July 28, 2025 • 31 mins
Camilla and Jessica are taking control of their triggers, or at least they're trying. From the holidays that are haunting, to the songs that bring back boyfriends and breakups, we all have bullets to dodge!
Hear how the ladies face their fears one trigger at a time, and what they say couples should be VERY careful about!!
And speaking of couples, don't miss their message for the cheater cheater pumpkin eaters caught on camera at the Coldplay concert!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Call It What It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camil Luddington,
an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Well Hello, Hello, Hello.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Hello, call It crew, and welcome to another episode of
Call It What It Is?
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Oh Hello, and thank goodness for these for these episodes,
because it means I get to see you, because you know,
we don't face him all the time.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Usually we just call each other. So you called me
earlier today and.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
It made me laugh because most people would like wait
for someone to say hello before they started talking.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
We don't.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
You know. What's so funny is we often don't even
say goodbye.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Yeah, I agree, Yeah, no, we don't usually say goodbye
either hellos and goodbyes.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
It's like, okay, someone's walking in and as the phone
goes down.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Yeah, that's exactly right, that's exactly right.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Hey, so what are we talking about today?
Speaker 3 (00:58):
We're talking about triggers. Are triggers your triggers? Not avoiding them,
loving them, even engaging with them.
Speaker 4 (01:08):
Or avoiding them?
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Yes, because people have different adaptations or coping mechanisms for
their triggers.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
I think we start by just saying the definition of
the trigger, because I earlier today was like this, is
my trigger, and this is my trigger, and this is
my trigger. And then I read the definition, I'm like,
those are not triggers.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Those are just things.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Are really fucking errorg amy.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
You are not alone. You are not alone.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
And actually, part of the reason I felt that this
was a good thing to talk about is.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
I think it's no one's fault.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
I just think there's a lot of people walking around
the world saying that, you know, there are triggers when
it's just something annoying. Yeah, that's just that's that's let's
give let's give a trigger. It's fair day in court,
and let's get something annoying. It's fair day in court.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Perfect.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Okay, So definition of.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
A trigger anything person, plays thinger, situation causing intense emotional distress,
bringing up past trauma, or a challenging experience.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Trigger is kind of deep.
Speaker 4 (02:14):
It is really deep.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
I have some like really deep triggers that I'm gonna
be so honest. It's it's it's the morning for me
and I just don't feel like being on the floor talking.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Should we shelve this topic? Do we need to turn it?
Speaker 4 (02:33):
No, it's something to shell. It is certain triggers.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
I don't need like I would be having an emergency
therapy sort of situation after the podcast.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Then I have a feeling that in the in your
trigger uh dealing with style, you might be Oh, I
guess that's the question in what's your style for dealing
with a trigger? Are you a little bit like team
avoid or you team.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Like I'm feeling a trigger, I'm diving in.
Speaker 4 (03:00):
Oh, there's no dive in.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
You're in a Okay, great, No, I dive out. I
definitely dive out.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
I will tell you. I will tell you.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
When I've dived in. Okay.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
My very first boyfriend, who I've talked about on the show,
I'm still friends with him. He was like my high
school sweetheart. We did this stupid thing of like pick
making our song a song that gets played everywhere. So
our song was don't Stop Believing by Journey. There is
no bar that you walk into or just like anywhere
(03:34):
where you're not going to hear that song. Like I
think if you were in a ca if you guys are,
if anybody listening right now is in a couple situation,
you're like, what is our song gonna be? Please pick
something that you're not gonna hear regularly. So if it
goes downhill, you're only maybe hearing it like once or twice.
After the breakup, I heard that song everywhere I went,
(03:57):
and it literally I did dive in. I was like
an emotional hot mess. And I was like, no, you don't.
Speaker 4 (04:02):
Stop believing, but he's stop believing.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
And then I was like, that was a dive in,
that was a trigger dive in and it did absolutely
and cause me intense emotional distress.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, what about you? I feel like
most of my triggers are childhood triggers.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
You a team avoid team dive in.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
I would love to say I'm a team dive in,
but no, I think I've gotten better at diving in.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
I've gotten I've gotten better at trying to.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
Do the hard better, you know, like not like getting
what do we always say, like.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
You get better at.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Doing the hard like you you know that it's something
that doesn't come natural to you. Also, I'm not like
I'm not ready. I don't I wasn't wired to, right,
I'm not like I'd.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Rather figure it out.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
And I think maybe that's a connection that would be
a natural one for someone who's like team dive in,
because I think when you dive in.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
You gotta be ready to get a little, a little dirty.
You gotta tussle.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Yeah, you gotta be ready to rumble on some level, right,
Like you gotta go at it. And I think that
a lot of my adaptations and the way that I
cope is uh is is like a little bit finding nemo,
like just keep swimming, just keep swimming.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
Yeah, yeah, I think that's a lot of people though.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
I think a lot of us are avoids because like,
also I'm a little bit who has the time to
dive in, Like if I dive in, I need to
pick up my kids drown in thirty minutes, do you
know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Like I can't.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
There's not a I don't want to. I don't want
to deal with that, which is not good. I don't
think it's necessarily good to not just sometimes sit with it.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
And how many times have you been have you have
you like pushed something aside because you didn't have time
to fight, but you but really a fight was necessary,
like you needed to you needed to get that done.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
No, I've I've talked about this in therapy because I
am an expert and compartmentalizing.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Yeah, I thought that was a positive thing.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Is that not? Apparently not really.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
I literally said it like two weeks ago, like it
was a really great thing to do.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
Yeah, yeah, so did I.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
I was like boasting about it in therapy, and she
was like, wait.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Hold on, but seriously, you're not allowed to like have
your feeling and just go like I see you.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
I'm just gonna put you over here for a second.
Speaker 4 (06:47):
Yes, but the problem with me, like I'll tell you.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
One of the things that like I was dealing with
in therapy that I did a good job of doing
that with it was grief over my mom.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
I had like boxed that up.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
I had like taped it, put it on a shelf
and it was dusty, and I was like, that's I
love that over there, Like you needed to open that up,
like boring to do that, and she basically the box
never goes away, right, So it's it's sitting there and
it's and at some point you're gonna listen. Having children
(07:23):
actually ended up being a trigger for grief for my mom.
That's a deep one, right. So the box just like
sprung open and bust the seams and then I was
like no, no, no, we're gonna tape you back up,
and that's when she was like, no, you can't do
that anymore.
Speaker 4 (07:40):
And then you did have to die.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
And then I have I've done a deep dive in
with like grief, and it's been hard, and I had
I had a lot of conversation. I know this is
a little bit off the subject of a trigger, but
I had a lot of conversations about like why why
should I lean into something or face something that's so
difficult and upsetting. And I realized that it really you
(08:01):
get a release from it, but I really did not.
You do, but it's you're wading through the water, you know,
like and I didn't want to get in the I
didn't want to get in the ocean. I was like, no, no,
thank you, I'm dry on the sand.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
And also that when you face it, which I guess
would be something you could have a chance out if
you were team dive in, you kind of prove to
yourself that it's possible. Because I think I'm I'm imagining this,
I'm making this up. I'm thinking that I avoid it
because I actually, on some level think I can't handle it.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Like if I actually dove in, I die.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Yes, I've said these kinds of things in therapy before,
by the way, like I've convinced myself that I actually
might expire if I were to meet this challenge or
this emotional distress or the thing that triggered that memory
of that thing, Like I would just die. I know,
is not a rational thought, like I'm not my heart's
(09:02):
not going to stop beating, I'm not going to start
inhaling and exhaling, but the emotional.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Pain of it might just take me down.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
I think that's so real. I think that's something that
so many people listening will relate to because that's the
way you described is exactly how I felt. I felt
like I'm just gonna drown. Yeah, what's the fucking point
in getting in the ocean? Like I'm not going to
do it?
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Because I think that's the other thing that's it's talked about,
but maybe not in this way, is that in order
to stay engaged with something, you have to be hopeful
that it will get better. But when you feel hopeless,
or when you've told yourself the story that if I
dive in, I'll die, yeah, you're pretty hopeless, and you're
not You're not in that lack of in the vacuum
(09:50):
without hope, you you don't see a path forward, So
it's interesting. Okay, So, uh, do you have times where
you will find yourself overreacting to something that someone said
or did and then you actually realized later that it
actually had nothing to do with them, but it was
about something that that was that person, place, thing or
(10:11):
situation that recalls this like intense emotional distress.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
Yeah, I think it probably happens all the time.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Dayly. Is there something that, like for you can think
of right now.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Because you're too many examples you like before, what happened
this morning? Oh, I think I find it, So tell
me if this happens.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
To you anyone.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
I find when I'm trying to do it all, which
of course we all know, is like there's no virtue
in it.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
That's just so ridiculous. You can't do it all. But
when you're when I'm on the hamster wheel, like when
I'm just like.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Going going, going, going, going, and I'm trying to look
at my phone, stay ahead of emails, all the things
that are coming up to me for family stuff, work stuff, whatever.
Most of it's like you're just like lobbying these tennis balls, right,
like they pass.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
One to you and you pass it back, and you've
got to just exchange of information.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
But every once in a while, they'll be an email
or something that'll come in that will actually be emotional
someone or a text, right, like someone's upset about something
or disappointed about something, and I won't be able to
deal with in that moment. And I have found myself
a couple of times being super short with the kids. Yeah,
like trying to live my own life, Like trying to
(11:30):
live my life while also tending to these ideas or
questions or demands that I think that I have on
my time that comes through my phone. I have found
myself being really upset about something I learn or or
under it or not understanding how to answer it or whatever.
And then instead of being like, hey, kids, I need
(11:52):
to take it twenty second time out and respond to
this in the way that I want to respond to this,
I will not respond to that. And the next thing
that someone does, where you know, something spills or someone
does something naughty or whatever, I'm.
Speaker 5 (12:06):
Like, rah, yeah, like what just happened, Like I just
spilled the yogurt or whatever, and it's such an oversized
reaction and I.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Will find myself checking myself and being like whoa, Like.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
I was not that mad at what you did. I
was hearing this like leftover.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
You know, this this trigger of you know, I don't
whatever right like I mean I can. I can pull
out my dirty laundry right like abandonment or whatever and
be like Okay, now that's been brought up and I'm
gonna then just like sprinkle it all over you all.
Speaker 4 (12:44):
So I'm not fair.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
This is actually like making me think about me. I
used to have to wait tables on Mother's Day. And
if I waited on your table Mother's Day, I just
know that I really hated you because, like you I
that whole day was of course a trigger and I
was waiting on like you know, moms getting gifts from
(13:07):
their daughters and and uh, I was just angry the
whole day. Don't hold anything could trigger me that day,
like oh you want an extra water?
Speaker 4 (13:17):
Oh you do?
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Do you think it'd be helpful if we maybe.
Speaker 4 (13:20):
Went to therapy more?
Speaker 1 (13:22):
You know?
Speaker 2 (13:22):
I mean it seems.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Silly to like, you know, where a badge that says
like you know, I have intense mother trauma on Mother's
Day when you're waiting.
Speaker 4 (13:32):
At tables, but like, I wish there was some way.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
We could let others know where we're coming from on
a yes, on some level, like your kids and be
like I just got a very disturbing email. I just
you know whatever, you know, because it's really not fair.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
But that's why we say, like, you know, that's why
people say, like walking around in the world, like you
don't know what kind of day people are having, you
know what. Actually this was a trigger for me recently.
And this is again mom, I'm sorry everyone listening, Like listen,
your mom passing is like pretty traumatic. Okay, you guys,
So it's I'm going to talk about this. I don't
have any pictures of my mom up anywhere. I don't
(14:15):
have a single picture of her up in the house.
And I found a photo of her and then Matt
took it and he hung it on our pin board
and I walked by it and I was like, and
I did not want it on there, and he said, oh,
I'm so sorry, Like should I take it off?
Speaker 4 (14:35):
And I just stood and I was like, I definitely
wanted to.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
Rip it off the board and like put it back
in a box, but I was like, no, it's going
to stay there, and it's been a week now and
it's on my board, and I don't know how I
feel about it, and there.
Speaker 4 (14:50):
Is I am triggered by it.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
But I think that maybe in this moment, I'm taking
it as a sign that there's a reason for it
to be up right now.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
There's so much about that, and I mean, I really
so deeply believe in signs.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
I have a question for you.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
It's a little personal. Sometimes when you leave a job,
it's painful, right Like, It's like you have a lot
of feelings about it. And for you, you're in this
really strange situation where you left Gray's Anatomy and then
you have one hundred people every day talking about this
character that you loved in approaching you. Was there a
(15:41):
period of time when fans approaching you all the time
about the show or Arizona like brought up feelings of
like sadness hm or were you able to compartmentalize.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Well, I am good at that.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
No.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
I was always very yes. Number one, of course you
have all the sad feelings.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Oh my god, I'm so and I will get I
get so taken over by the nostalgia and the sad
and the I strongly dislike goodbyes. I'm like that see
you later, queen. I'm like, well, I'm not saying goodbye
or just see you later. And that's the little girl
part of me, right. I think that when you are
a child of divorce and you go back and forth,
(16:25):
you have these transitions that are like many goodbyes and
yeah and you and you switch into a different mode,
and so goodbyes are hard and you're sort of told
by the world, you know, don't, don't, don't make them goodbyes,
like it's gonna be okay, and the universe is conspiring
to make it okay for you. So you're like, it's
(16:46):
see you later and see you later, and that makes
sense and that is that's right. But the ends of
things can be so sad for me. And uh no,
I was never sad about people coming up to me
about Arizona because I just I just loved her so much.
The only time that I would ever have anything that
felt remotely negative adjacement is I will I get a little.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
I get defensive of her, like if people, oh not often,
but if people.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
You know that are kind of flippant or like say
like you know or they or like make fun of
her or say something. I don't even make fun of her,
but just like something. I'm like, okay, yeah, that did
me not talking anymore like that's my friend, Yes, my friend.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
You don't talk about her like that.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
You don't talk about her like that.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Yeah. Yeah, she was doing her best.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
She had a rough Season nine.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
Watched the episode.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
One of the things we have here is what's the
difference between a pet peeve and a trigger one's annoying
and one's sense.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Yeah, I think what we're talking.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
I mean, I do think at the end of this
is basically is perhaps saying to ourselves but also the world.
This world is maybe also, don't confuse annoyances with triggers.
Speaker 4 (18:13):
Yes, because here's here.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
I was, Okay, so I was dropping one of my
kids at camp this morning, and I knew we're going
to do this episode, and so before I'd read the
official definition, I was like, oh, I got some triggers.
And I came home and I told that, and I
was like, you know what I'm going to talk about today,
which has not happened, because clearly it's a deeper thing.
I was like, when we go to a restaurant, you
(18:38):
will pull in and you will pass like fifteen parking spots,
and every single time you pass a spot, I get
closer and closer to absolutely exploding in the car. And
the only reason I'm not is because there are kids
in the vacuum and I don't under and it drives me.
Speaker 4 (19:01):
And then he was like, oh, you know why I
do it?
Speaker 3 (19:03):
You know why because I like a spot that's away
from other people, and I don't need the answer.
Speaker 4 (19:08):
I'm just gonna tell you.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
And the other thing that I cannot stand that he
does is he backs into a spot Jessica Capshaw when
he starts what I know is a reversal move.
Speaker 4 (19:20):
Oh my god, I like, I.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
Literally can't even watch, Like I have to just like
start looking at my phone because.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
I do you start like harrumphing, Do you look at
your phone? Do you say anything?
Speaker 4 (19:31):
You know when people are like, take a deep breath.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
And then I like that.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Honestly, I compartmentalize. My body knows it's being reversed because
it's not in the car, but my mind is trying
to deny.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
I imagine you sitting like a yogi with your your
legs crossed and your hands to your side and you're
like in a lotus, but.
Speaker 4 (19:51):
I'm just forced to move backwards in a reverse.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
By the way, I completely identify with this. This happens
in my own life as well sometimes. And what's really
confusing to me, as someone who's with me quite a lot,
is I couldn't like to walk more.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
I love walking.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
I walk.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
I'm happy to walk.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Like when people are and when I'm you know, going anywhere,
people are like, do you want to take a car?
Speaker 2 (20:15):
You want to walk?
Speaker 1 (20:16):
I'm like, oh, walk, walk, But when I'm in my
car going somewhere, I want the spot that is the number.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
One pole position spot in a parking lot.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
I call that princess parking. You want the princess parking spot.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
That's what I want. But it's not about walking. So
what's it about?
Speaker 4 (20:35):
Okay, So let me ask you a question.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
How do you feel when there's one person in front
of you can't tell whether they're leaving or parking, and
the princess spot is open, and then they pull in
and you just know, if you've just been like thirty
seconds sooner, that would real disappointing. That is disappointing.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Yeah. No, And you know what, when I was younger.
I dealt with that less well.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
I have said before and I will say again that
self talk is role is.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
I do a lot, and I will truly say to myself, like,
it's okay over the spot, Jessica Capshaw, It's okay, it's okay.
You weren't here. You were here.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
But that's honestly, that's what I'm doing. I'm Matt Reversus
and I'm like, it's okay, you'll be fine.
Speaker 4 (21:21):
Okay, he's almost done.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
By the time you get out of the car.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
You're mad at him, for sure. I mean, I think
I do think the word gets thrown around too much.
We've sort of like it's an encompass.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
Way way more than it really should.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Okay, I have a question.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
I mean, this is like I want to say, it's
old news, but honestly, it's the kind of news that
keeps on giving. I don't know that it's going to
be over. I think we get I think it's still
got left.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
I think it's gonna be on.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Well, both you and I have said that we have
been cheated on in our lives, and this uh Coldplay.
Speaker 4 (22:09):
Concert, Jessica, that that is not going away.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
That has legs because more information keeps coming out, and
then like statements are getting released, and like why why
are we so obsessed because of the audacity?
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Uh huh?
Speaker 3 (22:29):
Like you really think, like if you're gonna cheat on me,
be in like the corner of like a shady bar,
and like be trying to hide it if you're in
I don't know, clearly a good section of the Cold
Play concert, right, Like, first off, I'm pissed off because
you have good seats right right, and you're like like that,
(22:51):
oh huggy, huggy and smiling and listening to no not
on my watch, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
And I also think in the world climate of misbehavior,
you know, there's so many people who seem to be
getting away with stuff. Yeah right, Like there's just so
many things and so many different areas of life where
it's like people.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
Do things in like okay, like they just get away
with it.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Or like the public court of public opinion doesn't even
like up they're not even upset, or they move on
or whatever, and everyone comes up with their ideas or
reasons why that is.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
But you know, who knows.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
But for some reason, this couple seems to have gotten
a vast majority or at least the very vocal majority
to be.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Like, no, you don't get away with this.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
You are going to be held accountable and you did
this and this is not okay, and they're just.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Rolling with it.
Speaker 4 (23:46):
Do you know what.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
I have a theory on it, though, because I don't
think it's just two people cheating. I think it's the
fact and maybe I'm wrong because I just made this
up in my head. I think it's the fact that
she's hr for a company that she he's a CEO,
and people are like, and that's corporate America.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Yeah, no, no, no, that's.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
Exactly what it is in a Cold Play concert, hug.
And I think that is what for some people is
really triggering. And you can use the word like it
just like it's it's more than just like your potentially
having an affair. Yeah, I do feel I have to say, though,
I did see a picture of the lady and she
(24:25):
has young kids, and.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
I felt just the woman in the head of ahs
and it just made me she's married too.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
I don't know that the whole story.
Speaker 4 (24:33):
She is married too.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
Oh, they're both married.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
They're both married, and she has kids that are like young,
and it just made me like just the whole, like
public scrutiny of it is intense. But I think that CEO,
CEO and HR part of it.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Is I'm a part of the story.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Yeah, it was making it stick.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
Yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
And I wouldn't be me if I didn't bring up
this part, which is like, and I think it's kind
of fascinating. It's like, listen, people cheat, right, Like this
is not this is this is completely not a new thing.
And sometimes we're willing to just be like, yeah, oh
they cheated and it was no big deal. But I
(25:13):
think that's what I'm trying to say, is like this,
for some reason is just like people really really really
and I'm not without I know this, maybe this is provocative.
I'm not without empathy. I mean, I agree it's audacious.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
The two things can be true. It's audacious and it's hurtful.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
And you and I both said being cheated on is
the worst I think personally, like triggering part, although this
didn't trigger me, is how public. I think that's what
it is if you, if you weren't just feeling your
own personal pain, like someone just cheated on me, Like
my personal pain of being cheated on was small, and
(25:49):
my own personal pain, and I was the only one
that was, you know, living with it, and if it
was with the whole world, I think it would just
be so horrible. But that's where I say, on the
other side of the coin, I have this empathy for
the people who did it too, because I'm like, ugh,
your audacity and you're this, this terrible thing that you've
(26:11):
done is now going to hurt so many people that
you love, and there's no doubt, there's no way that
you're escaping that you're going to have to live.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
So publicly with the fact that you made.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
This terrible choice and now in perpetuity you will have
been the Coldplay cheaters.
Speaker 4 (26:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Yeah, that's terrible. Like everyone loses.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
I know, I know, I know, there's there's no nobody's
winning in that situation. I think that I think when
something's up for public consumption like that, people are one
hundred percent projecting, right, because I'm like the audacity.
Speaker 4 (26:48):
If anybody everyone, you know, it's like you.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
Can't help but do that, and then you're so frustrating,
you're so angry, and I honestly I hope for everyone
involved it probably does go away and it doesn't have
lights and it will right, like it's a news cycle.
I think that people were just so shocked at shocked
at like, well, I shocked at the way they got
(27:10):
caught to be honest.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Yeah, well it does seem like a complete one in
a million. I also think I'm gonna throw in there.
I think people are I see on on on all
the socials. I think people are also very taken aback
by their interest in it. I am I'm I'm taken
aback by why I care. I'm taken aback why I've
asked one more follow up question.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
I think it's because of the CEO HR thing I do.
I think if they were just like in the here's
the thing that I said to somebody, I said, you know,
what is the truth. And I don't know why I
care about this part because it's like a mood point.
But like if they had honestly just like waved at
the camera, I'm not a ducked I don't even think
it would have gotten any traction.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
But they full on.
Speaker 3 (27:49):
The guy hit the floor, he almost knocked himself out.
Speaker 4 (27:53):
It was so obvious in two.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Seconds that they were yes. And then Chris Martin's I mean, well,
but that's what set it all up.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
Right, he's like either a camera shy or something like that.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Oh I'm having an affair. Yeah, what kind of psychic
powers did he have? Oh? I agree with you though.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
If they just carried on like every other kiss cam
and like whatever, I think that for sure, no doubt,
no way, no how someone was going to see them
and be like was that so and so that I
saw on the And I mean.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Listen, they were caught. They were caught, no matter how.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
Yes, but if you just done like a wave, if
you just don't a wave, you could have played it
off like sorry, we were just like kind of dancing clothes,
and I'm sorry about that.
Speaker 4 (28:34):
The fact that you literally what.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Do you think you would have done?
Speaker 4 (28:38):
The wife?
Speaker 3 (28:38):
Or if I'd been in that situation? No, Like I
mean in I'm met cold, it's not my thing. But
like me and you were having an affair and where
your arms wrapped.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Around me, I had my arms wrapped around you.
Speaker 3 (28:51):
I don't think I would have thought to wave with you.
I think I would have hit the floor.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
No, you would have been turning.
Speaker 4 (28:58):
Oh I would have been the one. Why am I turning?
Speaker 3 (29:00):
I would have hit the floor. No, I think we
both would have hit the floor. You just not have
seen us anymore.
Speaker 4 (29:06):
We are disappearing.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
See, this is why people are talking about it.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
It's it just doesn't stop.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
It doesn't well, this is why we can't have an
affair together, just because we will.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
Get caught by the way.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
I'm just gonna say, I know we're on the topic
of triggers, but I just affairs sound terrible.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
That I can't the worst.
Speaker 4 (29:28):
Why would you spose to keep that up?
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Also, I can't, like I'm not a good liar, Like
I can't even do a surprise like the guilt I
would feel over anything, like I'm buy not a birthday gift.
And I tell him as I'm walking through the door
what it is. I cannot keep anything seeker.
Speaker 4 (29:46):
I'm like, this is a shoe, do you know what
I mean?
Speaker 2 (29:49):
He's like, just one, just one, I got your shoe.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
Talk about compartmentalizing, YEA, how you can come home and
like be with your family and know that you're doing that.
Speaker 4 (29:57):
I just don't. I don't understand it.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
But you know what, you just just going back to
what we said before.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
You never know what people are coming from or going to,
and it definitely, as I understand it.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
It takes two to tango, and you.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Know there's always more than you know and think. So
I am I do have to say not to gloss
over it. I wish everyone in the scenario. I hope
that the news cycle stops, and I wish them grace
and healing.
Speaker 4 (30:27):
Yeah, it's got to be just horrible.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
The duck and roll.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
I think that was what gave people permission to laugh
at it. It was the duck and roll. The duck
and roll was funny. It was never not gone.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
A casual wave. They would have moved on.
Speaker 4 (30:41):
The duck and roll was terrible.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
There's the duck and roll, the army crawl out and
like it was just not that we're giving tips to now.
Speaker 4 (30:50):
I feel like we're like giving you, like this is
how you do it better.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
Next time you're cheating on the kiss, gam don need
to gull what it is with the tips.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
Don't do it.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
We got okay, then we're ending there, We're ending there,
we're ending there.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
Oh my god. All right, well let's call it your
first let's call it the end of the episode.
Call It What It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camil Luddington,
an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Well Hello, Hello, Hello.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Hello, call It crew, and welcome to another episode of
Call It What It Is?
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Oh Hello, and thank goodness for these for these episodes,
because it means I get to see you, because you know,
we don't face him all the time.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Usually we just call each other. So you called me
earlier today and.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
It made me laugh because most people would like wait
for someone to say hello before they started talking.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
We don't.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
You know. What's so funny is we often don't even
say goodbye.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Yeah, I agree, Yeah, no, we don't usually say goodbye
either hellos and goodbyes.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
It's like, okay, someone's walking in and as the phone
goes down.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Yeah, that's exactly right, that's exactly right.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Hey, so what are we talking about today?
Speaker 3 (00:58):
We're talking about triggers. Are triggers your triggers? Not avoiding them,
loving them, even engaging with them.
Speaker 4 (01:08):
Or avoiding them?
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Yes, because people have different adaptations or coping mechanisms for
their triggers.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
I think we start by just saying the definition of
the trigger, because I earlier today was like this, is
my trigger, and this is my trigger, and this is
my trigger. And then I read the definition, I'm like,
those are not triggers.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Those are just things.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Are really fucking errorg amy.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
You are not alone. You are not alone.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
And actually, part of the reason I felt that this
was a good thing to talk about is.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
I think it's no one's fault.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
I just think there's a lot of people walking around
the world saying that, you know, there are triggers when
it's just something annoying. Yeah, that's just that's that's let's
give let's give a trigger. It's fair day in court,
and let's get something annoying. It's fair day in court.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Perfect.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Okay, So definition of.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
A trigger anything person, plays thinger, situation causing intense emotional distress,
bringing up past trauma, or a challenging experience.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Trigger is kind of deep.
Speaker 4 (02:14):
It is really deep.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
I have some like really deep triggers that I'm gonna
be so honest. It's it's it's the morning for me
and I just don't feel like being on the floor talking.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Should we shelve this topic? Do we need to turn it?
Speaker 4 (02:33):
No, it's something to shell. It is certain triggers.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
I don't need like I would be having an emergency
therapy sort of situation after the podcast.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Then I have a feeling that in the in your
trigger uh dealing with style, you might be Oh, I
guess that's the question in what's your style for dealing
with a trigger? Are you a little bit like team
avoid or you team.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Like I'm feeling a trigger, I'm diving in.
Speaker 4 (03:00):
Oh, there's no dive in.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
You're in a Okay, great, No, I dive out. I
definitely dive out.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
I will tell you. I will tell you.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
When I've dived in. Okay.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
My very first boyfriend, who I've talked about on the show,
I'm still friends with him. He was like my high
school sweetheart. We did this stupid thing of like pick
making our song a song that gets played everywhere. So
our song was don't Stop Believing by Journey. There is
no bar that you walk into or just like anywhere
(03:34):
where you're not going to hear that song. Like I
think if you were in a ca if you guys are,
if anybody listening right now is in a couple situation,
you're like, what is our song gonna be? Please pick
something that you're not gonna hear regularly. So if it
goes downhill, you're only maybe hearing it like once or twice.
After the breakup, I heard that song everywhere I went,
(03:57):
and it literally I did dive in. I was like
an emotional hot mess. And I was like, no, you don't.
Speaker 4 (04:02):
Stop believing, but he's stop believing.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
And then I was like, that was a dive in,
that was a trigger dive in and it did absolutely
and cause me intense emotional distress.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, what about you? I feel like
most of my triggers are childhood triggers.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
You a team avoid team dive in.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
I would love to say I'm a team dive in,
but no, I think I've gotten better at diving in.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
I've gotten I've gotten better at trying to.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
Do the hard better, you know, like not like getting
what do we always say, like.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
You get better at.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Doing the hard like you you know that it's something
that doesn't come natural to you. Also, I'm not like
I'm not ready. I don't I wasn't wired to, right,
I'm not like I'd.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Rather figure it out.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
And I think maybe that's a connection that would be
a natural one for someone who's like team dive in,
because I think when you dive in.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
You gotta be ready to get a little, a little dirty.
You gotta tussle.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Yeah, you gotta be ready to rumble on some level, right,
Like you gotta go at it. And I think that
a lot of my adaptations and the way that I
cope is uh is is like a little bit finding nemo,
like just keep swimming, just keep swimming.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
Yeah, yeah, I think that's a lot of people though.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
I think a lot of us are avoids because like,
also I'm a little bit who has the time to
dive in, Like if I dive in, I need to
pick up my kids drown in thirty minutes, do you
know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Like I can't.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
There's not a I don't want to. I don't want
to deal with that, which is not good. I don't
think it's necessarily good to not just sometimes sit with it.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
And how many times have you been have you have
you like pushed something aside because you didn't have time
to fight, but you but really a fight was necessary,
like you needed to you needed to get that done.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
No, I've I've talked about this in therapy because I
am an expert and compartmentalizing.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Yeah, I thought that was a positive thing.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Is that not? Apparently not really.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
I literally said it like two weeks ago, like it
was a really great thing to do.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
Yeah, yeah, so did I.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
I was like boasting about it in therapy, and she
was like, wait.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Hold on, but seriously, you're not allowed to like have
your feeling and just go like I see you.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
I'm just gonna put you over here for a second.
Speaker 4 (06:47):
Yes, but the problem with me, like I'll tell you.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
One of the things that like I was dealing with
in therapy that I did a good job of doing
that with it was grief over my mom.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
I had like boxed that up.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
I had like taped it, put it on a shelf
and it was dusty, and I was like, that's I
love that over there, Like you needed to open that up,
like boring to do that, and she basically the box
never goes away, right, So it's it's sitting there and
it's and at some point you're gonna listen. Having children
(07:23):
actually ended up being a trigger for grief for my mom.
That's a deep one, right. So the box just like
sprung open and bust the seams and then I was
like no, no, no, we're gonna tape you back up,
and that's when she was like, no, you can't do
that anymore.
Speaker 4 (07:40):
And then you did have to die.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
And then I have I've done a deep dive in
with like grief, and it's been hard, and I had
I had a lot of conversation. I know this is
a little bit off the subject of a trigger, but
I had a lot of conversations about like why why
should I lean into something or face something that's so
difficult and upsetting. And I realized that it really you
(08:01):
get a release from it, but I really did not.
You do, but it's you're wading through the water, you know,
like and I didn't want to get in the I
didn't want to get in the ocean. I was like, no, no,
thank you, I'm dry on the sand.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
And also that when you face it, which I guess
would be something you could have a chance out if
you were team dive in, you kind of prove to
yourself that it's possible. Because I think I'm I'm imagining this,
I'm making this up. I'm thinking that I avoid it
because I actually, on some level think I can't handle it.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Like if I actually dove in, I die.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Yes, I've said these kinds of things in therapy before,
by the way, like I've convinced myself that I actually
might expire if I were to meet this challenge or
this emotional distress or the thing that triggered that memory
of that thing, Like I would just die. I know,
is not a rational thought, like I'm not my heart's
(09:02):
not going to stop beating, I'm not going to start
inhaling and exhaling, but the emotional.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Pain of it might just take me down.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
I think that's so real. I think that's something that
so many people listening will relate to because that's the
way you described is exactly how I felt. I felt
like I'm just gonna drown. Yeah, what's the fucking point
in getting in the ocean? Like I'm not going to
do it?
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Because I think that's the other thing that's it's talked about,
but maybe not in this way, is that in order
to stay engaged with something, you have to be hopeful
that it will get better. But when you feel hopeless,
or when you've told yourself the story that if I
dive in, I'll die, yeah, you're pretty hopeless, and you're
not You're not in that lack of in the vacuum
(09:50):
without hope, you you don't see a path forward, So
it's interesting. Okay, So, uh, do you have times where
you will find yourself overreacting to something that someone said
or did and then you actually realized later that it
actually had nothing to do with them, but it was
about something that that was that person, place, thing or
(10:11):
situation that recalls this like intense emotional distress.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
Yeah, I think it probably happens all the time.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Dayly. Is there something that, like for you can think
of right now.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Because you're too many examples you like before, what happened
this morning? Oh, I think I find it, So tell
me if this happens.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
To you anyone.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
I find when I'm trying to do it all, which
of course we all know, is like there's no virtue
in it.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
That's just so ridiculous. You can't do it all. But
when you're when I'm on the hamster wheel, like when
I'm just like.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Going going, going, going, going, and I'm trying to look
at my phone, stay ahead of emails, all the things
that are coming up to me for family stuff, work stuff, whatever.
Most of it's like you're just like lobbying these tennis balls, right,
like they pass.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
One to you and you pass it back, and you've
got to just exchange of information.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
But every once in a while, they'll be an email
or something that'll come in that will actually be emotional
someone or a text, right, like someone's upset about something
or disappointed about something, and I won't be able to
deal with in that moment. And I have found myself
a couple of times being super short with the kids. Yeah,
like trying to live my own life, Like trying to
(11:30):
live my life while also tending to these ideas or
questions or demands that I think that I have on
my time that comes through my phone. I have found
myself being really upset about something I learn or or
under it or not understanding how to answer it or whatever.
And then instead of being like, hey, kids, I need
(11:52):
to take it twenty second time out and respond to
this in the way that I want to respond to this,
I will not respond to that. And the next thing
that someone does, where you know, something spills or someone
does something naughty or whatever, I'm.
Speaker 5 (12:06):
Like, rah, yeah, like what just happened, Like I just
spilled the yogurt or whatever, and it's such an oversized
reaction and I.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Will find myself checking myself and being like whoa, Like.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
I was not that mad at what you did. I
was hearing this like leftover.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
You know, this this trigger of you know, I don't
whatever right like I mean I can. I can pull
out my dirty laundry right like abandonment or whatever and
be like Okay, now that's been brought up and I'm
gonna then just like sprinkle it all over you all.
Speaker 4 (12:44):
So I'm not fair.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
This is actually like making me think about me. I
used to have to wait tables on Mother's Day. And
if I waited on your table Mother's Day, I just
know that I really hated you because, like you I
that whole day was of course a trigger and I
was waiting on like you know, moms getting gifts from
(13:07):
their daughters and and uh, I was just angry the
whole day. Don't hold anything could trigger me that day,
like oh you want an extra water?
Speaker 4 (13:17):
Oh you do?
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Do you think it'd be helpful if we maybe.
Speaker 4 (13:20):
Went to therapy more?
Speaker 1 (13:22):
You know?
Speaker 2 (13:22):
I mean it seems.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Silly to like, you know, where a badge that says
like you know, I have intense mother trauma on Mother's
Day when you're waiting.
Speaker 4 (13:32):
At tables, but like, I wish there was some way.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
We could let others know where we're coming from on
a yes, on some level, like your kids and be
like I just got a very disturbing email. I just
you know whatever, you know, because it's really not fair.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
But that's why we say, like, you know, that's why
people say, like walking around in the world, like you
don't know what kind of day people are having, you
know what. Actually this was a trigger for me recently.
And this is again mom, I'm sorry everyone listening, Like listen,
your mom passing is like pretty traumatic. Okay, you guys,
So it's I'm going to talk about this. I don't
have any pictures of my mom up anywhere. I don't
(14:15):
have a single picture of her up in the house.
And I found a photo of her and then Matt
took it and he hung it on our pin board
and I walked by it and I was like, and
I did not want it on there, and he said, oh,
I'm so sorry, Like should I take it off?
Speaker 4 (14:35):
And I just stood and I was like, I definitely
wanted to.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
Rip it off the board and like put it back
in a box, but I was like, no, it's going
to stay there, and it's been a week now and
it's on my board, and I don't know how I
feel about it, and there.
Speaker 4 (14:50):
Is I am triggered by it.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
But I think that maybe in this moment, I'm taking
it as a sign that there's a reason for it
to be up right now.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
There's so much about that, and I mean, I really
so deeply believe in signs.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
I have a question for you.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
It's a little personal. Sometimes when you leave a job,
it's painful, right Like, It's like you have a lot
of feelings about it. And for you, you're in this
really strange situation where you left Gray's Anatomy and then
you have one hundred people every day talking about this
character that you loved in approaching you. Was there a
(15:41):
period of time when fans approaching you all the time
about the show or Arizona like brought up feelings of
like sadness hm or were you able to compartmentalize.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Well, I am good at that.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
No.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
I was always very yes. Number one, of course you
have all the sad feelings.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Oh my god, I'm so and I will get I
get so taken over by the nostalgia and the sad
and the I strongly dislike goodbyes. I'm like that see
you later, queen. I'm like, well, I'm not saying goodbye
or just see you later. And that's the little girl
part of me, right. I think that when you are
a child of divorce and you go back and forth,
(16:25):
you have these transitions that are like many goodbyes and
yeah and you and you switch into a different mode,
and so goodbyes are hard and you're sort of told
by the world, you know, don't, don't, don't make them goodbyes,
like it's gonna be okay, and the universe is conspiring
to make it okay for you. So you're like, it's
(16:46):
see you later and see you later, and that makes
sense and that is that's right. But the ends of
things can be so sad for me. And uh no,
I was never sad about people coming up to me
about Arizona because I just I just loved her so much.
The only time that I would ever have anything that
felt remotely negative adjacement is I will I get a little.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
I get defensive of her, like if people, oh not often,
but if people.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
You know that are kind of flippant or like say
like you know or they or like make fun of
her or say something. I don't even make fun of her,
but just like something. I'm like, okay, yeah, that did
me not talking anymore like that's my friend, Yes, my friend.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
You don't talk about her like that.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
You don't talk about her like that.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Yeah. Yeah, she was doing her best.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
She had a rough Season nine.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
Watched the episode.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
One of the things we have here is what's the
difference between a pet peeve and a trigger one's annoying
and one's sense.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Yeah, I think what we're talking.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
I mean, I do think at the end of this
is basically is perhaps saying to ourselves but also the world.
This world is maybe also, don't confuse annoyances with triggers.
Speaker 4 (18:13):
Yes, because here's here.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
I was, Okay, so I was dropping one of my
kids at camp this morning, and I knew we're going
to do this episode, and so before I'd read the
official definition, I was like, oh, I got some triggers.
And I came home and I told that, and I
was like, you know what I'm going to talk about today,
which has not happened, because clearly it's a deeper thing.
I was like, when we go to a restaurant, you
(18:38):
will pull in and you will pass like fifteen parking spots,
and every single time you pass a spot, I get
closer and closer to absolutely exploding in the car. And
the only reason I'm not is because there are kids
in the vacuum and I don't under and it drives me.
Speaker 4 (19:01):
And then he was like, oh, you know why I
do it?
Speaker 3 (19:03):
You know why because I like a spot that's away
from other people, and I don't need the answer.
Speaker 4 (19:08):
I'm just gonna tell you.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
And the other thing that I cannot stand that he
does is he backs into a spot Jessica Capshaw when
he starts what I know is a reversal move.
Speaker 4 (19:20):
Oh my god, I like, I.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
Literally can't even watch, Like I have to just like
start looking at my phone because.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
I do you start like harrumphing, Do you look at
your phone? Do you say anything?
Speaker 4 (19:31):
You know when people are like, take a deep breath.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
And then I like that.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Honestly, I compartmentalize. My body knows it's being reversed because
it's not in the car, but my mind is trying
to deny.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
I imagine you sitting like a yogi with your your
legs crossed and your hands to your side and you're
like in a lotus, but.
Speaker 4 (19:51):
I'm just forced to move backwards in a reverse.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
By the way, I completely identify with this. This happens
in my own life as well sometimes. And what's really
confusing to me, as someone who's with me quite a lot,
is I couldn't like to walk more.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
I love walking.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
I walk.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
I'm happy to walk.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Like when people are and when I'm you know, going anywhere,
people are like, do you want to take a car?
Speaker 2 (20:15):
You want to walk?
Speaker 1 (20:16):
I'm like, oh, walk, walk, But when I'm in my
car going somewhere, I want the spot that is the number.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
One pole position spot in a parking lot.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
I call that princess parking. You want the princess parking spot.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
That's what I want. But it's not about walking. So
what's it about?
Speaker 4 (20:35):
Okay, So let me ask you a question.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
How do you feel when there's one person in front
of you can't tell whether they're leaving or parking, and
the princess spot is open, and then they pull in
and you just know, if you've just been like thirty
seconds sooner, that would real disappointing. That is disappointing.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Yeah. No, And you know what, when I was younger.
I dealt with that less well.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
I have said before and I will say again that
self talk is role is.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
I do a lot, and I will truly say to myself, like,
it's okay over the spot, Jessica Capshaw, It's okay, it's okay.
You weren't here. You were here.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
But that's honestly, that's what I'm doing. I'm Matt Reversus
and I'm like, it's okay, you'll be fine.
Speaker 4 (21:21):
Okay, he's almost done.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
By the time you get out of the car.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
You're mad at him, for sure. I mean, I think
I do think the word gets thrown around too much.
We've sort of like it's an encompass.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
Way way more than it really should.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Okay, I have a question.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
I mean, this is like I want to say, it's
old news, but honestly, it's the kind of news that
keeps on giving. I don't know that it's going to
be over. I think we get I think it's still
got left.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
I think it's gonna be on.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Well, both you and I have said that we have
been cheated on in our lives, and this uh Coldplay.
Speaker 4 (22:09):
Concert, Jessica, that that is not going away.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
That has legs because more information keeps coming out, and
then like statements are getting released, and like why why
are we so obsessed because of the audacity?
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Uh huh?
Speaker 3 (22:29):
Like you really think, like if you're gonna cheat on me,
be in like the corner of like a shady bar,
and like be trying to hide it if you're in
I don't know, clearly a good section of the Cold
Play concert, right, Like, first off, I'm pissed off because
you have good seats right right, and you're like like that,
(22:51):
oh huggy, huggy and smiling and listening to no not
on my watch, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
And I also think in the world climate of misbehavior,
you know, there's so many people who seem to be
getting away with stuff. Yeah right, Like there's just so
many things and so many different areas of life where
it's like people.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
Do things in like okay, like they just get away
with it.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Or like the public court of public opinion doesn't even
like up they're not even upset, or they move on
or whatever, and everyone comes up with their ideas or
reasons why that is.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
But you know, who knows.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
But for some reason, this couple seems to have gotten
a vast majority or at least the very vocal majority
to be.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Like, no, you don't get away with this.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
You are going to be held accountable and you did
this and this is not okay, and they're just.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Rolling with it.
Speaker 4 (23:46):
Do you know what.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
I have a theory on it, though, because I don't
think it's just two people cheating. I think it's the
fact and maybe I'm wrong because I just made this
up in my head. I think it's the fact that
she's hr for a company that she he's a CEO,
and people are like, and that's corporate America.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Yeah, no, no, no, that's.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
Exactly what it is in a Cold Play concert, hug.
And I think that is what for some people is
really triggering. And you can use the word like it
just like it's it's more than just like your potentially
having an affair. Yeah, I do feel I have to say, though,
I did see a picture of the lady and she
(24:25):
has young kids, and.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
I felt just the woman in the head of ahs
and it just made me she's married too.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
I don't know that the whole story.
Speaker 4 (24:33):
She is married too.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
Oh, they're both married.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
They're both married, and she has kids that are like young,
and it just made me like just the whole, like
public scrutiny of it is intense. But I think that CEO,
CEO and HR part of it.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Is I'm a part of the story.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Yeah, it was making it stick.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
Yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
And I wouldn't be me if I didn't bring up
this part, which is like, and I think it's kind
of fascinating. It's like, listen, people cheat, right, Like this
is not this is this is completely not a new thing.
And sometimes we're willing to just be like, yeah, oh
they cheated and it was no big deal. But I
(25:13):
think that's what I'm trying to say, is like this,
for some reason is just like people really really really
and I'm not without I know this, maybe this is provocative.
I'm not without empathy. I mean, I agree it's audacious.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
The two things can be true. It's audacious and it's hurtful.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
And you and I both said being cheated on is
the worst I think personally, like triggering part, although this
didn't trigger me, is how public. I think that's what
it is if you, if you weren't just feeling your
own personal pain, like someone just cheated on me, Like
my personal pain of being cheated on was small, and
(25:49):
my own personal pain, and I was the only one
that was, you know, living with it, and if it
was with the whole world, I think it would just
be so horrible. But that's where I say, on the
other side of the coin, I have this empathy for
the people who did it too, because I'm like, ugh,
your audacity and you're this, this terrible thing that you've
(26:11):
done is now going to hurt so many people that
you love, and there's no doubt, there's no way that
you're escaping that you're going to have to live.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
So publicly with the fact that you made.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
This terrible choice and now in perpetuity you will have
been the Coldplay cheaters.
Speaker 4 (26:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Yeah, that's terrible. Like everyone loses.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
I know, I know, I know, there's there's no nobody's
winning in that situation. I think that I think when
something's up for public consumption like that, people are one
hundred percent projecting, right, because I'm like the audacity.
Speaker 4 (26:48):
If anybody everyone, you know, it's like you.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
Can't help but do that, and then you're so frustrating,
you're so angry, and I honestly I hope for everyone
involved it probably does go away and it doesn't have
lights and it will right, like it's a news cycle.
I think that people were just so shocked at shocked
at like, well, I shocked at the way they got
(27:10):
caught to be honest.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Yeah, well it does seem like a complete one in
a million. I also think I'm gonna throw in there.
I think people are I see on on on all
the socials. I think people are also very taken aback
by their interest in it. I am I'm I'm taken
aback by why I care. I'm taken aback why I've
asked one more follow up question.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
I think it's because of the CEO HR thing I do.
I think if they were just like in the here's
the thing that I said to somebody, I said, you know,
what is the truth. And I don't know why I
care about this part because it's like a mood point.
But like if they had honestly just like waved at
the camera, I'm not a ducked I don't even think
it would have gotten any traction.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
But they full on.
Speaker 3 (27:49):
The guy hit the floor, he almost knocked himself out.
Speaker 4 (27:53):
It was so obvious in two.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Seconds that they were yes. And then Chris Martin's I mean, well,
but that's what set it all up.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
Right, he's like either a camera shy or something like that.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Oh I'm having an affair. Yeah, what kind of psychic
powers did he have? Oh? I agree with you though.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
If they just carried on like every other kiss cam
and like whatever, I think that for sure, no doubt,
no way, no how someone was going to see them
and be like was that so and so that I
saw on the And I mean.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Listen, they were caught. They were caught, no matter how.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
Yes, but if you just done like a wave, if
you just don't a wave, you could have played it
off like sorry, we were just like kind of dancing clothes,
and I'm sorry about that.
Speaker 4 (28:34):
The fact that you literally what.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Do you think you would have done?
Speaker 4 (28:38):
The wife?
Speaker 3 (28:38):
Or if I'd been in that situation? No, Like I
mean in I'm met cold, it's not my thing. But
like me and you were having an affair and where
your arms wrapped.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Around me, I had my arms wrapped around you.
Speaker 3 (28:51):
I don't think I would have thought to wave with you.
I think I would have hit the floor.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
No, you would have been turning.
Speaker 4 (28:58):
Oh I would have been the one. Why am I turning?
Speaker 3 (29:00):
I would have hit the floor. No, I think we
both would have hit the floor. You just not have
seen us anymore.
Speaker 4 (29:06):
We are disappearing.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
See, this is why people are talking about it.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
It's it just doesn't stop.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
It doesn't well, this is why we can't have an
affair together, just because we will.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
Get caught by the way.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
I'm just gonna say, I know we're on the topic
of triggers, but I just affairs sound terrible.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
That I can't the worst.
Speaker 4 (29:28):
Why would you spose to keep that up?
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Also, I can't, like I'm not a good liar, Like
I can't even do a surprise like the guilt I
would feel over anything, like I'm buy not a birthday gift.
And I tell him as I'm walking through the door
what it is. I cannot keep anything seeker.
Speaker 4 (29:46):
I'm like, this is a shoe, do you know what
I mean?
Speaker 2 (29:49):
He's like, just one, just one, I got your shoe.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
Talk about compartmentalizing, YEA, how you can come home and
like be with your family and know that you're doing that.
Speaker 4 (29:57):
I just don't. I don't understand it.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
But you know what, you just just going back to
what we said before.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
You never know what people are coming from or going to,
and it definitely, as I understand it.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
It takes two to tango, and you.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Know there's always more than you know and think. So
I am I do have to say not to gloss
over it. I wish everyone in the scenario. I hope
that the news cycle stops, and I wish them grace
and healing.
Speaker 4 (30:27):
Yeah, it's got to be just horrible.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
The duck and roll.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
I think that was what gave people permission to laugh
at it. It was the duck and roll. The duck
and roll was funny. It was never not gone.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
A casual wave. They would have moved on.
Speaker 4 (30:41):
The duck and roll was terrible.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
There's the duck and roll, the army crawl out and
like it was just not that we're giving tips to now.
Speaker 4 (30:50):
I feel like we're like giving you, like this is
how you do it better.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
Next time you're cheating on the kiss, gam don need
to gull what it is with the tips.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
Don't do it.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
We got okay, then we're ending there, We're ending there,
we're ending there.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
Oh my god. All right, well let's call it your
first let's call it the end of the episode.
Hosts And Creators
Jessica Capshaw
Camilla Luddington
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