May 19, 2025 • 42 mins
Balancing being a working mama is so tough, so of course it comes with lots of guilt when it comes to leaving the kids to take care of business.
Jess & Camilla reveal how they've managed to keep it together and even deal with the moms who give them the side eye over their parenting decisions.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Call It What It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camil Luddington,
an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Well, hello, hello, Hello.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Hello Call It crew, and welcome to another episode of
Call It What It Is. Oh, Capshaw is busy this week,
looking gorgeous.
Speaker 4 (00:28):
Oh, come on now, Capshaw was busy this week.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Capsua was so happy to be busy this week. Kepshaw
got a little nervous.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Why is Capshaw talking about Capshaw the third person?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Well?
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Should we talk about the call? This is really funny
because so jess had upfront this week, and we'll talk
about what that is. But she called me after upfronts.
She facetimed me and I from her hotel and she
was looking stunning and I look like like a naked
mole rat. We just talked about a naked more. I
(00:58):
look like a naked rat. And I had my glass
of wine and we just FaceTime for an hour. And
the different the difference between me and you in that moment,
like you're so swinky, and I was like so disgusting. No,
don't worry.
Speaker 4 (01:12):
It only took forty two people and you know, three hours.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
So.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
There's no amount of people that could have made me
look like you that night, but we got to like
we got to like have a little like pow wow
of like how your day went, and now we're gonna
share it with the Call It crew too. Yeah yeah,
yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Upfronts is what they call the coming together of all
the people who make decisions about where and how to
spend advertising dollars on new shows. So each of the
network used to be only networks. Now it's platforms. And
now it's like there's all these different ones. It's I mean,
(01:51):
the one that I was at was Disney and Hulu
and ESPN, so it's like, you know, there's a lot.
But yeah, they have these you know presentations where they
present the fall lineup and the advertisers and the people
that are spending the money get to look at it and.
Speaker 4 (02:05):
Sort of interface with the casts.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
And the creators and the showrunners, and then they come
together and it's.
Speaker 4 (02:13):
So it's so nice.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
It's very swinging, very well produced. It's very well produced.
Let's talk about the fall lineup? Oh oh okay, that's
another crazy Okay, So that's the first piece.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Is if the first piece, which is that they do
this thing called up fronts where they put it all
together and then I've been a couple times in my
life with different shows the eater got picked up and
didn't do very well or got you know whatever. Anyways,
so I've been there a couple of times, and I
forgot that when you get there because they kind of
keep it top secret until the day, but when you
(02:48):
get there is when it will likely be revealed what
night your show is on and at what time. And
I hadn't even thought about when the show would be on,
so you.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
Truly don't know until it's sort of revealed, right, Like
you're going into it as like the lead of a show,
not knowing when your show is gonna air until.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Yeah, they countinue you're like today I am on a Sunday,
and you're like, all.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
Right, good luck with that. It's gonna be amazing. People
are gonna be lining up.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Yeah, yes you could.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
You could, And I think probably people do go and
they're like disappointed. I mean, I'm like, I'm imagining this,
but I'm imagining there's people that are disappointed.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
There's people that are excited about whatever.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Times thought they get we So I get there and
and someone's like, oh my gosh, so you're reunited with
Grays I was like, no, no, no, no. I mean,
yeah I did last year but and and always with Camilla,
but no, no, no, I'm here with a different show.
They're like, no, no, no, You're reunited with Grays on
the Night. And I was like, I don't know what
you're talking about, and they said, you're.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
You're right before Grays on the Night.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
I can't what.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
So it's nine When Won the Original at eight pm
on Thursday nights and nine one one.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
Nashville at Night.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Yeah, Thursday nights and then Gray's Anatomy on Thursdays.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
I just I don't know why, but like really it
made me geek out. I was like, oh my god, reunited,
we're all the same night again. I know, but you
get to look probably a little bit more glamb than
I will. I'm going to tell you.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
I'm gonna tell you right now, without even having filmed
a scene, not a frame has been filmed, and I
can tell you this will be the best dress that
I ever will be or have been in my life.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
It's amazing. And did you see anyone from Grey's Anatomy there?
Because ye, yes.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
The night before I'd been at a different event and
I came back to the hotel. And as I was
walking into the hotel, I see Georgie Shandra.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Wilson, and I wait what And so then I got
to give her a big hug and I was so happy,
and so she and Jim were there.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Uh it is like seeing like it's like seeing family.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
Absolutely yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
And I actually really did think to myself because when
you go to these things, you go party of one,
you go by yourself.
Speaker 4 (05:12):
But I sat with Chondra and Jim for a good
amount of time.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
There is like a safety in numbers saying that we
get to praise where there's so many of us that
like it does take the stress off. And you're inheriting
a brand new show in this incredible time slot, and
so like that's it is a high pressure situation because
it's almost like it's almost like the wedding day, like
(05:35):
the announcement and the fanfare of like this buildup of
like the show's coming and here's the casting announcement and
now and you go and you meet all the execs
and everything. You looked gorgeous. You sent me a picture,
I say, wedding day, you're in.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
No excuse me, I facetimed you when I put on
the dress to say, am I good?
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Are we good?
Speaker 4 (05:55):
I'm a good And you and Lucas were sitting in
the kitchen.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Do you know what you said to me? You go,
I think you're frozen, and I was like, I'm not frozen.
My mouth is so wide engaging you that like I
was speechless, and Jessico thought I had frozen on FaceTime.
I had not. That's how shocked. Not shocked. I mean like, listen,
you look where you look. But I was just like, oh, hot, damn,
(06:21):
I'm on one. Nashville's coming, It hot coming, it hot coming.
And then your picture everything was amazing. It is nerve
wrecked little dress. But yes, of course you. Of course
it wouldn't be you if it wasn't. Don't need a
Maxi skirt on Capshaw's legs. Let's talk about though, because
this is what our podcast is about today. It sort
(06:44):
of is like the introduction.
Speaker 4 (06:47):
Into comes next into the.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Yeah, and it's gonna all be like a torn like
a little snowball now from now on out into you
being in Nashville and starring to film and navigate these
new storylines and this new care during a new city.
And we're talking about that and being a working mom.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Yeah, well, you know, I have so many thoughts on this,
and I actually want to start it off by saying.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Working mom is like working.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
Is inherent to the title of being a mom.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Yes, so true. Yeah, I remember.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
After having Luke, being very purposeful about how I said
working mom, because I used to think that a working
mom was someone who became a mom and who worked
at a job somewhere else. And now I'm so specific
and I say, whether you're working as a mom inside
the house or you're outside the house, which of course
is not like, yes, you know, change your home, but
(07:40):
you know what I mean, I think that you're working
no matter what. And there's this other set of circumstances
and challenges that can sometimes come with not having any
responsibilities or jobs outside of the house, right, because, in
a way, dirty little secret, when you work outside the house,
(08:00):
sometimes it's actually like a break from your flight.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
It's hard.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
Oh, it's so true. I just had this conversation with
I went to dinner with mommy friends last night, and
we were talking about how we're more exhausted on the
weekends when we don't work than when we are during
the week.
Speaker 4 (08:19):
I think a lot of people feel that way, a
lot of parents, a lot of parents.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Yeah, yes, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
So I think that you know, again, there's a set
of circumstances and challenges that come for people who are
you know, twenty four to seven parents. And then there's
a set of circumstances and challenges that come with people
who work outside the howse and they have you know,
demands on their time and things that they can't control.
That's what I think for me is the differentiating factor
(08:48):
is the things out of well, nothing is in our control,
we know this from our friend Mel Robins, but less
in your control. Like when you work outside the house,
don't you don't get to dictate your schedule, right, You
have a schedule for work, and you work with someone
else or for someone else, and so you just have
to you got a roll with that when you're you know,
(09:10):
when you're at home, it's kind of different. So, yeah,
this was the beginning of understanding that there's going to
be a schedule that I am going to be I'm
going to be on someone else's schedule for a minute.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Yeah, for people, listening is your plan because there are
lots of different ways that actors or anybody really navigates.
You know, your work home and then your home home.
Are you going to be sort of uprooing the kids
to come with you to Nashville or is the plan
to keep them in New York, in their schools, in
(09:43):
their comfy place, and you're going to be going back
and forth.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Yeah, the I mean the the what I realized that Grace,
for all the ages that my kids have been, was
that the best thing possible, given that much like the
characters that we played were kind of on call, the
best thing was for the kids to just have their schedule,
that is, in so far as you can control things,
(10:08):
stays constant and the same and stable, and then they
are cared for no matter what, and you're the variable
that comes in and out. And that really worked for
me at Grays And then I was thinking back on
it because there was a great advantage to being local, right,
so you're living it right. I would just come any time.
(10:30):
I mean the second that I was off of work,
I was going straight home, especially when they were really
really little. Towards the end, I learned that they were
just a little bit more. It wasn't so like it
was so overwhelming, So there would be a time we're
on the way home.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
I'd be like, I'm gonna stop while we're here and
grab a little lunch on my way home or whatever.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Yeah, they still think I don't work.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
Exactly, But you know what when you walk through that door,
like they're upstairs are playing, they're like hey mom, or
they're like they're going heading.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
To a sleepover or so, you know, it's like it's
just when the older.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
But what it does maybes you do like oh no,
oh yeah, yeah. So I think that you know, their
lives will stay you know, the same and constant, and
and then you know, you I will you know.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
Basically commute, which evidently is a hot topic.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Evidently a lot right after COVID, a lot of people
commute to places that you would think are kind of
crazy because it seems too Yeah. But yeah, and I
think that you know, you just kind of you work
at my whole thing. I really been thinking about it because
it's actually coming up on us quick. I I can't
(11:35):
think about the future. I gotta just stay present and
I gotta work it till it works, because also it just.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Seems to change all the time.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Yeah. Absolutely, do you feel are you one of those
moms that feels like when you head into your school,
you feel the other moms sort of eyeballing you because
you're not volunteering every week. We got this is a
question because you know, someone wrote and literally asked us,
and it's it's I am not the mom that's able
(12:04):
to go and volunteer every week. So but I don't
feel the eyeballs on me now.
Speaker 4 (12:10):
I don't feel self conscious about that.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
You know, and we have hiatuses, you know, on shows,
so you're not always working and you're.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
Not always working outside the house.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
No, I don't know. I don't.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
I don't feel the eyeballs because I whenever.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
I mean, I do whatever I can when I can,
you know, So I do volunteer. I mean I do
volunteer as much as I can, which sometimes, even even
if it's in a smaller amount of time.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
Is more than what other people do. I personally.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Choose to give all the grace to everyone choosing how
they're going to spend their time at school. Like there
are some people who can show up for every single
volunteer opportunity, God bless that's fantastic and that works for you.
There's some people who can't at all, but they can
create some other value that they add to their you know, kids'
school experience. I don't know, but like I just always
(13:04):
assume that we're all doing our best, so lay off
the eyeballs.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
I love that about you and I and I do
feel but you can correct me if I'm wrong. I
do feel like you don't put the pressure on yourself
to be like I need to be a perfect mom.
I need to look like I have it all together
all the time. I you know, like an eye and
even the mom guilt. I think that you've done such
(13:29):
a great job at understanding the nuances to motherhood and
that we don't need to feel guilty over it.
Speaker 4 (13:38):
Well, thank you for that. That's a huge compliment.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
But I don't think we need to feel guilty about it.
I think that I think that I think we need
to have and give ourselves and others more grace.
Speaker 4 (13:51):
I think that it's it's hard. It's hard being a parent.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
It's also magical and wonderful and one of the coolest
things I've ever ever gotten to experience. I don't know, like,
let everybody do it how they want to do it.
It's kind of how I feel, and I definitely don't
think I don't even know what perfect is.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
I don't know what it is either. That's such an
interesting question, like what is perfect? Yeah, I think. I
think the pressure to whatever that is has become like
social media obviously, and and all these different accounts that
portray whatever their version of perfect is makes it harder
to potentially lean into being quote unquote perfect or trying
(14:33):
to aspire to be quote unquote perfect. But I agree, I.
Speaker 4 (14:37):
Don't even know what that is.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
The only time that I feel compromised or I'm gonna
I'm gonna choose to say less then, because that's closest to
how I feel is if, for some reason, my lack
of attention to either emails, handouts that go.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
In backpacks or or to maut or what's.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
It called team snap, all the things.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
And all the ways that you know, your children's stuff
gets communicated to you when I don't see it or
I've missed something in one of my kids kind of
you know, the consequence that follow on them, you know,
like they show up and yeah, you know a day
and they're not dressed. Yeah, yeah, you know, if they
if they if they don't show up for the game,
(15:24):
because I got moved to a different field. If they
that kind of stuff, that that can make me feel.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
Like I just because I feel that I've.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Disappointed my kid in somehow some way, or like because
of something that I've not done, I'm a little That's
when I can be a little hard on myself.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
I'm hard on myself too about that. Here's what's frustrating
to me about school right now in twenty twenty five.
It's not that you have one place that you log
in that has all the information. They're like, hey, we
have about thirty different sites everything. It's like, here's the
lunch side. But once you're once you're on here, you
(16:04):
can't find the after school activity site. That's a different
site that we've invented.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
Why are you so funny?
Speaker 1 (16:10):
You get to the heart of it so quickly?
Speaker 3 (16:27):
Those small winds, seriously that I get is when I
realized that I even know the password for one of
those sites, because I'm so fking tired of being like,
what's your usual name? I don't know I have kids,
help me. This is my email, my email, I don't
(16:47):
know my.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Email all caps, my email lowercase, my email with the
handle of that.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
So let's give ourselves like the small fucking winds. We
know a password to one of those.
Speaker 4 (17:00):
When we're able to log into Vera Cross.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
Fresh Lunches, when I've when I've logged into Fresh Lunches,
or when I've said the joy, I get the literally
like am I amazing? When that password has been saved
into my phone and it's like to log in, and
I'm like, oh my god, y, why am I winning
(17:24):
it live today? And I can't even navigate that site,
by the way, because they make it not user friendly.
Whatever that link is that I need, Yeah, not there.
So I take the small wins. As a parent, I'm
very tight b too, So it's like those those those
those borderline type A wins for me, they feel real good.
Speaker 5 (17:43):
I really felt that what you just said, every word
of it, single word, And anyone who's listening right now,
if you're a child, you just you you you put
just press pause, wait till I'm finished, and then press pose.
Speaker 4 (17:59):
Okay, if you're a child and you're old.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
Enough to communicate to your parent, just just communicate thank
you to them right now. Just say yeah, dad, mom, mom, dad, dad,
I thank you, thank you for logging in, thank you
for logging in and knowing your user name and passwords.
Now you can press pause and do that and then
when you come back, I will tell you that as
a parent, it's some it's a crazy wild world out there,
(18:22):
and you're right, there's ninety five hundred different sites use
your names and passwords.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Yeah, because back in our day there, our parents got
some home with a little piece of paper. It was
in the backpack. I love a piece of paper. Let
me fill it out, let me put it back in.
That's what I want to do. I want to do
a little nineteen ninety eight parenting. That's what I like.
Uh So, obviously the kids, I've seen you on shows
(18:50):
for a very long time, so I'm assuming at this
point they know what you do for a living. But
how do you kind of explain your job in this
world to them?
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Well?
Speaker 4 (19:01):
Yeah, I mean I'm same same to you.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Right.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
We kind of go away and at different ages they
understand it differently. I mean, I think when they're younger,
it's just your away and then you're back. They don't
really care. They don't even they're not even attaching you
doing something wherever you go.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
Yeah, Haye, it's like you're kind of a doctor all
the other day. She was like, you're She was confused,
like you're getting married because I was like talking to
Matt and I was like yes, but on the show.
And then Lucas the other day said you have a job,
so that's where I met Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Well and then also you add into it once you've
explained your job.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
And I always do it. I'm so you can only
imagine me.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
It's like I give the most flowery explanation about the
storytelling and.
Speaker 4 (19:54):
The job that I have is a storyteller, and then
you and then they're like.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but like what can I actually see
that you do? And they're like, okay, I see that
that people come up and that they like this stuck
you know, that they want to talk about this Arizona
think situation. And then now there's this new job where
they're like, okay, I don't don't completely get it, but
there is so much, you know, at their level being
sort of reported and or their friends are saying like,
you know, oh my gosh, your mom was on Instagram
(20:22):
or whatever. I think they think maybe my job is
on Instagram, like like I like I post things for
a like.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Do they like influencer status?
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, like maybe I just dressed up and
hair and makeup and different outfits and then I.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
Just post pictures and then you're just like, are you
walking through the house with the ring light? You're like,
I might just yeah, yeah, just in case, Yeah, you
catch some good content. Nothing is further from who I'm
laughing because I'm like, this is just so, this.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Is a complete It actually sounds like my nightmare. My
name is it is your nightmare.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
It's my nightmare too. I don't want to do that.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
No, I do not, but yes, okay, so they understand,
and but they there none of my kids have exited
the you know, ego centric phase of their lives like there,
they just want to know what. What they care about
with regards to my job is just how it affects them,
Like how does your job affect.
Speaker 4 (21:19):
Us in any way, shape or form.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Although I don't know if I told you this, but
because I was so touched by this, I was going
to maybe do the show. And we knew that it
was in Nashville, which is not far from New York City,
and there's ten non stuff flights a day from Lagordia,
so it's all it's all good and and as easy
as it could be, right, but it was still like okay,
(21:42):
it's it's a it's a minute away. And I was
just doing a lot of talking about it out loud,
like okay, well this is what this means, and and
obviously like there would be time away and then back
and then we figured it out and the girls were
kind of like, you know, yeah, okay, and again, how
does this affect me and our schedule and everything else?
And it was probably like the fourth or fifth time
(22:03):
that Luke had heard me say like you know, I mean,
I think he heard me not worrying about being mindful,
like just like, ooh, how's this going to work out?
Speaker 4 (22:14):
And he stopped me and he said.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Mom, you haven't done what you love doing the most.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
For more than a minute.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
And I can't even imagine if I couldn't, you know,
pursue my passion for more than a minute. So of
course you're going to go, and of course we're going
to figure out how to make it work, and of
course it will all work out.
Speaker 4 (22:43):
And I truly looked at.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
My child young man, and I got like tears like
sprung to my eyes, and I was so touched that
he was a well number one able to console me,
comfort me, but that he was looking at it that way,
that he was looking at it like your job and
(23:04):
your work.
Speaker 4 (23:05):
I was gonnaybe cry out, Like your job and your work.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Means so much to you, and you haven't been doing
it because you've been taking care of us, or you've
been you know, creating other places that you can work,
where you can be home a little bit more or whatever.
Speaker 4 (23:19):
It being in Nashville should not get in the way
of you doing it.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
And I was so.
Speaker 4 (23:25):
I was blown away. I was really blown away by that.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
And I was just also very very very proud of
him and his perspective and his kindness, his kindness of
giving that to me because I really needed it.
Speaker 4 (23:38):
I needed him, I needed him. I needed that feeling
from my family. Yeah, going to go do something important.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
Oh my god, Luke, I know, Luke. Oh what a
mush And did you do you feel like it like settled,
like helbed ground it for you? Yes.
Speaker 4 (23:56):
I think it might have been the actual lynch pin moment.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
It might have been the actual exact moment that I
felt really at peace and I was sort of in
a way all this sounds crazy, but like I was
allowed to just be excited about it, yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
And know that it was he he.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Made me feel like it was gonna be okay. However,
I got done and we didn't know, but it was
gonna be okay, and it is and it's gonna be
so exciting.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
And I'm telling you what those kids are gonna They're
gonna fall in love with Nashville and they do get
to go with you.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
I know, I know, I know, I know. And it's
not you know, summertimes. So it's also a little more flexibility.
It's gonna be great, it's gonna be perfect. But I
do think obviously we've talked about mom guilt with regards
to us and how we manage it. That being said,
there's so many different kinds of jobs, and all different
kinds of jobs have a lot of different limitations. And
(24:52):
I think that that's why I said that. You know,
I can only speak from my perspective. I don't know
what everyone else's you know, job is, or how they
get it done and everything else. But I think that
when because it's so specific, I think this idea of
mom guilt, I don't you don't hear dad guilt as much, but.
Speaker 4 (25:11):
I think that you have to sort of like.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Be gentle with yourself, yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
Whatever it is that you do, and find the other
moms in your community who who get it and who
are also who are definitely not side eyeing you and
are definitely the ones where you know I always I
mean listen, I clearly love humor, but like the other
parents at school that get you, or that you understand,
or you that you like or that you laugh with
or whatever, and I think that I mean, listen, the
(25:40):
best case scenarios then, like my favorite favorite communities in
school to be in have been ones where people were like,
how can I help, Like, yeah, let's let's let's figure
out the carpool, let's figure out like I can't do
this volunteer thing, but you can. And like I mean
even today, you know, I couldn't be at this thing
this morning, and and I got a bunch of videos
(26:00):
of my kids, Oh my god, I from other parents
and it was so great.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
I am so blessed to have found the mom group
that I have that I feel very like I really
dearly love them all, and the same when I there
are times when I haven't been able to be there,
and I'll receive so many different videos from different angles.
I know that none of them are like she can't
(26:25):
be here, you know, absolutely not. There's definitely like help
with the carpool and then pick up. We're all in
it together. And I do think it's important when you're
in a position of having the demands of working and
mom working, that you find those people. So let's talk
about some articles that have been written that were kind
(26:46):
of interesting to me. So today didn't did a whole
thing on this, and it was what is mom guilt
and how can you manage it? And it was a
therapy a therapist, a mom befour broke it down and
uh and how to manage mom guilt? And she said
number one, stop, Oh, this is a good one. Stop
(27:07):
shooting on yourself. We have to accept we are doing
the best we can. Like, you should be doing this,
you should be I should have done you know, there's
so much happening. Yeah, I think that that's a good one.
Speaker 4 (27:21):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, really every area of life.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
Yeah yeah, yeah, stop shooting. Let's stop shooting.
Speaker 4 (27:29):
Sounds like you're saying stop shitting, I mean.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
Stop shitting the shitting well, you know, of course you
would segue you guys, listeners know at this point, if
Justin can segue to a poop or a fart, it
might happen. Okay.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
Number two, consider the positives.
Speaker 3 (27:49):
Of mom guilt. Oh interesting.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
Remind yourself that it's if you might be having a
mom fail, but that you're not a failure as a mom.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Ooh. Separate the incident from your idea.
Speaker 4 (28:01):
M h ooh, I like that.
Speaker 3 (28:04):
Okay. Number three, talk to other empathetic moms, which we
just talked about.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
Yep.
Speaker 4 (28:11):
Number four.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Focus on your winds, which is what you do when
you get into just one of those websites.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
Oh yeah, are you kidding? Mommy deserves a medal.
Speaker 4 (28:22):
Number five put it all in perspective.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
That's a good one because sometimes like you're operating in
a way that's like just so like within the moment. Yeah,
taking that bird's eye view back is all good Forbes
navigating the guilt of balancing career, ambitions and motherhood. More
than one third of mothers in the USA it's possible
(28:46):
to combine a career a motherhood. I think I agree
with it. I think you know, it just comes with
a lettle of course, it's possible. It just comes a
lot of how.
Speaker 4 (28:57):
We do it, it's how we do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ambition and working mothers is often misunderstood.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
They're expected to prioritize motherhood above all else, yet are
also pressured to excel in their careers. This one gets
under muskin, probably because it hits me where it hurts.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Probably because I feel it. I feel it, I do,
I feel like.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
Obviously above all else. Right, Oh yeah, of course you
would do anything. You would throw your body in front
of you know, it's our job, it's in our biology,
it's in our culture, everything. And sometimes we're at work
and I remember the hardest days were the days where
like one of the kids would be sick, and that's
(29:44):
when I would be like, oh, I can't believe.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
I'm to believe.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
I think it's so hard, no matter what your job is,
no matter where your job is, no matter how long
you have to be gone for work or whatever. This
idea that you are meant to always be holding your
family and your children.
Speaker 4 (30:02):
Above all else but the herd.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Here's the fucking reality of this. Let's call it right.
We're working, yes, because we might love our jobs, or
maybe you don't love your job. You're working to earn money.
Most likely, to support your family. Yeah, so the work
is prioritizing motherhood. I know, women are expected to work
(30:28):
like they don't have children and mother like they don't
work constantly. Carrying this heavy burden of responsibility will of
course inevitably lead to the guilt of always falling short.
This is this is this is on the heads of
the people that run these companies, because you don't actually
have to have this tone in the workplace at all.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
Yeah, the responsibility does fall on the companies that or
the people that employ you know, working parents.
Speaker 4 (30:55):
And I think it's really important.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
I think that's an incredibly, incredibly good point, and it
puts the responsibility where it should be. And I also
think that it's why I feel very cozy, uh in
my relationship, to compromise as opposed to balance. On any
given day, I might be a great mom, but probably
(31:18):
on that day I wasn't great at work.
Speaker 3 (31:20):
Yeah. And we've talked about this.
Speaker 4 (31:21):
Yeah, you know, I just don't really can't do it.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
You can't do it all at one time. You can
do it, you can try to do it all, but
you can't do it all at one time.
Speaker 3 (31:27):
And the truth is, I look at Lucas and I
look at Hayden. If they have kids one day, I
don't want them to feel I don't want I want
them to.
Speaker 4 (31:36):
Take the pressure off themselves too. Yeah do you know
what I mean?
Speaker 3 (31:39):
Like, I don't want them to have to navigate any
sort of parenthood situation where they feel like it's on
them to to always be perfect. It's not. It's not
going to be so like they're definitely seeing that for me.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, So let's hear from our crew.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Maria wrote in and said, I'm thirty five and I
decided today that it's time to reclaim my career now
that my kids are.
Speaker 4 (32:21):
Two and four.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
Get excited for you, go do it. Leah says, I'm
a nurse who works night shifts. I tend to push
myself to stay awake when I should sleep because I
don't want to miss anything with my kids. I have
so much guilt if I can't be the fun mom
I want to be. I hear you, I really hear you,
And honestly I think that calling it and being like
(32:45):
I am so tired. I love you guys, and just
being honest about how you're feeling, like I am really
stressed out. Right now, I need silence. Meeting honest with
where I'm The litmus test of where I'm not in
the day helps me feel less guilty. Actually, so they
know what I'm just like, why won't MO play with us?
It's like I think they're getting they're learning to be
(33:06):
empathetic to other humans because I'm explaining right, yeah, I'm
being human.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
Also, Leah, you are a hero. I mean you're a
nurse who works night shifts. That is incredible. So give
yourself a bit of grace there. They will understand. It
might not be right now, but they will understand later
in life just what that means.
Speaker 4 (33:29):
And and wow, you're you're awesome.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
Blake wrote in and said, when I'm off work, i
am off no apps on my phone related to work.
Good for you, Yes, for you, smart too, It's true,
you gotta put the phone down.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
We had this experience on Grey's Anatomy where from the
top down, starting with Shonda Rhimes, right, I learned that
there were people set boundaries of hey, this is the
time that I'm going to switch off.
Speaker 4 (34:02):
Oh yes, and her emails yes exactly.
Speaker 3 (34:05):
And I loved that because I thought, like Seanda Rhymes
is creating this boundary for herself where she's like, Okay,
this is my time where I'm I'm taking time to
do whatever I need to do. Maybe that's a great
and it sort of gave us all permission to there's
work time and then home time. Yes, exactly right. But
I don't think that everyone gets that, and I really
(34:26):
appreciate No, they.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
All like expect you to if you don't answer within
you know, five minutes, I.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
Need to be available at like eleven PM.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
People.
Speaker 3 (34:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Kelsey. Boundaries there were there
are there are a few years that my child needs me.
Work will always be there.
Speaker 4 (34:43):
Mm hmm. There you go. Well it's gonna be more
than a few years, Kelsey that your child needs you. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
I'm not familiar with this term. I think it's so incredible.
There's parenting which is assigned to I guess when they're adolescents,
and then once they've exited adolescens. A friend of mine
was saying that that's you then enter a parent You
then enter a period of adulting because you really I
(35:11):
swear once they cross over, like even if they cross
past twenty five, they still need you.
Speaker 4 (35:16):
And also the whole like little kids, little problems.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
Like out I I heard my I scratch my knee,
or like oh I'm being left out at the lunch table.
But then they're like big kids, big problems, and all
of a sudden you're dealing with like drinking and you're dealing.
Speaker 3 (35:29):
With drugs or mom, there's what my apartments flooded? Who
do I call? And you're like, damn, you know what? Though,
you know what? Though less websites, less websites, no user.
Speaker 4 (35:44):
Name for it, no user name, don't need a password.
Speaker 3 (35:48):
Jennifer said, meeting everyone's needs feels impossible. Having a village
is so important. That's a lot of conversations happening right
now about how in twenty twenty five I've raising children.
A village is harder to come by. A lot of
conversations around this, and if you can build one, it is, Yes,
(36:12):
do it. It's so important. But people are finding this
really hard.
Speaker 4 (36:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
Just Rodan And said hardcore mom guilt when I lose
my cool and yell, okay, just we've all been here.
We've all been here. If you're not if you're not screaming,
you're not paying attention.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
You don't care on a T shirt. Oh my god,
I'll never take it off if you're And that's how
I'm gonna say. If I'm not screaming, then I'm not
paying attention. Okay.
Speaker 4 (36:49):
But here's what I think about that.
Speaker 1 (36:50):
Is that that's part of life, and we need to
we well, first of all, we need to we need
to be responsible with our anger right and never let
it get oversized in the sense that like it's scary. Right.
We can have healthy anger, we can be upset, we
can lose our cool, we can yell, we can have
these things, and we can also let our kids know
(37:12):
that we're still in control, that we are okay, they
are okay. And then I think that the number one
thing you do once your brain comes back online is
you can always say I'm.
Speaker 4 (37:27):
Sorry about that.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
I lost my cool and I yelled, and I you
know what, I'm I'm sorry because maybe I didn't even
just yell once. Maybe I yelled twice, and maybe I'm
gonna do it again tomorrow.
Speaker 4 (37:38):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
But and it's you know, I'm not trying to say like,
you know, it's like a pattern of you know, of yelling.
But I think that when you take responsibility for it,
I think that it's it is part of life.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
I've started to learn that actually I called you or
we were texting from the car my children. I've basically
that I need a moment and sometimes I just need
to Okay, So I just we're sitting so just because like, hey,
can you talk, and I'm like sure. I've been sitting
in my driveway for fifteen minutes because my kids on
(38:11):
the way home drove me so insane that I literally said, Jesus,
take the wheel, and Matt take the kids, and Matt
take the kids inside, and I don't even want to
see their little faces. And I just need to decompress
because I cannot parents. So I've learned those moments where
like it will be screaming unhinged for an hour if
I don't just sit. I gotta tell you. Also, I
(38:33):
gotta tell you, like I had a sneak peek of
teenage years possibly in this little exchange with Hayden last weekend,
and it could have ended up in me losing my cool,
but I walked away and then had I had to.
I had to come back and have a conversation with her.
But I'm gonna tell you how this conversation went. I
hate bedtimes, right, Like, my children are not like, oh
it's time to brush my teeth, okay, great, They're like
(38:55):
what oh my what chit aboth? You know, it's like
this whole thing. I was so overwhelmed and exhausted, and
I said something under my breath right that was like, oh,
these kids never lessen and I am having to do
and hat and walk by. And this is what she
This is what she said. She goes, that's being a parent.
(39:18):
And I turned around and I literally was so shocked
that she was like, that's being it. And she gave
me a look that was like kind of like a
little smart leg. That's what you get for having to
sign so you signed up for it. And I said, well,
you know what being a kid is. This is not
the mature response.
Speaker 4 (39:34):
Wow, no, no, no.
Speaker 3 (39:35):
I was like, being a kid means listening. And you
know what she said. She goes, I listened this morning.
By the way, this is like seven pm at night.
I had to walk I was so like, I had
to walk away and I went to Matt and I said,
let me just tell you what this tiny little exchange
that makes me really excited for fifteen years old, because
(39:56):
she's eight and then I had to come back and
like lay down some real nice Okay, Mom's not going
to be talk to you like that.
Speaker 6 (40:04):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
I also love that you might be the number one
person that I know can deliver a comeback. Like if
I had to phone a frown, if I had to
bet on, if I was in Vegas, I had to
bet on someone, I.
Speaker 3 (40:17):
Would literally like you.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
It would be you, like so far like so far
ahead of everyone else I know that could come up
with an amazing comeback. You would be my go to
comeback girl. And that you did not deliver in that moment.
Speaker 3 (40:29):
I did not and and and uh, that's what happened,
elder brother. She intimidated because what happened was is.
Speaker 6 (40:36):
Her comeback, which was which was not a good comeback,
but it was a comeback of like I listen this morning,
was so confident that I think I did, said to Matt,
I think she has my comebacks, Like I think she
has the comeback Geene.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Yeah, and by fifteen she might start be starting to
perfect it.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
She's eight now, and she got you, So what's the
or worth the growth that needs to have it?
Speaker 3 (41:02):
She got you.
Speaker 4 (41:02):
It's already done.
Speaker 3 (41:03):
I mean it's cooking. Yeah, it's cooking, but I yes,
I've learned to walk away, but I've also learned that
I do yo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and uh and yeah
you gotta walk you back listen less guilt for us moms.
We're really trying to we're trying our best out here. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
I also just think we need to replace guilt with
something else, Like I get we're tired of the I'm.
Speaker 4 (41:28):
Like, why would anyone feel guilty?
Speaker 1 (41:30):
I just think we need a better word, or we
need a better thing to replace guilt with.
Speaker 4 (41:35):
Like, I don't know what that is.
Speaker 3 (41:37):
I'm gonna yeah, I think it gets thrown around so
much that I'm tired of hearing it. Actually, yes, I
don't know what that term is. But I'm gonna think
on that too, because maybe we maybe we call the podcast.
Speaker 4 (41:46):
Not mom guilt. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (41:48):
You'll find out if we've thought of something, because it's
a different term. If it's mom guilt, then we haven't.
Speaker 4 (41:56):
I think we're losing it now. I think now we're done.
Speaker 3 (41:59):
Okay, let's call it. The end of the episode.
Call It What It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camil Luddington,
an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Well, hello, hello, Hello.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Hello Call It crew, and welcome to another episode of
Call It What It Is. Oh, Capshaw is busy this week,
looking gorgeous.
Speaker 4 (00:28):
Oh, come on now, Capshaw was busy this week.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Capsua was so happy to be busy this week. Kepshaw
got a little nervous.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Why is Capshaw talking about Capshaw the third person?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Well?
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Should we talk about the call? This is really funny
because so jess had upfront this week, and we'll talk
about what that is. But she called me after upfronts.
She facetimed me and I from her hotel and she
was looking stunning and I look like like a naked
mole rat. We just talked about a naked more. I
(00:58):
look like a naked rat. And I had my glass
of wine and we just FaceTime for an hour. And
the different the difference between me and you in that moment,
like you're so swinky, and I was like so disgusting. No,
don't worry.
Speaker 4 (01:12):
It only took forty two people and you know, three hours.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
So.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
There's no amount of people that could have made me
look like you that night, but we got to like
we got to like have a little like pow wow
of like how your day went, and now we're gonna
share it with the Call It crew too. Yeah yeah,
yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Upfronts is what they call the coming together of all
the people who make decisions about where and how to
spend advertising dollars on new shows. So each of the
network used to be only networks. Now it's platforms. And
now it's like there's all these different ones. It's I mean,
(01:51):
the one that I was at was Disney and Hulu
and ESPN, so it's like, you know, there's a lot.
But yeah, they have these you know presentations where they
present the fall lineup and the advertisers and the people
that are spending the money get to look at it and.
Speaker 4 (02:05):
Sort of interface with the casts.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
And the creators and the showrunners, and then they come
together and it's.
Speaker 4 (02:13):
So it's so nice.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
It's very swinging, very well produced. It's very well produced.
Let's talk about the fall lineup? Oh oh okay, that's
another crazy Okay, So that's the first piece.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Is if the first piece, which is that they do
this thing called up fronts where they put it all
together and then I've been a couple times in my
life with different shows the eater got picked up and
didn't do very well or got you know whatever. Anyways,
so I've been there a couple of times, and I
forgot that when you get there because they kind of
keep it top secret until the day, but when you
(02:48):
get there is when it will likely be revealed what
night your show is on and at what time. And
I hadn't even thought about when the show would be on,
so you.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
Truly don't know until it's sort of revealed, right, Like
you're going into it as like the lead of a show,
not knowing when your show is gonna air until.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Yeah, they countinue you're like today I am on a Sunday,
and you're like, all.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
Right, good luck with that. It's gonna be amazing. People
are gonna be lining up.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Yeah, yes you could.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
You could, And I think probably people do go and
they're like disappointed. I mean, I'm like, I'm imagining this,
but I'm imagining there's people that are disappointed.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
There's people that are excited about whatever.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Times thought they get we So I get there and
and someone's like, oh my gosh, so you're reunited with
Grays I was like, no, no, no, no. I mean,
yeah I did last year but and and always with Camilla,
but no, no, no, I'm here with a different show.
They're like, no, no, no, You're reunited with Grays on
the Night. And I was like, I don't know what
you're talking about, and they said, you're.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
You're right before Grays on the Night.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
I can't what.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
So it's nine When Won the Original at eight pm
on Thursday nights and nine one one.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
Nashville at Night.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Yeah, Thursday nights and then Gray's Anatomy on Thursdays.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
I just I don't know why, but like really it
made me geek out. I was like, oh my god, reunited,
we're all the same night again. I know, but you
get to look probably a little bit more glamb than
I will. I'm going to tell you.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
I'm gonna tell you right now, without even having filmed
a scene, not a frame has been filmed, and I
can tell you this will be the best dress that
I ever will be or have been in my life.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
It's amazing. And did you see anyone from Grey's Anatomy there?
Because ye, yes.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
The night before I'd been at a different event and
I came back to the hotel. And as I was
walking into the hotel, I see Georgie Shandra.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Wilson, and I wait what And so then I got
to give her a big hug and I was so happy,
and so she and Jim were there.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Uh it is like seeing like it's like seeing family.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
Absolutely yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
And I actually really did think to myself because when
you go to these things, you go party of one,
you go by yourself.
Speaker 4 (05:12):
But I sat with Chondra and Jim for a good
amount of time.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
There is like a safety in numbers saying that we
get to praise where there's so many of us that
like it does take the stress off. And you're inheriting
a brand new show in this incredible time slot, and
so like that's it is a high pressure situation because
it's almost like it's almost like the wedding day, like
(05:35):
the announcement and the fanfare of like this buildup of
like the show's coming and here's the casting announcement and
now and you go and you meet all the execs
and everything. You looked gorgeous. You sent me a picture,
I say, wedding day, you're in.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
No excuse me, I facetimed you when I put on
the dress to say, am I good?
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Are we good?
Speaker 4 (05:55):
I'm a good And you and Lucas were sitting in
the kitchen.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Do you know what you said to me? You go,
I think you're frozen, and I was like, I'm not frozen.
My mouth is so wide engaging you that like I
was speechless, and Jessico thought I had frozen on FaceTime.
I had not. That's how shocked. Not shocked. I mean like, listen,
you look where you look. But I was just like, oh, hot, damn,
(06:21):
I'm on one. Nashville's coming, It hot coming, it hot coming.
And then your picture everything was amazing. It is nerve
wrecked little dress. But yes, of course you. Of course
it wouldn't be you if it wasn't. Don't need a
Maxi skirt on Capshaw's legs. Let's talk about though, because
this is what our podcast is about today. It sort
(06:44):
of is like the introduction.
Speaker 4 (06:47):
Into comes next into the.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Yeah, and it's gonna all be like a torn like
a little snowball now from now on out into you
being in Nashville and starring to film and navigate these
new storylines and this new care during a new city.
And we're talking about that and being a working mom.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Yeah, well, you know, I have so many thoughts on this,
and I actually want to start it off by saying.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Working mom is like working.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
Is inherent to the title of being a mom.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Yes, so true. Yeah, I remember.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
After having Luke, being very purposeful about how I said
working mom, because I used to think that a working
mom was someone who became a mom and who worked
at a job somewhere else. And now I'm so specific
and I say, whether you're working as a mom inside
the house or you're outside the house, which of course
is not like, yes, you know, change your home, but
(07:40):
you know what I mean, I think that you're working
no matter what. And there's this other set of circumstances
and challenges that can sometimes come with not having any
responsibilities or jobs outside of the house, right, because, in
a way, dirty little secret, when you work outside the house,
(08:00):
sometimes it's actually like a break from your flight.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
It's hard.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
Oh, it's so true. I just had this conversation with
I went to dinner with mommy friends last night, and
we were talking about how we're more exhausted on the
weekends when we don't work than when we are during
the week.
Speaker 4 (08:19):
I think a lot of people feel that way, a
lot of parents, a lot of parents.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Yeah, yes, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
So I think that you know, again, there's a set
of circumstances and challenges that come for people who are
you know, twenty four to seven parents. And then there's
a set of circumstances and challenges that come with people
who work outside the howse and they have you know,
demands on their time and things that they can't control.
That's what I think for me is the differentiating factor
(08:48):
is the things out of well, nothing is in our control,
we know this from our friend Mel Robins, but less
in your control. Like when you work outside the house,
don't you don't get to dictate your schedule, right, You
have a schedule for work, and you work with someone
else or for someone else, and so you just have
to you got a roll with that when you're you know,
(09:10):
when you're at home, it's kind of different. So, yeah,
this was the beginning of understanding that there's going to
be a schedule that I am going to be I'm
going to be on someone else's schedule for a minute.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Yeah, for people, listening is your plan because there are
lots of different ways that actors or anybody really navigates.
You know, your work home and then your home home.
Are you going to be sort of uprooing the kids
to come with you to Nashville or is the plan
to keep them in New York, in their schools, in
(09:43):
their comfy place, and you're going to be going back
and forth.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Yeah, the I mean the the what I realized that Grace,
for all the ages that my kids have been, was
that the best thing possible, given that much like the
characters that we played were kind of on call, the
best thing was for the kids to just have their schedule,
that is, in so far as you can control things,
(10:08):
stays constant and the same and stable, and then they
are cared for no matter what, and you're the variable
that comes in and out. And that really worked for
me at Grays And then I was thinking back on
it because there was a great advantage to being local, right,
so you're living it right. I would just come any time.
(10:30):
I mean the second that I was off of work,
I was going straight home, especially when they were really
really little. Towards the end, I learned that they were
just a little bit more. It wasn't so like it
was so overwhelming, So there would be a time we're
on the way home.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
I'd be like, I'm gonna stop while we're here and
grab a little lunch on my way home or whatever.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Yeah, they still think I don't work.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
Exactly, But you know what when you walk through that door,
like they're upstairs are playing, they're like hey mom, or
they're like they're going heading.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
To a sleepover or so, you know, it's like it's
just when the older.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
But what it does maybes you do like oh no,
oh yeah, yeah. So I think that you know, their
lives will stay you know, the same and constant, and
and then you know, you I will you know.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
Basically commute, which evidently is a hot topic.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Evidently a lot right after COVID, a lot of people
commute to places that you would think are kind of
crazy because it seems too Yeah. But yeah, and I
think that you know, you just kind of you work
at my whole thing. I really been thinking about it because
it's actually coming up on us quick. I I can't
(11:35):
think about the future. I gotta just stay present and
I gotta work it till it works, because also it just.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Seems to change all the time.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Yeah. Absolutely, do you feel are you one of those
moms that feels like when you head into your school,
you feel the other moms sort of eyeballing you because
you're not volunteering every week. We got this is a
question because you know, someone wrote and literally asked us,
and it's it's I am not the mom that's able
(12:04):
to go and volunteer every week. So but I don't
feel the eyeballs on me now.
Speaker 4 (12:10):
I don't feel self conscious about that.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
You know, and we have hiatuses, you know, on shows,
so you're not always working and you're.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
Not always working outside the house.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
No, I don't know. I don't.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
I don't feel the eyeballs because I whenever.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
I mean, I do whatever I can when I can,
you know, So I do volunteer. I mean I do
volunteer as much as I can, which sometimes, even even
if it's in a smaller amount of time.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
Is more than what other people do. I personally.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Choose to give all the grace to everyone choosing how
they're going to spend their time at school. Like there
are some people who can show up for every single
volunteer opportunity, God bless that's fantastic and that works for you.
There's some people who can't at all, but they can
create some other value that they add to their you know, kids'
school experience. I don't know, but like I just always
(13:04):
assume that we're all doing our best, so lay off
the eyeballs.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
I love that about you and I and I do
feel but you can correct me if I'm wrong. I
do feel like you don't put the pressure on yourself
to be like I need to be a perfect mom.
I need to look like I have it all together
all the time. I you know, like an eye and
even the mom guilt. I think that you've done such
(13:29):
a great job at understanding the nuances to motherhood and
that we don't need to feel guilty over it.
Speaker 4 (13:38):
Well, thank you for that. That's a huge compliment.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
But I don't think we need to feel guilty about it.
I think that I think that I think we need
to have and give ourselves and others more grace.
Speaker 4 (13:51):
I think that it's it's hard. It's hard being a parent.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
It's also magical and wonderful and one of the coolest
things I've ever ever gotten to experience. I don't know, like,
let everybody do it how they want to do it.
It's kind of how I feel, and I definitely don't
think I don't even know what perfect is.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
I don't know what it is either. That's such an
interesting question, like what is perfect? Yeah, I think. I
think the pressure to whatever that is has become like
social media obviously, and and all these different accounts that
portray whatever their version of perfect is makes it harder
to potentially lean into being quote unquote perfect or trying
(14:33):
to aspire to be quote unquote perfect. But I agree, I.
Speaker 4 (14:37):
Don't even know what that is.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
The only time that I feel compromised or I'm gonna
I'm gonna choose to say less then, because that's closest to
how I feel is if, for some reason, my lack
of attention to either emails, handouts that go.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
In backpacks or or to maut or what's.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
It called team snap, all the things.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
And all the ways that you know, your children's stuff
gets communicated to you when I don't see it or
I've missed something in one of my kids kind of
you know, the consequence that follow on them, you know,
like they show up and yeah, you know a day
and they're not dressed. Yeah, yeah, you know, if they
if they if they don't show up for the game,
(15:24):
because I got moved to a different field. If they
that kind of stuff, that that can make me feel.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
Like I just because I feel that I've.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Disappointed my kid in somehow some way, or like because
of something that I've not done, I'm a little That's
when I can be a little hard on myself.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
I'm hard on myself too about that. Here's what's frustrating
to me about school right now in twenty twenty five.
It's not that you have one place that you log
in that has all the information. They're like, hey, we
have about thirty different sites everything. It's like, here's the
lunch side. But once you're once you're on here, you
(16:04):
can't find the after school activity site. That's a different
site that we've invented.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
Why are you so funny?
Speaker 1 (16:10):
You get to the heart of it so quickly?
Speaker 3 (16:27):
Those small winds, seriously that I get is when I
realized that I even know the password for one of
those sites, because I'm so fking tired of being like,
what's your usual name? I don't know I have kids,
help me. This is my email, my email, I don't
(16:47):
know my.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Email all caps, my email lowercase, my email with the
handle of that.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
So let's give ourselves like the small fucking winds. We
know a password to one of those.
Speaker 4 (17:00):
When we're able to log into Vera Cross.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
Fresh Lunches, when I've when I've logged into Fresh Lunches,
or when I've said the joy, I get the literally
like am I amazing? When that password has been saved
into my phone and it's like to log in, and
I'm like, oh my god, y, why am I winning
(17:24):
it live today? And I can't even navigate that site,
by the way, because they make it not user friendly.
Whatever that link is that I need, Yeah, not there.
So I take the small wins. As a parent, I'm
very tight b too, So it's like those those those
those borderline type A wins for me, they feel real good.
Speaker 5 (17:43):
I really felt that what you just said, every word
of it, single word, And anyone who's listening right now,
if you're a child, you just you you you put
just press pause, wait till I'm finished, and then press pose.
Speaker 4 (17:59):
Okay, if you're a child and you're old.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
Enough to communicate to your parent, just just communicate thank
you to them right now. Just say yeah, dad, mom, mom, dad, dad,
I thank you, thank you for logging in, thank you
for logging in and knowing your user name and passwords.
Now you can press pause and do that and then
when you come back, I will tell you that as
a parent, it's some it's a crazy wild world out there,
(18:22):
and you're right, there's ninety five hundred different sites use
your names and passwords.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Yeah, because back in our day there, our parents got
some home with a little piece of paper. It was
in the backpack. I love a piece of paper. Let
me fill it out, let me put it back in.
That's what I want to do. I want to do
a little nineteen ninety eight parenting. That's what I like.
Uh So, obviously the kids, I've seen you on shows
(18:50):
for a very long time, so I'm assuming at this
point they know what you do for a living. But
how do you kind of explain your job in this
world to them?
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Well?
Speaker 4 (19:01):
Yeah, I mean I'm same same to you.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Right.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
We kind of go away and at different ages they
understand it differently. I mean, I think when they're younger,
it's just your away and then you're back. They don't
really care. They don't even they're not even attaching you
doing something wherever you go.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
Yeah, Haye, it's like you're kind of a doctor all
the other day. She was like, you're She was confused,
like you're getting married because I was like talking to
Matt and I was like yes, but on the show.
And then Lucas the other day said you have a job,
so that's where I met Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Well and then also you add into it once you've
explained your job.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
And I always do it. I'm so you can only
imagine me.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
It's like I give the most flowery explanation about the
storytelling and.
Speaker 4 (19:54):
The job that I have is a storyteller, and then
you and then they're like.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but like what can I actually see
that you do? And they're like, okay, I see that
that people come up and that they like this stuck
you know, that they want to talk about this Arizona
think situation. And then now there's this new job where
they're like, okay, I don't don't completely get it, but
there is so much, you know, at their level being
sort of reported and or their friends are saying like,
you know, oh my gosh, your mom was on Instagram
(20:22):
or whatever. I think they think maybe my job is
on Instagram, like like I like I post things for
a like.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Do they like influencer status?
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, like maybe I just dressed up and
hair and makeup and different outfits and then I.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
Just post pictures and then you're just like, are you
walking through the house with the ring light? You're like,
I might just yeah, yeah, just in case, Yeah, you
catch some good content. Nothing is further from who I'm
laughing because I'm like, this is just so, this.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Is a complete It actually sounds like my nightmare. My
name is it is your nightmare.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
It's my nightmare too. I don't want to do that.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
No, I do not, but yes, okay, so they understand,
and but they there none of my kids have exited
the you know, ego centric phase of their lives like there,
they just want to know what. What they care about
with regards to my job is just how it affects them,
Like how does your job affect.
Speaker 4 (21:19):
Us in any way, shape or form.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Although I don't know if I told you this, but
because I was so touched by this, I was going
to maybe do the show. And we knew that it
was in Nashville, which is not far from New York City,
and there's ten non stuff flights a day from Lagordia,
so it's all it's all good and and as easy
as it could be, right, but it was still like okay,
(21:42):
it's it's a it's a minute away. And I was
just doing a lot of talking about it out loud,
like okay, well this is what this means, and and
obviously like there would be time away and then back
and then we figured it out and the girls were
kind of like, you know, yeah, okay, and again, how
does this affect me and our schedule and everything else?
And it was probably like the fourth or fifth time
(22:03):
that Luke had heard me say like you know, I mean,
I think he heard me not worrying about being mindful,
like just like, ooh, how's this going to work out?
Speaker 4 (22:14):
And he stopped me and he said.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Mom, you haven't done what you love doing the most.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
For more than a minute.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
And I can't even imagine if I couldn't, you know,
pursue my passion for more than a minute. So of
course you're going to go, and of course we're going
to figure out how to make it work, and of
course it will all work out.
Speaker 4 (22:43):
And I truly looked at.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
My child young man, and I got like tears like
sprung to my eyes, and I was so touched that
he was a well number one able to console me,
comfort me, but that he was looking at it that way,
that he was looking at it like your job and
(23:04):
your work.
Speaker 4 (23:05):
I was gonnaybe cry out, Like your job and your work.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Means so much to you, and you haven't been doing
it because you've been taking care of us, or you've
been you know, creating other places that you can work,
where you can be home a little bit more or whatever.
Speaker 4 (23:19):
It being in Nashville should not get in the way
of you doing it.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
And I was so.
Speaker 4 (23:25):
I was blown away. I was really blown away by that.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
And I was just also very very very proud of
him and his perspective and his kindness, his kindness of
giving that to me because I really needed it.
Speaker 4 (23:38):
I needed him, I needed him. I needed that feeling
from my family. Yeah, going to go do something important.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
Oh my god, Luke, I know, Luke. Oh what a
mush And did you do you feel like it like settled,
like helbed ground it for you? Yes.
Speaker 4 (23:56):
I think it might have been the actual lynch pin moment.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
It might have been the actual exact moment that I
felt really at peace and I was sort of in
a way all this sounds crazy, but like I was
allowed to just be excited about it, yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
And know that it was he he.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Made me feel like it was gonna be okay. However,
I got done and we didn't know, but it was
gonna be okay, and it is and it's gonna be
so exciting.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
And I'm telling you what those kids are gonna They're
gonna fall in love with Nashville and they do get
to go with you.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
I know, I know, I know, I know. And it's
not you know, summertimes. So it's also a little more flexibility.
It's gonna be great, it's gonna be perfect. But I
do think obviously we've talked about mom guilt with regards
to us and how we manage it. That being said,
there's so many different kinds of jobs, and all different
kinds of jobs have a lot of different limitations. And
(24:52):
I think that that's why I said that. You know,
I can only speak from my perspective. I don't know
what everyone else's you know, job is, or how they
get it done and everything else. But I think that
when because it's so specific, I think this idea of
mom guilt, I don't you don't hear dad guilt as much, but.
Speaker 4 (25:11):
I think that you have to sort of like.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Be gentle with yourself, yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
Whatever it is that you do, and find the other
moms in your community who who get it and who
are also who are definitely not side eyeing you and
are definitely the ones where you know I always I
mean listen, I clearly love humor, but like the other
parents at school that get you, or that you understand,
or you that you like or that you laugh with
or whatever, and I think that I mean, listen, the
(25:40):
best case scenarios then, like my favorite favorite communities in
school to be in have been ones where people were like,
how can I help, Like, yeah, let's let's let's figure
out the carpool, let's figure out like I can't do
this volunteer thing, but you can. And like I mean
even today, you know, I couldn't be at this thing
this morning, and and I got a bunch of videos
(26:00):
of my kids, Oh my god, I from other parents
and it was so great.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
I am so blessed to have found the mom group
that I have that I feel very like I really
dearly love them all, and the same when I there
are times when I haven't been able to be there,
and I'll receive so many different videos from different angles.
I know that none of them are like she can't
(26:25):
be here, you know, absolutely not. There's definitely like help
with the carpool and then pick up. We're all in
it together. And I do think it's important when you're
in a position of having the demands of working and
mom working, that you find those people. So let's talk
about some articles that have been written that were kind
(26:46):
of interesting to me. So today didn't did a whole
thing on this, and it was what is mom guilt
and how can you manage it? And it was a
therapy a therapist, a mom befour broke it down and
uh and how to manage mom guilt? And she said
number one, stop, Oh, this is a good one. Stop
(27:07):
shooting on yourself. We have to accept we are doing
the best we can. Like, you should be doing this,
you should be I should have done you know, there's
so much happening. Yeah, I think that that's a good one.
Speaker 4 (27:21):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, really every area of life.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
Yeah yeah, yeah, stop shooting. Let's stop shooting.
Speaker 4 (27:29):
Sounds like you're saying stop shitting, I mean.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
Stop shitting the shitting well, you know, of course you
would segue you guys, listeners know at this point, if
Justin can segue to a poop or a fart, it
might happen. Okay.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
Number two, consider the positives.
Speaker 3 (27:49):
Of mom guilt. Oh interesting.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
Remind yourself that it's if you might be having a
mom fail, but that you're not a failure as a mom.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Ooh. Separate the incident from your idea.
Speaker 4 (28:01):
M h ooh, I like that.
Speaker 3 (28:04):
Okay. Number three, talk to other empathetic moms, which we
just talked about.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
Yep.
Speaker 4 (28:11):
Number four.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Focus on your winds, which is what you do when
you get into just one of those websites.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
Oh yeah, are you kidding? Mommy deserves a medal.
Speaker 4 (28:22):
Number five put it all in perspective.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
That's a good one because sometimes like you're operating in
a way that's like just so like within the moment. Yeah,
taking that bird's eye view back is all good Forbes
navigating the guilt of balancing career, ambitions and motherhood. More
than one third of mothers in the USA it's possible
(28:46):
to combine a career a motherhood. I think I agree
with it. I think you know, it just comes with
a lettle of course, it's possible. It just comes a
lot of how.
Speaker 4 (28:57):
We do it, it's how we do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ambition and working mothers is often misunderstood.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
They're expected to prioritize motherhood above all else, yet are
also pressured to excel in their careers. This one gets
under muskin, probably because it hits me where it hurts.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Probably because I feel it. I feel it, I do,
I feel like.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
Obviously above all else. Right, Oh yeah, of course you
would do anything. You would throw your body in front
of you know, it's our job, it's in our biology,
it's in our culture, everything. And sometimes we're at work
and I remember the hardest days were the days where
like one of the kids would be sick, and that's
(29:44):
when I would be like, oh, I can't believe.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
I'm to believe.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
I think it's so hard, no matter what your job is,
no matter where your job is, no matter how long
you have to be gone for work or whatever. This
idea that you are meant to always be holding your
family and your children.
Speaker 4 (30:02):
Above all else but the herd.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Here's the fucking reality of this. Let's call it right.
We're working, yes, because we might love our jobs, or
maybe you don't love your job. You're working to earn money.
Most likely, to support your family. Yeah, so the work
is prioritizing motherhood. I know, women are expected to work
(30:28):
like they don't have children and mother like they don't
work constantly. Carrying this heavy burden of responsibility will of
course inevitably lead to the guilt of always falling short.
This is this is this is on the heads of
the people that run these companies, because you don't actually
have to have this tone in the workplace at all.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
Yeah, the responsibility does fall on the companies that or
the people that employ you know, working parents.
Speaker 4 (30:55):
And I think it's really important.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
I think that's an incredibly, incredibly good point, and it
puts the responsibility where it should be. And I also
think that it's why I feel very cozy, uh in
my relationship, to compromise as opposed to balance. On any
given day, I might be a great mom, but probably
(31:18):
on that day I wasn't great at work.
Speaker 3 (31:20):
Yeah. And we've talked about this.
Speaker 4 (31:21):
Yeah, you know, I just don't really can't do it.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
You can't do it all at one time. You can
do it, you can try to do it all, but
you can't do it all at one time.
Speaker 3 (31:27):
And the truth is, I look at Lucas and I
look at Hayden. If they have kids one day, I
don't want them to feel I don't want I want
them to.
Speaker 4 (31:36):
Take the pressure off themselves too. Yeah do you know
what I mean?
Speaker 3 (31:39):
Like, I don't want them to have to navigate any
sort of parenthood situation where they feel like it's on
them to to always be perfect. It's not. It's not
going to be so like they're definitely seeing that for me.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, So let's hear from our crew.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Maria wrote in and said, I'm thirty five and I
decided today that it's time to reclaim my career now
that my kids are.
Speaker 4 (32:21):
Two and four.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
Get excited for you, go do it. Leah says, I'm
a nurse who works night shifts. I tend to push
myself to stay awake when I should sleep because I
don't want to miss anything with my kids. I have
so much guilt if I can't be the fun mom
I want to be. I hear you, I really hear you,
And honestly I think that calling it and being like
(32:45):
I am so tired. I love you guys, and just
being honest about how you're feeling, like I am really
stressed out. Right now, I need silence. Meeting honest with
where I'm The litmus test of where I'm not in
the day helps me feel less guilty. Actually, so they
know what I'm just like, why won't MO play with us?
It's like I think they're getting they're learning to be
(33:06):
empathetic to other humans because I'm explaining right, yeah, I'm
being human.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
Also, Leah, you are a hero. I mean you're a
nurse who works night shifts. That is incredible. So give
yourself a bit of grace there. They will understand. It
might not be right now, but they will understand later
in life just what that means.
Speaker 4 (33:29):
And and wow, you're you're awesome.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
Blake wrote in and said, when I'm off work, i
am off no apps on my phone related to work.
Good for you, Yes, for you, smart too, It's true,
you gotta put the phone down.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
We had this experience on Grey's Anatomy where from the
top down, starting with Shonda Rhimes, right, I learned that
there were people set boundaries of hey, this is the
time that I'm going to switch off.
Speaker 4 (34:02):
Oh yes, and her emails yes exactly.
Speaker 3 (34:05):
And I loved that because I thought, like Seanda Rhymes
is creating this boundary for herself where she's like, Okay,
this is my time where I'm I'm taking time to
do whatever I need to do. Maybe that's a great
and it sort of gave us all permission to there's
work time and then home time. Yes, exactly right. But
I don't think that everyone gets that, and I really
(34:26):
appreciate No, they.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
All like expect you to if you don't answer within
you know, five minutes, I.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
Need to be available at like eleven PM.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
People.
Speaker 3 (34:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Kelsey. Boundaries there were there
are there are a few years that my child needs me.
Work will always be there.
Speaker 4 (34:43):
Mm hmm. There you go. Well it's gonna be more
than a few years, Kelsey that your child needs you. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
I'm not familiar with this term. I think it's so incredible.
There's parenting which is assigned to I guess when they're adolescents,
and then once they've exited adolescens. A friend of mine
was saying that that's you then enter a parent You
then enter a period of adulting because you really I
(35:11):
swear once they cross over, like even if they cross
past twenty five, they still need you.
Speaker 4 (35:16):
And also the whole like little kids, little problems.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
Like out I I heard my I scratch my knee,
or like oh I'm being left out at the lunch table.
But then they're like big kids, big problems, and all
of a sudden you're dealing with like drinking and you're dealing.
Speaker 3 (35:29):
With drugs or mom, there's what my apartments flooded? Who
do I call? And you're like, damn, you know what? Though,
you know what? Though less websites, less websites, no user.
Speaker 4 (35:44):
Name for it, no user name, don't need a password.
Speaker 3 (35:48):
Jennifer said, meeting everyone's needs feels impossible. Having a village
is so important. That's a lot of conversations happening right
now about how in twenty twenty five I've raising children.
A village is harder to come by. A lot of
conversations around this, and if you can build one, it is, Yes,
(36:12):
do it. It's so important. But people are finding this
really hard.
Speaker 4 (36:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
Just Rodan And said hardcore mom guilt when I lose
my cool and yell, okay, just we've all been here.
We've all been here. If you're not if you're not screaming,
you're not paying attention.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
You don't care on a T shirt. Oh my god,
I'll never take it off if you're And that's how
I'm gonna say. If I'm not screaming, then I'm not
paying attention. Okay.
Speaker 4 (36:49):
But here's what I think about that.
Speaker 1 (36:50):
Is that that's part of life, and we need to
we well, first of all, we need to we need
to be responsible with our anger right and never let
it get oversized in the sense that like it's scary. Right.
We can have healthy anger, we can be upset, we
can lose our cool, we can yell, we can have
these things, and we can also let our kids know
(37:12):
that we're still in control, that we are okay, they
are okay. And then I think that the number one
thing you do once your brain comes back online is
you can always say I'm.
Speaker 4 (37:27):
Sorry about that.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
I lost my cool and I yelled, and I you
know what, I'm I'm sorry because maybe I didn't even
just yell once. Maybe I yelled twice, and maybe I'm
gonna do it again tomorrow.
Speaker 4 (37:38):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
But and it's you know, I'm not trying to say like,
you know, it's like a pattern of you know, of yelling.
But I think that when you take responsibility for it,
I think that it's it is part of life.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
I've started to learn that actually I called you or
we were texting from the car my children. I've basically
that I need a moment and sometimes I just need
to Okay, So I just we're sitting so just because like, hey,
can you talk, and I'm like sure. I've been sitting
in my driveway for fifteen minutes because my kids on
(38:11):
the way home drove me so insane that I literally said, Jesus,
take the wheel, and Matt take the kids, and Matt
take the kids inside, and I don't even want to
see their little faces. And I just need to decompress
because I cannot parents. So I've learned those moments where
like it will be screaming unhinged for an hour if
I don't just sit. I gotta tell you. Also, I
(38:33):
gotta tell you, like I had a sneak peek of
teenage years possibly in this little exchange with Hayden last weekend,
and it could have ended up in me losing my cool,
but I walked away and then had I had to.
I had to come back and have a conversation with her.
But I'm gonna tell you how this conversation went. I
hate bedtimes, right, Like, my children are not like, oh
it's time to brush my teeth, okay, great, They're like
(38:55):
what oh my what chit aboth? You know, it's like
this whole thing. I was so overwhelmed and exhausted, and
I said something under my breath right that was like, oh,
these kids never lessen and I am having to do
and hat and walk by. And this is what she
This is what she said. She goes, that's being a parent.
(39:18):
And I turned around and I literally was so shocked
that she was like, that's being it. And she gave
me a look that was like kind of like a
little smart leg. That's what you get for having to
sign so you signed up for it. And I said, well,
you know what being a kid is. This is not
the mature response.
Speaker 4 (39:34):
Wow, no, no, no.
Speaker 3 (39:35):
I was like, being a kid means listening. And you
know what she said. She goes, I listened this morning.
By the way, this is like seven pm at night.
I had to walk I was so like, I had
to walk away and I went to Matt and I said,
let me just tell you what this tiny little exchange
that makes me really excited for fifteen years old, because
(39:56):
she's eight and then I had to come back and
like lay down some real nice Okay, Mom's not going
to be talk to you like that.
Speaker 6 (40:04):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
I also love that you might be the number one
person that I know can deliver a comeback. Like if
I had to phone a frown, if I had to
bet on, if I was in Vegas, I had to
bet on someone, I.
Speaker 3 (40:17):
Would literally like you.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
It would be you, like so far like so far
ahead of everyone else I know that could come up
with an amazing comeback. You would be my go to
comeback girl. And that you did not deliver in that moment.
Speaker 3 (40:29):
I did not and and and uh, that's what happened,
elder brother. She intimidated because what happened was is.
Speaker 6 (40:36):
Her comeback, which was which was not a good comeback,
but it was a comeback of like I listen this morning,
was so confident that I think I did, said to Matt,
I think she has my comebacks, Like I think she
has the comeback Geene.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Yeah, and by fifteen she might start be starting to
perfect it.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
She's eight now, and she got you, So what's the
or worth the growth that needs to have it?
Speaker 3 (41:02):
She got you.
Speaker 4 (41:02):
It's already done.
Speaker 3 (41:03):
I mean it's cooking. Yeah, it's cooking, but I yes,
I've learned to walk away, but I've also learned that
I do yo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and uh and yeah
you gotta walk you back listen less guilt for us moms.
We're really trying to we're trying our best out here. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
I also just think we need to replace guilt with
something else, Like I get we're tired of the I'm.
Speaker 4 (41:28):
Like, why would anyone feel guilty?
Speaker 1 (41:30):
I just think we need a better word, or we
need a better thing to replace guilt with.
Speaker 4 (41:35):
Like, I don't know what that is.
Speaker 3 (41:37):
I'm gonna yeah, I think it gets thrown around so
much that I'm tired of hearing it. Actually, yes, I
don't know what that term is. But I'm gonna think
on that too, because maybe we maybe we call the podcast.
Speaker 4 (41:46):
Not mom guilt. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (41:48):
You'll find out if we've thought of something, because it's
a different term. If it's mom guilt, then we haven't.
Speaker 4 (41:56):
I think we're losing it now. I think now we're done.
Speaker 3 (41:59):
Okay, let's call it. The end of the episode.
Hosts And Creators
Jessica Capshaw
Camilla Luddington
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