December 24, 2024 • 31 mins
Previously Recorded
In this special throwback episode, Michelle is basking in the holiday spirit! She provides small tips and boundaries to help you have a healthy and happy holiday season.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of
iHeart Radio and The Black Effect. Hey, Hey, Hey, what's
up to my Checking in family? How y'all doing? Y'all
(00:23):
doing all right this holiday season? I hope you're doing well.
If not, let me know if there's anything I can do.
I can share a positive word with you. Don't be
hesitant to reach out to me in my DMS. Okay,
or just shoot me a comment in my comment section
(00:44):
and let me know how you're doing this holiday season.
Lots of people you know to me, I noticed, I
feel like it's real quiet this holiday season. I expected
to see more or holiday decor I know I don't
have any decorations. I'll be in Dallas at Gateway Church.
(01:08):
I'm doing all six of their holiday services. So there
are three services on the twenty third, three services on
the twenty fourth, So if you are in the Dallas area,
I would love to see you. And then Christmas Day,
I believe I will be home in Illinois with my
family or I might have to run it back to Atlanta,
(01:31):
depending on this weather. For New Year's I'm excited I
will be opening up the Rolls Bowl Parade. I'm so
excited about that. I want to get y'all all the
information for that. I got approached about doing the Rose
Bowl Parade from a longtime friend of mine in choreographer.
(01:55):
His name is Kevin Wilson. Kevin Wilson has danced for Britneys,
Christina Aguilera, him and his brother Kevin and Marcel Wilson.
Janet Jackson share for some of everybody. We were childhood
friends and they were in the arts for a long time.
And I'll never forget when I joined Destiny's Child and
(02:17):
we did some shows with Christina Aguilera. It was so
amazing to see my friends that I grew up in
church with friends that I grew up in school with.
We were on the road together and so Kevin Wilson
reached out to me about this Rose Bowl performance. So
we were kicking off the one hundred and thirty fifth
Rose Parade. I will be with David Archiletta, Cassidy Pope
(02:39):
and Rush Davis. So I'm excited. They're revamping the Rose
Bowl Parade. So I'm excited to be a part of history.
I'm excited. I'm excited. I'm not excited about the call time,
but it's going to be amazing again. That's the Rose
Bowl Parade on January first. But let me run it
(03:01):
back to Christmas services in the Dallas area. If you
are down, I want to see you at one of
six services, or if you want to be with me
for all six services, you are welcome in Dallas. Show
up for your girl at Gateway Church. I'm doing two
(03:21):
songs and I'm very excited about the song selections. So
just come and hang out with your girl again. I
will be at Gateway Church in Dallas, Texas. So if
you in Dallas and you love me, you don't have
no excuse to not show up. All right? Okay, great?
So have y'all been shopping? I haven't bought a ting.
(03:45):
I'm just gonna do gift cards. I'm going to do
gift cards. There are a couple friends that I'm going
to send some items to. Other than that, the rest
of folks is getting gift cards or you're getting a hook.
That's all I got, you know. I feel like saying
a year round, I'm tapped out. I'm tapped out. It's like,
(04:06):
what y'all get in me? All right? I want to
hear somebody say, tee, what you want for Christmas. I'm waiting.
I'm waiting, I'm waiting. But it's a blessing. It's a blessing.
It's a blessing. This is going to be a great
holiday season. I had to run something back that I
posted on the ground, and that is checking in this
(04:29):
holiday season. You know, we talk about setting emotional and
financial boundaries. If you ain't got it, you ain't got it.
That's emotionally and financial. Listen, if you don't have the
emotional capacity or bandwidth to be around people, if you're tired,
(04:51):
you do know you can take this time to rest.
You know that, right, and it's your business. As our
good sister Tabitha Brown says, Now, unless you have children,
resting during the holiday season could be close to impossible.
You know, you got the kids. You know they're wondering
(05:11):
what they're getting for Christmas. They won't sanam that this, that,
or But for that parent, you might be stressed because
maybe right now, maybe it's tough for you financially. Maybe
you're like, I want to get my children stuff for Christmas,
I just don't have the financial means. So how are
(05:32):
you going to show up for your family this holiday season?
When you're stressed out about what you're going to be
able to get. So the real meaning behind the holiday season,
whatever that means for you. You know, the holiday season
has to be about family and connection, okay, And I
(05:54):
feel like some of these kids won't. No child, if
you go to Family, Dollar, Dollar, General, Dollar, Tree and Honey,
spend five dollars and get them five toys, they won't
even know. They just these kids just want something to unwrap, y'all.
I didn't care. I don't think I cared where my
gifts came from. Now, when I got to a certain age,
(06:15):
I kind of knew if something was cheap or not.
But for the most part, I didn't know where these
gifts came from. I just wanted something to open. So
parents are stressing out about gifts for their children. Y'all
know how we are now As I was a child too.
You play with that toy that you wanted all year,
(06:37):
you finally get it for Christmas, you unwrap it, you
play with it for one day, maybe two days. Then
you're all playing with some old mangy toy that you
didn't have the past seven eight years. You don't even
So we all out here spending money for these children
and they don't even don't stress yourself out, mother, don't
(06:58):
stress yourself out. Don't you do it? But at the
same time, I'm not a parent, but I'm putting myself
in your shoes. If you are in the place where
you do want your children to have presents under the trees,
but you feel like you just can't do it, and
so I understand, I totally understand. But you still have
(07:22):
to set emotional and financial boundaries. Do not go bankrupt
because of one day out of a year. Two Be
around emotionally safe people. Shall you know the folks that
wear you out, the folks that all always got something
(07:42):
to say about how you dress or how you cooked
the greens. Why the chicken ain't crispy enough? Who told
you to make dark chocolate brownies? I won't regular milk chocolate.
I don't like dark chalkd like if somebody else he's
got something to say. Why you ain't married yet, or
(08:05):
why you and your husband didn't work it out. Why
did you cheat on your girlfriend? Why you got foul
baby daddies? Why be around emotionally safe people. Being around
emotionally safe people, or when you walk in the house
it's love. Ain't nobody finna bring up no drama? Like,
(08:27):
don't use the holidays to bring up drama. There are
three hundred and sixty four other days out of the year,
but when Christmas or the Thanksgivings or the New Year's
come for some reason, that's the day people like to
use to be foolish. No, be around emotionally safe people.
(08:49):
Be around emotionally safe people. Where if you say I
just I'm just I'm just tapped out this year, who
still welcome you with open arms? Who say, sis, bro,
I don't want anything from you. You're still welcome over here.
Just come and put your feet up, Let's let's watch
the game, let's watch something new on TV. You know
what I mean. So being around emotionally safe people give
(09:13):
yourself grace. So when I said set emotional and financial
financial boundaries and be around emotionally safe people, you give
yourself grace. If you feel like you're not meeting people's expectations,
give yourself grace. If you feel like you didn't meet
your own expectations, it's okay. Give yourself grace. If you
(09:39):
snapped on somebody, give yourself grace. Just know, don't do
it again, but do give yourself grace. Okay. Number four,
be honest about where you are. Be honest about where
(10:01):
you are. I'm not feeling well this holiday season, and
so I don't want to be around a lot of people.
And that's it. You don't have to do no longer
drawn out explanations. I'm reading something right now that says,
keep it short and sweet. Be clear, okay, if you know, hey,
(10:23):
just be just be honest about where you are. Just
be honest. Hey, I don't have the money this year.
Some folks say, hey, we'll have Christmas when I get
my tax return. We ain't got it right now, Be
clear about where you are, or say, hey, we're going
to go volunteer at a homeless shelter this year. We're
(10:43):
gonna give. I don't want to make it all about
finances and what we don't have. Let's give. Let let's
give up our time. Okay, go to a soup kitchen,
go volunteer. Be honest about where you are. It's okay
to not have it. It's okay to not go. That's
(11:03):
number five. It's okay to not have it, and it's
okay to not go, but you have to be clear.
I'm reading an article that was published in twenty twenty
two about giving expert advice for navigating conversations with family.
According to Metro dot co dot uk, Aiden Milan writes
(11:25):
this article and they she says, be clear. It's important
to be clear about what you want with minimal delay.
Don't beat around the bush, says No. Lack of clarity
and communication is what often causes friction. So don't wait
till Christmas Day maybe or New Year, just just starting out,
(11:45):
start the conversation out. Just hey, it's a possibility. I'm
not gonna make it. Be clear, be clear with friends
and family. Don't make it personal, Okay, says If you're
skipping the family Christmas this year because of someone in particular,
it's probably best to leave that part out, like, don't
personalize the reasons. Don't say, hey, I ain't going to
(12:09):
Granny's house because ain't he Brenda be musty, I ain't
going to Grandma's house because I don't like her new husband.
Don't don't don't make it personal, make the reasons for
your non attendance about your own wishes and wants. You
can just say, hey, I just want to rest, you know,
(12:31):
brace for compromise. Try to be flexible flexible when it
comes to making get up to your family. Be prepared
to negotiate on alternatives, such as other dates to visit,
even offer the FaceTime do a video call. That would
be a considerate compromise. According to this article, don't apologize.
(12:52):
There's obviously no need to be crue, but stand by
your choice when you chat about it. Noel says, don't
apologize for your decision, but do infacy thighs with the
other people's feelings of dissatisfaction or disappointment. Don't take responsibility
for how they are going to react. Don't take responsibility
for their feelings. If you really say, hey, mommy doesn't
(13:16):
have the money right now, but we will, we will,
we will do something soon, Okay, I know it hurts
you know. Or prop a script. Start the chat with
the clear idea of what you want to say and
how you want to say it. Prepare yourself with the
script of what you want to say, keep it neutral,
and practice it. When you have the conversation with your family,
(13:37):
think about the setting and time. Try to ensure people
have eaten and are not too tired, as negative reactions
can come from being angry or being tired. Also make
sure the setting is not overstimulating. Keep it short and sweet.
Noel says that keeping the conversation brief can help keep
things from escalating. Try to manage the conversation so it
(13:59):
does not go on too long. Keep it business light
so it doesn't descend into drama. Organize it like a
work meeting with time and place, boundaries and an agenda.
Allow folks to have their say, taking turns, but it's
not about decision making. That's already done. Meaning I said
what I said. I said, I'm not coming, but I
(14:20):
do want you to have your set. It's not gonna
change you'll feel, but I do want you to have yourself.
So that's how we are checking in this holiday season.
I am excited to know your thoughts. Now. There are
gonna be some people that gonna be like Michelle, I
can't relate. I love my family. I start Christmas shopping
(14:42):
in July, so it ensures that everybody I love has gifts.
Or if you don't celebrate the holiday season. This is
in respect to people who do not celebrate the holidays
at all, but you still love fellowship. Maybe you just
kind of you know, love seeing everybody else excited. Respect
to the listeners as well, who are like, maybe I
(15:04):
can't relate because I don't sell to break Christmas anywhere.
I hear you as well, so you probably just sitting
back with your popcorn, like seeing all these people get
stressed out. Like for me, I hate the hustle and
bustle of Christmas shopping. I hate what it does to people.
It makes people anxious. It makes people upset because they're
trying to find this gift for a loved one. You
(15:28):
know it's Christmas Day, but you wait till Christmas Eve.
Oh it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart. So
I want to go back to those you know who
just absolutely adore the holiday season. Like my mother, Honey,
she would just start crying when she would wrap Christmas gifts.
I don't know if she was crying because she spent
(15:48):
too much money, but I felt like she just loved
the Christmas season so much. She only wants snow when
it's Oh, if it's not snowing, it ain't Christmas. Like
there are some people who just just they just I
feel like Kelly, Kelly loves Christmas. I'm not saying I
being on love Chris, but Kelly the tree had been
up probably since August child I don't know, but she
(16:11):
just loves it, loves it, loves it, loves it, loves it. Me,
on the all the hand, I don't have a Christmas
tree up. Again, I'm not gonna be home anyway, but
as me and I feel like things will change. I
don't have children. I have a dog, but I don't know.
No one's coming over here excited for Christmas. Okay, so
I'm not doing I don't have any decorations. Someone gave
(16:32):
me a cute, little like lantern thing. I don't know whatever.
So but again, I do love when people are excited.
A friend of mine was facetiming me yesterday and their
mother has the house decked out, multiple trees everywhere. There's
(16:54):
a light for everything. I mean, it looks like the
Christmas department at Target or something. I mean, it's it's
it's it's lights everywhere. So that did actually make me
excited because I know that I know that their mom
is excited. You know. So I do get excited when
I see other people excited. I'm not that much of
(17:17):
a grunch, I do. I do get excited, you know.
So I just wanted to just share and send some
love to see what everybody is up to and how
everybody has been feeling. I do no. Seasonal depression, you know,
(17:38):
is a real, real, real thing, especially during the holidays.
This this weather doesn't know what it wants to do,
and so I definitely want to acknowledge those who might
just be feeling the blues, you know, for this holiday season.
So I encourage you to get out from fresh air
(18:01):
does wonders. And I know you're like, you got to
get up first to get outside. I'm telling you, fresh
air does wonders. I'm excited for my baby, my dog.
I love taking him out for walks. He gets so excited.
I just put the leash in my hand and he
just gets all excited because he knows we're about to
go on that walk, you know. And so just go out,
(18:25):
get some fresh air, have a conversation with someone you
haven't had in a while. Go grab that cup of coffee,
you know, Go grab a nice warm croissante, or y'all
make you some toast in the oven. Honey, that be
the best toast, that broiler oven toast you want to
talk about, Bababe, ain't no depression around here. If I
(18:49):
got a broiler, put that butter, Put some pieces of
butter on that bread stick it up. Ooh, and seasonal depression,
where it's time to get that broiler going, get that
toask on. Some people like to put a little sugar
on it, you know. I just like a little apple jelly. Yes,
(19:09):
there is a such thing as apple jelly, not apple butter,
which is good, but I love apple jelly. I just
want to just send love to those who might maybe
you're just feeling the seasonal blues. And we talked about
that a few episodes back, about seasonal depression and how
(19:32):
that thing is real, you know, from the fall till
about March until that weather starts turning because there's less
sunshine right now. So that really, really really has been affecting,
affecting people. So just want you to know that you
are loved. Someone just said that, hey, they've been struggling
(19:53):
a bit and that they're glad that they are not alone.
Never alone, never alone. There's always gonna be someone who
can relate to what you're going through. And don't let
those lies and those emotions tell you opposite. You are
not alone. Okay, So yes, Honey, it's been some good
(20:16):
stuff going on. Thank y'all for the love the past
few weeks. Honey, about some fashion choices. Child, Jason Bowen
is my friend. I went to a wedding in Dallas
and so that's what those last pictures were from. So
that was fun. That was fun. I know, I said,
(20:38):
I won't gonna show no more leg I'm not doing
briefs again. I might do a little high split and
address or something, but yeah, I'm not. We're not gonna
do that. We're not gonna do that. So that's what
we're not going to do. Did I tell y'all? So
(20:59):
I think since I've talked to you, did we talk
about Thanksgiving? And I told you? Did I tell you?
Did we let me see? Because that was okay? I
think we talked about a little bit, y'all. My turkey
was a tinch salty. Child tried dispatchcock it and we
I brined it and then injected it with some Cajun
(21:20):
seasons and it got a little salty. I might try
to do something else, maybe for New Year's or Christmas.
I feel like I need I need another chance to
get it right, y'all ever feel that way? You need
a chance to get it right. We'll see. It depends
on if I go home for Christmas to Illinois or
(21:40):
stay here in the Atlanta area. We shall see, we
shall see again. I want to see your faces. If
you're in Dallas, I want to see you at Gateway Church,
all right. It's it's in south Lake, seven hundred Blessed Way,
(22:00):
south Lake, Texas. All right, So come on on, don't wait.
The music is going to be great. It's beautiful. I
already got a sketch of one of the songs that
I'm singing. It has two words, so I'm gonna give
you it's a nice song. It's song you've heard before,
(22:22):
so I'm excited. I just got the sketch yesterday to
make sure that the key is comfortable and all that good.
So I love working with music departments. There are passionate
professional babebe m m mmm, folks is calling themselves professionals,
(22:45):
and they ain't. I love getting my music in time.
I get to study it, I get to rehearse it,
so I'm really, really, really excited about it. So again,
I want to see you there, all right. And then
those of you who are not able to go to
the Rose Bowl Parade. Make sure you tune in to it.
(23:08):
It's gonna be exciting. It's going to be exciting. Again.
I'm not excited about that four thirty am call time,
but we gotta do what we gotta do. So that's
what's been going on. I'm excited about this year is
it's been a blessed year. It has really been a
blessed year. There's some things coming up in twenty twenty four.
(23:33):
One project I was very, very excited about it has
been pushed back. Negotiations are still going on. Oh gosh,
I did something so fun. It's gonna air January third
on Fox. Okay, that's all I can say about it. Oh,
I'm excited about it now. This is not what I
(23:53):
did in Ireland. Okay, in Ireland I did. Okay, I
filmed a show in Ireland. But it's gonna film. It's
gonna air here in the States. But keep your eyes
tuned January third. It's gonna be something so oh my gosh,
so fun, just so endearing. I'll leave it at that.
(24:21):
It's been some cool, fun opportunities. I don't mind hard work.
You gotta you know what I'm saying. But some of
the majority of the hard work, it's gotta be fun.
If I can't make it fun, I don't want to
do it. I don't want I don't want to do it.
And I hope that you guys that are listening you
can get to a place in your lives and your
(24:42):
careers actually don't wait. Everybody's working hard, everybody's making sure, honey,
the bills are paid. But if you can find something
with what you do to make some part of it fun.
I know some people might be like Michelle. I work
in the emergengency room. There's nothing fun about seeing blood
(25:03):
and guts. There's nothing fun about seeing babies cry and
you're trying to figure out why they're in so much pain.
There's nothing fun about it. I get that part of
the job. It's not fun. But there's got to be
something fun in the break room when you're actually able
to take a break, you know, or just I get it.
Folks are working, Folks are doing, like, oh my gosh,
(25:28):
so many stressful, stressful jobs. And I want you to
know I see you, and I hear you, but you
deserve to have some fun somehow, have fun as long
as it does not compromise the integrity of the work
that you gotta do. All right, If I'm in the
emergency room, I don't think I want to hear jokes.
Let's get to the problem first and then we can
(25:50):
laugh later. I totally, I totally get it, and some
I just want you all to know. You know, I've
been having some fun with what I do. I think
in twenty twenty four, just more impact, making more impact
positively in the lives of as many people that I
(26:13):
possibly can. Will you join me in that, making impact
positively in the lives of as many people as you can?
What do you say to that? Will you join me?
If you don't mind, tell me how are you going
to do that? I think I want to volunteer a
(26:36):
lot more. I want to volunteer more. There's some things
that I want to do, and I think I want
to volunteer a lot more. I had the chance to
volunteer last week in Tampa. There's an organization called Feeding Tampa,
and what struck me was that there are people that
(27:01):
work every day. They're working Monday through Friday nine to five,
and some are still struggling to make ends. Meeting, so
we distributed food. It was a mobile pantry where they
stay in the car and we just put the food
in the back of their and their trunks or in
the back seat of the car, or wherever they want
(27:22):
their food. And one woman she recognized who I was,
and she just began to weep, and she was just
telling me how you know she works for. If I
set the name of the company, you would know it.
And but just how tough it's been. So I just
want to tell anybody who's listening to me, who's feeling
(27:47):
like it's been tough. Like I said, you've been wanting
to provide something amazing for the holiday season, but you'd
rather say, Hey, as long as we got food on
the table, you know that that's the best you can do.
And I want you to know that that is all right,
that's the best you can do. This is a safe
zone over here. Ain't no judgment over here, y'all. I'd
(28:10):
rather have good food than gifts anyway. So don't feel
bad again. Do not feel bad, But my heart is
with you. I'm praying for better times for you, and
I'm praying that y'all get some unexpected coins that you
were not expecting in twenty I pray that you get
(28:33):
it now, and I pray and I'm gonna save something
for the twenty twenty four episode. But just that that
at this time, that that you know that your prayers
are heard, that your worries and concern are being seen, right, Okay,
(28:54):
So just know that I love y'all so so, so
so much, and this time next week we'll be in touch. Okay,
this time next week, Christmas would have passed. So I
just want to encourage you up until now, up until
the holiday season. Just let you know that I love
you and thank you all for being the best gift
(29:16):
that I can have, especially those that continue to listen
to the podcast week after week after week after week.
I love you, and I sure thank you those who
just passed my episodes on to people that say, hey,
I think you should listen to this episode. That makes
me smile. That makes me smile, and the messages that
I've gotten from people saying that someone told them about
(29:41):
my podcast. So thank y'all so much, and I will
talk to you soon Marry Christmas. Checking In with Michelle
(31:09):
Williams is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect.
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio, app, Apple podcast,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of
iHeart Radio and The Black Effect. Hey, Hey, Hey, what's
up to my Checking in family? How y'all doing? Y'all
(00:23):
doing all right this holiday season? I hope you're doing well.
If not, let me know if there's anything I can do.
I can share a positive word with you. Don't be
hesitant to reach out to me in my DMS. Okay,
or just shoot me a comment in my comment section
(00:44):
and let me know how you're doing this holiday season.
Lots of people you know to me, I noticed, I
feel like it's real quiet this holiday season. I expected
to see more or holiday decor I know I don't
have any decorations. I'll be in Dallas at Gateway Church.
(01:08):
I'm doing all six of their holiday services. So there
are three services on the twenty third, three services on
the twenty fourth, So if you are in the Dallas area,
I would love to see you. And then Christmas Day,
I believe I will be home in Illinois with my
family or I might have to run it back to Atlanta,
(01:31):
depending on this weather. For New Year's I'm excited I
will be opening up the Rolls Bowl Parade. I'm so
excited about that. I want to get y'all all the
information for that. I got approached about doing the Rose
Bowl Parade from a longtime friend of mine in choreographer.
(01:55):
His name is Kevin Wilson. Kevin Wilson has danced for Britneys,
Christina Aguilera, him and his brother Kevin and Marcel Wilson.
Janet Jackson share for some of everybody. We were childhood
friends and they were in the arts for a long time.
And I'll never forget when I joined Destiny's Child and
(02:17):
we did some shows with Christina Aguilera. It was so
amazing to see my friends that I grew up in
church with friends that I grew up in school with.
We were on the road together and so Kevin Wilson
reached out to me about this Rose Bowl performance. So
we were kicking off the one hundred and thirty fifth
Rose Parade. I will be with David Archiletta, Cassidy Pope
(02:39):
and Rush Davis. So I'm excited. They're revamping the Rose
Bowl Parade. So I'm excited to be a part of history.
I'm excited. I'm excited. I'm not excited about the call time,
but it's going to be amazing again. That's the Rose
Bowl Parade on January first. But let me run it
(03:01):
back to Christmas services in the Dallas area. If you
are down, I want to see you at one of
six services, or if you want to be with me
for all six services, you are welcome in Dallas. Show
up for your girl at Gateway Church. I'm doing two
(03:21):
songs and I'm very excited about the song selections. So
just come and hang out with your girl again. I
will be at Gateway Church in Dallas, Texas. So if
you in Dallas and you love me, you don't have
no excuse to not show up. All right? Okay, great?
So have y'all been shopping? I haven't bought a ting.
(03:45):
I'm just gonna do gift cards. I'm going to do
gift cards. There are a couple friends that I'm going
to send some items to. Other than that, the rest
of folks is getting gift cards or you're getting a hook.
That's all I got, you know. I feel like saying
a year round, I'm tapped out. I'm tapped out. It's like,
(04:06):
what y'all get in me? All right? I want to
hear somebody say, tee, what you want for Christmas. I'm waiting.
I'm waiting, I'm waiting. But it's a blessing. It's a blessing.
It's a blessing. This is going to be a great
holiday season. I had to run something back that I
posted on the ground, and that is checking in this
(04:29):
holiday season. You know, we talk about setting emotional and
financial boundaries. If you ain't got it, you ain't got it.
That's emotionally and financial. Listen, if you don't have the
emotional capacity or bandwidth to be around people, if you're tired,
(04:51):
you do know you can take this time to rest.
You know that, right, and it's your business. As our
good sister Tabitha Brown says, Now, unless you have children,
resting during the holiday season could be close to impossible.
You know, you got the kids. You know they're wondering
(05:11):
what they're getting for Christmas. They won't sanam that this, that,
or But for that parent, you might be stressed because
maybe right now, maybe it's tough for you financially. Maybe
you're like, I want to get my children stuff for Christmas,
I just don't have the financial means. So how are
(05:32):
you going to show up for your family this holiday season?
When you're stressed out about what you're going to be
able to get. So the real meaning behind the holiday season,
whatever that means for you. You know, the holiday season
has to be about family and connection, okay, And I
(05:54):
feel like some of these kids won't. No child, if
you go to Family, Dollar, Dollar, General, Dollar, Tree and Honey,
spend five dollars and get them five toys, they won't
even know. They just these kids just want something to unwrap, y'all.
I didn't care. I don't think I cared where my
gifts came from. Now, when I got to a certain age,
(06:15):
I kind of knew if something was cheap or not.
But for the most part, I didn't know where these
gifts came from. I just wanted something to open. So
parents are stressing out about gifts for their children. Y'all
know how we are now As I was a child too.
You play with that toy that you wanted all year,
(06:37):
you finally get it for Christmas, you unwrap it, you
play with it for one day, maybe two days. Then
you're all playing with some old mangy toy that you
didn't have the past seven eight years. You don't even
So we all out here spending money for these children
and they don't even don't stress yourself out, mother, don't
(06:58):
stress yourself out. Don't you do it? But at the
same time, I'm not a parent, but I'm putting myself
in your shoes. If you are in the place where
you do want your children to have presents under the trees,
but you feel like you just can't do it, and
so I understand, I totally understand. But you still have
(07:22):
to set emotional and financial boundaries. Do not go bankrupt
because of one day out of a year. Two Be
around emotionally safe people. Shall you know the folks that
wear you out, the folks that all always got something
(07:42):
to say about how you dress or how you cooked
the greens. Why the chicken ain't crispy enough? Who told
you to make dark chocolate brownies? I won't regular milk chocolate.
I don't like dark chalkd like if somebody else he's
got something to say. Why you ain't married yet, or
(08:05):
why you and your husband didn't work it out. Why
did you cheat on your girlfriend? Why you got foul
baby daddies? Why be around emotionally safe people. Being around
emotionally safe people, or when you walk in the house
it's love. Ain't nobody finna bring up no drama? Like,
(08:27):
don't use the holidays to bring up drama. There are
three hundred and sixty four other days out of the year,
but when Christmas or the Thanksgivings or the New Year's
come for some reason, that's the day people like to
use to be foolish. No, be around emotionally safe people.
(08:49):
Be around emotionally safe people. Where if you say I
just I'm just I'm just tapped out this year, who
still welcome you with open arms? Who say, sis, bro,
I don't want anything from you. You're still welcome over here.
Just come and put your feet up, Let's let's watch
the game, let's watch something new on TV. You know
what I mean. So being around emotionally safe people give
(09:13):
yourself grace. So when I said set emotional and financial
financial boundaries and be around emotionally safe people, you give
yourself grace. If you feel like you're not meeting people's expectations,
give yourself grace. If you feel like you didn't meet
your own expectations, it's okay. Give yourself grace. If you
(09:39):
snapped on somebody, give yourself grace. Just know, don't do
it again, but do give yourself grace. Okay. Number four,
be honest about where you are. Be honest about where
(10:01):
you are. I'm not feeling well this holiday season, and
so I don't want to be around a lot of people.
And that's it. You don't have to do no longer
drawn out explanations. I'm reading something right now that says,
keep it short and sweet. Be clear, okay, if you know, hey,
(10:23):
just be just be honest about where you are. Just
be honest. Hey, I don't have the money this year.
Some folks say, hey, we'll have Christmas when I get
my tax return. We ain't got it right now, Be
clear about where you are, or say, hey, we're going
to go volunteer at a homeless shelter this year. We're
(10:43):
gonna give. I don't want to make it all about
finances and what we don't have. Let's give. Let let's
give up our time. Okay, go to a soup kitchen,
go volunteer. Be honest about where you are. It's okay
to not have it. It's okay to not go. That's
(11:03):
number five. It's okay to not have it, and it's
okay to not go, but you have to be clear.
I'm reading an article that was published in twenty twenty
two about giving expert advice for navigating conversations with family.
According to Metro dot co dot uk, Aiden Milan writes
(11:25):
this article and they she says, be clear. It's important
to be clear about what you want with minimal delay.
Don't beat around the bush, says No. Lack of clarity
and communication is what often causes friction. So don't wait
till Christmas Day maybe or New Year, just just starting out,
(11:45):
start the conversation out. Just hey, it's a possibility. I'm
not gonna make it. Be clear, be clear with friends
and family. Don't make it personal, Okay, says If you're
skipping the family Christmas this year because of someone in particular,
it's probably best to leave that part out, like, don't
personalize the reasons. Don't say, hey, I ain't going to
(12:09):
Granny's house because ain't he Brenda be musty, I ain't
going to Grandma's house because I don't like her new husband.
Don't don't don't make it personal, make the reasons for
your non attendance about your own wishes and wants. You
can just say, hey, I just want to rest, you know,
(12:31):
brace for compromise. Try to be flexible flexible when it
comes to making get up to your family. Be prepared
to negotiate on alternatives, such as other dates to visit,
even offer the FaceTime do a video call. That would
be a considerate compromise. According to this article, don't apologize.
(12:52):
There's obviously no need to be crue, but stand by
your choice when you chat about it. Noel says, don't
apologize for your decision, but do infacy thighs with the
other people's feelings of dissatisfaction or disappointment. Don't take responsibility
for how they are going to react. Don't take responsibility
for their feelings. If you really say, hey, mommy doesn't
(13:16):
have the money right now, but we will, we will,
we will do something soon, Okay, I know it hurts
you know. Or prop a script. Start the chat with
the clear idea of what you want to say and
how you want to say it. Prepare yourself with the
script of what you want to say, keep it neutral,
and practice it. When you have the conversation with your family,
(13:37):
think about the setting and time. Try to ensure people
have eaten and are not too tired, as negative reactions
can come from being angry or being tired. Also make
sure the setting is not overstimulating. Keep it short and sweet.
Noel says that keeping the conversation brief can help keep
things from escalating. Try to manage the conversation so it
(13:59):
does not go on too long. Keep it business light
so it doesn't descend into drama. Organize it like a
work meeting with time and place, boundaries and an agenda.
Allow folks to have their say, taking turns, but it's
not about decision making. That's already done. Meaning I said
what I said. I said, I'm not coming, but I
(14:20):
do want you to have your set. It's not gonna
change you'll feel, but I do want you to have yourself.
So that's how we are checking in this holiday season.
I am excited to know your thoughts. Now. There are
gonna be some people that gonna be like Michelle, I
can't relate. I love my family. I start Christmas shopping
(14:42):
in July, so it ensures that everybody I love has gifts.
Or if you don't celebrate the holiday season. This is
in respect to people who do not celebrate the holidays
at all, but you still love fellowship. Maybe you just
kind of you know, love seeing everybody else excited. Respect
to the listeners as well, who are like, maybe I
(15:04):
can't relate because I don't sell to break Christmas anywhere.
I hear you as well, so you probably just sitting
back with your popcorn, like seeing all these people get
stressed out. Like for me, I hate the hustle and
bustle of Christmas shopping. I hate what it does to people.
It makes people anxious. It makes people upset because they're
trying to find this gift for a loved one. You
(15:28):
know it's Christmas Day, but you wait till Christmas Eve.
Oh it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart. So
I want to go back to those you know who
just absolutely adore the holiday season. Like my mother, Honey,
she would just start crying when she would wrap Christmas gifts.
I don't know if she was crying because she spent
(15:48):
too much money, but I felt like she just loved
the Christmas season so much. She only wants snow when
it's Oh, if it's not snowing, it ain't Christmas. Like
there are some people who just just they just I
feel like Kelly, Kelly loves Christmas. I'm not saying I
being on love Chris, but Kelly the tree had been
up probably since August child I don't know, but she
(16:11):
just loves it, loves it, loves it, loves it, loves it. Me,
on the all the hand, I don't have a Christmas
tree up. Again, I'm not gonna be home anyway, but
as me and I feel like things will change. I
don't have children. I have a dog, but I don't know.
No one's coming over here excited for Christmas. Okay, so
I'm not doing I don't have any decorations. Someone gave
(16:32):
me a cute, little like lantern thing. I don't know whatever.
So but again, I do love when people are excited.
A friend of mine was facetiming me yesterday and their
mother has the house decked out, multiple trees everywhere. There's
(16:54):
a light for everything. I mean, it looks like the
Christmas department at Target or something. I mean, it's it's
it's it's lights everywhere. So that did actually make me
excited because I know that I know that their mom
is excited. You know. So I do get excited when
I see other people excited. I'm not that much of
(17:17):
a grunch, I do. I do get excited, you know.
So I just wanted to just share and send some
love to see what everybody is up to and how
everybody has been feeling. I do no. Seasonal depression, you know,
(17:38):
is a real, real, real thing, especially during the holidays.
This this weather doesn't know what it wants to do,
and so I definitely want to acknowledge those who might
just be feeling the blues, you know, for this holiday season.
So I encourage you to get out from fresh air
(18:01):
does wonders. And I know you're like, you got to
get up first to get outside. I'm telling you, fresh
air does wonders. I'm excited for my baby, my dog.
I love taking him out for walks. He gets so excited.
I just put the leash in my hand and he
just gets all excited because he knows we're about to
go on that walk, you know. And so just go out,
(18:25):
get some fresh air, have a conversation with someone you
haven't had in a while. Go grab that cup of coffee,
you know, Go grab a nice warm croissante, or y'all
make you some toast in the oven. Honey, that be
the best toast, that broiler oven toast you want to
talk about, Bababe, ain't no depression around here. If I
(18:49):
got a broiler, put that butter, Put some pieces of
butter on that bread stick it up. Ooh, and seasonal depression,
where it's time to get that broiler going, get that
toask on. Some people like to put a little sugar
on it, you know. I just like a little apple jelly. Yes,
(19:09):
there is a such thing as apple jelly, not apple butter,
which is good, but I love apple jelly. I just
want to just send love to those who might maybe
you're just feeling the seasonal blues. And we talked about
that a few episodes back, about seasonal depression and how
(19:32):
that thing is real, you know, from the fall till
about March until that weather starts turning because there's less
sunshine right now. So that really, really really has been affecting,
affecting people. So just want you to know that you
are loved. Someone just said that, hey, they've been struggling
(19:53):
a bit and that they're glad that they are not alone.
Never alone, never alone. There's always gonna be someone who
can relate to what you're going through. And don't let
those lies and those emotions tell you opposite. You are
not alone. Okay, So yes, Honey, it's been some good
(20:16):
stuff going on. Thank y'all for the love the past
few weeks. Honey, about some fashion choices. Child, Jason Bowen
is my friend. I went to a wedding in Dallas
and so that's what those last pictures were from. So
that was fun. That was fun. I know, I said,
(20:38):
I won't gonna show no more leg I'm not doing
briefs again. I might do a little high split and
address or something, but yeah, I'm not. We're not gonna
do that. We're not gonna do that. So that's what
we're not going to do. Did I tell y'all? So
(20:59):
I think since I've talked to you, did we talk
about Thanksgiving? And I told you? Did I tell you?
Did we let me see? Because that was okay? I
think we talked about a little bit, y'all. My turkey
was a tinch salty. Child tried dispatchcock it and we
I brined it and then injected it with some Cajun
(21:20):
seasons and it got a little salty. I might try
to do something else, maybe for New Year's or Christmas.
I feel like I need I need another chance to
get it right, y'all ever feel that way? You need
a chance to get it right. We'll see. It depends
on if I go home for Christmas to Illinois or
(21:40):
stay here in the Atlanta area. We shall see, we
shall see again. I want to see your faces. If
you're in Dallas, I want to see you at Gateway Church,
all right. It's it's in south Lake, seven hundred Blessed Way,
(22:00):
south Lake, Texas. All right, So come on on, don't wait.
The music is going to be great. It's beautiful. I
already got a sketch of one of the songs that
I'm singing. It has two words, so I'm gonna give
you it's a nice song. It's song you've heard before,
(22:22):
so I'm excited. I just got the sketch yesterday to
make sure that the key is comfortable and all that good.
So I love working with music departments. There are passionate
professional babebe m m mmm, folks is calling themselves professionals,
(22:45):
and they ain't. I love getting my music in time.
I get to study it, I get to rehearse it,
so I'm really, really, really excited about it. So again,
I want to see you there, all right. And then
those of you who are not able to go to
the Rose Bowl Parade. Make sure you tune in to it.
(23:08):
It's gonna be exciting. It's going to be exciting. Again.
I'm not excited about that four thirty am call time,
but we gotta do what we gotta do. So that's
what's been going on. I'm excited about this year is
it's been a blessed year. It has really been a
blessed year. There's some things coming up in twenty twenty four.
(23:33):
One project I was very, very excited about it has
been pushed back. Negotiations are still going on. Oh gosh,
I did something so fun. It's gonna air January third
on Fox. Okay, that's all I can say about it. Oh,
I'm excited about it now. This is not what I
(23:53):
did in Ireland. Okay, in Ireland I did. Okay, I
filmed a show in Ireland. But it's gonna film. It's
gonna air here in the States. But keep your eyes
tuned January third. It's gonna be something so oh my gosh,
so fun, just so endearing. I'll leave it at that.
(24:21):
It's been some cool, fun opportunities. I don't mind hard work.
You gotta you know what I'm saying. But some of
the majority of the hard work, it's gotta be fun.
If I can't make it fun, I don't want to
do it. I don't want I don't want to do it.
And I hope that you guys that are listening you
can get to a place in your lives and your
(24:42):
careers actually don't wait. Everybody's working hard, everybody's making sure, honey,
the bills are paid. But if you can find something
with what you do to make some part of it fun.
I know some people might be like Michelle. I work
in the emergengency room. There's nothing fun about seeing blood
(25:03):
and guts. There's nothing fun about seeing babies cry and
you're trying to figure out why they're in so much pain.
There's nothing fun about it. I get that part of
the job. It's not fun. But there's got to be
something fun in the break room when you're actually able
to take a break, you know, or just I get it.
Folks are working, Folks are doing, like, oh my gosh,
(25:28):
so many stressful, stressful jobs. And I want you to
know I see you, and I hear you, but you
deserve to have some fun somehow, have fun as long
as it does not compromise the integrity of the work
that you gotta do. All right, If I'm in the
emergency room, I don't think I want to hear jokes.
Let's get to the problem first and then we can
(25:50):
laugh later. I totally, I totally get it, and some
I just want you all to know. You know, I've
been having some fun with what I do. I think
in twenty twenty four, just more impact, making more impact
positively in the lives of as many people that I
(26:13):
possibly can. Will you join me in that, making impact
positively in the lives of as many people as you can?
What do you say to that? Will you join me?
If you don't mind, tell me how are you going
to do that? I think I want to volunteer a
(26:36):
lot more. I want to volunteer more. There's some things
that I want to do, and I think I want
to volunteer a lot more. I had the chance to
volunteer last week in Tampa. There's an organization called Feeding Tampa,
and what struck me was that there are people that
(27:01):
work every day. They're working Monday through Friday nine to five,
and some are still struggling to make ends. Meeting, so
we distributed food. It was a mobile pantry where they
stay in the car and we just put the food
in the back of their and their trunks or in
the back seat of the car, or wherever they want
(27:22):
their food. And one woman she recognized who I was,
and she just began to weep, and she was just
telling me how you know she works for. If I
set the name of the company, you would know it.
And but just how tough it's been. So I just
want to tell anybody who's listening to me, who's feeling
(27:47):
like it's been tough. Like I said, you've been wanting
to provide something amazing for the holiday season, but you'd
rather say, Hey, as long as we got food on
the table, you know that that's the best you can do.
And I want you to know that that is all right,
that's the best you can do. This is a safe
zone over here. Ain't no judgment over here, y'all. I'd
(28:10):
rather have good food than gifts anyway. So don't feel
bad again. Do not feel bad, But my heart is
with you. I'm praying for better times for you, and
I'm praying that y'all get some unexpected coins that you
were not expecting in twenty I pray that you get
(28:33):
it now, and I pray and I'm gonna save something
for the twenty twenty four episode. But just that that
at this time, that that you know that your prayers
are heard, that your worries and concern are being seen, right, Okay,
(28:54):
So just know that I love y'all so so, so
so much, and this time next week we'll be in touch. Okay,
this time next week, Christmas would have passed. So I
just want to encourage you up until now, up until
the holiday season. Just let you know that I love
you and thank you all for being the best gift
(29:16):
that I can have, especially those that continue to listen
to the podcast week after week after week after week.
I love you, and I sure thank you those who
just passed my episodes on to people that say, hey,
I think you should listen to this episode. That makes
me smile. That makes me smile, and the messages that
I've gotten from people saying that someone told them about
(29:41):
my podcast. So thank y'all so much, and I will
talk to you soon Marry Christmas. Checking In with Michelle
(31:09):
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