August 29, 2023 • 42 mins
Please be advised that this episode contains explicit language.
Michelle and MJ are done people pleasing! MJ talks about how to “Get the F**k Out Your Own Way,” which is not just the title of his upcoming book but a way of life. MJ also shares his thoughts on people-pleasing, narcissism and so much more. CHECK IN to this episode if you need an unfiltered wake up call!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of
iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. My next guest really needs
(00:21):
no introduction. I mean, he is amazing. He's been a
viral sensation. He has been sharing with us for a
number of years of his life. He talks about finance, investments, insurance,
and relationships, y'all, even to the point where my mom
has called me on the phone quoting m J. Harris, So, y'all,
(00:46):
have a seat, Get your tea, honey, get your red wine,
get your sparkling seltzer, get your water infused with rose oil,
whatever it is that you do, and we're gonna have
some fun. I want this to be a fun one, y'all. Okay,
(01:11):
let's just get into it. I'm excited to have someone
so awesome, so straightforward. He seasons his words with love,
grace and a few cuss words, honey. And I just
love to see him, Yes, I love to see him
(01:32):
living his life. He's so inspirational. He makes me want
to pick up a suitcase or two and just move
somewhere for a season. And I just love his love
for everybody, whether you're in love or in finance. He's
got a new book coming out that we will talk about. Y'all,
Let's get into it. Let's welcome my friend MJ. Harris.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Get in here, y'all, get here.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Now, you really are a finance guru of insurance, but
we also love you for how you talk to us
about relationships. Well, didn't that just kind of naturally happen?
Now You've been a guest on here before, but I
don't believe I've asked you this question, like how did
(02:21):
you get into all things life and just not in
the box of finance insurance investments.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
I started out doing I started doing videos about fifteen
years ago. And when I started out, my first videos
were always there were like inspirational stories that were funny,
and so I was always thinking about that. And I
think just for me, because that was the topic that
everyone could relate to, is something that was always on
my mind. I used to sit and watch Joyce Myers
(02:51):
and TD Jake's and you know, all these different people
growing up for my own inspiration because I was being
bullied in school as a kid, and so for me,
I will watch it and say, ooh, I wish I
could have that effect on people one day, Like that
was in the back of my mind, and so I
started doing YouTube videos. Those relatively popular over time. The
way that finance came into becus people think the finance
came first. No, the way that finance came into it
(03:13):
was I was being offered brand deals like you know,
his X y Z the amount of money to sell this,
and I'm like, uh, if y'all can make, if y'all
can pay me this, y'all can make excellent exponentially more.
So I'm gonna be my own brand deal. And I
already had an insurance license. I said, that's a universal
product that everybody needs. So no, you're not gonna pay
me xyz amount of dollars to sell some mass scar
(03:33):
or what you're gonna do is I'm going to brand myself.
I'm gonna have my equity and I will sell. And
so insurance has been my universal product that everyone needs
and and it's worked out really well that, you know,
because the entertainment industry is, you know, income goes up
and down, but people are always dying and getting injured.
So it allows me to stay in business.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
I mean, they do say that there are companies that
will always be in business or certain sectors and that
is hospitals and funeral homes mmm, alway businesses that those were. Unfortunately,
even through our most trying crisis of health crisis during
the pandemic, unfortunately we saw uptick in all of that.
(04:15):
So thank you for even letting us know to get
our insurance together and that to prioritize. We don't want
to count people's pocketbooks, you know, but it's kind of like, babbabe,
if you donet spent, say, sixteen hundred dollars on a
hairdo certainly I'm not here to judge, as they say,
(04:36):
who am me to judge?
Speaker 2 (04:41):
But yeah, get a policy. That's always in my whole
thing has been. Everybody needs it and no one wants
to deal with not having one when you need it most, right,
And so that's the way here to do. If you
want a www dot I want life insurance dot com,
it's easypcwww dot I want Life insurance dot com.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Look, yeah, thank you so much. I'm excited, y'all. Life
insurance is so just testimonies. Like when my father passed
or when my grandmother passed, it was so easy for
stuff to be done. Yo. My grandmother had her funeral
written out. She said, you ain't gonna get up and
speak for me. You ain't finna get up here lying.
(05:16):
But she also had everything, was already taking care of her,
crypt the insure, everything was already ready to do. She
was sad, and she lived a fruitful life well into
her mid eighties. I wish she was still here, but
I'm so glad that she already had stuff for us
and ready to go. Now, speaking of ready to go,
(05:42):
some of us we are ready to go for love
and relationships, and we not doing it right, m Jay,
were settling or honey, them red flags looked like six
flags when you're horny, and we just.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Out here doing out here recreating trauma in our life.
The thing is this, if you want to find out
why your relationships aren't working, then just look in the past.
You know you're more than likely recreating trauma from the past.
You're replaying it out. You know, that's what it is,
you know, and it always comes back to it comes
back to that. And so I think we could do
so much better in our lives and do so much
(06:20):
better for ourselves once we own the fact there's not
these people who's fucking with us. They're not depriving us
of love, they're not ghosting us, they're not doing all
this other stuff. The narcissist is not your problem. It's
your fault of choosing you, see what I'm saying. It's
your problem to continuing to choose them after they show
you signs who they are and you can sing you
to choose them, and choose these people who you know
show you that they are beyond fucked up? Right, because
(06:42):
you don't want to get the fuck out of your
own way, you your problem? You know you don't want to.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Hear that, y'all that that's kind of the title of
his new book, Kind Disorder. But about that, I had
the honor. I'm so humble when you ask me to
do an endorsement for this book, because we do be
in our own way? Is it because not only well,
(07:08):
I think fear can be the root of some of
our fear? Is trauma? Do you think maybe the trauma
has made us feel unworthy of the best? You know?
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Because trauma trump You know, trauma is it's a false
story about yourself. The foundation to me if trauma is
that it is a false story about yourself you continue
to play out within your life or your choices, and
that false story about yourself. Is not that what traumatized
you didn't happen. Let me be very clear about that, right,
But what happened then is not happening now, and you're
still playing out the behaviors that are the byproduct of
(07:41):
what happened because you still are in some ways vieling
yourself as that. Right. And so to me, you know,
when I think about that, I always say it comes
back to trauma. Is because at the end of the day,
and sometimes we think of trauma as like, oh, you know,
I wasn't traumatized. You know, I wasn't abused, I wasn't assault,
That wasn't just that wasn't that. It's not always that.
(08:02):
Trauma is any experience that has a long term impact
on you in a negative way, right, it give me
any experience. And so I think that once we can
own the fact that trauma is literally a story that
we continue to play out within our life currently today,
and that that story has no power more than what
we give it, then it empowers us to know that
(08:23):
we can overcome and that, yes, therapy is a big resource.
So sometimes we have to unpack that story and we
have to get tools to know how to deal with
when that story triggers us. So I don't want to
simplify this enough to just say, oh, well, just change
the story, you'll change your life. That's not how it works.
But I do think that once we can take ownership
of the fact that it is our story that we're
allowing to play out in our life keyword allowing, then
(08:44):
we understand that we also have the power to do
something about it in order to stop giving that story life.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Wow, I feel like you should also be a therapist.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
I think my mama is a therapist, y'o.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
I just got We just got to meet his mom briefly, y'all.
MJ is living his best life. He now resides in
South Africa. And I'm looking at those amazing Florida ceiling windows.
I am a sucker for Florida ceiling windows. And while
it's while it's daytime where we are, it's definitely nighttime
where you are. Are you finding relationally differences in South
(09:24):
Africa versus here in America?
Speaker 2 (09:27):
My God, today, My God today. You know I chose
South Africa for a number of reasons.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Tell why? And we do we need to pack our bags?
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Pack your bags, okay, and I'm gonna tell you why. Okay,
First of all, I chose South Africa because we lived
in I knew we would want to leave the USA.
We want to try something different. And by we're talking
about me and my nephew sons, and so we went
to Bali. First. I was like, we're gonna go to Bali.
We're gonna live on Woo's. We're gonna do yogas and
ship every day and I'll do yoga and I don't
chan I'll do that that ship. And so I was like,
so this ain't working. I'm just hotten inhumid every day.
(10:00):
But it was nice. It was very nice, but what
it lacked. What it lacked, and being honest, I didn't
see nobody who looked like you. Nobody looked like me.
We saw tourists, but in terms, it wasn't a part
of the greater population. And people were so nice, so gracious.
I never really had any racial experiences there and anything negative,
but there still was a need to see people like me.
You know, I grew up in Dallas and d C.
So I was around a lot of people of color
(10:21):
and just those experiences like being in Atlanta. You know,
it's those type of experiences. And so when we were
looking at where to go, I wanted to be someplace
that was very modern. South Africa is extremely modern. I
wanted to be someplace that would be a great cost
of living for me. You know, the reality is that
I always emphasized and I've been fortunate, but that doesn't
mean that every day and every month and every year
(10:41):
it's the same. And you know, and so as a
self employed person, income goes up and down as we
get older, I thought about, well, how am I going
to retire and maintain a comfortable quality of life. I
started thinking practically about that, and for me, being in
a place that had a wonderful cost of living for
someone bringing the US dollar or you know, the euro,
that was consideration. So let me say this. The men,
the men, the men, their relationship orient Now I don't
(11:06):
mean they're always good for you, but their relationship oriented
family is a big deal. These men here, somebody told
me this when I first got him on a date.
This got gorgeous guy. Oh my god, picture tall artists.
Oh his lists are so full, and oh my god.
The whole time on the first time I was looking
at them, talking like this, to touch I didn't, but
he told me this, he says. He says, you know,
if you let me take you out on three dates,
(11:27):
I'm gonna consider you mine. Oh. I said, what does
that mean? And he said, because in our culture we
don't date casually. So if we're gonna go out multiple times,
you know, at the end of the day, then that's
then I consider you mine, he says. And I'm looking
for a family'm looking for this, I'm looking for that.
And this. This isn't just the gay guys, this is
the straight ones too. It's a part of the culture.
What else I've noticed here? And I'm all about get
your bbls, get whatever you want to get for your body.
(11:49):
I'm not against that, but I have noticed that the
men here tend to have a great appreciation for women
with natural bodies as well as women with enhanced bodies.
When I came from LA I felt like the women
who tend to get a lot more intentional people with
women who may have had the resources to enhance And
God bless you for having the resources, But what about
for the woman who doesn't have those resources?
Speaker 1 (12:08):
You know?
Speaker 2 (12:09):
And I find that you know you, It's not uncommon
to see women with their natural body shape. Who stand
beside beside a man who's fine as hell, fine as hell,
you know. And I think it's because our natural beauty
standard as people from the African diaspora, it's appreciated here, right,
because our beauty standard is the standard. So we're not
(12:29):
adapting to any other standing on. So it's a beautiful
thing here.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Come on, we are in the Church of M. J. Harris.
So I would love for you to maybe have a
workshop one day or a retreat in South Africa. Let
us know. I'm gonna register. I'll be there.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Okay, I'm gonna do it.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
I will be there. Now, You're gonna love it.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
I'm gonna love it.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
I've never been and I've never been, and I need
to go. I need to be.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Now. You know you have a big fan base here.
You do know that, right?
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Thank God?
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Yes, you have a massive fan base here. I can
guarantee you that. Okay, look at your analytics you're gonna see.
But beyond that, I can guarantee you that because of
the fact I've heard your music playing here. Okay, they
have a huge appreciation for African American produced music. And
so that was one thing that was shocked by me
(13:24):
just overall African American culture because I'm gonna come here,
anybody's gonna know who I am. That was not the case,
and so that was I was looking forward to that,
but that didn't happen. And so but the reality is
that they appreciate you, but the way they react to you,
they have a different relationship with things, so to speak,
than I think we experienced in America. Sometimes they can
be a little overwhelming when they see you here, they're
very respectful. Hey, I don't mean to disturb you. I
(13:46):
really like your work. You know, God's blessings to you,
and they walk away. It's none of that following you around,
taking pictures of you, all that kind of stuff. So
it's a really nice environment where you can go place
them feel comfortable without having to think about other factors.
You may think about other environments.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
I'm on the way. Do you miss it here in
the United States? Do you miss us? MJ I miss you?
So he don't miss y'all is what he said. He
does not miss it over here. You look absolutely beautiful, thriving, glowing.
(14:25):
I'm really really happy for you, your nephews and everything
they've got going on. And thank you so much for
showing us you know that it had to have been
a divine burden on placed on you to have the
care that you have for your nephew sons. So thank
you so much. I want to go back to something
(14:46):
you mentioned about a young man who said that over
here we are about family after three dates your mind. Now,
I don't know how that's how that would be taken
here in America. We probably be like, wait a minute,
and that you did? You do? I need to do
a Google search on your criminal background? Wait a minute.
(15:06):
So I'm wondering. Or the opposite is, oh my gosh,
no one has ever said anything like that to me.
Then you give them their all and you make them
such such a priority. Is that good to do? Is
making someone so much a priority?
Speaker 2 (15:24):
So I'll tell you this just for context. The first
time I heard that, I thought he was crazy as fuck. Okay,
I'm like, he is crazy as fuck him a whole
lot after that, Yeah, yeah, I say this is a
little weird. But then as I start talking to other
people like this man, somebody, can you believe this? And
they're like, no, he's serious and not understood that. That's
the culture here you know, it's a very patriarchal. Patriarchal culture,
(15:45):
So what you find is that the men are much
more assertive about I like you, I want you, right,
especially I do you as a woman or a man
of value and a value meaning that that you fit
into their picture. They could see you raising kids, and
they could see that. They are very vocal about I
want you, And so I understand that just culturally they are,
(16:05):
and I've experienced that they are less reticent to say
they want you. Know, in America, I would deal with
these guys, was like, he liked you, But it's like
do he like me? Is he playing hard to get this?
He liked me? It doesn't it? You constantly guessing this
shit because you know they don't want to come across
it's thirsty. It is that and other These men ain't
worried about that, generally speaking. And so once I got
a greatest sense I understand the overall culture, then I
(16:25):
understood that he wasn't crazy trying to be possessives. Let
me know, I'm dating intentionally, and I think that if
we're all honest with ourselves, don't we really want someone
to be intentional so that you can make the choice,
or do you intention to date them? But at least
bring me intention so that when I bring you my
attentionuse I know, I show up and I show out,
you know what I mean. And that's the problem. We
choose people who don't show up and show out, so
(16:45):
I appreciate that I don't ever have to worry about it.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
They gonna show up, so you said, don't. We don't
choose people who show up and show out for us,
but yet we keep giving them the goods over and
over and over again, thinking that, Okay, if I have
sex with him, he'll want me. If I cook for him,
and he'll want me if I go to church with him,
he'll want me if i'm cash appened or her.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
She let me, let me let me correct y'all the
fuck right there? Okay. If you're paying for pipe, that'
should businus. I'm not judging, okay, but that's not buying
a husk. Okay. The minute you spend in those cash
apps and shit like that. Okay, and as a man
for him to let you give him that damn money,
we get off of this city boys, city girl shit,
(17:29):
all right, we gotta get off of that. Okay. The
reality is that we have these online gurus. Are you
telling y'all that a man ain't worth nothing, he ain't
paying for this, so you need to be getting that
for them. It goes both ways, and not just towards
the men. It goes towards the women too, because men
be doing this to women too. Let's call the thing. Yeah,
you know, let's put that off the table. But you're right,
you know about the fact that we continue to pour
(17:50):
into people in ways as great as do what they're
pooring to us. We're not at least equitable in terms
of how they're pouring into us. And then what ended
up happening is that we end up becoming emotion We
are re traumatizing ourselves. We really are. We're retraumatizing ourselves
these experiences that we're choosing, and then ultimately what we're
doing is we becoming jaded, and then we end up
(18:10):
giving off an energy a thing. I demand this. I
demand that we call ourselves being empowering. I demand this,
I demand this, I demand this. Know, what you're really
saying is that I want someone who never treat me
like the people who allow to traumatizing before. But what
ends up happening is that you end up creating a
standard for what you so called demand, what you may date,
what you believe that you deserve. That you end up
narrowing the playing field beyond the point of what's even realistic.
(18:32):
You can't see the humanity and in people because now
you create these huge standards, not because of what you
believe you deserve, but as a way to protect yourself
from ever being hurt in the same way. Again, that's
all you got to unpack our trauma, because our trauma
helps us to identify why do we date the way
we date, why do we believe we need the things
we need? You'd be surprised, you know, for the folks listening.
Once you're willing to unpack your trauma, you're going to
(18:55):
find that some of the things you thought you needed
you don't need to reflections the trauma. They're protective mechanisms,
and you'll be choosing partners differently in a more healthy way.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
You know, doing this here work, I can honestly say
that I love my peace so much that you have
to be equal to the piece that I got added
to it, or feel better than the peace that I
already have. Because if you don't I am Okay, do
(19:26):
I want marriage one day? Absolutely, But I'm just like.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
You fine, but you.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
Don't feel better than peace to me, or you don't
add to my peace.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Ain't nothing worse than coming home to a house is
not peaceful? That's hell on earth, sitting in the house
looking at somebody thinking yourself, why am I here? Why
are you here?
Speaker 1 (19:46):
You know?
Speaker 2 (19:46):
And you know it's real bad where you ain't even
when you don't even want to argue no more because
you just thinking, I don't want to kick up no dust,
because I'm thinking out how to get you out of
how I'm gonna leave. Okay, and let me say that's
hell on earth. Okay, living with the enemy.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
When you're in a relation, relationship like that, I would
be scared to look at your Google history, you know what.
Let me see if I put some quinine in his
sweet tea, let me well, I get you're.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Thinking whatever way out you can get. You're like because
you're not at peace, y'all.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
By the way, to please please don't take that as serious.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Please don't. We're joking.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
We're obviously are joking. Be honey, in this climate, worre
in you about can't say nothing without somebody thinking you're serious.
But you know have dated someone and you literally are
sitting there thinking what did I just get myself into?
How do I tell this person? Yeah, it's a no.
It's it's an absolute no. So I sent you.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Well, why do we feel guilty about telling people that
I'm just wondering that I'm someone I've struggled. I've struggled
in the past and saying this is not going to
work for me. We need to break up whatever it
may be. And I end up spending years more in
relationships because I didn't want to speak up. Why is
it that we feel guilty or bad because the thing
we chose yesterday we no longer chose today. You have
the right to change your mind. They may have been
(21:05):
you yesterday based on what they showed you. So then
let me ask you this. Let's go back to childhood.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Was mj empowered to make his own decisions?
Speaker 2 (21:13):
No? No, I mean I was. So let me say this.
My mother was a therapist. She's never retired, and so
my mother definitely empowered me. So they sent to know
that I had a voice. But at the end of
the day, I think that the bigger challenge for me
was you know, I was extremely introvert. I still am
very introverted. I light up for the camera, but I'm
(21:34):
very very introverted, not a hugely social person. Point that,
I was also a big people pleaser. Growing up as
a little gay kid, you know, in the South, you
learn your protecting mechanism. I wasn't a fighter. I didn't
have a mouth to be able to go off on people.
That wasn't me, and so I learned to just be
very quiet and friendly and always pleasing people, you know.
(21:54):
And so for me, I did not know how to
be empowered. What really empowered me with them My own
experience was once I got older and got into the
entertainment industry, get me on camera, and then got into business.
Because what I learned very quickly was it if I
didn't speak up for me, people were going to take
advantage of me constantly. They won't try to eat me
a live and so I had to take I had
to learn almost fake being in power, like I gotta
(22:15):
think it so I can make it. But that was
a journey. I'm almost forty now. I don't think I
really knew how to effectively speak up for myself until
probably my early thirties.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Okay, all right, so then it's become I guess a
practice like learning how to say no for the first
time is so scary to do, but once you do
it once, especially when I learned how to say no
and then say that said person figured out a way
to get what they needed once I said no, it
(22:45):
makes you be like, oh, it's not so bad after all.
But you also said something I keep pivoting to just
so many nugget you drop. But you are a people pleaser.
You will stay in something that's bad for you. You're
not pleasing yourself.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Absolutely absolutely. One of the things I say to myself
now I have to I have to have a talk
with someone. Earlier, i'd give them some news that they
weren't very happy to hear. And I'm not gonna sit
for this. That I did it immediately. What I because
I thought about doing this about four days ago, and
I was like, and this was business, you know, but
still a human being, I care about people's feelings, and
(23:22):
so I remember what I did. What got me to
finally do it today was I said to myself, you
are uncomfortable right now because you refuse to have this conversation,
and you shouldn't be this person is not meeting your needs.
You need to have a conversation. So if I have
to choose between my own uncomfort and your discomfort, it's
got to be yours because I cannot choose you over me.
And so that's been a huge thing for me in
terms of people pleasing, has been asking myself because I
(23:45):
still I still struggle with it. You know, that's probably
one of the hardest parts of parenting is we take
our trauma and our stuff. You get married, you take
it to your spouse. You have kids, you take it
to your kids. Let me tell you, don't just shut off. Right.
You think you won't be able to speak up all
time because they your kids, Nah, they can still walk
all over you too, if you're someone who is a
people pleaser. So anyway, for me in understanding this and
(24:08):
learning this, I can't tell you that I get it
right every time. And I can't tell you that I
don't still have that compulsion to people please. I've been
doing it for three decades, you know, almost four, right,
But what I have is the tools to be able
to check myself so that I can at least make
an alternative choice, And I think that that's what change
is all about. Changes, not that you transform and you
no longer have the compulsional desire to do that thing
(24:30):
that results from your trauma. Changes when you recognize you
have a choice, and then you choose to exercise that choice.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
Come on, come on, people pleasing. As I sit here
and look at reasons why I might have did some
people please?
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Why did you people please?
Speaker 1 (24:47):
The first thing that comes to mind is fear of abandonment.
Fear that if you actually state your heart, they'll leave,
versus adjust, leave, just adjust or give to me what
I give to you. But people pleasing, fear of abandonment,
(25:08):
fear of being made Yeah, fear of abandon fear of
being left out, fear of just maybe being alone. You know,
for so many yeah, for so many reasons. But I
think the root for me has been abandonment. Fear of abandonment.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
When you became famous, did that get worse? Did your
people he these always get worse? Was it to say it.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Got worse me too? Because of the guilt that you
feel that you made it, But maybe someone else that
you felt was more deserving maybe did it, or family members.
You might have had to adjust how you interact with
family and friends, and so you feel guilty and so
(25:57):
before you know it, you're giving so much, your showing
up at everywhere, even when you want to take a nap,
people pleasing. It could be something like you say yes,
but you know you're exhausted, and you feel like, well,
if I don't go, they'll be mad at me and
they won't understand. Versus say no, send a big bouquet
(26:19):
of flowers, or say hey, I can't show up today,
but can I take you out to dinner this weekend?
So I'm learning how to do that, And once I
started doing that, I felt like people understood. Now not
showing up to some life changing event you may be
want to have to sacrifice a nap or something because.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
I don't know, but why, but why? What if I
don't want to go to your baby shower? If I
don't fuck with you at that level? Why I gotta go?
Why you gotta go? You don'na fuck with her damn
bouquet of flowers? Even?
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Why not, amjam let me sit with this bouquet flower?
Why is it sitting here randomly ready to be grabbed?
Speaker 2 (27:09):
I'm serious. I used to that oh, I'm sorry, I
can't make it. Let me go send the flower. Then
let me dig the donation, or let me do the whatever.
And although financially that may not be a challenge to do,
for you, it's still the idea that you are doing
something to compensate for something you don't want to do.
You don't want to do it. If you fuck with
them at that level, you want to do it, or
(27:31):
maybe you do fuck with them at that level. But
maybe you tired, maybe you need your self care. Why
is it that we have to pay for our own peace?
Why is it we have to pay for permission to
do what we want to do? And that's it's a
former payment to me now. But let me take you
out to dinner.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
So for me, the overthinker, the over analyzer, I'm sitting
here like, well, you knew you was tired. Why didn't
you take a map earlier? Why didn't you?
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Why didn't you because you feel like it you're watching YouTube.
I don't know what she was doing. You was living
your damn like you you hat your toenails. I don't know.
You do what you want to do with your time.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
So that being said, it's okay to call an audible
and make a change and say I don't want to go.
I don't feel like going.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Hell yeah, it's your damn life. If tomorrow was your
last day and you had the ability to look back
on today to review what you did, would you want
your last day to be spent sitting if you're trying
to adjust your schedule to shape shift around doing what
other people want you to do with your time, or
do what you want to do. And that's how I live.
I live as if if tomorrow's my last day, how
(28:36):
do I want to spend two death? And that's how
I think. It's not about being selfish, not about being nasty.
We had we had to change. This whole idea is
selfish because we was in doctors, but this belief that
it's selfish to take care of ourselfs and the people
who love to perpetuate that belief are people who've been
traumatized that same bullshit, or people trying to abuse your Yes,
(28:57):
we gotta stop letting people to manipulate us with that.
Why can't you come girl, I'll be asked you to
come up. You don't never come to stuff I want
to come to. Well, Deborah, that's your own fucking problem. Okay,
stop asking me. Okay, okay, but what if Deborah.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Is always coming to your stuff, MJ.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Then maybe your stuff is data, or maybe she likes
you better than you like her. You don't owe her ship,
m J.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
We're not gonna have no friends with that attitude.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Yes you will. You will find some real ones. You're
gonna find some reals just like me. Let me say this.
All my friends are just the same. But I called
them we still about tonight I come out for like,
oh wow, I don't. All right, girl back and live.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
They live their best life. You're right.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
We give each other permission to be real. They can
do that to me. It's no big deal.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
You're right, you're right, You're right. Okay. Dang, I'm getting better, y'all.
I'm getting better this old heart of mind, I wondered. Now.
I'm not saying this from a personal experience. I want
to talk about people pleasers or people that have fear
(30:06):
of abandonment. Do you think that they attract narcissists?
Speaker 2 (30:09):
Yes, I think that anytime you have a trauma in
that way, rather the fear of abandonment, if you have
an anxious attachment style, anything like that the more visible things,
because abandonment fear of abandoned can show through in the
ways that we don't always think. I think that narcisses
are attracted us to people where they can have an advantage.
(30:31):
They're attracted to people who are emotionally they can have
upper hand that the core a narcissist usually lacks the
empathy and compassion to see that they can't take take take,
take takes, and they continue to take take, take, take, take,
And so I think that it's not just people with
abandonment issues who attract narcissists. I think any time that
(30:53):
you are not fully managing your stuff, you can attract
a number of folks who have the those kind of issues.
The cluster be personality disorder issues, you know, narcisism, borderline
personality disorder, social paths of personality disorders. Those types of
people are attracted to people that they have a greater
chance of manipulating control.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
Wow, because that is a word that we've been hearing
so much, And as I was stating to you before
we officially started recording, I was like, people also misuse
the word narcissists, like he's a narcissist and we're like, no,
he just didn't like.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
You, but he's an asshole. You know, you may you
just may be that some of the science to look
for when you're thinking about a narcissist. And you know,
and I'm not a mental health professional and understand that
narcissism is a cluster to be personal disorder that people
are generally they need to be diagnosed by a mental
health professional before you start throwing that title around. First
of all, with the narcissists, one of the things that
(31:49):
you will notice about a narcissist is that they have
a high sense of needing to feel superior all the time.
That can and that can sometimes They need to always
feel like they're the best right. They like in doing that,
they like to make us feel inferior. They can have
a sadistic approach things like that. They'll say things shift
to piss you off. One of the key qualities of
(32:11):
a narcissists is that they generally lack compassion. They generally
lack remorse for their actions. For someone to walk around
and say, I'm toxic, I just do mean right that
they say the girls and narciss that got's narcissists. No,
they could be an asshole, because one of the things
about narciss that you recognize is that unless they've gone
through deep, deep, deep work, they usually have a very
hard time with identifying those traits of themselves. They believe
(32:34):
everyone else is fucked up, you know, and so there
are traites. I mean, you know, lots of resources online
that teach about this, but I would say less, focus
less on the title of what someone is, and let's
focus more on how they make us feel, because rather
they're diagnosed mark narcissists, borderline personality, whatever it may be.
Regardless of their title that they have or that you
may leave they have, that's not really important. What's most
(32:56):
important is how do you experience this person? And when
you experience this person, do you come away the majority
of the time feeling good or bad? Right? It's just
that as simple. It's like how a kid feels. I
don't like her, mommy, I don't want to be around her.
When your inner child says that, listen to it. It's
not your opportunity now become the therapist to try to diagnose.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
Oooh, ooh, ooh, come on, that was so good and
I'm so glad that you gave the disclaimer that this
is something that does have to be diagnosed through a
psychiatrist actually who does the diagnosing. While I have you
for these few more minutes, you got to tell us
something that you have been working on, I think a
(33:40):
long time coming. But at the same time, it's perfect
timing what you've been working on.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
I've been working on my new book, Get the Fuck
Out of your Own Way. I'm so happy about it.
This is my first official book, and it's a long
time coming. My publisher has said they've been reached out
to me for a while saying please, do please do
a book, and I kept on saying no, no, no, no, no, no,
no no no, just because I, frankly, I just didn't
want to do a book. I didn't want to sit
(34:09):
down and do it. But you know, they put together
a great team for me, and it has been absolutely
fabulous this experience. Big shout out to Police Laverne. She
really came together and really helped me shape this project
in a really beautiful way, and so I'm excited about it.
We start pre orders I think next month was that September,
(34:30):
and I'm happy. I'm really, really really happy about this
because it's my way of bringing my perspective and teach
me how to get the fuck out their own way.
I'm excited that and put it in the hands.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
Okay. So I'm Minama business and I'm like, oh my gosh.
MJ's reached out to me and asked me, would I
say some words about his book. I have them, I've
seen it. I'm excited about it. It's just as exuberant
and life giving a It's his personality. And you're gonna
(35:03):
get this to where you will always have the book
of MJ. Harris. Honey, you better have it sitting along
with your Bible. Okay. So I'm just saying, I'm just
saying I'm really really thankful for you. I'm thankful for Yes,
you are an introvert, but I'm thankful for the times
that you do get that camera out and you give
(35:24):
us what I know is divinely put on your heart
in your own way. How many people tell you, MJ,
you've helped me get out of this relationship, or you've
helped me see myself, You've helped me feel worthy about myself.
Give us a testimony or two about that. I know
they're there.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
You know that's the most beautiful thing for me is,
you know, I have one of my good friends who
lives out here. He's so wonderful because when we're out
and about and people come up and everything like that.
Sometimes people, you know, other friends will get aggravated, like damn,
can't you put on the have or something. But I
don't want to hide, you know, because they when they
come up, there're so positive. And one of the things
he mentioned to me was he said, he says, you know,
(36:02):
you can tell this you do really good work because
when people come up to you, they always tell you
something about how you impacted field life. You know, I
just gotta have this divorce, and you helped me get
through this. You know, when my parents died, you helped
me through that or whatever it may be. And I'll
tell you this honestly, Michelle, it was really hard for
me to take that in for a long time. You know,
my mother used to work with me for a while
(36:22):
and when the album, people would come up and they
say you'd help me, help me, and I always say
thank you, thank you so much, thank you so much,
and she said, they're telling the truth. Are you taking
that in? And that was something that I struggled with actually,
taking it in and owning it for myself because I
think that my whole thing was I don't know, I
felt lucky. I felt like, you know that I really
deserved this. I felt like an imposter syndrome, like, you know,
(36:43):
is do I really deserve this? You know, I'm just
doing what comes naturally to me and that other people
I think do it much better than me, And so
I had to really be able to it. Took a
very long time. I've been on camp for fifteen years.
Took a very long time for me to finally get
to the place of being able to say, Wow, you've
been blessed. Still have a platform in people's lives where
you're able to help them and they tell you it
(37:04):
in such a beautiful way, and now I'm able to
fully own it and receive it, and I'm so grateful
that this is that, this is what I've been able
to bring to the world so far.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
As you should. You know, when somebody tells you you
look good today, really say thank you, especially and you
know you got up and put the effort in, or
if you know it was a hard day for you
to even get up out the bed, own own MJ.
You're not feeling well. I know you know, you mentioned
you know, so we got a producer on here. Everybody's
(37:37):
you know, got a head cold. Allergies are wearing people out.
But at the same time, we still show up. And
so nothing's wrong with saying, you know what, You're right.
I did show up today. I look good. God has
been good. I've got love and happiness. I'm eating good food,
Praise God. You know what I'm saying. And so MJ,
(37:58):
we're excited. I'm excited your I'm calling it now. Your
New York Times bestselling book is going to go through
the roof best seller on Amazon. It's going to be
best seller everywhere. So y'all, y'all ain't never heard me
say the effort. I'm not gonna say it, not that
I can't, It's not that I'm.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
Never get the fuck out your own way.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
That is the name of his new book. MJ. You
got to come back when it comes, oh for a
part three. And I'm so thankful that you know, when
we have called, you have accepted the invitation. I hope
you're not people pleasing by saying yes.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
No, it was my honor and my pleasure. Now let
me say this. I don't do shit I don't want
to do I say no in a quick minute and
will be noiced you. So I'm sorry, I don't want
to do that. You know, when you call, I answer,
I got a respiratory infection. My nose is running. Okay,
I'm talking this thing, and why not have a tissue
beside me? But I did this because I love you.
(38:56):
You have such positive energy and you're so transparent with
the world about what it is that you've gone through,
what you where you've come to, where you are going.
And I just think that there's not enough of that
in the world. I don't just say that, I don't
think there's enough of that in the world. People are
just honest and raw. And then to also you have
to own the fact that you are a mega celebrity.
(39:17):
That's just what it comes down to. And when people
see you on you know, arenas and stadiums and super
Bowls and all these other things, and then they can
put you on this pedestal believing that somehow another that
you don't do the same challenges as them, or that
the challenges don't hit as harder in some case even harder, right,
(39:38):
And so the fact that you are so open about
that gives people hope that if a she deals with it,
maybe I'm not the only one. Maybe I'm not fucked up,
you know, maybe I'm just a normal person. And if
she can get through it and share with the world
and create a whole platform around this, that to me
is a beautiful thing.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
Thank you, MJ. I'm gonna keep it. I'm going to
embrace it. I'm going to to let this soak it
all in because I can definitely throw the ball back
in your court and say, you've been transparent about your
journey too. I see it. I see it, and I
see what the people say. So all right, all right, y'all,
this has been a love fest. We can love on
each other. We can love on each other. But y'all,
(40:17):
it's it's time for him to go. And I'm so
thankful that you were here. We're excited for you to
come back in the next few months. So I know,
we get to pre order the book within the next month,
but when does it come out.
Speaker 2 (40:30):
The pre OrderIn is going to come out at the
near the tail end of the holiday season. I actually
just got off a call with the publisher before this is, like,
we will start the pre orders and so on, because
we really want your community to make this into a
best seller.
Speaker 1 (40:42):
So yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, well
we are going to do that. MJ. It is always
a joy to have you checking in.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
My pleasure. Thank you for having me right back.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Okay, y'all too. He said what he said, and that's
all I'm gonna say. I have nothing more to add
to it. He said what he said, and he always
will say what he says, and that's on period, y'all.
I just love you, guys, and thank y'all so much
for letting me have fun with y'all, and just I
(41:20):
hope to continue to create a safe space with all
the voices that I bring on here. Much love to you.
Please continue to have an amazing day and amazing week.
I love you and there's nothing you can do about it.
Thank you for checking in. Checking In with Michelle Williams
(42:18):
is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For
more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of
iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. My next guest really needs
(00:21):
no introduction. I mean, he is amazing. He's been a
viral sensation. He has been sharing with us for a
number of years of his life. He talks about finance, investments, insurance,
and relationships, y'all, even to the point where my mom
has called me on the phone quoting m J. Harris, So, y'all,
(00:46):
have a seat, Get your tea, honey, get your red wine,
get your sparkling seltzer, get your water infused with rose oil,
whatever it is that you do, and we're gonna have
some fun. I want this to be a fun one, y'all. Okay,
(01:11):
let's just get into it. I'm excited to have someone
so awesome, so straightforward. He seasons his words with love,
grace and a few cuss words, honey. And I just
love to see him, Yes, I love to see him
(01:32):
living his life. He's so inspirational. He makes me want
to pick up a suitcase or two and just move
somewhere for a season. And I just love his love
for everybody, whether you're in love or in finance. He's
got a new book coming out that we will talk about. Y'all,
Let's get into it. Let's welcome my friend MJ. Harris.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Get in here, y'all, get here.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Now, you really are a finance guru of insurance, but
we also love you for how you talk to us
about relationships. Well, didn't that just kind of naturally happen?
Now You've been a guest on here before, but I
don't believe I've asked you this question, like how did
(02:21):
you get into all things life and just not in
the box of finance insurance investments.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
I started out doing I started doing videos about fifteen
years ago. And when I started out, my first videos
were always there were like inspirational stories that were funny,
and so I was always thinking about that. And I
think just for me, because that was the topic that
everyone could relate to, is something that was always on
my mind. I used to sit and watch Joyce Myers
(02:51):
and TD Jake's and you know, all these different people
growing up for my own inspiration because I was being
bullied in school as a kid, and so for me,
I will watch it and say, ooh, I wish I
could have that effect on people one day, Like that
was in the back of my mind, and so I
started doing YouTube videos. Those relatively popular over time. The
way that finance came into becus people think the finance
came first. No, the way that finance came into it
(03:13):
was I was being offered brand deals like you know,
his X y Z the amount of money to sell this,
and I'm like, uh, if y'all can make, if y'all
can pay me this, y'all can make excellent exponentially more.
So I'm gonna be my own brand deal. And I
already had an insurance license. I said, that's a universal
product that everybody needs. So no, you're not gonna pay
me xyz amount of dollars to sell some mass scar
(03:33):
or what you're gonna do is I'm going to brand myself.
I'm gonna have my equity and I will sell. And
so insurance has been my universal product that everyone needs
and and it's worked out really well that, you know,
because the entertainment industry is, you know, income goes up
and down, but people are always dying and getting injured.
So it allows me to stay in business.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
I mean, they do say that there are companies that
will always be in business or certain sectors and that
is hospitals and funeral homes mmm, alway businesses that those were. Unfortunately,
even through our most trying crisis of health crisis during
the pandemic, unfortunately we saw uptick in all of that.
(04:15):
So thank you for even letting us know to get
our insurance together and that to prioritize. We don't want
to count people's pocketbooks, you know, but it's kind of like, babbabe,
if you donet spent, say, sixteen hundred dollars on a
hairdo certainly I'm not here to judge, as they say,
(04:36):
who am me to judge?
Speaker 2 (04:41):
But yeah, get a policy. That's always in my whole
thing has been. Everybody needs it and no one wants
to deal with not having one when you need it most, right,
And so that's the way here to do. If you
want a www dot I want life insurance dot com,
it's easypcwww dot I want Life insurance dot com.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Look, yeah, thank you so much. I'm excited, y'all. Life
insurance is so just testimonies. Like when my father passed
or when my grandmother passed, it was so easy for
stuff to be done. Yo. My grandmother had her funeral
written out. She said, you ain't gonna get up and
speak for me. You ain't finna get up here lying.
(05:16):
But she also had everything, was already taking care of her,
crypt the insure, everything was already ready to do. She
was sad, and she lived a fruitful life well into
her mid eighties. I wish she was still here, but
I'm so glad that she already had stuff for us
and ready to go. Now, speaking of ready to go,
(05:42):
some of us we are ready to go for love
and relationships, and we not doing it right, m Jay,
were settling or honey, them red flags looked like six
flags when you're horny, and we just.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Out here doing out here recreating trauma in our life.
The thing is this, if you want to find out
why your relationships aren't working, then just look in the past.
You know you're more than likely recreating trauma from the past.
You're replaying it out. You know, that's what it is,
you know, and it always comes back to it comes
back to that. And so I think we could do
so much better in our lives and do so much
(06:20):
better for ourselves once we own the fact there's not
these people who's fucking with us. They're not depriving us
of love, they're not ghosting us, they're not doing all
this other stuff. The narcissist is not your problem. It's
your fault of choosing you, see what I'm saying. It's
your problem to continuing to choose them after they show
you signs who they are and you can sing you
to choose them, and choose these people who you know
show you that they are beyond fucked up? Right, because
(06:42):
you don't want to get the fuck out of your
own way, you your problem? You know you don't want to.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Hear that, y'all that that's kind of the title of
his new book, Kind Disorder. But about that, I had
the honor. I'm so humble when you ask me to
do an endorsement for this book, because we do be
in our own way? Is it because not only well,
(07:08):
I think fear can be the root of some of
our fear? Is trauma? Do you think maybe the trauma
has made us feel unworthy of the best? You know?
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Because trauma trump You know, trauma is it's a false
story about yourself. The foundation to me if trauma is
that it is a false story about yourself you continue
to play out within your life or your choices, and
that false story about yourself. Is not that what traumatized
you didn't happen. Let me be very clear about that, right,
But what happened then is not happening now, and you're
still playing out the behaviors that are the byproduct of
(07:41):
what happened because you still are in some ways vieling
yourself as that. Right. And so to me, you know,
when I think about that, I always say it comes
back to trauma. Is because at the end of the day,
and sometimes we think of trauma as like, oh, you know,
I wasn't traumatized. You know, I wasn't abused, I wasn't assault,
That wasn't just that wasn't that. It's not always that.
(08:02):
Trauma is any experience that has a long term impact
on you in a negative way, right, it give me
any experience. And so I think that once we can
own the fact that trauma is literally a story that
we continue to play out within our life currently today,
and that that story has no power more than what
we give it, then it empowers us to know that
(08:23):
we can overcome and that, yes, therapy is a big resource.
So sometimes we have to unpack that story and we
have to get tools to know how to deal with
when that story triggers us. So I don't want to
simplify this enough to just say, oh, well, just change
the story, you'll change your life. That's not how it works.
But I do think that once we can take ownership
of the fact that it is our story that we're
allowing to play out in our life keyword allowing, then
(08:44):
we understand that we also have the power to do
something about it in order to stop giving that story life.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Wow, I feel like you should also be a therapist.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
I think my mama is a therapist, y'o.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
I just got We just got to meet his mom briefly, y'all.
MJ is living his best life. He now resides in
South Africa. And I'm looking at those amazing Florida ceiling windows.
I am a sucker for Florida ceiling windows. And while
it's while it's daytime where we are, it's definitely nighttime
where you are. Are you finding relationally differences in South
(09:24):
Africa versus here in America?
Speaker 2 (09:27):
My God, today, My God today. You know I chose
South Africa for a number of reasons.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Tell why? And we do we need to pack our bags?
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Pack your bags, okay, and I'm gonna tell you why. Okay,
First of all, I chose South Africa because we lived
in I knew we would want to leave the USA.
We want to try something different. And by we're talking
about me and my nephew sons, and so we went
to Bali. First. I was like, we're gonna go to Bali.
We're gonna live on Woo's. We're gonna do yogas and
ship every day and I'll do yoga and I don't
chan I'll do that that ship. And so I was like,
so this ain't working. I'm just hotten inhumid every day.
(10:00):
But it was nice. It was very nice, but what
it lacked. What it lacked, and being honest, I didn't
see nobody who looked like you. Nobody looked like me.
We saw tourists, but in terms, it wasn't a part
of the greater population. And people were so nice, so gracious.
I never really had any racial experiences there and anything negative,
but there still was a need to see people like me.
You know, I grew up in Dallas and d C.
So I was around a lot of people of color
(10:21):
and just those experiences like being in Atlanta. You know,
it's those type of experiences. And so when we were
looking at where to go, I wanted to be someplace
that was very modern. South Africa is extremely modern. I
wanted to be someplace that would be a great cost
of living for me. You know, the reality is that
I always emphasized and I've been fortunate, but that doesn't
mean that every day and every month and every year
(10:41):
it's the same. And you know, and so as a
self employed person, income goes up and down as we
get older, I thought about, well, how am I going
to retire and maintain a comfortable quality of life. I
started thinking practically about that, and for me, being in
a place that had a wonderful cost of living for
someone bringing the US dollar or you know, the euro,
that was consideration. So let me say this. The men,
the men, the men, their relationship orient Now I don't
(11:06):
mean they're always good for you, but their relationship oriented
family is a big deal. These men here, somebody told
me this when I first got him on a date.
This got gorgeous guy. Oh my god, picture tall artists.
Oh his lists are so full, and oh my god.
The whole time on the first time I was looking
at them, talking like this, to touch I didn't, but
he told me this, he says. He says, you know,
if you let me take you out on three dates,
(11:27):
I'm gonna consider you mine. Oh. I said, what does
that mean? And he said, because in our culture we
don't date casually. So if we're gonna go out multiple times,
you know, at the end of the day, then that's
then I consider you mine, he says. And I'm looking
for a family'm looking for this, I'm looking for that.
And this. This isn't just the gay guys, this is
the straight ones too. It's a part of the culture.
What else I've noticed here? And I'm all about get
your bbls, get whatever you want to get for your body.
(11:49):
I'm not against that, but I have noticed that the
men here tend to have a great appreciation for women
with natural bodies as well as women with enhanced bodies.
When I came from LA I felt like the women
who tend to get a lot more intentional people with
women who may have had the resources to enhance And
God bless you for having the resources, But what about
for the woman who doesn't have those resources?
Speaker 1 (12:08):
You know?
Speaker 2 (12:09):
And I find that you know you, It's not uncommon
to see women with their natural body shape. Who stand
beside beside a man who's fine as hell, fine as hell,
you know. And I think it's because our natural beauty
standard as people from the African diaspora, it's appreciated here, right,
because our beauty standard is the standard. So we're not
(12:29):
adapting to any other standing on. So it's a beautiful
thing here.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Come on, we are in the Church of M. J. Harris.
So I would love for you to maybe have a
workshop one day or a retreat in South Africa. Let
us know. I'm gonna register. I'll be there.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Okay, I'm gonna do it.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
I will be there. Now, You're gonna love it.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
I'm gonna love it.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
I've never been and I've never been, and I need
to go. I need to be.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Now. You know you have a big fan base here.
You do know that, right?
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Thank God?
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Yes, you have a massive fan base here. I can
guarantee you that. Okay, look at your analytics you're gonna see.
But beyond that, I can guarantee you that because of
the fact I've heard your music playing here. Okay, they
have a huge appreciation for African American produced music. And
so that was one thing that was shocked by me
(13:24):
just overall African American culture because I'm gonna come here,
anybody's gonna know who I am. That was not the case,
and so that was I was looking forward to that,
but that didn't happen. And so but the reality is
that they appreciate you, but the way they react to you,
they have a different relationship with things, so to speak,
than I think we experienced in America. Sometimes they can
be a little overwhelming when they see you here, they're
very respectful. Hey, I don't mean to disturb you. I
(13:46):
really like your work. You know, God's blessings to you,
and they walk away. It's none of that following you around,
taking pictures of you, all that kind of stuff. So
it's a really nice environment where you can go place
them feel comfortable without having to think about other factors.
You may think about other environments.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
I'm on the way. Do you miss it here in
the United States? Do you miss us? MJ I miss you?
So he don't miss y'all is what he said. He
does not miss it over here. You look absolutely beautiful, thriving, glowing.
(14:25):
I'm really really happy for you, your nephews and everything
they've got going on. And thank you so much for
showing us you know that it had to have been
a divine burden on placed on you to have the
care that you have for your nephew sons. So thank
you so much. I want to go back to something
(14:46):
you mentioned about a young man who said that over
here we are about family after three dates your mind. Now,
I don't know how that's how that would be taken
here in America. We probably be like, wait a minute,
and that you did? You do? I need to do
a Google search on your criminal background? Wait a minute.
(15:06):
So I'm wondering. Or the opposite is, oh my gosh,
no one has ever said anything like that to me.
Then you give them their all and you make them
such such a priority. Is that good to do? Is
making someone so much a priority?
Speaker 2 (15:24):
So I'll tell you this just for context. The first
time I heard that, I thought he was crazy as fuck. Okay,
I'm like, he is crazy as fuck him a whole
lot after that, Yeah, yeah, I say this is a
little weird. But then as I start talking to other
people like this man, somebody, can you believe this? And
they're like, no, he's serious and not understood that. That's
the culture here you know, it's a very patriarchal. Patriarchal culture,
(15:45):
So what you find is that the men are much
more assertive about I like you, I want you, right,
especially I do you as a woman or a man
of value and a value meaning that that you fit
into their picture. They could see you raising kids, and
they could see that. They are very vocal about I
want you, And so I understand that just culturally they are,
(16:05):
and I've experienced that they are less reticent to say
they want you. Know, in America, I would deal with
these guys, was like, he liked you, But it's like
do he like me? Is he playing hard to get this?
He liked me? It doesn't it? You constantly guessing this
shit because you know they don't want to come across
it's thirsty. It is that and other These men ain't
worried about that, generally speaking. And so once I got
a greatest sense I understand the overall culture, then I
(16:25):
understood that he wasn't crazy trying to be possessives. Let
me know, I'm dating intentionally, and I think that if
we're all honest with ourselves, don't we really want someone
to be intentional so that you can make the choice,
or do you intention to date them? But at least
bring me intention so that when I bring you my
attentionuse I know, I show up and I show out,
you know what I mean. And that's the problem. We
choose people who don't show up and show out, so
(16:45):
I appreciate that I don't ever have to worry about it.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
They gonna show up, so you said, don't. We don't
choose people who show up and show out for us,
but yet we keep giving them the goods over and
over and over again, thinking that, Okay, if I have
sex with him, he'll want me. If I cook for him,
and he'll want me if I go to church with him,
he'll want me if i'm cash appened or her.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
She let me, let me let me correct y'all the
fuck right there? Okay. If you're paying for pipe, that'
should businus. I'm not judging, okay, but that's not buying
a husk. Okay. The minute you spend in those cash
apps and shit like that. Okay, and as a man
for him to let you give him that damn money,
we get off of this city boys, city girl shit,
(17:29):
all right, we gotta get off of that. Okay. The
reality is that we have these online gurus. Are you
telling y'all that a man ain't worth nothing, he ain't
paying for this, so you need to be getting that
for them. It goes both ways, and not just towards
the men. It goes towards the women too, because men
be doing this to women too. Let's call the thing. Yeah,
you know, let's put that off the table. But you're right,
you know about the fact that we continue to pour
(17:50):
into people in ways as great as do what they're
pooring to us. We're not at least equitable in terms
of how they're pouring into us. And then what ended
up happening is that we end up becoming emotion We
are re traumatizing ourselves. We really are. We're retraumatizing ourselves
these experiences that we're choosing, and then ultimately what we're
doing is we becoming jaded, and then we end up
(18:10):
giving off an energy a thing. I demand this. I
demand that we call ourselves being empowering. I demand this,
I demand this, I demand this. Know, what you're really
saying is that I want someone who never treat me
like the people who allow to traumatizing before. But what
ends up happening is that you end up creating a
standard for what you so called demand, what you may date,
what you believe that you deserve. That you end up
narrowing the playing field beyond the point of what's even realistic.
(18:32):
You can't see the humanity and in people because now
you create these huge standards, not because of what you
believe you deserve, but as a way to protect yourself
from ever being hurt in the same way. Again, that's
all you got to unpack our trauma, because our trauma
helps us to identify why do we date the way
we date, why do we believe we need the things
we need? You'd be surprised, you know, for the folks listening.
Once you're willing to unpack your trauma, you're going to
(18:55):
find that some of the things you thought you needed
you don't need to reflections the trauma. They're protective mechanisms,
and you'll be choosing partners differently in a more healthy way.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
You know, doing this here work, I can honestly say
that I love my peace so much that you have
to be equal to the piece that I got added
to it, or feel better than the peace that I
already have. Because if you don't I am Okay, do
(19:26):
I want marriage one day? Absolutely, But I'm just like.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
You fine, but you.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
Don't feel better than peace to me, or you don't
add to my peace.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Ain't nothing worse than coming home to a house is
not peaceful? That's hell on earth, sitting in the house
looking at somebody thinking yourself, why am I here? Why
are you here?
Speaker 1 (19:46):
You know?
Speaker 2 (19:46):
And you know it's real bad where you ain't even
when you don't even want to argue no more because
you just thinking, I don't want to kick up no dust,
because I'm thinking out how to get you out of
how I'm gonna leave. Okay, and let me say that's
hell on earth. Okay, living with the enemy.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
When you're in a relation, relationship like that, I would
be scared to look at your Google history, you know what.
Let me see if I put some quinine in his
sweet tea, let me well, I get you're.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Thinking whatever way out you can get. You're like because
you're not at peace, y'all.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
By the way, to please please don't take that as serious.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Please don't. We're joking.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
We're obviously are joking. Be honey, in this climate, worre
in you about can't say nothing without somebody thinking you're serious.
But you know have dated someone and you literally are
sitting there thinking what did I just get myself into?
How do I tell this person? Yeah, it's a no.
It's it's an absolute no. So I sent you.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Well, why do we feel guilty about telling people that
I'm just wondering that I'm someone I've struggled. I've struggled
in the past and saying this is not going to
work for me. We need to break up whatever it
may be. And I end up spending years more in
relationships because I didn't want to speak up. Why is
it that we feel guilty or bad because the thing
we chose yesterday we no longer chose today. You have
the right to change your mind. They may have been
(21:05):
you yesterday based on what they showed you. So then
let me ask you this. Let's go back to childhood.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Was mj empowered to make his own decisions?
Speaker 2 (21:13):
No? No, I mean I was. So let me say this.
My mother was a therapist. She's never retired, and so
my mother definitely empowered me. So they sent to know
that I had a voice. But at the end of
the day, I think that the bigger challenge for me
was you know, I was extremely introvert. I still am
very introverted. I light up for the camera, but I'm
(21:34):
very very introverted, not a hugely social person. Point that,
I was also a big people pleaser. Growing up as
a little gay kid, you know, in the South, you
learn your protecting mechanism. I wasn't a fighter. I didn't
have a mouth to be able to go off on people.
That wasn't me, and so I learned to just be
very quiet and friendly and always pleasing people, you know.
(21:54):
And so for me, I did not know how to
be empowered. What really empowered me with them My own
experience was once I got older and got into the
entertainment industry, get me on camera, and then got into business.
Because what I learned very quickly was it if I
didn't speak up for me, people were going to take
advantage of me constantly. They won't try to eat me
a live and so I had to take I had
to learn almost fake being in power, like I gotta
(22:15):
think it so I can make it. But that was
a journey. I'm almost forty now. I don't think I
really knew how to effectively speak up for myself until
probably my early thirties.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Okay, all right, so then it's become I guess a
practice like learning how to say no for the first
time is so scary to do, but once you do
it once, especially when I learned how to say no
and then say that said person figured out a way
to get what they needed once I said no, it
(22:45):
makes you be like, oh, it's not so bad after all.
But you also said something I keep pivoting to just
so many nugget you drop. But you are a people pleaser.
You will stay in something that's bad for you. You're
not pleasing yourself.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Absolutely absolutely. One of the things I say to myself
now I have to I have to have a talk
with someone. Earlier, i'd give them some news that they
weren't very happy to hear. And I'm not gonna sit
for this. That I did it immediately. What I because
I thought about doing this about four days ago, and
I was like, and this was business, you know, but
still a human being, I care about people's feelings, and
(23:22):
so I remember what I did. What got me to
finally do it today was I said to myself, you
are uncomfortable right now because you refuse to have this conversation,
and you shouldn't be this person is not meeting your needs.
You need to have a conversation. So if I have
to choose between my own uncomfort and your discomfort, it's
got to be yours because I cannot choose you over me.
And so that's been a huge thing for me in
terms of people pleasing, has been asking myself because I
(23:45):
still I still struggle with it. You know, that's probably
one of the hardest parts of parenting is we take
our trauma and our stuff. You get married, you take
it to your spouse. You have kids, you take it
to your kids. Let me tell you, don't just shut off. Right.
You think you won't be able to speak up all
time because they your kids, Nah, they can still walk
all over you too, if you're someone who is a
people pleaser. So anyway, for me in understanding this and
(24:08):
learning this, I can't tell you that I get it
right every time. And I can't tell you that I
don't still have that compulsion to people please. I've been
doing it for three decades, you know, almost four, right,
But what I have is the tools to be able
to check myself so that I can at least make
an alternative choice, And I think that that's what change
is all about. Changes, not that you transform and you
no longer have the compulsional desire to do that thing
(24:30):
that results from your trauma. Changes when you recognize you
have a choice, and then you choose to exercise that choice.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
Come on, come on, people pleasing. As I sit here
and look at reasons why I might have did some
people please?
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Why did you people please?
Speaker 1 (24:47):
The first thing that comes to mind is fear of abandonment.
Fear that if you actually state your heart, they'll leave,
versus adjust, leave, just adjust or give to me what
I give to you. But people pleasing, fear of abandonment,
(25:08):
fear of being made Yeah, fear of abandon fear of
being left out, fear of just maybe being alone. You know,
for so many yeah, for so many reasons. But I
think the root for me has been abandonment. Fear of abandonment.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
When you became famous, did that get worse? Did your
people he these always get worse? Was it to say it.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Got worse me too? Because of the guilt that you
feel that you made it, But maybe someone else that
you felt was more deserving maybe did it, or family members.
You might have had to adjust how you interact with
family and friends, and so you feel guilty and so
(25:57):
before you know it, you're giving so much, your showing
up at everywhere, even when you want to take a nap,
people pleasing. It could be something like you say yes,
but you know you're exhausted, and you feel like, well,
if I don't go, they'll be mad at me and
they won't understand. Versus say no, send a big bouquet
(26:19):
of flowers, or say hey, I can't show up today,
but can I take you out to dinner this weekend?
So I'm learning how to do that, And once I
started doing that, I felt like people understood. Now not
showing up to some life changing event you may be
want to have to sacrifice a nap or something because.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
I don't know, but why, but why? What if I
don't want to go to your baby shower? If I
don't fuck with you at that level? Why I gotta go?
Why you gotta go? You don'na fuck with her damn
bouquet of flowers? Even?
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Why not, amjam let me sit with this bouquet flower?
Why is it sitting here randomly ready to be grabbed?
Speaker 2 (27:09):
I'm serious. I used to that oh, I'm sorry, I
can't make it. Let me go send the flower. Then
let me dig the donation, or let me do the whatever.
And although financially that may not be a challenge to do,
for you, it's still the idea that you are doing
something to compensate for something you don't want to do.
You don't want to do it. If you fuck with
them at that level, you want to do it, or
(27:31):
maybe you do fuck with them at that level. But
maybe you tired, maybe you need your self care. Why
is it that we have to pay for our own peace?
Why is it we have to pay for permission to
do what we want to do? And that's it's a
former payment to me now. But let me take you
out to dinner.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
So for me, the overthinker, the over analyzer, I'm sitting
here like, well, you knew you was tired. Why didn't
you take a map earlier? Why didn't you?
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Why didn't you because you feel like it you're watching YouTube.
I don't know what she was doing. You was living
your damn like you you hat your toenails. I don't know.
You do what you want to do with your time.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
So that being said, it's okay to call an audible
and make a change and say I don't want to go.
I don't feel like going.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Hell yeah, it's your damn life. If tomorrow was your
last day and you had the ability to look back
on today to review what you did, would you want
your last day to be spent sitting if you're trying
to adjust your schedule to shape shift around doing what
other people want you to do with your time, or
do what you want to do. And that's how I live.
I live as if if tomorrow's my last day, how
(28:36):
do I want to spend two death? And that's how
I think. It's not about being selfish, not about being nasty.
We had we had to change. This whole idea is
selfish because we was in doctors, but this belief that
it's selfish to take care of ourselfs and the people
who love to perpetuate that belief are people who've been
traumatized that same bullshit, or people trying to abuse your Yes,
(28:57):
we gotta stop letting people to manipulate us with that.
Why can't you come girl, I'll be asked you to
come up. You don't never come to stuff I want
to come to. Well, Deborah, that's your own fucking problem. Okay,
stop asking me. Okay, okay, but what if Deborah.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Is always coming to your stuff, MJ.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Then maybe your stuff is data, or maybe she likes
you better than you like her. You don't owe her ship,
m J.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
We're not gonna have no friends with that attitude.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Yes you will. You will find some real ones. You're
gonna find some reals just like me. Let me say this.
All my friends are just the same. But I called
them we still about tonight I come out for like,
oh wow, I don't. All right, girl back and live.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
They live their best life. You're right.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
We give each other permission to be real. They can
do that to me. It's no big deal.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
You're right, you're right, You're right. Okay. Dang, I'm getting better, y'all.
I'm getting better this old heart of mind, I wondered. Now.
I'm not saying this from a personal experience. I want
to talk about people pleasers or people that have fear
(30:06):
of abandonment. Do you think that they attract narcissists?
Speaker 2 (30:09):
Yes, I think that anytime you have a trauma in
that way, rather the fear of abandonment, if you have
an anxious attachment style, anything like that the more visible things,
because abandonment fear of abandoned can show through in the
ways that we don't always think. I think that narcisses
are attracted us to people where they can have an advantage.
(30:31):
They're attracted to people who are emotionally they can have
upper hand that the core a narcissist usually lacks the
empathy and compassion to see that they can't take take take,
take takes, and they continue to take take, take, take, take,
And so I think that it's not just people with
abandonment issues who attract narcissists. I think any time that
(30:53):
you are not fully managing your stuff, you can attract
a number of folks who have the those kind of issues.
The cluster be personality disorder issues, you know, narcisism, borderline
personality disorder, social paths of personality disorders. Those types of
people are attracted to people that they have a greater
chance of manipulating control.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
Wow, because that is a word that we've been hearing
so much, And as I was stating to you before
we officially started recording, I was like, people also misuse
the word narcissists, like he's a narcissist and we're like, no,
he just didn't like.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
You, but he's an asshole. You know, you may you
just may be that some of the science to look
for when you're thinking about a narcissist. And you know,
and I'm not a mental health professional and understand that
narcissism is a cluster to be personal disorder that people
are generally they need to be diagnosed by a mental
health professional before you start throwing that title around. First
of all, with the narcissists, one of the things that
(31:49):
you will notice about a narcissist is that they have
a high sense of needing to feel superior all the time.
That can and that can sometimes They need to always
feel like they're the best right. They like in doing that,
they like to make us feel inferior. They can have
a sadistic approach things like that. They'll say things shift
to piss you off. One of the key qualities of
(32:11):
a narcissists is that they generally lack compassion. They generally
lack remorse for their actions. For someone to walk around
and say, I'm toxic, I just do mean right that
they say the girls and narciss that got's narcissists. No,
they could be an asshole, because one of the things
about narciss that you recognize is that unless they've gone
through deep, deep, deep work, they usually have a very
hard time with identifying those traits of themselves. They believe
(32:34):
everyone else is fucked up, you know, and so there
are traites. I mean, you know, lots of resources online
that teach about this, but I would say less, focus
less on the title of what someone is, and let's
focus more on how they make us feel, because rather
they're diagnosed mark narcissists, borderline personality, whatever it may be.
Regardless of their title that they have or that you
may leave they have, that's not really important. What's most
(32:56):
important is how do you experience this person? And when
you experience this person, do you come away the majority
of the time feeling good or bad? Right? It's just
that as simple. It's like how a kid feels. I
don't like her, mommy, I don't want to be around her.
When your inner child says that, listen to it. It's
not your opportunity now become the therapist to try to diagnose.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
Oooh, ooh, ooh, come on, that was so good and
I'm so glad that you gave the disclaimer that this
is something that does have to be diagnosed through a
psychiatrist actually who does the diagnosing. While I have you
for these few more minutes, you got to tell us
something that you have been working on, I think a
(33:40):
long time coming. But at the same time, it's perfect
timing what you've been working on.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
I've been working on my new book, Get the Fuck
Out of your Own Way. I'm so happy about it.
This is my first official book, and it's a long
time coming. My publisher has said they've been reached out
to me for a while saying please, do please do
a book, and I kept on saying no, no, no, no, no, no,
no no no, just because I, frankly, I just didn't
want to do a book. I didn't want to sit
(34:09):
down and do it. But you know, they put together
a great team for me, and it has been absolutely
fabulous this experience. Big shout out to Police Laverne. She
really came together and really helped me shape this project
in a really beautiful way, and so I'm excited about it.
We start pre orders I think next month was that September,
(34:30):
and I'm happy. I'm really, really really happy about this
because it's my way of bringing my perspective and teach
me how to get the fuck out their own way.
I'm excited that and put it in the hands.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
Okay. So I'm Minama business and I'm like, oh my gosh.
MJ's reached out to me and asked me, would I
say some words about his book. I have them, I've
seen it. I'm excited about it. It's just as exuberant
and life giving a It's his personality. And you're gonna
(35:03):
get this to where you will always have the book
of MJ. Harris. Honey, you better have it sitting along
with your Bible. Okay. So I'm just saying, I'm just
saying I'm really really thankful for you. I'm thankful for Yes,
you are an introvert, but I'm thankful for the times
that you do get that camera out and you give
(35:24):
us what I know is divinely put on your heart
in your own way. How many people tell you, MJ,
you've helped me get out of this relationship, or you've
helped me see myself, You've helped me feel worthy about myself.
Give us a testimony or two about that. I know
they're there.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
You know that's the most beautiful thing for me is,
you know, I have one of my good friends who
lives out here. He's so wonderful because when we're out
and about and people come up and everything like that.
Sometimes people, you know, other friends will get aggravated, like damn,
can't you put on the have or something. But I
don't want to hide, you know, because they when they
come up, there're so positive. And one of the things
he mentioned to me was he said, he says, you know,
(36:02):
you can tell this you do really good work because
when people come up to you, they always tell you
something about how you impacted field life. You know, I
just gotta have this divorce, and you helped me get
through this. You know, when my parents died, you helped
me through that or whatever it may be. And I'll
tell you this honestly, Michelle, it was really hard for
me to take that in for a long time. You know,
my mother used to work with me for a while
(36:22):
and when the album, people would come up and they
say you'd help me, help me, and I always say
thank you, thank you so much, thank you so much,
and she said, they're telling the truth. Are you taking
that in? And that was something that I struggled with actually,
taking it in and owning it for myself because I
think that my whole thing was I don't know, I
felt lucky. I felt like, you know that I really
deserved this. I felt like an imposter syndrome, like, you know,
(36:43):
is do I really deserve this? You know, I'm just
doing what comes naturally to me and that other people
I think do it much better than me, And so
I had to really be able to it. Took a
very long time. I've been on camp for fifteen years.
Took a very long time for me to finally get
to the place of being able to say, Wow, you've
been blessed. Still have a platform in people's lives where
you're able to help them and they tell you it
(37:04):
in such a beautiful way, and now I'm able to
fully own it and receive it, and I'm so grateful
that this is that, this is what I've been able
to bring to the world so far.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
As you should. You know, when somebody tells you you
look good today, really say thank you, especially and you
know you got up and put the effort in, or
if you know it was a hard day for you
to even get up out the bed, own own MJ.
You're not feeling well. I know you know, you mentioned
you know, so we got a producer on here. Everybody's
(37:37):
you know, got a head cold. Allergies are wearing people out.
But at the same time, we still show up. And
so nothing's wrong with saying, you know what, You're right.
I did show up today. I look good. God has
been good. I've got love and happiness. I'm eating good food,
Praise God. You know what I'm saying. And so MJ,
(37:58):
we're excited. I'm excited your I'm calling it now. Your
New York Times bestselling book is going to go through
the roof best seller on Amazon. It's going to be
best seller everywhere. So y'all, y'all ain't never heard me
say the effort. I'm not gonna say it, not that
I can't, It's not that I'm.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
Never get the fuck out your own way.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
That is the name of his new book. MJ. You
got to come back when it comes, oh for a
part three. And I'm so thankful that you know, when
we have called, you have accepted the invitation. I hope
you're not people pleasing by saying yes.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
No, it was my honor and my pleasure. Now let
me say this. I don't do shit I don't want
to do I say no in a quick minute and
will be noiced you. So I'm sorry, I don't want
to do that. You know, when you call, I answer,
I got a respiratory infection. My nose is running. Okay,
I'm talking this thing, and why not have a tissue
beside me? But I did this because I love you.
(38:56):
You have such positive energy and you're so transparent with
the world about what it is that you've gone through,
what you where you've come to, where you are going.
And I just think that there's not enough of that
in the world. I don't just say that, I don't
think there's enough of that in the world. People are
just honest and raw. And then to also you have
to own the fact that you are a mega celebrity.
(39:17):
That's just what it comes down to. And when people
see you on you know, arenas and stadiums and super
Bowls and all these other things, and then they can
put you on this pedestal believing that somehow another that
you don't do the same challenges as them, or that
the challenges don't hit as harder in some case even harder, right,
(39:38):
And so the fact that you are so open about
that gives people hope that if a she deals with it,
maybe I'm not the only one. Maybe I'm not fucked up,
you know, maybe I'm just a normal person. And if
she can get through it and share with the world
and create a whole platform around this, that to me
is a beautiful thing.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
Thank you, MJ. I'm gonna keep it. I'm going to
embrace it. I'm going to to let this soak it
all in because I can definitely throw the ball back
in your court and say, you've been transparent about your
journey too. I see it. I see it, and I
see what the people say. So all right, all right, y'all,
this has been a love fest. We can love on
each other. We can love on each other. But y'all,
(40:17):
it's it's time for him to go. And I'm so
thankful that you were here. We're excited for you to
come back in the next few months. So I know,
we get to pre order the book within the next month,
but when does it come out.
Speaker 2 (40:30):
The pre OrderIn is going to come out at the
near the tail end of the holiday season. I actually
just got off a call with the publisher before this is, like,
we will start the pre orders and so on, because
we really want your community to make this into a
best seller.
Speaker 1 (40:42):
So yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, well
we are going to do that. MJ. It is always
a joy to have you checking in.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
My pleasure. Thank you for having me right back.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Okay, y'all too. He said what he said, and that's
all I'm gonna say. I have nothing more to add
to it. He said what he said, and he always
will say what he says, and that's on period, y'all.
I just love you, guys, and thank y'all so much
for letting me have fun with y'all, and just I
(41:20):
hope to continue to create a safe space with all
the voices that I bring on here. Much love to you.
Please continue to have an amazing day and amazing week.
I love you and there's nothing you can do about it.
Thank you for checking in. Checking In with Michelle Williams
(42:18):
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