October 13, 2021 • 60 mins
More Drugs & Sex - and a guest! Steven & Lily are joined by the brilliant and hilarious downtown icon Lauren Servideo, to discuss rocker Anthony Kiedis's rowdy 2005 memoir, “Scar Tissue.” From Anthony's endless drug-fueled escapades to meeting the Dalai Lama, to sleeping with the same chicks as his dad, and many, many bi chicks, this one's a real trip.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is a headgun Podcastle book Club. I thought a fun,
super just fun way to loosen us up was just
for us all. This could be a cold open, or
maybe it will be so bad and we'll get put
in the trash, but for us to just all sing
scar tissue and just see what happens, that's a really yeah,
(00:23):
that's a fun idea. Just like y'all expect me to
harmonize on this too. I mean, I have a horrible singer,
so I think let's just see it's just that a wish,
so that a mist ship missing against the wall. Okay,
(01:02):
that makes sense because there's a lot of tits in
this book. Who's that knocking at the door. It's all
your friends, your filthy horror, your husband's gone, and we've
got books and a bottle of wine to kill. It's books,
it's gossip. I'm shook, it's memoir. It's more Teeny book
(01:27):
Club can read it while it's hot. Celebrity book Club,
tell your secrets. We won't talk celebrity books. No boys
are alloud. Celebrity book Club say it loud and cloud
Celebrity book Club. Buzz man I brought the queer Voe
Hey best friend. What's up, you badass bitch. What's up, dude?
(01:53):
How are you doing right now? I don't know. Man,
I'm coming off a six week high of just doing
it n of heroine and coke and speed with some
pretty awesome girlfriends in some pretty cool motels. So yeah,
I'm feel a little crazy. Yeah. I actually just tried
heroin for the first time, and I had heroin sex
(02:13):
for the first time. And man, I will tell you
I had sex for twelve hours and didn't even come
till the eleventh hour. Oh that's so fucking cool when
you just don't come for ten hours. That's one of
my favorite parts about mixing drugs and sex. Of course,
we are being crazy drug addicts and making fun of addiction,
which I takes a serious issue. Because we read a
(02:35):
phenomenal memoir this week by a phenomenal rock and roll poet, rapper,
artist fucking spirit, Anthony Keatis, lead singer with the Red
Hot Shelie Peppers, and his book Scar Tissue, And so
of course, when you do a rock book by an
iconic rocker, you think we need to get a rock
(02:58):
and roll chick to come on the I mean, someone
who knows what it means to be in the East Village. Yeah,
maybe the Lowries Village, so I may say alphabets City
East Village. No, I fucking love the lorist. Someone who
rock saw some vintage T shirts? Yeah, I don't know.
(03:18):
Someone whose favorite letters of the alphabet are CBGB anyone
and just getting an also all around hilarious chick, because
this podcast isn't just about rock music, it's about comedy. Yeah,
you probably think of us as like just like ultimate
rockers who are always like storing coke and like shooting
coke and fucking but we also fucking loves to gag
(03:42):
each other up and do improv And there's nothing more
fucking rock and roll than improv. And that's why we're
so excited to have all around badass downtown writer, videographer, choreographer, chick,
actress Impressiario the Impressionists, Impressions La Video. Also fellow Italian American.
(04:11):
I was just gonna say, another Italian American from Upstate
New York who is not Kelly Catrone. Wow, that's me
feeling a little laughed out. He bullied, Well, I'm actually
not from Upstate New York. Well, but my mother now
lives in Upstate New York. So anyway, I grew up
in she did grew up in upstate York. You know what,
(04:32):
the let's out. End of details. Basically, two pisons are
on the pod right now. Thank you so much, Lauren
for coming on this little dirty, dirty room. Thank you
for having me. And I'm sorry I really pushed for this,
um realizing that it was almost five hundred pages, but
(04:54):
not fully realizing that it was almost five hundred pages.
Oh my god. Yeah, was this the longest one you
guys have read? Or well, funny enough, we're actually you're
actually kind of keeping us going in this kind of
like hardcore like you're like this like rock and Roll
mentored us because we read a few weeks ago Ulyssis
(05:17):
Grants Personal Memoirs, which also clocked in around five hundred
and fifty pages. Yes, this is actually shorter than Grants,
and I will say this was a quicker read than Grants. Yes,
Grants is a slog emotionally and physically because it's mostly
about true movements in the eighteen sixteen and this is
like more of a page. This is more of a
page shorter and just like there are there's no tits
(05:39):
in Grants Book. Well, I was gonna say, there's no
salacious details about anyone, like who did he hang out with?
Was there even anyone from the rowing? I don't even
know when he was alive, Like I just found out
that Bret Easton Ellis was alive. I thought he died. Like,
go ask me who's alive and who's dead? I mean,
there were parts of the Grand Book where I was
just being like, wait, so who does he know that
(05:59):
we know? What are our mutuals on friends Star? But yeah,
this Keytest Book obviously is a podge turner and there's
a lot of juice, and I feel like it is
thank you for suggesting this because it is iconic rock
memoir and I randomly feel like we haven't done a
(06:20):
male rock star. Yeah, even though that seems crazy to say, well,
we've done Steve Aoky, But is he a rock star
or just a mega awesome DJ? Okay, Well, the DJ
racer and the sort of a racial musicality that's required
to be a DJ is really apparent in that statement,
but I guess I'll let it slide. Okay, Yeah, I
am sorry to our DJ's Okay, Lauren, are you a
(06:41):
red hot? Are you a pepper? Am I a pepper?
Am I a pepper keeper? I M not hugely, but
at the beginning of the summer, my boyfriend Emerson was
playing them a bunch. We both work from home or
I'm like a layabout from home and he actually works
from home, and he was saying he just started playing
them a bunch, and I was like, what's what's going
(07:03):
on with this? Like why this? Why now? And he
was like, this is going to be a red hot
chili pepper summer. And no sooner did he say that did.
I go to my grandfather's house and I had a
relative who lived with him for a bit who is
a former addict, who had like a bunch of who
(07:24):
McKenzie phillips. It was like every user memoir, do you
know what I mean? Like every former addict memoir on
her bookshelf. And then this one stuck out to me
and I was like, huh, maybe this is the chili
pepper summer. And I was going to find an excuse
to read it anyway. And then that's that is, as
we say in the pod, that is an example of
(07:44):
spirit being present because you were introduced to the concept
of the RHC piece summer and then all of a sudden,
you see this book walked into your life. Yeah, it's
sort of like in the book where later he talks
about addicts are always interested in seeing all of these
like different you know, they have spirits come to them.
(08:06):
It's like an animal will show up when you need it.
Most oh, sort of thing which happened in Hunter Biden's book,
which is another attic memoir we read, But an owl
comes to him as he's driving to this like rehab
center in Arizona. I do now, I'm just a theory
is coming to me about animals and addicts. Is it
also this thing because a lot of rehabs are in
(08:28):
the desert and then you just do see like lizards
and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, there's a big nature overlap because
I know there's a ton of rehab I mean, Florida
has a huge rehab program where people just who are
at their wits end of course, like ship their relatives
off there. It's just like factory of addicts and rehabilitated
(08:49):
people down there, and Florida's filled with like lizards and
mangoes and like all that shit. So I get it. Yeah,
I think your mangoes live mangoes gaiters not jump to
literally the last sentence of the book, but since we're
on the subject of animals, um, I'll just read it.
And I was like, this is such an amazing sentence
(09:09):
to end the book. Well it's not, okay, sorry, do
you mind anyway? He's yeah, he's sober, and he's coming
to a new realization that you can't like just ignore
your wants for drugs and just kind of more live
in wanting the addiction. And then he says, I just
(09:31):
look over at my dog, and remember that Buster has
never seen me high mic drop listener. That is, those
are the last words of the h I was like, one, Buster, Yeah,
are we just going with that basic of a dog name?
(09:52):
But it was after Buster Keaton, one of his favorite comedians. Okay,
old timey, yeah, thank you, Okay, yeah, he's older. Then
I realized one thing that this book was kind of
surprising to me was it was a lot of it
was taking place in the eighties, and I was like, oh,
I guess they really got their start a little bit
earlier than I realized. Because so I will just say,
right after the bout my relationship with retent chili Peppers,
(10:15):
had a very intimate turn in high school. I listened
to Californication a lot. I bought it on CD at
Newbury Comics, and I would listen to it on my
computer in ninth grade while I secretly masturbated and what
to me? And this was back before there was porn videos.
(10:36):
Porn was just photos, so Californication was your porn. The
audio and I would look at just like photo these
like galleries. It would be like a thirty image gallery
of just like two Dutch guys, and I would like
go through all the pictures while listening to like Other
Side or Scar Tissue, and I would put on this
album because I guess the album was to me was
(10:57):
so like masculine that I was like, it almost counteracted
the faggotry of looking at gay porn. I was like, Oh,
it's not I don't have to feel as like guilty
about looking at gay porn if I'm listening to this
like Badass Rocks. I was shocked. There were little to
no mentions, no mentions of any sort of like opposite
sex interaction. I guess. I mean, we know pretty famously
(11:18):
outside of this book that he's like a womanizer. But
I was a little curious because you know, they'd go
out on the stage with their dicks and their socks. Sorry,
I was like trying to fay. I was like, do
I go like anatoma their penises inside of their socks? Yeah? Yeah,
I just figured something and there wasn't anything. At least.
There's the one kiss with David Navarro in that video
(11:40):
and he was just like and Dave was like, yea,
I'm gonna kiss you, and he's like, yeah, man, okay, sure,
and to my surprise, it was a total open mouth
kiss and I was I didn't care either way. He's
like so weird about it, and then he's like and
then the record execs didn't like it. So that's what
I knew that it was awesome in punk rock and
we had to keep it in the video, right, and
they like fucking fought Warner Brothers on it, and it's
(12:02):
like but only this way of like right being and
he was just like, yeah, we lost some frat boyfriends
who called us to fag it, and we kind of
talked about it and they were like maybe felt regret
about it, but ultimately like we went forward and you
were kind of like, it sounds like it was kind
of a big deal to have this. Guess yeah, it
sounds like maybe you were a little nervous. And I
also thought it was interesting was every other book we
(12:24):
read that takes place in the eighties, Like there's a
lot of just like people's friends dying of aids, and
it's just like, there's definitely no, they're not having any
friends dynavade. So I just don't think that they were
hanging out with gay people very much, which is totally fine.
Not everyone has well there are someone there are some
by checks, some bye checks in the book on Sky
(12:48):
Reveal where he like had this sexual encounter later with
the girl who was in the relationship. Wait, let me
get this right, right, Yeah, so you get you say it.
I know I'm scared in my screwup, but just that
it was like the ex girlfriend of his ex girlfriend
was the net ye, Like it was like her suits
Cavia way to bury the fucking lead dude, Like, oh
(13:11):
my god, we've all been dying to know. I like,
I would have loved to have known that so much
earlier that she was by or just oh, I know,
it's like, let's go back two hundred pages and be
like because so he dates I owns guy who's Donovan's daughter,
and she's sixteen when they start dating. Yeah that's gonna be.
Is that gonna this book is fourteen? I have this dog,
(13:35):
I have this dog here to shit And ninety percent
of these flags right here are like actual literal red
flags of like he's let's just say this is a
very pre twenty seventeen book. Yeah, this is an sumremely
two thousand and three book. And they're like, it's I
don't know. It starts out and there like and he
(13:56):
is like eleven and just like having so much sex
and doing so much drugs and like his childhood commute insane.
But then at a certain point you're like, aren't you
in your twenties now? And he's like, man, like this
girl was fifteen, but wow, she was really mature, and
you're like waiting because like hits were so fucking fluffy
or yeah, yeah, like Lauren, will you give us a
(14:18):
fire rapid rundown of all your red flags, like every
single thing in here? Some some of them you know,
you're famil One was how a stepmom made him go
to church five times a day or a week or
something that I thought was insane five times during the
(14:39):
week and three times on Sunday. Three times. I was like,
if you're going three times on Sunday, what do you
are you just leaving for lunch and then going back right,
we have like an eight thirty and nine thirty and
then a a midnight. I mean, his virginity last story
is in sane insane how he just asked. He passes
his dad a note whether her at like the Rainbow
Room on Hollywood Boulevard. He's eleven years old. He passes
(15:02):
and likes doing coke with his dad every day. Passes
dad a note saying, I'm really into Kimberly. Can I
try having sex with her? And the dad is like, okay,
son And then they go back to their house and
like puts him in a room with Kimberly, and he
was like, and my dad was a little too close.
Like looking back on it, yeah, he's like he's a
little too It's like sod was in that room slutely watching.
(15:23):
I got the vibe from that page. There's a lot
missing from this, including the fact that pretty early on
he's like, yeah, Sonny and Chair were like surrogate parents
to me, sort of like ubiquitous experience of every kid
that grows up in LA that there's like and think
about it too, because he's so old at the time.
That would have been like if I don't know, Lady
Gaga was babysitting you in two thousand and nine, do
(15:45):
you know what I mean that you can't exactly would
have passed their prime. They were on the Sunny and
Share show, like hell it was and he's like, yeah,
so it was like so at this time I was
hanging out. It's at Sonny's mansionne and he's like, so, Sharon, Also, Sonny,
you are already broken up. Sonny is with his dad's
ex at this point and when then and You're like,
(16:06):
Share is He's just watching Share like change in her
bathroom and just being like, damn. She had this slinky,
slanky body and I was watching her and then she
crawled into the bed with me and she was nude
and it was an erotic experience. But Sharon, I didn't
hook up when I was eight. Go bad for Share though,
because so much of the like, I feel like, there
(16:27):
was like a rumor that when this book got published
that it was Share that slept with him that took
his virginity because people know there's just so much and
so many fucked up instances in this book that it
got turned into share sleeping with him, which is not
true at all. That did not happen. I mean physically
they were like in the same room, but like she
did not take his virginity. And I got the vibe
(16:47):
that share was in maybe a slip of silk pg
and not fully nude. Okay, don't you think that share
is so sleeps nude and it's just so like Darling
I just a woman's sleep roll. Yeah, like Maybecially back
then she was I think she was so oh natural
in the seventies and yeah, you think she was trying
to make a point about just like oh she was
(17:09):
so German public in her sexuality. Just like men and
children can be naked in a park together, it is
not sexual. Okay. Also his dad, he's like, my dad
had such an amazing manicured cokenail. But then I was like, dad,
why is your other fingernail so short? And he was like,
(17:29):
so it's ready to go inside the ladies away like
his cokenail, his fingering, his pussy finger, and then his
coke finger. I mean that did make me think about
the fact that, like, you can totally tell if a
gay hasn't been topping very much because then his nails
(17:50):
are long. Well, that's also very like a classic like
nineties gaitar, like how to tell if a woman's a lesbian, right,
check out her fingernails. But I think it's more I
guess I'm thinking any more on the top bottom were
I'm just like, you can't have long finger nails and
like just not be fingering but still be into chicks
and right, you can be Ionn Sky and like Kim
(18:14):
and Right, and they're just like they're just like their
fans are always just like up when they're having sex,
like not like I don't know honestly that I owned
I'm no, I'm gonna say it. I think I owned
Sky and what's her name? I think they had some
wild bio sex. Yeah, Lisa, I was thinking about that action. Okay,
(18:37):
another celeb moment. Been talking about him and Channade. So
in Channade's books, so this is like such a our
podcast crossover. So we read Chanade's book and she says
she doesn't remember, she doesn't remember anything. I bet she
doesn't remember this at all. I mean, she also did
(18:58):
fully have just like a mental break mental she also
she had like a like a well she didn't actually
have what's it called electric chalk therapy, but like I
get the vibe that was by a train. Yeah, I
feel like Anthony does have a pretty good memory for chicks. Yeah,
well she got hit by her head got clipped by
a train when she was like nine. She thinks she's
(19:20):
always maybe had great damage from that, and it's like
really weird, Oh my god. But he has a pretty
like specific story that's also not really disparaging to anyone.
So I'm kind of just like I do believe his
not to believe men um, but yeah, I'm there's nothing
in it that's very just like unbelievable. It's just like, yeah,
party stories. Yeah, he was like, we hung out a
(19:41):
few times. She wanted nothing to do with me, really,
she really it didn't seem like anything happened. But they
drove around a few times and then she was never
interested and then he was all but her and and
they did kiss. I think they kissed like made out once,
and then he was he wrote her that letter at
a show and since she was like and she was
(20:01):
like I kept it in my kitchen rol I don't know,
I kept yeah, and he's and he's like, damn you
kept it. And Joelsh she's and she's like a letter
like that, you don't throw away. I'm put it in
my lucky charms, boss, because the letter was just like
you're amazing and like I'm obsessed with you. Well, and
(20:23):
also it like corroborates. Is that the right word because
in hell yeah, in her she's like, oh yeah, I
fucked Peter Gabriel and I was like amazing friends with
Daniel day Lewis and he mentions both those yall with
her right, and she had taken Daniel deal it was
the Oscars instead of him. And then she like popped
out of a limo with Peter Gabriel and it gave
(20:43):
him this weird kind of like fake and they both
like fake small at each other, and he said it
was really sad. Yeah, awkward. It sounds so realistic. Yeah,
him just being like long hair and like being like
what's oh chinade And she's like, okay, I'm actually with
this different long hair and gentlemen, and Peter Grabriel is
still like cheesy, I think of I don't know It's
(21:04):
like I actually would think Channaide would want to hook
up with Antony keetas more than Peter Gabriel, But maybe
I guess not. I don't what else I'm now. I'm
curious about her memoir because I loved that piece on
her that wasn't like the New York Times or whatever.
I'm completely insane. It's coming highly yeah, um hell it's
(21:24):
it's really well. I mean, she is also like such
a punk badass, and she was becoming famous at the
same time that they were, and she was also just
like fuck corporations and like fuck the industry. But she
was more I would say, like true to her fuck
the industry ethos than they are. They're still being a
little bit more like we want the deal. Fuck yeah,
(21:46):
like let's make this money and like do a bunch
of drugs and like yeah, where did they go to
like the North Pole with like michelobe light or whatever?
So let me get it. There's there's just sometimes I
mean would yeah. The thing is you could tell like
they loved living lavishly, like they jumped from being these
super poor, like squatter kids that grew up with next
(22:08):
to nothing and then he didn't know what kind of
you know, would to import from Thailand for his custom
like thirty six twenty four, thirty six fireplace dimensions that
you're like, you don't just like, especially in the nineties,
there's no Internet, like you have to be really worldly,
like you have to I don't know, you have to
(22:28):
call a Thai woodiest. Yeah, you know, dude, the dolly
Llama visit. This is the part toward the end of
the book. I gotta say, maybe you agree with me.
The whole book it is so clear that he lacks
self awareness, which okay, I mean he's a total rock star,
but I mean it's just like laughable the way he
just talks about women. At some point he's like, yeah,
(22:50):
it sucked. I was giving my mom like the hardest
time coming home for the fifteenth time to Michigan to
go to rehab, and you know, I'm sure that crushed her,
but you know Mom's are resili like yeah, like just nothing.
But then when he does the dolly Llama trip, and
it's like the dolly Llama was waiting maybe for Anthony
Keatis to get there was another thing that I was like, uh,
(23:15):
you know, do you know the part you know the
part well, you, um, I am listen. I don't exactly
remember this scene. I do remember the end being like
there I feel and I remember there's a point where
they start to get rich and famous and you do
start to see them like notice a little bit less
like what they're saying it like crazy childhood, and then
(23:36):
it's like drug sex, drug sex, and all of a sudden,
it's like and now we're spiritual and now like you're
shaking the hand with like your savior and he's been
like and I just wake up every day with so
much gratitude and so much macha and you're just like,
I guess, but like it's like now you're just like
so hawaii and just like yeah, beyond like eight hundred
(23:57):
matters as details about people, where I'm like, I feel
like you're not really noticing stuff in your life anymore
and you're just being kind of out of it, not caring. Also,
like when he starts like the part where he was
just like at this time, I was dating Sophia Coppola
and you're like, what, yeah, I was like, and he
was like the amount of times He's also like she
was my favorite girlfriend, and I'm like, didn't you say that?
About just have a favorite girlfriend. I thought that that
(24:20):
would have really hurt my feelings. He actually he's someone
who picks favorites, like He'll be like, this was probably
the most enlightening sexual experience I've ever had with a woman.
This is my favorite girlfriend because she was found that
the most the girlfriend I was like the best of
friends with. And I was like, that would fucking hurt
if I was that girl I qualified for nothing, Like
if I put up with his misery and his bullshit
(24:41):
for all that time, that like I wouldn't at least
get a little like you know what, I appreciate you
get the favorite? Yeah, no fucking superlative, no nothing just
thrown out on the street. Could I read the part
about the time he has sex with a fat trick?
Was so funny? Okay, but I do also want to
hear the Ali Lama party. But the fact let's let's
(25:02):
finish DOLLI Lama yeah, and then go back to col
And I gotta say, the only reason why I probably
remember it is because I had to quick finish this today,
I will say I thought I same very Copkily was like, yeah,
this is a memo I'm going to get through this
in like three seconds, because I do whenever it comes
to the memoir, I just Jessica Simpsons. That was ours
(25:23):
like when people would get the First Day Potter books
and I would they just devour it. It was like
Jessica's I was done before I even you know, the
writing in the Jessica Simpson book, it's like it's princh
is a little bit even bigger large, and it's bigger.
It doesn't Yeah. I used to put like three spaces
after a period to make an essay longer in college,
(25:43):
just me. And then you're like, what if I instead
of double space? Will they notice if I do it
two point three two? Yeah? Wait? Can? I as a
crazy question? What was your major? It was journalism and
then I minored in women's studies at sunny freaking Albany
because I really wanted to work in like women's magazines,
(26:04):
Oh for like Albany Women's Monthly. Yeah, I need to
go to the I need to go to the heart
of publishing, which is Albany. Yep. I was like, I
want to be the Helen Gurnie Brown of Albany. I
think that's how you say the Cosmopolitan like a way
like you wanted to write for Cosmo or like miss
(26:24):
or like Bitch Magazine. You wanted to beat Kate Hudson
and how to lose a guy in ten days, and
you're like demanding to your editor. You're like, actually, I
know I write about jewelry, but I want to write
about Afghanistan. Yes, yes, yes, yes, that's exactly what it was.
It was around the time that like Rookie came to be.
There was that there wore renaissance and it was really
when tumbler feminism. Yeah, it was like it was the
(26:47):
true Tumbler feminism moment. And I was hugely oh like
a voyeur of that, and that deeply influenced me to
pursue that. Did I do that? Oh no? Did I
literally even touch a keyboard? As soon as I wrote no,
do I have? Absolutely not. We're sending you a keyboard
(27:08):
after okay, just a standalone big keyboard after this pod.
Oh my god, thank you so much, thank you so much.
Just like Tom Hanks, You're welcome on us. Can I
read something that I dog haired or dog eared? Sorry
dogs m page one fifty eight. Um. One night I
ran into this girl from Nebraska. It was ironic because
(27:29):
Nebraska is a corn state, and she had pubic hair
that resembled the precise texture of corn silk. Oh yeah,
that stuck out, I remember. And he's like, I've seen
a lot of pubic hair my day, all sorts. But
and that next page, next page. The next day we
drove to Baton Rous and of course she came with us.
After we got off stage, she came up to me
(27:50):
and said, I have something to tell you. My father's
the chief of police, and the entire state of Louisiana
is looking for me because I've gone missing. Oh and
besides that, I'm only fourteen. Then the next sentence, I
wasn't incredibly scared fourteen fourteen year old. I'm also like,
(28:12):
you're publishing this book and being like, yeah, this fourteen
year old had corn silky pussy, which is reminding me.
I have so much corn at home that I need
to eat. And I'm just like almost I know. And
it's like my CSA, they keep in giving corn. They're
trying to get rid of the corner. I'm like, how
many husks am I eating today? I couldn't If he
(28:34):
wasn't scared. I'm just like, if anyone's gonna murder you.
It's going to be the chief of police of Baton
Rouge for fucking his underrated daughter. Like literally, if anyone
would ever murder it was like, that is the person
who is going to murder you. But I think he
got that confidence from his father, who was such a
rebel rouser and a rebel rouser yeah Pett himself, little Pad.
(29:00):
That cycle did not get broken here, no, And it
was just like I'm sharing a fifteen year old with
my eleven year old son. Classic and then the dad
would never have The dad like gets mad every time
he asked his dad for one of his girlfriends. After that,
he was like, whoa, that was actually a one time thing.
That was your birthday present. Okay, that's not happening again.
(29:24):
Can you guys imagine writing a note to your dad
to be like can I fuck your girlfriend? Yeah? It's
got like backwards letters in it and shiite, I mean
it's like lemonades it with a backwards dead Yeah. Yeah.
Like what's fucked up is you should see Lily's handwritting
because it looks like it still looks like that, like
(29:46):
age thirty four, she hasn't gone past nine. It's still
really big and she has like a really bad way
of like figuring out how much how many letters need
to go on the line, so she's always running out
by the end of the word. Birthday cards are always
like to me, it's always that straight line and then
full right down. I went to the shittiest public school ever,
and it was like, if you missed it one day
(30:09):
shit like handwriting, you would be like out, like there
was nothing they could do to make up for it.
Like if you, like I missed one day of fractions
and I still can't figure that shit out. They just
never went back. They were like, I just never I
never got what a third is. I still can't read
an analog clock quickly miss that day. It's so unfortunate.
(30:30):
It's so sad. So I'm with you on the handwrite anything,
like I get it. That's fun though. You know your
life has some mystery. You go over you're in London,
you take a peek at Big Ben and you're like,
I don't know what fucking time it is. I feel
like I actually, I was just thinking about that the
other day and I was, Wow, that's funny. I was
just thinking about Big Ben this morning. I'll tell you
why I'm going overseas for like the first time, and
(30:53):
I was thinking, like, they go on the twenty four
hour system, what other clocks look like. I really hadn't
thought about it. I revealing that here very publicly, but
it was like an early morning thought. I was like, no,
but big ben, No, that's like twelve, there's two hands, like.
I really was like breaking that shit down like a
You were like, maybe it's just a bigger circle. Yeah,
(31:16):
that's why such a big clock. Well, okay, I'm with you.
I was trying to make a RESI or strong to
the other day and the time was in Army Europe time, sure,
and I was like, um, excuse me, military time Google. Damn. Yeah,
I should have gone to open table and I was
like yeah, And I was like I can't do this.
(31:38):
So I closed the window and went to another site
because I was like, I just can't do the math here.
Leave it on military time and start asking for the
veterans discount at places. I went to a causalata the
other day and I asked, I asked the kids strap,
I said, do you guys have a military discount here? Stop?
And he wasn't sure. This episode is sponsored by zoktok.
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zok dot dot com slash book Club. Ditch the talk.
I wonder. I mean, I have to say keyes's taste.
The only sleb he seemed to be attracted to was Channaid.
(34:18):
Unless there are others that like he fucked and like
nda stuff. They were like, no, you're not putting this.
I mean he obviously, let's just say it. He's obviously
a tits man. It's just like the description of every
girl in the book is like tits first round tits.
She had these high, perky tits her tits walked into
the room. She was banging everybody with her tits. She
(34:39):
had these big softest wait are you were you going
to read that part? Where right? I still have that? Okay, okay,
let's do this. Okay. Sometimes I combined my passion for
drugs and girls. We had just played in South Carolina
and I was a little drunk, so I went straight
into a cocon. The bartender at the club found me
half a Graham, and I did it a hall too soon,
so I was horny beyond control role when this fat
(35:01):
girl approached me. She was probably about five to three
with an unusual chunky sheep. She had fairly large girth,
and her tits were like enormous missiles that projected out
from her elbows to the end of her hands. She
was kind of pretty, though not the type of girl
I'd ever hit on before. But she had her album
and she told me I was her favorite poet of
(35:22):
all time. And she gave me this letter that, among
other things, suggested my dick was like a dolphin and
her pussy was the ocean, and I had to go
for a swim in that ocean. She also wrote that
she worshiped the ground I walked on and that she
was my servant. She'd do anything for me. So then
the sex. Because she wasn't typically hot, it's like, we
(35:45):
get it, she's big. He's like, did I tell you
guys that she was fat and that I usually don't
fuck fat chip. There was no pressure. Whatever happened happened.
We went for all night with her big, beautiful, pillowy
breast and her crazy extra wide body shop i mean shape.
(36:15):
The whole time we were fucking, she was telling me
this was her dream come true, but not in a
way that made it unpleasant. Later I found out that
she had put twenty hits of acid in that letter me,
so I was able to barter in the next town
for some coke. Nice fat chock. And it's like he's
writing this truly thinking he's complimenting her, being like she
(36:38):
wasn't typically hot, but she got to experience my dish,
got to rid the cutest machine. Yeah this dolphins swim
all around her oceans. Oh, Lauren, No, sorry that kicked
(36:59):
off guys, hear me. Oh yeah, you got too horny. Yeah,
the power went out. Literally, the lights above me started
just like buzzing. Okay, Lauren now do share with us
what you had? Oh share, but I had kee up yeah,
page two fifty three. She was a five foot nine,
nineteen year old blonde Nordic goddess with big blue eyes,
(37:21):
a bowl cut hairty unbelievable smile. Plus she was wearing
a T shirt with a huge face of Woody Allan
on it, and her tits were poking out each of
Woody's eyeglasses so that his eyes seemed to be going
in different directions. I couldn't have put it in order
with God for a more perfect physical specimen the way
(37:47):
this paged, so more you're a pedophile without aphile. Her
kids were busting out of her Woody Allen like like
fucking God himself like away Adam pulled Eve out of
his own rim did this girl happen to being? Oh
(38:08):
my god? It was. I just I had to laugh
because it's like, sure, there's more egregious offenses than like,
you know, participating. You know, he insists he'd had nothing
to do with groupie culture, but it's like, clearly you did.
He obviously has this narrative about himself where he's just
like and dude, once we started getting famous, like I
didn't want to fuck the groupies because it was too easy.
It was about the chase. For me, You're just like,
(38:35):
I don't know, it sounds just like you. There's a
different girl, and it's a different girl on every page,
and just like you are absolutely just like fucking your fans. Absolutely.
I wish I could have been. I mean I was
what like eleven or twelve, I think when the book
came out, and just it actually came out on my
thirteenth birthday, October six, two thousand and four, so I
think that was another part of me happy early bird
(38:59):
out to me. Yeah, it was like I wish I
could have known how it was received back then, Like
I feel like I want to go into the New
York Times archive or like the New York or mag
archive to see with the writeups where at the time,
let's get out at micro Fish. I'm sure people were
just like, this is really an unflinching portray. Oh. I
bet it was a lot of like Super Frank Magazine
(39:23):
on front just being like raw inspiring me. This remains
a staple of like Hudson booksellers in the airport. Like
I feel like in my mind and you know, I don't.
I don't hang around I know musical bone in my body.
I really don't hang around musicians. But like I do
feel like this is like the most I thought you
were about to say, I don't hang around Hudson News. No,
that's where I work. Yeah, that's I work at the
(39:47):
one aw that's actually do you work at the JFK? Okay,
because the security clearance to work at the airport even
just for you know, I work at every single one
at JFK, and I just have to run from terminal
a terminal. You open them and you closed them, so
you know you're an opener. When a new Hudson News
is opening, you got him, get them in the typical
(40:09):
New York way. You guys have been talking to me
this whole time, and then you find out that, like
my dad invented Hudson booksellers, I'm like the heiress to
the whole all that shit. I'm actually really rich. This
closet is just like of green screen. Yeah, like maybe
name is Laurie Hudson. Oh yeah. When I said I
was from upstate, I meant Hudson, New York because my
(40:31):
father and I'm the little marr. I'm little miss Junior
married one, two, three, four give say mcgivee, say mcgivene
(40:56):
a segment what does she lives where? Okay um? What
is she eats? What does she eat? Okay um? I
mean I get the vibe that maybe he's like vegan vegetarian.
So one thing he mentions rarely randomly in the book
several times is that he is a vegetarian. Um, because
(41:19):
there was one time who was like, man, like I
have I'm been a vegetarian for years, but like I
was so hungry after we had like we had been
lost in the part they're lost in Indonesia in like
the jungle for like two weeks. Oh yeah, and the
sharpers like bringing in the mountains and they're like, honestly,
we didn't know if we would survive. And we kept
looking for this river and we were searching over for
(41:40):
ten days and they finally found this river and like
somebody in a passing boat gave us a deer leg
and like, yeah, I'm a vegetarian, but I did tear
into that deer um. But yeah, so I feel like
he is. I mean, he's so celebrity. It's been so
rich for so long, so I just feel like he's
so going to squirrel, which is like a famous La
bowlerree and he's getting like such a kia remember the
(42:01):
one that was over here? Yeah, yes, yes, yes, yes
in the East Village? Is that so open? Yeah? Okay,
that went the way of the dobt. I remember I
used to live in the angelicause we get the most
badass egg scrambless no bacon. Because he mentions like when
(42:28):
he was a hile of time getting like junk food
and he was like, man, Fleet knew I was high
because he saw that cheetos. I WoT. I would never
eat cheetos if I wasn't high. Yeah, he does have
a going back to his talking masculinity where he does
really because because he was like, yeah, it was a
crazy thing, more to a ton of coconhouen. And I
would also exercise a lot because like I'm still being healthy,
(42:50):
like he still is being like gym at him. He's
all even the way he talks, he's always about the
fat girl experience. It's always like for me, I'm like, hey,
you know what, no one scrutinizes my body as much
as I do. And then you're like, wait, actually there
might be one man in the world who does actually
you notice and pick up on all of the things
that I hate about my own body. And it's Anthony
(43:10):
Keatis and he clearly he probably would be like he
probably would order for you. She's gonna have, she's gonna have. Yeah, yeah,
she's gonna have the fish soup. And I could see
him so true, getting mad, like as go from for
like eating like a steak or just like something naught here,
He's like, why are you putting that shit? Oh my god, yes, yep,
(43:31):
oh my god. Read you read him to fill And
he's like, I mean, yeah, I mean, hey, do what
you want to do. But like you know, it's full
of hormones or whatever I do. I wonder whatever the
inside of his fridge looks like these days, it's definitely Arowan.
If there's a ton of Awander supplements. Yeah, there's powders.
(43:52):
I mean it's um big shake in the morning, Like
there's so many beet root powders, and then spillina powders.
There's probably spilina ice cubes in the freezer. And I
feel like there's a private chef who he imported like
from somewhere and was like and she makes like amazing
dope ass tie. She makes dope ass vietname, she makes
(44:15):
dope ass Mexican hall a good curries. It's probably the
same woman that was giving them oxygen, the one that
he mentioned at the end that it's like their lifeline,
the band lifeline who I feel so bad was like
both their oxygen dispenser and then like they're therapist. He
kind of was like not thinking her for a little messy.
(44:36):
Um what does she where she wear? I mean shirtless?
I feel like I've never seen him in a shirt.
I mean he's kind of classic, like his songs very
seventies because he is like copying his dad in the savanies,
and I think he never got out of that. Just
like wearing like slightly belled jeans and like a button
downs that like are also slightly belled. It's just like
that kind of class. I get a sense of John
(44:58):
Varvados where it's like for the guy who doesn't need
to be wearing you know, those kind of like chic
rags like he can afford. More so they're like tailored
rags in a way that makes sense. But it's like
Lucy Tidy Tidy, Lucy Varvados, like, yeah, Linen for sure. Okay.
I also feel like you're so on there because the
(45:20):
John Varvados store New York is where used to be
so literally the anatomy of a sellout. It's like from
CBGBs to John Varvados, right, and it's like really good
black Dawn him good black. Do you know the watches
that are like made of like a bunch of leather bands,
do you know what I mean? It has like the
watch I think, yeah, yeah, yeah, like fun where there's
(45:45):
six little leather chords that then attach at the watch face. Yeah,
that's accurato. But he doesn't have any piercinges. I'm like,
it's wait, we're draining because you would think he'd be
so plugs, but I guess it's just like he was
that's always been too gay an emo for him, and
maybe actually he's pre plugs culture. Yeah plugs again, think yeah,
(46:07):
And I don't see any pier stairs in anything, And
like piercing was just like straight up like a village people. Then,
so no earring. I feel like I feel like an earring.
Maybe again, I'm saying I'm gonna say no ring. I'm
pushing for knowing I feel like since he did the
long hair, Yeah, that was like good enough. That was
his earring, that was his that was his head accessory. Um,
(46:28):
you can only father that's such a bad name. Jennifer's feathers,
the Jennifer's Feathers. Ok, we're starting that band tomorrow. Even
though you don't have a musical bone in your body,
you will Now, I'll be the one in the I'll
be like the you know, like the one fan in
(46:49):
the audience. It's like your friend that wants to be
It's just like, oh, she's getting into the rest of
little do they know that. I'm like a plan just
swaying for hours. Man. She was at our show since
the fucking beginning. Yeah, no one was there, and so
we ended up giving her seven percent of a record
deal with so many dude, I would kill free of
(47:12):
probably their total earnings. They really have made so much money. Well,
they made money when you could still make money off
of like selling, because it was just like their CD's
probably sold like twenty million copies and they literally made
just like gazillion dollars off of the twelve ninety nine
for that Compactice Boom. It's kind of crazy. I never
like red Hot to me. It was always like it's
(47:33):
on the radio, I'm listening to it, liking it. But
I was never like I need to buy. I was
never that much fan that I bought the CD and
there you weren't jerking off it. I need I needed
I made in my jerk off soundtrack. I mean it's
a very I mean it makes sense because a very
sexual band I was. But I was. But you were
(47:54):
like anti Top twenty where I was pro Top twenty.
So I would go to Newark Comics and they would
have the top twenty CDs of the week, like in
the racks, and so you could like go pick and
I was just like, oh hello, like number three, Hell yeah,
that's like American Idol compilation. Yes, they have the twenty
and it's like the many Husbands of Evelyn Hugo or whatever.
And I'm like all reason, like tell me what, you
(48:17):
tell me what to do? I am like merely a
cog in the machine. I'm with you, though, I'm pro
Top twenty, always pop till I die. Yeah, okay, how
does he live? You know? There's a lot of important
teak yes, liver like like this situate, like where you
like las very lavishly. It's really about like specific to
core choices that are happening, just like his bedside table lighting.
(48:40):
Is the bed high? Is the bed low? That's actually
a really good question, Like amenable to just like a
to having sex a lots of tantric crazy sex is
how I feel like the bed is low. I want
to say that bed is low too, because like that
feels more like easy to just like fuckt ending up
on like where she's on her like doggiesta on the bed,
(49:03):
but you're standing on the floor or whatever. Like I
imagine that's a popular one. Like, and I think a
high bed is like there's just too much acrobatics involved
and he doesn't have a little steps high bed. I
is the only reason I have that is living in
New York and you have to store shot under there.
Otherwise low bed makes so much. Yeah, But but some
people are really insane and they they are tasteless, and
(49:24):
they like think that their bed has to be such
a like throne, and so they're very just like Prince
Mattress pad box spring Prince, it's very Princess in the
pee and it's got a four poster or whatever. So
and and like some like rich people in their big
bedrooms have that as well, where everything is like everything
so oversized and like you need a ladder just to
get onto the couch, like that kind of vibe. I
don't necessarily think he is that. I think he is
(49:45):
definitely like no, I also go back to his days
of always having a mattress on the floor where he
was Mark. Just so you guys know, oh yeah, yeah,
well hanging another from four post bed. Dude actually talk
about like like battle of the two super LA musicians.
(50:08):
They're probably the most two most LA rocks are I
don't think of off the top of my head, honest
to god, most last bros. What's funny is that the
girl says she knows nothing about LA. Uh, your talk
has got holes and talk about Mark McGrath like you
know him. Hum, like you've maybe seen that four post bed, Oh,
(50:29):
Hollywood and Vine. I don't know that intersection. I have
no idea. I'm just a little girl from Iowa. Yeah,
I've just been lying time gas lighting already, a little
girl from i I feel like it's just Eastern vibes.
I am getting Eastern vibes. So it brings us to
the question we ask every episode. Is that's why you
(50:53):
guys ask on that because I was gonna sat in
the backyard. Yeah yeah, like PERI absolutely yeah, god on.
My grandmother's so excited that that's where you were going
with this because I was thinking about it. I'm so
glad you're right there with us and the Buddha. Okay, well,
(51:17):
I think we nailed it. I also want to say
Buddha infinity poure. Yeah. Also, this is just one house.
We already know that there's like six yes reds in
the house that like he hasn't been to in a while.
But we'll see what's happening over there. Posts and um um,
who are you in the book? Wow? Who is the book? Okay?
I've been thinking about us since I read this passage.
(51:37):
I think that I'm fleas slutty Australian sister Karen. Yeah
you're Karen, and like and I'm just like, comar Finny,
help me study. I've got a batist tomorrow and then okay,
and I've kind of think i'm fully in this way
where I'm telling people that my sister's really sexually active.
(52:00):
We're talking about your sister sex like way too much.
I'm like dude, you could have her if you want.
I'm the one mention of Chris Farley coming to visit
him at Exodus that was so dark. He was like,
it was really good to see Chris. Okay, but also,
you have amazing style. You have Jennifer vibes a little,
(52:24):
But Jennifer, I could see you building a structurally sound
TV that could last the winter with the like seriously
coming to the boyfriend's parents and they're like, oh, this
girl's pretty every That's when he seems like you you
do that one time for your wife. He brought every
(52:47):
fucking girlfriend to cross the line with You don't share this.
We don't share a lot of the same values. I'll
tell you that. But that's why I wanted that, because
I felt like truly I was like, I know, we
talked about doing the Victoria Gatty one, but I was like,
it's a little too close to the sun, Like I
can I really can predict what's gonna happen here. I
was like, I like, I don't know my ass or
(53:08):
my elbow when it comes to rockstar shit la living.
When it comes to someone who would bring every single
significant other home to their parents every summer, every summer,
every every Christmas. He was a big Christmas guy, and
he's like, oh my mom's the best. You're gonna love her.
Or I would say I could be the mom who
was just so so patient, just patient midwestern mom who
(53:32):
though did you go to LA and was funky for
a while. She was funky and she was also I
don't know, I mean she I feel like, are you
for her though when you're like marrying someone named Scott
Saint Jude or whatever, and you're like caring for him
through his third triple bypass? Not saying you wouldn't care
for someone through their third triple bypass, but she seems
(53:52):
like she was more like I felt like her thing
was like and this was you know, women of that
era or whatever. It was like difficult, but it was
like she seems like she was always kind of like
at the mercy of the kind of husband she was with.
It was like she was having a rough time when
she was with the messy husband. She was just like
then she needed to get this new guy, and then
he was remember that she had like the next husband,
and it was like her kind of well being seemed
(54:13):
a little bit too tethered to a marriage and I
don't see that, and you as much like you're a
stronger defendentet woman. No, that's true, You're right. No, it
was Chris Farley final answer, just like correct Chris Farley,
a little bit of I wonder where Jennifer also is
that I didn't go. I was gonna wait till after this.
I was like, I can't spoil it. I really do
(54:33):
want to look up all of them, including Claire, who
of course got roasted the most because she was the
most recent girlfriend. Do you know what I mean? Like, yeah,
I could tell where he was being like umber, it
was an active annoyance where the rest of them were
obviously more passive and more time to be like a
little more generous, more just like and I do wonder
(54:53):
where that baton rouge girls chief fist. I wonder where
the fat trick the same? I know, can we get
like an amendment? Shi? Seriously? Yeah, that's I mean, now
very Pamela to bars like the girls of Scarton. Oh
my god, don't next on my freaking list. Um okay,
(55:16):
random House take note for that. I know a little
Grottoes copy place. There's like five million copies in the strand,
trust me, every time I go to the Strand, I
just teck to make sure. I've been doing that for
years now. It seems like you spend a lot of
time in bookstores, which is fucking cool in old school
New York. I only go to masked books because I
(55:40):
can like only get art books and shit huge ar yeah,
hellic curated, like fucking like Mapplethorpe. Oh, just buying a
used three hundred dollars Mapplethorpe book today. Then a little
bit of I'm gonna buy some nuts and then matra
and then go home. Oh my god, Lauren, this has
been epic. This has been such a yeah, such a
(56:03):
thrill ride. Thank you for having me. I do have
a question now, Um, what book are you guys reading next?
Are you allowed to tell me? Or oh, you know what?
Because it's you, I just run straight to do more
with his information. Yeah, you're just like, I know what
the book is? Book club next week? Ann? Please? You
(56:27):
would always say that's like it's always Ann. She's never
posting like your phone number, so it's fine, Like Kate
Hudson's not going to find out that you said her
sister was nice. She smelled good. No, but really what
are you reading. We're doing epic lesbian soccer player Abby Wombach,
(56:48):
us women's soccer team captain and her small volumes of
a memoir forward what we've read because forward is a
position on it probably wasn't goes for. She probably wrote
(57:08):
it herself. Lauren, Yeah, do you have any amazing things
that we should punk for you? Like? Yeah, any sort
of like three episode arcs on any CBS Plus series
or anything like that. I'm a peacock girl, easy fucking doesn't. No,
I wish I had something. This is actually a call
(57:30):
to anyone. I would love to work, I would love
to act. I will do anything. I'm so desperate. I
must have killed a casting director in my last life
because um, they are allergic to me. You like poison
someone at Metro Goldwin Films. Yeah that's yeoh yeah yeah
yeah wait now, I like I hop off to do
(57:50):
my other podcast, like you must remember this isn't that
the one where they talk about like old Hollywood ship, Yes,
because I gotta do that. Nope, nothing, Um, this is
actually the only highlight of my life was being on
this like this month only. Can we just say that
you are on You must remember this I'm gonna start
like seating that in things like my episode's coming out soon,
(58:13):
and then like a year goes by and they're like,
whatever happened to that? Check out Lauren on the Amazing
podcast You Must Must Remember This episode two hundred and
eighty six. She has so much knowledge about film and
a whole dalty Wood and flappers. I bet you get
at least one person just being like, oh, you were
kick ass on that podcast you must remember this? Yeah,
(58:36):
that was me. It was great to talk to the
host about the you know, old Hays Coode stuff, the
studio system. Can I also just piggyback to casting directors.
This is this kind of for me. I would also
like to be cast and yeah, and just sort of
backflip off that. I would also ask casting directors to
(58:56):
sort of shoot their little spectacles in my direction. Um,
you know, see if I'm right for something, I wonder
if they were for like, no, we can till they
want to be Indie darlings, So we're just gonna leave
them out of every conversation about casting. However, I mean,
it's like clearly we all want to be in a
movie that's called just like thank you for not saying sorry,
(59:17):
and it's like, Okay, well we'll see you at the premiere.
See it's the premiere. Okay, I'll be wearing got bye bas.
(59:40):
Celebrity book Club is presented by Prolog Projects and head Gum.
The show is produced by Mike Murnay, with the shorts
part from Leonok Andrew turned bo Lynn Couplin. Our production
menaser is Percia Verlin and during My First Monte original
(01:00:02):
theme song by Stephen pull Ups Horses or work by
Teddy Blanks, trips and why Follow us on Twitter right
see you see the blot, Subscribe your favorite podcast app,
leave us a review, and don't forget to tell your
friends about us. That was a hit Gun Podcast
This is a headgun Podcastle book Club. I thought a fun,
super just fun way to loosen us up was just
for us all. This could be a cold open, or
maybe it will be so bad and we'll get put
in the trash, but for us to just all sing
scar tissue and just see what happens, that's a really yeah,
(00:23):
that's a fun idea. Just like y'all expect me to
harmonize on this too. I mean, I have a horrible singer,
so I think let's just see it's just that a wish,
so that a mist ship missing against the wall. Okay,
(01:02):
that makes sense because there's a lot of tits in
this book. Who's that knocking at the door. It's all
your friends, your filthy horror, your husband's gone, and we've
got books and a bottle of wine to kill. It's books,
it's gossip. I'm shook, it's memoir. It's more Teeny book
(01:27):
Club can read it while it's hot. Celebrity book Club,
tell your secrets. We won't talk celebrity books. No boys
are alloud. Celebrity book Club say it loud and cloud
Celebrity book Club. Buzz man I brought the queer Voe
Hey best friend. What's up, you badass bitch. What's up, dude?
(01:53):
How are you doing right now? I don't know. Man,
I'm coming off a six week high of just doing
it n of heroine and coke and speed with some
pretty awesome girlfriends in some pretty cool motels. So yeah,
I'm feel a little crazy. Yeah. I actually just tried
heroin for the first time, and I had heroin sex
(02:13):
for the first time. And man, I will tell you
I had sex for twelve hours and didn't even come
till the eleventh hour. Oh that's so fucking cool when
you just don't come for ten hours. That's one of
my favorite parts about mixing drugs and sex. Of course,
we are being crazy drug addicts and making fun of addiction,
which I takes a serious issue. Because we read a
(02:35):
phenomenal memoir this week by a phenomenal rock and roll poet, rapper,
artist fucking spirit, Anthony Keatis, lead singer with the Red
Hot Shelie Peppers, and his book Scar Tissue, And so
of course, when you do a rock book by an
iconic rocker, you think we need to get a rock
(02:58):
and roll chick to come on the I mean, someone
who knows what it means to be in the East Village. Yeah,
maybe the Lowries Village, so I may say alphabets City
East Village. No, I fucking love the lorist. Someone who
rock saw some vintage T shirts? Yeah, I don't know.
(03:18):
Someone whose favorite letters of the alphabet are CBGB anyone
and just getting an also all around hilarious chick, because
this podcast isn't just about rock music, it's about comedy. Yeah,
you probably think of us as like just like ultimate
rockers who are always like storing coke and like shooting
coke and fucking but we also fucking loves to gag
(03:42):
each other up and do improv And there's nothing more
fucking rock and roll than improv. And that's why we're
so excited to have all around badass downtown writer, videographer, choreographer, chick,
actress Impressiario the Impressionists, Impressions La Video. Also fellow Italian American.
(04:11):
I was just gonna say, another Italian American from Upstate
New York who is not Kelly Catrone. Wow, that's me
feeling a little laughed out. He bullied, Well, I'm actually
not from Upstate New York. Well, but my mother now
lives in Upstate New York. So anyway, I grew up
in she did grew up in upstate York. You know what,
(04:32):
the let's out. End of details. Basically, two pisons are
on the pod right now. Thank you so much, Lauren
for coming on this little dirty, dirty room. Thank you
for having me. And I'm sorry I really pushed for this,
um realizing that it was almost five hundred pages, but
(04:54):
not fully realizing that it was almost five hundred pages.
Oh my god. Yeah, was this the longest one you
guys have read? Or well, funny enough, we're actually you're
actually kind of keeping us going in this kind of
like hardcore like you're like this like rock and Roll
mentored us because we read a few weeks ago Ulyssis
(05:17):
Grants Personal Memoirs, which also clocked in around five hundred
and fifty pages. Yes, this is actually shorter than Grants,
and I will say this was a quicker read than Grants. Yes,
Grants is a slog emotionally and physically because it's mostly
about true movements in the eighteen sixteen and this is
like more of a page. This is more of a
page shorter and just like there are there's no tits
(05:39):
in Grants Book. Well, I was gonna say, there's no
salacious details about anyone, like who did he hang out with?
Was there even anyone from the rowing? I don't even
know when he was alive, Like I just found out
that Bret Easton Ellis was alive. I thought he died. Like,
go ask me who's alive and who's dead? I mean,
there were parts of the Grand Book where I was
just being like, wait, so who does he know that
(05:59):
we know? What are our mutuals on friends Star? But yeah,
this Keytest Book obviously is a podge turner and there's
a lot of juice, and I feel like it is
thank you for suggesting this because it is iconic rock
memoir and I randomly feel like we haven't done a
(06:20):
male rock star. Yeah, even though that seems crazy to say, well,
we've done Steve Aoky, But is he a rock star
or just a mega awesome DJ? Okay, Well, the DJ
racer and the sort of a racial musicality that's required
to be a DJ is really apparent in that statement,
but I guess I'll let it slide. Okay, Yeah, I
am sorry to our DJ's Okay, Lauren, are you a
(06:41):
red hot? Are you a pepper? Am I a pepper?
Am I a pepper keeper? I M not hugely, but
at the beginning of the summer, my boyfriend Emerson was
playing them a bunch. We both work from home or
I'm like a layabout from home and he actually works
from home, and he was saying he just started playing
them a bunch, and I was like, what's what's going
(07:03):
on with this? Like why this? Why now? And he
was like, this is going to be a red hot
chili pepper summer. And no sooner did he say that did.
I go to my grandfather's house and I had a
relative who lived with him for a bit who is
a former addict, who had like a bunch of who
(07:24):
McKenzie phillips. It was like every user memoir, do you
know what I mean? Like every former addict memoir on
her bookshelf. And then this one stuck out to me
and I was like, huh, maybe this is the chili
pepper summer. And I was going to find an excuse
to read it anyway. And then that's that is, as
we say in the pod, that is an example of
(07:44):
spirit being present because you were introduced to the concept
of the RHC piece summer and then all of a sudden,
you see this book walked into your life. Yeah, it's
sort of like in the book where later he talks
about addicts are always interested in seeing all of these
like different you know, they have spirits come to them.
(08:06):
It's like an animal will show up when you need it.
Most oh, sort of thing which happened in Hunter Biden's book,
which is another attic memoir we read, But an owl
comes to him as he's driving to this like rehab
center in Arizona. I do now, I'm just a theory
is coming to me about animals and addicts. Is it
also this thing because a lot of rehabs are in
(08:28):
the desert and then you just do see like lizards
and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, there's a big nature overlap because
I know there's a ton of rehab I mean, Florida
has a huge rehab program where people just who are
at their wits end of course, like ship their relatives
off there. It's just like factory of addicts and rehabilitated
(08:49):
people down there, and Florida's filled with like lizards and
mangoes and like all that shit. So I get it. Yeah,
I think your mangoes live mangoes gaiters not jump to
literally the last sentence of the book, but since we're
on the subject of animals, um, I'll just read it.
And I was like, this is such an amazing sentence
(09:09):
to end the book. Well it's not, okay, sorry, do
you mind anyway? He's yeah, he's sober, and he's coming
to a new realization that you can't like just ignore
your wants for drugs and just kind of more live
in wanting the addiction. And then he says, I just
(09:31):
look over at my dog, and remember that Buster has
never seen me high mic drop listener. That is, those
are the last words of the h I was like, one, Buster, Yeah,
are we just going with that basic of a dog name?
(09:52):
But it was after Buster Keaton, one of his favorite comedians. Okay,
old timey, yeah, thank you, Okay, yeah, he's older. Then
I realized one thing that this book was kind of
surprising to me was it was a lot of it
was taking place in the eighties, and I was like, oh,
I guess they really got their start a little bit
earlier than I realized. Because so I will just say,
right after the bout my relationship with retent chili Peppers,
(10:15):
had a very intimate turn in high school. I listened
to Californication a lot. I bought it on CD at
Newbury Comics, and I would listen to it on my
computer in ninth grade while I secretly masturbated and what
to me? And this was back before there was porn videos.
(10:36):
Porn was just photos, so Californication was your porn. The
audio and I would look at just like photo these
like galleries. It would be like a thirty image gallery
of just like two Dutch guys, and I would like
go through all the pictures while listening to like Other
Side or Scar Tissue, and I would put on this
album because I guess the album was to me was
(10:57):
so like masculine that I was like, it almost counteracted
the faggotry of looking at gay porn. I was like, Oh,
it's not I don't have to feel as like guilty
about looking at gay porn if I'm listening to this
like Badass Rocks. I was shocked. There were little to
no mentions, no mentions of any sort of like opposite
sex interaction. I guess. I mean, we know pretty famously
(11:18):
outside of this book that he's like a womanizer. But
I was a little curious because you know, they'd go
out on the stage with their dicks and their socks. Sorry,
I was like trying to fay. I was like, do
I go like anatoma their penises inside of their socks? Yeah? Yeah,
I just figured something and there wasn't anything. At least.
There's the one kiss with David Navarro in that video
(11:40):
and he was just like and Dave was like, yea,
I'm gonna kiss you, and he's like, yeah, man, okay, sure,
and to my surprise, it was a total open mouth
kiss and I was I didn't care either way. He's
like so weird about it, and then he's like and
then the record execs didn't like it. So that's what
I knew that it was awesome in punk rock and
we had to keep it in the video, right, and
they like fucking fought Warner Brothers on it, and it's
(12:02):
like but only this way of like right being and
he was just like, yeah, we lost some frat boyfriends
who called us to fag it, and we kind of
talked about it and they were like maybe felt regret
about it, but ultimately like we went forward and you
were kind of like, it sounds like it was kind
of a big deal to have this. Guess yeah, it
sounds like maybe you were a little nervous. And I
also thought it was interesting was every other book we
(12:24):
read that takes place in the eighties, Like there's a
lot of just like people's friends dying of aids, and
it's just like, there's definitely no, they're not having any
friends dynavade. So I just don't think that they were
hanging out with gay people very much, which is totally fine.
Not everyone has well there are someone there are some
by checks, some bye checks in the book on Sky
(12:48):
Reveal where he like had this sexual encounter later with
the girl who was in the relationship. Wait, let me
get this right, right, Yeah, so you get you say it.
I know I'm scared in my screwup, but just that
it was like the ex girlfriend of his ex girlfriend
was the net ye, Like it was like her suits
Cavia way to bury the fucking lead dude, Like, oh
(13:11):
my god, we've all been dying to know. I like,
I would have loved to have known that so much
earlier that she was by or just oh, I know,
it's like, let's go back two hundred pages and be
like because so he dates I owns guy who's Donovan's daughter,
and she's sixteen when they start dating. Yeah that's gonna be.
Is that gonna this book is fourteen? I have this dog,
(13:35):
I have this dog here to shit And ninety percent
of these flags right here are like actual literal red
flags of like he's let's just say this is a
very pre twenty seventeen book. Yeah, this is an sumremely
two thousand and three book. And they're like, it's I
don't know. It starts out and there like and he
(13:56):
is like eleven and just like having so much sex
and doing so much drugs and like his childhood commute insane.
But then at a certain point you're like, aren't you
in your twenties now? And he's like, man, like this
girl was fifteen, but wow, she was really mature, and
you're like waiting because like hits were so fucking fluffy
or yeah, yeah, like Lauren, will you give us a
(14:18):
fire rapid rundown of all your red flags, like every
single thing in here? Some some of them you know,
you're famil One was how a stepmom made him go
to church five times a day or a week or
something that I thought was insane five times during the
(14:39):
week and three times on Sunday. Three times. I was like,
if you're going three times on Sunday, what do you
are you just leaving for lunch and then going back right,
we have like an eight thirty and nine thirty and
then a a midnight. I mean, his virginity last story
is in sane insane how he just asked. He passes
his dad a note whether her at like the Rainbow
Room on Hollywood Boulevard. He's eleven years old. He passes
(15:02):
and likes doing coke with his dad every day. Passes
dad a note saying, I'm really into Kimberly. Can I
try having sex with her? And the dad is like, okay,
son And then they go back to their house and
like puts him in a room with Kimberly, and he
was like, and my dad was a little too close.
Like looking back on it, yeah, he's like he's a
little too It's like sod was in that room slutely watching.
(15:23):
I got the vibe from that page. There's a lot
missing from this, including the fact that pretty early on
he's like, yeah, Sonny and Chair were like surrogate parents
to me, sort of like ubiquitous experience of every kid
that grows up in LA that there's like and think
about it too, because he's so old at the time.
That would have been like if I don't know, Lady
Gaga was babysitting you in two thousand and nine, do
(15:45):
you know what I mean that you can't exactly would
have passed their prime. They were on the Sunny and
Share show, like hell it was and he's like, yeah,
so it was like so at this time I was
hanging out. It's at Sonny's mansionne and he's like, so, Sharon, Also, Sonny,
you are already broken up. Sonny is with his dad's
ex at this point and when then and You're like,
(16:06):
Share is He's just watching Share like change in her
bathroom and just being like, damn. She had this slinky,
slanky body and I was watching her and then she
crawled into the bed with me and she was nude
and it was an erotic experience. But Sharon, I didn't
hook up when I was eight. Go bad for Share though,
because so much of the like, I feel like, there
(16:27):
was like a rumor that when this book got published
that it was Share that slept with him that took
his virginity because people know there's just so much and
so many fucked up instances in this book that it
got turned into share sleeping with him, which is not
true at all. That did not happen. I mean physically
they were like in the same room, but like she
did not take his virginity. And I got the vibe
(16:47):
that share was in maybe a slip of silk pg
and not fully nude. Okay, don't you think that share
is so sleeps nude and it's just so like Darling
I just a woman's sleep roll. Yeah, like Maybecially back
then she was I think she was so oh natural
in the seventies and yeah, you think she was trying
to make a point about just like oh she was
(17:09):
so German public in her sexuality. Just like men and
children can be naked in a park together, it is
not sexual. Okay. Also his dad, he's like, my dad
had such an amazing manicured cokenail. But then I was like, dad,
why is your other fingernail so short? And he was like,
(17:29):
so it's ready to go inside the ladies away like
his cokenail, his fingering, his pussy finger, and then his
coke finger. I mean that did make me think about
the fact that, like, you can totally tell if a
gay hasn't been topping very much because then his nails
(17:50):
are long. Well, that's also very like a classic like
nineties gaitar, like how to tell if a woman's a lesbian, right,
check out her fingernails. But I think it's more I
guess I'm thinking any more on the top bottom were
I'm just like, you can't have long finger nails and
like just not be fingering but still be into chicks
and right, you can be Ionn Sky and like Kim
(18:14):
and Right, and they're just like they're just like their
fans are always just like up when they're having sex,
like not like I don't know honestly that I owned
I'm no, I'm gonna say it. I think I owned
Sky and what's her name? I think they had some
wild bio sex. Yeah, Lisa, I was thinking about that action. Okay,
(18:37):
another celeb moment. Been talking about him and Channade. So
in Channade's books, so this is like such a our
podcast crossover. So we read Chanade's book and she says
she doesn't remember, she doesn't remember anything. I bet she
doesn't remember this at all. I mean, she also did
(18:58):
fully have just like a mental break mental she also
she had like a like a well she didn't actually
have what's it called electric chalk therapy, but like I
get the vibe that was by a train. Yeah, I
feel like Anthony does have a pretty good memory for chicks. Yeah,
well she got hit by her head got clipped by
a train when she was like nine. She thinks she's
(19:20):
always maybe had great damage from that, and it's like
really weird, Oh my god. But he has a pretty
like specific story that's also not really disparaging to anyone.
So I'm kind of just like I do believe his
not to believe men um, but yeah, I'm there's nothing
in it that's very just like unbelievable. It's just like, yeah,
party stories. Yeah, he was like, we hung out a
(19:41):
few times. She wanted nothing to do with me, really,
she really it didn't seem like anything happened. But they
drove around a few times and then she was never
interested and then he was all but her and and
they did kiss. I think they kissed like made out once,
and then he was he wrote her that letter at
a show and since she was like and she was
(20:01):
like I kept it in my kitchen rol I don't know,
I kept yeah, and he's and he's like, damn you
kept it. And Joelsh she's and she's like a letter
like that, you don't throw away. I'm put it in
my lucky charms, boss, because the letter was just like
you're amazing and like I'm obsessed with you. Well, and
(20:23):
also it like corroborates. Is that the right word because
in hell yeah, in her she's like, oh yeah, I
fucked Peter Gabriel and I was like amazing friends with
Daniel day Lewis and he mentions both those yall with
her right, and she had taken Daniel deal it was
the Oscars instead of him. And then she like popped
out of a limo with Peter Gabriel and it gave
(20:43):
him this weird kind of like fake and they both
like fake small at each other, and he said it
was really sad. Yeah, awkward. It sounds so realistic. Yeah,
him just being like long hair and like being like
what's oh chinade And she's like, okay, I'm actually with
this different long hair and gentlemen, and Peter Grabriel is
still like cheesy, I think of I don't know It's
(21:04):
like I actually would think Channaide would want to hook
up with Antony keetas more than Peter Gabriel, But maybe
I guess not. I don't what else I'm now. I'm
curious about her memoir because I loved that piece on
her that wasn't like the New York Times or whatever.
I'm completely insane. It's coming highly yeah, um hell it's
(21:24):
it's really well. I mean, she is also like such
a punk badass, and she was becoming famous at the
same time that they were, and she was also just
like fuck corporations and like fuck the industry. But she
was more I would say, like true to her fuck
the industry ethos than they are. They're still being a
little bit more like we want the deal. Fuck yeah,
(21:46):
like let's make this money and like do a bunch
of drugs and like yeah, where did they go to
like the North Pole with like michelobe light or whatever?
So let me get it. There's there's just sometimes I
mean would yeah. The thing is you could tell like
they loved living lavishly, like they jumped from being these
super poor, like squatter kids that grew up with next
(22:08):
to nothing and then he didn't know what kind of
you know, would to import from Thailand for his custom
like thirty six twenty four, thirty six fireplace dimensions that
you're like, you don't just like, especially in the nineties,
there's no Internet, like you have to be really worldly,
like you have to I don't know, you have to
(22:28):
call a Thai woodiest. Yeah, you know, dude, the dolly
Llama visit. This is the part toward the end of
the book. I gotta say, maybe you agree with me.
The whole book it is so clear that he lacks
self awareness, which okay, I mean he's a total rock star,
but I mean it's just like laughable the way he
just talks about women. At some point he's like, yeah,
(22:50):
it sucked. I was giving my mom like the hardest
time coming home for the fifteenth time to Michigan to
go to rehab, and you know, I'm sure that crushed her,
but you know Mom's are resili like yeah, like just nothing.
But then when he does the dolly Llama trip, and
it's like the dolly Llama was waiting maybe for Anthony
Keatis to get there was another thing that I was like, uh,
(23:15):
you know, do you know the part you know the
part well, you, um, I am listen. I don't exactly
remember this scene. I do remember the end being like
there I feel and I remember there's a point where
they start to get rich and famous and you do
start to see them like notice a little bit less
like what they're saying it like crazy childhood, and then
(23:36):
it's like drug sex, drug sex, and all of a sudden,
it's like and now we're spiritual and now like you're
shaking the hand with like your savior and he's been
like and I just wake up every day with so
much gratitude and so much macha and you're just like,
I guess, but like it's like now you're just like
so hawaii and just like yeah, beyond like eight hundred
(23:57):
matters as details about people, where I'm like, I feel
like you're not really noticing stuff in your life anymore
and you're just being kind of out of it, not caring. Also,
like when he starts like the part where he was
just like at this time, I was dating Sophia Coppola
and you're like, what, yeah, I was like, and he
was like the amount of times He's also like she
was my favorite girlfriend, and I'm like, didn't you say that?
About just have a favorite girlfriend. I thought that that
(24:20):
would have really hurt my feelings. He actually he's someone
who picks favorites, like He'll be like, this was probably
the most enlightening sexual experience I've ever had with a woman.
This is my favorite girlfriend because she was found that
the most the girlfriend I was like the best of
friends with. And I was like, that would fucking hurt
if I was that girl I qualified for nothing, Like
if I put up with his misery and his bullshit
(24:41):
for all that time, that like I wouldn't at least
get a little like you know what, I appreciate you
get the favorite? Yeah, no fucking superlative, no nothing just
thrown out on the street. Could I read the part
about the time he has sex with a fat trick?
Was so funny? Okay, but I do also want to
hear the Ali Lama party. But the fact let's let's
(25:02):
finish DOLLI Lama yeah, and then go back to col
And I gotta say, the only reason why I probably
remember it is because I had to quick finish this today,
I will say I thought I same very Copkily was like, yeah,
this is a memo I'm going to get through this
in like three seconds, because I do whenever it comes
to the memoir, I just Jessica Simpsons. That was ours
(25:23):
like when people would get the First Day Potter books
and I would they just devour it. It was like
Jessica's I was done before I even you know, the
writing in the Jessica Simpson book, it's like it's princh
is a little bit even bigger large, and it's bigger.
It doesn't Yeah. I used to put like three spaces
after a period to make an essay longer in college,
(25:43):
just me. And then you're like, what if I instead
of double space? Will they notice if I do it
two point three two? Yeah? Wait? Can? I as a
crazy question? What was your major? It was journalism and
then I minored in women's studies at sunny freaking Albany
because I really wanted to work in like women's magazines,
(26:04):
Oh for like Albany Women's Monthly. Yeah, I need to
go to the I need to go to the heart
of publishing, which is Albany. Yep. I was like, I
want to be the Helen Gurnie Brown of Albany. I
think that's how you say the Cosmopolitan like a way
like you wanted to write for Cosmo or like miss
(26:24):
or like Bitch Magazine. You wanted to beat Kate Hudson
and how to lose a guy in ten days, and
you're like demanding to your editor. You're like, actually, I
know I write about jewelry, but I want to write
about Afghanistan. Yes, yes, yes, yes, that's exactly what it was.
It was around the time that like Rookie came to be.
There was that there wore renaissance and it was really
when tumbler feminism. Yeah, it was like it was the
(26:47):
true Tumbler feminism moment. And I was hugely oh like
a voyeur of that, and that deeply influenced me to
pursue that. Did I do that? Oh no? Did I
literally even touch a keyboard? As soon as I wrote no,
do I have? Absolutely not. We're sending you a keyboard
(27:08):
after okay, just a standalone big keyboard after this pod.
Oh my god, thank you so much, thank you so much.
Just like Tom Hanks, You're welcome on us. Can I
read something that I dog haired or dog eared? Sorry
dogs m page one fifty eight. Um. One night I
ran into this girl from Nebraska. It was ironic because
(27:29):
Nebraska is a corn state, and she had pubic hair
that resembled the precise texture of corn silk. Oh yeah,
that stuck out, I remember. And he's like, I've seen
a lot of pubic hair my day, all sorts. But
and that next page, next page. The next day we
drove to Baton Rous and of course she came with us.
After we got off stage, she came up to me
(27:50):
and said, I have something to tell you. My father's
the chief of police, and the entire state of Louisiana
is looking for me because I've gone missing. Oh and
besides that, I'm only fourteen. Then the next sentence, I
wasn't incredibly scared fourteen fourteen year old. I'm also like,
(28:12):
you're publishing this book and being like, yeah, this fourteen
year old had corn silky pussy, which is reminding me.
I have so much corn at home that I need
to eat. And I'm just like almost I know. And
it's like my CSA, they keep in giving corn. They're
trying to get rid of the corner. I'm like, how
many husks am I eating today? I couldn't If he
(28:34):
wasn't scared. I'm just like, if anyone's gonna murder you.
It's going to be the chief of police of Baton
Rouge for fucking his underrated daughter. Like literally, if anyone
would ever murder it was like, that is the person
who is going to murder you. But I think he
got that confidence from his father, who was such a
rebel rouser and a rebel rouser yeah Pett himself, little Pad.
(29:00):
That cycle did not get broken here, no, And it
was just like I'm sharing a fifteen year old with
my eleven year old son. Classic and then the dad
would never have The dad like gets mad every time
he asked his dad for one of his girlfriends. After that,
he was like, whoa, that was actually a one time thing.
That was your birthday present. Okay, that's not happening again.
(29:24):
Can you guys imagine writing a note to your dad
to be like can I fuck your girlfriend? Yeah? It's
got like backwards letters in it and shiite, I mean
it's like lemonades it with a backwards dead Yeah. Yeah.
Like what's fucked up is you should see Lily's handwritting
because it looks like it still looks like that, like
(29:46):
age thirty four, she hasn't gone past nine. It's still
really big and she has like a really bad way
of like figuring out how much how many letters need
to go on the line, so she's always running out
by the end of the word. Birthday cards are always
like to me, it's always that straight line and then
full right down. I went to the shittiest public school ever,
and it was like, if you missed it one day
(30:09):
shit like handwriting, you would be like out, like there
was nothing they could do to make up for it.
Like if you, like I missed one day of fractions
and I still can't figure that shit out. They just
never went back. They were like, I just never I
never got what a third is. I still can't read
an analog clock quickly miss that day. It's so unfortunate.
(30:30):
It's so sad. So I'm with you on the handwrite anything,
like I get it. That's fun though. You know your
life has some mystery. You go over you're in London,
you take a peek at Big Ben and you're like,
I don't know what fucking time it is. I feel
like I actually, I was just thinking about that the
other day and I was, Wow, that's funny. I was
just thinking about Big Ben this morning. I'll tell you
why I'm going overseas for like the first time, and
(30:53):
I was thinking, like, they go on the twenty four
hour system, what other clocks look like. I really hadn't
thought about it. I revealing that here very publicly, but
it was like an early morning thought. I was like, no,
but big ben, No, that's like twelve, there's two hands, like.
I really was like breaking that shit down like a
You were like, maybe it's just a bigger circle. Yeah,
(31:16):
that's why such a big clock. Well, okay, I'm with you.
I was trying to make a RESI or strong to
the other day and the time was in Army Europe time, sure,
and I was like, um, excuse me, military time Google. Damn. Yeah,
I should have gone to open table and I was
like yeah, And I was like I can't do this.
(31:38):
So I closed the window and went to another site
because I was like, I just can't do the math here.
Leave it on military time and start asking for the
veterans discount at places. I went to a causalata the
other day and I asked, I asked the kids strap,
I said, do you guys have a military discount here? Stop?
And he wasn't sure. This episode is sponsored by zoktok.
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zok dot dot com slash book Club. Ditch the talk.
I wonder. I mean, I have to say keyes's taste.
The only sleb he seemed to be attracted to was Channaid.
(34:18):
Unless there are others that like he fucked and like
nda stuff. They were like, no, you're not putting this.
I mean he obviously, let's just say it. He's obviously
a tits man. It's just like the description of every
girl in the book is like tits first round tits.
She had these high, perky tits her tits walked into
the room. She was banging everybody with her tits. She
(34:39):
had these big softest wait are you were you going
to read that part? Where right? I still have that? Okay, okay,
let's do this. Okay. Sometimes I combined my passion for
drugs and girls. We had just played in South Carolina
and I was a little drunk, so I went straight
into a cocon. The bartender at the club found me
half a Graham, and I did it a hall too soon,
so I was horny beyond control role when this fat
(35:01):
girl approached me. She was probably about five to three
with an unusual chunky sheep. She had fairly large girth,
and her tits were like enormous missiles that projected out
from her elbows to the end of her hands. She
was kind of pretty, though not the type of girl
I'd ever hit on before. But she had her album
and she told me I was her favorite poet of
(35:22):
all time. And she gave me this letter that, among
other things, suggested my dick was like a dolphin and
her pussy was the ocean, and I had to go
for a swim in that ocean. She also wrote that
she worshiped the ground I walked on and that she
was my servant. She'd do anything for me. So then
the sex. Because she wasn't typically hot, it's like, we
(35:45):
get it, she's big. He's like, did I tell you
guys that she was fat and that I usually don't
fuck fat chip. There was no pressure. Whatever happened happened.
We went for all night with her big, beautiful, pillowy
breast and her crazy extra wide body shop i mean shape.
(36:15):
The whole time we were fucking, she was telling me
this was her dream come true, but not in a
way that made it unpleasant. Later I found out that
she had put twenty hits of acid in that letter me,
so I was able to barter in the next town
for some coke. Nice fat chock. And it's like he's
writing this truly thinking he's complimenting her, being like she
(36:38):
wasn't typically hot, but she got to experience my dish,
got to rid the cutest machine. Yeah this dolphins swim
all around her oceans. Oh, Lauren, No, sorry that kicked
(36:59):
off guys, hear me. Oh yeah, you got too horny. Yeah,
the power went out. Literally, the lights above me started
just like buzzing. Okay, Lauren now do share with us
what you had? Oh share, but I had kee up yeah,
page two fifty three. She was a five foot nine,
nineteen year old blonde Nordic goddess with big blue eyes,
(37:21):
a bowl cut hairty unbelievable smile. Plus she was wearing
a T shirt with a huge face of Woody Allan
on it, and her tits were poking out each of
Woody's eyeglasses so that his eyes seemed to be going
in different directions. I couldn't have put it in order
with God for a more perfect physical specimen the way
(37:47):
this paged, so more you're a pedophile without aphile. Her
kids were busting out of her Woody Allen like like
fucking God himself like away Adam pulled Eve out of
his own rim did this girl happen to being? Oh
(38:08):
my god? It was. I just I had to laugh
because it's like, sure, there's more egregious offenses than like,
you know, participating. You know, he insists he'd had nothing
to do with groupie culture, but it's like, clearly you did.
He obviously has this narrative about himself where he's just
like and dude, once we started getting famous, like I
didn't want to fuck the groupies because it was too easy.
It was about the chase. For me, You're just like,
(38:35):
I don't know, it sounds just like you. There's a
different girl, and it's a different girl on every page,
and just like you are absolutely just like fucking your fans. Absolutely.
I wish I could have been. I mean I was
what like eleven or twelve, I think when the book
came out, and just it actually came out on my
thirteenth birthday, October six, two thousand and four, so I
think that was another part of me happy early bird
(38:59):
out to me. Yeah, it was like I wish I
could have known how it was received back then, Like
I feel like I want to go into the New
York Times archive or like the New York or mag
archive to see with the writeups where at the time,
let's get out at micro Fish. I'm sure people were
just like, this is really an unflinching portray. Oh. I
bet it was a lot of like Super Frank Magazine
(39:23):
on front just being like raw inspiring me. This remains
a staple of like Hudson booksellers in the airport. Like
I feel like in my mind and you know, I don't.
I don't hang around I know musical bone in my body.
I really don't hang around musicians. But like I do
feel like this is like the most I thought you
were about to say, I don't hang around Hudson News. No,
that's where I work. Yeah, that's I work at the
(39:47):
one aw that's actually do you work at the JFK? Okay,
because the security clearance to work at the airport even
just for you know, I work at every single one
at JFK, and I just have to run from terminal
a terminal. You open them and you closed them, so
you know you're an opener. When a new Hudson News
is opening, you got him, get them in the typical
(40:09):
New York way. You guys have been talking to me
this whole time, and then you find out that, like
my dad invented Hudson booksellers, I'm like the heiress to
the whole all that shit. I'm actually really rich. This
closet is just like of green screen. Yeah, like maybe
name is Laurie Hudson. Oh yeah. When I said I
was from upstate, I meant Hudson, New York because my
(40:31):
father and I'm the little marr. I'm little miss Junior
married one, two, three, four give say mcgivee, say mcgivene
(40:56):
a segment what does she lives where? Okay um? What
is she eats? What does she eat? Okay um? I
mean I get the vibe that maybe he's like vegan vegetarian.
So one thing he mentions rarely randomly in the book
several times is that he is a vegetarian. Um, because
(41:19):
there was one time who was like, man, like I
have I'm been a vegetarian for years, but like I
was so hungry after we had like we had been
lost in the part they're lost in Indonesia in like
the jungle for like two weeks. Oh yeah, and the
sharpers like bringing in the mountains and they're like, honestly,
we didn't know if we would survive. And we kept
looking for this river and we were searching over for
(41:40):
ten days and they finally found this river and like
somebody in a passing boat gave us a deer leg
and like, yeah, I'm a vegetarian, but I did tear
into that deer um. But yeah, so I feel like
he is. I mean, he's so celebrity. It's been so
rich for so long, so I just feel like he's
so going to squirrel, which is like a famous La
bowlerree and he's getting like such a kia remember the
(42:01):
one that was over here? Yeah, yes, yes, yes, yes
in the East Village? Is that so open? Yeah? Okay,
that went the way of the dobt. I remember I
used to live in the angelicause we get the most
badass egg scrambless no bacon. Because he mentions like when
(42:28):
he was a hile of time getting like junk food
and he was like, man, Fleet knew I was high
because he saw that cheetos. I WoT. I would never
eat cheetos if I wasn't high. Yeah, he does have
a going back to his talking masculinity where he does
really because because he was like, yeah, it was a
crazy thing, more to a ton of coconhouen. And I
would also exercise a lot because like I'm still being healthy,
(42:50):
like he still is being like gym at him. He's
all even the way he talks, he's always about the
fat girl experience. It's always like for me, I'm like, hey,
you know what, no one scrutinizes my body as much
as I do. And then you're like, wait, actually there
might be one man in the world who does actually
you notice and pick up on all of the things
that I hate about my own body. And it's Anthony
(43:10):
Keatis and he clearly he probably would be like he
probably would order for you. She's gonna have, she's gonna have. Yeah, yeah,
she's gonna have the fish soup. And I could see
him so true, getting mad, like as go from for
like eating like a steak or just like something naught here,
He's like, why are you putting that shit? Oh my god, yes, yep,
(43:31):
oh my god. Read you read him to fill And
he's like, I mean, yeah, I mean, hey, do what
you want to do. But like you know, it's full
of hormones or whatever I do. I wonder whatever the
inside of his fridge looks like these days, it's definitely Arowan.
If there's a ton of Awander supplements. Yeah, there's powders.
(43:52):
I mean it's um big shake in the morning, Like
there's so many beet root powders, and then spillina powders.
There's probably spilina ice cubes in the freezer. And I
feel like there's a private chef who he imported like
from somewhere and was like and she makes like amazing
dope ass tie. She makes dope ass vietname, she makes
(44:15):
dope ass Mexican hall a good curries. It's probably the
same woman that was giving them oxygen, the one that
he mentioned at the end that it's like their lifeline,
the band lifeline who I feel so bad was like
both their oxygen dispenser and then like they're therapist. He
kind of was like not thinking her for a little messy.
(44:36):
Um what does she where she wear? I mean shirtless?
I feel like I've never seen him in a shirt.
I mean he's kind of classic, like his songs very
seventies because he is like copying his dad in the savanies,
and I think he never got out of that. Just
like wearing like slightly belled jeans and like a button
downs that like are also slightly belled. It's just like
that kind of class. I get a sense of John
(44:58):
Varvados where it's like for the guy who doesn't need
to be wearing you know, those kind of like chic
rags like he can afford. More so they're like tailored
rags in a way that makes sense. But it's like
Lucy Tidy Tidy, Lucy Varvados, like, yeah, Linen for sure. Okay.
I also feel like you're so on there because the
(45:20):
John Varvados store New York is where used to be
so literally the anatomy of a sellout. It's like from
CBGBs to John Varvados, right, and it's like really good
black Dawn him good black. Do you know the watches
that are like made of like a bunch of leather bands,
do you know what I mean? It has like the
watch I think, yeah, yeah, yeah, like fun where there's
(45:45):
six little leather chords that then attach at the watch face. Yeah,
that's accurato. But he doesn't have any piercinges. I'm like,
it's wait, we're draining because you would think he'd be
so plugs, but I guess it's just like he was
that's always been too gay an emo for him, and
maybe actually he's pre plugs culture. Yeah plugs again, think yeah,
(46:07):
And I don't see any pier stairs in anything, And
like piercing was just like straight up like a village people. Then,
so no earring. I feel like I feel like an earring.
Maybe again, I'm saying I'm gonna say no ring. I'm
pushing for knowing I feel like since he did the
long hair, Yeah, that was like good enough. That was
his earring, that was his that was his head accessory. Um,
(46:28):
you can only father that's such a bad name. Jennifer's feathers,
the Jennifer's Feathers. Ok, we're starting that band tomorrow. Even
though you don't have a musical bone in your body,
you will Now, I'll be the one in the I'll
be like the you know, like the one fan in
(46:49):
the audience. It's like your friend that wants to be
It's just like, oh, she's getting into the rest of
little do they know that. I'm like a plan just
swaying for hours. Man. She was at our show since
the fucking beginning. Yeah, no one was there, and so
we ended up giving her seven percent of a record
deal with so many dude, I would kill free of
(47:12):
probably their total earnings. They really have made so much money. Well,
they made money when you could still make money off
of like selling, because it was just like their CD's
probably sold like twenty million copies and they literally made
just like gazillion dollars off of the twelve ninety nine
for that Compactice Boom. It's kind of crazy. I never
like red Hot to me. It was always like it's
(47:33):
on the radio, I'm listening to it, liking it. But
I was never like I need to buy. I was
never that much fan that I bought the CD and
there you weren't jerking off it. I need I needed
I made in my jerk off soundtrack. I mean it's
a very I mean it makes sense because a very
sexual band I was. But I was. But you were
(47:54):
like anti Top twenty where I was pro Top twenty.
So I would go to Newark Comics and they would
have the top twenty CDs of the week, like in
the racks, and so you could like go pick and
I was just like, oh hello, like number three, Hell yeah,
that's like American Idol compilation. Yes, they have the twenty
and it's like the many Husbands of Evelyn Hugo or whatever.
And I'm like all reason, like tell me what, you
(48:17):
tell me what to do? I am like merely a
cog in the machine. I'm with you, though, I'm pro
Top twenty, always pop till I die. Yeah, okay, how
does he live? You know? There's a lot of important
teak yes, liver like like this situate, like where you
like las very lavishly. It's really about like specific to
core choices that are happening, just like his bedside table lighting.
(48:40):
Is the bed high? Is the bed low? That's actually
a really good question, Like amenable to just like a
to having sex a lots of tantric crazy sex is
how I feel like the bed is low. I want
to say that bed is low too, because like that
feels more like easy to just like fuckt ending up
on like where she's on her like doggiesta on the bed,
(49:03):
but you're standing on the floor or whatever. Like I
imagine that's a popular one. Like, and I think a
high bed is like there's just too much acrobatics involved
and he doesn't have a little steps high bed. I
is the only reason I have that is living in
New York and you have to store shot under there.
Otherwise low bed makes so much. Yeah, But but some
people are really insane and they they are tasteless, and
(49:24):
they like think that their bed has to be such
a like throne, and so they're very just like Prince
Mattress pad box spring Prince, it's very Princess in the
pee and it's got a four poster or whatever. So
and and like some like rich people in their big
bedrooms have that as well, where everything is like everything
so oversized and like you need a ladder just to
get onto the couch, like that kind of vibe. I
don't necessarily think he is that. I think he is
(49:45):
definitely like no, I also go back to his days
of always having a mattress on the floor where he
was Mark. Just so you guys know, oh yeah, yeah,
well hanging another from four post bed. Dude actually talk
about like like battle of the two super LA musicians.
(50:08):
They're probably the most two most LA rocks are I
don't think of off the top of my head, honest
to god, most last bros. What's funny is that the
girl says she knows nothing about LA. Uh, your talk
has got holes and talk about Mark McGrath like you
know him. Hum, like you've maybe seen that four post bed, Oh,
(50:29):
Hollywood and Vine. I don't know that intersection. I have
no idea. I'm just a little girl from Iowa. Yeah,
I've just been lying time gas lighting already, a little
girl from i I feel like it's just Eastern vibes.
I am getting Eastern vibes. So it brings us to
the question we ask every episode. Is that's why you
(50:53):
guys ask on that because I was gonna sat in
the backyard. Yeah yeah, like PERI absolutely yeah, god on.
My grandmother's so excited that that's where you were going
with this because I was thinking about it. I'm so
glad you're right there with us and the Buddha. Okay, well,
(51:17):
I think we nailed it. I also want to say
Buddha infinity poure. Yeah. Also, this is just one house.
We already know that there's like six yes reds in
the house that like he hasn't been to in a while.
But we'll see what's happening over there. Posts and um um,
who are you in the book? Wow? Who is the book? Okay?
I've been thinking about us since I read this passage.
(51:37):
I think that I'm fleas slutty Australian sister Karen. Yeah
you're Karen, and like and I'm just like, comar Finny,
help me study. I've got a batist tomorrow and then okay,
and I've kind of think i'm fully in this way
where I'm telling people that my sister's really sexually active.
(52:00):
We're talking about your sister sex like way too much.
I'm like dude, you could have her if you want.
I'm the one mention of Chris Farley coming to visit
him at Exodus that was so dark. He was like,
it was really good to see Chris. Okay, but also,
you have amazing style. You have Jennifer vibes a little,
(52:24):
But Jennifer, I could see you building a structurally sound
TV that could last the winter with the like seriously
coming to the boyfriend's parents and they're like, oh, this
girl's pretty every That's when he seems like you you
do that one time for your wife. He brought every
(52:47):
fucking girlfriend to cross the line with You don't share this.
We don't share a lot of the same values. I'll
tell you that. But that's why I wanted that, because
I felt like truly I was like, I know, we
talked about doing the Victoria Gatty one, but I was like,
it's a little too close to the sun, Like I
can I really can predict what's gonna happen here. I
was like, I like, I don't know my ass or
(53:08):
my elbow when it comes to rockstar shit la living.
When it comes to someone who would bring every single
significant other home to their parents every summer, every summer,
every every Christmas. He was a big Christmas guy, and
he's like, oh my mom's the best. You're gonna love her.
Or I would say I could be the mom who
was just so so patient, just patient midwestern mom who
(53:32):
though did you go to LA and was funky for
a while. She was funky and she was also I
don't know, I mean she I feel like, are you
for her though when you're like marrying someone named Scott
Saint Jude or whatever, and you're like caring for him
through his third triple bypass? Not saying you wouldn't care
for someone through their third triple bypass, but she seems
(53:52):
like she was more like I felt like her thing
was like and this was you know, women of that
era or whatever. It was like difficult, but it was
like she seems like she was always kind of like
at the mercy of the kind of husband she was with.
It was like she was having a rough time when
she was with the messy husband. She was just like
then she needed to get this new guy, and then
he was remember that she had like the next husband,
and it was like her kind of well being seemed
(54:13):
a little bit too tethered to a marriage and I
don't see that, and you as much like you're a
stronger defendentet woman. No, that's true, You're right. No, it
was Chris Farley final answer, just like correct Chris Farley,
a little bit of I wonder where Jennifer also is
that I didn't go. I was gonna wait till after this.
I was like, I can't spoil it. I really do
(54:33):
want to look up all of them, including Claire, who
of course got roasted the most because she was the
most recent girlfriend. Do you know what I mean? Like, yeah,
I could tell where he was being like umber, it
was an active annoyance where the rest of them were
obviously more passive and more time to be like a
little more generous, more just like and I do wonder
(54:53):
where that baton rouge girls chief fist. I wonder where
the fat trick the same? I know, can we get
like an amendment? Shi? Seriously? Yeah, that's I mean, now
very Pamela to bars like the girls of Scarton. Oh
my god, don't next on my freaking list. Um okay,
(55:16):
random House take note for that. I know a little
Grottoes copy place. There's like five million copies in the strand,
trust me, every time I go to the Strand, I
just teck to make sure. I've been doing that for
years now. It seems like you spend a lot of
time in bookstores, which is fucking cool in old school
New York. I only go to masked books because I
(55:40):
can like only get art books and shit huge ar yeah,
hellic curated, like fucking like Mapplethorpe. Oh, just buying a
used three hundred dollars Mapplethorpe book today. Then a little
bit of I'm gonna buy some nuts and then matra
and then go home. Oh my god, Lauren, this has
been epic. This has been such a yeah, such a
(56:03):
thrill ride. Thank you for having me. I do have
a question now, Um, what book are you guys reading next?
Are you allowed to tell me? Or oh, you know what?
Because it's you, I just run straight to do more
with his information. Yeah, you're just like, I know what
the book is? Book club next week? Ann? Please? You
(56:27):
would always say that's like it's always Ann. She's never
posting like your phone number, so it's fine, Like Kate
Hudson's not going to find out that you said her
sister was nice. She smelled good. No, but really what
are you reading. We're doing epic lesbian soccer player Abby Wombach,
(56:48):
us women's soccer team captain and her small volumes of
a memoir forward what we've read because forward is a
position on it probably wasn't goes for. She probably wrote
(57:08):
it herself. Lauren, Yeah, do you have any amazing things
that we should punk for you? Like? Yeah, any sort
of like three episode arcs on any CBS Plus series
or anything like that. I'm a peacock girl, easy fucking doesn't. No,
I wish I had something. This is actually a call
(57:30):
to anyone. I would love to work, I would love
to act. I will do anything. I'm so desperate. I
must have killed a casting director in my last life
because um, they are allergic to me. You like poison
someone at Metro Goldwin Films. Yeah that's yeoh yeah yeah
yeah wait now, I like I hop off to do
(57:50):
my other podcast, like you must remember this isn't that
the one where they talk about like old Hollywood ship, Yes,
because I gotta do that. Nope, nothing, Um, this is
actually the only highlight of my life was being on
this like this month only. Can we just say that
you are on You must remember this I'm gonna start
like seating that in things like my episode's coming out soon,
(58:13):
and then like a year goes by and they're like,
whatever happened to that? Check out Lauren on the Amazing
podcast You Must Must Remember This episode two hundred and
eighty six. She has so much knowledge about film and
a whole dalty Wood and flappers. I bet you get
at least one person just being like, oh, you were
kick ass on that podcast you must remember this? Yeah,
(58:36):
that was me. It was great to talk to the
host about the you know, old Hays Coode stuff, the
studio system. Can I also just piggyback to casting directors.
This is this kind of for me. I would also
like to be cast and yeah, and just sort of
backflip off that. I would also ask casting directors to
(58:56):
sort of shoot their little spectacles in my direction. Um,
you know, see if I'm right for something, I wonder
if they were for like, no, we can till they
want to be Indie darlings, So we're just gonna leave
them out of every conversation about casting. However, I mean,
it's like clearly we all want to be in a
movie that's called just like thank you for not saying sorry,
(59:17):
and it's like, Okay, well we'll see you at the premiere.
See it's the premiere. Okay, I'll be wearing got bye bas.
(59:40):
Celebrity book Club is presented by Prolog Projects and head Gum.
The show is produced by Mike Murnay, with the shorts
part from Leonok Andrew turned bo Lynn Couplin. Our production
menaser is Percia Verlin and during My First Monte original
(01:00:02):
theme song by Stephen pull Ups Horses or work by
Teddy Blanks, trips and why Follow us on Twitter right
see you see the blot, Subscribe your favorite podcast app,
leave us a review, and don't forget to tell your
friends about us. That was a hit Gun Podcast
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