, I
don't know what would happened, but I'd be a whole
different guy, and a lot of I probably would have
been like there would have been even more violence in
whatever jail they put you in. Yeah, And I think

(42:52):
because my dad was a fireman and stayed in the
jail all night waiting for me, they like released me
to my parents. But like, I don't even think that
sunk in until after the thing where I was like,
oh wait, they were gonna fucking keep me in jail.
That's till February, like and then when the uh the
the when the the real trial happened. I remember seeing

(43:16):
the kid who swore that it was me, and I
saw the look on his face and it was I
saw the look on his face and he realized that
he had made a mistake.

Speaker 2 (43:27):
Did you know did you both know sign language and
have a little chat.

Speaker 1 (43:30):
I know there's actually more to the story because I
wound up. I got that kid back for that. He
so he went to He went on the He went.

Speaker 2 (43:43):
On coler, what do you make of this so far?

Speaker 1 (43:46):
Is it riveted?

Speaker 4 (43:49):
Yeah, you make a movie.

Speaker 1 (43:52):
I haven't thought about this and turn into money making movie.
I mean it's color.

Speaker 2 (43:57):
Have you ever been punched in the face ever?

Speaker 4 (44:00):
I've never been punched in the face and I've.

Speaker 1 (44:03):
Yeah, so like to me, this is like wow, yeah, yeah,
it's a whole different world some people and there's people
that are livings. I mean, it's you know what it
is getting punched in the face, like purely violently, like
not in an organized boxing thing, like with somebody like

(44:24):
you in the face. It's like taking LSD. Like you
can't really describe it to somebody like you. It's something
you really have to experience to get the full sound good.
It's it sucks. I never wanted to like fight or anything,
and and I hadn't you know, I got away pretty unscathed,
considering like you know, like my friend John Laser Wang

(44:47):
is he his neighborhood, like he was in a lot,
like he had it a lot worse than I did.
He could fight though, but uh but yeah these guys sorry, no,
go ahead.

Speaker 4 (45:01):
When you get actually the moment you get punched in
the face, does it feel like hurt when you get hit,
it's jar.

Speaker 1 (45:09):
It's like it's it's jar. It's like have you ever
been in a car accident?

Speaker 4 (45:16):
Yes, but I didn't get hurt where everything flows down.

Speaker 1 (45:19):
It's just like you literally see star Like it's like
it's a real violent kind of wake up. It's like, oh,
this is real.

Speaker 2 (45:29):
Waits, you got the kid back?

Speaker 1 (45:32):
So he he swore up into on the stand. He
was such a little prick and you can I can
tell the moment I saw him when I walked into
court whatever, there was like a wait, there was some
kind of area before the thing, and I saw him
and the look on his face. I was like, he
knows he made a fucking mistake. And then he just
doubled down on because the other kid was like, I
don't think it was him. That he because it was

(45:55):
the two kids, wow, And he was like I don't
think it was him. And the other guy was like Nope,
it was definitely him. This guy, this kid came from
a whole family of cops too, so I think he
just like was like, I took it this fucking far.
I can't be like, you know what, I made a mistake.
I don't think it was him. Yeah, and the judge
I got found guilty and I was. They didn't I

(46:15):
didn't go to jail or anything, but it was like
some amount of probation for uh. I don't know how long.

Speaker 2 (46:23):
I forgot how you get the kid back?

Speaker 1 (46:25):
So I wound up I got. I got kicked out
of my original high school my sophomore year, and I
wound up going to another high school in my name.
I went to like a school for smart kids at first,
but I just didn't do the work, and I got
They had a thing where.

Speaker 2 (46:38):
If it was called school for smart guys, Yeah that's cool.

Speaker 1 (46:42):
It was. Yeah, it was like you could have gone anywhere.
That was their motto. You could have gone anywhere, you
chose here, and uh, either way, it was for academics.
The reason I got kicked out was like you weren't
allowed to fail more than two classes in one semester.
And I cut school my whole software year, I cut

(47:03):
the whole time, and uh to go where I would
hang on Center City and like go on adventures, and
you know, I would always just find somebody. I'd show
up at school because my mom would like drop the well,
she would like drop me off at the bus or
I took either way. I would go to school first,
wait for people to show up, and uh be like, hey,
who do you want to do? You feel like going

(47:24):
to school today or whatever? And I could usually find
someone and we would go like go downtown and see
a movie, go to the Mint. Like they were basically
like unorganized field trips, go because like Philadelphia there's all
this like Ben Franklin's like there's all this free historical
stuff you can go like.

Speaker 2 (47:41):
Oh you're doing like history tours.

Speaker 1 (47:43):
Would Yeah, we would just go like, oh we could
go to this place.

Speaker 2 (47:46):
Walking tours, museum. That's funny to you play hooking. You
go on historical walking tours.

Speaker 1 (47:50):
Get led around by a guy like we I do
remember we went to the I would go to the Mint.
I went to the Mint more than once and that
was kind of like, uh, that's where my entrepreneurial spirit
was born. Just watching all that.

Speaker 2 (48:04):
What is the meant met.

Speaker 1 (48:06):
Yeah, there's a San Francisco, Philadelphia, maybe Denver. There's only
a few. There's only a few places, but you can
go and yeah, you just go. You can like walk
through it and there's there's a window that you can
look down on the floor and you just see just
like giant sheep money being made, like you know, eight
foot by eight foot things of uh you know, bills,

(48:29):
and I don't know whenever they do it, but uh yeah,
So I got kicked out of that high school. I
went to another high school where that kid went to school, okay,
and I found out, like I saw him one day
and I was just like, motherfucker, that little fucking asshole.

Speaker 2 (48:46):
Were you still on probation.

Speaker 1 (48:49):
I don't maybe I don't remember. I don't know because
that wasn't a big part, Like I don't I think
I don't remember having to go to like a probation
office or anything. I think I just wasn't allowed to,
Like if I got locked up for anything, it would
have made things harder for me in that time period.
But so I saw that kid, but I knew I
was like, I can't. I really want to beat the

(49:09):
shit out of that fucker. Now, but I knew I
couldn't and I could have easily beat the shit out
of him. He was a little fucking shit mouthy. He
was a real cocksucker. I was part of my French
and there was this other kid. There were these super
bad kids that hung out at this convenience store and

(49:30):
I went over there at lunch and this one I
said to those guys, I was like, Hey, do any
of you guys. Basically, I was like, do any of
you guys? I do any of you guys know this guy?
And would you like to beat the shit out of him?
And I will give you fifty dollars if you put
him in the hospital.

Speaker 2 (49:48):
Oh my, And this one guy said, he was like,
he's my cousin.

Speaker 1 (49:54):
No he goes just point him out to me. I'll
do it for free. I know he was at a
fucking part. I don't know what he looks like. But
my girlfriend told me that there was this guy fucking
with her at a party and if that's him, she said,
he went to this he goes to the school. But
I don't know what he looks like. So point him
out to me, and uh, I'll do it. And uh
it might have been that day or the next day.

(50:16):
We h I saw. I knew which bus he took,
and me and that guy.

Speaker 2 (50:21):
Met sat outside on the bus stop like that.

Speaker 1 (50:28):
But it was so satisfying. I you know, the guy
and this guy was he I wouldn't fuck with this
guy like he was tough. You could tell.

Speaker 2 (50:39):
Yeah, and anyone who's like, I'll do it for free.

Speaker 1 (50:42):
Oh yeah. And I didn't know anything about the guy.

Speaker 2 (50:44):
I knew his first name, Like, do I want to
owe this guy a favor? I don't know.

Speaker 1 (50:48):
It worked out splendidly, like he I. I just was like,
there he is. He was like getting on the bus,
and the guy he gave me his basic if he looked.

Speaker 2 (50:58):
Over and he sees you in the distance to him
talking to this absolute menace to society, I know, right,
that would be so scary.

Speaker 1 (51:06):
Nobody seemed to put it together. I I you know,
I think he handed me as baseball. He was like.
I was like, that's him right there, he's getting on
the bus, and he was like, hold this ran up.

Speaker 2 (51:15):
This is your moth story. It ends with the baseball cap,
starts with the other baseball cap.

Speaker 1 (51:20):
Is that how the moth works?

Speaker 2 (51:21):
I don't know. It's just like it feels like a bookend.

Speaker 1 (51:25):
So he hands me his baseball hat, runs up. I
remember the guy was like two steps on into the bus.
He grabs him by the back of his shirt, yanks
him off the bus, punches him in the.

Speaker 2 (51:35):
Does the bus driver wait for him?

Speaker 1 (51:36):
It's a city bus. I don't know. I think, yeah,
I think.

Speaker 2 (51:40):
They don't get that courtesy.

Speaker 1 (51:42):
Grabs the guy, yanks him off, punches him in the
face really hard, then just grabs him by the back
of his head and just starts kneeing him in the face.
And I was like, it was like, you're jumping up.
I'm like holding the hat like yes, like I was
really I was like, I wish I could do that,
Like I wish I could be the one doing that.

(52:03):
But fuck that guy. I'm so glad I'm seeing this happen.
And then the cops came out because there were cops
at the school. It was this, you know, a public school.
The cops came over, grabbed that guy and I like
had him, you know, we're leading him away, and I
had his I go here, you drop this and gave
him his.

Speaker 2 (52:18):
Hat and then you make on my eye contact.

Speaker 1 (52:22):
I just and you know, what like, I don't know
what happened.

Speaker 2 (52:25):
He never like, maybe he'll call in.

Speaker 1 (52:29):
The guy's name was Mike. I definitely never knew his
last name. I never saw him after that, and it
was like, what's that.

Speaker 2 (52:38):
Oh my god, this is Mike. You already said you've
never been punched in the face, you fraud.

Speaker 1 (52:44):
Yeah no, this guy, the guy who did who did
my bidding, definitely had.

Speaker 2 (52:47):
Been punched in me perhaps too many times.

Speaker 1 (52:50):
And uh yeah, that fucker. I mean it really I
it felt good. It's really bad. I mean that's kind
of evil. I know. You gotta get wait, you.

Speaker 2 (52:59):
Finished the story on the dot? Yeah, the time I
have to head to Pilates. Yeah, what a master storyteller.
I well, it's weird. It's like the way you're describing it,
it is kind of like, well kind.

Speaker 1 (53:10):
Of it's a really detail I kept, you know, I
just I forgot about all the you know, when how
that ended up. I forgot about that last week.

Speaker 2 (53:20):
It's a great story. I mean, actually you are a
great storyteller.

Speaker 1 (53:25):
Well that's what they say. Who nobody.

Speaker 2 (53:31):
Brendan Walsh call her? What a arrive. You've been here
for thirty two minutes almost thirty three, he's.

Speaker 1 (53:37):
Got a free story.

Speaker 4 (53:38):
Yeah, yeah, thanks, thanks for letting me hang out.

Speaker 2 (53:41):
I loved it all right, take care it's a nice guy, yeah,
perfectly friendly Brendan. Thanks for coming in. Come back soon.
I actually kind of loved that this was like story hour.
It's like such a refreshing different.

Speaker 1 (54:00):
Energy no laughs like usual.

Speaker 2 (54:03):
No, I mean it was last that.

Speaker 1 (54:05):
I feel like that was. I mean, because yeah, that's
something that I mean, I've probably talked about that on
maybe a podcast years ago.

Speaker 2 (54:14):
Okay, so it's not it's not written on all the
pile the podcast.

Speaker 1 (54:18):
No, I don't know. I just I haven't thought about
any of that ship in a long time. Uh. Yeah,
I'm glad I could. I Yeah. And then the last
time I got punched in the face was in Alaska
as an adult.

Speaker 2 (54:31):
I was going to bring up Alaska, which I do
want to hear that story, but.

Speaker 1 (54:35):
Yeah, no, let's we'll save it for another time.

Speaker 2 (54:37):
But I don't want to just be a bar fight
in Alaska. Yeah. I didn't know if you would want
to talk about all these things, but that one I
do think is interesting.

Speaker 1 (54:43):
I mean I was completely at fault, Yeah, not really.
A girl kicked me in the back, and then I
thought it was a guy who punched me. Was like
and then he there's really not much of the story.
He easily beat me up. Why didn't even because I
like I did something rude, like she had a flower.
She had a rose, like you know like at bars

(55:05):
people she had a rose. And I was just like,
I don't remember. I made some kind of joke, not
like you're a pig or anything, but I was just
like rose out of my face, like you know it
was she did something. Then I was like leaning on
the bar and like just got hit in the back
so hard. I saw it like stars and was just
like who the like what the fuck? And there was

(55:27):
a guy standing there and I think he was just
like no, come on, he like you don't want any
of this, and she did it, It's fine, And I
was just like so blinded with rage and I was
just like no, even like probably made some kind of
advance towards him. Yeah, and he easily just like grabbed me,
punched me, threw me on the ground and.

Speaker 4 (55:45):
Yeah, just like.

Speaker 2 (55:47):
Did he say sorry at the end.

Speaker 1 (55:49):
No, but that he didn't. He didn't go overboard. He
just kind of like let me know, like, knock it off,
not happening, Yeah, but I did. I woke up the
next day like that was yeah, that was definitely drinking
was involved. Then there was like blood on my pillow
and I was like what the oh right, damn but
big tough guy. Anybody wants to fight me, email my lawyer,
Frank Come sixty nine at gmail dot com.

Speaker 2 (56:12):
Okay, you know what to do.

Speaker 1 (56:13):
Anyone anywhere, anytime on this podcast. We'll go out so
you can do a live remote.

Speaker 2 (56:17):
Hit the email. Brennan's heading out in his van with
his dad.

Speaker 1 (56:22):
Yeah, with our bat.

Speaker 2 (56:28):
I'm getting on my scooter. I got to be out
to pilates.

Speaker 1 (56:33):
Sounds like the van