December 16, 2025 • 31 mins
The holiday season doesn’t feel joyful for everyone—and that’s okay. In this episode of Checking In, Michelle Williams opens up an honest, compassionate conversation about the emotional, financial, and mental pressures that often come with the holidays.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of
iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. Hey, are you wondering what
to do for the holiday season? Do you want to
(00:23):
do anything? Should you feel bad for not wanting to
do anything? Or are you a person like don't don't
don't be a Debbie downer on my holiday season? Do
what do people say? Don't be trying to yuck my
I love holiday season. Well, this episode is for you.
(00:46):
Stay tuned. Hey, what's up? How y'all doing? Welcome back
to Checking In. I love when y'all check in with me.
You hear me? I just love it. I was sharing
with a friend of mine that according to quarter three,
(01:10):
we are at over one hundred thousand downloads of this
season of Checking In, and I am delighted about that
because I know I took some time off and I'm thankful.
I'm really thankful. I'm also thankful because I had a
goal of the Checking In Instagram page of just like
(01:34):
three thousand people. It's like, now we're close to four
thousand people and the all day ones, thank you so much.
We've got some things that I'm excited to do with
that page. I started to go Live the other day,
and I will, I will, I want to address it.
(01:57):
Seems like I had the Internet in a little tizzy
of a few things, and then we're gonna get to
what this episode is about. Because it is the holiday season,
and I always, I always try to do and make
sure that I check in with my folks regarding this
(02:20):
holiday season because I don't want y'all to let this
holiday season stress you out. I'm not letting me. I'm
not letting it stress me out, that's for sure. But
oh my gosh, the Internet was going crazy because I
saw Life, the movie Life and the movie Dead Presidents
(02:41):
for the first time while I was on vacation, and
people were like, how Destiny's Child has a song on
the Life soundtrack, and I'm like, I wasn't in the
group at that time. Today, December sixteenth, is my first
time hearing that song on the Life soundtrack by Desky's Child.
(03:07):
It's called Stimulate Me. I gotta have a talk with
them about that. Moving on, So me making that confession,
it seemed to open up the door for other people
(03:28):
because I thought I was gonna get roasted, partially canceled,
like talked about real bad. But some of y'all made
my confession be like, Okay, I'm glad I could open
up the door for people to confess that they hadn't
(03:49):
seen the color purple yet. Some of y'all haven't seen Dreamgirls.
Some of y'all haven't seen Love Jones. Some of y'all
even confess that you haven't seen Life or Dead Presidents yet.
I saw one or two people that said you hadn't
seen coming to America, Like how you ain't seen coming
to America? Like that's crazy. So, yeah, I'm trying to
(04:12):
figure out why I what was I doing Dead President's.
I'm trying to figure out why I couldn't why I
didn't get into debt Presidents until now. I don't know.
I need to maybe what Dead Presidents came out in
like nineteen ninety five, I believe, and then Life came
(04:34):
out in nineteen ninety nine. So in nineteen ninety five,
depending on when that came out, I was like a
freshman in high school, so it's not like I could
It's not like I was too young to see it. Yeah,
I don't know why. Maybe maybe the artwork scared me
or something. Maybe, but I loved it. I loved both
(04:57):
of those movies. I can't wait to see them again.
So I'm gonna make sure that over the holidays, I'm
gonna watch them again, and I'm gonna try to watch
some other classics that I probably haven't seen. Number two
child the way some of y'all cut up about me mentioning,
(05:28):
you know, I'm not even gonna talk about it because
it'll be it'll be a SoundBite, and that's not what
I want. But some of y'all was doing some unnecessary
chatter about it, and me and my sisters we are fine,
(05:50):
like it's been a conversation. Because so that's all I'm
gonna say. Maybe for some of your day winners, maybe
I'll let you in on it. But yeah, folks, was
doing the absolute most. You hear me, just say you
(06:12):
don't have dope friends without saying you don't have dope friends.
Just say that, just okay, I will say, call on
your people, use your people. I want to make a directory,
you know, of dope people in my life and put
it on Instagram so that people can utilize them, and
(06:36):
so that way I can do a better job at
also utilizing amazing people in my life. Sometimes we are,
you know, you think people are busy or they wouldn't
want to or all the things. So yeah, use your friends,
(06:57):
use your family, utilize them. So some people are waiting
on you to, you know, collaborate. Yeah, so do that.
That would be amazing, It would be absolutely amazing. Next
(07:20):
thing on the docket is about the holiday season. And
I think I have said to y'all before that I
don't this is my personal opinion. Now. As a child,
I've actually loved certain experiences. I loved seeing the Christmas lights.
(07:46):
I loved the Christmas tree being put up and how
we could help, you know, decorate the tree. I loved
my grandmother. She would put up the Nativity, her Nativity
scene outside and it would be lit up. She'd actually
like do the manger. There'd behave like my grandmother would
(08:09):
really do it up for Christmas. I loved seeing the
displays at Marshall Field downtown Chicago, and how you could
just go on Michigan Avenue downtown Chicago and on State
Street and just see all the windows of the stores,
the decoration just of the holiday season period. And whether
(08:33):
you celebrate Christmas or not, you cannot deny the fact
that at least the decord was cool. The lights and
all the ribbon and all the things was great. I
liked that part. So those are the memories. I loved
(08:54):
hot chocolate. Mm yes, and I love dipping buttered toast
in hot chocolate. Matter of fact, I'm gonna get some chocolate.
I already got some bread and get some butter. Yep.
It was something just those memories, the memories of my
(09:15):
grandmother baking all of these amazing treats, cream cheese, brownies,
lemon bars, pecan sandys, the cookies with the hershey kissed
smack dad bit the middle of it, zucchini bread, cranberry cookies,
chocolate chip cookies. She would dip peanut, she would dip
(09:42):
peanut butter, and rice crispies she would roll at together
and she would like somehow dip it in like chocolate. Ooh.
Those are the things that I like. I loved going
to relatives how houses for the food. But it's something
(10:04):
about the pressure that I've seen Christmas put on people.
I don't like seeing to me what I felt like
my parents my mother made sure that we would have
a good Christmas. And then I just remember at a
(10:26):
time where if my dad wasn't working and if he
felt like he didn't necessarily contribute to all the gifts,
but my mother made sure that the tag would say
from Santa or Mom and dad. Right, And when you're married,
you're basically one. You're one. But I also think my father,
(10:50):
I wish he were alive. I kind of think we're
one and the same. Where we want like experiences or
presents beyond presents, right, presence over perfection, you know, choosing
(11:14):
intentional activities that your loved ones will truly cherish. The
rush to the mall at the last minute. Maybe you're
maybe you got a last minute check that was deposited
into your accounting and you're like, oh, I can finally
(11:35):
go buy my kids gifts. And it's just my I
just it's the pressure of finances for people for the holidays.
That's why I do love, you know, when I see
toy drives and I don't know announce all my charitable things,
but I love giving for toy drives because you know, children,
(12:01):
especially if they know what the season is about, and
they might see other kids talking about what they're gonna
get for Christmas. You gonna want something for Christmas? Right,
And I appreciate my parents making sure, like I don't
know how, year after year, the Christmas tree would be stacked,
(12:24):
I mean, presents on presents, on presents on presents. My
mother would take the time to wrap the gifts so
like so like you know when scripture talks about being
fearfully and wonderfully made, and that means you were made
and you were paid attention to and great detail. She
(12:47):
paid attention to that wrapping paper with great detail, honey decreases.
See when I wrap your gift, you're gonna be like, girl,
you use too much wrapping paper, you know what I'm saying.
So I really, really, you know, appreciate that. But my
heart just I have a place in my heart for
(13:09):
people that are like I can't do that. I don't
like the pressure that certain holidays does for people, and
I'm going to stand on that year after year. I've
talked about this, so I am just hoping that you're
able to. I don't know if you've got pressure. You know,
I've got a few cool ideas of maybe like curating
(13:34):
unforgettable experiences, you know, like moving beyond physical gifts, right
to create memories that last far longer than anything material.
Like a creative outing some type of adventure, mystery adventure. Now,
(14:00):
because I'm nosy, don't take me on no mystery adventure.
I want where are you taking me? Where am I going?
What is this treasure hunt about? You know? I want
good food? I was telling I want. I want to
be able to just take a nice trip and then
one day round up all the kids and just you know,
(14:23):
we go to Hawaii while everybody is cold in New
York or Chicago, like you know what I mean, and
you know, focusing on memory making traditions, and you know,
I just I don't know. I just maybe it's because
I'm older. I don't care about all that stuff. And
(14:45):
if I'm being honest, I once I got once you
get past a certain age. And that's not my love
language either. Gifts is not a love language for me.
I actually love to give gifts, but quality time, physical touch, ah,
words of affrobation them. I love languages. Now, if the
(15:09):
Lord puts it on your heart to give me something,
you don't, don't miss your blessing. You bless me. Now.
If he tell you to give me something, you can okay,
just hoping everybody is, you know, doing what you can
to eliminate stress. You know, your spirits got to be good,
(15:33):
especially going into a new year financial peace making sure
you now if you if you do want to splurge,
you know, still set a budget to avoid the holiday
debt that often causes postseason stress. All right, and what
(16:00):
are you doing for downtime during the season again, downtime
with your loved ones or downtime just by yourself with yourself.
I think that is absolutely incredible. I also, you know,
every now and then, and I'm not, like I said,
(16:23):
I'm not anti gifts, you know, but I don't know,
like do you remember all the gifts you got? But
for some reason, you'll remember an experience, an outing, you know,
just like I told you. I remember my parents taking
(16:46):
us downtown Chicago from we would drive from Rockford, Illinois
to downtown Chicago. I remember that now. I do remember
getting to Sega Genesis. Did we ever get that easy
bake oven? I'm an ask. I think my sister got
an easy bake oven, but I don't think we ever
were able to use it because somehow, I think the
(17:08):
spatchelor got stuck. I don't know, you know what I
let me go in here. I think I want to
order an easy bake oven if they still make it.
Were those cakes and stuff? Good? Y'all remember them easy
bake ovens? So listen, I just want us to just really, really,
really really take care of ourselves this season. And also,
(17:31):
y'all already no family, what y'all doing? Who's ainty coming in?
We talked about this for Thanksgiving? Who's coming in your house?
Whose house? Do you not want to go over? And
(17:56):
guess what you don't have to? I'm going to go
back to every year. You know, I love this post.
It to me, it is timeless, it is ageless, and
it says check in this holiday season setting emotional and
(18:21):
financial boundaries. So we already kind of talked about that
a little bit of how to ease stressors and maybe
this year, if it's not too late, just think about
cool experiences that you can curate, but you know, do
what's best for you. You might have already, you might
have saved up for this time and you're like, you
(18:41):
know what, I'm going all out for my loved ones.
You should absolutely do it. But I'm talking to those
who feel like you don't have it, and I don't
want you to stress yourself out going into debt. You know, honey,
I love pound cake. You can bake me up, you know, like,
(19:02):
don't uh uh, do not again, Do not stress yourself
out this holiday season. This is about joy and laughter
and all the things. And I hope you can just
be around emotionally safe people this holiday season. How do
(19:24):
you know that you are around emotionally safe people? It's
how you feel when you're around them. Do you tense up?
Do you have a panic attack at the thought of
having to be around somebody? Are you replaying a conversation
that you know they have not apologized for saying some
foul things. Maybe this holiday season, maybe it could be
(19:48):
a time to be like patch things up, having conversations
with your loved ones, because listen, I mean time, life
is short. Now, I'm not saying having the conversation means
that person has access to you again. Now that's up
to you to discern. That's up to you to decide,
(20:08):
you know, because with an apology there should be some
changed behaviors, you know, And now after a person apologizing,
there is a pattern of the same thing, then hey,
I don't you know they I don't know if that's
considered safe A safe person. So I just want you
to make sure that you are good, you feel loved, protected, scene,
(20:33):
and taken care of. I also want you to give
yourself grace. Give yourself grace if you went over budget.
Give yourself grace if you didn't have it. Give yourself
grace for over committing to the holiday parties. Give your
(20:57):
self grace for changing your mind and saying it's okay.
Give other people grace this holiday season as well. Give
other people grace. People might be stressed out. People also
might be grieving. So what you take as an attitude,
(21:23):
maybe check and see what lost their grieving. I know
in the next four days, you know, it will be
you know, the fifth anniversary of my father's passing. Are
we going into five years? Yeah, December twentieth, twenty twenty.
(21:52):
I believe my father passed child. Yeah it was twenty twenty. Right,
time just time just goes so fast. I can't even
(22:16):
keep up. Now, I gotta go look at my pictures
to see I have a problem with making sure that
I'm accurate because I'm just in disbelief that I'm like,
oh my god, yeah it was twenty twenty, because we
(22:37):
it was COVID and I remember a lot of people
couldn't come to the funeral. We couldn't even have a
repast all. Anyway, that's next, that's not that's not what
we're talking about. But yeah, I'm saying give people grace
because somebody might might be grieving a loss of a
loved one, somebody might have just been laid off from
(22:57):
their job. Give yourself grace and give others grace. Be
honest about where you are. Be honest about where you are,
because it's okay to not have it, and the one
(23:18):
I love it's okay to not go. Now. I'm the
type of person where at least invite me. I might
not go, but at least invite me, and y'all, I'm
going to work on that. I'm going to work on
being outside a little more because I realize that when
I do go outside, I actually have a good time.
(23:43):
Be honest about where you are, and you don't have
to open up to everybody, but be honest and just
tell people, hey, I don't have it this year, I
don't have it, I don't have the mental capacity, my
finances are. You know, you can tell people, hey, things
are different from me right now, and it's okay. Or
(24:04):
you don't gotta tell nobody nothing, but if you do,
be honest about where you are. A lot of people
are experiencing, as we said, holiday grief. Oh, like I said,
(24:26):
going back to my father's passing, he passed away five
days before Christmas, and that was probably strategic because like
my like I said, I don't know if my dad
really liked the hustle and bustle of being outside for Christmas,
and he was probably like and I don't want he was.
He probably didn't want to us worried about him or
(24:47):
what to get him. I don't know why he slipped
out of here the way he did. It was very gangsta,
the way he slipped out of here. But for those
that are dealing with holiday grief, one of the hardest things,
mind you, this has taken from some of my social
media posts throughout the years. One of the hardest things
about no longer having someone in your life is doing
(25:08):
things that you used to do with them and now
you got to do with them without them. But the
things that you used to do with them, still do
that because it's one of the best ways to honor
the memories. So do what they loved, do what they loved.
(25:32):
Tip two. Reflect It may not be easy now, but
all the things you did with someone were to create memories.
In those moments you both were happy. Lean on that.
Reflect on the memories. It really is okay to reflect
(25:54):
on the memories. Tip three. Set boundaries with that ord again,
the holiday season is a beautiful, joyous time of year.
It is, however, that does not negate feelings of sadness, grief,
or even anger. Be okay with not being around everyone,
(26:18):
no matter how happy they are. Check in with you.
This had nothing to do with the holiday seasons. But
I remember when I was this was what two thousand
and nineteen ish, and you know, was kind of walking
through that era, that disaster, and I remember not wanting
(26:47):
to be around people because I didn't want my I
didn't want my aura or my I knew my heart,
I knew I was depressed, and I just knew I
wasn't right. And I have been intentional and like, no,
I'm gonna go back upstairs because I'm not I'm not right.
I thought I was okay, but I'm not. Or you know,
(27:09):
I just I didn't want to I don't know, taint
someone else's experience or their joy right. I'm not hating
because you happy. I'm just not happy right now, you know.
And sometimes you think like being around other happy people
(27:29):
should make you happy, But it depends on the level
of emotional turmoil that you're walking through. It really does.
And this season brings about depression and a lot of people. So,
like I said, even if you're one of them who
(27:52):
is depressed right now, give yourself grace and I'm bring
that between now and the New Year's something happens that
lifts your spirits up. I pray that something happens where
you're like, Okay, I can finally see the light. Even
(28:14):
if it's a glimmer of light, it's showing you that
there's hope. It's showing you that weeping may endure for
a night, but joy really does come in the morning.
(28:35):
So I really really hope that y'all lean in make
unforgettable moments and experiences with your loved ones this holiday season.
Hold people tight, love on people, and do what you
(28:56):
gotta do. If there's you know, some strife going on.
There's the whole talk of no contact that's been a
topic as of late. Do what you gotta do, do
what you have to do. And y'all know I go
(29:17):
to the Scripture in all thy ways and knowledge him,
and he will direct your path, even as it relates
to what to do this holiday season, what to say
to a loved one that may have caused an offense
that they have yet to apologize for. Whatever it is,
(29:39):
pray about it, meditate on it, do whatever you gotta
do to get clarity. I pray nothing but joy for
you this week, and we'll check in next week. But
I wanted to do this episode this week because this
week is a big week for the holiday, the shoppers
(30:03):
and you know, going to the malls or to the plazas,
you trying to get stuff shipped. Still, you know, trying
to get stuff shipped at the last minute. So even
I gotta go online and grab a couple of things
for people. So but yeah, I wanted to make sure
(30:24):
that y'all had this episode this week and then that
next week. Next week is Christmas. Next week Thursday our holiday.
See our holiday schedule and depth becomes serve is craze. See,
but we will get through it. Look out for me.
(30:45):
By the way, on New Year's Eve, I believe I'm
doing Anderson Cooper's New year's Eves special Anderson Cooper and
Andy Cohen. That should be a key. That should be
a key. We're gonna have so much fun. And just
know that I'm always thinking about you all. And thank
you guys for downloading the episode and any topics or
(31:08):
any guests that you would love to see on the podcast,
shoot me a message I would love to hear from you,
all right, take care, Hey, thanks for tuning in to
checking in. Make sure if you can continue to subscribe
and download and just tell people about checking in. I
(31:33):
really really appreciate the love.
Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of
iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. Hey, are you wondering what
to do for the holiday season? Do you want to
(00:23):
do anything? Should you feel bad for not wanting to
do anything? Or are you a person like don't don't
don't be a Debbie downer on my holiday season? Do
what do people say? Don't be trying to yuck my
I love holiday season. Well, this episode is for you.
(00:46):
Stay tuned. Hey, what's up? How y'all doing? Welcome back
to Checking In. I love when y'all check in with me.
You hear me? I just love it. I was sharing
with a friend of mine that according to quarter three,
(01:10):
we are at over one hundred thousand downloads of this
season of Checking In, and I am delighted about that
because I know I took some time off and I'm thankful.
I'm really thankful. I'm also thankful because I had a
goal of the Checking In Instagram page of just like
(01:34):
three thousand people. It's like, now we're close to four
thousand people and the all day ones, thank you so much.
We've got some things that I'm excited to do with
that page. I started to go Live the other day,
and I will, I will, I want to address it.
(01:57):
Seems like I had the Internet in a little tizzy
of a few things, and then we're gonna get to
what this episode is about. Because it is the holiday season,
and I always, I always try to do and make
sure that I check in with my folks regarding this
(02:20):
holiday season because I don't want y'all to let this
holiday season stress you out. I'm not letting me. I'm
not letting it stress me out, that's for sure. But
oh my gosh, the Internet was going crazy because I
saw Life, the movie Life and the movie Dead Presidents
(02:41):
for the first time while I was on vacation, and
people were like, how Destiny's Child has a song on
the Life soundtrack, and I'm like, I wasn't in the
group at that time. Today, December sixteenth, is my first
time hearing that song on the Life soundtrack by Desky's Child.
(03:07):
It's called Stimulate Me. I gotta have a talk with
them about that. Moving on, So me making that confession,
it seemed to open up the door for other people
(03:28):
because I thought I was gonna get roasted, partially canceled,
like talked about real bad. But some of y'all made
my confession be like, Okay, I'm glad I could open
up the door for people to confess that they hadn't
(03:49):
seen the color purple yet. Some of y'all haven't seen Dreamgirls.
Some of y'all haven't seen Love Jones. Some of y'all
even confess that you haven't seen Life or Dead Presidents yet.
I saw one or two people that said you hadn't
seen coming to America, Like how you ain't seen coming
to America? Like that's crazy. So, yeah, I'm trying to
(04:12):
figure out why I what was I doing Dead President's.
I'm trying to figure out why I couldn't why I
didn't get into debt Presidents until now. I don't know.
I need to maybe what Dead Presidents came out in
like nineteen ninety five, I believe, and then Life came
(04:34):
out in nineteen ninety nine. So in nineteen ninety five,
depending on when that came out, I was like a
freshman in high school, so it's not like I could
It's not like I was too young to see it. Yeah,
I don't know why. Maybe maybe the artwork scared me
or something. Maybe, but I loved it. I loved both
(04:57):
of those movies. I can't wait to see them again.
So I'm gonna make sure that over the holidays, I'm
gonna watch them again, and I'm gonna try to watch
some other classics that I probably haven't seen. Number two
child the way some of y'all cut up about me mentioning,
(05:28):
you know, I'm not even gonna talk about it because
it'll be it'll be a SoundBite, and that's not what
I want. But some of y'all was doing some unnecessary
chatter about it, and me and my sisters we are fine,
(05:50):
like it's been a conversation. Because so that's all I'm
gonna say. Maybe for some of your day winners, maybe
I'll let you in on it. But yeah, folks, was
doing the absolute most. You hear me, just say you
(06:12):
don't have dope friends without saying you don't have dope friends.
Just say that, just okay, I will say, call on
your people, use your people. I want to make a directory,
you know, of dope people in my life and put
it on Instagram so that people can utilize them, and
(06:36):
so that way I can do a better job at
also utilizing amazing people in my life. Sometimes we are,
you know, you think people are busy or they wouldn't
want to or all the things. So yeah, use your friends,
(06:57):
use your family, utilize them. So some people are waiting
on you to, you know, collaborate. Yeah, so do that.
That would be amazing, It would be absolutely amazing. Next
(07:20):
thing on the docket is about the holiday season. And
I think I have said to y'all before that I
don't this is my personal opinion. Now. As a child,
I've actually loved certain experiences. I loved seeing the Christmas lights.
(07:46):
I loved the Christmas tree being put up and how
we could help, you know, decorate the tree. I loved
my grandmother. She would put up the Nativity, her Nativity
scene outside and it would be lit up. She'd actually
like do the manger. There'd behave like my grandmother would
(08:09):
really do it up for Christmas. I loved seeing the
displays at Marshall Field downtown Chicago, and how you could
just go on Michigan Avenue downtown Chicago and on State
Street and just see all the windows of the stores,
the decoration just of the holiday season period. And whether
(08:33):
you celebrate Christmas or not, you cannot deny the fact
that at least the decord was cool. The lights and
all the ribbon and all the things was great. I
liked that part. So those are the memories. I loved
(08:54):
hot chocolate. Mm yes, and I love dipping buttered toast
in hot chocolate. Matter of fact, I'm gonna get some chocolate.
I already got some bread and get some butter. Yep.
It was something just those memories, the memories of my
(09:15):
grandmother baking all of these amazing treats, cream cheese, brownies,
lemon bars, pecan sandys, the cookies with the hershey kissed
smack dad bit the middle of it, zucchini bread, cranberry cookies,
chocolate chip cookies. She would dip peanut, she would dip
(09:42):
peanut butter, and rice crispies she would roll at together
and she would like somehow dip it in like chocolate. Ooh.
Those are the things that I like. I loved going
to relatives how houses for the food. But it's something
(10:04):
about the pressure that I've seen Christmas put on people.
I don't like seeing to me what I felt like
my parents my mother made sure that we would have
a good Christmas. And then I just remember at a
(10:26):
time where if my dad wasn't working and if he
felt like he didn't necessarily contribute to all the gifts,
but my mother made sure that the tag would say
from Santa or Mom and dad. Right, And when you're married,
you're basically one. You're one. But I also think my father,
(10:50):
I wish he were alive. I kind of think we're
one and the same. Where we want like experiences or
presents beyond presents, right, presence over perfection, you know, choosing
(11:14):
intentional activities that your loved ones will truly cherish. The
rush to the mall at the last minute. Maybe you're
maybe you got a last minute check that was deposited
into your accounting and you're like, oh, I can finally
(11:35):
go buy my kids gifts. And it's just my I
just it's the pressure of finances for people for the holidays.
That's why I do love, you know, when I see
toy drives and I don't know announce all my charitable things,
but I love giving for toy drives because you know, children,
(12:01):
especially if they know what the season is about, and
they might see other kids talking about what they're gonna
get for Christmas. You gonna want something for Christmas? Right,
And I appreciate my parents making sure, like I don't
know how, year after year, the Christmas tree would be stacked,
(12:24):
I mean, presents on presents, on presents on presents. My
mother would take the time to wrap the gifts so
like so like you know when scripture talks about being
fearfully and wonderfully made, and that means you were made
and you were paid attention to and great detail. She
(12:47):
paid attention to that wrapping paper with great detail, honey decreases.
See when I wrap your gift, you're gonna be like, girl,
you use too much wrapping paper, you know what I'm saying.
So I really, really, you know, appreciate that. But my
heart just I have a place in my heart for
(13:09):
people that are like I can't do that. I don't
like the pressure that certain holidays does for people, and
I'm going to stand on that year after year. I've
talked about this, so I am just hoping that you're
able to. I don't know if you've got pressure. You know,
I've got a few cool ideas of maybe like curating
(13:34):
unforgettable experiences, you know, like moving beyond physical gifts, right
to create memories that last far longer than anything material.
Like a creative outing some type of adventure, mystery adventure. Now,
(14:00):
because I'm nosy, don't take me on no mystery adventure.
I want where are you taking me? Where am I going?
What is this treasure hunt about? You know? I want
good food? I was telling I want. I want to
be able to just take a nice trip and then
one day round up all the kids and just you know,
(14:23):
we go to Hawaii while everybody is cold in New
York or Chicago, like you know what I mean, and
you know, focusing on memory making traditions, and you know,
I just I don't know. I just maybe it's because
I'm older. I don't care about all that stuff. And
(14:45):
if I'm being honest, I once I got once you
get past a certain age. And that's not my love
language either. Gifts is not a love language for me.
I actually love to give gifts, but quality time, physical touch, ah,
words of affrobation them. I love languages. Now, if the
(15:09):
Lord puts it on your heart to give me something,
you don't, don't miss your blessing. You bless me. Now.
If he tell you to give me something, you can okay,
just hoping everybody is, you know, doing what you can
to eliminate stress. You know, your spirits got to be good,
(15:33):
especially going into a new year financial peace making sure
you now if you if you do want to splurge,
you know, still set a budget to avoid the holiday
debt that often causes postseason stress. All right, and what
(16:00):
are you doing for downtime during the season again, downtime
with your loved ones or downtime just by yourself with yourself.
I think that is absolutely incredible. I also, you know,
every now and then, and I'm not, like I said,
(16:23):
I'm not anti gifts, you know, but I don't know,
like do you remember all the gifts you got? But
for some reason, you'll remember an experience, an outing, you know,
just like I told you. I remember my parents taking
(16:46):
us downtown Chicago from we would drive from Rockford, Illinois
to downtown Chicago. I remember that now. I do remember
getting to Sega Genesis. Did we ever get that easy
bake oven? I'm an ask. I think my sister got
an easy bake oven, but I don't think we ever
were able to use it because somehow, I think the
(17:08):
spatchelor got stuck. I don't know, you know what I
let me go in here. I think I want to
order an easy bake oven if they still make it.
Were those cakes and stuff? Good? Y'all remember them easy
bake ovens? So listen, I just want us to just really, really,
really really take care of ourselves this season. And also,
(17:31):
y'all already no family, what y'all doing? Who's ainty coming in?
We talked about this for Thanksgiving? Who's coming in your house?
Whose house? Do you not want to go over? And
(17:56):
guess what you don't have to? I'm going to go
back to every year. You know, I love this post.
It to me, it is timeless, it is ageless, and
it says check in this holiday season setting emotional and
(18:21):
financial boundaries. So we already kind of talked about that
a little bit of how to ease stressors and maybe
this year, if it's not too late, just think about
cool experiences that you can curate, but you know, do
what's best for you. You might have already, you might
have saved up for this time and you're like, you
(18:41):
know what, I'm going all out for my loved ones.
You should absolutely do it. But I'm talking to those
who feel like you don't have it, and I don't
want you to stress yourself out going into debt. You know, honey,
I love pound cake. You can bake me up, you know, like,
(19:02):
don't uh uh, do not again, Do not stress yourself
out this holiday season. This is about joy and laughter
and all the things. And I hope you can just
be around emotionally safe people this holiday season. How do
(19:24):
you know that you are around emotionally safe people? It's
how you feel when you're around them. Do you tense up?
Do you have a panic attack at the thought of
having to be around somebody? Are you replaying a conversation
that you know they have not apologized for saying some
foul things. Maybe this holiday season, maybe it could be
(19:48):
a time to be like patch things up, having conversations
with your loved ones, because listen, I mean time, life
is short. Now, I'm not saying having the conversation means
that person has access to you again. Now that's up
to you to discern. That's up to you to decide,
(20:08):
you know, because with an apology there should be some
changed behaviors, you know, And now after a person apologizing,
there is a pattern of the same thing, then hey,
I don't you know they I don't know if that's
considered safe A safe person. So I just want you
to make sure that you are good, you feel loved, protected, scene,
(20:33):
and taken care of. I also want you to give
yourself grace. Give yourself grace if you went over budget.
Give yourself grace if you didn't have it. Give yourself
grace for over committing to the holiday parties. Give your
(20:57):
self grace for changing your mind and saying it's okay.
Give other people grace this holiday season as well. Give
other people grace. People might be stressed out. People also
might be grieving. So what you take as an attitude,
(21:23):
maybe check and see what lost their grieving. I know
in the next four days, you know, it will be
you know, the fifth anniversary of my father's passing. Are
we going into five years? Yeah, December twentieth, twenty twenty.
(21:52):
I believe my father passed child. Yeah it was twenty twenty. Right,
time just time just goes so fast. I can't even
(22:16):
keep up. Now, I gotta go look at my pictures
to see I have a problem with making sure that
I'm accurate because I'm just in disbelief that I'm like,
oh my god, yeah it was twenty twenty, because we
(22:37):
it was COVID and I remember a lot of people
couldn't come to the funeral. We couldn't even have a
repast all. Anyway, that's next, that's not that's not what
we're talking about. But yeah, I'm saying give people grace
because somebody might might be grieving a loss of a
loved one, somebody might have just been laid off from
(22:57):
their job. Give yourself grace and give others grace. Be
honest about where you are. Be honest about where you are,
because it's okay to not have it, and the one
(23:18):
I love it's okay to not go. Now. I'm the
type of person where at least invite me. I might
not go, but at least invite me, and y'all, I'm
going to work on that. I'm going to work on
being outside a little more because I realize that when
I do go outside, I actually have a good time.
(23:43):
Be honest about where you are, and you don't have
to open up to everybody, but be honest and just
tell people, hey, I don't have it this year, I
don't have it, I don't have the mental capacity, my
finances are. You know, you can tell people, hey, things
are different from me right now, and it's okay. Or
(24:04):
you don't gotta tell nobody nothing, but if you do,
be honest about where you are. A lot of people
are experiencing, as we said, holiday grief. Oh, like I said,
(24:26):
going back to my father's passing, he passed away five
days before Christmas, and that was probably strategic because like
my like I said, I don't know if my dad
really liked the hustle and bustle of being outside for Christmas,
and he was probably like and I don't want he was.
He probably didn't want to us worried about him or
(24:47):
what to get him. I don't know why he slipped
out of here the way he did. It was very gangsta,
the way he slipped out of here. But for those
that are dealing with holiday grief, one of the hardest things,
mind you, this has taken from some of my social
media posts throughout the years. One of the hardest things
about no longer having someone in your life is doing
(25:08):
things that you used to do with them and now
you got to do with them without them. But the
things that you used to do with them, still do
that because it's one of the best ways to honor
the memories. So do what they loved, do what they loved.
(25:32):
Tip two. Reflect It may not be easy now, but
all the things you did with someone were to create memories.
In those moments you both were happy. Lean on that.
Reflect on the memories. It really is okay to reflect
(25:54):
on the memories. Tip three. Set boundaries with that ord again,
the holiday season is a beautiful, joyous time of year.
It is, however, that does not negate feelings of sadness, grief,
or even anger. Be okay with not being around everyone,
(26:18):
no matter how happy they are. Check in with you.
This had nothing to do with the holiday seasons. But
I remember when I was this was what two thousand
and nineteen ish, and you know, was kind of walking
through that era, that disaster, and I remember not wanting
(26:47):
to be around people because I didn't want my I
didn't want my aura or my I knew my heart,
I knew I was depressed, and I just knew I
wasn't right. And I have been intentional and like, no,
I'm gonna go back upstairs because I'm not I'm not right.
I thought I was okay, but I'm not. Or you know,
(27:09):
I just I didn't want to I don't know, taint
someone else's experience or their joy right. I'm not hating
because you happy. I'm just not happy right now, you know.
And sometimes you think like being around other happy people
(27:29):
should make you happy, But it depends on the level
of emotional turmoil that you're walking through. It really does.
And this season brings about depression and a lot of people. So,
like I said, even if you're one of them who
(27:52):
is depressed right now, give yourself grace and I'm bring
that between now and the New Year's something happens that
lifts your spirits up. I pray that something happens where
you're like, Okay, I can finally see the light. Even
(28:14):
if it's a glimmer of light, it's showing you that
there's hope. It's showing you that weeping may endure for
a night, but joy really does come in the morning.
(28:35):
So I really really hope that y'all lean in make
unforgettable moments and experiences with your loved ones this holiday season.
Hold people tight, love on people, and do what you
(28:56):
gotta do. If there's you know, some strife going on.
There's the whole talk of no contact that's been a
topic as of late. Do what you gotta do, do
what you have to do. And y'all know I go
(29:17):
to the Scripture in all thy ways and knowledge him,
and he will direct your path, even as it relates
to what to do this holiday season, what to say
to a loved one that may have caused an offense
that they have yet to apologize for. Whatever it is,
(29:39):
pray about it, meditate on it, do whatever you gotta
do to get clarity. I pray nothing but joy for
you this week, and we'll check in next week. But
I wanted to do this episode this week because this
week is a big week for the holiday, the shoppers
(30:03):
and you know, going to the malls or to the plazas,
you trying to get stuff shipped. Still, you know, trying
to get stuff shipped at the last minute. So even
I gotta go online and grab a couple of things
for people. So but yeah, I wanted to make sure
(30:24):
that y'all had this episode this week and then that
next week. Next week is Christmas. Next week Thursday our holiday.
See our holiday schedule and depth becomes serve is craze. See,
but we will get through it. Look out for me.
(30:45):
By the way, on New Year's Eve, I believe I'm
doing Anderson Cooper's New year's Eves special Anderson Cooper and
Andy Cohen. That should be a key. That should be
a key. We're gonna have so much fun. And just
know that I'm always thinking about you all. And thank
you guys for downloading the episode and any topics or
(31:08):
any guests that you would love to see on the podcast,
shoot me a message I would love to hear from you,
all right, take care, Hey, thanks for tuning in to
checking in. Make sure if you can continue to subscribe
and download and just tell people about checking in. I
(31:33):
really really appreciate the love.
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