October 2, 2024 • 28 mins
Our very own podcast host shares her story of heartbreak and betrayl with fellow co-host and good friend Shari Diaz. Kate shares details about her failed marriage to a wealthy man and her experiences with polyamory.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Episode sixteen, pickup take three. I guess we don't need
all these, but just in case.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Hello listeners, we are back with another episode featuring the
most amazing guests. You're gonna love her because she's me,
your co host, Kate Robarts. I'm in the hot seat
today and let me tell you, it's kind of embarrassing,
but regardless, we're gonna take a deep dive into my relationship.
Love life passed way before the podcast, and before we
(00:29):
get started, I want to start our listeners, you off
with philosophical internal question. If your relationship is open or
polyamorous and someone gets with another person, do you consider
that cheating?
Speaker 1 (00:47):
We're gonna talk more about it.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
In fact, I even wrote a full length play about
my experience.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Which I called poly Shammery because right, because it was
a sham and also because I was ashamed because that's
not how I was raised. Right, Like, I never thought
that I would do anything like that. I thought I
would be a normal person, and like she'd and never
mention it, you know.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
Right, Hi everyone, I'm Shoddy Diaz and I'm Kate Robarts,
and this is another episode of Cheers and Backstabers. Now,
this episode is a little bit more special to me
because I get to interview the one and only. Oh
my gosh, Kate Rollbars dunt dumb. Thank you so much
(01:33):
for doing this.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
You know I told my agent I was above it,
but you know they were like, your alter ego personality
really needs this because her friend is working so hard. Exactly,
And thank you for having me talk about me.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
I see.
Speaker 4 (01:50):
I thought that you would be the perfect person talk
about yourself, right.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
I am, And that's why I do solo shows where
I talk about myself for like seventy five minutes.
Speaker 4 (02:02):
Right, You've come to exactly, which I loved, and it
made me cry, it made me laugh. I did'ted talking
about your solo show. We are going to talk about.
Oh you wanted to be mentioned mine?
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Yeah, you got one in the works too. Mine is
in the works.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
Thankfully you have Kate that is helping me out with it.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
It's gonna be my first one. You have three. I
have a couple.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Yeah, I have a couple, and I'm always reworking them
and working them. But you know, I started working autobiographically,
as so many comics and artists do, and when I started,
I was like, oh, my first one will be about
like growing up in Orange, Texas seventh generation and like
moving to Shanghai. So I was like that one was
called Mandarin Orange, Right, it was really cute, It was
(02:46):
really and it was about.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Like, you know, small towns.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
And and then I wrote one called Ain't That Rich,
which was about like, you know, getting married to the
man of my dreams who I didn't have a lot
of money growing up. He had a lot of money,
and that was so fun. Everybody loved that show. Then
when the marriage was ending, Okay, I'd already written all
these shows about my life, I was like, Okay, I
(03:09):
guess I have to write one about polyamory, which I
called polyshamory because right, because it was a sham and
also because I was ashamed because that's not how I
was raised. Like I never thought that I would do
anything like that. I thought I would be a normal
person and like cheat and never mention it.
Speaker 4 (03:29):
You know, right, do you feel like you did all
that because you kind of wanted to give him everything
he wanted?
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Yeah? I think for sure.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
I was like I'm the best wife ever, Like whatever
you need, I'll do. I think I'm like very much
of people pleaser, you know, I'm like, if you need
my arm, I will like take it off and you
could borrow it. And to some degree, I think that
that's a beautiful part because you know, people they say,
if you give and give and give, you won't have
anything left for yourself, right, But I find if you
(04:04):
give and give and give, you won't have anything left
but to receive because you will be so down and
out right and busted.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
So it can be.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
I don't recommend people go there, but like I'm an extremist,
you know. So, but the marriage started out so great,
like I already know what it is. So I'm like,
I'm like, I'll interview myself. The marriage started out great.
You know, he were we were younger. He was in
law school. I was like, he's educated. You know, he's
going to.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Be a lawyer. And what were you doing at that time?
What was I doing? Oh?
Speaker 3 (04:39):
So I was a nanny for a Puerto Rican and
opera singer and it was I graduated undergrad during like
the beginning of that recession, and what was that like
two thousand and nine or something like ten something. I
(04:59):
think I was like eight nine whenever that was happening. Like,
you know, people are like the economy is bad, and
it was a good salary, and I it was a
Grammy Award.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Winnning opera singer.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
So she was like, we'll be in Brussels for three
and a half months, in Amsterdam for three and a
half months, and Puerto Rico for three and Chica, I
would like, sign me up. You know, hadn't been to
any of those places. I was from like rural Texas, right,
and you were dating you? No, I wasn't dating him
at the time, That's how So she was performing in Washington,
d C. With like Placi do Domingo conducting, and like,
(05:33):
I mean just top notch. She's at the Kennedy Center.
And so I would be like I was like a
part of this world. In every city I would go to,
I would date like a maniac. My god, because I
was like, I'm not going to be here that long.
I wasn't trying or thinking I would fall in love.
I was just like and I got to d C,
got online, and this is like before everyone was on
(05:55):
the swiping apps.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
It was like you had to e harmony.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
It was OKAYQB right, Christian mingle, my aces is Jewish.
It was like farmers only you know that kind of stuff.
But I found this person and I would like line
up one day at a week because I thought it's
a fun.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Way for me.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
You know, I'm young. I will like get out in
the city and do stuff. And he was my first
day in DC, and I went. I always like my strategy,
and I tell people this, I'm like, never meet, like,
don't start with dinner, you know, because what if you
don't like them, you know, and be trapped with them.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
So I'd be like meeting an open place.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
So I and I would always make it about what
i wanted to do in my agenda because I'm like,
you know, I'm a tourist, so I'm like, okay, not
a tourist, not a tourist.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
My accents.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
I wanted to see the National Mall, which is not
a shopping mall, you know. The National Mall is yeah, yeah, okay, right,
it's like from the Capitol to the Abraham like a
memorial anyways, so cute, d right, and I wanted to
do it at like dusk because the lights are supposed
to beautiful and it was so much fun, and you know,
I kind of thought at one point I might leave
(07:03):
him if it wasn't going well, but it ended up
turning into this Like it was like a three and
a half hour date of walking around and then he
wanted to go to dinner and drinks and I was like, okay,
so our first.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Date was like eight hours. Yeah, he didn't want to
let you go. He didn't.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
And I grew up, you know, very conservative in the South,
and I was always like, you know, I had a
picture of what I thought the person I was going
to be with would be like. But because I knew
I was just going to be here for a couple
of months, I was open to like interesting people. And
plus a guy who was six ' four and played baseball,
he was a pitcher in college broke my heart.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
So I was like, I was like, let me date
a nerd who is in law school. So you manifested
this guy. No, that's what I really I wasn't thinking.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
I was just like I'll even it out, you know, like, yeah,
I'm not looking for someone who's going on paper.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
So when he kissed me at the end of the night, I.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Was like, how cute that this dweb thinks he can
kiss me? Like I was almost like in kurg I
was like, oh, you're so cute, like in a and
I'm like, oh, I would never entertain this relationship in
any other world.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
And he was just so sweet.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
And I remember I was like, huh, I didn't look
at his page, his like dating page that much, and
when I went back that night to.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Look, it was gone, ooh, he was done.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
He was I'm yeah, and I messaged him, I'm like, wait,
where's your profile?
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Like what happened? And he goes, I deleted it. We've met.
It's kind of like I met the one as well.
I was saying.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
I was like, I'm only here for three and a
half months, like there's an exit, there's like a herd
out for me, like this isn't And yeah, he was
just all in and I ended up leaving my job nannying.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
I was applying for jobs in DC.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
And I got a fellowship at a theater okay, And
I was like, okay, I guess I'm moving to DC.
And you moved in with him, Well, he had to
meet my family first, and so because I'm also like,
like my family, I'm still very young at the time,
so my family's not like yeah, you can go meet
move in with someone you don't know because even the
opera singer was like a friend of a friend. Like
(09:15):
everyone that I had ever interacted with was like co
signed by someone, So I knew, like for my family
to buy in on this guy, I was like, I
gotta I got to tell them that he was friends
with a childhood friend, like they went to school together.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
And they know you're protected or something, so they yeah,
And so it was a lie.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
And he gets to my family's house and I kind
of forgot to tell him. Oh, by the way, I
lied about how we met. So they were like, they go,
how do you know Emily McKee? And he's like what,
And I was like, they went to school, but he goes, no,
we met on He.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Like, is so honest. Yeah, He's like we met online.
And I was like he's kidding. Oh my god, because
this is in front of your mom.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
Too, yes day. But they know me well. So they
were like, but he I forgot to say he had
a lot of money, His family.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Had a lot of money. That was the best part. Well,
I thought I thought he was broke though when we met.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
I was very big on like, like my mom taught me,
don't go out on a date with someone in order
something you can't afford to pay for because they may
expect for things and like you're not so cheap that
somebody can buy you, which I've found out.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Is not true.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
Well it's just like I I mean, it is true,
but it's like I was very like fifty to fifty.
And then when I saw his apartment, I'm like, are
you house sitting? Like what's the deal with this? I'm like,
oh wait, you're just a child who lives like this.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Ye.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Like, I'm like, this is a grown up's house. This
is a rich person's house. And it was it was awesome,
and I did I was like, Okay, this.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Is my house. This is started nesting.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Well, he kind of came with everything you could ever want,
like he had his own Massoni China. It was like
all of a sudden, one day grew up. I mean
I changed a lot about me, Like he like even this,
like he would never let me wear something like this
because he was very big on like like rich people
are totally different. He would be like, your personality is
loud enough, you don't need loud clothes. Yeah, He's like
you look great in navy. It was like it was
(11:17):
and covered up. It was a culture clash. I mean,
I'm still covered up, but it's like he was very
tasteful and distinct in a way that was not my culture,
and I was very like hungry to please him. And
just like, oh my god, he has a mom and
dad who've been married forever. They have his brothers and
like labrador retrievers, and they have a library like and
(11:39):
beauty and the beast. I was just like, this is
my every fantasy and dream come true.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
And we got engaged so fast, I'm gonna ask you that,
like how far it was within a year? It was
like within the year we engaged.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
And then well we we took along like a while
a couple of years to get married.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
The wedding huge like dream wedding.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
No.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
He we got married in California and his parents backyard,
so it was the Bay area, and my family was
like the Beverly hillbilly is you know.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
They rolled up. It's so funny. Yeah, they put they
strapped their luggage to the rooftop.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
No, because they were like, we won't fit extra people inside.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
They brought their own liquor because that's how they do.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
And they put their ringtones to mess with me on
like Beverly Hillbillies.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
They were like, you know, that is so funny. They're funny.
They're very funny.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
I mean, my father, my father, my father's deceased, but
my uncle is like a father figure, and he was
like my little gold digger.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Like they're just like making fun of that is funny.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
Who yeah, and his Stanley was like so not with it,
but you know, like it was so fun being the
wife of.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
A rich man. You know, you're we we like bought
a house.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
We were like all of those boxes people have checked
off the dream did it?
Speaker 1 (12:58):
I did it.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
It was a dream in that it was all a sham,
you know, it was all it was real at the time,
And that is it's funny because like I ask people
to go to like the happy places, and when you've healed,
like thinking about the happy places, you're.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Like, I just don't want to.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
I know the ending, like right, we don't have to
dwell on the good stuff because.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
He sounds great to me right now.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
No, he really there are so many things about him
that I would not be who I was if I
was this because I was always taught like, you know,
you have to have money to be able to pursue things,
and like I was on the peripheral periphery of art before,
like I was working at a theater instead of like
making the theater, right, And he was like, you don't
(13:42):
want to work at a theater. You want to make
the theater or you don't want to be you know,
you want to be centered. And honestly, if I wasn't
so heartbroken once it all fell apart, I would have
never been depressed enough to do comedy because before.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
That I thought things had happened to me in life.
Speaker 3 (13:59):
But like, and so you really go to a place
where you're like, oh yeah, let's go to bars every
night of your life and hang out.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
But then I'm wonderful people like you.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
But so back to the good times, you know, there
were good times where we're like traveling the world and
like following our dreams, you know, thanks to his parents' money,
which I highly recommend. That's the other thing. It wasn't
his money, you know, it was his parents. So it's
like I'm like.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
In your mommy and daddy like, and I loved his parents.
They were like cool rich people.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
They made me like his family and friends made me
change my mind about rich people because I always had
like a chip on my shoulder and then I was
like one of them and I'm like yeah, and I'm
like I'm like rich.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
People can be cool. I'm like yeah, but.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
I think it was like part of what made him
want to be polyamorous is that rich people can be
used to having everything.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Yeah, so he's like he's.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Like, well, I love you and like you're my wife,
but like what about that, like we can always have more?
You know, it's this life of excess. But it was
also the Bay Area. Like now everybody's talking about it,
but this was like eight years ago or something. So
like like polyamory is not new, and even some people
(15:14):
will put like polygamy it's different. You know the difference
right now? What is the difference? Well, like polygamy is
like when you were married to more than one person
at the time.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Oh right, and then the other one is just dating,
is it?
Speaker 3 (15:26):
It's like it's like more than one person, you know,
Like this idea is like love is love is love
is love is love, and like just because you love
your sister doesn't mean you can't love your brother.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
Right and just because and so like from an.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
Ethos, I believe in that like it's really easy to
be like, yeah, I don't think like if I pour
love into you.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
I will have less love for this person. Right.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
And I'm one of those people who can like intellectualize things,
but when you come to practicing it, I'm like, should
I kill everybody?
Speaker 1 (15:59):
Right? And he.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Did find another girlfriend who was a little younger than me.
But you know, there's like, literally, I mean, I do
like a ninety minute play on this, but it's like
the takeaways for me in the signs were and I'm
learning too from like talking to people. If I could
go back, it's like I think we sometimes hear a
(16:25):
voice knocking inside.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Of us that's like, hey, like maybe leave now.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
Yeah, and we think that we can ignore it, or
we think that we can fix it, or we think
that we can And in my experience, if you whether
it's a job or a relationship or a friendship, when
you start to feel like this.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Is making me not feel good, yeah, it's not serving
you anymore. It's not serving me.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
Knowing that you can leave and and just restart and
like it like you will be supported by friends and
by the universe, whatever you want to say. I think
that's my biggest takeaway is like I probably would have
left earlier, and in hindsight, there's so many people. There's
also the thing of like, oh I wish i'd plan
better and saved money, but it's like, no, when you
(17:12):
gotta go, you gotta go, and you will figure it out.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
And like.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
I just I think my takeaways are really, don't do polyamory.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
No. Well, now you would probably be like is that
something you would consider?
Speaker 3 (17:28):
Well, I think you have to come up with ground rules.
Like we were the blind leading the blind, right, so
his first time, you are first.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
And that's the other thing too, is that he's not
a villain. Like we were both.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Young and dumb and like I did not act well.
I was like like this, were you jealous?
Speaker 3 (17:46):
I'd never done therapy before, like really, And my mom
gets very offended with that because she's like, I sent
you to someone when you're fathered.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
I'm like, like I had like.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
The town doctor Phil, which is great, but he'd be like,
you know you're fat because you won't to be a
block take a jog.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Around the block.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
And I mean it was he's a very amazing at
like what he does and for that community, But it
wasn't like cognitive behavioral therapy and things that, like, I've
had trauma in my life, a lot of trauma, and
so I need to learn how to self regulate and
like how to get fight or flight. And so it's
like the part of me that really empathizes with those
(18:26):
two kids who did love each other. And it's fun
to make jokes about, but like the reality is, we
both tried with the skills we had, Yeah, and it
didn't work, and I didn't act as great as I
could have, you know, and I just I wish him
and her is.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
This his new wife? Now? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (18:48):
Wow?
Speaker 3 (18:49):
I know, do you know if they I'm just happy
I could follow. I'm like, I'm happy I could help
bring them together and then step aside because I may
not have found true love with him, but they found
true love and I was a part of that.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
So I don't know, do you believe that? Do you
really believe that?
Speaker 3 (19:15):
Or you're just like, you know, I think we joke.
I think there's a lot of truth in jokes. Yeah,
And I think for me there is something cool about like,
even though I was destructive as hell for myself, right
and I blew up my own marriage and I mistakes
were made right. I do know that like I left
them better off, and that feels a little you know.
(19:38):
I was watching all these operas for years, and it
was like my my opera singer, the woman that I
worked for, would play like Leu and Trendo and for
those of you who don't know, because I didn't know either,
she would be. There was always like there's like the
poor person and then the like Ice Queen princess, and
the poor person usually like sacrifices their life. Like it's
like the Little Mermaid is Rusulka and the opera, and
it's like the little Mermaid in the opera actually dies
(20:01):
and becomes a ghost school forever, and the other woman
like that character, the prince goes off and doesn't marry her.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
So there was this part of me that's like.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
I'm the heroine in that, like I sacrificed my happiness
because I didn't stoop. I'm like I will haunt them
now forever, but I didn't stoop as low as I
could have. And I think there's honor in that, and
I think that there's merit in like working to rebuild
your life and telling stories and doing like this podcast
(20:35):
and stuff like that to remind people.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
Absolutely, I think it's super important to be able to like,
look how you're talking about it so freely now and
make jokes about it, have a successful show about it.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
That's admirable.
Speaker 4 (20:50):
I love that about you because you can turn one
trauma into a lesson and share it with the others.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
You know, I say church like testify.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
You know, it's very much that, and you know what
good for them if you know what's for you is
for you.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
And we say this each other all the time.
Speaker 4 (21:07):
It's like we really can't fight for something that's not
really for us.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
And we believe that you can't mess it up. I
mean I did mess up a lot and I will
continue to.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
But like, yeah, the plan is larger, right absolutely, And
I think I think you'll find somebody that is aligned
with you, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
I think more than that, it's like finding and being
aligned to yourself because that is like, you know, I
could still be in that relationship potentially, you know, if
I was just like like.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Going along to get along. Yeah, and constructive.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
And sometimes I will have those thoughts where I'm like
I wish I had and I have to push them through.
You know, if I'm like, you know, working a million
one of my million jobs, and I'm like, you know,
out here gigging.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
And I when.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
I was doing poly Shammer at first, I was like,
I'm going to be so famous, and I had a
producer who wanted to do it, and after Corona as
Paras said or you know the COVID, Yeah, I was
just kind of like, I'm done with that part of
my life. I don't want to talk about it at
that level because to tell a really good story for
that long.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
You got to go there, yeah and over and over.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
And I'm like, if another actress wants to play me,
which they have, like here's the script and it exists
as a script, I can still do jokes about it,
but like, and I think it's a beautiful story of love,
loss and redemption. But I'm ready to sell the movie
rights and have like Jennifer Lawrence.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
Playing I was just want to ask you, so, who
would play him?
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (22:43):
I always say, like like Jonah Hill? Why but like
the like like toned up Jonah Hill, like going surfing
because he was like a cute, sexy, funny jew because
I like, you know, and smart, maybe like I like
Seth rogeny, but like Jonah Hill.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
For real, for real.
Speaker 4 (23:01):
Yeah, especially did you see his like therapy right right? Yeah,
and he's in shape and he was like, you know, yeah,
like he had this like nerdy cuteness about it.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
The nerdy cuteness is that kind of like little charm? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (23:18):
So yeah. And then like for for the for the
young lady, well she herself.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
Truly, no, truly she could. I wish them well and
far away from me. But that's what's crazy is like
they I think they live in New York now because
but like you, the world is small. And thank you
for listening to another episode of Cheaters and Backstabbers. I
was both the cheater and the backstabber because I I
(23:53):
was competitive and when he found somebody, I found someone too,
but they were like like me, but better. Yeah, because
I was trying to compete and we all lost, but
they won and that was your doing, Kate, and I
let that happen. I let that happen, and they couldn't
find each other without you. So I brought them together.
I brought you truth lover credit, I brought true lovers.
(24:15):
The funny thing is they got married exactly at the
same place that we got married.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
No.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
And I only know this because like one day during
the pandemic, people were texting me and like they were
like just thinking of you, and I was like, oh
my god, that's so sweet.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
I hadn't heard from this person a while.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
And then like more people started being like just thinking
of you, and I was like, this is crazy.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Why is everybody thinking of me?
Speaker 3 (24:37):
And then I saw like photos of them getting married
literally the same exact place you guys still.
Speaker 4 (24:42):
Have mutual friends, and they were pulling at it. Yeah,
So were these the same people hitting you up? Like, Hey,
I'm thinking about you, but I'm about to pose this
real quick.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
Right, right, right? That's crazy?
Speaker 3 (24:53):
Right? I mean, well, I will say my friends are
mature because I had a couple, like, I learned a
lot about like loyalty and what people think of as
loyalty because I was still very childish, churlish, and when
this went down, I was how do you say, petty?
(25:14):
And some of my friends were like, Kate, I know
that you're mad at him, but like he's our friend too.
You know, we've been You've been with him for like
eight years now at this point. Yeah, and we're just
because you think he did you wrong, like we still
love and care about him, and so because I was like,
why are ill still friends with him? Why are you
(25:34):
still like And then my childhood friends were like I
told him, you know, they're like, we're gonna pee on
his doors. I mean, very childish, and at the time
that felt good, and in hindsight, I'm like, I want
to take the higher road. And I thank my friends
who were very mature in saying, like, we understand you're
(25:55):
that's between you guys.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Yeah we're not, but.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Like we still people are allowed to make mistakes or
people and also we're not allowed to judge. So all
this is to say, now I think I've adopted some
of those people who used to get on my nerves
for like, you know, liking and being friends with them.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Because the world is too small to have grudges.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
Absolutely, life is too short to have grudges.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
We gotta live and let live.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
And even though you tell people to eat dirt and die,
you don't really mean it, you know.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
No, of course not. Yeah, I shout out to your
friends kind of like them. It was a good.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
Pence, Nicky Ali and the good ones showing me the way.
And now I get to lead other people to the light,
you know, because when when either if it's like a
breakup or a fight, I'm very big on like.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
I love Jesus, loved the sinners. You know, there's no
right and wrong, there is love, and I will meet
you there. Yeah, yeah, good for you.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
I'm excited to see you know what comes from this,
your growth? It's there, right, do you feel it? Do
you see yourself? Different than leaving that marriage, it was a.
Speaker 3 (27:11):
Lot more fun for me to do like polyshamery, thinking
like I'm like and I have.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
A Broadway producer who's producing this play and we're all
on Broadway. You guys, can you believe it? Like it's
like really fun to.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
Be like I left all that because I would have
a TV show and then like to not be successful.
But like I know I'm successful in the heart where
it matters, but like I'm not, like I haven't been
able to buy a house again, I haven't been able
to like support myself in that lifestyle. So there are
definitely those moments when like the fantasy of me like
(27:42):
forging my path ethically looked a little different.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
Yeah, but.
Speaker 3 (27:48):
I will. I will wait for the day that it
can come true and what I've learned is that this
is the friends like you, friends like you, projects like this,
that's the real money, that's the real love.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
So I appreciate that.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
So this was another episode of Cheaters and Backstabers Special
co host Edition.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Yes, and hopefully we'll be back with me interviewing Shabby.
Speaker 4 (28:11):
Yes, hopefully you guys are ready for that one. Get
ready to cry, guys. No, I'm kidding, no, but I'm
really proud of you. I'm really excited. And if no
one has seen your show, where can they watch it anywhere?
Speaker 3 (28:23):
Yeah? I'm constantly doing little different versions of like shows.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
So follow me on Instagram if y'all aren't.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
Yes, and yeah, maybe you could open up for me
and then maybe we'll get your show.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
I'm like Shoty's like you open for me?
Speaker 4 (28:38):
No?
Speaker 3 (28:38):
I mean I would love to, and I can't wait
to fear pressure you into doing yours.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Yeatto, it'll happen. Guys.
Speaker 4 (28:46):
But I'm Shoddy Diaz and I'm k Robart and this
has been Cheaters and Backstabers.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Thank you,
Episode sixteen, pickup take three. I guess we don't need
all these, but just in case.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Hello listeners, we are back with another episode featuring the
most amazing guests. You're gonna love her because she's me,
your co host, Kate Robarts. I'm in the hot seat
today and let me tell you, it's kind of embarrassing,
but regardless, we're gonna take a deep dive into my relationship.
Love life passed way before the podcast, and before we
(00:29):
get started, I want to start our listeners, you off
with philosophical internal question. If your relationship is open or
polyamorous and someone gets with another person, do you consider
that cheating?
Speaker 1 (00:47):
We're gonna talk more about it.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
In fact, I even wrote a full length play about
my experience.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Which I called poly Shammery because right, because it was
a sham and also because I was ashamed because that's
not how I was raised. Right, Like, I never thought
that I would do anything like that. I thought I
would be a normal person, and like she'd and never
mention it, you know.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
Right, Hi everyone, I'm Shoddy Diaz and I'm Kate Robarts,
and this is another episode of Cheers and Backstabers. Now,
this episode is a little bit more special to me
because I get to interview the one and only. Oh
my gosh, Kate Rollbars dunt dumb. Thank you so much
(01:33):
for doing this.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
You know I told my agent I was above it,
but you know they were like, your alter ego personality
really needs this because her friend is working so hard. Exactly,
And thank you for having me talk about me.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
I see.
Speaker 4 (01:50):
I thought that you would be the perfect person talk
about yourself, right.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
I am, And that's why I do solo shows where
I talk about myself for like seventy five minutes.
Speaker 4 (02:02):
Right, You've come to exactly, which I loved, and it
made me cry, it made me laugh. I did'ted talking
about your solo show. We are going to talk about.
Oh you wanted to be mentioned mine?
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Yeah, you got one in the works too. Mine is
in the works.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
Thankfully you have Kate that is helping me out with it.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
It's gonna be my first one. You have three. I
have a couple.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Yeah, I have a couple, and I'm always reworking them
and working them. But you know, I started working autobiographically,
as so many comics and artists do, and when I started,
I was like, oh, my first one will be about
like growing up in Orange, Texas seventh generation and like
moving to Shanghai. So I was like that one was
called Mandarin Orange, Right, it was really cute, It was
(02:46):
really and it was about.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Like, you know, small towns.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
And and then I wrote one called Ain't That Rich,
which was about like, you know, getting married to the
man of my dreams who I didn't have a lot
of money growing up. He had a lot of money,
and that was so fun. Everybody loved that show. Then
when the marriage was ending, Okay, I'd already written all
these shows about my life, I was like, Okay, I
(03:09):
guess I have to write one about polyamory, which I
called polyshamory because right, because it was a sham and
also because I was ashamed because that's not how I
was raised. Like I never thought that I would do
anything like that. I thought I would be a normal
person and like cheat and never mention it.
Speaker 4 (03:29):
You know, right, do you feel like you did all
that because you kind of wanted to give him everything
he wanted?
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Yeah? I think for sure.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
I was like I'm the best wife ever, Like whatever
you need, I'll do. I think I'm like very much
of people pleaser, you know, I'm like, if you need
my arm, I will like take it off and you
could borrow it. And to some degree, I think that
that's a beautiful part because you know, people they say,
if you give and give and give, you won't have
anything left for yourself, right, But I find if you
(04:04):
give and give and give, you won't have anything left
but to receive because you will be so down and
out right and busted.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
So it can be.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
I don't recommend people go there, but like I'm an extremist,
you know. So, but the marriage started out so great,
like I already know what it is. So I'm like,
I'm like, I'll interview myself. The marriage started out great.
You know, he were we were younger. He was in
law school. I was like, he's educated. You know, he's
going to.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Be a lawyer. And what were you doing at that time?
What was I doing? Oh?
Speaker 3 (04:39):
So I was a nanny for a Puerto Rican and
opera singer and it was I graduated undergrad during like
the beginning of that recession, and what was that like
two thousand and nine or something like ten something. I
(04:59):
think I was like eight nine whenever that was happening. Like,
you know, people are like the economy is bad, and
it was a good salary, and I it was a
Grammy Award.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Winnning opera singer.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
So she was like, we'll be in Brussels for three
and a half months, in Amsterdam for three and a
half months, and Puerto Rico for three and Chica, I
would like, sign me up. You know, hadn't been to
any of those places. I was from like rural Texas, right,
and you were dating you? No, I wasn't dating him
at the time, That's how So she was performing in Washington,
d C. With like Placi do Domingo conducting, and like,
(05:33):
I mean just top notch. She's at the Kennedy Center.
And so I would be like I was like a
part of this world. In every city I would go to,
I would date like a maniac. My god, because I
was like, I'm not going to be here that long.
I wasn't trying or thinking I would fall in love.
I was just like and I got to d C,
got online, and this is like before everyone was on
(05:55):
the swiping apps.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
It was like you had to e harmony.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
It was OKAYQB right, Christian mingle, my aces is Jewish.
It was like farmers only you know that kind of stuff.
But I found this person and I would like line
up one day at a week because I thought it's
a fun.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Way for me.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
You know, I'm young. I will like get out in
the city and do stuff. And he was my first
day in DC, and I went. I always like my strategy,
and I tell people this, I'm like, never meet, like,
don't start with dinner, you know, because what if you
don't like them, you know, and be trapped with them.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
So I'd be like meeting an open place.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
So I and I would always make it about what
i wanted to do in my agenda because I'm like,
you know, I'm a tourist, so I'm like, okay, not
a tourist, not a tourist.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
My accents.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
I wanted to see the National Mall, which is not
a shopping mall, you know. The National Mall is yeah, yeah, okay, right,
it's like from the Capitol to the Abraham like a
memorial anyways, so cute, d right, and I wanted to
do it at like dusk because the lights are supposed
to beautiful and it was so much fun, and you know,
I kind of thought at one point I might leave
(07:03):
him if it wasn't going well, but it ended up
turning into this Like it was like a three and
a half hour date of walking around and then he
wanted to go to dinner and drinks and I was like, okay,
so our first.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Date was like eight hours. Yeah, he didn't want to
let you go. He didn't.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
And I grew up, you know, very conservative in the South,
and I was always like, you know, I had a
picture of what I thought the person I was going
to be with would be like. But because I knew
I was just going to be here for a couple
of months, I was open to like interesting people. And
plus a guy who was six ' four and played baseball,
he was a pitcher in college broke my heart.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
So I was like, I was like, let me date
a nerd who is in law school. So you manifested
this guy. No, that's what I really I wasn't thinking.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
I was just like I'll even it out, you know, like, yeah,
I'm not looking for someone who's going on paper.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
So when he kissed me at the end of the night, I.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Was like, how cute that this dweb thinks he can
kiss me? Like I was almost like in kurg I
was like, oh, you're so cute, like in a and
I'm like, oh, I would never entertain this relationship in
any other world.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
And he was just so sweet.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
And I remember I was like, huh, I didn't look
at his page, his like dating page that much, and
when I went back that night to.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Look, it was gone, ooh, he was done.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
He was I'm yeah, and I messaged him, I'm like, wait,
where's your profile?
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Like what happened? And he goes, I deleted it. We've met.
It's kind of like I met the one as well.
I was saying.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
I was like, I'm only here for three and a
half months, like there's an exit, there's like a herd
out for me, like this isn't And yeah, he was
just all in and I ended up leaving my job nannying.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
I was applying for jobs in DC.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
And I got a fellowship at a theater okay, And
I was like, okay, I guess I'm moving to DC.
And you moved in with him, Well, he had to
meet my family first, and so because I'm also like,
like my family, I'm still very young at the time,
so my family's not like yeah, you can go meet
move in with someone you don't know because even the
opera singer was like a friend of a friend. Like
(09:15):
everyone that I had ever interacted with was like co
signed by someone, So I knew, like for my family
to buy in on this guy, I was like, I
gotta I got to tell them that he was friends
with a childhood friend, like they went to school together.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
And they know you're protected or something, so they yeah,
And so it was a lie.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
And he gets to my family's house and I kind
of forgot to tell him. Oh, by the way, I
lied about how we met. So they were like, they go,
how do you know Emily McKee? And he's like what,
And I was like, they went to school, but he goes, no,
we met on He.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Like, is so honest. Yeah, He's like we met online.
And I was like he's kidding. Oh my god, because
this is in front of your mom.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
Too, yes day. But they know me well. So they
were like, but he I forgot to say he had
a lot of money, His family.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Had a lot of money. That was the best part. Well,
I thought I thought he was broke though when we met.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
I was very big on like, like my mom taught me,
don't go out on a date with someone in order
something you can't afford to pay for because they may
expect for things and like you're not so cheap that
somebody can buy you, which I've found out.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Is not true.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
Well it's just like I I mean, it is true,
but it's like I was very like fifty to fifty.
And then when I saw his apartment, I'm like, are
you house sitting? Like what's the deal with this? I'm like,
oh wait, you're just a child who lives like this.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Ye.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Like, I'm like, this is a grown up's house. This
is a rich person's house. And it was it was awesome,
and I did I was like, Okay, this.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Is my house. This is started nesting.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Well, he kind of came with everything you could ever want,
like he had his own Massoni China. It was like
all of a sudden, one day grew up. I mean
I changed a lot about me, Like he like even this,
like he would never let me wear something like this
because he was very big on like like rich people
are totally different. He would be like, your personality is
loud enough, you don't need loud clothes. Yeah, He's like
you look great in navy. It was like it was
(11:17):
and covered up. It was a culture clash. I mean,
I'm still covered up, but it's like he was very
tasteful and distinct in a way that was not my culture,
and I was very like hungry to please him. And
just like, oh my god, he has a mom and
dad who've been married forever. They have his brothers and
like labrador retrievers, and they have a library like and
(11:39):
beauty and the beast. I was just like, this is
my every fantasy and dream come true.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
And we got engaged so fast, I'm gonna ask you that,
like how far it was within a year? It was
like within the year we engaged.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
And then well we we took along like a while
a couple of years to get married.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
The wedding huge like dream wedding.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
No.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
He we got married in California and his parents backyard,
so it was the Bay area, and my family was
like the Beverly hillbilly is you know.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
They rolled up. It's so funny. Yeah, they put they
strapped their luggage to the rooftop.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
No, because they were like, we won't fit extra people inside.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
They brought their own liquor because that's how they do.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
And they put their ringtones to mess with me on
like Beverly Hillbillies.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
They were like, you know, that is so funny. They're funny.
They're very funny.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
I mean, my father, my father, my father's deceased, but
my uncle is like a father figure, and he was
like my little gold digger.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Like they're just like making fun of that is funny.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
Who yeah, and his Stanley was like so not with it,
but you know, like it was so fun being the
wife of.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
A rich man. You know, you're we we like bought
a house.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
We were like all of those boxes people have checked
off the dream did it?
Speaker 1 (12:58):
I did it.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
It was a dream in that it was all a sham,
you know, it was all it was real at the time,
And that is it's funny because like I ask people
to go to like the happy places, and when you've healed,
like thinking about the happy places, you're.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Like, I just don't want to.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
I know the ending, like right, we don't have to
dwell on the good stuff because.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
He sounds great to me right now.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
No, he really there are so many things about him
that I would not be who I was if I
was this because I was always taught like, you know,
you have to have money to be able to pursue things,
and like I was on the peripheral periphery of art before,
like I was working at a theater instead of like
making the theater, right, And he was like, you don't
(13:42):
want to work at a theater. You want to make
the theater or you don't want to be you know,
you want to be centered. And honestly, if I wasn't
so heartbroken once it all fell apart, I would have
never been depressed enough to do comedy because before.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
That I thought things had happened to me in life.
Speaker 3 (13:59):
But like, and so you really go to a place
where you're like, oh yeah, let's go to bars every
night of your life and hang out.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
But then I'm wonderful people like you.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
But so back to the good times, you know, there
were good times where we're like traveling the world and
like following our dreams, you know, thanks to his parents' money,
which I highly recommend. That's the other thing. It wasn't
his money, you know, it was his parents. So it's
like I'm like.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
In your mommy and daddy like, and I loved his parents.
They were like cool rich people.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
They made me like his family and friends made me
change my mind about rich people because I always had
like a chip on my shoulder and then I was
like one of them and I'm like yeah, and I'm
like I'm like rich.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
People can be cool. I'm like yeah, but.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
I think it was like part of what made him
want to be polyamorous is that rich people can be
used to having everything.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Yeah, so he's like he's.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Like, well, I love you and like you're my wife,
but like what about that, like we can always have more?
You know, it's this life of excess. But it was
also the Bay Area. Like now everybody's talking about it,
but this was like eight years ago or something. So
like like polyamory is not new, and even some people
(15:14):
will put like polygamy it's different. You know the difference
right now? What is the difference? Well, like polygamy is
like when you were married to more than one person
at the time.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Oh right, and then the other one is just dating,
is it?
Speaker 3 (15:26):
It's like it's like more than one person, you know,
Like this idea is like love is love is love
is love is love, and like just because you love
your sister doesn't mean you can't love your brother.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
Right and just because and so like from an.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
Ethos, I believe in that like it's really easy to
be like, yeah, I don't think like if I pour
love into you.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
I will have less love for this person. Right.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
And I'm one of those people who can like intellectualize things,
but when you come to practicing it, I'm like, should
I kill everybody?
Speaker 1 (15:59):
Right? And he.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Did find another girlfriend who was a little younger than me.
But you know, there's like, literally, I mean, I do
like a ninety minute play on this, but it's like
the takeaways for me in the signs were and I'm
learning too from like talking to people. If I could
go back, it's like I think we sometimes hear a
(16:25):
voice knocking inside.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Of us that's like, hey, like maybe leave now.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
Yeah, and we think that we can ignore it, or
we think that we can fix it, or we think
that we can And in my experience, if you whether
it's a job or a relationship or a friendship, when
you start to feel like this.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Is making me not feel good, yeah, it's not serving
you anymore. It's not serving me.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
Knowing that you can leave and and just restart and
like it like you will be supported by friends and
by the universe, whatever you want to say. I think
that's my biggest takeaway is like I probably would have
left earlier, and in hindsight, there's so many people. There's
also the thing of like, oh I wish i'd plan
better and saved money, but it's like, no, when you
(17:12):
gotta go, you gotta go, and you will figure it out.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
And like.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
I just I think my takeaways are really, don't do polyamory.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
No. Well, now you would probably be like is that
something you would consider?
Speaker 3 (17:28):
Well, I think you have to come up with ground rules.
Like we were the blind leading the blind, right, so
his first time, you are first.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
And that's the other thing too, is that he's not
a villain. Like we were both.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Young and dumb and like I did not act well.
I was like like this, were you jealous?
Speaker 3 (17:46):
I'd never done therapy before, like really, And my mom
gets very offended with that because she's like, I sent
you to someone when you're fathered.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
I'm like, like I had like.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
The town doctor Phil, which is great, but he'd be like,
you know you're fat because you won't to be a
block take a jog.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Around the block.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
And I mean it was he's a very amazing at
like what he does and for that community, But it
wasn't like cognitive behavioral therapy and things that, like, I've
had trauma in my life, a lot of trauma, and
so I need to learn how to self regulate and
like how to get fight or flight. And so it's
like the part of me that really empathizes with those
(18:26):
two kids who did love each other. And it's fun
to make jokes about, but like the reality is, we
both tried with the skills we had, Yeah, and it
didn't work, and I didn't act as great as I
could have, you know, and I just I wish him
and her is.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
This his new wife? Now? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (18:48):
Wow?
Speaker 3 (18:49):
I know, do you know if they I'm just happy
I could follow. I'm like, I'm happy I could help
bring them together and then step aside because I may
not have found true love with him, but they found
true love and I was a part of that.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
So I don't know, do you believe that? Do you
really believe that?
Speaker 3 (19:15):
Or you're just like, you know, I think we joke.
I think there's a lot of truth in jokes. Yeah,
And I think for me there is something cool about like,
even though I was destructive as hell for myself, right
and I blew up my own marriage and I mistakes
were made right. I do know that like I left
them better off, and that feels a little you know.
(19:38):
I was watching all these operas for years, and it
was like my my opera singer, the woman that I
worked for, would play like Leu and Trendo and for
those of you who don't know, because I didn't know either,
she would be. There was always like there's like the
poor person and then the like Ice Queen princess, and
the poor person usually like sacrifices their life. Like it's
like the Little Mermaid is Rusulka and the opera, and
it's like the little Mermaid in the opera actually dies
(20:01):
and becomes a ghost school forever, and the other woman
like that character, the prince goes off and doesn't marry her.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
So there was this part of me that's like.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
I'm the heroine in that, like I sacrificed my happiness
because I didn't stoop. I'm like I will haunt them
now forever, but I didn't stoop as low as I
could have. And I think there's honor in that, and
I think that there's merit in like working to rebuild
your life and telling stories and doing like this podcast
(20:35):
and stuff like that to remind people.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
Absolutely, I think it's super important to be able to like,
look how you're talking about it so freely now and
make jokes about it, have a successful show about it.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
That's admirable.
Speaker 4 (20:50):
I love that about you because you can turn one
trauma into a lesson and share it with the others.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
You know, I say church like testify.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
You know, it's very much that, and you know what
good for them if you know what's for you is
for you.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
And we say this each other all the time.
Speaker 4 (21:07):
It's like we really can't fight for something that's not
really for us.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
And we believe that you can't mess it up. I
mean I did mess up a lot and I will
continue to.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
But like, yeah, the plan is larger, right absolutely, And
I think I think you'll find somebody that is aligned
with you, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
I think more than that, it's like finding and being
aligned to yourself because that is like, you know, I
could still be in that relationship potentially, you know, if
I was just like like.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Going along to get along. Yeah, and constructive.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
And sometimes I will have those thoughts where I'm like
I wish I had and I have to push them through.
You know, if I'm like, you know, working a million
one of my million jobs, and I'm like, you know,
out here gigging.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
And I when.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
I was doing poly Shammer at first, I was like,
I'm going to be so famous, and I had a
producer who wanted to do it, and after Corona as
Paras said or you know the COVID, Yeah, I was
just kind of like, I'm done with that part of
my life. I don't want to talk about it at
that level because to tell a really good story for
that long.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
You got to go there, yeah and over and over.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
And I'm like, if another actress wants to play me,
which they have, like here's the script and it exists
as a script, I can still do jokes about it,
but like, and I think it's a beautiful story of love,
loss and redemption. But I'm ready to sell the movie
rights and have like Jennifer Lawrence.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
Playing I was just want to ask you, so, who
would play him?
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (22:43):
I always say, like like Jonah Hill? Why but like
the like like toned up Jonah Hill, like going surfing
because he was like a cute, sexy, funny jew because
I like, you know, and smart, maybe like I like
Seth rogeny, but like Jonah Hill.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
For real, for real.
Speaker 4 (23:01):
Yeah, especially did you see his like therapy right right? Yeah,
and he's in shape and he was like, you know, yeah,
like he had this like nerdy cuteness about it.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
The nerdy cuteness is that kind of like little charm? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (23:18):
So yeah. And then like for for the for the
young lady, well she herself.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
Truly, no, truly she could. I wish them well and
far away from me. But that's what's crazy is like
they I think they live in New York now because
but like you, the world is small. And thank you
for listening to another episode of Cheaters and Backstabbers. I
was both the cheater and the backstabber because I I
(23:53):
was competitive and when he found somebody, I found someone too,
but they were like like me, but better. Yeah, because
I was trying to compete and we all lost, but
they won and that was your doing, Kate, and I
let that happen. I let that happen, and they couldn't
find each other without you. So I brought them together.
I brought you truth lover credit, I brought true lovers.
(24:15):
The funny thing is they got married exactly at the
same place that we got married.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
No.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
And I only know this because like one day during
the pandemic, people were texting me and like they were
like just thinking of you, and I was like, oh
my god, that's so sweet.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
I hadn't heard from this person a while.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
And then like more people started being like just thinking
of you, and I was like, this is crazy.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Why is everybody thinking of me?
Speaker 3 (24:37):
And then I saw like photos of them getting married
literally the same exact place you guys still.
Speaker 4 (24:42):
Have mutual friends, and they were pulling at it. Yeah,
So were these the same people hitting you up? Like, Hey,
I'm thinking about you, but I'm about to pose this
real quick.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
Right, right, right? That's crazy?
Speaker 3 (24:53):
Right? I mean, well, I will say my friends are
mature because I had a couple, like, I learned a
lot about like loyalty and what people think of as
loyalty because I was still very childish, churlish, and when
this went down, I was how do you say, petty?
(25:14):
And some of my friends were like, Kate, I know
that you're mad at him, but like he's our friend too.
You know, we've been You've been with him for like
eight years now at this point. Yeah, and we're just
because you think he did you wrong, like we still
love and care about him, and so because I was like,
why are ill still friends with him? Why are you
(25:34):
still like And then my childhood friends were like I
told him, you know, they're like, we're gonna pee on
his doors. I mean, very childish, and at the time
that felt good, and in hindsight, I'm like, I want
to take the higher road. And I thank my friends
who were very mature in saying, like, we understand you're
(25:55):
that's between you guys.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Yeah we're not, but.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Like we still people are allowed to make mistakes or
people and also we're not allowed to judge. So all
this is to say, now I think I've adopted some
of those people who used to get on my nerves
for like, you know, liking and being friends with them.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Because the world is too small to have grudges.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
Absolutely, life is too short to have grudges.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
We gotta live and let live.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
And even though you tell people to eat dirt and die,
you don't really mean it, you know.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
No, of course not. Yeah, I shout out to your
friends kind of like them. It was a good.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
Pence, Nicky Ali and the good ones showing me the way.
And now I get to lead other people to the light,
you know, because when when either if it's like a
breakup or a fight, I'm very big on like.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
I love Jesus, loved the sinners. You know, there's no
right and wrong, there is love, and I will meet
you there. Yeah, yeah, good for you.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
I'm excited to see you know what comes from this,
your growth? It's there, right, do you feel it? Do
you see yourself? Different than leaving that marriage, it was a.
Speaker 3 (27:11):
Lot more fun for me to do like polyshamery, thinking
like I'm like and I have.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
A Broadway producer who's producing this play and we're all
on Broadway. You guys, can you believe it? Like it's
like really fun to.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
Be like I left all that because I would have
a TV show and then like to not be successful.
But like I know I'm successful in the heart where
it matters, but like I'm not, like I haven't been
able to buy a house again, I haven't been able
to like support myself in that lifestyle. So there are
definitely those moments when like the fantasy of me like
(27:42):
forging my path ethically looked a little different.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
Yeah, but.
Speaker 3 (27:48):
I will. I will wait for the day that it
can come true and what I've learned is that this
is the friends like you, friends like you, projects like this,
that's the real money, that's the real love.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
So I appreciate that.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
So this was another episode of Cheaters and Backstabers Special
co host Edition.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Yes, and hopefully we'll be back with me interviewing Shabby.
Speaker 4 (28:11):
Yes, hopefully you guys are ready for that one. Get
ready to cry, guys. No, I'm kidding, no, but I'm
really proud of you. I'm really excited. And if no
one has seen your show, where can they watch it anywhere?
Speaker 3 (28:23):
Yeah? I'm constantly doing little different versions of like shows.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
So follow me on Instagram if y'all aren't.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
Yes, and yeah, maybe you could open up for me
and then maybe we'll get your show.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
I'm like Shoty's like you open for me?
Speaker 4 (28:38):
No?
Speaker 3 (28:38):
I mean I would love to, and I can't wait
to fear pressure you into doing yours.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Yeatto, it'll happen. Guys.
Speaker 4 (28:46):
But I'm Shoddy Diaz and I'm k Robart and this
has been Cheaters and Backstabers.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Thank you,
Hosts And Creators
Shari Diaz
Kate Robards
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