Club Kid "LOVELINE" Part 1

I'll have what she's having! Club Kids from all across the Kinsey spectrum called into our second-ever LOVELINE. On this episode, we debate whether a horny mom should fulfill her sapphic desires, how to soft launch a lover, IG flirting tips, turning straight men gay by accident, toxic lesbian painters, ball hair, and where to F in rural Vermont. We also tackle the most popular question of them all -- how do I meet Mr. Right, right now? 

Thank you to all the brave Romeo and Juliets for calling in! 

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/cbcthepod

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Who's that knocking at the door. It's all your friends,
you filthy horse. Your husband's gone and we've got books
and a bottle of wine to kill.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
It's Hollywood, it's books, it's gossip.

Speaker 3 (00:12):
I'm shook. It's memoirs Martini.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
Celebrity Book Club. Read it while it's hot.

Speaker 4 (00:21):
Celebrity Book Club.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
I'll tell your secrets.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
We won't talk celebrity books. No, boys are a loud
cele book say it loud and poud. Celebrity Book Club.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
Buzz me in. I brought the queer vow. Hey, best friends,
how are you?

Speaker 1 (00:44):
I'm feeling so sexually satisfied and mature and you're innocent
at the same time.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
I'm feeling so sexually unsatisfied, and I have so many
questions about why I feel that way.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
Well, you came to the right place, because that's right.
Club Kids. It's the second annual.

Speaker 2 (01:02):
Maybe third. Who knows, Honey, I don't even know how
old I am or how many years I've been married.

Speaker 1 (01:08):
It's the club kid love line twenty twenty four.

Speaker 2 (01:11):
Honey, Kiss Kiss, Okay, so crack open the ben and
Jerry's and some cheap champagne and like fuck your.

Speaker 1 (01:19):
App melt some dove chocolate all over some strawberries and
shove them. You ass is a surprise for your third order.

Speaker 2 (01:28):
Just like the most whatever sushi in your neighborhood. Get
completely nude, cover yourself in the sushi wave your roommate
to come home, but you have a crush on.

Speaker 1 (01:37):
Cut to my roommate walking in on me eating the
heart shape pizza from Papa John's alone e I wanted
to kill myself.

Speaker 2 (01:46):
Let's get into it.

Speaker 1 (01:47):
Okay, Yes, our illustrious pucer w masters on the line, hidrby.

Speaker 2 (01:51):
Hello, I haven't heard any of the calls.

Speaker 1 (01:54):
And she has selected the cream of the crop. If
yours was not selected, we'll.

Speaker 2 (01:58):
Be doing it another time. We'll be you're also awesome sauce.

Speaker 1 (02:01):
We'll be gating in the VIP lounge this very week.

Speaker 2 (02:04):
And that doesn't mean on Friday you're not fream of
the crop.

Speaker 1 (02:06):
No, it actually means you're like too hot for TV.

Speaker 5 (02:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (02:09):
I have to say all of the calls were so
so so good this time. It was really hard to
pick which ones to air.

Speaker 1 (02:15):
Okay, so kudos, club kids, you did yourselves.

Speaker 6 (02:18):
Okay, are you already for the first call?

Speaker 1 (02:20):
I'm ready to go. Let's start dispensing some advice and
solving some problems and crimes.

Speaker 5 (02:25):
Thea Stepan and Lily a big fan of the pod.
I was just calling for some advice on having a
friend with benefits when you're both in your mid twenties
and you both are living with your parents. Now we
are like living in rural Vermont, so you know, the
ideas we've tossed around so far are like truck sex,

(02:49):
but you can only go so far with that. So
I'm just helping for some fun ideas about like possibly
public or different fun sex ideas when you don't have
a home to bring your buddy and we're not trying
to date, so unfortunately I can't be introducing him to

(03:10):
my parents. But you know, I'm looking at your creatives here.
Girls got to eat, you know anyways, thanks.

Speaker 2 (03:18):
So much by I'm imagining it's like a car heart
beanie fem and like a car heart butch and they're
like twenty five and living greater Berlinton.

Speaker 1 (03:27):
I'm not sure that why you think she's less me.

Speaker 2 (03:30):
I just for my aunt and just she said girls
got to eat in this way that's like pussy, right
or just enough Okay, can I say something crazy? You're
in your mid twenties, like this whole I don't want
to introduce you to my parents and they can't have
sex at our house.

Speaker 1 (03:48):
I get that, though, are you know?

Speaker 2 (03:49):
I mean I totally get it.

Speaker 1 (03:50):
I remember that. I mean I introduced a lot of
boyfriends my parents in my twenties, but I kind of
didn't like it.

Speaker 2 (03:55):
Yeah, it's not fun, But I guess I'm just kind
of like, do all the public things. I think movie
theaters will fun, movie theater sex.

Speaker 1 (04:03):
I mean, I'm still just kind of laughing about this
whole situation. You've got a friends with benefits rural Vermont,
rural Vermont. You know, I love Vermont and I love you.

Speaker 2 (04:12):
Have a home there. You actually have the opposite of
problem where You're like, I have three homes where, but
I don't want to introduce my friends with benefits to
my three homes.

Speaker 1 (04:23):
I mean, I don't know where she lives in Vermont,
but does maybe one of your parents' homes have a
sauna or is it part of like a community that
has access to a sauna. I mean, I guess like
it's a fun place.

Speaker 2 (04:35):
Couldn't you be sexy? And so like parents go to bed.

Speaker 1 (04:38):
There is a sneaking contemporary art museum in Waitsfield that's
never open, and I bet they have a bathroom. So
that's another thing.

Speaker 2 (04:50):
You guess. There's tons of businesses with bathrooms. And it's
like really cold in Vermont right now.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
I just think winter is really the issue. It's interesting
how she pronounced truck is trock.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
Truck sucks when he goes that far.

Speaker 1 (05:02):
That's another sign that to me, she's kind of like
a straight girl.

Speaker 2 (05:06):
Chop, but it's not also kind of lesbian, like huh,
we're going to have somewhat draw.

Speaker 1 (05:12):
You're just being weird in Canadian, but I don't think
that's actually like the Canadian lets me pronanuncy.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
I do think, but this will get expensive. I do think,
like renting a motelephone night is fun.

Speaker 1 (05:21):
Okay. I guess counterpoint is a little bit just like
why are you so hell bent on not introducing him
to your parents?

Speaker 2 (05:30):
That's what I'm saying. And it's like he or she
or they, we don't know what if like you just
come in, You're like, hey, this is my friend upstairs.
You don't have to be so dinner.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
Or it's also just like I don't know grow a parent.
It's like when I first started dating my current boyfriend,
he awkwardly met my parents very early on in the
relationship because he was working on Nantucket and I was
like staying with my parents on Nantucket, kind of a
similar situation. And I said to my mom, I was like, listen, like,
this is this guy. I did not say that like

(06:02):
we're friends with benefits. I didn't say we're fucking. I
was just like, he's not my boyfriend, So don't like
say that word around him. Don't you know, make a
big deal out of it. You are going to meet him,
We are going to go to dinner, because let me
tell you what you're missing out on. You're missing out
on free dinners. Your parents could be taking you to
American flatbread with your fuck buddy, and then you can

(06:23):
still go fuck in the bathroom if you need to.

Speaker 2 (06:25):
So why do I feel like these parents are not
so American flatbad American flatbreads, And.

Speaker 1 (06:31):
There's not a lot of restaurants and Vermont, they have
to be dinner at some point. It's like they have
to eat.

Speaker 2 (06:37):
And it's like if they're not to eat an American flatbread.
Maybe they're making like a tie noodle.

Speaker 1 (06:43):
Either way, it's just like it's called dinner.

Speaker 2 (06:45):
And they again, parents go to bed, and you're just like, oh,
like Casey and Robin are coming over.

Speaker 1 (06:51):
And I think you can just literally like you're twenty six,
I think you can have an honor conversation with parents
that's not that revealing and say, listen, this isn't my
boyfriend or my partner, or may they friend or my girlfriend.

Speaker 2 (07:02):
She doesn't sound so struggling in the call.

Speaker 1 (07:04):
No, she's not like nervous to talk to us, so
why should.

Speaker 2 (07:06):
She almost turned on? Yeah, and honestly, and maybe your
parents will open up to you, but their sexual activities
with each other, that would be fun.

Speaker 1 (07:16):
I'm sure there's swinging with some other couple from Rutland
or something.

Speaker 2 (07:19):
So I think, bottom line, move this into a sexy
kind of like ooh, we're being sneaky in high school,
like oh, we can't be too loud, we can't wake
up my dad, wrong up.

Speaker 1 (07:30):
Although one last option, you buy a train ticket to
Saint Albans and you just like ainger each other and
your passenger seats and like it's like four hours there
four hours back.

Speaker 2 (07:41):
You never get off.

Speaker 1 (07:43):
Yeah, you don't cross the border.

Speaker 2 (07:45):
You get off, but you don't go off fellow. All right, great,
next call.

Speaker 6 (07:50):
Okay, so I actually am switching it up. I had
a different call next, but after the conversation, I feel
like this one is very applicable to what you guys
are saying. Yes, throw out the r Derby perfect love
doing that.

Speaker 7 (08:04):
Okay, hey those friends longtime listared not first time caller,
but I wanted to get your advice. You know, I
think a lot about how of sitcoms or Sex and
the City people are always having these kind of short,
one month's relationships and they're bringing this random person to

(08:25):
hang out with their friends, and I can't really figure.

Speaker 3 (08:27):
Out how that is possible.

Speaker 7 (08:30):
I either feel like there's someone that I've met that
I'm sleeping with and they're completely separate from the rest
of my life, or I'm fully married to this person.
We live together and they come to every single day
with my friends, get to that kind of chill place,
being like, oh, yeah, here's this girl. We've been on
three days. I'm bringing her to have dinner with my

(08:52):
best friends. Is it me or is it just a
cultural thing?

Speaker 3 (08:57):
That's shifted.

Speaker 2 (09:00):
In this situation.

Speaker 1 (09:01):
Actually, the other day, somebody you went on three dates
with someone no, I.

Speaker 2 (09:06):
Was pushing for a friend okay, to introduce me to
her non boyfriend okay, and to hang out with him
and his sister and her boyfriend and all go do
some sort of sport a family. I guess I'm just
saying like, it's actually a gift to your friends, because

(09:28):
it's fun for them. I think to see the person
you've been on three dates with for sure had a
hang and not like to put so much pressure on
this dinner to be like, well, now that you're having
my friends were married.

Speaker 1 (09:41):
I do think that there's a keyword in there, which dinner.

Speaker 2 (09:44):
Yeah, let's think take dinner out of it.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
I think dinner is where the pressure comes in because
everyone's like, oh my god, read for dinner. We're feeding
him to the.

Speaker 2 (09:51):
Wolves and being like guys would be nice.

Speaker 1 (09:54):
I mean, bringing a straight guy into a ravenous pack
of cheekas is like always like terrifying him. Yes, but
he'll live.

Speaker 2 (10:02):
This sounds like a guy bringing girls.

Speaker 1 (10:04):
Sound like a guy bringing a girl to maybe his
like queer friend, his awesome dear friends, like apartment to
hang out, and I would say that, don't be afraid
to bring her to like a casual bagel brunch or
like movie night.

Speaker 2 (10:21):
Right, or maybe like a fashion show.

Speaker 1 (10:25):
Oh like an event.

Speaker 2 (10:26):
Yeah, like fashion afters.

Speaker 1 (10:27):
Okay, Actually, let's rank it. I think event is the
easiest because you're there, You're just like and there's so
many people and you could know someone there. It's like
social and like you can do something after, you can
peel off and do something separately. After it's always oh,
we're getting food, We're all going to Vietnammese with like
six people.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
And guys be like, oh, we're actually going to go
meet her friends uptown.

Speaker 1 (10:49):
Yeah, So I think event first.

Speaker 2 (10:52):
Second is bar hang slash like kickback, like a party
of like.

Speaker 1 (11:00):
More bar hang is. It's like a close group of
friends doesn't really do like scheduled bar hangs because that's weird,
like you and me, No, I guess yeah, you're not
just being like, hey, we're all getting drinks at six
pm at the Deuce on Thursday. It's like that's not
something we do. So like, yes, bring her like to

(11:21):
a bar like if people are out, Okay.

Speaker 2 (11:24):
This is straight people, so maybe they're all watching, for instance,
quote unquote the game.

Speaker 1 (11:28):
Oh wait, that's the separate reference I'm making TV from
like the early nineties.

Speaker 2 (11:33):
Absolutely not, I'm joking about how straight people watch sports.

Speaker 1 (11:35):
Oh the game, the game, the Big Game, the Big Game,
the Big Game.

Speaker 8 (11:38):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (11:39):
No, And that I'm putting in the category two, which
is intimate apartment hangs or.

Speaker 2 (11:44):
Bar hags if you're someone who's skied.

Speaker 1 (11:46):
Uels, which is watching the football game, watching the Oscars,
the Golden Globes, go warts, the.

Speaker 2 (11:55):
Creative Arts Emmys. Hey, a group of my friends and
not that close friends are all watching the Creative Art semis.
I want to come by, bring anyone.

Speaker 1 (12:05):
And then last of the ranking is dinner. Like, dinner
is the most high pressure and the most scary for everyone.

Speaker 2 (12:11):
So I think where the friends are, Like, oh, now
we're gonna have to ask a lot of questions. Here's
an example. On my first date with my girlfriend, she
brought me to a bar hang, two different bar hangs
in the same night. One I thought with her friends,
and I thought they were her best friends. Turns out
they were her Risdy Summer Program friends. Like she I

(12:33):
was in my mind, like, it's kind of randomly meeting
her for best friends right now, and then we left
and she was like, Oh, I haven't seen those girls
in years, and like, I've never seen those girls in
my entire life.

Speaker 1 (12:43):
Okay, that's cool. So maybe it would have been better
if you knew beforehand that it was less pressure because
you were being so like bow.

Speaker 3 (12:49):
Tie and.

Speaker 2 (12:51):
Well because I was actually coming from an art event
that you were hosting before. It was a night of
casual friend events. Yeah, so I was kind of like that.
Never cool.

Speaker 1 (13:01):
You're pippin and popping. You're pipping and bopp him.

Speaker 2 (13:03):
Yeah, gallery another event, Yes, similar to fashion.

Speaker 1 (13:07):
So I would say to our dear caller, whose identity
is a total mystery to me, I would say events first,
intimid hank, second, dinner is last.

Speaker 2 (13:17):
And also, like, I guess, ask yourself, why are you afraid?
Why are you afraid? Kind of and like, is it
because you really like this girl and you're afraid of
the wolves.

Speaker 1 (13:25):
Or maybe don't really like this girl.

Speaker 2 (13:28):
Or suddenly it will become in your mind, it will
suddenly become serious if you go to this intimates.

Speaker 1 (13:37):
Actually, I do think that's actually at the core of
this scholar's question, because he's referencing like Miranda, like you know,
dating that cartoonist for three weeks and he's at whatever
lunch with Carrie or.

Speaker 2 (13:50):
And I think he respects his friend's opinions so so
much and he's honestly in love with their opinions.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
Yeah, and it's scary for him to subject them to that.
But what he likes about the Miranda situation or like say,
you know, Jack, like sleeping with some guy and then
he's having breakfast with them all the next morning unwilling grace,
is that it's like there is a casualness there right,
so wants to keep it casual.

Speaker 2 (14:16):
And it's New York City. Oh but you know sometimes
that casual that mister right now, that now just folts
right away.

Speaker 1 (14:23):
I would say it's not something the last callor where
it's like you know what, you can have a conversation
with your friends and don't be frightened. Tell them you guys,
this is casual, keep it shell And obviously then we
would be like stickering in the corner and just be
like yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (14:38):
I think everyone needs to say keep it chill and
like talk more. It's not nineteen twenties. Okay, if you
meet someone's lover. It's not instantly a wedding date.

Speaker 3 (14:47):
Greed.

Speaker 2 (14:48):
Okay, Next call Darby, amazing curation, Next.

Speaker 6 (14:51):
Call perfect, I'm glad. Okay, here is our next caller.

Speaker 3 (14:57):
Hi.

Speaker 5 (14:57):
So, I'm a mom of two young children in my
mid thirties and married to the man whom I love deeply,
and I love my family very much. I recently have
been very attracted to a young woman not much younger

(15:19):
than me, two years younger, and I've told my husband
about it. We've kind of talked it through. I have
not need my feelings clear to this person, and he,
my husband's kind of like a little bit comfortable with
the idea, but not entirely. I don't know why I'm

(15:41):
calling him, just wondering if you have any advice.

Speaker 3 (15:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (15:46):
I love you, guys, and I really just love hearing
your voice every week.

Speaker 9 (15:51):
So thank you so much.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
Bye, love you too, thank you, love you too.

Speaker 2 (15:55):
Thank you so much for sharing this sexy actually na secret.
Well you've taken I would say some of the heat
even out of the crush already, because she talked about
her husband and he was probably like, Okay.

Speaker 1 (16:13):
I am a modern I am.

Speaker 2 (16:14):
Modern man, and that is it's sexy to me, but
not too sexy because I also respect you.

Speaker 1 (16:22):
I'm open to honesty and I want to honor this
relationship and it's truth wherever that truth may take us.

Speaker 2 (16:29):
I kind of can already see if you did act
on this crush or like it's kind I see it
kind of ending badly for our color.

Speaker 1 (16:40):
Do you think they're both too like low pony brunettes.

Speaker 2 (16:43):
I just think it's like she's gonna probably like have
more of a rush of emotions, but maybe it will
like activate you know something.

Speaker 1 (16:52):
I feel like there's always the reverses possible, too, where
the girl that she's into like has all these feelings
and is like less seen after this object she can't have,
right this married woman, And then the married woman like
dabbles and is actually like, you know what, this was
actually kind of just like a fantasy. I needed to

(17:14):
traverse briefly, and.

Speaker 2 (17:15):
Or they hook up. The married woman is so obsessed
breaks up her marriage, and then the other woman is like, oh,
I wasn't like asking for all that. I'm not ready
to be the mom who stepped up.

Speaker 1 (17:29):
Yeah, oh god, I could really go in.

Speaker 2 (17:33):
And I also like, you do want you to have
an affair and like maybe like it is about being
so modern and being like telling the person and just
maybe also that's erotic enough and see what happens.

Speaker 1 (17:44):
I'm torn because part of me thinks that she should
have just had this affair and never told the husband.

Speaker 2 (17:50):
And that.

Speaker 1 (17:52):
It would have been the sexiest part and she could
have gotten out of her system or discovered that maybe
she actually is more into girls and then ended her marriage. Anyway,
But like, is the telling of it kind of like
deroticizing it? Or I'm also so proud of You've been honest,
and maybe having these conversations is the best way forward.
And maybe there are threesomes on the horizon. Maybe there

(18:16):
is an open marriage on the horizon, and.

Speaker 2 (18:18):
Then you'll have to deal with whatever he wants.

Speaker 1 (18:21):
I guess, yeah, in the open marriage, and you're gonna
have to sort of like allow everyone's desires to come
to the surface.

Speaker 2 (18:27):
I guess the question is like, yeah, like so you
and your husband are processing it. He probably is like
it would hurt me, but I also don't want to
like stop you.

Speaker 1 (18:36):
Yeah, I mean I'm sure he's a feminist, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:39):
Definitely a feminist. I think it's also like I imagine
like your two young kids in your thirties. Everything's perfect,
but you're like, wait a.

Speaker 1 (18:46):
Second, Well, I know it's what's really going on in
the marriage, right.

Speaker 2 (18:50):
I think it's just like she's probably getting her kind
of like VavaVoom back. Maybe the kids are now like
three or four.

Speaker 1 (18:57):
Right, and you've gone through this hell of diapers for
two and a half years, and you're starting to regain
your sanity and like we gain a normal sleep cycle,
and like the kids are starting to go to like
preschool or something, and you're just like, Okay, oh wait, I.

Speaker 2 (19:08):
Am a human sexual being and you want that affirmation
of like not the person you like stir at twenty
four hours a day.

Speaker 7 (19:15):
No.

Speaker 2 (19:15):
So I guess what we're saying is like maybe just
like continue like flirting with this woman who's like three
years younger than you, and keep flirting, keep flirting, and like, honestly,
just see what happened.

Speaker 1 (19:33):
I would say, keep flirting, and also like, yeah, I
mean here's what I don't think. I don't think that
like this other woman is like the love of your life.

Speaker 2 (19:43):
No, that's right. I don't think and I don't think
you're leaving your husband honestly for maybe she.

Speaker 1 (19:48):
Is, but maybe she's leaving her husband because she wants
to leave her husband.

Speaker 2 (19:51):
Yes, you know, words for a different one.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
Something that actually my good friend Judge Judy said getther
day was like, don't leave someone because you want to
be with someone else. Believe someone, if you're gonna be
happier being alone, that's actually genius advice. See, it's like,
so you have to be ready to be like I'm
actually better off alone than I'm with this person. So
like the marriage, like whether or not that's gonna work out,

(20:14):
that's kind of its own thing.

Speaker 2 (20:16):
Yeah, if you're like, oh, it'd actually be happier even
if this younger woman breaks up with me and I'm
like a single mom and I'm like co parenting with
my awesome femily.

Speaker 1 (20:24):
But I could see like this flirtation kind of like
continuing to simmer, and it actually opens up a little
sexual part of her you know pie chart that ends
up in her dming somewhat a third party, and then
maybe she fucks that person male or female, and the
rocks get off and that's like a little bit more

(20:44):
self contained and like not a big deal.

Speaker 2 (20:46):
Oh, I was gonna say kind of bring alto that
eroticism into your marriage, and you're like whispering these fantasies
in your husband's ear. Hmm yeah, and like kind of
imagining what you and this woman would.

Speaker 1 (20:59):
Do to get Fantasy construction is such a major element
of this because it's like.

Speaker 2 (21:04):
She is clearly building a fantasy, building fantasy, building fantasy.

Speaker 1 (21:09):
And one thing that I tell a lot of my
clients who are in long term relationships, if you do
at a certain point when things are cool or staid
or boring or distant, you do need to start letting
your partner in on your fantasies and really being explicit
with them about what it is that you want.

Speaker 2 (21:25):
Tickling feather, feather play. It's just would just literally be
remembering this one any special with a sex therapist where
it was like a really awkward Indiana couple who were
married having a lot of trouble getting into it and
they did feather play and like powder dusters and yeah no,

(21:46):
they were both like, oh, these feathers worked.

Speaker 1 (21:49):
But I guess maybe my advice for you and all
of this is try to stay light, try to like
find what's pleasurable about the crush, Like crushes are great.
Everyone should have crushes. Like find what's pleasurable about your
own like flirtatious power and your e eroticism. Find what's
pleasure about your marriage and that sex life. Just kind
of like find the pleasure to find the lightness and

(22:10):
stay in that area.

Speaker 2 (22:11):
Like maybe you and this woman just like go out
on the town. It's not a date, it's just like
go hang out and feel the charge electricity.

Speaker 1 (22:20):
I'm plugged in already. Hello anyway, good luck collar.

Speaker 2 (22:23):
Yeah, I really want to hear.

Speaker 1 (22:25):
I'm excited for you and your next chapter.

Speaker 2 (22:28):
Stay blast. Wow.

Speaker 6 (22:31):
I feel like I learned a lot wisdom from a bus.

Speaker 1 (22:34):
I feel free to take that back into your home life, Derby,
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (22:46):
Mm hmm okay, next call.

Speaker 10 (22:56):
Hey, guys, my question is what's the approval amount of
ball hair. I tend to keep my tubes kind of
long because I think it's lends a kind of Mediterranean
flair to my otherwise very Irish German frame. But with
ball hair, it's a little bit different. I feel like
there's like a grossness factor there. No, but like at

(23:17):
the same time, I feel like gay guys tend to
use ball play. It's like an escape valve when they're not.

Speaker 11 (23:22):
Hardy enough to keep sucking dicks.

Speaker 10 (23:24):
So I don't mind like keeping a warning there.

Speaker 3 (23:27):
I don't know.

Speaker 10 (23:29):
It's a complicated, complicated topic, so any advice would be
much appreciated.

Speaker 1 (23:34):
This, I mean, Lily, obviously, I'll let you.

Speaker 2 (23:37):
Feel this money, yeah, please, but say what you know
and then I'll go in with kind of mass parties.

Speaker 1 (23:42):
I mean, this brings up a really interesting topic of
balls made a scapeball for when you're too hard or
not hard enough because you've been like doing too much
drugs and like drinking too much. I'm kind of like,
I've never experienced this where you're like can't get hard
and then everyone's like, Okay, well we's all go to
the ball because it's ball.

Speaker 2 (24:00):
We used to be sponsored by Manscaped, which was a
shark tank razor for balls, and it was about like
shaving your pubes and like using like amazing oils on
your pubic hair. I think literally, if you're feeling also
like you want to be a hairier guy in this,
I feel like it's actually giving him confidence because he's

(24:21):
feeling pale.

Speaker 1 (24:21):
And I'll just tell you this ball hair is not gross.
All hair is good. There's one thing I hate. It
is pretty much any maintenance of puper are at all.
I think like trimming is gross. I hate guys have
like shaved in the stubble and then it's always like
rubbery and it's.

Speaker 2 (24:35):
I don't thinking is.

Speaker 1 (24:36):
Like such a little bit of trimming is fine, but
it should look natural, not.

Speaker 2 (24:42):
Like the hedges. I think when I see bald men
down there, I think that's disgusting.

Speaker 1 (24:48):
Yeah, and if you aren't that, good for you. There
is one scenario that I've seen. I've seen this in
real life, is what guys will shave just their balls
and so they still leave everything else there, but they
shave the balls. It achieves an almost alien like quality
that's kind of silken. Yeah, like kind of creepy and
erotic in this way. So if you want to go
for that, maybe try that, like fully shaved with the razor.

(25:11):
It's also that terrifies me because you know, if one
slip down there and honey, you're never having kids. But
I would say, you know, just like trimming, just don't bother,
just let it roam wild and free. If I found them,
I would not be deterred. I'd be quite excited.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
Except yourself. Yeah, but trim if you like a little bit,
if you do want to feel.

Speaker 1 (25:32):
Like the main reason you would ever trim is you
would trim around the base to make the dick look bigger.

Speaker 2 (25:36):
That's what I'm thinking of. But I don't see about
specific ball hair.

Speaker 1 (25:40):
Yes, so there is hair that's actually on the balls.

Speaker 2 (25:42):
I'm thinking of, kind of like the general muff.

Speaker 1 (25:45):
I'm specifically talking about balls, you know, when I do
Mate from his Hamburger trick and then I'm like, these
are the sesame seeds in the bun?

Speaker 2 (25:52):
Okay, Yeah, that actually is so weird to trim that. Yeah, God,
I'm so turned on. I wonder what our married mother
of two would think of this.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
Call thinking about balls now anyway, Yeah, I would say
keep long and strong, honey.

Speaker 12 (26:09):
Next hall, Hi, Stephen and Lily. I have a question
that I feel like you guys could have some commentary on,
considering you are cultural critics. So basically, I am a
twenty three year old New York based lesbian and I

(26:29):
several months ago was in a four month relationship with
this older woman. She was thirty nine when I was
twenty two. She was a painter from Austria, and I
toltally fell in love with her. We almost got engaged,
and it became like a very toxic relationship, and then

(26:51):
our relationship ended in flames basically, And now I'm trying
to start dating again. I promise I'm like not moving
on like that fast. I gave it a couple of months.
But I feel like if I mentioned this two people
I'm like going out with that, they're gonna think it's
really weird.

Speaker 13 (27:10):
And I mean, I don't have.

Speaker 12 (27:11):
To talk about my exes, but I feel like this
is one that has sort of like been a defining
relationship for me. I don't know, like, do you think
it's weird to tell people this. I'm also writing a
play about it that's like honestly kind of like weird
and creepy, and so I feel like, you know, if
I am going out with people, I want to invite
them to my play. Like obviously, maybe I'm taking it

(27:32):
too seriously. Maybe this is like happening all around me
all the time, But how do you think I should
present it to my community? By the way, I feel
like a lot of my lesbian friends and like queer
friends were super against it. They said it was like
a really bad thing to do. Yeah, what can I say.

Speaker 1 (27:53):
When she said my community mean like people she's dating.

Speaker 2 (27:57):
No, I think she means like, Okay, one up says
that it's like, as cultural critics, we should answer this question. Okay,
here's the thing. Most other people are going to be
dating are also probably writing plays about her ex.

Speaker 1 (28:14):
That's like, you're a good company.

Speaker 2 (28:16):
Yeah. I just think like, one, you're twenty two and
you dated something for four months, you don't need to
waste Yeah, just get on lex and moving moving.

Speaker 1 (28:27):
You're twenty two.

Speaker 2 (28:28):
It's like, that's the point of being twenty two dating
a toxic thirty nine year old Austrian painter.

Speaker 1 (28:34):
I never have dated like anyone older than me.

Speaker 7 (28:36):
I know.

Speaker 2 (28:37):
I'm also obsessed with her, being like I dated in
an older woman. That's someone well she.

Speaker 1 (28:43):
Is literally even older than I'm.

Speaker 2 (28:45):
Also just imagining this like Austrian like foots and like
big overalls painting, just being like, I can't go to
meet your friends at a casual event at a bar.
I'm painting And she's like, you said you were gonna come,
And she's like, I'm doing.

Speaker 1 (29:02):
My work, do not disturb me. She likes her coffee black.

Speaker 2 (29:06):
Yeah, I think keep dating. I think be light, tell
them about the play. Don't talk about your ex the
first day's, second date, third day. Yeah, if someone is like, oh,
what are you working on, you can be like, it's
a play about someone I dated.

Speaker 1 (29:19):
Okay, well that's not really Like then they're going to
ask a follow up question.

Speaker 2 (29:24):
Yeah, you could be like, it's a play about love
and relationships and X. But don't go on the first
day being like, hey, so, like my name is young,
twenty two year old lesbian.

Speaker 1 (29:32):
I think there's an opportunity here to impart maybe some wisdom,
which is I do feel like there's a tendency, especially
in the queer community.

Speaker 2 (29:41):
To call something toxic, Well tell me toxic.

Speaker 1 (29:44):
But also to talk about yourself a lot, and to
talk about your exes a lot, And I do think
that it's good. Maybe it's just as a general rule
to try to avoid that. It doesn't mean you can't
talk about your exes or you can't talk about the
play you're writing, but like maybe have those as like
you know, nine or ten on your backup list of topics,
like and when you're going into that date, like really

(30:04):
try and get into more like.

Speaker 2 (30:06):
Where are you from, Yeah, where are you from?

Speaker 1 (30:08):
And favorite music, like you know, restaurants and kind of
sounding off on fun cultural.

Speaker 2 (30:15):
Top topics Yeah, like Paul's drug Yeah, Nancy Pulos Swift,
like the Chiefs, memes, fast food fast in your exes
and like maybe you could say, oh, yeah, I got
out of a long term religionhip a few months ago,
Like that's maybe okay to get in there.

Speaker 1 (30:31):
But like I would try to steer clear of that.

Speaker 2 (30:34):
Also, I think it's like the toxic thing is like
if someone is like, hey, what's up with you? Like,
if you're like not feeling a date, you don't instantly
also have to go into hey I just got out
of something really toxic a few months ago.

Speaker 1 (30:48):
It's like I also like if I want to do
with someone and they say that their ex was toxic,
I'm kind of.

Speaker 2 (30:54):
Red FuG Maybe you're a yeah.

Speaker 1 (30:56):
Because I'm like, well, you dated them, so what's your problem?
Or you're just trash you know your exes, which means
they're going to trash me after we had this.

Speaker 2 (31:03):
No doubt it could be this thirty nine year old
painter who want to get engaged after three months could
be totally toxic. But let's just like put that word
on hold. Talking about the X literally talk about our podcast.

Speaker 1 (31:14):
That's an amazing topic of conversation on the first date.

Speaker 2 (31:17):
Just one thing I do feel like on the reason why. Also,
maybe she's feeling this is coming up because I feel
like the person probably she's on a date with is
probably being like, yeah, I'm just got a really toxic
thing that was seven months and then then you're gonna
like be like, ooh, I want to relate. That's not
sexy for you. Guys both to like trauma dump on
each other for an hour. Yes, so someone says that,
maybe talk about it for a little and again pivot pavot.

Speaker 1 (31:41):
Yeah, but no, honestly challenge trying to say that we'd
toksic on a first date.

Speaker 2 (31:46):
Just try and update us. All right, good luck, best okay,
next call.

Speaker 5 (31:52):
Hey, best friends.

Speaker 3 (31:54):
This is a.

Speaker 8 (31:54):
Lenny, a single and unfortunately straight female clove kid from
beautiful Sacramento, California. I've recently gotten really into reading old
eighties and nineties era New York magazine personal ads. I've
even taken a stab at writing my own. I know

(32:15):
you're both in committed relationships, but if you had to
write your own three line newspaper style personal ads nowadays.

Speaker 5 (32:28):
I'd love to hear what those would be.

Speaker 7 (32:30):
All right, Belle, Oh.

Speaker 2 (32:32):
This is really fun.

Speaker 1 (32:34):
Okay, Well, first of all, I just want to say,
single and straight in Sacramento, Honey, the world's your oyster.
I'm so jealous of you, Like.

Speaker 2 (32:41):
I feel like you're gonna meet a guy skydiving.

Speaker 1 (32:44):
I know. I want to think that it's so outdoorsy
up there, but maybe it is just kind of like I've.

Speaker 2 (32:48):
Been thinking more San Diego and Sacramento is a little
more like office hacienda park.

Speaker 1 (32:54):
Yeah, it's just like companies that like can't afford to
be based in like Silicon Valley, and it's.

Speaker 2 (32:58):
I still do see you going to like a guacamally
making class though, and meeting your husband. I also think, like, okay, so.

Speaker 1 (33:05):
In California they have avocato there do You're writing your
ad and like, I know, like that's how queer Applex started.

Speaker 2 (33:16):
What if you were so random? This is so nineties movie.
Write an ad and photocopy it and put it around Sacramento.
I'm sure you're gonna get a lot of like creeps,
but like, just for fun, why not like school style.

Speaker 1 (33:29):
Yeah, I mean that's very like there's a tweak coin
viral if someone's personally.

Speaker 2 (33:34):
Okay, do you want to go first? Or should I
improv personal ad?

Speaker 1 (33:37):
Okay, here's mine. Thirty four year old Nora Ephron type
seeks Dominic Dunn to slam her typewriter shut at the
end of the day.

Speaker 2 (33:50):
Okay, I love it. Okay, thirty seven year old Wow
on this to the boots, blue eyed, dark haired motorcycle
butch looking.

Speaker 1 (34:06):
Looking at Ski.

Speaker 2 (34:09):
Who is too afraid to drive a motorcycle, seeking them
to take out to a roum.

Speaker 1 (34:15):
Com Oh that's fun. Oh who wouldn't sign him for that?

Speaker 2 (34:19):
Right that I'd be lining up?

Speaker 1 (34:21):
That's really really cute.

Speaker 2 (34:22):
I love It's like, you know, saying you're a badass
but or not. Okay, wait now let me write one
for you.

Speaker 1 (34:27):
Oh wait, maybe mine's more just like Daddy's Girl Otter,
like seeking.

Speaker 2 (34:33):
Nasty Daddy's Girl Otter wants to be tied up and
taken to the chapel by a big daddy architects.

Speaker 1 (34:42):
Just as Daddy like eight times. Oh wa wait, no,
that's true. Okay, I do want to go to the
chapel with an architect and then at the end it's
like thirty two.

Speaker 2 (34:49):
Maybe your mad ad is just thirty two. Thirty two. Hi,
I'm thirty two looking to be thirty two. I'm looking
for a man who will call me thirty two.

Speaker 1 (35:00):
Oh okay, good luck Sacramento.

Speaker 2 (35:02):
Yeah. Oh, Also, any straight man out there in Sacramento
listening right now, If you have an awesome dope cousin
who lives in Sacramento, let's try to hook her up.

Speaker 1 (35:10):
I'd like to shout out to the straight club kid
that I met this weekend at a party who is
from Allington, Massa and had such a beautiful Boston accent.
Straight guy listener of the pod which I always like.
Wait that exists, but maybe the Alwington guarn the Sacramento
Gulshul date mean in the middle Kansas City will sponsor it.

Speaker 2 (35:29):
Maybe that's a wrong guy.

Speaker 14 (35:31):
Next call, Hey, Lily Hateskeeden.

Speaker 3 (35:35):
That's the CJ.

Speaker 14 (35:36):
Like the letters from Alphabet, I am a trance dude
and IX client dating to be really difficult.

Speaker 3 (35:43):
Get the apps, don't want to tap in.

Speaker 14 (35:46):
I'd say I'm a pretty cutey, patuity little guy. However,
I am very afraid of approaching women. You know, I've
lived as a lesbian, did pretty well with that, but
you know, dudes can be really shitty, and so I
find myself not putting myself out there, even though I
would love to get.

Speaker 3 (36:06):
Back into the dating scene.

Speaker 14 (36:08):
Last relationship went pretty bad, especially once it started transitioning.
So any tips on moonlighting as a guy when you
are actually more special than that. Much love, appreciate you
XOXOJJ for calling.

Speaker 1 (36:28):
Thanks for your vulnerability, and you know, I love your
honesty and your warmth, and I think that's super beautiful.

Speaker 2 (36:35):
And I think, just off the bat, when you're like
saying I'm afraid to approach women because like most guys
are shitty and like women are afraid of scary men,
I think your light is gonna shine through pretty fast
and you're not going to come off as like a
toxic Yeah. See, I know we're retiring netword, but like

(36:57):
you're probably not.

Speaker 1 (36:59):
Yeah. I mean, I think like that may be an
excuse for some fear hiness. I think some shinness.

Speaker 2 (37:05):
Because approaching women is of course.

Speaker 1 (37:07):
It's terrified, you know, it's like we're all scared to
do it. But I think that when you say, you know,
I don't want to get on the apps. I don't
want to do this. I kind of think that get
on the app, you're gonna have to get on the apps, honey.

Speaker 2 (37:18):
I think do you both. It's get on the apps especially,
and I say this to all my clients. Take the
edge off if you're like, well, I don't want to
get in the apps. And the other option is like
going to a bar and just like going up to
a woman and being like, hey, they're a pretty lady.
It's like, get on the apps.

Speaker 1 (37:34):
Can go on way easier than yeah, doing that.

Speaker 2 (37:36):
Go on some random dates, and then you're gonna be like, yeah,
I am cute. People are responding to me, and like
the dates may be like bad or boring or like
mostly their probably is gonna be kind of like whatever,
or they'll be good.

Speaker 1 (37:51):
You know. The apps are just one piece of the puzzle.
But I think the issue here is not other girls
and it's not the apps. I think the isue is
just you having to remind yourself the things that you're
able to that are already so obvious. You know. The
second we start to hear your call, which is that
you are really sweet and you are warm, and you

(38:12):
or do you have like a light and a humor
in a charm that or oh people would like And
I feel like thet yeah, to just let that openness
come out because it's already there.

Speaker 2 (38:20):
I feel like also maybe like the hurt that he's
feeling now of dating as a trans guy is the
rejection I'm guessing he felt from from the X maybe
rejected him once he started transitioning.

Speaker 1 (38:33):
But you know that's again, it's like that's one person.
If that's why that relationship ended, then that's like good
because now that you can go find.

Speaker 2 (38:39):
It, you're living your life child, and then you can go.

Speaker 1 (38:42):
Find someone except you accepts you for CJ. Yeah, for CJ.
So I know there has been a ton of acclainable
advice in here yet, but I'm gonna say, like, you
do need to get on the apps. I mean, listen,
you know you're gonna go where the community is right.

Speaker 2 (38:58):
It's also I'll say this unless I mean, maybe you
do want like a totally like straight girl who is
just fully seeing you as a like cisman from like
the get go. But like I would say, like most
queer fems are orny.

Speaker 1 (39:14):
Does Yeah, they're out there. Alex app. It seems like
there's a lot of first for that.

Speaker 2 (39:19):
So I mean from when I see IRL, it's like
all girls want Yeah, they're out there. You need to
put yourself out there. And I think it's just like
hanging out with your sea friends. This is like your
friends who are not your best friends.

Speaker 1 (39:32):
Oh yeah, sea friends are huge.

Speaker 2 (39:34):
Yeah, like text your friends You're like, oh, we do
have fun together, but like maybe you're not, you know,
going to moves one on one together. Be like, wait,
what are you up to tonight? Just see if there
is the random party.

Speaker 1 (39:45):
You know, I got a text receiver.

Speaker 2 (39:46):
It's the sea friends.

Speaker 1 (39:47):
And you've got to put yourself up there on social
media too, Twitter, Instagram, Like just little things have to
be that much. But just give somebody something to grab onto.

Speaker 2 (39:56):
Right now. I want you to post the most random
dump that's it's like cute selfie view and a jacket,
funny sign on the side of the road yep, and
like screen grab of a TV.

Speaker 1 (40:08):
Oh yeah, that's like something funny. That's yeah. And then
and then let's maybe let's get an animal picture in there,
because people love those. Lead with either animal or face.

Speaker 2 (40:21):
I think lead with face. Animals like third picks a
blurry picture of a cat.

Speaker 1 (40:26):
First, Who's that is blurry?

Speaker 2 (40:29):
When people do those? That's always blurry either way? Photo
dump apps, text, see.

Speaker 1 (40:34):
Friends, Yeah, casts a wide net, honey done, update us
yeah and keep us updated? All right? Good luck? We
love you, CJ, We love you best.

Speaker 6 (40:42):
Okay, ready for the next one?

Speaker 9 (40:44):
Yes, Hi, bes friends A long time listener, first time caller.

Speaker 13 (40:51):
So, I know you're both in loving, committed partnership, but
I'm wondering if you can share some and to maybe
how you met your partners or how your friends have
met their partners. I've been actively unhinge for a long
time now, and I do believe hinge is the tenth

(41:11):
circle itself. It is a nightmare. It can't be it.
And I know the obvious answers to like meet just one.

Speaker 9 (41:19):
Person, but like out of bars, I just don't feel
like people are engaging in that way like they used
to five ten years ago. Like it doesn't seem like
anyone's like looking up from their phone anymore. So I
don't know. Maybe the answer is.

Speaker 5 (41:35):
I need to get a hobby, but wanted to hear
your insights.

Speaker 9 (41:41):
Huge fan of you role and the pod.

Speaker 5 (41:44):
Thanks so much Happy.

Speaker 2 (41:46):
VD, Happy Vont. I say thank you for calling and sharing.
It does feel so Christian now that I know you
guys are in loving, committed Christian relationship. I will say
this back to the sea friends thing, I feel like
I did meet my current beloved by kind of doing
a sea friend activity.

Speaker 1 (42:06):
Yeah, although this was I mean this was before cell
phones though.

Speaker 2 (42:08):
I mean we had iPhones in.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
Nineteen ninety six. So I think the problem with Hinge
and Tinder is that they have too much pressure built
in from the get go. When I was on Hinge
and Tinder at times when I've been single, like everyone
there has a job, which is weird if you don't
have a job, and then everyone is so just like
even if they're pretending that they're not looking for marriage,

(42:33):
like it's just the undercurrent of the first meeting is
so just like, so is this gonna work out? And
there's too much tension there.

Speaker 2 (42:40):
Yeah, I feel like Hinge results are more marriage than Tinder,
but like Tinder results are like kind of crazy.

Speaker 1 (42:45):
Tinders me a little bit crazy and it's like too
chaotic now and like spam. But again it's also so job.
But maybe she's probably a job.

Speaker 2 (42:51):
I think she's a job. I think Tinder is way less.
Job hinge is all about jobs.

Speaker 1 (42:55):
I met my current boyfriend on Scruff. I met my
previous boyfriend on Twitter. I met my previous boyfriend for
that on scrap. A lot of flings that I've had,
I've met sort of like in real life. But I
would say like in all those situations, I was meeting
someone in a pretty casual way at first, and there
wasn't all this built in expectation that it was going

(43:16):
to be a relationship, and so I think that that
allowed feelings to develop more organically because no one was
came in like expecting this to be a thing and
judging the very first interaction you have with someone as
to whether or not they were going to become here forever.

Speaker 2 (43:33):
Well, I will say this, I think there is more
of a marriage that marriage pressure feeling.

Speaker 3 (43:38):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (43:39):
I mean, if you're a woman, If you're woman in.

Speaker 2 (43:40):
Your thirties and you're all day with the guy, and
that the guy is even more afraid, probably because he's like,
oh God, I'm gonna go on this date and it's
like does she want marriage or maybe he wants marriage.
I met my girlfriend literally through doing a dear friend's
web series, but even I didn't even know the girl then.
Now I'm friends with her did the web series, but

(44:02):
then we would just see each other at events later
because then I was kind of like more friendly with
her circle. And there'd be like a screening and then
a bar thing and then like a barbecue. So it's
like hobby, but it is like saying yes to doing
random stuff. And like when we shot that web series,

(44:23):
I mean, hell, I was in character and dreads the
whole time. Side Girls Club check it out. Yeah it's
on the web, but you know, and it's like you
never know who you're going to meet, and some people
are right under your nose.

Speaker 1 (44:32):
But I think that social media is great. Like I'll say,
like my previous boyfriend, we went on Twitter and like
had DM and about like stuff, and then like eventually
we're like we should meet up and like went on
a date or something. And then like Alison Roman, friend
of the Pot, like she met her husband like via DM,
like and she said to her dms.

Speaker 2 (44:51):
Quo, she was just living her life like it's golden
and thriving and he noticed that, so do post do
po as we said to c J. And also like
if there is like someone cute on Instagram. Yeah, you know,
throw the story of flame and moj.

Speaker 1 (45:13):
Yeah not just a flame, maybe even a message. One
thing I love to do is to respond to like
a hot selfie, but reference something else in the photo
that's not them being hot, because like other people will
be like, oh you look great.

Speaker 2 (45:30):
It's actually so pick up artist of you to be
so like, hey, nice sucks.

Speaker 1 (45:36):
No obvious, clearly you're not responding to a self face.

Speaker 2 (45:42):
No, because I'm being faithful.

Speaker 1 (45:44):
Faithful Christian. But like I'll just be like, oh, like
you know, nice antique mirror in the background.

Speaker 2 (45:51):
Classic I pickup artists to move, nice roacco wallpaper. I
would love to get a cocktail with you sometimes tonically. Also,
this is so random. Ask your gay guy friends if
they have brothers.

Speaker 1 (46:09):
I'm sure they do.

Speaker 2 (46:10):
Yeah, brothers of gay guys might be kind of fun.

Speaker 1 (46:13):
Because the gay is really the firstborn. Yep, brothers of gays.
I think you'll get there. But maybe like less hinge
and more social is tinders the grinder for three people,
then maybe do the tinder, But like as if it's
going to be like a one night stand.

Speaker 2 (46:28):
Wait, Also, like I mean field is being a little.

Speaker 1 (46:32):
Oh maybe it's Field that's the grinder for street.

Speaker 2 (46:34):
People, that is. But also go on field and like
literally say what you like sexually on it and then
see what happens.

Speaker 1 (46:41):
Yeah, but don't be like too explicit, like be cute
about it.

Speaker 2 (46:43):
Hey, miss Christian over there.

Speaker 1 (46:45):
I feel like if your profile is just like rigging,
like this girl.

Speaker 2 (46:49):
Is not gonna say rigging.

Speaker 1 (46:50):
I think she could go on and be like, hey,
like looking for my big spoon, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (46:55):
Wanting my Travis Kelsey to throw me around.

Speaker 1 (46:58):
Yeah, exactly that.

Speaker 2 (46:59):
I think that's the be cute and open a field.

Speaker 1 (47:03):
Use some metaphors.

Speaker 2 (47:06):
She's like, Okay, well the host of CBC don't need
to go on field looking for a nine anti alcohol.

Speaker 1 (47:14):
No metaphors, only on field and then respond to other
things in self fees and post post post post.

Speaker 2 (47:20):
Posts, keep on posting, hang out with see friends.

Speaker 1 (47:25):
Good luck, keep us updated.

Speaker 4 (47:26):
Celebrity.

Speaker 2 (47:41):
Okay, next call, we have time for a few more.

Speaker 6 (47:44):
Yes, Okay, So, speaking of meeting people on socials, here
is another caller who has also met someone on a social.

Speaker 3 (47:54):
Okay, so I have a kind of a dilemma. There's
this guy that I have been friends with for not
that long.

Speaker 11 (48:04):
I mean we talked on Twitter for like a lot
of time, but we just started hanging out in person
sort of like six months ago.

Speaker 3 (48:11):
And it was his birthday recently, and we went out
like we usually do. He's straight, or so I thought, and.

Speaker 15 (48:19):
He got really drunk and you can guess what happens next.
He kissed me when we were watching a movie at
the end of the night, and then he started crying
and having like a total fucking breakdown because he's like.

Speaker 3 (48:36):
I never kiss the guy.

Speaker 11 (48:38):
But then he sort of started like drunkenly professing his
love for me, like how we could be together, how
like he thinks that we.

Speaker 3 (48:47):
Could get married and what. Yeah, it's like this whole
thing and I don't really know what to do with
it because he's hot and I don't know. I think
I'm just gonna leave the drama of it and.

Speaker 11 (49:05):
Just see where that takes me. Like, what's your thoughts
on d L guys for being someone's first gay jack
or love experience?

Speaker 1 (49:15):
My joys on the floor.

Speaker 2 (49:17):
I'm in shock.

Speaker 3 (49:18):
I am so.

Speaker 2 (49:20):
Friend. You're watching TV and he's like oh wait oh,
and also just being like I want to marry you what,
that's insane on Twitter. You're saying about guys like they
always say, like women are obsessed with marriage, but I
actually think men are more obsessed with marriage. WHOA, yeah,

(49:41):
what do you mean You're just gonna leave the drama.
I'm just like, I'm just like, fuck him, get married,
break up, like let's sucking go.

Speaker 1 (49:50):
Like I'm like, strap in for the drama, your fucking
seatbelt because.

Speaker 2 (49:55):
I have my popcorn okay, and I'm eating.

Speaker 1 (49:59):
I can not wait for this relationship to either end
in marriage or divorce or hopefully both. This is so hot.

Speaker 2 (50:06):
Well, so you made it. I just want to happen
single and like what why not You're like, oh no,
I'm just gonna leave it there.

Speaker 1 (50:13):
He did ask for opinion on But it's like to
be someone's first, but I actually think you could have
had some experience in this.

Speaker 2 (50:19):
Yeah, I will say that's happened to me multiple times.
But it's always.

Speaker 1 (50:27):
Like, obviously it's the dream to like turn a straight guy.

Speaker 2 (50:31):
It's like as legends will have it. I've always considered
it's much easier to turn a fem than for gay
guy to turn his straight guy because of masculinity in
the patriarchy and the power of butchers.

Speaker 1 (50:42):
Absolutely, it's so rare for this to happen, Like you
should just be you have.

Speaker 2 (50:48):
To go for it and just dive in, but also
like have some drauma yourself, be like I don't want
to be your fucking experiment, but you're so hot.

Speaker 1 (50:57):
I mean this guy from his voice, he sounds kind
of mask. I do feel like it's like kind of
a mask on mask, kind of a mask on mask.
And I feel like that happens more often, Like I
don't think that's ever happening to me, because I don't
think a straight guy is going to be like spending
so much time with me if he's sexuality I.

Speaker 2 (51:14):
Quote unquote straight man hypothetically is spending a lot of
time with you.

Speaker 1 (51:19):
I think that tends to mean that they know they're straight.

Speaker 2 (51:21):
They're not lifelong confused.

Speaker 1 (51:25):
Maybe they are lifelong confused. I mean, I'm thinking about
some of my college roommates and I wonder, you know,
what was the connection there?

Speaker 2 (51:32):
You have things going for you that's other than just
a gay guy. You bombed over weed and Seinfeldts.

Speaker 1 (51:39):
Right, And I plan on doing that with many more
straight men in my career.

Speaker 2 (51:43):
Oh and I wanted the same thing when straight chicks
want to hang out with me.

Speaker 1 (51:47):
Almost sounds like he's asking if there's like an authenticity issue, like, oh,
are you just their training wheels? Is there something kind
of like, I don't know, embarrassing or not authentic to
your own gay experience by just shepherding this person through
and then be so, yeah, so this is rue, Paul,
and you're like doing such a.

Speaker 2 (52:04):
I personally, in my personal life have never felt, you know, that, like, oh,
I don't want to just be your experiment. I've always
been like, I'm happy, I would love to be your experiment.
But this might be more different with the guy and
I can see him. Maybe the fear is that he
professes all this stuff and all of a sudden, you know,
you leave your boudoir, he's made all this promises, you've

(52:27):
made love, and then you know he's joshing you and
then takes it back and breaks your heart and then
you feel like the fool.

Speaker 1 (52:34):
Well, and that's the fear of every relationship. But you
missed one hundred percent of shots you don't take.

Speaker 2 (52:38):
But I guess I think not just the breakup, more
of just like whoa dude and then the flip of like, wait,
Europe sayes with me.

Speaker 1 (52:45):
I love the idea of them like trying to be like, so,
I guess I've never had like such with the guy.
How does this work? My Dick's like too big to
fit in. I don't get it, and be like no,
like we'll make it work.

Speaker 2 (52:55):
No, there's all these ways I can make it fit.

Speaker 1 (52:58):
Then like he takes him to like a drag race
watch party and he's so confused, and then they were
just like, oh my god, can you believe Changela did that.
He's like hah, totally, like she's such a tiger, and
they're just like, what did you just say? And he's like, oh,
I don't know. I thought there was the phrase you
guys said. And they're like, oh my god, he's such
a loser.

Speaker 2 (53:16):
And then he goes home and he's like he's like,
I don't think I can hang out with your friends.
I'm an idiot. I don't know all the terms you
guys use. And he's like, just forget them. Okay, they're idiots.
All that matters is us, and I want to be
in a long term, loving, committed relationship with you. Yeah, Yeah,
let's go for it.

Speaker 1 (53:37):
Send us photos and video even just send.

Speaker 2 (53:40):
Video, just like put up a few cameras in your
room for Stephen.

Speaker 3 (53:43):
Cool.

Speaker 1 (53:44):
Here we celebrate your next call.

Speaker 16 (53:46):
Hi, Lilian, Stephen, it's a question more for Stephen. Lily
shout out if you have opinions. I'm wondering if you
could plan a romantic evening for me.

Speaker 3 (54:00):
For my boyfriend and I. We're going to Paris in April.

Speaker 16 (54:05):
But I will do every single thing you tell me
to do it.

Speaker 2 (54:08):
Okay, we don't need twenty minutes.

Speaker 1 (54:12):
Maybe right to her, Okay, we're meant to give me
in Paris. I think that you should get a table
at sept Team obviously, then go for a walk on
the set on the sete. But before you do that,
you should get a bag at in a bottle of wine.
I could have said that, no, and you should go

(54:34):
to like the Canal where everyone hangs out like in
the eleventh Or you should go to Park but Chumon
because it's the most beautiful park in the world and
it's in the twentieth.

Speaker 2 (54:43):
Flip feminism on its head. Go to Versailles. Proposed Tom
with a watch inspired by George Matthew, propose to him
that's my advice in Paris.

Speaker 1 (54:58):
Wait, that is really cute. I mean Paris in April. Perfect.
Anything you do, it's gonna be amazing. Oh a, and
Paris April.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
And make him watch all three staysons of family in
Paris before.

Speaker 1 (55:12):
That's a really good idea.

Speaker 2 (55:13):
And then give him like the longest strip tees. It's
really long to retro French music.

Speaker 1 (55:22):
Really kill some time.

Speaker 2 (55:24):
That yeah, and then be like buy the tickets and
it's this whole thing. He's in kayak dot com and
you're stripping, and then you finally reveal when he purchases
the tickets.

Speaker 1 (55:33):
What are the tickets to Paris.

Speaker 2 (55:36):
But Kayak strip show. I just thought of that.

Speaker 1 (55:40):
That's your next trip to the Kayak stript show. Absolutely, okay,
next call.

Speaker 6 (55:46):
Okay, so this will be the last call.

Speaker 5 (55:49):
Hello everybody. I'm a big fan. I planned all of
this and then I froze. Okay, so here we go
speak Hi club parents. I'm a big fan. I'm desperately single,
so let's get into it. I'm very one bisexual girl
in Chicago, you know, like indoor hobbies, cottage core kind
of stuff. I feel like, you know, the vibe. I

(56:10):
have dated almost exclusively online, and it's just not working
out there. It's not good. Now I'm trying to do
the thing where I go out in public and talk
to people, and I'm like, I don't know, like literally
what to say to people. Okay, I get being out
in public and like trying to coort with people, I guess,
but I'm like, I don't know how to initiate if

(56:30):
you go to a bar with like a group of people,
other people there with a group of people, and then
like you're not hanging out if you go alone, you
have to have like a book, and it's like, do
I want to be with somebody who would like interrupt
me if I'm trying to like read a book in
a bar. I don't know. So I'm looking for like
script concrete. Maybe you guys can kind of do a
little improv show me how it goes, cause I'm just
kind of stuck there. And I know it sounds like

(56:52):
I have like never spoken to another person before, have
like no social schools. But I promise I do. It's
just I freeze up before any sort of like possible
romantic approach. So send help, please, please, please, thank you
so much, and goodbye.

Speaker 1 (57:08):
That's what the Microsoft Outlook email coming from.

Speaker 2 (57:11):
I'm obsessed with you. I want to call you Windy City.

Speaker 1 (57:15):
By, Hey, your Windy City by like can you be
my friend? Alcohol is going to really help you out.

Speaker 2 (57:22):
Okay, look, I know how Chicago is. One it's cold,
and you're already like an indoor person. I mean when
I lived in Chicago and I was single, like I
was so terrified of like going up to people like
quote unquote at bars. But that's also what I thought
like dating was. And here's the thing that's actually.

Speaker 1 (57:42):
Not, Like no one f those like three different scenes
in Sex in the City where they're like go talk
to that guy and they're all at like a hotel
lobby bar. It's like that isn't really how you need
to go to avent events, social gatherings that aren't just
a random bar.

Speaker 2 (57:56):
If you're not going to like the clause in Andersonville.

Speaker 1 (57:59):
And like, don't I don't having a birthday party every
week because there are constant birthday parties in this world or.

Speaker 2 (58:04):
Like I feel like Chicago, so like maybe you're indoor,
maybe you're more like gaming. Like I feel like there
must be like a center for.

Speaker 1 (58:12):
A center for bisexual. Gaming, Yeah, I feel like.

Speaker 2 (58:19):
Gaming's yeah, board gaming, yeah, like get together, like because.

Speaker 1 (58:24):
You're gonna have to host the board game night, host
a risk cat night. Okay. I actually think the real
problem here is not that like you're single. The real
problem is here is your shy. It's shy. It's like
a little bit of social anxiety. And I think an
amazing way to get over that is to literally host.
Because when you're hosting, you have a built in role.
Part of the reason you have this anxiety is because

(58:44):
you're like I don't know what to do. It's like
I need the book, I need the prop or I
need the group of friends, and I don't know what
to say. It's like you're worried about like what role
you're gonna play, what lines are gonna say, what character
are gonna be When you're hosting something that's all built in.

Speaker 2 (58:57):
You're cooking, you're picking up cups, you're getting more. I also,
what's funn.

Speaker 1 (59:01):
If they like their drink?

Speaker 2 (59:02):
Like you never like have to you know, maybe to
commit to one conversation. Yeah, Like you may have that
fear of like Okay, I can talk to someone for
a minute and then I feel awkward, like, oh, what's next,
It's like yeah, then you move on and you, you know,
freshen up, you know the chips.

Speaker 1 (59:17):
So I think it's like time for you to start
hosting your monthly bisexual Settles of Catan evening Chi.

Speaker 2 (59:24):
I'm also going to say something so crazy that you
could go to with your friend that I feel like
is a very Chicago thing to do, and you sound smart.
Trivia Night. I feel like you seem trivia coded.

Speaker 1 (59:35):
And like I think that she would excel at trivia Night.

Speaker 2 (59:38):
And you could go and maybe you could find something
that's like, you know, thematic to what your interests are,
whether it be some sense or general trivia or movies
or music or Harry Potter and get an ipa that's
like nine point eight percent, but just have one, you know,
because you don't want to get too drunk and they'd

(59:59):
be like embarrassed. Sip on this ipa, get a little
loosey goosey, go with a friend. I think it's more
about also like getting your whistle wet socially, like just
start being a little more social in general. Separate idea
that I have go to Canada, run into the people
who are and it'll get on the train.

Speaker 1 (01:00:20):
Activate study a broad mode, which is where you are
more fearless because you're not in an environment where you're
like my reputation matters. Literally take the bust of windsor
or wherever is the closest town on the other side.

Speaker 2 (01:00:31):
She's already so cold in Chicago, Canada just for.

Speaker 1 (01:00:35):
A fun weekend. What about Austin or Austin Okay, Austin
can activate studying broad MODI. Maybe she likes being cold, Okay,
San Francisco. Maybe she's comfortable in that environment. And literally,
like you know, at the hotel room, like do a
shot of tequila before you leave the hotel room. That's
something that I used to do in my youth, like
just to pregame, like going out to a bar alone,

(01:00:55):
just to get it flowing, you know, and then you're like, oh,
I got a spring of my step and then you're
less afraid to like talk to that person.

Speaker 2 (01:01:01):
Also, just Chicago Base, there is that like very lesbian
bookstore called like Women and Children's First, And I do
think they have a lot of events. I saw Sister
Spit there. Iconic Michelle t.

Speaker 17 (01:01:12):
Show up to a reading wasted and show up to
a reading drunk off only one shot of tequila, and
just like, forget this nineties idea that you have to
go to a bar and like go up to someone
and say like, hey, good looking, because like I don't know,
you would have to be an amazing pickup artist like Steven.

Speaker 1 (01:01:32):
To do that. Yeah, but I'd like to see you
try your hand at host sooner.

Speaker 3 (01:01:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:01:36):
Host, And if you do feel like I've remained some
I'm too nervous, make a friend. Host to settlers of
Catan Night.

Speaker 1 (01:01:42):
Yeah, share the co hosts, co host with the burden.

Speaker 2 (01:01:45):
Give yourself this Chips job, Chancellor of the Chips, saw
of the soda, and luck really good luck udated. Okay.
I just want to thank everyone for being so raw
and calling in because I feel like, you know, I've
been there to so many of these calls. I've been
there too, whether it's trimming my pubic hair, being nervous

(01:02:06):
talking to people.

Speaker 1 (01:02:07):
I'd like to give it assignment to everyone who called
in and everyone who's listening. Go watch the Rebel Wilson
film How to Be Single. It's really funny, but it
has a really beautiful lesson built into it, and I
think the lesson there is that you really need to
enjoy being single, because.

Speaker 2 (01:02:23):
It's not about oh, I'm single. I think a lot
of people are like onto the.

Speaker 1 (01:02:26):
Next yes, you know, they're worried about being single, though
I can't be a single as a scar letter. It's like, no,
single is a joyful thing, and the more you enjoy it,
the more other people. It's a law of attraction whatever,
because the thing is it ends so soon and then
you miss it when it's gone.

Speaker 2 (01:02:40):
And then your mom married with two right, wondering the
what ifs step and I saw how to be single?
What a week after we were both out of relationships
and it rocked our world.

Speaker 1 (01:02:50):
And that isn't to dismiss your despair. I mean I
have been out of relationships. I have been single and
thought to myself, it's never going to happen for me.
You've heard me say that so many times a day.
Different earlier stages in my romantic career.

Speaker 2 (01:03:02):
I remember before I got into my first seven year relationship,
I literally thought I would die alone. I was like,
I'm never gonna have sex.

Speaker 1 (01:03:11):
We were the biggest fucking version, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:03:12):
We were such loser virgins and it was like I
had slept with like two people within like a year
via both.

Speaker 1 (01:03:18):
On people lose a virginia of anyone, and it was
just like I.

Speaker 2 (01:03:22):
Remember sitting cold against Chicago and looking at like my
coolest straight guy roommates being so like, oh, it's so easy.
You know, he's a guy, and you can go up
to a girl and they're not going to be like
ow sketchy lesbian, right. And I would go to this
ca club with my friend like every Sunday night. It
actually we was a dance party, and I always was like, Oh,
I should talk to a girl. I didn't, And then

(01:03:45):
like you know, I really just thought it was never
gonna happen. I'd be too shy and what do you
even say? No?

Speaker 1 (01:03:53):
I mean, for the last question about it, I was
on the floor. I was dead. I thought I would
never meet anyone. And I was just like, I'm just
being so casual. And I went and I went on
bad dates. I went on dates with people where it
didn't work out, and I was trying to be casual
and I couldn't be casual. I got ghosted, if you
can believe it, just coasting you, I know, I've been
in the absolute pits and then the second that you
stop paying attention, it turns around. So just have faith

(01:04:17):
and have fun.

Speaker 2 (01:04:18):
Just literally have fun on how to be single? Yeah,
watch that phone and Rebel Wilson, what is going on
with her?

Speaker 1 (01:04:25):
Also? But we have to go which she's like a
lesbian right, She's like she Hanaway became a lesbian.

Speaker 2 (01:04:32):
Yes, and they're married now, question Mark, I thought you
haven't seen her or anything.

Speaker 1 (01:04:37):
I want to get away and like an Australian lesbian
cage by her, toxic.

Speaker 2 (01:04:43):
Her, toxic painting perth. Butch okay, you.

Speaker 1 (01:04:46):
Guys have here Friday on the VIP Lounge over on
our Patreon. Thank you so much.

Speaker 4 (01:04:59):
This sexy episode of Celebrity book Club but was executive
produced by Christina Everett supervising producers. Abu Zafar, produced by Darby.

Speaker 2 (01:05:09):
Masters, are lovely themed songs done by Stephen Phillips, Horst
Artword Teddy Blanks originally co creative prolonged Projects in Lover's
Lane