April 28, 2025 • 36 mins
The Call It Crew came through with some great Qs for the gals to spill on.
Camilla talks about a recent bout with flying anxiety while giving engagement advice, as Jess suggests some must-do's in the workplace.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Call It What It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camil Luddington,
an iHeartRadio podcast. Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello Call It crew,
and welcome to another episode of Call It What It Is.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
We're gonna do an advice episode.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Yeah, we've had these incredible interviews with people and we've
recapped the show, and but what it comes down to
is the Call It community.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Yeah, and the fact that we feel like it's an offer.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Yeah, that we're unlicensed to advise, but we're gonna do
it anyways, and that we have evidently better advice than
other people to might.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
And you can take it and you can leave it,
but we're going to tell you what it is.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Yeah, come sit down on our couch, tell us, tell
us your problems. And by the way, but at least
now everybody knows who we are so that they can really,
you know, ask us what they would really like to
ask us.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Yeah. I feel like they've gotten to know us at
this point.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Yeah, it's been almost a year now.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Maybe we've laid enough ground, We've got enough miles on
our tires that people could trust us.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Yeah, or do you think at this point they're also
like we can't ask them that, like do what I mean,
like they would have a year ago, but.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
They're like, m not this. What do you think she's
gonna say about this? Yeah, I don't know. I'm not sure,
but we.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Just you know, we're your crew and were your sister's here,
so we're just here to help.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
We had a ton of submissions, so let's just jump
in so you can get to as many people as possible. Great, Well,
here we go.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
So Jesse wrote in and said, do you have any
advice for dealing with anxiety? And we talk about this
a lot, you and I Camilla, Yes I do.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
I had a bunch of anxiety this weekend. And I
will tell you one of the things that actually really
helped me, and it might not help everybody, but I
had to fly. I really hate flying, and I never
fly with Matt without the kids, like that never happens.
It's all I was like, me going somewhere, him going
(02:06):
somewhere for work or it's a big family trip. So
I was having so much anxiety because hello, there's been
a lot of plane shit in the news, which is
triggering for me. And I was at the airport and
I was just not feeling good. But I knew that
it was going to be a shit show for me
anxiety wise. So I text my therapist number one, Please
go a therapist. I text my therapist and I said,
(02:28):
I need an emergency sort of situation. Do you have
any time? She got on with me and she said,
she says a thing to me that really helped me.
And she said, there's my what's my business? Your business
in God's business. And she's like, the plane landing, that's
God's business. Your business is to get on a plane
and sit in your seat. And it just actually really
(02:51):
helped me, Like the simplicity of like gave you a job, Yes,
it gave me a job, and it sort of gave
me my like I can't worry about this thing that's
God's business. So me being able to put some of
these in some of these things that I worry about
in categories helps me.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Yeah, yeah, I agree with that.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
I also agree that there's been a lot of uh,
you know, wild rides in planes lately and things happening,
and of course that gives everybody more anxiety. I was
recently on a flight where there was such extreme turbulence
that the woman next to me, uh screamed as loud
as she could and then proceeded to throw up everywhere,
and I was.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Like, okay, we go, Like turbulence doesn't scare you though,
or did that one?
Speaker 3 (03:31):
I normally just think of it, like I guess it
was described to me as you're in a boat, and
the way that you feel the chop of the water
is the way it can boat. The width the planes
feel the drop of the air. So that makes sense
to me. Anyways, in that moment, I was feeling some anxiety.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
It's really that bad.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
It was really that bad, and I had one of
my daughters with me, and it is really true that
you just you give.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Them your best self and that don't worry, look and go.
It's it's all good.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
But I think that the advice piece of dealing with
anxiety is something you and I have talked about, which
is that anxiety is worry, and anxiety, you know, sort
of mostly usually sits in the future. So I think
I try to stay away from futurizing.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Yeah that's my word for it.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Yes, that's actually my therapist's word for it. I've borrowed it,
stolen it shamelessly, but it's futurizing. It's when I start
getting in the future and playing it out, playing out
things that haven't happened yet. I get into a little
bit of trouble, and I definitely can work myself up.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
My therapist, by the way, calls this me telling myself stories.
She's like, that's a story. Yeah, I told yourself.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, and I know yours.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Is also said, like what else could be true? Because
that's just a story, and so what else could be true?
The screensaver I sent you helps me, which is that
often at times I think about all the things that
could go wrong or not work out, and I have
a screensaver that I have and I shared it with you,
and it simply says, in front of a beautiful background,
what if it all works out? And sometimes just reminding
(05:02):
myself that my thoughts about it not working out are
actually no bigger or more real than my thoughts about
it working out, So why not.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Choose the positive it's working out? What if it works out?
What if it works out?
Speaker 1 (05:15):
I saw this thing that I thought was really interesting
the other day. I was scrolling TikTok and this girl said,
Worri is manifesting worst case for the worst case scenario,
So don't you know what I mean, Like, it's putting
so much energy into the bad thing. Yeah, And when
you think about it that way, I was like, I
gotta stop doing that, stop putting that energy into that
(05:37):
bad story or the futurizing. I just liked it. I
was like, can you would ask to be sort of
ruthless with yourself?
Speaker 3 (05:43):
Yeah, you have to be very disciplined and stop it
and really say to yourself sometimes like cut it out.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
And I will have this strong talking to myselfs and
be like stop it.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
I used to roll my eyes so hard when people
would talk about breath work.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
I was like, yeah, yeah, sure, breath work. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
And I think that I was wrong, and I'm here
to say that. I think sometimes just like your therapist
gave you a job in thinking about a different a
different way to look at your flight, when you give
yourself the job of just breathing, which is really elemental
to survival, it helps you focus on what you need
to do, like I just I need to breathe, and
(06:25):
then I also the other My last tidbit, although I'm
sure I have more, but we should get on with it,
is gratitude often gets me out of my worry when
I think about and name the things I'm thankful for.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
I almost always feel lighter.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Yeah, it's your body doing that hard right turn. Yeah,
I'm sure. But I also.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Really think that we all worry, and I think anxiety
can sometimes make you feel lonely. But I really would
love to tell everyone you do not worry that you
are all alone, because there are there are teams and
armies and crews of warriors out there, warrior warrior warriors.
(07:09):
Ye think that there's a there's a good reason to
come together and trying to help each other through it.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
But yeah, it's it's real.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
It is real, all right, Dedra. I think I want
another baby. How do you know when you are done?
We've sort of answered this one.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
Before we have, but I have a I mean, I
have a top of I don't know why this just
came to my mind, but I think that I think
it's because of all this stuff that's happening in the
world with regards to the economy.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
That I think of this, and I'm just gonna be
really really practical.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
I never did. I never thought of it this way.
And then I was like, actually, this is a really
salient point.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
How many can you afford? I mean, I wonder if you.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Think about that kind of stuff when you think about
me before babies, I didn't understand how all the dollars
and cents added up, and I thought, you know, I would.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
I was.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
I had endless amounts of love. While that's not a
finite resource, I got so much of that. But sometimes
you really have to think about the kind of life
that you want to have and the kind of life
you want to have for your children, and sometimes that
can actually help you come up with the number.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Yes. And you know what made me stop. Well, for me,
it's not just like how much can I afford? It's
like how much can my mental health afford? I am
like I knew I had a certain amount, Like there's
a number of kids where I would just be in
bed all day, yes, and frust so I knew I
(08:39):
didn't want to do that. But also for me when
you have a baby, for me personally, I'm not one
of those people that you would ever see at the
airport with like a newborn, those people that are traveling
the world with like a one year old. God bless you,
it's not me. I feel like the clock starts again,
of like the travel clock starts again. So I did
(08:59):
not want want to spend another few years sort of
hunkering down. I wanted to be able to go explore
and travel well with my kids, or I'm not having
to really worry about the blackout curtains and the da
da da da dah and Len need the crib in
the room and like all that stuff. Selfishly, I wanted.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
To be free of it. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
And by the way, if my very practical answer SAIDs
like you really want the more emotional answer, I personally,
with four children, didn't feel like I was done after
three and after four I felt like I was done.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
So I would say trust yourself.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
If you I think you're gonna know when you're done, Yeah,
trust yourself. Stephanie wrote in how do you know when
you've outgrown your job? When is it time to leave
or ask for more money?
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Well, I love what mel Robbin said, and she said
something along the lines of about asking for mo money.
The biggest, the main the component of getting a promotion
is letting your work be known. So I feel like,
once you've really proved yourself in a job and you've
let your work be known, that's the time you'll know.
(10:05):
We all know when we when it's time to really
go in. What happens is is that we don't want
to mm hmm right because it feels tricky and icky
and it feels like, ah, what if you know it
likes to yeah, some ruffling feathers.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
And you're you always want to be like if answers no,
what if?
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah? Exactly? And then what does that mean for you?
I think everyone has their instinct if you're killing it
at your job, yeah, you need to be compensated for that, ye,
and time to move on out grow your job. I
do think you instinctually know when that time comes.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
To yeah, and then it just becomes a matter of
very well it was? It was.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
You're part of the conversation with mel which is like
what you're The practical side is do you need that job?
Speaker 2 (10:50):
And can? And also I guess the more.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Practical side would be what are your options outside of
your job and and looking at those and being very
educated about where you would go to now xt or
what your what your plan would be.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
I think you got to have a plan. I'm a
planned person. You are such a planned person, but I.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Like a plan that would make me feel secure. Is
that if I felt like i'd outgrown my job. I
would want a plan to figure out how, you know,
where I was going to go to next, or how
much time I was going to take off or whatever
that was. And then I think the money piece is
I do think that there's a way at this point
in life. And what I've done in certain situations is
I do a little sleuthing. You do a little research.
(11:30):
You know, you come to understand how much people who
do what you do, how like what other people make
that do what you do, and then figure that out.
That's you know, you got to be ready for that,
because sometimes you can get some information that's not great,
you know, but yeah, if you're ready for the answer,
go find out how much someone doing your job is making.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Exactly right, Fiona, I just got engaged. What advice can
you give me from what you you learned from your
own wedding? Ooh, I know, I already have a couple
of things on the top of my head.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Do it go?
Speaker 1 (12:09):
I say, put a time limit on your pictures, yes,
because that can last forever and then you're missing your
own cocktail party.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
And the other.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Advice I would give I literally gave them like thirty minutes.
I was like, you're done in thirty And then the
other advice I would give is don't drink too much.
Sometimes you were like mimosaing before you know what you're
pregaming like as you're getting ready. And then I know
people that have like at the end of their wedding
been like I didn't feel fully present. Yeah, when I
(12:41):
was saying my vows, you want to like have fun later,
have fun later, but like just know your limits so
that you're really present at the end of the aisle.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yes, I agree with both of those wholeheartedly. Be ruthless
with your guest list.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Yeah, I agree, Jess. I think, Yeah, I had rules.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
I was like, I am not putting out my hand
and shaking anyone's hand to meet them for the first
time at my wedding. Like you have to know the
people at your wedding, which people get so, you know,
cause they can get a little grumpy about plus ones
and this, that and the other. But I think, you know,
you got to really come up with with your partner.
You got to come up with the rules. But I
do I think you should be very specific about who
(13:19):
is there. Yes, absolutely, Jenny said, I haven't dated in
ten years. I decided to be all in on my kids,
(13:40):
and now I don't know where to start. I think
she's not alone. I feel that this is something people
talk about. I think that there are there are what
do you call good message boards group chats for this redditsdit, Yes, there.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Are Reddit threads for this.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Well. Listen, we've talked a little bit of shit on
the facts that we you know, people on dating apps
aren't meeting in person organically, They're not having that meet
cute story. However, do I think that still people can
find their person that way? Yes, I would dip a
little toe in that, do some swiping, yeah, and just
(14:20):
see where it ticks.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Taken me fun.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Also, it might be just be a good way for
you to like get the first date over and done with. Yeah,
like back in the saddle. You know. I think that
that's where you start. Oh, Jenny, I kind of I
want to be on your team.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
I want to sit there.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
I used to sit and swipe with my sister when
she was dating. It's fun, it's fun. You got to
gamify it.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Yeah, I think it's a way to dip your toe
back in, and you know, I do. Here's one thing
I actually really do like about dating sites like that
is there's a list of like sort of like here's
who I am, and maybe as you're scrolling, you start
to realize you're swiping. I mean you start to realize
like what you're maybe looking for.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
I think that if it's been ten years of not
doing anything, not only do would I go with the
dipitow situation and approach, but I would also really try
to make fun. I don't know, you don't hear the
most like you don't hear people talk about how which.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Fun dating is.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
Yeah, And so my guess is that you could definitely
go into it, you know, with all sorts of preconceived
notions that it was not going to be fun, but
you don't know yet. So I'd say go into it
and sort of like figure out what parts of it
you find fun and then go from there. Maybe it's
you know, going to a new restaurant.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Maybe it's yeah, going horseback riding, yeah or not. Also,
I would say last thing I would say is don't
put a lot of pressure on yourself to be like, Okay,
I've got to find the guy. If you're if you're
you know, like just yeah, like I been, Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
They're out there waiting for you.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Tiana said, do either of you have tips on dealing
with grief. I mean, I could talk about this really
long time. This isn't gonna be this. What I'm gonna
say is not everyone's cup of tea, but this has
really helped me. I think being really spiritually open helps
you with grief. I think that if I really thought
(16:17):
that the other side, or whatever you want to think
of it as didn't exist, my grief would be a
lot heavier. I think that I've been very open spiritually
after my mom passed, and I see signs, I see
all these all those kind of things, all these confirmations
(16:37):
of her still being with me have really helped my grief.
I realize that that's not for everybody. That's just my experience.
It's probably the number one thing that's helped me with grief.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
I think that that's beautiful. I agree.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
I think that grief is so personal. I think most
people try to resist it. And I think that as
I've experienced more of just life, it's been proven that
I won't die of it. That I won't you know
that I can lean into it a little bit more,
that I can feel it and sometimes I need to
(17:15):
feel it in order for it to pass. Otherwise it's
just going to come get me in a different way.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
That's so true.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
I've had that.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
Yeah, yeah, I'm reminded of that. You know, the only
way out is through, and you've got to just feel
the feelings and the sadness and the grief and the
and they're all really uncomfortable, really uncomfortable, and sometimes I
think you do actually need to feel them alone. And
sometimes I think you can ask for people to be
with you in it or feel so that you feel supported.
(17:43):
But I do think that you you need to feel
it and trust with a little bit. You know, every
every every time you try, you'll build up more understanding
that it will then pass.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
It will Yeah, a great I.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
Love that too, all right, Lexi, Oh this is a
fun one.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
Yeah, I am crushing so hard on a colleague, but
I don't want to make it awkward.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Help.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Oh, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (18:12):
I mean I think that that's tricky, tricky, tricky, dicky.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
As someone who married a colleague, a very serious colleague.
When you say where you where you met him and
what we were waiting colleagues, First of all, we come
(18:37):
from Gray's Anatomy. Everyone's being in their colleagues on that show.
We're not the best people to ask. We're like, go in,
lean full in. I need to know if you think
this is being reciprocated, because if it's clearly not, then
this is like a you got to swallow the mission,
yes and move desks. Yes, if he's if he's sort
(18:57):
of you know, leaning, if you feel some vibes maybe
just you know, maybe everyone goes out for a drink
one night and you just kind of see where it
takes you.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Lingering eye contact, a little lingering eye contact. Ooh, like
in the movies.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
I don't want Lexi to write us back though, and
like let us know, Lexi, we need to know more.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Yeah, yeah, more, or to help if we've helped it all.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Yeah, because if he's like married with five kids, we're like, oh,
mission Lexi. Okay, Danny. Oh, Danny said, how do you
deal with insecurity's body, et cetera. Ough Ugh.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Hmm. I mean I guess at what stage in my
life I know I.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Was gonna say, like I can let it go, which
is almost a good thing because I'm like.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
There are things I could clearly.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
We're literally let it go.
Speaker 4 (19:56):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, I can literally just let
it all go.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
When I was younger, I was not kind to myself. So,
if you want an honest answer, how I dealt with
it was I was mean to myself. I was mean
and what I said to myself was not kind or supportive,
and I made myself feel worse about it, and I
made it bigger than it was and.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I dealt with it terribly. And I think that as
I have matured, I.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
Am kinder to myself about my insecurities, and I think
I have a greater understanding that everyone has them.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Again, there's just so much power in knowing you're not alone.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
I mean, hence the concept of this conversation and what
we hope to do with this podcast. Right, you're not alone.
Everyone has insecurities, So I feel like, you know, how do.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
You deal with them?
Speaker 2 (20:40):
I mean, how do you not? You're alive?
Speaker 3 (20:43):
We all got something and most of the time, you
know what we were talking to Vanessa Lee about this,
It's like, most of the time people don't even see
the thing that you're obsessing about, and so think about
how much energy you're giving to something that someone else
might not even notice.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
At all.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
So then I think I just go, you know what,
mind matter, this is silly. I am not doing myself
any favors. And if it's something that I could, you know,
if I'm insecure about that I could work on that
I think would be positive, then I change it. And
if it's something that I can't, then you gotta let go.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
I also think one thing that I that I thought
was actually really like touching in the interview we did
with Vanessa is she said the first question that she
asked somebody that people get emotional about is what do
you love about yourself? And I think that in those
times of insecurity, maybe ask yourself, like what I love
(21:34):
about myself? And it just like every time that you
have that negative thought, because we're all going to have that, like,
also ask yourself the opposite today, what do I love
about myself? Actually my hair is like kind of falling
in a cool way today, and you know I would
continue to do that. I love that.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
Yeah, I love that. It's it's sort of on the
same and the same vein as constantly thinking it's not
gonna work out, it's not going to work out, it's
not gonna work out, and being reminded like, well, what
if it does?
Speaker 1 (22:01):
What if it does exactly? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Okay, Jamie wrote in and said, what are your thoughts
on sleeping in a separate bedroom than your partner.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
You've gotten some steam. This is kind of popular. Okay.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Can I tell you something. So Matt and I just
went to Vegas for one night. It was my friend's birthday,
and somehow it all like, you know, these trips never
come together, and it was a last man like, Hey,
me and my husband I going to Vegas? Does anyone
want to come? And everyone was last minute. Managed to
find people to watch their kids, and we went to
Vegas one night. When I booked that hotel room, I
(22:36):
booked two queen beds, and I told everybody, because there's
nothing I love more than sleeping separate from my husband.
He is I if I can feel him breathe on me,
it's annoying. It is. If his foot touches my foot,
it's like I want to chop his foot off.
Speaker 4 (22:56):
Like it's so one night together in a king bed
on spring break, we went for like a couple of
nights away and we were in a king bed together
and I wanted to murder him in the morning like
it was.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
Night.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Yes, so in our so in our bed at home,
the king bed that we have, we have a king bed.
Love it. It comes with two separate mattresses and so
we have a separate match So I can't feel if
he wants to roll around all night, go have at it.
I have two separate duvets, so if he wants a
tug on a duvet, that's true. So basically what I'm
(23:34):
saying is is I fully support separate bedrooms. We just
don't have another one for me to sleep in. If
it was, I would love it. I would do it
because you know what you can have. You can have
your intimacy and then you can get your sleep in.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Yeah, I love it. You bang on in one and
you keep another one.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
First for someone to exactly there's your sleeping bed doing
it bed.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Yeah. So I have strong I have a strong opinion
on this. I love a sepperate bedroom.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
Okay, Taylor, I am newly dating a man with an
eight year old daughter. How long should I wait before
meeting her? I feel like, all what I'm either getting
this from a movie or multiple movies, or just to
have heard this.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
I think a year right.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
I think a year is good. I think you meet her.
I think if you're in any way on the fence
about this relationship, you don't meet her. I think if
you're really in and it's it feels like it's really
going in that direction, then I think that you can
meet her. Oh yes, warms my heart. Okay, Natasha, my
girlfriend of three years, gave me an ultimatum my career,
(24:47):
military or her.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Okay, all right, Well, I mean I don't love the
language because I we an ultimatum feels like negative. But
I think I think I might need follow up questions
because I think if if your girlfriend says I can't,
I don't want to do this, this isn't the life
that I want, Yeah, then that's really like you got it.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
You gotta listen. And if it's and you can't live
without it, then you got to listen to that. Tough choices.
Either way, it's hard.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
It's hard, right, nobody wants to be given an ultimatum.
But if someone's telling you exactly right, like I can't
do this, then it's a make or break moment. Yeah,
So it just is what it is a little bit.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
Yeah, and you're still in a choice moment, because that
will not get any better. That's one of those things
that time does not know help you out with so greatly,
would only get worse. Devin wrote in and said, I
need advice on how to come out to my super
religious conservative Southern family.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
That's hard.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
I'm a little rip off the band ady, if you're
if you are making the decision to come out to them,
I don't think the way you do it is going
to change the outcome of how they feel about it. Yeah,
And I think that it's less about how do I
need advice on how to do it? Because I think
it just is what it is, right like, this is me,
this is my authentic self. I think you need to
(26:08):
ready yourself. Yes, that's also to say, I think it's
more about you feeling okay with the outcome either way.
So get the pair yourself right, Yes, exactly, It's about
you and not them.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
Yeah, because if you know what your truth is and
who you are and and and and you know, because
you put in my super religious conservative Southern family, you
know that they might feel well, you know that they're
going to have feelings about it, then you need to
be really ready with yours.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
And because yours matter more.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
Yeah, they do. That's the truth.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
Yes, you're going to be on the right side of
history and all things. So I'm I'm with you.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
Uh and and and I think.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
You know, I want to say, like the optimistic side
of me wants to say.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
People surprise you.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
Yeah, that's what I was gonna say to you never know,
you never know, to prepare yourself for the never knowing.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
But I but my heart is with you because that's
that's a hard one. That's really hard.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Yeah, there's a lot of people listening that propably are
in that situation. Yeah, Cec says, I am sixteen and
(27:35):
want to pursue acting. Do you have any tips on
how to get started? Oh I do, I do too, Okay,
you what's your tip?
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Well, I have.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
A daughter that's very interested in acting, and I was like,
what do you do? Because I think I just straight
up you know, I mean again, I was poll, well,
it's actually Poppy and Josie, they're back to both very real.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Yeah, it's very I know, very cool, I think.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
But I would tell myself stories in the mirror and
I would just had conduct my own little acting classes.
I thinry I come up with the monologues all that,
But it turns out that you actually can do a
little uh snooping around and in almost every environment community
not sure how close or how far, there are all
these incredible little theater moments. And so we found two
(28:26):
of them, one for Josie's age and one for Poppy's age.
And you can really start with scene study. And I mean, listen,
I'm a big believer. This was my path, but I
think that I enjoyed it. You you need to do
the work first. You need to go to the classes first,
you need to figure out, you know, where you sit
in it and what people's feedback is, and really be
(28:49):
around people that you trust and ask them to be
honest with you and like whatever. It sounds cheesy, but
hone your craft because it's definitely not worth it to
just be famous.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
You don't want to get into a situation.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
Where you want to be you know, you just want
to be in that in that light, you got to
really really really love it because it's a lot.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
It is a lot.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
I've had this discussion because I don't think that Hayden
wants to do acting, even though she's in a little
uh she's a she's in a little acting theater class.
Right now, they're going to do the Descendants. I'm doing
it more because she's with her friends and it builds confidence.
But I agree with you. My journey was very much
from a really young age, probably maybe eight, uh, starting
(29:36):
in theater, and I just think that that is the.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
Way to go.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
So if she did want to start acting, I would
not want her to act as a child, to be
honest on TV or film, but I would fully support
her doing theater. So I just think that, you know,
theater is everywhere and that's the way to go.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
Yeah, Okay, Sandra says, how survive your late twenties single?
Unsure of my career path and just feeling lost?
Speaker 2 (30:05):
Sandra, you are everyone, Yes, you are.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
We talk about We described the twenties as being in
the trenches, and it really is.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
I was.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
I didn't start dating Matt until I was twenty eight,
and I was broke most of my twenties and your
twenties are hard. They well, unsure I have a career
path and just feeling lost. Okay, let's really think about this. Well,
we've talked about this a little bit before, Jess, and
(30:38):
we've talked about our dream boards, manifesting.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Yeah, the vision boards.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
The vision boards, I really do think that they help
because I think that.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
You get specific about what you want.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
You have to get specific about what you want, and
so when you're sitting with a big, giant white piece
of paper and you're like, Okay, what does my career
look like? I'm going to make a picture of it,
then you have to really think about it and start
to uh, yeah, just get specific. So I still think
that's the way to go. Yep, these things are a journey, though.
(31:09):
I also would say, just don't put any pressure on yourself.
It's okay that you're single, It's okay that you're unsure
of your career path.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Oh I'm going to be a little uh contradictory and
not not in the listen.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
It's a push, it's a push pull for me.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
I feel like pressure is looked at as a negative thing,
and sometimes it's actually a very positive thing.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
You just have to know yourself and where you are.
Speaker 3 (31:36):
Because sometimes you actually need to put a little bit
more pressure on yourself.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
Sometimes.
Speaker 3 (31:41):
I think I hear a lot of people you know,
and maybe since the dating situations on phones now and
everything else, I think they're going to meet, you know,
the person of their dreams while they're sitting on their couch.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
Probably, I mean maybe, but like also maybe put a
little pressure on yourself to go make a plan with
a friend, get out, like go do something. Or if
it's not, if whatever is happening and you are feeling lost,
try something different.
Speaker 3 (32:03):
What is it that he's doing, and then maybe do
the opposite or do something different than the thing. You know, like,
don't keep doing the same thing and expecting something different
to happen. And at least it will shake up your
algorithm a little bit and maybe even you know, invite
you to look at things in a different way and
maybe you'll see something that you didn't never even seen before,
(32:25):
and then you can put that on your vision board.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
I love that, Ellie Anna says, I love my husband
a lot, but our sex life is so blah. How
do I fix this?
Speaker 3 (32:37):
Ooh, refer to one of our earlier episodes.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
Yes, toys, Toys, I'm gonna do it. I think, I mean, listen,
I think that you gotta so if you maybe you
start with a conversation where you're like, listen, it's time
to spice it up, like let's make things fun. Let's
role play, because maybe you'll find out that you're super
(33:04):
into something that you didn't know that you were into.
Speaker 3 (33:08):
Nikki Glazer was on the Goop podcast and she was
talking to Gwyneth about being very turned on by her
boyfriend having sex with other women.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
She watches, and I was like, well, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
I actually didn't. I want to.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
I'm going to listen to the whole thing, but I
it was a snippet, so I don't know.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
I mean listen. I think it kind of depends on
how how far you want to go.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
We're doing this storyline on Gray's Anatomy with Owen and
Teddy and it's not going. Well. Let's do one last one.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
Yielle said, I caught my sister cheating on her boyfriend.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
I'm so lost. I don't know what to do.
Speaker 1 (33:45):
You're gonna do nothing. Yeah, you're gonna what do you?
What do you? You're gonna do absolutely nothing, and you're
gonna say to your sister, dude, what the fuck? And
then you're gonna not medication.
Speaker 3 (33:57):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, You're just gonna zip it, zip it.
Landon says, how important is height in a relationship? The
guy I'm seeing is quite short, but a gem.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Can I tell you something that just made me laugh
a little bit. If I was ever referred to as
a gem, that would have that's she's already killed it.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
You're not into him.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
There's never a point where Matt and I were dating.
They're like, what's he like? And I'm like, he's a
real gem. If I had said that, my girlfriends would
have been like, why are.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
You still together?
Speaker 1 (34:33):
My gosh, you know it's true? Have you?
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Do you think it's true?
Speaker 1 (34:38):
There's no heat to this?
Speaker 2 (34:39):
No? No, no, no, Clearly for you it's important.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
There's no there's no heat to this gem, so clearly
for you. Land and height is quite important.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
I think we should finish it there. But I can
add to this that.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
I gave it a shot.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
In my dating days, there was a guy who I
was a real jum.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
It was a real jem. How short did you go?
Speaker 2 (35:07):
He was very very funny, very funny.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
I mean, yes, not radically short, same height as you ish,
but I mean I liked to wear heels so often,
not as not. He was shorter than me, yes, and uh,
and then I you know, I kept sort of judging
myself so Landon, I'm with you. I understand. I was
(35:33):
judging myself for not being into it, and so I
just kept being like, you know what, just just keep swimming,
just keep swimming, and so much fun, so funny, so great, whatever.
And then we had like a proper makeout session, and.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
The breath you just took was so stressed.
Speaker 5 (35:49):
It was so it was so stressful because I it
was we were standing and it's just the ratios were off.
So Landon, I guess I would ask yourself, it's it's
not about how important is height in the world or whatever.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
What's the feel like to you?
Speaker 2 (36:05):
How are the ratios? What's your.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Stature? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (36:11):
And and then yeah, that's what That's what I'd say.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
We got that was so funny. We gotta do I
I miss this. Yeah, we're gonna do more of these,
Send us more. And we didn't even get to get
through everybody today, so we're gonna have to go back.
But send us your send us your stuff.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
Yes please, but you've nothing.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
Nothing gives us greater pleasure than thinking that we can
be of help and or that we know best.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
I think we can call it the end of the episode.
Call It What It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camil Luddington,
an iHeartRadio podcast. Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello Call It crew,
and welcome to another episode of Call It What It Is.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
We're gonna do an advice episode.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Yeah, we've had these incredible interviews with people and we've
recapped the show, and but what it comes down to
is the Call It community.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Yeah, and the fact that we feel like it's an offer.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Yeah, that we're unlicensed to advise, but we're gonna do
it anyways, and that we have evidently better advice than
other people to might.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
And you can take it and you can leave it,
but we're going to tell you what it is.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Yeah, come sit down on our couch, tell us, tell
us your problems. And by the way, but at least
now everybody knows who we are so that they can really,
you know, ask us what they would really like to
ask us.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Yeah. I feel like they've gotten to know us at
this point.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Yeah, it's been almost a year now.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Maybe we've laid enough ground, We've got enough miles on
our tires that people could trust us.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Yeah, or do you think at this point they're also
like we can't ask them that, like do what I mean,
like they would have a year ago, but.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
They're like, m not this. What do you think she's
gonna say about this? Yeah, I don't know. I'm not sure,
but we.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Just you know, we're your crew and were your sister's here,
so we're just here to help.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
We had a ton of submissions, so let's just jump
in so you can get to as many people as possible. Great, Well,
here we go.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
So Jesse wrote in and said, do you have any
advice for dealing with anxiety? And we talk about this
a lot, you and I Camilla, Yes I do.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
I had a bunch of anxiety this weekend. And I
will tell you one of the things that actually really
helped me, and it might not help everybody, but I
had to fly. I really hate flying, and I never
fly with Matt without the kids, like that never happens.
It's all I was like, me going somewhere, him going
(02:06):
somewhere for work or it's a big family trip. So
I was having so much anxiety because hello, there's been
a lot of plane shit in the news, which is
triggering for me. And I was at the airport and
I was just not feeling good. But I knew that
it was going to be a shit show for me
anxiety wise. So I text my therapist number one, Please
go a therapist. I text my therapist and I said,
(02:28):
I need an emergency sort of situation. Do you have
any time? She got on with me and she said,
she says a thing to me that really helped me.
And she said, there's my what's my business? Your business
in God's business. And she's like, the plane landing, that's
God's business. Your business is to get on a plane
and sit in your seat. And it just actually really
(02:51):
helped me, Like the simplicity of like gave you a job, Yes,
it gave me a job, and it sort of gave
me my like I can't worry about this thing that's
God's business. So me being able to put some of
these in some of these things that I worry about
in categories helps me.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Yeah, yeah, I agree with that.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
I also agree that there's been a lot of uh,
you know, wild rides in planes lately and things happening,
and of course that gives everybody more anxiety. I was
recently on a flight where there was such extreme turbulence
that the woman next to me, uh screamed as loud
as she could and then proceeded to throw up everywhere,
and I was.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Like, okay, we go, Like turbulence doesn't scare you though,
or did that one?
Speaker 3 (03:31):
I normally just think of it, like I guess it
was described to me as you're in a boat, and
the way that you feel the chop of the water
is the way it can boat. The width the planes
feel the drop of the air. So that makes sense
to me. Anyways, in that moment, I was feeling some anxiety.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
It's really that bad.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
It was really that bad, and I had one of
my daughters with me, and it is really true that
you just you give.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Them your best self and that don't worry, look and go.
It's it's all good.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
But I think that the advice piece of dealing with
anxiety is something you and I have talked about, which
is that anxiety is worry, and anxiety, you know, sort
of mostly usually sits in the future. So I think
I try to stay away from futurizing.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Yeah that's my word for it.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Yes, that's actually my therapist's word for it. I've borrowed it,
stolen it shamelessly, but it's futurizing. It's when I start
getting in the future and playing it out, playing out
things that haven't happened yet. I get into a little
bit of trouble, and I definitely can work myself up.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
My therapist, by the way, calls this me telling myself stories.
She's like, that's a story. Yeah, I told yourself.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, and I know yours.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Is also said, like what else could be true? Because
that's just a story, and so what else could be true?
The screensaver I sent you helps me, which is that
often at times I think about all the things that
could go wrong or not work out, and I have
a screensaver that I have and I shared it with you,
and it simply says, in front of a beautiful background,
what if it all works out? And sometimes just reminding
(05:02):
myself that my thoughts about it not working out are
actually no bigger or more real than my thoughts about
it working out, So why not.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Choose the positive it's working out? What if it works out?
What if it works out?
Speaker 1 (05:15):
I saw this thing that I thought was really interesting
the other day. I was scrolling TikTok and this girl said,
Worri is manifesting worst case for the worst case scenario,
So don't you know what I mean, Like, it's putting
so much energy into the bad thing. Yeah, And when
you think about it that way, I was like, I
gotta stop doing that, stop putting that energy into that
(05:37):
bad story or the futurizing. I just liked it. I
was like, can you would ask to be sort of
ruthless with yourself?
Speaker 3 (05:43):
Yeah, you have to be very disciplined and stop it
and really say to yourself sometimes like cut it out.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
And I will have this strong talking to myselfs and
be like stop it.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
I used to roll my eyes so hard when people
would talk about breath work.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
I was like, yeah, yeah, sure, breath work. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
And I think that I was wrong, and I'm here
to say that. I think sometimes just like your therapist
gave you a job in thinking about a different a
different way to look at your flight, when you give
yourself the job of just breathing, which is really elemental
to survival, it helps you focus on what you need
to do, like I just I need to breathe, and
(06:25):
then I also the other My last tidbit, although I'm
sure I have more, but we should get on with it,
is gratitude often gets me out of my worry when
I think about and name the things I'm thankful for.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
I almost always feel lighter.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Yeah, it's your body doing that hard right turn. Yeah,
I'm sure. But I also.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Really think that we all worry, and I think anxiety
can sometimes make you feel lonely. But I really would
love to tell everyone you do not worry that you
are all alone, because there are there are teams and
armies and crews of warriors out there, warrior warrior warriors.
(07:09):
Ye think that there's a there's a good reason to
come together and trying to help each other through it.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
But yeah, it's it's real.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
It is real, all right, Dedra. I think I want
another baby. How do you know when you are done?
We've sort of answered this one.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
Before we have, but I have a I mean, I
have a top of I don't know why this just
came to my mind, but I think that I think
it's because of all this stuff that's happening in the
world with regards to the economy.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
That I think of this, and I'm just gonna be
really really practical.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
I never did. I never thought of it this way.
And then I was like, actually, this is a really
salient point.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
How many can you afford? I mean, I wonder if you.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Think about that kind of stuff when you think about
me before babies, I didn't understand how all the dollars
and cents added up, and I thought, you know, I would.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
I was.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
I had endless amounts of love. While that's not a
finite resource, I got so much of that. But sometimes
you really have to think about the kind of life
that you want to have and the kind of life
you want to have for your children, and sometimes that
can actually help you come up with the number.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Yes. And you know what made me stop. Well, for me,
it's not just like how much can I afford? It's
like how much can my mental health afford? I am
like I knew I had a certain amount, Like there's
a number of kids where I would just be in
bed all day, yes, and frust so I knew I
(08:39):
didn't want to do that. But also for me when
you have a baby, for me personally, I'm not one
of those people that you would ever see at the
airport with like a newborn, those people that are traveling
the world with like a one year old. God bless you,
it's not me. I feel like the clock starts again,
of like the travel clock starts again. So I did
(08:59):
not want want to spend another few years sort of
hunkering down. I wanted to be able to go explore
and travel well with my kids, or I'm not having
to really worry about the blackout curtains and the da
da da da dah and Len need the crib in
the room and like all that stuff. Selfishly, I wanted.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
To be free of it. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
And by the way, if my very practical answer SAIDs
like you really want the more emotional answer, I personally,
with four children, didn't feel like I was done after
three and after four I felt like I was done.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
So I would say trust yourself.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
If you I think you're gonna know when you're done, Yeah,
trust yourself. Stephanie wrote in how do you know when
you've outgrown your job? When is it time to leave
or ask for more money?
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Well, I love what mel Robbin said, and she said
something along the lines of about asking for mo money.
The biggest, the main the component of getting a promotion
is letting your work be known. So I feel like,
once you've really proved yourself in a job and you've
let your work be known, that's the time you'll know.
(10:05):
We all know when we when it's time to really
go in. What happens is is that we don't want
to mm hmm right because it feels tricky and icky
and it feels like, ah, what if you know it
likes to yeah, some ruffling feathers.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
And you're you always want to be like if answers no,
what if?
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah? Exactly? And then what does that mean for you?
I think everyone has their instinct if you're killing it
at your job, yeah, you need to be compensated for that, ye,
and time to move on out grow your job. I
do think you instinctually know when that time comes.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
To yeah, and then it just becomes a matter of
very well it was? It was.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
You're part of the conversation with mel which is like
what you're The practical side is do you need that job?
Speaker 2 (10:50):
And can? And also I guess the more.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Practical side would be what are your options outside of
your job and and looking at those and being very
educated about where you would go to now xt or
what your what your plan would be.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
I think you got to have a plan. I'm a
planned person. You are such a planned person, but I.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Like a plan that would make me feel secure. Is
that if I felt like i'd outgrown my job. I
would want a plan to figure out how, you know,
where I was going to go to next, or how
much time I was going to take off or whatever
that was. And then I think the money piece is
I do think that there's a way at this point
in life. And what I've done in certain situations is
I do a little sleuthing. You do a little research.
(11:30):
You know, you come to understand how much people who
do what you do, how like what other people make
that do what you do, and then figure that out.
That's you know, you got to be ready for that,
because sometimes you can get some information that's not great,
you know, but yeah, if you're ready for the answer,
go find out how much someone doing your job is making.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Exactly right, Fiona, I just got engaged. What advice can
you give me from what you you learned from your
own wedding? Ooh, I know, I already have a couple
of things on the top of my head.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Do it go?
Speaker 1 (12:09):
I say, put a time limit on your pictures, yes,
because that can last forever and then you're missing your
own cocktail party.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
And the other.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Advice I would give I literally gave them like thirty minutes.
I was like, you're done in thirty And then the
other advice I would give is don't drink too much.
Sometimes you were like mimosaing before you know what you're
pregaming like as you're getting ready. And then I know
people that have like at the end of their wedding
been like I didn't feel fully present. Yeah, when I
(12:41):
was saying my vows, you want to like have fun later,
have fun later, but like just know your limits so
that you're really present at the end of the aisle.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yes, I agree with both of those wholeheartedly. Be ruthless
with your guest list.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Yeah, I agree, Jess. I think, Yeah, I had rules.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
I was like, I am not putting out my hand
and shaking anyone's hand to meet them for the first
time at my wedding. Like you have to know the
people at your wedding, which people get so, you know,
cause they can get a little grumpy about plus ones
and this, that and the other. But I think, you know,
you got to really come up with with your partner.
You got to come up with the rules. But I
do I think you should be very specific about who
(13:19):
is there. Yes, absolutely, Jenny said, I haven't dated in
ten years. I decided to be all in on my kids,
(13:40):
and now I don't know where to start. I think
she's not alone. I feel that this is something people
talk about. I think that there are there are what
do you call good message boards group chats for this redditsdit, Yes, there.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Are Reddit threads for this.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Well. Listen, we've talked a little bit of shit on
the facts that we you know, people on dating apps
aren't meeting in person organically, They're not having that meet
cute story. However, do I think that still people can
find their person that way? Yes, I would dip a
little toe in that, do some swiping, yeah, and just
(14:20):
see where it ticks.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Taken me fun.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Also, it might be just be a good way for
you to like get the first date over and done with. Yeah,
like back in the saddle. You know. I think that
that's where you start. Oh, Jenny, I kind of I
want to be on your team.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
I want to sit there.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
I used to sit and swipe with my sister when
she was dating. It's fun, it's fun. You got to
gamify it.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Yeah, I think it's a way to dip your toe
back in, and you know, I do. Here's one thing
I actually really do like about dating sites like that
is there's a list of like sort of like here's
who I am, and maybe as you're scrolling, you start
to realize you're swiping. I mean you start to realize
like what you're maybe looking for.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
I think that if it's been ten years of not
doing anything, not only do would I go with the
dipitow situation and approach, but I would also really try
to make fun. I don't know, you don't hear the
most like you don't hear people talk about how which.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Fun dating is.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
Yeah, And so my guess is that you could definitely
go into it, you know, with all sorts of preconceived
notions that it was not going to be fun, but
you don't know yet. So I'd say go into it
and sort of like figure out what parts of it
you find fun and then go from there. Maybe it's
you know, going to a new restaurant.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Maybe it's yeah, going horseback riding, yeah or not. Also,
I would say last thing I would say is don't
put a lot of pressure on yourself to be like, Okay,
I've got to find the guy. If you're if you're
you know, like just yeah, like I been, Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
They're out there waiting for you.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Tiana said, do either of you have tips on dealing
with grief. I mean, I could talk about this really
long time. This isn't gonna be this. What I'm gonna
say is not everyone's cup of tea, but this has
really helped me. I think being really spiritually open helps
you with grief. I think that if I really thought
(16:17):
that the other side, or whatever you want to think
of it as didn't exist, my grief would be a
lot heavier. I think that I've been very open spiritually
after my mom passed, and I see signs, I see
all these all those kind of things, all these confirmations
(16:37):
of her still being with me have really helped my grief.
I realize that that's not for everybody. That's just my experience.
It's probably the number one thing that's helped me with grief.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
I think that that's beautiful. I agree.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
I think that grief is so personal. I think most
people try to resist it. And I think that as
I've experienced more of just life, it's been proven that
I won't die of it. That I won't you know
that I can lean into it a little bit more,
that I can feel it and sometimes I need to
(17:15):
feel it in order for it to pass. Otherwise it's
just going to come get me in a different way.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
That's so true.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
I've had that.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
Yeah, yeah, I'm reminded of that. You know, the only
way out is through, and you've got to just feel
the feelings and the sadness and the grief and the
and they're all really uncomfortable, really uncomfortable, and sometimes I
think you do actually need to feel them alone. And
sometimes I think you can ask for people to be
with you in it or feel so that you feel supported.
(17:43):
But I do think that you you need to feel
it and trust with a little bit. You know, every
every every time you try, you'll build up more understanding
that it will then pass.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
It will Yeah, a great I.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
Love that too, all right, Lexi, Oh this is a
fun one.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
Yeah, I am crushing so hard on a colleague, but
I don't want to make it awkward.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Help.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Oh, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (18:12):
I mean I think that that's tricky, tricky, tricky, dicky.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
As someone who married a colleague, a very serious colleague.
When you say where you where you met him and
what we were waiting colleagues, First of all, we come
(18:37):
from Gray's Anatomy. Everyone's being in their colleagues on that show.
We're not the best people to ask. We're like, go in,
lean full in. I need to know if you think
this is being reciprocated, because if it's clearly not, then
this is like a you got to swallow the mission,
yes and move desks. Yes, if he's if he's sort
(18:57):
of you know, leaning, if you feel some vibes maybe
just you know, maybe everyone goes out for a drink
one night and you just kind of see where it
takes you.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Lingering eye contact, a little lingering eye contact. Ooh, like
in the movies.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
I don't want Lexi to write us back though, and
like let us know, Lexi, we need to know more.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Yeah, yeah, more, or to help if we've helped it all.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Yeah, because if he's like married with five kids, we're like, oh,
mission Lexi. Okay, Danny. Oh, Danny said, how do you
deal with insecurity's body, et cetera. Ough Ugh.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Hmm. I mean I guess at what stage in my
life I know I.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Was gonna say, like I can let it go, which
is almost a good thing because I'm like.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
There are things I could clearly.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
We're literally let it go.
Speaker 4 (19:56):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, I can literally just let
it all go.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
When I was younger, I was not kind to myself. So,
if you want an honest answer, how I dealt with
it was I was mean to myself. I was mean
and what I said to myself was not kind or supportive,
and I made myself feel worse about it, and I
made it bigger than it was and.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I dealt with it terribly. And I think that as
I have matured, I.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
Am kinder to myself about my insecurities, and I think
I have a greater understanding that everyone has them.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Again, there's just so much power in knowing you're not alone.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
I mean, hence the concept of this conversation and what
we hope to do with this podcast. Right, you're not alone.
Everyone has insecurities, So I feel like, you know, how do.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
You deal with them?
Speaker 2 (20:40):
I mean, how do you not? You're alive?
Speaker 3 (20:43):
We all got something and most of the time, you
know what we were talking to Vanessa Lee about this,
It's like, most of the time people don't even see
the thing that you're obsessing about, and so think about
how much energy you're giving to something that someone else
might not even notice.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
At all.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
So then I think I just go, you know what,
mind matter, this is silly. I am not doing myself
any favors. And if it's something that I could, you know,
if I'm insecure about that I could work on that
I think would be positive, then I change it. And
if it's something that I can't, then you gotta let go.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
I also think one thing that I that I thought
was actually really like touching in the interview we did
with Vanessa is she said the first question that she
asked somebody that people get emotional about is what do
you love about yourself? And I think that in those
times of insecurity, maybe ask yourself, like what I love
(21:34):
about myself? And it just like every time that you
have that negative thought, because we're all going to have that, like,
also ask yourself the opposite today, what do I love
about myself? Actually my hair is like kind of falling
in a cool way today, and you know I would
continue to do that. I love that.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
Yeah, I love that. It's it's sort of on the
same and the same vein as constantly thinking it's not
gonna work out, it's not going to work out, it's
not gonna work out, and being reminded like, well, what
if it does?
Speaker 1 (22:01):
What if it does exactly? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Okay, Jamie wrote in and said, what are your thoughts
on sleeping in a separate bedroom than your partner.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
You've gotten some steam. This is kind of popular. Okay.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Can I tell you something. So Matt and I just
went to Vegas for one night. It was my friend's birthday,
and somehow it all like, you know, these trips never
come together, and it was a last man like, Hey,
me and my husband I going to Vegas? Does anyone
want to come? And everyone was last minute. Managed to
find people to watch their kids, and we went to
Vegas one night. When I booked that hotel room, I
(22:36):
booked two queen beds, and I told everybody, because there's
nothing I love more than sleeping separate from my husband.
He is I if I can feel him breathe on me,
it's annoying. It is. If his foot touches my foot,
it's like I want to chop his foot off.
Speaker 4 (22:56):
Like it's so one night together in a king bed
on spring break, we went for like a couple of
nights away and we were in a king bed together
and I wanted to murder him in the morning like
it was.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
Night.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Yes, so in our so in our bed at home,
the king bed that we have, we have a king bed.
Love it. It comes with two separate mattresses and so
we have a separate match So I can't feel if
he wants to roll around all night, go have at it.
I have two separate duvets, so if he wants a
tug on a duvet, that's true. So basically what I'm
(23:34):
saying is is I fully support separate bedrooms. We just
don't have another one for me to sleep in. If
it was, I would love it. I would do it
because you know what you can have. You can have
your intimacy and then you can get your sleep in.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Yeah, I love it. You bang on in one and
you keep another one.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
First for someone to exactly there's your sleeping bed doing
it bed.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Yeah. So I have strong I have a strong opinion
on this. I love a sepperate bedroom.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
Okay, Taylor, I am newly dating a man with an
eight year old daughter. How long should I wait before
meeting her? I feel like, all what I'm either getting
this from a movie or multiple movies, or just to
have heard this.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
I think a year right.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
I think a year is good. I think you meet her.
I think if you're in any way on the fence
about this relationship, you don't meet her. I think if
you're really in and it's it feels like it's really
going in that direction, then I think that you can
meet her. Oh yes, warms my heart. Okay, Natasha, my
girlfriend of three years, gave me an ultimatum my career,
(24:47):
military or her.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Okay, all right, Well, I mean I don't love the
language because I we an ultimatum feels like negative. But
I think I think I might need follow up questions
because I think if if your girlfriend says I can't,
I don't want to do this, this isn't the life
that I want, Yeah, then that's really like you got it.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
You gotta listen. And if it's and you can't live
without it, then you got to listen to that. Tough choices.
Either way, it's hard.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
It's hard, right, nobody wants to be given an ultimatum.
But if someone's telling you exactly right, like I can't
do this, then it's a make or break moment. Yeah,
So it just is what it is a little bit.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
Yeah, and you're still in a choice moment, because that
will not get any better. That's one of those things
that time does not know help you out with so greatly,
would only get worse. Devin wrote in and said, I
need advice on how to come out to my super
religious conservative Southern family.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
That's hard.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
I'm a little rip off the band ady, if you're
if you are making the decision to come out to them,
I don't think the way you do it is going
to change the outcome of how they feel about it. Yeah,
And I think that it's less about how do I
need advice on how to do it? Because I think
it just is what it is, right like, this is me,
this is my authentic self. I think you need to
(26:08):
ready yourself. Yes, that's also to say, I think it's
more about you feeling okay with the outcome either way.
So get the pair yourself right, Yes, exactly, It's about
you and not them.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
Yeah, because if you know what your truth is and
who you are and and and and you know, because
you put in my super religious conservative Southern family, you
know that they might feel well, you know that they're
going to have feelings about it, then you need to
be really ready with yours.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
And because yours matter more.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
Yeah, they do. That's the truth.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
Yes, you're going to be on the right side of
history and all things. So I'm I'm with you.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
Uh and and and I think.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
You know, I want to say, like the optimistic side
of me wants to say.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
People surprise you.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
Yeah, that's what I was gonna say to you never know,
you never know, to prepare yourself for the never knowing.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
But I but my heart is with you because that's
that's a hard one. That's really hard.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Yeah, there's a lot of people listening that propably are
in that situation. Yeah, Cec says, I am sixteen and
(27:35):
want to pursue acting. Do you have any tips on
how to get started? Oh I do, I do too, Okay,
you what's your tip?
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Well, I have.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
A daughter that's very interested in acting, and I was like,
what do you do? Because I think I just straight
up you know, I mean again, I was poll, well,
it's actually Poppy and Josie, they're back to both very real.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Yeah, it's very I know, very cool, I think.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
But I would tell myself stories in the mirror and
I would just had conduct my own little acting classes.
I thinry I come up with the monologues all that,
But it turns out that you actually can do a
little uh snooping around and in almost every environment community
not sure how close or how far, there are all
these incredible little theater moments. And so we found two
(28:26):
of them, one for Josie's age and one for Poppy's age.
And you can really start with scene study. And I mean, listen,
I'm a big believer. This was my path, but I
think that I enjoyed it. You you need to do
the work first. You need to go to the classes first,
you need to figure out, you know, where you sit
in it and what people's feedback is, and really be
(28:49):
around people that you trust and ask them to be
honest with you and like whatever. It sounds cheesy, but
hone your craft because it's definitely not worth it to
just be famous.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
You don't want to get into a situation.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
Where you want to be you know, you just want
to be in that in that light, you got to
really really really love it because it's a lot.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
It is a lot.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
I've had this discussion because I don't think that Hayden
wants to do acting, even though she's in a little
uh she's a she's in a little acting theater class.
Right now, they're going to do the Descendants. I'm doing
it more because she's with her friends and it builds confidence.
But I agree with you. My journey was very much
from a really young age, probably maybe eight, uh, starting
(29:36):
in theater, and I just think that that is the.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
Way to go.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
So if she did want to start acting, I would
not want her to act as a child, to be
honest on TV or film, but I would fully support
her doing theater. So I just think that, you know,
theater is everywhere and that's the way to go.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
Yeah, Okay, Sandra says, how survive your late twenties single?
Unsure of my career path and just feeling lost?
Speaker 2 (30:05):
Sandra, you are everyone, Yes, you are.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
We talk about We described the twenties as being in
the trenches, and it really is.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
I was.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
I didn't start dating Matt until I was twenty eight,
and I was broke most of my twenties and your
twenties are hard. They well, unsure I have a career
path and just feeling lost. Okay, let's really think about this. Well,
we've talked about this a little bit before, Jess, and
(30:38):
we've talked about our dream boards, manifesting.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Yeah, the vision boards.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
The vision boards, I really do think that they help
because I think that.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
You get specific about what you want.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
You have to get specific about what you want, and
so when you're sitting with a big, giant white piece
of paper and you're like, Okay, what does my career
look like? I'm going to make a picture of it,
then you have to really think about it and start
to uh, yeah, just get specific. So I still think
that's the way to go. Yep, these things are a journey, though.
(31:09):
I also would say, just don't put any pressure on yourself.
It's okay that you're single, It's okay that you're unsure
of your career path.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Oh I'm going to be a little uh contradictory and
not not in the listen.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
It's a push, it's a push pull for me.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
I feel like pressure is looked at as a negative thing,
and sometimes it's actually a very positive thing.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
You just have to know yourself and where you are.
Speaker 3 (31:36):
Because sometimes you actually need to put a little bit
more pressure on yourself.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
Sometimes.
Speaker 3 (31:41):
I think I hear a lot of people you know,
and maybe since the dating situations on phones now and
everything else, I think they're going to meet, you know,
the person of their dreams while they're sitting on their couch.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
Probably, I mean maybe, but like also maybe put a
little pressure on yourself to go make a plan with
a friend, get out, like go do something. Or if
it's not, if whatever is happening and you are feeling lost,
try something different.
Speaker 3 (32:03):
What is it that he's doing, and then maybe do
the opposite or do something different than the thing. You know, like,
don't keep doing the same thing and expecting something different
to happen. And at least it will shake up your
algorithm a little bit and maybe even you know, invite
you to look at things in a different way and
maybe you'll see something that you didn't never even seen before,
(32:25):
and then you can put that on your vision board.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
I love that, Ellie Anna says, I love my husband
a lot, but our sex life is so blah. How
do I fix this?
Speaker 3 (32:37):
Ooh, refer to one of our earlier episodes.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
Yes, toys, Toys, I'm gonna do it. I think, I mean, listen,
I think that you gotta so if you maybe you
start with a conversation where you're like, listen, it's time
to spice it up, like let's make things fun. Let's
role play, because maybe you'll find out that you're super
(33:04):
into something that you didn't know that you were into.
Speaker 3 (33:08):
Nikki Glazer was on the Goop podcast and she was
talking to Gwyneth about being very turned on by her
boyfriend having sex with other women.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
She watches, and I was like, well, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
I actually didn't. I want to.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
I'm going to listen to the whole thing, but I
it was a snippet, so I don't know.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
I mean listen. I think it kind of depends on
how how far you want to go.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
We're doing this storyline on Gray's Anatomy with Owen and
Teddy and it's not going. Well. Let's do one last one.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
Yielle said, I caught my sister cheating on her boyfriend.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
I'm so lost. I don't know what to do.
Speaker 1 (33:45):
You're gonna do nothing. Yeah, you're gonna what do you?
What do you? You're gonna do absolutely nothing, and you're
gonna say to your sister, dude, what the fuck? And
then you're gonna not medication.
Speaker 3 (33:57):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, You're just gonna zip it, zip it.
Landon says, how important is height in a relationship? The
guy I'm seeing is quite short, but a gem.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Can I tell you something that just made me laugh
a little bit. If I was ever referred to as
a gem, that would have that's she's already killed it.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
You're not into him.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
There's never a point where Matt and I were dating.
They're like, what's he like? And I'm like, he's a
real gem. If I had said that, my girlfriends would
have been like, why are.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
You still together?
Speaker 1 (34:33):
My gosh, you know it's true? Have you?
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Do you think it's true?
Speaker 1 (34:38):
There's no heat to this?
Speaker 2 (34:39):
No? No, no, no, Clearly for you it's important.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
There's no there's no heat to this gem, so clearly
for you. Land and height is quite important.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
I think we should finish it there. But I can
add to this that.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
I gave it a shot.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
In my dating days, there was a guy who I
was a real jum.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
It was a real jem. How short did you go?
Speaker 2 (35:07):
He was very very funny, very funny.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
I mean, yes, not radically short, same height as you ish,
but I mean I liked to wear heels so often,
not as not. He was shorter than me, yes, and uh,
and then I you know, I kept sort of judging
myself so Landon, I'm with you. I understand. I was
(35:33):
judging myself for not being into it, and so I
just kept being like, you know what, just just keep swimming,
just keep swimming, and so much fun, so funny, so great, whatever.
And then we had like a proper makeout session, and.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
The breath you just took was so stressed.
Speaker 5 (35:49):
It was so it was so stressful because I it
was we were standing and it's just the ratios were off.
So Landon, I guess I would ask yourself, it's it's
not about how important is height in the world or whatever.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
What's the feel like to you?
Speaker 2 (36:05):
How are the ratios? What's your.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Stature? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (36:11):
And and then yeah, that's what That's what I'd say.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
We got that was so funny. We gotta do I
I miss this. Yeah, we're gonna do more of these,
Send us more. And we didn't even get to get
through everybody today, so we're gonna have to go back.
But send us your send us your stuff.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
Yes please, but you've nothing.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
Nothing gives us greater pleasure than thinking that we can
be of help and or that we know best.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
I think we can call it the end of the episode.
Hosts And Creators
Jessica Capshaw
Camilla Luddington
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com