"The Bible" Part 1 feat. Ben Mora (RE-RELEASE)

Get on your knees, ladies! Toxic gay Twitter frenemy Ben Mora joins our favorite Massholes for the world’s biggest celebrity—God—and his 1300 B.C. bestseller, The Bible. From everyone on the pod having COVID (God’s work) to which Bible characters are non-binary, Nazareth’s circumcision obsession, Noah’s red carpet, Lily and Ben’s Unitarian Universalist pasts, and why God is a JAP—this is a journey of biblical proportions. Amen, brother.

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/cbcthepod

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Celebrity book Club.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
Steven, what are your plans for this Navvy DoD.

Speaker 3 (00:09):
Well this Christmas. I'm saddling in with a good book,
a hot cup of tea and my loved ones, and
I won't be working on a new episode of my podcast.

Speaker 1 (00:19):
It's so important to rest from your podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
Me and Rudolph have taken a break actually from our podcast.

Speaker 3 (00:26):
And that's why we wanted to pull in an episode
from the archive that really speaks to the spirit of
the holidays and his wisdom and generosity.

Speaker 2 (00:39):
It couldn't be Missus Claus's favorite episode, The Bible Part
One with Ben Mora.

Speaker 3 (00:45):
Oh but it is Saint Nicholas. It is The Bible
Part One featuring Ben Mora.

Speaker 2 (00:50):
Oh well, I better put on my Bow's headphones that
I got on a Black Friday ideal.

Speaker 1 (00:56):
Don't tell the elves and listen to it.

Speaker 3 (01:00):
And it's so generous of you to put aside your
age old rivalry with the other white bearded man of
Christmas time God and celebrating his book The Bible Part One.

Speaker 4 (01:12):
Please enjoy this episode from the.

Speaker 3 (01:14):
Past Christmas Marys God Goods.

Speaker 5 (01:20):
Who's that knocking at the door. It's all your friends
you filthy horse.

Speaker 3 (01:24):
Your husband's gone and we've got books and a bottle
of wine to kill.

Speaker 4 (01:27):
It's Hollywood, it's books, it's gossip. I'm sure it's.

Speaker 5 (01:32):
Memoir, it's Martini.

Speaker 4 (01:33):
Its Celebrity Poop Club.

Speaker 3 (01:37):
Come read it while it's hot.

Speaker 1 (01:39):
Celebrit Book Club.

Speaker 4 (01:41):
I'll tell your secrets. We won't talk celebrity books.

Speaker 5 (01:45):
No boys are a loud book.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
Say it loud and cloud.

Speaker 4 (01:51):
Celebrity book Club.

Speaker 1 (01:53):
Buzz me in. I brought the queer foe. Hey, babe.

Speaker 3 (01:59):
Them, but fucking do this? Welcome to Celebrity but Club,
the COVID.

Speaker 1 (02:06):
Edition Lebrity Book Club. That's my impression of gorgeous voice.

Speaker 4 (02:11):
Damn y'all go to Juilliard with those pipes.

Speaker 2 (02:14):
I'm that girl in the shower she never sings, and
then you hear it in the locker room and you're like,
who's singing right now?

Speaker 3 (02:21):
Please don't say the word locker room around me. It's
actually extremely triggering. As someone who has not watched Cole
Tin's Oh reality show yet.

Speaker 2 (02:32):
I have watched a few episodes and it is surprisingly yum.

Speaker 4 (02:36):
Like yum is in, Like you're turned on by what
a beefcake.

Speaker 2 (02:39):
Is yum as in Like it's funny because it's like
so Denver and just like brewery.

Speaker 3 (02:45):
Oh, it's like him like being introduced to just like
the greater world of like Denver p town gays who
were like tight heather gray t shirts that have like
the logo of a brewery on them.

Speaker 2 (02:56):
And he's like coming out to his super cheesy show
crow Denver moll in her condo in Aspen or whatever,
and it's all overlooking shops and restaurants.

Speaker 4 (03:05):
So good for him.

Speaker 3 (03:08):
And you know that Colorado has like a gay governor Jarpoulos.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
I didn't know that.

Speaker 4 (03:13):
Yeah, And he's like such a.

Speaker 1 (03:15):
Sealist gay Patagonia gay.

Speaker 3 (03:17):
He's such a Patagonia gay and he's so like his
growth profile like is like connected to his husbands. It's
like one of those partnered with Oh we played together
and alone. And he's just like big verse bottom energy.
I mean, governor is like the most verse bottom job.

Speaker 2 (03:34):
Yeah, because governors, it's like you don't know that much
power mayors.

Speaker 1 (03:38):
I think you have more power than governors.

Speaker 4 (03:40):
At the end of the day, what are you doing
up there?

Speaker 3 (03:42):
Okay, So we I have COVID, yeah, and I just
want to let our viewers know and if you if
you are, I'm you know, compromise, do turn off the
podcast now because it's extremely contagious.

Speaker 1 (03:56):
But if you're listening, mask up and enjoy.

Speaker 4 (03:58):
And the irony is that I did get it at
Medame Twosodes.

Speaker 1 (04:02):
Where we went for my birthday, which I guess.

Speaker 4 (04:03):
Is not so much ironic as it is like expected.

Speaker 2 (04:06):
It's expected because it's a time square is a big
kind of hub of trying.

Speaker 3 (04:11):
Creator if you will, and I honestly it was worth
it and I would do it again.

Speaker 1 (04:16):
Thirty five bucks. If you haven't gone to two Sodes.

Speaker 3 (04:19):
There's a bar in the venue. You were really allowed
to like manhandle all the figures. The security is a relax.

Speaker 1 (04:27):
Right, I won if the bar kind of contributed.

Speaker 3 (04:29):
To And as I was telling you, so, this contact
tracer called me and I was like really obsessed with her,
and she was obsessed with me, and at one point
in the.

Speaker 4 (04:38):
Conversation she was like, oh, like okay, like where did
you go?

Speaker 3 (04:41):
And I was like, well, I went to Medam two Sodes,
and then I went to Jimmy Beffett's Margaritaville, and then
I went to this bar called the Patriot done. And
I was like telling her the day before my symptoms
started and she was.

Speaker 4 (04:52):
Like, you have such good taste. I want to go
to all these places. And I was like, I do
have really good taste.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
It's like she does. It ticked up my perfect day
in New York. It's two soodes Patriot. She goes to
the Patriots. She's like, someone told me about this on
the phone. I love it. Anyway, I have not as
we have the same day and I have not contracted
it yet. And then you Tran said it and we
had to cancel our amazing live show that we had planned.

Speaker 3 (05:22):
That Shoe has been rescheduled for January twenty ninth. And
if for some reason, like you're a hater and you
like don't want to go anymore, like we will give
you a refund for sure, and that will be processed through.

Speaker 4 (05:33):
Event.

Speaker 2 (05:33):
All right, it's happening again, and we're gonna have even
that much more fun January twenty ninth.

Speaker 3 (05:38):
I speaking of COVID, yep, I don't want to get
to the meat of this, of this episode, which is having.

Speaker 2 (05:47):
Another COVID full gust. I'm the only one on this
recording run for.

Speaker 3 (05:52):
The first time in celebrity book club history. The majority
of our participators do have COVID. We have of another
folk joining us today to discuss this week's book. This
folk is one of the most influential radical, absolutely completely radical, controversial,

(06:17):
has red magazines, has lived in cities as diverse as
from New York to Denver. This person is a militant homosexual.

Speaker 1 (06:31):
Uh, he's a radical homosexual.

Speaker 2 (06:34):
People say, this folk and I share a accountant.

Speaker 3 (06:39):
Oh well, actually, and I am the first one to
actually invent our accountant, or I'm not the first I
gave I gave him to you.

Speaker 4 (06:45):
Or no, wait, did you give him to me?

Speaker 1 (06:47):
I gave him to you.

Speaker 2 (06:48):
Wow, we all use the same Oh a man taking
credit for an account any recommendation?

Speaker 1 (06:54):
How typical.

Speaker 3 (06:56):
Listen, we all use the same sketchy accountant. Yes, this
person is famously was famously fired from a job, but
I do believe has another job. Now, congratulations. Of course
we're talking about Twitter impresario.

Speaker 4 (07:09):
The sure to creator her T shirt maker mustache. However,
ladies and gentleman.

Speaker 1 (07:18):
Ben Moro, Ladies, let's go this.

Speaker 5 (07:25):
I will say this introduction was much much more forgiving
than the last time I was on which was nuked
by the way in which I believe called me fat.

Speaker 3 (07:36):
Not you're projecting, you're projecting. No, the only person who
can call you fat is yourself. And that is something
that I have always.

Speaker 5 (07:43):
Said, gay bitch.

Speaker 2 (07:47):
The amount of time Stephen has like called me fat
or insinuated that I like M fat.

Speaker 1 (07:53):
You know, it just it comes out of his mouth.

Speaker 5 (07:55):
So this is an abusive relationship between you are entering
into an abusive relationship, and that's the toxic dynamic.

Speaker 3 (08:01):
That's conflict. It's not obvious. Quote Kamala Harris.

Speaker 5 (08:07):
Kamala Harris, Queen. Well, I mean we we're gonna talk.
I mean we did record this. We did, so I'm
gonna I'm gonna leak that we did record this, and
we love to leak.

Speaker 4 (08:20):
Bitch in the boat will slips sink ships? And did
Bernie win? No he didn't, he did not.

Speaker 3 (08:29):
I'm sorry, and you were you were fired from the
Bernie campaign for saying that like Hilary sucked, Hilary should
be like murdered, like every every Elizabeth Warren's supporter is
just like a pathetic like lime to girl.

Speaker 1 (08:46):
And look at you.

Speaker 2 (08:47):
Now you're doing a podcast about just look at the
Warren East.

Speaker 3 (08:50):
Now, as you were mentioning, we did actually record this
episode last week.

Speaker 1 (08:59):
And absolutely God smile list down.

Speaker 4 (09:03):
So the episode we're doing this week is the Bye Bye.

Speaker 2 (09:05):
Ball, written by the biggest celebrity ever and the first celebrity.

Speaker 5 (09:08):
Ever God, and we would I would sorry one I
need zeus. Is Mohammad not the biggest celebrity.

Speaker 4 (09:18):
I don't know about Mohammed until I was like twelve
years old. What are you talking about?

Speaker 5 (09:22):
Islam is the most popular religion on earth.

Speaker 4 (09:24):
Okay, A, I don't think that's true.

Speaker 3 (09:27):
I do think Christianity has more followers in total if
you combine all the different Christianities.

Speaker 4 (09:32):
That's not fair though, because they all hate each other.

Speaker 3 (09:34):
And oh and famously, Islam has no like battles, there's
no conflict in God.

Speaker 1 (09:42):
Is not abuse Mohammad.

Speaker 3 (09:48):
No, I mean, I'm sure it's it's total culturalgism. It
depends on where you are in the world. Well, here's
the thing, though, what's interesting is Mohammed is not God
and Islam.

Speaker 4 (09:58):
He was just He's He's like the g he was
like a person.

Speaker 5 (10:01):
I just think it'd be good for your career if
you got like Charlie, hebdod and you.

Speaker 3 (10:06):
So are they able to just come in and say
we've got Christian He's got two point three billion, Islam's
got one point nine.

Speaker 5 (10:11):
What now, I stay corrected.

Speaker 4 (10:14):
I apologize.

Speaker 3 (10:15):
Elan Omar over here trying to start shit as usual.

Speaker 2 (10:20):
So we're doing the Bible again, even though God smited
us down. There were some technical difficulties.

Speaker 4 (10:26):
Yes, so we lost, and the whole hour of gold
a few.

Speaker 1 (10:30):
Days came to pass, and it came to.

Speaker 2 (10:33):
Happen that God said, my sons Stephen and Bed, children
of Cain, and Able, children of Adam and.

Speaker 4 (10:41):
Eve, shall be giveth COVID.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
Producer Meg, daughter of Zadahiyah, who is the descendant of.

Speaker 1 (10:52):
Eve, also shall be giveth COVID. And the pharaoh Lily.

Speaker 5 (10:58):
Said, okay, we somehow immune to COVID. Yeah, what did
you do to miss the COVID being from God?

Speaker 2 (11:08):
I went to the middle of Prospect Park. Nice, God,
let's have a chat.

Speaker 5 (11:13):
I'm thinking like this might be the COVID diagnosis that
we got were like a first plague. Now the COVID
diagnosis that are going on everywhere as kind of like
the second. And now we're re recording this blasphemy.

Speaker 3 (11:27):
Okay, But here's the thing about God. Everything is a
test with her. So just like every single thing he
does is like, oh, it's actually a test to make
sure that, like you were faithful, and so like every
plague is actually like a good thing and you actually
just like need to keep going. So it's like it's
almost as if he's like daring us to continue recording
the Puk.

Speaker 4 (11:46):
He's not saying that the puckcast is bad.

Speaker 3 (11:47):
He's saying like, oh, no, actually, I think it's great
that you guys are potting, and I think that's like
a really interesting career choice for you, and I want
you to keep doing it. And that's why I'm actually
fucking up you recorded and giving you COVID to see
if you're actually serious about potting. As if you were,
then you'll do it again, and you'll go down to
like the river Euphrates and like.

Speaker 2 (12:06):
And you will read the Testament even more, and you
will study further.

Speaker 4 (12:10):
Do a second like stone carving, and.

Speaker 5 (12:12):
Your life's truth will just unravel before you and you'll
never stop potting.

Speaker 1 (12:16):
Right, he wanted to give us, Yes, I said he
God is a man.

Speaker 4 (12:25):
Yeah, I mean God is a man.

Speaker 5 (12:26):
But that cough was so dramatic. Stephen literally clutched his
heart like he was gonna die.

Speaker 3 (12:39):
You guys know, I'm fine, and I'm really I'm fine.

Speaker 4 (12:43):
I'm fine, I'm okay, don't worry.

Speaker 5 (12:46):
If you have a cough off.

Speaker 2 (12:49):
The most sympathy well, judge, okay, let's go cough off.

Speaker 5 (12:59):
Okay, Steven's going to old man route. I went sexy
baby route.

Speaker 2 (13:06):
I will say, Stephen, I do you think you are
hamming it up? But so far I actually do think
Steve is winning because I was making him just laugh
hysterically the other day. Here we go rag and yeah,
and the coughs were they were sounding real, and I
was like, damn, I'm almost tempted to drop off like
yummy fa.

Speaker 3 (13:26):
To you, and that almost almost and then did not,
and lo the Judith Judas over here. Literally, I'm not
one soup offer during my COVID really not literally one
soup offer.

Speaker 2 (13:46):
Okay, food, let's get into it. Bible stuff, soup not
really mentioned. It's more about bread and lamb.

Speaker 4 (13:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (13:54):
I feel like they don't even hit on wine that much.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
Oh wait, I have a new quote that's actually new.

Speaker 4 (13:59):
Yeah, because I have a new quote.

Speaker 2 (14:00):
I've a new Bible quote for you guys about wine.

Speaker 5 (14:06):
God literally is such a skinny bitch, though God goes
like full Regina George with the foodlawsky food is insanely
you cannot do.

Speaker 2 (14:18):
This is from Deuteronomy, God said, or the Bible said.

Speaker 1 (14:22):
And we'll discuss kind of who's.

Speaker 2 (14:23):
Writing that thou shall plant a vineyard and not reap
the grapes.

Speaker 4 (14:29):
So what are we doing with the great don't know why?

Speaker 2 (14:32):
And why I don't think you can reap your own grapes.

Speaker 1 (14:36):
It's very like, don't get hot, like hire a slave.

Speaker 4 (14:39):
Yeah, okay, flavory is huge in the Bible's and a
night to come and reap those.

Speaker 1 (14:44):
Grapes for you, and then they sell the wine.

Speaker 2 (14:47):
But then it's like, well, you're not then tasting your
own wine and you don't know how it tastes.

Speaker 1 (14:52):
I think that's bad business, bad psalm practice.

Speaker 3 (14:55):
To do that. Wait, so here, okay, I'm also in
Deuteron again. So this comes back to the I think
the eating disorder part. Yeah, that shalt not eat any
abominable thing.

Speaker 4 (15:04):
There are beasts which you shall eat, the ox, the sheep,
and the goat, the heart, and the roebuck, and the
fallow deer, and the wild goat, and the per gag,
and the wild ox, and the shamoa, and every beast
that parteth the hoof and cleaveth the cleft with two
claws and chew with the cut among the beasts that
ye shall eat, But you shall not eat of them
that chew the cud, or.

Speaker 3 (15:23):
That divide the cloven hoof. So it's just like if
you have these like devil hoofs, you can't eat the meat,
or you can't eat like the cut of the meat.

Speaker 4 (15:33):
Is this where kosher comes in? I'm guessing this seems
this also okay.

Speaker 5 (15:36):
This is either like hot mean anorexit girl or like
incredibly anxious Nebbish jew.

Speaker 3 (15:43):
I think he's both in this way, or it's like
maybe he's like a Jewish American princess. Yeah, God is
a job, Jack, thank you for God is a job
like pouring diet coke on his salad when he's halfway
done so he won't eat the.

Speaker 5 (15:57):
Rest of it, eating a saltine and a legen.

Speaker 3 (16:02):
I also think though, that the Bible is a little
bit like the Bible basically words as itself has been
this like decree from God and like he said all
this shit and like he was the first person to
like ever come up with anything. But I also feel
like the Bible is just kind of just like reflecting
the trends of the time, and like it's actually just
like a little bit more of just like a random
blog because it's like he's like, oh, and these are

(16:25):
what ye shall not eat. Ye shall not eat the
eagle and the usifrage, and it's like, well, no, one's.

Speaker 4 (16:30):
Easy lifestyle influencer.

Speaker 3 (16:31):
Yeah, he's he's a lifestyle like in like a fake
like TikTok micro influencer where it's just like, well, no
one was eating eagle before you said don't eat eagle,
So like thanks for the hot tip. Oh okay, fine,
we won't do eagle this year for Christmas.

Speaker 5 (16:47):
Yeah, yeah, okay. There's also another moment to back up
to God as like a teen girl theory, where he
appears to Moses in the form of the burning bush
and right just as a burning bush not announce himself
as God, and he you know, is yelling at Moses.
He's like, you gotta do all this stuff, blah blah blah,
you have to issue these decrees for me. You have
to make everyone skinny. You have to do this, you

(17:09):
have to do this, and Moses is just like, who
are you? Like, why why would I do this?

Speaker 4 (17:13):
Year?

Speaker 5 (17:13):
You're just a talking burning bush. And God never says
I am God. He just says I am who I am,
which is so mag girl with.

Speaker 4 (17:26):
Jesus, I am who I am from I am who
I am. I am who I am, and I won't
change for anybody.

Speaker 2 (17:34):
The live journal, sorry, the Bible is a live journal.
It's a live journal, and it's like the post I
am who I am. And then it's just like lyrics
I wrote last night, I am who I am, you
are who you are? I am who I am? Ll
being covered in patches, yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 4 (17:52):
It's like a girl who thinks she's going to be
Taylor Swift.

Speaker 1 (17:54):
Oh no, I'm thinking darker than that.

Speaker 3 (17:56):
Darker, you know, but there is a Taylor Swift because
there's obviously like there's such a prudishness.

Speaker 4 (18:02):
Let's just say it.

Speaker 3 (18:02):
This book is extremely anti sex and yet obviously.

Speaker 4 (18:06):
Like so say, yeah, of course, let's go sorry, yes,
I'm gonna call the Bible sex negative.

Speaker 3 (18:14):
Yeah, okay, it's so easy for us in twenty twenty one,
like whatever, like you know, in a postmonic Leminsky world
to like call out the Bible for being sex negative.
But it's just like it's sex negative in a very
weird way where it's just like there's shame injected to
every possible interaction.

Speaker 1 (18:31):
Well, do you think God is a cook?

Speaker 5 (18:32):
No, God is like a dom that doesn't fuck.

Speaker 4 (18:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:36):
Right, He's sitting in a chair being like, now fuck her.

Speaker 4 (18:44):
Yeah kind of Okay.

Speaker 3 (18:45):
So there's the scene where Noah after the flood, he's
like back in the desert or whatever, which his son's.

Speaker 5 (18:52):
God murders everyone.

Speaker 3 (18:54):
God murders everyone in the earth God just because he's like,
we need to just renovate the earth, like we need
to just like I want to redo this entire thing.

Speaker 4 (19:03):
I hate it.

Speaker 2 (19:04):
No So property brothers were it's like there's actually really
good bones here, and he's like, no, let's do this,
like weird what paint over this fireplace, paint my entire
We're redoing Noah's arc. We're actually getting bamboo flooring for
the art.

Speaker 5 (19:19):
They were going full gray scale bar door.

Speaker 3 (19:22):
Okay, I do want to talk about his wood choices
because this book is so reclaimed wood. But he so
one night, Noah gets really wasted off of wine. He
falls asleep in his tent and his like sons find
him naked, and they're so ashamed of his naked body
that they do this weird thing where they back up
with a sheet and he literally describes it in the
book as like and then they like walked backwards with

(19:44):
a sheet to like lay the sheet down on their
naked dad so they wouldn't have to like see his
shame laying face down ass up like.

Speaker 4 (19:53):
Dark unlocked.

Speaker 1 (19:58):
Noah is hosting tonight rape to open.

Speaker 4 (20:06):
No loob, no goat skin.

Speaker 3 (20:09):
And then Noah wakes up and he realizes because he
sees the sheet and I'm He's like, oh, my son
must have covered my naked ass with a sheet, like
and he's so ashamed and then he like dies at
age nine hundred of shame.

Speaker 5 (20:19):
Okay, But in this there's a crucial part of this.
He has three sons. The son that covers him up,
who does the big misdeed here, right, is trying to
protect the dad that's name is Ham, which is so
trans mask and one of the one syllable NB name
it is so it's like so trans mask. It's like

(20:39):
anyone named Ham is like working as a mechanic and
they're doing it for like the grease stains, right.

Speaker 1 (20:45):
But they're doing it for the dickies merchant.

Speaker 2 (20:47):
Okay, but you have such a point because then Noah
blames Ham, and it's like the dad, the toxic masculinity
son would blame like blame but and like his butchday
them is like trying to bond and being like, dude, seriously,
Dad would not want to see us naked. And the
dad is like, wait, that's yeah, I'm gonna blame Ham

(21:07):
just but my other son's like, you're fine.

Speaker 5 (21:10):
Well, then Noah, who is holding this covenant with God,
curses all of Ham's descendants to become slaves for his
other two brothers descendants. So this is like the big
split here because we like the canon, I too are
like the slaves and all the like you know, the
bad people they like go and I think these are
the ones who invents Sodom and Gomorah.

Speaker 4 (21:29):
Y'all are really like knowing this, did you? Did you? We? Right?
Sodom and Gomora is gay? Yes, oh right?

Speaker 5 (21:37):
And this is the whole of Ham. So it literally
is an NBS name.

Speaker 3 (21:42):
So it's like the queer then the que descendants of
the queer son started so Gomorah and there's that scene
where like the three wise Men or whatever are these
like three random wisemen who aren't the rears men go
to Sodom Gomora and then literally everyone in the town
is like demanding to fuck them because they're so horny.

Speaker 5 (21:57):
They tried to rape them. God appears the form of
three men and leads a descendant of Shem, who's Ham's
holy brother. He like leads him out of his town
and is like, look, we need to go destroy Sodom
and Gomora and God in the form of three men
goes into Sodom and Gomora takes a refuge at this
guy named Lot's house.

Speaker 1 (22:18):
Okay, Lot is also the most like Detroit punk house.

Speaker 5 (22:22):
He goes, Lot is living in a town of gay guys,
like he is d L He's a lot is trade.
And do they say in the book do they say
that gamor though they're like everyone is is like lying
with each other in the reverse, like how do they say?
I feel like it's implied they call it like a
town of like Keathan's and like he didn't he didn'istic

(22:44):
people and stuff. It's implied. It's implied. I don't think
they had the F word at the time, but they
obviously mean.

Speaker 3 (22:49):
The Well he always says lie with in this book
when he wants to say.

Speaker 5 (22:53):
Well, that's in Leviticus. I think it's when that famous
homophobic verse. I think it's in Leviticus when he when they're.

Speaker 4 (22:59):
Just if you lie with a man as you would
lie with a woman, like, that's sucked up.

Speaker 5 (23:02):
They're blood us upon that.

Speaker 2 (23:04):
So how do they, if I may ask, how does
God know Sodom and Gomora are doing anal.

Speaker 5 (23:09):
Just because he can see everything. I mean, they're trying
to rape him when he's in Lot's house.

Speaker 1 (23:16):
Wait, Sodom are raping or.

Speaker 3 (23:19):
The Sodom is like the Twin Cities, it's like.

Speaker 5 (23:25):
And then God, God cancels them by turning the little
villages into a pillar of salt.

Speaker 4 (23:31):
Right, they kind of just go away, which God famously
also did the same Polina.

Speaker 1 (23:38):
He tried to rape everyone in Minneapolis.

Speaker 5 (23:41):
You know, Minneapolis is is at least at one point
was the gay capital of the United States most gay
men per capita or Minneapolis.

Speaker 4 (23:50):
Yes, what is true, Steven.

Speaker 1 (23:52):
Is that then the New Testament.

Speaker 5 (23:56):
Yeah, it's the first verse of the New Testament. John
will be the most slay of city of the city
of them all.

Speaker 3 (24:04):
I mean, obviously Orlando has the highest gaze per capita
of any city in the country because of.

Speaker 1 (24:10):
Because my lottery dream home gay.

Speaker 5 (24:13):
Oh my god, I love my lottery dream homes.

Speaker 1 (24:17):
I'm obsessed with them. He's insane, math and gay.

Speaker 4 (24:21):
The math energy coming out of him is out of control.

Speaker 1 (24:26):
To me.

Speaker 2 (24:26):
Like that whole show does also feel very Bible, and
I'm just like he does feel like he's a little
bit of a descendant from God in this twisted way.

Speaker 3 (24:34):
Where it's like he's the serpent because he's like telling
these people to like like no, yeah, guts, yeah, get
it to Coozy by this house that has a man
made square pond in the back. It's only an hour
and twenty minute drive from downtown Atlanta.

Speaker 5 (24:53):
From from like a woman named Kirsty who won like
three hundred thousand dollars in gas station. He's like, you
want it, do it?

Speaker 4 (25:04):
Do it? You deserve this, you deserve this cursy.

Speaker 2 (25:06):
But think of the Christmases you're gonna have make commansion
And she and He's like, yes.

Speaker 3 (25:12):
Girl, I mean I said this before the role of
every gay man, like since birth is basically to get
women to buy things like that that we are the serpents,
like we were absolutely the snake. We've been doing this
like since we started with our mothers, and we've just
moved on to like all women throughout.

Speaker 5 (25:32):
If you if you super impose a gay identity onto
the you know, garden of Adam and Eve or whatever,
like the snake and the girl, they were besties right right.
He was like, you know he Adam was just kind
of I see what Adam does when you're out of
the when you're out of the garden, Eve, you got
to leave this man.

Speaker 2 (25:51):
Well, and he's all just being like, yes, girl, make
those leaves into a crown, make it into.

Speaker 5 (25:55):
A thong, like make that honey, like.

Speaker 1 (25:59):
We're doing a rustic garden feet.

Speaker 5 (26:04):
That's how lists were invented because snakes. Snakes, Yeah, snakes invented.

Speaker 3 (26:10):
The because they literally have a fork tongue a snake
cannot not literally. Also, snakes, like gay men, have horrible posture.
They're literally a curve. They're like they invented scoliosis.

Speaker 5 (26:28):
They're foula and I like God.

Speaker 2 (26:31):
And Adam is probably being so like farmed to table
brick chicken, you know. And Eve was just like, I'm
gonna eat an apple like solid boots.

Speaker 5 (26:43):
The snake called me fat yesterday.

Speaker 4 (26:44):
Ye fat.

Speaker 3 (26:45):
I'm trying to like, I'm trying to get my coloric
intake down to sixty calories a day.

Speaker 5 (26:51):
Or told me I would never fit into that fig leaf.

Speaker 1 (26:55):
So I'm on the apple diet, girl.

Speaker 5 (26:59):
You do.

Speaker 4 (27:00):
I want to go on the arc looking like that.

Speaker 5 (27:02):
Everyone's going to be there, literally, everyone.

Speaker 1 (27:05):
Will be boats, asses, turtle doves.

Speaker 3 (27:11):
The red carpet at the arc, I mean the arc
is kind of the original red carpet because everything's like this.

Speaker 2 (27:19):
Who are you wearing a lot of animal print tonight?
This cloth is actually a hand me down from my
great great great grandfather.

Speaker 4 (27:33):
Jaw paths Away.

Speaker 1 (27:35):
This is nine years old and then I tailored it.

Speaker 4 (27:38):
Yeah, still book and busy at nine.

Speaker 5 (27:44):
Thank you, because age ain't nothing but a number.

Speaker 1 (27:46):
But this is what nine and seventy six.

Speaker 5 (27:56):
Ancient and thriving. Okay, okay, let's bring up okay, go on, no, no,
please please, I'm just a guest.

Speaker 3 (28:06):
You are, and thank you for a Membran now a guest. Okay,
So the age question moves with the fact that like
in the beginning and like there are characters who are
fully lived to nine hundred and then at some point,

(28:27):
like people start to have normal human ages.

Speaker 5 (28:29):
In the Bible, sugar and I'm just like, it was sugar.
It's when sugar was introduced.

Speaker 3 (28:33):
Yes, the fine sugar was introduced and people stopped living longer.

Speaker 2 (28:37):
God invented sugar so he could kill people sooner because
he was like, y'all can't be living for this long.

Speaker 1 (28:44):
I'm so sick.

Speaker 2 (28:45):
Of you, Adam and Noah, like you need to die
at least one hundred and fifty. And so I feel
probably slowly he was like, let's introduce sugar. Okay, Let's
introduce corn syrup, you know.

Speaker 5 (28:56):
The air. Let's introduce the air fryer, the air.

Speaker 1 (29:01):
God's an inventor and she boss.

Speaker 3 (29:06):
I'd like to talk for a second about a huge
theme in this in this memoir, which is circumcision comes
up time and again. So one thing that this that
I really learned from God and how he sort of
sees the world, is that I thought it was like
I've always thought of it as as esthetic as just like, okay,

(29:26):
it makes the dick more like you can see the
whole thing. It's like picking out the outside. But he
actually sees it as like a kind of a promise
between you and God. So he goes it's super craepy.

Speaker 4 (29:37):
He is born in the house. He's that bought with
the money, must be circumcised. Wait, bought with thy money? Okay,
I mean a slave. I guess again.

Speaker 3 (29:45):
My covenant shall be in your flesh for an everlasting covenant.
So it's basically like, oh, this is like between you
and me, Like it's like a ring.

Speaker 4 (29:54):
It's like a ring.

Speaker 3 (29:54):
It's like a it's like when you're so like, oh
my God, let's be blood brothers like as kids, and
you like prick your pinkies.

Speaker 4 (30:00):
Yeah, which is kind of beautiful, I guess.

Speaker 5 (30:02):
Okay, But he made so many grown men circumcise themselves.
This isn't all happening at childbirth. This is happening to
guys who are like twenty seven. Okay, would you if
you know, if okay, you wouldn't do it. You wouldn't
do a latent life circumcision, and by late night I do.
I am referring to twenty seven as latent.

Speaker 1 (30:21):
That's actually how Jim Morrison died.

Speaker 5 (30:25):
AARP circumcis.

Speaker 2 (30:29):
So God is just like so straight up like Willard
and has like this creepy like sewed together like patchwork.

Speaker 5 (30:37):
It is uncut only in his grind, uncut.

Speaker 2 (30:41):
Of like this dick quilt, Yeah, quilt. He's like, I'm
into fibers and materials. This is a mixing media piece.

Speaker 1 (30:50):
Of dick skin.

Speaker 4 (30:54):
His guest room.

Speaker 5 (30:56):
There's a part of the Bible where there's like these
two worrying towns because someone from one town raped one
of the women from the other, and the town that
was victimized was like, look, we can have any we
can have a truce here, but what you need to
do is you need to form a covenant with God.
You need to like all of the man need to
be circumcised. You can't eat meat with blood in it,

(31:18):
and some other a bunch of other like weird anarexic rules.
And they lied about this, the town, the victimized town,
and they go and they kill all of the men
while they're recovering from their circumcisions. Imagine how busy that
circuit doctor must have.

Speaker 4 (31:32):
It was a group circumcision.

Speaker 3 (31:34):
It was like it was like you have remember like
paper cutters from like from like elementary school but nineties,
I well remember paper cutters. And then are like pulling
up making somebody packets and like you're just lining up
like twenty local dudes just being like let's do this, bam, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 (31:54):
Stretch it out. You're like seventeen BC kids, remember.

Speaker 3 (31:58):
The only Nazareth kids will remember.

Speaker 1 (32:08):
You know you're from Nazareth.

Speaker 3 (32:10):
When you were in a group sort of incision and
literally all the castmates got murdered by you were all
killed by warring down Wait and so, and that was
revenge for that town raping this other woman.

Speaker 5 (32:22):
Yeah, well they killed all of the men.

Speaker 2 (32:24):
I want to bring up some more stuff about rape here.
When some of the scenes you're like kind of how
has this happened? It's always like and if you do
lay in a field with another man's betrothed and you
do take her, like she has the right to like
smite you and kill you.

Speaker 1 (32:41):
And it was like all these situations.

Speaker 5 (32:43):
So incoherent that you could you're going to fail at
some point right.

Speaker 2 (32:46):
Where it's just like you're always just alone in a
field with someone of these things that could happen.

Speaker 3 (32:51):
Well, I do think that back in the day, there's
a lot of fields. There's a lot of fields, and
I think that just like architecture and like there or
less stairwells, you know what I mean. Think about how
often you're hooking up with a guy in a stairwell.
They didn't have that back then, so you had to
go to a less locking back. There's less bathrooms, Like,
there's less what's it called liminal space words that people

(33:15):
are always using to refer to, just like an empty room. Yeah,
a limital It's like, so you had to go to
the forest, so it is the original pure space.

Speaker 5 (33:26):
I mean, yeah, I've been in forests. I've been in parks.
I've been in fields.

Speaker 3 (33:30):
And the part about they're at Babel or whatever or
something and like this is they're at Babyl They're at
Babylon sunset and.

Speaker 1 (33:40):
I'm DJing at babbyl tonight Babylon.

Speaker 4 (33:47):
Everyone's doing coke and getting COVID.

Speaker 5 (33:49):
Nazareth Bosle, are you on the list?

Speaker 4 (33:56):
Are you on the scroll?

Speaker 5 (33:58):
Are you on the scroll? I don't see a Jibbeth girl.

Speaker 3 (34:02):
No, check it again, it's jaw path. It's jaw apostrophe path.

Speaker 5 (34:07):
You're like my friend Jebedi inside.

Speaker 1 (34:13):
Can I say this about the Arc?

Speaker 2 (34:15):
The Arc feels very like you go to a gallery opening,
but it's like the gallery is so small and annoying, claustrophobic,
and it's like outside is really where the party is
and it's like huge.

Speaker 3 (34:24):
Oh you're saying like the deck is where it was
all going down, Well it was, lily. It was raining
the whole time that they had to stay inside the arc.

Speaker 4 (34:31):
They literally couldn't even go out.

Speaker 3 (34:32):
That's why I do think the arc kind of sucks
because you can't like go onto the deck and be like, oh,
this is beautiful. And I always get so seasick. The
lower I am in a hull moret.

Speaker 5 (34:42):
Next to the giraffes. Stupid. You are not on the
human floor. No, I am aware you're stowed away.

Speaker 4 (34:51):
I mean at least the drafts are like fabulous.

Speaker 2 (34:55):
Love what you're wearing girl? Well okay, but that's why
God is little gay. If he did invent like giraffes
and cheetahs.

Speaker 5 (35:02):
Literally, if you're going, if you're going like full like
Lisa Frank animals, yeah, it's gay.

Speaker 3 (35:09):
And like are we supposed to believe that he invented
just like every subspecies of beetle.

Speaker 4 (35:14):
Is that also part of the story.

Speaker 5 (35:15):
Yea, No, that's that's like that's a third of the Bible.
It is just listing got invented. It's just like God's
actually kind of a nerd, Like it's so in soul.
But this is all so the reason I brought up Babble,
and not to sort of circle back to my point,
but he explains this part where he's like, oh, and

(35:36):
then I split everyone up and like made them go
all over the world and speak different languages as like
punishment for like the people of Babble like being too
like hubristic or something. And it's just like, oh, so
he actually views like different cultures as like a bad thing.
And that's actually why I'm canceling God, thank you, because
also by doing that, he invented colonialism. Yes, yes, he

(35:59):
called the world. Did he colonized hearth?

Speaker 1 (36:02):
He colonized her if he made earth?

Speaker 3 (36:04):
Because if everyone was like the same and homogenousy also
the same language, like same language, that we wouldn't be
able to colonize each other.

Speaker 5 (36:11):
Literally we just be one big, happy world. Okay, who
are we in the Bible.

Speaker 4 (36:16):
Okay, so that's how that is actually not that actually
does not come till the end of segments.

Speaker 3 (36:20):
Oh wait, you are now is exposing yourself as someone who.

Speaker 1 (36:24):
Has not a podcast.

Speaker 5 (36:27):
Wow, act, we listened to the podcast.

Speaker 2 (36:30):
I shall set upon you one hundred years of sores
and locus, and.

Speaker 5 (36:37):
I agree thou have been slain to the land of
the floppeth for spilling the tea which shall not have
been spilt. Thou spiltest the tea too early, And I
will curse thee in my future career, and I shall
not get a reality TV d Thou shalt not shashet
into the kingdom of the sleigh Sean.

Speaker 3 (37:00):
Hey, thou dost not stay?

Speaker 4 (37:06):
Okay?

Speaker 3 (37:06):
Wait, if you had to, okay, if you had to
live in modern day Israel, modern day Egypt, or modern
day Iraq, what would you choose?

Speaker 4 (37:13):
No?

Speaker 1 (37:14):
Wait, no, sorry, ancient ancient?

Speaker 5 (37:15):
Not wait take a modern modern.

Speaker 4 (37:19):
No not not modern day? No? I mean I okay, girl,
I'm living in homes. You know it's living homes.

Speaker 2 (37:30):
Okay, wait, before we have this question, I do want
to say that I do feel like I'm like sometimes
I'm like God, can we hear the side from the Egyptians.

Speaker 5 (37:37):
Literally, yeah, no, he makes the Egyptians out to look
so bad.

Speaker 1 (37:45):
Yeah, and I'm a little like, well, honey, you made
this so during.

Speaker 4 (37:49):
Tribe of Israel.

Speaker 5 (37:50):
That's just like showing up places and like demanding stuff.
And with that comes like you're going to be enslaved,
you know.

Speaker 4 (37:56):
No, I know, it's very like that.

Speaker 5 (37:58):
You can't just pop into Cairo and be like, oh,
where's what's what's what's happening for them?

Speaker 3 (38:02):
Like, is he suggesting that the Egyptian should be so
Jennifer Lawrence and mother and just be like, oh, yeah, fine.

Speaker 4 (38:08):
Come in.

Speaker 5 (38:09):
Yeah, this is literally wind side.

Speaker 2 (38:11):
Yeah, ad is central Bullock.

Speaker 3 (38:18):
It's like, no, that's not happening. I don't know, I mean,
it's not happening. I don't know if I would enslave
them all. But like, but then again, we had these
pyramids to build.

Speaker 5 (38:26):
Literally, there's stuff dozation to build.

Speaker 1 (38:29):
Yeah, right, and I'm.

Speaker 2 (38:30):
Sure God loves those pyramids now and is like taking
claim for it, being like bitch, I invented the wonders
of the world.

Speaker 3 (38:39):
Yeah, And this comes back to the point that God
is a hypocrite because I'm sure there's such a like
Las Vegas style like mini Cairo in heaven, and it's
these cloud pyramids and he's like, aren't these so fab?

Speaker 4 (38:50):
Don't you love them? Like just like real pyramids.

Speaker 3 (38:52):
It's like, bitch, you literally called out the Egyptians for
enslaving the pyramid builders, and that.

Speaker 2 (38:57):
Is just like God's riding on a camel being like, oh, so,
Glad I invented you. You're crazy with your humps. Do
you want to live in ancient Cairo?

Speaker 3 (39:09):
Ancient ancient like Iraq, like tigers and euphrates, boots like Babylon, or.

Speaker 4 (39:15):
Like ancient Israel?

Speaker 5 (39:16):
I would want to be an Egyptian who lives in Cairo.
I would not want to be an Israelite who's the same,
and vice versa. I would not want to be an
Egyptian in Israel wherever that is. You want to be,
wherever it may be, wherever they're roaming to.

Speaker 1 (39:32):
To not be. I don't want to be an immigrant
in ancient you just.

Speaker 5 (39:35):
Want to be on your home turf. I feel yes
at this time.

Speaker 4 (39:40):
I do love to travel and I love being in
a new place.

Speaker 5 (39:43):
And that's why you're gonna.

Speaker 1 (39:44):
You would get smite fucking down bitch.

Speaker 3 (39:47):
Oh my god, but don't you think that I would
be the one Israelite who is just like, oh, I
actually like managed to kind of get out of like
pyramid duty.

Speaker 4 (39:54):
Actually, you're like braiding Cleopatra's hair.

Speaker 1 (40:00):
You're like eating like so many olives.

Speaker 2 (40:03):
You're just being like, girl, these are like solay today.

Speaker 3 (40:08):
I'm just like I don't know why everyone's complaining. Like
if you just like, I don't know, like have fun
and like be cool like people.

Speaker 2 (40:15):
There's being someone like whipped next to you and you're like, yeah,
well you made that decision to like a person.

Speaker 1 (40:21):
Who gets whipped.

Speaker 3 (40:22):
Yeah, sorry, update your resume, bitch, I got a job.

Speaker 5 (40:28):
God, God is going to be so mad about this episode.
We're going to get another plague for this recording. God
is gonna be like fit fourth plague. Hordes of Australians
upon Yeah, you're sending hordes of Australian people.

Speaker 3 (40:41):
Yeah, Like Australians were just confined to the Lower east Side.
Guess what, bitch, They're coming to Ridgewood, Little Brisbane.

Speaker 5 (40:48):
There's going to be so many of them that that
the subways have to stop operating because they've.

Speaker 4 (40:53):
All been hit well, they're all covered in like Foster's vomit.

Speaker 1 (40:59):
Are reds go off a thousand dollars.

Speaker 2 (41:01):
You know, y'all go into a service or anything on
Christmas Day midnight Mass?

Speaker 3 (41:10):
No, absolutely not, Lily, are you doing your classic Unitarian Universe?
Have you found a new, a new ex accepting church
in your neighborhood.

Speaker 4 (41:18):
I know you grew up in the UU with.

Speaker 2 (41:20):
You community, but we would go to like a welcoming
pageant on Christmas Eve where my sister wants to get
to play the angel Gabriel.

Speaker 1 (41:29):
Not to brag, I'd beat all light.

Speaker 2 (41:33):
I mean, this is so not UNI turn that we
would light candles and saying Silent Night in German.

Speaker 5 (41:40):
I literally hate the Unitarians so much. I think they're
they're demons. No offensively, I'm sure you probably.

Speaker 1 (41:45):
I would know. I was not like a proud Unitarian.
I was always so annoyed. Yeah, I'm just like, oh,
how dare you know?

Speaker 2 (41:51):
Because I was always like forced to go and I
was like, this is not a religion. All we do
is like go to Sunday school and learn about other religions,
like it's just school again.

Speaker 5 (42:00):
I was like, you were like, bitch, I want to
be in a goddamn cult.

Speaker 4 (42:03):
I'm not trying to go to school. Yeah, fucking pool
aid my ass.

Speaker 5 (42:06):
My mom joined the church. I like, I was Catholic
until I was like fifteen, and then my mom driding
you wow, which just basically allowed me to just become
like a like addicted to weed.

Speaker 1 (42:19):
Right, because you got to me that they're like chill kids.

Speaker 5 (42:21):
Yeah, literally they're doing the kids they're calling. They're calling
Jesus a gender refugee on Christmas.

Speaker 3 (42:28):
I mean Jesus was not a gender refugee and was
not queer, like I think Jesus is pretty much like
the most burning man person like in history totally.

Speaker 1 (42:35):
And Jesus is the most awesome camp counselor you've had.

Speaker 5 (42:39):
He has a super that is covered in so much.

Speaker 4 (42:42):
Dust it's yeah, so many.

Speaker 5 (42:45):
He's like always out there free Tibet. He's balding but
has incredibly long hair.

Speaker 3 (42:51):
He is on field that app for like finding a
fruit bal like.

Speaker 2 (42:55):
He is just Yes, his girlfriend does have a shaved
side head and like totally she listens.

Speaker 3 (43:03):
To dubstub and his other girlfriend has like really bad
adult acts.

Speaker 5 (43:07):
They love geometric street art.

Speaker 4 (43:09):
Oh my god, you know like murals just like you know, no, honey,
we've been to San Diego. Okay, you get you get.

Speaker 1 (43:17):
The They get me in front of this mural. They
go on like url tour.

Speaker 5 (43:21):
They have four thousand bunch of cords.

Speaker 3 (43:25):
Can I ask, as a practicing Catholic growing up, were
you drawn to the ritual and the ceremony and the
pomp and the circumstance, Like as a gay man, did
you love all the you know, all the frippery and
the frillery.

Speaker 5 (43:38):
Yeah, and even more so because it was all in
Spanish and it was all led by Latinas like mother
had style.

Speaker 3 (43:46):
Okay, so the divine feminine was present, Oh my god.

Speaker 5 (43:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (43:49):
And it's not being so like.

Speaker 1 (43:51):
A man being like he's your normost.

Speaker 3 (43:56):
The women are pretty like are pretty like off in
the corner and the ira version.

Speaker 5 (44:01):
Yeah, Latinos are like partying. There's tequila and the wye.

Speaker 4 (44:07):
Do you take? Do you take the blood of Christ? Witches?

Speaker 1 (44:10):
Just com Okay?

Speaker 2 (44:15):
I in my infamous thirteen year old diary and this
is so.

Speaker 4 (44:21):
Were you talk so much shit about me?

Speaker 1 (44:23):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (44:24):
In that same diary where I talk so much about
Stephen at like I talk about how I like want
to go like more to the Catholic Church because I
think it's like badass and Sinatra and gangster.

Speaker 5 (44:35):
Well, so you were like you were trad before.

Speaker 2 (44:38):
Yeah, I was like really trod and I could tell
I was like this just kind of like hippie boomer
tweed jacket Unitarian churches.

Speaker 1 (44:45):
Like, I want to go back to the church. And
we did.

Speaker 2 (44:47):
I remember because I think we went to Easter with
the church where I was baptized, and I was like
the smoke and everyone's dressing up.

Speaker 1 (44:53):
When men were men, you know, and the incense.

Speaker 4 (44:56):
When men were men, when men wore big gold dresses
the way men.

Speaker 6 (44:59):
Should exactly, and God said.

Speaker 1 (45:15):
There shall be segments.

Speaker 4 (45:18):
How doths she live?

Speaker 1 (45:20):
How does she?

Speaker 5 (45:22):
What doth she shears?

Speaker 1 (45:25):
What doss she wears?

Speaker 4 (45:26):
Wow? Well iconic lag on that one. Okay. What doth
she eat? Well?

Speaker 3 (45:34):
As we discussed, as we were saying, she has an
eating disorder.

Speaker 1 (45:38):
Yes, she makes it.

Speaker 2 (45:39):
She's more of a cook and more of a like orderer,
loves going to restaurants.

Speaker 4 (45:45):
Or she's not a chef, shall we say.

Speaker 3 (45:49):
She's not like trying to like invent new things. It's
a lot of like what she doesn't eat.

Speaker 2 (45:54):
But it's also a lot of like herby lamb roast
and like classic roast chicken.

Speaker 4 (46:00):
I guess the thing is like it just doesn't seem
like there's a ton of flavoring or like or recipe.
It's like I don't think she's like squeezing lemon on
the lamb.

Speaker 2 (46:09):
Like.

Speaker 4 (46:09):
I literally think it's just.

Speaker 5 (46:10):
Like there's parsley.

Speaker 2 (46:12):
Okay, I think it's one sprig of rosemary, like, and
it's like over this fire. So maybe sometimes I bet
like twenty five percent of the time it's like juicy
just because of the cold fire. But like a lot
of time probably it's unseasoned. I mean he does salt.

Speaker 5 (46:30):
This is the origin of white people not knowing whit
their food. Yeah, the Egyptians we're using all the season.

Speaker 3 (46:41):
I do also think it is the origin of like
folks of suburban experience over cooking meat.

Speaker 4 (46:48):
I feel like everything is hard, crisp in the Bible.

Speaker 1 (46:51):
Well done.

Speaker 2 (46:52):
I like, I'll have my chick because he's so anti
like blood. He's like, there half shall no be no
blood in the chicken, no blood in a goat.

Speaker 5 (47:00):
It's like, Okay, this chicken is not well done. This
chicken's congratulation.

Speaker 1 (47:06):
Am I right?

Speaker 4 (47:08):
Okay, that is funny. I'm telling that away.

Speaker 3 (47:10):
I also feel like, did you ever read that profile
of Kelly and Conway where it's like she's at this
DC steakhouse and she says reporter, and there's a like
a scallion on top of the steak as a garnish,
like a full scallion. When she picks up the entire
scallion and swallows the entire thing like.

Speaker 4 (47:28):
A sword swallower. And the report was like, it's the
weirdest thing I've ever seen. That is like a threat,
that's like a weird animal.

Speaker 3 (47:38):
It's like a crazy crazy like pissing on a tree,
like marking your territory.

Speaker 5 (47:43):
Yeah, I'm swallowing an entire skeleton your instinct for her too.
It's like a popper fish when it blows up into
a balloon. But I do think that, like God would
do that out of DC steakhouse. That's so God, oh God, entire.

Speaker 1 (48:01):
But I mean God, she do drink with her wine
like everyone is wasted.

Speaker 3 (48:05):
I do feel like, let's be honest though, and actually
I'm going to call you in for one second here.
The problem is that the filtration system is back at
that time just weren't that advanced. So a lot of
the time wine or ale was going to actually be
more sanitary than water. So it wasn't that people necessarily
were alcoholics or lushes as we might say, Like that
was actually just literally the safer choice.

Speaker 2 (48:27):
It's like you're getting these bourgelais, you're getting a gomet
a pin, you're getting these the lighter, you're getting absolutely
pet nats, You're definitely getting these kind of like super
funky sidery.

Speaker 3 (48:38):
Yeah, was wine like actually natural back then. It's like
what we today think of as natural wine because it
was so like, yeah, literally low.

Speaker 2 (48:47):
It was like right because it's low intervention. It's being
so like age for two weeks. It's not like aging
this cab for years.

Speaker 3 (48:57):
You know.

Speaker 2 (48:59):
This, Actually it brings me I need to talk about this.
I was at a orthodox liquor store and there was
a gift box of a bottle of Israeli wine, cigar,
chocolate bark, and then a stemless wine cup for a
long term care pharmaceutical company and.

Speaker 4 (49:18):
It was all included in this one gift care package.

Speaker 3 (49:22):
Yeah, so this was just like something that like this
like hasidic like business just hadline around.

Speaker 4 (49:28):
They put it all into one box.

Speaker 1 (49:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
They threw in some you know, some fun tissue paper
and they're like, let's throw this in a box of
this like stemless pharmacuse.

Speaker 5 (49:36):
I have aside here if you don't mind me a
side side. I have a friend who has a labradoodle,
you big poofy white dog. And this dog is being
walked around East Williamsburg.

Speaker 4 (49:49):
A white labradol. There.

Speaker 5 (49:50):
I haven't seen a white labradood. I know. Whatever.

Speaker 3 (49:53):
Okay, if you read that article that the guy who
invented the labradoodle, it is just like, yes, I feel
so ashamed for like causing a play call this planet.

Speaker 5 (50:01):
Yes he yeah, he said it was his life's biggest
mistake was inventing the laberdoodle. They are little deeds.

Speaker 4 (50:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (50:09):
This issific guy walked up and he was like, oh
my god, I love your dog. Can I sell her
fur when you cut her hair?

Speaker 1 (50:17):
Stop?

Speaker 5 (50:18):
And we were like what, And he was like, can't
I buy the fur from you and sell it because
it's like it's exactly like wool.

Speaker 4 (50:25):
This is such a biblical.

Speaker 5 (50:28):
And then he gave the phone number to the owner
and he was like, call me when you cut her hair.
I'll come pick it up and I want to sell
it as wool. And I'm like, to who who is
buying small batch dog hair that they can if you
want for like a pillow, for a throw pillow. This
is my throw pill a single pillow, a hundred.

Speaker 1 (50:48):
Percent Irish wool or whatever.

Speaker 5 (50:50):
And it's like it's laberdodle like disgusting, like at least
of Williamsburg's sidewalk labridoodle hair. Okay, that is.

Speaker 3 (51:00):
I mean the idea that she would actually put more
like willingly put more dogcare into your home.

Speaker 5 (51:05):
It's crazy. I know it's insane. Anyways, just want it.

Speaker 4 (51:08):
That's it did feel biblical.

Speaker 2 (51:10):
I mean, I guess speaking of what does she wear
fig figs, figs white, I just imagine a lot of
tunics and smocks, very flowy sheets.

Speaker 3 (51:21):
I've been watching this really amazing Netflix show called Last
Kingdom that's sort of about the Viking invasions of England
in the ninth century, and all the outfit thank you,
and the outfits are very like tunics buckles, and it's like,
I feel like tunics and buckles were basically fashioned from
just like literally ancient times up until like nineteenth century

(51:44):
like we were maybe or make eighteenth century like colonial times,
but like we were basically doing tunics for most of
human history.

Speaker 2 (51:51):
But I feel like the Egyptians were being more glam.
Well we should look back as I wrote a paper
in sixth grade on medieval s togas.

Speaker 3 (51:59):
It was like more sheet base, but they were still
doing buckles and like when they were putting on their
like war if it's it was still like belts and ship.

Speaker 5 (52:05):
It's like at leisure is kind of of a return
to the to the robe or the toga.

Speaker 4 (52:12):
Honey, you try going to the gym and like clack
jaw comfortable.

Speaker 2 (52:20):
I feel like it's more like the Bible is more
under the Tuscan sun style.

Speaker 5 (52:25):
Have you ever walked around in a toga? It's actually
not a lot of work.

Speaker 3 (52:30):
You're like you have to like gather all this fabric
all the time, Like you can't just like stretch and
jump and just like be making a smoothie than be
like sitting on your big marble kitchen counter like.

Speaker 2 (52:40):
In this kind of like Also I've i mentioned it's
like a hard toga unbleached fit.

Speaker 3 (52:47):
Yeah, yeah, I think the unbleached lanning the under dyed Linen.

Speaker 5 (52:52):
I mean it.

Speaker 2 (52:53):
Probably hangs pretty well, and I don't think it's pre
I feel like the Bible's pre buckle, but I think
we're we're seeing maybe a lot of rope wine there buckles.

Speaker 3 (53:02):
There were there were wrist cuffs like there was there
was metal like acuter hello, like the warriors of the time,
like ancient Spartan words were so like helmets and ship Spartan.

Speaker 2 (53:12):
I don't think Bible is Spartan times. That's like ancient Romans.

Speaker 4 (53:17):
That's that's I'm saying, that's pre Bible. So by the Bible, yes,
there would have been cuffs.

Speaker 5 (53:22):
Whoa, that's pre Bible.

Speaker 4 (53:24):
Okay, wow, yeah, literally y'all, y'all want to get over
to Wikipedia and.

Speaker 2 (53:29):
Sorry, and this may again reveal my amazing private school education.

Speaker 1 (53:36):
Was ancient Rome before the Bible.

Speaker 4 (53:38):
Yes, yeah, it was.

Speaker 3 (53:40):
I mean ancient Rome like goes up into the Bible
like Julius Caesar was like right around the time of
the Bible, like a little bit before the Bible, like
negative fifty BC.

Speaker 4 (53:48):
Well, there's the whole Jesus was expelled from Rome thing.
No I knew this.

Speaker 3 (53:54):
You guys are you guys are being so Christian that
you think that history started at like the.

Speaker 2 (53:58):
Year and that's why BC was so horny and sexy
and orgies and then coming.

Speaker 1 (54:05):
Back no sex.

Speaker 4 (54:08):
You guys thought Hia Rome was just like twelve fifty.
I thought it was just like a Disneyland.

Speaker 1 (54:15):
Okay, how does she live?

Speaker 3 (54:18):
I mean it's a lot of reclaimed wood, Like as
you know, the arc was just like the original, like
straight guy project of like building furniture.

Speaker 2 (54:28):
Everyone's an aiden. Aiden's are out there. Everyone is building.
But I feel like God is so like your home
must be like humble. Oh well, here's the thing I
saw roso O'Donnell just bought a house in California for
the first time, and it said the kitchen is kosher.

Speaker 3 (54:47):
Oh, because there's like a separate dishwashers for like means
or whatever.

Speaker 2 (54:51):
Yeah, and there's two sanks like one for pig for.

Speaker 4 (54:55):
My pig sank and my non cloven hoof sink. Wait,
oh my god, no, that's the cloven sink.

Speaker 1 (55:03):
So it's farm sinks.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
Yeah, it's giving me Joanna gains like it is farm
syks and it's rustic.

Speaker 3 (55:09):
Ohkay wait so sorry, So if I may just reference
on Deuteronomy again.

Speaker 4 (55:14):
You know you, King James. I'm rocking here. That's how
I stole from my parents' house.

Speaker 5 (55:21):
I spark nose this shit. They call got a main
character in SparkNotes dot.

Speaker 3 (55:26):
Com and she is the original Madacterlivia Rodrigo in her AirPods. Okay, wait,
but listen to this wood description that gets so specific
hw the two tables of stone, like onto the first
and come on to me into the mount and make
the an arc of wood, and I will write on
the tables the words that were the first tables with
thou breakest, and now she'll put them in the yark.

(55:47):
And I made an arc of shit timwood and keew
two tables of stone, like unto the first. It's like,
so I need you to get this specific kind of wood.
Then I want you to do this like stone overlay
like tabletop but like with the like shittoomb wood legs,
and it's being so just like slightly mid century inspired

(56:08):
but just like but I'm also really really taken with
like natural fibers, and I wanted to like evoke I
feel like.

Speaker 1 (56:15):
You know what the Bible is. It's like that description.

Speaker 2 (56:17):
It reminds me of like always the scene on a
house renovation show where the couple says they want a
certain type of wood, and then of course it's like
out of stock and they have to get something that's
ten thousand dollars more, and they have to call the
couple and they're like, hey, Susie, how are you. Yeah, no,
things are going really well. So we have some news.

Speaker 5 (56:34):
Yeah, we're out of the sh team.

Speaker 1 (56:36):
Yeah, we're out of the shit team. We have some
amazing options.

Speaker 2 (56:39):
We can do the stone, which is actually really popular
and it's really easy to clean.

Speaker 3 (56:44):
And they're like, okay, so it actually is going to
be thirty seven more drop me per per per kilo. Yeah,
I don't know if you want to part with that, drakma.

Speaker 1 (56:56):
And then they do, and jaw Seth says okay.

Speaker 3 (57:00):
And job Hath said to Moses, sure, let's fine, We'll
go with the stone.

Speaker 4 (57:05):
Fun.

Speaker 1 (57:05):
Okay, let's do it. I mean, isn't this what we wanted?
Does this we want in our dream home in Nazareth?

Speaker 4 (57:11):
No? And it's it's a forever home.

Speaker 1 (57:14):
A place to grow to nine hundred and fifty seven
to that's so beautiful.

Speaker 3 (57:20):
I wonder if I guess I'm also thinking does that
question apply to like God in heaven, like in the
sort of like the cloud city, if you in.

Speaker 5 (57:27):
That liminal space as you said earlier, like does anything
exist up there besides just like clouds and angels.

Speaker 4 (57:33):
I guess I imagine Heaven as being like absolutely packed.

Speaker 3 (57:37):
It's like fully Las Vegas. It's like there's like so
many restaurants. It's so like Tampa. There's so many just
like surf and turf, like middle of the day.

Speaker 5 (57:45):
And it's always you can always get a seat, yes,
and you're just like there's you're getting a huge menu,
You're waiting forty five minutes for the waitress to It's
very Markarita fill home.

Speaker 4 (57:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (58:00):
And then like God's actual apartment is just like so
cheesecake factory, and it's like vaguely Etruscan, but like also Egyptian,
and it's like so many different references from throughout history.

Speaker 1 (58:09):
So so it is Vegas.

Speaker 4 (58:11):
It's Vegas basically Vegas.

Speaker 1 (58:13):
You're in Paris, then all of a sudden you're in Tuscany.

Speaker 3 (58:15):
Right, You're like, wow, it's so beautiful. I can't believe
that this fountain work is so impressive.

Speaker 1 (58:22):
Okay, who doth y'all in the book.

Speaker 5 (58:26):
Like I said earlier, I feel like any gay is
the snake.

Speaker 1 (58:29):
You're this, Yeah, we're all this, You're the snake.

Speaker 5 (58:32):
I feel like I'm the snake.

Speaker 2 (58:34):
I guess I'm yeah, Ham, I'm Ham.

Speaker 4 (58:40):
You're Ham.

Speaker 3 (58:41):
So I mean you would so cover your dad's nude
body with the yeah, I'm just like, oh god, you's
so ashamed of your nude father. And I forget if
we asked this, but literally, have you seen your father nude?
Not like and not like one purpose when you were
a kid, You're always to show me your dick, but.

Speaker 2 (58:56):
Like accidentally, no, never seen him. I mean it was
hard to even see his eggs. He wore shorts very rarely,
rarely at the beach, so nice, Yeah, very covered, very
even a.

Speaker 1 (59:07):
Short sleeve was, you know, rare.

Speaker 3 (59:10):
So so it remains a mystery. Your father's peace, right, except.

Speaker 1 (59:16):
For the I mean, I feel like I've said this
on the pop and I asked to see his piece, right,
and he showed.

Speaker 5 (59:21):
It to me.

Speaker 2 (59:22):
Because you were so young as a part of life, yeah,
I mean me.

Speaker 1 (59:36):
I mean it's as.

Speaker 4 (59:37):
When you're a little every dig is the dagic.

Speaker 2 (59:43):
The medium, you know, Hang it I'm not going on
my fucking fing podcast.

Speaker 1 (59:49):
Say my dad is a small dick.

Speaker 5 (59:51):
Right, That's probably why no was so pissed at him,
because Ham was like, dad has a small Oh.

Speaker 3 (59:58):
My god, I know he wished that no I had. Okay,
Noah secretly wishes that they hadn't covered it up.

Speaker 4 (01:00:03):
And they'll be like, our dad is fucking oh my,
I'm like spread a rumor that their dad was hung
and then like scamy. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:00:17):
Yeah yeah we're back.

Speaker 4 (01:00:19):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (01:00:19):
So God, something crazy just happened. God came to us
and recorded and started.

Speaker 3 (01:00:27):
I've never seen God be angrier. She's like, I will
make my presence know no matter what, stop talking about me.
You guys are stuck pitches and I'm just like, wow,
got a lot of free time on your hands. God,
you're literally obsessed with Like, stop calling me a jap
New York based podcasts.

Speaker 2 (01:00:47):
Right, sorry, it's Friday at four thirty, Like, shouldn't she
be finishing up your wfah right now?

Speaker 3 (01:00:53):
Yeah, Like submit your time cards and get ready to
go out, bitch. God actually also has COVID.

Speaker 2 (01:00:59):
She's She's like let's who are we fucking with?

Speaker 5 (01:01:03):
God is pissed because he can't he can't go to
the new bab a club in Nazareth.

Speaker 2 (01:01:09):
He can't show up as an outdoor bush at like
a brewery and like.

Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
Set himself aflame? Where were we?

Speaker 4 (01:01:20):
Now?

Speaker 1 (01:01:20):
We rate the book? I don't know. I guess it's
historic and everything, but I'm also like.

Speaker 4 (01:01:26):
It needs to be a.

Speaker 1 (01:01:29):
Yeah, I'm not wrecking this really to anyone.

Speaker 2 (01:01:33):
I get there are some iconic stories, So I feel
like I have to give it a three out of five.

Speaker 5 (01:01:40):
Just just just for its influence.

Speaker 2 (01:01:42):
You have to yes, for the influence as an influencer.
I'm giving it a three impact of three of five.
So I'm like, well, that's huge of you, like the
way you got to fall.

Speaker 5 (01:01:51):
But it's also like low as common denominator, you know,
I mean it's ambitious, Like I guess I'm impressed, Like
you know, I couldn't write this. I've been right, I couldn't.

Speaker 3 (01:02:00):
Like, well, I got I wouldn't come up with this
many characters, and I would obviously as a gay person,
I would just like get bored and not like finish
the project.

Speaker 2 (01:02:07):
Like wait, but isn't that God because like the Disciples,
the whole New Testament, you know, so it was like
the spinoff like John finished.

Speaker 3 (01:02:14):
Up him yeah yeah, and he had all these other
like straight guys help him.

Speaker 4 (01:02:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:02:20):
I mean it's also very like classic you had a
hit and you can't write you.

Speaker 3 (01:02:24):
Never No, I know, where's the second book? I guess
like that would be the New test.

Speaker 2 (01:02:29):
Yeah, but it's like other writers, the.

Speaker 4 (01:02:32):
New Testament is not a memoir in the same way
that the first one is.

Speaker 5 (01:02:35):
It's I'm gonna I would do it. I would do
I think a three out of five is accurate.

Speaker 4 (01:02:39):
I don't know, I'm saying two and a half.

Speaker 3 (01:02:41):
I'm saying two and a half brand new bushes out
of five because I just feel like, again, it's like
there is some potential here, but it gets so bogged
out in details and then some of the juicier parts,
like he doesn't go into it all, Like I don't
learn anything about like the sort of motivations and the interior.

Speaker 4 (01:02:58):
Lives of these people.

Speaker 3 (01:02:59):
Like what was Noah like actually feeling during this, you know,
I mean like we're implied that're like, oh, he like
felt shame. We're implied that this person felt like hubris
or this, like we see all like the negative aspects,
but like I don't know what were they? What did
they really want? Like what you know, Like I don't know.
It's supposed to be this book about humanity in this way,
and I actually don't get a lot of human emotion
in here.

Speaker 5 (01:03:19):
Yeah, all the characters are so one dimensional. Yes, yes,
yes exactly.

Speaker 2 (01:03:23):
And it happened so fast, so you want me to
care that cana enable.

Speaker 3 (01:03:29):
There's no people and they, which is such a cop out,
you know what I mean, that's such a cop out.
It's like, oh, they're the first people, so like we
don't know that much about them. It's like, no, bitch,
like you invented them. So like also, like that's so interesting.

Speaker 5 (01:03:45):
Of a narrative, you know, if you really really dug
your teeth into it, you know, being the first people,
you have to ask yourself so many questions like oh
my god, who came before us? Blah blah blah blah blah.

Speaker 4 (01:03:55):
None of that.

Speaker 5 (01:03:56):
There's gonna be that that existential fear that would you know,
just follow you if you realize that the first Cuban
to ever exist, that's not there.

Speaker 3 (01:04:04):
No, I know, I mean right exactly, Like that would
be such a fucking mind fuck dude if you were
just like dude, like no one came before me, Like
what should.

Speaker 5 (01:04:13):
I'm like your rib and you're made out of dust
and wants me to eat fruit?

Speaker 2 (01:04:20):
You want to be a little more kid in King
Arthur's court, like the moment that he lands and is like, whoa.

Speaker 4 (01:04:26):
What am I doing?

Speaker 3 (01:04:27):
Which I have no references, I have no role models.
I've never seen sex in the city.

Speaker 4 (01:04:31):
I have no.

Speaker 3 (01:04:31):
Inpetus to move to a city, Like what is like,
what is going to inspire me?

Speaker 4 (01:04:36):
No?

Speaker 1 (01:04:36):
Am I a cmm pha?

Speaker 4 (01:04:38):
Like I'm just in a field and now my brother
slayeth me my brother.

Speaker 1 (01:04:43):
And I'm not.

Speaker 2 (01:04:44):
Supposed to eat animals with blood yet they're full of blood.

Speaker 5 (01:04:47):
Yeah, it's lacking interiority. Yeah, so that's something maybe for
the next book. God, yeah, I would like he's so
smitest for doing this.

Speaker 3 (01:05:00):
I want to get I want to get a Christian
fata against us or whatever it is.

Speaker 5 (01:05:05):
Let's get one fingers fucking crossed.

Speaker 3 (01:05:08):
Okay, cool, Well, thank you so much, Ben, This was
it was such a joy.

Speaker 1 (01:05:12):
Yea, even for the second time.

Speaker 5 (01:05:14):
Yeah, anytime hopefully this can move it to era and
God doesn't kill producer Meg, we'll see yeah. And if
he does, mag this will be your final project and.

Speaker 4 (01:05:23):
Your legacy and you'll love it.

Speaker 3 (01:05:27):
Yeah, And that's really quite a note to go out on.

Speaker 4 (01:05:31):
Thank you, Ben.

Speaker 3 (01:05:32):
Do feel better with your COVID, you feel hope, you
feel worse.

Speaker 2 (01:05:38):
See you at you you services. Remember life is a
gift for which we are grateful.

Speaker 4 (01:05:43):
Period.

Speaker 5 (01:05:45):
And period and that dot beyond teeth and.

Speaker 1 (01:05:53):
I am lighting my Unitarian chalice for you and your health.

Speaker 4 (01:05:56):
Thank you.

Speaker 5 (01:05:58):
So much with you, but fucking Mary freakin Christmas, Happy.

Speaker 1 (01:06:03):
New Year, be, Merry Christmas.

Speaker 5 (01:06:08):
Be.

Speaker 2 (01:06:11):
This vintage episode was presented by Prologued Projects, ended by
Benjamin Frish with that a total sport from Andrew Parsons,
Perci Everlyn Leon Napuk, Madeline Kaplin, Narlene I Revel.

Speaker 4 (01:06:23):
And produced by the famous whore Magmrenade.

Speaker 1 (01:06:28):
Isn't that fun?

Speaker 4 (01:06:29):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (01:06:30):
Well, you know the names are current producers are Darby Masters,
supervising producers of Huzza Far Executive producer.

Speaker 1 (01:06:36):
Is Christine Everett. But you know it's been the same
the whole time. Art work by Teddy Blanks Deem Song

Speaker 2 (01:06:42):
By Steve Phillips Horse Some things don't change, never change.