July 15, 2025 • 38 mins
In this episode, Michelle and Dr. Tara Jenkins have a heartfelt conversation about identity, divine interruptions, and the lifelong journey to believing that you are truly enough. Dr. Tara also offers practical tools for silencing doubt, embracing your God-given identity, and becoming the list you expect from others. Check In to this episode if you’ve ever struggled with insecurity, people-pleasing, or feeling like you’re not measuring up.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of
iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. There's something to be said
about consistent friendships, not necessarily perfect, because none of us
are perfect, So therefore your friendships might not always be perfect,
(00:24):
but are they consistent. I'm really excited about today's guest,
doctor Tara Jenkins, So make sure you get your cup
of coffee, tea, or water and listen to this amazing episode.
Hello everybody, welcome to another episode of Checking In. I
(00:44):
am so thrilled and so honored to have my sister
with me, doctor Tara Jenkins. We go way back. I
know she's probably not gonna want a formal introduction. What
Tar Jenkins? I met her about twenty five years ago,
(01:05):
but before we met. Tara Jenkins is a graduate of
Clark Atlanta University with a Bachelor of Arts and Communication,
MOODI Bible Institute with the Master of Arts and Biblical Studies,
and Southern Baptist Theological Seminary with a Doctorate of Education
in Leadership. Tara resides here in Los Angeles' husband to
(01:26):
Charles Jenkins, and the mother of three amazing children, Princess Paris.
I ain't gonna call him baby Charles because he is
clearly in high school, but Charles the third. Y'all welcome
my sister, doctor Tara Jenkins. Thank you so much for
having me. Absolutely, finally, finally, finally, we are proud of you.
(01:48):
Thank you, Thank you, malloy, thank you. We have so
much to talk about. I treasure our friendship, our sisterhood,
your consistency. I would say, from whatever that time in
two thousand, whatever that year was, meeting you, you have
not changed at all. I feel the same about you.
(02:08):
And what's so exciting is when somebody is like knit
in your heart, you almost don't remember not knowing them.
And so that's how I feel about you life. I'm like,
what what's life like before I met you, sister, Because
like I'm like, really, like when did we meet? I
was thinking about that earlier. I just know it was
Christmas time, I think so, And to give you some context,
(02:31):
I don't know if you know this, I'm nervous. No,
it's something about you. This is just bad about where
I was about life. So I had just been telling
a story about our early years in Chicago worked the
most positive because my husband had been called to a
church but in between the announcement and the installation was
(02:55):
two and a half years. And so during that two
and a half years, we'd had death, we had tire slashed,
we had had hate mail. Right. So in this moment
in my life that I meet you, I'm very closed
off and I'm very much so like, no one can
come to my house, right, this is how I safeguard
my life. And so we had invited a couple of
(03:17):
people over and at the last minute, now we're living
in a gate in a gate in a gate, thinking
like we somebody, right, And so because of these things
that had happened, the people said, oh, and we're going
to have two more people with us. And I looked
at my husband we were like, who does that? The
audacity people just invite people over to your house and
(03:39):
that accidentally, right, And so I'm not knowing who's coming, right,
And it's the best thing that ever happened in my
life that it was you, sister. I didn't know that,
but that just shows you could be closed off from
something that happened in your life, and God can be
getting ready to give you the big is gift of
(04:00):
your life, and you have to be open to what
you were originally closed off to So how did that
help you post meeting me? Did that help you stay
a little get more open or were you like, no,
I have to stay guarded anyway. It was in seasons
because the journey of my life was filled with what
(04:21):
I believe are like God winks and God confirmations, and
so there are moments where I'm like, nothing can happen
to me, Nobody can hurt me, nobody can harm me,
because I know I can trace the steps and trace
the stops of how God confirmed I'm supposed to be somewhere,
serving in some place, doing some things. But then there
are moments where I look back on things that were
(04:43):
attempted to hurt or harm it's what I believe is
my family or me, and I can be like, I'm
threw it people. You know I'm guilty of saying no
new friends, I am so good look like that too.
And especially when I was serving in the kind of
text of church in the specific spot in space, I
(05:04):
felt like I will only be friends with people who
knew me before this. I can understand that, and then
I have no scripture to back that up. As a
person who says I follow the Bible right, because God
can send people in your life for the season and
you're in and beyond, and if you're closed off, I
think I missed out, honestly on a lot of relationships.
(05:26):
Like when people ask me about like my biggest regrets,
I think I've missed out on relationships that God might
have sent being closed up. But you also have to
know too, Like I hope you don't feel any shame
or regret because when people are slashing your tires sending
hate mail, I don't think you're gonna automatically be like, oh,
(05:48):
I would love to meet more people. Absolutely not, and
I could be wrong. You have the doctorate. You have
the doctorate unless of y'all, that's just a testimony on
that list that you win. It's a testimony God allowed
me to have because I failed my English final and
didn't get to graduate with my high school class, so
(06:09):
I never had a high school graduation. So all that
was just a story to tell. Y'all. Wait a minute,
way a minute, So we all Okay, So you all
you did not graduate high school because you failed the
English final, but you have a doctorate, correct, But you
went to do with the bad get you had to
do something in order to do that. You know, the
(06:32):
bad kids, and you're like, I have to go to
summer school. Yeah, that's what I thought, That's what I
was calling people. But then I was one of those
Wait a minute, so did you know that I almost
did not graduate high school. I have never heard the
story five years long. He did not want to do
my English final the way I said it was macbeth.
(06:54):
I said, this is stupid, this is dumb. I'm not
doing it. And I was like, oh, if I don't
do this final, I can still graduate because the rest
of my grades are great. Who cares if I get
an F or zero on this particular knowledge no sis,
that final was like the majority of your grade, So
(07:16):
anything you did that whole year did not matter. That
was really your grade. That is coo. So when you
talk about it, you have to go to summer school
with the bad kids. I had to go to an
alternative night school. Are you serious? To make sure that
I could walk across that stage and graduate? See what
(07:37):
had happened with me was English was first period, but
I was also captain of cheerleaders, and I was also
on student government. You know, I was like, you just
knew like, you know, my stuff was during first period
on my meetings, so I was too important to go
to English class regularly. They showed you, they showed me
(08:00):
in the audience. Watch you be in an audience. Could
you imagine having to explain why your name is not
in that graduation list? I did not, so really like
I felt like me even arriving on campus freshman year,
I was kind of less of my self of who
I usually would be, Like I was super outgoing before that,
(08:23):
but I feel like my little bubble had been very
recently versed when I got on campus because I had
never even seen my high school diploma, Like it came
very unceremoniously in the male while I'm already at school. Wow,
after summers well strength to summer school to college, and
it was just like, did they know I need to
get the family together and we need to do a
(08:45):
high school graduation for this because some people weren't able
to go to prom that are now public figures. So
what you're saying is you want a high school graduation,
We're gonna give her a graduation. Having gone well, my
fiftieth birthdays coming up, we are gonna have a graduation
for you. Absolutely absolutely, So you get down the clerk.
(09:10):
H you get your bachelor's you but you get your doctorates. Okay,
I want anybody to know how you thought you were
not going to be in Atlanta, but you found your
hind parts in Chicago. Oh my gosh. Okay, so now
what part of the story are we telling? Okay, so
I'm in a glasses you were not trying to be
a pastor's wife. No, I didn't even know preachers were human,
(09:32):
I know now, yeah what No? No, So freshman year,
I'm on dance team and very like, not in a
spirit led way. I'm like, software year, I'll join choir. Yeah,
and they rehearsed the same time, practice at the same time.
So it's just like I did that freshman year, I'll
do this sophomore year. So choir trip every spring break,
(09:53):
we're supposed to go to the Virgin Islands. One of
the members of the choir was from the Virgin Islands.
So they set up all the churches you sing at
all break. At the last minute, they're like, y'all, they're
not raising enough money to go to no Virgin Islands.
And our chaplain who literally just passed away, Reverend Easley,
who I love our University of Chaplain. He would literally
(10:15):
put his house up to get money to help the
choir go on these trips. Yeah, and the leadership of
cho was like, we can't let you do this again,
Reverend Easily. We're gonna switch the trip to Florida first Church.
We go to first stop spring break March fifteenth, nineteen
(10:37):
ninety five, O good Saint Petersburg, Florida. And this nineteen
year old boy is home from Miles College all spring
break preaching at Mount Zion Progressive Baptist. You know all
the detail. And he said he saw me in the
choir and knew I was the one. Later on that
night he asked me for my phone number. I was
(10:58):
not interested, because, yeah, I didn't know preachers were human.
I was just like the preacher as my roommate. The
preachers make for my phone number. Anyway, twenty seven years, married,
three kids. I'm here for it twenty seven years later.
And how you're your path total opposite of what you
(11:20):
thought or it would be. My life is a series
of interruptions. And I guess we can all say that
because you plan one thing, you write out one thing,
and it's just divine interruption. Yeah, at the divine interruption.
You have always helped me with even just two words
(11:42):
like that divine interruptions or was it necessary endings? And
how we can be so distraught about things ending, But
you have always encouraged me that sometimes it's necessary necessary endings,
and that can hurt. They could be painful, but most
of the time, especially with my sister right here, you know, yeah,
(12:07):
it's over before it's over because you have gifts and
the way that you feel on the inside, yes, you know, yeah,
that kind of give you a discomfort, and a lot
of times people are like, how does it feel to say,
I feel like God told me this, or I feel
like I was shown this, I felt something told me.
(12:31):
I feel like you can feel discomfort. You can feel
when what we call the grace has lifted for your
patients for a specificous thing, like things that used to
not bother you begin to bother you, agitate you. Yeah,
so you know that's still in that leads to the
necessary enny ending. Yeah, and that helps. I hope that
(12:55):
encourages people, because, like you said, the ending can hurt.
We all know, we've all been through some endings that
have heard but I think the most encouraging part is, hey,
it's necessary. Not only was it necessary for you, but
probably also necessary for the other people involved. We there's
this saying where people like, God don't play about me,
But the humbling part about that statement is God don't
(13:18):
play about the other person. Other person. Sometimes I am
in shock that God created some of these people. All
he made you too, well, yeah, for real, he made
you too. I have to love you too. I have
to be nice to you too. I still have to
pray for you too. God loves you too. You're his child,
(13:40):
his son, his daughter too. Like Okay, that can be
very humbling. I want to tear out some pieces of
the Bible, like love your interview. I don't like that one. Uh,
pray for those with the spitefully user. I don't like
that one. But that shows you that I'm excited that
you're saying that too, because just because you are a
(14:02):
woman of faith, we do know the Lord, we profess
Christ right, but that does not mean we don't have
those human experiences of we don't want to forgive, we
don't always want to love, we don't always want to
have hard conversations. We want to ghost people because it's
easier to do right. It's like I don't have to
(14:23):
care about your feelings. I am wanting to pivot to
this movement that you have called you Are Enough, the
journey to enoughness. Not only Tara can come up with
the word enoughness and you not sidey because of the journey.
(14:46):
And in a time where everything is about labels, this
or that, I also know even the I guess the
sketch of the book is when you were talking about
how even as babies or killed, that's the quiet one. Well,
I know this one's gonna be a problem right here
(15:08):
or this is my good baby. You know, they don't
ever give me any problems. So we've started out with
labels even as children. And I want to ask you,
it is that the beginning of a person not feeling
like they are enough. Absolutely, you know all of us
have some area in our life, no matter how successful
(15:30):
you've been, no matter how many degrees, no matter how
many titles you've been given. I've found in myself and
in the people that I've met all of my life,
there's like at least one area, whether people admit it
or not, where they feel like they're not enoughing And
if you trace not the steps, but the sounds. Trace
(15:53):
the sounds of what has been said to you, what
has been said about you, or what you've been called.
A lot of times when you trace the sounds is
based on some early label that someone put on you.
I was in a setting one time and I asked
people to share the nicknames that people call them, and
(16:13):
this young lady said, my, my family calls me Scootie
because I could walk, but I still chose to scoot
when I was a little baby, right And so because
of that, she kind of felt like they're calling her
lazy all of the time right now, because her scooting
(16:33):
instead of walking was based on her doing less than
what she could do, sister. And so there are so
many people who have nicknames that even in fine moments
or family reunions or holidays, you're still called by that nickname.
But it can really make you like shrinking back to
(16:54):
what people expected of you. And so many of our
areas of not feeling like we are enough, not enoughness,
it's based on what's been said to us, sand them
out us, and what we've been called. How does a
person overcome? And so in that same way where we
talk about chasing the sounds. You almost have to do
(17:18):
your own personal sound check regularly. What are the people
around me saying to me? What are they saying about me?
What am I answering to And in settings like how
you serve in stages and concert halls, a sound check
(17:38):
is when you make sure what you're hearing is clear
and it matches what they're hearing, and it's all being
managed by the top of the house, right, and so
in our personal sound check, they're a creator that's top
of the house, and what he says needs to match
what we're hearing. So everybody in my life needs to
(17:59):
be echo on what God says about me, not what
people think of me. Because if I surround myself with
people who also agree with what God said about me
as he created me, that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made,
or I'm a gift, I'm royal, Yeah, I'm different. I
need the people around me to think the same thing
(18:20):
about me. So that's what I'm hearing regularly, Yeah, because
if I'm hearing the opposite of that, that I begin
to think and see myself as the people who are
pulling me down with the sound of what they're saying
to me, so what you hear, what you answer to,
what you say about yourself, It controls what you see
(18:41):
and hear. Now is that easy for you to do?
As I know who you are, I know where you
come from, the church, the fireworks and everything behind it.
I will say before you answer that what I love
about you is that I remember, like, no, she don't
(19:03):
wear them hats. She don't have to wear hats and stuff,
just so swaggy and just you know, the red lip.
This is just signature, your signature red lip always get
so this This might not just apply to a pastor's
(19:24):
wife or minister's wife. This could apply to someone who
also has to maybe have a certain look that's expected
of them. Did you ever feel like you were not
enough because you did not want to do what was traditional?
It wasn't wrong, it just wasn't traditional right. So I
have had moments of equiescing, and like our whole first
(19:48):
week of installation services, I had a hat forever every day,
and I love hats. I just don't want to have
that sunny war hat. See if, in fact, then this
sometimes wear a hat. I like the hats. When the
last time you wore a hat see the hats borrow.
(20:10):
I don't own a hat, but I would borrow somebody
satellite this hat. I love it, it's cute. I just
don't have anywhere to wear it. Invite me somewhere, so
so but okay, so this is my mind. Trump do
what you're created to do, not what you're expected to do.
So no matter what industry you work in, there is
an expectation and you have to live your life according
(20:34):
to creation and not expectation. So I have moments where
I did all of that, right, it depends, and I
have moments still now where out of respect, I will
do yes. But there are things that God created in
me that do not fit certain molds. Right. So what
I teach, I teach creatively, and sometimes I'm gonna use
(20:57):
secular music. Sometimes I'm gonna use gospel, and that is
not a fit for everywhere or everyone. But I feel
like how God created me, he created me to be creative,
and that when he gives me a god idea to
tell a story, and that's even if it's in the
(21:17):
Bible and I'm using some secular reference in my teaching,
I feel like there is somebody that that is the
way they need to hear this specific principle, and who
is not for is none of my business. Even so,
even how you communicate is absolutely a breath of fresh air.
If I'm not mistaken, I was with you. You taught
(21:39):
in Chicago somewhere. Was it shine bright like a dinas
you know? So you are right? You do? You are different?
Meaning some people would never use a Rihanna song while
they're teaching, you know, in the faith based setting. Yeah,
I use a little kim, I speak with the DJ.
(22:00):
It's time. So it's not for everybody, but it's for somebody.
And honestly, there's a scripture that talks about people hearing
the gospel in their own language, and I feel like
there's someone who speaks the language of hip hop, understands
the language of a secular song, and then that's who
I'm communicating to. And so the person that's been in
(22:22):
church all their lives that may not like it, that's
not who my audience is in that moment. And so
I have to be obedient to what God's creating me
to do, even when the expectations of other people are disappointed.
And the other thing I want to say is I'm
so grateful in my earlier years that it wasn't no internet.
(22:45):
I was just about to ask you about social media
and comparison. Oh, Mark, your shirt says I am enough, right,
but social media will tell you no, you need this,
you need to add this, you need to subtract that. Oh.
The discipline of not reading comments really is the only
way for me to live in a freedom to feel
(23:10):
like I'm enough. It is hard, but people don't know
what to say, and usually the people saying the most
are doing much because who has time? What a sound like?
People that are saying the most probably aren't. Like you said,
I'm paraphrasing, you're not doing much. I get that because
(23:32):
think about your schedule, all of the things you do
in a week, Like, at what point in time do
you have time to look at what everybody else is
doing and comment on what everybody else is doing? And
that slows you down looking out what everybody else is doing,
whether it's looking at the comments or somebody else's accomplishments.
You know what they call it? The doom scrolling. I mean,
(23:54):
I'm guilty. Yeah, I've had my moments as well, But
have you ever heard this term? Gapers? Okay, so like
if you're like in traffic and then you are like,
why is it going so slow? And it's like one
person had an accident, right, and everybody slowed down. But
the reason they slowed down it is not necessarily the accident.
(24:16):
It's because everybody's slowing down watching to look like, Oh,
I wonder who that was? You think they live? Are
they in the hospital? Oh they airban? Oh that car
will be total right? Gapers wat And I think in
this age of social media reality TV, which I'm not against,
it can be positive or it can be naanis. But
(24:36):
we have right now focused our energy in our life
on watching people's lives instead of living our own. And
have you noticed after the Gapers block traffic does what
we were sitting for an hour, but after we could
have got passed whatever that was because we were looking
(24:56):
and being nosy and not paying attention to our own journey.
It has been doing our way. And even when I
talked since some of my friends, it's like did you
see what happened on? And do you see that they're
not together them? And it's like, at what point are
you going to live and lead your own life instead
of just watching everybody else's Because I feel like our
(25:17):
state of discontentment, which is the not enoughness, feeling like
we're not enough. That lack of contentment comes from looking
at everybody else's life instead of looking at your own,
doing some redirection based on the reflection. Yes, and assessing
and adjusting as we're called and createdive. Do your children
(25:38):
all seem very confident, like they know that they are enough?
I was gonna say, those are the only comments I
can't turn off listen. Why want my feelings hurt? These
children are very generous with their opinions. First born princess
who you knew about before I did? Do you want
(25:58):
to tell that story? Yes?
Speaker 2 (26:05):
So before I officially decided on where I wanted to
live in Chicago, I lived with the Jenkins and for
some reason I could not wake up.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
I was sleeping a lot. Was this with the first
one of the second first first and I was like,
somebody better be pregnant. And I was like, I know
it ain't me, Liza. We were married five years with
no kids, and so we just had a fun house
(26:38):
of sister living with us. I can't eating book him
and then she say, is so sleepy? She was like, sister, you,
thank you my bells. What ye know? That was our
first bar Princess Alexandria Jenkins, and she is a firstborn,
(27:02):
firstborn leader. Yeah. So I think she was about nine
and she told me, Mom, you need a brow regimen.
No wonder you wrote. You are enough. I'll try to
get over the comments. My kids said to me, yes, yeah,
so they are very very confident in their opinions. Oh,
(27:28):
there have been moments that I have needed to repent
and re rout some of the things I said, especially
with my second born parents. She came out of the
Woman with an hour last figure and I used to
always say, ooh, Paris find I hope she never find out.
(27:48):
Like I used to say this all the time, Oh,
Paris is already find I hope she never finds out.
And then she ends up in this setting where she's
like bullied and she doesn't know her Yeah. Yeah, people
like people mind everything you've got girls, yep. But I
was like, I spoke this and I had to repent
(28:11):
and I had to ask for forgiveness because I was like,
I literally would say all the time, Paris is finding
a hope she never finds out. And so I said, God,
fix it. Yeah, that's so. Now you know she is
on a campus of people that look like her, that
appreciate the way she looks in a very different way
(28:33):
than the schools that she went to for high school
in middle school. So Paris is fine, and she has
found out she is enough. But I really like took
that seriously that it was my fault of some of
the things she was feeling because I was so adamant
about that for such a long time. I want to
ask you about two things before I wrap up, being
(28:56):
enough in relationships, dating and figuring all figuring it all out,
and then being enough if you've had a diagnosis of depression, anxiety,
or any other mental health issue, So give us one
or two tips on feeling like we are enough in relationships.
(29:17):
All right, So we've all heard of people make a list, yes,
of what they want the other person to be, Okay, right,
they have to look like this, they have to be fit,
they have to have credit all of their make your list,
then become your list, become the list. You cannot require
(29:38):
something of other people that you're not requiring of yourself.
And so if you're that confident to make a list
of what you want everybody else to be. Become your list,
and you will feel enough because you are confidently walking
in the fact that I am and i'm n I
want to be in this season of my life, I
am a debt free or working to I am you know,
(30:01):
working toward the purpose or plan or or furthering an
educational endeavor in a specific space. And so become your list.
And then if you are your list, you should be
unshakeable in what you will not tolerate. I love this
because it's also almost the affirmations of I am, I am.
(30:23):
So we have to be careful also even saying what
we are. Do you really want to be that? So
I've been guilty of saying, oh, I'm not enough for
I seal this. I feel that be like no, become
the list and make it affirmations too. Yes, you know,
I am, I am, I am, I am, I am am.
I that some of my single friends talk about me
(30:44):
because they like girl. You don't know know about these
data streets. You've been at the game too long. But
one of my friends that was dating someone who had children,
I said, before you go further, show me the baby
mom right. So, of course, in our great research of
(31:05):
the FBI, Facebook and social media that don't take me long,
give me some initials, I will find out. I said,
oh no, no, man who had an appetite for that
can handle you, sister. I could tell your appetite by
where you've been. And so if you're not willing to
(31:28):
dim your light to be that from where they came from,
then you have to know your enoughingnes is enough to
know who is not ready for what you require. Yeah. Right,
when you know that you are enough, you're not gonna
stoop to make other people feel taller. You're not going
to dim your light just because you don't want to
(31:50):
be alone. In a season so good, so good, I
don't know that I have, ma'am. You was when you
say become the list, I was just locked in, absolutely absolutely,
because that will help so much with insecurity, all sorts
of things. Fast forwarding to mental health. Checking in the
(32:13):
Foundation has been about mental health, and I want to
thank you. You have been in so many seasons, good
and bad or maybe things I haven't even shared publicly.
You literally got on a plane and you were there,
So I really really love you and thank you for that.
Thank you for not thank you for letting me know
(32:37):
that I am still enough with everything that I had
been walking through. You show up when I tell y'all,
tower shows up. You have showed up for us at
our family. You are the giving in this giver. I
made up a word giving its giver. Oh and you
don't like touted or broadcast. And like our first born,
(32:59):
she was like did she know about this child? She
redecorated the whole room, the confidence whiles the bed's first
Christmas address. Just we don't change your last name of clause,
just Shelley Claus. Okay, but you have been there for
me and my family and every season too. And so
(33:19):
as you talk about feeling like you're enough, even beyond
diagnoses and moments. I think there's a scripture that talks
about love and it says love keeps no record of
wrong in the message version in Corinthians. And sometimes we
(33:40):
can like make a list of all the offenses that
people have done. But instead of looking for repeat offenders,
look for repeat attenders. Who has been in attendance in
those moments in your life, good, bad and different? And
so was I found some VHS tapes I'm nervous, and
(34:06):
I was like, who has a VCR? I go to
Goodwill and I find a VCR. So excited, I ordered
the wires to make the VCR go to my flat screen,
and I'm looking at a concert that I'm nine months
pregnant in of our second year at the church. It's
(34:28):
two thousand and three, and I see you. And I'm
looking at pictures of Princess being born and the firstborn
takes forever to get here, like twenty eight hours. And
I'm looking at the picture of her first being wheeled
out of the delivery room, and I see you. And
I'm looking at another album released concert at Salem, at
(34:51):
this church, and I see you. So I want to
thank you for being a repeat attender at the greatest
moments of our lives and in the toughest. Yes, ma'am.
Thank you for your consistency. Yes. And when you have
consistent people around you, they can pull you through every
moment and let you know that you are enough. That
(35:16):
ends it. I love you, I love you. Where can
we find your book? Your work book? You are enough
and your car. Djink is a line merch Yes, tar
jink is a lie. Tar jink is online dot com.
I believe that there are six stages of enoughingness, and
you can go through all six of them and realize
that you've already been enough. You're not waiting for some
(35:39):
delivery moment from Dominoes to give you an endowment to
say now you got it, you are already enough. Wow,
thank you, sir. Stud Wait a minute, now, she didn't
have to read me like that, did She just said,
all right, it's okay to have your list, but be
(36:00):
your list, okay, doctor Tara, thank you all right. For
the rest of y'all, I hope you enjoyed this week's episode.
And I'm hoping and praying. I think I say this
a lot, that you get safe people in your life,
(36:23):
consistent friendships, people who will show up for you, not
necessarily in the same way that you show up for them,
but people that you know that you can say, Okay,
this person shows up for me when I need them.
The reason why I say not necessarily in the same way,
(36:43):
because listen, right now, I'm single, I don't have children,
so sometimes it's easier for me to hop on a
plane and get to somebody quickly, whereas other people, listen,
they gotta get babysitters, they gotta you know, check in
with their spouse and make sure or maybe their job
isn't as flexible as mine where you can just show up.
(37:06):
But do you feel covered? Do you feel seen? Do
you feel heard? Do you feel understood? Do you feel
supported and anchored in the friendships that you have? And
if not, it's a possibility you can assess and then
rearrange where those people should be in your life. I've
(37:27):
heard people say, listen, there's VIP access, you know, then
you get those Okay, you can have front row access.
Then some of y'all got to be in the blood
nose what the nose bleed? Sorry, y'all, the nose bleed seats,
But I don't know. Listen. I also believe in just
(37:47):
treat people the way you want to be treated. There's
a lot of rules as it relates to friendships and relationships,
but treat people the way you want to be treated.
Make sure you got some boundary set, and I think
you should be again, y'all, I cannot do Checking In
without you continuing to listen and support and download these episodes.
(38:08):
I love y'all, Thank you, see you next week. Checking
(38:42):
In with Michelle Williams is a production of iHeartRadio and
The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of
iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. There's something to be said
about consistent friendships, not necessarily perfect, because none of us
are perfect, So therefore your friendships might not always be perfect,
(00:24):
but are they consistent. I'm really excited about today's guest,
doctor Tara Jenkins, So make sure you get your cup
of coffee, tea, or water and listen to this amazing episode.
Hello everybody, welcome to another episode of Checking In. I
(00:44):
am so thrilled and so honored to have my sister
with me, doctor Tara Jenkins. We go way back. I
know she's probably not gonna want a formal introduction. What
Tar Jenkins? I met her about twenty five years ago,
(01:05):
but before we met. Tara Jenkins is a graduate of
Clark Atlanta University with a Bachelor of Arts and Communication,
MOODI Bible Institute with the Master of Arts and Biblical Studies,
and Southern Baptist Theological Seminary with a Doctorate of Education
in Leadership. Tara resides here in Los Angeles' husband to
(01:26):
Charles Jenkins, and the mother of three amazing children, Princess Paris.
I ain't gonna call him baby Charles because he is
clearly in high school, but Charles the third. Y'all welcome
my sister, doctor Tara Jenkins. Thank you so much for
having me. Absolutely, finally, finally, finally, we are proud of you.
(01:48):
Thank you, Thank you, malloy, thank you. We have so
much to talk about. I treasure our friendship, our sisterhood,
your consistency. I would say, from whatever that time in
two thousand, whatever that year was, meeting you, you have
not changed at all. I feel the same about you.
(02:08):
And what's so exciting is when somebody is like knit
in your heart, you almost don't remember not knowing them.
And so that's how I feel about you life. I'm like,
what what's life like before I met you, sister, Because
like I'm like, really, like when did we meet? I
was thinking about that earlier. I just know it was
Christmas time, I think so, And to give you some context,
(02:31):
I don't know if you know this, I'm nervous. No,
it's something about you. This is just bad about where
I was about life. So I had just been telling
a story about our early years in Chicago worked the
most positive because my husband had been called to a
church but in between the announcement and the installation was
(02:55):
two and a half years. And so during that two
and a half years, we'd had death, we had tire slashed,
we had had hate mail. Right. So in this moment
in my life that I meet you, I'm very closed
off and I'm very much so like, no one can
come to my house, right, this is how I safeguard
my life. And so we had invited a couple of
(03:17):
people over and at the last minute, now we're living
in a gate in a gate in a gate, thinking
like we somebody, right, And so because of these things
that had happened, the people said, oh, and we're going
to have two more people with us. And I looked
at my husband we were like, who does that? The
audacity people just invite people over to your house and
(03:39):
that accidentally, right, And so I'm not knowing who's coming, right,
And it's the best thing that ever happened in my
life that it was you, sister. I didn't know that,
but that just shows you could be closed off from
something that happened in your life, and God can be
getting ready to give you the big is gift of
(04:00):
your life, and you have to be open to what
you were originally closed off to So how did that
help you post meeting me? Did that help you stay
a little get more open or were you like, no,
I have to stay guarded anyway. It was in seasons
because the journey of my life was filled with what
(04:21):
I believe are like God winks and God confirmations, and
so there are moments where I'm like, nothing can happen
to me, Nobody can hurt me, nobody can harm me,
because I know I can trace the steps and trace
the stops of how God confirmed I'm supposed to be somewhere,
serving in some place, doing some things. But then there
are moments where I look back on things that were
(04:43):
attempted to hurt or harm it's what I believe is
my family or me, and I can be like, I'm
threw it people. You know I'm guilty of saying no
new friends, I am so good look like that too.
And especially when I was serving in the kind of
text of church in the specific spot in space, I
(05:04):
felt like I will only be friends with people who
knew me before this. I can understand that, and then
I have no scripture to back that up. As a
person who says I follow the Bible right, because God
can send people in your life for the season and
you're in and beyond, and if you're closed off, I
think I missed out, honestly on a lot of relationships.
(05:26):
Like when people ask me about like my biggest regrets,
I think I've missed out on relationships that God might
have sent being closed up. But you also have to
know too, Like I hope you don't feel any shame
or regret because when people are slashing your tires sending
hate mail, I don't think you're gonna automatically be like, oh,
(05:48):
I would love to meet more people. Absolutely not, and
I could be wrong. You have the doctorate. You have
the doctorate unless of y'all, that's just a testimony on
that list that you win. It's a testimony God allowed
me to have because I failed my English final and
didn't get to graduate with my high school class, so
(06:09):
I never had a high school graduation. So all that
was just a story to tell. Y'all. Wait a minute,
way a minute, So we all Okay, So you all
you did not graduate high school because you failed the
English final, but you have a doctorate, correct, But you
went to do with the bad get you had to
do something in order to do that. You know, the
(06:32):
bad kids, and you're like, I have to go to
summer school. Yeah, that's what I thought, That's what I
was calling people. But then I was one of those
Wait a minute, so did you know that I almost
did not graduate high school. I have never heard the
story five years long. He did not want to do
my English final the way I said it was macbeth.
(06:54):
I said, this is stupid, this is dumb. I'm not
doing it. And I was like, oh, if I don't
do this final, I can still graduate because the rest
of my grades are great. Who cares if I get
an F or zero on this particular knowledge no sis,
that final was like the majority of your grade, So
(07:16):
anything you did that whole year did not matter. That
was really your grade. That is coo. So when you
talk about it, you have to go to summer school
with the bad kids. I had to go to an
alternative night school. Are you serious? To make sure that
I could walk across that stage and graduate? See what
(07:37):
had happened with me was English was first period, but
I was also captain of cheerleaders, and I was also
on student government. You know, I was like, you just
knew like, you know, my stuff was during first period
on my meetings, so I was too important to go
to English class regularly. They showed you, they showed me
(08:00):
in the audience. Watch you be in an audience. Could
you imagine having to explain why your name is not
in that graduation list? I did not, so really like
I felt like me even arriving on campus freshman year,
I was kind of less of my self of who
I usually would be, Like I was super outgoing before that,
(08:23):
but I feel like my little bubble had been very
recently versed when I got on campus because I had
never even seen my high school diploma, Like it came
very unceremoniously in the male while I'm already at school. Wow,
after summers well strength to summer school to college, and
it was just like, did they know I need to
get the family together and we need to do a
(08:45):
high school graduation for this because some people weren't able
to go to prom that are now public figures. So
what you're saying is you want a high school graduation,
We're gonna give her a graduation. Having gone well, my
fiftieth birthdays coming up, we are gonna have a graduation
for you. Absolutely absolutely, So you get down the clerk.
(09:10):
H you get your bachelor's you but you get your doctorates. Okay,
I want anybody to know how you thought you were
not going to be in Atlanta, but you found your
hind parts in Chicago. Oh my gosh. Okay, so now
what part of the story are we telling? Okay, so
I'm in a glasses you were not trying to be
a pastor's wife. No, I didn't even know preachers were human,
(09:32):
I know now, yeah what No? No, So freshman year,
I'm on dance team and very like, not in a
spirit led way. I'm like, software year, I'll join choir. Yeah,
and they rehearsed the same time, practice at the same time.
So it's just like I did that freshman year, I'll
do this sophomore year. So choir trip every spring break,
(09:53):
we're supposed to go to the Virgin Islands. One of
the members of the choir was from the Virgin Islands.
So they set up all the churches you sing at
all break. At the last minute, they're like, y'all, they're
not raising enough money to go to no Virgin Islands.
And our chaplain who literally just passed away, Reverend Easley,
who I love our University of Chaplain. He would literally
(10:15):
put his house up to get money to help the
choir go on these trips. Yeah, and the leadership of
cho was like, we can't let you do this again,
Reverend Easily. We're gonna switch the trip to Florida first Church.
We go to first stop spring break March fifteenth, nineteen
(10:37):
ninety five, O good Saint Petersburg, Florida. And this nineteen
year old boy is home from Miles College all spring
break preaching at Mount Zion Progressive Baptist. You know all
the detail. And he said he saw me in the
choir and knew I was the one. Later on that
night he asked me for my phone number. I was
(10:58):
not interested, because, yeah, I didn't know preachers were human.
I was just like the preacher as my roommate. The
preachers make for my phone number. Anyway, twenty seven years, married,
three kids. I'm here for it twenty seven years later.
And how you're your path total opposite of what you
(11:20):
thought or it would be. My life is a series
of interruptions. And I guess we can all say that
because you plan one thing, you write out one thing,
and it's just divine interruption. Yeah, at the divine interruption.
You have always helped me with even just two words
(11:42):
like that divine interruptions or was it necessary endings? And
how we can be so distraught about things ending, But
you have always encouraged me that sometimes it's necessary necessary endings,
and that can hurt. They could be painful, but most
of the time, especially with my sister right here, you know, yeah,
(12:07):
it's over before it's over because you have gifts and
the way that you feel on the inside, yes, you know, yeah,
that kind of give you a discomfort, and a lot
of times people are like, how does it feel to say,
I feel like God told me this, or I feel
like I was shown this, I felt something told me.
(12:31):
I feel like you can feel discomfort. You can feel
when what we call the grace has lifted for your
patients for a specificous thing, like things that used to
not bother you begin to bother you, agitate you. Yeah,
so you know that's still in that leads to the
necessary enny ending. Yeah, and that helps. I hope that
(12:55):
encourages people, because, like you said, the ending can hurt.
We all know, we've all been through some endings that
have heard but I think the most encouraging part is, hey,
it's necessary. Not only was it necessary for you, but
probably also necessary for the other people involved. We there's
this saying where people like, God don't play about me,
But the humbling part about that statement is God don't
(13:18):
play about the other person. Other person. Sometimes I am
in shock that God created some of these people. All
he made you too, well, yeah, for real, he made
you too. I have to love you too. I have
to be nice to you too. I still have to
pray for you too. God loves you too. You're his child,
(13:40):
his son, his daughter too. Like Okay, that can be
very humbling. I want to tear out some pieces of
the Bible, like love your interview. I don't like that one. Uh,
pray for those with the spitefully user. I don't like
that one. But that shows you that I'm excited that
you're saying that too, because just because you are a
(14:02):
woman of faith, we do know the Lord, we profess
Christ right, but that does not mean we don't have
those human experiences of we don't want to forgive, we
don't always want to love, we don't always want to
have hard conversations. We want to ghost people because it's
easier to do right. It's like I don't have to
(14:23):
care about your feelings. I am wanting to pivot to
this movement that you have called you Are Enough, the
journey to enoughness. Not only Tara can come up with
the word enoughness and you not sidey because of the journey.
(14:46):
And in a time where everything is about labels, this
or that, I also know even the I guess the
sketch of the book is when you were talking about
how even as babies or killed, that's the quiet one. Well,
I know this one's gonna be a problem right here
(15:08):
or this is my good baby. You know, they don't
ever give me any problems. So we've started out with
labels even as children. And I want to ask you,
it is that the beginning of a person not feeling
like they are enough. Absolutely, you know all of us
have some area in our life, no matter how successful
(15:30):
you've been, no matter how many degrees, no matter how
many titles you've been given. I've found in myself and
in the people that I've met all of my life,
there's like at least one area, whether people admit it
or not, where they feel like they're not enoughing And
if you trace not the steps, but the sounds. Trace
(15:53):
the sounds of what has been said to you, what
has been said about you, or what you've been called.
A lot of times when you trace the sounds is
based on some early label that someone put on you.
I was in a setting one time and I asked
people to share the nicknames that people call them, and
(16:13):
this young lady said, my, my family calls me Scootie
because I could walk, but I still chose to scoot
when I was a little baby, right And so because
of that, she kind of felt like they're calling her
lazy all of the time right now, because her scooting
(16:33):
instead of walking was based on her doing less than
what she could do, sister. And so there are so
many people who have nicknames that even in fine moments
or family reunions or holidays, you're still called by that nickname.
But it can really make you like shrinking back to
(16:54):
what people expected of you. And so many of our
areas of not feeling like we are enough, not enoughness,
it's based on what's been said to us, sand them
out us, and what we've been called. How does a
person overcome? And so in that same way where we
talk about chasing the sounds. You almost have to do
(17:18):
your own personal sound check regularly. What are the people
around me saying to me? What are they saying about me?
What am I answering to And in settings like how
you serve in stages and concert halls, a sound check
(17:38):
is when you make sure what you're hearing is clear
and it matches what they're hearing, and it's all being
managed by the top of the house, right, and so
in our personal sound check, they're a creator that's top
of the house, and what he says needs to match
what we're hearing. So everybody in my life needs to
(17:59):
be echo on what God says about me, not what
people think of me. Because if I surround myself with
people who also agree with what God said about me
as he created me, that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made,
or I'm a gift, I'm royal, Yeah, I'm different. I
need the people around me to think the same thing
(18:20):
about me. So that's what I'm hearing regularly, Yeah, because
if I'm hearing the opposite of that, that I begin
to think and see myself as the people who are
pulling me down with the sound of what they're saying
to me, so what you hear, what you answer to,
what you say about yourself, It controls what you see
(18:41):
and hear. Now is that easy for you to do?
As I know who you are, I know where you
come from, the church, the fireworks and everything behind it.
I will say before you answer that what I love
about you is that I remember, like, no, she don't
(19:03):
wear them hats. She don't have to wear hats and stuff,
just so swaggy and just you know, the red lip.
This is just signature, your signature red lip always get
so this This might not just apply to a pastor's
(19:24):
wife or minister's wife. This could apply to someone who
also has to maybe have a certain look that's expected
of them. Did you ever feel like you were not
enough because you did not want to do what was traditional?
It wasn't wrong, it just wasn't traditional right. So I
have had moments of equiescing, and like our whole first
(19:48):
week of installation services, I had a hat forever every day,
and I love hats. I just don't want to have
that sunny war hat. See if, in fact, then this
sometimes wear a hat. I like the hats. When the
last time you wore a hat see the hats borrow.
(20:10):
I don't own a hat, but I would borrow somebody
satellite this hat. I love it, it's cute. I just
don't have anywhere to wear it. Invite me somewhere, so
so but okay, so this is my mind. Trump do
what you're created to do, not what you're expected to do.
So no matter what industry you work in, there is
an expectation and you have to live your life according
(20:34):
to creation and not expectation. So I have moments where
I did all of that, right, it depends, and I
have moments still now where out of respect, I will
do yes. But there are things that God created in
me that do not fit certain molds. Right. So what
I teach, I teach creatively, and sometimes I'm gonna use
(20:57):
secular music. Sometimes I'm gonna use gospel, and that is
not a fit for everywhere or everyone. But I feel
like how God created me, he created me to be creative,
and that when he gives me a god idea to
tell a story, and that's even if it's in the
(21:17):
Bible and I'm using some secular reference in my teaching,
I feel like there is somebody that that is the
way they need to hear this specific principle, and who
is not for is none of my business. Even so,
even how you communicate is absolutely a breath of fresh air.
If I'm not mistaken, I was with you. You taught
(21:39):
in Chicago somewhere. Was it shine bright like a dinas
you know? So you are right? You do? You are different?
Meaning some people would never use a Rihanna song while
they're teaching, you know, in the faith based setting. Yeah,
I use a little kim, I speak with the DJ.
(22:00):
It's time. So it's not for everybody, but it's for somebody.
And honestly, there's a scripture that talks about people hearing
the gospel in their own language, and I feel like
there's someone who speaks the language of hip hop, understands
the language of a secular song, and then that's who
I'm communicating to. And so the person that's been in
(22:22):
church all their lives that may not like it, that's
not who my audience is in that moment. And so
I have to be obedient to what God's creating me
to do, even when the expectations of other people are disappointed.
And the other thing I want to say is I'm
so grateful in my earlier years that it wasn't no internet.
(22:45):
I was just about to ask you about social media
and comparison. Oh, Mark, your shirt says I am enough, right,
but social media will tell you no, you need this,
you need to add this, you need to subtract that. Oh.
The discipline of not reading comments really is the only
way for me to live in a freedom to feel
(23:10):
like I'm enough. It is hard, but people don't know
what to say, and usually the people saying the most
are doing much because who has time? What a sound like?
People that are saying the most probably aren't. Like you said,
I'm paraphrasing, you're not doing much. I get that because
(23:32):
think about your schedule, all of the things you do
in a week, Like, at what point in time do
you have time to look at what everybody else is
doing and comment on what everybody else is doing? And
that slows you down looking out what everybody else is doing,
whether it's looking at the comments or somebody else's accomplishments.
You know what they call it? The doom scrolling. I mean,
(23:54):
I'm guilty. Yeah, I've had my moments as well, But
have you ever heard this term? Gapers? Okay, so like
if you're like in traffic and then you are like,
why is it going so slow? And it's like one
person had an accident, right, and everybody slowed down. But
the reason they slowed down it is not necessarily the accident.
(24:16):
It's because everybody's slowing down watching to look like, Oh,
I wonder who that was? You think they live? Are
they in the hospital? Oh they airban? Oh that car
will be total right? Gapers wat And I think in
this age of social media reality TV, which I'm not against,
it can be positive or it can be naanis. But
(24:36):
we have right now focused our energy in our life
on watching people's lives instead of living our own. And
have you noticed after the Gapers block traffic does what
we were sitting for an hour, but after we could
have got passed whatever that was because we were looking
(24:56):
and being nosy and not paying attention to our own journey.
It has been doing our way. And even when I
talked since some of my friends, it's like did you
see what happened on? And do you see that they're
not together them? And it's like, at what point are
you going to live and lead your own life instead
of just watching everybody else's Because I feel like our
(25:17):
state of discontentment, which is the not enoughness, feeling like
we're not enough. That lack of contentment comes from looking
at everybody else's life instead of looking at your own,
doing some redirection based on the reflection. Yes, and assessing
and adjusting as we're called and createdive. Do your children
(25:38):
all seem very confident, like they know that they are enough?
I was gonna say, those are the only comments I
can't turn off listen. Why want my feelings hurt? These
children are very generous with their opinions. First born princess
who you knew about before I did? Do you want
(25:58):
to tell that story? Yes?
Speaker 2 (26:05):
So before I officially decided on where I wanted to
live in Chicago, I lived with the Jenkins and for
some reason I could not wake up.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
I was sleeping a lot. Was this with the first
one of the second first first and I was like,
somebody better be pregnant. And I was like, I know
it ain't me, Liza. We were married five years with
no kids, and so we just had a fun house
(26:38):
of sister living with us. I can't eating book him
and then she say, is so sleepy? She was like, sister, you,
thank you my bells. What ye know? That was our
first bar Princess Alexandria Jenkins, and she is a firstborn,
(27:02):
firstborn leader. Yeah. So I think she was about nine
and she told me, Mom, you need a brow regimen.
No wonder you wrote. You are enough. I'll try to
get over the comments. My kids said to me, yes, yeah,
so they are very very confident in their opinions. Oh,
(27:28):
there have been moments that I have needed to repent
and re rout some of the things I said, especially
with my second born parents. She came out of the
Woman with an hour last figure and I used to
always say, ooh, Paris find I hope she never find out.
(27:48):
Like I used to say this all the time, Oh,
Paris is already find I hope she never finds out.
And then she ends up in this setting where she's
like bullied and she doesn't know her Yeah. Yeah, people
like people mind everything you've got girls, yep. But I
was like, I spoke this and I had to repent
(28:11):
and I had to ask for forgiveness because I was like,
I literally would say all the time, Paris is finding
a hope she never finds out. And so I said, God,
fix it. Yeah, that's so. Now you know she is
on a campus of people that look like her, that
appreciate the way she looks in a very different way
(28:33):
than the schools that she went to for high school
in middle school. So Paris is fine, and she has
found out she is enough. But I really like took
that seriously that it was my fault of some of
the things she was feeling because I was so adamant
about that for such a long time. I want to
ask you about two things before I wrap up, being
(28:56):
enough in relationships, dating and figuring all figuring it all out,
and then being enough if you've had a diagnosis of depression, anxiety,
or any other mental health issue, So give us one
or two tips on feeling like we are enough in relationships.
(29:17):
All right, So we've all heard of people make a list, yes,
of what they want the other person to be, Okay, right,
they have to look like this, they have to be fit,
they have to have credit all of their make your list,
then become your list, become the list. You cannot require
(29:38):
something of other people that you're not requiring of yourself.
And so if you're that confident to make a list
of what you want everybody else to be. Become your list,
and you will feel enough because you are confidently walking
in the fact that I am and i'm n I
want to be in this season of my life, I
am a debt free or working to I am you know,
(30:01):
working toward the purpose or plan or or furthering an
educational endeavor in a specific space. And so become your list.
And then if you are your list, you should be
unshakeable in what you will not tolerate. I love this
because it's also almost the affirmations of I am, I am.
(30:23):
So we have to be careful also even saying what
we are. Do you really want to be that? So
I've been guilty of saying, oh, I'm not enough for
I seal this. I feel that be like no, become
the list and make it affirmations too. Yes, you know,
I am, I am, I am, I am, I am am.
I that some of my single friends talk about me
(30:44):
because they like girl. You don't know know about these
data streets. You've been at the game too long. But
one of my friends that was dating someone who had children,
I said, before you go further, show me the baby
mom right. So, of course, in our great research of
(31:05):
the FBI, Facebook and social media that don't take me long,
give me some initials, I will find out. I said,
oh no, no, man who had an appetite for that
can handle you, sister. I could tell your appetite by
where you've been. And so if you're not willing to
(31:28):
dim your light to be that from where they came from,
then you have to know your enoughingnes is enough to
know who is not ready for what you require. Yeah. Right,
when you know that you are enough, you're not gonna
stoop to make other people feel taller. You're not going
to dim your light just because you don't want to
(31:50):
be alone. In a season so good, so good, I
don't know that I have, ma'am. You was when you
say become the list, I was just locked in, absolutely absolutely,
because that will help so much with insecurity, all sorts
of things. Fast forwarding to mental health. Checking in the
(32:13):
Foundation has been about mental health, and I want to
thank you. You have been in so many seasons, good
and bad or maybe things I haven't even shared publicly.
You literally got on a plane and you were there,
So I really really love you and thank you for that.
Thank you for not thank you for letting me know
(32:37):
that I am still enough with everything that I had
been walking through. You show up when I tell y'all,
tower shows up. You have showed up for us at
our family. You are the giving in this giver. I
made up a word giving its giver. Oh and you
don't like touted or broadcast. And like our first born,
(32:59):
she was like did she know about this child? She
redecorated the whole room, the confidence whiles the bed's first
Christmas address. Just we don't change your last name of clause,
just Shelley Claus. Okay, but you have been there for
me and my family and every season too. And so
(33:19):
as you talk about feeling like you're enough, even beyond
diagnoses and moments. I think there's a scripture that talks
about love and it says love keeps no record of
wrong in the message version in Corinthians. And sometimes we
(33:40):
can like make a list of all the offenses that
people have done. But instead of looking for repeat offenders,
look for repeat attenders. Who has been in attendance in
those moments in your life, good, bad and different? And
so was I found some VHS tapes I'm nervous, and
(34:06):
I was like, who has a VCR? I go to
Goodwill and I find a VCR. So excited, I ordered
the wires to make the VCR go to my flat screen,
and I'm looking at a concert that I'm nine months
pregnant in of our second year at the church. It's
(34:28):
two thousand and three, and I see you. And I'm
looking at pictures of Princess being born and the firstborn
takes forever to get here, like twenty eight hours. And
I'm looking at the picture of her first being wheeled
out of the delivery room, and I see you. And
I'm looking at another album released concert at Salem, at
(34:51):
this church, and I see you. So I want to
thank you for being a repeat attender at the greatest
moments of our lives and in the toughest. Yes, ma'am.
Thank you for your consistency. Yes. And when you have
consistent people around you, they can pull you through every
moment and let you know that you are enough. That
(35:16):
ends it. I love you, I love you. Where can
we find your book? Your work book? You are enough
and your car. Djink is a line merch Yes, tar
jink is a lie. Tar jink is online dot com.
I believe that there are six stages of enoughingness, and
you can go through all six of them and realize
that you've already been enough. You're not waiting for some
(35:39):
delivery moment from Dominoes to give you an endowment to
say now you got it, you are already enough. Wow,
thank you, sir. Stud Wait a minute, now, she didn't
have to read me like that, did She just said,
all right, it's okay to have your list, but be
(36:00):
your list, okay, doctor Tara, thank you all right. For
the rest of y'all, I hope you enjoyed this week's episode.
And I'm hoping and praying. I think I say this
a lot, that you get safe people in your life,
(36:23):
consistent friendships, people who will show up for you, not
necessarily in the same way that you show up for them,
but people that you know that you can say, Okay,
this person shows up for me when I need them.
The reason why I say not necessarily in the same way,
(36:43):
because listen, right now, I'm single, I don't have children,
so sometimes it's easier for me to hop on a
plane and get to somebody quickly, whereas other people, listen,
they gotta get babysitters, they gotta you know, check in
with their spouse and make sure or maybe their job
isn't as flexible as mine where you can just show up.
(37:06):
But do you feel covered? Do you feel seen? Do
you feel heard? Do you feel understood? Do you feel
supported and anchored in the friendships that you have? And
if not, it's a possibility you can assess and then
rearrange where those people should be in your life. I've
(37:27):
heard people say, listen, there's VIP access, you know, then
you get those Okay, you can have front row access.
Then some of y'all got to be in the blood
nose what the nose bleed? Sorry, y'all, the nose bleed seats,
But I don't know. Listen. I also believe in just
(37:47):
treat people the way you want to be treated. There's
a lot of rules as it relates to friendships and relationships,
but treat people the way you want to be treated.
Make sure you got some boundary set, and I think
you should be again, y'all, I cannot do Checking In
without you continuing to listen and support and download these episodes.
(38:08):
I love y'all, Thank you, see you next week. Checking
(38:42):
In with Michelle Williams is a production of iHeartRadio and
The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your
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