September 24, 2025 • 12 mins
Old Chile spins a truly unforgettable tale of Texas football, small-town payback, and the most expensive prostate exam in booster club history. When cranky oilman Charlie Bates strong-arms his way into a physical with pediatrician Slip Phillips, things don’t quite go as planned. One frozen latex glove, one hidden camera, and one very public auction later, Charlie finds himself in a bidding war… for his own humiliation. It’s crude, cold, and comedy gold. Let’s just say Sweetwater never forgets.
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, guess boy, it's old chili coming back at you
and the boy I got one for to day. It's
really quite exciting. Oh, high school football in the state
of Texas is well, can I say the holy game
in town? But yeah, especially in small towns. Now, this
is a story that I did not witness or participate
(00:23):
in it, but it was told to me by the
brother of the attending physician in this story, and it's
quite a nice one. But anyway, I've changed people's names
and location just to protect all of us. Anyway, here
(00:45):
she goes it's called the four thousand, two hundred dollars
glove a. Sweetwater, Texas is a small town on the
edge of the oil patch. And as I said before,
this story was told to me by I'm a good friend,
Guy Phillips, and Guy phillips brother Slip was a pediatrician
(01:10):
in sweet Water. Now, the opening scene is at a
Sweetwater high school football boosters auctioner. You know, they raised
money and it was here Mark from helmets, a new coach,
and all the other stuff in between. Okay, the auctioneer says,
(01:33):
our last item to auction will be this undeveloped role
of thirty five millimeter film. I'm asking fifty dollars for it.
Do I hear fifty? The auctioneer bark. A flight of
well liquored oil men stepped to the front, ready to
claim their prize and bite. Bruce Pennington started the bidding
(01:57):
with five hundred dollars Charlie Bates hundred five fifty names
and faces blurred in the frantic bidding. Charlie Bates tried
to keep up twenty twelve hundred, fifteen hundred, two thousand
and seven hundred and fifty three thousand. Every one of
(02:17):
Old Charlie Bates' friends was bidding against him to buy
the film. When the final bid was taken, Old Charlie
Bates bought the film for four thousand, two hundred dollars,
and everyone was laughing except Charlie as he wrote the check.
(02:37):
Now we're going to back up five weeks. Now, slip,
who was the doctor? I need you to sign my
physical coll so I can get some more information life
insurance for Darling. She needs more in gays. I die
before sure, as he here wants to attract some old
(02:59):
boy with the insurance leude, I am sure, Charlie Bates said,
Ain't that Charlie Slip said, I'm pediatrician. I don't do
adult physicals. Are you an adult? Slip? You don't understand.
I want it all want you to do. Just sign
the damn form so I can give it to Erleine
(03:22):
down at the State Farm. Now, Charlie, I can't just
sign without looking at you. I can see you. The twelfth,
after five o'clock. Charlie Bates was an old man. He
came from dirt poor to filthy rich. He did not like,
nor was accustomed to hearing the word no to any
(03:44):
request that he made. You got the picture guys put out.
Charlie gave in to them, gave in to the appointment.
Five o'clock on the twelfth, and there was Charlie sitting
straight up in slips office. The last time he would
had a late appointment with Slip was for a shot
(04:06):
to drive up an episode of The Clap. Mister Bates,
will you please come with me, asked the nurse. I'd
be damn lucky if I didn't get whatever kind of
bug's been floating around this place. Sick kids everywhere. Now, hell,
you work in this place, Charlie asked, We practice excellent hygiene,
(04:27):
and when we feel the need, we wear surgical masks
and gloves. Now, please get up on the scale. The
nurse replied, I don't need to get on that damn scale.
I have. All I have to do is have Slipt
sign this paper, and that's all that's going to happen here. Please,
(04:49):
mister Bates, will you step up on the scale for me?
The counterweights rattled and slid across the bar. On the scale, Now,
how much does it say? Well? How much do you
think it says? I weigh one sixty five, give or take? Well?
The nurse replied, it's mostly give had a two hundred
(05:12):
and forty three pounds sound no way, I'll I'm weigh
one hundred and sixty five. Don't write anything down but
that number. The nurse quickly entered and measured and wait
on the form and asked, will you please follow me
to the exam room. What about just going to Slip's
(05:34):
office and just getting them to sign. No, I've been
told you were to be in the examining room two.
The exam room was small and had few appointments. Gracing
the walls for children's art and pictures of animals smiling
Charlie went from happy animals to scoop k white jelly
(05:55):
and a blue latex exam glove on the table. Please
remove all your clothing and put on this gown, the
nurse required. I'll be damned if i'll put that dusty
brag on, said Charlie. Mister Bates, if you don't, there
will be no exam or insurance paper signed. Okay, but
(06:18):
I'll keep my boots on if you don't mind. Charlie
tugged his clothes off, put the gown on the cape.
Vapor covering on the exam table crinkled as he mounted
the table to provide cover for his naked and very
white butt. After waiting ten very uncomfortable minutes, the door
(06:38):
opened in walked doctor Slip Phillips. Slip, What's the hell's
going on here? Said Charlie. Slip's reply was muffled behind
the surgical mask he war. The nurse, joking him, also
wore a mask. What in God's name is going on here?
(07:00):
It's the law, Charlie, I have to witness. I have
to witness any exam of this personal nature. What kind
of sick pervert are you? Slick? Not perverted, just law, biden,
blood pressure taking, temperature taking, lung, lung's heart, feet, ears, nose, back, feet,
(07:22):
double feet, hand scalped, all examined. Charlie was ready to leave. Okay, slip,
you ready to sign this paper? Let me out of here.
Oh no, Charlie, I must examine your prostate. It is
right here on this form. Go to hell, slip. I'll
be damned if your finger's going anywhere nearby. Ass I'm
(07:48):
an all out nothing in kind guy. I get the message.
I'm all out nothing in kind of a guy. Get
to message. No exam, no signature. Oh shit, get with it.
Does this count as the first date? Charlie is trying
(08:09):
to lighten up the undignified act to follow. Charlie, this
mon't earn a bit, to be honest with you, This
is one of the last things I really want to do,
especially this close to supper time. Now you bend over
the exam table with elbows on the table. I need
a good target. I don't want to miss, and I
(08:29):
have to try a second time. Slip went on, any
thin slip, said oh nurse, as Charlie was fully exposed
and staring at the smiling hippo on the wall. A
second nurse entered the exam room with something draped in
a white towel. Slip tug on the rubber glove and
(08:53):
squeezed the kwhite jelly into his open palm with Charlie,
here it comes. Charlie closed his eye his tent step
and felt the ice cold intruder. The night before, Slip
had prepared a rubber glove filled with water. He carefully
folded and taped the glove into the shape of a
(09:13):
fist with the index finger pointing out. The glove was
paid placed in the freezer in this staff brake room
for the ceremony with Charlie. Oh, this work of art
is what Charlie felt, and as he felt it, he
bellowed like a bull. In all the commotion, Charlie did
(09:36):
not hear the shutter on the thirty five milimeter camera
to snap twice, nor did he hear the nurse slash
photographer leave the room. Slip, you don't understand. All I
want is for you to sign the damn form. Handed
(09:57):
the glove to the remaining nurse, who quickly left the
scene with the evidence. Charlie, here's your insurance form. All sign.
Now you can get dressed. The next day, Slip called Charlie. Charlie,
how do you feel? I'm okay, I guess, but something
just doesn't fit. Your head was as cold as eyes,
(10:17):
and well it's it was all weird, Charlie. If I
were you, I'd bring my check book to the football
booster auction this Saturday. Click and Slip was off the phone.
Charlie showed up after the auction had started. As he
entered the school cafeteria, he saw all his buddy smiling
(10:38):
and nodding and pointing at him. Hey, Jake, what's going on?
Charlie asked? Will you remember your insurance physical was Slip? Yeah? Sure?
Did it feel unusual? Yep? Sure did. Well. We all
got together when we heard about your physical, and the
Slip agreed to help us with an auction that would
(11:01):
be the last to be a bid spectacular. What do
you mean spectacular? Well, when Slip gave the frozen glove
to your backside, his nurse Nelda Sue took a snapshot.
The film's not been developed and will be the final
auction item to be auctioned off tonight. We all want
(11:23):
to see what you look like with a glove treatment
and we brought plenty of money to bid. Oh lord,
Charlie went flushed and pled and limp. He knew he
had to buy the film or move out of Sweetwater.
He also knew this was his payback for all the
damn practical jokes he had played on these guys for years. Well,
(11:49):
Charlie had the winning bid of forty two hundred dollars.
His buddy got did not wave him, did not wave him,
and he whoops his but did not wave to him anymore.
All they just did was point with her index finger.
Now Charlie took that film, threw it in the fireplace
(12:09):
and burned it up. It could very well have been
plain of Exhibit A in a male practice suit. So
everybody came out, all right, and you know it's it's
only money. Well, there's a chili signing off. God bless him,
and I want you to chill, have peace, and for
(12:32):
God's sake, wash all those intersections and come back to
see it again. I can
Hey, guess boy, it's old chili coming back at you
and the boy I got one for to day. It's
really quite exciting. Oh, high school football in the state
of Texas is well, can I say the holy game
in town? But yeah, especially in small towns. Now, this
is a story that I did not witness or participate
(00:23):
in it, but it was told to me by the
brother of the attending physician in this story, and it's
quite a nice one. But anyway, I've changed people's names
and location just to protect all of us. Anyway, here
(00:45):
she goes it's called the four thousand, two hundred dollars
glove a. Sweetwater, Texas is a small town on the
edge of the oil patch. And as I said before,
this story was told to me by I'm a good friend,
Guy Phillips, and Guy phillips brother Slip was a pediatrician
(01:10):
in sweet Water. Now, the opening scene is at a
Sweetwater high school football boosters auctioner. You know, they raised
money and it was here Mark from helmets, a new coach,
and all the other stuff in between. Okay, the auctioneer says,
(01:33):
our last item to auction will be this undeveloped role
of thirty five millimeter film. I'm asking fifty dollars for it.
Do I hear fifty? The auctioneer bark. A flight of
well liquored oil men stepped to the front, ready to
claim their prize and bite. Bruce Pennington started the bidding
(01:57):
with five hundred dollars Charlie Bates hundred five fifty names
and faces blurred in the frantic bidding. Charlie Bates tried
to keep up twenty twelve hundred, fifteen hundred, two thousand
and seven hundred and fifty three thousand. Every one of
(02:17):
Old Charlie Bates' friends was bidding against him to buy
the film. When the final bid was taken, Old Charlie
Bates bought the film for four thousand, two hundred dollars,
and everyone was laughing except Charlie as he wrote the check.
(02:37):
Now we're going to back up five weeks. Now, slip,
who was the doctor? I need you to sign my
physical coll so I can get some more information life
insurance for Darling. She needs more in gays. I die
before sure, as he here wants to attract some old
(02:59):
boy with the insurance leude, I am sure, Charlie Bates said,
Ain't that Charlie Slip said, I'm pediatrician. I don't do
adult physicals. Are you an adult? Slip? You don't understand.
I want it all want you to do. Just sign
the damn form so I can give it to Erleine
(03:22):
down at the State Farm. Now, Charlie, I can't just
sign without looking at you. I can see you. The twelfth,
after five o'clock. Charlie Bates was an old man. He
came from dirt poor to filthy rich. He did not like,
nor was accustomed to hearing the word no to any
(03:44):
request that he made. You got the picture guys put out.
Charlie gave in to them, gave in to the appointment.
Five o'clock on the twelfth, and there was Charlie sitting
straight up in slips office. The last time he would
had a late appointment with Slip was for a shot
(04:06):
to drive up an episode of The Clap. Mister Bates,
will you please come with me, asked the nurse. I'd
be damn lucky if I didn't get whatever kind of
bug's been floating around this place. Sick kids everywhere. Now, hell,
you work in this place, Charlie asked, We practice excellent hygiene,
(04:27):
and when we feel the need, we wear surgical masks
and gloves. Now, please get up on the scale. The
nurse replied, I don't need to get on that damn scale.
I have. All I have to do is have Slipt
sign this paper, and that's all that's going to happen here. Please,
(04:49):
mister Bates, will you step up on the scale for me?
The counterweights rattled and slid across the bar. On the scale, Now,
how much does it say? Well? How much do you
think it says? I weigh one sixty five, give or take? Well?
The nurse replied, it's mostly give had a two hundred
(05:12):
and forty three pounds sound no way, I'll I'm weigh
one hundred and sixty five. Don't write anything down but
that number. The nurse quickly entered and measured and wait
on the form and asked, will you please follow me
to the exam room. What about just going to Slip's
(05:34):
office and just getting them to sign. No, I've been
told you were to be in the examining room two.
The exam room was small and had few appointments. Gracing
the walls for children's art and pictures of animals smiling
Charlie went from happy animals to scoop k white jelly
(05:55):
and a blue latex exam glove on the table. Please
remove all your clothing and put on this gown, the
nurse required. I'll be damned if i'll put that dusty
brag on, said Charlie. Mister Bates, if you don't, there
will be no exam or insurance paper signed. Okay, but
(06:18):
I'll keep my boots on if you don't mind. Charlie
tugged his clothes off, put the gown on the cape.
Vapor covering on the exam table crinkled as he mounted
the table to provide cover for his naked and very
white butt. After waiting ten very uncomfortable minutes, the door
(06:38):
opened in walked doctor Slip Phillips. Slip, What's the hell's
going on here? Said Charlie. Slip's reply was muffled behind
the surgical mask he war. The nurse, joking him, also
wore a mask. What in God's name is going on here?
(07:00):
It's the law, Charlie, I have to witness. I have
to witness any exam of this personal nature. What kind
of sick pervert are you? Slick? Not perverted, just law, biden,
blood pressure taking, temperature taking, lung, lung's heart, feet, ears, nose, back, feet,
(07:22):
double feet, hand scalped, all examined. Charlie was ready to leave. Okay, slip,
you ready to sign this paper? Let me out of here.
Oh no, Charlie, I must examine your prostate. It is
right here on this form. Go to hell, slip. I'll
be damned if your finger's going anywhere nearby. Ass I'm
(07:48):
an all out nothing in kind guy. I get the message.
I'm all out nothing in kind of a guy. Get
to message. No exam, no signature. Oh shit, get with it.
Does this count as the first date? Charlie is trying
(08:09):
to lighten up the undignified act to follow. Charlie, this
mon't earn a bit, to be honest with you, This
is one of the last things I really want to do,
especially this close to supper time. Now you bend over
the exam table with elbows on the table. I need
a good target. I don't want to miss, and I
(08:29):
have to try a second time. Slip went on, any
thin slip, said oh nurse, as Charlie was fully exposed
and staring at the smiling hippo on the wall. A
second nurse entered the exam room with something draped in
a white towel. Slip tug on the rubber glove and
(08:53):
squeezed the kwhite jelly into his open palm with Charlie,
here it comes. Charlie closed his eye his tent step
and felt the ice cold intruder. The night before, Slip
had prepared a rubber glove filled with water. He carefully
folded and taped the glove into the shape of a
(09:13):
fist with the index finger pointing out. The glove was
paid placed in the freezer in this staff brake room
for the ceremony with Charlie. Oh, this work of art
is what Charlie felt, and as he felt it, he
bellowed like a bull. In all the commotion, Charlie did
(09:36):
not hear the shutter on the thirty five milimeter camera
to snap twice, nor did he hear the nurse slash
photographer leave the room. Slip, you don't understand. All I
want is for you to sign the damn form. Handed
(09:57):
the glove to the remaining nurse, who quickly left the
scene with the evidence. Charlie, here's your insurance form. All sign.
Now you can get dressed. The next day, Slip called Charlie. Charlie,
how do you feel? I'm okay, I guess, but something
just doesn't fit. Your head was as cold as eyes,
(10:17):
and well it's it was all weird, Charlie. If I
were you, I'd bring my check book to the football
booster auction this Saturday. Click and Slip was off the phone.
Charlie showed up after the auction had started. As he
entered the school cafeteria, he saw all his buddy smiling
(10:38):
and nodding and pointing at him. Hey, Jake, what's going on?
Charlie asked? Will you remember your insurance physical was Slip? Yeah? Sure?
Did it feel unusual? Yep? Sure did. Well. We all
got together when we heard about your physical, and the
Slip agreed to help us with an auction that would
(11:01):
be the last to be a bid spectacular. What do
you mean spectacular? Well, when Slip gave the frozen glove
to your backside, his nurse Nelda Sue took a snapshot.
The film's not been developed and will be the final
auction item to be auctioned off tonight. We all want
(11:23):
to see what you look like with a glove treatment
and we brought plenty of money to bid. Oh lord,
Charlie went flushed and pled and limp. He knew he
had to buy the film or move out of Sweetwater.
He also knew this was his payback for all the
damn practical jokes he had played on these guys for years. Well,
(11:49):
Charlie had the winning bid of forty two hundred dollars.
His buddy got did not wave him, did not wave him,
and he whoops his but did not wave to him anymore.
All they just did was point with her index finger.
Now Charlie took that film, threw it in the fireplace
(12:09):
and burned it up. It could very well have been
plain of Exhibit A in a male practice suit. So
everybody came out, all right, and you know it's it's
only money. Well, there's a chili signing off. God bless him,
and I want you to chill, have peace, and for
(12:32):
God's sake, wash all those intersections and come back to
see it again. I can
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