February 20, 2024 • 47 mins
Michelle and Tim are shaking tables! Tim speaks on transitioning from one calling to the next. He also shares some keys to effective communication and reassures you that you can still be flawed AND loved. CHECK IN to this episode for a boost in your self-esteem, despite your flaws.
For all things Tim Ross, visit: https://www.upsettheworld.com/
Follow Tim on Instagram: @upsetthegram
Check out The Basement Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@TheBasementPodcast
Make sure you’re following Michelle on social media!
Instagram: @MichelleWilliams
Twitter: @RealMichelleW
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of
iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. Oh lord, I have no
(00:20):
idea how this episode's gonna turn out. I know it's
gonna turn out great, but I am anticipating the jaw
dropping moment my brother, social media influencer, podcast host, b
side app owner, author, Oh child, he be upsetting the ground, y'all,
(00:46):
y'all better get ready. Tim Ross is in the building, y'all.
I'm excited because we've got somebody who is literally shaking
the okay, upsetting the gram, upsetting the world in a
(01:08):
good way, a curious way. Some people are mad even
though he is not pastoring or ministering in the traditional
way in the pool pit. That's who he is. An
amazing podcast the Basement author. That book is coming out.
(01:29):
It is February twenty seventh. Welcome to the Basement, y'all.
Y'all recognize his voice already, y'all give it up for
my friend since twenty seventeen, Tim Ross.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Y'alli, Timmy, I love you, tt.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
I love you. I love you. I don't even know
like yes, I have an official rundown and because of
the time, I'm not gonna get comfortable in common with you.
We're gonna be official, we're gonna be professional. But y'all,
my friend, my brother is here.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Y'all.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Absolutely, those of us that are close to you, those
of us who just love you, who get a seat
to see everything that you're doing, We've seen you evolve
and pivot. How are you feeling. Have you been able
to kind of be on the outside and take a
look at what you've been able to do.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Yeah? I was able to do that last July. So
July twenty twenty three, the seventh month of every year
is my sabbventh month, so I take the whole month
off and we spent it in Australia, and I just
got to reflect on, like everything that we have done
since July fixed of twenty twenty two. And when I
(02:50):
came back from that trip in August of twenty three,
I literally said to myself, I think I finally figured
out what the he I'm doing. A lot of times
you step into whatever you feel like God's telling you
to do, and you step in out of obedience, right like, Okay,
I'm doing what it is that I felt like God's
telling me to do. But you don't know what you're doing,
(03:12):
and don't like you have no idea, like you said
yes and you started it, but you don't. You have
no idea what you're actually doing, what the impact is.
And so if you would have asked me any time
before August of twenty twenty three, hey, what are you doing?
I would have been like a podcast, like you know
what I mean, Like I'm just doing a podcast. And
(03:32):
after August of twenty three, I really was able to
like process, like, oh, I'm helping people live life in
a completely different way, Like I'm giving people permission that's
to be authentically themselves in their own skin. And I've
(03:54):
and God has allowed me to create this safe space
where people can give us the gift of their vulnerability,
be seen, heard, known, and still loved, even if they're
not still agreed with. And that's when I knew we
got something special here. We have something special and sacred here,
(04:15):
and we don't do what everybody else does, like I'm
not against what everybody else does. I'm not for what
some of the people do, but I'm not against what
nobody else does. But this is sacred and we're gonna
run this play. This is the play We're gonna run here.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Where did the boldness and the audacity come for you
to not be with the normal? You said something so powerful.
I want people to be seen, known, heard, loved, even
if they're not agreed with.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Absolutely, because we live in a culture where we only
like people who think like us. We only embrace people
who think like us, or believe people or believe like us. Right,
So in my mind, I'm like, listen, what every human
being needs at a basic level is to be seen, heard, known,
(05:15):
and loved, even if they're disagreed with. And so the greatest,
the most one of the most extravagant gifts you can
give anybody is the gift of your ears. Like, just
listen to them. Don't cut them off, don't let them
disregulate you, don't let them anger you. You a racist?
(05:37):
Go tell us why?
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Tell us why? And y'all listen. Go to the B side.
It's Tim Ross's app and you are going to be
able to listen to the most thought provoking, jaw dropping
conversations that he is having. That most people who are
born in the church, raising the church still work in
the church. They wouldn't touch certain people with a two
(06:00):
foot poll and have a freaking conversation. Sometimes I think
we wouldn't have war if we could just have a conversation.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
All wars start when conversation cease, and all wars stop
when conversations start. Divorces start when conversations stop. Love starts
(06:32):
when conversations start. Hate starts when conversations stop. Everything is
built off a word. What if the first thing that
we know about God Genesis chapter number one, that he spoke.
That's the first thing we know about God that he spoke?
And when did sin come into the world when people
(06:53):
stop speaking? Yep? So conversations are literally how God designed
us to communicate. And whenever there's a breakdown in the conversation,
that's when friction, frustration, anger, hate, bitterness, envy, stripe, jealousy.
Everything comes from the lack of being able to communicate.
(07:15):
You show me a marriage that's in distress. I'll show
you people that don't know how to communicate with each other.
You show me a parent and a child relationship and
it's afraid. It's all because they're missing each other in communication.
So everything rises and falls on communication.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Y'all, we just had a whole master class on communication.
We can stop. Let's press stop, We're done. Thank y'all
so much for checking in. Is Welcome to the Basement,
Cetuary twenty seven. I pre ordered my copy. Go get yours, Tim,
We thank you so much for being here. Oh my god.
(07:54):
Conversation okay, okay, okay, conversations. Do you think have you
I mastered the art of communication or you think it's
just something. As long as we're living breathing, we will
always be in school.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Yeah, as long as we're living in breathing, we'll always
be in school. I haven't mastered it. I will say
that I have more control over myself when I'm in
conversations because what I realized is that when it comes
to communication, I am not responsible for how the other
(08:30):
person walks away with my words. I am responsible with
the way I communicate them. So I just try to
stay in control of what I can control. You can
say the nicest thing to somebody, if their heart is
set on the fence, they're going to be offended. Yeah.
(08:51):
What I want to be able to do is walk
away saying I thought about the words before I spoke.
I was intentional with my words. I was intense, as
you know, with the timing, and I was intentional with
my tone. That's the only thing I can respond that
I'm responsible.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Yeah, timing and tone. Tim You have no idea how
many of my friends my dms they be sending me
clips of what you be saying. I'm like, first of all,
I asked my brother, and yes I have. And I'm
so glad you discovered him because I've seen you when
(09:28):
I'm scrolling on Instagram. I've seen you pop up on
the explorer page and people, some meaning people who aren't
even following you get to see something you've said, then
they hit the follow. But I love that when I
see something you post, Like my best friend doctor Amira Ogule,
(09:49):
she'd be liking, I'm like, oh my god, Kelly has
send me something? Be like did you see this? Already
saying to sus you know, so, I am just excited
because you just someone who we knew you came out
you were a youth pastor. You just were in so
(10:12):
many ministries, then pastored your own church, and then decided
you want to do something different, meaning you feel like
it's okay to upset people, to break down barriers, and
you've already just kind of answered the first question I
had about how do you do that without offending someone
to the point where they don't listen. And the reason
(10:37):
why I went to what you're saying because a lot
of people send me clips of you talking about relationships. Yeah,
one of the coolest people who loves God, loves the
Lord Jesus Christ knows that Bible. But you know how
to relate to the person who don't know anything, and
you hit the heart. You've helped restore relationships. So the
(11:04):
first question is we were kind of already going somewhere.
You were saying about the intention of your tone and
timing that may help somebody listen to you. How did
you how did you do that? Growing up?
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Yeah, so I'm the middle child. I'm kind of a
middle firstborn. My older brother's ten years older than me,
then it's me, and then my younger brother is seventeen
years seventeen months younger than me. And so when you're
the middle child, you become the mediator, right, You're the arbitrator,
the mediator of the family. And so I'm translating what
(11:41):
my older brother's saying as to how it impacts me,
and then I'm translating from my younger brother to my parents,
and so communication was just always something that I that
I really paid attention to. I started rapping when I
was nine. I started battle rapping when I was thirteen.
Word I fell in love with words. I fell in
(12:02):
love with rhyme schemes. I fell in love with the
meaning of words. I'm a literalist, right, so when I
use a word, I try to use the word literally.
And so because words have power, and so when I'm
when I'm sitting with somebody and I'm talking with them,
I'm trying to use words that will unlock them. I'm
(12:23):
not trying to use words that will lock them up.
And So what I realized is in the space that
I'm in now, like with the podcast and all that,
is that when I when I communicate, I'm communicating to
a certain group of people. I loved my season in
ministry preaching all that kind of stuff, but I realized
that when I became a podcaster, I felt like in
(12:46):
order for me to reach who I felt like my
targeted audience, is that I had to stop code switching.
Oh Like, I could not code switch if I was
going to reach who I was supposed to reach. And
so a big part of the impact that I've had
both positive and negative. Is actually around the fact that
(13:08):
I don't code switch.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
So good again. But that's why you're able to reach
who you are reaching the old, correct, the middle, the young,
the preached, the unpreached. So many clips have gone viral
to the point people are excited, then you get people
who are mad and offended. Who do you pay attention
(13:32):
to the most?
Speaker 2 (13:35):
I pay attention to my wife, my best friends, you,
the people that are in my that are in my
inner circle, Like if you ever sent me a voice
not to call FaceTime text and was like, hey, I
saw a clip. I felt like it was out of pocket.
I take it down in a heartbeat. But I don't
(13:57):
read my comments section, so I don't know what they say.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Ah, so good, so good.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
I meant what I said when I said it, and
only those that are in my circle get to tell
me if it was bad.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yeah, And if you know Tim Ross, I promise you
you will learn. He said what he said.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
I promise you. I did. I promise you I did
and did not stutter.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
You know what, I don't know if I ever see
you stutter.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
I don't study my older brother. My older brother stuttered,
my younger brother stuttered, and my daddy stuttered, and like,
for real, that's another reason, you know what tt I've
never even made this connection into until right now. I
Oh my god, I'm so glad I'm talking to you
right now. I've never made this connection unto right this minute.
(14:53):
I think another reason this would have been at a
subconscious level. But this is a discovery that I've never
had over the years. Because my father stuttered, because my
older brother stuttered, and because my younger brother stuttered, it
was very important to me to be patient as a listener,
like I'm about to cry, yo, Like I didn't even
think about this, like for real, like like I never
(15:17):
wanted my dad, my older brother, my younger brother to
look at my face and it looked like like hurry up,
like say what you're trying to say, or to cut
them off. And I think that's why I became a
good listener. It is because the three minim of my
life they stuttered, and so I wanted them to know
(15:38):
I'm patient with you, like get it out, like I'm
not trying to rush you, like like say what you
got to say and get it out, and then like
I'm here, like I'm locked in I'm like, I'm focused
on you, I hear you, and then I wanted to
make sure I was clear of my communication back, but
that I wind up speaking on behalf for them a
(16:00):
lot because of their stuttering. And so I think, now, dang,
I've never even thought about this. I think now, in
this season in my life, I'm speaking for a lot
of emotional stutterers. I'm speaking for a lot of relational stutterers.
Come on, I am speaking for a lot of religious stutterers.
(16:26):
And I think that's why the clips go viral. TT
is because they're like, this is what I've been trying
to say. You give language, he said, yeah, Yeah, it's
not just I said what I said. They're like, he
just said what I said, or he just said what
I'm thinking.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Oh oh, so meaning you can only give language if
you listen. It's like a therapist, you Timros being the therapist,
a therapist who has been able to give me language
to stuff that I didn't know. Oh, this is why
I respond this way. Oh, this is why I'm triggered
(17:03):
when I feel this PTSD. This is why i'm single.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Oh you gave me language because you listen, Because you listen,
communicating the foundation got to be if you listen to
what the other person say, you might not even need
a rebuttal.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
That's exactly right, that's exactly right there. I have some
friends in Atlanta that set up what they called a
debate with a young lady who has a very very
different approach to relationships and men and all this kind
of stuff. And they wanted it to be a debate,
and it wasn't because I let her finish her sentence.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
I saw it just listening, and you can understand so
much more when absolutely you let a person process. I
believe some healing took place in that person. By the way,
that's just me a scene.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
But I do believe my God today.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Okay, y'all, Oh, y'all have never heard that side of me.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
I do bring it out, y'all.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
I promise you, I promise you. This is why Tim
Ross is needed in the earth. This is why you pivot.
This is why you just say you could have just
been comfortable in the church that you had.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Mm hmm. I love that church.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
You know that at least minimum few hundred that's your audience.
That's who you're gonna listen to. The people that are
streaming you have a built an audience. You decided because
now we're going to transition into the people who you're
known for one thing, but now you have to start
from the bottom. Now you're here.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Yep. In another way, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
If you go to Tim Ross's Instagram page, upset the graund,
they posted me and Tim's conversation.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we were.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
Talking about transition and the reason why some people are
afraid to transition is because of fear. It is lack
of faith. Yep, how did you just say okay, y'all,
I'm out, pop. Yeah, you transitioned it. You transitioned that.
You transition You handed the church over very well. It
took you. You did it very well over time. You
(19:32):
just didn't wake up and say I'm done. But again,
it's to the person listening. They're known for one thing,
they're a teacher, they're a chef, but they feel like
I'm supposed to do something else. Now where do you start?
Speaker 2 (19:47):
You start with understanding that who you are is not
what you do, and that you should you should never
fall more in love with what you do than who
you are. And so I think the reason why I
can be a podcaster right now and feel just as
good in this season as being a pastor in the
(20:08):
last season. Is because I never made my title my idol.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Bars.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Yeah, my title has never been my idol. And so
I believe that my name Timothy, which is one of
the few Greek names that has a reciprocal meaning, it
means honoring God and it means honored by God. I
believe that that my name is how I'm supposed to
(20:35):
move around the earth, not my title.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
That's good.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
And so I could do this podcast for another three, four, five, seven,
eight years whatever he wants me to do. And then
if he wants me to be a regional manager at
AT and T, I'll probably cry a little bit. And
then I'm gonna go run that AT and T store.
You know what I'm saying, Like, I'm gonna go handle
I'm gonna go handle the DFW market, you know what
I mean. I'm gonna sell more phones than anybody, you know,
(21:00):
so upgrade exactly exactly I'm giving. I'm giving everybody special.
So I just feel like the seasons that we're in
we're meant to learn something and we're meant to contribute something.
And so I learned a lot in ministry almost thirty
years as a preacher. As a teacher, but I'm telling
(21:24):
you podcasting now, you couldn't pay me to go back
to being a pastor. What I'll miss it at all?
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Wait a minute, what.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
You couldn't pay me to go back?
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Listen? He has been married to somebody super sweet, gifted,
creative Juliet since nineteen ninety one, right, nineteen, yeah, nineteen
ninety nine, yeah, twenty five years, two sons. Okay, okay again.
So now you've got family, you got a wife. We're
(22:00):
gonna speak to somebody who's like, wait a minute, that baby, Now,
what you're doing pays the bills? You sure God told
you to do something else?
Speaker 2 (22:11):
Yep?
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Is it because you built up trust over the years
in the relationship or some women be like, I'm not
gonna fo following the husband? Will you talk a lot
about relationships? Submission? Why she won't submit?
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Yeah? Absolutely? Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
He even talked about one day, I'm whispering. He even
talked about how she might have to put up with
something that's not quite an adam comically please see in
her side?
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Yeah, absolutely, yeah, yes I did talk about that, and
so many men got mad.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
But why for.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
Well, let me. Let me just take a detour right there,
just to say that I really have grown tired of
men bodies shaming their wives when they the majority of them,
have nothing that they contributed to, even aspiring their wife
to be fit or whatever. This dude got a gut
(23:18):
and a four inch pen that he can't change, Like,
he can't grow it, he can't make it do anything
more than what it already is. She could lose fifty
pounds if she wanted to, or she could put on makeup,
or she could get hair extended. There's a lot of
stuff a woman can do. It can, but you can't
(23:39):
grow your pin. So if she's like settled on four
inches but she dated seven and a half with a
hook in college, what are you gonna do? Like, what
can you say? And if she did say something about
the man, he would never recover. Most men's egos are
so fragile that if a woman kept it a buck
(23:59):
with the husband the way the husband is always talking
about the wife, they would never recover. They would just
feel devastated and have low self esteem for the rest
of their life. And so I was just trying to
bring some equality to the conversation and remind these men
like bro, that woman is being very gracious to you.
If she did lose fifty pounds and go do squats
(24:24):
in the gym, her options would increase drastically, and you
would still have male pattern baldness, like you would still
not be able to have an edge up without getting plugs.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
He's not trying to read the room, y'all. He not
trying to read you your rights. He's not trying to
read you at all. It's fat, y'all. I don't even
know how we got here, but we did, y'all. I
have stuff so much paper towels in my mom because
I just don't know what to do or say. I
just don't know, my God. But these are the kinds
(25:00):
conversations that my friend has been having that has been
blowing up. Meaning there are people in marriages who say,
I can wreck your whole life right now. But because
I got fruit of the spirit, I'm gonna use wisdom.
Timing and tone, Yep. I want to talk a little
(25:22):
bit on this relationship thing. Timing and tone. Should somebody
bring that up, how would a woman bring that up?
How would you like to be on the receiving end
of that conversation?
Speaker 2 (25:34):
If I was on the receiving end of the conversation,
I would want my wife to be very graceful. I'm
a church guy, so let me use it a scripture
real quick, just to contextualize what I'm about to say.
Jesus came full of grace and truth. Now, what I
know as a believer in Jesus is that Jesus is
actually the truth. So he's not a truth, he's not
(25:55):
telling a truth. He's actually the embodiment of truth. He
is the truth. But he understands that what he has
to have in front of him is grace. Yes, because
truth without grace will crush you, and grace without truth
won't keep you. So you actually need both. And so
(26:16):
he comes full of grace and truth. Grace is the
buffer that makes truth manageable. This is why I use
a lot of humor whenever I'm communicating, because a spoonful
of sugar makes the medicine go down. Medicine go down,
medicine go down. So so I like to give people
(26:38):
grace and humor before I give them a hard truth,
because I know it's going to stink. And in the
same way, I would want my wife not that she
has to make a humor sting, but just to say, like, hey, Tim,
I want to have a conversation with you, and I
know it's going to hurt your feelings. Like, first of all,
(26:58):
calibrate me to the xpectation. If you think it's going
to hurt my feelings, just say it, Like, tell me
up front. I know that what I'm going to say
is going to probably hurt your feelings. You most likely
would be offended with me. But I so desperately want
to have intimacy with you that I want to be
able to tell you your.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Breastake your breasts.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Okay, is it I need? I need you to use
a tongue scraper, right, So calibrate me first, right, let
me know, Hey, I went and got some prescription mouthwash.
Your gums bleed and that leads to halatosis. When blood
and saliva mix, you get dookie and we don't want
(27:43):
we don't want it. Well, we don't want we don't
want dookie mouth. And so you're you're my guy forever.
I'm not trading you in for nothing, but like we're
going to collab on getting this right.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
And then you say, but man, that chicken soup, that
homemade chicken soup you cooked last night. That matter of fact,
I'm going to get me a bowl right now.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Right, So so you So communication is like you are
only as intimate as the information you share with a person.
I get people. I give people that that that I
used to do pre medical counselor for they already been
They already been dating each other for you know, two
or three years, have already lived together, cohabitated, had sex
(28:22):
a bunch of times. And then we go through the
pre marital counseling process, and uh, they either don't make
it through my pre marital because I try to break
people up in my premarital they're not even meant to
survive it. That means if they do, they probably won't
get a divorce. Wow, So I actually actually try to
break them up with their knowledge. I'll let them know
(28:43):
up front, I'm trying to break y'all up because if
I can, then you're not supposed to get married. But
if you if you get through this, then you probably
won't get a divorce. But I've seen so many people
get married after having this long dating process and then
get divorced in like two years. And it's because the
light of marriage is different than the light of babies.
It's just a different light that's on you, and the
(29:05):
communication is different. And so a lot of people have
brought their bodies together, but they haven't brought their words together,
they haven't brought their minds together, they haven't aligned in
these other ways. And so I'm always helping people understand,
like where the alignments are, because the best sex in
the whole world comes from exclusivity in marriage, and it
(29:27):
comes through great communication. The greatest sex comes at on
the heels of really great communities.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
So you've been teaching the single people, Okay, you can
bring your bodies together and it can be the bomb.
But then y'all realize you're boring in.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
Conversation, actually correct or you don't tell each other the truth.
You spare each other's feelings about stuff that really really
hurts you and impacts you. You don't know how to
fix your face when you talk. You have the right words,
but you have the wrong tones. You have the right tone,
but you have the wrong body language. And so they
don't they don't understand fifty five thirty eight seven right
(30:05):
that that that fifty five percent of communication is body language,
thirty eight percent is toned and seven percent is the
actual words. Okaysh seven percent is the actual word, y'all.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
I'm writing it to that down like I'm in school.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
Yeah, yeah, you better do it. That's the encouragement I
try to give people. And those that take it all,
they excel, and those that don't, they they flil.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
Yes, ooh, ooh, ooh ooh. Your book is coming out
and what we call the month of Love, Yes, where
you demonstrate how much you love someone. The book is
called Welcome to the Basement. Now I already got my copy.
I showed him I got my copy because people be
(30:56):
talking and lying. The book an upside Down the great
is Welcome to the Basement forwards done by his close friend,
my new buddy, Mike Todd. Yep, all right now in
this book an upside Down Guide to Greatness. Why upside down?
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Well, I feel like the Bible is the most upsetting
book that's ever been written. Jesus lived the most upsetting
life that's ever been lived, and on January fourteenth of
nineteen ninety six, I had my life turned upside down
by the message love of hope, love and hope of
Jesus Christ. Upset isn't doesn't mean get angry or get
pissed off. Upset literally by definition, means to turn upside down. Yeah,
(31:41):
to turn over. And so I don't believe anybody that's
had a true encounter with Jesus has still been left
right side up. They've been turned upside down. And because
the kingdom's upside down, I believe that only with an
upset life can one actually live right side up right
in the Kingdom. The way end is out, the way
(32:03):
up is down. The way to get us to give,
the way to live is to die. And so when
you're understanding these principles, they're all countercultural. So the way
secular society seems like we're supposed to approach the world
like we need to go up a corporate ladder where Well,
in scripture it says that God does the promoting. He
doesn't have a ladder. He has a hand. Oh, he
(32:25):
raises people up and lets other people down. So the
Kingdom life is the most beautiful life that could ever
be lived. Like I'm sitting here as a result of that.
And so at every stage of my life there's been
this level of beauty, no matter how much bitterness may
be going on, no matter how gloomy it is. The
(32:45):
sun is still out somewhere, and at some point those
rays will penetrate the haze and you'll see clearly. But
it's a beautiful life to be lived. And this book
has now become the owner's manual for people that want
to metabolize the philosophy of what it means to be
(33:07):
a basement dweller.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
M okay, I loved your story about the basement. Why
you didn't call it, y'all? Welcome to the pent house?
Speaker 2 (33:17):
Right?
Speaker 1 (33:18):
You said, welcome to the basement. If I'm not mistaken,
did I have something to do with humility? Keep yourself low,
not keep yourself low as in low self.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
Esteem, but just right. Yeah. So I got an open
vision when I was thirty years old. It's still to
this day, the most sobering vision that I've ever had,
and the only vision that I've ever had. But once
the vision was over, what the Holy Spirit asked me was,
if Jesus Christ is the chief cornerstone, what floor would
(33:49):
you want to live on. My answer was, I want
to be as close to Him as possible, and outside
of the foundation, the closest thing is a basement. Wow,
I don't want to be one hundred stories away from
my Rabbi. I don't want to go far that far up.
Like my mom said something. My mom's a Southern beale
(34:10):
from Birmingham, Alabama. She used to make this statement. And
because I see everything in pictures, such a beautiful visual
for me to this day, she said, Baby, no matter
how high the Lord takes you, just remember you'll always
be at his feet.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
You'll always be almost calibrating, be at his feet. Should
always stay at his feet.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
That's right. No matter how high he takes you, you're
going to always be at his feet. You don't get
above him, and so it should be. It doesn't matter
how much success you've received, no matter how many accolades
have been ascribed to you. When you look up, you
should see the bottom of his feet, and that should
be a calibrating thing for you. Like you know what,
(34:52):
I'm still at the Master's feet. The success don't mean nothing,
best seller don't mean nothing. There are indications that that
you've done something, but it's also an indication that I'm
still at his creat I'd rather be here at his
feet than to be h.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
This conversation, y'all that we're having is a great indicator
to of how comfortable Tim is in his skin. Y'all,
we've talked about some of everything, no offense taken. We
have laughed, I've darned near cried just based off of
some of the bars that you have dropped. I love
(35:36):
that one of the points of the book Welcome to
the Basement, it says it will help you discover that
you are God's masterpiece, called to a great identity and
a great mission. Is that what we should be focused
on before we try to get in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
Absolutely so. If he's two ten in the NFT says
we are god masterpiece, created anew in Christ Jesus so
that we could do the good things He planned for
us long ago. Do you know how many people cannot
receive the words masterpiece. We cannot receive the words that
we are His masterpiece, one of the greatest compliments that
(36:18):
we're given in all of scripture. And we can't even
handle it because the first thing we'll say is, well,
you know, the Lord's still working on me, and I
got some places that the Lord.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
Why do we do that? Is that called false humility?
Or just what is that called?
Speaker 2 (36:32):
No? That's low self esteem, that's not false humility. They
we literally have a very difficult time seeing ourselves as Jesus.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
Is that the church's fault or your minister's fault.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
I think all of us contribute to it. I don't
think it's the church's fault and the minister's fault. It's
our fault too, well, don't We don't start. We don't believe. Yeah,
we don't believe what he says. And so I remember
when I gave my life to Jesus on January fourteenth,
ninety six. I was made righteous that day. I have
never been more righteous than the day that I got saved. Like,
(37:08):
I haven't grown in righteousness, I've grown in freedom. I
haven't grown in righteousness. I was put in right standing
with God, Yes, on January fourteenth of nineteen ninety six.
On that day, I was still a porn at it.
On that day, I was his masterpiece.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
And people don't understand. How can that both exist?
Speaker 2 (37:28):
Y'all?
Speaker 1 (37:29):
He just said something so amazing. I was still but
I'm still a masterpiece. I'm a mess. I yell at people.
I don't know what to do. I have depression blah
blah blah blah blah. But I'm still his masterpiece. And
that's okay, but it's not but okay, okay, And.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
I'm on a crusade. This is like a low key crusade.
Maybe this should be a different book. I don't know,
but like I'm on a crusade to get rid of
people's butts no butts, yes, yes, because there are a
few exceptions where but is the appropriate word. But the
right word is the conjunction.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
And oh it's called no butts allowed. You know how
you go to certain restaurants and instead of them saying
no smoking because they mean cigarette butts, be you t
t yes, no butts allowed?
Speaker 2 (38:24):
No b you tas right? Because here's the thing I
was saved on that day. And still a point at it. Okay,
the church can't really handle people's ands. We don't hold
the tension of and correctly. We do it for like
a lot of people in the Bible. We do it
for Abraham. He was He was the father of our
(38:44):
faith and a liar like Moses was deliverer and murderer.
David was a man off the guys on heart and
an adult room. Right. And if you think that all,
you just in the Old Testament giving up all these
words cool. Jesus is lying, and Lamb he is alpha,
(39:05):
and Omega he is beginning, and in he is first
and last.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
Listen, you're talking heavy talking right as they say, he.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
Died for jew and gentile, so the and fully expresses
who we are. I'm God's masterpiece and I still need
to have my flesh crucified to the cross because I
got to enter Cat Williams that would love to sit
down with a little brown drink and scorch the earth.
(39:37):
I would love to do it. I would love to
do it.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Did he not scorch the earth or not?
Speaker 2 (39:44):
He scorched the earth? Right? I gotta enter Cat Williams too,
and I keep them crucifiers across.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
Listen. Oh my gosh, there's this letter going around that
apparently a church wrote to a member and gave sent
them a five hundred dollars check. It was like a check,
like I'm sending you your tithes back. Somewhere in the
letter it says, basically, you haven't been following your husband,
you haven't been following the advice of this church. You're
(40:14):
dating another man. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah, the letter went on to say your life
is a mess, and basically it was a sind off
and it had the letterhead of an actual church. I
was like, this seems like it's real and I'm hearing
you say. And so it's like, yes, she might be
(40:39):
a mess, and so you would think the same church
where all of us who are a mess can go.
You gave her a letter and kicked her out. Where
is that ever?
Speaker 2 (40:53):
Okay, there actually is places for biblical excommunication in church,
but yeah, there is. And so I don't have all
the context based on what you said, but there are
times where because I had to, I had to when
I was a lead pastor, I had to excommunicate somebody
from our church. Oh and it's not done. It feflictitly,
(41:15):
it is not done. It is not done like in
a in a very hasty way. There's a lot that
goes into it before you step into that.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
Okay, action the letter did say, But the letter definitely did. Basically,
it was like, we have tried to help, and you
want to do things your own way, and you're you're
exhausting us.
Speaker 2 (41:37):
And that's and that's actually biblical because in first in
First Corinthians chapter number five, Paul h endorses the excommunication
of a church member in corinth who was sleeping with
his step mom.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
Oh okay, bye, yes it okay, y'all. I don't have
enough to see. That's why I got I'm gonna go
ahead and receive. I like the part of of the Corinthians.
Where's life his patient, love is kind and all the
ooey gooey stuff. But I didn't.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
Readwhere that's thirteen I'm talking about fat. He kicked somebody
out before he started talking about all that love.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
He kicked somebody out before he grew in his patients.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
But think about it.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
Paul was upset, and in his day he was upset
in the ground he was.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
He was, He absolutely was, and I don't think anybody
would would be able to concur with that more than
the Corinthian Church. His tone to the Corinthians was much
different than it was in his other letters, whether it
be Ephesus, Philippi, coloss Desalonika, Rome. And so I've actually
(42:50):
told people that, you know, the people that are shocked
about some of the stuff I'm talking about now as
a podcaster, I let them know. When I was a
lead pastor. Consider that my book the Feesians. Okay, you
go listen to all of my messages. I'm in the
Book of Ephesians. That was the tone of my of
me as a pastor, as a podcaster. I'm speaking to Corinthians.
Speaker 1 (43:10):
Love it.
Speaker 2 (43:11):
Corinthians needed straight no chaser.
Speaker 1 (43:13):
As they said. And you need a little straightening.
Speaker 2 (43:16):
You need a little straightened.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
Okay, that that's that, and me goes Thomas. We're just
doing a little group. We're just doing a little straightening.
Just look, just a little straightening, just a little straighten.
But like you said, you need a little blue magic
on your roots and a little like you said, a
little press and calm to straighten the edges. How on
not straight straightened them straight? I'm straighten them. And that
(43:39):
you have done with us for us, Tim, Please don't
go anywhere. Please don't go to a T and T
just yet.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
Stick around. Lord.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
Please don't call them the AT and T. Please don't
call them there. Please don't call them there. But y'all,
my friend, Tim, I didn't intend to keep you this long,
but I'm thankful for you, y'all. The B Side app
is where it's at, the B Side app. Download the app.
There is so much there for every part of your life.
(44:13):
The practical part this conversation is well balanced. We talked
about a lot, but that's who Tim is. His b
side app Welcome to the Basement is coming out February
twenty seventh. I promise you, as they say, I present
to some introduced to others. Y'all, this has been my
friend Tim Ross.
Speaker 2 (44:32):
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
For being here.
Speaker 2 (44:33):
I love you.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
I love you. Tell Juliet I said, hello, that's my dog.
That's my dog. I love you. Thank you so so much, y'all,
we finally got it done. We've been trying to get
Tim for a while and I'm excited that he's here today.
(44:55):
He ooh, I oh, what do you say after that? See,
we could have better relationships if we're honest in those relationships,
or it is sift the relationships we need versus the
(45:18):
relationships we don't want. Because if a person I can't
handle your honesty, if they can't handle the truth spoken
in love. Yeah, you wasted my time, You wasting my bandwidth.
You you're wasting my breathing capacity because I'm spending time
on Yeah. Yeah. He says things that if you are
(45:42):
in church, you might not agree with maybe how he
said it or what he said, but you know and
deep down in your heart that it needs to be said,
and if it needed to be said, just drop some
fire in my DMS. If you like man, Michelle, He's
given me language to what I've always been wanting to say.
(46:04):
Matter of fact, let him know, let him know. Oh
my god. All right, y'all. Let me tell you. How
much you're loved is because of the folks that we
decide to bring in. The folks that we say, I
know they've got something amazing to share, whether it's through humor,
(46:26):
being serious, whether they drop a scripture or prayer or not.
It's like, Oh, we've got some something we've been trying
to cook up together for a very long time, and
I'm hoping we see it through. In twenty twenty four,
all right, Mother Williams Loveship, Mother, Love You. Checking In
(47:27):
with Michelle Williams is a production of iHeartRadio and The
Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of
iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. Oh lord, I have no
(00:20):
idea how this episode's gonna turn out. I know it's
gonna turn out great, but I am anticipating the jaw
dropping moment my brother, social media influencer, podcast host, b
side app owner, author, Oh child, he be upsetting the ground, y'all,
(00:46):
y'all better get ready. Tim Ross is in the building, y'all.
I'm excited because we've got somebody who is literally shaking
the okay, upsetting the gram, upsetting the world in a
(01:08):
good way, a curious way. Some people are mad even
though he is not pastoring or ministering in the traditional
way in the pool pit. That's who he is. An
amazing podcast the Basement author. That book is coming out.
(01:29):
It is February twenty seventh. Welcome to the Basement, y'all.
Y'all recognize his voice already, y'all give it up for
my friend since twenty seventeen, Tim Ross.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Y'alli, Timmy, I love you, tt.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
I love you. I love you. I don't even know
like yes, I have an official rundown and because of
the time, I'm not gonna get comfortable in common with you.
We're gonna be official, we're gonna be professional. But y'all,
my friend, my brother is here.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Y'all.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Absolutely, those of us that are close to you, those
of us who just love you, who get a seat
to see everything that you're doing, We've seen you evolve
and pivot. How are you feeling. Have you been able
to kind of be on the outside and take a
look at what you've been able to do.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Yeah? I was able to do that last July. So
July twenty twenty three, the seventh month of every year
is my sabbventh month, so I take the whole month
off and we spent it in Australia, and I just
got to reflect on, like everything that we have done
since July fixed of twenty twenty two. And when I
(02:50):
came back from that trip in August of twenty three,
I literally said to myself, I think I finally figured
out what the he I'm doing. A lot of times
you step into whatever you feel like God's telling you
to do, and you step in out of obedience, right like, Okay,
I'm doing what it is that I felt like God's
telling me to do. But you don't know what you're doing,
(03:12):
and don't like you have no idea, like you said
yes and you started it, but you don't. You have
no idea what you're actually doing, what the impact is.
And so if you would have asked me any time
before August of twenty twenty three, hey, what are you doing?
I would have been like a podcast, like you know
what I mean, Like I'm just doing a podcast. And
(03:32):
after August of twenty three, I really was able to
like process, like, oh, I'm helping people live life in
a completely different way, Like I'm giving people permission that's
to be authentically themselves in their own skin. And I've
(03:54):
and God has allowed me to create this safe space
where people can give us the gift of their vulnerability,
be seen, heard, known, and still loved, even if they're
not still agreed with. And that's when I knew we
got something special here. We have something special and sacred here,
(04:15):
and we don't do what everybody else does, like I'm
not against what everybody else does. I'm not for what
some of the people do, but I'm not against what
nobody else does. But this is sacred and we're gonna
run this play. This is the play We're gonna run here.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Where did the boldness and the audacity come for you
to not be with the normal? You said something so powerful.
I want people to be seen, known, heard, loved, even
if they're not agreed with.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Absolutely, because we live in a culture where we only
like people who think like us. We only embrace people
who think like us, or believe people or believe like us. Right,
So in my mind, I'm like, listen, what every human
being needs at a basic level is to be seen, heard, known,
(05:15):
and loved, even if they're disagreed with. And so the greatest,
the most one of the most extravagant gifts you can
give anybody is the gift of your ears. Like, just
listen to them. Don't cut them off, don't let them
disregulate you, don't let them anger you. You a racist?
(05:37):
Go tell us why?
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Tell us why? And y'all listen. Go to the B side.
It's Tim Ross's app and you are going to be
able to listen to the most thought provoking, jaw dropping
conversations that he is having. That most people who are
born in the church, raising the church still work in
the church. They wouldn't touch certain people with a two
(06:00):
foot poll and have a freaking conversation. Sometimes I think
we wouldn't have war if we could just have a conversation.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
All wars start when conversation cease, and all wars stop
when conversations start. Divorces start when conversations stop. Love starts
(06:32):
when conversations start. Hate starts when conversations stop. Everything is
built off a word. What if the first thing that
we know about God Genesis chapter number one, that he spoke.
That's the first thing we know about God that he spoke?
And when did sin come into the world when people
(06:53):
stop speaking? Yep? So conversations are literally how God designed
us to communicate. And whenever there's a breakdown in the conversation,
that's when friction, frustration, anger, hate, bitterness, envy, stripe, jealousy.
Everything comes from the lack of being able to communicate.
(07:15):
You show me a marriage that's in distress. I'll show
you people that don't know how to communicate with each other.
You show me a parent and a child relationship and
it's afraid. It's all because they're missing each other in communication.
So everything rises and falls on communication.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Y'all, we just had a whole master class on communication.
We can stop. Let's press stop, We're done. Thank y'all
so much for checking in. Is Welcome to the Basement,
Cetuary twenty seven. I pre ordered my copy. Go get yours, Tim,
We thank you so much for being here. Oh my god.
(07:54):
Conversation okay, okay, okay, conversations. Do you think have you
I mastered the art of communication or you think it's
just something. As long as we're living breathing, we will
always be in school.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Yeah, as long as we're living in breathing, we'll always
be in school. I haven't mastered it. I will say
that I have more control over myself when I'm in
conversations because what I realized is that when it comes
to communication, I am not responsible for how the other
(08:30):
person walks away with my words. I am responsible with
the way I communicate them. So I just try to
stay in control of what I can control. You can
say the nicest thing to somebody, if their heart is
set on the fence, they're going to be offended. Yeah.
(08:51):
What I want to be able to do is walk
away saying I thought about the words before I spoke.
I was intentional with my words. I was intense, as
you know, with the timing, and I was intentional with
my tone. That's the only thing I can respond that
I'm responsible.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Yeah, timing and tone. Tim You have no idea how
many of my friends my dms they be sending me
clips of what you be saying. I'm like, first of all,
I asked my brother, and yes I have. And I'm
so glad you discovered him because I've seen you when
(09:28):
I'm scrolling on Instagram. I've seen you pop up on
the explorer page and people, some meaning people who aren't
even following you get to see something you've said, then
they hit the follow. But I love that when I
see something you post, Like my best friend doctor Amira Ogule,
(09:49):
she'd be liking, I'm like, oh my god, Kelly has
send me something? Be like did you see this? Already
saying to sus you know, so, I am just excited
because you just someone who we knew you came out
you were a youth pastor. You just were in so
(10:12):
many ministries, then pastored your own church, and then decided
you want to do something different, meaning you feel like
it's okay to upset people, to break down barriers, and
you've already just kind of answered the first question I
had about how do you do that without offending someone
to the point where they don't listen. And the reason
(10:37):
why I went to what you're saying because a lot
of people send me clips of you talking about relationships. Yeah,
one of the coolest people who loves God, loves the
Lord Jesus Christ knows that Bible. But you know how
to relate to the person who don't know anything, and
you hit the heart. You've helped restore relationships. So the
(11:04):
first question is we were kind of already going somewhere.
You were saying about the intention of your tone and
timing that may help somebody listen to you. How did
you how did you do that? Growing up?
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Yeah, so I'm the middle child. I'm kind of a
middle firstborn. My older brother's ten years older than me,
then it's me, and then my younger brother is seventeen
years seventeen months younger than me. And so when you're
the middle child, you become the mediator, right, You're the arbitrator,
the mediator of the family. And so I'm translating what
(11:41):
my older brother's saying as to how it impacts me,
and then I'm translating from my younger brother to my parents,
and so communication was just always something that I that
I really paid attention to. I started rapping when I
was nine. I started battle rapping when I was thirteen.
Word I fell in love with words. I fell in
(12:02):
love with rhyme schemes. I fell in love with the
meaning of words. I'm a literalist, right, so when I
use a word, I try to use the word literally.
And so because words have power, and so when I'm
when I'm sitting with somebody and I'm talking with them,
I'm trying to use words that will unlock them. I'm
(12:23):
not trying to use words that will lock them up.
And So what I realized is in the space that
I'm in now, like with the podcast and all that,
is that when I when I communicate, I'm communicating to
a certain group of people. I loved my season in
ministry preaching all that kind of stuff, but I realized
that when I became a podcaster, I felt like in
(12:46):
order for me to reach who I felt like my
targeted audience, is that I had to stop code switching.
Oh Like, I could not code switch if I was
going to reach who I was supposed to reach. And
so a big part of the impact that I've had
both positive and negative. Is actually around the fact that
(13:08):
I don't code switch.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
So good again. But that's why you're able to reach
who you are reaching the old, correct, the middle, the young,
the preached, the unpreached. So many clips have gone viral
to the point people are excited, then you get people
who are mad and offended. Who do you pay attention
(13:32):
to the most?
Speaker 2 (13:35):
I pay attention to my wife, my best friends, you,
the people that are in my that are in my
inner circle, Like if you ever sent me a voice
not to call FaceTime text and was like, hey, I
saw a clip. I felt like it was out of pocket.
I take it down in a heartbeat. But I don't
(13:57):
read my comments section, so I don't know what they say.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Ah, so good, so good.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
I meant what I said when I said it, and
only those that are in my circle get to tell
me if it was bad.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yeah, And if you know Tim Ross, I promise you
you will learn. He said what he said.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
I promise you. I did. I promise you I did
and did not stutter.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
You know what, I don't know if I ever see
you stutter.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
I don't study my older brother. My older brother stuttered,
my younger brother stuttered, and my daddy stuttered, and like,
for real, that's another reason, you know what tt I've
never even made this connection into until right now. I
Oh my god, I'm so glad I'm talking to you
right now. I've never made this connection unto right this minute.
(14:53):
I think another reason this would have been at a
subconscious level. But this is a discovery that I've never
had over the years. Because my father stuttered, because my
older brother stuttered, and because my younger brother stuttered, it
was very important to me to be patient as a listener,
like I'm about to cry, yo, Like I didn't even
think about this, like for real, like like I never
(15:17):
wanted my dad, my older brother, my younger brother to
look at my face and it looked like like hurry up,
like say what you're trying to say, or to cut
them off. And I think that's why I became a
good listener. It is because the three minim of my
life they stuttered, and so I wanted them to know
(15:38):
I'm patient with you, like get it out, like I'm
not trying to rush you, like like say what you
got to say and get it out, and then like
I'm here, like I'm locked in I'm like, I'm focused
on you, I hear you, and then I wanted to
make sure I was clear of my communication back, but
that I wind up speaking on behalf for them a
(16:00):
lot because of their stuttering. And so I think, now, dang,
I've never even thought about this. I think now, in
this season in my life, I'm speaking for a lot
of emotional stutterers. I'm speaking for a lot of relational stutterers.
Come on, I am speaking for a lot of religious stutterers.
(16:26):
And I think that's why the clips go viral. TT
is because they're like, this is what I've been trying
to say. You give language, he said, yeah, Yeah, it's
not just I said what I said. They're like, he
just said what I said, or he just said what
I'm thinking.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Oh oh, so meaning you can only give language if
you listen. It's like a therapist, you Timros being the therapist,
a therapist who has been able to give me language
to stuff that I didn't know. Oh, this is why
I respond this way. Oh, this is why I'm triggered
(17:03):
when I feel this PTSD. This is why i'm single.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Oh you gave me language because you listen, Because you listen,
communicating the foundation got to be if you listen to
what the other person say, you might not even need
a rebuttal.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
That's exactly right, that's exactly right there. I have some
friends in Atlanta that set up what they called a
debate with a young lady who has a very very
different approach to relationships and men and all this kind
of stuff. And they wanted it to be a debate,
and it wasn't because I let her finish her sentence.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
I saw it just listening, and you can understand so
much more when absolutely you let a person process. I
believe some healing took place in that person. By the way,
that's just me a scene.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
But I do believe my God today.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Okay, y'all, Oh, y'all have never heard that side of me.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
I do bring it out, y'all.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
I promise you, I promise you. This is why Tim
Ross is needed in the earth. This is why you pivot.
This is why you just say you could have just
been comfortable in the church that you had.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Mm hmm. I love that church.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
You know that at least minimum few hundred that's your audience.
That's who you're gonna listen to. The people that are
streaming you have a built an audience. You decided because
now we're going to transition into the people who you're
known for one thing, but now you have to start
from the bottom. Now you're here.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Yep. In another way, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
If you go to Tim Ross's Instagram page, upset the graund,
they posted me and Tim's conversation.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we were.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
Talking about transition and the reason why some people are
afraid to transition is because of fear. It is lack
of faith. Yep, how did you just say okay, y'all,
I'm out, pop. Yeah, you transitioned it. You transitioned that.
You transition You handed the church over very well. It
took you. You did it very well over time. You
(19:32):
just didn't wake up and say I'm done. But again,
it's to the person listening. They're known for one thing,
they're a teacher, they're a chef, but they feel like
I'm supposed to do something else. Now where do you start?
Speaker 2 (19:47):
You start with understanding that who you are is not
what you do, and that you should you should never
fall more in love with what you do than who
you are. And so I think the reason why I
can be a podcaster right now and feel just as
good in this season as being a pastor in the
(20:08):
last season. Is because I never made my title my idol.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Bars.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Yeah, my title has never been my idol. And so
I believe that my name Timothy, which is one of
the few Greek names that has a reciprocal meaning, it
means honoring God and it means honored by God. I
believe that that my name is how I'm supposed to
(20:35):
move around the earth, not my title.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
That's good.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
And so I could do this podcast for another three, four, five, seven,
eight years whatever he wants me to do. And then
if he wants me to be a regional manager at
AT and T, I'll probably cry a little bit. And
then I'm gonna go run that AT and T store.
You know what I'm saying, Like, I'm gonna go handle
I'm gonna go handle the DFW market, you know what
I mean. I'm gonna sell more phones than anybody, you know,
(21:00):
so upgrade exactly exactly I'm giving. I'm giving everybody special.
So I just feel like the seasons that we're in
we're meant to learn something and we're meant to contribute something.
And so I learned a lot in ministry almost thirty
years as a preacher. As a teacher, but I'm telling
(21:24):
you podcasting now, you couldn't pay me to go back
to being a pastor. What I'll miss it at all?
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Wait a minute, what.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
You couldn't pay me to go back?
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Listen? He has been married to somebody super sweet, gifted,
creative Juliet since nineteen ninety one, right, nineteen, yeah, nineteen
ninety nine, yeah, twenty five years, two sons. Okay, okay again.
So now you've got family, you got a wife. We're
(22:00):
gonna speak to somebody who's like, wait a minute, that baby, Now,
what you're doing pays the bills? You sure God told
you to do something else?
Speaker 2 (22:11):
Yep?
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Is it because you built up trust over the years
in the relationship or some women be like, I'm not
gonna fo following the husband? Will you talk a lot
about relationships? Submission? Why she won't submit?
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Yeah? Absolutely? Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
He even talked about one day, I'm whispering. He even
talked about how she might have to put up with
something that's not quite an adam comically please see in
her side?
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Yeah, absolutely, yeah, yes I did talk about that, and
so many men got mad.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
But why for.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
Well, let me. Let me just take a detour right there,
just to say that I really have grown tired of
men bodies shaming their wives when they the majority of them,
have nothing that they contributed to, even aspiring their wife
to be fit or whatever. This dude got a gut
(23:18):
and a four inch pen that he can't change, Like,
he can't grow it, he can't make it do anything
more than what it already is. She could lose fifty
pounds if she wanted to, or she could put on makeup,
or she could get hair extended. There's a lot of
stuff a woman can do. It can, but you can't
(23:39):
grow your pin. So if she's like settled on four
inches but she dated seven and a half with a
hook in college, what are you gonna do? Like, what
can you say? And if she did say something about
the man, he would never recover. Most men's egos are
so fragile that if a woman kept it a buck
(23:59):
with the husband the way the husband is always talking
about the wife, they would never recover. They would just
feel devastated and have low self esteem for the rest
of their life. And so I was just trying to
bring some equality to the conversation and remind these men
like bro, that woman is being very gracious to you.
If she did lose fifty pounds and go do squats
(24:24):
in the gym, her options would increase drastically, and you
would still have male pattern baldness, like you would still
not be able to have an edge up without getting plugs.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
He's not trying to read the room, y'all. He not
trying to read you your rights. He's not trying to
read you at all. It's fat, y'all. I don't even
know how we got here, but we did, y'all. I
have stuff so much paper towels in my mom because
I just don't know what to do or say. I
just don't know, my God. But these are the kinds
(25:00):
conversations that my friend has been having that has been
blowing up. Meaning there are people in marriages who say,
I can wreck your whole life right now. But because
I got fruit of the spirit, I'm gonna use wisdom.
Timing and tone, Yep. I want to talk a little
(25:22):
bit on this relationship thing. Timing and tone. Should somebody
bring that up, how would a woman bring that up?
How would you like to be on the receiving end
of that conversation?
Speaker 2 (25:34):
If I was on the receiving end of the conversation,
I would want my wife to be very graceful. I'm
a church guy, so let me use it a scripture
real quick, just to contextualize what I'm about to say.
Jesus came full of grace and truth. Now, what I
know as a believer in Jesus is that Jesus is
actually the truth. So he's not a truth, he's not
(25:55):
telling a truth. He's actually the embodiment of truth. He
is the truth. But he understands that what he has
to have in front of him is grace. Yes, because
truth without grace will crush you, and grace without truth
won't keep you. So you actually need both. And so
(26:16):
he comes full of grace and truth. Grace is the
buffer that makes truth manageable. This is why I use
a lot of humor whenever I'm communicating, because a spoonful
of sugar makes the medicine go down. Medicine go down,
medicine go down. So so I like to give people
(26:38):
grace and humor before I give them a hard truth,
because I know it's going to stink. And in the
same way, I would want my wife not that she
has to make a humor sting, but just to say, like, hey, Tim,
I want to have a conversation with you, and I
know it's going to hurt your feelings. Like, first of all,
(26:58):
calibrate me to the xpectation. If you think it's going
to hurt my feelings, just say it, Like, tell me
up front. I know that what I'm going to say
is going to probably hurt your feelings. You most likely
would be offended with me. But I so desperately want
to have intimacy with you that I want to be
able to tell you your.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Breastake your breasts.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Okay, is it I need? I need you to use
a tongue scraper, right, So calibrate me first, right, let
me know, Hey, I went and got some prescription mouthwash.
Your gums bleed and that leads to halatosis. When blood
and saliva mix, you get dookie and we don't want
(27:43):
we don't want it. Well, we don't want we don't
want dookie mouth. And so you're you're my guy forever.
I'm not trading you in for nothing, but like we're
going to collab on getting this right.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
And then you say, but man, that chicken soup, that
homemade chicken soup you cooked last night. That matter of fact,
I'm going to get me a bowl right now.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Right, So so you So communication is like you are
only as intimate as the information you share with a person.
I get people. I give people that that that I
used to do pre medical counselor for they already been
They already been dating each other for you know, two
or three years, have already lived together, cohabitated, had sex
(28:22):
a bunch of times. And then we go through the
pre marital counseling process, and uh, they either don't make
it through my pre marital because I try to break
people up in my premarital they're not even meant to
survive it. That means if they do, they probably won't
get a divorce. Wow, So I actually actually try to
break them up with their knowledge. I'll let them know
(28:43):
up front, I'm trying to break y'all up because if
I can, then you're not supposed to get married. But
if you if you get through this, then you probably
won't get a divorce. But I've seen so many people
get married after having this long dating process and then
get divorced in like two years. And it's because the
light of marriage is different than the light of babies.
It's just a different light that's on you, and the
(29:05):
communication is different. And so a lot of people have
brought their bodies together, but they haven't brought their words together,
they haven't brought their minds together, they haven't aligned in
these other ways. And so I'm always helping people understand,
like where the alignments are, because the best sex in
the whole world comes from exclusivity in marriage, and it
(29:27):
comes through great communication. The greatest sex comes at on
the heels of really great communities.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
So you've been teaching the single people, Okay, you can
bring your bodies together and it can be the bomb.
But then y'all realize you're boring in.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
Conversation, actually correct or you don't tell each other the truth.
You spare each other's feelings about stuff that really really
hurts you and impacts you. You don't know how to
fix your face when you talk. You have the right words,
but you have the wrong tones. You have the right tone,
but you have the wrong body language. And so they
don't they don't understand fifty five thirty eight seven right
(30:05):
that that that fifty five percent of communication is body language,
thirty eight percent is toned and seven percent is the
actual words. Okaysh seven percent is the actual word, y'all.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
I'm writing it to that down like I'm in school.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
Yeah, yeah, you better do it. That's the encouragement I
try to give people. And those that take it all,
they excel, and those that don't, they they flil.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
Yes, ooh, ooh, ooh ooh. Your book is coming out
and what we call the month of Love, Yes, where
you demonstrate how much you love someone. The book is
called Welcome to the Basement. Now I already got my copy.
I showed him I got my copy because people be
(30:56):
talking and lying. The book an upside Down the great
is Welcome to the Basement forwards done by his close friend,
my new buddy, Mike Todd. Yep, all right now in
this book an upside Down Guide to Greatness. Why upside down?
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Well, I feel like the Bible is the most upsetting
book that's ever been written. Jesus lived the most upsetting
life that's ever been lived, and on January fourteenth of
nineteen ninety six, I had my life turned upside down
by the message love of hope, love and hope of
Jesus Christ. Upset isn't doesn't mean get angry or get
pissed off. Upset literally by definition, means to turn upside down. Yeah,
(31:41):
to turn over. And so I don't believe anybody that's
had a true encounter with Jesus has still been left
right side up. They've been turned upside down. And because
the kingdom's upside down, I believe that only with an
upset life can one actually live right side up right
in the Kingdom. The way end is out, the way
(32:03):
up is down. The way to get us to give,
the way to live is to die. And so when
you're understanding these principles, they're all countercultural. So the way
secular society seems like we're supposed to approach the world
like we need to go up a corporate ladder where Well,
in scripture it says that God does the promoting. He
doesn't have a ladder. He has a hand. Oh, he
(32:25):
raises people up and lets other people down. So the
Kingdom life is the most beautiful life that could ever
be lived. Like I'm sitting here as a result of that.
And so at every stage of my life there's been
this level of beauty, no matter how much bitterness may
be going on, no matter how gloomy it is. The
(32:45):
sun is still out somewhere, and at some point those
rays will penetrate the haze and you'll see clearly. But
it's a beautiful life to be lived. And this book
has now become the owner's manual for people that want
to metabolize the philosophy of what it means to be
(33:07):
a basement dweller.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
M okay, I loved your story about the basement. Why
you didn't call it, y'all? Welcome to the pent house?
Speaker 2 (33:17):
Right?
Speaker 1 (33:18):
You said, welcome to the basement. If I'm not mistaken,
did I have something to do with humility? Keep yourself low,
not keep yourself low as in low self.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
Esteem, but just right. Yeah. So I got an open
vision when I was thirty years old. It's still to
this day, the most sobering vision that I've ever had,
and the only vision that I've ever had. But once
the vision was over, what the Holy Spirit asked me was,
if Jesus Christ is the chief cornerstone, what floor would
(33:49):
you want to live on. My answer was, I want
to be as close to Him as possible, and outside
of the foundation, the closest thing is a basement. Wow,
I don't want to be one hundred stories away from
my Rabbi. I don't want to go far that far up.
Like my mom said something. My mom's a Southern beale
(34:10):
from Birmingham, Alabama. She used to make this statement. And
because I see everything in pictures, such a beautiful visual
for me to this day, she said, Baby, no matter
how high the Lord takes you, just remember you'll always
be at his feet.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
You'll always be almost calibrating, be at his feet. Should
always stay at his feet.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
That's right. No matter how high he takes you, you're
going to always be at his feet. You don't get
above him, and so it should be. It doesn't matter
how much success you've received, no matter how many accolades
have been ascribed to you. When you look up, you
should see the bottom of his feet, and that should
be a calibrating thing for you. Like you know what,
(34:52):
I'm still at the Master's feet. The success don't mean nothing,
best seller don't mean nothing. There are indications that that
you've done something, but it's also an indication that I'm
still at his creat I'd rather be here at his
feet than to be h.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
This conversation, y'all that we're having is a great indicator
to of how comfortable Tim is in his skin. Y'all,
we've talked about some of everything, no offense taken. We
have laughed, I've darned near cried just based off of
some of the bars that you have dropped. I love
(35:36):
that one of the points of the book Welcome to
the Basement, it says it will help you discover that
you are God's masterpiece, called to a great identity and
a great mission. Is that what we should be focused
on before we try to get in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
Absolutely so. If he's two ten in the NFT says
we are god masterpiece, created anew in Christ Jesus so
that we could do the good things He planned for
us long ago. Do you know how many people cannot
receive the words masterpiece. We cannot receive the words that
we are His masterpiece, one of the greatest compliments that
(36:18):
we're given in all of scripture. And we can't even
handle it because the first thing we'll say is, well,
you know, the Lord's still working on me, and I
got some places that the Lord.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
Why do we do that? Is that called false humility?
Or just what is that called?
Speaker 2 (36:32):
No? That's low self esteem, that's not false humility. They
we literally have a very difficult time seeing ourselves as Jesus.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
Is that the church's fault or your minister's fault.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
I think all of us contribute to it. I don't
think it's the church's fault and the minister's fault. It's
our fault too, well, don't We don't start. We don't believe. Yeah,
we don't believe what he says. And so I remember
when I gave my life to Jesus on January fourteenth,
ninety six. I was made righteous that day. I have
never been more righteous than the day that I got saved. Like,
(37:08):
I haven't grown in righteousness, I've grown in freedom. I
haven't grown in righteousness. I was put in right standing
with God, Yes, on January fourteenth of nineteen ninety six.
On that day, I was still a porn at it.
On that day, I was his masterpiece.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
And people don't understand. How can that both exist?
Speaker 2 (37:28):
Y'all?
Speaker 1 (37:29):
He just said something so amazing. I was still but
I'm still a masterpiece. I'm a mess. I yell at people.
I don't know what to do. I have depression blah
blah blah blah blah. But I'm still his masterpiece. And
that's okay, but it's not but okay, okay, And.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
I'm on a crusade. This is like a low key crusade.
Maybe this should be a different book. I don't know,
but like I'm on a crusade to get rid of
people's butts no butts, yes, yes, because there are a
few exceptions where but is the appropriate word. But the
right word is the conjunction.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
And oh it's called no butts allowed. You know how
you go to certain restaurants and instead of them saying
no smoking because they mean cigarette butts, be you t
t yes, no butts allowed?
Speaker 2 (38:24):
No b you tas right? Because here's the thing I
was saved on that day. And still a point at it. Okay,
the church can't really handle people's ands. We don't hold
the tension of and correctly. We do it for like
a lot of people in the Bible. We do it
for Abraham. He was He was the father of our
(38:44):
faith and a liar like Moses was deliverer and murderer.
David was a man off the guys on heart and
an adult room. Right. And if you think that all,
you just in the Old Testament giving up all these
words cool. Jesus is lying, and Lamb he is alpha,
(39:05):
and Omega he is beginning, and in he is first
and last.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
Listen, you're talking heavy talking right as they say, he.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
Died for jew and gentile, so the and fully expresses
who we are. I'm God's masterpiece and I still need
to have my flesh crucified to the cross because I
got to enter Cat Williams that would love to sit
down with a little brown drink and scorch the earth.
(39:37):
I would love to do it. I would love to
do it.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Did he not scorch the earth or not?
Speaker 2 (39:44):
He scorched the earth? Right? I gotta enter Cat Williams too,
and I keep them crucifiers across.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
Listen. Oh my gosh, there's this letter going around that
apparently a church wrote to a member and gave sent
them a five hundred dollars check. It was like a check,
like I'm sending you your tithes back. Somewhere in the
letter it says, basically, you haven't been following your husband,
you haven't been following the advice of this church. You're
(40:14):
dating another man. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah, the letter went on to say your life
is a mess, and basically it was a sind off
and it had the letterhead of an actual church. I
was like, this seems like it's real and I'm hearing
you say. And so it's like, yes, she might be
(40:39):
a mess, and so you would think the same church
where all of us who are a mess can go.
You gave her a letter and kicked her out. Where
is that ever?
Speaker 2 (40:53):
Okay, there actually is places for biblical excommunication in church,
but yeah, there is. And so I don't have all
the context based on what you said, but there are
times where because I had to, I had to when
I was a lead pastor, I had to excommunicate somebody
from our church. Oh and it's not done. It feflictitly,
(41:15):
it is not done. It is not done like in
a in a very hasty way. There's a lot that
goes into it before you step into that.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
Okay, action the letter did say, But the letter definitely did. Basically,
it was like, we have tried to help, and you
want to do things your own way, and you're you're
exhausting us.
Speaker 2 (41:37):
And that's and that's actually biblical because in first in
First Corinthians chapter number five, Paul h endorses the excommunication
of a church member in corinth who was sleeping with
his step mom.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
Oh okay, bye, yes it okay, y'all. I don't have
enough to see. That's why I got I'm gonna go
ahead and receive. I like the part of of the Corinthians.
Where's life his patient, love is kind and all the
ooey gooey stuff. But I didn't.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
Readwhere that's thirteen I'm talking about fat. He kicked somebody
out before he started talking about all that love.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
He kicked somebody out before he grew in his patients.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
But think about it.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
Paul was upset, and in his day he was upset
in the ground he was.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
He was, He absolutely was, and I don't think anybody
would would be able to concur with that more than
the Corinthian Church. His tone to the Corinthians was much
different than it was in his other letters, whether it
be Ephesus, Philippi, coloss Desalonika, Rome. And so I've actually
(42:50):
told people that, you know, the people that are shocked
about some of the stuff I'm talking about now as
a podcaster, I let them know. When I was a
lead pastor. Consider that my book the Feesians. Okay, you
go listen to all of my messages. I'm in the
Book of Ephesians. That was the tone of my of
me as a pastor, as a podcaster. I'm speaking to Corinthians.
Speaker 1 (43:10):
Love it.
Speaker 2 (43:11):
Corinthians needed straight no chaser.
Speaker 1 (43:13):
As they said. And you need a little straightening.
Speaker 2 (43:16):
You need a little straightened.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
Okay, that that's that, and me goes Thomas. We're just
doing a little group. We're just doing a little straightening.
Just look, just a little straightening, just a little straighten.
But like you said, you need a little blue magic
on your roots and a little like you said, a
little press and calm to straighten the edges. How on
not straight straightened them straight? I'm straighten them. And that
(43:39):
you have done with us for us, Tim, Please don't
go anywhere. Please don't go to a T and T
just yet.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
Stick around. Lord.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
Please don't call them the AT and T. Please don't
call them there. Please don't call them there. But y'all,
my friend, Tim, I didn't intend to keep you this long,
but I'm thankful for you, y'all. The B Side app
is where it's at, the B Side app. Download the app.
There is so much there for every part of your life.
(44:13):
The practical part this conversation is well balanced. We talked
about a lot, but that's who Tim is. His b
side app Welcome to the Basement is coming out February
twenty seventh. I promise you, as they say, I present
to some introduced to others. Y'all, this has been my
friend Tim Ross.
Speaker 2 (44:32):
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
For being here.
Speaker 2 (44:33):
I love you.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
I love you. Tell Juliet I said, hello, that's my dog.
That's my dog. I love you. Thank you so so much, y'all,
we finally got it done. We've been trying to get
Tim for a while and I'm excited that he's here today.
(44:55):
He ooh, I oh, what do you say after that? See,
we could have better relationships if we're honest in those relationships,
or it is sift the relationships we need versus the
(45:18):
relationships we don't want. Because if a person I can't
handle your honesty, if they can't handle the truth spoken
in love. Yeah, you wasted my time, You wasting my bandwidth.
You you're wasting my breathing capacity because I'm spending time
on Yeah. Yeah. He says things that if you are
(45:42):
in church, you might not agree with maybe how he
said it or what he said, but you know and
deep down in your heart that it needs to be said,
and if it needed to be said, just drop some
fire in my DMS. If you like man, Michelle, He's
given me language to what I've always been wanting to say.
(46:04):
Matter of fact, let him know, let him know. Oh
my god. All right, y'all. Let me tell you. How
much you're loved is because of the folks that we
decide to bring in. The folks that we say, I
know they've got something amazing to share, whether it's through humor,
(46:26):
being serious, whether they drop a scripture or prayer or not.
It's like, Oh, we've got some something we've been trying
to cook up together for a very long time, and
I'm hoping we see it through. In twenty twenty four,
all right, Mother Williams Loveship, Mother, Love You. Checking In
(47:27):
with Michelle Williams is a production of iHeartRadio and The
Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
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