August 26, 2024 • 35 mins
Being a mom is like, really hard and as we are learning, even when they get out of diapers and off of bottles, it doesn't really get much easier!
Jess and Camilla are joined by "Big Time Adulting" host Caitlin Murray for a transparent mommy convo about bedtimes, cursing and playing with your kids while not losing your sanity. If you're a mommy trying to do it all -- We feel you and this one's for you!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Call It What It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille Luddington,
an iHeartRadio podcast. Hello, Hello, Hello, Call It Crew. Today
is a very special day.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
It is a very special day. We have such a
fun guest.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
I'm so excited. I'm such a huge fan of hers.
She manages to just extract the funniest, funniest shit from
this wild game of that we're calling parenting.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
I think that, like, I think that, like one in
five of the text messages that you send me is
a link to something that she's just posted.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
It could be true, it could be true. Yeah, that
sounds like a proper ratio. She's I'm a big fan.
Her name is Kaitlin Murray. She is I mean, I
want to call her a comedian, but that is not
what she is by trade. She just I just personally
believe that she is in the profession of making me laugh.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
So therefore she's hysterical. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Yes, And much of her content is about parenting, but
it's also rich in just her perspective on all things.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
And I'm very.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Grateful to have her here today and I can't wait
to ask her all the things.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Let's bring her in.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Hi, Hello, and welcome we started off by talking about you,
and Camilla said, what'd you say, Camilla about how many times?
Speaker 3 (01:30):
I said, well, like one in five of the text
messages address sends me is a link to your page
and something hystericalol that you've done. I found you through her,
and now we're both obsessed with your content because we're
parents in the thick of it and we and it
just makes me laugh in the middle of my day.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
I love it.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
That makes me feel so good. Thank you, that's so nice.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Well, and I was saying that as much as clearly
one of the biggest topics is parentsaranting, I I actually
just I love your your commitment to when in the
thick of the shit, finding a way to laugh and
finding a way to sort of release some of the
pressure that builds up in all of us as we
(02:18):
endeavor to be adults. And that's and that's your perspective
on all things. So I'm I'm again, I'm very grateful
for that because it's really therapeutic. So you're also you're
like a comedian and a therapist. In my mind.
Speaker 5 (02:32):
Wow, that's a that's a lot of rules. I am, yeah,
I I you know it always just like I think
we all feel ourselves like winding tighter than the top
sometimes and it's like I'm I'm either gonna cry right
now or I'm going to have to laugh at myself
and the absurdity of this whole situation, like just so
(02:53):
many times in life, especially with kids, because it's such
a pressure cooker all the time, Like I I feel
like I'm going insane every single day for at least
part of the day.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
You are, we all are? We all are?
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Can you tell everyone listening how and why you started
your account and you're endeavor into making us all laugh
on social media?
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Yeah? Sure, it was. Actually it's sort of heavy.
Speaker 5 (03:20):
I was my son, who is my oldest he's ten now,
was in treatment for leukemia from the time he was
three years old until he was almost six and a half,
and throughout that process, I had been writing emails to
family and friends about our experience and everything we were
(03:42):
going through when I was trying to do it with
like a sense of humor and sort of an anecdotal
spin on all of it. And that writing process was
just something that I found to be very like, very
therapeutic and cathartic during that time, just felt really good
to just put that stuff down on paper and process
it that way.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
And I eventually compiled it into.
Speaker 5 (04:05):
Like a blog, and a woman who lived in our
town had who worked in editing, had said, let me
show this to my publisher.
Speaker 4 (04:13):
And the publisher was like, that's fine.
Speaker 5 (04:16):
The writing is fine, but like this woman had no following,
We have no idea who she is, Like she's we're
not giving her a book deal, you know.
Speaker 4 (04:26):
So then I was kind of.
Speaker 5 (04:27):
Like, maybe I'll start an Instagram page and sort of
take this show on the road, you know. And so
that's why I started my page because I had I think.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
I was like, let's just see.
Speaker 5 (04:40):
What happens like if I if I did build the following,
and maybe I will write a book someday or that
kind of thing.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
So that's how I got That's how I got going,
and it just exploded.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
It did, It really did. And once you got going,
did you have did you think about topics for did
you know what you were to say every time you
hit record or were you like freestyling? Were you like
how what was that process like for you?
Speaker 5 (05:08):
I mean I was just already losing my mind thinking
about like the humor in all of it so much
like every day I felt like there was I was
sort of playing this all out in my head before
I had an Instagram account, so it really just became
an outlet for like my everyday thoughts, the things that
I thinks that I had.
Speaker 4 (05:29):
Just been thinking all along.
Speaker 5 (05:31):
So answer the question, I definitely think when you get
on Instagram and you get in front of like the camera,
if you will, you got to be like a little
bit ready to say what you're trying to spit out.
Speaker 4 (05:46):
Or else you sound.
Speaker 5 (05:47):
People will lose interest, right, Like, you have a short
period of time in which to capture somebody's attention, and
if you fuck that up, then they're gone and they'll
never come back. So it's a skill I think, like
I learned a little by little by little. And when
I started, like reels weren't even a thing.
Speaker 4 (06:06):
So I don't know, Yeah, do you many?
Speaker 1 (06:10):
How many takes do you take?
Speaker 5 (06:12):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Yeah, yeah, that's a good question.
Speaker 5 (06:14):
So all like the reels that I make where I
just go on a rant about some topic of what
the day, whatever it is that day, I actually like
write it all down and like write out what I want.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
To say and how I want to say it.
Speaker 5 (06:29):
And I don't do like a little bit here and
a little bit there and put all the clips together
in one I say it all at once, so it's
like a stream of like a one to one and
a half minutes of just and that's actually like a
lot of words in a small amount of time, you know, so.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
I probably, I mean, it depends. It depends on how
many I mean, but.
Speaker 5 (06:58):
There are always multiple I never nail it like right away,
so because sometimes it's like, oh, I want to change
the emphasis on this word, or like the way I
want to deliver this part of it, or I'll think
of something else to throw in there.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
I feel like I really want access to your outtakes.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Yeah, when did you When did you start to feel like,
oh my god, people are actually watching this, like people
are really following this account.
Speaker 5 (07:26):
So I think pretty early on I started to get
some of the things that I was making shared. And
that's like the secret to growing right. You create like
a piece of relatable content and then it starts getting
passed around to friends or whatever whatever.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
So you know, you start with nobody.
Speaker 5 (07:45):
You start with like the people who you told you
were starting an account, like your ten friends or something
like that.
Speaker 4 (07:50):
And then it.
Speaker 5 (07:52):
Grows and grows, and I think within the first like
few months, I had maybe ten thousand.
Speaker 4 (07:58):
Followers or something like that.
Speaker 5 (08:00):
So it felt like that immediately felt like I had
an audience, like I couldn't believe it.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
Really, that's huge.
Speaker 5 (08:09):
Yeah, I never imagined that it would be the size
that it is now at all. I was thinking, like,
that's completely out of the realm of possibility for a
person that nobody knows outside of Instagram.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
But the world is a different place now.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Do you kids know that you're making this content about them?
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Do they have feelings about it?
Speaker 5 (08:35):
My older kids know, and they see like a bunch
of the stuff that I make, because a lot of
the time it's making fun of my little guy Luki,
Like it's a lot of like the ridiculousness of the
little kid stuff, although sometimes it's all kids, Like I
did this one the other day about how oblivious kids are,
and like they'll just like my eight year old asked
(08:55):
me to carry a water bottle in for her from
the car the other day and I'm standing there with
like fucking two arms full of groceries.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
I'm like, what's your problem? Kid? Like, can't you see
I'm a little like, yeah, here as it is.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
I had that convertition yesterday where I was, tell me
how you feel about this, So I skew a little
like I will be two armsful and I'll have all
of it, and I will be like setting myself on
fire to keep everybody else warm. And then I'll realize
that I'm actually I'm on fire. So that's not good
for anybody, and I should get put out that fire.
And then maybe I should ask them to do some things.
(09:33):
And so I get, you know, really brave and just
you know, leave shit on the floor, Like when it's
on the floor, I don't pick it up, Like I'll
just fucking leave it there. And then I'll be like, oh, well, okay,
this is great because they're gonna see it and it's
gonna pick it up. No, they don't see it, okay.
So then I was like, all right, it wasn't in
their flight pattern. I'm gonna need to adjust this thing
(09:54):
to put it in their flight pattern. And once it
is squarely in the path between them and their room
that I I know they're going to multiple times a day, they're.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
Gonna see it.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
You'd be like, oh, that's my sweatshirt.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
I'm laughing at the optimism.
Speaker 5 (10:10):
I feel like you.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
Could put the sweatchhert right into their hands for them
and they would put it back down on the ground
like one second later, like, oh I saw something shining.
Speaker 5 (10:19):
Drop this shirt right from my tracks and go and
see whatever that thing is. Like they are so like
they just I don't even know when I learned how
to clean up after like everybody or myself or whatever,
Like when when shit started piling up and I.
Speaker 4 (10:33):
Was like, is somebody somebody can put this shit away?
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Yeah, I gathered some comfort. I had a real sit
down with my mom and I was like, Mom, I'm
very organized now what I feel like I wasn't always.
She's like, you were terrible. You would leave your stuff everywhere.
Things would like they'd be brand new and it'd be
on the ground and I would be talking to you
about privilege and I would be talking about this and
(10:56):
all this. So anyways, I turned out fine, So there
is hope. So, yes, they stepped over the sweatshirt, and
you're correct. I didn't put it into their hands for
them to do the thing that I wanted them to do.
And then they came to me or after they didn't
come to me. They did come to me. One of
them came to me with a you know, I've run
out of this thing that was important to them. And
(11:18):
I was like, well when and she was like, ah,
like four days ago. I was like, you ran out
of this thing four days ago that you need like
on the daily and you just and you like didn't.
So I got into this tirade about like taking care
of yourself and how there needs to be you need
to be proud of the way that you take care
of your Anyways, all of it was a total waste
(11:39):
of time. Yea, And I really feel like you need
to do with something on that what would not be
a waste of time in order for me to explain
to them the things that they need to do.
Speaker 4 (11:53):
Yeah, And I don't know.
Speaker 5 (11:54):
I mean it's just I mean when I was in college,
I threw away this like entire nice like look crusade
pot that my mom had been like all this chili
that she gave to me in and I let it
sit in our like mini fridge in our dorm for
I don't know, five months, And at the end of
the school year, I was like, well, this is fucking disgusting.
(12:14):
I'm gonna throw away the entire Yeah. And I did
that as like a sophomore.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
In college, you know, like somewhat grown up. Yeah, Like I.
Speaker 5 (12:25):
Still wasn't doing things like properly. You're like taking care
of shit at that point.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
So when you're going through all this stuff with your kids,
do you do you swear in front of your kids?
Speaker 4 (12:52):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (12:54):
I think that's I think that's a smart choice. I didn't.
Speaker 4 (12:57):
I can't help it.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
No, I've had this conversation about swearing because I'm right now,
I'm in the phrase where they're so little that I'm like, poopy,
it's a bad word. Yeah, And then I could turn
a mat and I'm like this, oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Yeah, Well okay, So I've got my kids running range
from eight to sixteen. So I've got three girls eight, twelve, thirteen,
and then a boy who's sixteen. And again Luke absolutely
like the S word was stupid forever, and his bedtime
was seven until he was like fifteen, and now everything
has changed, and the eight year old is like the
most mature year old in the whole entire world. But
(13:33):
sometimes now that they've advanced to the stage they're at
I almost feel like I can't make my point without
a curse word, like it's actually it's it's it's it's
imperative that I use.
Speaker 5 (13:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Also it's like a punctuation. It's like I'm knocking around.
It means like, it means business. And I don't get
mad a lot, so they know that when I say,
like fish pick that up. Yeah, like a little a
little alarm that goes off for them and they're like, oh,
she's serious. So I was in that movio for like
a twenty four hour period, and yesterday we were It
was punctuated by the end of a car ride where
(14:04):
I said, this is where I'm at. I'm sitting squarely
here and I'm not moving like I am in this mood,
and you guys need to get it together. And they said, well,
so what are we supposed to do Differently? I was like,
everything I say, you're supposed to say yes, ma'am, And
they didn't.
Speaker 4 (14:20):
Good. Yeah, I do it in times of need that
way too.
Speaker 5 (14:24):
Like I if everybody's going like batch crazy in the
next room, I'll walk in there and be like, what
the hell is going on in here? You know, like, yeah,
that's not even really a curse word. But if I
just I let an f bomber slip out here, here
and there around them my older two, I just do it.
(14:45):
At this point, I try to Maybe I might try
to curb it a little bit in front of my
five year old, but yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Think that's when I started losing it.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
I want to know if there are other parenting.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Accounts online the just drive you crazy, Like, what is
the content that you see out there for other parents
that you're like, just shut up.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
There's so much of that.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
What is like the one that really grinds on you
the most? I wanted to know.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
I can't name names, no, no, no, no, not.
Speaker 6 (15:16):
Names, but like the style, oh yeah, well anything that's
like you know, I hate it annoys me when people
start like either humble bragging.
Speaker 5 (15:27):
About things, you know, and like just say you're good
at something. If you're good at something, don't be you know,
that's not the time to be self deprecating.
Speaker 4 (15:35):
You're not doing this the right way.
Speaker 5 (15:37):
It's not funny, or like if if they're talking about
their kind of a hot mess and a hot mess mom,
but everything like in the house looks very clean and.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
They've got the Stanley and they're like I just, oh
my god, it was such a hot mess, Like I
just miss Pilate's like five minutes.
Speaker 4 (15:54):
And I'm like, you don't have to be a hot mess,
Like no one's asking you to be a hot mess,
Like just be yourself. You know that kind of stuff
where there are.
Speaker 5 (16:05):
Some some parenting advice accounts drive me a little insane
because it's kind of like there's gentle.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
I feel like there's gentle parenting, and then there's the
parenting that's like beyond gentle. I don't know what that's called,
but it's like permissive.
Speaker 4 (16:23):
Yeah, that is it?
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Permissive?
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Yeah, that's like the childlod like what is where I'm
going to meet my child where they're at, which I
there are pieces of that that are very valuable.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
But there are versions of the gentle parenting that I
just feel like my kid would be like cue, like
the house would be like it would just they would
go rogue.
Speaker 5 (16:43):
Yeah yeah, well I think that there there are things
that like people are trying to sell you on for instance,
and maybe they're well meaning and that kind.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
Of thing, but it's like that doesn't actually always can work.
Speaker 5 (16:57):
Like this isn't a book, you know, this is the
real world, in real life, and every kid is different,
and your approach to each kid has to be sort
of tailored to them. And that doesn't mean like permisive
parenting or whatever.
Speaker 4 (17:12):
But you know.
Speaker 5 (17:14):
I just those things that are just not realistic. I'm like,
let's just be let's just call it what it.
Speaker 4 (17:20):
Is, call it what.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
But you know what, I hear that from you often
because I think that when I look at my favorite
of your reels a lot of the time, it's actually
not necessarily it's not like the call to action with
a parenting topic or a parenting issue. It's like it's like,
why why does the world expect this from a mom
or why does why why are people saying that.
Speaker 6 (17:42):
This is easy?
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Or like I loved your sleep like a baby? Like
oh really, really, like.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Should we really talk about what that is?
Speaker 1 (17:51):
And I think that that is what's you know again,
we talk about this a lot because you know, our
our aim and our goal is to create community where
you don't feel alone. That your account. I think even
if you're not going through that specific thing, you can
you can identify with it, like you can see that
(18:12):
there's struggle and that you're not alone in this thing
that's being described, and you're so so good at that.
Oh my gosh, it's so good at that. So I
have to ask, where did get yourself a snack come from?
Speaker 4 (18:26):
I don't.
Speaker 5 (18:27):
I mean, I feel like it kind of came from
my dad. Like my dad would always be like, let's
have a snack. Let's get a snack. We need a snack,
you know, And I feel like it's just a great
sort of metaphor for life. When you're kind of freaking
out about something or the shit's hitting the fan around
you or whatever, it's sort of like, take a break.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
Yep, it's just a snack. You get calmed down, you.
Speaker 5 (18:54):
Get don't forget about yourself, like you know, nourish yourself
a little bit along the way here.
Speaker 6 (19:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Yeah, this is a burning question of mine because often
your husband will come up in conversations and or some
of the male female dynamics than in parenting or what's
expected of one or the other. How does your how
does your husband feel about all the posts? Does he
feel accurately represented?
Speaker 5 (19:19):
Well, I mean I think that, like I really what
I actually feel like. I never mentioned my husband very
much at all intentionally, because I what I talk about
is the pressure of being a mother and if that's
if you, if you interpret that as a father being
(19:42):
a certain way or not being a certain.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
Way, then so be it. Right.
Speaker 5 (19:47):
But in my like particular set of circumstances, like my
husband works a very long day outside of the house.
He's gone before anyone here wakes up, and he comes back.
Speaker 4 (20:00):
Usually around bedtime.
Speaker 5 (20:02):
So this has been our life since day one of
having kids, so I really have had no choice but
to be the everything for the most part day to
day as mom. But I also know the way, like
(20:24):
the things that society sort of expects out of women,
and I think that the way that motherhood.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Is valued truly is shitty. You know.
Speaker 5 (20:34):
It's like the whole narrative behind this is so joyful,
and you are a man, you're a woman, and you
are a maternal so this should be.
Speaker 4 (20:44):
Easy for you. There's no faster way to.
Speaker 5 (20:48):
Devalue everything that you're doing and saying that it's easy
for you and joyful, right, Like, what the fuck is
the merit in that? If it's all if it's so
easy for us, if everything's so easy, there's no credit,
you know, for you. But my husband thinks that I
am funny, and he is also like, I'm also not
(21:11):
your audience. So he's my number one supporter. He like,
is very proud of me for putting myself out.
Speaker 4 (21:20):
There and for doing what I do.
Speaker 5 (21:24):
He's an awesome husband, an amazing dad, and his role
in the family is as important as mine is. It's
just that the typical male rule societally has gotten a
lot more credit than the women.
Speaker 4 (21:42):
So I love what you just said.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
I just I love what you just said. I'd never
thought about the fact that motherhood is meant to be
something that is so that comes to a woman easily,
or that it's innate, or that we're born with it,
or that we just naturally can be caregivers in an
easier way. I hadn't. I hadn't made that correlation between
(22:05):
the perceived ease with it not having value, because again
that the harder it is, the more you feel like
you've earned something right, And so that is that's a
wild that's a wild connection that you just made for me.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
And I think that also our society wants on some
level for it to look easy or or or put
it out there and say like this is the way
to do it easily.
Speaker 4 (22:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (22:31):
I mean, I think it's also one of those things
if you if you flip the script to it being
like the man, the man's side of things and what
they've been sort of known for going out and working
hard and going to work all day. And then this is,
you know, like the very sort of nineteen fifties nineteen
sixties housewife edition of what the views of motherhood was
(22:56):
and what it was like to be a woman versus
a man. And and they're going out and they're working
so hard, so we need to value them and serve
them and that kind of shit, and it's like, what
the do you think I've been doing at home for
the last twelve hours with everybody here, you know?
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Yeah, I remember there being a very because for their
whole lives, except for Luke's first year, when I was
not working outside the house. That's when I started saying
people who work inside the house or work outside the house,
because if you're staying at home with kids, you're definitely
definitely working. You're working in a volunteer position, but you're working.
(23:34):
And that's a really important thing I think to make
note of. And also I remember when I then started
going to work I remember it being kind of like
the dirty little secret, because of course you'd be asked
in interviews and everything else, like how do you balance
it all? How do you do it all? How do
you go to work and take care of the kids,
And it's like, well, there's no balance, it's compromise. On
(23:56):
any given day, I'm really good at my job and
I'm probably not so great at being at home with
the kids. And then another day I'll be really great
at being a mom and I probably wasn't all in
at work. But that's that's okay because hopefully it's evening
itself out. But it's a really big distinction. I don't
think people are gentle enough with themselves about it or
(24:16):
give themselves enough credit if they are the full time
caregiver at home.
Speaker 5 (24:20):
Yeah, and you know, I mean I'm not I'm not
trying to make this into like a feminist Durant podcast episode,
Like nobody's ever asked a dad how they balance it all.
Speaker 4 (24:32):
You know, it's not a question that posed.
Speaker 5 (24:35):
So it's just there's a lot of differences between what
it's like to be a woman and what it's like
to be a man, and I think that's kind of
with a sense of humor to like make it palatable
for everybody. Is what I really aim to do, is
to show that, like this is not all rainbows and
(24:56):
unicorns and you know, trips to the zoo and beautiful,
precious moments throughout it all day every day, Like there's
a ton of shit going on.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
Yeah, Caitlyn, I want to know if there's ever been
a moment that you have regretted getting on social media.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Has there ever been.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
A day or like a reel that you've posted where
you're or just some some way that you feel maybe
more exposed or something like that where it feels vulnerable.
I don't know if there has there ever been that
moment for you.
Speaker 5 (25:45):
To a very small extent, yes, But I think the
overarching feeling of like I like what I'm doing here
and that I feel purpose with it overrides like anything
that's been negative surrounding my experience, and the positives far
outweigh the negatives.
Speaker 3 (26:06):
I'm so curious to like, out of everything you've posted,
what has gotten the most traction, Like, what's gotten the
most views, like of all of you, because there's so dancing, No,
I feel like there's got to be some dancing that's
gotten some I mean, you are one badass dancer dancing.
Speaker 4 (26:23):
There's a lot of that. It's really good.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Kayly.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
Is there one specific thing that everyone just just like
hit everyone?
Speaker 5 (26:29):
Well, I think there are some things that like were
recently I posted something about like napping my kid's playmate,
and that one sort of like for some reasons in
all different like a bunch of people reposted it and publications.
We're talking about it, an article about it and all this.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
Yes, I talked, by the way, I talk about this
with parents all the time. I don't remember my parents
being a playmate with me.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
I have no recollection of my mart on the floor.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
With barbies and my dapping like let me grab the
g I Joe never. I have played a unicorn, a mermaid.
I have been every toy ever. I do all the
voices from all the toys from Toy Story. I'm buzz Lightyear,
what the ship? When did that change? Seriously, I don't know.
Speaker 5 (27:20):
But you're an actor, so maybe that's why you do
all those things.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
Like I'm just kind of trying to get attention to
my household a little bit.
Speaker 4 (27:29):
Really, yeah, it might be you'recting work.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
It's like an audition for me every day.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
What mommy can do? Any of the other mommies can
do this.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
It's just I'm realizing in this moment it's just me
attention seeking.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Got it, You're not alone. I've done it.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
I've done an able character I created that was to
get them into baths and I was the royal helper.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Kately's like, no one else does that.
Speaker 5 (27:54):
Hard for me?
Speaker 4 (27:55):
I just will tend anything.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Well have you have you not done like the bar?
Speaker 3 (28:01):
Have you not gotten on the floor with like I'm
buzz lightyear, here I go, you know, like never no
good for you?
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Good for you? A boundary, draw a line drawn in
the sand. I respect that.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Yeah, okay, so I meet the other thing. We had
a big conversation at the start of summer and now
we're ending, you know, we're nearing the end of summer
about how excited we were about them getting out of
school and then the actual abject terror that we felt
that they we had nowhere to drop them off at anymore.
So then camps came in. Are your kids all in camp?
Speaker 5 (28:35):
So my old my middle and my younger child are
in a day camp that is a full day of camp.
Speaker 4 (28:43):
Thank god.
Speaker 5 (28:45):
Yeah, And my oldest aged out of that camp this
past this year, so he's in the kind of a
hodgepodge of activities, which has been.
Speaker 4 (28:57):
Fine, but like really way more.
Speaker 5 (29:00):
Stressful than I anticipated because every week is different. I know,
there's no continuity and no knowing like how drop off
is going to go on the mornings throughout the week,
and both like their drop offs are at the same time,
and all of these factors that play into your life
as a parent that are really logistically stressful.
Speaker 3 (29:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
So as you get them back into school, will you
be like me and pull up to school and slow
down to a reasonable and safe speed for them to
get out while the car is still moving.
Speaker 4 (29:39):
Yes, I will. I'll also be sad. I love summer.
Speaker 5 (29:44):
Like as much as I love to joke about the
mayhem of it all, I also.
Speaker 4 (29:53):
Love summer.
Speaker 5 (29:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
I know me too.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Yeah, I don't know. I'm not going to miss set
you guys, to be honest, I'm just being honest. Yeah,
oh no, that's what summerred out.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
If it lasted like a month, like fine, but it
lasts five years.
Speaker 5 (30:13):
You know.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
It's like, Okay, I've been like, I get it. We've
been doing the summer thing. Let's move along, people.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
I know.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
I got into that phase where it's also it's like
when they have more time together. Again, there's four of them,
so like, when they have more time together, it's equal
parts unbelievable because some connection will be made and two
will play with each other that don't normally, or they'll like,
you know, go on a little adventure and they'll be independent,
(30:42):
older will be helping the younger whatever. But then there'll
be other times where the fighting is just like and
there's three sisters and there's two that are I can't
tell they're clothes apart when I do the laundry, and
it's stup the amount of vitriol they can like like
want to hurt each each other over like a tank top. Oh,
(31:03):
I've been there, Like they look like they're going to
kill each other.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Nod.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
Wait do you have sisters, Caitlyn, do you have a sister? No,
so you skipped the tank top murder part.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Oh yeah, I wanted to.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
I wanted to cut my sister over a couple of
tank tops. Let me tell you, you know, my sister
used to do real quick. She used to give my
clothes out to her friends. They would go missing and
then she'd like, I don't know where they are, and
her friends would wear them back over to the house
and I felt gas lit.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
I'm like, that's my.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
My Britney spears little crop top and she's like, no,
it's not no, I I get the tank top fight.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
It is so intense.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
So then I like went to I think it was
definitely some sort of I don't know, some self help,
parenting help. Someone helped me and they said something that
went along the lines of like stop telling her kids
to stop fighting?
Speaker 4 (31:53):
Yeah, what did what did they say to do? Alternatively?
Speaker 1 (31:56):
Okay, wait for it. They told me that I needed
to invite them to fight.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
Better, like fight club? What are you? What are you
talking about? Like you're giving weapons?
Speaker 1 (32:09):
It was like that. It was the quintessential parent in
the middle of mayhem, being like which has been me?
Instead of that, because then they're then you're just trying
to like stop them from being them? Is somehow like
get them, get their prefrontal cortexes back online, like their
(32:29):
brains back together, and then invite them to problem solve
aka fight in a better way because fighting is inevitable,
but how you do it is really like ours to
teach them. And clearly we know a lot of adults
that don't know how to fight well. So anyways, listen,
I'm at the beginning stages of these guys. I don't
(32:49):
I don't know that I'm up for this challenge, but
I see it and I'm tru I'm trying.
Speaker 3 (32:56):
Okay, report, report back on how that's how that's gonna work. Yeah,
because I'm exhausted just listening to that advice. Just give
the tank top back to your sister.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Oh, how do you even figure out who is right
in the situation?
Speaker 4 (33:12):
Not supposed to take sides? Yeah, I've been reading this too.
Speaker 5 (33:18):
My my middle and my youngest fight like cats and dogs,
and it's it's really annoying. And I'm like, if somebody
could just give me a crystal ball and be like,
they're gonna be friends one day, I'd be like, all right,
go ahead, murder each other. I don't care scream your
faces up, but I just want to, like, I like
(33:38):
to fight better.
Speaker 4 (33:39):
Thing. That's a good piece of advice.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Yeah, I mean, if you can make your way to it,
it could be like aspirational. You're somewhere.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
Yeah, it's gonna be aspirational for me for a while. Calen,
thank you so much for being with us. We've mentioned
your account a million times and we have not even
mentioned what it's called. It is at Big Time Adulting.
Everyone go hit it up right now. If you sit
right away, you're going to laugh your ass off and
(34:10):
as a parent, you will find comfort in the hilarious mess.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
And I can't wait to read whatever it is that
you end up writing. Please put us at the top
of the list because we want to read it. We
want to hear your thoughts. And you're just such a light.
And thank you for bringing all that you do to
all of us.
Speaker 5 (34:30):
Thank you, ladies, Thank you so much for having me.
It's so nice to meet you.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
So nice to you too. I love it.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
Ah well, thank you, thank you, thank you for being
with us. For all those that enjoy Caitlin. And if
you don't yet know about her, please go follow her.
She will I promise you she will not disappoint. And
so now we will go fourth into the rest of
our lives as we approach and get closer to fact
(34:58):
to school.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Yeah, the spot is built in a street
Call It What It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille Luddington,
an iHeartRadio podcast. Hello, Hello, Hello, Call It Crew. Today
is a very special day.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
It is a very special day. We have such a
fun guest.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
I'm so excited. I'm such a huge fan of hers.
She manages to just extract the funniest, funniest shit from
this wild game of that we're calling parenting.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
I think that, like, I think that, like one in
five of the text messages that you send me is
a link to something that she's just posted.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
It could be true, it could be true. Yeah, that
sounds like a proper ratio. She's I'm a big fan.
Her name is Kaitlin Murray. She is I mean, I
want to call her a comedian, but that is not
what she is by trade. She just I just personally
believe that she is in the profession of making me laugh.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
So therefore she's hysterical. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Yes, And much of her content is about parenting, but
it's also rich in just her perspective on all things.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
And I'm very.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Grateful to have her here today and I can't wait
to ask her all the things.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Let's bring her in.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Hi, Hello, and welcome we started off by talking about you,
and Camilla said, what'd you say, Camilla about how many times?
Speaker 3 (01:30):
I said, well, like one in five of the text
messages address sends me is a link to your page
and something hystericalol that you've done. I found you through her,
and now we're both obsessed with your content because we're
parents in the thick of it and we and it
just makes me laugh in the middle of my day.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
I love it.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
That makes me feel so good. Thank you, that's so nice.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Well, and I was saying that as much as clearly
one of the biggest topics is parentsaranting, I I actually
just I love your your commitment to when in the
thick of the shit, finding a way to laugh and
finding a way to sort of release some of the
pressure that builds up in all of us as we
(02:18):
endeavor to be adults. And that's and that's your perspective
on all things. So I'm I'm again, I'm very grateful
for that because it's really therapeutic. So you're also you're
like a comedian and a therapist. In my mind.
Speaker 5 (02:32):
Wow, that's a that's a lot of rules. I am, yeah,
I I you know it always just like I think
we all feel ourselves like winding tighter than the top
sometimes and it's like I'm I'm either gonna cry right
now or I'm going to have to laugh at myself
and the absurdity of this whole situation, like just so
(02:53):
many times in life, especially with kids, because it's such
a pressure cooker all the time, Like I I feel
like I'm going insane every single day for at least
part of the day.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
You are, we all are? We all are?
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Can you tell everyone listening how and why you started
your account and you're endeavor into making us all laugh
on social media?
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Yeah? Sure, it was. Actually it's sort of heavy.
Speaker 5 (03:20):
I was my son, who is my oldest he's ten now,
was in treatment for leukemia from the time he was
three years old until he was almost six and a half,
and throughout that process, I had been writing emails to
family and friends about our experience and everything we were
(03:42):
going through when I was trying to do it with
like a sense of humor and sort of an anecdotal
spin on all of it. And that writing process was
just something that I found to be very like, very
therapeutic and cathartic during that time, just felt really good
to just put that stuff down on paper and process
it that way.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
And I eventually compiled it into.
Speaker 5 (04:05):
Like a blog, and a woman who lived in our
town had who worked in editing, had said, let me
show this to my publisher.
Speaker 4 (04:13):
And the publisher was like, that's fine.
Speaker 5 (04:16):
The writing is fine, but like this woman had no following,
We have no idea who she is, Like she's we're
not giving her a book deal, you know.
Speaker 4 (04:26):
So then I was kind of.
Speaker 5 (04:27):
Like, maybe I'll start an Instagram page and sort of
take this show on the road, you know. And so
that's why I started my page because I had I think.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
I was like, let's just see.
Speaker 5 (04:40):
What happens like if I if I did build the following,
and maybe I will write a book someday or that
kind of thing.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
So that's how I got That's how I got going,
and it just exploded.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
It did, It really did. And once you got going,
did you have did you think about topics for did
you know what you were to say every time you
hit record or were you like freestyling? Were you like
how what was that process like for you?
Speaker 5 (05:08):
I mean I was just already losing my mind thinking
about like the humor in all of it so much
like every day I felt like there was I was
sort of playing this all out in my head before
I had an Instagram account, so it really just became
an outlet for like my everyday thoughts, the things that
I thinks that I had.
Speaker 4 (05:29):
Just been thinking all along.
Speaker 5 (05:31):
So answer the question, I definitely think when you get
on Instagram and you get in front of like the camera,
if you will, you got to be like a little
bit ready to say what you're trying to spit out.
Speaker 4 (05:46):
Or else you sound.
Speaker 5 (05:47):
People will lose interest, right, Like, you have a short
period of time in which to capture somebody's attention, and
if you fuck that up, then they're gone and they'll
never come back. So it's a skill I think, like
I learned a little by little by little. And when
I started, like reels weren't even a thing.
Speaker 4 (06:06):
So I don't know, Yeah, do you many?
Speaker 1 (06:10):
How many takes do you take?
Speaker 5 (06:12):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Yeah, yeah, that's a good question.
Speaker 5 (06:14):
So all like the reels that I make where I
just go on a rant about some topic of what
the day, whatever it is that day, I actually like
write it all down and like write out what I want.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
To say and how I want to say it.
Speaker 5 (06:29):
And I don't do like a little bit here and
a little bit there and put all the clips together
in one I say it all at once, so it's
like a stream of like a one to one and
a half minutes of just and that's actually like a
lot of words in a small amount of time, you know, so.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
I probably, I mean, it depends. It depends on how
many I mean, but.
Speaker 5 (06:58):
There are always multiple I never nail it like right away,
so because sometimes it's like, oh, I want to change
the emphasis on this word, or like the way I
want to deliver this part of it, or I'll think
of something else to throw in there.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
I feel like I really want access to your outtakes.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Yeah, when did you When did you start to feel like,
oh my god, people are actually watching this, like people
are really following this account.
Speaker 5 (07:26):
So I think pretty early on I started to get
some of the things that I was making shared. And
that's like the secret to growing right. You create like
a piece of relatable content and then it starts getting
passed around to friends or whatever whatever.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
So you know, you start with nobody.
Speaker 5 (07:45):
You start with like the people who you told you
were starting an account, like your ten friends or something
like that.
Speaker 4 (07:50):
And then it.
Speaker 5 (07:52):
Grows and grows, and I think within the first like
few months, I had maybe ten thousand.
Speaker 4 (07:58):
Followers or something like that.
Speaker 5 (08:00):
So it felt like that immediately felt like I had
an audience, like I couldn't believe it.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
Really, that's huge.
Speaker 5 (08:09):
Yeah, I never imagined that it would be the size
that it is now at all. I was thinking, like,
that's completely out of the realm of possibility for a
person that nobody knows outside of Instagram.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
But the world is a different place now.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Do you kids know that you're making this content about them?
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Do they have feelings about it?
Speaker 5 (08:35):
My older kids know, and they see like a bunch
of the stuff that I make, because a lot of
the time it's making fun of my little guy Luki,
Like it's a lot of like the ridiculousness of the
little kid stuff, although sometimes it's all kids, Like I
did this one the other day about how oblivious kids are,
and like they'll just like my eight year old asked
(08:55):
me to carry a water bottle in for her from
the car the other day and I'm standing there with
like fucking two arms full of groceries.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
I'm like, what's your problem? Kid? Like, can't you see
I'm a little like, yeah, here as it is.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
I had that convertition yesterday where I was, tell me
how you feel about this, So I skew a little
like I will be two armsful and I'll have all
of it, and I will be like setting myself on
fire to keep everybody else warm. And then I'll realize
that I'm actually I'm on fire. So that's not good
for anybody, and I should get put out that fire.
And then maybe I should ask them to do some things.
(09:33):
And so I get, you know, really brave and just
you know, leave shit on the floor, Like when it's
on the floor, I don't pick it up, Like I'll
just fucking leave it there. And then I'll be like, oh, well, okay,
this is great because they're gonna see it and it's
gonna pick it up. No, they don't see it, okay.
So then I was like, all right, it wasn't in
their flight pattern. I'm gonna need to adjust this thing
(09:54):
to put it in their flight pattern. And once it
is squarely in the path between them and their room
that I I know they're going to multiple times a day, they're.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
Gonna see it.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
You'd be like, oh, that's my sweatshirt.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
I'm laughing at the optimism.
Speaker 5 (10:10):
I feel like you.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
Could put the sweatchhert right into their hands for them
and they would put it back down on the ground
like one second later, like, oh I saw something shining.
Speaker 5 (10:19):
Drop this shirt right from my tracks and go and
see whatever that thing is. Like they are so like
they just I don't even know when I learned how
to clean up after like everybody or myself or whatever,
Like when when shit started piling up and I.
Speaker 4 (10:33):
Was like, is somebody somebody can put this shit away?
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Yeah, I gathered some comfort. I had a real sit
down with my mom and I was like, Mom, I'm
very organized now what I feel like I wasn't always.
She's like, you were terrible. You would leave your stuff everywhere.
Things would like they'd be brand new and it'd be
on the ground and I would be talking to you
about privilege and I would be talking about this and
(10:56):
all this. So anyways, I turned out fine, So there
is hope. So, yes, they stepped over the sweatshirt, and
you're correct. I didn't put it into their hands for
them to do the thing that I wanted them to do.
And then they came to me or after they didn't
come to me. They did come to me. One of
them came to me with a you know, I've run
out of this thing that was important to them. And
(11:18):
I was like, well when and she was like, ah,
like four days ago. I was like, you ran out
of this thing four days ago that you need like
on the daily and you just and you like didn't.
So I got into this tirade about like taking care
of yourself and how there needs to be you need
to be proud of the way that you take care
of your Anyways, all of it was a total waste
(11:39):
of time. Yea, And I really feel like you need
to do with something on that what would not be
a waste of time in order for me to explain
to them the things that they need to do.
Speaker 4 (11:53):
Yeah, And I don't know.
Speaker 5 (11:54):
I mean it's just I mean when I was in college,
I threw away this like entire nice like look crusade
pot that my mom had been like all this chili
that she gave to me in and I let it
sit in our like mini fridge in our dorm for
I don't know, five months, And at the end of
the school year, I was like, well, this is fucking disgusting.
(12:14):
I'm gonna throw away the entire Yeah. And I did
that as like a sophomore.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
In college, you know, like somewhat grown up. Yeah, Like I.
Speaker 5 (12:25):
Still wasn't doing things like properly. You're like taking care
of shit at that point.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
So when you're going through all this stuff with your kids,
do you do you swear in front of your kids?
Speaker 4 (12:52):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (12:54):
I think that's I think that's a smart choice. I didn't.
Speaker 4 (12:57):
I can't help it.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
No, I've had this conversation about swearing because I'm right now,
I'm in the phrase where they're so little that I'm like, poopy,
it's a bad word. Yeah, And then I could turn
a mat and I'm like this, oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Yeah, Well okay, So I've got my kids running range
from eight to sixteen. So I've got three girls eight, twelve, thirteen,
and then a boy who's sixteen. And again Luke absolutely
like the S word was stupid forever, and his bedtime
was seven until he was like fifteen, and now everything
has changed, and the eight year old is like the
most mature year old in the whole entire world. But
(13:33):
sometimes now that they've advanced to the stage they're at
I almost feel like I can't make my point without
a curse word, like it's actually it's it's it's it's
imperative that I use.
Speaker 5 (13:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Also it's like a punctuation. It's like I'm knocking around.
It means like, it means business. And I don't get
mad a lot, so they know that when I say,
like fish pick that up. Yeah, like a little a
little alarm that goes off for them and they're like, oh,
she's serious. So I was in that movio for like
a twenty four hour period, and yesterday we were It
was punctuated by the end of a car ride where
(14:04):
I said, this is where I'm at. I'm sitting squarely
here and I'm not moving like I am in this mood,
and you guys need to get it together. And they said, well,
so what are we supposed to do Differently? I was like,
everything I say, you're supposed to say yes, ma'am, And
they didn't.
Speaker 4 (14:20):
Good. Yeah, I do it in times of need that
way too.
Speaker 5 (14:24):
Like I if everybody's going like batch crazy in the
next room, I'll walk in there and be like, what
the hell is going on in here? You know, like, yeah,
that's not even really a curse word. But if I
just I let an f bomber slip out here, here
and there around them my older two, I just do it.
(14:45):
At this point, I try to Maybe I might try
to curb it a little bit in front of my
five year old, but yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Think that's when I started losing it.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
I want to know if there are other parenting.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Accounts online the just drive you crazy, Like, what is
the content that you see out there for other parents
that you're like, just shut up.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
There's so much of that.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
What is like the one that really grinds on you
the most? I wanted to know.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
I can't name names, no, no, no, no, not.
Speaker 6 (15:16):
Names, but like the style, oh yeah, well anything that's
like you know, I hate it annoys me when people
start like either humble bragging.
Speaker 5 (15:27):
About things, you know, and like just say you're good
at something. If you're good at something, don't be you know,
that's not the time to be self deprecating.
Speaker 4 (15:35):
You're not doing this the right way.
Speaker 5 (15:37):
It's not funny, or like if if they're talking about
their kind of a hot mess and a hot mess mom,
but everything like in the house looks very clean and.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
They've got the Stanley and they're like I just, oh
my god, it was such a hot mess, Like I
just miss Pilate's like five minutes.
Speaker 4 (15:54):
And I'm like, you don't have to be a hot mess,
Like no one's asking you to be a hot mess,
Like just be yourself. You know that kind of stuff
where there are.
Speaker 5 (16:05):
Some some parenting advice accounts drive me a little insane
because it's kind of like there's gentle.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
I feel like there's gentle parenting, and then there's the
parenting that's like beyond gentle. I don't know what that's called,
but it's like permissive.
Speaker 4 (16:23):
Yeah, that is it?
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Permissive?
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Yeah, that's like the childlod like what is where I'm
going to meet my child where they're at, which I
there are pieces of that that are very valuable.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
But there are versions of the gentle parenting that I
just feel like my kid would be like cue, like
the house would be like it would just they would
go rogue.
Speaker 5 (16:43):
Yeah yeah, well I think that there there are things
that like people are trying to sell you on for instance,
and maybe they're well meaning and that kind.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
Of thing, but it's like that doesn't actually always can work.
Speaker 5 (16:57):
Like this isn't a book, you know, this is the
real world, in real life, and every kid is different,
and your approach to each kid has to be sort
of tailored to them. And that doesn't mean like permisive
parenting or whatever.
Speaker 4 (17:12):
But you know.
Speaker 5 (17:14):
I just those things that are just not realistic. I'm like,
let's just be let's just call it what it.
Speaker 4 (17:20):
Is, call it what.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
But you know what, I hear that from you often
because I think that when I look at my favorite
of your reels a lot of the time, it's actually
not necessarily it's not like the call to action with
a parenting topic or a parenting issue. It's like it's like,
why why does the world expect this from a mom
or why does why why are people saying that.
Speaker 6 (17:42):
This is easy?
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Or like I loved your sleep like a baby? Like
oh really, really, like.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Should we really talk about what that is?
Speaker 1 (17:51):
And I think that that is what's you know again,
we talk about this a lot because you know, our
our aim and our goal is to create community where
you don't feel alone. That your account. I think even
if you're not going through that specific thing, you can
you can identify with it, like you can see that
(18:12):
there's struggle and that you're not alone in this thing
that's being described, and you're so so good at that.
Oh my gosh, it's so good at that. So I
have to ask, where did get yourself a snack come from?
Speaker 4 (18:26):
I don't.
Speaker 5 (18:27):
I mean, I feel like it kind of came from
my dad. Like my dad would always be like, let's
have a snack. Let's get a snack. We need a snack,
you know, And I feel like it's just a great
sort of metaphor for life. When you're kind of freaking
out about something or the shit's hitting the fan around
you or whatever, it's sort of like, take a break.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
Yep, it's just a snack. You get calmed down, you.
Speaker 5 (18:54):
Get don't forget about yourself, like you know, nourish yourself
a little bit along the way here.
Speaker 6 (19:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Yeah, this is a burning question of mine because often
your husband will come up in conversations and or some
of the male female dynamics than in parenting or what's
expected of one or the other. How does your how
does your husband feel about all the posts? Does he
feel accurately represented?
Speaker 5 (19:19):
Well, I mean I think that, like I really what
I actually feel like. I never mentioned my husband very
much at all intentionally, because I what I talk about
is the pressure of being a mother and if that's
if you, if you interpret that as a father being
(19:42):
a certain way or not being a certain.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
Way, then so be it. Right.
Speaker 5 (19:47):
But in my like particular set of circumstances, like my
husband works a very long day outside of the house.
He's gone before anyone here wakes up, and he comes back.
Speaker 4 (20:00):
Usually around bedtime.
Speaker 5 (20:02):
So this has been our life since day one of
having kids, so I really have had no choice but
to be the everything for the most part day to
day as mom. But I also know the way, like
(20:24):
the things that society sort of expects out of women,
and I think that the way that motherhood.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Is valued truly is shitty. You know.
Speaker 5 (20:34):
It's like the whole narrative behind this is so joyful,
and you are a man, you're a woman, and you
are a maternal so this should be.
Speaker 4 (20:44):
Easy for you. There's no faster way to.
Speaker 5 (20:48):
Devalue everything that you're doing and saying that it's easy
for you and joyful, right, Like, what the fuck is
the merit in that? If it's all if it's so
easy for us, if everything's so easy, there's no credit,
you know, for you. But my husband thinks that I
am funny, and he is also like, I'm also not
(21:11):
your audience. So he's my number one supporter. He like,
is very proud of me for putting myself out.
Speaker 4 (21:20):
There and for doing what I do.
Speaker 5 (21:24):
He's an awesome husband, an amazing dad, and his role
in the family is as important as mine is. It's
just that the typical male rule societally has gotten a
lot more credit than the women.
Speaker 4 (21:42):
So I love what you just said.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
I just I love what you just said. I'd never
thought about the fact that motherhood is meant to be
something that is so that comes to a woman easily,
or that it's innate, or that we're born with it,
or that we just naturally can be caregivers in an
easier way. I hadn't. I hadn't made that correlation between
(22:05):
the perceived ease with it not having value, because again
that the harder it is, the more you feel like
you've earned something right, And so that is that's a
wild that's a wild connection that you just made for me.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
And I think that also our society wants on some
level for it to look easy or or or put
it out there and say like this is the way
to do it easily.
Speaker 4 (22:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (22:31):
I mean, I think it's also one of those things
if you if you flip the script to it being
like the man, the man's side of things and what
they've been sort of known for going out and working
hard and going to work all day. And then this is,
you know, like the very sort of nineteen fifties nineteen
sixties housewife edition of what the views of motherhood was
(22:56):
and what it was like to be a woman versus
a man. And and they're going out and they're working
so hard, so we need to value them and serve
them and that kind of shit, and it's like, what
the do you think I've been doing at home for
the last twelve hours with everybody here, you know?
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Yeah, I remember there being a very because for their
whole lives, except for Luke's first year, when I was
not working outside the house. That's when I started saying
people who work inside the house or work outside the house,
because if you're staying at home with kids, you're definitely
definitely working. You're working in a volunteer position, but you're working.
(23:34):
And that's a really important thing I think to make
note of. And also I remember when I then started
going to work I remember it being kind of like
the dirty little secret, because of course you'd be asked
in interviews and everything else, like how do you balance
it all? How do you do it all? How do
you go to work and take care of the kids,
And it's like, well, there's no balance, it's compromise. On
(23:56):
any given day, I'm really good at my job and
I'm probably not so great at being at home with
the kids. And then another day I'll be really great
at being a mom and I probably wasn't all in
at work. But that's that's okay because hopefully it's evening
itself out. But it's a really big distinction. I don't
think people are gentle enough with themselves about it or
(24:16):
give themselves enough credit if they are the full time
caregiver at home.
Speaker 5 (24:20):
Yeah, and you know, I mean I'm not I'm not
trying to make this into like a feminist Durant podcast episode,
Like nobody's ever asked a dad how they balance it all.
Speaker 4 (24:32):
You know, it's not a question that posed.
Speaker 5 (24:35):
So it's just there's a lot of differences between what
it's like to be a woman and what it's like
to be a man, and I think that's kind of
with a sense of humor to like make it palatable
for everybody. Is what I really aim to do, is
to show that, like this is not all rainbows and
(24:56):
unicorns and you know, trips to the zoo and beautiful,
precious moments throughout it all day every day, Like there's
a ton of shit going on.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
Yeah, Caitlyn, I want to know if there's ever been
a moment that you have regretted getting on social media.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Has there ever been.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
A day or like a reel that you've posted where
you're or just some some way that you feel maybe
more exposed or something like that where it feels vulnerable.
I don't know if there has there ever been that
moment for you.
Speaker 5 (25:45):
To a very small extent, yes, But I think the
overarching feeling of like I like what I'm doing here
and that I feel purpose with it overrides like anything
that's been negative surrounding my experience, and the positives far
outweigh the negatives.
Speaker 3 (26:06):
I'm so curious to like, out of everything you've posted,
what has gotten the most traction, Like, what's gotten the
most views, like of all of you, because there's so dancing, No,
I feel like there's got to be some dancing that's
gotten some I mean, you are one badass dancer dancing.
Speaker 4 (26:23):
There's a lot of that. It's really good.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Kayly.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
Is there one specific thing that everyone just just like
hit everyone?
Speaker 5 (26:29):
Well, I think there are some things that like were
recently I posted something about like napping my kid's playmate,
and that one sort of like for some reasons in
all different like a bunch of people reposted it and publications.
We're talking about it, an article about it and all this.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
Yes, I talked, by the way, I talk about this
with parents all the time. I don't remember my parents
being a playmate with me.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
I have no recollection of my mart on the floor.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
With barbies and my dapping like let me grab the
g I Joe never. I have played a unicorn, a mermaid.
I have been every toy ever. I do all the
voices from all the toys from Toy Story. I'm buzz Lightyear,
what the ship? When did that change? Seriously, I don't know.
Speaker 5 (27:20):
But you're an actor, so maybe that's why you do
all those things.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
Like I'm just kind of trying to get attention to
my household a little bit.
Speaker 4 (27:29):
Really, yeah, it might be you'recting work.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
It's like an audition for me every day.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
What mommy can do? Any of the other mommies can
do this.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
It's just I'm realizing in this moment it's just me
attention seeking.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Got it, You're not alone. I've done it.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
I've done an able character I created that was to
get them into baths and I was the royal helper.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Kately's like, no one else does that.
Speaker 5 (27:54):
Hard for me?
Speaker 4 (27:55):
I just will tend anything.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Well have you have you not done like the bar?
Speaker 3 (28:01):
Have you not gotten on the floor with like I'm
buzz lightyear, here I go, you know, like never no
good for you?
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Good for you? A boundary, draw a line drawn in
the sand. I respect that.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Yeah, okay, so I meet the other thing. We had
a big conversation at the start of summer and now
we're ending, you know, we're nearing the end of summer
about how excited we were about them getting out of
school and then the actual abject terror that we felt
that they we had nowhere to drop them off at anymore.
So then camps came in. Are your kids all in camp?
Speaker 5 (28:35):
So my old my middle and my younger child are
in a day camp that is a full day of camp.
Speaker 4 (28:43):
Thank god.
Speaker 5 (28:45):
Yeah, And my oldest aged out of that camp this
past this year, so he's in the kind of a
hodgepodge of activities, which has been.
Speaker 4 (28:57):
Fine, but like really way more.
Speaker 5 (29:00):
Stressful than I anticipated because every week is different. I know,
there's no continuity and no knowing like how drop off
is going to go on the mornings throughout the week,
and both like their drop offs are at the same time,
and all of these factors that play into your life
as a parent that are really logistically stressful.
Speaker 3 (29:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
So as you get them back into school, will you
be like me and pull up to school and slow
down to a reasonable and safe speed for them to
get out while the car is still moving.
Speaker 4 (29:39):
Yes, I will. I'll also be sad. I love summer.
Speaker 5 (29:44):
Like as much as I love to joke about the
mayhem of it all, I also.
Speaker 4 (29:53):
Love summer.
Speaker 5 (29:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
I know me too.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Yeah, I don't know. I'm not going to miss set
you guys, to be honest, I'm just being honest. Yeah,
oh no, that's what summerred out.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
If it lasted like a month, like fine, but it
lasts five years.
Speaker 5 (30:13):
You know.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
It's like, Okay, I've been like, I get it. We've
been doing the summer thing. Let's move along, people.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
I know.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
I got into that phase where it's also it's like
when they have more time together. Again, there's four of them,
so like, when they have more time together, it's equal
parts unbelievable because some connection will be made and two
will play with each other that don't normally, or they'll like,
you know, go on a little adventure and they'll be independent,
(30:42):
older will be helping the younger whatever. But then there'll
be other times where the fighting is just like and
there's three sisters and there's two that are I can't
tell they're clothes apart when I do the laundry, and
it's stup the amount of vitriol they can like like
want to hurt each each other over like a tank top. Oh,
(31:03):
I've been there, Like they look like they're going to
kill each other.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Nod.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
Wait do you have sisters, Caitlyn, do you have a sister? No,
so you skipped the tank top murder part.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Oh yeah, I wanted to.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
I wanted to cut my sister over a couple of
tank tops. Let me tell you, you know, my sister
used to do real quick. She used to give my
clothes out to her friends. They would go missing and
then she'd like, I don't know where they are, and
her friends would wear them back over to the house
and I felt gas lit.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
I'm like, that's my.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
My Britney spears little crop top and she's like, no,
it's not no, I I get the tank top fight.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
It is so intense.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
So then I like went to I think it was
definitely some sort of I don't know, some self help,
parenting help. Someone helped me and they said something that
went along the lines of like stop telling her kids
to stop fighting?
Speaker 4 (31:53):
Yeah, what did what did they say to do? Alternatively?
Speaker 1 (31:56):
Okay, wait for it. They told me that I needed
to invite them to fight.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
Better, like fight club? What are you? What are you
talking about? Like you're giving weapons?
Speaker 1 (32:09):
It was like that. It was the quintessential parent in
the middle of mayhem, being like which has been me?
Instead of that, because then they're then you're just trying
to like stop them from being them? Is somehow like
get them, get their prefrontal cortexes back online, like their
(32:29):
brains back together, and then invite them to problem solve
aka fight in a better way because fighting is inevitable,
but how you do it is really like ours to
teach them. And clearly we know a lot of adults
that don't know how to fight well. So anyways, listen,
I'm at the beginning stages of these guys. I don't
(32:49):
I don't know that I'm up for this challenge, but
I see it and I'm tru I'm trying.
Speaker 3 (32:56):
Okay, report, report back on how that's how that's gonna work. Yeah,
because I'm exhausted just listening to that advice. Just give
the tank top back to your sister.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Oh, how do you even figure out who is right
in the situation?
Speaker 4 (33:12):
Not supposed to take sides? Yeah, I've been reading this too.
Speaker 5 (33:18):
My my middle and my youngest fight like cats and dogs,
and it's it's really annoying. And I'm like, if somebody
could just give me a crystal ball and be like,
they're gonna be friends one day, I'd be like, all right,
go ahead, murder each other. I don't care scream your
faces up, but I just want to, like, I like
(33:38):
to fight better.
Speaker 4 (33:39):
Thing. That's a good piece of advice.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Yeah, I mean, if you can make your way to it,
it could be like aspirational. You're somewhere.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
Yeah, it's gonna be aspirational for me for a while. Calen,
thank you so much for being with us. We've mentioned
your account a million times and we have not even
mentioned what it's called. It is at Big Time Adulting.
Everyone go hit it up right now. If you sit
right away, you're going to laugh your ass off and
(34:10):
as a parent, you will find comfort in the hilarious mess.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
And I can't wait to read whatever it is that
you end up writing. Please put us at the top
of the list because we want to read it. We
want to hear your thoughts. And you're just such a light.
And thank you for bringing all that you do to
all of us.
Speaker 5 (34:30):
Thank you, ladies, Thank you so much for having me.
It's so nice to meet you.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
So nice to you too. I love it.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
Ah well, thank you, thank you, thank you for being
with us. For all those that enjoy Caitlin. And if
you don't yet know about her, please go follow her.
She will I promise you she will not disappoint. And
so now we will go fourth into the rest of
our lives as we approach and get closer to fact
(34:58):
to school.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Yeah, the spot is built in a street
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Jessica Capshaw
Camilla Luddington
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