May 17, 2023 • 22 mins
Wussup y'all! Sometimes we don't know if we're the problem in the relationship, or the person we're dating. Tap in to this episode to see if you can relate to this listener's situation.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
and the Black Effect, And just like that, we're back
on the air. Welcome back to you got another carefully
reckless episode with your girl, just hilarious.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
I'm gonna be jumping in.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Just fixing the mess. We got a voice note. Y'all
know how I feel about voice notes, y'all.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
I love a voice memo.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
One time voice notes went against me though, when I
was talking about April Yard.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Remember that shit.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
I was talking about April the Moni's and then she
played that shit back when I was sitting in April
Kitchen on Live that day. Oh my god, I can
definitely laugh now, but that shit was so fucking intense
and embarrassing.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
I was sweating on the inside. I hate that.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
So y'all stop sending voice notes unless you're sending them
to me to fix your mess.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
All right, So here we go. We about to jump
straight in.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Hey, Jess, I've recorded a million voice deleted all of them.
I just want to try to keep this shorten speek.
First of all, I love you, so here it is.
I've been dating this guy for nine months. A little
bit into our relationship, he told me that this girl
that he had one night standing with before getting with
me was pregnant. Then she went back to the island
(01:16):
that she was from, and she was like, I think
he said, like six months pregnant already, and that she
had just called him and told him that he didn't
want to lose me and stuff, but he wanted to
tell me because he wanted to be honest.
Speaker 4 (01:27):
Like and I appreciate dnasty.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
I am emotional, So I did cry about it, but
eventually I did get over it. Keep in mind, this
man has four kids by four different women. This is
all well, she's the fourth one now, but when I
had first met him, it was just three kids by
three different women that I already know people could see
as a red flag. I personally just just like, you
know what, I don't want to judge somebody off their past.
(01:52):
Like and we're Hispanic, and we're like two different kinds
of Hispanics, so and in his but I was raised
here and he was raised and his island and over
there everything is different. So I could see how with
no guidance and stuff like that, like with the way
they raised their kids over there, how he got into
this mess where three kids by three different women.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
He has told me like he loves his kids. You know,
he's a great father.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
He obviously lives here and his kids live in the
island still with their mom, the three of them, but
he always sends for what they need and stuff like that,
not to them daily, stuff like that.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
You know, he does what he can.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
It is a poor island, so he kind of doesn't
want to go back, but he is working on getting
visas for them to come visit and stuff like that,
and even want.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
To live with him.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
So fast forward to this new kid he has. She did,
like like I said, she was in her island. She
came back from her island like two weeks ago. He's
seen the baby once and I was just with him
and he said that the baby is coming tomorrow to
his apartment and both his sons. He has one son
(02:58):
that lives here. I'm sorry for clarification because I didn't realize.
I just messed it up. He has two kids that
live on the island. One that lives here was his
mother and then the new baby.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
I don't know what to go, just let's call on
the baby.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
This new baby, baby damn name.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
So he told me that tomorrow morning because I was
going to sleep over his place, but my sister wanted
me to take her somewhere, so I was like, I'm
gonna leave, and he was like, that's fine because his
kids are coming in the morning anyway, and I was like, kids,
so they're both coming and he's like, yeah, he wants
them to meet. I don't know why that made me
feel a certain way. I feel like, so it's not
about the kids, honestly. The kids are brothers.
Speaker 4 (03:35):
They're gonna know to meet. But it just thinks me
a little bit.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
Honestly, every time he mentions like, I think the problem
is is because I haven't met the kids. It doesn't
always feel real that this man has kids, you know,
And one of my problems like I haven't met the kids.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
I understand that two.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Of them are in on their island, so obviously I
can't meet them right now.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
It is here, I feel like I should be to meet.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
So the one that lives here, you feel like you
should be able to meet that when I understand we've.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Been together for nine months and I don't know how
people feel, but I feel like that's enough time for
me personally to meet someone's child, especially if you're trying.
Speaker 4 (04:13):
If you're taking me serious, you're.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Talking about we're in love, like we're gonna get married
one day, like stuff like that. I feel like, okay,
so let me meet your child. This is a part
of you, This is a part of your blood.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
This is someone who has a piece, a huge piece
of your heart.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
I can tell by the way he talks about him,
So I should be able to meet him.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Is she our way to class?
Speaker 2 (04:35):
She's zipping up book bags and shit.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Anyways, back to my current mess that I want advice on.
The kids are going to meet each other tomorrow. It's
not about that, it's about the baby. Mom's like, he
just got a new apartment. We didn't move in together.
We were going to, but we were like, you know what,
it's way too soon. I have a crazy home situation.
So that's the reason we were going to. But we're like,
(04:57):
it's too soon. We need still getting to know each other.
We love each other, but you know, we're still getting
to know each other and we need time to miss
each other.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
You know. You know stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Yeah, for sure, especially after only nine months of dating.
Speaker 4 (05:12):
Don't do that. I'm completely fine with that.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Also, he wanted me to he said, like he wanted
me to get to know his kid beforehand, like so
that his kid doesn't come to sleep over his place
and just see.
Speaker 4 (05:22):
Like this random woman there that he doesn't know.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
He said, he's never introduced another girlfriend besides, like the
kid's actual mother to his child, so it's new to
his kid, you know.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
So he wanted to ease that aunt him slowly, which
I respected and I understood.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
So we don't live together, but we do have occasional sleepovers,
and it just kind of bothers me that these baby
moms are going to his new place, Like.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
I don't know why, Like I don't know why it
bothers me.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
I feel like it's it's something weird, Like I feel
like that's a weird feeling.
Speaker 4 (05:54):
I shouldn't feel like that, Like it's weird to feel
like that, Like these are his baby mothers.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
Obviously they're going to be going and they're gonna need
to know his address, you know, to drop off the.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Kid, I think, and then I'll let you finish and
by the way to supre recording.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
I think you.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
Feel that way because what your relationship lacks.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
But let's see, I don't have.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
A problem with the baby mother.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
From the older kid. It's this new kid.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
I feel like, like me and were even talking about
it that we feel like her plan was that she
wanted to go to her eyeld and keep that pregnancy
a secret until she couldn't get rid of that pregnancy
and hopes that he'll be like, oh yeah, like you're
having my kid, let's try.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
To be again family stuff like that.
Speaker 4 (06:40):
Because she wanted to be more than a friend.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
He told me, like you told me tonight, that she
did go to his other house when he lived with
his mom a few times that she would just pull
up on him and stuff and just like I guess
keep them company when he was redoing the floors and
things like that.
Speaker 4 (06:55):
That was weird to me, And I was like, did
you have sex with her on this bed that we're on?
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Like no, Like she.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
Never went into my room. I don't. I have trust issues,
you know, And that's my biggest problem.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
I feel like I have trauma for my past relationship
and I put it onto this man so much. And
like I said, the way that like a lot of
these freaking I'm just gonna say.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
He used Dominicans. I'm trying to hide the race so bad.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
But have these Dominicans they are cheaters out here, Like
that's what they're known for.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
You half the Dominicans cheaters out here. Every goddamn race
got cheetad Like.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
He's proven to me that he's different. I mean, at
least that's what I get from everything.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Going to Texas and she's doing a lot of shit,
and these.
Speaker 4 (07:40):
Nights the last nine months have been great.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
With us, Like we've obviously had some little arguments and
stuff like that. But I used to get mad at
one point and I was like, yeah, we can break up.
Speaker 4 (07:51):
If you really wanted to. But I stopped doing that
because that sounds like and I don't want to be
talking and I don't want to break up. I like
to communicate and work.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Don't want to bring up every day.
Speaker 4 (08:01):
I'm getting better and better at that.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
I just really feel weird about like his baby mom's
going to his apartment and specifically the new baby mom,
Like I feel like she's gonna be sneaky or try
to get up to something like And I guess for Repo,
all that comes down to is him because she could
try that.
Speaker 4 (08:18):
Stuff, but it's about what he's gonna do.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
So I want to have the trust in him that
he'll respect me, respect our relationship, and even himself enough
to not do anything stupid. He did tell me before, like, oh,
if he stops talking to somebody or like dating somebody,
he doesn't go back to them, Like that's not the
type of person.
Speaker 4 (08:40):
He is, and he doesn't prefer that.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Like if it ended, it ended for a reason, so
there's no reason to double back. So honestly, I keep
dying my head a lot.
Speaker 4 (08:49):
So I'm just like.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
You know, like he won't go back, like to help
myself feel better basically, but I don't know for sure,
Like it's scary to me my trust issues. Even when
he opens his phone, I'm like, dang, like he's probably
texting another bench.
Speaker 4 (09:03):
I don't know why, Like I be feeling like he's
just being sneaky, but.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
Then he always does things or says things, you know,
and I'm just like, he's not even being sneaky.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Like for example, like I could be like, bro, he's.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Literally texting another Brich right now, and I see his
phone and it's just his brother, like I said, like,
or it'll be just a friend and sometimes it will.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
Be a female and he'll see that.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
I feel a certain way because I.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
Like, I wear my emotions on my face, bro, And
he'll tell me like, oh, yeah, this is my friend,
like she lives up here, like we known each other
for this while, Like he'll explain it to me because
he seees that I'm overthinking. I overthink everything. I stress
about everything.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
And I just want to like I feel like I
can trust him, but I want, girl, please fully trust him.
And so my question is really, just do you think
that I'm tripping? Like do you think I'm doing too much?
Speaker 3 (09:53):
Like I don't know how to feel like I feel
like they're the only advice that is to give is
just pray, prayer that he is loyal, like you know,
I pray them.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
He says to me.
Speaker 4 (10:04):
It's true that you.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Know all he wants is me, and like I ain't
laying and you know because it is about prayer, because
you know, a sister praise. I'm a godfearing woman and
I pray every day. But baby, as much as I
love to pray, let me just let you finish, girl.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
But I don't know.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
My only concern is my only problem that I've had
in this relationship is coping with the fact that this
man has kids, like it's not even the fact that
he has kids, it's just the baby moms. Like, I'm
not sad about the kids. Honestly, in my head, I've
always said, like I wanted a big family, but I
didn't want to push out the kids. So that's why
I wasn't too concerned.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
About right, So you got what you want. What's your
problems but not having to have the kids?
Speaker 3 (10:44):
You know, obviously it's step kids, but I feel like
I would make a great mother.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
I would push out like maybe two.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
But I don't want to push out more than two.
But I do want more than two, and I feel
like taking on his kids would make me feel great
and obviously not right now, we're still.
Speaker 4 (11:01):
Dating, we're still.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Getting to know each other every single day, but like
in our future.
Speaker 4 (11:07):
So yeah, do you just in conclusion to end this up?
Speaker 3 (11:11):
Like, do you think that I am taking over this
whole baby mom situation? Do you think that I need
to learn to just release and believe in him or
should I be nervous like you think she's gonna try.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
To be sneaky?
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Hold up, Hold up, I know this shit getting good,
but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
If you love me, you'll listen.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
Also to add, another thing that earns in my soul
like that like gets me overthinking is the fact that
so we work third shift, right, and sometimes We'll get
home at six in the morning and I see a
notification pop up from the new baby mom, and I'm like,
y'all are texting at this time?
Speaker 4 (11:48):
Yeah, yeah, we're talking about the baby or stuff like that,
or she's sending me pictures.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
Or like He'll tell me like we're just talking, because
he always tells me like he makes his baby moms his.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
Friends, like he does a reason to have them.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
As like enemies or anything, right right, rightfully, so you know,
they're just friends and co parents, which is good. So
that's a the other thing that I just be like, Okay,
maybe it's like that, but I don't know. It doesn't
sit right to me, Like why you want to be
buddy buddy with your baby mother, like.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Cause you can.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Why first of all, why is it a stigma put
on the relationships between baby mother and baby father after
the intimacy is gone?
Speaker 4 (12:27):
Why is it? Why?
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Why do I have to beef with my baby father?
Why do I have to beef with my baby mother?
Just so you can feel secure in a relationship. That's
that's a general question. But this is one more that
she one more thinks.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
She had to say. Then I'm gonna get into her mess.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
But he does give me the impression that he doesn't
have no desire to be with them.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
But I don't know if she's a poker face, like
I don't know how to feel.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Okay, So, baby girl, you are everywhere with it. When
I say everywhere, I mean you hear they're up, down, back,
with sideways, all of that.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
You up and down the freeway with this, all right.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
A man does not have to beef with the mothers
of his kids, or the mother of his child or children.
Speaking more so in general and to your situation. Like
I said, I think it's just been a stigma. You know,
I've had a few involvements myself where the guy did
not like how close I was with my son's dad.
(13:24):
Me and my son's dad are not attracted to each other,
not by far, like, in no way, shape or form.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
You know.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
That's why we're able to do business together.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
That's why we're able to talk to each other about
any and everything because there's no more feelings there.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
I love him.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
He loves me, but that's all we do is co parent.
We're more like siblings, if you will. I know that's
weird and that's just inappropriate to say or to take in,
but that's what it is. I'm just trying to describe
how much we don't fuck with each other like that
on that intimate level, you know what I mean. And
that may be the reason why me and my son's dad,
(13:59):
who also had for other children's moms, are the closest
of us, all of them all.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
He's the closest with me.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Now, you said you don't have a problem with the
first baby mom, Okay, and that seems to be because
they probably don't deal with each other at all. But
I don't even think the issue is with him. I
think the issue is with whoever the fuck did a
number on you before you got with this man. Because
the good thing about it is you're aware.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
You know, you know.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
I'm not gonna say you're fucked up, but you are
insecure your last relationship or last relationships, or it could
even be something stemming from your childhood.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Who knows you.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Know yourself better than I do, but I know you
need to know that you are insecure, and you could
be running this man away, You could be pushing this
man away.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Now, this is just one perspective.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
To look at it from all, right, because you said
you insinuate certain things and then you go do your
research and you realize that it's nothing. Has he ever
done anything anything to make you feel like he would
cheat on you with one of that his children's moms,
or or cheat on you with another woman period or
you know, well, I'll just keep it subjected to baby
(15:08):
moms because you never brought up another woman. So my apologies,
this is only about his kids moms. Okay, has he
ever done anything? Have you ever actually caught him doing anything?
Speaker 4 (15:18):
Have you ever?
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Because it honestly just sounds like.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
He gives you his word and you have to take it,
but because you're so fucked up from your last relationship,
you still don't take it.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
You don't trust.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Them, And do you turn around and say you can
trust them, but then say you just want to be
able to trust them fully, You don't need to be
in a relationship. You're not even over what happened to
you in the past, and I saying you're not over
the last man. You're not over what happened to you.
You're not, and you're throwing it off on him. Everything
that you cause. This is called baggage. You're throwing your
baggage onto him. And he already got four kids with
(15:52):
four different baby moms. Two of them live on island,
one of them live in America, of when live in
that target.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Girl, you know, what's a lot going on, all right?
Speaker 1 (16:00):
But you been dating this man for nine months and
you never met his kids.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Now that is a red flag for me.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
If I'm dating you for nine months exclusively, yes, I
expect to have met your children by now.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Even back when I was dating Wayne, we were both
our schedules were busy, but I was gonna meet his kids.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
I was supposed to meet his kids a few.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Times, you know, but our schedules were We both tore
it and everything like that, and we were the own.
Me and Wayne only made it for four months, but
I was gonna meet us kids after the second month,
you know, And whether the mom's liked it or not,
their dad is still their parent and still had half
of say so, and you know, when they are in
his care. So I don't understand why you're not invited
(16:44):
when his kids are there, or why you're not welcome
when the kids are there.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
I don't understand why. Why?
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Now, that's just one perspective, your insecurities, all right, you
tripping and shit? Now we got a commercial and if
you click off this podcast, I swear I'm ana beat
your ass.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Listen now.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Another perspective is he could be dealing with the baby mother,
he could be dealing with the last one. You know,
the baby is fairly new, you know, and regardless of
what a man says, sometimes their actions don't line up
all the time.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Not every man, but a lot of men, not just
men women ever.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
You know, it's just very humanistic to lie or to
tell somebody a lie just to get what you want,
or to keep commotion down, to stay on and even kill.
People lie for different reasons. To me, for a little bit,
it sounded like you wasn't his girlfriend. It don't sound
like you're his girlfriend. All this all my living situation.
We were gonna move together, but we didn't because we
(17:41):
realized that we you know, we only even did still
too early and my situation was bad. But you know,
that's why we didn't move together, because it's too early.
And then I haven't met his kids, and you know,
we don't stay. I don't stay over there all the time,
but we'll have sleepovers. It it sounds like you just
dealing with somebody that you talk to. Sound like it
just sounds like you're involved with someone. You know how
(18:03):
you got, you know, like y'all just talking. You know,
you're one of not many. I wouldn't say one of many,
but it just sounds like you wanted the girls that
he talks to. You know, I'm not sure how to
advise you on whether to stay or not, because it
just doesn't seem like a real relationship, and you even
said it yourself, it doesn't feel real.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
I haven't met the kids. I don't, you know.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
It's just I shouldn't feel these ways that I feel
about the big mom because it's the kids.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
But then it's not the kids, it's the big moms
and it's girl.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
You shouldn't date them because it doesn't sound like you
trust them, and it doesn't sound like you're going to
be trusting them any time soon. If y'all do stay together,
or you know, stay pursuing one another, you got a
lot of work to do to yourself, with yourself you
have to start your healing process. Now you'll never be
fully healed because trauma happens to people every day. Trauma happens,
(18:53):
you know, not every day to one specific person, but
things happen. People grow, people grow out of shit, people
grow into shit, And healing is a lifetime. Healing is
a lifelong process because once you get heal for something else,
something else, you gotta heal something else. You got heal.
If everybody was completely healed, that's a perfect person.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
We don't have those.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
So I think you should start your healing process by
just being this guy's friend datum cool, still have sex
whatever you know, but don't get into a relationship. Don't
call him your boyfriend, don't I think like I said, Yeah,
let that little baby grow up. Let's see how that
play out. The new baby, as you call the baby
the beautiful baby, I'm sure, the new baby.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Let's see how that plays out.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Because you know, you can't control how the woman feels
and what she thinks, and you can't control her getting
over him. But if he says he's over her and
never gave you any inclination of anything else, or you know,
made you insinuate that they were doing things. Then I
think that you just have to take his word, but
you still not satisfy with that. So that's just recipe
(19:57):
for toxicity. You know, you're staying in a relationship ship
knowing that you're the problem. I'm letting you know you're
the problem. But I do love you and I want
you to check back in with me.
Speaker 4 (20:07):
Girl.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
And you took up all the goddamn space for the episode,
But it's all right because I love helping people.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
That's what I do. Also, tune into Breakfast Club, y'all.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
I need for y'all to cast in y'all votes for
justs Hilarious to become the third official co host by
the end of this year. Y'all, I want y'all to
go ahead, spam everybody comings DJ n V, D, jay
n E and Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo
Yo yo, Charlamagne and Godi do that shit.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
That shit every time you do that shit.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
At the top of the Breakfast Club episode, we're also
on b E T. You know what I'm saying, We
a speaking those things into existence as if they were already.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
You know how that go.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
That's what the Good Lord said do. So I'm doing
that and each and every Wednesday. You can catch my
podcast carefully Reckless anywhere you get your podcast, that's our heart, Spotify,
Apple Podcasts anywhere, and in my deepest paying voice, peace,
see next week.
Speaker 5 (21:01):
Taking Class and then.
Speaker 4 (22:05):
Can't.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
Fully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect.
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
and the Black Effect, And just like that, we're back
on the air. Welcome back to you got another carefully
reckless episode with your girl, just hilarious.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
I'm gonna be jumping in.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Just fixing the mess. We got a voice note. Y'all
know how I feel about voice notes, y'all.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
I love a voice memo.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
One time voice notes went against me though, when I
was talking about April Yard.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Remember that shit.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
I was talking about April the Moni's and then she
played that shit back when I was sitting in April
Kitchen on Live that day. Oh my god, I can
definitely laugh now, but that shit was so fucking intense
and embarrassing.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
I was sweating on the inside. I hate that.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
So y'all stop sending voice notes unless you're sending them
to me to fix your mess.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
All right, So here we go. We about to jump
straight in.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Hey, Jess, I've recorded a million voice deleted all of them.
I just want to try to keep this shorten speek.
First of all, I love you, so here it is.
I've been dating this guy for nine months. A little
bit into our relationship, he told me that this girl
that he had one night standing with before getting with
me was pregnant. Then she went back to the island
(01:16):
that she was from, and she was like, I think
he said, like six months pregnant already, and that she
had just called him and told him that he didn't
want to lose me and stuff, but he wanted to
tell me because he wanted to be honest.
Speaker 4 (01:27):
Like and I appreciate dnasty.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
I am emotional, So I did cry about it, but
eventually I did get over it. Keep in mind, this
man has four kids by four different women. This is
all well, she's the fourth one now, but when I
had first met him, it was just three kids by
three different women that I already know people could see
as a red flag. I personally just just like, you
know what, I don't want to judge somebody off their past.
(01:52):
Like and we're Hispanic, and we're like two different kinds
of Hispanics, so and in his but I was raised
here and he was raised and his island and over
there everything is different. So I could see how with
no guidance and stuff like that, like with the way
they raised their kids over there, how he got into
this mess where three kids by three different women.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
He has told me like he loves his kids. You know,
he's a great father.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
He obviously lives here and his kids live in the
island still with their mom, the three of them, but
he always sends for what they need and stuff like that,
not to them daily, stuff like that.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
You know, he does what he can.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
It is a poor island, so he kind of doesn't
want to go back, but he is working on getting
visas for them to come visit and stuff like that,
and even want.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
To live with him.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
So fast forward to this new kid he has. She did,
like like I said, she was in her island. She
came back from her island like two weeks ago. He's
seen the baby once and I was just with him
and he said that the baby is coming tomorrow to
his apartment and both his sons. He has one son
(02:58):
that lives here. I'm sorry for clarification because I didn't realize.
I just messed it up. He has two kids that
live on the island. One that lives here was his
mother and then the new baby.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
I don't know what to go, just let's call on
the baby.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
This new baby, baby damn name.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
So he told me that tomorrow morning because I was
going to sleep over his place, but my sister wanted
me to take her somewhere, so I was like, I'm
gonna leave, and he was like, that's fine because his
kids are coming in the morning anyway, and I was like, kids,
so they're both coming and he's like, yeah, he wants
them to meet. I don't know why that made me
feel a certain way. I feel like, so it's not
about the kids, honestly. The kids are brothers.
Speaker 4 (03:35):
They're gonna know to meet. But it just thinks me
a little bit.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
Honestly, every time he mentions like, I think the problem
is is because I haven't met the kids. It doesn't
always feel real that this man has kids, you know,
And one of my problems like I haven't met the kids.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
I understand that two.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Of them are in on their island, so obviously I
can't meet them right now.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
It is here, I feel like I should be to meet.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
So the one that lives here, you feel like you
should be able to meet that when I understand we've.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Been together for nine months and I don't know how
people feel, but I feel like that's enough time for
me personally to meet someone's child, especially if you're trying.
Speaker 4 (04:13):
If you're taking me serious, you're.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Talking about we're in love, like we're gonna get married
one day, like stuff like that. I feel like, okay,
so let me meet your child. This is a part
of you, This is a part of your blood.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
This is someone who has a piece, a huge piece
of your heart.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
I can tell by the way he talks about him,
So I should be able to meet him.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Is she our way to class?
Speaker 2 (04:35):
She's zipping up book bags and shit.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Anyways, back to my current mess that I want advice on.
The kids are going to meet each other tomorrow. It's
not about that, it's about the baby. Mom's like, he
just got a new apartment. We didn't move in together.
We were going to, but we were like, you know what,
it's way too soon. I have a crazy home situation.
So that's the reason we were going to. But we're like,
(04:57):
it's too soon. We need still getting to know each other.
We love each other, but you know, we're still getting
to know each other and we need time to miss
each other.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
You know. You know stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Yeah, for sure, especially after only nine months of dating.
Speaker 4 (05:12):
Don't do that. I'm completely fine with that.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Also, he wanted me to he said, like he wanted
me to get to know his kid beforehand, like so
that his kid doesn't come to sleep over his place
and just see.
Speaker 4 (05:22):
Like this random woman there that he doesn't know.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
He said, he's never introduced another girlfriend besides, like the
kid's actual mother to his child, so it's new to
his kid, you know.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
So he wanted to ease that aunt him slowly, which
I respected and I understood.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
So we don't live together, but we do have occasional sleepovers,
and it just kind of bothers me that these baby
moms are going to his new place, Like.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
I don't know why, Like I don't know why it
bothers me.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
I feel like it's it's something weird, Like I feel
like that's a weird feeling.
Speaker 4 (05:54):
I shouldn't feel like that, Like it's weird to feel
like that, Like these are his baby mothers.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
Obviously they're going to be going and they're gonna need
to know his address, you know, to drop off the.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Kid, I think, and then I'll let you finish and
by the way to supre recording.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
I think you.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
Feel that way because what your relationship lacks.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
But let's see, I don't have.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
A problem with the baby mother.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
From the older kid. It's this new kid.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
I feel like, like me and were even talking about
it that we feel like her plan was that she
wanted to go to her eyeld and keep that pregnancy
a secret until she couldn't get rid of that pregnancy
and hopes that he'll be like, oh yeah, like you're
having my kid, let's try.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
To be again family stuff like that.
Speaker 4 (06:40):
Because she wanted to be more than a friend.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
He told me, like you told me tonight, that she
did go to his other house when he lived with
his mom a few times that she would just pull
up on him and stuff and just like I guess
keep them company when he was redoing the floors and
things like that.
Speaker 4 (06:55):
That was weird to me, And I was like, did
you have sex with her on this bed that we're on?
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Like no, Like she.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
Never went into my room. I don't. I have trust issues,
you know, And that's my biggest problem.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
I feel like I have trauma for my past relationship
and I put it onto this man so much. And
like I said, the way that like a lot of
these freaking I'm just gonna say.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
He used Dominicans. I'm trying to hide the race so bad.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
But have these Dominicans they are cheaters out here, Like
that's what they're known for.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
You half the Dominicans cheaters out here. Every goddamn race
got cheetad Like.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
He's proven to me that he's different. I mean, at
least that's what I get from everything.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Going to Texas and she's doing a lot of shit,
and these.
Speaker 4 (07:40):
Nights the last nine months have been great.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
With us, Like we've obviously had some little arguments and
stuff like that. But I used to get mad at
one point and I was like, yeah, we can break up.
Speaker 4 (07:51):
If you really wanted to. But I stopped doing that
because that sounds like and I don't want to be
talking and I don't want to break up. I like
to communicate and work.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Don't want to bring up every day.
Speaker 4 (08:01):
I'm getting better and better at that.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
I just really feel weird about like his baby mom's
going to his apartment and specifically the new baby mom,
Like I feel like she's gonna be sneaky or try
to get up to something like And I guess for Repo,
all that comes down to is him because she could
try that.
Speaker 4 (08:18):
Stuff, but it's about what he's gonna do.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
So I want to have the trust in him that
he'll respect me, respect our relationship, and even himself enough
to not do anything stupid. He did tell me before, like, oh,
if he stops talking to somebody or like dating somebody,
he doesn't go back to them, Like that's not the
type of person.
Speaker 4 (08:40):
He is, and he doesn't prefer that.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Like if it ended, it ended for a reason, so
there's no reason to double back. So honestly, I keep
dying my head a lot.
Speaker 4 (08:49):
So I'm just like.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
You know, like he won't go back, like to help
myself feel better basically, but I don't know for sure,
Like it's scary to me my trust issues. Even when
he opens his phone, I'm like, dang, like he's probably
texting another bench.
Speaker 4 (09:03):
I don't know why, Like I be feeling like he's
just being sneaky, but.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
Then he always does things or says things, you know,
and I'm just like, he's not even being sneaky.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Like for example, like I could be like, bro, he's.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Literally texting another Brich right now, and I see his
phone and it's just his brother, like I said, like,
or it'll be just a friend and sometimes it will.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
Be a female and he'll see that.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
I feel a certain way because I.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
Like, I wear my emotions on my face, bro, And
he'll tell me like, oh, yeah, this is my friend,
like she lives up here, like we known each other
for this while, Like he'll explain it to me because
he seees that I'm overthinking. I overthink everything. I stress
about everything.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
And I just want to like I feel like I
can trust him, but I want, girl, please fully trust him.
And so my question is really, just do you think
that I'm tripping? Like do you think I'm doing too much?
Speaker 3 (09:53):
Like I don't know how to feel like I feel
like they're the only advice that is to give is
just pray, prayer that he is loyal, like you know,
I pray them.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
He says to me.
Speaker 4 (10:04):
It's true that you.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Know all he wants is me, and like I ain't
laying and you know because it is about prayer, because
you know, a sister praise. I'm a godfearing woman and
I pray every day. But baby, as much as I
love to pray, let me just let you finish, girl.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
But I don't know.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
My only concern is my only problem that I've had
in this relationship is coping with the fact that this
man has kids, like it's not even the fact that
he has kids, it's just the baby moms. Like, I'm
not sad about the kids. Honestly, in my head, I've
always said, like I wanted a big family, but I
didn't want to push out the kids. So that's why
I wasn't too concerned.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
About right, So you got what you want. What's your
problems but not having to have the kids?
Speaker 3 (10:44):
You know, obviously it's step kids, but I feel like
I would make a great mother.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
I would push out like maybe two.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
But I don't want to push out more than two.
But I do want more than two, and I feel
like taking on his kids would make me feel great
and obviously not right now, we're still.
Speaker 4 (11:01):
Dating, we're still.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Getting to know each other every single day, but like
in our future.
Speaker 4 (11:07):
So yeah, do you just in conclusion to end this up?
Speaker 3 (11:11):
Like, do you think that I am taking over this
whole baby mom situation? Do you think that I need
to learn to just release and believe in him or
should I be nervous like you think she's gonna try.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
To be sneaky?
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Hold up, Hold up, I know this shit getting good,
but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
If you love me, you'll listen.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
Also to add, another thing that earns in my soul
like that like gets me overthinking is the fact that
so we work third shift, right, and sometimes We'll get
home at six in the morning and I see a
notification pop up from the new baby mom, and I'm like,
y'all are texting at this time?
Speaker 4 (11:48):
Yeah, yeah, we're talking about the baby or stuff like that,
or she's sending me pictures.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
Or like He'll tell me like we're just talking, because
he always tells me like he makes his baby moms his.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
Friends, like he does a reason to have them.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
As like enemies or anything, right right, rightfully, so you know,
they're just friends and co parents, which is good. So
that's a the other thing that I just be like, Okay,
maybe it's like that, but I don't know. It doesn't
sit right to me, Like why you want to be
buddy buddy with your baby mother, like.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Cause you can.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Why first of all, why is it a stigma put
on the relationships between baby mother and baby father after
the intimacy is gone?
Speaker 4 (12:27):
Why is it? Why?
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Why do I have to beef with my baby father?
Why do I have to beef with my baby mother?
Just so you can feel secure in a relationship. That's
that's a general question. But this is one more that
she one more thinks.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
She had to say. Then I'm gonna get into her mess.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
But he does give me the impression that he doesn't
have no desire to be with them.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
But I don't know if she's a poker face, like
I don't know how to feel.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Okay, So, baby girl, you are everywhere with it. When
I say everywhere, I mean you hear they're up, down, back,
with sideways, all of that.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
You up and down the freeway with this, all right.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
A man does not have to beef with the mothers
of his kids, or the mother of his child or children.
Speaking more so in general and to your situation. Like
I said, I think it's just been a stigma. You know,
I've had a few involvements myself where the guy did
not like how close I was with my son's dad.
(13:24):
Me and my son's dad are not attracted to each other,
not by far, like, in no way, shape or form.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
You know.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
That's why we're able to do business together.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
That's why we're able to talk to each other about
any and everything because there's no more feelings there.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
I love him.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
He loves me, but that's all we do is co parent.
We're more like siblings, if you will. I know that's
weird and that's just inappropriate to say or to take in,
but that's what it is. I'm just trying to describe
how much we don't fuck with each other like that
on that intimate level, you know what I mean. And
that may be the reason why me and my son's dad,
(13:59):
who also had for other children's moms, are the closest
of us, all of them all.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
He's the closest with me.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Now, you said you don't have a problem with the
first baby mom, Okay, and that seems to be because
they probably don't deal with each other at all. But
I don't even think the issue is with him. I
think the issue is with whoever the fuck did a
number on you before you got with this man. Because
the good thing about it is you're aware.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
You know, you know.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
I'm not gonna say you're fucked up, but you are
insecure your last relationship or last relationships, or it could
even be something stemming from your childhood.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Who knows you.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Know yourself better than I do, but I know you
need to know that you are insecure, and you could
be running this man away, You could be pushing this
man away.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Now, this is just one perspective.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
To look at it from all, right, because you said
you insinuate certain things and then you go do your
research and you realize that it's nothing. Has he ever
done anything anything to make you feel like he would
cheat on you with one of that his children's moms,
or or cheat on you with another woman period or
you know, well, I'll just keep it subjected to baby
(15:08):
moms because you never brought up another woman. So my apologies,
this is only about his kids moms. Okay, has he
ever done anything? Have you ever actually caught him doing anything?
Speaker 4 (15:18):
Have you ever?
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Because it honestly just sounds like.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
He gives you his word and you have to take it,
but because you're so fucked up from your last relationship,
you still don't take it.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
You don't trust.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Them, And do you turn around and say you can
trust them, but then say you just want to be
able to trust them fully, You don't need to be
in a relationship. You're not even over what happened to
you in the past, and I saying you're not over
the last man. You're not over what happened to you.
You're not, and you're throwing it off on him. Everything
that you cause. This is called baggage. You're throwing your
baggage onto him. And he already got four kids with
(15:52):
four different baby moms. Two of them live on island,
one of them live in America, of when live in
that target.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Girl, you know, what's a lot going on, all right?
Speaker 1 (16:00):
But you been dating this man for nine months and
you never met his kids.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Now that is a red flag for me.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
If I'm dating you for nine months exclusively, yes, I
expect to have met your children by now.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Even back when I was dating Wayne, we were both
our schedules were busy, but I was gonna meet his kids.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
I was supposed to meet his kids a few.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Times, you know, but our schedules were We both tore
it and everything like that, and we were the own.
Me and Wayne only made it for four months, but
I was gonna meet us kids after the second month,
you know, And whether the mom's liked it or not,
their dad is still their parent and still had half
of say so, and you know, when they are in
his care. So I don't understand why you're not invited
(16:44):
when his kids are there, or why you're not welcome
when the kids are there.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
I don't understand why. Why?
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Now, that's just one perspective, your insecurities, all right, you
tripping and shit? Now we got a commercial and if
you click off this podcast, I swear I'm ana beat
your ass.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Listen now.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Another perspective is he could be dealing with the baby mother,
he could be dealing with the last one. You know,
the baby is fairly new, you know, and regardless of
what a man says, sometimes their actions don't line up
all the time.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Not every man, but a lot of men, not just
men women ever.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
You know, it's just very humanistic to lie or to
tell somebody a lie just to get what you want,
or to keep commotion down, to stay on and even kill.
People lie for different reasons. To me, for a little bit,
it sounded like you wasn't his girlfriend. It don't sound
like you're his girlfriend. All this all my living situation.
We were gonna move together, but we didn't because we
(17:41):
realized that we you know, we only even did still
too early and my situation was bad. But you know,
that's why we didn't move together, because it's too early.
And then I haven't met his kids, and you know,
we don't stay. I don't stay over there all the time,
but we'll have sleepovers. It it sounds like you just
dealing with somebody that you talk to. Sound like it
just sounds like you're involved with someone. You know how
(18:03):
you got, you know, like y'all just talking. You know,
you're one of not many. I wouldn't say one of many,
but it just sounds like you wanted the girls that
he talks to. You know, I'm not sure how to
advise you on whether to stay or not, because it
just doesn't seem like a real relationship, and you even
said it yourself, it doesn't feel real.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
I haven't met the kids. I don't, you know.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
It's just I shouldn't feel these ways that I feel
about the big mom because it's the kids.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
But then it's not the kids, it's the big moms
and it's girl.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
You shouldn't date them because it doesn't sound like you
trust them, and it doesn't sound like you're going to
be trusting them any time soon. If y'all do stay together,
or you know, stay pursuing one another, you got a
lot of work to do to yourself, with yourself you
have to start your healing process. Now you'll never be
fully healed because trauma happens to people every day. Trauma happens,
(18:53):
you know, not every day to one specific person, but
things happen. People grow, people grow out of shit, people
grow into shit, And healing is a lifetime. Healing is
a lifelong process because once you get heal for something else,
something else, you gotta heal something else. You got heal.
If everybody was completely healed, that's a perfect person.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
We don't have those.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
So I think you should start your healing process by
just being this guy's friend datum cool, still have sex
whatever you know, but don't get into a relationship. Don't
call him your boyfriend, don't I think like I said, Yeah,
let that little baby grow up. Let's see how that
play out. The new baby, as you call the baby
the beautiful baby, I'm sure, the new baby.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Let's see how that plays out.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Because you know, you can't control how the woman feels
and what she thinks, and you can't control her getting
over him. But if he says he's over her and
never gave you any inclination of anything else, or you know,
made you insinuate that they were doing things. Then I
think that you just have to take his word, but
you still not satisfy with that. So that's just recipe
(19:57):
for toxicity. You know, you're staying in a relationship ship
knowing that you're the problem. I'm letting you know you're
the problem. But I do love you and I want
you to check back in with me.
Speaker 4 (20:07):
Girl.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
And you took up all the goddamn space for the episode,
But it's all right because I love helping people.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
That's what I do. Also, tune into Breakfast Club, y'all.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
I need for y'all to cast in y'all votes for
justs Hilarious to become the third official co host by
the end of this year. Y'all, I want y'all to
go ahead, spam everybody comings DJ n V, D, jay
n E and Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo
Yo yo, Charlamagne and Godi do that shit.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
That shit every time you do that shit.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
At the top of the Breakfast Club episode, we're also
on b E T. You know what I'm saying, We
a speaking those things into existence as if they were already.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
You know how that go.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
That's what the Good Lord said do. So I'm doing
that and each and every Wednesday. You can catch my
podcast carefully Reckless anywhere you get your podcast, that's our heart, Spotify,
Apple Podcasts anywhere, and in my deepest paying voice, peace,
see next week.
Speaker 5 (21:01):
Taking Class and then.
Speaker 4 (22:05):
Can't.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
Fully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect.
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Host
Jess Hilarious
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