March 3, 2025 • 51 mins
Life is always evolving which means your friendships and relationships either do the same or grow in opposite directions.
Jess & Camilla talk about being at different stages along the way with some of their friends and how to spot out drifters and sniff out toxic relationships.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Call It What It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille Luddington,
an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Well, hello, Hello, Hello, Hello Call It crew, and welcome
to another episode of Call It What It Is.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Holy moly, I know there's a little pause here.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
We're talking about friendship breakups, a popular demand. I'm not
a very popular but demand. Yeah, absolutely, people want to
talk about it. I actually saw it as a sign
of real trust because this one is something that actually,
you know how like all the teenagers these days, if
you if they offend you, at least mine when they
offend you. When they offend you, they follow it up
(00:49):
with like, it's not that deep, and you're like, actually,
you just made it deeper. Yeah, And also it's up
to me if it's deep, how would I how would
I let you know? But that's the segue into this
is deep. Friendship breakups I think are one of the
most painful things you can possibly go through.
Speaker 4 (01:08):
They are so jess Yeah, So this is a lot
of the College crew that've been writing us to talk
with us.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
We've talked, we've kind of.
Speaker 4 (01:15):
Glossed over it a little bit before this is our
deep dive into it. And so I spent you know,
the past couple of days just too, we've been really
researching it.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
We've been reading a lot of material on it and
kind of all.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Over the place, like for different different outlets with different perspectives,
because I think it's sort of although I got to say,
they all say the same thing.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
They do, but reading it, I was like shocked by
some of the statistics and not shocked, but you know, like, oh,
I can relate to some things that they're saying in it.
And before we get into our personal stories, I think
we talk about what, yeah, what people are saying out
there in the world when they're writing about this.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Well, I mean, I think that the one that kind
of took up both of our breath away was that
according to a Forbes article, the research shows that up
to seventy percent of close friendships and fifty two percent
of our social networks, so multiple friends dissolve after seven years.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
That was really shocking to me. We hear about the
seven year itch right with.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Relationship or partnership?
Speaker 4 (02:22):
Yeah, seven years to me for a friendship. By the way,
we're going on basically double high five to us, because
like I mean, before Jess and I had this conversation
before she got on, and I was like, I need
you to understand, like you're never losing me. Like even
if you do a Capshaw ghosting, it's like I'll be
there like a stalker.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Like you're gonna have to it's not a ghost this
is a moonwalk. It's an elegant but it's not gonna
work on me. No, I'm not shaking you.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
I won't take any hint. And it's like you are
stuck with me for life.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
I'm a lifer. Yeah, I love it, I'll take it
for life. But seven years. I think there's a reason
for that. Why because I think seven years is usually
how long it takes you to do that. Like the
next you get to that next plateau, right, like you're
in school and you're all doing the same thing, and
(03:14):
you're you're in high school, even though it's not seven years,
but it's you know, let's say middle school to high school,
maybe college, and then get jobs afterwards, and it's like
that's another probably seven years, and then you meet your
person and you go through that next shift and then
you're thinking about starting a family and you have a
(03:36):
whole other set of you know, needs, places you're going, people,
you're seeing ways you want to socialize. I mean, I
think it probably shifts every seven years. So you're talking
about the timing of friendships sort of dissolving times out
with these big sort of life jumps that you end
up doing. I would that's what that would be my guess.
Speaker 4 (03:59):
I think what's hard is that you expect friendships to
grow with you and do the jumps with you, and
finding out that they don't is really shocking. There's no
friendship like especially when they feel like a sister's you know,
like really deep. There's no ticking time clock on it,
like potentially a romantic relationship.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Plus in order for you to be in real relationship
like the kind of friendships that we're talking about and
that we see in movies and film and books, it
is total surrender, right like you really truly just like
in romance, and in a romantic relationship, you give your
whole heart, You share your deepest, darkest secrets. They know
(04:41):
you in a way that maybe no one else does,
and there's such a vulnerability to that and such a
and because of that vulnerability, you think, well, it can
actually literally can never end because there couldn't possibly be
someone who knows all of this about me walking around
in the world that doesn't still feel tethered to me, Right,
if we're no longer friends, if we no longer have
(05:02):
that accountability and the circumstances in which we're showing up
for each other, and they know all this about me,
like not like not like not like holding it over
your head, not like I'm I'm not suggesting that that
person is, you know, somehow leveraging anything against you. I
think it's just the intimacy of it. And then you
don't have it anymore.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
Yes, Like you are being so vulnerable with that, with
that kind of friend, and you are sort of like
handing them your secrets and then but you assume that
like they're going to hold them with you forever, and
then they're not in your world anymore, and they're walking
out in the world with like.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
A piece of you, is what it feels like.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
That's exactly right. The trust is so huge. Yes.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
So I was also reading Wondermind, which is Selena Gumus's amazing,
incredible website. Wonderminded a whole article on this, and one
of the things I talked about that I thought was
very interesting is and I'm going to quote it. Our
culture doesn't have the same rituals or milestones at the
end of a friendship like we do with significant others,
(06:06):
like moving out with divorces, and so because of that,
we find it harder to have that disconnect, like we
basically like, we find it harder to move on because
there's usually like you know, a breakup is like you
move open, like yeah, yeah, yes, and so that leads
to a longer period of grief. Basically, have you ever
(06:29):
had any friendship breakups?
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I mean obviously you have, but yes, I'll talk about
one or a handful, more than a handful, to be.
Speaker 4 (06:37):
Honest, There's only one that really really sticks out because
I feel like the others sort of felt like a
seven year and then the other friendships that I've had
have lasted, right, I've been very lucky, Like my best
friend since high school, I literally text her yesterday. My
other best friends since high school, like we're still in contact.
But one friendship I had in my twenties was a
(07:00):
was a little over a seven year but but felt
like that like felt like I handed all my secrets
that was going to be my ride or die, right,
Like that's the girl that I'm going to, you know,
see through all the freight sphases of my life and really,
you know, we.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Lived together, we worked together.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
And the truth is basically she ended up dating a
guy that you know about a year into their relationship
did something that was you know, a little shady and
or a lot shady, depending on who you talk to,
And it wasn't at all. Yes, he did something that
was not good, really not good. And did she tell
(07:37):
you about it or did you find out about it?
I found out about it. I was able to find
out about it through do you know or were you
the one that knew? A mutual friend of ours, part
of our little girl group, found out about it and
we had to sort of go to her and tell
her that, hey, this thing happened.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Oh that's actually that's worse.
Speaker 4 (07:56):
Yeah and so and by the way, like he was
just not my vibe anyway I would describe him.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
I've described him before as.
Speaker 4 (08:03):
He's a little he was a little Biffy from Back
to the Future. If you don't know Biff, yeah, you
gotta research or people.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
I thought that there was only one Biff. There is.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
No Some people give off a little bit of a
biff vibe, and he was a little biffy.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
I don't want to judge, but what person goes walks
towards a biff You only walk away?
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Well, listen to moonwalk.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
You can flat out run listen, listen. Okay, Okay, I
like in the biff vibe. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (08:33):
He was not my style. He was not he was
not my He didn't give me good vibes. And especially
after something happens. I think as a girl, you know,
like if you're romantically voters on and you can like
move on. But the girl, I'm the kind of a
girlfriend that like, I sit back and I'm just I'm
not gonna lean all the way in. I'm gonna make
sure wait to make sure that you're like gonna have
(08:54):
my girl right Like, I'm not giving it all to you.
It's gonna take me really long time. I'm sagittarius. It's
gonna take me a long time. Yeah, you need a minute,
Yeah more than a minute.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
By the way, this is a good segue too, really quickly.
There was only one time in our friendship where we
were at work and something had gone down and and
someone was kind of coming to have some words with
me about something and I was kind of like that
when you think you're in trouble and you get like anxious,
and I was like, okay, no, no, I'm gonna take care
of this, and I take care of this, and you
were with me, and I kind of looked at you
(09:25):
like Okay, go away, cause I got I gotta handle this,
and you were like, oh, let me add him, let
me add him.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
Like no, I was like, I was, I know exactly
what you're talking about. And my feet were fully planted.
I'm like, if you're going to talk to her, like
if this is going to go down, I'm also going
to be stood right here just to be you.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Know, an HR witness to this basically.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
And then it's like cracking your knuckles, just waiting waiting.
You were like I got.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
This, No I was.
Speaker 4 (09:51):
I was like, unless you give me the sign, which
you did. It was very obvious, like I need you
to scram I was not scramming. There's no scramming. Listen,
I'm gonna stay right. So anyway, so this guy and
to be honest, they're still together. They're you know, I know,
they listen married, they are they're married, and they married to.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
Biff Listen, maybe this. Maybe the biff was a stage.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
Maybe he's you know, it's all turned around. It was
giving me biff vibes back then.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Okay, okay, okay, So.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
Me and her, this is not just me being crazy
like your mutual friends of hers confide. But one night
me and her guy, her boyfriend at the time, had
gotten into an argument, a big argument, and it really
killed it. It was just the friendship was sort of
done because she had to pick.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
I mean, a better question would be, did it feel
like she had to pick after you guys got into
the fight.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
I mean, I guess that's a question for her.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
I think what's hard from like the my end of
the situation, I think this happens all the time.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
If you have if you're if your bestie is married or.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
With someone that you're like about, you kind of inherit
the guy or the girl right like you inherit the person,
and then it can it can be sticky. And so
I don't know if she felt like she had to choose.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
Maybe she did.
Speaker 4 (11:11):
And it's and and by the way, it's kind of
insulting when you're like, ah, this is like a two
year or three year We've been best friends for like
a decade, like what are you doing? But again I
do think that, like romantic relationships often win out over
a friendship, which is also like sometimes jarring. But it's
my experience. I wouldn't have made her pick. The truth
(11:32):
is it would have been hard for her because I
didn't want to be around him. So it's like the
fourth of July barbecue is like, did I really want
this person in my house?
Speaker 2 (11:39):
No?
Speaker 3 (11:39):
I thought it was rude. I thought it was kind
of a jerk, you know.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
Yeah, And you can't when you when you can't be
honest with someone who you are intimate with and like again,
has all your secrets, knows where all your bodies are? Yeah,
where all the bodies are buried? You you really, I think,
and be friends in that same way, you know, I mean,
(12:07):
like you and I can be very honest with each other.
Speaker 4 (12:09):
Like, yes, I'm gonna give an example. Oh no, this
is Is it me being honest or you being honest? No,
there's so many This is how honest?
Speaker 2 (12:18):
But I love that.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
I mean, this is one of the things I really
treasure about us and hopefully you guys can hear it
on this podcast. We like to be really, really honest
with each other is something that we both really appreciated
about each other, and it comes from a place of like,
I have your back, I love you. You're like you know everything.
And after drink the ball, I was just doing a
(12:38):
sleepover Jess's house and we woke up and I was
just gazing at the window and I was like, God,
it's so BEAUTI look at this beautiful morning, drinking my
cup of coffee, honestly minding my own business. And Jess
was like, can I tell you something. Your hair is
a little green. I was just looking at the birds.
I was like what, and you were like, your blonde
(13:02):
has a shade of garbage in it.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
I mean you didn't say.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
That, but that's that's some of the vibe, right, And
I was like, cool, what do I do? And You're like, wow,
I got this charcoal shampoo thing that I use and
we got to figure that out. And I so appreciate
it because some people would have looked at my garbage
hair and not.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Said anything, yeah a little Oscar, little Oscar the grouch hair,
and not said anything.
Speaker 4 (13:25):
And I would have just been sitting there like a moron,
drinking my coffee, being like the birds that sound cute,
but I.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Appreciate I appreciate that kind of honesty. I didn't point
it out without having a solution. I mean that's also something, right.
Speaker 4 (13:39):
I mean, I still want you to point it out
and just be like, we'll do some googling. But like,
but you know what, not every friendship is like that.
Can you could you have told other friends of yours
that their hair looks like green? You gotta figure it out?
Speaker 2 (13:55):
No? No, not many, not many, not many? But you
know what, that actually okay because so here's another thing
that I was really thinking about when we were thinking
about friendships. It's funny how we all socialize. But when
we're in school, like elementary school and middle school, even college,
we become it seems like we have a natural drift
towards friend groups. Right, Like there's multiple friends hanging out,
(14:19):
and that can be great because there's options, right, people
get to like go off in twos or threes and
you have a bigger group. But for me, I actually
far prefer being a floater. I don't I'm not really
like a friendship group person. I have, Like I have
people who are you know, have been in my life
(14:42):
for a really long time. And that I just value
above all, and when they say something or when they're
honest with me about something, I know that I can
absolutely count on that advice or that perspective or that
offering in a way that very very I think, just
grounded and unique. And I think it's because I don't
(15:05):
I'm not part of a group. There's no triangulating, don't.
I think the friendship groups can be a little difficult
because there's who's going off with who and who said
what about who? And I think it can be a
little bit more complicated. So I find that, you know,
obviously we met in a bigger system of work, but
then we really just we have our friendship and it's
(15:26):
so specific to the chemistry that happens between you and I,
and so when we're together, like we know what that's
going to be. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (15:34):
I also, I mean I have to say, yes, we
were part we were part of a bigger, you know, group,
but it's also still work. It wasn't like a you know,
I wouldn't consider that like a big friend group. There's
an element of family dynamic there. But the two of
us were for sure, you know, it was like that
was my close clothes you were my close clothes. But
(15:56):
I agree with you that I think it gets complicated,
and it did for me in this situation I just
talked about when you have that friendship group, right, because
then you're being Then it becomes the dynamics of everybody
else gets involved, right, everyone has an opinion. Everyone's sort
of like, well, she did say this about you, and
then you're like, wait, what are you? Yeah, hold your
(16:17):
and then you can't say anything because you can't say
anything because that's the friend that told you, and now
you can't say that.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Yeah. See, I don't like that. That's what I don't like.
I don't like that. I think that that is bullshit
and it's not fun for me, and I don't like it.
And it's funny. I actually I don't think i've ever
said this to you before.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
I get low key jealous.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Like I'm with if I'm with like if I'm with you,
not jealous in a destructive way, but like you and
I do a lot of stuff. Or we'll go out
into the world and like we'll go to a conference
or we'll go to a event or whatever whatever, and
there'll be lots of people and I'm fine with that
for a while, and then I'm like, okay, let needs
to leave.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
I'm the same way.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
My social battery gets drained to zero, and I'm like,
totally I need everyone else to leave.
Speaker 4 (17:02):
Okay, but I'm okay. This is why we're actually a
terrible combination because there's a time. There was a time
when Jess and I were supposed to go do something
together and it was like a business situation, right, and
we're sitting in this hotel room. I'm not gonna say
where because it'll out that like the situation.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
And I was like, maybe we don't go. Maybe it's
just we stay here and we go to dinner, and
that's sort of the business situation we do.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
So yes, I my social body is not even I
don't know if it's ever on.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
So when your dies, I'm like, yes, it's dead. Thank god,
we're gone home.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Yes, but those are But that's the That's the thing
I think is so important about successful friendships, which would
be the opposite of having to break up with someone.
It's like you have little contracts, little agreements that you
make with each other in friendship where you're like, okay,
I can handle being out at this thing for I
think I'm good for you know, a couple hours, and
then I'm gonna look at you with like large eyeballs
(17:55):
and be like I gotta go.
Speaker 4 (17:57):
Yeah, well that's when I also, that's what I do
appreciate about someone like you in my life is that
it's not even eyeballs.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
It's like we will just turn to each other like
I'm done, Yeah, let's go.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (18:08):
There's no woods like I'm over it. There's another article
too that I want to talk about. It says friendship
breakups are incredibly common and normal and inevitable, but we
often personalize it and see it as a failure because
it is so unexpected and because it's so uncommonly spoken about.
And I think that's true.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
I think it.
Speaker 4 (18:28):
Does feel like extremely shocking when a friendship ends and
then it's your I think there's like a sense of
self that you're like, wait, what, like that person was
part of me?
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (18:42):
Do you know what I mean? Like it's it's an
identity crisis almost, I was gonna say.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Because it also feels like a reflection on you, because
if the relationship isn't successful, then it might be in
part to you as well.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
Have you had that seven year that's like you think
it's a ride or die and that it's ended.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Yeah, yeah, was it shocking to.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
You or did you?
Speaker 3 (19:15):
Were you okay to like let it go?
Speaker 4 (19:18):
It took me time to like be okay with it,
and now I appreciate like what it was at the time,
and I can reflect on it and be like, that
was great. That's what we needed as a friends at
the time. And now it's you know, it's done. Like
I don't have any ill will about it, but it was.
It took a long time.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
The only friendship breakups that I have in my life
are sort of specific to there having been an event
that caused the breakup. There's been less.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
Drift an event's hard though I almost I almost feel
like the drift is better.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Of course it is. It's far. But it's funny because
I have reconnected. We've always stayed friends, but I reconnected
with a college friend of mine, and the first time
that we talked after not talking for a long time,
we talked. I truly, I think we actually spoke on
the phone for three hours. I mean, there's something about
people who knew who've known you for that life.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
I know that they have all the story.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
They do just exactly like what I said, they have
all the stories. Yeah, she remembers things that I actually don't.
This is not shocking, but I mean it's which fun.
But yeah, I mean I think that sometimes the breakup
breakups have been in friendship. Breakups in my life have
been particularly painful because they've there's been an event where
(20:30):
someone behaved, you know, myself included. There have been times
where I did and said things that I was like
what what? Who was that person? And you and you're
and it sucks, It really sucks. It sucks when you
when you're the one who's done the thing. It sucks
when they've done the thing. I mean, it just it
(20:50):
just is so so hard, and you kind of don't
even know what to do with yourself anymore, because all
your flight patterns usually depend on that friendship, right, Like
you have this thing where you see them and you
go here and maybe it's your favorite made me whatever
it is. It's like either the cafe or the gym
or the restaurant or the workplace, whatever it is. But
like you, you don't usually stop intersecting, and you have
(21:13):
to reckon with this division that is that feels so heavy.
That's what I feel like, I was. The worst part
is that that, like the term heavy hearted resonates for me, right,
like my heart feels heavy when, yes, that kind of
thing happens. I just it's hard to get out of it.
(21:35):
That being said, you know, then you have kids, and
I imagine a lot of friendship breakups happen when you
have kids, because yeah, all of a sudden, they're the
most important thing. It's true, It's true.
Speaker 4 (21:47):
I had I want to know your opinion on this
because I told Matt that we were doing this podcast
last night and it got on this on the subject
of I think, but I might be wrong, and maybe
this is how I feel. I think that in relationships,
in romantic relationships, you give that person like a lot
(22:07):
of chances, right like you're in a fight and it's
you get you know, in friendships, no matter how close
you are, I think friends get less chances to like
get angry at each other in general.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
What's your hypothesis you think sex in our sex in
our interrupts.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
I don't know what my hypothesis.
Speaker 4 (22:28):
I guess my hypothesis is that, like, you don't get
as many roe bumps in a friendship as you do
in a relationship, Like I feel like a relationship you
get your get out of jail free card a lot
more than friendships, and so they're a little more seven
year like maybe likely to end abruptly. You're saying, like
one thing happened, right, Like, I can't think of a
(22:48):
relationship that I've had where like one thing happened and
it was done. But I can think of friendships where
like we never fought and now one thing happened and
now it's kind of done.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (23:01):
And I don't know why that is, And I don't
even know if other people have that same opinion. I
was just it was a conversation that we had last
night that I was like, that's kind of interesting.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Yeah, I think we expect more from our friendships, Isn't
that crazy? I think we have a higher standard we do.
Is that weird to say?
Speaker 3 (23:17):
No, I don't think that's weird, But I think that's
very interesting.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Actually, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
I wonder why.
Speaker 4 (23:25):
So I read this article by Lilly dan Seger and
l two talking about friendship breakups, and she had gone
through a friendship breakup and then what she did is
she threw together a quick survey and threw it out
into the world thinking like, like have you experienced this?
And she said the first weekend after she set this
survey out on x one hundred and twenty five women
(23:48):
responded with stories of betrayal and heartbreak and dramatic fallouts
and all the things that come with a friendship breakup.
And she was so blown away by not only the
response fast, but how emotional responses were. One person wrote,
there's an empty second half of the book where she
and I should have been filling in the story together,
(24:12):
And I think that that's a lot, that's a lot
of how we feel. But also then she realized that
almost ninety percent of respondent said that their friendship breakup
was a big deal or a bigger deal than some
or all of their past romantic breakups. And she says,
she talks about how like in our culture, you know,
(24:34):
we have this feeling of like socially we see like,
you know, you break up and your girlfriends come over
and you eat the ice cream, and you sort of know, like,
you know, there's a little ritual around like getting over
like that romantic breakup, and it just isn't there for
a friend breakup, and so it does feel really isolating
and you sort of don't know how to process it.
(24:56):
There's not like that rallying and you know you're gonna
watch the romantic you know, it's like very hard to
get over it because socially we sort of like are like, wait,
what the do I do?
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Now? How do I warn this? Yeah? I completely agree.
There isn't that cultural rallying around someone who has broken
up with a friend the way that there is when
you've broken up with a romantic partner. I mean not
that we should, you know, have pain be a competitive sport,
but I do. I have found it far more painful
(25:30):
to be broken up with as a friend than like
the breaking up is hard because you know you have
to do it and who wants to hurt anyone? Yeah,
all that, But when you get broken up with, yeah,
and it's really only happened once, it's pain No, you
know when it actually happened another time, it happened a
second time, and it was really wild because you know,
(25:52):
life is long. And I had a friend basically say
I don't be friends with you anymore and okay, and
then maybe two or three years later sent me an
email that was like you know what, I really thought
about it, and I think I acted too rashly and
(26:14):
I really missed you. It was very kind, it was
very sweet, but because they had broken up with me
in a way that I really felt was orderline unkind.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
Yeah, I felt a little bit like, you know.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
What, you put me in a time out and you
like left me in my room and you forgot about me.
You forgot to come and take me out of my
time out. And now I'm in my room and I'm
actually fine here.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
Yeah, I actually decorated it.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Yeah, I've decorated it. I feel like I buyed some
friends over Yeah.
Speaker 4 (26:48):
Yeah, I've got new friends over here and we've opened
a bottle of wine and cool.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
Yeah you're cool.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
I'm cool. But I'll look forward to running into you.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Yes, I have to say.
Speaker 4 (26:56):
The friend that I broke that, well, I think it
was kind of a mute to be honest, that this
friendship ended with a few years later, I did write
her and say like, hey, you know, like if you
ever want to meet for coffee, because I was thinking
in the moment, I was being nostalgic in the moment.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
Is the truth that I thought, like, maybe there's a.
Speaker 4 (27:16):
World in which like it's never going to be the same,
but like we can we're both mommies now, like maybe
they're you know, we both had sons around the same age,
like maybe there's a world in which there's a new
something there that can work. And then the truth is
is that she canceled same day on the coffee and
I wasn't even mad at it. I was like, oh,
(27:38):
you know what, it's not meant to be, and I
just I sort of needed I it confirmed something for me.
And and now that that like feeling of like that
question is like gone very much, so like it was like, okay, great,
well this is yes, yes, yes, yes, And now that
feeling of like wanting to meet up is like on
(28:00):
you know, like that any of that question. But anyway,
all these things are very difficult. They're very painful, and
apparently all of us have experienced this and we just
don't talk about it because it's it feels maybe embarrassing
and awkward to be like.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
A lost a friend.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Yeah you know. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:17):
And in one of the articles I read, they said,
like make sure you don't go to your mutual friends,
like don't lean on your mutual friends, because sure, yes,
but I kind of did that and it was not
a good idea because you do end up hearing I know, but.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
What are you supposed to process it in a vacuum?
I mean you can't.
Speaker 4 (28:33):
I mean I think that, like you, you process it
hopefully with friends outside of outside of it. But sometimes
the hard thing is is like your friends are all
in it mm hmm, and it gets complicated and messy,
and maybe you need to put lay down boundaries and
be like, listen, I need to like say this, but
I like I need you to be Switzerland for just
a little bit.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Mm hmm. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Well, and I think as we mature, whatever age that
means for someone. But I think that there's the accountability pieces.
If I knew then what I know now, how actually
I'm I feel very I mean I don't want to
get cocky, but I think I've gotten so much better
if I've done something, or if I even think I've
(29:17):
done something, I find it's so much easier to take accountability,
to go to the person and be like, yes, oh
you know what you said that you mentioned this thing
and it made me think that you think I've done
something that actually I didn't do. I forgot to do
that thing and you think that like I'm so sorry,
how and someone said this there data made so much
(29:40):
sense to me. So often we try to work each
other as opposed to work the problem or work the challenge,
and it's it's sort of on the heels of that.
You can't control anybody. You can't make someone think something
or do something. All you can control is how you
think and what you do. And so so really, when
(30:01):
you're you know, trying to figure something out together, you can't.
It's less successful to look at the other person and
be like, you need to do this, you need to
do that, you need to think differently. But more like,
this is a situation we've been given. Here are the challenges.
What are we going to do? What are your thoughts?
What are my thoughts? How do I figure it out?
Speaker 3 (30:20):
No, I agree with that.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
I think I actually think having kids makes me has
made me realize that I can own and apologize more
because like you're kind of horrified sometimes parenting.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Or at least I am where I'm like, damn, I.
Speaker 4 (30:34):
Really yelled, Like I gotta say, like that was a
I took it to a ten and they were only
at a five. You know, Yeah, like I'm the one
that to get to the dam so I gotta say sorry.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Yeah yeah, because you're the role model. Damn it.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
Parenting is so humbling, is the truth.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
But what we've talked about this before.
Speaker 4 (30:52):
I like it do over sometimes, yes, And I think
a friendship do over like is so important to be like.
I mean, I've definitely called a friend and said I'm
so sorry, I'm so.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
I don't know why I said that.
Speaker 4 (31:05):
So you know, and I those are the friendships that
really go the distance they do.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
I'm so sorry I said your hair was green.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
No, I actually, by the way, it was like thinking.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
About it this morning and I'm like, can you you
didn't text me the charcoal thing?
Speaker 2 (31:21):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
I don't want you to be sorry about it.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
I need you to figure fix it. Yeah yeah, okay,
Well i'll get you. I'll get you after this. All right, Well,
let's get into what the crew has written in.
Speaker 4 (31:42):
Yeah yeah, yeah, Emily says, my best friend lives hours away.
What is your best advice for maintaining that friendship from afar?
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Hello, we have it. I have this friendship right now.
Don't let distance ever derail you. I don't feel that
I don't I really don't. I don't. I don't feel
it does I I talk to my well again, I
mean we're a particular time in our lives, right, we
are very busy, so we are we are constantly like
pinballing from thing to things. So I don't have a
(32:11):
ton of time for real FaceTime, sit down time with
my friends, like I can, you know, grab dinners here
and there. But I'm not a lady who lunches, and
I don't have I don't have time for that. And
so I'm all on the phone. And you don't need
to live near someone to be on the phone.
Speaker 4 (32:30):
I think that even I think one thing that we
have gotten really good at is sometimes it's like just
that two minute call. Mm. It like it and and
it maintains that friendship. Or even sometimes I know that
I don't have time to really even have a conversation,
but I just need to get this one thing out.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
I'll send her a voice memo.
Speaker 4 (32:48):
And so I just think those little all those things
add up so instead of thinking I can't you know,
I don't have an hour to talk on the phone,
it can be two minutes. It can just be like, hey,
what's going on? How are you and I think that
it all adds up.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
Yeah. Yeah, and also the texting, I'm pretty hilarious each
other exactly. Yeah, Okay. Tara wrote in and said, my
best friend stopped talking to me because I didn't buy
her Taylor Swift tickets. How dare you? I did not
feel guilty because the ticket demand price was insane. I
don't think you should feel guilty, And I don't think
(33:23):
she should have stopped talking to you because you didn't
buy her Taylor Swift ticket. Also, I just.
Speaker 4 (33:28):
Think that, like you, it's not like Tara had.
Speaker 3 (33:31):
The one uh the one link to the ticket. It
is ticket Master. Yeah, you can log on at any
time you want to.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
Yeah, maybe you're mad at her for not buying you tickets.
Speaker 4 (33:42):
Yeah, Shannie said, how do I stop expecting new friendships
to end bad after a past relationship breakup?
Speaker 2 (33:50):
I think that.
Speaker 4 (33:50):
Taking time to really examine why a past relationship breakup
happened and sit on it really helps you move forward
into new friendships and you kind of understand maybe where
it imploded, and then you get to navigate new ones differently.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
Phoebe, how do you know it is only you that
is keeping the friendship alive? And the other person is
over it.
Speaker 4 (34:12):
Well, if they're doing it, Jessica Capshaw little ghosting, whatever
she wants to call it, it's over. I mean, you
can tell if somebody's natural it's a ghost. It's if
a natural drift is happening. No, I think that like
you're being drifted. It's if you're being drifted. Then you know,
if someone's not putting in the same energy, that is
also the mel Robbins. I mean, that's the thing. If
(34:34):
people well, and you let.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Them, and then you figure people want to do it,
they're going to do it. Right. When people want to,
they do. When they don't want to, they don't. So
if someone's not doing what you would like for them
to be doing, or not keeping up there under the friendship,
then that's your information. I had this thing, Oh my gosh, sidebar.
I remember in my early twenties dating. I dated this
(34:57):
guy who was like a super player player, and I
said to well, he ended up doing what he was
meant to be doing and he was a player, and
he cheated. And I went to my mom and.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
I was like, oh my god, he cheated and she's
like mm hmmm, And I said, but I don't Understan
why because I told it, Like I told him if
he was seeing other people, he could totally tell me
about it.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
And she was like, just because you give someone permission
to be honest with you, doesn't mean that they will
like you're not in control, is basically what I gleaned
from that interest.
Speaker 3 (35:28):
That's really good. I love that, right, Yes.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
Because you you feel like the permission is an invite
that will be absolutely accepted because you've given it and
it's not true.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
But again that would be assuming that you were in control.
And Nope, yeah, not.
Speaker 4 (35:45):
So.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
I think that. I think that if you get a
feeling that you're the only one keeping a friendship alive
the friendships to have your answer and the other person
is over it.
Speaker 3 (35:55):
Yeah, and it's not alive, is it?
Speaker 2 (35:57):
No, she's gone. It's not funny.
Speaker 4 (36:01):
I'm just saying, I know, but it just sounded like
a funeral, all of it. Yeah, it's a French of funeral.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
Okay, Lottie, I cut off cut.
Speaker 4 (36:09):
Off a toxic friend a year ago. I see her
around a lot and can't move on.
Speaker 3 (36:13):
What do I do?
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Well?
Speaker 4 (36:14):
I don't understand why you can't move on If she
was toxic and you cut her off.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
I have questions about that.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Because sometimes we can't quit these toxic people. There would
be no television series, there would be no movies if
we assumed the toxic people were easy to quit. I mean,
do you remember that series that I was in the
first season of Tell Me Lies? All Toxic Relationships?
Speaker 4 (36:40):
Yeah? But I mean I watch a lot of TV series,
but I don't want to be in them.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
I love squid games, so I'd rather not play, did
I I forgot to tell you this. I was a
captive audience when I was getting my nails done the
other day and they had the Desperate not Desperate Housewives,
the Regular the what's the show you always wanted to watch? Yeah,
Real Housewives, the one with Denny Richards and Kyle Beverly Hills.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
Kyle Richards.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
Yeah, Holy, I know they are so mean.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
I know they're awful.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
No, they're so mean to each other.
Speaker 3 (37:10):
I know it's terrible.
Speaker 4 (37:11):
In fact, to be honest, I gotta tie you. We're
sigebarring this, but you know what those shows are about, friendship.
I had to stop watching because I got so invested
and I wanted to throw stuff at my TV.
Speaker 3 (37:23):
Wait, who was on it. Wait, who was on this?
Speaker 2 (37:25):
Well, honestly, you couldn't make this stup. So I'm getting
my nails done with Yesie and yes he and I
are talking about this, that and the other. And she's like,
I'm gonna put on the Housewives.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
Who the heck is?
Speaker 4 (37:36):
YESI you just said yes He? Like, oh, I know
who that is?
Speaker 2 (37:40):
Yes, he does my nails.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
I know, but like you gotta sometimes you gotta like
introduce the person.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
Okay, fine, yes Hei? And is your nail? Is your nail?
Speaker 3 (37:47):
Okay, that's my nails because I don't know who this is.
Speaker 4 (37:49):
Okay, you're good.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
We can move on. We can move on.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
So she is a projector and she puts shows up
on the wall while you're getting your nails set.
Speaker 4 (37:57):
Oh I got like a movie theater.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
Yeah, kind that like but also like during the holidays,
we watched elf you know.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
We just we watched Different Cube.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
But yeah, tell me she's the best. I love you, Yesie.
So she puts on Housewives and I said, I don't
I don't know anything about this one. I mean, I
don't know anything about the show. Which one is it?
Like who are the characters? And she said, oh, this
is the one with she named mom and she said
Denise Richards. I said, oh my gosh, you want to
know a fun fact, and she said what I said,
(38:25):
Denise Richards was one of my really, really, really good friends.
A whole lifetime ago. I'd done this movie called Valentine,
which was a horror movie. It was didn't you go
to the plant Boy Mansion with her? Yes?
Speaker 4 (38:36):
I did.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
We were a swat team members. Oh my god, I
just yeah, I get a visual on that, because I'm
sure I'm serious. Oh yeah, it's amazing. By the way,
try and be Denise Richards plus one at the Playboy.
No in matching costumes. No confidence that I had that
I shouldn't have had.
Speaker 4 (38:56):
No, well you and know you had the blonde her brunette. No,
I think it works. I think it worked.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
I don't know if it works. But anyways, so I say,
I used to be very good friends with Denise Richards.
And I go off on this whole thing because I'm
not watching any of the show, and she's got the
volume turned down, and I said, oh my gosh, Denise Richards,
we had so much fun. You know, she's from Illinois,
I'm from Missouri. She were like two Midwestern girls just
out there in Los Angeles, and we had so much
(39:20):
fun and I just adored her and she was so
so so nice, and I just like Harti Gold. And
then she met Charlie Sheen and she ended up getting
married to Charlie Sheen and a little natural drift, a
natural drift, she got married and there she was, you know, drifting, yes,
And no sooner had I said that Denise Richards was
the kindest, most lovely person ever than she turned up
(39:42):
the volume and Denise Richards was talking to some other
lady with long blonde hair, and I was like, don't
talk about my fucking kids. And I was like, what
can I tell you.
Speaker 4 (39:56):
I'm gonna be honest. It could be there's a number
of blondies. But I loved Denie switches on that show.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
And if she was.
Speaker 4 (40:02):
Saying it, I'm in her corner. She was bullied relentlessly
for a season. It was horrible to watch. Let's get
her on, you know what, We're gonna get her on.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
Absolutely, I'm telling you again, I am telling you sweetest,
kindest she is.
Speaker 3 (40:20):
And by the way, I loved her.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
The gloves were off, and of course I now my
ears are perked up. So I'm listening to everything that
they're saying, and I'm learning things because I haven't kept
up on her life, but I'm now learning. This woman
was so mean, that was being a that was being
so mean to her, And she was talking about how
which one of who makes more on OnlyFans.
Speaker 3 (40:41):
Ne're a couple of seasons behind.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
But they're sitting there and she's like drinking tea. Yeah,
she's real mean.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
Oh listen, I know it.
Speaker 2 (40:49):
That's not good friendship. Just as long as you're on
the friendship.
Speaker 4 (40:53):
Well, we talked about a toxic friend I mean, these
were the Housewives is all toxic friendships.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
We're gonna have them on. We'll talk about me, me
and meanies.
Speaker 4 (41:01):
Okay, Wow we went really you know what, I'm okay
with a Housewives sidebar.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
Okay, Camilla. A friend got mad.
Speaker 4 (41:11):
At me because I didn't invite her boyfriend to my
birthday party.
Speaker 2 (41:15):
I never met him. Oh, I think you can give
your friend a plus one for their boyfriend if.
Speaker 4 (41:19):
Everyone else has one. It depends how intimate it is.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
Just need to repair. Yeah, get that friend back, don't
let that one go. Okay, Jenny says how to deal
with someone having a new favorite person. Oh, like competitive friendships.
Speaker 3 (41:47):
That's hard.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
Yeah, I saw you on Instagram with some other friends.
Speaker 4 (41:52):
I know and you. I know that you think that
I don't have any but to be honest, I've had
to listen to you and Sasha. You will preface Sasha
as your prest friend in the entire world more than
any other friend. Ever.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
I'm just saying, in all fairness, I did not post
a picture like in the center of them wearing matching
T shirts and like you know, out of the world.
Speaker 4 (42:10):
I'm just saying, if you were here, you'd have a
T shirt. This is a let them if they have
a favorite new friend. Yeah, what are you gonna do?
You can't last owe them in. I mean it's hard,
but you can be productive about and proactive about making
sure that you carve out time and invite them to
do things with you so that you feel like the
friendship is still getting.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
You know, nurtured. Yeah, where you can be in competitive
friendship mode and just do everything better than that other friend.
Speaker 3 (42:38):
Which is also another angle that we support. We were
here on call what it is.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
Weren call what it is, Do what you need to do.
Speaker 3 (42:46):
If it's war of the roses.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
It's more of the roses. It's fun exactly right. Marnie
wrote in and said, my family is friends with my
ex best friend's family. Our friendship did not end great.
Should I be upset with my family for still remaining friends?
Speaker 3 (43:01):
Why are they still friends with the family?
Speaker 2 (43:03):
It could be like one of those family things where
you're literally like your friends or your families or friends,
and then you become friends and then you kind of can't.
Speaker 4 (43:12):
You kind of untangle it's an untangled while. I would
try telling your family that it's you feel like there's
a loyalty situation.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
Yeah, or you let them and you're just not and
then you let me you're just not there when they're
all together.
Speaker 4 (43:25):
It might come across though, as as being okay with
the behavior the friend, if the friend was not a
great friend, that you were sort of like okay with it. M.
It's tricky, M.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
We don't know. We need more information.
Speaker 4 (43:38):
Yeah, yeah, Kaitlyn. Can you recover from a friend breakup?
Is that trust lost forever?
Speaker 2 (43:45):
I'm here to say no, I have had I have
had some rocky roads with some friends. And then when
it has when it's like when it's genuinely a deep
relationship that you care a lot about. I have found
my way back.
Speaker 3 (43:59):
It has changed it though for you.
Speaker 4 (44:01):
No, you can honestly find yourself like back without Oh
that's good.
Speaker 3 (44:06):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
Yeah, that's really good.
Speaker 3 (44:09):
I love that. There you can happen.
Speaker 4 (44:12):
Ella, Is there a way to stop feeling jealous when
you see your ex friend with their new friends. Yeah,
you don't need to see their I'm assuming you're seeing
this on social media. You mute these accounts and you
don't see it. Are you out in the world. I mean,
that's just what happens with you want your friend ex
friends to have other friends. It's still important for them,
of course. But if you're seeing this on social there's
(44:32):
a new button.
Speaker 2 (44:34):
I like me. It's a really very useful tool. Tracy
wrote in and said she gossiped to my crush about me.
I can't get over this.
Speaker 4 (44:45):
That feels like sabotage, betrayal. Yeah, that's a betrayal.
Speaker 3 (44:49):
You can't come back from it either.
Speaker 4 (44:51):
Next, Charlotte, my big friend group had a falling out
and I wasn't involved.
Speaker 3 (44:56):
Oh, this is a good question.
Speaker 4 (44:57):
Now most of the group are not speaking and I
I am feeling alone. I think, then you have to
this sort of actually did happen with the with the
friend group.
Speaker 3 (45:10):
This imploded me.
Speaker 4 (45:12):
My friend not being friends anymore imploded our friendship group.
And there was a girl that is I've known forever
since high school. I love her, and she was sort
of in the middle of it, and she just has
learned to have individual relationships with all of us. They
are separate to each other even though we're not all
friends anymore. So that's sort of what you have to
(45:34):
end up having. You got to start doing individual friend dates. Yeah,
big friend groups.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
I was just listening to her friend talk about how
her daughter is in a nineteen what No, it's in
a group, and I was like, that's a lot.
Speaker 3 (45:49):
That's not a friend group. That's a sorority.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
That's a school of fish. That's like, that's too many,
Like you know, like one day, I.
Speaker 4 (45:55):
Don't even know how deep that is. That's not very deep.
Speaker 2 (45:58):
Well, it's also just like when something goes wrong, who
he supposed to do? I don't know. Eighteen people mad
at you that.
Speaker 3 (46:09):
It's so stressful.
Speaker 2 (46:11):
No, it's okay, okay, Tatum. I had a friend and
a friend who fought with me on my birthday because
she hates my other friend, and I don't know what
to do. Yeah, because you're in between, you're in the
tween m I think.
Speaker 4 (46:25):
What you do is you don't bring those two around
each other, can't be in the same room.
Speaker 2 (46:29):
Yeah. Or I have friends, I actually really have had
friends that just rub each other the wrong way.
Speaker 4 (46:36):
What happens when you all get them together?
Speaker 3 (46:39):
Do they play nice?
Speaker 2 (46:40):
Yeah? But again, well i'm the speaking given that we
just talked about this, I am the opposite of a
nineteen friend nineteen girlfriend group. I have, Like I have
my close friends, and they're all from different parts of
my life. And absolutely we could all sit at a
table and it would be lovely. I mean I've had
you know you and Ellie and I have sat down
(47:01):
and I think you know you, and yes, there's almost
instant chemistry because you share someone beloved.
Speaker 4 (47:06):
Yeah, I think the friendship circle gets way. The inner inner,
the inner inner inner knows every part of you, gets
so small. I mean I can count on one hand
there's probably like three girls that really know all the things,
including you, and I think that it works just fine.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (47:25):
Caitlyn says, is it appropriate? To send your friend a
happy birthday message if you no longer talk, yes, you
think so always, even if it was kind of a
rocky like little I think.
Speaker 2 (47:39):
I think there's dislike the person, like they did something
truly heinous. But if you just don't talk anymore, and
you might have done the natural the Jessica Capsule, natural Drift,
the JC nd JC indeed, then absolutely you always you
will always be happy that you reached out to someone
(48:00):
on their birthday? Do you see how my birthday? Love
just comes out? No matter what I think I know.
Speaker 4 (48:05):
But here's the thing. I think it comes with a disclaimer.
I think you only send the message if you're also
okay with that friend potentially striking up, like hey, do
you want to grab coffee?
Speaker 2 (48:17):
Because if you're not.
Speaker 4 (48:18):
If you're just wanting to send the message to be
nice but you're not actually interested in pursuing anything further,
I think you don't because it can get sticky. But
the person's like, hey, oh my god, thank you?
Speaker 3 (48:28):
What you want to grab coffee sometime?
Speaker 4 (48:29):
And you're like, no, oh, well if you have heard that, yeah, no,
you're right. You gotta like it comes the disclaimer. You
got to be open m all right, you know what
this has.
Speaker 2 (48:39):
Taking me on a little walk down memory lane, all
this friendship talk, and I have to say, I can't.
I can't finish this topic without saying this. Friendships are
so important mm hmm. And I think that that's why
some of this cuts so deep for so many people,
and a lot of people. I think that friends are
(49:03):
chosen family. Yeah, and I don't know. It was an
unnaturally long pause. I just took there.
Speaker 3 (49:09):
But no, I think, I know.
Speaker 4 (49:11):
I think it's I think it's so true, and I
think that like I, I just want to tell the
crew that I've had times when I've moved to cities
and I've literally had no friends, like really like truly
not known anybody.
Speaker 3 (49:23):
And it takes a minute.
Speaker 2 (49:25):
Did you go to the movies?
Speaker 4 (49:26):
I went to the movies by myself till I would
also like sit at brunch by myself and watch the
girls all laughing over like their bottomless mimosas, and I
would be like so sad, like having their sex and
the city moment and I'm like the table for one.
But you can always, at any point in your life
find a great, great friendship, and I think that's important
(49:48):
to leave on me, even if you have to do
some friendship break breakups and now you're alone and it's
not a city mood. It's that you know you will
find people and that makes you appreciate the people that's.
Speaker 2 (50:00):
Day in your world so much more. Yeah, and you
know what, sometimes you do have to you know, fresh
first semester, freshman year. It where you just you you
take what you can get.
Speaker 4 (50:14):
Yeah. Well, also I mean like you got to kiss
a few froggies friendship style.
Speaker 3 (50:19):
Yes, yeah, the same thing.
Speaker 2 (50:21):
Even if you're doing that, you need to make sure
that you don't, like you don't give away the keys
to the kingdom to someone who you know is not
you know, you should be you should be selective in friendship.
You should be with people that really mean something to
you and and that are willing to be in like
a real relationship with you.
Speaker 3 (50:38):
And it should be easy.
Speaker 2 (50:40):
Yes, And my friendships just give me so much, like
being friends with you gives me so much and I'm
so grateful for it.
Speaker 4 (50:52):
Yeah, but these things take time, and you know what,
sometimes that person.
Speaker 2 (50:55):
Hates you, like I don't give to get but like
that would have been a beautiful moment for you to
be like, yeah, no, you too, I say ditto. Oh
I didn't hear that. Sorry, Okay, friends, hey listen. By
the way, I'd also like to tell you that while
we're living in this day and age of parasocial relationships,
I'm your friend. I'll be your friend. Let's be friends.
(51:16):
I am so happy to have you with Camilla and I.
And if you ever feel lonely or maybe you're in
between friends or fill in the blank, you are our friend.
Speaker 3 (51:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (51:29):
This is this is why we call it the call
it community, our friendship circle.
Speaker 2 (51:34):
Yeah. And I believe in you. Yes, I believe in
you too.
Speaker 4 (51:38):
All right, Okay, I think it's time to call
Speaker 3 (51:41):
It the end of the episode.
Call It What It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille Luddington,
an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Well, hello, Hello, Hello, Hello Call It crew, and welcome
to another episode of Call It What It Is.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Holy moly, I know there's a little pause here.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
We're talking about friendship breakups, a popular demand. I'm not
a very popular but demand. Yeah, absolutely, people want to
talk about it. I actually saw it as a sign
of real trust because this one is something that actually,
you know how like all the teenagers these days, if
you if they offend you, at least mine when they
offend you. When they offend you, they follow it up
(00:49):
with like, it's not that deep, and you're like, actually,
you just made it deeper. Yeah, And also it's up
to me if it's deep, how would I how would
I let you know? But that's the segue into this
is deep. Friendship breakups I think are one of the
most painful things you can possibly go through.
Speaker 4 (01:08):
They are so jess Yeah, So this is a lot
of the College crew that've been writing us to talk
with us.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
We've talked, we've kind of.
Speaker 4 (01:15):
Glossed over it a little bit before this is our
deep dive into it. And so I spent you know,
the past couple of days just too, we've been really
researching it.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
We've been reading a lot of material on it and
kind of all.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Over the place, like for different different outlets with different perspectives,
because I think it's sort of although I got to say,
they all say the same thing.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
They do, but reading it, I was like shocked by
some of the statistics and not shocked, but you know, like, oh,
I can relate to some things that they're saying in it.
And before we get into our personal stories, I think
we talk about what, yeah, what people are saying out
there in the world when they're writing about this.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Well, I mean, I think that the one that kind
of took up both of our breath away was that
according to a Forbes article, the research shows that up
to seventy percent of close friendships and fifty two percent
of our social networks, so multiple friends dissolve after seven years.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
That was really shocking to me. We hear about the
seven year itch right with.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Relationship or partnership?
Speaker 4 (02:22):
Yeah, seven years to me for a friendship. By the way,
we're going on basically double high five to us, because
like I mean, before Jess and I had this conversation
before she got on, and I was like, I need
you to understand, like you're never losing me. Like even
if you do a Capshaw ghosting, it's like I'll be
there like a stalker.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Like you're gonna have to it's not a ghost this
is a moonwalk. It's an elegant but it's not gonna
work on me. No, I'm not shaking you.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
I won't take any hint. And it's like you are
stuck with me for life.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
I'm a lifer. Yeah, I love it, I'll take it
for life. But seven years. I think there's a reason
for that. Why because I think seven years is usually
how long it takes you to do that. Like the
next you get to that next plateau, right, like you're
in school and you're all doing the same thing, and
(03:14):
you're you're in high school, even though it's not seven years,
but it's you know, let's say middle school to high school,
maybe college, and then get jobs afterwards, and it's like
that's another probably seven years, and then you meet your
person and you go through that next shift and then
you're thinking about starting a family and you have a
(03:36):
whole other set of you know, needs, places you're going, people,
you're seeing ways you want to socialize. I mean, I
think it probably shifts every seven years. So you're talking
about the timing of friendships sort of dissolving times out
with these big sort of life jumps that you end
up doing. I would that's what that would be my guess.
Speaker 4 (03:59):
I think what's hard is that you expect friendships to
grow with you and do the jumps with you, and
finding out that they don't is really shocking. There's no
friendship like especially when they feel like a sister's you know,
like really deep. There's no ticking time clock on it,
like potentially a romantic relationship.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Plus in order for you to be in real relationship
like the kind of friendships that we're talking about and
that we see in movies and film and books, it
is total surrender, right like you really truly just like
in romance, and in a romantic relationship, you give your
whole heart, You share your deepest, darkest secrets. They know
(04:41):
you in a way that maybe no one else does,
and there's such a vulnerability to that and such a
and because of that vulnerability, you think, well, it can
actually literally can never end because there couldn't possibly be
someone who knows all of this about me walking around
in the world that doesn't still feel tethered to me, Right,
if we're no longer friends, if we no longer have
(05:02):
that accountability and the circumstances in which we're showing up
for each other, and they know all this about me,
like not like not like not like holding it over
your head, not like I'm I'm not suggesting that that
person is, you know, somehow leveraging anything against you. I
think it's just the intimacy of it. And then you
don't have it anymore.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
Yes, Like you are being so vulnerable with that, with
that kind of friend, and you are sort of like
handing them your secrets and then but you assume that
like they're going to hold them with you forever, and
then they're not in your world anymore, and they're walking
out in the world with like.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
A piece of you, is what it feels like.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
That's exactly right. The trust is so huge. Yes.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
So I was also reading Wondermind, which is Selena Gumus's amazing,
incredible website. Wonderminded a whole article on this, and one
of the things I talked about that I thought was
very interesting is and I'm going to quote it. Our
culture doesn't have the same rituals or milestones at the
end of a friendship like we do with significant others,
(06:06):
like moving out with divorces, and so because of that,
we find it harder to have that disconnect, like we
basically like, we find it harder to move on because
there's usually like you know, a breakup is like you
move open, like yeah, yeah, yes, and so that leads
to a longer period of grief. Basically, have you ever
(06:29):
had any friendship breakups?
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I mean obviously you have, but yes, I'll talk about
one or a handful, more than a handful, to be.
Speaker 4 (06:37):
Honest, There's only one that really really sticks out because
I feel like the others sort of felt like a
seven year and then the other friendships that I've had
have lasted, right, I've been very lucky, Like my best
friend since high school, I literally text her yesterday. My
other best friends since high school, like we're still in contact.
But one friendship I had in my twenties was a
(07:00):
was a little over a seven year but but felt
like that like felt like I handed all my secrets
that was going to be my ride or die, right,
Like that's the girl that I'm going to, you know,
see through all the freight sphases of my life and really,
you know, we.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Lived together, we worked together.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
And the truth is basically she ended up dating a
guy that you know about a year into their relationship
did something that was you know, a little shady and
or a lot shady, depending on who you talk to,
And it wasn't at all. Yes, he did something that
was not good, really not good. And did she tell
(07:37):
you about it or did you find out about it?
I found out about it. I was able to find
out about it through do you know or were you
the one that knew? A mutual friend of ours, part
of our little girl group, found out about it and
we had to sort of go to her and tell
her that, hey, this thing happened.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Oh that's actually that's worse.
Speaker 4 (07:56):
Yeah and so and by the way, like he was
just not my vibe anyway I would describe him.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
I've described him before as.
Speaker 4 (08:03):
He's a little he was a little Biffy from Back
to the Future. If you don't know Biff, yeah, you
gotta research or people.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
I thought that there was only one Biff. There is.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
No Some people give off a little bit of a
biff vibe, and he was a little biffy.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
I don't want to judge, but what person goes walks
towards a biff You only walk away?
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Well, listen to moonwalk.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
You can flat out run listen, listen. Okay, Okay, I
like in the biff vibe. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (08:33):
He was not my style. He was not he was
not my He didn't give me good vibes. And especially
after something happens. I think as a girl, you know,
like if you're romantically voters on and you can like
move on. But the girl, I'm the kind of a
girlfriend that like, I sit back and I'm just I'm
not gonna lean all the way in. I'm gonna make
sure wait to make sure that you're like gonna have
(08:54):
my girl right Like, I'm not giving it all to you.
It's gonna take me really long time. I'm sagittarius. It's
gonna take me a long time. Yeah, you need a minute,
Yeah more than a minute.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
By the way, this is a good segue too, really quickly.
There was only one time in our friendship where we
were at work and something had gone down and and
someone was kind of coming to have some words with
me about something and I was kind of like that
when you think you're in trouble and you get like anxious,
and I was like, okay, no, no, I'm gonna take care
of this, and I take care of this, and you
were with me, and I kind of looked at you
(09:25):
like Okay, go away, cause I got I gotta handle this,
and you were like, oh, let me add him, let
me add him.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
Like no, I was like, I was, I know exactly
what you're talking about. And my feet were fully planted.
I'm like, if you're going to talk to her, like
if this is going to go down, I'm also going
to be stood right here just to be you.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Know, an HR witness to this basically.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
And then it's like cracking your knuckles, just waiting waiting.
You were like I got.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
This, No I was.
Speaker 4 (09:51):
I was like, unless you give me the sign, which
you did. It was very obvious, like I need you
to scram I was not scramming. There's no scramming. Listen,
I'm gonna stay right. So anyway, so this guy and
to be honest, they're still together. They're you know, I know,
they listen married, they are they're married, and they married to.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
Biff Listen, maybe this. Maybe the biff was a stage.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
Maybe he's you know, it's all turned around. It was
giving me biff vibes back then.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Okay, okay, okay, So.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
Me and her, this is not just me being crazy
like your mutual friends of hers confide. But one night
me and her guy, her boyfriend at the time, had
gotten into an argument, a big argument, and it really
killed it. It was just the friendship was sort of
done because she had to pick.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
I mean, a better question would be, did it feel
like she had to pick after you guys got into
the fight.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
I mean, I guess that's a question for her.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
I think what's hard from like the my end of
the situation, I think this happens all the time.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
If you have if you're if your bestie is married or.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
With someone that you're like about, you kind of inherit
the guy or the girl right like you inherit the person,
and then it can it can be sticky. And so
I don't know if she felt like she had to choose.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
Maybe she did.
Speaker 4 (11:11):
And it's and and by the way, it's kind of
insulting when you're like, ah, this is like a two
year or three year We've been best friends for like
a decade, like what are you doing? But again I
do think that, like romantic relationships often win out over
a friendship, which is also like sometimes jarring. But it's
my experience. I wouldn't have made her pick. The truth
(11:32):
is it would have been hard for her because I
didn't want to be around him. So it's like the
fourth of July barbecue is like, did I really want
this person in my house?
Speaker 2 (11:39):
No?
Speaker 3 (11:39):
I thought it was rude. I thought it was kind
of a jerk, you know.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
Yeah, And you can't when you when you can't be
honest with someone who you are intimate with and like again,
has all your secrets, knows where all your bodies are? Yeah,
where all the bodies are buried? You you really, I think,
and be friends in that same way, you know, I mean,
(12:07):
like you and I can be very honest with each other.
Speaker 4 (12:09):
Like, yes, I'm gonna give an example. Oh no, this
is Is it me being honest or you being honest? No,
there's so many This is how honest?
Speaker 2 (12:18):
But I love that.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
I mean, this is one of the things I really
treasure about us and hopefully you guys can hear it
on this podcast. We like to be really, really honest
with each other is something that we both really appreciated
about each other, and it comes from a place of like,
I have your back, I love you. You're like you know everything.
And after drink the ball, I was just doing a
(12:38):
sleepover Jess's house and we woke up and I was
just gazing at the window and I was like, God,
it's so BEAUTI look at this beautiful morning, drinking my
cup of coffee, honestly minding my own business. And Jess
was like, can I tell you something. Your hair is
a little green. I was just looking at the birds.
I was like what, and you were like, your blonde
(13:02):
has a shade of garbage in it.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
I mean you didn't say.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
That, but that's that's some of the vibe, right, And
I was like, cool, what do I do? And You're like, wow,
I got this charcoal shampoo thing that I use and
we got to figure that out. And I so appreciate
it because some people would have looked at my garbage
hair and not.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Said anything, yeah a little Oscar, little Oscar the grouch hair,
and not said anything.
Speaker 4 (13:25):
And I would have just been sitting there like a moron,
drinking my coffee, being like the birds that sound cute,
but I.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Appreciate I appreciate that kind of honesty. I didn't point
it out without having a solution. I mean that's also something, right.
Speaker 4 (13:39):
I mean, I still want you to point it out
and just be like, we'll do some googling. But like,
but you know what, not every friendship is like that.
Can you could you have told other friends of yours
that their hair looks like green? You gotta figure it out?
Speaker 2 (13:55):
No? No, not many, not many, not many? But you
know what, that actually okay because so here's another thing
that I was really thinking about when we were thinking
about friendships. It's funny how we all socialize. But when
we're in school, like elementary school and middle school, even college,
we become it seems like we have a natural drift
towards friend groups. Right, Like there's multiple friends hanging out,
(14:19):
and that can be great because there's options, right, people
get to like go off in twos or threes and
you have a bigger group. But for me, I actually
far prefer being a floater. I don't I'm not really
like a friendship group person. I have, Like I have
people who are you know, have been in my life
(14:42):
for a really long time. And that I just value
above all, and when they say something or when they're
honest with me about something, I know that I can
absolutely count on that advice or that perspective or that
offering in a way that very very I think, just
grounded and unique. And I think it's because I don't
(15:05):
I'm not part of a group. There's no triangulating, don't.
I think the friendship groups can be a little difficult
because there's who's going off with who and who said
what about who? And I think it can be a
little bit more complicated. So I find that, you know,
obviously we met in a bigger system of work, but
then we really just we have our friendship and it's
(15:26):
so specific to the chemistry that happens between you and I,
and so when we're together, like we know what that's
going to be. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (15:34):
I also, I mean I have to say, yes, we
were part we were part of a bigger, you know, group,
but it's also still work. It wasn't like a you know,
I wouldn't consider that like a big friend group. There's
an element of family dynamic there. But the two of
us were for sure, you know, it was like that
was my close clothes you were my close clothes. But
(15:56):
I agree with you that I think it gets complicated,
and it did for me in this situation I just
talked about when you have that friendship group, right, because
then you're being Then it becomes the dynamics of everybody
else gets involved, right, everyone has an opinion. Everyone's sort
of like, well, she did say this about you, and
then you're like, wait, what are you? Yeah, hold your
(16:17):
and then you can't say anything because you can't say
anything because that's the friend that told you, and now
you can't say that.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Yeah. See, I don't like that. That's what I don't like.
I don't like that. I think that that is bullshit
and it's not fun for me, and I don't like it.
And it's funny. I actually I don't think i've ever
said this to you before.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
I get low key jealous.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Like I'm with if I'm with like if I'm with you,
not jealous in a destructive way, but like you and
I do a lot of stuff. Or we'll go out
into the world and like we'll go to a conference
or we'll go to a event or whatever whatever, and
there'll be lots of people and I'm fine with that
for a while, and then I'm like, okay, let needs
to leave.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
I'm the same way.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
My social battery gets drained to zero, and I'm like,
totally I need everyone else to leave.
Speaker 4 (17:02):
Okay, but I'm okay. This is why we're actually a
terrible combination because there's a time. There was a time
when Jess and I were supposed to go do something
together and it was like a business situation, right, and
we're sitting in this hotel room. I'm not gonna say
where because it'll out that like the situation.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
And I was like, maybe we don't go. Maybe it's
just we stay here and we go to dinner, and
that's sort of the business situation we do.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
So yes, I my social body is not even I
don't know if it's ever on.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
So when your dies, I'm like, yes, it's dead. Thank god,
we're gone home.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Yes, but those are But that's the That's the thing
I think is so important about successful friendships, which would
be the opposite of having to break up with someone.
It's like you have little contracts, little agreements that you
make with each other in friendship where you're like, okay,
I can handle being out at this thing for I
think I'm good for you know, a couple hours, and
then I'm gonna look at you with like large eyeballs
(17:55):
and be like I gotta go.
Speaker 4 (17:57):
Yeah, well that's when I also, that's what I do
appreciate about someone like you in my life is that
it's not even eyeballs.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
It's like we will just turn to each other like
I'm done, Yeah, let's go.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (18:08):
There's no woods like I'm over it. There's another article
too that I want to talk about. It says friendship
breakups are incredibly common and normal and inevitable, but we
often personalize it and see it as a failure because
it is so unexpected and because it's so uncommonly spoken about.
And I think that's true.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
I think it.
Speaker 4 (18:28):
Does feel like extremely shocking when a friendship ends and
then it's your I think there's like a sense of
self that you're like, wait, what, like that person was
part of me?
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (18:42):
Do you know what I mean? Like it's it's an
identity crisis almost, I was gonna say.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Because it also feels like a reflection on you, because
if the relationship isn't successful, then it might be in
part to you as well.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
Have you had that seven year that's like you think
it's a ride or die and that it's ended.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Yeah, yeah, was it shocking to.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
You or did you?
Speaker 3 (19:15):
Were you okay to like let it go?
Speaker 4 (19:18):
It took me time to like be okay with it,
and now I appreciate like what it was at the time,
and I can reflect on it and be like, that
was great. That's what we needed as a friends at
the time. And now it's you know, it's done. Like
I don't have any ill will about it, but it was.
It took a long time.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
The only friendship breakups that I have in my life
are sort of specific to there having been an event
that caused the breakup. There's been less.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
Drift an event's hard though I almost I almost feel
like the drift is better.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Of course it is. It's far. But it's funny because
I have reconnected. We've always stayed friends, but I reconnected
with a college friend of mine, and the first time
that we talked after not talking for a long time,
we talked. I truly, I think we actually spoke on
the phone for three hours. I mean, there's something about
people who knew who've known you for that life.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
I know that they have all the story.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
They do just exactly like what I said, they have
all the stories. Yeah, she remembers things that I actually don't.
This is not shocking, but I mean it's which fun.
But yeah, I mean I think that sometimes the breakup
breakups have been in friendship. Breakups in my life have
been particularly painful because they've there's been an event where
(20:30):
someone behaved, you know, myself included. There have been times
where I did and said things that I was like
what what? Who was that person? And you and you're
and it sucks, It really sucks. It sucks when you
when you're the one who's done the thing. It sucks
when they've done the thing. I mean, it just it
(20:50):
just is so so hard, and you kind of don't
even know what to do with yourself anymore, because all
your flight patterns usually depend on that friendship, right, Like
you have this thing where you see them and you
go here and maybe it's your favorite made me whatever
it is. It's like either the cafe or the gym
or the restaurant or the workplace, whatever it is. But
like you, you don't usually stop intersecting, and you have
(21:13):
to reckon with this division that is that feels so heavy.
That's what I feel like, I was. The worst part
is that that, like the term heavy hearted resonates for me, right,
like my heart feels heavy when, yes, that kind of
thing happens. I just it's hard to get out of it.
(21:35):
That being said, you know, then you have kids, and
I imagine a lot of friendship breakups happen when you
have kids, because yeah, all of a sudden, they're the
most important thing. It's true, It's true.
Speaker 4 (21:47):
I had I want to know your opinion on this
because I told Matt that we were doing this podcast
last night and it got on this on the subject
of I think, but I might be wrong, and maybe
this is how I feel. I think that in relationships,
in romantic relationships, you give that person like a lot
(22:07):
of chances, right like you're in a fight and it's
you get you know, in friendships, no matter how close
you are, I think friends get less chances to like
get angry at each other in general.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
What's your hypothesis you think sex in our sex in
our interrupts.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
I don't know what my hypothesis.
Speaker 4 (22:28):
I guess my hypothesis is that, like, you don't get
as many roe bumps in a friendship as you do
in a relationship, Like I feel like a relationship you
get your get out of jail free card a lot
more than friendships, and so they're a little more seven
year like maybe likely to end abruptly. You're saying, like
one thing happened, right, Like, I can't think of a
(22:48):
relationship that I've had where like one thing happened and
it was done. But I can think of friendships where
like we never fought and now one thing happened and
now it's kind of done.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (23:01):
And I don't know why that is, And I don't
even know if other people have that same opinion. I
was just it was a conversation that we had last
night that I was like, that's kind of interesting.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Yeah, I think we expect more from our friendships, Isn't
that crazy? I think we have a higher standard we do.
Is that weird to say?
Speaker 3 (23:17):
No, I don't think that's weird, But I think that's
very interesting.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Actually, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
I wonder why.
Speaker 4 (23:25):
So I read this article by Lilly dan Seger and
l two talking about friendship breakups, and she had gone
through a friendship breakup and then what she did is
she threw together a quick survey and threw it out
into the world thinking like, like have you experienced this?
And she said the first weekend after she set this
survey out on x one hundred and twenty five women
(23:48):
responded with stories of betrayal and heartbreak and dramatic fallouts
and all the things that come with a friendship breakup.
And she was so blown away by not only the
response fast, but how emotional responses were. One person wrote,
there's an empty second half of the book where she
and I should have been filling in the story together,
(24:12):
And I think that that's a lot, that's a lot
of how we feel. But also then she realized that
almost ninety percent of respondent said that their friendship breakup
was a big deal or a bigger deal than some
or all of their past romantic breakups. And she says,
she talks about how like in our culture, you know,
(24:34):
we have this feeling of like socially we see like,
you know, you break up and your girlfriends come over
and you eat the ice cream, and you sort of know, like,
you know, there's a little ritual around like getting over
like that romantic breakup, and it just isn't there for
a friend breakup, and so it does feel really isolating
and you sort of don't know how to process it.
(24:56):
There's not like that rallying and you know you're gonna
watch the romantic you know, it's like very hard to
get over it because socially we sort of like are like, wait,
what the do I do?
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Now? How do I warn this? Yeah? I completely agree.
There isn't that cultural rallying around someone who has broken
up with a friend the way that there is when
you've broken up with a romantic partner. I mean not
that we should, you know, have pain be a competitive sport,
but I do. I have found it far more painful
(25:30):
to be broken up with as a friend than like
the breaking up is hard because you know you have
to do it and who wants to hurt anyone? Yeah,
all that, But when you get broken up with, yeah,
and it's really only happened once, it's pain No, you
know when it actually happened another time, it happened a
second time, and it was really wild because you know,
(25:52):
life is long. And I had a friend basically say
I don't be friends with you anymore and okay, and
then maybe two or three years later sent me an
email that was like you know what, I really thought
about it, and I think I acted too rashly and
(26:14):
I really missed you. It was very kind, it was
very sweet, but because they had broken up with me
in a way that I really felt was orderline unkind.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
Yeah, I felt a little bit like, you know.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
What, you put me in a time out and you
like left me in my room and you forgot about me.
You forgot to come and take me out of my
time out. And now I'm in my room and I'm
actually fine here.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
Yeah, I actually decorated it.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Yeah, I've decorated it. I feel like I buyed some
friends over Yeah.
Speaker 4 (26:48):
Yeah, I've got new friends over here and we've opened
a bottle of wine and cool.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
Yeah you're cool.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
I'm cool. But I'll look forward to running into you.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Yes, I have to say.
Speaker 4 (26:56):
The friend that I broke that, well, I think it
was kind of a mute to be honest, that this
friendship ended with a few years later, I did write
her and say like, hey, you know, like if you
ever want to meet for coffee, because I was thinking
in the moment, I was being nostalgic in the moment.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
Is the truth that I thought, like, maybe there's a.
Speaker 4 (27:16):
World in which like it's never going to be the same,
but like we can we're both mommies now, like maybe
they're you know, we both had sons around the same age,
like maybe there's a world in which there's a new
something there that can work. And then the truth is
is that she canceled same day on the coffee and
I wasn't even mad at it. I was like, oh,
(27:38):
you know what, it's not meant to be, and I
just I sort of needed I it confirmed something for me.
And and now that that like feeling of like that
question is like gone very much, so like it was like, okay, great,
well this is yes, yes, yes, yes, And now that
feeling of like wanting to meet up is like on
(28:00):
you know, like that any of that question. But anyway,
all these things are very difficult. They're very painful, and
apparently all of us have experienced this and we just
don't talk about it because it's it feels maybe embarrassing
and awkward to be like.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
A lost a friend.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Yeah you know. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:17):
And in one of the articles I read, they said,
like make sure you don't go to your mutual friends,
like don't lean on your mutual friends, because sure, yes,
but I kind of did that and it was not
a good idea because you do end up hearing I know, but.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
What are you supposed to process it in a vacuum?
I mean you can't.
Speaker 4 (28:33):
I mean I think that, like you, you process it
hopefully with friends outside of outside of it. But sometimes
the hard thing is is like your friends are all
in it mm hmm, and it gets complicated and messy,
and maybe you need to put lay down boundaries and
be like, listen, I need to like say this, but
I like I need you to be Switzerland for just
a little bit.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Mm hmm. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Well, and I think as we mature, whatever age that
means for someone. But I think that there's the accountability pieces.
If I knew then what I know now, how actually
I'm I feel very I mean I don't want to
get cocky, but I think I've gotten so much better
if I've done something, or if I even think I've
(29:17):
done something, I find it's so much easier to take accountability,
to go to the person and be like, yes, oh
you know what you said that you mentioned this thing
and it made me think that you think I've done
something that actually I didn't do. I forgot to do
that thing and you think that like I'm so sorry,
how and someone said this there data made so much
(29:40):
sense to me. So often we try to work each
other as opposed to work the problem or work the challenge,
and it's it's sort of on the heels of that.
You can't control anybody. You can't make someone think something
or do something. All you can control is how you
think and what you do. And so so really, when
(30:01):
you're you know, trying to figure something out together, you can't.
It's less successful to look at the other person and
be like, you need to do this, you need to
do that, you need to think differently. But more like,
this is a situation we've been given. Here are the challenges.
What are we going to do? What are your thoughts?
What are my thoughts? How do I figure it out?
Speaker 3 (30:20):
No, I agree with that.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
I think I actually think having kids makes me has
made me realize that I can own and apologize more
because like you're kind of horrified sometimes parenting.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Or at least I am where I'm like, damn, I.
Speaker 4 (30:34):
Really yelled, Like I gotta say, like that was a
I took it to a ten and they were only
at a five. You know, Yeah, like I'm the one
that to get to the dam so I gotta say sorry.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Yeah yeah, because you're the role model. Damn it.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
Parenting is so humbling, is the truth.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
But what we've talked about this before.
Speaker 4 (30:52):
I like it do over sometimes, yes, And I think
a friendship do over like is so important to be like.
I mean, I've definitely called a friend and said I'm
so sorry, I'm so.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
I don't know why I said that.
Speaker 4 (31:05):
So you know, and I those are the friendships that
really go the distance they do.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
I'm so sorry I said your hair was green.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
No, I actually, by the way, it was like thinking.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
About it this morning and I'm like, can you you
didn't text me the charcoal thing?
Speaker 2 (31:21):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
I don't want you to be sorry about it.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
I need you to figure fix it. Yeah yeah, okay,
Well i'll get you. I'll get you after this. All right, Well,
let's get into what the crew has written in.
Speaker 4 (31:42):
Yeah yeah, yeah, Emily says, my best friend lives hours away.
What is your best advice for maintaining that friendship from afar?
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Hello, we have it. I have this friendship right now.
Don't let distance ever derail you. I don't feel that
I don't I really don't. I don't. I don't feel
it does I I talk to my well again, I
mean we're a particular time in our lives, right, we
are very busy, so we are we are constantly like
pinballing from thing to things. So I don't have a
(32:11):
ton of time for real FaceTime, sit down time with
my friends, like I can, you know, grab dinners here
and there. But I'm not a lady who lunches, and
I don't have I don't have time for that. And
so I'm all on the phone. And you don't need
to live near someone to be on the phone.
Speaker 4 (32:30):
I think that even I think one thing that we
have gotten really good at is sometimes it's like just
that two minute call. Mm. It like it and and
it maintains that friendship. Or even sometimes I know that
I don't have time to really even have a conversation,
but I just need to get this one thing out.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
I'll send her a voice memo.
Speaker 4 (32:48):
And so I just think those little all those things
add up so instead of thinking I can't you know,
I don't have an hour to talk on the phone,
it can be two minutes. It can just be like, hey,
what's going on? How are you and I think that
it all adds up.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
Yeah. Yeah, and also the texting, I'm pretty hilarious each
other exactly. Yeah, Okay. Tara wrote in and said, my
best friend stopped talking to me because I didn't buy
her Taylor Swift tickets. How dare you? I did not
feel guilty because the ticket demand price was insane. I
don't think you should feel guilty, And I don't think
(33:23):
she should have stopped talking to you because you didn't
buy her Taylor Swift ticket. Also, I just.
Speaker 4 (33:28):
Think that, like you, it's not like Tara had.
Speaker 3 (33:31):
The one uh the one link to the ticket. It
is ticket Master. Yeah, you can log on at any
time you want to.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
Yeah, maybe you're mad at her for not buying you tickets.
Speaker 4 (33:42):
Yeah, Shannie said, how do I stop expecting new friendships
to end bad after a past relationship breakup?
Speaker 2 (33:50):
I think that.
Speaker 4 (33:50):
Taking time to really examine why a past relationship breakup
happened and sit on it really helps you move forward
into new friendships and you kind of understand maybe where
it imploded, and then you get to navigate new ones differently.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
Phoebe, how do you know it is only you that
is keeping the friendship alive? And the other person is
over it.
Speaker 4 (34:12):
Well, if they're doing it, Jessica Capshaw little ghosting, whatever
she wants to call it, it's over. I mean, you
can tell if somebody's natural it's a ghost. It's if
a natural drift is happening. No, I think that like
you're being drifted. It's if you're being drifted. Then you know,
if someone's not putting in the same energy, that is
also the mel Robbins. I mean, that's the thing. If
(34:34):
people well, and you let.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Them, and then you figure people want to do it,
they're going to do it. Right. When people want to,
they do. When they don't want to, they don't. So
if someone's not doing what you would like for them
to be doing, or not keeping up there under the friendship,
then that's your information. I had this thing, Oh my gosh, sidebar.
I remember in my early twenties dating. I dated this
(34:57):
guy who was like a super player player, and I
said to well, he ended up doing what he was
meant to be doing and he was a player, and
he cheated. And I went to my mom and.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
I was like, oh my god, he cheated and she's
like mm hmmm, And I said, but I don't Understan
why because I told it, Like I told him if
he was seeing other people, he could totally tell me
about it.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
And she was like, just because you give someone permission
to be honest with you, doesn't mean that they will
like you're not in control, is basically what I gleaned
from that interest.
Speaker 3 (35:28):
That's really good. I love that, right, Yes.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
Because you you feel like the permission is an invite
that will be absolutely accepted because you've given it and
it's not true.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
But again that would be assuming that you were in control.
And Nope, yeah, not.
Speaker 4 (35:45):
So.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
I think that. I think that if you get a
feeling that you're the only one keeping a friendship alive
the friendships to have your answer and the other person
is over it.
Speaker 3 (35:55):
Yeah, and it's not alive, is it?
Speaker 2 (35:57):
No, she's gone. It's not funny.
Speaker 4 (36:01):
I'm just saying, I know, but it just sounded like
a funeral, all of it. Yeah, it's a French of funeral.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
Okay, Lottie, I cut off cut.
Speaker 4 (36:09):
Off a toxic friend a year ago. I see her
around a lot and can't move on.
Speaker 3 (36:13):
What do I do?
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Well?
Speaker 4 (36:14):
I don't understand why you can't move on If she
was toxic and you cut her off.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
I have questions about that.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Because sometimes we can't quit these toxic people. There would
be no television series, there would be no movies if
we assumed the toxic people were easy to quit. I mean,
do you remember that series that I was in the
first season of Tell Me Lies? All Toxic Relationships?
Speaker 4 (36:40):
Yeah? But I mean I watch a lot of TV series,
but I don't want to be in them.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
I love squid games, so I'd rather not play, did
I I forgot to tell you this. I was a
captive audience when I was getting my nails done the
other day and they had the Desperate not Desperate Housewives,
the Regular the what's the show you always wanted to watch? Yeah,
Real Housewives, the one with Denny Richards and Kyle Beverly Hills.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
Kyle Richards.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
Yeah, Holy, I know they are so mean.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
I know they're awful.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
No, they're so mean to each other.
Speaker 3 (37:10):
I know it's terrible.
Speaker 4 (37:11):
In fact, to be honest, I gotta tie you. We're
sigebarring this, but you know what those shows are about, friendship.
I had to stop watching because I got so invested
and I wanted to throw stuff at my TV.
Speaker 3 (37:23):
Wait, who was on it. Wait, who was on this?
Speaker 2 (37:25):
Well, honestly, you couldn't make this stup. So I'm getting
my nails done with Yesie and yes he and I
are talking about this, that and the other. And she's like,
I'm gonna put on the Housewives.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
Who the heck is?
Speaker 4 (37:36):
YESI you just said yes He? Like, oh, I know
who that is?
Speaker 2 (37:40):
Yes, he does my nails.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
I know, but like you gotta sometimes you gotta like
introduce the person.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
Okay, fine, yes Hei? And is your nail? Is your nail?
Speaker 3 (37:47):
Okay, that's my nails because I don't know who this is.
Speaker 4 (37:49):
Okay, you're good.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
We can move on. We can move on.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
So she is a projector and she puts shows up
on the wall while you're getting your nails set.
Speaker 4 (37:57):
Oh I got like a movie theater.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
Yeah, kind that like but also like during the holidays,
we watched elf you know.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
We just we watched Different Cube.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
But yeah, tell me she's the best. I love you, Yesie.
So she puts on Housewives and I said, I don't
I don't know anything about this one. I mean, I
don't know anything about the show. Which one is it?
Like who are the characters? And she said, oh, this
is the one with she named mom and she said
Denise Richards. I said, oh my gosh, you want to
know a fun fact, and she said what I said,
(38:25):
Denise Richards was one of my really, really, really good friends.
A whole lifetime ago. I'd done this movie called Valentine,
which was a horror movie. It was didn't you go
to the plant Boy Mansion with her? Yes?
Speaker 4 (38:36):
I did.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
We were a swat team members. Oh my god, I
just yeah, I get a visual on that, because I'm
sure I'm serious. Oh yeah, it's amazing. By the way,
try and be Denise Richards plus one at the Playboy.
No in matching costumes. No confidence that I had that
I shouldn't have had.
Speaker 4 (38:56):
No, well you and know you had the blonde her brunette. No,
I think it works. I think it worked.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
I don't know if it works. But anyways, so I say,
I used to be very good friends with Denise Richards.
And I go off on this whole thing because I'm
not watching any of the show, and she's got the
volume turned down, and I said, oh my gosh, Denise Richards,
we had so much fun. You know, she's from Illinois,
I'm from Missouri. She were like two Midwestern girls just
out there in Los Angeles, and we had so much
(39:20):
fun and I just adored her and she was so
so so nice, and I just like Harti Gold. And
then she met Charlie Sheen and she ended up getting
married to Charlie Sheen and a little natural drift, a
natural drift, she got married and there she was, you know, drifting, yes,
And no sooner had I said that Denise Richards was
the kindest, most lovely person ever than she turned up
(39:42):
the volume and Denise Richards was talking to some other
lady with long blonde hair, and I was like, don't
talk about my fucking kids. And I was like, what
can I tell you.
Speaker 4 (39:56):
I'm gonna be honest. It could be there's a number
of blondies. But I loved Denie switches on that show.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
And if she was.
Speaker 4 (40:02):
Saying it, I'm in her corner. She was bullied relentlessly
for a season. It was horrible to watch. Let's get
her on, you know what, We're gonna get her on.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
Absolutely, I'm telling you again, I am telling you sweetest,
kindest she is.
Speaker 3 (40:20):
And by the way, I loved her.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
The gloves were off, and of course I now my
ears are perked up. So I'm listening to everything that
they're saying, and I'm learning things because I haven't kept
up on her life, but I'm now learning. This woman
was so mean, that was being a that was being
so mean to her, And she was talking about how
which one of who makes more on OnlyFans.
Speaker 3 (40:41):
Ne're a couple of seasons behind.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
But they're sitting there and she's like drinking tea. Yeah,
she's real mean.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
Oh listen, I know it.
Speaker 2 (40:49):
That's not good friendship. Just as long as you're on
the friendship.
Speaker 4 (40:53):
Well, we talked about a toxic friend I mean, these
were the Housewives is all toxic friendships.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
We're gonna have them on. We'll talk about me, me
and meanies.
Speaker 4 (41:01):
Okay, Wow we went really you know what, I'm okay
with a Housewives sidebar.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
Okay, Camilla. A friend got mad.
Speaker 4 (41:11):
At me because I didn't invite her boyfriend to my
birthday party.
Speaker 2 (41:15):
I never met him. Oh, I think you can give
your friend a plus one for their boyfriend if.
Speaker 4 (41:19):
Everyone else has one. It depends how intimate it is.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
Just need to repair. Yeah, get that friend back, don't
let that one go. Okay, Jenny says how to deal
with someone having a new favorite person. Oh, like competitive friendships.
Speaker 3 (41:47):
That's hard.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
Yeah, I saw you on Instagram with some other friends.
Speaker 4 (41:52):
I know and you. I know that you think that
I don't have any but to be honest, I've had
to listen to you and Sasha. You will preface Sasha
as your prest friend in the entire world more than
any other friend. Ever.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
I'm just saying, in all fairness, I did not post
a picture like in the center of them wearing matching
T shirts and like you know, out of the world.
Speaker 4 (42:10):
I'm just saying, if you were here, you'd have a
T shirt. This is a let them if they have
a favorite new friend. Yeah, what are you gonna do?
You can't last owe them in. I mean it's hard,
but you can be productive about and proactive about making
sure that you carve out time and invite them to
do things with you so that you feel like the
friendship is still getting.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
You know, nurtured. Yeah, where you can be in competitive
friendship mode and just do everything better than that other friend.
Speaker 3 (42:38):
Which is also another angle that we support. We were
here on call what it is.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
Weren call what it is, Do what you need to do.
Speaker 3 (42:46):
If it's war of the roses.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
It's more of the roses. It's fun exactly right. Marnie
wrote in and said, my family is friends with my
ex best friend's family. Our friendship did not end great.
Should I be upset with my family for still remaining friends?
Speaker 3 (43:01):
Why are they still friends with the family?
Speaker 2 (43:03):
It could be like one of those family things where
you're literally like your friends or your families or friends,
and then you become friends and then you kind of can't.
Speaker 4 (43:12):
You kind of untangle it's an untangled while. I would
try telling your family that it's you feel like there's
a loyalty situation.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
Yeah, or you let them and you're just not and
then you let me you're just not there when they're
all together.
Speaker 4 (43:25):
It might come across though, as as being okay with
the behavior the friend, if the friend was not a
great friend, that you were sort of like okay with it. M.
It's tricky, M.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
We don't know. We need more information.
Speaker 4 (43:38):
Yeah, yeah, Kaitlyn. Can you recover from a friend breakup?
Is that trust lost forever?
Speaker 2 (43:45):
I'm here to say no, I have had I have
had some rocky roads with some friends. And then when
it has when it's like when it's genuinely a deep
relationship that you care a lot about. I have found
my way back.
Speaker 3 (43:59):
It has changed it though for you.
Speaker 4 (44:01):
No, you can honestly find yourself like back without Oh
that's good.
Speaker 3 (44:06):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
Yeah, that's really good.
Speaker 3 (44:09):
I love that. There you can happen.
Speaker 4 (44:12):
Ella, Is there a way to stop feeling jealous when
you see your ex friend with their new friends. Yeah,
you don't need to see their I'm assuming you're seeing
this on social media. You mute these accounts and you
don't see it. Are you out in the world. I mean,
that's just what happens with you want your friend ex
friends to have other friends. It's still important for them,
of course. But if you're seeing this on social there's
(44:32):
a new button.
Speaker 2 (44:34):
I like me. It's a really very useful tool. Tracy
wrote in and said she gossiped to my crush about me.
I can't get over this.
Speaker 4 (44:45):
That feels like sabotage, betrayal. Yeah, that's a betrayal.
Speaker 3 (44:49):
You can't come back from it either.
Speaker 4 (44:51):
Next, Charlotte, my big friend group had a falling out
and I wasn't involved.
Speaker 3 (44:56):
Oh, this is a good question.
Speaker 4 (44:57):
Now most of the group are not speaking and I
I am feeling alone. I think, then you have to
this sort of actually did happen with the with the
friend group.
Speaker 3 (45:10):
This imploded me.
Speaker 4 (45:12):
My friend not being friends anymore imploded our friendship group.
And there was a girl that is I've known forever
since high school. I love her, and she was sort
of in the middle of it, and she just has
learned to have individual relationships with all of us. They
are separate to each other even though we're not all
friends anymore. So that's sort of what you have to
(45:34):
end up having. You got to start doing individual friend dates. Yeah,
big friend groups.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
I was just listening to her friend talk about how
her daughter is in a nineteen what No, it's in
a group, and I was like, that's a lot.
Speaker 3 (45:49):
That's not a friend group. That's a sorority.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
That's a school of fish. That's like, that's too many,
Like you know, like one day, I.
Speaker 4 (45:55):
Don't even know how deep that is. That's not very deep.
Speaker 2 (45:58):
Well, it's also just like when something goes wrong, who
he supposed to do? I don't know. Eighteen people mad
at you that.
Speaker 3 (46:09):
It's so stressful.
Speaker 2 (46:11):
No, it's okay, okay, Tatum. I had a friend and
a friend who fought with me on my birthday because
she hates my other friend, and I don't know what
to do. Yeah, because you're in between, you're in the
tween m I think.
Speaker 4 (46:25):
What you do is you don't bring those two around
each other, can't be in the same room.
Speaker 2 (46:29):
Yeah. Or I have friends, I actually really have had
friends that just rub each other the wrong way.
Speaker 4 (46:36):
What happens when you all get them together?
Speaker 3 (46:39):
Do they play nice?
Speaker 2 (46:40):
Yeah? But again, well i'm the speaking given that we
just talked about this, I am the opposite of a
nineteen friend nineteen girlfriend group. I have, Like I have
my close friends, and they're all from different parts of
my life. And absolutely we could all sit at a
table and it would be lovely. I mean I've had
you know you and Ellie and I have sat down
(47:01):
and I think you know you, and yes, there's almost
instant chemistry because you share someone beloved.
Speaker 4 (47:06):
Yeah, I think the friendship circle gets way. The inner inner,
the inner inner inner knows every part of you, gets
so small. I mean I can count on one hand
there's probably like three girls that really know all the things,
including you, and I think that it works just fine.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (47:25):
Caitlyn says, is it appropriate? To send your friend a
happy birthday message if you no longer talk, yes, you
think so always, even if it was kind of a
rocky like little I think.
Speaker 2 (47:39):
I think there's dislike the person, like they did something
truly heinous. But if you just don't talk anymore, and
you might have done the natural the Jessica Capsule, natural Drift,
the JC nd JC indeed, then absolutely you always you
will always be happy that you reached out to someone
(48:00):
on their birthday? Do you see how my birthday? Love
just comes out? No matter what I think I know.
Speaker 4 (48:05):
But here's the thing. I think it comes with a disclaimer.
I think you only send the message if you're also
okay with that friend potentially striking up, like hey, do
you want to grab coffee?
Speaker 2 (48:17):
Because if you're not.
Speaker 4 (48:18):
If you're just wanting to send the message to be
nice but you're not actually interested in pursuing anything further,
I think you don't because it can get sticky. But
the person's like, hey, oh my god, thank you?
Speaker 3 (48:28):
What you want to grab coffee sometime?
Speaker 4 (48:29):
And you're like, no, oh, well if you have heard that, yeah, no,
you're right. You gotta like it comes the disclaimer. You
got to be open m all right, you know what
this has.
Speaker 2 (48:39):
Taking me on a little walk down memory lane, all
this friendship talk, and I have to say, I can't.
I can't finish this topic without saying this. Friendships are
so important mm hmm. And I think that that's why
some of this cuts so deep for so many people,
and a lot of people. I think that friends are
(49:03):
chosen family. Yeah, and I don't know. It was an
unnaturally long pause. I just took there.
Speaker 3 (49:09):
But no, I think, I know.
Speaker 4 (49:11):
I think it's I think it's so true, and I
think that like I, I just want to tell the
crew that I've had times when I've moved to cities
and I've literally had no friends, like really like truly
not known anybody.
Speaker 3 (49:23):
And it takes a minute.
Speaker 2 (49:25):
Did you go to the movies?
Speaker 4 (49:26):
I went to the movies by myself till I would
also like sit at brunch by myself and watch the
girls all laughing over like their bottomless mimosas, and I
would be like so sad, like having their sex and
the city moment and I'm like the table for one.
But you can always, at any point in your life
find a great, great friendship, and I think that's important
(49:48):
to leave on me, even if you have to do
some friendship break breakups and now you're alone and it's
not a city mood. It's that you know you will
find people and that makes you appreciate the people that's.
Speaker 2 (50:00):
Day in your world so much more. Yeah, and you
know what, sometimes you do have to you know, fresh
first semester, freshman year. It where you just you you
take what you can get.
Speaker 4 (50:14):
Yeah. Well, also I mean like you got to kiss
a few froggies friendship style.
Speaker 3 (50:19):
Yes, yeah, the same thing.
Speaker 2 (50:21):
Even if you're doing that, you need to make sure
that you don't, like you don't give away the keys
to the kingdom to someone who you know is not
you know, you should be you should be selective in friendship.
You should be with people that really mean something to
you and and that are willing to be in like
a real relationship with you.
Speaker 3 (50:38):
And it should be easy.
Speaker 2 (50:40):
Yes, And my friendships just give me so much, like
being friends with you gives me so much and I'm
so grateful for it.
Speaker 4 (50:52):
Yeah, but these things take time, and you know what,
sometimes that person.
Speaker 2 (50:55):
Hates you, like I don't give to get but like
that would have been a beautiful moment for you to
be like, yeah, no, you too, I say ditto. Oh
I didn't hear that. Sorry, Okay, friends, hey listen. By
the way, I'd also like to tell you that while
we're living in this day and age of parasocial relationships,
I'm your friend. I'll be your friend. Let's be friends.
(51:16):
I am so happy to have you with Camilla and I.
And if you ever feel lonely or maybe you're in
between friends or fill in the blank, you are our friend.
Speaker 3 (51:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (51:29):
This is this is why we call it the call
it community, our friendship circle.
Speaker 2 (51:34):
Yeah. And I believe in you. Yes, I believe in
you too.
Speaker 4 (51:38):
All right, Okay, I think it's time to call
Speaker 3 (51:41):
It the end of the episode.
Hosts And Creators
Jessica Capshaw
Camilla Luddington
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