The Nose Knife Incident

Old Chile takes us back to one fateful Thursday night filled with Groucho Marx, choir practice, and a surprise trip to the emergency bathroom. While Mom and Dad sang hymns, Chile stayed home with his TV-loving grandmother and a junk drawer full of temptation. One pen knife, one overstuffed chair, and one nose later… well, let’s just say Groucho wasn’t the only one delivering sharp punchlines. A bloody mess, a swift handoff, and a closet full of secrets—this one cuts deep (literally).

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, God's sold chili coming back at you. I've got
a little story here today for you. It involves grouchy
old marks, an overstuffed chair, a pen knife, and blood everywhere.
That's the hell of the setup, isn't it, guys? But anyway,

(00:22):
I hope you enjoyed chili going on. Well, here we go.
This one's called You Bet Your Life nineteen fifty one.
Right there Todaytown, Texas, mam and Dad's house we had
our first TV. Said. The TV was a black and
white ge table model and at all it occupied has

(00:47):
bought previously reserved for important family and friends. In my
mom and dad's living room there was a green sofa,
coffee table, two over stuffed chairs with floral prints, and
an area on the floor just for me to watch TV.

(01:08):
Music was an important part of our family life. Mother
studied music at LSU Louisiana State University in Baton, Rouge.
Social interaction to our home BTV that was before television,
involved cocktails and singing around a piano. Mom and dad

(01:33):
were members of the Trinity Episcopal Church choir. Mom had
a beautiful sopranta voice and Dad was a wonderful baritone.
Choir practice was every Thursday evening after supper and lasted
until after nine pm. Mom and Dad tried taking me

(01:53):
along through the practice sessions, and all I wanted to
do was crawl under the pews and slammed the needlers down.
I was a disruption and a complete embarrassment to him.
Whire practice was interrupted as my mother came to the
pew where I was hiding and threatened me with death

(02:16):
if I continued. I did continue my fun and but
I just I lived on to another day. My grandmother,
my mom, came to the rescue by consenting to stay
with me on those Thursday nights. She did not have
a television at that time. She loved Groucho Marks. His

(02:40):
show was called You Got It, You Bet Your Life.
Thursday night was perfect for her to relax and laugh
at Graucho. I'd grown tall enough to peer into the
kitchen junk drawer. Everybody has one or had one, and
I removed from the door in anything that caught my eye.

(03:03):
I would take small things and hide them in my
closet for later use and enjoyment. One Thursday evening, Mamam
was on the sofa and I was in a big,
old easy chair, watching Raucher you know it. I was
as far back into the chair as I could go.
My feet were sticking out straight over the edge of

(03:25):
the cushion. I pulled a hug hidden drunk jump drawer
treasure out of my pocket. While Mamam was concentrating on
Graucho jokes. I had in my hand a small one
inch pen knife. Well what do I do with this?

(03:46):
I thought? I started to dig the small knife blade
into the fabric of the chair, under the fabric arm protector.
I twisted and pushed the blade farther into the chair.
I was applied all my four year old mite to
the knife. When the fabric gave way, my hand headed

(04:08):
from my face. I felt it sting in my nose
and then noticed a warm liquid on my lip. The
pen life had lodged in my nostril with a blade
in my sightnesce my mom, I said no reply, I

(04:28):
repeated with the same end. I then climbed out of
the chair and walked in between my grandmother and old Grauchio.
She looked through and around me and tried to watch TV.
Then saw the red handle of the knife sticking out
of my nose and my bloodish shirt horrified. She ran

(04:49):
me into the bathroom and quickly removed the knife. She
applied pressure to my nose to stop the bleeding. All
was fine, as I thought. Mom and Dad drove into
the driveway after choir practice, soon after the blood had
been cleaned up from me, but I still had that
white shirt, bloody shirt on. As the Plymouth approached, the

(05:12):
headlights caught two figures standing in the garage. Mom got
out of the car, and before she could speak, my
grandmother said, here he is. He's yours. I had to
pull a knoife out of his nose and I'm going home.
What happened? My mother asked, well, nothing, I replied, I

(05:34):
just playing with this little knife and it slipped, slipped.
She said, it could have gone into your brain and
killed you. Instantly, she went on, where's the knife. I
reached into the bloody pocket of my shirt and removed
the little pen knife. Mom took it and through it
in dead's direction, saying, Scottie, this is all your fault.

(05:58):
I want everything remove from that junk drawer that has
us that is sharp or shiny. All my fun treasures
had been removed from the door, and all was safe
in the house. Any thoughts of discipline, weresuit mere memories.
They did not know about the matches and the other treasures.

(06:20):
I had hidden it safely in my closet. I offered
no confession and took great, great joy in the fact
that I had hidden little secret things for use and
enjoyment in my private closet. That's it, guys, that's a
little story about Grautcho and I hope you enjoyed it. Peace,

(06:46):
chill out, and please watch those intersections.