December 31, 2024 • 31 mins
Previously Recorded
In this throwback episode, Michelle is reminding you that it’s okay to fail. Just remember to get back up and keep going! New Year resolutions can sometimes put unwarranted pressure on us. If you’ve already fallen behind on your goal, you’re still on the right track! Take a deep breath and reassess! You got this! Michelle may also give us the tea behind a Destiny’s Child photo circulating the internet!
Make sure you’re following Michelle on social media!
Instagram: @MichelleWilliams
Twitter: @RealMichelleW
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of
iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. I know y'all are like,
wait a minute, Michelle, you better get to talking about
(00:22):
what happened at that birthday party. We all saw the picture,
We saw you, Kelly and Beyonce looking all good and fine. Aunt,
you better tell us, tell us what happened. Okay, I'll
give you a teensch of tea. Coming up next on
Checking Again with Michelle Williams. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening,
(00:48):
wherever you are. I am so honored and blessed to
have people who listen to my podcast from many parts
of the world. I better start acknowledging the various time zones.
So that's why I started off with good morning, good afternoon,
or good evening. And again, thank you so much for
(01:11):
subscribing and downloading my podcast, Checking In with Michelle Williams.
What a joy, what an honor. As we begin to
go into a fourth season that will be coming up soon,
I'm excited about going into a fourth season of my podcast.
(01:32):
If you would, please please please let me know guess
that you want to hear topics that you want me
to discuss any constructive criticism. I'm here for it because
I want to make the fourth season amazing. Okay, all right,
I'm sure that you all you know I'll saw a
(01:53):
picture floating around of me, Kelly Rowland and beyond say
Nol's Carter. I know y'all saw it. Everybody's talking about it.
Everybody tagged me in this picture. And it was taken
at my good friend Tim Weatherspoon's fiftieth birthday party. Now
(02:20):
what people don't know, well some of you know. Tim
even said it better than I did. He was telling someone.
He said, man, I knew a t T when she
was born, so that means he has known of me
for forty four years. And I would say, gosh, I
don't even know if I was in the double digits
(02:42):
when we finally actually met in person. His family moved
about an hour outside of Rockford, and they started coming
to the church my home, church, Saint Paul Church of
God in Christ and Tim is a drummer. Slash was
(03:02):
a drummer. He doesn't play anymore, but he was the drummer,
one of the drummers at the church. And his mom
is Slash was a choir director. She lives in Phoenix,
and so I'm not sure if she's still directing the
choir at her church in Phoenix or not. But yes,
that is how long I have known Tim Wetherspoon. So
(03:23):
we're just gonna say on Instagram, I said thirty five
years plus. Let's go on ahead and say thirty eight
years plus, okay, because I'm gonna give him some wiggar
rooms since he's a little older than me. So definitely
we were so young. And Tim and my brother, my
(03:43):
cousin Dry, they're all like best of friends. He was
a groomsman in Dary's wedding. So we go way, way, way, way,
way way back. And Tim was one of the first
that I told about the opportunity to sing background from Monica.
He was also one of the first of my good
(04:05):
friends that I told about the opportunity to join Destiny's Child.
And he has always been a supporter, always been a
great friend, a listening ear. And so Tim and my
close friend Byko, whom I went to college with. Tim
and by Ko they would come on the road with
us sometimes and we would all have so much fun.
(04:30):
They were the guys who could come on the road
with us. And it was when I tell y'all pure fun,
and I mean pure in every sense of the word.
They weren't trying to talk to us, they weren't trying
to sleep with us. They that's what made them so safe.
And they were also the friend. Tim is also the
(04:51):
friend where like if he was watching the show and
somebody flubbed a word or a step, he was the
type of person that would be like, hey, I heard
you mess up that lyric, Like he wasn't afraid to
like call it out, you know what I mean. So
just an amazing friend, not the friendliest. He can be
(05:13):
a butthole slash asshole. Okay, okay, okay, I said it,
but these this is something I've said to him. But
he somehow has the most friends in the world. How
are some of the most unfriendly people have the most friends.
I'm trying to y'all help me with that tneture, Michelle
(05:36):
don't understand, so anyo. Any who? Fast forward into like
years later, he finally admits his crush on Kelly Rowland,
that Kelly Rowland is his living like he just was like,
she's like, she's so gorgeous, She's like a Barbie doll.
She's amazing and so they begin to talk on their
(06:01):
own terms, and and here we are, y'all years later
of their blossoming marriage. And I'm so glad that, uh
that that he's my friend. He's still my friend, you
know what I mean. And I'm so glad that, Kelly,
(06:21):
because let me tell you something I could imagine. I'm
not sure, I don't know, but I do have male
friends who are married, and you would have to respect,
you know, the dynamics of a married person's relationship. And
so I am so so so glad that that I've
got a friend in Tim, and I've still, of course
(06:44):
have my friend in Collingdria Trenee Roland. So she asked
Beyonce and I would we sing Happy Birthday to Tim?
And we were like, yes, of course, of course, of course,
and we had a blast creating it. The birthday song
(07:05):
consisted of only harmonies that, oh my gosh, it took
us back. It took us back to the days of
learning songs and just harmonizing at anything that will come
on the radio. And I had this amazing idea. I
was like, y'all, I just let's let's let's do this
birthday song. Like the group emotions like the emotions like
(07:28):
the soul and the and the nine notes and the
certain the soulful harmonies and yeah, So I don't know
if video's ever gonna come out of that. I don't
know if audio's ever gonna come. I have the video.
I have the video of a singing happy Birthday to
our good friend and Kelly's good baby daddy husband, Tim Weatherspoon.
(07:50):
I got it, But of course, like any other video
or picture that I have, it's not coming from me.
So if it comes out, it's because Tim or Kellie
posted it, But it ain't coming from me. I know
a friend of mine text me and say, YO, send
me that, and like bruh, I can't. As close as
(08:14):
we are and as much as I trust you, I'm
not sending it to newbody, all right. So his birthday
party was just just so it makes you appreciate life,
and it makes you. It made me also consider my circle,
you know who's in my life. And he did not
(08:35):
want to party, but he realized that it was something
that he needed of knowing how much he's loved and adored, respected,
And Tim really has great insight and perspective on music,
the arts, life, just really good people and so his
(08:56):
party reflected that, and I was so glad to be
there to witness the love that everybody has for Tim. Okay.
So yeah, everybody was in all black. It was awesome.
Everybody dressed to their best and you know, some people
(09:19):
were a little more casual, but still fly. I was
just like, Wow, everybody in here is fly. I love it.
So I just asked that you, those that are listening,
reflect on your circle and may this year be the
year that you stop letting people play in your face.
(09:40):
May this year be the year that you tell people
how they make you feel, whether they make you feel
inspired or say, man, you hurt my feelings when you
said this, or when you talked to me like this.
You hurt my feelings when you dismissed a vulnerable moment
that I shoul shared. Y'all, let this be the year,
(10:02):
because I really think when we don't share how we
really feel. I know, for me personally, it's taking a
toll on my mental health with I don't share what
I really need to say. And we too grown, we
too old to let people play in our face and
treat us or make people feel like they can talk
(10:22):
to you any kind of way. Or like, we're not
doing that, not this year, not in twenty twenty four.
So I know a lot of people. A friend of
mine said, yo, I'll tell it. It was Jonathan mcmcreynolds.
We were at a birthday party for someone else recently
as well, and he said, y'all, you got so much
(10:42):
joy and peace, and I'm gonna have even more joy
and peace in twenty twenty four. I'm telling you, I
will be forty five this year, and I am making
it my goal year after year to have those roots
of taking care of my mental health, which is joy,
(11:05):
peace boundaries. Also a part I think that I'm learning
this year as well is really tackling the hard things sooner,
not procrastinating when it comes to heart decisions or difficult
conversations that need to be had. If you say you're grown,
a part of being grown is being able to have
(11:29):
difficult conversations. And I think the reason of why we
aren't able to have difficult conversations is fear. We're fearful
of the other person's response, We're fearful of what's gonna
happen too or in the relationship. If we have to
have a difficult conversation and nine times out of ten.
(11:51):
I didn't say ten out of ten, but because this
always gonna be that one, but nine times out of ten,
the person on the receiving and will be able to
appreciate you coming to them with something that you probably
deemed difficult. And you can even probably start off the
conversation by saying, hey, this is difficult for me because
(12:14):
I hate having to have hard conversations, but because I
love you and because I believe you love me, or
you can say like, because we've got to work together
and we want to do our best and reach our goal. Ooh,
this is a hard conversation. I'm just being vulnerable. I'm
being open to you right now and tell you this
is difficult, and then you can go in to what
(12:36):
it is that you need to say, can you practice that?
Can you do it? I know you can. That's what
checking in is going to be all about in twenty
twenty four, continuing and tackling the hard things. So I'm
excited for this new year for you. If I haven't
said it, happy new Year, Let's go. Oh. We had
(13:04):
a prior discussion with doctor Rob Singleton, who is absolutely
amazing and making sure that we always say disclaimers. When
I have doctors on that, you know, it's not intended
to diagnose, it's not intended to treat, But it is
their own personal opinion, just like you know, if I'm
(13:26):
gonna share things with you, it's my personal personal opinion
as well. Also it's also my personal journey or testimony.
Even when I'm talking about right now having difficult conversations,
I'm walking through that literally as we speak, having difficult
conversations knowing that I am empowered. I have everything on
(13:49):
the inside of me to do what it takes to
have a difficult conversation that's gonna have an amazing outcome.
Understanding and clarity for the most part, is really the
outcomes that I desire, clarity and understanding, because sometimes I'd
(14:10):
be a little slow. I'd be like, I didn't maybe
that went over my head. Maybe I need to check
in with this person, be like, what did you mean
when you?
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Oh, okay, see, okay, okay, okay, got you. I'm glad
I checked in. Okay, all right, Thank y'all so much
for going with me there. But y'all, I just saw
the funniest article. It's an interesting article from the Guardian,
(14:38):
a science editor by the name of Ian sample he
wrote and says that teenagers with more siblings have worse
mental health. Study suggest study of children in US and
China found larger in I packed when brothers and sisters
(15:01):
were closely spaced in age. So, y'all, there's four of
us total, but the first three we're all two years apart,
and I'm just wondering, what is there some truth to this?
The researchers asked nine one hundred eighth graders in the
(15:22):
US and nine four hundred in China with an average
age of fourteen, a range of questions about their mental health,
from canaan Abel and the Brothers Kismasov to Cinderella. The
warmth and support provided by siblings has hardly been taken
for granted. Now, reachers have found that children who moan
(15:44):
about their brothers and sisters may have good reason to complain.
The more siblings teenagers have, the more it hits their happiness,
they claim. It says that the study of the secondary
school children in the US and China found that those
from larger families had slightly poorer mental health than those
from smaller families. The greatest impact was seen in families
(16:06):
with multiple children born less than a year apart. Oh,
I was gonna say, because me and my siblings, Yeah,
we had normal quarrels, quarrels, quarrels growing up. Oh my gosh. Wow.
(16:28):
So it's saying that if they were closer in age,
maybe this can answer some of y'all's questions. So it
says that in China, the teenagers with no siblings fared
best for mental health, and then children who had no
siblings or only one were found to have similar mental health.
(16:50):
So what they're saying is in China and the US,
if you had no siblings or only one, you had
better mental health than those who had more siblings. Oh
my gosh, and with greater impact seeing for teenagers with
older siblings and when brothers and sisters were closely spaced
in age. Wow, I can see that I have a
(17:13):
cousin she has well, I'll take from my own family.
So there's three siblings and then my baby sister, Danielle,
born in nineteen ninety one. And I feel like, you know,
by the time I went away to college and then
(17:33):
just began working professionally in music, I believe I did
miss out on a lot of her milestones and a
lot of those great moments, so we would have to
ask her and my cousin. They live here in Atlanta.
She has three boys, two are grown college ones graduated
(17:54):
from college, and then she's got a little boy who's
like seven years old. And this does say that they've
seen one's mental health being impacted when they have well
it as teenagers with older siblings. And he's not a
teenager yet, but I'm wondering what it's gonna be like
for him because his brothers are more older. It says
(18:17):
children with more siblings got along better with others at
a nursery and were less likely to divorce in later life,
perhaps because they already had some experience at navigating close relationships.
Oh what do y'all think? All I know is that
I just find this article very interesting as I try
(18:39):
to continue to stay up on mental health research and
what's being talked about. It's just cool to learn about
stuff that I probably normally wouldn't care about or maybe
would have overlooked all because of lack of research. So
let me know the relationship with you and your siblings.
(19:02):
Of course, with me and my siblings, we are older
we're all living our own lives, and you know, there
has been some difficulties along the way because I'm always
thinking I know the better route to life, okay, and
I want to be everybody's life coach. Firstus just accepting
that people have their own lives brothers, sisters, cousins, aunties, uncles.
(19:25):
Even if you might feel like, man, if they would
just make this adjustment, their life would just be on
a better trajectory. So I have to learn, you know,
to let people live their lives the way they see
fit to live their lives and not get offended, because
(19:47):
then that's when pride comes in and ego comes in,
you know, when you feel like you and that's I
think that could be also an issue of control as well,
and so I never want to control anybody, especially another
grown man or woman. So I just thought that that
was kind of interesting. And next stuff that has been
(20:10):
on my heart to talk about, and that is resolutions
and mental health. And again I've just been kind of
browsing through articles and all that good stuff and how
many people made New Year's resolutions and you've already jacked up,
(20:31):
you didn't, it's what about sixteen days into the new
year and you've kind of already drunk the bomb and
just know that that is okay. And so, according to
Centerstone dot org, was an article that says how New
Year's resolutions impact mental health, and it says that the
(20:55):
issues with these types of goals is that they can
lead to some degree of selfs albata before you realize it.
The idea is that we shoot for the stars, but
life doesn't always work that way. If you don't ease
your way into your goals, you might find yourself failing more.
When we fail, it might impact our mental health and
negative ways and can perpetuate a cycle of slipping back
(21:17):
into old habits. I know, for me, I don't set
New Year's resolutions. As you know, I still got stuff
that I'm still trying to reach in goals that I'm
trying to do, and so I make sure that day
by day I'm taking steps towards that goal. Now, nothing
is wrong with a timeline, a reasonable timeline. If you know, hey,
(21:38):
within three months, I can accomplish this, within six months,
within six weeks, within one week, I would have worked
out three times a day, three times a week, for
thirty minutes a day. Those can be reasonable, and it's
so good because it says, be reasons by expecting yourself
(22:02):
to fail at times and know that results might be
slow moving. Understand that life happens and things can get
in the way of your goals. So try to ensure
your goals are healthy and can be achieved without harming
your physical or mental health. I already talked about the timeline,
and see I didn't need this article. I see, Lord Jesus,
(22:26):
sometimes I gotta trust me. This thing says create a timeline.
It says try to avoid being rigid in your timeline
and understand that your timeline should not be compared to
anyone else's. Okay, that's another thing, just comparing your life
period to anyone else. It will be more proactive and
productive to make small, incremental goals instead of extreme expectations. Okay, y'all,
(22:52):
So this ain't a resolution, but I knew that I
needed to get my walking closet buck to looking normal
because I've been traveling a lot in these like taking
a two day trip here, three day trip here, and
you know, coming back and just and what I and
before you know, all the clothes that I've stacked even
(23:15):
though they're folded no, they need to be hung up
and put back in their rightful place. That's kind of
why you got this whole closet and organization system. And
so I said, I am going to dedicate fifteen to
thirty minutes a day, and that's what I did. Because
it seems so overwhelming. My good girlfriend Shanie Jones, and
(23:38):
she's gonna come in from LA and help, not help,
but just we're gonna do some more purging. Although I
kind of started myself, so that's just creating. I created
a nice timeline or just reasonable saying, hey, I'm only gonna,
you know, concentrate on this for thirty minutes a day,
(24:00):
and before you know it, it might go from thirty
minutes to an hour because you'll find yourself enjoying what
you're doing, or you're like, you know what, I can
get two sections done today versus just one. I would
say go for it, especially those who are experiencing depression.
And sometimes depression might make things pile up a little more.
(24:22):
You don't have the strength, but it's like doing little
things bit by bit. I love seeing some of these
cleaning videos on Instagram and Facebook and TikTok, you know
where people who are in real time who maybe they've
let their bedroom just get all out of sorts, and
so they're doing things bit by bit. I know, for me,
(24:45):
as someone who has fought depression since twenty nineteen, every
single day, except maybe there are a few times last
year I did not make my bed, But for the
most part, every single day I get up and I
just make my bed and put my pillows on, because
(25:09):
I don't care if I've got a folded sweatsuit on
the bench in front of my bed, I don't care.
The bed looks great, and so that always helps. So
just start doing little things here and there and monitor
the progress. It says understand that nothing changes overnight. So
it might be helpful to find an accountability partner to
(25:31):
help you monitor progress and keep a journal to acknowledge
your feelings regarding your progress and document your feelings about
your goals and what obstacles you face. Has anyone decided
that they're going to start maybe journaling this year, I
think that might be a good thing, And an accountability
partner it might be someone who's going to FaceTime you
at seven o'clock to be like, girl, open up your
(25:53):
closet door, let me see did you at least put
the socks up? Did you match the socks? How many
of y'all got just socks everywhere they don't just at
least match them up and put put them in a
little bind and label them socks. Or maybe just you know,
organize pop up. Some of us need to organize our
underwear drawer or the place where you have where you
(26:16):
keep your pajamas or your sleep shirts or your jeans.
Just start there, like one drawer at a time, one
pull out closet, whatever it is that you have. Just start,
Or you might need to save a little coin and
maybe go to some of your favorite stores and buy
some closet organizers or some organizers for your drawers.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Okay, I'm just just don't judge me. I'm just trying
to help you out. I'm just trying to help you
have an organized, beautiful, clutter free twenty twenty four. Then
it says allowed flexibility. Offer yourself flexibility and give yourself grace.
If you don't do well this month, try again next month.
Instead of trying to set goals that might not benefit
(27:02):
your mental health, find activities that make you happy instead.
The new year does not have to be a brand
new you take the time to do something fun and
adventurous and prioritize your health over punishing yourself. If you
find yourself struggling and giving yourself grace and putting pressure
on yourself, and maybe time to reach out to a
(27:23):
mental health professional where they can provide more tools on
ways to set goals and how to create healthy boundaries
with yourself because some of us, we are perfectionists, a
lot of us going to performance mode because maybe as
a child, maybe you weren't rewarded until you did something,
you know, and so be graceful with yourself because listen,
(27:46):
there are gonna be times you're not gonna be feeling well. Whatever.
This bronchial upper respiratory situation that's going on, y'all, it
had me. Oh I had to get in and hailer,
you know, and I feel much better. But oh my gosh,
So life is gonna life and things are gonna happen.
So just prayerfectly. We're going into the twenty twenty four
(28:10):
with certain goals in mind, but don't put too much
pressure on yourself and do things bit by bit. Okay,
you've got the rest of the year. You don't have
to like do everything perfectly in one sitting, all right,
give yourself some time. And this is I'm so This
is from Martha Bowman, who is the manager of Adults
and Family Services at Centerstone, which is a nonprofit health
(28:34):
system specializing in mental health and substance abuse disorders. You
can learn more about center Stone by visiting centerstone dot org.
How cool is this? Listen? This has encouraged me. There's
so much stuff that I've got to do. Like I've
(28:55):
had these books in my office sitting in these boxes.
Finally I have a nice bookshelf coming and I cannot
wait to get these books out of these cardboard boxes
and put them up so they'll look nice and organized.
I can't stand just boxes sitting around. And I've been
in this new house. It was done being built in
(29:19):
twenty twenty two. I moved in in the fall of
twenty twenty two. And yeah, these boxes have been sitting
here a year. I heard you, I saw you side.
I mean you judging, But I'm so excited. The bookshelf
(29:39):
is going to be delivered on the twenty fourth. Okay,
we just set up the delivery date today. It's going
to be delivered on the twenty fourth, and I cannot wait.
Maybe I'll put a photo in my subscription part on
Instagram to show y'all progress. Okay, all right, so just
hold me to it. If I forget, d me on
(30:00):
Instagram and say, uh, Michelle, let me so. Maybe by
so January twenty fourth, the bookshelf is coming, so I
would say, give me a couple days to get everything perfect.
So by first week of February, if I haven't uploaded
a picture of my shelf, I'm having y'all hold me accountable.
(30:24):
Just ping me in my DMS or even in my
comment section. It's say Michelle, where's that bookshelf? Okay, and
then I'll show you. Okay, all right. I am just
absolutely excited for this year. I'm excited for this new
year for you guys. Keep me posted. Just let me
(30:45):
know how I can support you in goals that you
might have. If you feel like I need to hold
you accountable, just send me a DM and tell me
what it is that you want to do, and you
got my full support, all right. Please please have an amazing,
amazing day. Thank y'all for listening to me, and pray
(31:07):
that y'all get to see Destiny's child sing Happy Birthday
because Babee. It was amazing, all right.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Bye.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
Checking In with Michelle Williams is a production of iHeartRadio
and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeart Radio,
visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of
iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. I know y'all are like,
wait a minute, Michelle, you better get to talking about
(00:22):
what happened at that birthday party. We all saw the picture,
We saw you, Kelly and Beyonce looking all good and fine. Aunt,
you better tell us, tell us what happened. Okay, I'll
give you a teensch of tea. Coming up next on
Checking Again with Michelle Williams. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening,
(00:48):
wherever you are. I am so honored and blessed to
have people who listen to my podcast from many parts
of the world. I better start acknowledging the various time zones.
So that's why I started off with good morning, good afternoon,
or good evening. And again, thank you so much for
(01:11):
subscribing and downloading my podcast, Checking In with Michelle Williams.
What a joy, what an honor. As we begin to
go into a fourth season that will be coming up soon,
I'm excited about going into a fourth season of my podcast.
(01:32):
If you would, please please please let me know guess
that you want to hear topics that you want me
to discuss any constructive criticism. I'm here for it because
I want to make the fourth season amazing. Okay, all right,
I'm sure that you all you know I'll saw a
(01:53):
picture floating around of me, Kelly Rowland and beyond say
Nol's Carter. I know y'all saw it. Everybody's talking about it.
Everybody tagged me in this picture. And it was taken
at my good friend Tim Weatherspoon's fiftieth birthday party. Now
(02:20):
what people don't know, well some of you know. Tim
even said it better than I did. He was telling someone.
He said, man, I knew a t T when she
was born, so that means he has known of me
for forty four years. And I would say, gosh, I
don't even know if I was in the double digits
(02:42):
when we finally actually met in person. His family moved
about an hour outside of Rockford, and they started coming
to the church my home, church, Saint Paul Church of
God in Christ and Tim is a drummer. Slash was
(03:02):
a drummer. He doesn't play anymore, but he was the drummer,
one of the drummers at the church. And his mom
is Slash was a choir director. She lives in Phoenix,
and so I'm not sure if she's still directing the
choir at her church in Phoenix or not. But yes,
that is how long I have known Tim Wetherspoon. So
(03:23):
we're just gonna say on Instagram, I said thirty five
years plus. Let's go on ahead and say thirty eight
years plus, okay, because I'm gonna give him some wiggar
rooms since he's a little older than me. So definitely
we were so young. And Tim and my brother, my
(03:43):
cousin Dry, they're all like best of friends. He was
a groomsman in Dary's wedding. So we go way, way, way, way,
way way back. And Tim was one of the first
that I told about the opportunity to sing background from Monica.
He was also one of the first of my good
(04:05):
friends that I told about the opportunity to join Destiny's Child.
And he has always been a supporter, always been a
great friend, a listening ear. And so Tim and my
close friend Byko, whom I went to college with. Tim
and by Ko they would come on the road with
us sometimes and we would all have so much fun.
(04:30):
They were the guys who could come on the road
with us. And it was when I tell y'all pure fun,
and I mean pure in every sense of the word.
They weren't trying to talk to us, they weren't trying
to sleep with us. They that's what made them so safe.
And they were also the friend. Tim is also the
(04:51):
friend where like if he was watching the show and
somebody flubbed a word or a step, he was the
type of person that would be like, hey, I heard
you mess up that lyric, Like he wasn't afraid to
like call it out, you know what I mean. So
just an amazing friend, not the friendliest. He can be
(05:13):
a butthole slash asshole. Okay, okay, okay, I said it,
but these this is something I've said to him. But
he somehow has the most friends in the world. How
are some of the most unfriendly people have the most friends.
I'm trying to y'all help me with that tneture, Michelle
(05:36):
don't understand, so anyo. Any who? Fast forward into like
years later, he finally admits his crush on Kelly Rowland,
that Kelly Rowland is his living like he just was like,
she's like, she's so gorgeous, She's like a Barbie doll.
She's amazing and so they begin to talk on their
(06:01):
own terms, and and here we are, y'all years later
of their blossoming marriage. And I'm so glad that, uh
that that he's my friend. He's still my friend, you
know what I mean. And I'm so glad that, Kelly,
(06:21):
because let me tell you something I could imagine. I'm
not sure, I don't know, but I do have male
friends who are married, and you would have to respect,
you know, the dynamics of a married person's relationship. And
so I am so so so glad that that I've
got a friend in Tim, and I've still, of course
(06:44):
have my friend in Collingdria Trenee Roland. So she asked
Beyonce and I would we sing Happy Birthday to Tim?
And we were like, yes, of course, of course, of course,
and we had a blast creating it. The birthday song
(07:05):
consisted of only harmonies that, oh my gosh, it took
us back. It took us back to the days of
learning songs and just harmonizing at anything that will come
on the radio. And I had this amazing idea. I
was like, y'all, I just let's let's let's do this
birthday song. Like the group emotions like the emotions like
(07:28):
the soul and the and the nine notes and the
certain the soulful harmonies and yeah, So I don't know
if video's ever gonna come out of that. I don't
know if audio's ever gonna come. I have the video.
I have the video of a singing happy Birthday to
our good friend and Kelly's good baby daddy husband, Tim Weatherspoon.
(07:50):
I got it, But of course, like any other video
or picture that I have, it's not coming from me.
So if it comes out, it's because Tim or Kellie
posted it, But it ain't coming from me. I know
a friend of mine text me and say, YO, send
me that, and like bruh, I can't. As close as
(08:14):
we are and as much as I trust you, I'm
not sending it to newbody, all right. So his birthday
party was just just so it makes you appreciate life,
and it makes you. It made me also consider my circle,
you know who's in my life. And he did not
(08:35):
want to party, but he realized that it was something
that he needed of knowing how much he's loved and adored, respected,
And Tim really has great insight and perspective on music,
the arts, life, just really good people and so his
(08:56):
party reflected that, and I was so glad to be
there to witness the love that everybody has for Tim. Okay.
So yeah, everybody was in all black. It was awesome.
Everybody dressed to their best and you know, some people
(09:19):
were a little more casual, but still fly. I was
just like, Wow, everybody in here is fly. I love it.
So I just asked that you, those that are listening,
reflect on your circle and may this year be the
year that you stop letting people play in your face.
(09:40):
May this year be the year that you tell people
how they make you feel, whether they make you feel
inspired or say, man, you hurt my feelings when you
said this, or when you talked to me like this.
You hurt my feelings when you dismissed a vulnerable moment
that I shoul shared. Y'all, let this be the year,
(10:02):
because I really think when we don't share how we
really feel. I know, for me personally, it's taking a
toll on my mental health with I don't share what
I really need to say. And we too grown, we
too old to let people play in our face and
treat us or make people feel like they can talk
(10:22):
to you any kind of way. Or like, we're not
doing that, not this year, not in twenty twenty four.
So I know a lot of people. A friend of
mine said, yo, I'll tell it. It was Jonathan mcmcreynolds.
We were at a birthday party for someone else recently
as well, and he said, y'all, you got so much
(10:42):
joy and peace, and I'm gonna have even more joy
and peace in twenty twenty four. I'm telling you, I
will be forty five this year, and I am making
it my goal year after year to have those roots
of taking care of my mental health, which is joy,
(11:05):
peace boundaries. Also a part I think that I'm learning
this year as well is really tackling the hard things sooner,
not procrastinating when it comes to heart decisions or difficult
conversations that need to be had. If you say you're grown,
a part of being grown is being able to have
(11:29):
difficult conversations. And I think the reason of why we
aren't able to have difficult conversations is fear. We're fearful
of the other person's response, We're fearful of what's gonna
happen too or in the relationship. If we have to
have a difficult conversation and nine times out of ten.
(11:51):
I didn't say ten out of ten, but because this
always gonna be that one, but nine times out of ten,
the person on the receiving and will be able to
appreciate you coming to them with something that you probably
deemed difficult. And you can even probably start off the
conversation by saying, hey, this is difficult for me because
(12:14):
I hate having to have hard conversations, but because I
love you and because I believe you love me, or
you can say like, because we've got to work together
and we want to do our best and reach our goal. Ooh,
this is a hard conversation. I'm just being vulnerable. I'm
being open to you right now and tell you this
is difficult, and then you can go in to what
(12:36):
it is that you need to say, can you practice that?
Can you do it? I know you can. That's what
checking in is going to be all about in twenty
twenty four, continuing and tackling the hard things. So I'm
excited for this new year for you. If I haven't
said it, happy new Year, Let's go. Oh. We had
(13:04):
a prior discussion with doctor Rob Singleton, who is absolutely
amazing and making sure that we always say disclaimers. When
I have doctors on that, you know, it's not intended
to diagnose, it's not intended to treat, But it is
their own personal opinion, just like you know, if I'm
(13:26):
gonna share things with you, it's my personal personal opinion
as well. Also it's also my personal journey or testimony.
Even when I'm talking about right now having difficult conversations,
I'm walking through that literally as we speak, having difficult
conversations knowing that I am empowered. I have everything on
(13:49):
the inside of me to do what it takes to
have a difficult conversation that's gonna have an amazing outcome.
Understanding and clarity for the most part, is really the
outcomes that I desire, clarity and understanding, because sometimes I'd
(14:10):
be a little slow. I'd be like, I didn't maybe
that went over my head. Maybe I need to check
in with this person, be like, what did you mean
when you?
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Oh, okay, see, okay, okay, okay, got you. I'm glad
I checked in. Okay, all right, Thank y'all so much
for going with me there. But y'all, I just saw
the funniest article. It's an interesting article from the Guardian,
(14:38):
a science editor by the name of Ian sample he
wrote and says that teenagers with more siblings have worse
mental health. Study suggest study of children in US and
China found larger in I packed when brothers and sisters
(15:01):
were closely spaced in age. So, y'all, there's four of
us total, but the first three we're all two years apart,
and I'm just wondering, what is there some truth to this?
The researchers asked nine one hundred eighth graders in the
(15:22):
US and nine four hundred in China with an average
age of fourteen, a range of questions about their mental health,
from canaan Abel and the Brothers Kismasov to Cinderella. The
warmth and support provided by siblings has hardly been taken
for granted. Now, reachers have found that children who moan
(15:44):
about their brothers and sisters may have good reason to complain.
The more siblings teenagers have, the more it hits their happiness,
they claim. It says that the study of the secondary
school children in the US and China found that those
from larger families had slightly poorer mental health than those
from smaller families. The greatest impact was seen in families
(16:06):
with multiple children born less than a year apart. Oh,
I was gonna say, because me and my siblings, Yeah,
we had normal quarrels, quarrels, quarrels growing up. Oh my gosh. Wow.
(16:28):
So it's saying that if they were closer in age,
maybe this can answer some of y'all's questions. So it
says that in China, the teenagers with no siblings fared
best for mental health, and then children who had no
siblings or only one were found to have similar mental health.
(16:50):
So what they're saying is in China and the US,
if you had no siblings or only one, you had
better mental health than those who had more siblings. Oh
my gosh, and with greater impact seeing for teenagers with
older siblings and when brothers and sisters were closely spaced
in age. Wow, I can see that I have a
(17:13):
cousin she has well, I'll take from my own family.
So there's three siblings and then my baby sister, Danielle,
born in nineteen ninety one. And I feel like, you know,
by the time I went away to college and then
(17:33):
just began working professionally in music, I believe I did
miss out on a lot of her milestones and a
lot of those great moments, so we would have to
ask her and my cousin. They live here in Atlanta.
She has three boys, two are grown college ones graduated
(17:54):
from college, and then she's got a little boy who's
like seven years old. And this does say that they've
seen one's mental health being impacted when they have well
it as teenagers with older siblings. And he's not a
teenager yet, but I'm wondering what it's gonna be like
for him because his brothers are more older. It says
(18:17):
children with more siblings got along better with others at
a nursery and were less likely to divorce in later life,
perhaps because they already had some experience at navigating close relationships.
Oh what do y'all think? All I know is that
I just find this article very interesting as I try
(18:39):
to continue to stay up on mental health research and
what's being talked about. It's just cool to learn about
stuff that I probably normally wouldn't care about or maybe
would have overlooked all because of lack of research. So
let me know the relationship with you and your siblings.
(19:02):
Of course, with me and my siblings, we are older
we're all living our own lives, and you know, there
has been some difficulties along the way because I'm always
thinking I know the better route to life, okay, and
I want to be everybody's life coach. Firstus just accepting
that people have their own lives brothers, sisters, cousins, aunties, uncles.
(19:25):
Even if you might feel like, man, if they would
just make this adjustment, their life would just be on
a better trajectory. So I have to learn, you know,
to let people live their lives the way they see
fit to live their lives and not get offended, because
(19:47):
then that's when pride comes in and ego comes in,
you know, when you feel like you and that's I
think that could be also an issue of control as well,
and so I never want to control anybody, especially another
grown man or woman. So I just thought that that
was kind of interesting. And next stuff that has been
(20:10):
on my heart to talk about, and that is resolutions
and mental health. And again I've just been kind of
browsing through articles and all that good stuff and how
many people made New Year's resolutions and you've already jacked up,
(20:31):
you didn't, it's what about sixteen days into the new
year and you've kind of already drunk the bomb and
just know that that is okay. And so, according to
Centerstone dot org, was an article that says how New
Year's resolutions impact mental health, and it says that the
(20:55):
issues with these types of goals is that they can
lead to some degree of selfs albata before you realize it.
The idea is that we shoot for the stars, but
life doesn't always work that way. If you don't ease
your way into your goals, you might find yourself failing more.
When we fail, it might impact our mental health and
negative ways and can perpetuate a cycle of slipping back
(21:17):
into old habits. I know, for me, I don't set
New Year's resolutions. As you know, I still got stuff
that I'm still trying to reach in goals that I'm
trying to do, and so I make sure that day
by day I'm taking steps towards that goal. Now, nothing
is wrong with a timeline, a reasonable timeline. If you know, hey,
(21:38):
within three months, I can accomplish this, within six months,
within six weeks, within one week, I would have worked
out three times a day, three times a week, for
thirty minutes a day. Those can be reasonable, and it's
so good because it says, be reasons by expecting yourself
(22:02):
to fail at times and know that results might be
slow moving. Understand that life happens and things can get
in the way of your goals. So try to ensure
your goals are healthy and can be achieved without harming
your physical or mental health. I already talked about the timeline,
and see I didn't need this article. I see, Lord Jesus,
(22:26):
sometimes I gotta trust me. This thing says create a timeline.
It says try to avoid being rigid in your timeline
and understand that your timeline should not be compared to
anyone else's. Okay, that's another thing, just comparing your life
period to anyone else. It will be more proactive and
productive to make small, incremental goals instead of extreme expectations. Okay, y'all,
(22:52):
So this ain't a resolution, but I knew that I
needed to get my walking closet buck to looking normal
because I've been traveling a lot in these like taking
a two day trip here, three day trip here, and
you know, coming back and just and what I and
before you know, all the clothes that I've stacked even
(23:15):
though they're folded no, they need to be hung up
and put back in their rightful place. That's kind of
why you got this whole closet and organization system. And
so I said, I am going to dedicate fifteen to
thirty minutes a day, and that's what I did. Because
it seems so overwhelming. My good girlfriend Shanie Jones, and
(23:38):
she's gonna come in from LA and help, not help,
but just we're gonna do some more purging. Although I
kind of started myself, so that's just creating. I created
a nice timeline or just reasonable saying, hey, I'm only gonna,
you know, concentrate on this for thirty minutes a day,
(24:00):
and before you know it, it might go from thirty
minutes to an hour because you'll find yourself enjoying what
you're doing, or you're like, you know what, I can
get two sections done today versus just one. I would
say go for it, especially those who are experiencing depression.
And sometimes depression might make things pile up a little more.
(24:22):
You don't have the strength, but it's like doing little
things bit by bit. I love seeing some of these
cleaning videos on Instagram and Facebook and TikTok, you know
where people who are in real time who maybe they've
let their bedroom just get all out of sorts, and
so they're doing things bit by bit. I know, for me,
(24:45):
as someone who has fought depression since twenty nineteen, every
single day, except maybe there are a few times last
year I did not make my bed, But for the
most part, every single day I get up and I
just make my bed and put my pillows on, because
(25:09):
I don't care if I've got a folded sweatsuit on
the bench in front of my bed, I don't care.
The bed looks great, and so that always helps. So
just start doing little things here and there and monitor
the progress. It says understand that nothing changes overnight. So
it might be helpful to find an accountability partner to
(25:31):
help you monitor progress and keep a journal to acknowledge
your feelings regarding your progress and document your feelings about
your goals and what obstacles you face. Has anyone decided
that they're going to start maybe journaling this year, I
think that might be a good thing, And an accountability
partner it might be someone who's going to FaceTime you
at seven o'clock to be like, girl, open up your
(25:53):
closet door, let me see did you at least put
the socks up? Did you match the socks? How many
of y'all got just socks everywhere they don't just at
least match them up and put put them in a
little bind and label them socks. Or maybe just you know,
organize pop up. Some of us need to organize our
underwear drawer or the place where you have where you
(26:16):
keep your pajamas or your sleep shirts or your jeans.
Just start there, like one drawer at a time, one
pull out closet, whatever it is that you have. Just start,
Or you might need to save a little coin and
maybe go to some of your favorite stores and buy
some closet organizers or some organizers for your drawers.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Okay, I'm just just don't judge me. I'm just trying
to help you out. I'm just trying to help you
have an organized, beautiful, clutter free twenty twenty four. Then
it says allowed flexibility. Offer yourself flexibility and give yourself grace.
If you don't do well this month, try again next month.
Instead of trying to set goals that might not benefit
(27:02):
your mental health, find activities that make you happy instead.
The new year does not have to be a brand
new you take the time to do something fun and
adventurous and prioritize your health over punishing yourself. If you
find yourself struggling and giving yourself grace and putting pressure
on yourself, and maybe time to reach out to a
(27:23):
mental health professional where they can provide more tools on
ways to set goals and how to create healthy boundaries
with yourself because some of us, we are perfectionists, a
lot of us going to performance mode because maybe as
a child, maybe you weren't rewarded until you did something,
you know, and so be graceful with yourself because listen,
(27:46):
there are gonna be times you're not gonna be feeling well. Whatever.
This bronchial upper respiratory situation that's going on, y'all, it
had me. Oh I had to get in and hailer,
you know, and I feel much better. But oh my gosh,
So life is gonna life and things are gonna happen.
So just prayerfectly. We're going into the twenty twenty four
(28:10):
with certain goals in mind, but don't put too much
pressure on yourself and do things bit by bit. Okay,
you've got the rest of the year. You don't have
to like do everything perfectly in one sitting, all right,
give yourself some time. And this is I'm so This
is from Martha Bowman, who is the manager of Adults
and Family Services at Centerstone, which is a nonprofit health
(28:34):
system specializing in mental health and substance abuse disorders. You
can learn more about center Stone by visiting centerstone dot org.
How cool is this? Listen? This has encouraged me. There's
so much stuff that I've got to do. Like I've
(28:55):
had these books in my office sitting in these boxes.
Finally I have a nice bookshelf coming and I cannot
wait to get these books out of these cardboard boxes
and put them up so they'll look nice and organized.
I can't stand just boxes sitting around. And I've been
in this new house. It was done being built in
(29:19):
twenty twenty two. I moved in in the fall of
twenty twenty two. And yeah, these boxes have been sitting
here a year. I heard you, I saw you side.
I mean you judging, But I'm so excited. The bookshelf
(29:39):
is going to be delivered on the twenty fourth. Okay,
we just set up the delivery date today. It's going
to be delivered on the twenty fourth, and I cannot wait.
Maybe I'll put a photo in my subscription part on
Instagram to show y'all progress. Okay, all right, so just
hold me to it. If I forget, d me on
(30:00):
Instagram and say, uh, Michelle, let me so. Maybe by
so January twenty fourth, the bookshelf is coming, so I
would say, give me a couple days to get everything perfect.
So by first week of February, if I haven't uploaded
a picture of my shelf, I'm having y'all hold me accountable.
(30:24):
Just ping me in my DMS or even in my
comment section. It's say Michelle, where's that bookshelf? Okay, and
then I'll show you. Okay, all right. I am just
absolutely excited for this year. I'm excited for this new
year for you guys. Keep me posted. Just let me
(30:45):
know how I can support you in goals that you
might have. If you feel like I need to hold
you accountable, just send me a DM and tell me
what it is that you want to do, and you
got my full support, all right. Please please have an amazing,
amazing day. Thank y'all for listening to me, and pray
(31:07):
that y'all get to see Destiny's child sing Happy Birthday
because Babee. It was amazing, all right.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Bye.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
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