September 4, 2024 • 20 mins
Comedian Samantha Santos' boyfriend of five years is not who she thinks he is. They go through all the motions of a perfect couple - get engaged, host happy dinner parties, etc. Then one day Samantha pick up her fiancee's phone. She is horrified by what she discovers.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Our next Gust learns the hard way that when your
boyfriend goes on Kryslist, they're not looking for a gently
used couch, cheaters, bewares. They all presless or you're gonna
get caught.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
You don't go on chrouslas to find a job. You
went on there to get a bow job.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
And you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Hey, guys, in this episode, we're so excited to have
one of our great friends in New York City, stand
up comedian and actress and writer Ellen influence, they and
all these beautiful things. Let's give it up with Sam Santos.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Hi, guys, Samamantha, Yeah, I know it's fine.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
I'm Katherine, and my mom is always like when you
grow up and become a professional, you will be Catherine
and I have never.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Yeah, my whole family though only like my friends and
call me Sam my family colls me, Samantha, Oh really.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
Yeah, we you a professional my house, you know, Sharon?
I know which you don't give me Sharon at all?
Only nine to five.
Speaker 4 (00:58):
Well, yeah, I'm actually like Katie Gale because I'm Catherine Abigail,
so I'm real.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Katie Gale is a little like Country.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
You also sound like you're eighty four years old, Dorothy Yale,
me and I'm from the Wizard of Oz.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
I just escaped.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
Yeah, let's get into it. Okay, that's neither here nor
they're cheating, backstabbing. What are you here with to tell
us about that day?
Speaker 2 (01:19):
I'm here to tell you about my story of getting
cheated on and my engagement. Yeah, it's for the best,
but we were engaged. I felt like something was off, right,
Go ahead, what are you gonna ask?
Speaker 4 (01:32):
I was gonna say, we know it's for the best,
but we want you to drop us in to win it.
You still thought it was the best. That's kind of
the hard Yay, I ask is like, what was the best?
Why did you think he was the one?
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Why?
Speaker 4 (01:45):
Like, take us to the proposal, everything you loved about Okay,
do you want to go there and tell us about
the beauty, the happiness, the great times when you thought
he was it forever and ever?
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I was really young, So I met him at well,
I know, I knew him from when I was in
high school. He went to He was my brother's friend,
my older brother's friend, you know, and so yeah, it
was I wanted to live out my porno Santa, but no.
So he was my brother's friend, so I knew him forever.
And then like around twenty one, when I start going
out with my brother, he would be there and I
was like, oh, you know, this is cute. And he
(02:18):
wasn't cute, but he had a really like funny personality.
I remember like the day we were at the bar.
We were always at the bar, and like him and
I were just in a conversation, having such a good conversation.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
We were laughing so hard and I was like, do
I like this guy?
Speaker 2 (02:31):
And so yeah, then we started dating, you know, like
secretly because my brother hated it.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
So it was very much like a love story.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
But like every love story on cheaters and backstabbers, there's
always a black cloud just over the horizon waiting to
come out into the light. And Kate called out the
first red flag.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Okay, so my first red flag? Why is he dating you?
Speaker 4 (02:55):
I have an older brother and I was never allowed
to date my brother's friends.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
They weren't even allowed to look at me. So how
old were you when you started dating your brother's friend.
He did twenty one. That's a little better.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Yeah, yeah, he waited a little bit for me and
then yeah, then we just like we got along and
we tried to break it to my brother and he
was like, absolutely not and he was like, Samantha, he
is the worst. He cheats on everybody, like you're not
ready for You're not ready for him.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
And I was like, he won't do it to me.
Speaker 4 (03:23):
Usually people don't know the red flags. But yeah, like
they're like, oh, but you.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Did see yah. I was like, you don't know him
like I do. He's stupid. He did.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Yeah, so he didn't cheat on me when I was
a girlfriend. He waited for me to be his fiancee
to do that. So my brother was wrong.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Wait, yeah, let's be clear.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Yeah but yeah, so then we were together the proposal,
but we were together it for five years.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
When did he finally propose?
Speaker 2 (03:45):
It was his thirtieth birthday, Yeah, and I had a
feeling he was going to propose that day, Like I
felt it in the morning, he was like rushing me.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
We're going hiking in La.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
We were in La for his thirtieth and I just
had this feeling and I got started panicking a little bit,
and I was like, is this really about to happen?
Speaker 3 (04:01):
Like wearing your outfit, you like picked out a cute
out well the things that we were going jogging.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
So I was like, oh, I'll just wear like a
sportspra and like shorts.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
That's let me time out.
Speaker 4 (04:09):
For people who are listening online, Samantha has six.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Pack ads like yeah, no matter what, She's just like
she is that bats like.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Going this is this podcast is really boosting?
Speaker 4 (04:21):
Keep going?
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Am I line to go to her Instagram? Am I lying?
Speaker 4 (04:25):
I've seen you so many times with that six pack
And I'm like, it's really I'm.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
So uncomfortable with compliments and I don't know what to say,
like thanks, guess.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Let's move on.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
So yeah, So I was wearing that and then I
was like I don't know, and then you know, you
start thinking my thinking too much into this.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
No, he's not gonna propose to me.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
So I went in my outfit that was going into
going in and then we got there and we were
like at the top of I think it was Runnion
Canyon and he starts just being like, oh, I love
you so much, and like we're looking at the city
of La and he's like, you know, telling me, and
I knew it's about to happen, so I honestly don't
remember what he said.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
I just I kind of blacked out. Okay, that's a sign.
Why were you so nervous? You should be happy?
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Right?
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Sign Number a million that he wasn't the person for
me is I hate public things. That was the whole
time he was doing it, I was like, why would
he do this in public? And then literally as he
got up and got on his knee, I.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Was like, huh and there's people around, people are and
people now are videoing us.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
So now I'm like, I look at him, and the
first thing I say, because there was a video of it,
is ah, there's so many people here, and I'm like,
why are you doing this? And then I never say
yes because I'm just like ah, Like I was so nervous,
and then I said yes, and then it.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
Was you know, it was fine. I had like a
little bit.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I was like a little nervous just because he started
showing signs of who he really was. Like I just
started being like, this guy's not an honest.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
I wasn't listening to who you are as a person.
Ye don't like public things.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Like yeah, I'd always making excuses for his friends when
they were cheating. He's like, well, you know, guys, guys
will be guys, and I'm like, not my man, which
is so dumb. Yeah, so we were engaged and.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
When people tell you who they are, I believe.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
That show me your friends.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Yeah, oh yeah, also show me all the time.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
It's so true.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
And I stopped believing that because I have a lot
of hope friends and I don't wan people to think
that of me.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Well, I have a mix, so I'm like balance.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
Yeah exactly. I'm like, I'm somewhere in the middle. How
you treat me? So, yeah, you want me to be
that day? Like that's true?
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Yeah. So then we got engaged.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
In May, and then my mom threw us like a
little brunch like with our like our closest family.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
I think she knew that it was like forever and ever.
Do you think she knew?
Speaker 2 (06:29):
She says now, when she saw the video, she was like,
my daughter's not happy.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
My dad will say the same thing.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
But that's always like hindsight, right, So who really knows.
My mom loves to be like I always knew.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
I'm like, no, you didn't.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
So my mom planned is like an engagement brunch, and
I had like cold feet about that too.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Was super nervous in front of your family.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
So yeah, it was just like it was our close family.
But I was just like, I don't like being center
of attention, and I honestly I think I'm a scorpio.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
And I had the stand up comedian.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Yeah, I know, I know it doesn't make any sense,
but I really got I don't like when things are
about me. It just sort of celebrating me. It makes
me uncomfy. So we got there and he was like
super calm and cool and all this stuff. And I
tried to calm the night before when I was having
a little bit of a panic attack, and he just
was like, you're fine, You're fine, right.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
So we do this thing.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
I get wasted, obviously, only we can get through it.
He gives like this huge speech about how much he
loves me, and then they're like in your turn, and
I'm like, thank you for coming, and get the fuck out. So,
because I just like felt so uncomfy with the whole thing,
turns out.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
There was a reason why Sam felt so uncomfortable. Call
it intuition or a gut feeling, but Sam knows deep
down she's not happy.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
And then she makes a shock and discovery.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Turns out like a week two weeks later, I'm in
his car. We worked together, we realiest agents together. We're
on the FDR coming downtown and he's like, has like
a dummy, an old phone that he would use as
an iPod in his car. Right, So we're on the
FDR and he's like, put on, put on some music,
Grab the phone. So like I grab his phone, which
I don't think it's connected to anything, and I open
(08:01):
it up and it's just open to emails and it's
open to his like email to a bot on or
who he thought was a woman, but it was probably
like an Indian man in the middle of like Pakistan,
Like you know what I mean, I'm like, bro, what
the hell are you talking about? So he like messaged
these people and I like he's like, you know, they're
like nasty to I don't remember exactly like Ashley Madison,
it's pretty much well it's like you never I think
(08:22):
used to look in those ads all the time.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
It was so funny. A bit would be like I'm
so horny, messaged me here and it's like it's obviously not.
I used to call them from the skating rink like
one eight hundred O.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
My god, It's like, yeah, but he chooses all the time,
connected to the hottest phone line in America. Yeah, best
one if you like. I thought it was hilarious. I
thought it was the funniest. This is so funny.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
And my ex was turned on by that. So he
went on there. Yeah, went on Craigslist, put out some ads.
So now I'm in the car Craigslist and put off No, no,
he was it was fin are you.
Speaker 4 (08:51):
Were you at first like, oh my god, babe, you
think this stuff is funny?
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Dude, No, You're not that. No, it was.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
It was an email. So I'm like what is this?
And I'm like, you know, because I think it's a
phone that's not connected, right, Like I think it's just
an old phone for him to have, like music.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
They always have. I like, uh, what is it?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
You can service so that you can always do Wi Fi?
So but I never could didn't even cross my mind.
He was taking this phone into his apartment at night,
connecting to Wi Fi to go on Craigslist.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
Bizarre.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
So I'm like reading it and I'm like what is this?
And like, you know, it takes a minute to figure
it out. Because I'm like is this his friends like
who what is happening?
Speaker 3 (09:23):
So what is this?
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Then by the way he reacted, he's like trying to
take the phone out of my hand.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
We're on the FDR, so I'm insane.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
So now I'm like everything we've been living is a lie,
like you know, everything, and I'm like this is so embarrassing,
Like yeah, I'm just thinking about everything. And I'm like,
my brother was right, So I like take my seatbelt
off and I be cause he grabbed phone on my hand.
I'm like, I'm on his side. He's driving out. No, no,
I'm like, give me the phone. I want to read
every message. So he was like, you're gonna kill us.
And I'm like, okay, you're an end, like you.
Speaker 4 (09:50):
Did this.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Yeah. I was like, you did this.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
This is how it ends, and this is your fault,
you know. So I'm on his side of the thing.
I grab the phone and that's when.
Speaker 4 (09:56):
I wish people had the cameras. I don't want to
why that not engagement? Yeah, going down on the FDR.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
Yeah, So I grabbed the phone and then I start
looking and I'm getting more mad because it's like so
many messages.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
What were some of the subjects, you know, like I'm horny,
you know, I need a dick, and he's responding like
I've got it for you, you know, like so embarrassing clever.
It's no, like so like Dan, it.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Was just like not my man out here looking answering
like that embarrassing, you know.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
And then you're like, Babe, if you're gonna beat make
it like at least a yeah, entertaining exactly, like.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Show them your personality why I'm here. So then we
get Now we get he's driving me home, so we
get to like my apartment, but like we're still downstairs
in his car.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
You're holding the I'm holding a phone. I'm reading everything.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
And then I'm like, wait, look at the dates, and
I'm renna get out loud to him.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
I'm reading it life.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
But then I like, I need to look at the dates.
And the date was the night before the night of
our engagement party.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Who yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
So it's like I feel like, you know, like it
was like the universe sending me signs like why I
was having such cold feet? But yeah, it was like
the night of that and he I mean and was
obviously more times from there. And then he's like I
never met up with these girls, and I was like, yea,
because they're not real. You're talking to a guy, you
know what I mean, Like, what are you talking about?
And so then I was embarrassed and I didn't leave
him right away because I was.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
That funny whenever so someone else does something wrong, you
get embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
I took it as like it was a sign that
I wasn't doing enough of my relationship. And also, you know,
at that time, I'm like twenty seven, yeah, and I like, no,
since that was last week.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
Yeah literally, yeah, yesterday. Yeah. So I was just like,
didn't know who I was.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
And I the reason why I was having cold feet
when I thought he was proposing was I was like,
am I who I say I am? Or am I
who I've made myself? Because I think this is who
he likes, you know. So we were with each other
for song and he was four years older than me,
so I was trying to like, you know, be the
woman he.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
Wanted me to be.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
But then I was like, you know, getting to the
point where.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
I was like, who am I?
Speaker 2 (11:48):
So I was like when he was proposing, I was like, ooh,
I don't know if I want to be a wife.
I don't know who I am, I don't know anything,
so you know, ended up being all for the best.
But I was livid when that happened. But I stid
with him because I didn't want people to know or
judge him. And I didn't know if what decision I
was going to make because it was five years of
my life. So I'm like, am I going to leave
this guy? Or am I going to forgive him? And
I was like, I know my family and they're ride
or die, and if I tell them that he did that,
(12:08):
they're going to be like, and he's gone, You're not
marrying this man. So I wanted to be free to
make those decisions on my own. But in that became
anipulation from him because he loved that I wasn't telling anybody.
He was living his best life, like this is great,
I can continue as yeah, I was protecting him, and
he said, we can continue like we've always been.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Okay, listeners, This is the part where we asked, do
you think she can stay with him after all this
crislist cheating?
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Oh no?
Speaker 2 (12:37):
And then when I couldn't take it anymore, we were
at a Christmas music concert.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
My dad planned obviously, and yeah, and.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
I was kept going to the bathroom because I was
like having a panic attack. And then we got in
the car to leave and it was just me in
the car and we were like, I was like to
buy the Central Park and I was like, pull over,
I can't breathe, Like this has.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
To be We're done. So from cause you're faking it,
you're liking it.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
I went from like family, they end up being yeah,
end of June to July till December, where it was
a secret.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
It's a long time, a long time. And then we.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Broke up and I still don't want people to know,
so I still took the blame and.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
He loved it. He was just like she, you know,
she left me and we grew apart.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Yeah, and that was like twenty fifteen, twenty fourteen, and
I didn't tell anybody the truth until twenty twenty.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
Is that crazy a way we protect our abusers? Insane?
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Certain question? Yeah, why do you think you felt like
you had to protect him? Like was it the embarrassment
that you felt for yourself or for him both?
Speaker 2 (13:38):
You know? For me, it was like I just didn't
want people to be like, oh, like were you not
doing like your you know, girlfriend duties. You know, I
didn't want it to fall on me. But also I
was like, uh, he does have really great qualities and
I hate this to be the thing that defines him.
But yeah, so I just wanted to protect him because
it's like he's you know, he's.
Speaker 4 (13:56):
Not all bad, but as that it's so common, I think,
like a lot of women do that.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Yeah, and it's.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Not my place to decide how he gets perceived in
the world. He made the decision, not me. But at
the time, I was just like, you know, I don't
want anybody to.
Speaker 4 (14:10):
Because I feel like when women love, we are nurtures
by nature and we're kind of like we can love
you back into the fold. In my alienating you, we're
not being good enough women, like we're not really like
the generous, being generous of spirit of like it's okay,
you're allowed to forgive.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
Now do men feel the same way? No? No, close,
they'll leave you. Yeah, at your worst, they don't even care.
Speaker 4 (14:35):
Speaking of leaving at our worst, you've clearly rebuilt your life.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
You are so not at your worst. You are your best.
We're moving towards our best.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
And how did you rebuild your life from there.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
Therapy A lot of that I didn't go right away.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
I like went in my thirties in therapy and it
felt like I had to like open all those wounds
again and that was so hard and I didn't like
think that's how therapy was going to be. But I
felt like going to therapy, I had to open up
all these wounds and I felt like in a funky
place again. And I was like, I don't this is
not it. But my theret was like, no, this is
the work. You have to feel it.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
You have to go through it. You have to understand
why you made these decisions that you made. So I
had to go through it.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
And then you know, it brought up a lot of
things and I was like, you know what, like I.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
Was carrying so much anger around, Like now I forgive him.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
He was you know, he was doing the best that
he could and it just wasn't my best.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
And I did not for me.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
You can go give that to somebody else, but hurt himself.
He heard it obviously. I mean, if you think he
hasn't come back a million times.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
They always come back. Absolutely, they always come back. That
is yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
And just to like wrap this all up, I love
that you said forgiveness. Yeah, And I know even in
our last episodes that people talk about forgiveness and something
about forgiveness kind of opens you.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
Back up for love one hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
And you know when you guys start following Sam and
her journey right now, I just want to say, I'm
so happy for you and so proud of you. You
are in probably the most healthiest relationship.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
And friendship scream it yeah.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
And collaborative, yeah, like it's an artistic collaboration. You're both
like you're both equally you know, good looking.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
We'll have it on. Yeah, you guys for men, Yeah,
like that's mine. Just also just like nice, supportive, loving people.
Speaker 4 (16:16):
And it's like you never know whenever something doesn't feel right,
Like I've had those moments too where you know, I
was also broke off an engagement, but I never it
didn't feel right and you.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
Got to trust that.
Speaker 4 (16:28):
And it's like if I could say to everybody the
second those feelings start coming up, whether it's a job,
a friend, a relationship, a pent, like we push them down,
we push them down, but we got to listen, listen
to them.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Yeah, I would always tell myself, like you're being dramatic
or like there's this isn't a cause for concern, and
it's like I have amazing intuition and I have it
for everybody else, like I have to have it for me.
I know myself better than anybody else. So I'm like,
it's about listening to myself. And I think that was
a journey in therapy, like through like loving myself, where
I'm like, I love myself and I understand myself and
all the decisions that I'm making I can live with
and I'm happy with.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
And that was like what got me through.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
But we love you, yeah, we loved you.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:08):
So I actually had a similar situation with my ex
and when I had seen something where he was like
online talking to someone, he goes, oh, this is just
like for kicks for me, Like he actually used the
bought defense, which I wasn't even thinking of. He's like, oh, no,
I never intent, it's just for fun for thrills. Was
crying like, don't tell anybody. So I do we did
(17:29):
the same guy? Yeah, I think we might have also
proposed to be No, But I'm like, did did that
occur to you that that's forgivable?
Speaker 3 (17:37):
It's that even if there wasn't. It's it's not forget.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
For me, like, cheating is just an act of betrayal.
And for me, if you're lying about something and you're
that's betraying me, you know you you would have never
told me this had I never found out. You know,
if it's just something that's so simple, then why not
talk about it. Why not be like, hey, this is
a fetish of mine, then we can have this conversation,
you know. And so for me, it was just the
betrayal of that. And it's like, you know, and also
(18:01):
we had a friend that had done something similar and
he was like, that's the most discussing thing. So it's like,
you know, he talked down about that guy and it's like, oh,
oh he was ditnecting, he was projecting, yeah, or like
I gave him the idea or something, but no thank you,
like or he gave that guy the exactly. So I
was like, you know, this is this is negative. Now
that it's you doing it, You're like, wait, come on,
I didn't sound like I had sex with any of them,
And I'm like, well you might as well have no, yeah,
(18:23):
you might as well becus.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
For me, it's I'm betrayed. Yeah, it's the intent. It's
the intent.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
Yeah, it's like, you didn't go on there to make friends,
you know what I mean. You didn't go on cruegs
to find a job. You went on there to get
a job. And you know what I mean, get out
of here. We earned a code for that.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
And it's what Riley, what is? So the whole podcast
was like, Hymerica, I love that.
Speaker 4 (18:47):
Yeah, we're here for shortcuts, we're here for codes, We're
here for learning, loving, growing, which you have so clearly done.
So any tips for us on how to get past that,
get past this inky part, the gross part, and find
true love.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
I would just say, be committed to yourself.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
I feel like once I was committed to the work
on myself and being my best version, like Shoddy said,
it like open me up to getting better things because
I was like really settling for anything like the barber's
on the floor, because I didn't love myself at all,
and I was just like trying to be something whoever
I met. I wanted to be the girl they wanted
me to be, you know what I mean. And then
once I learned about myself, I was like I'm dope.
(19:25):
I don't know why I keep trying to mute myself
for these men, but no, thank you. And then now
I found somebody that allows me to be myself, that
allows me.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
But you know what I'm.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Saying, Like he like, he loves who I am, who's yourself?
Speaker 3 (19:35):
Yeah, you are your full person and show up.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
And I think that's also something about being older when
you find somebody. Yes. With that said, thank you so much,
Samantha Santo so much for calling me old.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
Well, I'm turning twenty four every year. Yeah my name,
oh so many, I'm thank you so much for being here.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
I'm Shoddy Diz, I'm Kate Robards And this is cheaters
and backstabers.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
It is the body
Our next Gust learns the hard way that when your
boyfriend goes on Kryslist, they're not looking for a gently
used couch, cheaters, bewares. They all presless or you're gonna
get caught.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
You don't go on chrouslas to find a job. You
went on there to get a bow job.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
And you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Hey, guys, in this episode, we're so excited to have
one of our great friends in New York City, stand
up comedian and actress and writer Ellen influence, they and
all these beautiful things. Let's give it up with Sam Santos.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Hi, guys, Samamantha, Yeah, I know it's fine.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
I'm Katherine, and my mom is always like when you
grow up and become a professional, you will be Catherine
and I have never.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Yeah, my whole family though only like my friends and
call me Sam my family colls me, Samantha, Oh really.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
Yeah, we you a professional my house, you know, Sharon?
I know which you don't give me Sharon at all?
Only nine to five.
Speaker 4 (00:58):
Well, yeah, I'm actually like Katie Gale because I'm Catherine Abigail,
so I'm real.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Katie Gale is a little like Country.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
You also sound like you're eighty four years old, Dorothy Yale,
me and I'm from the Wizard of Oz.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
I just escaped.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
Yeah, let's get into it. Okay, that's neither here nor
they're cheating, backstabbing. What are you here with to tell
us about that day?
Speaker 2 (01:19):
I'm here to tell you about my story of getting
cheated on and my engagement. Yeah, it's for the best,
but we were engaged. I felt like something was off, right,
Go ahead, what are you gonna ask?
Speaker 4 (01:32):
I was gonna say, we know it's for the best,
but we want you to drop us in to win it.
You still thought it was the best. That's kind of
the hard Yay, I ask is like, what was the best?
Why did you think he was the one?
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Why?
Speaker 4 (01:45):
Like, take us to the proposal, everything you loved about Okay,
do you want to go there and tell us about
the beauty, the happiness, the great times when you thought
he was it forever and ever?
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I was really young, So I met him at well,
I know, I knew him from when I was in
high school. He went to He was my brother's friend,
my older brother's friend, you know, and so yeah, it
was I wanted to live out my porno Santa, but no.
So he was my brother's friend, so I knew him forever.
And then like around twenty one, when I start going
out with my brother, he would be there and I
was like, oh, you know, this is cute. And he
(02:18):
wasn't cute, but he had a really like funny personality.
I remember like the day we were at the bar.
We were always at the bar, and like him and
I were just in a conversation, having such a good conversation.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
We were laughing so hard and I was like, do
I like this guy?
Speaker 2 (02:31):
And so yeah, then we started dating, you know, like
secretly because my brother hated it.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
So it was very much like a love story.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
But like every love story on cheaters and backstabbers, there's
always a black cloud just over the horizon waiting to
come out into the light. And Kate called out the
first red flag.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Okay, so my first red flag? Why is he dating you?
Speaker 4 (02:55):
I have an older brother and I was never allowed
to date my brother's friends.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
They weren't even allowed to look at me. So how
old were you when you started dating your brother's friend.
He did twenty one. That's a little better.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Yeah, yeah, he waited a little bit for me and
then yeah, then we just like we got along and
we tried to break it to my brother and he
was like, absolutely not and he was like, Samantha, he
is the worst. He cheats on everybody, like you're not
ready for You're not ready for him.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
And I was like, he won't do it to me.
Speaker 4 (03:23):
Usually people don't know the red flags. But yeah, like
they're like, oh, but you.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Did see yah. I was like, you don't know him
like I do. He's stupid. He did.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Yeah, so he didn't cheat on me when I was
a girlfriend. He waited for me to be his fiancee
to do that. So my brother was wrong.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Wait, yeah, let's be clear.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Yeah but yeah, so then we were together the proposal,
but we were together it for five years.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
When did he finally propose?
Speaker 2 (03:45):
It was his thirtieth birthday, Yeah, and I had a
feeling he was going to propose that day, Like I
felt it in the morning, he was like rushing me.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
We're going hiking in La.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
We were in La for his thirtieth and I just
had this feeling and I got started panicking a little bit,
and I was like, is this really about to happen?
Speaker 3 (04:01):
Like wearing your outfit, you like picked out a cute
out well the things that we were going jogging.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
So I was like, oh, I'll just wear like a
sportspra and like shorts.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
That's let me time out.
Speaker 4 (04:09):
For people who are listening online, Samantha has six.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Pack ads like yeah, no matter what, She's just like
she is that bats like.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Going this is this podcast is really boosting?
Speaker 4 (04:21):
Keep going?
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Am I line to go to her Instagram? Am I lying?
Speaker 4 (04:25):
I've seen you so many times with that six pack
And I'm like, it's really I'm.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
So uncomfortable with compliments and I don't know what to say,
like thanks, guess.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Let's move on.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
So yeah, So I was wearing that and then I
was like I don't know, and then you know, you
start thinking my thinking too much into this.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
No, he's not gonna propose to me.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
So I went in my outfit that was going into
going in and then we got there and we were
like at the top of I think it was Runnion
Canyon and he starts just being like, oh, I love
you so much, and like we're looking at the city
of La and he's like, you know, telling me, and
I knew it's about to happen, so I honestly don't
remember what he said.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
I just I kind of blacked out. Okay, that's a sign.
Why were you so nervous? You should be happy?
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Right?
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Sign Number a million that he wasn't the person for
me is I hate public things. That was the whole
time he was doing it, I was like, why would
he do this in public? And then literally as he
got up and got on his knee, I.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Was like, huh and there's people around, people are and
people now are videoing us.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
So now I'm like, I look at him, and the
first thing I say, because there was a video of it,
is ah, there's so many people here, and I'm like,
why are you doing this? And then I never say
yes because I'm just like ah, Like I was so nervous,
and then I said yes, and then it.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
Was you know, it was fine. I had like a
little bit.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I was like a little nervous just because he started
showing signs of who he really was. Like I just
started being like, this guy's not an honest.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
I wasn't listening to who you are as a person.
Ye don't like public things.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Like yeah, I'd always making excuses for his friends when
they were cheating. He's like, well, you know, guys, guys
will be guys, and I'm like, not my man, which
is so dumb. Yeah, so we were engaged and.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
When people tell you who they are, I believe.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
That show me your friends.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Yeah, oh yeah, also show me all the time.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
It's so true.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
And I stopped believing that because I have a lot
of hope friends and I don't wan people to think
that of me.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Well, I have a mix, so I'm like balance.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
Yeah exactly. I'm like, I'm somewhere in the middle. How
you treat me? So, yeah, you want me to be
that day? Like that's true?
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Yeah. So then we got engaged.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
In May, and then my mom threw us like a
little brunch like with our like our closest family.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
I think she knew that it was like forever and ever.
Do you think she knew?
Speaker 2 (06:29):
She says now, when she saw the video, she was like,
my daughter's not happy.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
My dad will say the same thing.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
But that's always like hindsight, right, So who really knows.
My mom loves to be like I always knew.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
I'm like, no, you didn't.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
So my mom planned is like an engagement brunch, and
I had like cold feet about that too.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Was super nervous in front of your family.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
So yeah, it was just like it was our close family.
But I was just like, I don't like being center
of attention, and I honestly I think I'm a scorpio.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
And I had the stand up comedian.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Yeah, I know, I know it doesn't make any sense,
but I really got I don't like when things are
about me. It just sort of celebrating me. It makes
me uncomfy. So we got there and he was like
super calm and cool and all this stuff. And I
tried to calm the night before when I was having
a little bit of a panic attack, and he just
was like, you're fine, You're fine, right.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
So we do this thing.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
I get wasted, obviously, only we can get through it.
He gives like this huge speech about how much he
loves me, and then they're like in your turn, and
I'm like, thank you for coming, and get the fuck out. So,
because I just like felt so uncomfy with the whole thing,
turns out.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
There was a reason why Sam felt so uncomfortable. Call
it intuition or a gut feeling, but Sam knows deep
down she's not happy.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
And then she makes a shock and discovery.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Turns out like a week two weeks later, I'm in
his car. We worked together, we realiest agents together. We're
on the FDR coming downtown and he's like, has like
a dummy, an old phone that he would use as
an iPod in his car. Right, So we're on the
FDR and he's like, put on, put on some music,
Grab the phone. So like I grab his phone, which
I don't think it's connected to anything, and I open
(08:01):
it up and it's just open to emails and it's
open to his like email to a bot on or
who he thought was a woman, but it was probably
like an Indian man in the middle of like Pakistan,
Like you know what I mean, I'm like, bro, what
the hell are you talking about? So he like messaged
these people and I like he's like, you know, they're
like nasty to I don't remember exactly like Ashley Madison,
it's pretty much well it's like you never I think
(08:22):
used to look in those ads all the time.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
It was so funny. A bit would be like I'm
so horny, messaged me here and it's like it's obviously not.
I used to call them from the skating rink like
one eight hundred O.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
My god, It's like, yeah, but he chooses all the time,
connected to the hottest phone line in America. Yeah, best
one if you like. I thought it was hilarious. I
thought it was the funniest. This is so funny.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
And my ex was turned on by that. So he
went on there. Yeah, went on Craigslist, put out some ads.
So now I'm in the car Craigslist and put off No, no,
he was it was fin are you.
Speaker 4 (08:51):
Were you at first like, oh my god, babe, you
think this stuff is funny?
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Dude, No, You're not that. No, it was.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
It was an email. So I'm like what is this?
And I'm like, you know, because I think it's a
phone that's not connected, right, Like I think it's just
an old phone for him to have, like music.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
They always have. I like, uh, what is it?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
You can service so that you can always do Wi Fi?
So but I never could didn't even cross my mind.
He was taking this phone into his apartment at night,
connecting to Wi Fi to go on Craigslist.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
Bizarre.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
So I'm like reading it and I'm like what is this?
And like, you know, it takes a minute to figure
it out. Because I'm like is this his friends like
who what is happening?
Speaker 3 (09:23):
So what is this?
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Then by the way he reacted, he's like trying to
take the phone out of my hand.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
We're on the FDR, so I'm insane.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
So now I'm like everything we've been living is a lie,
like you know, everything, and I'm like this is so embarrassing,
Like yeah, I'm just thinking about everything. And I'm like,
my brother was right, So I like take my seatbelt
off and I be cause he grabbed phone on my hand.
I'm like, I'm on his side. He's driving out. No, no,
I'm like, give me the phone. I want to read
every message. So he was like, you're gonna kill us.
And I'm like, okay, you're an end, like you.
Speaker 4 (09:50):
Did this.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Yeah. I was like, you did this.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
This is how it ends, and this is your fault,
you know. So I'm on his side of the thing.
I grab the phone and that's when.
Speaker 4 (09:56):
I wish people had the cameras. I don't want to
why that not engagement? Yeah, going down on the FDR.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
Yeah, So I grabbed the phone and then I start
looking and I'm getting more mad because it's like so
many messages.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
What were some of the subjects, you know, like I'm horny,
you know, I need a dick, and he's responding like
I've got it for you, you know, like so embarrassing clever.
It's no, like so like Dan, it.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Was just like not my man out here looking answering
like that embarrassing, you know.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
And then you're like, Babe, if you're gonna beat make
it like at least a yeah, entertaining exactly, like.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Show them your personality why I'm here. So then we
get Now we get he's driving me home, so we
get to like my apartment, but like we're still downstairs
in his car.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
You're holding the I'm holding a phone. I'm reading everything.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
And then I'm like, wait, look at the dates, and
I'm renna get out loud to him.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
I'm reading it life.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
But then I like, I need to look at the dates.
And the date was the night before the night of
our engagement party.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Who yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
So it's like I feel like, you know, like it
was like the universe sending me signs like why I
was having such cold feet? But yeah, it was like
the night of that and he I mean and was
obviously more times from there. And then he's like I
never met up with these girls, and I was like, yea,
because they're not real. You're talking to a guy, you
know what I mean, Like, what are you talking about?
And so then I was embarrassed and I didn't leave
him right away because I was.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
That funny whenever so someone else does something wrong, you
get embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
I took it as like it was a sign that
I wasn't doing enough of my relationship. And also, you know,
at that time, I'm like twenty seven, yeah, and I like, no,
since that was last week.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
Yeah literally, yeah, yesterday. Yeah. So I was just like,
didn't know who I was.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
And I the reason why I was having cold feet
when I thought he was proposing was I was like,
am I who I say I am? Or am I
who I've made myself? Because I think this is who
he likes, you know. So we were with each other
for song and he was four years older than me,
so I was trying to like, you know, be the
woman he.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
Wanted me to be.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
But then I was like, you know, getting to the
point where.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
I was like, who am I?
Speaker 2 (11:48):
So I was like when he was proposing, I was like, ooh,
I don't know if I want to be a wife.
I don't know who I am, I don't know anything,
so you know, ended up being all for the best.
But I was livid when that happened. But I stid
with him because I didn't want people to know or
judge him. And I didn't know if what decision I
was going to make because it was five years of
my life. So I'm like, am I going to leave
this guy? Or am I going to forgive him? And
I was like, I know my family and they're ride
or die, and if I tell them that he did that,
(12:08):
they're going to be like, and he's gone, You're not
marrying this man. So I wanted to be free to
make those decisions on my own. But in that became
anipulation from him because he loved that I wasn't telling anybody.
He was living his best life, like this is great,
I can continue as yeah, I was protecting him, and
he said, we can continue like we've always been.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Okay, listeners, This is the part where we asked, do
you think she can stay with him after all this
crislist cheating?
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Oh no?
Speaker 2 (12:37):
And then when I couldn't take it anymore, we were
at a Christmas music concert.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
My dad planned obviously, and yeah, and.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
I was kept going to the bathroom because I was
like having a panic attack. And then we got in
the car to leave and it was just me in
the car and we were like, I was like to
buy the Central Park and I was like, pull over,
I can't breathe, Like this has.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
To be We're done. So from cause you're faking it,
you're liking it.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
I went from like family, they end up being yeah,
end of June to July till December, where it was
a secret.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
It's a long time, a long time. And then we.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Broke up and I still don't want people to know,
so I still took the blame and.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
He loved it. He was just like she, you know,
she left me and we grew apart.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Yeah, and that was like twenty fifteen, twenty fourteen, and
I didn't tell anybody the truth until twenty twenty.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
Is that crazy a way we protect our abusers? Insane?
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Certain question? Yeah, why do you think you felt like
you had to protect him? Like was it the embarrassment
that you felt for yourself or for him both?
Speaker 2 (13:38):
You know? For me, it was like I just didn't
want people to be like, oh, like were you not
doing like your you know, girlfriend duties. You know, I
didn't want it to fall on me. But also I
was like, uh, he does have really great qualities and
I hate this to be the thing that defines him.
But yeah, so I just wanted to protect him because
it's like he's you know, he's.
Speaker 4 (13:56):
Not all bad, but as that it's so common, I think,
like a lot of women do that.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Yeah, and it's.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Not my place to decide how he gets perceived in
the world. He made the decision, not me. But at
the time, I was just like, you know, I don't
want anybody to.
Speaker 4 (14:10):
Because I feel like when women love, we are nurtures
by nature and we're kind of like we can love
you back into the fold. In my alienating you, we're
not being good enough women, like we're not really like
the generous, being generous of spirit of like it's okay,
you're allowed to forgive.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
Now do men feel the same way? No? No, close,
they'll leave you. Yeah, at your worst, they don't even care.
Speaker 4 (14:35):
Speaking of leaving at our worst, you've clearly rebuilt your life.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
You are so not at your worst. You are your best.
We're moving towards our best.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
And how did you rebuild your life from there.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
Therapy A lot of that I didn't go right away.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
I like went in my thirties in therapy and it
felt like I had to like open all those wounds
again and that was so hard and I didn't like
think that's how therapy was going to be. But I
felt like going to therapy, I had to open up
all these wounds and I felt like in a funky
place again. And I was like, I don't this is
not it. But my theret was like, no, this is
the work. You have to feel it.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
You have to go through it. You have to understand
why you made these decisions that you made. So I
had to go through it.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
And then you know, it brought up a lot of
things and I was like, you know what, like I.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
Was carrying so much anger around, Like now I forgive him.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
He was you know, he was doing the best that
he could and it just wasn't my best.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
And I did not for me.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
You can go give that to somebody else, but hurt himself.
He heard it obviously. I mean, if you think he
hasn't come back a million times.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
They always come back. Absolutely, they always come back. That
is yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
And just to like wrap this all up, I love
that you said forgiveness. Yeah, And I know even in
our last episodes that people talk about forgiveness and something
about forgiveness kind of opens you.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
Back up for love one hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
And you know when you guys start following Sam and
her journey right now, I just want to say, I'm
so happy for you and so proud of you. You
are in probably the most healthiest relationship.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
And friendship scream it yeah.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
And collaborative, yeah, like it's an artistic collaboration. You're both
like you're both equally you know, good looking.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
We'll have it on. Yeah, you guys for men, Yeah,
like that's mine. Just also just like nice, supportive, loving people.
Speaker 4 (16:16):
And it's like you never know whenever something doesn't feel right,
Like I've had those moments too where you know, I
was also broke off an engagement, but I never it
didn't feel right and you.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
Got to trust that.
Speaker 4 (16:28):
And it's like if I could say to everybody the
second those feelings start coming up, whether it's a job,
a friend, a relationship, a pent, like we push them down,
we push them down, but we got to listen, listen
to them.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Yeah, I would always tell myself, like you're being dramatic
or like there's this isn't a cause for concern, and
it's like I have amazing intuition and I have it
for everybody else, like I have to have it for me.
I know myself better than anybody else. So I'm like,
it's about listening to myself. And I think that was
a journey in therapy, like through like loving myself, where
I'm like, I love myself and I understand myself and
all the decisions that I'm making I can live with
and I'm happy with.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
And that was like what got me through.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
But we love you, yeah, we loved you.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:08):
So I actually had a similar situation with my ex
and when I had seen something where he was like
online talking to someone, he goes, oh, this is just
like for kicks for me, Like he actually used the
bought defense, which I wasn't even thinking of. He's like, oh, no,
I never intent, it's just for fun for thrills. Was
crying like, don't tell anybody. So I do we did
(17:29):
the same guy? Yeah, I think we might have also
proposed to be No, But I'm like, did did that
occur to you that that's forgivable?
Speaker 3 (17:37):
It's that even if there wasn't. It's it's not forget.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
For me, like, cheating is just an act of betrayal.
And for me, if you're lying about something and you're
that's betraying me, you know you you would have never
told me this had I never found out. You know,
if it's just something that's so simple, then why not
talk about it. Why not be like, hey, this is
a fetish of mine, then we can have this conversation,
you know. And so for me, it was just the
betrayal of that. And it's like, you know, and also
(18:01):
we had a friend that had done something similar and
he was like, that's the most discussing thing. So it's like,
you know, he talked down about that guy and it's like, oh,
oh he was ditnecting, he was projecting, yeah, or like
I gave him the idea or something, but no thank you,
like or he gave that guy the exactly. So I
was like, you know, this is this is negative. Now
that it's you doing it, You're like, wait, come on,
I didn't sound like I had sex with any of them,
And I'm like, well you might as well have no, yeah,
(18:23):
you might as well becus.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
For me, it's I'm betrayed. Yeah, it's the intent. It's
the intent.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
Yeah, it's like, you didn't go on there to make friends,
you know what I mean. You didn't go on cruegs
to find a job. You went on there to get
a job. And you know what I mean, get out
of here. We earned a code for that.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
And it's what Riley, what is? So the whole podcast
was like, Hymerica, I love that.
Speaker 4 (18:47):
Yeah, we're here for shortcuts, we're here for codes, We're
here for learning, loving, growing, which you have so clearly done.
So any tips for us on how to get past that,
get past this inky part, the gross part, and find
true love.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
I would just say, be committed to yourself.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
I feel like once I was committed to the work
on myself and being my best version, like Shoddy said,
it like open me up to getting better things because
I was like really settling for anything like the barber's
on the floor, because I didn't love myself at all,
and I was just like trying to be something whoever
I met. I wanted to be the girl they wanted
me to be, you know what I mean. And then
once I learned about myself, I was like I'm dope.
(19:25):
I don't know why I keep trying to mute myself
for these men, but no, thank you. And then now
I found somebody that allows me to be myself, that
allows me.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
But you know what I'm.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Saying, Like he like, he loves who I am, who's yourself?
Speaker 3 (19:35):
Yeah, you are your full person and show up.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
And I think that's also something about being older when
you find somebody. Yes. With that said, thank you so much,
Samantha Santo so much for calling me old.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
Well, I'm turning twenty four every year. Yeah my name,
oh so many, I'm thank you so much for being here.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
I'm Shoddy Diz, I'm Kate Robards And this is cheaters
and backstabers.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
It is the body
Hosts And Creators
Shari Diaz
Kate Robards
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