December 21, 2022 • 22 mins
Wussup y'all! Jess is fixing all types of mess this week. There's family drama, trifling friends and even lies about citizenship. Tap in!
If you want Jess to fix your mess, DM her on Instagram: @carefullyrecklesspodcast
By submitting voice or written messages to this account via Direct Message, you are consenting to and authorizing its use and likeness in any manner on all Carefully Reckless platforms.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio
and the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back
on the air. Happy Wednesday, y'all, welcome back to get
another Carefully Reckless episode with your girl just hilarious. I'm
(00:22):
gonna up straight and we got more voice notes. I
love it, y'all, I love this ship. I still got
a lot of stories to read. What I'll revisit that
next week. We're gonna start with the voice notes. Make
those priority this week. How I'm gonna do it is
I'll do for the first two weeks out of the month,
I'll do voice notes, and in the last two weeks
(00:44):
out of the month, I'll do the red stories because
I still want you guys to send in paragraphs or whatever.
I joke and play. When I say, you guys, don't punctuate.
I can read through it and I can make sense
of it unless you just playing damn slow. All right,
get your ship together. We're gonna start off, jump straight
into it. Here we go. Hey, Jess, I just want
(01:05):
to say I've been listening to since episode one of
this podcast, and girl, I love you. I love you, Rails.
I missed just with the mess, but I know why
you stopped doing it with your son and Chadwick, and
I respect that. But anyways, my mass is family related,
and I'm gonna try to keep it shorter than it
really could get. So I have a cousin, and me
(01:26):
and that cousin grew up kind of like sister brother cousins,
similar age, and we got to be older, you know,
groups mingo, I have a date his friends, he would
did a few of my friends. Always was you know.
That's how it went. As we got a little older,
it started to seem like he wanted to kind of
shut me out but still dat my friends. So I
had a friend and at the time, he had a
(01:48):
child on the way, and I invited my friend to
a family event. She met my cousin, unknowing to me.
They exchange numbers. Fast forward a few weeks later, him
and his baby's mother fell out because she went through
his phone and found messages of him and my friend.
When I approached my friend about it, she kind of
told me, basically, it's none of your business. I didn't
(02:09):
tell you it's not your business, So I left it
at that. Um From there, she kind of just distanced
herself from me and let it be known that she
didn't want to be my friend no more. Basically, she
got what she was there for. So that was the
end of our friendship. My cousin and I never really
mended things back to where we were, but you know,
feeling his family and I still was around him here
(02:30):
and there. He meets another friend of mine, the same
thing things go left with them. She's actually a closer
friend of mine, and she tells me what he actually
says about me when he's with her, the things he
says about me, and gives me insight on why every
time he dates one of my friends they stopped being
my friend. He was going as far as saying anything
(02:52):
that you hear from my cousin, don't believe it. Just
completely assassinated my character, just attacking me and making me
out be somebody I wasn't because he was a piece
of ship, to say the least way, cheating, running around
and always assumed that I was going to be the
reason why he got caught up instead of realizing that
everything you do when the dark comes to the light.
(03:13):
So now after I'm aware of this is what he
says about me, I've just sense myself even more the
girl that I was originally friends with that stop being
friends with me has been in the background all this time,
and now she's pregnant, he's gotten himself into legal trouble,
and she's going to be dealing with a child on
her own for a bit. I have history with that
(03:35):
particular situation, not with the child, but with having the
loved one go away because of the law, and I'm
battling should I reach out to her After everything I've done,
I've lost two good friends behind my cousin, but essentially
those were not my friends. I've come to terms with
that also that if they were supposed to be my friends,
they'd be in my life, and it's you know, I
(03:57):
I take responsibility for still allowing him to be on
my friends, but I also understand that again, if they
were my friends, they would be there. I respect the
second one more because she at least was honest with
me about it, But I'm battling with the fact that
the first one is carrying a child that is a
part of my blood, and then also knowing what she's
gonna be dealing with because my cousin is going to
(04:18):
be away, and I don't know if I should reach out,
or if I should just be like, bitch, fuck you,
this is your karma from five years ago, because I
told you why, it's not the funk with him. Help me, Jess,
help me girl. Girl. First of all, I just want
to say, you sound just like Gabrielle Union girls. Where
to God you got the Gabrielle Union voice. Hey, you
sound like somebody else, but that is not why you're
(04:38):
writing me today, all right, So anyway, let's get into it.
I love your voice, by the way, girl, the raspiness, Girl,
I listen. I ain't weird and nothing like that. I
just love certain voices, girl, and yours is one of them. Okay,
So you can go about this two different ways now,
and you would be totally within your right, well within
(04:59):
your right to pick either one. Now. The fact that
he does have a child on the way, and he
is by the first friend who was gonna be destined
to get that karma one way or another. This is
still your blood. So I can tell that you're a
family person, you know, like you said, you and your
cousin were raised as siblings, you know, and you see
that a lot in families period. You know. I was
(05:21):
gonna say black families. But I mean because that's the
only race that I've seen it, and because that's the
only race I am. But we do that. You know,
my cousin London was raised as my sister. You know
my cousin Terrell was raised as my brother. And we
are big on family, a very big family oriented family.
So I do understand that. Now, although you and your
cousin are not as tight as you guys used to
(05:42):
be thanks to the females and all the ship that
he does or whatever, you seem to still have a
certain attachment. You always have him in your heart somewhere
because you guys were raised together. It's a lot of
history there now. Just wasn't regular cousins. Y'all were like
siblings slash cousins. So I get it. That's a bond there.
It's just been tampered with a little bit, but it's
still nonetheless a bond. I know you would love to
(06:02):
see his child grow beautifully and you know healthy. I
know you would love to be there for the birth.
I can just tell. I can hear it in your voice.
You love your cousin still and you would love anything
that he produced and that and that would be a
baby and your first friend child. Now, listen, I ain't
gonna let my personal experiences and how I feel about
it dictate how I speak to you with this situation,
(06:24):
because I'm not gonna be biased at all. But Karma
was definitely knocking at her door. She answered it, she
got it. I would only reach out to her if
it is only about the baby, just to be honest
with you, because females like that, they don't tend to change.
And she was already grown when she made this big,
gass grown decision at her big age. And then your
(06:47):
cousin just moves so recklessly. He didn't never seem to
be serious with either of your friends. It's just females
that he was just fucking And you were forewarning these
girls and they're still just going along with it, you know,
like all whatever, whatever, because I bet he find it's hell,
ain't he? I bet he fucking fine? Child? Please, But
what's significant about your story is his family. I get
(07:08):
a lot of relationships, stories and questions and and things
that I would advise people on, but this is family,
and so this is a little bit more delicate, you know,
because y'all are always going to be blood. I want
to know have you talked to him since he's been
in jail, because obviously that's where he is. You said
he got into some legal trouble in this girl. She
will be raising the baby on her own for a while,
(07:29):
and then he has another baby as well, because he
had a girlfriend the whole time he was sucking with
your friends. Man, niggas everywhere. Well he was everywhere and
now he is in one place for a long time.
But um, have you talked to him? Has he written you?
Has he wrote you? Has he you know? Is there
are there letters? Like? Because I think that you should
(07:50):
speak to him first as well. I mean it's not
not to ask his permission about the baby, but I
think you should kind of bridge that gap to reconcile,
be the bigger person and kind of get through to
him a little bit. Like, look, man, we were raised
a particular way. We were raised as brother and sister. Okay,
we got older, we went our separate ways, and you know,
you started dating my friends, and you know you you're
(08:11):
a womanizer, You're not really a loyal, faithful guy. So yes,
I told my friends. I was forewarning my friends. I
didn't want to see my friends hurt. You're always going
to be my cousin. You were in a relationship, for
God's sake, so I was actually trying to save you
two and save the damn girl that you were with
who had your baby. You know at that time, do
you walk around get one of my friends pregnant, wasn't
even with her. Then you fuck enough one of my
(08:33):
friends and the cycle would have probably still been going
on today if you were physically able to fund more
friends of mine. I don't think you should blame yourself
for any of this, Honey. I heard you say, you know,
it's my fault that I put him around my friends. Now,
all people are people, it's social. You could be around
women that Nigga can be around women without sickeness, dick
in one. It don't matter. No, that's not your fault.
(08:54):
You're not his supervisor. You don't have to supervise his
interactions with women just because they're your friends. You shouldn't
feel that. I think you should reach out to him,
Definitely have a conversation with him and just be real
and told him you have this baby on the way by.
You know one of my former friends, and I want
to reach out to her. I don't know how you're
feeling about it. Do you think it's yours? First of all, baby,
(09:15):
find out if because you know, these bitches ain't ship,
maybe lie and we know what type of friend the
first one is, so we don't know. But find out
if the baby is his, and see if he even
thinks it his or whatever. And out of the love
for the baby would be the only fucking reason that
I would reach out to her. But to be honest,
if I can give you my like what I would do,
(09:35):
I wouldn't. I wouldn't reach out at all. I wouldn't.
You're gonna get to know the baby, you're gonna grow up.
And then that friend may even have animosity towards you,
because nobody likes to meet the person that told them
that they would be here one day and they're actually there.
Nobody likes that I told you so. And even though
you're probably not that type of person, she's gonna feel
that off the rip, and she's gonna already be probably
(09:57):
bitter towards you because now she's in to such a
waition that she never thought she would be in had
she listened to her friend that one year she wouldn't
be here but yes, it's out of the the cookie crumbles.
So only if it's about the baby, if the baby
is his. But if not, I wouldn't. I wouldn't. But
check back in with me, girl, check back in now.
(10:19):
We got a commercial and if you click off of
this podcast, I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen. Alright,
moving on, guys, Hi, juss I had a question for you.
I recently ended my relationship of a year and a
half with a man. We lived together. We don't have
any children together, but he was very close with my children.
He didn't have any children of his own. But I
(10:41):
end up the relationship for a couple of different reasons. One,
I had helped him apply for a better job because
he wasn't he was working a minimum wage job, and
through that I found out that he was not a
US citizen, and so he lied to me about his citizenship,
which is a red flag for me because I'm in
the military and that could have affected me and my
clearance to I ended the relationship because over a year
(11:04):
and a half, I never got to meet his family,
even though they're here locally, and that's a reflect to
me because I want a family who's going to embrace me,
my children and just the lying and all that. But
I still feel so bad about ending the relationship because
I still have love for him. How am I able
to move on from this? Because it wasn't like it
(11:25):
ended nasty per se. It was just I got to
a point where I couldn't accept what was happening anymore
because that was a huge lie. And then the family
thing really threw me off. But my question to you
is how can I move forward and moving on from
this relationship. I could really use any advice that you have.
(11:46):
Thank you so much. I love you and your comedy.
Oh you're so sweet. Thank you girl. I appreciate that.
I appreciate that you love my comedy and also appreciate
what you do for your country. So with that being said, yes,
they're there's no way that he could have possibly thought
to not eventually tell you the truth when he realized,
(12:08):
like how detrimental ship could have gotten for you and
your family, Like you said, they could have affected your clearance.
That's a bold lie. That's a huge lie. Now, I
do understand sometimes people keep these type of things from
people just protecting themselves from being broken up with or
(12:29):
you know, from being looked that crazy or being deported,
or but you loved him. You know, you are in
a relationship for over a year and a half, so
you think I'm gonna be with you and you don't
tell me about this ship, but I gotta find out
because I'm actually trying to help you work, girl. So
what I would say, what could also be an option,
(12:50):
is that he knew that the only way that he
could be granted citizenship is if he could get married.
I think that he probably wanted to you you, to
marry him, really really fall in love with you, because
he probably didn't have any money because you obviously you
said he was. He was trying to get him a job.
You know, usually people come over here and they pay
(13:12):
for someone to marry them so they can get their card.
You know what I'm saying. I know lots of people
that has has done it. That's a real thing. But
because he knew he didn't have any money, he just
chose to do it the more fucked up way. And
I think he still felt for you. I'm not saying
you don't love you. I'm just saying maybe that wasn't
the initial agenda upon meeting you, and you're in the
(13:35):
military and all that, because that could be the only
reason why I'm thinking that this man didn't tell you
about that ship, like you and your family could be
going through some ship right now because he didn't keep
it up front with you. That's not good to even
put you and your kids at jeopardy like that. So
do you really love me? Was this year and a
half fake or what? Like? I need some fucking answers,
(13:57):
you know what I'm saying? Like that, that is me
speaking as you demanding for answers. They're like, just be
honest with me. I already love you, We already did
the work in the relationship. Is this real? Do you
love me? Or did you just have a plan to
be granted citizenship and you use me to do so eventually?
Because like you said, you want a family, So I
know you have talked about marriage, y'all had to. I
(14:18):
don't even have to ask you that. I know that
because you want a family, you want his family to
accept your kids. You've been his girlfriend for over a
fucking year and to something that may not be a
lot of time. That's a lot of time to me,
especially if you're around my kids and and you know
you know my family and I don't know yours. Yes,
that's a red flag, Yes, ma'am. Why the hell didn't
(14:41):
I get to meet your mom? Why the hell can't
I meet your family? What what he said to you?
You said they're locally here. Did he ever give you
an answer on why he hasn't let you meet them yet,
or he hasn't introduced you or even you know what
I'm saying. Have you ever talked to his mother on
the phone? Have you ever even seen him face time?
Just anything? If not for real, then my point is
(15:06):
proven to be true. He never really had any real
mm hmm, any real plans on keeping you around once
y'all got married, You got that green called girl, that
boy was gonna be out. And I really honestly believe that.
I really honestly believe that, because why the hell haven't
you met his mom and his other family. I'm very
very sorry that you're going through this. I'm sorry for
(15:28):
you and your babies because I know that they've already
gotten to know him obviously, I mean ship they had to,
they had to get to know him. I do want
to extend an apology, like, oh my god, I hate
that you're going through that and you don't deserve it.
But I think that you should let it go because
it's already a year and a half of your time wasted.
(15:51):
And the reason why because I know you love him.
The reason why I say wasted is because I want
to open your eyes to what funk I think he
was really trying to do. And I know you had
to think it in the back of your mind, but
because you love him, you probably didn't want to face
it that that's what he was doing, right that was
(16:12):
his process the whole time. Like I said, I won't
say he don't love you, but he definitely had an agenda.
It was a motive behind all this love and this
relationship and all that. I think it's best for you
to leave, I do while you put a whole year
and a half in it, and that is not a
short amount of time. I don't think it's an extremely
(16:35):
long amount of time for you to leave that ship
alone right now, because imagine y'all could be five years
in and then this motherfucker's life and then it's the
way you found out. You found out because you were
trying to help him get a job, so he would
have never told you this. You understand what I'm saying.
You would have never told you this. That could be
another reason why he didn't want you to meet his
(16:56):
family either. Now they might tell it and I'm not
here on it, you know, or unless the family was
down with the plan from the jump, come here and
meet somebody, marry them, and then you can be with
us forever or whatever the fuck. You know. I'm really
frustrated that she's going through this ship, So don't mind,
my curson, and I'm very sorry about that. But check
back in with me. You are way way wait, wait
(17:18):
to deserve and of something else, of something more than
to be dealing with this. Check back in with me, girl.
If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and
then we'll be right back. That's some bullshit, y'all. Like,
I really don't like that. I don't like that for
her at all. You never know who you're sleeping with,
(17:40):
You never know who you're sucking dealing with. You never know.
She was in a relationship with this man for eighteen
months and he lied. Now what I want to know
and she didn't tell me, was when she found out
was that recently? Was that when she just broke up
with him? Is that what she just broke up with
him for or did she continue to be in a
(18:01):
relationship with him? Because she says she just can't deal
with it anymore, that means that she was actually trying
to deal with it. And you see what we do
as women. I can't say men do this, because I'm
not a man. I don't know, but I know women
do this. We often. I'm gonna say it right, I'm
gonna just saying the way I know how to say it,
(18:22):
and then y'all can take it exactly how y'all want
to take it. We actually will dem our happiness for
someone else's and I actually spoken this before in the
previous episode. We'll dem our happiness and even be a
little miserable, a little miserable for somebody else to be
happy for our man, or our women, or our husband
(18:43):
or our wife. Like we we will do that. Why
why why why? Why why should you being happy cost
me any of my happiness? People make love difficult. I
don't really think that love is difficult. I don't think
that love is working. And listen, I'm actually contradict to
myself because in previous episodes I've said this, love is hard.
Love is work. Love is no. Love is what you
(19:05):
make it. It's not the love. And I was just
talking to my best friend about this. Take this, and
I'm in this episode. It's not that love is hard.
It's about these people that's jumping in these relationships and
they're trying to love and they're fucked up in their
brains individually. So then when you try to go fucking
be with somebody, you ain't got yourself together. So now
(19:25):
you're trying to offend for two and you mentally don't
even know what the funk you want or you don't
know what the fund is going on with you. You've
got issues that you don't even know you have, and
you don't even see the issues until somebody else is
there to ignite that ship in you. That's your significant other.
When you jump in these relationships, people don't know themselves
(19:47):
until they get with somebody else. Because people, you have
to learn how to use people as mirrors. Oh ship,
this is what I'm doing this? Why are you acting
like this? Because what I'm doing And then sometimes that's
even dangerous. That's why you gotta make sure you know
who you are and you get all your ship together
before you try to be with another motherfucker, because now
that you're in a relationship and you're seeing these issues
(20:07):
now that you never even knew you had before, Now
you blame it on the other person because none of
this was happening. I wasn't like this until I met
you know, you were like this. You just what, never
with nobody that showed you this ship. It's deep, it
gets deep, it gets deep, and that's why a lot
of people need therapy before they get in relationships. You
(20:29):
can't take two funked up people, put them in a relationship,
and then now they go seek counseling together. Na, No, no no, no,
because y'all just learning how to be together. You're not
even learning how to be alone yet. When you know
how to be alone, that's when you can fathom learning
how to be together with someone else. If you can't
(20:49):
be alone, that's scary because you ain't always gonna be
with your partner. So what the funk will you do
when you're alone? You'll go crazy. People don't understand that
it's deep, and I could go deeper, but y'all gonna
have to wait untill next week. And just like that,
we come to the end of this episode with your
Girl just hilarious. Carefully Reckless. Y'all need to tune in
each and every Wednesday, seven am and watch Reckless only
(21:11):
on YouTube every Wednesday seven pm. Catch it tonight. Happy
Holidays and happy New Year. Found talk to y'all. Carefully
(22:30):
Reckless is a production of I Heart Radio and The
Black Effect. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit
the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you
listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio
and the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back
on the air. Happy Wednesday, y'all, welcome back to get
another Carefully Reckless episode with your girl just hilarious. I'm
(00:22):
gonna up straight and we got more voice notes. I
love it, y'all, I love this ship. I still got
a lot of stories to read. What I'll revisit that
next week. We're gonna start with the voice notes. Make
those priority this week. How I'm gonna do it is
I'll do for the first two weeks out of the month,
I'll do voice notes, and in the last two weeks
(00:44):
out of the month, I'll do the red stories because
I still want you guys to send in paragraphs or whatever.
I joke and play. When I say, you guys, don't punctuate.
I can read through it and I can make sense
of it unless you just playing damn slow. All right,
get your ship together. We're gonna start off, jump straight
into it. Here we go. Hey, Jess, I just want
(01:05):
to say I've been listening to since episode one of
this podcast, and girl, I love you. I love you, Rails.
I missed just with the mess, but I know why
you stopped doing it with your son and Chadwick, and
I respect that. But anyways, my mass is family related,
and I'm gonna try to keep it shorter than it
really could get. So I have a cousin, and me
(01:26):
and that cousin grew up kind of like sister brother cousins,
similar age, and we got to be older, you know,
groups mingo, I have a date his friends, he would
did a few of my friends. Always was you know.
That's how it went. As we got a little older,
it started to seem like he wanted to kind of
shut me out but still dat my friends. So I
had a friend and at the time, he had a
(01:48):
child on the way, and I invited my friend to
a family event. She met my cousin, unknowing to me.
They exchange numbers. Fast forward a few weeks later, him
and his baby's mother fell out because she went through
his phone and found messages of him and my friend.
When I approached my friend about it, she kind of
told me, basically, it's none of your business. I didn't
(02:09):
tell you it's not your business, So I left it
at that. Um From there, she kind of just distanced
herself from me and let it be known that she
didn't want to be my friend no more. Basically, she
got what she was there for. So that was the
end of our friendship. My cousin and I never really
mended things back to where we were, but you know,
feeling his family and I still was around him here
(02:30):
and there. He meets another friend of mine, the same
thing things go left with them. She's actually a closer
friend of mine, and she tells me what he actually
says about me when he's with her, the things he
says about me, and gives me insight on why every
time he dates one of my friends they stopped being
my friend. He was going as far as saying anything
(02:52):
that you hear from my cousin, don't believe it. Just
completely assassinated my character, just attacking me and making me
out be somebody I wasn't because he was a piece
of ship, to say the least way, cheating, running around
and always assumed that I was going to be the
reason why he got caught up instead of realizing that
everything you do when the dark comes to the light.
(03:13):
So now after I'm aware of this is what he
says about me, I've just sense myself even more the
girl that I was originally friends with that stop being
friends with me has been in the background all this time,
and now she's pregnant, he's gotten himself into legal trouble,
and she's going to be dealing with a child on
her own for a bit. I have history with that
(03:35):
particular situation, not with the child, but with having the
loved one go away because of the law, and I'm
battling should I reach out to her After everything I've done,
I've lost two good friends behind my cousin, but essentially
those were not my friends. I've come to terms with
that also that if they were supposed to be my friends,
they'd be in my life, and it's you know, I
(03:57):
I take responsibility for still allowing him to be on
my friends, but I also understand that again, if they
were my friends, they would be there. I respect the
second one more because she at least was honest with
me about it, But I'm battling with the fact that
the first one is carrying a child that is a
part of my blood, and then also knowing what she's
gonna be dealing with because my cousin is going to
(04:18):
be away, and I don't know if I should reach out,
or if I should just be like, bitch, fuck you,
this is your karma from five years ago, because I
told you why, it's not the funk with him. Help me, Jess,
help me girl. Girl. First of all, I just want
to say, you sound just like Gabrielle Union girls. Where
to God you got the Gabrielle Union voice. Hey, you
sound like somebody else, but that is not why you're
(04:38):
writing me today, all right, So anyway, let's get into it.
I love your voice, by the way, girl, the raspiness, Girl,
I listen. I ain't weird and nothing like that. I
just love certain voices, girl, and yours is one of them. Okay,
So you can go about this two different ways now,
and you would be totally within your right, well within
(04:59):
your right to pick either one. Now. The fact that
he does have a child on the way, and he
is by the first friend who was gonna be destined
to get that karma one way or another. This is
still your blood. So I can tell that you're a
family person, you know, like you said, you and your
cousin were raised as siblings, you know, and you see
that a lot in families period. You know. I was
(05:21):
gonna say black families. But I mean because that's the
only race that I've seen it, and because that's the
only race I am. But we do that. You know,
my cousin London was raised as my sister. You know
my cousin Terrell was raised as my brother. And we
are big on family, a very big family oriented family.
So I do understand that. Now, although you and your
cousin are not as tight as you guys used to
(05:42):
be thanks to the females and all the ship that
he does or whatever, you seem to still have a
certain attachment. You always have him in your heart somewhere
because you guys were raised together. It's a lot of
history there now. Just wasn't regular cousins. Y'all were like
siblings slash cousins. So I get it. That's a bond there.
It's just been tampered with a little bit, but it's
still nonetheless a bond. I know you would love to
(06:02):
see his child grow beautifully and you know healthy. I
know you would love to be there for the birth.
I can just tell. I can hear it in your voice.
You love your cousin still and you would love anything
that he produced and that and that would be a
baby and your first friend child. Now, listen, I ain't
gonna let my personal experiences and how I feel about
it dictate how I speak to you with this situation,
(06:24):
because I'm not gonna be biased at all. But Karma
was definitely knocking at her door. She answered it, she
got it. I would only reach out to her if
it is only about the baby, just to be honest
with you, because females like that, they don't tend to change.
And she was already grown when she made this big,
gass grown decision at her big age. And then your
(06:47):
cousin just moves so recklessly. He didn't never seem to
be serious with either of your friends. It's just females
that he was just fucking And you were forewarning these
girls and they're still just going along with it, you know,
like all whatever, whatever, because I bet he find it's hell,
ain't he? I bet he fucking fine? Child? Please, But
what's significant about your story is his family. I get
(07:08):
a lot of relationships, stories and questions and and things
that I would advise people on, but this is family,
and so this is a little bit more delicate, you know,
because y'all are always going to be blood. I want
to know have you talked to him since he's been
in jail, because obviously that's where he is. You said
he got into some legal trouble in this girl. She
will be raising the baby on her own for a while,
(07:29):
and then he has another baby as well, because he
had a girlfriend the whole time he was sucking with
your friends. Man, niggas everywhere. Well he was everywhere and
now he is in one place for a long time.
But um, have you talked to him? Has he written you?
Has he wrote you? Has he you know? Is there
are there letters? Like? Because I think that you should
(07:50):
speak to him first as well. I mean it's not
not to ask his permission about the baby, but I
think you should kind of bridge that gap to reconcile,
be the bigger person and kind of get through to
him a little bit. Like, look, man, we were raised
a particular way. We were raised as brother and sister. Okay,
we got older, we went our separate ways, and you know,
you started dating my friends, and you know you you're
(08:11):
a womanizer, You're not really a loyal, faithful guy. So yes,
I told my friends. I was forewarning my friends. I
didn't want to see my friends hurt. You're always going
to be my cousin. You were in a relationship, for
God's sake, so I was actually trying to save you
two and save the damn girl that you were with
who had your baby. You know at that time, do
you walk around get one of my friends pregnant, wasn't
even with her. Then you fuck enough one of my
(08:33):
friends and the cycle would have probably still been going
on today if you were physically able to fund more
friends of mine. I don't think you should blame yourself
for any of this, Honey. I heard you say, you know,
it's my fault that I put him around my friends. Now,
all people are people, it's social. You could be around
women that Nigga can be around women without sickeness, dick
in one. It don't matter. No, that's not your fault.
(08:54):
You're not his supervisor. You don't have to supervise his
interactions with women just because they're your friends. You shouldn't
feel that. I think you should reach out to him,
Definitely have a conversation with him and just be real
and told him you have this baby on the way by.
You know one of my former friends, and I want
to reach out to her. I don't know how you're
feeling about it. Do you think it's yours? First of all, baby,
(09:15):
find out if because you know, these bitches ain't ship,
maybe lie and we know what type of friend the
first one is, so we don't know. But find out
if the baby is his, and see if he even
thinks it his or whatever. And out of the love
for the baby would be the only fucking reason that
I would reach out to her. But to be honest,
if I can give you my like what I would do,
(09:35):
I wouldn't. I wouldn't reach out at all. I wouldn't.
You're gonna get to know the baby, you're gonna grow up.
And then that friend may even have animosity towards you,
because nobody likes to meet the person that told them
that they would be here one day and they're actually there.
Nobody likes that I told you so. And even though
you're probably not that type of person, she's gonna feel
that off the rip, and she's gonna already be probably
(09:57):
bitter towards you because now she's in to such a
waition that she never thought she would be in had
she listened to her friend that one year she wouldn't
be here but yes, it's out of the the cookie crumbles.
So only if it's about the baby, if the baby
is his. But if not, I wouldn't. I wouldn't. But
check back in with me, girl, check back in now.
(10:19):
We got a commercial and if you click off of
this podcast, I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen. Alright,
moving on, guys, Hi, juss I had a question for you.
I recently ended my relationship of a year and a
half with a man. We lived together. We don't have
any children together, but he was very close with my children.
He didn't have any children of his own. But I
(10:41):
end up the relationship for a couple of different reasons. One,
I had helped him apply for a better job because
he wasn't he was working a minimum wage job, and
through that I found out that he was not a
US citizen, and so he lied to me about his citizenship,
which is a red flag for me because I'm in
the military and that could have affected me and my
clearance to I ended the relationship because over a year
(11:04):
and a half, I never got to meet his family,
even though they're here locally, and that's a reflect to
me because I want a family who's going to embrace me,
my children and just the lying and all that. But
I still feel so bad about ending the relationship because
I still have love for him. How am I able
to move on from this? Because it wasn't like it
(11:25):
ended nasty per se. It was just I got to
a point where I couldn't accept what was happening anymore
because that was a huge lie. And then the family
thing really threw me off. But my question to you
is how can I move forward and moving on from
this relationship. I could really use any advice that you have.
(11:46):
Thank you so much. I love you and your comedy.
Oh you're so sweet. Thank you girl. I appreciate that.
I appreciate that you love my comedy and also appreciate
what you do for your country. So with that being said, yes,
they're there's no way that he could have possibly thought
to not eventually tell you the truth when he realized,
(12:08):
like how detrimental ship could have gotten for you and
your family, Like you said, they could have affected your clearance.
That's a bold lie. That's a huge lie. Now, I
do understand sometimes people keep these type of things from
people just protecting themselves from being broken up with or
(12:29):
you know, from being looked that crazy or being deported,
or but you loved him. You know, you are in
a relationship for over a year and a half, so
you think I'm gonna be with you and you don't
tell me about this ship, but I gotta find out
because I'm actually trying to help you work, girl. So
what I would say, what could also be an option,
(12:50):
is that he knew that the only way that he
could be granted citizenship is if he could get married.
I think that he probably wanted to you you, to
marry him, really really fall in love with you, because
he probably didn't have any money because you obviously you
said he was. He was trying to get him a job.
You know, usually people come over here and they pay
(13:12):
for someone to marry them so they can get their card.
You know what I'm saying. I know lots of people
that has has done it. That's a real thing. But
because he knew he didn't have any money, he just
chose to do it the more fucked up way. And
I think he still felt for you. I'm not saying
you don't love you. I'm just saying maybe that wasn't
the initial agenda upon meeting you, and you're in the
(13:35):
military and all that, because that could be the only
reason why I'm thinking that this man didn't tell you
about that ship, like you and your family could be
going through some ship right now because he didn't keep
it up front with you. That's not good to even
put you and your kids at jeopardy like that. So
do you really love me? Was this year and a
half fake or what? Like? I need some fucking answers,
(13:57):
you know what I'm saying? Like that, that is me
speaking as you demanding for answers. They're like, just be
honest with me. I already love you, We already did
the work in the relationship. Is this real? Do you
love me? Or did you just have a plan to
be granted citizenship and you use me to do so eventually?
Because like you said, you want a family, So I
know you have talked about marriage, y'all had to. I
(14:18):
don't even have to ask you that. I know that
because you want a family, you want his family to
accept your kids. You've been his girlfriend for over a
fucking year and to something that may not be a
lot of time. That's a lot of time to me,
especially if you're around my kids and and you know
you know my family and I don't know yours. Yes,
that's a red flag, Yes, ma'am. Why the hell didn't
(14:41):
I get to meet your mom? Why the hell can't
I meet your family? What what he said to you?
You said they're locally here. Did he ever give you
an answer on why he hasn't let you meet them yet,
or he hasn't introduced you or even you know what
I'm saying. Have you ever talked to his mother on
the phone? Have you ever even seen him face time?
Just anything? If not for real, then my point is
(15:06):
proven to be true. He never really had any real
mm hmm, any real plans on keeping you around once
y'all got married, You got that green called girl, that
boy was gonna be out. And I really honestly believe that.
I really honestly believe that, because why the hell haven't
you met his mom and his other family. I'm very
very sorry that you're going through this. I'm sorry for
(15:28):
you and your babies because I know that they've already
gotten to know him obviously, I mean ship they had to,
they had to get to know him. I do want
to extend an apology, like, oh my god, I hate
that you're going through that and you don't deserve it.
But I think that you should let it go because
it's already a year and a half of your time wasted.
(15:51):
And the reason why because I know you love him.
The reason why I say wasted is because I want
to open your eyes to what funk I think he
was really trying to do. And I know you had
to think it in the back of your mind, but
because you love him, you probably didn't want to face
it that that's what he was doing, right that was
(16:12):
his process the whole time. Like I said, I won't
say he don't love you, but he definitely had an agenda.
It was a motive behind all this love and this
relationship and all that. I think it's best for you
to leave, I do while you put a whole year
and a half in it, and that is not a
short amount of time. I don't think it's an extremely
(16:35):
long amount of time for you to leave that ship
alone right now, because imagine y'all could be five years
in and then this motherfucker's life and then it's the
way you found out. You found out because you were
trying to help him get a job, so he would
have never told you this. You understand what I'm saying.
You would have never told you this. That could be
another reason why he didn't want you to meet his
(16:56):
family either. Now they might tell it and I'm not
here on it, you know, or unless the family was
down with the plan from the jump, come here and
meet somebody, marry them, and then you can be with
us forever or whatever the fuck. You know. I'm really
frustrated that she's going through this ship, So don't mind,
my curson, and I'm very sorry about that. But check
back in with me. You are way way wait, wait
(17:18):
to deserve and of something else, of something more than
to be dealing with this. Check back in with me, girl.
If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and
then we'll be right back. That's some bullshit, y'all. Like,
I really don't like that. I don't like that for
her at all. You never know who you're sleeping with,
(17:40):
You never know who you're sucking dealing with. You never know.
She was in a relationship with this man for eighteen
months and he lied. Now what I want to know
and she didn't tell me, was when she found out
was that recently? Was that when she just broke up
with him? Is that what she just broke up with
him for or did she continue to be in a
(18:01):
relationship with him? Because she says she just can't deal
with it anymore, that means that she was actually trying
to deal with it. And you see what we do
as women. I can't say men do this, because I'm
not a man. I don't know, but I know women
do this. We often. I'm gonna say it right, I'm
gonna just saying the way I know how to say it,
(18:22):
and then y'all can take it exactly how y'all want
to take it. We actually will dem our happiness for
someone else's and I actually spoken this before in the
previous episode. We'll dem our happiness and even be a
little miserable, a little miserable for somebody else to be
happy for our man, or our women, or our husband
(18:43):
or our wife. Like we we will do that. Why
why why why? Why why should you being happy cost
me any of my happiness? People make love difficult. I
don't really think that love is difficult. I don't think
that love is working. And listen, I'm actually contradict to
myself because in previous episodes I've said this, love is hard.
Love is work. Love is no. Love is what you
(19:05):
make it. It's not the love. And I was just
talking to my best friend about this. Take this, and
I'm in this episode. It's not that love is hard.
It's about these people that's jumping in these relationships and
they're trying to love and they're fucked up in their
brains individually. So then when you try to go fucking
be with somebody, you ain't got yourself together. So now
(19:25):
you're trying to offend for two and you mentally don't
even know what the funk you want or you don't
know what the fund is going on with you. You've
got issues that you don't even know you have, and
you don't even see the issues until somebody else is
there to ignite that ship in you. That's your significant other.
When you jump in these relationships, people don't know themselves
(19:47):
until they get with somebody else. Because people, you have
to learn how to use people as mirrors. Oh ship,
this is what I'm doing this? Why are you acting
like this? Because what I'm doing And then sometimes that's
even dangerous. That's why you gotta make sure you know
who you are and you get all your ship together
before you try to be with another motherfucker, because now
that you're in a relationship and you're seeing these issues
(20:07):
now that you never even knew you had before, Now
you blame it on the other person because none of
this was happening. I wasn't like this until I met
you know, you were like this. You just what, never
with nobody that showed you this ship. It's deep, it
gets deep, it gets deep, and that's why a lot
of people need therapy before they get in relationships. You
(20:29):
can't take two funked up people, put them in a relationship,
and then now they go seek counseling together. Na, No, no no, no,
because y'all just learning how to be together. You're not
even learning how to be alone yet. When you know
how to be alone, that's when you can fathom learning
how to be together with someone else. If you can't
(20:49):
be alone, that's scary because you ain't always gonna be
with your partner. So what the funk will you do
when you're alone? You'll go crazy. People don't understand that
it's deep, and I could go deeper, but y'all gonna
have to wait untill next week. And just like that,
we come to the end of this episode with your
Girl just hilarious. Carefully Reckless. Y'all need to tune in
each and every Wednesday, seven am and watch Reckless only
(21:11):
on YouTube every Wednesday seven pm. Catch it tonight. Happy
Holidays and happy New Year. Found talk to y'all. Carefully
(22:30):
Reckless is a production of I Heart Radio and The
Black Effect. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit
the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you
listen to your favorite shows.
Host
Jess Hilarious
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!