May 25, 2022 • 23 mins
If you've been rocking with Carefully Reckless since Season 1, then you're familiar with the "Jess, Fix My Mess" segment. Well Jess is bringing it BYKE for a whole episode! Jess is getting into y'all business for a whole 20 minutes ...but it's only 'cause you asked!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio
and the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back
on the air. Welcome back to yet another Carefully Reckless episode.
What's Your Girl? And host just hilarious. Listen, I've been
(00:23):
taken to the liking of all the followers on the
carefully Reckless page. Let's just give the carefully Reckless page
a huge shout out. Y'all been sending them vms and
and stuff to the email and all that type of stuff.
And I'm gonna name this episode just fix my mess now.
This is a segment that I was doing back in
season one that I stopped doing. Don't ask me why
I just stopped, do you know what I mean? But
(00:44):
I'm picking it back up now. And I asked you
guys last week on the Carefully Reckless page to submit
some of the most complicating situations that you're going through
right now, that you've been through and that you don't
ever want to go through, or if someone close to
you went through something. Just keep it anonymous, because unlike
last season, I'm not gonna put anybody out there, and
a lot of y'all didn't really care about me putting
(01:05):
your names and Instagram handles and social media handles out
there because you know, you just didn't care. But I'm
going to keep everybody anonymous, you know, just turning over
a new leaf, and it will still help people, whether
people know who you are or not. So these are
stories gearing toward relationship problems. Okay, First one, Jess, I've
(01:26):
been with my man for eight months. I changed a
lot of ship for him, including changing my clothes when
he feels that my outfits are too seductive for public.
But I feel my outfits are empowering and I don't
want to change them, so I stopped. Whenever he gets upset,
he screams and yells and calls me thoughts, what the
funk should I do? What's my standpoint? Because I want
(01:48):
to leave, but I do love him? Okay, Okay, so
I can see both sides. This is the thing. No
man wants their woman to be walking around showing leavage
and showing body parts that only he needs to see.
So I definitely do understand. You know, if he feels
as if your outfits are too seductive and he wants
(02:10):
you to change them, if you are willing to change them,
if you love him, that much and you're willing, then
it's nothing wrong with that. Now, what is he doing
to you that's making you not want to keep the
deal like it was and then you want to wear
your cities out and ship like that's the thing. What
is he doing? Is he not reciprocating any sacrifices or
(02:31):
any compromised like because that that's a compromise. I would
deem that as a sacrifice. You sacrificed your style for
your man because he feels some type of way about
you dressing like a damn hooker. Okay, mate, you didn't
say that. I'm an chill out all right, My bad,
but that's what it looks like to him. And I've
been through a similar situation. You know, my previous relationship.
(02:53):
My boyfriend did not like for me to wear my
body all the time. He didn't like for me to
be tworking all over the internet, and Ship didn't like
for others to see what his eyes should only see
what's for him. You know, in a sense, you belong
to that person and that person belongs to you. When
you officialize something, officialize is not a word, but damn it,
I made it up. When you officialize, I think officiate is,
(03:15):
but I like officialized, when you officialize a relationship meaning
this is what we're doing, we're moving forward, we're together,
we are one together, not even marriage, just a relationship.
You have to be secure enough and you have to
set those boundaries. Look, this is what I don't like.
And he told you that, But something had to happen
for you to go back to wearing that ship. Maybe
(03:37):
he's not compromising enough for you. Maybe you feel like
you've been compromising for him and changing yourself and and
he hasn't done anything. But he has a list of
demands for you. So I don't think if you love him,
you should leave. This should be a conversation piece. You
should sit down and talk to him, and you know,
dress up in your lingerie girl, dress up in your
(03:59):
goddamn law garay and you know, strip for him and
do all of that, you know if if he likes that,
and then you know, you get them all riled up.
Feed him some strawberries his favorite fruit. Something, give him
like a nice little tease, like a nice little strip show,
you know, and put it on his ass right and
then sell them. Babe, Listen, these are my issues. This
(04:21):
is the issue I know that you don't like me
having my body out. I know that. However, this is
my issue with you. I felt like you're not compromising enough.
I changed for you. I don't feel like you're changing
enough for me for me to keep on keeping up
with your demands. If you want to stay, stay. I
don't think this is a big deal. Honestly, guys, and
to all my listeners out there, y'all can give me
(04:41):
your feedback. If y'all feel like my advice, you know,
was good enough for my baby almost at a name.
If you feel like it was good enough, let me know,
because I feel like this is not big Ladies, this
is not big man. They can make it through this.
They just have to communicate and he has to be
willing to compromise with your list of demands if you
have any as well. Okay, everything has to be reciprocated
(05:02):
in a relationship. Okay, moving on. I was dating this
guy for about a year, but I had never been
to his house. He always would come to mind, or
we would get hotels and we would travel. I would
post him, he would post me, but it was just
something that would keep me from coming over his house.
I asked him and he would always go around the
(05:23):
situation and want to take me out or come to
my house. What do you think that was about, Well,
the fact that the story is described in the past tense.
I think you figured that out your damn self, or
or did y'all break up for a whole another reason,
I don't know. Because you said you dated this guy
for about a year, I honestly wouldn't automatically skip ahead
(05:45):
to thinking that he had someone living with him or
he was necessarily living a double life. My mind would
go to, and this is only because you said, y'all
posted each other. You know, you are posting each other up,
were going out on trips, he was with you, He
was always your house and hotels or whatever, just whatever.
That's the main reason why I wouldn't automatically go to
(06:07):
the fact that he may have had someone else living
at home or living a double life. I will honestly
say that maybe he didn't have a place to live
and he could have been living with his mother, or
he could have been staying with a homeboy and was
leading you to believe that he had his own home
or whatever, or maybe he never even spoken of it.
But you know, women minds wander, our minds wander. If
we don't know, something will start running in our heads
(06:29):
and we will make up some ship and we will
get in our own way. I do feel like you
should have told me a couple of his responses when
you would ask him, why can't I come to your house?
So let me come over? Because you said that he
would always go around it. How would he go around it?
What are the things that he would say, like, oh, no,
my ship, my house dirty right now, or you know,
or I'm getting the carpet pulled up and ship like whatever.
(06:50):
But this was a year, a year, and you hadn't
been to his residence. Maybe he ain't have no goddamn residence,
or think worst case scenario, maybe he was living a life.
Maybe he did have a girlfriend at home, or a
wife at home, or a man at home, a boyfriend
at home. It doesn't matter. Nowadays, you never motherfucker know.
So you have to make sure you know a person
(07:10):
before you even solidify anything. You have to make sure
that or at least that you know the basis, because
let's just be honest here, nobody is gonna ever know
everything about their partner before they decide to make it official.
It's mary folks still getting to know each other right now,
still learning each other right now, said this day. It's
(07:32):
people who have been in relationships for years who still
don't know each and everything about each other, who still
are learning each other, you know. So you have to
remain cognizant of that as well. But you were supposed
to give me some more meat to that damn story. Girl.
You definitely was. You're actually out of that based on
the tents of your statements, So I don't need to
give you any advice. But you did ask me what
(07:54):
I thought. Like I said, I really think that he
doesn't have a home, you know, giving all the factors
of everything that you described, I don't think that he
had anywhere to stay. I think he may have been
staying with somebody or whatever like that. Hold up, Hold up,
I know the ship getting good. But listen to just
a couple of seconds of a commercial. If you love me,
you'll listen. Okay. The next one is from a guy.
(08:16):
I love when my guys right me. Because everybody thinks
I'm just all for the women. No, I'm for the people, baby. Okay.
So this one is from a guy. Why every time
I get into my girl's car. The passenger seat is
not how I left it. It's linked all the way back.
And you already know what the funk that's given. Okay, Okay,
(08:38):
So he didn't pose a question at the end. He's
just letting me know that he don't like that ship
every time. So have you taken this to her? Now?
This man did. I can say his name, but I'm
not going to Oh my god, I want to call
you boy. Your name so bad. Listen, have you talked
to her about it? You need to go to her.
Go to her? Okay, and listen. Do you have your
(09:01):
own car? Because why are you always riding with her? Basically? No?
And listen, listen, No, I'm not down to you. If
you don't have a car, that's fine. If you don't
have a car. And if you don't have a car
and she does and she is your only means of transportation,
is that the reason why you haven't bought this up
to her? If you haven't because you feel like, all right,
this is her car. You know I ain't I ain't
(09:23):
driving right now, but every time I get in this
motherfucking car, this ship linked all the way back. I'm
guessing further than when you lean it back. That's what
I'm guessing, because you said it's never how you left it, okay,
So that means one, you're always in her passenger seats,
so that means you're never driving. And then too, you
pay attention, motherfucker. That's that's what that means. You pay attention.
I do get it. You have to talk to her.
(09:44):
You have to talk to her. Some girls leaning all
the way back. She might have a home girl, or
she might have a guy in the car. It may
not be somebody that she's sucking with it. Maybe I
don't know. It could be a homeboy, a cousin, Like
do you notice a guy best friend that she has?
Like you, you have to sit down and talk. Things
are so childish to me. These are childish. And the
(10:05):
reason why I'm deeming it as childish, guys, because these
are just one two questions that you can talk to
your mate about. And if you ain't scared, you know
what I mean, you can go and talk to your
girlfriend about that. You're supposed to be able to call
your bitch and be like or go in the house
and be like, yo's come here, come here, come go
go in and get her asked up if she sleep
or go get her out the kitchen, if she's cooking,
(10:26):
take her, pull her away from the TV. Listen, come here,
let me let me show you this real quick. Take
her ass outside by her hand, lead her around the car,
Open up that goddamn door. Show her, Yo, this ain't
how I left it. What's this like? You know? Talk
to her, ask her, and I guarantee you you either
gonna get the truth or you ain't. But whatever her responses,
(10:49):
you're gonna know what happened. Whatever the fucking response is,
You're gonna be able to get the truth. You will
know something right or you was just overreacting, you said
every time you get in there. So either she is
frequently cheating or she not, it gotta be the same person.
If the ship always linked back, it gotta be the
same person. And if she is cheating, that means this
(11:12):
bitch love niggas that don't drive. That's what I'm just
gonna keep it, Keep it simple for you, baby. She
just she loved the fact that y'all depend on her.
She loved the fact that y'all need her. A lot
of women love to be needed. They love to be
a necessity to a man. You get what I'm saying.
They love for a man to depend on them. I
need for you to get your own car, and if
you in her house, get the funk up out of
(11:32):
there too, because if there is another man in her
car every time you get out, it is another man
in her house every time you leave out. So I
need for you to understand that, brother, and we're gonna
move on. We got another man, yes, lord, I love it. Yo.
My baby mother has been receiving child support. But my
baby is well taken care of by me and her.
(11:54):
We both work and have jobs. So why the funk
and my own child support? Right? She uses the money
to buy nice things for herself. What the fuck? You'll say,
what the fuck? I get it and makes you upset
and listen. On a more serious note, these women they
do that ship. There there are mothers out here like that.
There are men out here, these fathers who are taking
(12:16):
care of their children and they are still on child support. Ship.
I know men that keep their kids, primarily single fathers
who are on fucking child support literally, like my father
was just one of them. My father was just on
child support for his daughter and his daughter lives with him.
My little sister was living with him and still was
on child support. You feel me like, it's just hard.
(12:38):
Once you go on, it's hard as ship to get
you off. That's why I always tell ladies, listen, if
you don't need to put him on child support, if
you absolutely don't need to and you're not doing it
out of spite and you really really fucking need child support,
don't put them on there unless you really need it,
because it's hard as fun to get a man off,
(12:58):
and that's not the way you hit below the belt.
If a guy is really taking care of his child
and you don't need the state for those extra benefits
and you don't need to go through the courts to
get him to take care of your child, don't do it.
All other personal ship don't have nothing to do with
the baby. Seriously, And I know this sounds like cliche,
but this is real life ship that women go through
(13:20):
and men go through. My son's dad, rome little baby father,
he on child support. Two of his kids moms have
him on child support because them bitches was mad at him,
not because he don't take care of his kids. He
still take care of his kids. What y'all don't understand
is when y'all do that ship out of feelings and
all that type of ship, and y'all get back cool
with the nigga, then y'all feel bad. Then y'all try
(13:41):
to take him off, but the state don't work like that. Now.
They're not just gonna oh he he good this week?
Are we gonna take them off and ship? Now? It's
so many loopholes and so many hurdles and obstacles you
have to jump through and go through and conquer to
get a man off of child support. It's not that
fucking easy. And then also when you put a man
on child support who's taking care of his child, you're
(14:02):
actually taking away from with the child could potentially have
if they weren't on child support. Because even with my
son's dad, he's on child support for one of his kids.
He was doing so much more for her before he
was put on child support. So it's like, damn, you
didn't sunk that up because you're mad because the nigga
ain't with you, but he's still taking kid of his baby,
(14:22):
and you had the baby so he would stay with you.
But you've got to understand also that these men are
not staying for these babies. A baby cannot keep a man,
and that is very selfish to a child, very selfish.
So I'm sorry, brother, I'm so, so sorry, but you
need to take that ship to the courts. Okay. You
need to be able to provide proof that your daughter
(14:44):
or your son or I don't know if it's children
are well taken care of. You know, you need to
see counsel and you know, try to get custody or
joint custody or something like that that will help you
out in that situation, because I know how that looks
and I know how that feels. There's been many a
times that my son's dad has cried over that ship, like, yo,
I'm literally going broke trying to take care of my
(15:08):
kids and page you'll support, Why the fund do I
have to do both when I'm already taking care of them?
You know? So I definitely do understand your frustration, and
I'm sorry about that, brother, because a lot of times
these women ain't shipped, These mothers ain't shet y'all. Lord,
Now we got a commercial and if you click off
of this podcast, I swear I'm gonna beat your ass.
Listen Okay, moving on, I broke up with my nigga.
(15:31):
Oh my god, stop saying nigga, this is this is
a young girl right here. I broke up with my nigga.
And the crazy thing is I started falling for his
best friend. His best friend is the one that I
wanted from the jump, but he was in a relationship already.
I broke up with my boyfriend around the same time
he broke up with his girlfriend. Would that be bad
(15:52):
if we started to link? Bitch, let me tell you
something the way you just asked me that motherfucking question.
You already linking with this nigga. Don't don't sit here.
Don't sit here and try to Yeah, I'm talking to
you because I know you're listening, all right. Don't sit
here and try to act like you ain't already make
up in your mind that she was gonna funk with
that nigga before you broke up with his friend. Don't
(16:14):
do that. Okay. You know I ain't for this ship.
I ain't for it. You know. I support a lot
of funk ships. Sometimes I support a lot of ratch city.
You know, I support a lot of ghet on this.
I do a lot of messy ship, but not this
that as nasty as fun, and they're not just friends.
They ain't just homeboys, but they're not co workers. Okay,
they're they're best friends. You just said to me you
(16:36):
had your eye on the best friend before you even
pursued his homeboy. It must have been a reason why
he wasn't able to date this nigga. He was in
a relationship, right, so you played house with his homeboy
and monitored his relationship the whole time because y'all just
out of nowhere coincidentally broke up at the same time,
broke up with your boyfriend and girlfriend at the same
(16:58):
damn time, And you ask in me, would it be
wrong for y'all to link you? Motherfucking right, is wrong
that you're sucking that nigga? Yep, I ain't even gonna
answer it, like you didn't already go see him, stop playing,
And honestly, I'm gonna take it a step further. You
might have been sucking around with the best friend while
you was with your boyfriend, and the poor boyfriend don't know,
and the poor girlfriend don't know. I hope they all listening,
(17:20):
because that's nasty. And her name is Stasia. I'm gonna
put you out there, bitch. Anastasia is her name, Anastasia
right to seven? All right, I ain't gonna put out
the whole Instagram. And I just got mad at that
because that's some nasty as ship. Girl. You already knew
I wasn't going to agree with that ship. I'm moving
on from that. That's that's disgusted. Okay, moving on. Okay,
(17:43):
I like this one. Hey, Jess. I am a wealthy author. Okay.
I have four books out and I'm on my fifth one.
I am currently engaged and about to get married. I
presented the idea of a prenup to my fiancee and
he refused to sign it. Am I wrong for that? Well,
let me ask you a question, and you're gonna eventually
(18:05):
write me back. Is that a dealbreaker for you that
he won't sign it? I need some more information, I
need some more meat. I need to know how long
you've been together. Were you struggling with him before? Like,
what was he with you when you didn't have anything?
If you if you've ever had nothing, you know what
I mean? Maybe you have never been in that predicament
of not not trying to put that on you. I'm
(18:26):
just saying, was he there? You know what I mean?
Prenups are always scary for people because there has been
a stigma put on them. A prenup is an agreement
that you signed prior to marriage that states you leave
this marriage like you came in. You leave this marriage
with whatever you brought to this marriage. That's what a
(18:47):
prenup is put in place for. Okay, Now, without the prenup,
if you guys get a divorce, she would then have
to give up half of everything that she worked hard for,
or even if he didn't have anything to do with it,
half of it would go to him, you know, and
then depends on any other things that their lawyers work
out or whatever. But is it a deal breaker for you?
I can't even really speak on it until I know,
(19:08):
you know, because I'm gonna give you this. Charlemagne and
God just sat down and did an interview, right, and
I love him by the way, he and his wife
they don't have a print up. And he explained the
reason why she's always been down for me. She was
my rider die when I was in between jobs. That
woman was taking me to work, helping me fill out applications.
She was paying all the bills. There were times where
(19:30):
I didn't know I didn't have a damn job, and
she was still grinding. She was helping me and and
taking care of everything, you know, and our kids and
just all of that ship. I could never present her
with the fucking prenup, is what he's saying. I would never.
That's my best friend, that's my you know, she deserves
half of that ship if we ever get a divorce.
But we ain't getting no fucking divorce, is what he said.
(19:53):
You have to be sure when you walk in down
that out that you don't even expect to be divorced.
A lot of people get married with the notion that
they're not gonna be together forever, or maybe we won't
make it to the end. These days, it's just like
people date with options open, keeping options open because they're
so scared that the ship won't work. You can't date
(20:14):
like that, you can't marry someone like that. You can't
be in a marriage unsure. I gotta be able to
know if I'm walking around with a ring on and
I got a husband, I ain't think about no motherfucking divorce.
I ain't think about none of that ship, even if
we're going through some ship. I ain't thinking about canceling
my contract on this, nigga, because that's exactly what a
marriage is, a contract before God whoever. You want to
(20:35):
look at it like that or not. Ship, we're not
breaching no motherfucking contract. We ain't doing it. I mean,
we're not breaking no fucking contract. Even if you breach
the contract with infidelity, with flies whatever. All right, we're
gonna sit down, we're gonna think about we're gonna, you know,
it's other routes to take real quick separation, and we're
gonna figure out if if if I'm better over here
and you better over there, and then we can talk
(20:56):
about divorce. But that ship shouldn't even be on your
mind when you're getting married, well before you even walk
down the aisle, you know what I mean, they're in
the engagement phase. Is that a deal breaker for you? Woman?
By the way, I just want to take a moment
to congratulate you on your fifth book. I congratulate your wealth,
I congratulate even your engagement. I'm so happy you're a woman.
(21:20):
You're doing your thing. Let me know about your book.
You didn't even say you're you know, maybe you didn't
want nobody to know who you who you were. I
get it, definitely, that's probably why. But I will support
your books because I read sometimes. You know, it's just sometimes,
but I'll be reading or whatever. And I got a
lot of people that will read to me, you know,
if I don't want to read. So yeah, but I
definitely do understand how you feel, baby girl. It's just
(21:41):
a conversation. It's a conversation and it shouldn't be a
hard one even if it is. Are you willing to
even set there for it? Are you willing to do
the work? You're not even married to this man yet,
but there is a reason why you're engaged, So don't
forget that. And just like that, we come to the
end of yet another Carefully Reckless episode. Just Fix My
s is the new segment that I got going on
(22:02):
right now, the new and improved segment that I got
going on right now. Make sure you write to the
Carefully Reckless page followed by Jessillaris Underscore Official. You can
go right to my followers. I'm only following seven people
found the page there. Submit your inquiries, submit your questions,
submit anything that you need advice on, and any other
topics that you want to hear me touch on. I
(22:22):
love you guys. Tune in every week. Next week hump Day,
Carefully Reckless, and then my deepest pan Voys. Carefully Reckless
(23:43):
is a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect.
For more podcasts from My heart Radio, visit the I
heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to
your favorite shows.
Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio
and the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back
on the air. Welcome back to yet another Carefully Reckless episode.
What's Your Girl? And host just hilarious. Listen, I've been
(00:23):
taken to the liking of all the followers on the
carefully Reckless page. Let's just give the carefully Reckless page
a huge shout out. Y'all been sending them vms and
and stuff to the email and all that type of stuff.
And I'm gonna name this episode just fix my mess now.
This is a segment that I was doing back in
season one that I stopped doing. Don't ask me why
I just stopped, do you know what I mean? But
(00:44):
I'm picking it back up now. And I asked you
guys last week on the Carefully Reckless page to submit
some of the most complicating situations that you're going through
right now, that you've been through and that you don't
ever want to go through, or if someone close to
you went through something. Just keep it anonymous, because unlike
last season, I'm not gonna put anybody out there, and
a lot of y'all didn't really care about me putting
(01:05):
your names and Instagram handles and social media handles out
there because you know, you just didn't care. But I'm
going to keep everybody anonymous, you know, just turning over
a new leaf, and it will still help people, whether
people know who you are or not. So these are
stories gearing toward relationship problems. Okay, First one, Jess, I've
(01:26):
been with my man for eight months. I changed a
lot of ship for him, including changing my clothes when
he feels that my outfits are too seductive for public.
But I feel my outfits are empowering and I don't
want to change them, so I stopped. Whenever he gets upset,
he screams and yells and calls me thoughts, what the
funk should I do? What's my standpoint? Because I want
(01:48):
to leave, but I do love him? Okay, Okay, so
I can see both sides. This is the thing. No
man wants their woman to be walking around showing leavage
and showing body parts that only he needs to see.
So I definitely do understand. You know, if he feels
as if your outfits are too seductive and he wants
(02:10):
you to change them, if you are willing to change them,
if you love him, that much and you're willing, then
it's nothing wrong with that. Now, what is he doing
to you that's making you not want to keep the
deal like it was and then you want to wear
your cities out and ship like that's the thing. What
is he doing? Is he not reciprocating any sacrifices or
(02:31):
any compromised like because that that's a compromise. I would
deem that as a sacrifice. You sacrificed your style for
your man because he feels some type of way about
you dressing like a damn hooker. Okay, mate, you didn't
say that. I'm an chill out all right, My bad,
but that's what it looks like to him. And I've
been through a similar situation. You know, my previous relationship.
(02:53):
My boyfriend did not like for me to wear my
body all the time. He didn't like for me to
be tworking all over the internet, and Ship didn't like
for others to see what his eyes should only see
what's for him. You know, in a sense, you belong
to that person and that person belongs to you. When
you officialize something, officialize is not a word, but damn it,
I made it up. When you officialize, I think officiate is,
(03:15):
but I like officialized, when you officialize a relationship meaning
this is what we're doing, we're moving forward, we're together,
we are one together, not even marriage, just a relationship.
You have to be secure enough and you have to
set those boundaries. Look, this is what I don't like.
And he told you that, But something had to happen
for you to go back to wearing that ship. Maybe
(03:37):
he's not compromising enough for you. Maybe you feel like
you've been compromising for him and changing yourself and and
he hasn't done anything. But he has a list of
demands for you. So I don't think if you love him,
you should leave. This should be a conversation piece. You
should sit down and talk to him, and you know,
dress up in your lingerie girl, dress up in your
(03:59):
goddamn law garay and you know, strip for him and
do all of that, you know if if he likes that,
and then you know, you get them all riled up.
Feed him some strawberries his favorite fruit. Something, give him
like a nice little tease, like a nice little strip show,
you know, and put it on his ass right and
then sell them. Babe, Listen, these are my issues. This
(04:21):
is the issue I know that you don't like me
having my body out. I know that. However, this is
my issue with you. I felt like you're not compromising enough.
I changed for you. I don't feel like you're changing
enough for me for me to keep on keeping up
with your demands. If you want to stay, stay. I
don't think this is a big deal. Honestly, guys, and
to all my listeners out there, y'all can give me
(04:41):
your feedback. If y'all feel like my advice, you know,
was good enough for my baby almost at a name.
If you feel like it was good enough, let me know,
because I feel like this is not big Ladies, this
is not big man. They can make it through this.
They just have to communicate and he has to be
willing to compromise with your list of demands if you
have any as well. Okay, everything has to be reciprocated
(05:02):
in a relationship. Okay, moving on. I was dating this
guy for about a year, but I had never been
to his house. He always would come to mind, or
we would get hotels and we would travel. I would
post him, he would post me, but it was just
something that would keep me from coming over his house.
I asked him and he would always go around the
(05:23):
situation and want to take me out or come to
my house. What do you think that was about, Well,
the fact that the story is described in the past tense.
I think you figured that out your damn self, or
or did y'all break up for a whole another reason,
I don't know. Because you said you dated this guy
for about a year, I honestly wouldn't automatically skip ahead
(05:45):
to thinking that he had someone living with him or
he was necessarily living a double life. My mind would
go to, and this is only because you said, y'all
posted each other. You know, you are posting each other up,
were going out on trips, he was with you, He
was always your house and hotels or whatever, just whatever.
That's the main reason why I wouldn't automatically go to
(06:07):
the fact that he may have had someone else living
at home or living a double life. I will honestly
say that maybe he didn't have a place to live
and he could have been living with his mother, or
he could have been staying with a homeboy and was
leading you to believe that he had his own home
or whatever, or maybe he never even spoken of it.
But you know, women minds wander, our minds wander. If
we don't know, something will start running in our heads
(06:29):
and we will make up some ship and we will
get in our own way. I do feel like you
should have told me a couple of his responses when
you would ask him, why can't I come to your house?
So let me come over? Because you said that he
would always go around it. How would he go around it?
What are the things that he would say, like, oh, no,
my ship, my house dirty right now, or you know,
or I'm getting the carpet pulled up and ship like whatever.
(06:50):
But this was a year, a year, and you hadn't
been to his residence. Maybe he ain't have no goddamn residence,
or think worst case scenario, maybe he was living a life.
Maybe he did have a girlfriend at home, or a
wife at home, or a man at home, a boyfriend
at home. It doesn't matter. Nowadays, you never motherfucker know.
So you have to make sure you know a person
(07:10):
before you even solidify anything. You have to make sure
that or at least that you know the basis, because
let's just be honest here, nobody is gonna ever know
everything about their partner before they decide to make it official.
It's mary folks still getting to know each other right now,
still learning each other right now, said this day. It's
(07:32):
people who have been in relationships for years who still
don't know each and everything about each other, who still
are learning each other, you know. So you have to
remain cognizant of that as well. But you were supposed
to give me some more meat to that damn story. Girl.
You definitely was. You're actually out of that based on
the tents of your statements, So I don't need to
give you any advice. But you did ask me what
(07:54):
I thought. Like I said, I really think that he
doesn't have a home, you know, giving all the factors
of everything that you described, I don't think that he
had anywhere to stay. I think he may have been
staying with somebody or whatever like that. Hold up, Hold up,
I know the ship getting good. But listen to just
a couple of seconds of a commercial. If you love me,
you'll listen. Okay. The next one is from a guy.
(08:16):
I love when my guys right me. Because everybody thinks
I'm just all for the women. No, I'm for the people, baby. Okay.
So this one is from a guy. Why every time
I get into my girl's car. The passenger seat is
not how I left it. It's linked all the way back.
And you already know what the funk that's given. Okay, Okay,
(08:38):
So he didn't pose a question at the end. He's
just letting me know that he don't like that ship
every time. So have you taken this to her? Now?
This man did. I can say his name, but I'm
not going to Oh my god, I want to call
you boy. Your name so bad. Listen, have you talked
to her about it? You need to go to her.
Go to her? Okay, and listen. Do you have your
(09:01):
own car? Because why are you always riding with her? Basically? No?
And listen, listen, No, I'm not down to you. If
you don't have a car, that's fine. If you don't
have a car. And if you don't have a car
and she does and she is your only means of transportation,
is that the reason why you haven't bought this up
to her? If you haven't because you feel like, all right,
this is her car. You know I ain't I ain't
(09:23):
driving right now, but every time I get in this
motherfucking car, this ship linked all the way back. I'm
guessing further than when you lean it back. That's what
I'm guessing, because you said it's never how you left it, okay,
So that means one, you're always in her passenger seats,
so that means you're never driving. And then too, you
pay attention, motherfucker. That's that's what that means. You pay attention.
I do get it. You have to talk to her.
(09:44):
You have to talk to her. Some girls leaning all
the way back. She might have a home girl, or
she might have a guy in the car. It may
not be somebody that she's sucking with it. Maybe I
don't know. It could be a homeboy, a cousin, Like
do you notice a guy best friend that she has?
Like you, you have to sit down and talk. Things
are so childish to me. These are childish. And the
(10:05):
reason why I'm deeming it as childish, guys, because these
are just one two questions that you can talk to
your mate about. And if you ain't scared, you know
what I mean, you can go and talk to your
girlfriend about that. You're supposed to be able to call
your bitch and be like or go in the house
and be like, yo's come here, come here, come go
go in and get her asked up if she sleep
or go get her out the kitchen, if she's cooking,
(10:26):
take her, pull her away from the TV. Listen, come here,
let me let me show you this real quick. Take
her ass outside by her hand, lead her around the car,
Open up that goddamn door. Show her, Yo, this ain't
how I left it. What's this like? You know? Talk
to her, ask her, and I guarantee you you either
gonna get the truth or you ain't. But whatever her responses,
(10:49):
you're gonna know what happened. Whatever the fucking response is,
You're gonna be able to get the truth. You will
know something right or you was just overreacting, you said
every time you get in there. So either she is
frequently cheating or she not, it gotta be the same person.
If the ship always linked back, it gotta be the
same person. And if she is cheating, that means this
(11:12):
bitch love niggas that don't drive. That's what I'm just
gonna keep it, Keep it simple for you, baby. She
just she loved the fact that y'all depend on her.
She loved the fact that y'all need her. A lot
of women love to be needed. They love to be
a necessity to a man. You get what I'm saying.
They love for a man to depend on them. I
need for you to get your own car, and if
you in her house, get the funk up out of
(11:32):
there too, because if there is another man in her
car every time you get out, it is another man
in her house every time you leave out. So I
need for you to understand that, brother, and we're gonna
move on. We got another man, yes, lord, I love it. Yo.
My baby mother has been receiving child support. But my
baby is well taken care of by me and her.
(11:54):
We both work and have jobs. So why the funk
and my own child support? Right? She uses the money
to buy nice things for herself. What the fuck? You'll say,
what the fuck? I get it and makes you upset
and listen. On a more serious note, these women they
do that ship. There there are mothers out here like that.
There are men out here, these fathers who are taking
(12:16):
care of their children and they are still on child support. Ship.
I know men that keep their kids, primarily single fathers
who are on fucking child support literally, like my father
was just one of them. My father was just on
child support for his daughter and his daughter lives with him.
My little sister was living with him and still was
on child support. You feel me like, it's just hard.
(12:38):
Once you go on, it's hard as ship to get
you off. That's why I always tell ladies, listen, if
you don't need to put him on child support, if
you absolutely don't need to and you're not doing it
out of spite and you really really fucking need child support,
don't put them on there unless you really need it,
because it's hard as fun to get a man off,
(12:58):
and that's not the way you hit below the belt.
If a guy is really taking care of his child
and you don't need the state for those extra benefits
and you don't need to go through the courts to
get him to take care of your child, don't do it.
All other personal ship don't have nothing to do with
the baby. Seriously, And I know this sounds like cliche,
but this is real life ship that women go through
(13:20):
and men go through. My son's dad, rome little baby father,
he on child support. Two of his kids moms have
him on child support because them bitches was mad at him,
not because he don't take care of his kids. He
still take care of his kids. What y'all don't understand
is when y'all do that ship out of feelings and
all that type of ship, and y'all get back cool
with the nigga, then y'all feel bad. Then y'all try
(13:41):
to take him off, but the state don't work like that. Now.
They're not just gonna oh he he good this week?
Are we gonna take them off and ship? Now? It's
so many loopholes and so many hurdles and obstacles you
have to jump through and go through and conquer to
get a man off of child support. It's not that
fucking easy. And then also when you put a man
on child support who's taking care of his child, you're
(14:02):
actually taking away from with the child could potentially have
if they weren't on child support. Because even with my
son's dad, he's on child support for one of his kids.
He was doing so much more for her before he
was put on child support. So it's like, damn, you
didn't sunk that up because you're mad because the nigga
ain't with you, but he's still taking kid of his baby,
(14:22):
and you had the baby so he would stay with you.
But you've got to understand also that these men are
not staying for these babies. A baby cannot keep a man,
and that is very selfish to a child, very selfish.
So I'm sorry, brother, I'm so, so sorry, but you
need to take that ship to the courts. Okay. You
need to be able to provide proof that your daughter
(14:44):
or your son or I don't know if it's children
are well taken care of. You know, you need to
see counsel and you know, try to get custody or
joint custody or something like that that will help you
out in that situation, because I know how that looks
and I know how that feels. There's been many a
times that my son's dad has cried over that ship, like, yo,
I'm literally going broke trying to take care of my
(15:08):
kids and page you'll support, Why the fund do I
have to do both when I'm already taking care of them?
You know? So I definitely do understand your frustration, and
I'm sorry about that, brother, because a lot of times
these women ain't shipped, These mothers ain't shet y'all. Lord,
Now we got a commercial and if you click off
of this podcast, I swear I'm gonna beat your ass.
Listen Okay, moving on, I broke up with my nigga.
(15:31):
Oh my god, stop saying nigga, this is this is
a young girl right here. I broke up with my nigga.
And the crazy thing is I started falling for his
best friend. His best friend is the one that I
wanted from the jump, but he was in a relationship already.
I broke up with my boyfriend around the same time
he broke up with his girlfriend. Would that be bad
(15:52):
if we started to link? Bitch, let me tell you
something the way you just asked me that motherfucking question.
You already linking with this nigga. Don't don't sit here.
Don't sit here and try to Yeah, I'm talking to
you because I know you're listening, all right. Don't sit
here and try to act like you ain't already make
up in your mind that she was gonna funk with
that nigga before you broke up with his friend. Don't
(16:14):
do that. Okay. You know I ain't for this ship.
I ain't for it. You know. I support a lot
of funk ships. Sometimes I support a lot of ratch city.
You know, I support a lot of ghet on this.
I do a lot of messy ship, but not this
that as nasty as fun, and they're not just friends.
They ain't just homeboys, but they're not co workers. Okay,
they're they're best friends. You just said to me you
(16:36):
had your eye on the best friend before you even
pursued his homeboy. It must have been a reason why
he wasn't able to date this nigga. He was in
a relationship, right, so you played house with his homeboy
and monitored his relationship the whole time because y'all just
out of nowhere coincidentally broke up at the same time,
broke up with your boyfriend and girlfriend at the same
(16:58):
damn time, And you ask in me, would it be
wrong for y'all to link you? Motherfucking right, is wrong
that you're sucking that nigga? Yep, I ain't even gonna
answer it, like you didn't already go see him, stop playing,
And honestly, I'm gonna take it a step further. You
might have been sucking around with the best friend while
you was with your boyfriend, and the poor boyfriend don't know,
and the poor girlfriend don't know. I hope they all listening,
(17:20):
because that's nasty. And her name is Stasia. I'm gonna
put you out there, bitch. Anastasia is her name, Anastasia
right to seven? All right, I ain't gonna put out
the whole Instagram. And I just got mad at that
because that's some nasty as ship. Girl. You already knew
I wasn't going to agree with that ship. I'm moving
on from that. That's that's disgusted. Okay, moving on. Okay,
(17:43):
I like this one. Hey, Jess. I am a wealthy author. Okay.
I have four books out and I'm on my fifth one.
I am currently engaged and about to get married. I
presented the idea of a prenup to my fiancee and
he refused to sign it. Am I wrong for that? Well,
let me ask you a question, and you're gonna eventually
(18:05):
write me back. Is that a dealbreaker for you that
he won't sign it? I need some more information, I
need some more meat. I need to know how long
you've been together. Were you struggling with him before? Like,
what was he with you when you didn't have anything?
If you if you've ever had nothing, you know what
I mean? Maybe you have never been in that predicament
of not not trying to put that on you. I'm
(18:26):
just saying, was he there? You know what I mean?
Prenups are always scary for people because there has been
a stigma put on them. A prenup is an agreement
that you signed prior to marriage that states you leave
this marriage like you came in. You leave this marriage
with whatever you brought to this marriage. That's what a
(18:47):
prenup is put in place for. Okay, Now, without the prenup,
if you guys get a divorce, she would then have
to give up half of everything that she worked hard for,
or even if he didn't have anything to do with it,
half of it would go to him, you know, and
then depends on any other things that their lawyers work
out or whatever. But is it a deal breaker for you?
I can't even really speak on it until I know,
(19:08):
you know, because I'm gonna give you this. Charlemagne and
God just sat down and did an interview, right, and
I love him by the way, he and his wife
they don't have a print up. And he explained the
reason why she's always been down for me. She was
my rider die when I was in between jobs. That
woman was taking me to work, helping me fill out applications.
She was paying all the bills. There were times where
(19:30):
I didn't know I didn't have a damn job, and
she was still grinding. She was helping me and and
taking care of everything, you know, and our kids and
just all of that ship. I could never present her
with the fucking prenup, is what he's saying. I would never.
That's my best friend, that's my you know, she deserves
half of that ship if we ever get a divorce.
But we ain't getting no fucking divorce, is what he said.
(19:53):
You have to be sure when you walk in down
that out that you don't even expect to be divorced.
A lot of people get married with the notion that
they're not gonna be together forever, or maybe we won't
make it to the end. These days, it's just like
people date with options open, keeping options open because they're
so scared that the ship won't work. You can't date
(20:14):
like that, you can't marry someone like that. You can't
be in a marriage unsure. I gotta be able to
know if I'm walking around with a ring on and
I got a husband, I ain't think about no motherfucking divorce.
I ain't think about none of that ship, even if
we're going through some ship. I ain't thinking about canceling
my contract on this, nigga, because that's exactly what a
marriage is, a contract before God whoever. You want to
(20:35):
look at it like that or not. Ship, we're not
breaching no motherfucking contract. We ain't doing it. I mean,
we're not breaking no fucking contract. Even if you breach
the contract with infidelity, with flies whatever. All right, we're
gonna sit down, we're gonna think about we're gonna, you know,
it's other routes to take real quick separation, and we're
gonna figure out if if if I'm better over here
and you better over there, and then we can talk
(20:56):
about divorce. But that ship shouldn't even be on your
mind when you're getting married, well before you even walk
down the aisle, you know what I mean, they're in
the engagement phase. Is that a deal breaker for you? Woman?
By the way, I just want to take a moment
to congratulate you on your fifth book. I congratulate your wealth,
I congratulate even your engagement. I'm so happy you're a woman.
(21:20):
You're doing your thing. Let me know about your book.
You didn't even say you're you know, maybe you didn't
want nobody to know who you who you were. I
get it, definitely, that's probably why. But I will support
your books because I read sometimes. You know, it's just sometimes,
but I'll be reading or whatever. And I got a
lot of people that will read to me, you know,
if I don't want to read. So yeah, but I
definitely do understand how you feel, baby girl. It's just
(21:41):
a conversation. It's a conversation and it shouldn't be a
hard one even if it is. Are you willing to
even set there for it? Are you willing to do
the work? You're not even married to this man yet,
but there is a reason why you're engaged, So don't
forget that. And just like that, we come to the
end of yet another Carefully Reckless episode. Just Fix My
s is the new segment that I got going on
(22:02):
right now, the new and improved segment that I got
going on right now. Make sure you write to the
Carefully Reckless page followed by Jessillaris Underscore Official. You can
go right to my followers. I'm only following seven people
found the page there. Submit your inquiries, submit your questions,
submit anything that you need advice on, and any other
topics that you want to hear me touch on. I
(22:22):
love you guys. Tune in every week. Next week hump Day,
Carefully Reckless, and then my deepest pan Voys. Carefully Reckless
(23:43):
is a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect.
For more podcasts from My heart Radio, visit the I
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Host
Jess Hilarious
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